Halloween Special

I wanted you to like introduce it the way if you were.

That's why they cared, welcome back to this episode. Vere, this is the Halloween episode? Did I like, actually cannot, Yo?

Can you guess who I am?

Papa?

I've got all the props and everything.

I know you kind of killed it last minute.

Yeah, this was literally contructed today. I'm the grandpa who ate a quart of paint and didn't realize it wasn't yogurt until his grandson or son came in and was like, wait, you ate a bunch of paint and wiped it all over your body. That's who I am.

And I'm the fucking douvile yee haul like for the eightieth time in the row in a row in my life.

But no, it gives.

Yeah, it literally looks good, like this is your best iteration yet, Like you turned out this look. And also it's crazy that we threw these together in like last minute five minutes.

Yeah, I was shocked how easy it was to do this makeup. But some people I was actually thinking, like never in my life. Good, I'm so talented. But some people can either do.

It or they can they can't.

They either have it or they don't.

Yeah, you can either put fake paint on your lips or you can't.

You know, I want that to stain so bad.

No.

I was washing my hands to get it off my fingers because I was like, I don't want this to get everywhere, and it started staining. And that was only after like five minutes of it being on. And I'm absolutely terrified because if I have to walk around New York with my lips painted like this, like I'm gonna freak the funk out. I'm actually gonna have an well.

A pushcups to shove if anything there, it'd be like the lightest stain and it will last.

Like, I'll just put some I got some red lips.

You also don't leave till Monday, so you're good.

I got some red lips.

Put some red lips on.

Yeah, I just put some lipstick on. When it was wet, it looked really good. It looked like paint.

And I gave it to the kitchen and you were like alone, looking at a reference picture and like putting it on, and you turn and you actually had it all over your hands.

It looked like I can just put a little bit more on. It just adds to like the whole life of the look like it makes sense.

Are too scared of like getting it in your mouth?

I've already crossed that bridge, you know.

It's like when we were playing with Oh that's a good like Halloween related story, but it's not at all.

When we were playing with fake leftover blood.

We didn't started burning my mouth.

You are supposim in your mouth.

I drank like a quart of it and my mouth started tingling. And we read the bottle like after we did the whole bit, and like my mouth it was not supposed to be in my mouth at all.

Not at all. But that's okay. Sometimes sometimes comedy kills are you.

It's like it's like it tingles.

Here's here's a tip as you. Yeah, you suck on your finger to get that.

I did drag for ten years. I do that trick. But yeah, this is the Halloween special halloweener. Umm, I'm loving the vibe so far. We we got some lights going on in here.

Yeah, we've got a whole different vibe. Actually. Also, before we end to the episode, we would like.

To announce that we officially have started a patreo Patreon.

Please help us fund this.

Please fund our podcast.

Because, as you can tell, we have had zero sponsorship so far. We're hoping that changes soon.

But we thought, why not make you pay for a community.

You you're sitting there and you're alone and you don't have anyone to talk to, and we thought, you know what, we love you so much, We're gonna make you pay money exactly, be a part of a little community with us. It's on your teeth. It's like scaring me your teeth.

Oh wow, it's really like.

It's like pulling on your teeth.

Oh, it's really in there. It'll drive soon though, oh fuck.

But yeah, we started a Patreon. We're actually really excited about it. There's some content already on there.

There's some extra Halloween content.

There's some extra Halloween content. Yeah, we'll just be throwing up extra episodes whenever we kind of feel like it, like at least once a month, twice a month.

Maybe we'll be throwing up extra episodes. Treating Patreon like personal Twitter, since we don't have Twitter.

So I'm excited.

Yeah, just like it's to be heard blowing that ship up.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna throw a discord in there so we can have like a little discord community. We'll do live streams and q and as for certain tiers. But yeah, we're really excited about it. It's it's very foreign for us, something we've never done, with no.

Idea how it really works. We're figuring out as we go. But it's fun and that's what matters. As long as it stays fun. The second starts to hurt my brain, i'll let you.

Know we're cutting that shit off.

Get the fuck out of my face. Yeah, that'll be linked in the bio. If you if you want to do it, do it. If you don't, fuck you, I don't care fuck.

You, and you're the if you don't subscribe, your the sole reason this show gets canceled. I'm sorry, you're.

The reason you're never gonna see it again. I'm literally trying to look at the notes because my brain just went my brain just went blank, and I was like, I need to look at the notes to keep up to what we have to do right now.

And it's literally reader's notes, Pocket Pussy.

Those are the note it's for the episode. That's what we got going on. But okay, So while I was back in Texas, it was it was the week and a half of realizing things for me, like genuinely, like I realized a lot of shit, and yeah, I just I wrote them down because I was like, it's not good shit. It's it's not it's something it shit I should have known or like should not be so excited to talk about. But the first one, I'll start off like easy, like I'll start off like okay, whatever, like whatever.

The whole whiteish look is like in LA it gets read a certain way, but literally in redneck ass areas, like it's it's still seen as like we're together, We're together in this.

Yeah, no, it is what I help me. Charmp please save us Chomp twenty twenty one, please save us. No. But when I do when people come up to me and say that shit, I just nod my nod my head and say mm hmm yep, and I just let them keep talking and spiraling and like I've gotten some crazy fucking like takes and like conspiracies and just heard some really insane shit that like have made me grown as a person.

You should when they start talking to you, just start saying nonsense back, but like not nonsense like making ship up.

But if they're like and do you agree, you should be like yes and no.

