Hello, Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, we have a lot of important topics to educate the audience that we have garnered with.
Shit, it's about to get real.
We're done with the giggly goofy topics. From now on, we will only be speaking on things that we find will help you progress in your life into your early adulthood that you are starting, like periods and sex, but in an educational.
Sense because we're coming of age.
Yeah, I genuinely do believe we are coming of age. I mean you are kind of ending of age where you're headed.
I'm just starting, bitch, I know you.
Okay, we have to like like cut the sixteen thing like a year old.
I'll never.
All right, do you have anything you would like to say first? Before I like talk so much that you don't get a word in.
I was just thinking about our love Devin Lee Carlson's birthday and how we all keyed at that. It was fun,
it was nice, it was a movie. And then I don't want to name names, but it was a very full circle moment for me and I went up to this person and he was on a shit ton of mushrooms, like in a very crazy way tripping balls out the ass, and I went up to him and he when he told me he was on mushrooms, my knee jerk reaction was just going nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare because of the Andre what's his fucking name, Eric, Eric, Andre fucking bit
and I just yelled nightmare, nightmare, nightmare in his face a bunch and he just like looked at me and he was like, no, not that. Chill the fuck out, bro, and it just like moved on with the conversation. And I will literally never ever forget that.
Moment, with that full circle, because you were in a position where you were like someone who maybe we shouldn't be hanging out with, yes, and you were like doing what you would do to us.
Yeah, exactly. It was like a full circle moment because when I was like fourteen fifteen, I literally looked up to this person and I was like, oh, you're kind of sick, like I actually like you. Yeah, but now I'm like, yeah, I fucked up. But also they've always just kind of been a fucking dickhead to me, So I don't really care because I'm not a hot pretty girl and they only follow hot pretty girls and I'm like hot, I'm a hot pretty boy.
Oh that's where you categorize yourself. Yeah, I would say you're somebody who wants you get to know him. You might find him attract.
You might find him attractive after he makes you laugh a little bit. No, I literally have been looking in the mirror for the last two weeks and thinking I am the most hideous, ugly, diabolical, disgusting dude.
It literally okay, it's hair. It's just your hair. Because that's why I used to change my hair so much, because like, my hair would get to the point, especially once you're like and also, my necklaces are really fucking tangled.
It's pissing me off. But once you're in the like point of bleaching and down your hair a bunch of colors, you literally have the upkeep is so much and so beyond like anything normal that you just like start feeling like weird about the way you look because you're like, this isn't the way I want this to look right now, and then you're.
You either have to shave it. I'm gonna fucking shave it all.
Have you ever shaved your head?
No, bit, Because my fucking giant ass Gordon Mellon fucking head is disgusting and big as fuck. I actually have had the same head size since I was three months old, because I had a giant fucking baby head, Like my my head was so big it was ninety percent of my body weight as a child. Like in the womb, I think all of the nutrients went to my fucking gord of a melon head. Like, it's fucked up.
You were you. I will say the one baby picture of you that like Kai will insert it. I don't know if Kai has seen it, but like you aren't.
I would be like, oh my god, I can't believe you gave birth.
Wow, Congress. No, I looked like one of those babies. I looked like one of those babies with the skin condition Like I literally so me. I was scally.
I was a scaly baby because my egg mo was so bad. I was one of those babies that my mom had to like get like intense intense moisturizer, some like lather me. You know what's fucked up. She put so much lotion on me once she went to go pick me up to feed me, and I fucking slipped and I hit the ceiling and fell on the floor, and.
Yeah, when I was there, I picked you up and dropped you down the stairs cause you're so much in lotion.
Remember we spoken about how I was like, oh, I would get away with pushing you down the stairs. Have I spoken about that?
I don't know.
We me Andrew were playing around, like at the front of the house, and he was like, hor he was being annoying and like pushing me or like doing the thing where he gets in my way and then pushes me with his body, like not pushes me, but like we'll stand in my way sometimes and then like turn so that I knocked back and I'm like, get the fuck away from me, and I pushed him, and like I had this moment at the back of my head
where we were so close to the stairs. I was like, I could push him down the stairs and fucking kill him.
She let the interestive thoughts win. She really liked the thoughts when with that one.
But then we were talking like I could have fully pushed him down the stairs, and if he died, like, I don't think a single person on this planet other than the fact that I've said it would have been like, oh my god, she did that on purpose. Everybody would have thought like, oh my god, they were genuinely playing around and she died.
Just watch this, I'm gonna fall down the stairs purposely die. This clip is gonna go live. The world is gonna know the true evil behind.
But you just admitted that you're going to push yourself.
Down the telling the truth? Is it in your is it me? You have to decide it's me?
But what.
Told me this ship? Because Okay, I don't know if this is weird, and I will probably be labeled as a fucking monster freak bitch for even asking this question, But like, this isn't the weird part. I am so curious what breast milk tastes like, Like I want to know what it tastes like.
Were you asking Madeline if you could have some?
No? No, no, no, I was asking if it was weird if I asked my twin sisters.
Honestly, in my opinion, no, if it's like in a cup, I don't find that that weird because in my head, I'm like, you're the weirdo if you sexualize that interaction.
I drank my mom's booby milk.
Well that was because you needed it.
I was thirteen and I was like really hungry. Well, you needed it because you were in the teat was two years.
I don't think that's that weird. I remember one time. Okay, Also, y'all are lying, because like I would fucking lie to my girl too, like saying this video where this girl was like, it smells like it tastes like cinnamon. They're all like, oh my god, it literally tastes.
Like mountain and it's electric.
I was like, you're fucking lying, bitch. Like, but I would like if I had some orions milk, like oh my god, He's like wow, But no, I don't think it's weird to try. I'll try some of her breast.
No, that's what I was saying, because I wanted to do like the the milk try where you put it behind the thing and it's like breast milk, nut milk, pistachium milk, my.
Sisters breast milk. Only knowing that one like like sipping on and be like, no, I don't know, and'd be like.
Oh, these shoes are the worst shoes I've ever worn in my entire fucking break one they it broke. These are brand new fucking sneakers that I got. Tell me why I wore them once with brand new fucking uniclose socks, and my feet came out of these shoes stinking like fucking bullshit. Like it was that, like it was not me that. I don't know.
