Drew got a neuralink

Welcome to this upisode of Emergency Intercom. Drew has been in the bathroom for thirty minutes, so I'm just starting without him because I'm annoyed and I want to get this over with. Like it's a job. Just because it's fun doesn't mean it's not a job. Like That's actually what people don't realize is everybody thinks, oh, my life is so easy, But this is a job, guys, and I treat it as such. I treat it Drew. Drew, come in. I haven't seen him for like two days. Really, yeah,

Sounds weird? What the fuck? Oh my god?

What happened?

Drew?

Open your eyes? Did you get a facelift? What is wrong with you? What's all the bandages? You're oh?

Oh oh oh, you're into stuff?

What's wrong with you? Drew?

I got the neuralink?

Oh my god? Is that you? Are you the one who got the fucking neuralink?

I'm patient zero?

And then why did they let you out? I saw that? Did you see somebody got into the Why?

Wait?

Did they just put the Tesla chip in a person? I don't think that the.

Musk by Tesla Stock.

Are you okay? I don't think you're healing right. I don't know why they would let you out if you Hello, why are you staring? You're like the neuralink gets you right, That's what I'm saying. I don't think the neural link is working.

If you're like, I can see the old behind his eyes, but I can tell that it's.

Locked in there. He might still be him. What's wrong? You're like convulsing? Is it like fucking with Like your legs are still twisted the way they usually are. So you're in there somewhere.

Hello, are you okay?

Okay, good, I'm good.

Did you just restart?

I have like a calculator in my brain. I'm doing math. I'm like, I'm like, I'm doing the math of those flowers over there, something that you have math, flowers, sacred geometry, golden ratio, ship like that.

Okay.

I actually can drive my car with my brain. Now. That's really all there is to it.

That's all it does. Why would somebody get it? Ky? Why can't you look at him in the face.

It's not him, Like, I don't know to explain it. It's just not him anymore.

You can't breathe in that or something like it's like cutting off your circulations.

Like I'm like crying, Like they took my brain. They took my frontal lobe.

Can you review it? Like, I'm yeah, it's probably interesting.

So the surgery was really weird. They had like a capuchin monkey next to me that like they took it out of that monkey's brain.

Wait, so you got a you neurally?

Well yeah, they were like, oh, we can give you a used one because like we already like no, it works and whatnot. And so they put me down. I wasn't even asleep. I was wide awake, and they like they legally couldn't put me under anesthesia or some shit, and they thought I couldn't feel anything because I lied and I told them I was like paraplegic because that's the only way I was able to get it wheeled in there in a wheelchair? Did all that whole shit active blind?

Oh? Could they not test you for that? I feel like they probably would have known. Did they just take your words?

I just have like a really high pain tolerance, I guess, So that's not what Okay. I'm just like really strong, Like I'm like stronger than the average men, and especially with this Tesla Tesla.

Fuck, it kind of just seems I can give you like a.

Minor elon fucking musk musk fuck. You're like, yeah, so they laid me down on that table, put it in know they on musk fucked it into me.

Oh yeah, it's like a colon as you.

Know that picture where it's like massage her brain with books or whatever.

Yeah, that's what.

Lincoln there exactly.

Okay, that's promising.

But yeah, it's like, so far it's been like Tesla like really like actually good.

I mean you seem I mean, you're not the fastest on your feet ever, don't seem faster.

Well, I can drive my car without using my hands.

I don't know if that's necessarily worth it because you kind of can't walk anymore.

They won't let me use my fucking iPhone either, oh.

Because they're starting their own phones.

Well I just can't look at bright lights, blue light. But yeah, so that was my story. I'm the first person to get the near link installed. My hands work. For all the haters saying that like my hands and legs wouldn't work after like I would die, Like I'm fine, I just have like a couple of fucking ticks, and now I'm better than.

You, better than because I don't know if you would ever pass a d u y ever.

Again, I have to keep the bandage on for four months, though.

Four months you're gonna like rot through it.

Okay, I'm done talking about this because y'all are just like bullying me. Then they warned me. They said there will be a lot of haters. That's what the doctor said. I got the mark of the beast. I got the market of the.

They were like, okay, make sure you wash around your like incisions.

No other shower for like three months.

Oh okay, So they were like, make sure you don't get wet. And also there will be a lot of haters.

Ops, they used the word ups. The doctor said up to Oppenheimer.

Yeah, I guess that's doctor lingo.

But yeah, do you feel like it's changed your personality at all?

Like, no, okay, shut.

The fuck up.

Okay, he's still here, he's still here.

You too, fuck you? Oh my god?

You do you want to be saying that or are they like programming you to say that?

Wait? Should we do some tests on him?

Yeah?

Elon Musk has a giant penis. All right, giant penis elon Musk.

How do you, Drew, how do you feel about the libs?

Uh?

Lib cards.

Yeah, it seems like it has it's workers side effects.

We need to kill all liberals. Oh, demon crats, demon crats.

Well, that's kind of blurring the lines of things Drew would just say normally.

