Welcome for this episode of Emergency Intercrop Guy. Something really big happened today. What I lost my virginity this morning?
Oh? Really?
Yeah? And I know it's weird that it happened at like six am.
Wait to who.
Okay, Oh my god, you're like actually fucking funding me. I'm already sharing so much information.
You don't know them. They go to a different school, Like hello, like, are you lying? Like what that?
I actually didn't want to say because it was your fucking mom.
Oh my god, it's literally my mom's birthday tomorrow.
Yeah.
Well that's why I because I took her virginity too, which is weird because you're here.
So it's like, m she lied to you.
No, she was a virgin. She everywhere?
Is that total fucking slag too, slag, total fucking slag. I'm so sweaty today.
It's been really hot in the house. It's back to being hot. Look, it's literally ninety.
Nine degrees Oh wow.
I know if the sun is walking in, but it's literally ninety nine degrees in here, so fucking hot.
Wow.
That being said, I'm really sorry. And all I can say is I'm just gonna go off my note. And this has nothing to do with you. But I can't believe people feel embarrassed but doing things in public, Like I I forgot who I was talking to. Oh, I was like walking around with like this group of friends and one of them was like, you are like too crazy, and I don't think I could ever hang out with you alone because of like how loud I laugh. And I'm like, I'm so quick to make jokes about everything.
Yeah, you're a funny girl. You make people. I feel like a comedian girl.
Things that been to me. But I'm just too funny and too loud and rambunctious for a lot of people. But genuinely, I think the one video that comes to mind that I know everybody will know when we reference it was me yelling in the elevator like stairwell at the mall and people being like, how is she doing that? Like how is she not embarrassed? Like, oh, we can't
take you anywhere? Crazy. I'm fucking crazy because it's fucking funny and it's literally so hilarious to be so loud, to make people look at you.
Literally who cares? Because those people, I am genuinely convinced, like ninety eight percent of the people that are around me at all times, at any given moment genuinely aren't real and like that might make me a narcissist or a sociopath, but like, I don't believe it. I'm not buying it. I'm not real, Like.
I'm what's don't hey, don't You're not supposed to do that publicly. Don't do it.
It's hiding in plain sight, babes, Like if you do it, yes, I guess I'm not.
They don't.
They're like, oh, like he would never if he was actually in the Illuminati, he would never actually do that.
Oh okay, okay, I mean I'm I'm fucking it up now because now they will cut that out.
No, it's all in plain sidebabes. Okay, we're good.
Okay, Yeah, so that wasn't real. But yeah, I just was thinking about that because I just don't feel embarrassed. Actually, the things I feel embarrassed over are like it comes and goes so quickly, and I'm not one of those people who sits and remembers things that embarrassed me. I can't think of a single thing that happened that I was like, oh, that was so embarrassing and humiliating. Like
I almost passed out. I wanted to throw up, and it was so uncomfortable because genuinely, if I do feel embarrassment, ever, it goes away so fast, like I'm like, oh, that was embarrassing, and I almost say it like like I'm just mimicking the humans around me. I'm like, guys, that was so embarrassing because I think it was supposed to be and I just have to say it so people don't think I'm crazy.
Yeah, when I do. When I get like, there are a few specific things come to my brain when I think of like times I've been actually embarrassed. One of them is farting in front of my whole class year and reading time in like second grade, most horrifying experience of my life. Like I guys, I didn't fart in front of anybody, even like in public, Like I didn't fart any in front of my friends, in front of
my family, in front of my twin fucking sister. Like I didn't fight in front of anybody until I would. I know how to make my fart silent because I have a big, gaping butthole and it's just so super stressed out there, Like oh, it just like breathed, it's like a breath, it's like ever it's collapsed to a
little bit. Yeah, but it would or I didn't far in front of anybody until maybe this year, like maybe last year at the most, because like it for some reason, fart's like like they're hilarious to me when they're not mine, but like my own, Like I was just like indoctrinated into this like anti fart household where it was just not funny, Like no, not even my brothers farted in.