If you if you look at the reviews, it might say, oh my god, the loop at the back break so easily. I hate these shoes.
But I don't think you're gonna say, see, oh my god, my feet smell like shit, admit it.
Anymore.
My little brother, I said, Oh, what did I say? I said something. Oh, we were eating like cheese, like hondured cheese, and like if you know, you know, like those cheeses have a peculiar.
Smell, you would know, you do know.
But my mom puts some on my beans, and like sometimes I just like can't handle the scent. Also, like I do think my mom gave me rotten cheese because I was like, okay, I'm used to the scent of this cheese, but this ship is like kicking my ass right now. Like I literally like I would scoop beans into my mouth and be like, oh, I still smell it in my mouth. But my little brother got some on his beans and was I was like I was like, can you handle the feet smell right now? Or is
it too much for you? And then he was like, why the hell do you know what feet smell like? An all fucking weekend. All he kept saying to me is like, you're so weird. You know what feast smelled like? Bro? But he just kept saying it to me. And then I was like, you don't know what. I was like, your feet have stunk like shit before? Because you know what that smells like.
You know what? Like it's crazy is that we've found a way to talk about every disgusting human body like thing ever. And that spurred like another story that I'm gonna tell because I told it literally two days ago to my dad. But okay, so in middle school I had begged him for the Miami Miami Beach or whatever, the Lebron James, the Miami Beach Lebron James sneakers. I got them, and I wore those bitches every fucking day. I love those shoes so so, so fucking much. They
were my favorite sneakers ever. They were so loud.
It's not these ones.
No, no, yeah, yeah, it's still Lebron. But wore those every single day and like they never smelled bad ones until I took them to the water park. I mean not the water park. Uh six Flags over Texas and there's like a water ride there that splashes water all over you if you stand on the bridge. Stood on
the bridge, and those wore them. I'm not kidding. The next day there was mold growing out of the side of my fucking sneakers from like because I wore them the rest of the day and it was devastating to me because those are my favorite shoes ever. And it was fucking dialogue. Yes, those are the ones. Those four those are fucking lit. Love them.
Have you seen these before? It's like the era where Lebron was on He was on the Miami team, right, and so he was hella wrapping like Miami, and these are like Miami color.
Dude.
I wanted these ones really bad.
South.
Did anybody make fun of you? I wanted the Jordan eight South Beaches. Oh, I wanted these so bad. All the kids with like whose parents should just had.
Like extra I've been like, I went back to Texas and played basketball for little bit, and I'm gonna start playing basketball with Mason here because he's been begging me for like months to do it, and I've just been like no because I'm embarrassed to do that. Be bad and be bad and be gross and scratch people with
my long fucking fingernails with defense. Oh that was my biggest My biggest insecurity was my long fingernails in middle school because when I would like play on the basketball court on the blacktop or at reset recess, I would accidentally scratch kids. And I remember one kid was like, you need to cut your long, fucking disgusting fingernails. Like it stuck with me forever to the point where like I would bite my nails are disgustingly wrong long right now.
But I've been trying not to bite them or clip them. But I literally like shaved it down too far on this one, and since then, this nail has never grown back the same. Like they're not twins or sisters. Now, what was I saying?
You were talking about your stinky fucking shoes in middle school? Did you get made fun of for it?
Uh? Yes, a lot. I got made fun of for that in my dan drift because I couldn't help it, and it was sad. It was fucked up.
I have really bad dandriff right now, I don't know what's happening parents.
Dude, when kids would take off their fucking shoes and class you are done, if your shit smelled bad like it, like that was literally a fear of mine, Like there would be times when I so badly wanted to take off my shoes or if I was wearing like ballet flats, but I knew I couldn't because all the girls who wore ballet flats.
You're in Miami. You should not be going to elementary in middle school in ballet flats with no socks on, Like that stinks the humidity and heat, like we're standing on the black top, Bitch, your feet are cooking there. It's like a thin piece of plastic separating your feet and the ground right now. And dude, people would take their shoes off and be like, ew.
Whose fucking face smell like shit?
And everybody would look and literally like everyone's eyes would go down to the form, be like like looking under tables. And then the kids who got it got it and it was really sad in the hospital. So you can, like you can bring things.
It's funny that I can what I can bring things, what like to lower moments.
Like I mean I'm just saying, there's like a time and a place to like seek sympathy. But like it's weird to transition from me talking about stinky like did stinky feet remind you of your grandma?
It's just, you know, like she's in the hospital and I don't know if she's truly gonna make it.
And you're here though, yeah, And you're here.
Because I have my people to serve. I do this for you guys.
I think like everybody watching would have been like, oh, you probably should have stayed back, But I think, like.
Y'all know nothing about me and how this is affecting me. No, she's totally she's like totally chilling. She fell and broke her hip and of course, like my mi, like she literally did like that is some old people shit. But she's been in the hospital and we went and visited
her in the hospital. And while we were in there, tell me why, like within five minutes of me getting there, I think I'm possessed right now, and I'll get into that in a second, I think, But tell me why the power went out in everything in the entire hospital and it took like two minutes for it to get back on the backup generators, and it was so fucking scary, and my mamma was like, this is it, Like I'm done, this is it. And we were like, girl, you're not
on live support. You're literally so fine. These are just like moderating your health.
Like when you told me that, I was like, I'd be so fucking pissed if I had a family member like on life supporting.
The fourteen people died in the hospital easily. I don't know.
I thought you looked like for sure. I was like, oh my god.
I was there. I saw the bodies. But yes, it was hilarious.
How does that connect to you being possessed?
Okay, so you know how we did light as feather, stiff as a board. We'll insert the clips here.
Board Okay, jes why did.
You do that? And so basically how you're supposed to do it is you're suposed to lift them up the fighter STIPs the board, but put them down and say goodbye. Josiah fucking dropped me and I broke my goddamn shoulder, and the demon that was helping us lift each other went inside of me and is now living inside of me. Because I have been having so many nightmares, like, I've been having the most nightmares of my life recently, especially
in Texas, Texas. When I would like nap during the day because nothing else to do, I would have a full blown nightmare. And then the car ride on the way to I mean on the way home from Uh what am I saying? On the plane ride on the way home from Texas when I was asleep, I had the worst, most visceral, real nightmare of my parents dying in the car ride home from the airport since like
an hour and a half from Dallas to Grandberry. And I woke up and was like literally crying because I was like, oh my God, my family's all dead and I couldn't call them because I did not want to buy Wi Fi. There's a big ordeal in my head. But yeah, literally possessed by demons and they're giving me nightmares.