So it's kind of hard to it's just troll shit, Like I'm on my troll shit, Like I just tweeted fourteen tweets from my brain, like directly to twitter eggs, Like do any.

Of that shit with neurallink? Like what is it actually for? Is it for medical purposes or is it actually because I saw this thing that they were doing for addicts that they can go when you could get a brain surgery or something gets inserted into your brain to try and stop you from being an addict. So they're trying to like solve addiction via surgery. And there was this video that was like really emotional, and I was like, Wow, this would be insane, this will save lives. I would

Success rate.

Yes's true, but also like I think, I guess maybe that's what addicts need is a camera on them twenty four to seven to guilt and shame.

Yeah, exactly, So we'll get that.

For you with that app you have, like your problem with them, Maybe not anymore.

I'm not gon allowed to use my phone.

Oh is that what you got it? So you could stop using grinder for twelve hours a day.

Yeah, that was true, Spinal, But yeah, I got the near link installed because I was addicted to Grinder.

Well, I just want us to play the video of Drew dead, asleep on the floor, drunk as fuck one more time for podcast sake.

Maybe we could drive him to the hospital.

No, I'm not going to the hospital.

We could just drive to the hospital. It wouldn't cost four thousand dollars.

The thing is, Mason last night was literally throwing up like four times in a row. We did take him to the hospital, So I'm like, why do we have to take Drew to the hospital.

Look at him, He's way worse than Mason. This is like Project Decks.

Yeah, I know what if it's like, because I was watching it again and it is insane that I was so drunken, in a different state of mind that I looked at this dead person on the floor. I say, we didn't need to say this. Also, he's fine, Like it actually freaks me out the way you look.

At your behavior, And that was crazy. It was the last time I felt any love from Nya from that moment on. She just hasn't loved me the same.

Something switched, something switched I.

Saw, which I flipped inside him.

I saw a side of you that was just so repulsive that night, but you deserve I.

Was saying the other day that I want to do that again, Like I really need to get to that state again. It's been since that day that I've ever gotten even close to being that drunk before, and I think it's time to like relive it. But like my luck, I would accidentally fucking die, like I would accidentally like, oh, Diana, I'll get too fucked up.

If you want, Jay bro, I'll smoke you out, Tesla. We could do Edward forty hands, but just does I.

Have a forty tattoo?

Yeah? He does. On his thought.

Yeah, I gave it to myself when I was sixteen. Are you serious?

Yeah? How have I never noticed that during our session?

I know That's what I'm saying, because you guys keep the lights on because you're both so scared of yourselves security and try to see my body and doesn't want me to see his body.

We both have the apple headsets on.

Yeah, real, dude, somebody is fully get a bone with that ship on it. It's going to be It's.

Gonna be fucking me.

Wait, that apple headset is going to be fucking you or you're gonna They should have added a flashlight extension to it that you can plug USB C into it and it will pulsate with the video.

No, No, that already a thing.

I talked to somebody recently who had an addiction to it. Oh yeah, you were telling me about that. Yeah, it was like this guy that I know that was like I hit rock bottom recently because I caught myself like fishing the dick Sucker machine and VR headset out of a dumpster, like like he.

Threw it away and then went out.

For it because he was like the post nut depression hits so different when right after you lean back and you're in like a player one, you like pull it off and you're like covered and calm, And he was just like, like, I noted, I asked it. Basically I was around him and I asked him like why he had a Nokia phone and he was like, oh, like I hit rock Bottom recently. He told me this whole story, But he was basically like I got rid of like my computer, my iPhone, all this stuff because I like

What's it called? What's it called? What's the machine?

Actually, don't I don't have an affiliate link this episode for Machine Surprise. It's crazy. Men's rock Bottom is switching from the Apple universe to Nokia universe so you can have the perfect masturbation ploy, and Women's rock Bottom is writing every day in your journal with the strange delusion that one day will be published after you die, and you think you're making the next bell Jar. I can that's the two rock Bottoms of the gender.

I can fix them. I can fix them. No, bit. You're just you're probably more crazy than him.

I think that the neural and cuts some effect on his time.

Wow, sorry, guys, it's near only custa buffer you come back.

I can't feel my fucking legs, but it's okay.

What effects of the neural is when you get super embarrassed, your legs give out so that you can distract to something else.

Girls rock Bottom, Oh my god, girl's rock bottom is switching from Diva Cup to Taan PACs.

Nice. Hell, yeah, that was good. I'm like, I haven't been hitting so long. That is true, it's been a minute.

Okay. So I was on tick that hurt my hands so bad.

Also, remember that era where people like actually thought I was getting abused by my podcast.

People were like, I don't know, it just feels weird. It's happened so often.

And then there were comments like, but he likes it. He says he likes it.

Guys, we don't know the full side of the story until he says something.

It's nuanced.

It's there's like they yeah, it it's different. Okay. So I was on TikTok and I saw this slideshow. Oh my fucking god, and this girl posted saying a few days ago and HBO intern accidentally sent a mass blank email with a subject line integration test email number one two thousands of subscribers. Not that big of a deal, HBO tweeted out, saying, we mistakenly sent out an empty test email to a portion of our HBO Max mailing

Also, what's fucked up? As Beaker is such a disc but one of us when we were watching the Muppets, drew was like, I'm Beaker.