When she when she went to the store and we came back in the horse and like the horse pooped and then we cleaned it and then.

So they actually crazy flags girl, what how did you? How did you do?

I don't know.

I thought of like a petting zoo and like like a circus.

And then I thought it flag.

Okay, this one is like the kicker, like this one is actually like y'all, will.

Look do you think I'm I Do you think I'm gonna actually be like oh, my God, so true.

Potentially no, no, no, no, no, you'll you're literally gonna freak the fuck out. So I found out that pads stick to panties and not directly onto the vagina. Back in Texas, I thought it was like a sticker that you put directly onto the skin. And I always was like, oh that that they probably like mastered the science of like the stick, so it didn't like.

Stick into the science of the stick.

Because I always heard like it always falls off or it falls out. But like, now I realize it's because it's sticking to the panties and not to the vagina.

How would that even work If it was sticking to your kuchi, then you would bleed onto it and it would detach.

Is that why you thought it felt?

That's why I'm saying, no, they mastered the science of the stick, because like it doesn't pulled out pubes. See there, I just I had the workaround.

You know, well, I remember the first time I used tampon, or tried to use a tampon, I didn't understand that you were.

Supposed to like put it like push the like thing in.

So I left the plastic like the like the like prongy plastic part.

Have you seen a tampon? I I school like plastic one.

I've done that, like because like you put it up your butt to like stop diarrhea, and like I've done that too, where like you leave the plastic in and it like just stays up there.

What the hell you put it up your butt? You put tampon's up your butt?

No, does anybody else.

Like do that?

Actually?

Also, I think I don't know if tampon's still come with that plastic, Like you should have put tampons up your butt. I don't even think you should be putting tampons in your.

Fucking kuchi because I just I don't funk with tampons. I never did.

I agree. I think we should get rid of periods.

Oh, I thought you were gonna say, like I think we should free bleed or something.

Yeah. No, I think we should figure out a way to get rid of periods. And that's on period. I'm just like see I'm written by I'm written by a woman. I'm for the girls, like I'm here for y'all. Like I'll fight where whoever I have to fight.

I broke both both of my wrists and I like couldn't put in my diva couple?

Wud you put my diva absolutely without a second thought? Like I get in there and like I'd fold it up and spread it open, and just that's.

Not how wait what would you fold my like my my bulba?

Yeah, I'd like fold.

It out, you like roll it and you know, like when you roll hair and you put the hair clip in it, you do that to my volva.

Yeah, and then I'd really take some time to try to find the clitoriss.

That's a syo.

That glitters, doesn't exist, technical difficulties.

That's what happens when you call the clip a lie.

It's a lie.

It's a lie.

It does it does exist, and it gives me power.

Can you show me later?

I was gonna say something so fucking like foul I just like.

It's a Halloween episode.

No, it's it's it's like sexual, like if there is like a freak out there who like wants ever like audio sip of me saying something discussing it was like so sexual.

It's some shit you would say during sex when you're like really feeling yourself.

And I almost just said it, but I was like, oh my god, like that would be crazy not allowed.

No, that's Patreon content.

Yeah, subscribe to Patreon if you want to see in your flicker bean.

Talk about my pearl, polish your pearl.

Still that that's not my joke.

Yeah, every time I look at you for too long, I like, look at the way you look so talking about couchiese or whatever. Oh but yeah, I was saying I don't. I only use Diva cups. Although this last period, because I was home alone and I was just editing, I just like sat around in my period panties like a little diaper all day.

I support that, like legitimately, I know it's not my place to speak, but I'm like, free bleed.

That's not free bleeding though.

Free bleeding is like you have no pad, no tampon, no period panties.

Like you're just letting it go. You're just letting it. You're letting it.

We should free the period and free the nipple.

I want to soak up the I'm good? What song is that?

What is that? I suck up the sun?

This this the spot where the sun doesn't shine my butthole.

You know what I've always wanted to dry is you know how people are like, oh if like if your butthole saw more, son, you'd be happier.

Like, there are those people.

Charge your assholes with the sun.

I want to be one of those people. I need to.

That's why I need to move to like a rural area so I can like go stand outside.

And like just like spread it open and put it into that.

Again, not something I need to like verbally like explain, but yeah.

That, yeah, I want to expose my hole to the sun more.

But the reason we were going to talk about holes was we were literally going to talk about how we used to just hang out in sex shops. Yeah, but I don't even know if there's a story there. We literally just used to hang out.

It was absolutely like it wasn't like erotic, it wasn't funny.

We weren't laughing.

Yeah, we weren't there to make fun of anyone.

We weren't like people watching.

We were legitimately just there like hanging out and just like seeing what's.

What, Yeah, what's new, Like let's see, let's see the new technology. Some of that ship is fucking crazy. It's it's literally investment pieces. Like a good wing bat is like two hundred dollars, which.

Is crazy, but it last year lifetime.

But it's it's two hundred dollars. But that's a small price to pay for.

Happiness, exactly.

That's a small price to pay for high standards for the rest of your life.

But yeah, we used to just like hang out.

I think I'm comparable to a vibrator.

Yeah, I get the job.

You like ten minutes saying that the clip is a sign off and it doesn't exist.

But yeah, we used to just hang out there. And I don't I don't know why we saw you know what it is.

It was like how we would hang out in like CBS and Rite aid for or not right Aid, Walgreens. Actually, are you a CBS righted or Walgreens girl?