Wow, Well, I haven't been having nightmares.
I'm actually been having good dreams.
It's been very fun dreams. I'm not the only thing I can remember from dreams in the past few days is for some reason in my dream, I had to speak Japanese and then I couldn't and I just kept saying sorry in Japanese. And then i'd like moved on. But actually I feel like I had a dream but I don't remember it. That was like interesting, but so I guess it doesn't matter because I could not fall asleep on the plane ride back here, and I was
so fucking pissed. I was literally the most angry I've been in my whole life, Like I will never take a late flight from Miami to La ever again, because I was just like out all day and like the sun was.
Like beating my light like a light.
I literally wish.
That was me ill. I don't know if I should be telling this, so this might get cut from the episode, but I've been saving it from in yeah and everybody in my life because I had one of the most insane experiences on a flight of my entire life yesterday. It's it was on Tuesday. Today it's Wednesday when we're recording this. And so I get to the airplane, I get on my flight. I'm a little bit early because I have a little hack to get on the plane early,
not telling you bitches that that's online. Sitting there, the entire plane around me fills up, and I'm like, damn, this is a packed ass flight, except for the middle seat on my plane, and I'm like, on your row on my row, yeah, And I'm like, oh, damn, like this is kind of lit, like I'm gonna get a middle seat, and like the gates are about to close, I'm about to get this middle seat. And I'm like, damn, I'm the only person with the middle seat next to them.
This is fucking lit. And then I see this woman barreling down the aisle like covered in dirt, like hair in a fucking rat's nest, like like running to the seat like it was really it was jarring to see the way she was running, like it was scary, and it was I'm like, please, I'm fucking sit next to me, like please, And she sits next to me, and immediately I am greeted with the most foul odor I have ever smelt a human deal ever in my life. Like it was so bad that my eyes were watering, like
it was. It was literally just like like she hasn't showered in like fourteen days, like it was. It was gnarly, and it was so bad that everybody around us like had started complaining about her fucking stinch to the flight attendants. But we were in the air and they were like, we can't fucking land the plane. So they because she smells, yeah, and so thankfully I had a COVID mask in my bag and I spray it with my perfume and I put it on my face. And I'm not even kidding.
I even was like, I don't want to put a mask on because I don't want to make her feel bad. So I spread down my finger and rubbed it in my mustache. It was so fun.
I've done that before. I've been next to someone who smelled so bad that I take on my little roller perfume and I like douse myself in it, like I literally like will go under my jaw and like on my nose and everything, because I'm like, you smell.
Like that was you smell like the walking bed right? That was literally the vibe, like it was the most rank odor I have ever smelled in my entire fucking life. And the lady next to me next to us, she was in the middle seat. The lady next to us in the aisle was not fucking having it. She was not hiding, like she was like plugging her nose and like talking to the people next to her and be like this is fucking crazy, Like how is she on
this flight? Cause like it was, it was insane, like the like her entire just way it gets fucking fait.
But I've seen something similar ish one time when I was leaving Miami some there was a woman who I like felt so bad because I was like, she obviously was dell weed or some shit here. That was not what she was expecting. She was literally like freaking the fuck out.
Yeah.
She she was like in the midst of psychosis trying to get on her flight, and I was like, dude, this is the bravest human I've ever seen navigate the airport because like you can tell she was not there. That's like the fucking clothes were all like tattered up, and like she was literally like had a fucking plastic bag of stuff and you could tell like something happened to her, and she was like, I just need to get the shock.
She had a plastic bag with her. The flight continues. I'm like, whatever, I'm gonna put my COVID masks with perfume on and go to sleep. I go to sleep, and I wake up and we're like thirty minutes from boarding, and I started getting in my head and I'm like, damn, like I feel really fucking bad for this person right now.
Like she was just like like like i've I've I'm sure like she's just like super fucking depressed and just hasn't showered in a couple of days and like whatever, like I feel bad, so I like try to right my wrongs with the universe. And I'm just like I see, Oh, this is the craziest fucking thing about it. She had an iPhone for with a home button, and she had her charger on that like the lawn charger.
That would that being the craziest part, not her being borderline like gas paradiphone.
I could not believe it exactly what it felt like.
Powered iPhone literally felt like red canister, like opened the bottom.
Like yep. It was fucking crazy. And I'm like, okay, like I feel bad and I can. She's like on Instagram, I don't know how this things fucking booted Instagram. It's a relic, It's a fossil at this point. But I'm like, oh, like you should film, like Instagram is like. But I'm like, oh, like I could tell she like was trying to look out the windows and ship because she was like being shifty about it, and I was like, I was like, oh, let me lean forward. I was like here, like I'll
lean forward. You can look at this one. She goes behind me and rests her entire body on me, and for like the last bit of this fight, I was like, what if it's not her that stings, No, bitch, it was her that fucking dank like shit. It was so bad that it stained my shirt like with odor. It was so rank. So I was like, okay, Like damn, like she's been dealt like a really rough card like whatever. Like I hope she makes it. I hope she everything's gonna be.
Hope she makes it to where she's going and it's not as bad.
It's like it seeks exactly. Yeah. And so I look at the video she got. It's the worst fucking video I've ever seen in my entire life. So I'm like, oh, here, get I've been on this root a bunch. So I'm like, film right now, you can get like downtown Los Angeles and it's really pretty. So she like starts filming and resting on me whatever, and I'm like, damn, I like right in my wrongs with the universe I'm not gonna
get bad karma. All this judgment was for nothing. So we land at the gate and I'm like, we're at the gate, right, and I'm like, why are we not deplanning? Like why is this taking so long? And my head starts spiraling again and I'm like this bitch, I know it's her, Like something's up with this girl? Like something's up. And then they announce on the intercom. They're like the emergency intercom. Hello, they announced on the intercom. They're like, okay, so like, no one stand up yet, we have a
security risk on board. And I'm like, I fucking knew it. I knew it. It was her. It's been her the entire time, Like I knew it. I fucking knew it. And nothing happens. They they get on the plane, they walk around for like five or ten minutes, nothing fucking happens. And then I'm like damn. I'm like I fell back into that judgmental shit, Like the universe is gonna bite my ass, like what the fuck? I cannot believe I've done this again. And I'm like, damn, I judged her
again and it really wasn't her. It was probably like a falsey break pad or some shit. We're deplanning together. Tell me why Homeland security, the cops, all the security guards in the fucking world are there, grab her and start yelling at her and are like who are you here to me?
