Enya Is Still A 1D Stan

Not that classes now panzo.

Oh literally sorry now, like you.

Literally were so slow to understand what I was saying. Four seconds. It took you four seconds to piss me off.

On the podcast, four freaking seconds.

Drew's having his unspiked can. That's his cup of joe.

This is my tea for the day. Wait tea.

Drew's still saying tea seriously in every given situation, it's really fucked up. I was talking about like grieving my mother and yeah.

That's literally to you, like it's giving tea.

Though I don't know if it's like tea. It's not like gossip, but no, it's like that, like that's tea, Like it's true.

Yeah, like like you're spilling the truth. I'm sipping the truth tea.

You should saying like that's the truth.

The truth is the new lice. Do you know what I mean? Oh?

Yeah, But it's it's more than that. It's a religion. It's a way.

You don't have to explain it to me, girl.

Oh okay, I mean, like, yeah, I thought you would be appreciative that for once. I was like acknowledging it.

And like, no, I don't need that from you anymore. Oh, you've moved an army, dude. I'm really hot, like.

Like sexy or like physically hot, like physically hot. I feel like it's been really cold in the house and I keep waking up with migraine. So maybe we do have black mold, yes, because I wake up every single morning with the migraine, but it goes away instantly.

It's not black mold. Now I figured out what it is.

What is it.

It's a ghas leak. Oh my god, we literally have a gas leak and it's seeping gas into the air constant.

You're so annoying. Like two weeks ago, I was out with our friends and he was like, he texted me, He's like, we have it. Oh my god, we have a natural gas leak. In my head, what I thought that meant is that someone knocked on the door and was like, oh my gosh, there was something happened in the neighborhood, like we need to evacuate whatever whatever. And I was like, oh my gosh, how do you know?

I just have all this information in my brain constantly because I'm super paranoid. But no, the house smelled like literally like sulfur, which is what they put in natural gas to make it have a smell, or propane to make it have a smell, because naturally propane doesn't have a smell. But if there's a propane leak, you should know about it. So they put like an odor in it to make it smell. And that's what I was smelling because I remember when my dad would grow I

Oh, so it wasn't a natural gas leak. It was just a gas leak.

But said pain natural gas.

I don't know you were the one saying natural gas. So I was like, I was thinking, like yield and like what killed the fucking dinosaurs.

I was expecting my house to explode. That's literally what I was expecting was like the house to explode into shrapnel and wood and to turn everything into dust. And it's just like an isolated vent on the corner of the corner of our block and like people are like, oh my god, yeah, there was like an explosion, like people.

Now it killed two things. Drew and everybody else was at work because it was a bunch of things.

What do you mean I'm a people?

No, No, you're not. You're more than that. You're an icon. You're not, you're no longer you're an icon. Here's the text he said to me. He said, there's the really there's the really bad smell filling the house. And I thought natural gas immediately, because I know the way I'm going to start for the beginning, actually, I said. He called me answer.

And then I called him back. I just need to say I have typos in my text. Like if you text me, you know this and you get used to it and you just learn to assume and understand what I'm saying because every other word is either misspelled or like not grammatically correct or like whatever it is, and what it is is, I don't give a fuck, like people know exactly what I'm trying to say. Like when people have typos to me, I mean, I'm like, do you mean this?

Actually? So we have to talk about that. What the acting coach said to you?

Oh yeah, literally? So we were doing this like self tape. Yeah, I'm an active baby. I'm an active baby. And I had read my lines like all night, so I had them like memorized. And then he was like, why don't we just like try like reading them off the screen, and like this person is the person who were like doing the scene with. And I was like okay, and like he was like scrolling through and like I was just like constantly mixing up the words and shit, and

Really, because I'm right next to the stove, I don't smell it.

That's fine anything.

Maybe I'm just trigging my brain into thinking it's a round, but uh yeah, back to the type of shit. I can assume what you're trying to say, and I don't have to send back like oh, did you mean this, because yes, you knew that's what I fucking meant. Like I know what you're trying to say, you don't have to fucking correct me.

Yours just really bad grammatically because also, like so many times in our day, I hear him say something and I'm like huh, and he's like, oh, I I just said it to my phone, so it writes it.

Yeah. Literally, I just yelled into my phone because I'm like one, I'm like, I don't want to type all that shit out into I don't know how to spell that word. And it's honestly genius, like I'm utilizing the future in a way they never even expect.

It or you can just turn on like the predictive thing. Okay, so here it is. He called me. He called me. I didn't answer because I didn't see it. And then I called him back and he didn't answer, and then he called me again and I didn't answer, so then I said, hey, what's up. He said, I think we might have a natural ghas leak, but I'm not sure how to tell slash if we have a censor lol, which immediately I was like, you think we have a natural ghastlink but you're not sure how to tell like,

That, and then I was trying to give drama, trying to be like I know it was.

It was so annoying because I was like, I'm literally out and like, now you're gonna give me paranoid.

Yeah, I was giving drama when I wasn't responding.

I'll be honest, And I don't know what I said an audio message. I'm not going to play it or should I play it?

Sure, no windows on the stove to see.

If you were knocked into the stove.

M see you feed into my delusions, that's the thing.

No, because you were scaring me. I was like, you know what it was? It was one of the moment I was like, dude, Azul would die first because she's so small that if she's in it's like.

The parakeets that they bring into the ship on arrival or and then mine chefs.

Yeah, I'm like, this is gonna die first because she's probably in the kitchen snooping around the garbage and she's gonna inhale all the gas first. Also, that's the other thing. If we don't have batteries in our.

Proom, we do we do. I looked at it. We do have batteries, not the one in my bedroom, but the one in the hallway. It's on it's just hanging off the wall.

