Enya moved to Miami

Hey, guys, welcome to this episode of Emergency in a Calm. Today, I am bringing to the table a very important question. Would you rather do bas salt or a whole can of galaxy gas?

Ooh, immediately, immediately galaxy gas. And only because dentists give you essentially galaxy gas. They actually flavor the air sometimes with cherry. By the way, I don't know if it's I don't know if it's because the numbing medication that they put in your mouth before they stick the needle in is cherry flavor, and it makes the air taste cherry. Is there a squirrel in the tree behind me? I love nature. I really loves.

Grando hashtag random hashtag a girl shiny haw shiny.

No, I'm doing galaxy gas obviously because uh well, I don't even remember the other ones basalts.

But what if you could pick the basalts, Like, what if the basalts were super super just like some random Malibu bitch and it was like salts from the sea, like air dried and baked, and it was like natural ass basalts. You wouldn't like opt for these at a galaxy gas.

I think there's no such thing as natural basalts. I think the bath salts was just it's called basalts so they could sell it in like convenience stores. But it was actually like some random ass research chemical from China that just like melted your brain and made you eat people. There's like different types, so like the types that you put in your bath, those don't get you high.

But like if you thought the whole gag was that he ate bass from like bed bath and beyond or some.

Shit, or was that just like a rumor that was just a rumor. So I'm doing galaxy gas. I'm getting I'm getting loaded off galaxy gass. And I just went to the dentist and guess what, I had my second procedure. They didn't give me fucking laughing gas. So I was sitting there writhing in pain, and it was it hurt even more than the other side. And now this tooth is literally turning gray. My temporary fucking moler is turning gray.

Why couldn't you come in because of this?

Because we were recording. Yeah. Wow, So no, I'm dedicated.

Yeah, you are your dedicated to your craft.

I really love that, like you have a burning passion to speak and I love that about you. Well, I guess now I have to go to Galaxy Gas. Also play the clip of me telling Drew not to go to that dentist, just to be clear, because I really don't have anything to say on the subject matter because like.

At Old as Old, I kind of look weird.

No, I mean from my.

Flurry, I'm such a fucking narcissist because look at my screen later, because you.

Looking at yourself.

You know what's crazy is I had mine like that at the beginning, and then I changed it because I was like, I feel like there's somebody out there who's like, you can tell like with the way so and so is looking that they're not looking at someone else, And like in my head, I would look prettier looking at you because I love you so much. So I'm having like a real love for you instead of looking at my face and really being scared and like thinking about my every move.

I live for you. I love for you, Olivia. Okay, So, like we know this like dumb as rocks whatever, But why is there so much fossil fuel? Like I feel like we should have run out by now, no, because aren't they just like rotted dinosaur corpses and like little shells and shit, Like I'm not buying it, Like there should not be fossil fuels on this fucking planet anymore. Like I think it's all a lie. Like I truly don't know.

You got anything to say to that?

Oh yeah, just before I chime in, though, what do you guys think of my apartment?

That's not your apartment? This is This is.

From a date I had. It was a very yeah, it was a very intimate date that I had.

Why do you have no art up on your walls? It's really like dungeon in there, and it's like kind.

Of called minimalism, and it's very sexy.

The exposed brick is the art, babe, it's very she exactly part.

Of what used to be somebody who was passionate enough to build a building brick by brick, and now they make them out of card.

I have art, and I'm going to be putting my board ape Yacht Club all of them.

Right.

Are you gonna get TV? No TV screen TV?

Yeah, it's going to be a big o led screen that's always on. There's gonna be a Neon sign that says Cela VI above it, and then there's gonna be a Bible quote at the bottom.

I genuinely think I forgot who I was saying this to.

But I think I need to start hanging up words of affirmation around the house because the bitches who do.

That are genuinely happier, and I.

Could do it in like my own way, but there is something to be said about words of affirmation. I'm never going to be the bitch who's like writing on sticky notes and putting it on my mirror, Although I think that works for a lot of people.

I would.

I don't think I could ever write something sincere to myself and expect myself to see it another time and feel anything from.

It, like I would never.

I'm just like, that's how little I take myself like in terms of seriousness. But we need to start making like lit words of affirmation art. But I just feel like that's kind of like a hard sincerity is scary, like to make one that's like actually good, I don't know how it wouldn't starty epidemic.

Yeah, I found a sticky up in Drew's room that just said I am not ran through four hundred times. I don't know if that.

Are you going through my shit?

Also, that doesn't even make sense because Drew, that would only like X may like maybe like a tenth of your body count. So saying I'm not ran through that would only cover four hundred of like the who knows how.

Many people and who's in the kitchen.

Because let me cook.

Let cook. It was about fossil fuels, Yeah, fossil fuels, Like I feel like we should have ran out if it's really fossil.

I also feel that way, But I'm also I have thought about this, But then it's like dinosaurs.

