Drew Has A Crush

Tap tap tap in this.

Episode, right, so like immediately right off the right, right, just to start the episode. Something no one is talking about is the fact that I literally I was drumming for Lord in Ireland.

Yeah, I mean, well, you should have probably told everybody that you would have boosted her sales like so much.

I would have boosted her sales one and two, like, but I didn't want to make it about me, like the show about me, so I like, I'm it's like about Lord. It's Lord's show. Like if people knew I was drumming for her, it would have been like an actual it would have been a dangerous situation.

It also would have been embarrassing because it's like, oh my god, like sorry, so many people are here from me. They're like chanting my name in the middle of the songs.

Because the Druthers don't play.

Yeah they don't. They they spread they spread themselves.

Yeah, they spread seed in STDs as well.

No.

It was magnificent though, And someone did get a video, like a TikTok of me drumming and we'll just play it and I'm stoked. I'm proud of myself. I can't believe I've been able to balance.

I can't believe you've been able to balance the podcast and being on tour with her.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's like a really honestly congrats, like kudos for that.

They did so much flying. It's like I'll be in Ireland and then I have to film two podcasts in two days because we're traveling more so, like we'll record two podcasts, you know, fly to like Austria or whatever, and then I have to fly back the next day. It's like the craziest schedule ever here.

Okay, I bet you didn't know he could do that. I bet you didn't know.

He could do that.

You can do a lot of things, especially behind.

I think he's lying again.

I don't know why everybody calls me a liar, Like, I'm not a liar. I'm like about to start crud.

It's probably because you do lie quite often.

So it's because you're always lying.

Yeah, so's it's just kind of like common knowledge. If someone's like always lying, they kind of get called a liar. It's like if you're always having sex, you get called like awesome.

It's kind of that's why you're called awesome.

You don't like that's the thing is, that's me. That's all me.

You get called awesome because you are awesome. I get called awesome because I'm also awesome and I have sex all the time.

I get called a danger to society.

I was gonna say something, and I fully forgot. That's me. Every single episode I say that, like four times. I was gonna start with something and then you started talking, and now I fully forgot what I was gonna say. Also, me Andrew found the best lollipops ever. We are not being told to say this, but the Young Earth organic pops are so fucking good. You know how other lollipops scrape your tongue and cut it. This one you can really rub up against your tongue and it doesn't happen.

It's got like a sand paper effect. Like other lollipops are like sharp and like they turn into blades when you lick them. This has like a sand paper effect. It's almost like you're making out with a cat.

H M.

You say that like that's a good thing. Also, I've realized that I think it's more embarrassing to overreact when you almost get hit by a car than to like

No, that's the most humiliating thing ever. Like if I if I almost hit you with my car and you throw your hands up, it makes me actually want to press on the gas more and to like squash you like that is more. That is so angering, Like girl, like I didn't I.

Did not want to hit you. You're fine.

I did not want to hit you. You did not get hit. Let's just all move past this and like forget about it.

It's a simple mistake.

Literally, literally it's.

Such a simple mistake. I almost literally took your life with my vehicle.

It reminded me of that, Like when I walked to the gas station to get PEPSI those people that or that that guy that I was walking with that he almost got hit by the car and like I didn't react at all, and he like threw like a fit and like hit the window and was like what the fuck, Like are you kidding me? And then like he like looked at me to like like have his back, and I just like literally walked around the front of the car and kept walking, and I was like, it is not that deep.

I know. Also, that's just so embarrassing, Like, ill not you being scared to.

Die, Like that's so embarrassing, Like no, I'm just so cool. Like if it's my time to go, like Rainer's trying a baby, I'll go that's such a lie because I actually don't want to die. I like buy the hands of everybody knows that's by the hands of someone else, because that's embarrassing, But it's way more embarrassing to like show that you cared.

Yeah, Like is it like them teaching the person a lesson? Like are they trying to teach me a lesson? Like I don't get it.

No, it's literally not teaching me fucking anything.

It's making me more angry.

It's making me want to murder you. Also, everybody Azul had fleas and licked yourself to the bone. I'll insert a picture. It's actually so nasty. She By the time this episode is out, she's fully fine because I literally got her ointment yesterday and she was like her shit is already like back to being white and not fucking scary red. But because because of that, she had like a plastic cone on her head, which will also insert a picture of her plastic cone.

Oh, I thought, that's what you're gonna put the scab up. Yeah, that's traumatizing.

Yeah, it's discussing. It's so nasty. Also, before anybody calls me a bad owner, it's hidden under a tuft of her hair, and me and Drew both looked at it like three days ago, and I thought she was just wet from linking herself and I was like ew. And then literally two days later I looked and all the hair was gone. She literally ate all the hair off of her body. So it's really fucking nasty. But she

They get bumpy, but it's literally not that deep, and like this cone is so big on a zola or was caau then you replaced it. It was so big on a zola that like he literally couldn't jump and like he couldn't keep his head up. He was like dragging his head out.

I knew he was coming into the room because you just heard like, oh, it's really sad for some reason, when his zouls like living like a little sad life, it actually like deteriorates my happiness.

Me and Josh were talking about that this morning.

Exponentially, like it's just so sad. It's like, oh, like I want to put her out of her misery. We should just shoot her?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, we shouldn't do that.

