Hello, welcome back to Emergency Intercolm.
It's been a minute, y'all.
I know it's been a while since we've sat in these chairs.
In a minute, it's been like a month and a half, almost two months since we've recorded.
All the Oh my god, it literally has been Yeah.
All the episodes'all I've been seeing has been stockpiled, loaded up. Hence why my hair was long in the last episode, but the one before that my hair was short.
Well, how does it feel to be back in this chair? Like you've been gone for so long? Are you different?
It feels awful to be in this chair.
Oh wow. I thought you like maybe would express like joy and love for your craft or something.
Absolutely not.
Never that calling this a craft was a really brave statement. I just made, Like that was really crazy.
This is a craft. This is a career. How about you? Are you Are you excited to be back?
Absolutely not. I'm dreadful.
No.
Actually, I'm so excited to talk because I've realized I talk so much, and that's like not a shocker to anyone on the planet, but I've just been so much more talkative. Like literally, any thought I have, I'm like, who can I text this too? Because I just haven't and it hasn't.
Been fucking me because this bitch, I'm not kidding, ignored me the entire month we were gone, and I'm glad I got.
Because I wanted to get our I wanted to get our our tension going. And it's like there was I was building, longing and yearning with you.
No, no, you just ignored me.
But you can't deny that. When I got back, I went to your room to say hello, and we had nasty, dirty hot sucks because I hadn't spoken for so long.
But I would like to speak.
It wasn't complaints when I was finger blasting you.
Okay, well let's get into the episode, shall we? Because I have a switch cartridge and YA hasn't done to eat the Nintendo's Switch Cartridge challenge not a thing.
I don't know why you keep saying it.
Just try it?
Were people actually eating this? Because why do I feel like that actually happened? Like you kids ate this?
Just try it, lick it.
I'm not licked at your cartridges?
Please please please, no, you lick it. I'll lick it. It tastes good, Like why.
Do you do it?
Like I didn't hide it Okay, Well.
I don't want like hello, I already did. Well, I don't want like on like video like there bru that tastes like fucking acetonin.
But that's what I'm saying.
It's like the Nino do they like code it in that kid don't eat it.
In bitter They coat it and bitter ship. So when the kids put it in their mouth, they spin it because now you want to play the challenge. Now you want to do the child.
I want to lick the metal part.
I doubt the metal tastes bad.
No, the metal taste. Oh no, it tastes really bad. Actually, oh my god, that's actually crazy. Yeah, I feel like I saw when Switches were like first coming out, that kids were like eating the cartons.
It's definitely because kids were eating DS cartridges for sure. And I wasn't one of those kids like that.
Yeah, they definitely don't have like fragments of cooking moms.
Sitting in your cunnin tin dogs isn't sitting in my colin right now, My n tin dogs died inside of my body.
Should I tell you the story I've been holding out?
Yeah?
Okay, So me and Orian were on our world tour Europe Extravaganza, and we would go to the beach.
Why would a man be there?
Why would a man be there? I hate how loud one. I hate how loud your boys can get too. I hate myself because like no one knows the pain of hearing yourself, like while you're trying to while I'm trying to disassociate and fall down a rabbit hole of nothingness on TikTok, to hear my own voice is the most like, but it's not the first time because I'm really famous.
I was gonna say, like, it's it's really hard for me too to hear my voice and be scrolling on my feet and see myself pop up.
Like I'm like, oh, not again me as if I didn't fully like an edit of myself like.
Three days Oh I know. I literally go through the emergency intercom. I search up emergency intercom on TikTok and like every single video on there just so it boosts the algorithm, like the girls need to see this.
You use the bathroom and like leave it playing like.
On loop exactly. No, literally, we actually have a.
Bunch of iPhones in the house, like you know in Target when they have the iPhones on the little thing. We have like eight of them in the living room and then we just like do the accessibility like auto scroll thing and we have it going through every few minutes.
You know, the Emergent or the Pokemon Go player bikes that have like the big wall of uh Like.
No, I don't screen, and I never needed to know that.
It's the crazy thing you'll ever see. It's like basically they do it Pokemon Go bike phones. They do it because it's it's crazy. It is the most dystopian shit you'll ever see in your life. Hold on, but they do it so they can like walk a bunch and hatch a bunch of eggs at once.
Oh, it's sweet that it's an old man though exactly like it's like it's crazy.
There's like a bunch of people that do it.
Dude, he's actually fucking fired.
What he should do is start a streaming business where he boosts the streams on these flop ass bitches accounts. That's the one thing that I don't believe. I believe in the dead Internet theory that, uh, there's no way I love Selena Gomez life. She's the girl like, but there's no way her music is streamed that much. I do not hear it anywhere the weekend, Like, yeah, maybe, but I still think they're like buying streams from stream
farms to boost or streams. So when I see it, I'm like, oh my gosh, he has ninety million monthly listeners. Oh maybe I need to tap into that. Same with
like the Kardashians. Everyone like, how the fuck does Jimmy Kimmel have like eighty billion followers on Instagram followers like that, but he only gets like a thousand likes and ten thousand views on his videos on ig Like dead Internet theory is real, Like we're just all interacting with really advanced spots at this point, and like we're probably not talking to anyone, we're talking to AI, like robots like that are borderlines sentient?
You were actually schizophrenic?
No, look up at the dead Internet theory. I swear to god, it's a real thing.
Like it's that's just that was your Drew Syop corner.
Oh no, I have I got a whole bunch of shit to do in it. Look at this, Look at all these.
Are those all like Syop corner. Oh, that's just like you're.
This You're no this on to there is psyop So I got like four episodes worth written them and I did it all on the airplane, and I look like a like a real psycho, like a real psycho. Well, what's the story.
So we would go to the beach every day and just lay out and rot in the sun because it's all we wanted to do.
Did y'all play with each other's pussies at all?
