That was a good class too.
Oh my god, somebody immediately just turned this episode off.
Okay, it's just fucking you know, absolutely not. What's up, guys, Welcome back to this this episode of Emergency dot Com. Because I know you're watching it for a third time. Thank you.
I wish I wish there were people who had watched every episode at least like.
Three Oh they're one hundred are There's no way.
There's too many episodes now. At first, when we were at like thirty episodes, I was like, that kind of makes sense.
I guarantee there are probably a thousand people. I'll put money on a thousand people that have watched every episode at least twice. A thousand.
That is pretty confident. Yeah, how many people?
A thousand?
You said, you think there's a thousand people who have put.
Watched every episode three times twice to three times?
Oh okay, now you lowered it twice to three.
No, No, I said twice in my first in my first go on, my first statement. Yeah, in my first statement. But yeah, welcome back, guys. Gloss No, no, I'm literally not.
So literally lit.
This looks so pink, and I do that every fucking time on my sweats and now there's like lip stained like sweats from the oil and it doesn't wash out. It's hell on Earth. No. I bought this like pink little bottle that Mason and Zamar told me to buy, and they were like, this shit's like lit. It's like the best chapstick ever. And I just like would wear it every single day and I would just like put
it on and not think about it. And then I realized today when I was putting it on that it's a fucking sleep mask and that I just wear a sleep mask.
Is like Mason do keep it in their car and take it out?
Yeah, but yeah, like for some reason makes my lips fucking glow and beautiful and pretty.
Well you know what it is. You have a very good natural hue of lips like I have. Actually, Okay, don't like get too crazy about because your little mustache covers anyway. So you have like a full bottom lip and then like a little peak of a lip. Yeah.
I was looking at my lips the other day and I was like, damn, like I do have really small lips.
You don't have that like for a white guy. You don't have like the whey are you pushing them out, You're like, I do have small lips, Kai has like you're pouting them too much right now for me to.
Be Yeah, you have good lips.
Yeah, you have decent lips. You don't have like the like beak lips that white people get. You know what I'm talking about, Like when it like turns into like what's the other parentheses.
Like that that oh.
The bracket yeah, oh like a white person with bracket lip.
Yeah, that is a crazy phenomena.
Have you seen the people that get lip filler on their bracket lips?
Yeah?
It's really sad. And I'm like, girl, like, do you like I'm really actually genuinely happy for you, and I'm glad it makes you feel better. But like every single person that I've seen that's gotten that done has immediately regretted it.
Like I mean, I don't want to sit here and make fun of people's lips, because I also don't believe that everybody should just like run out and get filler because we literally don't know what it does and it always migrates. And also what I will say, if you do get filler and you decide to like get rid of it, make a TikTok, because that's my favorite TikTok to watch is people getting their lips dissolved, because their lips always look gorgeous.
After Maybe that's the method, is to get lip filler for a two year, stretch your lips out, and then get it dissolved.
But then I think you might. How do their lips not get super wrinkly though? Or do they get wrinkly because you're stretching.
The same sand as your buttthole? Kay and I were talking that the other day. We were talking about but yesterday on our walk we were talking about but.
Went on a walk together yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't remember talking about buttles.
Yeah. We were saying that, like the wrinkles on your butthole is like the body count, like your body count, Like the rings on a tree shows like your age. The wrinkles and your butthole show your body count. Have you seen the videos where it's like Timothy shallow May leaving Austin Butler's house and getting home to his apartment and it's like that wet fart sound. It's like, oh, fuck off.
You're way too good at dream.
That just made my stomach turn.
Yeah, it's because his buttholes filled filled with.
Oh my god, man, do you think we're gonna demonetize?
No, I think we're good.
I have like a delusion when you say things about that, because I believe we're removed by like what is it by, like a second degree, like when you're close twice removed. Yeah, I believe we are only twice removed by so many people. When you say you like that, I'm like, God forbid that ever just lands in their scope, and then we have to be in a room with anybody you ever talk about, and we're just like.
I didn't say that.
What's your name?
That was one of my authors.
I love a good meeting so many famous and going oh, yeah, my name's Anny. What's your name?
Yeah?
You like it feels like you have to what else you're supposed to do? Also, oh, I've seen you on my phone for like years.
But I kind of do do that anytime I meet someone. I'm like, like if I when I met Timothy Chelamagne, like when we were hanging out a bunch, when I went up to him, I was like, oh my god, like I loved you and call me by your name, like that was the role of a lifetime and he was like, thank you so much, like.
It were you gay or something? Why are you bringing that mood?
Yeah. I always always be like, oh, I know your stuff. I'm not a fan of it, but my girlfriend likes it.
Oh. I love that that happened to me.
Andrew. We get body like that all the time.
Like can I take a picture of you and to show my girlfriend? And I'm like, babe, like it's okay to like me.
I love when a group of guys does that. But then each of them take individual pictures and I'm like, right.
All right, I know all of y'all didn't dag abattie.
Yeah, there's no way because only like hot people like hot girls watch our shit, and it'll be like a bunk guy and all of them are like me, me, next, with me, next, me next. I'm like, let's see the proof, let me see your screensaver, let me see your wallpaper. And it's not a hot girl, so you're lying. Also, one of the groups that did that to us, we're all dressed like they were dressed nice, but they kind of reminded me of the guys who will play like a steely dance song and back up with the bell
bottom oh. All of them asked for individual photos, and they were like, my girlfriend's gonna freak out. But they all asked for individual photos, and I was like, you're a fan, yeah, like why are you lying to me?
It's actually like mean, guys, I am Dune pilled, Dune maxing. It's actually becoming a problem. I love Dune. It's all my feeds are consumed by Dune edits and all that shit. And I was like, oh, like, I'm gonna go get the Lego set. I called like three days waiting for it to be in, and then the day you left, me and Josiah went to the mall and picked it up. Lego yah.
Instead of taking me to the airport, they went to the mall to get the Dune Lego set.