Anyway, you were having me fucking occupied forever. And then I called him and I was like, hey, like, if you want to, like, you could just uber to home Deepot and they have like the testers and he's just like, I don't think I want to do that because he's more lazy than he is one like I would rather die fifteen dollars on an uber.

I would rather die and have every fiver of my being ripped apart and exploded down to the like atomic molecular level. Didn't have to drive to home depot or uber to home depot to get batteries to put it in the carbon monoxide detector. But before we finished the story, let's hear from our ads. Let's hear from us, our ad reads, our sponsors, Let's hear from our sponsors.

Oh my god, girl, you're that Yeah.

Okay, we can just get pick it up. Oh wow, that was beautiful. That was beautiful.

And then he was just like, oh no, I'm not going to do anything, and then didn't text me back forever, and I was like, oh my god, so that drama. So I was like, what are you going to do? Didn't say anything to me for an hour, and then I said any updates? He said nope, window widows open, smell still around. I said yeah. I said again, you can get a test at home depot and he said I'd been dead already. L o loo lool And I said is it that fast? And then that ended there

Yeah, as you should. If people aren't constantly thinking about me, what the fuck are they doing? Because I am literally the only actually a live person on this planet, and no one else can prove to me that that's well if you want people to see. The way Kai just looked at me when I said that was very suspicious. It was like I caught him looking at me and like he's supposed to be like acting like he is, you know what I'm saying.

Like he's supposed to be acting like he's not, Just like.

You too, are putting on the performance of your lifetime being around me every single day of the life, every single day, and then at night, like you go and report back to like the Truman Show, like producers, and you're like, how did I do? Like should I add some flavor to it?

Like you suffer from delusion to brander quite often.

Yeah, well no, not delusions of grandeur.

It's more like I think your schizophrenic.

I think you guys need to shut the fuck up. I'm gonna I'm gonna let my altars come out.

Anyway.

Oh.

Also, circling back around to the self tapes, me Andrew did not talk about.

Embarrassing.

Okay, for reference, I've done a few self tapes, like and I obviously have not gotten any parts. I'm like really lazy with it. It's actually really upsetting. I should take the chance to like go to acting class and work on it whatever, But I'm a busy girl and I like would rather have fun than you'd like further my career. So I've like done a bunch of self tapes before, and like I usually don't, like I never go in being like I'm gonna get this because I'm like,

Yeah, I was like, Okay, one, this is really cute. And also I literally thought it was made for us, like that's the thing is I thought it was made for us, but like our agent was like, no, this is like literally made for you, and I was like, oh my god, oh my god, they wrote something for me, like with me and mind, and I didn't like try to clarify that, and I literally thought it was on my mind.

I understood that like someone being like, oh, like this part was literally made for you just means like, oh, it's like the character is you. So it's like it should be easy to do a self tape.

If that's he tape ever leaked, that would actually kill myself. It would be so bad. I literally can't you know.

It's funny that is the fact that you still walked away and we were like so basically alkay. So they gave us the song. I won't say the name of the song that like is gonna be like the soundtrack that they're choosing, because like I think that's literally fucking illegal. But they told us this song. It's like a song I know, and that song already makes me happy.

And like it's.

A good So like on the way there, the way there, I was playing it just because I had listened to it that morning of the cell tape, because I was like, dude, I haven't heard this song in so long, and because I'm a piece of shit and I don't read my lines until literally an hour before I need to leave the house. So I saw that it plays in there, I was like, oh my god, this song is so good. Was the same.

This was also my first audition ever. Yeah, I have to let you let that let you in on that little secret.

So like all the way there, and I was playing the car in a car, and like Drew was driving so I could again I'm a piece of shit, I was so I could memorize my lines in the car. So Drew was driving. We were like going back and forth because like one of the scenes we weren't doing a self tape together, but one of the scenes we like we would have together. So we were like going back and forth trying to like help each other remember the lines. We got there, I went and did my

Like meeting up to it, we were kind of just like h whatever, like.

We'll do it. Agents are like telling us to.

It's good experience, like it's a good practice. We're not going to get the part, like it's whatever, Like this is just fun. And like when I was like on the car ride over there, I was like thinking about it and like I had that like feeling of like like excitement and like almost like like a passion for

It's so funny. And then Drew came back and he literally was like I'm a pit myself. I'm literally not hungry because I like I hated that. Yeah, like d You're like did not enjoy his experience.

Oh no, it was so bad. It was self.

Taping in front of me. Also, to clarify, we were doing it with an acting coach who I had been to multiple times. So I went in and I was like, man, nude, and I'm gonna come in here act like I memorize the lines for a week and you're gonna believe me because I just remember them in the car twenty minutes even though I've literally never said any of this out loud before this moment.

But basically we got out, we sat in the car and like we just like fantasize and romanticize and we're like, wait, like why are we literally going to get the part? And like we were like we never even said that to it. We're in secrecy, and both in our brains were like why are we literally about to be started? Like why are we about to be.

To get food? And we were sitting eating and literally like that the other day when we were in the car plight the second and I broke and I was like the way we both had a secret delusion that we were going to get that.

No, I was like, my first lead is gonna be in an A twenty four film, Like there's just crazy, Like I cannot believe I'm this good.

Literally, you're both like both of us walked up being like yeah, I did probably the most mediocre job, Like it's embarrassing on my part, but somehow like there was a delusion in the back of our head listening to us time that we were both like, my life after today, it's going.

To be Differ's going to be in the documentary.

Yes, I'm gonna remember this day and be like, what a bland day I just wanted? Did the self tape puttle? Did I know.

I was a stop baby.

Dude? I just love us sitting in silence with that delusion. The song playing a bother them was just like.

