Best of emergency intercom episodes 1-10

Down the line, say something fucked up does happen and I do end up getting a blood clot. Bitch, I'm living one because I'm never gonna die. Like I'm the luckiest person alive. I'll never die. And in two years and I'm dead, they're gonna clip that and be like.

You're like genuinely not that we feel invincible.

No one's gonna kill me exactly.

I'm not being killed by accident, yep. And that's that on that.

I'm not gonna go into depth, but it's just like I.

I think we can infer what you mean, okay.

But like not in like a scary way, because I don't want to scare anyone or like trigger anyone, or like make anyone feel uncomfortable. But like I remember, this is a conversation I had with a friend when we first met, and we had a debate about this where I was like, no fucking murderer is going to murder me, bitch, I see you coming, and I feel like I have no other option. I'm doing the job because I'm not giving you the serious satisfaction.

Of you're not getting off on killing me.

Yeah, no one is getting off on killing me, not even the universe. So if I gotta do what I gotta do, I'm gonna do what.

I gotta do.

Alright, cycle my body back to Earth. But what I was saying is like, I'm not going to die from the vaccine, and if for some reason in thirty years my blood starts clotting, I'm going to survive, and I'm going to sue and I'm going to get my bag and I'm going to distribute my wealth.

L the most insane hypothetical ever, Like.

Okay, girl, why.

The way I take hypotheticals so serious? Like like sometimes like we're close to ending our relationship over fucking.

Hypothetical and it's literally because of me being like I don't believe in aliens, and Drew will literally throw a fit, like I will ever see this man as angry as me disagreeing with the hypothetical and he gets so mad because I just I can't get into it.

I'm like, I am grounded in reality.

It's because you're disagreeing with everything at my core. It's like it's like you literally just disagree with me.

Sh I tell you about one time me and Ryan were out for drinks and it was with Josh too, and it's the hypothetical of marrying Harry Styles or Tipothy schallomet on the spot came up and I said I wouldn't do that. I was like, I don't know them. I was like, not only my core, at my core, I don't believe in marriage, because it's fucking insane. I'm not marrying anyone, not even the love of my life at any point in my life.

So why would I marry this married Huh? You wish we got married?

You tried to see, like I said, not even my platonic soulmate can bag me. No one is getting me to sign those stupid fucking papers.

And then she got really, really mad. She was so upset me.

I'm about to get upset to you right now.

Like, Okay, first of all, I don't think, and this is a big take, I don't think sexually we would have good chemistry, me and Harry or me and Timothy Shallon May could you imagine us kissing?

No, I literally cannot even imagine, Like those are.

Just two men that, like, I don't think biologically we could get it going anyways.

So I'm not hearing that, Like, I'm not doing that to myself.

Style, Like they're two.

They are so disconnected from reality. In my head, I cannot comprehend that they are living beings, let alone having to have some sort of like relationship with them like that, Like maybe Timothy on like a friendly level, but even that, like I crack up at his existence, not because I find him like corny or anything, but people at that level literally make me laugh. It's like Kylie Jenner, like if I came up to me and just starting dogg to me, I would corract the fun.

I'm like, you're you're not, Like there is.

No comprehending someone.

And also because I just think about like so sometimes when our followers meet us and they're like I can't believe, like I'm looking at you right now, like that.

With Timothy Shall with Harry Styles, I have like put that man is a like god. No, he is a fucking.

Three D render, like not a real human, Like I'm fascinated about his existence since I was literally yeah, his fucking cock since I was like fourteen, So therefore his cock does not exist. Actually, I literally can't look at anyone and see their genitals, like.

My biggest where are you going now?

I'm just ranting, but like no, you know how like some people like, wait, now, listen, you know some people look at someone and they like, can sexualize someone. I cannot sexualize anyone for the life of me, Like I genuinely I have.

To whoa I can.

I have to get to know someone first, and then I'm like, oh, maybe maybe, but I don't. I don't find people sexy, like I'm not. I find woman sexy, but like, man, I'm like, can you fucking get the fuck out of my face?

But that's it, damn Okay.

I just have to get a man.

To know a man first, because men like off Rip are oh gross.

Gross I wholeheartedly agree with.

Yeah, and then when you get to know them, it's like, Okay, stinky, I kind of like you.

Okay, stinky, Okay, onion powder, you know what, onion powder? I kind of like you.

But yeah, that's my rant about not being able to imagine myself marrying Timothy Shallamy or Harry's house.

I'd have sex with both of them. I mean, we could talk about how I know for one thousand percent fact that I can cross the big red balls and wipe out without a doubt if they put them in front of me. Right now, I would literally go so be snow.

Just say you couldn't carry a gallon of milk and you think you're crossing those balls.

I'm crossing those balls with zero effort, like I'm just running like a robot across Like literally, that's all you have to do is just run across. Like these bitches have the wrong strategy when they dive onto it, like yeah, of course you're gonna fucking fly off, like bounce off your simple physics. It's literally like I have it all worked out in my brain, like.