Existed for billions of years.

One hundred million years or something, right, yeah, actually.

Just dinosaur bones though, right, Like I feel like it's they're talking about like the kunks and the shells too. I don't fucking know, but I think it's all the forest. I think none of it's real. Like I'm really I'm not buying it.

I don't believe in fossil fuels.

Famously, I literally don't believe in them. I'm like, yeah, right, yeah.

Well, I know we have been worried about AI and its progression for a really long time, and there have been multiple signs to stop, and humans have continued to

To be good at something? Does that make sense? Like, yeah, should I turn off these lights?

Yeah? Right?

Because it's a bit unflattering on me. And you guys care about.

The way you honestly look good? You don't. It's not giving overhead lighting. You look good. I wanted to bring up one thing. I sent it to the group chat and I want you guys to take a look at it.

The black mold. The jk rowling black mold.

So she's taken photos in the same room for the four years and there's like black mold progressing up her walls.

That's why she's batshit crazy. The black mold is getting to her goddamn brain.

And at least like question it a little bit. I would be like, like.

I know, I know the shadows from the mold have created enough of like a silhouette now that she's been walking through her house and thought she saw something.

In the aspiration. No, it's also giving like like that is black mold? Like that's like you should see any type of mold growing in your house and immediately question it, like why is that just growing? Over five?

Where does she livewarts she.

Has to live in the most human environment ever, or she's just backed like how is that much mold growing? Like? Also, I don't know that I've ever seen Maybe it's because the average person doesn't let it get there. But damn, I've never seen that much mold grow. I mean someone's like living space.

It's proof that her brain is fucking rotted that she won't just like clean up the goddamn mold.

What's the first sign of like black mold?

Me?

I almost like followed my own answer up with that, But like, no, you've been like that no matter where we live, that's not really a mold thing for you.

Yeah. I haven't slept on that couch. I mean the new couch is horrible. I fucking hate it. Have we talked about it on here?

No?

Oh my, oh god, you cough up blood.

Remember when you were convinced we had black mold?

Yeah, in the couch. But were there any actual legitimate symptoms of the black mold or was it just true?

No, it was just Drew's pre diabetes showing like three years ago.

Like what it was literally just like him eating and knocking out on the couch, and he was like, there's mold in this couch.

Every time I lay on it, I knock out. But he eats on the.

Couch, so you can eat and then turn over and like pass out.

Drew did you ever cough up blood?

Oh all the time?

Oh my God, coughed up blood? The world would know, No world would know.

Drew is not like no, it's it's literally like I forget what it was. Oh Like, when I eat a salad, the world knows, I tell everybody immediately, Like everyone knows I eat a salad. When I go to the gym, the world knows. When I eat my protein goal, the world knows. Like there are things in my life that I do that I'm so proud of myself that I

I will say, I can't agree with you. Eating on your floor is like top ten. Not for me, but it's pretty top ten.

It's like connecting with my Neanderthalian roots, Like it's like I would eat before, yeah, because they would probably eat in the dirt under a tree or something.

I'm sure even Neanderthals were like, whoa, I don't want to get dirt on my raw animal or like my.

Raw, my nuts and bears, my raw yeah, my raw diet. Yeah, my vegan raw diet, no diet. Do you think, oh what did you ask? Were you the one asking what the first gay caveman? Was like?

Oh, yeah, that was like in a Patreon episode, I think.

Right, yeah, the first caveman, yeah.

Because or no, no, I think it was in a public episode because we we were talking about how no matter what length did you speak, like gay accents come out like you can just hear if someone's gay and like you had to have been able to peep that with like cave man, like they just had.

To have.

Start doing that to y'all. Look good.

That fucking crocodile movie, Sean Mendez did. I saw a clip of the Baby Crocodile seeing recently who said yes, who green lit that? How much did that make in the box office?

I feel like it probably made like way more than you would.

Expect shine men like it probably did.

Crazy movies No, actually movies are flopping crazy right now, let me not say that. But the most I feel like random kids movies do well because.

Like, what else is there for them to see?

Kid's content? In general, I feel like, does.

Well, oh, eleven million dollars?

How much?

One hundred and eleven million dollars? Which I think is.

No, that's like really good. Also, another one of the greatest gifts God has given to humanity is being able to see the reels your friends and family likes on Instagram. I don't think I figured by now people would like know about that and understand that, like I can see

You're really quick, can you move your hair to the other side because it's it's rimming up against the microphone. Let's go okay, thank you.

Well, no, you're it because you're pretty.

Yes, I was also doing it because you're pretty, but also the mic.

So I haven't seen anyone like anything that felt too funny.

My sister liked a funny TikTok recently.

I have two that two people in my life that send me every I bet it's like fifty five percent of the content that comes up on their Instagram feed they just send to me. Literally, I have never.

Well that's what I think. My sisters is.