Oh my god. I actually didn't think about that. That is shit.
Yeah. I was like standing on it. And then I didn't want to ask to be.
Taken as I was like any.
World, if it was like this time and I was up and I Drew was around, I'd just be like, oh, I'm just gonna take him whatever. And I was like, oh, yeah, it'll be fun too because Josie's with him, so he won't be driving alone. I was standing around and both of their fucking stinky asses were planted on the sofa. Like I think to take them off, it would have sounded like velcrow from the scent of their ass ripping
from the sofa. And then I was like I said to us, I was like, oh, I think I'm gonna call it car soon.
And they were just like, you gotta ask. You gotta set that pride aside and ask, bab I can't. I can't read what you want. I was, Damn, I'm sorry, that is shitty, but at least I got a lego.
Meanwhile, I was in the uber on the way They're looking at Boeing seven through seventh because I had to get on one and I was genuinely convinced my plane was going to go down. I knew it. I knew it.
I knew I knew that. Yeah, what's up with the whistle blower?
Basically, this dude like outed Boeing like he's like he worked at Boeing and he outed him as like or outed Bowing as like very neglectful of like maintenance, and that there's like a bunch of problems with their planes, and like the I've talked to like my pilot friends before, and they're like, dude, like the process to like submit a complaint on a plane, like if something goes wrong
is hell. So a lot of pilots just like don't even do it, and like this dude was just explaining how shitty the process is and how they like knowingly just like let bunk ass airplanes like fly around the air and like a lot of like the deaths and disasters that have happened could have been preventable and should have been prevented. But whatever, this dude like went out and said all that shit, the stock price probably fucking tanked, and then literally yesterday he was fucking found dead. He
was found dead. The whistleblower was found dead. What's crazy is that's like blowing down them allegedly.
I wonder what's gonna stop Boeing from putting out planes because I'm sure Also I was thinking, I think it'd be interesting to look up other plane crashes and incidents, because I do think there's probably other aircrafts that are having similar issues, because we're also hitting the mark where a lot of these planes were made around the same time, and a lot of them are just meeting the end
of their life. And I do think it's the first time within our society that is so hell bent on plane travel that we're seeing a bulk of a bunch of planes hitting the end of their life, Like we haven't been and within aviation and public aviation for long enough to see like the end of cars, Like we've all we're all down at the age where there's a bunch of cars that when we were younger, we saw them new on the market, but they're hitting that like decade or fifteen year mark that all of them are
kind of going bad and they're disappearing off the roads. I don't know if we've actually hit that for planes yet, Like I don't know how many.
Flans I feel like.
Down in the last two.
Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I think we're hitting that mark where all of them are going bad, but all the airlines it probably will cost so much fucking money, so many flights will be cut off the income that they're used to getting. Because also, like plane trouble became so much more popular post COVID because everybody just realized how important it was to like get out and it's like the whole thing with how many near
collisions there are are on tarmacs. Now, that's like a huge thing because they put so many flights close to each other that I think, I want to look it up. But there was like this TikTok that showed how many near collisions there were in just a month, and it was like over fifty on the tarmac. And that's just like planes like taking off and other planes getting the wrong information of like almost scooping into taking off and almost slamming into each other on the tarmac.
It's gonna be so iconic when one of us dies in a plane crash and they make like a compilation video of like how many fucking times we've talked about dying in a plane crash and talked about crashing planes. It's literally gonna be iconic, and they're gonna be like, oh my god, like they knew, like they.
Knew, or then there's gonna be a me in the comment who's like bitch, that's all they talked about. Like that's literally all they talked about. They didn't know anything.
But no, that is like knowing, like intuitively knowing.
That is knowing you being like there's always going to be a disaster, like there's gonna be.
An earthquake, queen of disaster. You know what we've never talked about and is actually insane that we haven't talked about, is Marina and the Diamonds. Like why have we never publicly talked about that arc of our lives?
Because what is there to say.
Is we've talked about one direction, like we talked about Hanna Lana, but like we haven't talked about Marina.
Because like, actually my name is Marine. I think we don't talk about Marina because she kind of lives in that bubble almost when we say like, oh, Lana tumbler days, I think, like at least I just am like if you know.
You know? Yeah, Like if you know, you know, and if you don't know, now, don't try to know, because it's not gonna be the same. It will never be the same.
Somebody recently had like go and support that is she still making music though she put out.
An album in twenty twenty one. I didn't fruit. I'm not sure I didn't really listen to it, but no, no, no, yeah, just like an iconic moment in our.
No Fruit was twenty fifteen. Bitch, I'm old no, she didn't put it out. She hasn't put on an album since Fruit.
I think on Spotify she has an album that came out in twenty twenty one.
Oh oh wait, what the hell.
It's under Marina.
Oh shed Ancient Dreams.
In a Modern Land, gir, She's on her Byork shit. Oh was speaking of B York the other day. I was driving and like it was like peak sadness for me, and I was like, oh, like literally what is going on with me? Like I need to figure something out. So I put on Agony by Young Lean and proceeded to like fucking sob like I was alone in sobbing and people could see me crying. And then I put on Hyperballad by B York and like sobbed even fucking harder. And I'm not kidding, since that moment I cried, it
was like the most cathartic thing I've ever experienced. I have actually been like euphoric, like literally like happy. And I'm like, damn, like maybe all we need is to just cry.
Men should cry more, literally let it out.
I think you should have probably shattering this illusion that like what you cry.
Well, you're gonna hate this little fun fact about me, which is that I cry every night for hours.
That's shocking.
I love that for you, thank you. That's healthy and should cry men should solve Wait.
But you do that every night?
Every night?
Is you do?
Like wake up usually looking a little parch like. Sometimes when we come here in the morning, I'm like, whoa, you must haves and.
I cry face down with my ass up. Oh wait why, I don't know, would just like flow out? Yeah, I'm just trying to get it out.
Well.