It was literally when you said that, it like fucking kills literally.

Felt like a two thousand rom com where like everything works out in the end. So the friends are like this, They're like, hey, we're not so bad after all. And then the song blares off when we drive off into the sunset and spend thirty dollars on a Medio Camela Air the.

Worst food ever I've ever eaten in I like, ummm.

Sorry, I have something important to say. It's not actually important, but I do have something that I thought about that was like making me personally crack up. It's crazy how you used to be able to go to school and just lie and nobody could check you because we didn't have cell phones that you could just look it up in someone's face, and like you could go to school and be like, oh, did you know that the moon is actually only like three hundred feet away and you

Wait, you can just walk to the moon with an escalator.

Yeah, they're building one right now. Wait where it'll probably be the launch pad is like Texas, So that's good for you. When you go back to see.

Your family, she's lying to you. You should know this.

What why would he know this? It's literally the.

News came out last The.

News came out last night at eleven pm. My mom, let me say late, so I got to see it.

So now you're calling her a liar. The missogyny, the misogyny jumped out.

We were in like fourth grade, so like, you fucked up big time.

The misogyny leaped out the fact that like you call a woman crazy is just crazy?

Yeah, and you're when did I call it? And you're crazy?

And you're going to hell?

Well you're gonna burn?

Wait what are you saying? To him, are you saying more mean things?

He just covered his mouth and said, she is crazy. She is crazy.

I did not say that. I literally did not.

Say that, you guys, because I'm taking that word and I'm I'm crazy about myself.

I'm reclaiming the word crazy and I'm crazy.

I'm crazy for love.

Damn, that's ihue love.

But I think that guy's right. Let me literally look up. I think I was like high in the bathroom and I set it to my phone, and I want to see what the phone caught. You used to be able to just lie and say you know something because of the Internet and people, oh, because of the lack of the Internet, and people couldn't Google it in your face. Because of the accessibility to Google.

This sounds like one of my texts.

People still didn't really trust Google also, so you could literally just lie and say, oh, no, that's on Wikipedia. Someone probably wrote that in and lied about it. Yeah.

I trust Wikipedia with my heart. Everything on Wikipedia is real to me.

I don't trust Wikipedia. I've never like read Wikipedia. If I look something up and the first thing is a Wikipedia, I'm like, I guess I don't have to know.

No, I have the Wikipedia app on my phone and I just go through it and like learn things like let's look at my history, Romanian bones, all worm scientology and celebrities, drag race Insomniac games, list of most expensive. What else do we got? Oh?

What is that?

The Love Parade disaster? I won't get into it, but it's really tragic and sad.

I don't understand how Wikipedia works. Like it seems like all that shit is is true, but anyone can change.

It, right, Yeah, you can go I could go in and edit everything, but it like there are like moderators that like, like it's hard to explain because like when I was like having everybody hack my like school's Wikipedia to like change like the school colors to like pubes and like make me like a notable alumni and shit, Like it was really hard to get that stuff approved because there is some one who's like actively like approving

Like, oh, like you have to build up a reputation, Yeah, exactly.

As a nerd, I literally just trust to Google, like which I feel like what what why does Google give you? Like those answers, So like if I asked the basic question like, oh.

Have we talked about how I was replaced in Fortnite because I went on a date?

Dude, Yes, Drew has been bringing up this date in all these ways that like I literally also, to be fair, I asked him literally day of I was like trying to like prod him and ask him about it, and it was very like no, no, no, like I don't want to talk about it, but due keeps bringing it up in all these ways that are like literally the way, no one fucking cares that I did this thing? True?

What going on a date by yourself.

And then having to decompress for seven hours after?

Yes, you did mention that.

Yeah, okay, I was just making sure that they know that I'm dating.

Yeah, they know that you're slut and you're dating around.

Yeah, I'm out there, I'm seeing people.

Yeah on the scene.

Yeah, I'm on the prow. But I did see uh Christian Walker in public I.

Know, I'm jealous of that I would go out and ask him for herself.

That I was genuinely like thinking. I was like I should go up and ask him for a photo, just to have one, because like he's one of those people that like I just think are like insane and like he knows exactly what he's fucking doing. I cannot convince me other way. He says he doesn't.

No, it's it's but it's like, oh no, I don't know. I was gonna say it's like the hr H thing, but like the difference between like I don't know. For some reason, there feels like a difference between HRH and like Christian Walker, even though both of them walk the line of being like not even walk the line. Like HRH has been like fully problematic and said like insane, irrational,

Yeah, I think it's because well it's it's the Starbucks videos, like he does like the really high pitch like voice and the Starbucks line and then he's like screaming about like some really yeah, which is like the funniest shit like if it is ironic, and like if he is doing it shrouded in like layers of irony, I literally think it's like genius comedy.

Like in my eyes, I'm like, that's a comedian And that's the difference is like Christian Walker, I feel like you could definitely sit down with him and have like a hilarious conversation.

Hr h.

I feel like if like I remember once I DM her because I wanted her to be on here, and then I really thought about it. First of all, she did not open that like she doesn't give a fuck about me. Second of all, I really thought about it, and I was like she would literally scare me like we would you would. I feel like she's someone you would sit down with and then realize like, oh, this is actually like a person who's like who's like kind

Come here literally literally, but yeah, I saw Christian Walker and I was like low key starstruck, Like I don't get starstruck. Actually, why am I lying? I literally love celebrity. I love celebrity, but like that was that was a moment where I was like, I cannot go up to this person and say anything, but I really badly wanted to.