Growing up, I frequented Walgreens, But now I'm a CVS girl.

Yeah, as I got older and I was a CVS girl. Yeah, I actually think of the three, I think Walgreens would be considered more sophisticated.

See, I feel like Walgreens is like more like old person like like.

That's that's why I associated with like sophistication, because I'm like, y'all.

Are like bones.

Yeah, yeah, Walgreens old right aid.

Is just like right it is scary to me, it's like the outlier, like right aight. I used to think that there was only Right Aid in like northeast of America because the first time I ever went to a Rite aid, it was in like Boston with like Dana and Jake.

I was at that night where you just walked there and it was freezing fucking cold, yes.

And I bought like a funky hat and then my pants ripped and that's what I remember for that night.

But yeah, that was the first time I went there.

And then I remember I bought like makeup on the website because it was like two dollars for everything, because it's like I think riting almost went out of business or something, and they were selling things for really cheap.

And I was like, damn, this place would be cool if it existed.

It was if it was anywhere else.

Yeah, and then I found out it's like literally right.

Eight is a literal liminal space. Every time I go in there, I fully I freaked the fuck out.

I went in there the other day and I hung out in there for so long and I was it was like fucked up, and I was just walking around like I was walking back and forth, like I was even contained.

To one area of this that's what they do.

Like, you know that one hallway, I was like walking across it and the workers started like kind of hanging around me because rightfully, so, I was wearing this dress with blue jeans under it and my ugs stuffed and the jeans were stuffed into my ugs, and then my big posh hat and sunglasses and I had like a big thing of Cafe Buselo.

Hang. I'll send the picture to Kai.

Yeah, because I was literally like hanging out with it like on my head, and I had a jacket on top of all that, and it was like it was one of the hottest days of the week.

It was like eighty seven outside, and that's how I was dressed, like walking around right.

Hell yeah, literally, I don't know.

I just feel like they like pumped like a like a gas into the air that just makes you lose consciousness and then you just buy a bunch of shit. Because every time I'm in I buy literally everything. I like spend like three hundred dollars on candy every time I'm there. It's like ridiculous.

So to be fair, you're just like a snack person, yeau. But I guess, yeah, I do the same thing. I like, I bought like socks. I literally somehow spend like thirty seven dollars and I went in there for coffee. I was like, I'm gonna go in and buy my coffee, and then I walked out with like three different drinks

Like that in Sephora.

And then there's another store that I was just in recently that I was like, dude, I have to get I have to get out of here, Like we have to like get the fuck out of here because I'm losing my mind. But we were in there, I think together.

Have we gone anywhere?

No?

Or was it with Oryan?

I think I was at Spirit Halloween and I was like, I actually need to get the funk out of here. Like I was freaking out because I was like there's so much happening, there's so many people here.

That's also a terrifying place went today to get some face.

Paint, especially the closer gets to Halloween, the scarier gets in that bitch like you like, they should just turn it into a maze on Halloween night and turn off the lights and.

Throw people, throw everything in the middle and you have to like dig through the pile to get.

To that sounds fun. I saw.

I'm literally overheating, Like I'm over fucking heating.

You're having fucking psychosis. That was a crazy reaction.

I'm like, you like did not mention being hot once and then you threw it off like that.

I was trying to like get through it, but like be chill. And also the fucking paint on my lips are like making me tweak out.

Like I could say that.

I can't believe there are some people who wear I'm just different from other girls, and I just like, don't like kick.

Makeup on my face like this anymore, like ever.

But no, I actually can't believe some people like spend all of Halloween night in a face paint like this because I'm.

I just want it off. I want it off now.

I want to touch my face, I want to touch my eyes. I want to give myself COVID in my own home.

Oh, they should make you know how they have those little those little things to make cilantro home.

They should make that for COVID, And they should give you little like test kits to make your own variant.

Of COVID at home.

No, I think you give you this.

I just know they can give you the delta and the regular one. And then why sit with your own germs and see what happened?

Why, you know what I thought about it, Like when we were like coughing in those dishes, Like when I was like collecting like everybody's bacteria, like if one of us had COVID, like.

Oh that would have been I didn't even think about that. You were fully doing that during home.

Yeah, No, I was like collecting everybody's bacteria during COVID. But I was like, oh, I could easily like collect someone's COVID. Actually that's not how fucking viruses work. I'm dumb a shit, never mind. I was just like, you know how like the cultures grew or whatever, But that's just bacteria being pretty. But I was gonna say, I was going to commit bio warfare and just like release it. You know, it's biol on your pillow.

Azules fucking hot ass breath.

I went to go like dodr thing and she was yawning, and I literally almost phone.

I almost collossed the way I did when I opened that letter for the irs.

Oh my god, I wish we got that on video.

I literally started crying.

That was that was actually like traumatizing for me, Like when you know what else was traumatizing for me this morning that I didn't tell you, but like when I walked in the room and you started like you were like oz, I thought Azul was dead because you were like doing it so well. I was like, oh my god, my heart dropped and it started racing really quick quick,

I genuinely thought Azula died and I was like, I was.

Like, oh my god, oh my god, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, and I started panicking.

But I feel so bad. Yeah, I'm just like an actress.

I know.

No, that's that was my first thought. I was like damn like she killed that role.

Like Disney needs to sign her.

She killed that role. The rolling question is me like yelling at my cat when I wake up.

Disney sign her.

You need to talk about the fact that Azol has been avoiding the I R S and she was underpaying her employees, yes, so that she could get away with doing less work, and she was being cost efficient, but at what costs.