We shouldn't just killed my cat when she's a little sad.

And it's crazy about the uniclor socks. I think they change your sizing a little bit because they're really baggy on me right now, which is insane because normally they're like really taught.

I don't like high socks because they squeeze the fuck out of my goddamn ankles and I feel like I'm losing blood flow to my feet, and then my feet are ten times more cold.

Than they always are. If I wear low socks, like like medium high socks, it looks like I have kinkles. So I literally can't do it.

I just yeah, I used to wear no show socks. If you wear no show socks, you're a fucking menace to society. You are so fucking scary. I I got so scared that he.

Was these are show socks.

Show socks.

This is for when it's showtime, showtime, baby.

I still can't leave the sad.

Coming out, and I was like, fuck, it didn't get on camera.

No episode was my most embarrassing episode one because my shoe was like turning into dust. And then the other reason is that people were tagging one time stamp in the video where I like let out this.

Weird moan, No, don't do it again.

But the reason why is because you were talking about throwing up, and I was.

Like, it was supposed to be like you were getting horny.

I was getting horny. I was supposed to be like, oh, like it was supposed to be like, oh like that, but it came out sounding very weird because the mic is so close to my mouth, like yeah, yeah, it was like I.

Got a massage and the lay didn't realize she graced my KOUCHI like eight times, damn. And I was too embarrassed to say like anything. So I just laid there and I tensed up my body until she got the idea where she was like, oh, my hand is going too far up because I got a big I got a big beefy stew down there.

It's it's big.

Sometimes when I lay under a cover, I'm like, that makes no sense. Like when I'm naked under a cover and there's just a blanket on my body. I looked down it and I'm like.

That's he's back. She's hung.

Literally, if I want, I was gonna.

Say, I want was really gross. By the way, No, uh, it tastes like cybernetics.

What the fuck you just made that up. That's not a word cybernetics. What is that?

It tastes like the blue flum.

Yeah, it tastes like kim Yeah, like straight cants.

I think I might pick up smoking cigarettes and not wearing sunscreen anymore. Oh, and also not washing my face.

I'm not puffed anymore. By the way, shut up, I swear you actually isn't. I was gonna I was gonna buy one yesterday.

Yeah, and then jose I handed you his and you were like, oh, I.

Actually did get onto him, and I was like, Josiah, like, you actually have to bring those around because I was like off of it for like five days. And then he came around with his puff bar and I was like, God, damn it, like of course I have to fucking hit this thing, so I hit it. But since he's left, I haven't hit a puff bar. I did want to go buy.

He left two days ago, and.

Damn, like, can I not have one fucking thing? It's always this or that or something else. Like I've heard you know what it is.

I've heard that like I'm done with flump float like probably since I met you when Jewel was around, I've heard like the like everybody in the group like who uses like flump floats and puff bars and Jewels goes through phase with like no, I'm actually like so done people, And then the second ones around, everybody like hawks over the person. It's literally like a dead corpse and everybody in our crew becomes vultures and they're like give it, please,

I was just leaning into it because I was like, this is funny. I wasn't actually like give it to me, but I was also like, bitch, you better give it to me, Like there's you better hand that shit to me. I was a little bit offended, but not because I needed it, but like I need.

It, did I saw it exactly?

That was like, oh wait, me buying one.

Oh no, it's about a flump flow. It was like me buying a flum float or like a puff bar three days after dramatically throwing it in water and like swearing, I'm quitting.

No.

Literally, It's like people don't understand how hard it is to quit those little motherfuckers because they're so ready available, readily available. They taste so good, like at this point, like they do nothing for me other than me like heart palpitations and like like headaches, like it's there, they do nothing and like it's strictly uh mental withdrawal, Like it's like I crave this thing more than anything I've

There's literally tiny baby bottles.

Yeah, remember when people would smoke box mods and you'd be like, girl, get a jewel, Like what are you doing? We are those people? Now, I'm like, guess some oxygen, Like what are you doing?

They're fucking big as fucking They're literally they're literally shaped like little baby bottles, so everybody holds them with a full baby grip and it's.

Like baby bottle pop.

I'm allergic to baby bottle fun fact, it sparks my eggma up and then when I eat it all around my mouth flares up.

Whoa.

I don't know what in it I'm allergic too. But when I had it last time as a kid, I had it and literally my eggma on my mouth like I looked like I got like my mouth on a treese graater and like fucking scrape my mouth on the trees greater, and then my arms were like really puffy from my eggzma nastaring up. Yeah, it was really nasty.

Did they go away?

Yeah? I fully went away because I used to have it really bad here. Now I have like little divt scars because one time in Honduras, I got so fucking sick and for some reason, that spiked up my exzma, which makes sense because I'm sure it was just my immune system being down and it like spiked me up, and I scratched myself so hard that I like left like divits in my skin. Now I get eggzma like around my mouth and nose, but I put so much

Is it just dry skin or is it like bacteria?

I actually don't know. I think it's like it's way less severe than psoraosis, but it's kind of in that family of like just like gnarly uh jar skin. But that was my big sinsecurity as a kid, because I didn't want people to be like, eh, why are you scratching yourself? You look scary. So I wore a jacket and I went under forever, and nobody ever knew that under my jacket, I was dying.