When I landed in Miami, I had like the most sibling moment ever, my sister. Because you've ever landed at the MI I a terminal, it is actually a chamber. It is the worst place in the planet because it's already hot in Miami, it's already humid, but some for some reason, they made the departure area like a tunnel, so it's even hotter because you're just breathing in car exhaust because there's actually eight million cars around you, just
slowing down in Miami. They're honking their fucking asses off because they've never been outside before, I guess, and they are honking like crazy. So you're in this echo chamber of honking and like exhaust, and then there's people yelling, like the guys who worked there, who were like, what have I like? Yelling their fucking asses off. And I was getting so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I was sweating my ass off because I had just got off the plane.
So I was like in a sweatsuit, sweating my ass off. Call my sister. She's like, I'm here. I'm in front of you. I'm like, where are you? And I was like, you were at departures, who were not at rivals, and she was like, I'm at a rifles like you think I don't know how to whatever. I was like, you're at fucking departures. She was at departures. It took her another fifteen minutes to get around, and I was so
frustrated that I started crying profusively. But it was the weirdest cry I've ever had, because it was like a very angry cry that I literally just put my head down and tears were just like dripping out rapidly because I was so mad. And then I looked up and this guy in a car was like staring at me, and I literally just mouthed him. I was like and I just turned away because he was just staring at me, like like because he saw me crying, and I was like, bitch, fuck you, like why You're.
Probably gonna be like he's gonna be like, are you okay?
No, I could read his vibe. He was looking at me like I was fucking stupid. And then cause I turned away at one point and looked back and he was still like like just staring at me like I was crazy. And I said fuck you because like war also actually fuck you, even if you were looking at me like to help me, like you're just in your car. Also, he's one of the people who was honking, so fuck you. But yesterday at the airport, this girl when I landed,
somebody was doing the same thing. They were holding down their honk just so happened to be Cuban. I know you're from Miami holding on your Mark Cuban. No it was not Mark Cuban.
Mark Cuban was honking at the air No, it.
Was a girl with a bunch of Cuban, like the gloves, Like.
What was a Cuban glove? I think this did not.
Exist, But I was like, she must be from Miami because she's holding down that fucking horn. And listen to the lady behind me. She was biss. I was like, damn, honestly, she's so lip for doing this. Oh my god, oh that's me awkward.
Oh my god, hurry, I know you try and try hurry.
Oh my, she said, fucking bit my ears fucking hurt.
He literally was like boxed by cars and she's just like and it actually is so inco.
And what is that gonna do? Like you honking like I fully understand, like doing like a peep, like honking twice, like getting them out of the way, but like laying on your horn. It is like that is like how you know society is.
You are the angriest person I've ever seen in my life holding down your horn. Like but I will say, Rain is quick to hit that fucking horn. Open the car with her and like twice she literally I've never seen it. Like her quickness with her horn was like an iPad babe.
Hitting declined, She is the iPad baby, Hitting declined. She hangs up that fucking phone faster than like like, okay, we had our friends, Lamar like he used to be like the king of hanging up quick. And then I watched Rain hang up on Inya and it was it was like Enya didn't even say bye yet, like it was before like she even got buy out and the call had ended, and I was like, I have to.
Do something, but I'll talk to you.
And then it's just like and I was like, oh my god. And then I told Zamara. I was like, you've been dethroned, and he was like, oh, I know who it is, and he was like it's rain Is and yeah, he was.
I told rain and she was like already told me, like I'm gonna and I'm gonna say that and I was like, bro, I was gonna say I love you and you hung up on me and she was like I know you love me though, so it's okay. I was like, damn, that is so funny. But I saw her hank so quick, to the point that me and Tyro were in the car with her and we're driving around and we saw her hang up and we were like, don't do it because it was such a useless honk.
Christ like that too. Christian like will just like honk at that. He gets angry and honks at like the dumbest shit, like someone like cutting out, someone cutting him off, Like but the car cutting him off is like thirty feet ahead of him, and he'll just like honk and get angry, like what the fuck are you doing, dumb ass, And.
I'm like, not to out my sister, but my sister is a crazy driver, and I love her so much. And I know you have bad luck god bluss, but she is a terrifying drive.
Four rex in two months. She's like one of them were her fault.
Yeah, none of them were her fault, according to her. I feel so bad for outing her like that, but she is a terrifying driver. Like people will just be driving kind of slow and she'll like honk, and then she'll be like like on the center calls and I'm like, girl, you were literally darus and she's like, oh my god, see this is how they drive in Miami. This is how they drive in Miami. And I was like, girl, that we know that that's what you just drive safer,
like people in Miami drive crazy. We know that.
Maybe, like for a lot of people, driving angry is like therapy for them. It's like that's when they get their anger out and they just like be pissed at everybody else so they don't go home.
And like cars and mad chill. But once begin in that car, I'm like, do you want me to drive? And then she gets mad at that. She's like, oh, why do you want to drive? And I'm like, I don't know.
Damn, I'm sorry, damn, but the oscar we're.
Gonna Oh, I was gonna say, I said, my grandma just sits with her thoughts, like I think I've said that on the podcast before last time I saw my grandma, but that shit is crazy, like just yeah.
I was literally asking my mom. I was like, actually, what did you do before like iPhones? Like what like what did you do? Like how did you feel fill your time? And even she was like, oh my god, Like I actually like I don't know what we all used to do it like imagining people like sitting at a cafe alone, like drinking their coffee with like nothing, like I know they had like magazines and newspapers and books, and but my mom was like I didn't read and no one I knew like no one I knew reds.
So like what were you doing if you weren't fucking reading magazines? Like just writing sitting there like yeah, that was writing, You're so beautiful?
Before phones? I was always writing.
Songs, music and poems and stuff.
That's what Joni Mitchell would answer if you asked her what she did before phones. That bitch does not use a phone was.
Joan Diddy and the one that lit herself on fire in the oven.