Front of me, like that's disgusting, don't fart.
No, it wasn't even like that. Just none of us farted in front of each other like it. It was crazy. It was really crazy.
Spoke in shame. Yeah, wow, that hard for you.
It was pretty difficult. What was I even saying about that? Because we're talking about times I'm embarrassed.
Yeah, yeah, that's funny because the most wet shit like.
Okay, yes it wasn't wet. It was shitty, like it was a shitty dookie fart, but it was not wet, like.
Literally like that, like it came out of the ass of somebody who just want a hot dog eating.
Tell me why. When I was in the bathroom. After that, I was like, wow, why was that like one of my greatest acting performances of my life? Because I was like I like every once in a while, like I'll hear a sound and like get PTSD written and freak out and think someone's in the house, and like I'll be like, wait, wait, POSITIV, what is that puzz that buzz that hurry? And then it turns out to be our neighbors walking up the stairs or some bullshit.
Yeah.
Well, like before I let out this like diabolical, demented, disgusting, fucking biggest part of my life, I made a big fart on my butt. I was like, I gave you this performance. I was like wait, wait, wait, guys, guys, guys, like pause that what does that sound? And then I bent over and.
Went It was like it was like, yeah, it was long, really like insane.
It took shapes of its tone, and me and Josiah literally were so shocked by it.
We didn't even say anything. We were just like, oh, it was so loud that my cup was you were next to the table, my cup was on, and I moved my cup because I literally got the intrusive thought that I would get like pink eye or like something shitty flakes.
Let's answer it.
Hello, are you?
Are you to me?
Are my god? Human? Human? Human?
Huehuman human, click and over again. Guys, if you ever are talking to a robot and you want to speak to.
Human, Hi, I'm good. What about you?
That's a robot? Are you a robot? Are you? Are you a robot?
Oh? This is a robot?
Are you a robot?
Is this a robot?
I really want to speak to human guys.
Okay, life, I'm serious because we still haven't paid our I know.
It was like I was like, wait because I heard sounds in the backyard this morning, and I was like, oh, wow, they're we're.
Doing the thing. This is so annoying that we're still doing this. We'll pay it, We'll pay it before we go away for vacation. But we haven't paid our power and our gas. And every time I hear sounds in the morning of like men around the house, I'm like, yeah, they're gonna turn off my water, They're gonna turf the heater.
Same but life tip if you're ever speaking to a robot and you want to speak to human, just say human, human, human and clicking one one one one over and over again, and it overloads their system or some ship because like it has worked without fail Like that's.
There's nothing else in this life that makes you more angry than talking.
To Like no, it's it's really like one they're replacing jobs. Two I don't want to speak to a stupid fucking robot, Like literally, what the oh my god, AI has been in front of us this entire time, but I don't want to speak to a robot. I want to speak to a human, like I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. It's just like literally not chill, not fucking chill, like nasty boots, Like I fucking hate robot.
Remember when they first started in plot putting in self checkouts and literally the whole Internet exploded and was like, we're mating our end. Self checkout is the devil. It literally is, because like now they just fucking take pictures of your face all day and scan your shopping habits and they're collecting that on all of us, which I keep saying that and I'm afraid of and I don't know what it means. But also that makes you mad, And then I'm trying to think of something else. I'm like,
what makes me that mad? Like that genuinely pisses you off? And I think what genuinely pisses me off is people chewing sounds.
Yeah, Like it's that is the one thing that you cannot do.
I like, genuinely, no matter how much I love you, no matter how close we are, if you are chewing like a fucking animal around me, I will actually cume, okay and off.
The thing is is it's not even chewing like an animal. It is literally just natural human chewing sounds. Like I could be like like twice and then you'll be like, okay, like you need to fucking stop now, Like I'm not fucking kidding, like I'm gonna fucking come myself. You need to stop.