Yeah, lots of tripping happened for sure. And like me and Ryan went to Europe and we were like this, but we came back like this. And it was actually when we were getting on the plane, we were like this, and they had to, like, you buy four chairs, so we bought a whole row so we could just like lay and then we would buckle like over our hips and then our heads like earthing hips.
Yeah, wow, you have really fertile hips, like you have really nice berthing hips. I'm gonna start saying that to people. You shouldn't you had a nice like just womanly body.
Oh my god, your hour glass figure is shining through that skims dress right now. You look gorgeous. That's what you should comment on. Somebody's I g bost.
Take her swimming on the first date because not only they have makeup now, but they got skim suits skims by you know the.
But what like if you could have a skims bathing suit, is that what you mean? Or you mean like oh, because you're saying like it's fake.
Yeah, okay, I'm just telling the truth. Like I'm I'm I spit, I spill. Also sorry, keep going. I'm gonna say, like the video of being like, dude, it's crazy to see this video of this kid that and he grew up to be a cult leader and like all the comments are like, who the fuck is this and why
is the cult leader? There's been a lot of videos going viral of me recently, of me like being like a homeless person in the back of Madeline in Steven's videos, and like it just reaches the side of the internet that people have no idea.
And people actually think you're like, yeah, the killer.
They literally think I'm the killer and that is like my ultimate dream.
And then when they actually find the bodies in Central Park, it's gonna be like, dude, it wasn't a joke.
Cut that shit off. Cut that off.
Okay, So we would go to this beach all the time, and in Europe it's like not like naughty to take your top off at the beach.
Fuck, bro, why didn't I get to go? Man, I need to see all the boobs on the beats. But that's why I didn't go see Barbie because there was no tits in the movie.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If they showed some puss, I would have.
Been yeah, yeah, like hello Barbie, like Mattel, like step up your fucking puss.
Oh you want to talk about like showing like people for who they really are. And it's supposed to be the sentimental, like human experience of a Barbie movie. But where is the pussy?
We've said the p word like eighteen totally the most.
We've ever said it in an episode. Yeah, but actually this this story does have to do with my kuchi. But I was not about to say my pee word. But so we went to this beach every day that we were there, and we went to it every day last year, and while we were walking down this hill, we realized this ship was a glitch. I'm not kidding. It was a glitch in the system because we never saw I know, we never saw this like open way of the railing because it's like a long road down
a mountain that you have to walk down. It's like a fifteen to twenty minute walk. And we never saw this opening in the railing, but as we're walking this time, we notice it and we look over and Orin's like we should go down there to see what there is, because we always look over the edge and we're like, damn, there's a bunch of boats out there.
And we're entering the old beach, no literally, and.
We always talk about how we wish we could runt to boat to go like out on the water or be in a really secluded area. The beach isn't that busy. It's a pretty secluded beach anyways, but that area is so secluded because there's like two houses that have beach space whatever. We go down there one day and we're like, this is awesome. We need to come back here tomorrow because we were high as fucking we wanted to eat really bad, and we didn't want to have to do
a trek back before that's pointless. Next day we go down there and we're all alone, so I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna just get button naked, like no one is here. We're fully like covered by rocks, and I'm just like, oh, okay, so we're like laying there topless. And then I just was like, I have.
Not been naked a butter bronzin, Like, what's his face in that sky? Is it your butter your bronze?
And oh, it's my bronzin, it's my bronzin, My my extremely pale bronzin is shining in the sun right now, and whatever. It's like, not great. I need to take off my whole bathing suit. But it was a tie one, so I just like opened it up. And then I was like, oh if somebody, if I see somebody in the corner of my eye coming, I'll just like tie it back up. Whatever I am not somebody who's like, oh my god, someone's gonna see me naked. I literally
don't care. Also, that is actually a big issue that I need to take care of because I'll tell the other part of the story, but this is a big issue I have, and I do it when I feel like I'm supposed to be in danger. I'm really stubborn, so if somebody is giving me a dangerous vibe, I won't immediately walk away from the situation because I am so stubborn that I'm like, oh, you think you're gonna fucking scare me a bitch, try and stab me. I don't give a fuck, Like I'm gonna stand here, I
don't care. Yeah, And that's basically what I did in this situation. We're laying there and this man starts coming down the steps and I didn't notice him until he got close, and he just like obviously I had been getting like we got pervy stairs like the whole week because we're just two girls with their fucking hotel.
I was like walking around just looking.
At I know, and Drew kept coming by in different disguises and we were like, you literally don't have to do that. You could just look and he was like, oh, I'm just like I'm not Drew exactly, but he the way it was as we were laying on these rocks and then there was a rock right in front of us, and he literally he this man comes up and stands there and is like looking out at the water, but then like like looking up and I was just like,
oh my god. So I like slowly start getting dressed because I was doing the thing where I was like, oh, you think you're gonna scare me, like you think I give a fuck if you see me naked, Like I don't give a fuck. And then but that didn't work out for me because he took it as like okay. So then he just starts glaring down at me, and then I was like okay, so I start slowly putting all my stuff back on. I don't think anything of it. And then I literally said to Oriyan, also, it's old.
He had to have been like forty three or something, so yeah, it was.
If it was like a seven year old would be like, that is my thing.
That is literally my thing. Because also at the restaurant on this beach, there's an old man who has to be like sixty eight who works there, and without without a doubt, every time we ate there, he would be taking my order me when I'm like, I'm not going.
To be allowed to stup, so no, no, I just noticed that mine's really loud to.
But without a doubt, every single time we ordered at that restaurant, we would be coming from the beach, so I would just have a bikini top on and then like pants or something show. Yeah, he literally would be like like like and he like literally like he would be taking my order, were.
Like, I don't know if you can see.
And he's a little shorter than me somehow, so he would literally be like like his head was like like being dragged down by my boobs.
But it's a short guys summer. The short guys are winning this year.