No, so Sylvia flats on fire.
Sylvia Plath be like, but yeah, it.
Was really crazy to me because we got my Now we I got my grandma a new iPhone. Yeah, yeah, I'm better, I'm the best. Well it's actually it's yeah thirteen.
Yeah, it's not okay.
Actually, no, why have they not declined in value? That was still for I think one hundred and twenty eight gigabytes, that was still a six hundred and eighty You got scammed. That makes no sense.
You got scammed.
No, because on offer up they were all that amount. And then I was like, bro, I'm just gonna get her one from fucking best Buy, a used one from best Buy, so it has the charger and everything with it. And I was also like terrified that if I went and met someone on best Buy, they would like, on offer up, they would kill me.
Did you get a phone case for her?
Yeah? She we went to got No, she got it.
Those fucking otter boxes with the screens that were like they would turn, Yeah, they would like turn opaque over time from like all this syrup and sweat that we just were dripping on it as kids, Like the outer boxed ARC needs to be threaten.
Oh bitch, you know what the tea is, the otter box. What we experienced with otter boxes is what the girls are experiencing with Stanley cups right now.
Oh, because it's the same thing, Like it's indestructible, it'll last forever, like it'll keep you safe somehow, Like.
Those ships were degrading in hand Loki.
I want the pink camera one though, because.
That one a Yeah, there was like an ARC where they.
Were fire yeah, but the screen thing was so dumb. But it was because people want to take their iPhone and water, yeah.
Yeah, and.
So bad, Like why don't we go to take.
Our phone and water and no one did, Like I didn't see one. I saw YouTube reviews of people putting it in water, but no one actually trusted.
Them because it was the most expensive piece of technology you could ever get your.
Hands, so you could take them like two inches underwater.
Like before the pressure. Yeah, busted your.
Eye broke the plastic.
Like I will never forget and Joshua Tree how my phone broke because me and Josie were recording a bunch of tiktoks underwater because we were just drunk in a fucking hot sprink and I woke up and my whole fucking phone was just covered in smog and humidity, and I lost all the pictures from that year.
It's so sad. But they said their water resistant, Like, I don't know why you couldn't take them under one.
I think I had it underwater for maybe fifty minutes, and.
You would drop it and it would go to the bottom of it get.
Dropping it to swim over it. And what's funny is I don't have any of those videos because the phone broke, so I don't even I don't even have proved that we were doing that. Actually I think I do have one, and the only one I had was Josie mooning the camera, like he pulled his pants down and showed his ass to the camera and it was like a white globe in the water. But yeah, my grandma just sits around
with her thoughts and it's kind of crazy. And then I feel bad because sometimes I'll be like, Okay, we like talked all day. I want to play Fortnite. And then I felt bad playing Fortnite around her because I'm like, oh my god, did she think I'm the killer?
Like she thought it was a documentary. She thought it was the news that people were running around doing each other, that people.
Were flying and throwing like bolts down.
Yeah, it's like a batter Royal documentary.
But yeah, that's it. I'm done.
Well.
The Oscars happened. I love poor things. It deserved everything it got. The Emma Stone Best Actress Award was deserved. That might be a hot take, but I think she deserved it. But I forget her name. What is her name?
Stanley Cooper?
No, the girl from we're talking about When the Wind Always Shines, that like that Western movie or whatever the fuck.
Flowers of the Yeah, yeah, yeah, when the Wind Always Shines, Come and talk to me, Come and see.
What the fuck is cats? And when the Wind.
Shot Always Shines. But don't forget it. What's her name? I don't know?
The actually Nina, Nina Bonita Brown.
Yes, no, but she deserved it just as much, and I would be happy with either of them. But I looky wish she got it over Emma, But I'm happy Emma got it because her speech was so cute.
Dude saying that her baby, the world tech tip, could never be me.
I was like what No.
I was like, my he's gonna make my world silent movie.
It's gonna be black and while you signent movie depression.
My baby's gonna turn my world into what's it called when they made alcohol illegal prohibition? My baby's gonna turn my world into the prohibition. But yeah, I was really poorgeous, But well that was so sweet. I didn't even know she had a baby, Like do people know she had a baby. Baby?
I didn't know she had a baby. But the Poor Things album soundtrack. I was telling Kaya about it the other day or yesterday. I went to the gym. Yeah, I go to the gym. I was gonna go do it to a day, but I missed my point. So do a two day to a day where you go to the gym twice in one day. But I just me and jobs.
Be like, oh my god, I love the gym, Like you better love not being sedentary, like go do something.
Yeah, But I was telling Kai that I was working out out to the Poor Things soundtrack, and as I was like walking into the locker room, this specific song was playing, and it's literally the scariest song you've ever heard in your entire life. But that album I Will Defend is a great album to work out too, you just have to.
Wait.
No, this one. I was walking into the gym with this playing in my headphones, and there were three dudes walking in, all three of their heads and like, and they stared at you as I.
Was it seems like you're gonna go in there like shake. No, that's not a gun song. That's like you going behind someone stealthily and stabbing them and they like slowly fall.
I'm gonna go in and pants. Everybody's towels around their waves like that's a creepy ass song. But no, I'll defend that moment like that, that song is great.
I need to go watch that movie. I need to. Actually, I got to I'm down. I got the first kind of spoiler to it. No, and it like I barely made out what was happening. I think I made up what was happening, and maybe it was me projecting, but it just reminded me of everybody being like, oh, you'll love that movie. That movie is so you. And I was like, I'm so you think about how.
No, no, no, no, It's it's not like that at all. It's not like that.
I think I just like misread something.
But it's crazy that I was like, oh my god, Enya, that movie is so you, like Bella, me sing and.
Person like everybody who's try to get me to watch. It's like you were literally Bella, you are Bella.
It's crazy because I walked out of the movie theater and not even five minutes after walking out of the theater, I was still walking to the car. I called in you and I was like tearing up, and I was like, girl, go see that fucking movie.