I probably would feel the same way. I feel the same way. I don't get starstrucks, but little like yeah, little things like that. It's it's because it's like a phenomena. It's like an enigma. It's like, oh my god, like you really are Like also, it's just crazy, like didn't you see him at like the Melrose like tree flea market, the plaza. That is like insane, Like to just see him there, Like, bitch, what you're buying fruits right now? Like you're just like you.

He went to Alfred's.

That's yeah, okay, shrouded.

Yeah it was on no way, it's not like an ironic sleigh. It was on my date.

Yeah.

Wait, he went to Alfred's but he loves Starbucks.

Make it makes sense.

Hmm.

I don't know what that means. That's amazing.

OK.

I was gonna say, yeah, I don't get star shark, but I have realized I still like I would like actually like fall over and kill over and die for any member fue to.

Actually, yeah, I like I.

Dapped back in.

I always thought it was like this little like like you were like judging it up, like playing like joking a little bit. But when I watched you watch that One Direction documentary and like relive your experiences, I was like, I, this is not a joke. It is like very real for andya that she died One Direction.

No, it literally is you know, Okay, So, like I understand when people have like I think, like calling every relationship you have to like either an internet figure or like a celebrity a parasocial figure, is isn't doing it justice that like there is validity and finding like extreme

Bellign is out, shrouded is in?

Yeah, So yeah, it was shrouded in sexism that like grown ass men would be like, it's so whack, how obsessed you are with this thing? But for so many people it was because it was like an emotional crutch and like it was such a disconnect from your real life because.

Girls just love like boy boys O boys.

But yeah, like it literally it genuinely won so funny to say, but it literally did like save my life in a lot of ways. Like it genuinely was like this thing where I could anything happening in my life.

I love stand culture so much.

Yeah, and also it literally is like it's so funny. I was saying to Josh. I was like, I don't think you understand, Like this is the reason why I got like a platform, Like it literally is like I always know what I wanted to do, like radio hosting or like comedy, and that's why I was like within the fandom, like one of the funny people, like that

Why was there never a one direction Justin Bieber Crossover.

I think it's because it's like it's like with it's like with Street where how there's like unannounced beef between certain brands.

That's what I was.

I think that's kind of it. But I mean in Liam's interview, which is what sparked all this and it really so embarrassing on his part, but in that he talks about like, oh, how there was like I guess there was.

Pseudo beef because with Justin Bieber.

Yeah, because Liam had made like a comment on like a live stream or something like that before where they were like you're like Justin Bieber, he was like, except I don't get like I don't go to jail or like something, because that was one like the be kind of started. But in general it was just always like I think, like a tension thing because.

Of both stars and they both yeah, it's.

Both like a big thing. I literally how did I just lose my train of thought? I don't know, but yeah, I think also it just would it would be too much. I think like it would be too much of those crossed over. Also, at the time when One Direction was really popping off, Justin Bieber was having his whole like what's the Purple Journal's moment, which they were completely opposite ends, like Jesse was tapping into R and B and One Direction was still like pop rock like Sleigh.

But I love Yeah, I love stan culture, I love stan Twitter. I think like there are healthy boundaries that need to be created. But like at the same time, like I know how much it did for me, like growing up and like being able to like find these communities online where I just like fit in actually because like in shit ass middle of nowhere Texas, like girl, like I can't talk about this shit with real life people because I'd actually be murdered. But what are you doing over there?

This reminded me of I'm trying to repurchase my one direction Varsity.

You're buying shit online right now as we speak. You have an actual addiction.

Okay, this was literally because crazy I had. I've talked about this before. I had this one direction Varsity. But they still sell them and like make them, but it's on those fucking gross sites where you can like get a varsity made and it's like one hundred and ten dollars, but it's on like a random cotton like shitty varsity and I'm not about to spend one hundred and twenty dollars on it, and someone's selling it in a size that would fit me. I don't know where mine went.

The trend cycle is so vicious that galaxy leg print leggings, Galaxy print leggings are coming back in two years.

Yeah, fully, I would even maybe say less because remember how we were saying Domo is going to be a thing again. I saw a Domo video on my fucking timeline on TikTok last night.

That is freaking it.

It freaked me out.

Demo was so Demo serv Yeah there was something. Galaxy leg tights are coming back. I have a note.

Oh the Adida Superstars, Yeah, those are coming back, which is freaking me out.

I knew once I saw.

The vapor wave is coming back soon. It's gonna make like the esthetic.

That makes a lot of sense because to me, because of like Blade and shit, yeah, it's got like world like popping so heavily, like it just makes sense for that to cut like tag along behind it.

It's just also that like nostalgia core, like people love nostalgia like people I don't know, do people like nostalgia. I love nostalgia, and like I've had conversations with nostalgia. People were like, I fucking hate nostalgia. I hate the feeling. It's like the worst feeling ever. And I was like, okay, am I like the weirdo for liking it.

No, nostalgia literally, I think runs like most trends because like almost everything is like a callback, especially now because it's like we're you're in the what is it? It's a ten year cycle or is it your cycle?

Yeah? I think it's a ten year cycle.

Yeah, we're like literally caught up in the ten year cycle, so now we get to see it.

Also, I think that like nostalgia just validates stuff because people are like, oh, this is a proven thing. If you're coming up with a new trend or a new style, that's scary. But if you're like calling back to stuff from the past, yeah, oh this song, like this band, it's a it's a proven, validated thing because it's been around for long enough.

Also, I feel within capitalism it works so well. Literally like you're selling people back by memories. It's like, oh, remember this thing you really used to like, It used to make you so happy, you should do it again. Literally me with my one direction varsity, But to be fair, I wear varsity jackets a loss, so like I would like, y'all are about to see me pulling up. Should I just get a really nice one direction varsity made that's kind of embarrassing.