I'm like, no, the fuck it is not. I've never had sex with someone taller than me. But that's besides the point. Actually, one.
Literally every single person, I.
Feel like they're all short. They all like short vibes. They all got that short vibe.
But we'll finish history in another episode. So no, I saw a video where someone's like this is me when they say they'll show a picture like and they never put it up on the screen. But other one where it's like we'll talk about in another episode and we literally never do.
Well, we will insert the Paparazzi one here in the middle of this story. We'll insert the.
Paparazzi is the Paparazzi video. That's the Paparazzi video We've been talking about for months you and we just never we forgot to put it in there. But people in the comments were like, I won that video, So bad. So there it is, and.
We'll finish the story in the next episode. Yeah yeah, but okay, so whatever. I slowly get dressed and then I'm like me and O'Ryan were already planning on moving because for some reason, there was hell of flies in that area anyway, and we kept like, yeah, it's just because my stinky cooter ron said was out. So we were like, let's just go to the actual beach because
also this man is here now. So we get up, but we start going up the steps and he disappears down into the rocks and there's a bunch of boats docked in the area, which I only assume there's this boat that goes around and you can get taken to your boat, like whatever. So this man disappears down the rocks, and as we're going up, I like look around because I'm like, okay, he didn't exist. We just made that up.
But I see him swimming towards a boat and he's like me and Orian stopped to Sarah because we were like, wait, what the fuck is happening? Is that his boat? And then I was making the juttall round. I was like, damn, I'll let him se me naked some more if I go get on that boat, Like I get to get on the boat, I'll let him look at me naked all day.
David hasselhoff and he was swinging David Hasselhoffen's sponge chasing.
So he gets on his boat and when he's on his boat, he sees us staring at him, and he looks at me. I never interact with perverts, and I like me and o'rian had just been joking that we I would let him see me naked if I got on the boat, and so I like look at him, and I like waved. I don't know why, so I waved at him, and me and Ryan just start laughing and we go up.
I can't so crazy.
You're walking down this road and we hear like an engine revving up, so we think a car is coming, and we kind of stepped to the side and we look out into the water and then we start hearing really loud, like Europeans play this kind of English music that it's what they think Americans listen to. It's like weird electronic ed m ish Ai voice where it's like, well I get apart. It's nag like like like don't like random. We heard that kind of music and an engine revving, and I look over.
Modern day sirens.
He is fully following us down to Hell. First of all, I don't even know we're walking. I didn't even know you could cruise control a boat like this, Like I didn't know he could go at our pace. So I look over and we start crying, Oh my fuck, god, he's follow us. Should have waits, Oh my god. And I'm freaking out. And we're walking down and there's like two houses and I was like a run. When we get to that fucking thing, hide hide, like we need
to hide from and he's following us. We hide, and we stay there for like two minutes, and we are cracking up. We like pull out our towels and like cover our faces and our bodies because we're like, maybe he'll just like think we like went into this house. And then we keep walking and he literally I don't know how he knew when we were walking, so he starts speeding up again. Bitch, he kept following us at over was like yeah, bitch, you were talking all that
ship hey, and he's gonna stab and kill us. And then me and I were like, okay, wait, wait, maybe there's a chance he's nice though, like, maybe there's a chance he's like just like a lookie perpon. We were like, we were like, maybe he's because also, this was like the day after we hung out in Lisbon and for the first time ever we met lesbian a straight Yeah, we will come on like there's a yes, And I said, we got close. Where do you think we got close?
Is that that's Greta Thunberg.
Huh, that's where she's from. Lesbian Yeah, okay, where are you saying she's a lesbian or she's from lesbian?
No, no, no, there's like that picture of her saying lesbian or something. Yeah, I'm coming to lesbian.
But whatever. The night before we had hung out in Lisbon and we met for the first time ever the least like not the first time ever, but the least threatening straight man on the planet. And it was such an enjoyment. Right here, Oh you're what.
I'm right here?
What does that mean though?
At least threatening straight man on the planet. Like I like bond bonds and bronze ands and shit, but like I'm not gonna.
Bon bonds or booths.
Yeah, I like bond bonds and bronzes and buds but like, I'm not gonna like be scary to them and Ship, yeah without.
Have you ever touched them in general?
Yeah, say like sandbags and ship.
I wrote this story up because too long anyway. So we're like, for some reason, we're also just kind of hungover and like being stupid. We're like maybe like he's like, chill, maybe it's not even that big of a deal because we want to get on about that fucking bad, I guess. And then we keep walking and so we walk down and there's a dock and then this restaurant. He stops at the dock and I was like, oh, Ryan, speak the fuck up, because he's gonna get out and talk
to us. And Oaran was like, wait, I kind of we need to interact with him if he comes to talk to us. And I was like, okay, true, but he doesn't come to talk to us. So we keep walking. Bitch,
tell me why. He picked two other men and kept following us down to the beach and me and around were like, oh my god, we're literally fucking like there's too many of them, like we're gonna get killed, We're gonna get kidnapped, freaking out all for us to get to the beach and then there's a point where the boats can't go because it's people swimming in the water, and he turned around and then I was like.
Come back, Oh my god.
Like my munch, come back, like you were willing to like get out and like swim over to talk to me, Like, oh my fucking god, like you're literally not a real man. And that was the whole story of me interacting with a pervert and then actually being fearful for like twenty minutes because I genuinely thought I was gonna get me and my friend killed because I waved. And that's it.
But it's good to know that all it takes is somebody seeing me but naked nasty for like three seconds for them to literally swim to their boat and start chasing me. Which actually, and now that I've said that whole sentence, I don't know. That's a good thing to know. That's like sadly kind of common.
Um, well, I don't remember what I was gonna say to you that I told Josh and jo saw it when you left to go to that dinner. Yeah, fuck, what was it? Boy? I went to Missouri. That was lit. It was a good vibe. I got to hang out with my family. I got the riote horses again, and yeah it was cool. What the fuck happened? What was it? Oh?