Physics, Well, then apply to me on fucking wipe out. I don't think it's the hardest thing in the world.

No, I'm literally gonna rent them for myself just to prove it to myself.

I would love that because I would love to try.

That's my next video is like, literally.

Where are you gonna rent that? You're acting like it's that fucking that sky zone you have to.

Like, I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. I figured everything out there.

You do nothing.

Literally, yesterday Drew was like, I want to see a building get demolish. I'm gonna go do that.

I was like sometimes when Drew said my passenger see talking in the car.

I genuinely feel like there's an automated like AI machine trying to make something to relate to me, and it's just missing because I'm like, what are you talking about?

Okay, I just want to see a building fall. It's poetic almost. It's like the destruction of humanity post capitalism, like buildings falling. It's beautiful.

And I have literally every TikTok the post capitalist ramifications of the deep popification.

Yeah, literally, but I just think seeing a building fall would hit a spot in me that needs to be hit.

Yeah, I get that because I was it be beautiful like literally, that was like when we lived in thirteen oh four and we like all had like a.

That weird healthy. So basically, no, don't even talk about it. Don't it's bad.

It's bad.

Like that's something that.

Says you wanted to see buildings get like basically blown up. But like again, no one inside we just like it's it's just like wanting to see that kind of thing.

It's just like I want just destruction and chaos. Like literally, for the longest time, I just wanted chaos, and then I got chaos and I was like take it back, please.

I can't do that anymore.

And you were like, wait, why does that sound fun?

Why does that sound wit?

Sounds lit fucking stupid?

Yeah, okay, last bill I'll expose is I went to like the the gynecologists, like six no, dude, it's almost a year ago now.

I went to the gynecologists because I was like, I need to just go get my kuchie checked on because something.

Funky is this discharge looks a little funny.

Fun Town is getting a little too funny.

And honest, honestly like her discharge did taste.

Weird, like.

Funky down was violating some of the clauses in their bill.

But yeah, it.

Was itchy, stinks thinks that's the scary part. It didn't smell different. That was what was scaring me actually. But basically I found out that I had bacterial imaginosis and I used to affection at the same damn time.

But it's pretty common.

But we made sour dough bread in that oven.

Fuck it's with you. But basically when I went they were like, oh, they were like, you have to get tests to know if you have bacterial vaginosis. And they were like, well, we have to test this swab and that the lab tests are going to run you like five hundred dollars because I also don't have health insurance. And then I was like okay, and they were like, oh, but you could just pay two fifty now and we'll send you the two fifty bill later if that makes

I'm not giving you all any more money.

We're literally just airing out like us like breaking the law, like we are literally criminals and fugitives because I have a medical bill that I have insurance, like I have insurance, and for some reason they keep trying to get me to pay two hundred and sixty dollars and I'm like evading that bill, like fuck y'all, I'm not paying that, Like, come for my credit. I don't even have a credit score because I will never ever, ever ever get a credit score. I swear to girl.

You say that, and so we need to fucking get our own apartments and how the fuck are you gonna move in?

You're gonna co sign for me?

I will I do that for all my friends.

Thank you.

I was thinking about that last night. I was like, now, how the fuck am I gonna get a car in an apartment? I was like, I'll just have someone sign.

I literally would co sign. I co signed for all my days. I'll take the l because I don't because I don't believe in that ship anyway. I'm like a credit score, I don't know what. Then you're not going about like you can see my credit score, but I don't know if you want to believe that, like they say all sorts of lies. You say no, no, no, but yeah, we need to pay that bill because like.

No, because you're not gonna we're not gonna be able to get our own places.

Yeah, I know my credit score is not budget. I'm just gonna have to be like, please, look like, believe in me.

With some faith in me.

Ye have a little just in mad.

We should wait until the stock market crashes, the housing market crashes because it's just been put afloat. They've been prolonging two thousand and eight for so long. And then we just buy houses because they'll be like literally pennies on the dollar. Like I will buy a three point one million dollar home for one million dollars and I will get rich in four years off that house. Baby, that's my I don't.

Know anything about that anyway, Let's get back to the topic of this fucking podcast. Yeah, the day I wore that, like Elmer Fudd, I was out for ice cream with Mason and Dante, and I like took it off to talk about how greasy my hair was. It was literally like laid flat, like I put yelling to your head.

The caps stuck to your head.

And that's okay because you have to try your hair to be.

Oily and also it's healthy. And also when you get like when you get three weeks deep and like you like wring out the oil, it's like actually free cooking oil.

I've decided I'm gonna start slapping people. Like imagine when you said.