What are you doing?
Why are you here? Blah blah blah blah blah, like yelling at her, and like, granted, I was with her, and I basically ate it, and the bedded this criminal because she was transporting fucking drugs. Because the only reason and I know which is like fucking crazy that you would transport drugs on a plane in twenty twenty two, just ship it with FedEx like everybody else, because FedEx is the biggest drug dealer in the world. Look it up, like they don't give a fuck about what you ship there.
They only cover.
Shaking his head, like yeah, look at all the earth.
That's that is a good omen. I used to think it was a bad omen, but that's a good omen. It's an omen of wealth.
So hello, they are sitting on the wealthy trees.
And I'll lie right now, look at him. They look at that guy like swinging around over there. He's on the very tip top. I know, I'm wann to those birds.
Like what you're gonna like? What those birds?
What? No?
I think I misheard you.
Yeah, I didn't say ship. Well, last night on Thanksgiving is over? Like, tell me why Thanksgiving is over? Like it happened last week? Do you know what I mean?
I want to hit you so bad. Well, on my fight, I always picked the aisle seat. I used to be a window seat girl. But then I realized, since I have the bladder of like nobody on this planet and I have to pee every five seconds, I just get ile now, which can suck sometimes because I fall asleep on my flights. So when I sit next to some bastard bitch who's like under the age of twenty and has no like no sympathy for me and decides to like not give themselves a UTI, and it's always like,
oh can I pass? Can I pass? I'm like, I hope you die, Like, oh, but I got my aisle seat. But then when I got to my seat, this woman in her grandma.
Wow, seriously, fuck you for that. Wow. I just realized and registered that, Like Wow.
When I got to my seat, there was like this grandma and her like her granddaughter, and the granddaughter was like easily, like forty something, and like the grandma was like, I'm not kidding. It was the cocoa, Grandma, I'm not kidding the cocoa. Like she like looked like the cocoa. Yeah, she looked like the cocoa, grandma, like straight up. But then they had asked me. They were like, oh, like is it okay?
If?
Like the woman was speaking to me, and because I'm like af when I speak like special and English, I was able to communicate like perfectly.
She's like, oh, like do you know what means.
Affluent means money? Like as I said it, I like understood, like it was like not like but because I'm buying.
Bilingual slice, hell, that don't bring that back.
I kept finally died down, but she was like, oh, do you mind sitting by the window just in case you like fall asleep or anything, because like my grandma probably is gonna have to use the bathroom a few times during the flight.
And I've been your I don't mind.
It felt nice because these like don't have any like like warmth, so your hands are.
Like I'll give you a foot massage, like we can take these off.
You need to stop.
You don't have warmth I can warm.
But she was like, okay, you sit there whatever. And at first I was pissed because I was like, well, how about this, I am gonna have to get up a bunch and I don't want my bladder to be dictated by y'all. But I was like whatever, you know what,
like it's literally not a problem. I just took the seat, and I was just annoyed for us because oh, but then I was like, you know what, I never get the window seat anywhere, and maybe that will be better for falling asleep, like because I like but then I had one of the fucking windows that when you lean it back, it falls into another window. So like you know, like when you like lean your chair back window, there's
another window. So like if I leaned back, I just fell into this hole and it was like back and then if we crashed, my head would have been fucking decapitated. So I couldn't fall up on that. I'm just like not tall enough for it to be comfortable. It's like
literally I'm like sleeping like this. Oh, it's like not good. Also, the even more space on Jet Blue is a fucking scam because I'd rather be in the smaller seats and have less leg room and then be able to like curl up because I'm I'm actually the worst person to sit by on a plane because I will fall asleep like this, Like I'll like lean my legs up against and I'll like literally sleep like this on the flight, which is actually so annoying that I take the.
Eye that in my boxers like I sleep.
In my day. Yeah, I like take off my shoes and like put out the tray and like like lay them there, like my bare feet out. Yeah, and then whoever sitting next to me, I'm like, you won't mind, and I'll just like knock on them. I actually almost did that to the like the lady sitting next to me, because I was like she kept like kind of talking
to me. I was like, I feel like she wouldn't mind if I fell asleep on her, Like she literally wouldn't care, because she kept looking at me and asking, she's not my cousin, broke.
Wait, what is it? What did nephew or niece?
I actually don't know my cousin. I don't have any nieces or nephews, so I don't know. Wait, do I have pieces and nephews? No? I literally don't have any nieces and nephews. Yeah, how about that. Madeline's baby will be my first.
Niece, andya is gonna be mean aunt and I'm gonna be the.
Tweet What is it mean? Aunt? Twink uncle?
Yeah, twink uncle.
It's based on that one TikTok.
So thank you, but so don't look at my fucking hair.
Anyway. It just ended up being the best flight ever because I couldn't fall asleep, which actually was pissing me the fuck off at first, but then also I wish I heard what the flight the person on the fly set. I think they said that we were going to go to low altitude to avoid the storms. But in my half sleep, because I fall asleep during take off, I stuffed for like an hour. But in my half sleep I heard him say there's a fireworks show, so we're
gonna have to go to low altitude or something. And then I was like, that's I must heard that, because like that makes the opposite of sense. But then I woke up and I look out my window and there's the most I looked it up and we were right next to Missouri and there was an insane amount of
lightning storms. Happening, and we were over the goal, so we were literally I was just watching like the most insane thing I've ever seen with my fucking eyes, and I was trying to record it, but it wasn't working because Jeff blues fucking blue lights and like it was like whatever. But I just sat there, literally and like killed an hour staring out the window. And I was like, I probably look so dumb to the lady next to me, because she's like, what is she looking at? It's pitch
black out there. But when nobody knew, I literally almost like tapped her and told her to look because I was like, this is like I have to share this with someone, but I didn't want to interrupt her because
she this was so fucking cute. I tried to get a video of it, but the granddaughter, who was like forty something, started watching the crewds and was had subtitles on and they were sharing headphones and the grandma was watching the crews with her on the fucking TV, and like so she was just turned over like looking at her granddaughter's TV. And I was like, oh my god,
that's so fucking cute. But yeah, and then at one point I put my feet up, and then the grandma was like, don't your feet start to hurt after long flights like this, like from them just being still? And I was like, yeah, it hurts a lot. And then she was like, I have this, and then she used her cane to like poke her bag and she showed me that she'd put her bag there so that her feet were like a little lifted so that the blood
wouldn't go to her feet. And then when I got on my Uber, I realized Uber is literally so fucking scary because I got an Uber that and it was a Model X Tesla, which I'd never been in, but you know how they like go super fast. My Uber was trying to fucking show off or something because in the airport when I got into the car, he zoomed to forty in a second. I was like, he's gonna kill me, and he literally shaved three minutes off of the drive because he was driving so fucking crazy.