No, don't do that, Yeah, that's embarrassing.

Spending four hundred dollars on like a leather like like literally.

You are thirty two years old, you cannot be wearing Yeah, true.

Yes I can. Okay. That's the thing is One Direction Merch is about to start coming back the way like in Sync merch is like a fucking thing. I was thinking about that and I was looking at their merch and like they have a few pieces that I'm like, I would fully.

Like come to an urban outfitters pack son.

Yeah, but I think all of them would have to sign off, and like I.

Don't think, oh yeah, that's the thing is they don't have to like, no one like I'm not gonna mention what I'm right.

I guess licensing, it's up to you.

That's to the label. Yeah, exactly, like a lot of the shit that like musicians and boy bands like all of their merch, like actors like all of it. Like the people don't even know half the time that it's being created. It's just like written into their contract and they don't even realize it.

And they're merchandising and then they get like a small.

Smell, especially if it's like a major estate, like something as big as One Direction was.

Justin Bieber Merch is like almost there where people are wearing it, and it's almost like a vintage.

Yeah dude, justin Bieber like purple era, like where he would always wear purple. That merch is so good, like I would.

Yeah, that shit's fire.

I want like the fucking big prints of his face.

Yeah, the purpose Tourmrch. I don't want it, but I want to like see it because I remember, like I was so jealous of everybody who had the purpose Tour merch, and I was like, I want that so bad. But then like eventually I like discovered streetwear instead.

I stole that hoodie from a fucker who was somehow still around. Do you remember, do you know what I'm talking about.

I won't say his name. Oh yeah, yeah.

I stole that hoodie from someone because they were being a dickhead and it was rightfully deserved. But that's how I had that hoodie. And again another thing that I think is in Honduras because I was just like, I don't I have no use for this anymore. I just told that I wonder how much a purpose hoodie goes for now, because I mean, now he has.

Drew, which is fucked up because he stole my name. He stole my name. He saw me popping on name. Yeah, he saw me popping online and he was like, actually, you know what, I'm gonna steal this kid's entire identity. And he did, and it's fucked up. And Justin Bieber, you're an evil entity for that. Like, I hope you burn and rot for stealing my name?

Are you kidding me? This fucking twenty ten Justin Bieber merch. See this is the air I'm talking about.

Guy?

Wait, yoho, what thingame?

It's just cute. It's like giving Jojo sua.

Oh yeah, that's crazy. Looks like that was made in PowerPoint.

But purpose merch is pretty cheap. It's I mean, it's not like selling for what I would have ever expected. There's like one hundred dollars hoodie. There's a forty five dollar hoodie.

Wait, speaking of purpose merch, Literally, do you shut the toilet when you flush it?

No?

No, I need to do it And I didn't. I never I never knew it was gross. I just like, yeah, I was like, I don't shut the toilet when I flush it, Like it just never crossed my mind to even shut it. And I was always curious. I was like why do we have a top lid on it? I was like, maybe to keep like babies from drowning,

Is clear, my teeth are like kind of yellow, and I need to go to the dentist. But that doesn't have to the ship.

There is definitely like three parts per million fecal matter to like everything we consume in that bathroom. Just because I don't simply I don't shut the lid when I flush, And then I noticed, I was like, everybody does it, Like even Josh shuts the lid when he flushes, Yeah he does. Do you shut the lid when ye don't? Give? And also I feel like it's dirtier to touch the ship.

I poop, I'll actually put my head into the bowl, but no, and get my nose really close to the water and then I'll flush it.

Why the fuck would you do that?

Sit around eating ship?

I'm from northern California.

Oh okay, that makes its culturally.

Yeah wow, yeah, I'm sorry.

Thank you for apologizing.

Yeah, no, you don't. No one should eat ship, Like, what the fuck?

I think people should eat poop if I think it's cool if sometimes I eat poop, and.

It's only sometimes talk about eating ship on this podcast anymore, Like it's literally gotta stop, and this is this should have just been over five minutes ago, but somehow we always end up about ship on this podcast.

If you give yourself a little treat every day, it's not a treat, it's a habit. So kay. If you give yourself a little treat like twice a week of poop, it's not No.

No, I've been good. I haven't had poop in five days.

No, Oh, my fucking god, you should have never had poop in your life once. Holy shit, y'all are fucking weird.

Oh my god, I'm crazy.

Also, I can't catship like a normal person.

What, No, you can't be eating catshit. That's actually disgusting.

I guess they do make it per little almond joy.

Yeah, it's like putting little give them, give them a little milks, give them a little milk. Yeah, when it comes out of the thing, give them a little milk and it liquifies a little bit, and it's like a little patty once it hits the cat litter and then you can pick it.

Up like it is like a NERD's rope kind of thing, because it's like it's like a nerds cluster.

Yeah, exactly.

I always thought a good prank because like pooping in a bowl and then putting in someone's microwaved.

Did kids at y'all school have the like ship bombs.

The glass vials?

It's like ours was like plastic bags and they would like expand and you had to run away and they would fucking burst. I don't know up that my school sold them so literally the person who sold us ice cream also showed, wait, I need to find them, like.

I want to know they're the exact same, Like it's like a foil packet that you like, there's like something in it makes a chemical reaction that and we had the glass vials that you would break.

Damn, the graphic design of this is too liate.

Don't show the people let me see, well they could look it up. No, don't even tell them. No, that actually is like I almost but this is fire those the vial and then the liquid ass spray. Have ever told a story about when we poured the liquid as spray and my friend's hair and he freaked the fuck out.

Yeah, but yeah, we had these like little.

Far This kind of smells like off, like it will like void off mosquitoes.

I think it does.