Like her own life. She's going to jail.

This was going to federal prison. I'm just I just want to be real, like you know, scary.

Sorry, I'm I'm have not had like a good meal and this I've had so much cafaine, so I am like going on an insane like yeah, I saw this TikTok that this girl was like freaking out because she didn't realize that the payment from the Creator Front Fund was categorized as like self employment and she didn't realize she had to pay.

Taxes back on that. Oh, and she was freaking the funk out.

She was like, I just got a letter from the I R S saying that I owe all this money and I don't fucking have it.

Oh.

I was like that, welcome to the real world, dude.

That is so scary though, and I feel like that happens with almost every creator. It's like you're making that like money off of it, and you're like, oh, this is fun.

I'm making money off the internet.

I'm gonna start reporting every creator to the IRS and taking like twenty percent of their because that they have a clause where if you report someone who's not paying their taxes, you get like you get ten percent of like what they owe. I forgot to say that my hair is gray. But do you know how I made it gray? I sprayed dry shampoo in it, a lot of dry shampoo. I'm a genius. You're a genius. We're a genius together.

Like, why did you want to mention that?

I don't know. I just thought it was like creative, thank you, thank you. Don't ever fucking speak again.

I know. He always just thinks he has to just like have a fucking word. And what we do?

You know what? Kay, get over here, come on, come on here.

And sit on mommy's lap. No, do your job.

Save here.

I'll record you and we'll just put this clip in one day.

We just we when we have the budget, you can have your own little camera.

Okay, okay, you get your own little camera.

In the in the very very very right corner, very very small, and you only and you only get shown when you laughed.

The video though as big as I want.

How about you shut the hell up?

And I'm oh, wait, we have pumpkins.

Oh no, I'm like say that for the bait, you have to go to page.

My leg is so numb. Oh my fucking car. Oh my god, it's literally nonexistent.

No, no it doesn't, dude, I haven't felt this in so on.

I feel like every single time. If you.

Know, it's that, it's at the point where it's pins and needles and if you move it an inch, it just electrocutes me. Don't even fucking play with me right now, because I'll kick you.

You won't be able to.

Look at it. Okay, But yeah, that's that. Like there's another one that I like, like a thing that I realized but I didn't like bring up, but I decided, like I don't like soup.

I think soup is lame as hell. I think.

I just think it's not chill. Like I think like everyone's lying when they say they like soup.

You haven't had like a good ass fucking soup.

And I refuse to. I don't want that.

I don't have made decent soup.

No, you've made really good soup. But I mean like you mean you.

Wouldn't you would never go out of your way to like pick soup.

Yeah, Like, if I'm at a restaurant, I'm not fucking getting a bullus soup. Like, are you out of your goddamn mind? I don't know like that.

It's a child. It comes with age. One day, when you're mature, you understand. Oh yeah, yeah, I love soup. I'm a super girl. Souper girls are the best. What is that audio talk?

Souper girls.

I don't know, but I grew up eating soup literally every Sunday because my mom would make.

There's a different name for it, but I don't know it. But it's like beef soup, petal.

Coming. I say, I.

Need to put on a shirt. I am a slot.

I like dance and I'm hot, dance.

Drink and smoke. I think that's what I said. You don't know Spanish bibs.

I do say something to me and I better know it.

But like.

I had too much caffeine today and I'm shaking.

No, but you were close I said, I had I need to ship because I've had too much coffee.

I heard coca. I did hear coca in there?

Yeah? Okay, you could? You can get around.

I like pick up. I pick up on some things. I picked up a thing or two being around you?

What the what the literally it means our sick Spanish? Oh my god, I forgot to call my mommy.

No one talks about the the epidemic of growing up and like not calling your parents anymore and being bad at it.

You're really good at talking to parents.

On the phone. I'm like, I'll just like hit him up every Yeah, it's either that, like you don't have anything else to do.

I'm boredis ship And I'm like, you know, like.

I haven't talked to my mom in like three days, Like I'm gonna call her and hopefully my dad's around.

I feel like I wake up every single day.

I'm a good son. What can I say? Guys laughing at me.

Yeah, I don't know what's so funny about that car.

You're just like you're like a sin for your parents. Oh my god.

I feel like I am too, but I don't.

I just don't talk to them on the parents dude, I am such a like I'm the worst kind of sibling, Like I'm always like, but yeah, but like think about like our parents, Like I'm always a person, you know how there's a sibling that takes the.

Parents' side always, that's me.

I'm always like, but yeah, you're not thinking about them, And my siblings are like, you're not thinking about me, And I'm like, you.

Think for yourself? How about that? I'm just a cunt like that, I'm a piece of shit. I'm a cunt. I'm a kiss ass to my parents, and I'm the fuck like.

I don't care, like I.

Literally know, Like, what are you gonna do? Find me? Go ahead. I miss being the age where you could like fist fight your siblings.

Sometimes my siblings still say shit that annoys me and I want to pop them upside the fucking head. But I love them so much and they don't listen to this, so I can say whatever I want. They smell like shit, they're ugly, That's not true.

All my siblings are very I literally love your siblings. Getting like it actually like freaks me out how much they've grown up since I've met them, Like it is terrifying.

I know, like Natalie is like a teenager now.

It shocks me. It so genuinely shocks me every time you show me a picture of her and I'm like, what the fuck.

Same with Leo, Like, yeah, Leo's big as shit, Lalo's tall.