My sister, I'm like, you must just she sends me like thirty a time, I'm like, you must be swiping in everyone.

It's just like in her head she's.

Like banger banger, banger banger, or she's just like bored.

What happened to curation?

Like exactly, I want to curated send off Like I send things to people that are very curated personally. But I'm just that kind of girl. I take my time like I just care.

Yeah, like when I send Drew videos of guys and their stomachs are all inflated and distended. I make sure to send the best ones that are in four K and you can hear like some sort of slashing.

Aren't joking?

No, we're literally not. And what's so funny is me and Ki were on the phone for mind you an hour and a half last night, just like talking. It was really nice.

You don't call me. I'm literally I'm all the way in Miami. You haven't called not once.

You haven't called me.

The phone works both ways. No, No, you wanted to, he would if you.

Want, I'm gonna clock. I'm going to clock it real quick because I do call you and you're like, oh, actually, like I have to go, and it's like five minutes into our call. The last three times I've called you.

That's spoke. We spoke for like twenty minutes.

It was less than twelve. It was less than twelve because I was like, damn, I haven't spoken to in yet all this week.

There's no way.

I think. It was like eleven minutes and thirty eight seconds.

Fifteen minutes.

Yeah, see, less than twenty.

Bro, you're obsessed with me. Get off my fucking dick. Why don't I have to.

Call you and tell you what I'm up when everything I'm doing, you're so fun messed with me?

Get off of my back.

Do you want me to call you? Or do you not want me to call you? Because since the phone work, you just.

Know when I want to call.

That's like the main issue with calling is like, yeah, I want to talk to people on the phone, but just can you somehow manage to call me within the like ten seconds?

That that's a fleeting.

Thought of what I want, you know, Like, I think realistically I need to get better at calling people because.

You don't call anybody.

I'm just bad.

I don't like call or like I'm not somebody to like start up a conversation.

It's very feminine of you.

It's also I wasn't allowed to have friends and stuff as a kid, or like talk to people on the phone, so I'm not really used to like that. Still, that kind of freedom, I think part of my brain is still wired where like to also in my head to start a conversation or talk to somebody is extremely bothersome regardless of the intention. And then also I get now, yeah, I get like pre anxiety about like showing up in the conversation and making sure that like it is worthwhile.

Just I'm it's just anytime I'm on the phone with like anybody, like name a person that i'd be on the phone.

With your mom.

Yeah, actually touching myself. I'm playing with my wiener with Kai, especially last night, all night last night on the phone with him. I was touching myself with Anya, even though it was ten minutes.

What do you mean you're touching yourself? What are you talking about?

Like just holding yourself in a loving manner.

No, like my Wiener, I can't lie, Like I know, I'm super comfy with somebody if I'm chilling in a room with them and I got my hands on my.

Kouchie like I genuinely like, I'm my damn.

This is true comfort and it's not in a sexual way. It's just like it's like me, it's me returning to myself like I wish, I wish I was kidding too, Like it's not in a sexual way. It's literally like this is for warmth and comfort, and I'm returning to me, like I'm returning back to my own womb in a way like Mommy has done mommying everyone for the day. Mommy must be comforted by her own.

Mom, but my mom and dad.

So you see my problem?

Oh?

Oh, can you move your hair again? Sorry?

Oh my god? You just want to see my skin?

That's not want to hear your collar bones? What about it?

Like?

What about it? Kai wants to see your nate nude body. It's not weird.

I just it's just an audio thing. That's purely what it is.

It's not anything more than you call it as it is.

Oh, I remember what I was going to say.

Also, Drew for audio, can you take your shirt off? Just because I think it's rubbing up against the mic.

Wait. I actually am almost to a point in my life where I'm like, I'm almost gonna be shirtless, Like my body is so ty right now. And I'm going to send you the pictures I've been taking.

It's going to be shirtless.

And yet zoom in on the first one.

Zoom in on I'm cropping it.

Oh ship, Yeah, I.

Want I want to get strong. This arm is like really son?

Wait, Kai, which one was it was? I kind of turned to the side. Yeah it's that one.

Yeah, and then zoom in very close to Drew's face and you look at the pictures, look at my body. Tea put zoom in on his face.

God, I hate the way I look in these fucking photos. My headphones died.

I also had to make some food.

So is that all you're eating? Yeah?

Big, what I'm having?

Actually have nothing else on the side, big and ginormous.

No, this is just this is the main course right here.

You hear how heavy it was when it hit the mic. That's a lot.

I'm scared. I'm scared.

So you're gonna chew for the rest of the episode. That's cool, guys.

Hey, anybody else want to hear Kai chew on boiled plane Rice?

Actually, some people have emailed my business email and asked me for videos of exactly of asmr hello.

Since your voice is peaking back up?

Really, oh Drew told me to turn my shit up.