That's finally I'm finally back to like back to reality. I'm back to where a woman should be, where I live under the delusion of society and yeah, and I should I'm just like, listen, life, it shouldn't be that complicated. I shouldn't have free will. I should just do is like the universe wants me to do and go settle down and like be normal. So I need to rewalk on movies, go back to me.
And I know, but.
I say that like I'm not like, Okay, I'm normal as fuck, y'all. Seriously, Actually, no, I literally was freaking the fuck out.
No, you weren't. You weren't.
Fuck Help help, bitch. And I know that hurt.
It actually didn't because things don't hurt me, so things don't actually hurt me.
Didn't because I went to the gym twice in a day. So oh, you're shaking because I hurt you.
You did make me red. I was speaking of red and you made red.
Had my period?
No, your skin is, Oh, yeah.
I got a really bad sunburn, but I don't know if it's showing up on camera, like I got the kind of sunburn that it turns like my skin is getting darker where it's gonna appeal, if that makes sense.
I've never had that. I really think you might just tan.
No, because I like, I will tan, and I know when I'm gonna tan, and I know what I'm going to burn is when I burn, it does turn darker, but then a few days later it just peels because my skin fully just dies. Because I like.
Got flops too much sun flop. Okay, you're in your flop. Billie Eilish is the girl. She's a star. I just get that out there.
I know it. Does anybody else thought that?
No, I don't think has.
Anybody else thought about the fact that she's like the most affluential twenty one year old on the planetential Affluential is like, really she's rich. I thought like affluential. It was influential and affluential like together, I may.
I think you made that up. We'll make that a word, though, No, I swear is that a word, because if it is, like, that's a litass word.
Affluential is wealthy and influential.
Want to.
I backed you up?
I supported you and I did too.
Now you didn't. You're constantly trying to tear her down.
No, he wants to make me feel dumb, as if I didn't read two books in a week. What's the last time this motherfucker read a book?
I literally bought a kindle.
He's like, I literally listened to one.
I bought a kindle?
Oh did you actually? Oh? I want one?
You did it.
Because all my books get ruined in the steam room after the gym, and all my books when I opened it, like the pages are you.
Read in the I was going to say, or not in the sauna? Not the steam. That's one of the reasons why I want it. But I went and looked to see because I was like, oh, like a kindle, Like, oh, it's like three pixels and it's just black and white. That's it got to be like thirty dollars, forty dollars. They're one hundred and sixty dollars.
Are you out of your I think they come with a bunch of books, but it's kind of books like you see at the.
Airport that I don't give a fuck about. Like it's like sex.
It's like this woman.
Had some like I know, it's like mythological sex stories and I'm like, okay, like I literally don't care. Also, Jimmy Kimmel's my man. That's my man, bitch.
I before I started this episode, I was like, I'm done with this. I'm not gonna give another one. After this, I am stealing Drew's card. I'm getting another one.
Oh no, you know you can't do that. Okay, now what?
Oh I got embarrassed. I'm gonna say this first. Okay, let me fucking I thought about Drew being on fire and trying to stop it, and I got so embarrassed, Like you like you're like catching a fire. You'd be like like trying to stop it for like something being
on fire. Because I saw this girl. She got a pair of ugs and she like undid it and there was a candle on the other side, so that paper caught on fire and she literally had no idea how to put it out, and everything she was doing was accelerating it, like she started blowing it and it like started yet it started flaming up, and then she covered it, which you shouldn't fucking do because then it just like bubbles up more. And she almost set her house on fire.
And I imagine you going through that, And I got so embarrassed, like Brocky would set the house on fire.
Yeah, because I'm so lit and everything I do is super hot faia wow yall remember super hot.
Fire I do? Yeah.
Oh, I'm putting you on the game right now. You've definitely seen it.
It's like I swiped that right.
Yeah. It's the most viral video of all time.
Oh a lot ofest video of all time. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, let's.
Go ahead and get into it. We got our challenge over here. They're so funny for this.
That put that on.
Steak, This little beauty, our main man, the champion himself.
No need for in production. The record four hundred millions to one. Sorry, now I didn't have to watch. It's just allowedest you've ever heard my phone. But I'm not a rapper.
Good luck.
You know what I do?
Heads, You know how I go yep tails, Hey, I go first, it comes.
Up super hot, he goes first.
Check me out.
I'm checking.
I broke up with my ex girl. Here's a number. That's the wrong number. That's literally that's like, I think, like what shaved my sense of humor? And I'm just realizing that, Like I really do think that was like a very pivotal moment in my psych that's the wrong number. And then the boom bamp beam bow class like classic. Well, my middle school coach while I was going to school there, he got fired for drinking on the job and doing painkillers. Okay,
I just remembered that last night, I don't think. And he was driving the bus around and ship the games and shit.
And I was gonna seal the bus.
Bet you thought I wasn't gonna drink and drive and drive the kids around on the bus.
Well, I think I told the story before, but my bus driver got fired because she used to hit me. I guess what have I told that?
Well, you know what people were saying, they have not heard the Twins story, that I have not told it publicly, okay, And that's the thing, really people said. People were saying, like, oh, like they gas lit drew into thinking he like had and.
I will like me.
Maybe it was a Patreon episode.
Maybe actually I have I because I do remember talking about it. But like whatever, I don't want to tell y'all. Now y'all don't get.
It, Okay, then try to tell my story, like what's happening.
I just wanted to say out loud that I'm right, and then I was also gas lit. Oh we got to watch that the craziest part o my god. Yeah, yeh, yep. This is the saddest video I've ever seen in my life of mine.
I can't want let's just insert it. I can't watch it again.
You can't just keep thinking, oh, wait, this is the medical terminology, so we'll insert this one of things that you think you have.
It's claiming to the public that you have them. I think I need somebody to go through and do like a check of how many like different like issues you claimed to have.
Oh, my surgery clinic is calling me randomly, actually, like at the exact same time, and do you want.