I'm Beaker.

Like I'll be Beaker, and we were all like, yeah, you can be beaker. Bro Like, nobody wants to.

Be fucking beakerker.

Beaker doesn't speak at all.

That's so me coded. I go back for Carrolink. Yeah, I'll let you read the next one.

Dear intern, I was using my desktop. Oh why'd you give me this one?

Oh?

Wow, Okay, dear intern, I was using my desktop calendar to make a monthly note of when I started my menstrual period. Menstrual period, you didn't have to say period period when I started my mention stroll cycle. But after several months, I realized I was making that note on a calendar I shared with all of my colleagues company wide. I was thirty seven years old.

Mortifying, horrifying. This one is dear interur Oh, I don't like this one. This one's my favorite one. Hashtag dear intern me to the CEO of a large company. His name is Alan. I was thirty four. Then it's a screenshot of an email from the guy and he says, good morning, Anal. I'll let you read the last.

One, Dear intern. One time I sent an email on behalf? Why are you flipping the camera off? I set on an email on behalf of the organization's board of directors with a link to a custom thank you video that was meant to show appreciation. The link redirected to a lady in her pajama's a loudly reviewing hot Cheetos recipe fails. I cried twice that day and that's all of them.

Oh, this one's crazy. I was an intern out of a podcast, and about a year into the podcast, I realized that I had broken into their house a year prior and shaved my pubes in their house. And now it's weird because I work at the same podcast that I don't.

Okay, you already stopped, and what you don't have?

You fucking hurt me? Kai, your fucking face hurt me. Now my hand hurts.

It's crazy.

Wow, it's tingling, it's tingling. Okay. Well, yeah, that was boring as fuck. Sorry, y'all, Jesus Christ, I'm fucking boring. I'm so fucking boring.

Well, I decided Drew had his beard, Like why did we let Drew have that scary ass fucking beard for so long?

Like?

No, I know, Yeah, when I see videos of you with your scary beard, it actually is so fucking jarring, and it sometimes disrupts when I'm watching like an edit of something, and it's like a cute edit of like us talking about being friends forever, and then I see a clip of that, I'm like, oh, whoa, Yeah, there is so much content of you with that nasty beard.

Yeah, it's just more of like a man thing, like people with vaginas just wouldn't get it, And it's more of like like every winter I grew out my beard to stay warm.

Yeah, they were. I feel like I feel like people with vaginas would get it. Personally.

Are you insinuating that women grow out their bushes to insulate their bodies?

You Kai, Why would you say I'm saying that? Why were you just saying that you want to have sex with your boss?

I know it's so weird. Oh, dear dear intern. I got fired because I sexualized my boss. All my life sucks and I'm going to prison.

What I was defending women, Drew said some misogynst and I'm.

Going to small claims Core because she has a really decent case against me, because the audio is something I actually helped record.

That's the last time I ever defended then.

My am my lawyer was like, uh, well I can't help you and I quit because you recorded the evidence.

So there's no way to like, is this true?

No, it's not, it's all it's a bit. She's doing a bit.

Fast forward two years from now, Kin Newman in prison, in prison, Okay, So we didn't talk about it, or we might have briefly talked about it.

I don't Josiah being on what song was that song? What the hell? We don't talk anymore. No, Josiah being on Jason Nash was like a cultural cultural shift, which was amazing. Will insert the clip of the battle, like the end of the battle.

Is that your music?

Yeah?

Well, good job dude.

Did you have a whole album you're making or just a single or what do you have to do?

What?

Yah?

Now I'm passed off.

I lost.

Oh it's not as Yeah, I mean, you already won in life.

You have a you have a which is so fucking funny. But I was scrolling on my feet today and I saw that Jason Nash got swatted, and for all the evil he's done, I don't think it was deserved.

Getting swatted is just fucking insane. That's like terrifying.

It made me so sad.

I wish Josiah caught on to what I was trying to do, because if anybody watched it at the end, when Josiah's throwing his like fig you hear like the gunshots, but I was, this is actually such a jark dark joke and like, I'm sorry if it bothers anybody, but like.

Booo, fucking liberal.

Jumped down.

But I was trying because he kept walking away from the camera, so I wanted to play the gunshot and like make Josiah fall to the ground so it sounded like he killed himself because he lost against Jason Nash on a live stream. And then I wanted to like, dude, I had a whole bit plan in my head, and I wish I had thought about it before and told him that this is what we could have done. But

And I tried to make some fucking money too, yeah, trying to make.

Josie win, which I then had to go live and tell him to give me all my fucking money back so I could get my money back because he lost. Also, I was gonna do that anyway, because I'm not just gonna hand Josiah one hundred and fifty dollars. But I was like, give me my fucking money back. I really thought Josiah was gonna win, which actually freaks me out because that means that's off that live alone Jason Nash walked away with like over two hundred dollars, which freaks

And it's gonna be okay your family's waiting room.