That, I just went like start doing it, like I literally give you permission too, just like I okay, you know those videos, Oh my god, like you know those videos of like people getting like massive amounts of like disgusting, rotting food poured all over them when they're asleep, or like gallon buckets of water port on them, or like mustard bottles squirted on them. I gave everyone in my life permission to do that to me, just when I'm

Every time you keep saying like y'all have for richure to do that to me, we literally like you can't make noise around you when he's asleep.

He will fall asleep in the middle of all the fun and then be like wake up and be like or like you do this thing, or you like toss around really angrily instead of saying everything, like.

Like everyone will just be in the living room like chatting it up, and then I'm like I just doze off. I fall asleep, and then I get actually angry when people wake me up when I'm the one that's sleeping in the wrong spot, like it's actually like so wrong, like I'll storm out of the room. But it's just I'm not actually angry. It's just like I'm fucking tired and I'm like woking up.

No.

I feel that when we went to that waterfall thing, I like it's falling asleep and I was having one of those nights where like, for some reason, I think usually I'm pretty good at that, Like if I fall asleep around people, I like usually don't make a fuss or say anything about it because I can literally sleep

Is it the noise?

I was like this is both turn it off. And I was like turn it off and like thinging ding ding ding, And then Christian was on the other side.

Of the room eating chips and I was trying so.

Actually before before the chips, him and Lucas were whispering to each other and all I he was like.

And out.

I was like, all I fucking hear right now?

Is stop? Like and I said that and then they like just kind of laughed but then stop.

And then I couldn't hear Christian eating his chips and trying so hard to be quiet because it would.

Be like like.

And then he would like.

The worst type of angry is when you're like actually angry and then like the people you're angry at just laughing. I was gonna I was gonna mention Miami, like, dude, that ship was actually diabolical. That was real drunk. It's okay, it's it's like irun, it's chill now. But like literally I was so mad. I snapped. It was like my breaking point, Like I snapped, Like I was asleep peacefully in the room. Indian and O'Ryan had like gone out, and I was like, I don't want to like go

And I don't remember thinking for a second about the fact that you were seeing like I was just.

On one and and I like I tried my hardest.

I really did.

I like covered my head with my pillow. I did my thrash. I thrashed couple times, like as a warning sign. It's like literally me like warning y'all. It's like like I'm about to snap if y'all don't shut the fuck up. And then I just not. I don't even remember what you.

Were like, this is literally the meanest thing anyone's ever done to me. Like a ride just laughed. It was so mean, and.

I was like, wow, I have like actually was like really angry, Like he was like in my heart angry, like seeing red.

If everyone on the planet Earth decided like and he is the.

One going to the moon, no bitch, I'm killing myself. I don't want to go to the moon. There's no one there, there's nothing there.

I would wholehearted, I would accept that fully. Like if someone was like, go to the moon, I'd be like, yeah, I'm going to the fucking moon with a guarantee I wouldn't explode in space, like I would fully go.

No, I don't want that.

I want like attention for being like hot and funny and like creative.

You'd be the hot, funny creative first.

No, I'd be the fucking nerd on the moon.

No, you'd be the first hot, funny, creative girl on the moon.

If I can, okay, if I can go to the moon with my tits out, I would go to the moon.

Girl, you can in this hypothetical you can.

Okay, then yeah I'm going to the moon.

Yeah. Convincing you to go to the moon, like you can have your tits out if you want.

You literally can't.

Like I guess if they built a suit with like a shell.

Around my mind, well, they will free the nipple in our lifetime, Like the nipple will be free. I believe that you.

Shut your fucking morouth, like just think before you speak.

But basically I don't believe in moon travel. Drew his also, I guess commercialized. I don't fuck with billionaires going to the moon. We need to kill these motherfuckers there.

William down to death to the billionaires. Literally though, like.

Did you actually say that the billionaires you like really gave a show of it.

I was like no, I agree, though, like kind of I don't think like we should kill them, but we should like figure something out where they like suffer.

No killing people. I don't know, but like, girl, we need to lock you up in a cage, like we need to put you in a corner.

It is so unethical have that amount.

Of money that might makes no sense.

Like what are you doing with it? And I understand the whole argument, like, well, Jeffrey Besils doesn't actually have that money. It's all tied up in stocks. Well, like fuck off, Like I don't care.

He shouldn't have the like capability of like pulling that money out. Yeah, if that even makes sense.

But like literally it's kind of crazy because if he did, he would destroy the world. Like if he was just like one day like I want to liquidate Amazon and sell all my stocks, like it would actually destroy the world for a little bit, because like we're so amazon ified after the pandemic.

Like I know, if I would have to like go get my cat food, that would destroy me.

Yeah, I had to leave the house. The house. But yeah, billionaires going to space is stupid. And I would have loved to watch one of the rockets blow up.

That would be fucking awesome, But then what would happen?

Who would take over his awesome?

Jeffrey Besos stepped down like a month ago or some shit like that, Like he stepped down from like I don't know, I don't care at all truly, but he stepped down as a position, and I had a theory. I was like, the rocket's gonna blow out, but he's not actually gonna be in the rocket, and he's gonna fake his death and like live his life out on some like now you.