What the hell is that I'm passing away years ago?

Did I tell you guys that I'm probably gonna die?

It's this ambulant on her chest that keeps her young.

Mess.

You went to the Old Beach.

I've never seen fucking old. I need to see a really shitty movie. I've seen too many good movies.

Oh.

Also, the voice actor of Roger Rabbit literally wanted to have sex with me.

No, it's awesome.

We went to Monster Polouze. I'll never get the kid getting that she was Actually we have to enter that video.

Dude, dude me and you.

Went up to him to just stir him and laugh like eight times, and then at the end we were like, oh, that's.

Like person, that's a child, a person, and we're bullying this child like we.

Weren't doing that purpose, but like literally just like oh my god, humans are so fucking funny. We are literally so bored, Like cars shouldn't be as extravagant as they are. That's just to get you from one point to another.

I shouldn't have cars, period. I want a car, but we shouldn't have cars. Then how would no make the cities walkable? We should have started with that walkable cities. I mean, I guess bad we went the wrong direction.

But then, how would you have sex on a train? You can have sex in your car? What you can have sex in your car?

Girl?

What the fuck are you saying?

I'm saying we need cars because it's like just one other place to have sex.

That makes sense.

Actually, that's why they did it. That's why they made cars.

I feel like that is kind of why they made cars.

Yeah, cars used to be open top, and then they were like, we got to put a roof on this so we can bone in here, No, so that the rain doesn't hit you while.

You're having I think the first person to have sex in a car was like, I'm probably the first person to do this, yes, because like so few people had cars.

People are so fucking horny. I bet hella. People fucked in a car at the same time for the rest time, because bitches are just horny.

Literally but who knows.

I don't know. Sorry, Drews literally chomping on us on his lollipop. That's me and Drews. I'm a sucker, He's a chomper. Yep, I'll be sucking.

That's what it sounds like. When he eats his little kibble.

Dide with his bowl. He like couldn't get to his fucking cat food and I just heard him scraping up again.

Is such a cute word. Kibble.

You're my kipple because I eat you up and then I throw you up because I ate you too fast.

I've been drinking a bunch of your relax I'm really constipated again. What it's new.

Did it blow your back out?

Nope? So I'm like, I need to drink the magnesium sit right, which if I'm going to do it, I have to do it tonight because I fly on one.

Wednesdayale, dude, Oh my god, no, dude. I literally like, now that like bottle of laxative actually gives me like PTSD because I just look at it and I think about how it actually gave me COVID. Like for me, laxatives are what gave me COVID, and I will never have one again. I'd rather be constipated and walking around with a big belly full of shit then be spray shit out of my ass.

That is a luxury and a privilege to be able.

To say, have you seen the new Fortnite video? It's awesome?

What is the Fortnite?

I've given so much money to Fortnite. It's I've given like at this point, this is embarrassing, easily over one hundred dollars Fortnite.

That's insane. I'm like, that's insane. Like I didn't do that same thing for uh what is it? Castle Clan Battles, like the you were playing that like that in in high school. Yeah, Like I spent probably like five hundred bucks on that on that game, probably spent like five hundred bucks. And then on Balloon's Tier Defense, I spent hella bread. But like, I've been kind of good about not spending money on Fortnite.

They actually make it too fucking easy because I literally just have to well you just.

Have a spending problem.

No, no, no, no, no, it's not my fault. It's literally it's so easy. Also, they have to stop making good skins at this point, Like my idea of a good skin on Fortnite is literally anything that's just a girl you just.

Like all the Bay said girl skins.

Yeah, because I'm like, that's me.

It's giving me anymore?

What do we say?

Me and I, Oh, dude, no, I brought that up the other day, like me and YA do this thing where it's like actually like the least like thought out planned joke ever, And I just realized we do it literally three hundred times a day. But like literally I'm just gonna use this as an example, but like this is I made this joke earlier today, Like so I'm

Me when I'm a lukewarm glass of tap water and a mason jar from Arawan, Me when I'm.

A sucked sucker, Me when I got so mad at my parents on the phone that I punched a hole in my wall.

You're done talking for this episode. You're done. You're on, Like at least a ten to fifteen minute timeout and if you don't, if you don't abide by that, I'm gonna rip your leg hairs out one by one.

That was so funny.

Did I literally I've never fucking argued with my parents. I have never That's a lie. I'd be arguing me, like me when I actually just lied for time.

Like literally you lying. I was talking to my mom yesterday and I was just like talking about like shit that I did when I grew up, and I was like, y'all like had to have hated me. I was like terrible, Like I sucked ass as a kid and like or as like a teenager. I was like, was it harder for you to raise me as like a one, two, three four year old or as like a sixteen seventeen

A lot, that being the last thing you mentioned being like no, I was the worst person ever because like I had like mental issues and like I loved fish. Oh also I like abuse substances like crazy it was.

And I also was like, damn, like they really couldn't punish me because like while I was doing all these drugs, I don't think they were aware of it, but like I was maintaining my grades in school, and I was like had a part time job that I would do after school. So like I was doing all this shit I was supposed to do. I was just having fun with some drugs which like ultimately ruined my brain chemistry forever, and don't do that. But yeah, they like really couldn't like.