Maybe it's just gonna get here soon. Because it's the same joke you did when we were at Ryan's gallery and I was in the bathroom for too long and you went up to the door. He was like, get out, there's a fire. There's a fire. Old lady. Oh my god, dude, is this gonna happen all the time now? Because I don't want to hang out with you.

My ear is actually like really clogged right now.

Well, no, your ear is not clogged. You just tied that bandage around your head, so fucking you're actually going to start like losing circulation.

No, but it's county like. Am I giving like I'm giving like a Kanye's wife a little bit?

No, you're giving like you just came back from a botch surgery in Turkey?

No, it's giving like KUNTI like it's giving. Yeah, mmmm, it's giving like a handsmade taiale.

I've never seen that, neither of I.

Okay, hands made, I.

Think it's handmaid in tale or is it handsmade?

I think it's the handmade.

Actually, we're all of you different universes right now, and we're classic at the same moment, right.

I do believe that we shifted dimensions at one point.

I think that every three days though.

Yeah, no, I genuinely do. And I think y'all are like different versions of yourself because I've noticed little things that are different.

Are they like bad things or no?

It's just little minute details I pay attention to the little thing.

Well, I decided that if like woman hates me, I really don't care, Like it doesn't bother me. But something about like a man hating me to the extent of talking shit about me, like that seems so odd to me. I don't have any examples, but something about that, like if a girl behind my back is talking shit about me, I'm like, go the fuck ahead. I actually give you the green light, like you deserve to. You deserve to talk shit about me, like for whatever reason. It is, Like,

No, that's just like pussy behavior.

A man be a man and say it to my face because I'm gonna call the police.

Actually, oh oh no, but.

We're gonna cut that.

Why it wasn't me, It was the neuralink.

I really wonder if that shit's gonna work. If it works, we're done.

Like here, dude.

When I saw that tweet, it was like one of those mum It's where I was like, oh, I'll think about this forever, Like this will be like the first sign of the end in a lot of ways, Like you know, the whole thing with Crisper. Yeah, Like Crisper is like genetically engineering fetuses and stuff. They're like they're

Also, what the fuck does that do to a child who's been born in a lab? Like they genuinely don't have parents.

I think it's like it's born, it's born inside of a surrogate mother. Yeah, but you can choose like the eye color or the hair color or the hair texture, and you can just mod it to change their heights.

And parents and stuff. Who even give a fuck about that? Like what are you gonna do? Sell the baby on TIMU? Like why are you trying to like breed the perfect baby? It's so weird.

I mean, I don't know if anybody's like doing it.

Yeah, but like the fact that that's people were like, fuck, I would love you know, there's some people out there who are like, oh my god, I hope that happens before you already.

Okay, this Slanders like actually driving me insane, because how do you think I got to be the perfect specimen that I am? Like I look like Jacob Alordi, I sound like Beyonce when I sing. I have really big muscles, I have like a very perfect penis. Like there's a lot of things about me that like a lot of people like my parents paid good.

I'm saying you look like more like nikocado avocado kind of that's what I do. You saw that that was like the top comment of the last episode, or like, what's that guy who gets like followed by drones with the face? Yeah, I see a lot of Daniel Larson comparison. Oh my god, he's gonna get violent again.

If you're gonna hit anyone, it should be me again.

No he wants it. Yeah, don't give him want it.

Like when y'all talk about my parents like that, because they made me the perfect person, Like it.

Were they drunk when they were like choosing their options, So they thought they were picking like perfuse skinned blue eyes, like gorgeous hair. Oh they used to coopon.

Yeah, they got like a really good deal on it.

They got a bonus coin so they can only get certain like Avatar ships.

They turned the bubble butt sitting all the way up.

They did the clapper.

It's crazy that when you do that, you're literally just like bouncing on your toes every time, like you.

I just went, how is that?

Eventually you were going to be eighty and have like nieces and nephews who filmed the funk out of you because you were going to be so psychonic, Like there's gonna be eight thousand videos on like some random child's mind iPhone of Drew being so scary.

Yeah, it's gonna be a problem.

That's how we're gonna keep up.

Like I'm gonna be the grandpa. What are you gonna say?

Just the mind iPhone, the mind phone.

I showed any of this video today of this grandpa seeing himself for the first time sad in a very long time. It's like the most heartbreaking, evil, dark video I've ever seen. In fact, I'll show you kyro Quick.

It's gonna freaky out because you're what like two years away from the Skuys.

I'm not a grandfather.

I'm not a grandpa.

We're literally matching right now, look at the colors your match.

Of course, it's you need. And she goes on to say, like, you're so beautiful, you're video. I know that's gonna be me.

That's so sad, Drew. That actually made me so sad.

You need me to comfort you. It'll just be like working. Where's the work? Literally the specifically, just.

Like I'm cooking in the studio, Yet they come out famish, like where's the food?

Do No? That video was the saddest thing I've seen in a very long time. And it broke my heart into a million pieces. And I hate that we do that to ourselves.