You remember you were in that car too, that BMW that went like one hundred and fourty Oh yes.
Yeah, it hit one hundred and seventy miles peru.
I fucking scariest, Like why did I think that sure of it? And it was the picture I got was one twenty nine, which is like the fastest I've ever gone in a car.
But yeah, ubers are so scary. And then I was like, does Uber have anything to stop minors from getting him cars?
Because I was like, we were we were fucking fourteen and fifteen.
Yeah, getting into random ubers. And I was like, Okay, if anybody at Uber hears this, you could take this idea and implement it, Like I won't be mad, because honestly.
I just can't do id people because I got id'd before. I don't know if it's anymore, but.
I think you can get idd when you go into it, because technically miners shouldn't be allowed to get into it. But like, of course there's ubers who are like, bitch, I'm taking this ride, like I'm gonna like get my money. But what I was thinking was for a way to make it so that because obviously there are setups where like if a parent like can't take their kid to school or something like that or pick their kid up, they'll like maybe send an Uber for the kid. What
they should do is have like accounts. But this is maybe a liability thing, and that's a whole other discussion. But if it's not, you can take my idea. I was thinking, oh my god, why don't they just have accounts that, like you can have a parental account so that the kid can like only get in an uber when it sends like a verification code to the parent and like they get a yes back for the kid to get in the car. But I think that would open a lot of liability up.
So yeah, I mean take it. Just put it in like like a Chucky doll package that like a four year old toddler and like so it's like a toy and you ship, yeah.
Do the package thing on the uber and just throw your kid in there.
Yeah. Well, I debated whether I was going to talk about this or not, because it is actually so fucking humiliating and embarrassing for me that this happened. But the show We're here on HBO premiered, and if you don't know what the show is, it's I forget the Returning Drag Queens that yeah, like I know bombs the drag Queen Eureka and Shandela. Yeah. I don't know if they're the host every season, but they were the hosts of this episode, and I had watched this is actually so
fucked up. But I had watched like the first season with like a hookup before we hooked up in bed, and I was like, oh my god, this is like this is awful. But anyways, not the show, but this environment that I'm in, like energy that I'm having right now. But I'm watching this show and Madeline and Steel or I'm at Madeline and Steven's house and they're like, oh, let's watch the We're here episode. We open it, it says Granberry, Texas, which is my hometown. There's no way
open the fucking episode. It is fully an entire I know they showed.
The square and I was like, I've been there.
It's the entire episode on drag Queens going to my hometown. And I remember hearing about this a while ago, on like the fourth of July, because like it was like it was a big thing. Like people were being like extremely hateful and they were like, no, we don't want drag queens in our community, we don't want gay people in our community, blah blah blah blah blah, like just being hateful bigots and like threatening them, like threatening their
lives and shit. And like I was like Oh, there's no way they aired that episode, or if they do, they're not going to talk about that. Nope. The entire episode was how fucking awful Granberry, Texas and how terrible my hometown is. And I was so fucking embarrassed. But I was also high on Delta eight or whatever, which.
Is another story, high on fucking Deli.
With fucking cybernetic weed. That ship is straight Kim's bro Like, I don't know, it's cybernetic.
And then what's that one word you said at the last episode with the little like the little symbols and dead chips you're eating. It's called the Star with a or something.
Ammonia.
No, no, no, non ammonia. It's like you air dropped it on the plane to Japan.
Oh sinuals.
Yeah, cybernetics and sinuals. And I went to the biggest fucking smoke shop and it scared the funk to me. They had a free Kratum sign and I've seen createm with smoke shops. Drew, I should have taken a picture, but like the guy who worked there was like kind of like watching me and my friend walk around. I was like, I won't like take pictures because I don't want him to feel like we're making fun of him
in some way. But it was so huge. It was in what used to be a pay Less but it didn't get smaller shop, but it didn't get smaller.
It was that big.
It was the biggest smoke shop ever. And I was like, Drew should be here because this is crazy. They had like you know, like when you buy like flower, like big things of flower, that.
That is fucking crazy. The noise realization of kretom is so dangerous. I've seen it at fucking air one. I've seen videos of uh like girls like going to Airwin and getting this shot that they don't know what's in it and saying like, oh, like this is supposedly like a supposedly a like alternating an alternative to drinking, So I'm gonna drink this before I go out so I don't drink tonight. What they don't fucking realize is they're taking like essentially a dose of fucking pain killers before
they go out. So just tread fucking carefully with kratum. It is so evil and diabolical and it's crazy that it's being normalized, and like, I don't know.
I literally yeah, I have awful opinions on too, and when I saw the free kratems on it, I was like, this is crazy and then I asked him. I was like, I was like, I know this is Florida, but like where in Miami And we're like not in like the part of Miami that like who I assume like uses Kreatum is in And I was like, oh, like is this popular?
Him?
He was like, we have people lining up at like eight am to like get like that should be a signed.
To not sell it but legal fucking heroine. But anyways, I'll finish my story. We'll talk about that in another episode because we both have crazy fucking opinions on that. But what was I saying about?
Okay, so yeah, sorry.
And no you were good, but or you're good, but we're here on Granbury, Texas. Without spoiling too much, because you should go watch the episode because it's it's really fucking good. I guess I was just finished. I just all I wanted to say is that like I'm fucking embarrassed of my hometown and sad and like honestly like amazed with my parents and the fact that I was
raised in that hometown. The way I was and still came out a normal fucking person with like good values and morals because like the people that I grew up around are those people. And I didn't realize it was bad growing up until I grew up and I was like, like, my hometown is fucking evil and they fucking suck and they are bigots and they are I mean.