Talking about the fucking Shane dossification of conspiracy theories and then sitting here talking about jeff Bezos faking his death.

He would though, like if I was there, I would like and then I it's.

Not like you would. You don't know this, man.

Yeah, I do. Like we hang out.

I was on full blown demon mode, like I was evil that.

Yeah.

We talked about this before about how.

We it was a purge, like the reason why I was like in purgatory mentally for the past three or four days was because I've been like hungover. And this is why I don't drink often and I can't drink often, is because like my hangovers last forever, like they actually fuck with my brain chemistry and like make me like a zombie of a person. I guess that's literally fucking everybody, Like I'm not special, but it lasts for days and days and days. But oh my god, I I.

Was on one.

I literally didn't have a hangover because I'm a sleigh. I literally after drinking, I will come home, shower, wash my face, go to bed, wake up, eat Sleigh.

When I come home after a night of drinking, I find rotten watermelons. I break them on the floor of the kitchen and put my feet in them and play in it. And that's not a joke. We'll add a picture and some video. And then I go to the most expensive house in LA and try to sneak in and almost get my ass beat by the security guards. And then I tell everybody pulling up to the party, like don't go up there. They're having demon blood orgies, like it's really evil, sinister shit, like don't do it.

I think I just didn't get that.

Drunk, like.

I we have free bottles of a zool Like I was like literally.

Chucking that shit. I know, dude, ill, I like, I don't I get like the idea of like people like pouring shots in someone's mouth and it being like a sexy thing. But literally I am not sexy in that way. I'm like, don't fucking do that. I'm gonna get acid reflex. And I did. Yeah, I literally got asid reflex. I was like like about to throw up and I'm like thank you.

Oh my god, like literally like no offense. But I was a super spreader that night, Like I like was pouring that bottle into everything mouth. Luckily you were first and like Denzel was second, but like I was pouring it into like everyone's mouth, like anybody who like, oh my god, I need to talk about this. But if you have like a bottle in the club, like you actually get like harassed. Like I was touched in ways I can't describe. And it was wrong. It was wrong in every sense.

Of the word.

What I wanted to say about the Olympics is like it acts is fucking hilarious to me. How like we've literally been doing this since like the dawn of like human consciousness, most like human shit, so primal, Like we literally like since the Coliseum, we've just been like fucking like flipping around around like running and like chanting for

So like primal like animal like animal.

Instinct to be like competition. Yeah, jump, like I'm better than you and I'm gonna prove that I'm better than you and I'm the best in the world. And like then I watch it and like my animal brain turns on and I eat that ship up every time, like no matter the event, I'm like yes, like go like whin like no matter. And it's also like whoever wins. I'm like you you, I knew you were gonna win that ship.

That's your words. I mean You're like, oh, no, I knew it. I know, I knew it.

I was I was thinking about that already, Like.

I know, I know that's a huge insecurity of mine. And every time I say it, I'm like, why did I say that? But I literally do, I literally do think it, and then before I just don't say it, and then you say it or someone else says it. Literally, it's a pride thing. I think it. I think it stems down to like pride, and I'm like, I wish I said that, or like a jealousy thing, because everybody got a laugh from it, and I'm like, I wish I said that because I did know that, and I don't see that.

You are intelligent and amazing and you should just start speaking your mind.

I do know ple.

Is because your dumb little ass lets things like balls of my mouth come out.

Instead of other things.

Instead of saying, like the intellectual thoughts you have, you're like balls in my mouth, because.

It's way better. It's way better. No one wants No one wants another smart person. Everybody wants a clown. That was deep.

That was deep, literally mean when I show up to the party. But when I show to a party that I'm in my too, I'm like, they didn't want another hot girl. They wanted a silly girl. Someone made a TikTok that really struck in their with me, and they were like I used to in life be like I'm

You can't be both funny and hot. It's not there. It's not Yeah, I know. I mean honestly, look at us, like we're both touch me, we're both funny and hot.

I don't I would consider myself like pretty and like when I when I put all my driving force into it, I could be hot.

Yeah, I agree, And for me agree, yeah, I think you're a hot person, okay, and I want to bed you. And for me, everyone calling me hot has done absolutely nothing for me. I thought it would be good for me. I thought I'd be like, oh, finally like I am attractive, but no, like I still think I'm the ugliest.

Well now now it just sets an expectation. The best thing to ever have happened to me was Josh's vlogs and seeing how fucking ugly I can look on camera. And I was like, Okay, yeah, I don't have to be hot all the time, like I am a person.

Yeah.

And I was like that was a very humbling and like grounding experience because before that, all the content of me was like stuff I had filmed perfect.

Angles, yeah, like flighting.

And then like there's specifically one clip of me in one of Josh's logs.