Oh, it is like a spring candle. No, but that's the cleaning line.

I don't know who cares, but oh, kids would take that and throw it in the fucking air vents at school. They would go in the bathroom, toss it in the air event and run away, and then the whole floor would smell like fucking shit. So we would get evacuated. But it was just like really annoying, but the ice cream truck would literally sell it to the kids.

I would make turds out of cliff bars and hide them in the corners of the hall, and I would record people's reactions to them, like walking past like a human.

I misread the fuck I misheard you so crazy. I thought you were making a joke that you would like shape your shit like a cliff bar, and I literally.

Was like, as a prank, I guess.

Yeah, it's like funny. I wouldn't show anybody, but it's like a funny thing to do.

I used to make fake turns out of snickers. It looks really really good, looks very real.

It looks good like.

And then.

And then you eat them. Okay, riddle me this. Why do you have to order a side of fries? Now? Remember the days when the fries would come with the burger.

I have noticed that recently.

Oh bitch, wait, me getting a girl's number. Oh my god, I got a girl.

I think you might have already said this.

But I might know I have not said it because I wrote it down to say it. But I got a girl's.

Number when I ask him where and when? Where and when?

The protestore When I got my Prota loafers, the girl helped me out. She was like, here, take my number down so you can text me about like ordering other Prada things.

But that was the store's number. That's like a girl gave it to me. But a girl gave it to me. That's like a customer support thing. It's like, oh, these are expensive.

You guys, No, because I haven't needed to buy anything.

Yeah, when you when you call the number, is it a robot that answers its.

Like, well, yes, I did call it, and it was an automated thing. It was like, uh, this is Prada at the Galleria, Like we'll get back or the Beverly Center or whatever. We'll get back to you when we can. But I thought her name was Prada Beverly at the Beverly Center. No Beverly Prada. She did give Beverly vibes.

What was I going to say?

You weren't going to say ship, you weren't going to.

Say tongue, And it's going to be starting by wall. That's the thing.

Yeah, that's the thing about you.

I thought you were going to talk about the lady Saw who both of us fell in love with. Oh, we thought she was literally just buttering us up to sell us stuff.

You're so sad and miserable and disgusting. Anybody who gives us every time, Yeah, anybody who's nice to us and gives us attention we literally just fall in love with.

She was also beautiful, and she had a British accent, and she was talking about her friends visiting and going to the Roosevelt Hotel, and I was like, can I see your boob.

If I buy this candle? Can I see your boobs I fall from It's not even like butt crack. It's just it's not even like I'm like falling in love with her. It's like she gives me maternal energy and I long for that.

Yeah, and I want her to like carry me around and pat me on the back and.

Give me Yeah, I want to be wild.

And there's so much to impact there. But I have noticed, like if you're if you're at a store, like right when you're buying something and there's like a tipping situation, dude, don't smile at that, Like you're supposed to tip. The person who's selling you will like compliment you right before the salesman to be like they'll say something nice about you. This happens, they'll be like they're like, oh I really like that, shirty'll wonderful, laugh at what you're saying like

I support it, and I like give everybody. Yeah, I give.

Everyone tips, and like I am like such a fucking little like turd.

Actually it's it's a good I don't fucking tip. I don't tip, like if you needed a fucking tip, like like give me service that require you know what I'm saying, Like, I don't need to fuck me.

Ironically, never tipped.

Never tipped once in his life.

I don't know what that is.

He doesn't get it tip.

He's like, your price go up by like five dollars. Mine was literally five dollars optional.

It is optional.

Yeah, no, I tip, I tip. I tipped thirty five percent.

I only tipped well because I was like taught it at a young age because my mom is in the service industry, so she would always like talk to me about it. So I was like, Okay, that's the thing you need to do. But I had like a funny conversation with a barista the other day. Also, any Yeah, anybody who's nice to me, I like overly tip them because I'm like, I really like you.

It'll be like I'm gonna give you the thirty percent.

Yeah, definitely, because I'm like a fucking little monkey. Yeah. They're like, well you're pretty and funny, and I'm like thank you.

Yeah, I'm like I'll give you. My finger has been hovering over the eighteen percent and they like said something nice and I went twenty five. Yeah.

I was like, no, you know what it's fucked up is when they do it twenty five.

Oh, they they flip.

It because they want to trick you into doing it. Also, one time, like recently, I accidentally when I went into a coffee shop, somebody behind the counter knew who I was, and I had a short conversation with them, and this, if you're listening, this was fully an accident, but I couldn't go back on it because it would have been so embarrassing. I went to go it was like a five dollar coffee. I went to go do the like a two dollar tip, and I accidentally did twenty and

I was looking through you. Yeah, I know it's about a guy that doesn't.

Tip or no that he he opened up a coffee shop and he's like, Oh, we're not going to turn the screen to tip. We're gonna do He was like we we're going to do cash only tips.

Yeah.

So it's just like, oh, if someone really wants to, they can like go ahead and do that, but like we're not going to like ask them to do tips, because he was just like, oh, I felt funny, Like at my last job. Like literally we would like turn the screen and kind of look away because it was just like, oh God, like I this feels so weird, like asking you for a tip. I was like, I guess that is, like there are certain there are only certain moments where I'm.

Like, no, I'm wait, I'm literally like you should pressure every fucking customer into giving me you a tip. I don't give a fuck, Like I mean, like personally it does make me uncomfortable, but I'm like, literally, do that to everybody. I don't care.

Yeah, I'm like, because I will still tip. That's the thing is, no matter how I feel about it, like in any given situation, even at the restaurants where it's like I go put my order and then I sit down and then I do all things and then I do all the little things and I like do it myself.

But I did think that's even mean to me. I still do.