Punish My grades were fucking awful. I was so bad with school, Like I genuinely I couldn't tell you what I did when I went to school, but I know it wasn't school work, Like I wasn't I was not in class. I would skip, I would sit at my favorite teacher's class and I would just sit all fucking day. And I think about it, and I'm like, what was I really doing, because like I think I was watching

With all the drugs rango?

No fuck, it's like the cover of him with the big eyes.

Oh uh fuck he does LSD. Yeah, like chasing Bad Times or.

Like chasing your mom wanting to have sex.

With Drew's mom Las Vegas. They drive the car load.

Yes, literally me when I'm a cock two Twins album Fair and Loathing, That's not album, but yeah. I remember watching that in high school and watching him between classes and texting the man Who's growing me because I was this fair movie and I was like, I love this movie. Meanwhile, I was like this movie, I.

Have no idea I want to be watching the one.

I was wondering where you were watching that movie. I was like, I feel like an older man is responsible.

Yeah. I was also like I was way more cutty with like what I decided to watch as a teenager versus an adult. Like, as a teenager, I actually had the capacity somehow to watch multiple movies like every like cooler movie I've seen. It's because I saw it when I was in high school. Yeah, but that was because I was like an obnoxious fuck who was like on Tumblr and like reblogging like gifts. So I was like, I need to watch this. Yeah, Jeff gif, that's just a jiff. That's like jiffy butter.

You're a psycha.

What do you say, giff?

Yeah?

Gif, it's a gif, I say jiff.

The creator of Gifts said that it's pronounced jeff, but I think he's wrong.

All right, So me and the creator got one thing in common, some common sense.

Oh yeah, ye are gay?

Oh shit?

Why it's Pride month? Like, why do you have to talk to me like that?

Straight?

You can talk like that because you're You should think about the way you use your words as a straight man, As a very straight man who has no homootic tendencies, you should be careful. Are okay?

Oh?

Are you fixing the knots in your hair.

I'm taking out the madded dread that formed the block of hair that you're moving.

Yeah, you want me to give you a haircut before you leave?

No, I was actually thinking about getting a haircut in Texas, just letting them fuck me up. But I was like, I should just go to like a nice haircut person and like have them like do something good.

I mean, if you want to hold out to August, that's I'm just holding out to August to get my haircut honestly because I know a spot in Brooklyn that I want to go to.

I literally don't know if I could.

That's how I felt, but I was like, I'm gonna do it. But I was just saying, oh yeah, I distinctly remember watching that and like falling asleep watching it in school, and then also Paprika. It took me like three times to finish Paprika.

And it's also because I have.

I would watch it in school and then fall asleep in class. So that's what I did with my education. And I'm not kidding. I graduated with such a low GPA. I'm not joking, Like, what's the what's the bare minimum like to like two point five? I think, Yeah, I think I graduated with like zero point one per like point above what you're supposed.

To do, and they had one GPA.

No. I literally my GPA was like nasty, like it was fucked up. But to be fair, like everybody knew that I was like not committed to being in school and wanting to be in school at that point, I was like far beyond like I was like you just.

Like give up, where they just like no, like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. You can roam the halls like cause if I were to try to do that in my school, like I would literally be like reprimanded so bad like it would it would not have been like you know what it was.

It is because the way I would skip was my teacher would call me out of class. So because another teacher was calling me out all the time, I wasn't technically skipping because it was like, oh, like I was a part of the journaling club under this teacher, so he would like call me out and be like oh and yeah, and I was like the head of like journalism, so he would call me and be like, oh, and he has to come work on this thing. So I would just leave, but I would go and be on

Video.

Oh yeah, Sophia of first singing. I played it for the class and it was dead silent, like all of them couldn't tell if I was playing it.

Seriously, dude, that's so funny. I remember in sixth grade we uh did this? Uh? I had this like engineering class. It might have been seventh grade. But do you remember that YouTube video of the girl who was like the emo girl that like was like fuck, like she would cuss or whatever. No, she was boxy, that's what. Yeah, it wasn't boxy, but it was like a girl who was like trying to be boxy. She was like younger.

But yeah, so that's how I just like didn't go to class. Now I thought you should do that. I was just Gonno. I did have teachers who would fight me on it. I've like talked about that before. It was like I had a teacher who would literally was like so mean to me and like oh, of course, and.

Oh my god, I'm sorry, I let me do it again, and and yeah that, oh my god in my engineering class over like the speakers because he had like surround sound speakers in there, and like I forgot that, Like she like gets really violent and cusses at the end, and he like was super passed at me. But that just reminded me of your story.

But yeah, that's really all I would do. And I don't know. My school was like I you know what I think it was. I think it was because I was like obnoxiously with my teachers. I didn't get in trouble a lot often. Like my school was in uniform school and I never wore uniform. And the principal was one of those principal who's who like tried to be friends with all the kids, so he would always come up to me and be like Enya, like where's your uniform?

To you and it's like that you remember as it being funny, but then you tell people and they're like, that's not funny. That's like really sad and scary, you know what, aline abusive.

I've had that happen to me before. And I cried at a pokey place because I was like laughing about it with something with my friend and I was like telling her and she was like and yeah, that's like not funny, that's like really fucked up. And then I started crying because I got embarrassed because I was like, oh my god, you turn my joke of a life into something silly, Like it's silly. It's just a silly thing that happened.