I was like, I am just a person.

Huh, I'm just a super.

Man. I was like, that's like billy sometimes.

I'm not Carly Jenner. Oh, I am for sure, No Carly Jenner. I'm silly.

Who's Carly Jenner?

I'm a silly billy.

Who the fuck is Carly Jenner? Your mom, bitch, There's no one named Carly Jenner, and my mom's name is not Carly Jenner. I'm really confused by this and it's starting to irk me. You're so fucking Jenner.

Shut up.

I think we're fucking done.

No, your credit score, oh, I had to day.

My credit score is awesome.

It's back to normal.

Yes, And I just want to say that is further proof that that ship is not fucking real. And guess what to get it back to normal? I didn't pay my goddamn guy in to colleges and I'm not gonna pay it.

That's a lie.

They really need someone did leave. I'll do it. Someone did leave.

When we were leaving, and I was like, I think the house is gonna blow up. I was not kidding, and I was like, I was so sure, and I came and I jiggled all the knobs to make sure they were off, and I was like, I didn't take a picture of it, so like it's probably.

Do you think it was because we, like you cleaned and I was like touching all the knobs.

No, it's just sometimes like it like I get it itch in the back of my brain and I'm convinced that like I left it on and the house is gonna burn and like it's gonna die.

You should maybe like get that looked at. That's sound healthy, you.

Like I take color film, Like it shouldn't be that. No, the door locking thing is a problem, like it literally everyone always makes sun of me that I can't leave the house on time, But it's because I have to, Like on top of you.

You wash your hands sixty three times, you have to the door three times. You come back and you're like, oh, I need to wash my hands because I just locked the door. And then you're like, oh, I need to go pee because if I have to go pee when i'm out, like I had to go in the public bathroom and there's germs.

But it's just like a pro But the public bathroom is good if you've eaten me, So you have to wash your hands.

After you eat the not me, not me, not anybody else.

Not before or after. Never. Men don't wash their hands.

No, people don't talk about that.

Men do not wash them and it is so nice.

No, they're like, I didn't have to wipe.

I'm like, my penis.

Literally my penis. I'm sorry, this is gonna be really graphic, but my penis goes in mouths like like, I'm I don't have to wash my hands after I touch my wiener. Like I'm sorry you said mouths because it's like, are you cheerating a.

Mouth like a fucking dishwasher for your dick?

Like is that what you're leading to right.

Just saying it's not dirty?

I hope it's not dirty before goes in something.

Don't watch this episode, mom.

Whispering, Mom, that is fucking gross. Men don't wash their balls they don't wash their hands.

I wash my balls and I wash occasionally.

I wash my hands both getting occasionally I wash my hands.

No they don't, because no I wash.

The handstup lasts way too long in our.

House, I fake wash my hands. I'm gonna be honest. I turn on the sink and I make it sound like I'm washing my hands in the.

Room, as if your mom's outside.

Like literally, no, literally, everybody's done that.

I swear to god, I have never done that in my life. I washed my fucking hands.

No, actually both because fake washed your hands.

No.

Do you know what happens is if I try to do a quick wash, I'll get really insecure and I'll be like, my hands are so fucking dirty, and I'll do like a quick wash and then I'll be like, dry my hands off and try to leave the bathroom. And then the back of my brain is like, if you don't fucking wash your hands right now, you're probab, I'm gonna die. And I'm like, oh my god, and then I'll turn it.

I'll like deep.

Wash those I know there is someone out there watching this that has fake washed their hands along with me. They just you just turn on the water, you run it and then you turn it off, and then you leave the room.

You don't even get like.

No, you don't even get your hands wet because it's annoying because then you have to dry your hands off.

There's a towel for your hands.

Yeah, but the towel's dirty because it's been washed a hundred times with other hands.

No, because the hands that are quieting off on the towel are clean.

Have you ever heard of people? Have you ever heard of mold? I'm convinced our house is full of mold constantly. I swear to god. I watched one fucking video about like indoor allergies and mold, and people are like, no, you're.

So fucking annoying.

Drew got seasonal allergies and he was like.

There's mold in the walls because I've never had allergies in my entire life. And then all of the sudden I come in. I don't have allergies when I'm outside, but then I come inside and immediately I have a sniffy nose and my nose.

Ah, fucking room is dusty. When's the last time you washed your sheets?

I don't wash my hands. Do you think I washed my sheets. No, I don't wash my wiener. Do you think I washed my seats? Guys, this is all jokes. This is all jokes. I don't even make that clear. Did you know that SpongeBob actually was like filmed in the bikini?

Was practical?

It was real.

All of that shit was real. I just don't know what camera they filmed on because that shit looked like a cartoon, Like, I don't know how the fuck they.

Did know it was it was the famous kids camera off of Amazon.

Oh really, Yeah, that's actually fucking crazy because I literally remember watching that as a kid and was just like remember, like I was just like, how the fuck did that film make this look?