Yeah, all of them are.

That's the thing.

That's what I noticed when we were in Miami, Like Leo is like growing.

Up, He's gonna be a tall ass kid. Yeah, Dante's getting big too. We're talking about my like twenty five year old siblings.

I'm like, they're they're getting sick, they're growing up, they're growing up, they're like growing into themselves. But yeah, I'm like the mommy sibling also, But we don't have.

To get into that.

I'm not. I'm the black sheep of the family. And that's something I realized when I was back in Texas. It was kind of a really sad realization. I was like, I was like, dude, I'm selfish with my siblings, Like they are so giving to me and I fucking giving shit back to them. So like I decided I'm gonna start being like a good brother to my siblings.

Oh that's nice.

Yeah, I was like, I just like Mattling like offered me a place to stay, which like is not that big of a deal, like obviously like they can come over and stay whenever. But then just like that just spiraled like a thought, Like Steven was even like, yeah, you can borrow my car while I'm here, And I was like, what have I done for like y'all to like be this giving to me? But like I guess it's just like family shit.

But I'm like, they're your family, they should be.

Yeah, no, but it just show me is like I.

Haven't been a giving sibling and I want to change that.

It's really funny to think about, like family dynamics are so different across the board. I always forget that because something like I have very traditional and like I think what some would deem toxic ideologies of family that are like really based in Latin culture or like I think just like POC culture is very like no matter what, like your sibling could fucking shoot you in the feet today, like you better like be there for them tomorrow.

Like that's kind of like her.

It's like your like parents can say something really mean to you today, but like that's still your parent, like like that ideology. But I've like I've always felt like that, Like I don't give a fuck, Like girl, y'all can push me down. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna figure my way back off, and I'm nice.

I'm gonna be an ass for one day, but like, yeah, I'll be mean to you. I'll spin in your pillow.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm just so nice to my siblings that I grew up like spitting on their pillows and in their drinks.

I just thought about what Dante told us.

And we can't say it to the but but literally make me crack up so hard.

When Daltay told us at the car, I don't remember Trump mask.

Oh my god, that was the funniest ship I have ever heard of my life. We have to have Dante on to tell that story.

Yeah, because that shit was so fucking funny. That was like insane, and I yeah, I do want to. I don't know if people would be interested in family episodes. I don't know why the fuck this one's turning into like.

A family Like, No, I genuinely want my family on here so bad, Like I want an episode with my mom, I want an episode with my dad. I want an episode with matt On and Steven. I want an episode with Maddix.

Oh we should literally we should do an episode of Miami and then in Texas with your parents. The only thing is it sucks that my like mom can't speak English, but I guess that's like that's still cool.

You could like figure it out and you.

Could like figure out a subtitle.

I should also just like sit there translating.

You could like maybe figure out like specific questions for her and like translate them. Or we could have k sit there and work as a little ass off a fucking subtitles on.

We'll make him learn a new language.

We'll teach you something you don't know, Spanish.

Why lie? Why lie?

A little fucking freak.

Also, my bracelet is like I don't know, if you see the scratches.

Old fold it up? Yeah, because my birdsa is like real gold and just like.

You're on my rob list, I'm robbing you.

Later, shut up, I'm why have we not stolen from each other yet?

Because I don't think we like want something from each other that bad, other than like clothing.

But even though it's like we steal like each other's markers and shit, but like we get like that.

Each other's like food.

I still look out of your food, like Drew's food tastes so fucking good, Like you're like you could order literally anything right now, and like he knows by now I'm coming in and I'm touching.

Yeah, it's like a part of my life now, like I have to overorder just so and you can eat all of my food. But it's just part of it.

It all comes out in the wash because then I buy food and like he eats it too, Like it just all works out exactly literally being fucking cut the fuck up by my goddamn bracelet. That's just one of the many perils of like having swag like I do, is sometimes like it hurts to be pretty.

You're just so fucking it away. I'm gonna look at the topic.

Also, I wish, I wish this could be like a proper Halloween episode where we like talk about Halloween experiences as a kid, but not only have we said all of our like kind of scary stories, and like.

Oh, actually we could talk about last night.

Oh we both without telling each other. I randomly brought it up and he was like, say this for the podcast because I had like a I don't believe in fucking ghosts. We all know this, Like, I don't believe in that shit, and I still don't think this shit was a fucking ghost. I think I was going through a little bit of psychosis before I went to sleep,

Crazy, so it's not real.

But I really felt like a presence and I like opened my eyes and turned to look in the corner and nothing was there. And then I didn't like move my whole body, but I just turned my head and I turned my head back, and his soul was also looking in the corner.

No cats can see shit. Cat's see shit. No, I swear all cats do that. All cats see surely.

Shane Dawson.

Regarding his cat, like he sees like he's just always seeing things, like girl, he sees dust, Like he's like he sees.

A fucking moth. Yeah, that ship scares the funk out of me, like.

I just went back to sleep. I was like what.

I was like, what are they gonna get me?

I was like, what are you?

Well?

The scary thing that happened to me is it was like it was less at night and more like when I was waking up in the morning and I was like deep into this like dream and I was like what the fuck? Like I remember consciously thinking like why am I dreaming this right now? And then I started like feeling this like sensation in my lower half of my body and it was a boner No, no, no, I swear to God, I pissed myself a little bit

One time I was literally sleeping in bed with someone and I fully woke up and I was like, I was like, I'm like what And I was like, oh, I like peed myself a little in my sleep, like and this was like a year ago.