Like let's just laugh together about it. We can just laugh now.

What were you guys popular in high school?

Or I was so fucking popular. I was prom queen, I was serving, I was boots, I was no barely know that. No, I like went to prom and it was like the thing is okay. I don't know if we've said this on the podcast, we've like lightly touched on it, but it fully is happening. Like everybody on my timeline on TikTok who was like someone in high school who I was like, I just had a bunch of prom things on my timeline and that made me so happy because we have finally exited the anti prompt culture.

Part or not?

And I think it's because like there was that whole era of like even ours being like fuck prom and that always used to piss me off because I was like, Okay, like promise fun, It's like not the most fun ever, because when I think about it, I'm like I literally sat at the table danced for twenty minutes and then left like.

I got really drunk, gave out a bunch of my prescribed Kalanapin to everybody on my party bus and almost got kicked out several times of my prom junior year, and I gave out all of my adderall. I give it to everybody, like candy. You can have it. Take the addall and the kalanapin. It's called a speedball. It's like a suburban speedball. It'll fuck you up. Almost killed a bunch of kids, So not cool at all.

Well, I didn't go to junior prom. I went to senior prom and I got a hair brush flask.

So I can't remember that because we were on tour together when you were doing prom, and you brought that to tour.

Yeah, and I just like started using it because I was like, I gotta make good use out of it. And it did work as a hair brush.

Oh yeah.

We have talked about this because people there was always the rumors that like you were going to get checked. Yeah, And honestly, I'm gonna tap back into that. So I'm just gonna enter like a minor alcoholism phase, Like is that cool? Like I'm just gonna wake up and with my cup of Joe, like have a little.

Tequila the four shots and like blacked out and almost died. Like I had to like shake you awake a few times because you were choking on your vomit.

I know to My tolerance is so fucking low. It's like comical, Like now it's with alcohol the way it is with weed, like off my like little can. I'm like fuck mine as fuck. I'm moving slow.

I'm so lit right now.

I need to play Fortnite. Like actually, okay, when this episode is out, I'll have just come back from like a Europe trip, and you know what's fucked up. A genuine concern of mine is the fact that I won't be able to play Fortnite for like ten days.

Dude, I'm over it. I'm over Fortnite and Call of Duty. Really, I'm done playing video games right now. I don't know what it is, but I have like the last few times I've played at it, like two episodes ago. It's just not fucking fun anymore. I don't know what happened. It's just not fun. She's not hitting the way it used to be. I think I'm literally just depressed, Like that's what it is, and I'm like battling depression. Who knows, who knows?

Maybe that is, but I would think that, no, that probably is it. Because I was gonna say.

I see, I literally hate these shoes so fucking much. I hope they burn in hell. Like I bought a shoe that's too big for me, and then I got clocked because they were like, those are two sizes too small for you, And I was like, no, they're supposed to feel like this. They're too big and they don't even fucking fit my foot. And then I when I walked, they like kick off my foot, and I'm like, this is the biggest waste of money I've ever spent money on in my entire life. And I literally hate product.

I was gonna say, I don't hate like I love you. I love you. I love you.

Fix your shoe sizes.

Maybe fix your feet. Maybe you're the freak. You have long, skinny feet and they're scary.

No, I literally have, like my feet are like two different sizes.

It was really funny. You could see like one of his feet were sticking out of the clog and then the other one was like snug in it.

Yeah, I have like two different sized feet. I'll post pictures of them on.

You shouldn't post pictures of your feeture, Yeah, no, I'll I'll give the girls what they want. I don't know if it's the girls watching who want pictures of your feet.

I'll give the guys what they want.

I thought you were straight.

I am straight, but I don't discriminate.

That sounds like something someone who's like a little game might say.

No, I was gonna say something really bad, but I was like, it's just not worth it. It's not worth it to bleep it.

We're entering good territory. Oh, move your head so everybody can see the temperature.

That's awesome, as winning fucking sweaty.

I feel good.

I even have the thermist that on and it's just still at ninety nine.

No, we have to get something bigger it out because these summer episodes are gonna be really nasty.

Really asking to get a studio.

The first like three episodes, I was probably the sweatiest I've ever been, like genuinely, like I would sit up. Actually the first like ten episodes.

We just need a studio, that's it.

Can you build one? You're man?

We built this city on rock and roll.

No, we built the city on boots and house and me and Jester build the city. We'll get into that one day. Do you know about that? Should I retell it now? I have to have to wait for Deester. I've retold the story many times, like.

Over three hundred times. I can't hear it.

It genuinely makes me so happy, like it's.

So funny to me, and then I try to add it on a joke and I just get shut down.

Yeah no, because I mean me and just to build the city, like it's like no one.

Else built the city, and I'm going to kill everybody in the city.

You can't kiss me. I have a force field.

I'm gonna sneak a bomb in there and kill everybody.

Well, we have really good protection. And also you just won't because we have a force field. Every human in our city has a force field bill around them, So you're just the outsider if you put it on the.

Dune force fields.

I've never seen, dude, that is a movie I will never watch. I'm sorry, unless I'm like sedated and be like tied down.