Times like it hits a part of my brain, and then sometimes it doesn't because like like Hi, chewing gum the other day, literally, oh my god, it was driving me fucking crazy. And Josi eating his fucking carrots. He was actually eating them like a fucking child though, because he was crunching on them and chewing with his mouth really loud open, because I think he liked hearing the
crunch sounds. But I couldn't do it, and it was freaking me the fuck out and chewing just like it hits a primal part of my body and brain that genuinely triggers caveman like anger. Like I want if there was a rock around me when somebody was chewing on food and it hit my brain that way, I think I would bludget them to toth.
Oh, oh my god, you're fucking crazy. It's sis. It is never that deep like it is literally you know what I.
Mean though, Like it's just like a.
Goes like it oh, like a spot, yeah, like a blackout, like a seeing red.
And I know it's such a stupid thing to get that angry over, but I genuinely can't stop it. Like it's not by choice, it just takes over me.
Something else is when I'm driving and someone honks at me even if I'm in the wrong, Like I'm literally like shut the fuck up, Like you're literally like a coward.
You have Napoleon complex. You're a small little man, then you need to use your big horn because you aren't hurt in your life and your wife is cheating on you and you're being cuckholded by your boss and like exactly it's crazy, Like I'm literally getting angry about it, like thinking about it, but like literally anytime I drive now, like I get road rage, but only for like thirteen thirteen seconds, like someone like I don't remember what it was,
but I started chasing after them, and then I was like, what am I doing? And I'm about to miss my turns? So I got a turn. It's crazy.
Oh it was that guy who you were going the speed limit and literally behind you he was tailing your ass and honking at you.
Yeah, and then sped around me and Kia Soul. Oh yeah, it was a Kia Soul. I'm sorry, love, if you drive a kiasaw like sis, you're over Like it's.
Hamster commercial really get you like that? How did they get you?
Wait?
Those commercials are actually.
So you were lit but then like you were into it and all it took was blinking your eyes once to realize you were watching cgi hamsters dance around a tiny car.
Yeah. You know what other commercials like ingrained in my brain forever. The Gatorade commercials where they were sweating gatorade out of their pores. Like some of the hardest like commercial graphics ever. I've been like obsessed with like promotional campaigns recently, Like obviously we all know the kill Bill campaign, like slashing blood, sprang all all over the wall, like that vibe, like creative, Like I think it was like
Coca Cola that did like showers. No, no, no, it was Sprite maybe or vitamin water, but like basically they went they built like showers at a beach that were shaped like fountain sodas like you know, and they were showers that you push a button and it rains on you. And it was a promotional campaign for like Sprite or something. Literally love gorilla marketing.
I love the what's the other one? There was like a it's like a Mercedes. One was a BMW. Yeah, it's like you start going fast enough, then you'll look like us. And it was like the Mercedes logo spinning fast enough that it looked like a BMW logo was on one and had to have done a little bit of mess Yeah, because what the fuck are you talking about?
How did you conceive that? Genuinely?
What are we talking about right now?
Also just like that BMW Mercedes like mutual symbiotic beef, public beef, but behind the closed doors, like everybody's winning was so sick, literally so sick.
Well, I keep thinking about all the weird ship that happened in middle school that I have kind of talked to. I talked tot, but I need to talk about again. And I was just thinking about, like my first kiss the other day, like my first proper makeout kiss. What you've never made out with someone?
Absolutely fucking not are.
Saving yourselfs on that? Yes, okay, if I'm a slut, you're a freak.
What now I'm a holy man? I'm a holy man.
Yeah, I know some holes.
Oh yeah, I got fucking gaping holes?
Was it you? But if you've heard this story, just fucking listen to it again. I don't fucking care.
But me us to each other after every fucking story ever, thirty six times, we have these same conversations every single fucking day. It's really really crazy.
The only new things are like mic drops of the really sad, dark shit that's happened in our life where we're just guys. Sorry, it's your last day.