Back to my dental work, m I got that temporary tooth installed on the right side of my mouth, and they made it so sharp that it literally, for the first two days was cutting my tongue. Like my tooth was so sharp it was cutting the side of my tongue. So what I did is, I was like, I'm not going back to that fucking dental office. What I did is I grabbed a nail file and filed my temporary tooth down and it worked.

I guess, Yeah, that's not the craziest thing ever, But what was it? Like a fresh file at least?

No, it was the ones I use on my fingernails. No, I eat my fingernails like that crazy.

Sorry though, but that's like you constantly wash your hands, like your hands, like you would never bite on your fingernails after like playing around. But I feel like you've definitely filed your nails on a whim where your hands are dirty and it's just like collected dead skin and bacteria, and like.

I eat my fingernails without washing my hands.

I mean, I guess I eat my fingernails too, but my fingers look pretty good right now. I can't I need a fill, but like, no, I've been biting my nails the past like two three days.

I can't even lie.

Yeah.

Oh wait, but before I forget, the thing I was saying before you went was I thought my dad was trying to fucking kill me by making me wipe down all the wood and glass in the house every single Sunday.

Like to me, that was also my dad.

I genuinely think has OCD, Like if I get it from any parent, I think it's him, because he also likes things.

Done in such a specific way.

And he would go and look at the wod and be like, you didn't wipe this down with the dry fiberglass towel after so there's dust stuck to the oil, and I'd be like okay, like bruh. I literally felt like I was in boot camp. And now look, my room is always a fucking mess.

Yeah that instilled nothing in you because there are dishes still in the sink from when you left.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

My dad runs his crib like it's a fucking bed and breakfast.

I don't want to do that, like, and I do.

Think I'm somebody who I pick up after myself, and like maybe it'll happen more at the end of the day or like the next morning, but I'll go around and I'll like, I don't let, especially in shared spaces, anything get too too crazy.

Other than the laundry room.

I was about this. I was about to say the launder room in the kitchen, the two shared spaces.

I clean the kitchen. I clean the kitchen. Bro, you know I cleaned the kitchen. Don't play with me about cleaning the kitchen. I clean it.

No, you do. But I'm just so specific about how i want spaces to be cleaned.

Oh my god, me too. I'm always like I need my green couch to be spotless. I need my tan leather pillow. I need my wineglass. Oh I can't see it, but there it is.

Wait, but I thought you said that was from last night.

So if you need your things a specific way, why would that need to be there? So is that just like the lie you always so you always have a wine glass there just in case anybody comes into your apartment so.

You can lie.

Uh yeah, no, I'm a sociopath. And then I have my minimal lamp and then all of my vinyl records over here. And yeah, so I'm also like crazy.

I have a tint built in my room right now.

Really like a camping tent.

Yeah. I slept in it. I napped in it yesterday.

Oh that's kind of cute. I like that.

Yeah, why did you do that?

Hold on?

I feel like that's what like kids do when their parents are going through a divorce.

Oh is your gask in there? No?

I put the tint there instead of having a desk. I went out till four am the other night.

That is insane.

Isn't that crazy?

Is that the same night that I got asked to be a third.

I was literally about to bring that up next real h We went to Acbar and which is the gay bar in La, the only gay bar in La. Haven't been in seven years because last time I went there, someone screamed in my face that I was a viner and it really was destabilizing.

So I ego like, or were you there that night before?

I've only been one other time, and I was like, you know what, let's go again, Let's go get gay bar drinks. We went and it was just as destabilizing some like, within like thirty seconds of walking in, like a group of kids like looked at me and laughed at me and then came up to me and was like I really like your shirt. And I was like, oh, thank you, and then turned to around and then they snickered and laughed again, and I was like, oh my god, gay people are so mean. They're so mean. But we

Oh my god, were they hot? Were you flattered?

I was flattered. I was flattered, but I don't want to be a third in their relationship. But I was also like, this makes a lot of sense. I have a very stabilizing sexual masculine vibe. Of course I'm going to be asked to be a third at this gay bar.

I'm going to be a third and like a watch.

But no, it was also by a man and a woman. He would have been oh, the girl asked him.

I was trying to get out of it, and then I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I like, I'm not interested. This is my boyfriend. And I pointed to Drew and then immediately the other guy clocked it and was like, they're not gay, or at least he's not pointing to me, and I was like, what the fuck.

Also, like, for some reason that like became like what people do is their business, and I really don't judge if it gets you going.

But like.

Asking Kai to be your third, you have to be deranged as fuck to ask to be like, you have to be really psycho weird, like a danger a dangerous person.

I don't think so put a pin in that, because if we genuinely go down that road, we could be here for ours.

I just don't understand why that just doesn't make sense to me. Oh shit, I almost fucking forgot office bottom.

Hey, your rice is getting cold?

The office bottoms out? Was it a picture? And got called off his bottom?