You're so weird and different and like cool than everybody else. Because like you don't watch stuff that's popular.

No, I just don't watch it that's long and boring.

It's neither long nor I don't like action and sci fi like that. Like it's more it's more like space politics. It's like more like future. Like there's not like a lot of action that action sequence are like whatever?

What because I'm like like shocked that like space politics. That's like the last word that would like intrigue me to watch movie.

Oh it's like Spaceball, No, give it, give it a chance. It's like, I don't know, I think you would like it.

Maybe when I'm high as bingus on my flight, I'll watch it.

If it's on there, it's giving bingus, it's given do girt, it's giving Meatchzaches.

Is good, Miches is good.

Little meats, little bingeese.

Why don't you just stay in l a while I'm gone and put the ointment on as all No, nobody wants to stay and cream was all up while I'm gone.

No one wants to lather the cream on because I won. If I was staying, I wouldn't have been asked to do it. I would have just been assumed to do it. And I wouldn't have been paid.

No, that's different. I I don't like I'm only paying because it is so annoying to like squeeze.

Her down on the couch and touch his bloody, bloody scabs.

Ky, do you want to just do it for free? You want to touch her bloody scab?

I would do it. I was gonna say I would do it, but I'm I'm so busy creaming drew Up all the time going.

To be here.

He's he's coming with me my cream here, do my bubble best?

Yeay?

Are you getting flown up to cream drew Up?

I'm getting flown out to cream drew Up.

Like that's the only reason why he's still around.

Okay, I'm just I'm sorry. I'm sorry to like bring up your sexuality so much, but this is oh my god, is it straight stuff? Like? Is that like straight?

Yes?

Okay, yeah, I mean I'm just making sure, like damn true.

No, it's not me getting flown out to creamy Up is definitely not straight stuff.

Oh I got invited to one of those like scary yacht parties that people talk about.

Wait, what do you mean, Drew.

Sorry, guys, you just showed me that grinder othing on his phone. Wait, I'm really confused. You're sending mix.

I have it on there to just keep tabs of the community around me hate bothering me the entire episode.

Yeah, no, no, no, don't do that when the camera's off. The camera's still on and I'm recording the audio. Please don't do that.

Oh fuck, have you seen the new iOS?

No?

This is exciting. This is exciting too.

We took a five minute intermission because I was literally losing my fucking mind. I don't feel real. I'm not real. I'm like, I'm not angry, but like I'm very close to like having an outburst of anger, but like one thing will set me off.

Okay, but so your warning call in?

Yeah.

Literally, in my moments away in our in our break, I saw of the pond something that reminded me of the new iOS update that's coming out soon. And it's pretty cool like that. The texting I messaged it is really cool. I think I sent it to you, but it's like, and I message you're gonna be able to like if you read a text message, unread it and mark it as unread, which is like really advanced that evil because I do that shit all the fucking time.

No, oh, oh, I know what you're saying.

Yeah, like the Instagram feature, I don't know if it actually marks it as onread, which if it does, that's psycho and scary.

And like, oh, yeah, that's what I thought you were saying. But that's so good because I need.

That, Yeah, because I just forget about my text. And then also in the new iOS, you're gonna be able to delete messages that you send. So if you send a message, you can delete it from both people's phones immediately, so like you can like sneak to someone and delete

Yeah, because I'd be saying out of pocket shit just out of a fit of manger, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I've said that.

I shouldn't have said that.

No, the way, I need new iPhone. I need new iPhone right now.

I literally I know, I actually and ironically need a new iPhone, but like I'm done. I'm done, Like I'm done buying new things, like I can't. I hate being a consumer. What I'm gonna do is I'm going to consume things that were already consumed, so like basically thrifting. But I think I have to get the new iPhone, Like that's the one thing I have to I thought, I have to get the new Macmini. I need a new monitor for my computer.

I need a new computer.

I need to add fans to my computer. But other than that, I'm not consuming anything else like I promised.

Other than this insane tech upgrade I'm blaming on exactly. Also, I realized I fully missed out on telling y'all my awesome experience of anger. Yesterday I had to take a so when I had to take her to the vet. Her vet was on Santa Monica and they were doing the Pride Parade, which I did not know. When I called, I was like, oh, can I get there? And they were like, oh, you can get there. You're just gonna have to figure out like where to park, Like I

Like?

Did y'all just have instruments?

There was a lot of banging instruments. They have instruments?

WHOA, what was that you said?

You said we nope?

Okay, yeah, I mean I'll leave it if you said now, I'll believe you.

What do you mean? Believe this is recorded and I can play it back?

Not you calling him a liar.

He's just constantly something's wrong with you.

There was record, we have proof?

Yeah, we who's we?

Shut up?

Anyway?

I watched somehow he's going to edit it to make it say I said me, we somehow he's going to make it.

So did you say me or we?

No, Kai is going to make it? Say we? I always had an entry.

What am I going to make it?

Sir?

And but I said they, You're just giving him more fuel.

He probably already did it. It sounds like you called yourself like a part of the lgbt Have you heard the g bt Q. Well, I have been.

I'm not a part of the LGBTQ community.

But anyway, I felt like.

Oh, away, did you hear that? That was actually good? That was actually good?

No, when I.

Said, but but we, but we.