This is June thirteenth, the last day I'm hitting this. This will probably come out two or three weeks after the fact. I'm not hitting this anymore. I was aware I'm holding it down. It's for my beautiful mother. Happy birthday to you, and we don't want to get a copywritten strike love you, Mom, Happy Birthday. My mom listens to every single episode of me talking about spraying shit and poop out of my buttt and farts.
Well, my parents don't, which is like actually kind of sad, but I guess my mom literally wouldn't understand. Yeah, like what is she going to be listening for? But I just wanted to, Yeah, I wanted to reiterate my first kiss. And if you've heard it, I'm sorry because I have told it like eight times because it's actually probably the funniest story ever to me. So it was like six or seventh grade and I was just started to date
this kid because for Valentine's Day. Okay, I mean, like it's only natural.
Mm hmmm, it's natural for men today.
Oh, I mean, okay, he courted me.
I didn't court him, okay, but you still pursued it.
But also me saying courted over seventh grade like foolishness. Okay, So setting in the scene, it's like six nth grade take cares on the radio all the fucking time. You already know the vibes. The vibes are elite for Valentine's Day. He gets me this really big thing like seventh grade.
I think your first kids the seventh grade. Holy shit, I actually do think it.
Was sixth grade, but I don't remember, like because I'm not a fucking loser, like I lost my first kiss really fucking easy. Actually never damn sorry, keep going on something else. Wow, your virginity, not my virginity. I did lose my virginity when I was eighteen. Wow, because I am a law abiding citizen.
I lost mine to a thirty something year old when I was sixteen. I wish that was a joke. I know it's not military vibes.
Sure, that's what I was gonna say. I was going to say something.
And I lied and said I was joining the army too.
Oh, you are a part of the army.
We'll tell that story another day.
Yeah, one day, one day, coming soon, but whatever, we start dating on Valentine's Day. This is just a cute thing to mention. I was really into Palmer Clay during the time, so I made him and he was like his cousins and him were all like graph writers, and he would right his name with the Superman S. So I made him a Superman logo.
He's such a toy, Yeah, a toy.
He's like, not really about it. But I made him a Superman logo pendant and gave him a necklace with that pendant on it. That's so cute for Valentine's Day, and he probably got in was like, bitch, I do not want to wear this because he never wore.
But it's like exposing himself.
Yeah, it's like embarrassing too. It's just too much. But that was my cute gift. And while I was making it, take cares playing and I was like I would take care of him. I was like, I literally would take care of it.
I wish I had that feeling.
It's crazy you've had it once and then it blew up in your face and like set your life on fire.
Yeah, it's not even there. Also, it's not even that like my walls are built up. It's just like no one is intriguing.
Yeah, And I feel like you're also at the age now where you know so many cool people, so finding someone is like only harder. Does that make sense? I feel like when you get all the dating shit out young, it's like Okay, I know what I like. I know what I don't like, Like easy said and done and then and you're used to like the game of it, so you can date really easy, but since you haven't, it's like too much to just jump in with a random Yeah that feels crazy, I feel I bet no.
Yeah, I'm like, why would I literally ever do that?
Why would I do that when I know some of the close.
People, like genuinely I have like more than enough love from the people that I surround myself with that like I will literally just have sex with people when I need it.
Yeah, yeah, when your urges.
Yeah, when my primary urg.