Yeah, I'm like I should be like a pissy bitch, but I'm like, I'm sure you had a hord day, Like you know, I here's here's your fucking fifteen eighteen percent. Like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I should be here.

Why isn't there a Straight Pride month.

Mhm.

I was thinking that.

Why do the gay is good a month but a straight Christian Trump supporters don't get a month. I think it's weird in the liberal.

Say like us, like who was us?

Me and my altars? Oh, okay, we need straight Pride? Yeah, are you like we need that month? Stop saying you keep me in the community and the rest of the straight community.

Yes, So what if straight people use grinder for.

Why are you bringing that up?

Because Grinder is like a notoriously like it's literally for like.

It's not on my phone.

When we went through our screen time and there is not six hours of grinder time.

That's too much. True. I'm just saying that's way too much.

Not you, literally, you're not you being homophobic.

I'm not being homophobic. That's just that's clearly like an addiction.

Whoa an addiction to love? To seeking out.

Love and front like you can be addicted to having sex Like that's like I'm being addicted to being the coolest personal life.

That's literally no, Okay, don't don't even get mad, because that's Kai being a loser.

Jealous.

Yeah, he's being jealous because he's literally a virgin.

Yes, I have sex all the time. I'm I'm about to start crying.

In like habitual and like I need to do it and if I don't.

Then like it's like myself, I wasn't gonna cry.

You can be addicted to sex. I'm not a virgin. I have sex all the time. Literally constantly.

I told myself I wasn't gonna cry. I really did.

He's crying. You're like you're literally attacking him. You think you're helping, but you're just hurting.

And you know what, fuck this good. I'm glad I made him cry because I try to help you all the time. And then this ship he's also fake crying.

No, that's how he cries.

It's really weird.

Sometimes I'm like, oh my god, is like there're a dog outside and I go and it's just you in his room.

Oh, oh my god.

That was really scary. God, guy like rebooted your eyes brown?

They're green?

You actually have green?

Actually no, Hi, they're brown, but there there is a little bit of green in there.

Literally me in like third grade, when I was in my siblings, I was like no, I was like, in the light, my eyes.

Are like so like if we go outside.

When it was because my ad so dark, the trees were reflecting off of my eyeball.

Hold on, hold on.

Also, I was thinking about this other way, and it's like how to be cracking up. People really find out they can sing, and they don't stop.

They like, just don't say Tiger, I live Tiger the girl that the TikTok you sent me this morning?

Oh wait, I don't know. I have to look at it, dude. I watched so many tiktoks at this point, Like when people reference them to me, I'm like, actually, what the.

Fuck is and doesn't like TikTok? She just sends them to me.

I know. And then when it's started to like share your screen and show what you've been liking, my shit sucks balls.

Oh literally, me discovering I can sing on camera for the first all right, but.

Dude, this literally had me cracking up because I was like, oh my god, okay.

Inya ya.

When I realized I can think, I can't believe I got it on video.

You're gonna you're gonna hear me, hear me, Damn.

The fuck up.

No.

But actually, literally imagine do you know how fucking annoyed i'd be if my little four year old started singing and had kind of a decent voice and they're like belting around the house and they're like, I'm gonna do this for a living, I fucking be so annoyed, like.

Shut especially because the people that can sing, they'll like go to school and then sing under their breast.

I was the kid humming on my cameras greasy as, but I was the kid humming under my breath. I

Literally, James Charles be like, but like, seriously, I'd be so annoyed if my like ten year old is like on YouTube like, hey, yeah, I like shot.

The fun You know. The thing is that you would be like, okay, that you're serving. No.

I made fun of my little sister for the same thing. My little sister wanted to be a singer, and I made fun of her so crazy. I was like, girl, you do.

You showed me? Yeah, maybe I don't.

There's a video. I'm gonna see if I can find it. This is so mean to do to Sophia. But there's a video.

It's literally the funniest thing I love. I love you Sophia. Actually I love you Sofia, but it is so funny.

I think I should have done that. Dude, you thought you were fucking eating like she literally thought Jesus, she felt like she was in a movie. Like she was like a long song? Fuck? What fuck? What song is it? I just have to find it, Like I'm gonna yeah, what.

What am I like conventionally attractive? Or am I like weird attractive?

You're special?

Thank you? Let me know? Am I like like, am I attractive to you? Or am I ugly?

You're hello sexy to me?

But like un ironically, like if you saw me down the street, would you be like, oh, he's like kind of cute?

I think I would absolutely?

Okay, thank you. I needed that confidence booze because I was feeling ugly today. It's simply it's because of my hair. I need my hair cut really bad.

Yeah.

I need to find this more than anybody else.

What are you gonna do? Oh? Is it a secret?

You look and said? Not you serving sex? You look like you just came home from a dog on a windy day, on a windy, humid day.

It looks like I just came.

You do look like you just like stumbled out of the sexier burning man.

Yes, don't why you you looked at me a little too long?

Yoah looks sexy?

I mean it is your mom.

There's that clip from the last episode, like.

The silent raise, the silent raise. Yeah, we watched the TikTok of the girl saying like that. Why it do celebrities wave very condescendingly and uh it literally cracked me up. And me and you have just been like saying by like that.

I literally love it. That's all we did to each other day.

I'm like, you knows you're the best.

Oh, No, one is about to turn to you.

I know. You know what?

What's this a launch song? That's like what you say to me? She's like what you say to me? Oh, I just say to me like that? And what makes the money isn't so breathy? Because my sister had had one. She was like, what just.

Said don't touch my hair to me?

Oh, I'm almost there. I'm going down my Finsta, but I just have a million posts.

When I hold this up, it feels so passive aggressive.

No, I literally love it.