It is crazy how like there I always talk. I actually got to a huge conversation about it with somebody who's like a photography teacher at a art school in Miami, and I was like, it is really insane to think that, like already because of where my parents come from, like I don't live I never lived in like a political household Like that was like that was never a conversation
in my household. Like politics and stuff was like just always it for reasons I would rather than divulge publicly, but like it was just not let's just say it didn't really affect us or them. But because that wasn't a thing, Like I never heard like super homophobic rhetoric. Of course, I heard like the classic like random comments that would like make me and my siblings be like what do you mean?
What do you mean?
Yeah, what are you saying? But like, especially now, like my dad is like my dad specifically, my mom is just an angel and like literally I don't there's a hateful bone in her body, and neither for my dad really, but like I just never heard that kind of crazy ass rhetoric. Damn, like you're choking.
I got pretty high before this, Yeah, but I just.
Never heard that kind of rhetoric. And it is crazy to think that there are some households that are like so like strict and like hard to like grow up in, especially if you fall under like certain like identities. And that's just that that's it. Like I just like I always like when I hear because now I have plenty of friends who I hear about it, and I'm just like I never realized growing up how lucky I had it in terms of like my parents were just so fucking willy nilly in a lot of ways.
They were just like, let you fucking do you figure it out? So lucky. But yeah, that that's kind of all I wanted to say, is just it is insane that like you.
Can cough, he's like scared to cough. Let it out be true? Did you choke on water?
I don't know what I choked on my penis. Oh my god, Oh yeah, I choked.
On It's like, you know how the microphone wires, wires are like going over there. Yeah, it's snaking over to you. Yeah, I'm trying to find the stupid ass comment you made to me and what I said to you.
But yeah, I while and just finding that comment. I guess it was a really bad idea for the first time, me trying weed, let alone cybernetic weed, and a very long time. I was watching an episode of a show about drag queens that is going to completely ship on and destroy my hometown where I grew up. But I got high and I had a good time. I had a good I know.
I called Drew and I was so shocked and I was literally so jealous.
I had like such a blast and I was like, damn, maybe I can.
Maybe what you need is the cybernetic That's what.
I was thinking. I had that thought. I was like, oh, maybe I need this bullshit like that.
It's real.
We just might be too potent, it's too fucking strong because like literally never mind, like uh that's another conversation, but just completely actually I'm gonna get into it.
No no, no, you said, see how hard I have it? And I was like, wait, why is there going to be a gay statue of you when when you Elton John John yourself in thirty years, like you are going to be the first gay Granberry Fame like Hall of Fame alumni, and there's gonna be a big statue of you, like like with and your whole you're holding a Discos town Gosh, but yeah, did it make you? Did it make you sad?
Not?
Yes, sad because some of the kids in that show. I was like, damn, Like I don't know. It was just crazy to just think be introspective kind of about my hometown and like look at it on like a more macro level than like kind of what I know.
Yeah, then just like the nostalgia based shit yeh have on it because.
I'm like, damn, this place does fucking suck. Like I love it and I love going back there, but like, damn, like there was just a lot of like the whole shit that I had to deal with growing up, and like just interesting looking at it from like a lens of someone who I respect their opinions and like, I don't know, it's just very crazy, But yeah, I got fucking stoned as fuck and it was lit. I loved it.
And there was a moment though, where I laughed out loud at the show that we were watching, We're Here, because I was literally, this sounds like a fucking We're here brand deal. But I was like, I laughed out loud at it, and then I got really quiet for twenty minutes and was inside my head spiraling about my laugh and I was like, oh my god, like that was too loud. That was a weird laugh, Like I can't believe I laughed Like that was that too loud
that I even laugh? Like what's going on? And then I would just like spiral out of control and then ended up thinking about like killing myself or some shit like and that don't needed off myself. But that's what we does to me. That's why I can't do it. Is it like really makes me spiral in a bad way. Well turned it around.
While you were doing that, I was in my old I was in my like thirties era where my mom was like we should have wine and I was like okay, and then I would get a bottle of wine with her and like sit at the table with a cup of wine and like talking to my mom and like my friends, and I was like, damn, this is like this really is what being in your mid twenties is, Like, well shit, but it was fucking lip.
Did we ever talk about the Luaeva party? No, so Ya got invited to this Loua party and I'll let you like preface in.
So I got invited and I really wanted to go, but like, originally I was going to go with Ryan, but she I fucked up the dates and she was like on the other side of town, and I just want I like, I get really anxious about those kind of things because like especially going alone, Like I don't want to go to I don't think anybody wants to go to a fucking party alone, let alone a party where I'm like, oh, like I don't know if anybody I know is going to be there and it's kind
of like an event thing whatever. So like, but I was like, I'm gonna go because like I want to be in these kind of rooms and I need to just put myself in the room and whatever.
So own this space and I like it. I belong.
I asked Josiah and Drew to drop me off and like they're in their pgs like about to have like a chill ass, like sit down night, and I was like, can y'all drop me off and whatever? And then like maybe I'll be in for fifteen minutes and just like kind of linger around if you're down, and like I'll get out and like come back out. But then we got there and I was texting around about her getting there and she was like, dude, I'm still at this dinner or whatever. And then I was like, oh, it's
so far from where she is. I don't even know if it's worth it for her to come here because I don't want to be here that long. So then I was like freaking out because I was like, dude, I need to go inside. But then I texted a few friends and they were like they're going to go, so I was like, oh, maybe they're there already. Maybe I just go in. Like I was just freaking the fuck out about like going inside because.
Being alone, it just wasn't the vibe that either.
Yeah, I was just like scared. I think, no matter what vibe I was in, I don't want to go into somewhere alone because I get really scared and like nervous and uncomfortable and like in my head about like meeting there, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm the loser who whatever, even though no one gives a fuck.
But basically I had like texted somebody and I was like, is there a chance, like I could bring one of my friends who's in the car with me in because like I can't go in, and like Drew and Joe Sigher were like, I'm not fucking going in, bitch, Like I'm literally.
Like in a self destruct mode. So I was like, I'll go in, but I'm in my pjs.