But that is besides the point. That was just a cute thing. So we're dating for I don't remember how long, but we were all friends with the same people. And our mutual close friend I'll just say I think this was this was her nicknames, I'll just say it. Our mutual friend c C was like, y'all like need to make out, like you haven't made out yet, And I was like, I know, but I'm just like nervous, like I don't want to make out, Like I don't know,
I don't know, I don't know. She's like, oh, my god, like everybody wants to make out, you need to make out with him. And I was like, okay, fine, like I'll fucking make out with him, which is like such a funny conversation be happening in the middle of what like English class? What the fuck are we talking about? And so I didn't have the same class with him. I had like a band's class, while they had you were in band like history. Uh no, not by like choice,
They just like had us in a musical class. I never touched a fucking instrument in my life. Nerd. Okay, well, I was a slut, so I couldn't have been a nerd, but I guess I was like a nerdy slut. Hybrid you were bad teachers, Yeah, I was like hybrid the stone. But basically they told me to skip class because all his friends were in his class. So I skipped class while they had lunch and went to the whole way while they they all came back from lunch early so
they could watch us make out. And I stood in the hallway with this kid and made out with him while all our friends stood around us and watched, Like the weirdest shit ever. They all just stood around and watched it sucked balls, he got spit all over my face. I was so uncomfortable. I fucking hated it.
It was so weird when you know, like that post like makeout, dried spitch.
No, literally like wiping my mouth on my sleeve. I was like, okay, and I just backed up. And then their teacher came to like let them in the room and looked at me and was like, Andy, you don't have this class right now. I was like, oh, my teacher let me like come in whatever. And then she like looked at us all and she was like, what
were y'all doing? And I was like, we weren't doing anything, and then proceeded to give us a lecture, like a really religious lecture about how you should be dating to Mary. People don't date for fun. You date to Mary to find your significant other, but the rest of your life you dating is a fun activity. You're supposed to be doing it to lock it down. And she looked at me and she was like, do you want to bet
with him for the rest of your life? And I was like, I don't know, because I was literally in fucking like six or seventh grade. I was like And then she sent me to the Vice Prince and I got what PET for skipping class. So she not only did she ruin my vibe, she was literally a boner kill.
Yeah, she ruined the vibe.
And she sent me to what my school called PET, which was physical torture and I had to do crab walks in the hot sun for a lame ass kiss. But the funniest part is after doing all that, I go home and my friend Cec calls me. She's like, oh my god, we didn't get to talk, like how was it? And I was just like, oh, yeah, it was so good, Like it was literally the best. It was more than I could have ever expected, Like it was so fucking good. And she's like, oh my god.
Good because he's on the line. Bitch, Now what if I told you that shit sucked?
Oh my god.
She's like, here, I'll get off so y'all can talk to each other. I was like oh, and then she just like left us on the phone and I was just standing away though I know, I was just standing with the family phone that anybody in my house could pick up at any moment and hear my fucking conversation, which we need to bring that back because that kind of like dropping his top tier. But then I just stood there awkwardly, like I don't even know what we talked about. I think he was like, hey, like, how
was the rest of your day? And I told my dad pet and he'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry, and then it was kind of silent.
Then wait, so you got Pete and he didn't.
No, he didn't because he wasn't skipping class, so he.
Was fine because of the No, it wasn't because of the kiss.
I think it was both. I think she was st shaming me and being like, damn girl, you're missing your education for some misogyny, yeah, for some bad kissing, And I was like yes. And then we did break up soon after that. And then my next boyfriend was a good kisser, and we would make out all the time in the hallways, and I was one of those.
People, you're so nicety.
One of those people who literally, like in the middle of classes would be making seventh grade boyfriend in the middle of the hallway and and then oh, my.
God, you've always loved your love.
I have a problem and I really need attention.
Yeah. Yeah. My first kiss was at the Justin Bieber documentary.
In the movie the answer, I was like, well, you got to go to a Justin Bieber concert.
No, no, no, but I told everyone I was selling fake tickets to it to a Justin Bieber concert.
Yeah, okay, well what happens, Like how did you land your smooch at the Justin Bieber documentary?
I literally turned and was like and we kissed and that was it, and then we sat like this the rest of the mote. I'm not joking. It was so awkward. And that's one of those things like that, No, for real, that's one of those things to this day that I'm still like humiliated by. It was just that moment. I don't know why. It was so scary to me. There's like a couple of moments that happened like in high school that I'm just like, oh, my fucking god, like
why did I do that? And then one of them like I called you about like freaking the fuck out yeah, which was like literally the one of the craziest.