And especially underwater and.

Who's who's the character? Like who's playing?

Man?

If I had a heart attack, I like to think that like I would trend and that would be like a good thing.

On Twitter for me.

Yeah. No, I don't have Twitter, so I don't know if i'd turn on Twitter, so maybe i'd get like a lot of reposts on like ig story.

Yeah no, I would definitely be I definitely milk your death like.

Crazy, and you have all my premission to do about.

I honestly don't know how I would react.

No, I feel like we're not the kind of people to like grief publicly like that and intensely, which is kind of annoying because like, my lifelong goal is to get like as much attention as possible, and the idea that like when I pass, my friends won't be like but literally on the internet talking about me all the time twenty four to seven is kind of annoying, but like kind of beautiful because like I know, I'm.

Like, you're still loved, You're still loved.

I want public love like people are like, no, that's toxic.

You shouldn't be like possessive and want people to be jealous and like anger you. No, I want all of my friends to know that, like if they lost me, it would be like the greatest, whether like I just stopped being their friends or I sorry, I thought I love the front door open if we get if a stranger comes in, that's good, whether if it's Josiah or a stranger. I don't know how long that cut is or how like weird it was, but if it jumped, it's because we were getting a knock out the door

I told you to shut the hell up when you came here.

But it was the mailman. And then this is kind of weird. I got a poster delivered, so it was like like like a circular object and he did like we did have sex and we did use it like a dildo, so that was weird, but like all didn't. Yeah, we did. No one knows. I was gone for a long time.

You were gone for like seven seconds.

I'm a quick girl. One of my favorite videos to laugh at me because it will never not be funny is James Charles.

Not enough people to talk about that collection of videos, but that is actually the best thing, the best content he ever made, and the one with him singing with the Loez brothers dancing in the background actually disturbing, Like.

No, that that is also that is a person who did all that and then was like in the middle of the Grand Canyon singing like.

I mean, James Charles, like is so effortlessly funny and it's unfair because everything he does makes me laugh.

No, and it's no.

What makes it so funny is like it's like very serious, Like he thought him singing in the middle of that canyon was like ethereal, Like it was like it was like this is he watched out.

To you back and he was like, oh, are you kidding me? Like that was everything?

Dude.

If you can right now literally open up a separate tab and look up.

James Charles, Coachella, Beyonce, that person, I'm not kidding that is like the least rhythmically inclined human on this planet, I like, and I stand by that.

Yeah, period, point blank period everything. It's it's just so like it's so perfectly imperfec Like there's so so many good bad things about it. It's like like I think I've said this before, but like I actually enjoy watching bad movies more than good movies because like you literally don't have to focus on it. You just fucking laugh and make fun of it. Yeah, Like that's purely what those James Charles dancing videos are for me. Is just just like so bad.

I can't look It's like Coco Melon exactly.

It turns off my brain.

I was sitting in class and the principal came up and or the vice principal. I think it was a vice principle. I fucking hated him, and I hope he has like a hemorrorid or something really annoying right now because I fucking hate him.

But he was going to eat that hemorrhoid like a jelly bean, bite it off. I love biting hemorrhoids, you know what I'm talking about. When you get the haymies, their little jelly beans around the edge, you just like pull them off, like bite them with your front teeth. Leddy hymorrhids.

No, keep going.

Them like you were gonna keep going.

I'm just not gonna say anything. But basically I got pulled out of French class and they were like, come down to the office, and I was like, what the fuck did I do? I go down to the office and they have my fucking line playing on the computer and I was like, I was like, oh my god. And I think someone at the school snitched on me, because I was like, I was like, you motherforckers don't know about buying.

Because people by my school.

Didn't like care about vine. And then I heard through the grape Vine that someone had snitched on me, so one of the like motherfuckers who like lose were one of those nerd ass motherfuckers who worked in the office.

I was like, bitch, fuck you, you're a hater.

But yeah, I got suspended for a week. And that's actually how my dad found.

Out about my buying accounty.

And that was a nightmare because I was like on there screaming about Nile Horn being shirtless, being awa like a fucking born Berry dude.

Literally reminded me of probably the most trouble I had gotten in in my entire life was from my Twitter account. So I like, yeah, I had a reef tank, like a coral reef. Like I had a bunch of beautiful coral,

I just literally means to that lady the other name for no reason in the car and I was.

Like, she honked at me and you were like because you scared her, and I was like, yeah, I fucking scared because she.

Has two more days to live.

That bitch and I have like the meanest thing ever. Literally, No, we were like at dinner and you started it, bitch.

Yeah, I was just like I don't I don't know how I started, dude.

You just started it by being really loud about nothing.

You were just like yeah, I would just like just randomly just laugh as loud as possible, like.

Like really really, it's like not funny to anyone.

It's like cringey probably, but I just do that really fucking.

It like makes me crack it.