What that we care about, what we look like.

Yeah, that's why I got the near link. It's nothing physical, it's just all mental.

I guess you do need more mental help than you do physical help, at least at the very moment. Because after your bugle fat and you look really good.

Oh and you need to get in a car crash on the way to the gym.

We go to the gym together, exactly.

Okay, So I haven't written down, So for Christmas two years ago, or maybe it was my birthday two years ago, I was like sitting on the couch last night when I was like all alone, and I started like tearing up thinking about like the gift my dad got me. It's literally gonna make me so sad actually, but like it like the gifts, like I don't know how to say it without sounding mean, but they're like something I

Say something else. Also, like it seems like he knows his son really well, because I feel like you would actually use to know because you're so used that if you just use one, it'll slip out and then you spend the whole time.

Turning, Hey, I've had anal sex like three hundred and eighty fucking times. True, big wook.

That you're used?

Yeah he's what not the only one? No?

Did you?

Oh?

You told him that hot? That's always your thing. That's always your thing, you.

Always I guess you're calling me whole number one hundred and seven.

Yeah, no, three hundred and seven.

I texted you and I noticed that was my name in your friend.

But no, my in all seriousness, my dad got me these two shirts and I was sitting I was ordering like some stuff off Amazon, and I looked up cool shirt designs on Amazon and the shirts he got me popped up and like they're the weirdest looking fucking shirts ever. But like, just thinking about him, like literally like buying me something that he thinks I would like enjoy and like just like literally makes me so happy and sad at the same time. I don't know how to describe

Shirt, looking up cool shirt.

What the fuck is happening on my phone right now? This one? What is going on?

Did you hit play on something?

No? Like, is it TikTok? It's my near and glitching?

What is playing on your fucking phone? Is it from Spotify? Hello?

Oh?

What is just in your safari?

Okay?

Actually, what the hell?

Yeah, it's because you use your phone so fucking much that your phone just knows that it has to get the screen time up, so it'll just start playing things. Because if you see your screen time drop, you'll get really sad.

And then when you see your boobs in vagina sag, when you get eight hundred years old, you're gonna be sad. How about that you get eight hundred years old. But yeah, last night, girl, the fuck this like literally fuck this, like literally fuck this, like I actually fuck this right now, Like I'm over it, Like I have all these notes to talk.

About, but like, damn, that's a lot of notes.

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

I am so tired. I don't know, but that's because I had to wake up early and I was out all fucking night last night or something the time of my fucking life. Oh, I interacted with the most like insane presence of a waitress I've ever interacted with at the restaurant last night. Like she was such an overwhelming vibe. She was a good vibe, but sometimes when people are like a good vibe, but two, I don't know how to describe it. We got there and it was just

Like, it's given. The girl at the hotel like typing on the keyboard like she was.

That was the fastest wages I've ever met. Also, we got there at like eight thirty and she was like, just to let you know, the kitchen closes at nine forty five, and we were like, damn, that's like an hour and fifteen minutes away. Also, we just got here and she was like, I just want to let you know so you can order everything you want, everything you want, baby, And then she like said baby to one of us

Is that positivity? Is that what that is? Oh?

That's what it felt like.

It was.

It felt like evil positivity?

Is that? What is that? What toxic positivity is?

Is that a real term? I've never knowd that.

It's like positive positivity is now like can be toxic? That's what I've heard.

Like, you're being too nice?

Is that like condescending? Though? Like is that not just the same idea of condescend?

Honestly, it's like if you're you're just like you're unwilling to be rational and you're only like I'm only viewing things as positive.

I'm not. I'm completely I guess I can see how that negativity of Yeah, I say, I guess I can see how that like would be like a privileged like thing to be, like, it's not that fucking bad, like.

Just be too happy. Yeah, I've never had that problem. I've never never been happy. You must be the happy king, you must be the happy expert. I've actually never been to the Happy Store. I wouldn't know what it looks like and I wouldn't know what they sell. But it seems like you shop the Happy Shop a lot.

Well, I was at the gym yesterday and I was changing, and I take my time and I change because I don't give a fuck about my body. Whoever wants to see it can see it. But like one of fifty people that if they saw my body I would be mortified saw my body yesterday at the gym and I was butt ass naked and I didn't see And I'm not naming their name because I don't want to say their name publicly, but it is someone that I like am a very big fan of, like like really really

Humiliating about making eye contact with somebody while they're fully clothed and you're naked.

Yeah. No, it was the most vulnerable I've ever felt. I felt like I can't.

Yeah, to be a fan of James Charles for a decade takes a lot of dedication to fuck you, fuck you both.

No, but it was. It was horrible and I like have never gotten dressed faster in my life. And I ran out of there and I sat on the bench outside of the locker rooms waiting for Enia to come out, and he walked out and we made eye contact again, and I just did you guys kiss? We did not know. It was like not fun, It was not It wasn't.

A vibe at all. Well, I decided I need to stop smiling at people at the gym when I make eye contact with them, because I kind of think people might think I'm a pervert a little bit.