LGBT Anyway, I.

Had a Zool in the car across the street from the fucking parade, and I was like, dude, this is actually gonna set a Zull back. I think it was going to be so mad because I was like, this is gonna set a zul back like three years in like brain development, Like she's like a freak. Now she's back to being of like anti social like freak. But I felt like a goddamn fucking loser. And I was so pissed that I had to walk across the parade with a zool in this fucking CA carrier. And I

With all your crosses on, I know, just like.

Stopping across with a huge cat carrier. When I left, I was in a way better mood because actually it was just my luck. It was like no wait, time to get her looked at like it was in and out. And then when I was leaving, since it had died down, a bunch of people were like, oh my god, is that a cat? And it was really cute cause everybody's like,

It feels so good to just freak out for like two minutes and just have like a full blown conniption fit and let it all out and then you can just chill. But like, in that moment, that was the worst day of your life, you felt that truly, no.

I'm not gonna get actually did. I was like, I would rather go through every single traumatic experience that's happened to me ever again, then take a zool out of this dude. She was shaking so bad it was actually really in the car. Once we pulled up to across the street, I was like, also when I got out. It was a fucking jeep with big speakers on it, so I just got exponentially louder, and I was like,

It's like, hey, God, it's like Ratitude, but for the LGBTQ Pride.

Parade visual it's the Pride Parade.

I've never been to Pride me either. That was some I'm just not like that was your first time.

My first time joining. I'm just not a parade person, Like I don't want to walk around in a loud space. Yeah, it's like a it's like a festival, which is like hot.

I have a crush, let's hear about it. No, that's all you get. I'm not taking any questions.

Could I ask questions after?

Yeah, of course they don't get to know. Just know I have a little bit of a crush.

Guys. I got secret infone. I'll tell all of y'all later that it's between us. No for you can come.

I trust you.

You can trust man. I'll only just write. I'll write about it on Patreon. Get you go on the Patreon and there's like a big like you know that one, Yeah, where she throws it in her friend unlocks it and here's it.

That's a song.

Mm hmmmmmmmmmm.

Sing it.

There's no words. It's literally just a beat and breathing. Yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's like a bit of a soldier.

Boy.

Is it as my song of the week, like not too long ago. I'll find it again, keep talking me, keep going.

I bought new bras.

Grimes stand Grimes, chuck my balls everybody. Grimes is a fucking legend and she rules.

Roses is popping on TikTok the song by grymes O.

Word that's crazy. Actually, that's literally not crazy at all. She's literally like the most famous musician in the world. I love Grimes. I don't care. I don't care. I'm proud to say it. I love Crimes, I love Lana del Rey, I love my Lesyris Like.

Yeah, on your striight ship for y exact exactly st curriculum. I said, the straight curriculum.

Because they're HoTT as fuck. Yeah, they bught women. Literally, that's what I used to say. They're hot, Like, how could you not stand my least, she's like.

Hot, she's always gone. It broops out almost. I invested in new bras and underwear. Guys. I don't think anybody understands what a big deal of that for me.

That is, she's been wearing the same bra and panties for fourteen years.

I don't give a fuck, and I really don't. I really don't. That's sustainable.

I found a pair of boxers. I was like cleaning out my boxers and socks drawer and I found a pair of boxers in there, a gap pair of boxers that I got literally when I was seven, and I still wear them. I'm not joking. I still wear them, and I just red. I threw out every other pair, but I kept that when I was like, this is cute.

I can't say that I have anything that old, but I do have literally, like I saw the underwhere I wore I remember when I lost my virginity, I still have them. I'd be wearing them.

That's actually cute.

It's not cute because I wear them and literally the band has like ripped.

Off and peeled off when the elastic like dies and crumbles, and they're not elastic anymore, and they're just shorts. What didn't I wear when I lost my virginity?

A suit?

Huh?

I'm looking at them.

And the purple converse. I actually am like trying to think, Oh okay, I actually no, I remember, don't even say ship was going to say anything? You were going to say some ship, you look beautiful? No, say what you're going to say?

Say what?

I'm a virgin.

You're literally you've been passed around more time than you know.

I love being a virgin, born again virgin.

I think you're a fucking slut. That's why I think you are.

That's okay, Yeah, ah, that's true.

If someone paid you a million dollars to live in the White House for free for three years, would.

You absolutely fucking not? Are you kidding me? How would I even be able to do that? Would you live rint free in the White House for three years? Would you eat this full platter of fruits and vegetables for ten thousand dollars it's twenty thousand for twenty thousand dollars?

No, probably not, because it would give me a cavity from all.

Their Let's give Drew's meme reviews. Let's go through my meme account and see what's popping. Let's see what we've got post.

I feel like Jack Carlo right now, damn, because I'm kind of mid when.

Everybody likes me. Oh, oh my god, believe that.

Just beleeve that.

Okay, so we got this meme. I will never fully recover from my daughter pulling down my shorts and exposing my bare ass and pussy in the middle of panera bread. This morning, I.

Saw that I heard upted to Mason when we were all at dinner.

White girls when they had to go on some tropical go to some tropical resort with their family for summer instead of doing hard drugs with our friends, it's a way go screaming the lettuce on the chicken. It's dying celebi. Oh this is a classic when you're ab brunch and a squirt off starts out of nowhere. Oh my god.