To answer issues you've claimed to have publicly?
That's why I think we have mold poisoning, which is another talkic trade of mine. Still think as changed that filter that is covered in mold, not mold. But I don't think we have mold poisoning anymore. I think we have like carbon monoxide poisoning or like a little it's not black mold. Now I figured out what it is. It's a ghastly you know, it's definitely a gas leak, and we're all gonna die in an.
These are different episodes, like you managed to bring it out every op.
That's what I was watching too. I was like, damn, like I really do talk about this a.
Lotwer episodes where you're still mentioned. I got really constipated. I hope.
Oh the constantation ship is like too much. I'm like, girl, shut the fuck up.
I hope when they do your pre diabetic your surgery, now how they accidentally knock into your brain and reset something.
That would be a vibe. I want to be fixed. Okay, guys, this is I'm potentially the saddest thing I've ever seen. Like, actually, it breaks my heart that I went through this.
You know, it's funny. He's literally done this recently. We went to a concert and for two weeks and I was like, oh, my ears are swinging. I don't know what's happening.
I think I'm probably gonna go down this one still is. It's just I think it's like I think I have like a small ear canal.
Okay, we're gonna answer this because you need to just answer that fucking vocal.
They're gonna call me and be like, oh, like you're not getting your surgery anymore. We heard what you said? Hello, what did he say? Guys? I literally have a tumor in my sign.
Is It's like, no, they did it. You were hella chow.
It's over, y'all.
See me Andrew are not the same because I've had a tumor in my the right side of my back for like four years. Hmm. You know what now, I actually hope I die of cancer. I can only pray y'all look back at this when I die of fucking cancer. No, pray for me, Pray for me, Pray for me.
You even said it yourself.
Well, that's why I we goten checked out because I'm like, I don't I actually I was seeing by yesterday because this girl was talking about how prevalent burust cancer is in this generation and my boobs the way they hurt all the time. I won't be getting chuck because I don't give up. And I won't be getting that chuck because I don't give up. Because what I'm gonna die like, I literally just don't want to know.
Do you want me to miss? Then?
No, you just said something rude to me, and I actually hope your surgery goes wrong and then you can't walk when you leave.
Oh my god, we've talked about that before and you even said it and the doctor looked at it, and I hope.
I hope they poke your eye nerves and you go blind.
Oh my god, say that or I.
Hope they accidentally cut your nerves for.
S say that. That. That's scary.
It's crazy how many things can go wrong, Like they're literally in your head, they're in my I.
Don't want to think about that. Okay, yeah, you freaking better. I'm not because when I fucking.
Die, okay for my cancer, because when I die of cancer. You're gonna feel.
Bad what you already would have perished. It's like been seven.
Years, it's been four years, okay.
Anyways, and wishing death upon me, Like I.
Obviously don't hurt. I don't hope that that's not gonna happen.
Oh yeah, it's probably will.
That's low key your fucking dream, so you could complain about it, so it's just not happen.
I'm blind, guys, I'm blind, and they still do the podcast for y'all. That's gonna be my arc. No one is using those fucking passwords Apple is suggesting. I'm telling you right now. Those are the most bunk fucking I understand, like, oh, quantum computing, like they can brute force your ship if you don't have eight different characters and blah blah blah blah blah. But like, fuck those passwords, like fuck them, I'm not using them. I never will.
You stop asking write them down.
Also, they make go through my journal and go on my fucking I exactly. They want you to use the key chain in the fucking phone, so like it saves all your passwords for you. But that shit scares the fuck out of me too. Also, what was I gonna say. They make it so hard to choose your own password. It's not like an option that just pops up, Like
you have to like navigate through the iOS interface. So if you're like a geriatric old person, oh yeah, you're fucked, and then you don't remember that password because it's thirty eight thousand characters long, Like come on now.
Well, I asked my family if they could a hypothetical. It's like, you can have your dream car, whatever car you've ever wanted, but the first thing you have to do when you get in it is hit and kill a dog. And all of them said they would hit and kill the dog, really, all of them super quick.
And then my little sister was like, dude, I kill a baby.
Grade dogs there are like god bless like I'll pray after, but like I'm hitting the fucking dog.
I'd kill a baby for an ears.
Oh my god, that's like really.
I was saying it because I like pregnant woman.
Oh. I literally I got off at the table. I was like, well, I guess I'm gonna have to think harder about these hypotheticals because my family.
Is a bunch of more evil.
You're evil in your murderers. And then my little siblings go, mommy killed the cow one's by accident, so she could have got the car then too, and I was like, oh my fucking guy, oh my god. And we were eating Chick fil A and it was awesome.
Okay. Another another take that I have is karaoke is not for people that can sing.
Yeah, because it's fucking annoying that joke. I always wants to go to karaoke because he has like three songs that he can do perfectly.
And I'm like, no, Like, karaoke is for all of us to get drunk and scream into the mic and like it just be really loud and annoying, and then you have to take breaks.
Actually I love our friend group, but I hate going to karaoke. Everybody gets it's literally the annoying competition. And then once Phantom of the Opera comes on, I actually want to blow the room up. I'm like, the world would be much more peaceful if me and everyone in this room just incinerated in a moment's notice because it's the loudest thing ever. And I don't even know how this song. I just know one time I came back from the bathroom and it was playing and I came in and I turned.
Around and walked down.
Yeah.
No, I leave every single time Lucas and Josiah do fantom so annoying. I actually need to ask you, Sye, if he did that with.
His other friends.
Yeah, with his other fucking friends, because.
He has respect for them.
Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck about us. He'll scream in our ears and make our ear drums bleed.
Well, they turned up the power all the way for my brain thing. Oh really, yeah, they have to go. I think it's working, honestly, I look, you feel like it might be working.
Damn.
Yeah, but they have to go to one twenty.
What were you at?
I'm now at one hundred and is one twenty the peak? One twenty is peak power? And it's like it's painful.