It's like BASI too. It's like it's not something you hear, it's something you feel like.

It's it's like a feeling.

The couple, the older couple next.

To us, like actually, if anybody has like I could probably look this up. And it's like I don't need to be asking this. But we went to b CD Tofu House and someone put beer into their into their rice and I was like, I'm so intrigued by that, Like I don't know like why they did that, and I didn't ask and I didn't google it because I'm a piece of shit and I just like.

Want to know.

And if I don't know, then I guess I'll never know.

I'll never know.

But me and just making them joke that we were like what if we were like so out of touch and.

Just like I was just like, no, what is that for? That looks gross? Why are you doing that? Like just like really out.

Of her like super like toned.

I'd be like, oh you're not, like you're not supposed to be doing that, like actually like and we were just like cracking Sorry, my car is literally overriding to turn off, and we were just cracking up from that. And then oh from us laughing from that. This like couple was on like what was very obviously a first date and this like maybe a second day, Yeah, maybe a second day. And the white girl of the duo was like giving us dusters from us, like looking us up and down.

So like we were just like, Okay, we'll fucking look back. So we like were making that face or we're just like like I was looking at everybody in like I was trying to make eye contact with everybody.

It was so funny when you was scared and you're like I literally just looked everyone in here.

And that no, it was it was crazy like I had never felt the way I felt that nice. And I was like making full eye contact with people and like like like looking them up and down like.

And they were probably like, dude, who is this? Why are they judging me like this?

For some reason, we were hella focus on the TV, like like if we weren't doing that.

We were dead silent watching TV and all the TV was commercials for the restaurant.

We were in Celebrities BCD.

TOFU but basically, and then Drew's doing that, and I like to him, I was like, what if I did this?

But I just ended up doing it anyway. I was like, no, but what if I did this? And like she was sitting here next to me, and I like turned and I was like.

And like turned by.

Like you looked her up and down.

She was gonna be like, they're fucking bullies.

No, but she they were.

I will say she was really pretty, like she was, yeah, yeah, she was really pretty, but like she just gave an energy, Like she just gave an off energy, and like she's really angry.

Like excuse it, something's wrong with this fucking stranger, Like they don't find us being like obnoxiously annoying.

And also we were like talking so loud.

We were being like there's no excuse for our behavior.

And if you were there, like I'm wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly sorry that you experienced the wrath of Drewin and you know, like on one, but like we mean no harm by it, Like we love you like.

Yeah, I'm sorry if you're ever caught in the crossfire. Just no, like it's fun.

You can talk about us, like we give you full permission.

Yeah, everyone can talk about us.

Call us annoying. We know we are, and.

At the end of the day, like I love myself. Guys, if we should kiss in one episode, let us know.

That's why I'm okay with being a bitter, fucking hater because I know a lot of times I'm projecting it.

I'm a piece of shit and I'm a oh, look that's sweet.

They're picking it up. Oh no, they just kicked it, assholes. Oh they're gonna smoke on the roof.

I'm literally like, where are they going? They look like they fucking stink.

Okay, they saw it. That was real. That was real. That was us in lifetime being bitter bullies.

That on purpose, Like.

They literally do look like they stink. They are like two white dudes with flip flops, like you're.

Wearing thong sandals out as a man.

You need to go to fuck it there, you need to figure I know your ship stinks. I know you don't cut your tone notes, and I know your ship stinks period, Like I know you smell like balls.

Just wear slides, please, just wear slides. Please.

Also men and men, and has a lot of opinions on men loving themselves taking care of Okay, I.

Can't be the only person straight men like feeling themselves to taking pictures of them stuff.

I'm like, why are you doing that like that?

Like I not to.

I like want a man who is like confident and like likes himself. But I'm like, if I'm driving us around and I look over and you're taking a fucking selfie because the sun is on you or something, I'm crashing the car.

I'm crashing.

I'm crashing it, and I'm blaming I'm unbuckling your seat crashing.

Yeah, I'm unbuckling your seatbelt and getting us in a t bone accident. Because you shouldn't be doing that, like like you don't have like the fucking New York Times app to be looking at Like why are you looking at your play chess?

Play chess?

Actually, don't be on your phone. I also can't stand like a man who's on his phone so much, like what do you have going on there?

I wish I was kidding, like I was in the car with like I've just been in situations with like men and I'm like, I literally will I be like, why are you on the phone so much?

Like I'm like you were so not even that.

I'm like you were so embarrassing, like you don't want to look outside and like be like what is in LA?

We weren't driving around a concrete jungle.

Con New York, idiot.

See if you look at that, motherfucker?

Also maybe like again I'm projecting because I get carsick and I can't look at the You're.

Jealous and you're jealous of what I can do.

No, you just like as like why are you looking? Like what is on there?

Stop?

You're literally I'm not kidding.

Men should have burners, Like you don't need an iPhone? What do you need an iPhone for?