But Tupler like stripe pjs with his combde fucked down.
It was fucking sick. It was the hardest outfit of twenty.
And his like orange and blue like flattered paint.
I think I like subconsciously threw together those last bits just in case I was going to go in, so I could you get Jewish? Yeah?
And then he like went in and literally like so it was like Josiah inside was listening to me, well because you you went just making sure you heard that, oh yeah no. And I just didn't want to comment on it because I was gonna let it go, like I understood what you said, but whatever we like end up it ends up being that both of them could go in. So like and my like, my girl who was like getting me in, was like, oh, like just there's ballet, so just bring your car up and like
y'all can go in. So we valet the car and hop out me in like this cute fit like obviously, like I dressed up to go to this party and then like Josiah in his sweats socks and like this juicy guitar crop top I gave him because he didn't want to wear them. Yeah, he didn't want to wear his other shirt, so he wore that and then a sweater wrapped around it, like like he was just like, oh, I don't want to be in my pjs. I wanted
to be a crazy fit. So I gave him basically what I had in my trunk and then he had his hair up and his glasses on and then drew on my other side in his fucking craziest outfit. And my like the girl getting me in was literally like this is awesome.
Like she was like this is so funny.
She was like, oh yeah, y'all like dressed the part, like go in.
Yeah, but we pull up. We go inside and it's not a small event. It's like it was a party. Yeah, ever is there, and like it's a party. It's like a cool thing. And then I'm walking around in a comb de fuck down beanie all the way to my eyebrows, literal pajamas. But I felt cool.
Yeah, it was awesome. We like stood in there for like literally thirty minutes, talk to a few friends, and then like we were like, all right, we need to leave because it literally was a party, like.
We were famous people. By the way, I just need to say that they were famous people that we were friends with, because like we know famous people.
Like, it's just you might as well like name drop. No name dropping is like makes you a loser. But cat, we just just start claiming that we're like really close to her.
That's all we do. Life.
Oh Timothy was there. Oh my god. We should have mentioned how good he wasn't bones and all.
Yeah, I'll just text after this, honestly, Yeah, text him. I'm going to FaceTime. I'm in a bit probably I haven't talked to him a while.
Yeah, I'll just hop on with you. But yeah, Drew pulled the worst fits. We'll throw it. Actually it was like the best fit. But it was just awesome because like he looked he looked like he accidentally like had too much melatonin and was like, I'm going to take
a Napple for the party. I'm like exhausted, gave himself melatonin, woke up as the party star was like, dude, fuck, I need to just like get there, and then went because like your eyes were a little droopy, but like that was a part of the look yep, and that's it. I think that's it.
That was the lave event fiasco. I did get laid that night.
No he didn't. He did not. He went home and went to sleep.
And then you know what's so crazy is I wore the pajamas to the party, smoked cigarette, peeled disgusting as sweaty, event, came home, went to bed in them because I'm not washing that shit. I wanted to wear my pajamas. I was ready for bed. We were only there for like twenty Oh fuck, what the fuck was I gonna say?
Based on oh and because that we were like, oh my god, wait, we should go out tomorrow, like we should re enter our like going out and having fun era. And then the next night when it came to it. There was like a party we were gonna go to, and all of us are like, hell no, like I'm not doing We've been in our like stay home and play Fortnite and like talk to nobody and do nothing and like brought away.
Well, one time, at a random hookup, they had pasta on the stove while we were hooking up. It started smoking so fucking much that I thought we were going to die of smoke.
In elation.
I still saw it through though. That's why I wrote down.
What did y'all just like like water it down and keep it pushing.
No, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. I just remember the pasta setting on fire.
Why, well, my dad, if you know, you know, like when you make big pots of like soup or like beef soup or chicken soup, like what a lot at least my family did. I'm assuming this is what Latin families will do there. Yeah, you just leave it on the stove and they and you like heat it up
every day so that it doesn't rot. Which I don't know what the theory to that is, but whatever, But my dad like three times in one year came home from being out and like drinking with his friends and would come home and then be like, fuck, I didn't heat up the soups today, and like go to heat up the soup, and me and my siblings would wake up in the living room with the house full of smoke, would be like, what the fuck are He's like fuck the soup, and like would have to go and like
throw the pot outside and water it down, and then we'd have to stay up for an hour with the windows open, waiting until like got out so that we didn't die of smoke intellect. And he did that like three times in a year, and then he stopped, obviously thinking in his drunken stupor that he was gonna like, oh yeah, I'm gonna save myself like thirty dollars worth of soup right now.
You know what, Actually this is crazy. This is completely different from what you were talking about, but it kind of goes with the whole like my hometown, learning different shit growing up and like hearing different things and being surrounded by different things instead of fucking sex ed, which is what I thought it was called. But I was reminded recently that we had a class called abstinence in public school. Wow, so they didn't teach us sexual education.
They taught us not to have sex. Is that what abstinence is? Yeah, like abstaining from sex. Yeah, that's what we were taught in school.
We were taught sex ed. And I remember literally in fifth grade when we were all sat like in different rooms, like the boys in one room with the girls in one room, to watch our separate videos. And like I remember because it was like an illustration, and that was in the era where everybody was smoking Smarties and like a bunch of us weren't paying attention and we're like
smoking Smarties. And then in ninth grade, they like did and we had a whole sex ad class, like we like, yeah, our school fully had a class dedicated to sex education. Like it was like our last period, my last period. And I remember when they did the condom thing with the banana and we were like, you're playing with the fucking banana right now.
You're so weird we have that, And I thought we had that. But what I do remember is we did watch those videos in fifth grade, like boys and one arm, girls in the other. And I remember at the end of it, we were all given like a little goodie bag of like Hyagiene products because it was like thirty of us watching the video and in the bag there was like a mini version of this deodorant that to this day, I think it's the best smelling deodorant I've ever smelt. And it was what's the red brand off
spice one old spice. It was like old spice, Yeah, ice spice. It's the munch flavor, but the flavor. Yeah, because you eat deodorant. That's how you keep your armpits clean. Nod On, Yeah, you fucking put it on. What are you talking about right now? You're crazy When I rub it on my skin and give me king burns and then you eat it and then it just comes up.
Okay, old literally gives everybody.
Yeah, why is that a thing that everybody has had happened in their life? And their deal of profiting brand that's on the shlves.