Oh?

Oh, but I was saying, it's endearing the thought of two men ap perching Kai.

With that, the thought of a man and woman a perching kai with that.

There's something very like eerie about it. Does that make sense?

Like, and the girl was the one that asked, yeah.

Oh my god, that is great love. He should be illegal to go ask a stranger about that.

Like, I know, I know people are down like whatever, but like, but I don't know if like.

It was flattering to me. I was.

It was sweet. It was they were sweet.

They were like I guess I would be flattered if like a very specific set of people ask me that.

Yeah. No, I think I think the whole thing was like sweet like that that I was, like, I support couples like diversifying their twenty five year sex life. I think it's like wholesome. I've had a whole spiel about it before, but I'm like, no, like that's like ultimate trust and ultimate whatever. Not for me currently, but maybe in twenty five years, who knows.

Yeah, I.

See the benefits of it, and I do think for a lot of people it works, But it's just too funny to me. Like it's literally like it's too funny too.

I guess.

Actually it's kind of this is a crazy relation to make, but it kind of reminds me how as much as people make fun of Jojo Seawall, no one loves Jojo Seawall like Jojo Seawall like that is the most confident person ever. She would never falter in an answer if asked if she like how she feels about something she likes or whatever.

Wait, is someone brave enough?

Girl? She does as she pleases and like God, he's.

Real as fuck.

No, That's what I'm saying. She does she fucking pleases, bro Like.

Also, speaking of the gay bar, I got hit on down at the gay bars.

Yeah, dru got fucking swarmed.

I'm not like joking. I don't care.

Well, I care, and it pisses me off because I didn't get any attention.

Had that asked to be a third, if I.

Would have got hit on, even though I'm a girl, you probably would have because.

You're going to it was. It was lit. I like I I for the first time, like last week, I'd like was desirable. I felt desired. It was awesome, dude.

I swear to God, whenever we were in any this is dead serious. By the way leading into it, let me just say this, whenever we are in a social situation, people are look at.

It, look at how much it makes him smile.

Psychoticy, gravitate towards you like no one. I feel like when we we would like be at a restaurant with fin Wolf Haardt, and people would walk past him to go up to you and talk to you because you have such an inviting a. That's true, that's true. I saw that shit happen.

Well, that's because of this amazing phenomenon that me and Drew are influencer. So anytime we're with any of our celebrity friends, we're like the easy target, like Z and then they're.

Like Ze, No, no, no, it's it's because I'm wholesome and I have good energy and I have a sweet, kind face. Strangers ask me for things all the time because I give up the exuber a.

Strangers ask you to meet them in the bathroom and hookup because you're a whore. That's not strangers asking you for like, that's not strangers.

And the strangest thing about this conversation is the hate I'm getting for being cute.

Also, you are hella chilled back right now, bitch, you are laid the fuck up, Like, yeah, you're.

So relaxed, uncomfortable. Rub your comfort. I got my if he did.

Blanket your heb adiba blanket.

Bab Adobe, blanket girl. How do you say her name? Because I say b bab Adobie and everything's like, that's.

Not it's bieba Dooby, bitch.

Be bob Adobe. That's literally what I'm saying, be bab Adobe. Wait say it again, dude, I'm amusing me.

Like I don't know, I'm scared, like Bbadooby.

That's literally what I'm saying.

It's not. No, it's not you're adding a syllable.

Dude, This is like you calling it Lucaguadalajara. Who else you like?

Oh?

New Kim k one is Karma.

Kardashian, Arama, we got Carly Jenner and Karma Kardashian.

Oh my god, guys, seriously, this is what life is about.

Just laughing with your friends.

No, literally, I love laughing with my friends. Wait should I go into like really like detail about how I got hit on?

Dude? Literally, fucking no.

You get so jealous. I'm telling I'm telling them. I'm telling them because one of them is actually fucking crazy. I was walking off the dance floor after Kai and his friend left, and uh, it was me and a buddy that I met up with, and we were walking off the dance floor and then we saw two people that we knew trying to go to the dance floor and they were like hmm, like or was it fun in there? And we were like, yeah, it's fun, but

Oh I can't have gone.

No, it was frezy. Like the people I was with they were like, oh, do you know him? And I was like no, do y'all and they were like no, And I was like, oh, that's like literally insane that that just happened. Like it was like wet. I felt his like beard and like his wet lips on my face. Not gonna lie. I enjoyed it. So no shade there, but don't do that to strangers. Question Mark, I.

Had a question for you guys from the numbers of from one to ten, which ones are gay and which ones are straight?

Wait, numbers one through ten?

W eight is gay not because of eight, not because of like oh you ate, but just like no.

Two holes, those hoes get filled.

She's too, Like.

What about one?

Is that? I feel like that's one straight? One is straight, one is the one is kind of Bye, oh we're adding by now?

I said straight or gayday?