That is like actually insane.
Yeah, it's not even embarrassing, it's just like it is. But it's also like just mean.
Yeah, it's more so just like mean spirited and wrong.
Yeah, guys, I was hate crimed. I watched your face like I wish I was joking.
Yeah, it's not funny.
I'm sorry, No, no, no, it's it's funny.
I can only laugh. Yeah, no one tells me anything for Actually, I think I am good with sympathy, but for the most part, if it's crazy, I have to laugh first, and then I'm like, I'm actually sorry, that's really fucked up, and I'll go into my empathy. But life is too crazy.
That shit is like actually literally, it's actually so funny and like insane, like the circumstances of it all and just like really fucking weird, so.
Ass backwards, like you doing the right thing turning into that is so. I think that's what makes it comic. Coal is you were being like, I'm one of the nice guys.
No literally, I was like, no, we can't be doing this, we can't be doing this, and then.
It bit you're nass and that goes to show that's why you should be evil.
I know, that's why men are evil.
Yeah, it's women's fault usually.
Yes. Yes.
Also I'm a little sick because we went to see Janet Jackson. I got my way. We went to see it was the best night of my life. But these women gave me a full glass of wine, and because I have issues and if something's in my hand, I can't not have it. On the way out, I was feeling pretty fine, but then I chugged it on the
way out because I'm fucking crazy. And by the time we got down the hill, I felt so drunk and I was like, oh, now I'm drunk, and I was asking random people for cigarettes, And after screaming to Janet all night and smoking, I fucked my throat up. And it's not the first time I fucked it up, but.
Ill WHOA, Well, this is one of the only notes I have taken. If God ends up being real and I go to Hell, I'm literally going to freak the fuck out, like at the end, and I literally am like going to hell. Like no, I'm a good person.
So that's why I'm saying, like I'm a good.
Person and I'm a spiritual person. I like believe in something like he's just not giving me enough fuck or it is not giving me enough fucking proof to like no if it's real or not.
Like but also it's like the whole idea of like okay and God bless anybody who like is an overachiever in their faith. Like this isn't to discredit it, but it's kind of like the idea of the overachievers in high school. Like I'm sorry to use you as a fucking yeah like example, but this motherfucker got straight A's really thought he was gonna be a doctor. Look at where he's at. He's sitting here talking about his gaping.
Hole and farting like smoking a rotten puff bar.
Yeah, like you, just you. And that's why I feel about practicing your faith in real life. In the the ends, people will go to prove that they are good enough and worthy enough to be accepted into this place. I'm my girl, there's so much actual evil shit you could be doing. Trust and believe you can kiss somebody before you get married and you will get in nice.
Oh for real. Also like also that you're.
So close with them texting when you get.
There, perh No, it's really crazy. And like just so I love this saying there's no hate like Christian love or something like that, Like have you heard that there's no No, it's just so real. No, But genuinely, I'm like, there's such a hateful persons like I don't want to
align with that. I do have like faith in something I don't know what the fuck it is, but like organized religion one is a big fucking scam, enough finesse and really fucking scary, and like I've seen what it does to people and how it just like rips apart their families, and I've seen it like destroy people's psychees and they work great, great, genuinely kind people, and then like I've seen them just go down this rabbit hole of conspiracy like anti gay, like just all this really
really gnarly bad shit that just like is so fucking heartbreaking to witness, and it's all for what, like a Bible that isn't fucking true that was written. Probably That's the other crazy fucking part about the Bible is it has been translated a billion fucking times, and like literally go on Google Translate and translate like I like sucking ass to Spanish and then fucking put it back into English, Like it doesn't work. It's not real.