I know what it is? Okay, So you know how like it's a running joke that like I don't think I'm related to my parents, Like something fishy is going on, like either my mom like had a baby with another man and my dad was okay with it, or my dad isn't my real dad, or my mom we got switched in the hospital, like whatever the case is. Like I looked like my mom, Like I saw a picture of me and I looked like my mom. So I'm my mom's kid. But the more I look, I don't
look anything like my father, which is very curious. And then so we uh got uh DNA test kids and tell me why my mom and dad were like shaking in their fucking boots when we got these DNA test kids, Like they were like Kirie, they were like flashing their eyes and all this like weird shit. And like my mom brought it up at the dinner table like four hours later, and we didn't even like freaking bring it up,
like we forgot about it. And there's some sush shit going on like, so, yeah, I'm about to find out that my father is not my father, but he knew the whole time and raised me anyways. I mean at the end of the day, like he's my dad, like he raised me, Like that's my father.
But it's definitely in a cause of effect, and you'll ever look at him the same.
Exactly, exactly, exactly exactly. But no, I told me and Maddel made a pact like if we find out he's not my dad, we're not gonna say anything. We're just gonna be like, yeah, you're our dad, like, but we're gonna know, so you're gonna lie. Yeah, exactly. Wow. But the craziest part is so my dead brother Sam he did twenty three and me, Yeah he died and yeah,
oh my fucking god. Bro, he died like three years ago. Lost, he died three years ago, Bro, But no, he did a twenty three in me test and Madeline did a three AM MEM tests and if you're related, like your DNA code if it's similar, and it comes back and it's like, oh, by the way, y'all are like brother
and sister or y'all are related. Theirs didn't show up as related to one another, which is very fucking curious because that's how all starts on all those weird documentaries about like all the people like being like, oh wait, I have like three hundred and eighty bros.
Almost was like, do you think because he's like not here anymore, they just like they'll connect it. But that's not how that works. It's literally an sister like it's supposed to be like.
Exactly, So it's very curious. So I'm like and same as my dad's child. So I don't know. Mom, I know you're listening to this and you're writhing and you're pissed and you're scared as boots.
But you're scared because your secret's about to come out. Yeah exactly, that's the real.
You, exactly. But like this is a tea and I'm gonna update the girls as it goes.
You did something that reminded me of like an ick just now or it was last night, Oh wait, last night something happened and I was like, oh, watching somebody play on Oculus would be such a nick and I would never never be.
Able to like lave someone.
Yea, literally, I would like not be able to date somebody if I saw them play with an Oculus like it's too much, and then like even if the way I look playing an Oculus, I'm like, it's all I.
Think about when I did you get a video of you playing?
No Batavia did? So we shouldn't we should we should insert it if we remember.
Because that ship. Yeah, I mean, it's fun as fuck, but also it's weird, like it's just weird shit. But do you have any other turnoffs?
Yeah? So if you can't drive, you need to get a life, like that is actually disgusting, Like if you can't drive, and if you drive slow, if you can't drive and you drive really slow and cautious, that shit actually pisses me off, Like I'm not kidding, Like why are you actually doing thirty five miles an hour in a thirty five agis? No?
Why not.
Blanny line by line any trip or fall, any trip or fall, like even like but especially like a trip where like the trip doesn't actually happen and oh, oh my god, like that, Yeah, that is too much. I know exactly what you mean, almost losing your balance and be like, oh oh my god, oh I almost fell. Really you shouldn't.
Say that, don't You should have just fallen because I would have felt bad cramped.
Feet, so you get a little bit of a limp that's disgusting, Like if you're like if you're like, oh, my feet are cramping, like I can't, like.
I bo do you know that's feet or cramping regularly?
I know people with my.
Fucking foot when I actually that brings.
I've never had a cramped foot too, so I'm like, one, you're making it up too, dude. You know, are you like barely able to stand right now?
When I was like nine, there was a doorknob right next to my bed, and I used to like put my butt on the doorknob and just like use it as a butt plug and just like hang out up there. No, you used to wrap my foot.
Why did you even say that?
I don't know, because I used to wrap my foot around the door knob and cramp my foot on purpose because I love the way foot cramps feel. And I still every once in a while will like arch my foot like that like a ballerina and crap, I bet if you do it like that. I'm very hydrated and I've been drinking a lot of electrolytes, so it doesn't happen as often. But when I was like younger and didn't drink water and only drank coke and did coke when I was like thirteen.
Yeah, I mean you started when you were ten, so it's hard to like sucked it.
Yeah, this is a fake nose. It melted through my uh what is it septum? Yeah, yeah, it was really rough.
But yeah, have you ever had your toes sucked? No?
Uh? Yeah, yeah yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
I was gonna say, because it seems like you're forgetting that ice all the time. And then I was like, what you don't want the people to know that, like I put your toes in my mouth?
Oh dude, Also like you no, no too much my mom. Mom, if you're listening, like literally, turn this off now. But when they when it was like one time and my big toe is being sucked, and like, oh god, this is so embarrassing. No, I can't even tell it. I can't even talk about it. I can't even talk.
I've had my toes in mouth, in mouths like plenty of times. People love my feet. What can I say? I have a high writing on wiki feet.
I got it.
I don't even have like a good photo of my feet out. That's the crazy thing is if I put a good photo of my feet on the internet, it would be a wrap. It would be really bad for a lot of people. It would break homes, it would destroy people, like it would literally make the people who fuck with feet like actually viscerally upset that they can't suck my toes.
I got a two point three nine.
Now, well that's because I begged, you begged for people to go and give you good reviews.
But what people didn't know about me is I have a size twenty point five foot in US and I'm from Estonia, but mine are If anyone is like my age, like that's weird, Like you should be three times my age four and a half.