You told me, yes, you're right.

I guess it's a good point, dude.

Bye. People do exist because evil does exist.

Remember let me exist, So by people, we I'm I'm still in life.

She is gay?

Three is straight. That's a boring ass. Number four straight? I think, yeah, four straight, five is gay, five is gay, six is gay.

Yeah, seven to me is also gay.

Nine and ten straight for some reason.

And they're the worst type of straight.

People, like so annoying, like where's our month? Type?

Like no, literally, it's like Andrew Tate strait remember when.

That was like actually a genuine thing that was of concern.

Is like straight people month?

Like what, yeah, where is our month?

Fit in bed?

Bruh, you look like one of the grandparents and Charlie in the Chocolate fact, Like your mad.

Comfy masculinity is confusing and I've been taking lions main, but I don't feel like a lion. Mister Tait, what is that from masculinity?

Oh? With a president who looks like she's covered in cheeto dust, I'm a nasty woman.

Well, you know what's really bugging me right now?

And I can't get an answer to this because like I don't have anybody in my life, like all of my cousins and like my siblings are past this age of doing this.

And also I haven't heard of people doing this in a long time.

But did y'all ever bring like do people still bring white T shirts like kids to school to get them signed?

Is that still a thing? Did y'all ever do that?

Addics? Did that for field day?

Did y'all do it like usually at the end of the year, because that was our whole thing, is like at the.

End of the year. Did you ever get to do that?

Yeah?

I didn't. That was like during the recession.

And I just my heart goes out to all the middle schoolers right now who won't get to have a white T shirt to get destroyed, because I'll be damned if my dad sent me out of the house and a white tea and came back with sharpie scribbles all over it.

Also because like mine was a vintage green Hollister shirt.

See that would have been smart if I got like a used shirt. But the whole thing was like a fresh Haynes tea. It was very there was levels. There was levels you could have just and like if you were the kid getting your a paper a piece of paper signed, it was like embarrassing, like where's your shirt?

Like what?

Like, ye, your crush won't get to write on your back. That's mad embarrassing.

It's all about the touch in the field.

It is its physical connection. Did y'all cry at the end of school?

Like at the end of the time, I cried. I cried because I was like being carried around by all my teammates and they were like, you're the best quarterback that this small towns Ever.

With your build, your two you're much too short to be a quarterback.

I'm literally six.

Actually, that is interesting. You were the first five to three quarterback.

Oh my god, wait were you Actually?

No?

I wasn't. I'm a little guy, dude.

You know what's crazy. It's fucked up. Because Kai's name is Kai, and they would say little Kai, like little guy.

No, a little Kai.

Like when somebody was acting like.

They would like, don't be a little Kai.

I don't know.

They would call him Kai dick appointment thirty o'clock.

Because you were always getting dick down at No.

I would be dropping dick off crazy and in between winning games.

Kai, Kai's the postmates of dick drop offs.

That's illegal, Postman.

Newman. No, I'm six. I honestly, I know we joke a lot, but I'm like six What is it six' three, Whatever it doesn't, matter But i'm six. THREE i don't want people to think That i'm super. Short he's six AND i was on THE i was. Oh and Also Friday Night lights was based off of my. Hometown what what that's?

Like a foot? Ball it's? All, OH i only know about.

That Because i'm pretty Sure Drew gooden talked about watching that in a video AND i was, like what is? That?

Oh that's? Mine, Also, kai.

What don't do? That that was. Weird what you just said was, weird and it made me not feel. Safe it didn't make me feel.

Safe SHOULD i read a journal entry from my?

Diary trump pulling poorly for how he's doing in his first hundred days of presidency reminds me of when that one, Guy Kim kardashian's old, friend posted a picture of himself and was, like SHOULD i go?

Live and everyone said, no that's the equivalent of.

It it's LIKE i was seeing, yeah, food, god, Everything i'm seeing the news and it'd be a picture of, him and then they'd be, like.

Like when the disapproval.

Rates it felt LIKE i was seeing a screenshot of that live of like being, like.

No, no it's raining. TODAY i love the. Rain that's not.

It that was your, Groundwork Your world's. Building, OKAY i love. It world's.

Building, NO i have two whole, pages But i'm not reading. Them i'll read one of.

Mine that's. It i've had. It they called me short. AGAIN i can't do this. Anymore i'm bringing every. DAY i run, HOME i run into my, room.

Bringing your gun to the next.

Episode, No i'm Not.

Ki would you tell me not to come to the studio the next day or would you let me bear?

WITNESS i would tell both of you guys to not come to the, studio and THEN i would go to the studio and kill.

Myself that would actually be really fucked, up because we would have to clean.

It, well what about the interpersonal aspects of how that's fucked, up like seeing my dead?

Body, no, no.

It would JUST i, mean we'd probably get it done quick.

Day, no you.