Yeah, because do a smile, you do? We fully fully nude women in the kay usually.

I'm fully new too, but I'm just like like, because I don't know, we're both like naked as fuck, and like I feel like everybody has this fear in their fucking eyes, which I might grow up eighteen million times, like it's nothing new to see some fucking coo chimboobs like, it's not that crazy.

I mean literally, show yours to me right now, like literally if it's not crazy, like if I saw you naked, literally like just show me naked and Kay's covering his eyes, it's okay.

No, Well, because you like you find women sexually attractive, so it would make me feel very uncomfortable.

And your pede in front of me today, Yeah, I literally.

Did right before we start the vibe.

Yeah, you were frying some fucking pork chops and the toilet bro like it sounded like horse meat.

Did you smell my bean sprouts and asparagus piss?

Yes?

Did you have asparagus?

No?

I was like, where's that smell coming from?

No, that's just my natural body odor.

You need to get that looked at.

But yeah, I realized yesterday because I did it. This was the energy of the waitress. I'm not kidding, but like more smiley so that but like and then when all of our guests got to the table for Jesso's birthday, she goes, none of your friends are ugly? What's up with that? And like it was a really nice compliment, but we were like, dude, she was Also it was so confusing because she Okay. Also, I don't want this to seem like I'm making fun of this woman. She

Give me your hand real quick. No, no, no, I'm gonna do an aura reading real quick. It's given gray.

My aura. There's no way it's great.

No, you have like a green aura. It's like a green aura. Do you want me to do so?

I have this like really crazy thing for you to think about, Drew. There's a green light shining on my hand. When you do that, yours is.

It's either blue or purple? And of course I have the white.

No, you're just talking about your skin color. You're supposed to like f figure out the oar around it. Also, you saying I have green when that light is just shining off my hand.

It's a symbol of growth, renewal and balance.

Is white is green?

Wait?

What's white? What's white?

White? It just says gay.

Oh oh you are really good at that. That's crazy that you picked.

Up on I'm happy. I'm fucking happy. No, not that I'm fucking happy.

We don't mean it that way. I loved that comeback as a kid. Well, gay is happy. So yeah, I guess I'm gay. I mean I'm the gayest person in the road.

Yeah, I'm fucking happy.

Yeah, I'm super gay. I'm like the gayest person ever. Like I should win the gay Award because I'm so fucking happy.

In your sass, I'm toxically positive.

And what is blue mean? Probably like oh.

Wow, oh wow, horse write a cowboy.

I could read blue. Oars are sensitive, deep thinkers who are in tune with their truth voice.

Oh wow, that is true sort of. Yeah what is white though? For uh? Let me see, it's probably like creative, passionate, independent, loves himself.

Well balanced personality, calm and open to possibilities.

Oh you are open, but does it specify what's open?

This was verse two.

I'm a fucking top if anything.

To talk about that? The twink allegations, Yeah, I have it saved in my fucking ear.

So I dot love the druth four twenty shout out for the username posted a video saying Drew Phillips twink era. Fuck you.

Yeah, what do you mean by that?

I mean, I guess it was my twink era, But fuck you to the comments that we're saying what era? He's still in his twink era, bitch. I I'm not a fucking twink. I'm not a fucking twink. Okay, I'm an order. I'm a fucking otter.

M.

Those pictures are so fucking funny.

I was in a twinker, I had a twink arc, but fuck you, you.

Fuck you to be fair like every like straight guy on the internet also looked like that at that time, because that's also why I was like, I love him, He's like my babe, that's my crush because every guy looks like that.

No, I have my own I have my own swag.

I think a lot of people I liked in high school ended up being gay though, so not you, not you. I just had a lot of.

People well, speaking of gay, did either play webs Webkins? Yeah? Did you play webs.

Rah?

Not again?

I did, but not as much as I played like Tomtown Oh nice.

Did you play Webkins?

No, because I was always under the assumption that you had to connect a credit card to it, and my parents have never, oh never had.

A credit card.

A credit card a card expert.

Okay, Well, there's this guy in Webkins and he's a store owner and his name is Artifact, and you would go in and buy cool little like jewels and trinkets and just little things from his like artifacts store, saying like that because his name is Artie Fact.

Oh okay, and.

What the fuck did I say? Oh, I'm reading two different ones. But he would say like, welcome to the curio shop. Like he has like a thick accent. Why is he hot?

Oh he is hot. Yeah, he's hot as fun.

That is exactly what the guys that you show.

Me like he is. Fuck.

You know.

When you think someone's hot, I can agree they're hot, but I would absolutely never be down for it. Does that make sense? Like I can understand and be like, yes, that's a hot person, but never my vibe. But I guess we've already talked about this. My vibe is so peculiar.

Your vibe has no vibe.

Yeah, I just have zero vibes. It's all it's it's all about personality because I just believe in ugly people getting a chance.

Amen. But on my webkins. On Webkins, one time, me and my sister had a shared account and we would ask for like webkins for every single birthday, every single holiday, every single Christmas. That's all we wanted for like three years. And like we had like a.