And like I said, that's without a good picture of my feet. Like, no one's seeing like a good picture of my feet. See, but you said in anyone our age.
My turn off is if you're my age, you have to be at least twice my age. And then like if you have like long hair, like big berthing hips like piercings, and you wear makeup and like those things that are on people's chests sometimes like and if you have a vagina.
Yeah, oh so you just like want to like wait, wait, wait, we're talking about turnoff.
Yeah, that's a big turnoff of my Wait, but.
I thought you were straight, so like boom should be like a thing for.
You, and then if you like take care of yourself.
Oh that's gross. I'm just confused because it sounds like I thought, for a second you were talking about like turn offs, like things you want.
No, no, no, you don't want any of that. It's just those things on the chest. They're getting away and they're scary.
I just think men are really gross. That's kind of it.
That's oh my new thing, guys.
I have the idea of a man propping up his phone to dance in front of it.
Actually, just like I saw you, I saw you.
I just imagine that, like when girls are like playing music from their phone and they're together, like dancing in a room. I'm like, do.
You mean that one?
Boo boo boo boo boo boo. I can't really do that one.
I thought, No, that is really cringey. My new thing recently, I've.
Never liked a thirst trap from a man.
Okay, keep on, neither of I the fuck.
The fuck like, couldn't be me.
My new thing is me having blood clots. I'm convinced I'm gonna have like a pulmonary embolism.
For somebody who goes to the doctor a lot. It seems like you don't go to the doctor. And now I'm starting to get convinced that you use that one app to meet all your friends and like go hang out with friends instead of go to the doctor.
Yeah, and I don't grinder. Grinder is like ZocDoc, So like when you say it's like ZocDoc, but.
I don't think we have a ZocDoc ad So we're gonna stop saying it, even though I genuinely do use it.
But ok yeah, it's like Grinder, but uh or Grinder is like ZocDoc with pastors and doctors. Oh okay, so when I use it.
I don't know you were religious like that though.
Yeah, I've like been I've been dabbling recently, but my new thing is blood clots.
And what you're gonna say it was completely different going I was gonna say, weddings are freaking me out again because why is your dad passing you down the aisle like a blunt, Like you're literally getting past like blunt
to another man. Like it's really weird. It's really weird too, because, like I was watching a video, I was like, the connotations of this are odd because it's like your dad needs to hand you off to another man, which insinuates that your dad owned you and like had you as his and then is giving you to another man, which makes me so uncomfortable because it's like, wait, are you fucking your dad? I need to know? But that's it.
Oh my god, No, it's just like a cute thing.
I don't think it's cute. I think it's really fucking weird.
I'm my mom passed me down the aisle girls.
Because I'm having sex with my mom and your mom. Actually, I'm gonna have granma.
How the hell is that?
Well, we're gonna put it on like you know, the the robot waiters that like restaurants. We're gonna put the urn on.
There, and I'm gonna hold the feature's cart when they roll the TV in when.
They roll it out the projector it's like my mom on there.
Someone said when the teachers used to roll the carts in, they used to be like hungover, and that's why like they would bring the carts in.
That makes sense, bitch, I would have never taught those kids because all of our kids, I'd be hung over all the time because I have a really severe alcohol and weed addiction right now, keep going.
But my new thing is blood clots. I'm convinced that I have blood clots in my body all the time, and it's all gonna it's gonna be clipped a million billion times when like when I do die of a blood clot. And I got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine as a joke.
You know, if you have a blood clot before it's bad.
I don't know. I don't know. I think like it it gets bad and then it gets worse. So when it gets bad, that's when you know you know Yeah, So like this Jude, when you know you know you know better? But this yeah, that's just something that's the song that yeah, it's my own song.
Then okay, yeah, And you just thought to like outshine me and like throwing your own that's.
Serve the audios. Who ate better?
Me? Who ate better?
Guys have been like really addicted to Pokemon Go and like a fucked up way, like a two hours every single day type shit. And I'm gonna do a rate in the middle.
Of Okay, while you do a raid. I'm gonna say this thought I had, so I think there's like this idea that when women get older, there there's more leeway for them to be mean. And as a younger woman, there's this idea that you should be gentle, nice and patient and super forthcoming and submissive, especially around men obviously, and you shouldn't be loud and whatever whatever, but it is always except.
Yeah, all that is like no, like you you agree with her? You yeah, like be silent and shit, women should.
Be here, I can you go back to playing fucking Pokemon go, Yeah, exactly. But there's this idea that when ladies get old, like the mean old old lady like archetype, it's like, oh, like she's like mean and annoying and like really naggy and blah blah blah, and like, as women get older, there's almost more leeway and acceptance and almost an assumption that with age you will get obnoxious
and annoying. And this only was something I was thinking about because of the fucking age filter and all the jokes about like, oh, when I'm older and I just start yelling at people because I can, which I'm sure like most people like everybody thinks like, well, as you get older, you get to do that. But my hot take, which isn't that hot of a take, is I think it's more acceptable for women as they age out to
be annoying. Like I'm saying that with quotes if you're not watching annoying or angry or whatever, because you are less sexualized and less objectified the older you get, So there's no need for you to be as submissive or as like tranquil blah blah blah blah, and like as nice and all those things because you were less desired by the public. So nobody's gonna get on your ass
for being like all those things. Yeah, and as a younger woman, you're expected to be all those things because you need to upkeep a sexual appeal and a desire to yourself. And that's just something I thought about and it's not.
Necessarily fucking tea.
Yeah, And now we're gonna sit here while Drew well, it will just time lapse.
This sorry, is this is like really important actually to me?
Okay, look, I ton't ask if it's important to you. That means it means nothing to me.
How about that I'm used to this behavior. I left my phone at home yesterday, y'all all day long, and I like, survived and it was fucking lit.
I could survive too.
It's easy, dude, It's not a competition.
Say, like, if you think you could survive, you would literally feel like you were watching survivor watching me survive.