No, yeah, I fully pissed myself last night, not like fully, but like I had to catch it. Yeah. No, I like had to wake up, get out of bed, like take my boxers off, shower, put on some new boxers, and oh you did not shower. I swear on my entire life.

I did so badly for you to be like, yeah I didn't.

No, I didn't fucking shower. I just like got up, took my underwear off and went back to sleep.

See, you call me a stinky bitch, But it's different because I have Like you know.

What I didn't do is I didn't wash my bed sheets.

Okay, No, it wasn't enough feet to go on my bed sheets. That's all I'm talking about mine.

Yeah, neither was mine.

I was.

I'm not sleeping in a pistoine right now.

I just tinkled a little.

Y'all lay in my bed like I don't squirt in it.

I know y'all be laying in my bed like I don't go to town, like I don't go to funky town with my wing bud junr.

Yeah, go for it.

You just sleep in your past. Dude.

When I go to bed, I have to pee like eight times. It's actually the worst part about like existing for me is like I have to go like tinkle because I'm just like I'm leaking, like my hole is leaking every few minutes. And then sometimes I was gonna make another sex joke. Every time we've ever recorded anything at night, like the sex jokes, the amount of sex jokes that I make just like actually goes up because I don't have any brain power left and I'm just like, I'm just horny.

Literally, then the day bleeds and I'm horney.

Me as a tampon again.

I can just what's up with the tampon jokes. I wouldn't use a tampon if my fucking like depended on it.

I don't want plastic and my kuci but I don't think they make them with the plastic things anymore. That design was crazy, Like have you seen the head of a tampon? It's literally like spiky prongs.

Yeah, why is it.

Like take a chunk out of me?

Like when I use it, it's like a biopsy.

Every little time.

It's like a biopsy.

It takes a little chunk and you can send it off to the lab to see if it's carcinogenic.

When I did use the dbook for the first time, I was drunk and I put it in and I didn't know you were supposed to like let.

The air out to take it back out, and I just like went to go grab it and yank it out.

It was.

Inside out and I was so fucking did it feel good? Oh? It felt amazing?

Does it clap? Is it purple? Is it pink? Are you team Cream?

Are you on the squirt team or the Cream team?

Sorry? I thought I thought I heard something. Yeah, stop laying?

What was.

What?

Stop?

Stop?

What is that?

Oh my god? Did you lock the door? Did you forget to lock the door?

I forgot to lock the door.

You were supposed to?

Oh my god?

What literally my.

Worst bucking No, no, let me let me Joe.

You're like not even joining, You're like barely in frand.

Like about poetic justice? Is it's just so poetic?

No?

If that's a fucking line from the movie.

Oh you you look fucked up. Let's get into the show.

Oh, Corella, welcome girl.

I'm just getting started.

Are you, like, do you actually want to like be here to be on the podcast or are you gonna do your little joke?

What is this?

Oh it's you put it up your butt?

You remember how crazy I can be and how did you get here? Corolla? I need a base.

Feeding him.

I'm trying to get him to fucking bring back my dog show off the outfit because I spent a lot of money on this bring back my dogs.

It's just that.

Sorry action. Know when he was in character, like I swear to god, I had the whole back punches, like when he did the born, bad, mad, brilliant thing.

I know, I fully, I'm not kidding. At this point, it like it like flash bangs my brain.

Don't Oh my God, give it back to her, don't.

Be me, bring back my dogs. Hold on so Halloween, Okay.

Okay, okay, no no, no, no, no, stop and stop it like no we we want we brought you on. Well we didn't bring you on. You broke in.

I was sitting in your bedroom and as we took a big ship like it stunk so bad, and I was like I can't move, like it can't be too loud, and I was literally in never a fucking hour while you all were talking about tampon. I hate looking at the back because I look good, look at me, So I have to sit on the floor.

We don't we we don't have any setup for guests.

Yeah, we haven't figured out the guest situation yet, but we're thinking we're just we're gonna make them sit on the floor for now. Damn, Daniel Humble, every one of our your own.

Chair if you want to be, if you want to be up to our level.

Exactly, we'll include that in the message.

But yeah, we want to start having guests, and if this is like our first guest situation, maybe.

Yeah, maybe we can bring Yeah.

Oh my god, Oh I never bet on a podcast. I'm trying to figure out the groove of it.

Oh god, one of the.

I swear if you fucking touch my head again, Drew, I'm gonna break her.

I can't stop touching Tomas, can you?

Can you?

How much? Can you curse on here?

As much as you want?

Can we do the media part already so I can get mine out? You need to do?

You need some promo?

Yeah, he needs some promo? Is that what it is?

Who's touching my head?

Greer is going on tour. If you want to get your tickets, go get your tickets.

Second second link in the bio, you're on my podcast, bitch, who are you supposed to be? No costumes?

Costumes I'm the devil, I'm horny.

Oh that's what I am.

I took that joke from my friend Jester.

I am the paint man who ate a quart of paint. Does that mean without thinking you.

You're really you're gonna break into our fucking house, break onto the podcast and judgments?

Okay? No, just I think this will be good.

Maybe, like we'll do a little test run and if the public doesn't fucking hate you, we'll bring you back on as a real guest.

Yeah, do you have any questions from me?

Yeah? So where are you from? Let the people know where you're from.

I actually originally moved here from It's like just on the outskirts of Denver, and I ended up moving to la in like twenty eighteen, twenty seven. No, we met in twenty eight Yeah, we met, right, We met in twenty eighteen and then my life changed. Are you okay with what? What do you mean?