Wouldn't i'm fucking. Up i'm very heavy because of. Muscle because of, MUSCLE i have a lot of. Muscle muscle fitser than, fat and that's absolutely, Right and pulling me out of there would be, very very hard Because i'm six.

FOUR i genuinely feel LIKE i could pick both of you. Up not at the same.

Time you probably.

Could you're very, Strong, yeah, YOU i mean you probably could BECAUSE i weigh thirty seven.

Pounds that's actually really. Bad where's the.

The wind blew me? Away? Yesterday kai saw? It will insert the. Video there's no.

Video there's no.

Video no there, is there. Is it's crazy that you're not saying.

That, no there is a, Video, Drew, no there is not a video of you getting blown away by the. Wind that's.

Impossible it was literally holding onto my free and my legs were.

Flapping, also it's literally tornado.

Season did a?

Tornado? Yeah did a tornado come Through? La because that's the only way you're getting lifted up off the.

Ground, no like a five mile p hour gust and it flapped me away like a napkin.

Slapped, yeah you and a bunch of other trash got swept, away.

Those glasses, off and you take that damn wig off your. Head.

NO i saw a.

Lift ad and it was A cocoa Mont trees.

Clip, wait, actually.

It's like it is.

From The lift account and It's i'm just using this clip.

Down is it just? That, yeah it's just that looping my car broke. Down for if, hello.

Her car broke, down she needs a?

Lift that.

Medium that makes me feel so dark for some. Reason That, no the.

Darkest part about it, Is i'm like this was targeted to me in a crazy.

WAY i was on a random.

PAGE i was on a random like, FUCK i WISH i saved HOW i got. Here BUT i was looking through a random account and THEN i kept getting this, Ad and at FIRST i thought the person whose ACCOUNT i was looking, AT i was, like why did they Post coco montse And Alyssa.

Edwards you. Know what was the turning point for me WHEN i realized that we should start to get concerned about the state of advertising was do you remember that viral clip of a car driving into a gas. Station that was it was like a year. Ago i'm pretty sure did it. Explode it didn't, explode but it's from THE pov of someone in the gas station and on the ground are a bunch of these energy drinks and like throughout the whole stores and energy. Drinks oh and it.

Happening is the, Need, yeah in.

Order to Sell celsius or.

Whatever my, my the moment for me was when all of the food accounts started interacting with each other and bulling each other on like The. INTERNET i was, like.

Dude no One Burger king was On twitter replying to random tweets that had nothing to.

Do With Burger. King that's WHEN i knew it was a.

Wrap like When Burger king And wendy's were trying to get the top tweets, yeah because you're not making me hear.

Me i'm not Going i'm here to. LIE i can y'all hear? Me, Hello, Hello, HELLO.

I CANTO i ignore. YOU i would fuck up a baked potato From.

Wendy's though they have baked potatoes that sounds.

Good it's kind of the only THING i eat there.

Now, yeah WHENEVER i see uber comments on a, TikTok i get really.

Angry i'm also, like just send them free.

SHIT i, know send a gift. Card enough with the, COMMENTS i.

KNOW i like that people are like kind of wisening up and they're, like, uh, girl fuck, you send me something Like i've seen that like ten, times girl fuck. You, no it's literally giving the. Girls.

Oh but THEN i kind of feel bad for the intern who has to like go through and reply.

You know who ruined it? All ah H, no ACTUALLY i. WOULD i was gonna say dual lingo ruined it, all like with this marketing. Style BUT i low key like the the Dual lingo, ads like the du A lingo social. Team yeah they.

Eat and also to, Me i'm like dual lingo like learning in a.

Language that's, good that's, good that's like useful, information, although LIKE, I i've never completed any kind of language. Application i've never any app that's for something like that has never been opened more than once on my.

Phone BUT i also just LIKE i Learned swahili for two weeks through Dual. Lingo, yeah you did.

Well the Dual lingo app is sick on my phone.

Anymore, drew.

Your name Is. Drew to end this, EPISODE i thought.

Me And drew have been going to acting classes for the past what four? Years? Drew?

No? Five, well coming up.

On, five it has been five. Years oh my.

God, okay, well big.

Bite but we just wanted to to put it out there While drew kai choose on his. Rice if any casting directors are watching, this here is me And drew acting out the scene In Little, women and just to show you guys what we've been working.

On, okay, wait oh sorry losing the.

Scripts, No, teddy please.

Don't it's no, Use, Joe we've got to have it.

Out, no, no we.

Don't i've loved you ever Since i've known, You.

JOE i couldn't help, it and you've been so good to. ME i would have tried. To i've tried to show, it but you wouldn't let. Me, Now i'm going to make you here and give me an, answer BECAUSE i can't go on like this any.

LONGER i wanted to save you from. THIS i thought you Understand i've loved.