I did to win. I win. I got a Reggie Drago.
And it's brave for me to make fun of you for being obsessed with Pokemon Go as if I haven't been on a two year streak of being obsessed.
With Fortnite D and it's already been two years.
Yeah, holy, and I don't foresee it ending. What if I'm like thirty eight and I'm still playing Fortnite.
That would be fair.
I'm probably gouldn't neglect the fuck out of my kids, Like I definitely shouldn't have kids.
No, that's my take too.
But actually, like, I genuinely don't think I'm supposed to have kids. The more I think about it, I think you should have kids if it is a deep, deep desire. And when I do have kids, if this is still up for some god forsaken reason and they hear it or somebody who remembers me saying this is like, oh my god, that bitch is pregnant. They're gonna really freak out and be scared, and maybe I will change my mind. But I am so flip flop on the idea of having a kid that I just don't think I should
have a kid. Does that make sense? Like yeah, I think people by our age know whether they want kids or not. But we are very young, so maybe that'll change, But like, I just don't want a fucking kid, like my parents had kids by this age.
Yeah, which is so fucking weird, disgusting, Like I cannot imagine. I cannot imagine having a child right now, like really genuinely cannot imagine it. It like goes straight over my head. And like beyond that, like there are moments like especially after hanging out with my niece like uh, Madeline, like Luna like that, I'm like, oh, like I can see myself having children one day, Like I don't know, Like I don't, I really don't know. If it's in my car, it's like.
Same, That's how I kneel when I see other people my age with kids. It is sweet and wholesome and heartwarming. But then when I imagine myself with a kid. I genuinely don't want that.
Yeah, I don't like.
Thinking about being thirty five and not being able to pick up and leave my house without taking this thing with me. I'm like, damn, that is actually so inconvenient.
Yeah, And I'm guessed like it just clicks one day, like and maybe it's like fucking love where like you have to like actually try to be in a relationship and like it's it's chemical to a certain extent.
I've definitely been in relationships or like in situations where there were moments wars like now I understand Now, I understand why someone would have a kid with somebody because I have this like primal human urge to have a child. But then that usually wears off and I'm like whoa.
And I think that's probably what most parents did, is within that time span of having that primal urge, because they didn't have TikTok and all these other things to look at, they were like, fuck it, we should just have a baby because I really want to have a baby with And then that phase of like desire and whatever fades off and then you're left with a fucking baby.
That's like what a lot of people like postpartum or like just in general, like a lot of people like experience postpartum after birth, and it's because of that. It's like, holy shit, like I actually have I used to party and I used to have fun, and I used to be able to do whatever the fuck I want and blah blah blah blah blah, and now I have to like give all that up overnight essentially, Like it's it's crazy. I fully understand postpartum in it like really makes me sad.
But you could just give it away.
Yeah, for real, there's like systems for it for real.
If you don't want it, you can just fucking get rid of it. I guess you can sell it to wasteland and use that check to go by exactly.
Do you remember the wayfair child trafficking? That was crazy?
That was actually that was the first sign that like left leaning people are also susceptible to conspiracy theory. That makes sense. It's like if you make the conspiracy, if you like make it right, a conspiracy theory can hit anybody.
Because there was a moment where I was like, holy shit, like that is weird, Like why are they selling a twenty five thousand dollars dresser. But come on, it's all come on.
I don't think Wayfair is real. I think it's it's like a like who would buy a twenty five thousand dollars dresser? Like I think it's like on eBay, like I could post something for a crazy amount of money and just see who buys like that kind of thing.
Remember when I put my grandma on eBay?
Yeah, now you don't have a fucking eBay accompany. You tried to sell a human.
It's crazy. I like got like ip banned or some shit from eBay because I tried to sell my grandma on there for a video and the bid caught up to like what was it like thirty six thousand dollars or something like that to buy my grandma, And then I got banned from.
Either a good price? Yeah right, yeah thirty six.
That's life changing money.
Yeah hell but I guess Wait, it doesn't go to the person who's being sold, So yeah, I guess your grandma. But if your grandma's going to good hands, you know.
Having good time, yeah, like she'll be chill, like they'll take care of her.
Just start a new chapter and it might be a blessing to that stage of my life get.
To like exactly okay, Well, I have a list of things that like we're doing now that like I feel like, are going to be really really barbaric in the future. And like I was trying to be funny, but I literally couldn't think of anything funny. So if you think of anything actually funny, let me know.
But these are like my barbaric thing is having my wing bot under my pillow and abusing.
Oh hell no. Literally I walked in there because then you was like I lost.
It and I was.
Helping her look for it, and I flipped over a couple of pillows and her wing bot vibrator was literally just sitting on the bed like under her pillows.
It was like, what is the point of living my day if I don't get to celebrate life at the.
End of it? Exactly create life?
And some may say that is an addiction, So masic I'm a dreamer. Barbaric is me thinking that it's cute that I wake up every morning and go have a cigarette with my coffee.
Well, that's funny that you said that, because I have pocket pussy written down as barbaric is barbarok at that look at it in the vagina, like, it is.
Much more barbaric than a wing. A wingbat is like a miscellaneous shape, like a vibrator is a miscellaneous shape whatever for the most part. But a pocket pussy, bitch, can you get a grip on reality?
Like that is you can get a grip on my penis with this vagina? Pocket pussy?
You do not get the vagina ones?
Uh yeah, I do that the heck what? And then I have a Funerals are barbaric, barbarians, I actually dor they're so fucking expensive, they're big fucking scams and ruses. And then we embalm these bodies with like really really toxic chemicals and then bury them in the ground so they just melt into our waist like our runoff water. And then we just end up drinking dead body juices, like literally just burn the body and move on, or bury the body and plant a tree on top of it.