You were just scratching really hard?

I mean my hair? It is. Maybe we should talk about when we first met Josiah and how big of a fucking ass. Maybe you should let me save that.

For like a full episode, like when he's a proper guest, or should.

We let like, wow, yeah, we're gonna I'm gonna kick you off if you don'top screaming.

Okay, okay, it's so hot.

I know that's my reaction.

To But we go through every single day.

What do you do? What do you do? What do you do?

I'm a freelance stand up musician. I have been, Yeah, all right, I've been. It feels wrong though, because it feels like I'm down here and you guys are bullying me. Exactly. That's exactly the case with everything. You guys are older than me. So wow, all right, so what no, please don't? It actually itches a lot just I was corolla. Hold on, so I'm in the band to us. Okay, wait, y'all asking me these questions like you don't fucking see me every goddamn you.

We're asking for the people you have.

You better you better get interest from them, because if they don't want to hear from you, you're never.

Gonna coming back.

And you're not getting this.

Is this is your shark take moment then, dun.

Okay, let's talk about field trip. Okay, hold on, no.

Okay, here's the thing.

I do want to do a serious episode with you, but actually I don't know if people care about you, babes.

You gotta they do they do? Why wouldn't they look at me? I actually I can't see myself because okay, so what do I do. I'm in the band and I'm actually going on tour.

Damn girl, you're damn Daniel.

Listen, Okay, how about I just tell some jokes?

All right?

Yeah, okay, okay, okay. I was watching Squid Games and hold on because I didn't know we were doing Damn Daniel the whole season with all the white sales. White Man sales have gone up eight since Squid Games came out, and it was like we were doing damn every episode. Damn man, you back out of the game on the White Man. Y'all should get h James on here, James Charles, James Charles and James Okay, yeah.

This is our open invite. James Charles. We know you really like us, and you miss us.

Give us a call, hit us up. We'll give you a second chance. We'll be rave enough to give you a check.

Who are you talking to Why are you talking to Kit? We don't talk to Wait, this is.

The first time y'all get an opportunity to have two conversations at once, like I'm talking about it's.

Like the worst podcast ever.

Wait, we should actually do a podcast, like.

And you find someone to talk to you, you don't.

Come here and I'll do a podcast with your guy. No, don't comment below.

I love you. I love you Kai.

It's so hot in here. Oh no, no, fuck you very much. Okay, ask me something. Do you need help? No?

Okay, that was weird.

That was like keo long to say, Oh, I know, what's what's your favorite song?

What's your favorite song? Right now? Girl?

What's your.

That's how James Gordon starts off.

So what do you want to do for this episode? My my favorite song?

I've never seen so much of your legs.

I know it's actually yeah, you're actually giving come on tumblr. Oh my god, my favorite song is probably number one.

By Pharrell Williams. No, you're just saying that.

No, I'm not. You're a it is you're a tweaker, your little skateboard pete. Come on, you're a tweaker. You're tweaking.

You're like dope sick.

No, that is my brother, that's not let's talk about my family cut out? Actually, no, oh my god, should be harmonized real quick. Yeah, sure, you start.

No, I'm not starting. No, you start because I'm good.

You have to start, because neither of you know how to actually harmonize you.

Just how the lower.

This is the most put together the podcast has ever been. Because I'm here, I'm going to pull your hair really bad. You guys should comment down below to get me back next week.

You should get extensions.

I don't want to get extensions. And yeah, I come out here. Okay, I want to be able to interview just a but I think you should just get out now. Are we gonna do my god, are we going to do media?

Yeah, we'll do media the weekend.

You can do. We'll do a few more questions and then we'll do media the week So Corella, should we interview it?

You as Corella?

You guys didn't like it. You told me to take it off.

We did, and you should keep it off. No, you should take it all off.

No, okay, I've never been rejected like that. Okay, so Uncle Ben from Spider Man.

Okay, No, what's your favorite media? Like?

You're greeting me like I'm actually I don't know if you can tell, but I fully like have not been here for the last ten minutes of this episode.

Do you want to sit on my lap?

Nope, so you can have Okay, what time are I know you were on Red, but it doesn't seem like like you're Santa Claus. I don't think Should I read an excerpt from my Lemony Snicket book or no? Yes, that was to be amazing, but maybe I'll say it for the next episode.

Yeah, that'd be good.

We could do it the one after that one too.

But in all seriousness, if you the one, what do.

You mean it's three three people in a podcast, that would be a good idea. Actually, that's like a lot of our job, like we like, we can't. I don't need a job. I have a job. I'm signed to a record label. Okay, I believe you don't have to Like do you want to be on our podcast regularly? Yeah? Nope?

Okay.

My media of the week is squid Games for TV shows. I think I've watched. I've seen it twice. Also in the new season of You, oh he's been watching Hey You?

We should do a pair of shape Joe Joe Biden.

Also, no one's talking about that, Joe Biden being the main character in you. No one's talking about Joe Biden calling his wife Joe Biden, my wife, Joe Biden. Girl, we're not talking about it, Okay, like he's better than Trump, but our commander in chief is like withering away every single day. That motherfucker is gonna die.

We need to change the age for what.

We need to change the narrative the age.

We should change the ideas in the narrative exactly. No, I was saying, we need to change the age requirement.

To be Oh my god, we need to change their age requirement of being a president. We should let a nineteen year old be president, just twenty year old.