Now do they have to like wean you off or do you just like.
It's supposed to just be like you do it for like thirty days straight?
Damn that's crazy.
How many days left do you have?
I think I have like ten days?
Wait you off today?
Uh?
I have it later today? Can I go? Yeah? You can watch you like to watch Andrew?
Yeah, like a little like medical cut. I'd love to like surgeries.
Coloring disgusting, but I love you feel like it has been working because when I was like really down bad, like six months ago, I would wake up and I would literally like open my eyes and the color would be desaturated. I would be like, I'm like, Bob.
Do you remember that trend on TikTok when like people would like show their life with saturation and then it would be like three months into COVID and they just like take the saturation up and it'd be like.
That that was your life. That was literally mean. I'm sorry, Kai, No, it's okay.
But I just put on like ray bands with like a bit of a tent and that should fix that problem.
That's not really like the root of the problem.
Or you could get if I'm in your life understanding, If I'm in your life, how can you be sad?
That's what I was gonna say, because it's almost mean to Drew, like does he not make your life good?
I'm sorry you're making this about you.
Like.
Saying it is rude. It is really rude, like, oh, you're depressed, but he's still he's right here.
Yeah, I just don't understand how this is now.
I mean, if Drew can't, you might be done.
So I'm just expressing that I'm sad, and then this is an attack to you.
I can't.
Yeah, and he keeps going, Yeah, it's crazy.
And I'm also like doing better.
No I am, you're doing better because Drew's here right now.
Notice notice no I am actually happy that.
Yeah it's awesome. No, No, I'm happy for you.
I still am like, oh yeah, I'm still in Like in six months, I may just all of my memory will just go away.
You get hard, which might be. I wake up sometimes hoping that would happen.
I actually told them I want to eternal sunshine myself, to forget both of you forever.
Then let's go.
What are you gonna be homeless in like two days?
Yeah?
No, betch I'm sending my ground. You get the fuck out of my house.
Actually, well, I'm sorry. I shouldn't push back like that.
Oh me being sarcastic. I actually I am happy for you because that's awesome. The birds are chirping, so I'm awesome. I don't know if you guys remember I woke up.
I woke up yesterday day fourteenth Street. Oh my god, Drew.
Did you do that again.
I just did it with my mind. No, I actually didn't do that on purpose.
I woke up yesterday and I heard the birds, and I immediately thought of that, and I was like, whoa, because I have the same ship. Where as soon as it turns into like like Eastern Europe weather in LA, I just like get so excited for June gloom.
Yeah, I'm we're like, we're like, oh my god.
Barley to depressed people.
No, yeah, I feel the exact same way. All we needed was some sunshine.
Do you know that? Do you remember that scene the Matrix where they crest out of the clouds, Yeah, and they see the sun a glimpse of light. That is that's me. Yea, No, you are the You're the storm cloud in the on the horizon, like.
A hurricane that's going to like swipe away my family and take them away from me.
It's like a movie Twister literally will cross me and I will annoy.
But yeah, no, it's literally the birds. The birds will do something to you. I was gonna say something, Oh, I want us to read this thing and see if any of us I saw this girl do this TikTok?
Is it reading the teleprompter.
No, and if it was reading a teleprompter would be over eighteen hours.
I think he did that, like in one of the early episodes.
Yeah, we did. It's trying to say, try saying these with outsiding sarcastic.
Okay, oh that's great. Wait I kind of ate Yeah you didn't, kind of eat that. Honestly, good for you. I'm happy for you. Have fun. I got into the sarcastic character. Have fun. Okay, this one's hard. Fascinating, fascinating, that's pretty earnest. Yeah, I mean it's just.
Not a word any of us would say, so mebing like if you were just telling me about shocking yourself, I'm like, fascinating.
Yeah, you would be like he's a bitch adding words to it, like you can't.
Add, you can't say anything else but that. And if you don't for that, you to me, But I I hope you go blind well done, you well done?
You like who's saying well done? You? Me when I'm talking about my steak and you equal steak burgers.
Because burger.
To like geriatric people finding out whatna Burgers is for the first time, that the fuck she.
Equals a equals burger you're talking about because we.
Sound ever like I want you on the pod because I love the way you see the world and like that was your.
Brain missus Burgers well CoCom on trees from class Drag Races Burgers. My dance in season two is Anica Burgers coded. Okay, I'm gonna try and then okay, this is gonna like I can't. I don't know I can do this. Okay, Oh that's great, that's good.
But I added something, Yeah, I bet I also that was pretty good. That was good.
Okay. I I feel like I just sound like a bitch saying all this, Oh, good for you.
I keep saying that if you if you add the oh, it makes it so much for you. That sound a good.
I feel like I say this all the time though, have fun, But like see, I wouldn't say it in.
That like like say it how you just like how you would say it if I was walking on the front door.
But I would add something else to it, Like I wouldn't just say have fun.
That was okay, yeah, have fun, have fun. That was okay, fascinating, fascinating evil.
That one's fucking diabolical, bitch. If I told someone something interesting and fascinating, and.
I was like, that's fascinating, Like I do say that regularly, but just saying fascinating like that's evil.
I'm like, that's evil. But my word for fascinating is awesome. Like I say awesome seriously, that's awesome, awesome, but that's awesome. It's awesome, it's awesome. See, thanks for that. I would never say that seriously. That's like when you made fun of my tumor. I would be like, thanks.
For that stage three brain rot.
That's awesome. Oh, good luck with that. See I have to add, oh with everything.
Good luck.
Thrilling is fucked up. You say sounds thrilling to someone You're going to fucking jail now.
I'm gonna be as shady as possible.
That's great.
Good for you, have fun, fascinating. Why am I an actor, y'all I'm gonna after leaving, dude, I was like, damn, like, I really think my next arc is read out loud. It's like, I think my next arc is actor, and y'all clip this in three years once I'm acting.
Okay, okay, I'm gonna go mm hmm. That's great.