There's a really good episode of Midnight Gospel that talks about how funeral culture started. And it was like during wars that people's family members would go out to war and die during war. Obviously all these families would be devastated the last time they saw their loved one was who knows when they really want to be able to see them at least one last time. Also, it was during the era of like you don't have videos super
accessible videos and pictures of them. Obviously, these families were devastated. They wanted to see the body. And then these two guys came up with the idea of embombing bodies and traveling them back to the families and which became a huge industry. And then that became that's where the idea that dead bodies were super radioactive and like harmful and toxic to be around. It stems from that because people wanted you to immediately like start up the funeral service
and get a body embombed. When in the olden days, what people used to do is when someone would pass like from fucking scarlet fever and illness or something in their bed, they would usually just like keep the body there for like a day or like however long and like let the family kind of sit with the body and just be like wow, like and like mourn and within that time period, and then you would have the body transported to be bare.
So it was literally just like morticians being like no, you have to give it to me now so you can pay me.
Lay Like yeah, no, it's literally like oh but we want like we want to spruce it up for you. And I'm sure a lot of people do like enjoy the idea of a funeral, But yeah, why am I here? And why is my family drunk?
And then I got machine to my mom's funeral? Keep on, I got meat consumption on there. Girl, That shit's weird, Like it tastes good as fuck, and I get it, but like, bruh, like grow the meat.
Yeah, that's how I felt yesterday about the salami that we were eating because it was sitting out long enough that it started sweating, and I was like, this is so abnormal. Would look a moving creature, but that's.
In the eye. It is literally like red with blood.
I will say, like steak, like a steak.
A trust me, I fucked up a good steak in my life and in my time I grew up in Texas. But like, bruh, like all the blood and the juices and every time they're like, it's not blood, it's blah blah blah blah blah. Girl, I don't give a fuck. It's red and coming out of meat, Like.
It's blood, what else would it be.
There's like this like other shit they call it. I don't know what it's fucking called. Then they get mad at me for anything.
They're listening to what the people, like, the people are trying to tell you that is blood.
It's enough exactly.
It's looking at y'all the whole time. This episode keep going.
I got prison time for victimless crimes. Girl. Let the people smoke and do their drugs, like, we don't need to flood the prisons with people. Period.
It is super barbara. That is literally super barbaric. That is like the definition of animalistic. You know, at the beginning of time when someone did something back, we were like, we're gonna put you in a fucking cage, and then they were like, we should make this cage into a multimillion.
And industrial dude. That's what I was just about to say. I like pausing, and I was like, oh my god, all of these are driven by what capitalism. Let's go okay. And then these two are like kind of more serious. But clean drinking water. Us having clean drinking water is going to be barbaric because like it's gonna be polluted
because we don't know how to handle nice things. And then having grass in your front yard is going to be very barbaric because the sun's gonna burn a hole in the ozone lay and we're not gonna have grass or water.
Oh okay, so barbaric in the way that like people are gonna look back and be like, dude, I can't believe they even had that.
I was just joking, like I was saying, like, girl, climate change, Hello.
Yeah, we're done for sure. There's like literally nothing we could do. That's also why I don't want to have I want to have kids. They're gonna melt.
Oh have you ever heard of the flute of the flute of shame?
No?
Bruh Okay. So it's this like metal casted thing that like is cast around your neck and on your arms. So you're if you're like making really bad public disturbances or like playing music publicly, they'll tie this. They'll make this thing that like goes around your neck and your arms and you just have to carry it around all day. And we need to bring that back because some of you bitches are making terrible music.
Um, I do agree.
Hold on, let me show you it.
He was gonna be the one, be the one for me, but he ended up Lovinger. That is fucking fire.
Yeah, bring it back.
Someone's gotta put that girl.
We're gonna be the ones with the fluid shamer on the fucking neck with a screaming in public and shit, and you will.
Never stop me from being shameful in public because it's literally the best most time. Oh my god, I ate leftover. Joe and the Juice is my first thing. It was like a leftover spicy tuna and then I had a coffee and a cigarette, so my insides probably smell like embombing.
Yeah, Joe and the Juice is the spicy tuna sandwich is the greatest thing you can put into your ask sustenance. I'm like, eating meat is gonna be so barbaric in the future.
It's just different though, Like seafood to me doesn't feel as barbaric for some reason, Like does that make sense exactly? Also, like it feels cleaner, even though I'm sure the ocean but no, to me, the ocean is clean, even though like I think it's really polluted.
Yeah. Also, the big ass nets that they drag along the bottom of the ocean and just destroy all the core reefs. It's like the saddest and just scar the earth because they want to collect fucking shrimps or some shit like bro, just I'm gonna throw it in the fucking aquaponics chamber or something.
Um.
Okay, I have an experiment trade out at home. I want you to think about something you don't like about yourself. Are you thinking about something you don't like it?
I can't think off the top of my head.
Okay, that's the whole thing. It's just like, think about something you don't like about it with yourself and just ruminate with it.
That's the experiment. What you just like sense us all like a self loathing path exactly.
I want you to be like depressed.
Actually, think about this. When he asked that, how fast did you answer? And if you didn't answer immediately, maybe you do like yourself and you should stop being so hard on yourself. Oh I'm not even kidding. That's that tall me because then I was I was like, the first thing I thought of, is I do genuinely? I think this is a problem more for my own safety though?
Is I am too open and vulnerable of a person If somebody asked me something I will fully answer it honestly, or if I'm feeling something and going through something, I will tell everybody my business. And I actually do think that's a problem because nobody needs to know my business the way they fucking do.
Dude that it is so crazy, Like we'll meet someone and we'll be hanging out with them for like two weeks, and then you will tell them her entire life.
So yeah, there are certain things I absolutely won't say, and I literally have a list of that certain thing, and I have a list of the people I've told because I'm actually er crazy and neurotic about it. But like, yeah, I'll tell them all my business. I don't give a fuck, Like I'll be like, yeah, like the house got broken into and Tom got hit by a car and then I broke my ankles. I'm like, I literally will go on a whole thing.