Just is that you announcing?

Okay, yes, I do actually believe we should change the age. You have to be born on May sixth, two thousand and one. Check the famous birthdays. Please pull it up. Pull it up, Kai, pull it up. Where does your famous birthdays say you're born? For some reason? Okay, yeah, I'll talk about that because everyone always asks about it. For some reason. It says that I was born in Hong Kong, China. I wasn't born there, but somebody submitted it.

Yeah? I did it when I was like fourteen, I did it. They're so ugly. I'm gonna start calling paparazzi and myself.

I'm gonna join the show, and he blocked me.

I guess the problem is.

I'm like, no, I want them to take pictures of me seriously, but yeah, because Hollywood wants the pictures of it, and you are walking.

To we should or we should do that Airwan Parking Lot.

We should start calling the five Arrozzi owner Sophoe Ridges and Burnham. You guys should make this a smoky drama show. Like talking about drama?

What okay? What does the smoky have to do with that?

Like it's like, so.

Damn Daniel, damn, damn damn. All right, what okay? So your song?

Do do real media?

Okay?

I think Squid Games and you is the real media for you? Have you actually watched Wuid Games twice?

Oh yeah, I've seen it twice, almost three times. Actually, my media of the week genuinely is something that people don't talk about enough.

Is Kroella?

Not even joking? No, not even joking. You saw it.

It was a good movie.

No, it's it's genuinely a great movie. But when you do it, it's not.

It changes everything.

Is the least enticing thing ever.

And that's why I haven't seen it yet because my only like watch watching Corolla is fucking.

You you're only boner to watch Corolla? Fucking sorry mout heit?

Did I say boner?

Okay, I do. We're not talking about when we were setting up and it was like, is this light? Do we look flattered?

Do we look flatter?

Cut it. My media of the week though, is probably Corilla. I've seen it twelve times, almost thirteen. That's not an exaggeration, by the way. He had bought me every single time he's watching it, and.

He bought it on Disney Plus.

Yeah before it was free to stream. I bought it thirty bucks. You guys baby worth it. I mean you have got and every penny out of that.

Goddam.

That's my movie one. And my song is Come Together by the Beatles. No, I don't know what song.

Was it not actually number one? By Pharol Williams.

No, I just said number one.

That's a hit to me.

Mine is come Again by M Flow. I've been listening to that one a lot.

I don't know what that is.

Okay, you can, yeah, you just I just can silence a room. Man, he can really just do it. It's so fucking hot in here. Hurry okay. My media of the week, uh is Born Slippy by Underworld. I blasted that thirty times in the car today. I listened to it over and over and over again. Claire dealoone number.

Three by Claude de Bussy. No, that's his name.

Claude Debussy just said pussy. No Claude. Thee U Won by Raymond Scott.

No, we got to keep that one a secret.

No, I'm done gatekeeping.

I got called out for gate keeping last week and it hissed me the fun I'm gonna shoot the next.

Person to say something mean about me. Anyways.

My media of the week.

My songs are starting Over by LCD in the Search for God, Breaking Action by Scarface and M F.

Doom. I Want You to Love.

Me by Fiona Apple and Please Please Please by Fiona Apple.

Damn fuck you.

My video media of the Week is scenes from a marriage.

I want Oscar Isaac so fucking bad and I need to get to him in the next five years. Oh wait, he hasn't life never ruined that family homeworker in the next five years because he.

Is not, Hey, homewreckera.

How old is Oscar Isaac?

I don't know if he's I didn't know, sirih was a guest on this show. Maybe talk to the realm. Maybe I know you know?

Why would you know?

Oh? I actually have been around? Have you been?

How have I been?

I've been actually awful. If you want to know the actual truthy be he's not He's not lying.

Oscar is forty two. I fuck he's married.

Don't after saying something like that, we need to relet back in people so upset?

This is so upsetting.

Should we tell them about what we're writing.

When was pregnant with her second child?

Should ruin that family?

Delusional? Like, oh god, I can't.

Ruin that family? Wait, Claire delusional?

Okay, that's it for the episode.

Okay, but genuinely, if you want Josiah back, not as a monster and as a freaking he has to promise that he's not gonna be a freak tweak, show me the money.

We didn't plan any of this.

No, we have, We'll have one.

We have, we'll have good questions, we'll have stories to talk about. But we just kind of wanted you to.

I want you to get a feeler bibs, but I don't know if.

I want you back after the way you behave today. Are you gonna ask me how my experience was, because I'll tell you how was your experience? It was fucking awful. It's hot as ship in here. There's candles lit for some goddamn reason.

We're setting the mood coat.

I had to wear a wig. Kai's here just fucking watching me. Yeah, I know his job is to watch get somebody else with somebody with less threatening.

Eyes, really puppy eyes.

No shut I see I see through you. I see through you.

Okay, that's it.

This is the most Kai spoken in an episode too, and we'll make sure that doesn't happen next.

Cut it out, cut it out, cut it out, cut it out right, cut it out, cut it out out.

Bye.

Thank you for watching this episode. Have a safe and happy Halloween. Make sure that if someone gives you something that isn't candy you don't take it.

And if they give you pills, if they give you pills, take them.

Not right now?

What is that?

It's actually really offensive?

See you guys on next week. No emergency alert emergency and oh my god, get up and show them you're outfit.

You already did.

I just want them to get another look, show the song.

You're kicking your mind.

You know what.

Money okay, but the devilwar is not okay, guys,