So I have a m chicken and four nuggets for dinner. I'm not kidding, Drew. I literally was like comatose. I literally.

That my chickens are dangerous, like they're actually like like like I don't think they're actually edible. I think it's faking. They're faking it.

But they taste so fast, litter it put there was a mass of something in my stomach. It was like insane.

This is the last one, man, and you have been quoting the last line he says of this video for the last week. It's so good.

More than a million kids come up missing per year. What do y'all think happened to these kids?

And every time people come up missing, the more and more people come up missing, the more they release more chicken sandwiches and shit. I'm noticing that, I'm noticing that I'm not that, I'm literally not like the one thing about me is I am noticing that, damn, this has become a meme review. You're such a dumb animal. You pay thirty percent of your income to stay out of prison. For the audio listeners, it's a Chad and Orange Tang talking to each other in the grid format, so that

Oh god, I actually just thought about eggs and it made me gag a little.

Say you got it all this rotten.

Food from the bridges, and we kept smelling. We kept smelling it on purpose to gag.

It was literally, I'm noticing that so good.

I like, it's so petsive.

I'm noticing that it's so good. Uh, what do I do from a YouTube channel?

You just let it die?

I need to record a YouTube video because I have brand deals do, but I don't know what to record.

You should make a video of you being yourself, and let's do a Q and A. Q and a's are so funny.

I love a good Q and A. I love a good QNA.

I watch them, but like the idea of me doing a Q and A is funny. I don't think. I don't know if I've done a Q and A probably since I.

Was in high school. The Patreon literally says hello, oh true.

I'm at publicly. It's different. There's an intimacy with the patreon, but like I mean, like publicly, you know what it is doing an id like, ask me anything. It's really funny. Because it really is just ask FM all over again. Yeah, and it's just like, ask me anything I want to talk about myself right now.

I literally love it so much and I love when people do it. I observe so deeply. I'm like, damn, you really do do that, like you're really into that, right?

I just skip through, if I'm being honest. Anytime anybody does like, like, ask me anythings on their story, I skipped through because I'm like, honestly, I don't feel like this is for me because I did not ask you, and I don't care.

I really don't.

I'm gonna do one today. I'm gonna go live on fucking Instagram that ship.

By the time this is up. This is what happened two weeks.

That boosted my confidence in a way I was not prepared for. Did we finish the merch? Oh yeah, kind of sorry. I forgot that we were.

That we're doing merch and it's gonna be fucking awesome. You forgot? How could you forget?

I don't know.

I actually don't know how I forgot that an appearance. Come say what's up? Literally, come say hi. Yeah.

Every time anybody's at our house and they want to use the bathroom. We hear them, we hear their pee, but you guys.

Can't hear them literally. It's also crazy how Josh refuses to be on the podcast. He wants to be, but there just hasn't been the proper time has it.

There hasn't been a moment where it feels right. Maybe we'll do it before your anniversary. Josh will be what our third guest?

Yeah, Kai Josiah.

Den even had a small cameo though, so it's not even like guests top guest type be. We need her on as a full guess. Yeah, we'll start getting guests in here. We'll start popping them in. We'll start popping them in, making them pop a squad on camera for you guys.

We'll get that. That's going to be the gag is they all have to piss on on camera podcast.

And we'll give you the audio.

You can you can do whatever you want with it, a proof the mic.

Yeah, so it'll just be like a.

All right, that's it, man, Drew died, let's do media.

I'm gonna shave my fucking head. That's a lie. I would I would look so bad. I looked so bad with the pix cut I look like at pictures and I'm like, oh, I look sligh, but in the moment you literally cry.

You cried eyes out.

My media of the week is a Seat of Love by Huerco s no bis mid Lahat Ramani Rahiem by Harold budd I said that so wrong. I ship the fuck out of that and it talks on firefly.

Mich crazy I tried in his four a m by Grimes classic Wildlife analysis by Boards of Canada, I have been on a crazy Boards of Canada kick chrom a Keyed dream Coat. I think the album is geogaddie h. That's my favorite Boards of Canada album. For the people that wanted to know. Touism is also cool. Literally the song Tooism is so good. Literally just listen to Boards of Canada get lost in their music. Uh some of it's really really sad and dark, but like you need

So you're not into playing Call of Day, you're.

Into watching no that. I've always said that, like I've actively since I've moved from Texas like some like. One consistent thing about me has been me watching Call of Duty videos on YouTube, even though I never played it. And I just love being cucked by video games. I love watching people play video games, Like I don't know why people don't like I just don't like actually playing the video game sometimes and like watching is enough for me.

So you want to watch me play around a Fortnite right now?

No, I'm gonna watch my phone on TikTok.

I'm gonna stare at my cell phone screen for seven hours to decompressed.

The black Did you know? Oh this is you know why black mirror is called black mirror? Why you see the phone's unlocked, lock it look at the screen. It's a black mirror. It shows you who you really are.

J I think you might be experiencing short term memory loss because you've said that like three times this week.

I'm realizing that I'm noticing that. I'm noticing that.

Literally the kid getting his make up done.

Okay, wait, oh this in the middle it sells demon. I'll leave you with that.

B