I'm pretty similar to should.
I flash my Kuchi the way I did in the last episode eight million times? Apparently? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, but yeah, you probably love yourself.
Of an alcohol more than this puss.
But now we can get into media.
That's my media.
Is that being okay? My movie is Carol.
To watch that? Yeah?
That shit was Earth shattering like call me by your name level of just like bruh, like ugh, like made me so fucking sick to my goddamn stomach. I wanted to like vomit all over the airplane, like so fucked up. Please watch it. There's like a couple of quotes. I like this one from it, You're a strange one, aren't you flung from space? And the context makes it better. And then her on the phone saying ask me things like come on, and then my media.
Oh those are quotes. I was like, bitch, what song is that?
My song is uh, Teddy Wilson Blue Holiday. And then I've been in like listening to like the worst rap you've ever heard, Challenge, Like that's like the game I've been playing. And I really like op Pack by Zulu, Shopping Spree by Tim k. And then this song isn't rap, but it's a wicked game by Chris Isaac is really cool. It's like that Brander oh yeah. And then Interface by Scars S S G A r Z. And this is the type of music that I make, so it's cool to see someone else doing it too well.
Mine is the most insane mix of genres and vibes ever same Honey, Won't You Call Me by Hank Williams, Smile Please by Dean Blunt, Circles by Atlantic Star, You've Changed by Kisha Cole, I Love Your Girl by The Dream. If you grew up listening to that song, please listen to it again, because I hadn't heard it in so long, and.
Then that we were listening to in the car.
Yeah, and She's a radio killer beat up Ah, I Love Yoka Yo Moms Okay and Cherry Pie by Shade and will I See You Again? These Sacred Souls, which I thought was an old song because I'm a cunt and I only like music that is sounds old if it is old, and it's a newer song, but it's so fucking good, And now I'm like, damn, I need to listen to the rest of their music so I
could see them live. And I should stop being a fucking hater and putting a timestamp on music, because like that doesn't make me any better than anybody else, and I'm just like keeping myself from enjoying something that a lot of people get to enjoy. And then one day, when I'm older, it will be old and I'll be able to be like, wow, I remember when I came out blah blah blah blah blah. But I'm just like
this actually awful person. But it's mainly to myself, Like I just hold myself out from so many joys because I'm so scared of being perceived to somebody who is a loser. But I'm literally not. I'm so fucking vibes. And then the last one is Infinity Recording by Daft Punk. And then I'm trying to think of what movie I watched. Oh, I watched Bones and All and I've never laughed harder at the ending of a movie in my life. And it was so enjoyable for that, and thank you so much.
And it was like I liked the movie, but the ending actually made me want to throw up from laughing so hard.
Nice. And I saw Oppenheimer. Obviously, literally everyone in the world saw Oppenheimer. I haven't seen Barbie yet because I'm a straight man. In there aren't boobs.
That's I was gonna say. There's no pussy and Barbie, so I'm not saying it. There's no male genitalia. I want to see some dick and balls. There's none of it. In Oppenheimer.
There is I'm not kidding it, there's a full fifteen minute sex scene with butthole.
Actually, I'm not kidding. That's my ache is seeing a man's ass like it is discussed.
Like seeing ball down.
But between this, God, it is so nasty.
It's really cringe.
Mail and Natavi is really fucking gross, like.
And it's like stinky.
Okay yo, dude, and it's so gross.
Should I do a Drew SI corner to end off this episode? Yeah, welcome to drew Shya corner. Okay, don't leave your pills around me, because I'm gonna be googling them to see what you got going on.
When you posted that, I was like, dude, I do the same thing every time without fail. One of my parents' house, they always have some new fucking medication. I look at it.
I'm like, I'm like, bruh, why do you got fucking antibiotics? You got an STD or something? Or is this like a painkiller.
That I'm an. I realized antibiotics get me a little high, so I'm gonna start giving myself BEV more often.
Oh so I.
Can mix my antibiotics with alcohol, because then I get really fucked.
Oh, don't do that. You're gonna commit or you're gonna create like an antibiotic resistant, fucking bacterial dad genosis. Some of y'all's WAPs got a pH ballant that could turn a cucumber into a pickle. Oh wow, Gay's son. Or Margarita pizza.
Honestly, Margarita pizza. If the day is right, if I'm like high and it's like seventy three degrees out and I have a really good oh, if I have a really cold coke to go with that, I'm picking the pizza.
My pronouns are he has risen.
Wait what did I say yesterday? My pronouns are oh banging' yo mama yeah.
And mine are I slash made, slash yo, slash mama, slash, squirt, slash vagina juice, slash all over the walls, slash period. And then the last one is condoms be having the pussy smelling like rain boots. Oh also four times three.
The condom, maybe ten times in my life.
That is so fucked up. That is literally fed up. I'm like, that's so fucked up. The flood, so fucking slag. Bring back manly man.
I've been saying like, what the crap, and what the hell? Seriously, it's not okay. We do this all the time. We start saying something ironically, and then I'm actually like, what the hell, what the crap, you're a.
Weird motherfucker and you better call Carl Bismarck and you.
Better not be a snitch er. I'll tell fucking Carl bismar I sound.
Really, motherfucker.
What's the other one? O'rian was complimenting me. I'm probably not going to do it right this time, but she was complementing me on my impersonation of like you better stop, okay, you stop, all right? Bye?
Oh? I see guys, you guys to see how she really treats you. She doesn't fucking care about you. She doesn't even fucking care about me, so you think she'd fucking care about you, But look, she's just over there eating your fucking vitamin. See.
I finally caved into the TikTok shop.
Fuck you, Bassard, you're all lying and you're being scammed, and the TikTok shop is insane and a finesse and a scam.
Don't buy off of it exactly.
Unless unless I put something on, unless I get paid to do an Ad
Eight