Sorry, I think your stitches are infected because I can smell them.

You were rotten back too, But anyways, I was on Webkins. It was like mine in Madaline's like passion as a child or as children, we like put so much time and effort into like building our houses, playing the games to get our coins up, like taking care of our little annal animals, and it was just like a fun thing to do.

Well.

One time, Madeline's dumbass was at a neo salon and there was like a girl our age there and Maden just got to start. She just started getting to talking to this girl and like they were hanging out and they were like, oh yeah, we love Webkins too. Me and my brother love Webkins too, Like can I see

That's because that little girl grew up to be Anadelvi so she never learned exactly, And Adelby is the girl who's a SCAMMERA right, she did not.

Scam, she was the girl.

But that's I don't think I've never talked about that.

So you dated Annadel But actually that makes sense. Y'all's New York timelines.

Add up, Yeah, because yeah we did.

It was she does have a weird thing for men with no job, no house, no carnovibe. So that timeline does well.

I do have a house, and I have a job, and I have riz and I pulled that's true, had an incredible three weeks.

We had a magical acount of unbelievable on top.

I told me that I have that macaroni in a pot.

What the fuck she was sucking your butt? I want to find the thing that's like and that little girl grew up to be Ariana Grande. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like those so it's so with standing and asking for like a.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, classic classic, while you find that. So this girl took our account and then you mentioned fortnite, so there's a transition to fortnite.

One day, Ariana Grande walked out of a store with a box of cookies. Outside the store, she saw a kid selling newspapers. She gave him her box of cookies and said, ethe's cookies. Child. One day you will grow up to be someone very important that child grew up to be Barack Obama?

Is that real?

Yeah, dude, look look at them.

Is that actually real? Dude?

Swear to god. It's from Facebook dot com slash legendary Facts. All right, Well, I'm tired.

Of heart this podcast Heart Hard to Heart. Ya and I had a heart to heart on the couch yesterday and we were having a very beautiful conversation or a sad, tragically sad conversation, but it was a it was a beautiful vibe. It was nice. Enya had Fortnite playing in the background and she joined the lobby and it was a loading lobby, and Enya was like sitting on the couch like sobbing her eyes out, like bawling, just like

I emoted to just add a natural reaction. I'm sitting here sobbing, and I was like hitting the.

Like it sounded fucking bass boosted. It was the most insane thing ever. And I was trying so hard not to laugh because like the whole just scene that we were in was just crazy because it was like you crying Fortnite blowing my other ear drum out and it was just fucking hilarious.

I recorded that conversation. Oh really, because because I've like what, I've been doing this thing because I don't I'm not good at like writing how I feel. So I actually this is a problem and one day it's gonna get me in trouble because one day someone's gonna find out

Like like.

You can hear the Fortnight helloading screen.

Yeah, you literally can hear.

Dude, this is crazy. You can't to It's like he's like talking about like trauma, sit It's like, un to the guy, it's crazy. But that's just me, Like I'm just that kind of person. Also, fuck you fucking bitches. I'm never sharing my royals again. Nobody can be happy for me. Everybody's like, oh, we about lobby. Oh play ranked sometimes ranked is fucking easier than zero. Build you funky,

Guys, and I really am so sorry.

But I've never I'm never sharing my joy again. Fuck you, and I'm gonna kill myself and it's your.

Fault, period, And that's on what.

And instead of going to my funeral, you'll be going to small claims court because Drew will be prosecuting you, and he will be defending me and himself.

From all the gay allegations.

No that one, I'm going on the stand against you, Okay, Drew High up Corner, Do y'all not play? Do you not play the thing?

Like?

Why why do you sing it?

Because I just like singing it? Vie, Yes, Drew's high up corner. Okay, you don't like go Okay, if your pussy stinks, you got to. But holes having an ugly friend isn't a problem until they start calling you twin.

That's how I feel with you.

I don't want head if you're spit stinks.

I feel like if you're spit stinks in your giving head, that's more of a problem for the person giving head. But that's just mine.

Yep. And you drink sixty seven ounces of coffee in four minutes and says, man, I don't feel good. I have anxiety, but you're tweaking off the bean gay son or thought daughter better question skibity toilet son or Sephora daughter?

He yo, Oh my god, dude, I really want to play back when you said his bunk ass joke, Like I need to watch.

That, Pami shout out Pedro, Isaac and Ianni Drow Pascal. Yeah, he sent in one to my email. M M, I think we're living in Darney Darko, Darney dark I think we are. Have you been seeing all the players the Darney Darko? Have you been seeing all the burning planes in the sky? We are literally living Donnie Darko. Yes.

Two nights ago I saw a fiery ball in the sky Donnie Darka and it disappeared Donnie Darko. I'm not joking.

What is the plot of Donnie Darko?

The plane lands in the house and then a robot?

Yeah, I've never seen it. Are you serious?

I know, like there's a bullying scene or some ship.

Yeah, it was so weird, And so that's why that movie is so scary.

I've never noticed that water tower.

I don't see one.

Yeah, you haven't noticed it either.