Also, if the thing you believe so heavily in has such a costly effect of negativity towards so many people, I just don't understand how that doesn't make you step back from it and reconsider the values of this thing you believe in. And I understand, yeah, I understand that,
like people need something, everyone needs something. I'm so sure that if I didn't have like the love and affection I have from you guys and my family and my love life and like like the successes I've had, I would have to turn to something, and that might be religion, it might be something like more negative whatever, and they
are more negative things to turn to. But when your religion literally starts making it that you're on your iPhone screaming into your iPhone chomp, oh your the rainbow on it, something something is really something is really rare.
Got lost in translation actually for real. But I don't know, I like deconstructed my faith like when I was like fifteen fourteen or fifteen in it was like literally one of the scariest, hardest moments of my life. And now I am existing as my own God. Oh kind of not in like a delusional.
Like a delusional like scar way, but like.
In a way where I'm like, oh, I'm like star dust and I'm like ninety nine point nine percent empty space, and like none of this really actually exists. Once you're dead, so like live it up, bade live it up.
Yeah, I just I also think I got lucky that I didn't grow up in a super religious household. Like my parents are definitely religious. My parents believe in God, but they've never pushed or implied any of the rules and kind of gnarly ideology that came along with it. I was never told like God is watching, or like same you'll repent or like whatever. Like I was never
told I would like pay for my sins. Like I was just taught basic moral ground rulings that parents teach their kids, like don't lie, don't do this, don't do that, but it was never followed like and if you do do that, you're gonna burn an eternity for all of your life. So enjoy your fun while you have it.
I guess exactly. My so crazy my family was like the exact same way, where they were just like you can do whatever the fuck you want, which is the sickest way to raise your children, and like if they want to go to church, support it, if they don't want to support it. It was so sick, and they raised me so well, look at me, I'm talking about my gaping buttthole on a podcast right now, you raised perfectly no, but genuinely, and then like fuck, what was
I going to say? What were you just talking about?
Oh?
Like the reason why I was like indoctrinated into this shit was because I grew up in the fucking Bible Belt in South fucking Texas. Like whatever, it's like.
Bound to happen when that's the community around it.
My harsh reality was finding out geographically Texas is not really the South, but I mean it is, like hello, like that.
I feel like culturally it is so now what But yeah, religion is really intense and if you are religious, this is not to bash you take it like that, please, because I do save me.
I'm not joking. Save me.
I will say I've always felt this, like I genuinely wish I had a connection to it because I feel like it would calm a lot of the anxieties I have. But instead I got a therapist who actually texted me the other day, WHOA, I have to text her back, but it's crazy, like I don't know, Like we were making jokes like she needs that fucking check, she's missing
a patient. But I actually do have like such a good relationship with her, and it is crazy because I was just two nice before going on an emotional sobbing tangent about how I need to finally see a psychiatrist and something's wrong with me and I'm never gonna be normal because I'm twenty four, like in Chune towards twenty five, and I still feel the same way I did when I was fourteen, but.
So scary.
It doesn't change.
Just wait till you turn twenty five and you realize that.
Oh you think I'm making it to twenty.
Five, I'll make you make it to twenty five.
Sorry, I'm gonna get up for one second to get water.
No, I need water too. Women don't get wet? What women don't get wet?
You've never made a woman wet?
M that's all a myth. Okay. I wanted to play f Mary Kill, but I don't know with who. I just have f Mary Kill written down.
Okay, I'm gonna give the three people. Oh okay, Tati, Shane Dawson or jeffree Star.
Oh wow, wasn't that a good one?
I do want gonna get mine because I already know. Yeah, I'm marrying Tati. I'm fucking Jeffrey I'm killing Shane Dawson.
Hm hm, I might switch Jeffrey and Shane.
WHOA, that's crazy. I guess like neither are like the most viable. Okay, Jeffrey stars on TikTok doing TikTok's life battle. So crazy, something crazy has shifted.
In the universe, funneling bunneling money from his fans into his bank account.
He needs it.
It's so crazy. I hope that money is being donated or like, I don't know what the fuck that money goes to, because when we get tipped, we don't get the money. So I'm like his TikTok is getting I don't know, the whole tipping culture on TikTok is really really crazy. With that said, me and Andiel are gonna be battling on TikTok. Please donate to please donate to me. Okay, f Mary kill Orian Josh Josiah.