Men are so useless to somebody I used to see got mad chemical burns from their deodorant and I was like and he was just like, I don't know, Like I guess that's just the way it is. And I was like, that's not the way it is. You stop using it. You switch over and I had to manually throw away his deodorant and go to the store with him to get him new deyodorant and be like, this won't burn you.
I had that happen in like middle school, where I got the kim burns and I never used it again. But that deodorant is the greatest smelling deodorant I've ever smelled in my life. And sometimes I'll get a whiff of it in public and I haven't been able to find it, and you'll get a whiff of someone wearing it in public, and I'm not going to go up to a random fucking dude and be like, what deyodurant are you wearing right now? Because I remember it when I was in fifth grade and I love it. Can't
do that and I just can never find it. And it was like the original formulae, we.
Should go to CDs and like open all of them and like give them whiffs.
Word. I've done that before, and I just cannot find.
We haven't hung out in a CDs together and too long. I was trying to get all my friends of Miami to hang out in a CBS. We were like doing the thing that's like very Miami of US, where we had nowhere to fucking go, and we were just like standing in different parking lots until we decided, until I finally convinced everybody to go to Flantagan's at one am and those chicken wings, Like dude, they My stomach was genuinely like contorting, like it was like jumping, and I've
never had that happen. And I actually was like, fuck, dude, I wanted this so bad and now it's I'm gonna have food poisoning and like fucking stomach ulcers from it. But I think I am the clear. But I was like when everybody was walking to their cars, we were like, that's it, like the hang is over. Meanwhile, I was like one forty am and I was like, the hang is over, Like should we go to cbses And everybody was like, no, bitch, we're going home, and I was like, all right, sorry, let's go.
They just don't hang Yeah.
They don't understand. They don't understand the CBS Sleigh.
This CV Sleigh, the Yodling Kid and Backpack Kid actually dated. Did you know that little thing?
Think they have a weird age gap, so like, what's up with that.
That's what I'm fucking saying. That's what I've been saying this entire time.
Who would be who would have got a Thunberg date in the like in that sphere, like who would be like her girl middle sex? No, No, I can't see that. I feel like she has to date a girl. I just that's her vite for me.
Like this, I'd say the girl that was on Ellen DeGeneres with her and her and now she's like a drill rapper okay, opposite?
Yeah, either that or you know, who would be the Grace Vanderwald girl. Do you know what I'm saying? She's gorgeous also, but like they like I need to see them go on a.
Date Daniel Larson being obsessed with Grace Vanderwall Wait.
Is that what I they get? Okay, but they would have to like go on a date when like Grace first did her first audition like her and Greta like at fourteen or like I don't know how old she is here, but if it worked out, ship ship ship, she was so cute?
What was she?
Wait?
Why did she ate? Yeah?
Okay, like get to sing? This is Christian?
Yes, no, she's her own song too.
No, no, mine eggs.
Oh, I don't play by the rules of the game. Come on, chow, I play the games.
I didn't know I have goose bumps, an original song with the it's well wow, okay, this episode is dedicated to Grace. Yeah, yeah, girl, this is Grace's episode. Wow yeah wow. I feel like she has a tapestry in her room right now.
Oh, she definitely does.
Yeah.
I bet she bleached frybrows right now too.
She would eat with bleached eyebrows. No, she's definitely past her tapestry.
Bitch.
At the rate she was moving, she already.
Had her tap stream that up, like right, But there was something that I wanted to right.
Right right somebody. I saw somebody comment. It was like, dude, I didn't get half the references they were like talking about this last episode, right.
If you don't know that one, Like come on, well, let's talk about China regulating their TikTok to their youth and promoting only thirty minutes a day on their app. Maybe it's an hour. I don't fucking know. And on top of that, they promote learning TikTok to everybody, but in America they don't have a time limit to our children, and you can watch whatever the fuck I can watch a person die and then three seconds later watch i'd cute animal video.
Well, I'm not on TikTok anymore, so explain that. But you know what, like what's better me spending like four hours on TikTok or me becoming hyper obsessed with my plane crash.
And also buying shit? Yeah at an alarming right, right, because there's allays how much you get those carrots for?
I would pay ninety nine cents for them?
Is that like on a good day or just like a whatever fucking price?
That's that's a good price?
Thirty cents, thirty three cents, thirty three cents, that's an obscure reference. And if you get that one, that's crazy.
But I was that good or just whatever?
Is that a good price or whatever price?
Is that?
So? Is that good or whatever price?
Yeah? We just have to tweak it a little so we could use it like, right, so is that good or just like whatever? Right?
Right?
Yeah?
We need to make them day holy.
Like the end of this episode has been like nothing, Like I haven't like acknowledged that there's a camera here. We've just been talking to each other.
But there was something else I have.
I'm going to save it for the next episode since we got a stack for the holidays. Do you want to save it? Yeah? Yeah, save yourself. Hey, you have to save yourself.
You know what it was?
Spotify rats, Oh the thirteenth.
Maybe that could be our media. Let's go into media, but it'll be No, let's save it. Save that for the New Year's episode.
All right, media, I wish you n what you're listening to right now.
Technopolicy by Yellow Magic Orchestra. That's the way. Actually, I'm not going to give that one because I want to keep that one for myself right now? How about that? And then honestly, Love is Overtaking Me by Arthur Russell and Black Metal by Dean Blunt. That's like all I've been listening to recently, other than like.
Other Samar saying I had to dream you were a suicide bomber and you literally bombed the gas station sounds about right. Why is everybody dreaming about me? Dreamed about me?
Quinn scary dream about true too?
Maybe you are overtaken by deal I think so, And these are like my spiritual friends? Is spiritual?
Noamar, I don't find Zamar like to be a spiritual man lives by the happiness of his own accord.
Which is beautiful, and I'm jealous. So I was on like a sad ass fucking vibe in Texas. So Pinta Nina Santa Maria by evangelists, ladies and gentlemen. We are floating in space spiritualized. And you know I did it.
You.
I had to fucking do it, and I did star roving and slow mo by slow dive. I had to do it. I just had to because it was an emotional thanksgiving for some reason, just satisfycing. But I loved it. It's cute, all right.
Well, thank you guys so much for listening. See you next week.
Gay Penis, You's recycled.