Yeah, that's yeah, that was good.
Good for you, m hm that this one's hard. Have fun, have fun. That was a little better. The second one fascinating.
Okay, that was the best one.
Thanks for that.
Well, why you look really freaky?
Thanks for that, well done you good luck with that.
Sound like male SERI.
That the thing is trying to read those just casually without actually receiving anything. Makes me feel crazy.
Sounds thrilling. What a shame?
Wow, you have the same tone for everyone.
Wow this one. No, I was gonna make a really mean joke.
But wow, wow, wow, wow.
Boy, oh wow, it's so funny to get into that voice. I have to say, oh wow, it's like that's great, good, good for you. Oh wow, that good for you. Holy ship, I'm stroking out. How fun? Fascinating? Really, that's really fascinating for that. What a shame?
Can you say? What a shame of burger?
What a shame? Oh wow, what a shame? Oh what a shame of Nica Burgers. You're telling me a shrimp fried? This right, is not like a villain like you gotta Oh. Okay, before we get into syop and media, there's a couple other things that I needed to talk about. There's this evil, evil, vile scary, wicked, gnarly rumor about me going around right now, and it's actually driving me fucking insane, and I want to I want to have an open dialogue with everybody. Why is there a rumor going around that I look
like Lord Farquad? Like literally, people say, oh, Drew's like cosplaying Lord Farquad, Like oh, he's one step away from fully becoming Lord far Quad, Like, cut that shit out. I look like Lord when I when I put my hair behind my ears. I don't think I've ever seen Lord Farquad? Is that a real person?
You? You do look like Lord Farquad and I look like Shrek?
Did you say look like lard fart Quad?
Human track?
If people say that, yeah, he does, which bodied me when he's like.
Oh yeah, the the human truck is supposed to be like, oh my god, cunt. They made human Struck so that the girls who were attracted to Shrek could actually want to have sex with Shrek. Are you looking Lord Farquad?
It's because of my biggest insecurity.
Your jaw. Yes you don't, but we should straighten your hair. That fuck ass bob, Oh my fucking god, Lord Farquad was the original fuck ass Bob.
Oh my god.
Bruh, you don't look like him.
No, y'all's hesitation in the way the room fell.
No, no, you don't, you don't. Actually it's literally just your haircut, like nobody, no white guy with that haircut.
You know what it is? It's just something about Shrek jokes. Actually irk me.
That's at this point I'm like, give it up.
Yeah, post twenty fourteen Shrek jokes or the fuck out of me, Like that's the most brand doom movie, like gaping Hole, ran through gaping whole. Hold on, wait, need stitches ran through that shit.
Like gaping hole about what?
Like? Something about that just irks me? Like I don't know, I can't do the Shrek shit, Like I can't something about like somebody who used to work at BuzzFeed and a Shrek me Like that's where it lands for me.
Yeah, sure, Okay, Well I sorry I went fell silent because I fully agree with that, but I have to. I'm copying the rest of my notes for this episode.
Well, I'm going to do media. How about that?
Should I do sigh o? First?
Oh?
Yeah?
Yeah, body is ta bitch or Boba?
You wrote that one? Yeah?
That one that's really good?
Actually, well it was bitch or burger, but I said and said boba and was like keep that yesterday.
Yeah, drew on into flow state and switch it out for boba, and I was like crying.
Save sex stinks. Got that whole room smell like spitting birthday party believers.
Wow, that's good.
White people stay calling the police on everyone. But their son is building a bomb in their basement. But their son that's building a bomb in their basement, girls asked. Okay, girls ask for help opening a jar, but throw furniture during arguments.
Right, did you just hear my stommer? No, it growled.
McDonald's pancakes don't even absorb that syrup. That's how you know they're made of soup. Fuck. McDonald's pancakes don't even absorb syrup. That's how you know they're made of shoe insults. That was from Jay Indya and I are like Romeo and Juliet, except she doesn't like me. And I'm gonna just hell myself. Okay, you post surgery. Yeah, literally, Enya is so fine. I dead ass roll up my car windows when she fartsil. It's the one said that someone sent it, but I just added your name. But I
don't remember who said it. Okay, that's the tea, that's all.
And that's all, folks. I mean now, I mean now, and well, okay, my media of the week is d n M by Mick g m m hmm, super Cup by Lord You're Hurt and just because I really Love You by Jerry Butler, The Drawing Room, Dufeles and that fucking it and fetch the bolt Cutters the album guys, I literally have to fetch the bolt cutter.
You literally have to. Okay, mine is the poor Thing soundtrack specifically, we I just hope she's all right, Bella. And then I was listening to the dude who made that album's music, and he has an album called Winter RESI. His name is jerrskin Findricks and he has a couple of really like weird esoteric songs on his like that like don't make sense like at Wall at all. And then we'll do Parasite Nick Drake. Once I was Tim Buckley so real Jeff Buckley, and then Hope Sandoval.
Just her and general or Hope stand of all in the warm inventions both and Matze Star. All right, guys, that's it. Thanks for watching.
Did I watch any movies or shows. Oh bitch, I'm back on my Young Sheldon. Shit, y'all gotta tap in. I swear to god, I bet every single person can see a little bit of themselves and little Young Sheldon. And I bet if you watch.
That, if you are like so annoying for watching that show, I hate that.
And you know what, you know what reignited it for me. I saw once I or when I saw a clip on TikTok In too, when I went on that like Warner Brothers Lot studio tour with.
My Oh yeah, the film Bear.
It's all they talked about on the tour, and I was like, damn, that's like a vibe, like I love this show. And now when I watch the show, I'm looking for this soundstage that they recorded it in and you really can't tell. And that's just movie magic, baby, TV show magic, Young Sheldon.
You're gonna watch no, bitch, I'm not watching that. Oh wow, alright, bye, oh god. It's like we landed the plane. Guys, if you made it.
It's like you clapping at the end of June too. M