Was gonna say, oh, that was a shooting star. You were just so clouded by your own pessimism that you can't enjoy the things God gives to you.

Why are you always She's right?

You know what makes me so something nice is when I'm in a full of people I love and I care about, which is like y'all and all my friends, I'm like, wow, it is so that I'm the only one in here who is going to have a joyful afterlife because I'm going to heaven and the rest of you are going to burn in hell for all the

Know the sins you've committed, and should I bring them up? Should? Ya's got a few skellingtons in her closet, gay, So know so.

When you cover your mouth and then you you're supposed to like whisper, So I know it doesn't even matter. We don't even have to blur that because I should never would never happen, never happened to me, and not to my knowledge.

That's misinformation, the classic classic. You're just saying, I'm going to go to heaven because I'm so sweet, so I'll be with you up there.

That's true, that's actually not how you get into heaven. Sounds like you might be diabetic.

You made Actually you might be diabetic because when I was drinking your piano the toilet, it was really sweet.

It was like I for dscornc.

Yeah, it was really sweet.

That's why when you pee it sounds so loud, because it's just pure fucking.

Has like a really good stream. A really good stream is very large. Two boys in a sandbox, Oh, wait, we have to do media.

I almost forgot. Oh my guys, my phone's dead, so I'm gonna have to go off the top of my head. Oh, somebody made an edit to a Holland Oats song. I don't remember what account it was, but boy, do you know how to please a woman like me? You should actually go to gay school because I bet you're a girl who made that, and you might be yay because you're some women.

The fuck are you saying? Bru?

Oh, I guess you should have go to gay school. You should teach gay school because you're already so good at it.

Mine is behind the bars Elliot Smith.

And that's where he hated to go and hew wow, right by the bars. Mine is bitch where by Chief Keith.

Oh yeah, and he's a glow girl yeah, and is a modern day.

Glow freaking crazy. Uh that's a song. And then the rest is like the same ship. I've been saying because I've just been listening to the same music and I actually need to get actually, oh uh what is it? It's like ask about Me or something by John Lennon. So because I'm going on my like the Beatles journey, everybody was like, oh, my god, the Beatles, the Beatles. I thought you said you hated the Beatles. People aren't subject to change. Why are you so fucking evil? You conniding, fucking White.

Chrumb Country one Tricks Point Never sugar Storm, Trent, just.

A bunch of noise classes.

From Maternal Sunshine and This Spotless Mind. John Byron, Joe Biden, John Byron.

The worst thing I ever did was somebody I broke up with soon after. I got them the soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Line because it's their favorite movie. And I was like, this would be such a cute gift to give them, and I gave it to them and I was like, and I felt so evil, but they were happy.

That's behavior.

Yeah, don't talk with me.

That is toxic positivity. Uh, Starfall Salem, that's my media.

Oh my media is oblivious by Aztec camera And we could send letters that one. That whole album is awesome. Yeah, guys, oh my god, life is. Life's so amazing when you are me and I could see how if you were true, it'd be really hard.

Fuck you.

Have you heard the new Jojo Seaweed track.

There's pretty fucking way she has music.

It's pretty good.

Actually, I'm done. I'm fucking done. I'm not not talking any more.

Fuck you guys, Like, seriously, Okay, what's your media?

Oh?

Every time he asked me, he SAIDs porn.

No, I've only said that joke once and now I'm known for it because it's so funny. All right, my media, all right, my media this week is porn.

Oh, my fucking god.

Okay, No, my media is actually Homecoming by the Teenagers. That song have you guys heard?

That song isn't new or old, it's old as fuck.

It's see You know what's crazy is I've always been an absolute piece of shit fuck face, and I'm always like I only want to hear old music. And now when I see a song is from two thousand and eight, I'm like, that's old enough. I can like tap into that, which is so fucking scary.

Yeah.

My cutoffs like twenty sixteen.

Was that it was what it the song Oh oh, I could do more? Ditto by New Jeanes, and then Mario's Kafe by Saint Etien.

Ohs and shirt No. I have a really good say. I haven't warned because it's like humongous it would fit me.

But she won't let me wear it.

No, it's it's like it's literally a dress.

What were you saying the other day? Guy, You're like that moment like shifted everything.

Oh yeah, the humongous You remember that video of like the humongous guy?

Are you hitting me? And yeah?

You remember that?

What is that?

It was like this guy that was like, I forget what it was.

It was like a presidential debate. It was no, it was a presidential debate. And he's They asked him his name and he was like Hugh Mungas.

Oh yeah, I was telling you that that was the beginning of the culture war.

Yeah, that shifted everything.

That was the first shot fire.

Red versus Blue.

I'm actually going to leave the house right now and go get new slippers because look at the bottom of this.

Oh gross Red versus Blue Civil War to come to with me to Texas to stop the people from coming in?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Sorry? That was near orlan.

Okay, all right, thank you guys for watching. I hope something bad.

Happens that I just love. Fuck you want to up?

If I said that something bad happened to somebody, their brain would naturally connect those two events. And literally hate me for the rest of their life.

Model why model why

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