Whoa, Okay, well I'm marrying Oriyan Dude. This is gross. This is like so gross. But I'm having sex with Josh and I'm killing Josiah.
Wow, because yeah, because I I think Lucas killed me.
Like I can't imagine Josiah like Josiah and you genuinely don't have genitals, and I don't want to know if you do.
Okay, but I have jin tolls. Let me tell you about it. Also before this episode ends, because we literally have to run, like we have to leave right now. Let's do a love compatibility test between us.
Wha wait? Is that the thing that's like when like you would put justin Bieber's name in.
Yeah, exactly. Oh wow, So I'm gonna do.
The love calculator. Oh love cambility names tests?
What is it? Okay, it has to be more than that.
Yeah, that's not chill. Yeah, taking the last name.
Okay, okay, okay, science there oh wow.
Wow.
Right below that, when I'm talking about my babe over here, I get an ami gay quiz. This is crazy.
You should take that. We'll do that for another opiod.
Yeah, we'll do that for patreons.
We'll do the the gate. There's like the gay quiz and then the like morality scaled.
Yeah, and also like there's another one.
Oh my god, that's wrong with you. You know what I will say, Drew, is you're looking very masculine, Like something in my primal body is like like I'm like, hey.
Is that that's the same for you. I'm talking to you. I heard your heart flutter, I heard your heart fart.
It's crazy because there was other like stories from high school that I wanted to tell that are like sometimes just too much. Oh, actually I'll tell this one from middle school that I am very aware is a gnarly fucking story. I'm very aware. Actually, I literally can.
It can't be worse than me spray painting a kid. Oh it is, no, it's not I spray painted a kid.
Well, it's worse because it's like we were literally kids. So this is crazy. But one time during my dating the like popular guy who was a really good kisser who we would like make out in the hallways with. I was walking to lunch with everybody and you had to walk past the band room to get to like the lunch room to the cafeteria. And this kid, I'll just call him Jay, was holding the door do cat Yeah, Jaceyson Dojaka at the door and Jay was like, and yeah,
come here, open this door. And I was like, what's behind the door and he was like, Nah, you're a pussy, you don't want to open the door. I was like, what's behind the fucking door. I'm not a fucking pussy, and he was like, open the door, like, I dare you to open the door. Have I said it on the podcast?
Okay, just finish it.
I opened the door and there were two kids engaging who I knew, engaging in sexual acts behind the door, and everybody had ran up behind me to see it. And I felt so bad because I was friends with the girl and the guy, but I was really close friends, close friends when I was friends with the girl, and I felt so bad, and she knew how to fight, so I was like, I'm gonna get my ass.
It's all the tiktoks and the snatchats.
Yeah, it's all the like do dad games, the devices?
Yeah, but yeah.
And then I was up to no good. I was up to no good talking about the Thorne.
Good cake but yeah.
And then after she was like I apologized to her because I felt like I had exposed her.
And she was just she was me and I played want to break a kid's ankles? Expose them?
All?
Right?
Well, that concludes this episode. Let's give a couple of medias and move on. Okay. Flashcannon Casanova by Yabujin night Walker sick Boy rari O you Da by Ahmad al Shari I think, really pretty song. And then I'm gonna watch the new BlackBerry movie. Oh yeah, we need to do that very soon because I'm excited a f about it.
Well, my media of the week is Simple Kind of Life by no doubt. I'm the Sky Norma Tanega Don't be Afraid.
That was like, oh the way that your feel, don't be afraid.
And then Muskrat Love Muskrat Candlelight by Willis Allen Ramsey. That song makes me feel so nice, so so so so nice, and then yeah, that's it for media. That's fucking Thank you guys so much for watching.
Sorry for the short episode. We've been stacking episodes because we're gone for a month and a half. Also by our merch
Mm hmm.