It's cool.

I like it, but it really does like throw me off because I have absolutely no concept.

Of like Vegina to see anything.

Oh I got guys, it's cured now. But I had bai back to your.

Old bread in that oven throw back? Wait? Uh me? And what do you know about me on ironically loving the Pride Month advertisements and all of the icons changing.

What do you think about the Chipotle one?

I haven't seen it.

It says homo estoce.

No, it doesn't.

I think it's real.

I actually genuinely love that if that's true. I love that.

It's rainbow Burrito, it's his homo astace. But maybe it's a joke.

Windstar Wayco from Succession and their Pride Month posts. I love Pride. I really love Pride so much.

I really, I do really enjoy the fact that in the uber app the line is.

Rainbow is rainbow and it glows.

Yeah.

No, I actually love it, and I'm like, yeah, yep, yeah. But that's me as a straight man, saying that.

What's the like you say you like it, like it's like made for you.

M hmm.

You say you like the Pride.

Just I cleaned this table this morning. How is it like this this water right here?

Yes, I don't know, But what was weird is that water was like cloudy before.

What you said. Men, find it. I hopefully I can find it and send it to Kai and he can play it. But I know I'm getting close.

I'm close. I'm so close. Okay, let's see what else I can talk about. High tech, low life. We're basically living the worst magic in life possible. We have all these technologies. Oh was this me falling?

That was me.

And the people watching you. We have a ring doorbell and now we see every single time our neighbors leave our house, and it feels wrong.

It feels like like that.

Should be okay. I know. I made a comment about twenty episodes saying that I don't like or understand and practical jokers. I need to clear the air. I am a mirbias and I watched a couple episodes and I literally love it. They're just goofy old man being goofy and having fun and I love it and I can't wait to be old. Actually, no, I lied, oh me in that meeting. Girl, do you remember me in that meeting? We never talked about it.

What.

I don't even know if I'm allowed to say it, But like I was like when I I was just like in a manic like flow state, and I was like, well, I'm like killing myself when I turned thirty. Anyways, in front of those.

Kid dude I know, and I'm literally like the thing is our agents got it and laughed. But like the new person on the call was like, oh, oh so I did that. It wasn't like that. No, that's not what a high note it is. Dre. Also, I just go through my whole and said I couldn't find it. But now I'm really paranoid. Like I've said this before, but sometimes I feel like y'all could see through my phone and now I'm scared that y'all just saw my whole life.

Hi tech, Hi tech, low life.

Okay, that's the end of this episode. The last like five minutes was just me trying to find this video and you just like floating into oblivion.

Like talking You're gonna have fun. One thing about me is I'm gonna have fun. Um, Okay, let's do media.

Min is Valentine Fiona Apple, Wild Horses by Prefab, Sprout Down under Men at Work and One Day by Nobu Kazu Takamura and Love Song by Bbadoobee and then visually I haven't seen nothing.

I haven't seen nothing nothing yet Let's.

See nothing, read nothing, I do nothing. Uh.

First songs one eighty Decibel Underscore one and thirty I'm Assuming Bpm by AFX Twin on syrah s y r Oh. That's a good album. Um, let's go to the end of this. No no, I added it to this playlist.

Oh, I have so.

Many private playlists on Spotify, and now I've been gatekeeping my music. We got White Sheep and Small Light by uh Nobu Kasu take Takomori Takoma. And then also we both pronounce oh, wait, did you say a song from Yeah? I said one day, oh the beat loops. Literally love that song. That is my favorite ambient song of all all time. Very bold of me to say, after all by seven three eight six three four three five seven. And then Julian showed me this song TLC by Turnstile

Go watch. Your mom is ugly and stupid.

Oh my god. Also, I'm sorry, what's his face?

Yeah?

Mom?

I know you heard that. I text me, text me mom, because we'll get this bitch together. We'll get her. No, but what's his name? Tom? Olds know the Tom cruise. He looks good for being like eight hundred years old.

Someone said he had a facelift. Oops, oops, and we're gonna out women for having facial uh surgery. We got to do it for men. He had a facelift, and.

You could see are people still trying to hide like getting bassic surgery?

Yes?

Fully, who fucking cares? Like own that ship if you're going to do it?

By Drake, I got a bunch of work done.

Yeah that was beautiful. Bad but you know he got a penis and large actually a penis shrinking surgery because he's so well endowed. It like it was when he would get a B word, he would pass out because the blood when he would get a boner, it would he would pass out because the blood from his brain would.

Rush to his It happened a couple of times while I was driving, so it was dangerous.

So it was what was it? It was an elective surgery turned needed, so the insurance covered.

It exactly, and there was it was such it's such a long surgery because it's really big constantly seventeen wait.

Wait wait, this is big news thanks to you guys. It literally is because of this podcast. Now I can have it. I have health insurance.

Yes, yeah, she got health insurance. I had to sign papers to get it turned over. So it's my doing. No, literally it is. It's actually so advanced. And then I also now I could go get.

My pussy swabed and it won't be two thousand dollars.

I was thinking, maybe Kai, it's a vagina that sprays discharge. I was I was thinking I might get on the health insurance to just do it. But I was like, no, I get health insurance. I'm twenty six through my parents. Like that.

If I got health insurance through my parents, I would fully do that. What to me? What you said to me? I'm going to find it and we'll ultro with that, well, ultro with Sophia. We'll have Kai mix it into a song.

I'm gonna make it a German based song.

Merge coming soon.

Oh, you naughty little boy.

You're gonna get a big spink merge coming soon. Maybe we tease it, not now, not now, but I mean, like on the week's leading up, maybe we just like, have you pulled it over me being a tease?

All right? Bye? God, what