AND i gave up the billiards and everything you didn't. Like AND i waited and never complained FOR i hoped you love me Though i'm not half good.

Enough, Yes, Joe, wait yes you, Are, wait yes you. Are, No i'm done with. This i'm like that was so.

Good that was so good Perform enya's was obviously better because she knew the lines and didn't stop halfway. Through, also your emotion was. Crazy.

Yeah.

Thanks, also it's from little, women and you are a little, woman And drew is a, big ugly, man so it was hard for me to really get into.

It big, Big.

So you're, SAYING i look Like Timothy Shalmy Hayley dunner around.

Me, hey, okay we need to.

Cut Corner juicy up, Corner juicy up, corner juicy up. Corner oh my, god no, furniture be, like get the fuck out of my, house, Girl fuck you and your dance. Studio oh damn. Uh this one is literally About i'm not even. Kidding you're crying over a dude with one. Outfit you knew he was never gonna.

Change looking at him in his fake.

House Bro, wait?

Disappear, yeah how did he disappear into the? Couch he's in the.

Couch enya HAS STDs and has the nerve to squirt girl that is pepper.

Spray it's really jarring BECAUSE i can't Tell kay's back in the.

Room it feels like a presence is Amongst.

Wait how did he come from the? Side?

Hello how'd you.

Come from the side when you disappeared into the? Couch?

Oh, okay, guys ad break go see now you see me. Too that was just a sneak peek of what you'll get into during that fun.

Movie kai is on step right now for the new. Movie he's really.

Excited thank you for sponsoring this episode Of Emergency.

Intercom AND i love. MAGIC i just love.

Magic Elon musk sounds like the name of a lesbian. Deodorant elon Muss you and your family will burn in.

Hell Feminine Elon.

Musk, oh combine your masculine and feminine With elon.

Must no one's a boy in this. Relationship elon. Musk, Okay, Okay i'm gonna do. Media oh oh my. God, wait actually this comes out On.

Friday if any listeners are from or live In. Miami our friends At Stray rats are doing a fifteen year anniversary At Lower East coast Of miami And happy nine to nine at A heaven and a bunch of brands are going.

To be there and it's really.

Cool AND i just wanted to shout that out because it's very rare That miami has spaces with like a collection of things from brands that are all kind of like.

Homegrown and, yeah and CAN i do a shout?

Out oh my, god bra what shout? Out fucking boiled? Rice? Bitch why is he sitting like? That just do.

GO i am doing a show In austin On may. Second it's going to be a, movie but it's already sold out, basically so you probably can't get a ticket to.

That so why are?

You, however, however In New york there will be a sequel to the movie In New york At Webster. Hall if you want to get, Tickets i'll put.

Them in my.

Bio they're not in there right, now But i'm going to put them in, there but now and then by the time the episode is, out it'll be in my. Bio you can buy tickets to The Webster hall one if you're In New. York it's going to be a sequel to the.

Movie i'm not going To Law.

Crocodile, no it's going to be a sequel.

To which you made. Millions, no it's gonna be.

A sequel To La La, Land La La land because there's music and people. Dancing, WELL i don't know if it'll be. MOONLIGHT i need to.

Make it clear for anybody BECAUSE i don't know what the state of like anyone's mind.

Is But kai does not make millions of dollars HIS dj.

SAP i.

Feel LIKE i needed.

To, like, no, no, YEAH i make millions of. DOLLARS i, mean look at.

That damn fucking.

House this is The my media of the week is Horsing around By Prefab Sprout hello Like, Before bill Withers.

Ubia the Prima, Veda Babu, silvetti and Rich Off cocaine By Rick.

Ross my media Is. HACKS i watched the first season Of, hacks AND i cannot believe that show has been out coming out for four seasons And i've literally never once heard a single thing about, it but it's won a bunch of it's like critically acclaimed, Apparently and THEN i watched it AND i was, like, oh this is actually kind of. Good and the second season sucks stick and, balls but apparently the third season is actually good. Again

Media is state sided By Pink. Panthers shout Out harrison for producing That Where's Your Love? Now By this Is loralai And Easter pink By Fake.

Mink they felt like you were trying to like rush.

Up Mila, mista bad bitch and end Of Mila.

Mista, yep all, right well that was my. Media oh And abracadabra By Lady. GAGA i saw her live recently and it was, incredible so you.

And everyone Else kai not everyone.

Else, OH i actually saw her live about like two three years.

Ago now.

It's, okay it's okay because she did like a lot of her, classics so it was a very different vibe and it was very intimate although it was a.

Stadium she owed her classics.

And then did you see her do a performance that came in three.

Acts, oh, actually did you? Say did you?

Say Lady google was performing live At coachella week in eight Because i'm.

Gonna, go.

What's the did you just? Say?

Okay all, right well bye. Guys i'm gonna kill.

Myself, okay, Okay i'm also gonna kill myself.

Guys so

Anyh