If you want to post on ig way too you get home, go have an iPod Touch, Go have an iPad when.

You're burner in your iPod touch with no service? If you have a phone with service. As a straight man.

No, like what are you up to?

Like no good? Like you're up to no good?

On that you're either yeah.

You're sexting someone and I don't.

Like to say you're you're sexting someone.

No, I just don't like it. It's so gross.

But yeah, I could go on for day and goes on for days in days and days and a.

Lot of opinions about like man, I'm like, oh.

You should like you shouldn't love yourself, that's what shes.

No, Like you should be confident, but don't take like when a man stops someone the other.

No, I won't.

I can't be the only person straight. Men like feeling themselves are taking pictures of them stuff.

I'm like, why are you doing that like that?

Like I not to.

I like want a man who is like confident and like likes himself. But I'm like, if I'm driving us around and I look over and you're taking a fucking selfie because this.

Is on you or something, I'm crashing in the car.

I'm crashing.

I'm crashing it, and I'm blaming.

I'm unbuckling your seat crashing.

Yeah, I'm unbuckling your seatbelt and getting us in a t bone attiday Because you shouldn't be doing that, like like you don't have like the fucking New York Times app to be looking at like why are you.

Looking at your play chess play chess.

Actually, don't be on your phone. I also can't stand like a man who's on.

His phone so much, like what do you have going on?

There?

Are texting?

I wish I was kidding, like I was.

In the car with like I've just been in situations with like men and I'm like, I literally will I be like why are you on the phone so much?

Like I'm like you were so not even that.

I'm like you were so embarrassing, like you don't want to look outside.

And like be like what is look at in LA We weren't driving around.

A concrete jungle.

Con ju New York idiot.

See if you look at that? Motherfucker?

Also maybe like again I'm projecting because I get carsick. I can't look at the You're.

Jealous and you're jealous of what I can do.

No, you just like as like why the are you looking?

Like what is on there?

Stop?

You're literally I am not kidding.

Men should have burners, Like you don't need an iPhone? What do you need an iPhone for?

If you want to post on ig way too you get home, go have an iPod Touch, Go.

Have an iPad When you're burner in your iPod Touch with no service, if you have a phone with service as a straight man.

No, like, what are you up to?

Like no good?

Like you're up to no good on that you're either yeah, you're sexting someone.

And I don't like to say you're you're sexting someone.

No, I just don't like it. It's so gross. But yeah, I could go on for days.

And goes on for days in days and.

Days and a lot of opinions about like man, I'm like, oh, you.

Should like you shouldn't love yourself, that's what shes No, Like.

You should be confident, but don't take like when a man stops someone.

The other No, I won't.

I will say it is really cringey.

Oh my god, here I go like, I'm sorry, hypocritical, It is just like something out.

No, there's something a little funky about a man who's like posting a lot of pictures of himself.

I'm like, a man's i G.

A straight man's i.

G shouldn't just be pictures of himself.

I'm like, something's going.

On here, Like, well, as a straight man, my i G is a picture myself as a straight man.

So now we're just saying things okay, as a politician, Like, yeah, I just like you didn't see something on your walk you want to.

Post, like you see the magnolia tree that you could take a picture of the magnolia tree. Say it smells like pussy. He smells like pussy out here, and it's a magnolia tree. Y'all know what I'm talking about. The pussy willows.

No, they smell like a sneeze. They smell like com They smell like common sneezes.

Tomatoes tastes like com that.

You can't keep saying that because every day my like my go to like right now anywhere I go, like no matter where I am, I get or I make it myself a soft scrambled eggs, avocado, and slices of tomatoes.

Like it's like all I will eat right now.

And Drew said that the other day and I literally was eating my breakfast and I wanted to throw up because I chewed on the tomato for too long and I was like really getting into it.

It's like it's like when you when if you're eating like red meat, you.

Can we always talk about cocking balls and pussy on here.

We always make.

It it start tasting the farm when you're eating like red meat and also yeah, just like they we know it's just a big part of our life.

Cockballs and pussy.

No, we are just like weird.

I can't say I literally the word the pea words.

Uncomfortable.

Yeah, okay, man with a straight Instagram.

I'm straight as hell. Meats your girlfriend? I can't.

This is my girlfriend, Yeah, this is my yeah, no, this is my boyfriend.

That's like chill.

Yeah, I am straight and don't get a fucking twisted. Yeah, absolutely, I got my eye.

But yeah, we always bring it to coconball somehow.

But I think that's it for the episode. Maybe we don't have to talk about cocon balls anymore.

We can just shut up.

I literally have red bull in my fucking eye. I'm curious to see if, maybe one day, if I'm ready enough and all that trauma from those terrible trips is gone, if I can just like eat a meal and then smoke and see if it's all good.

Yeah, that's actually another thing I always eat before. Like I'll be with someone who like enjoys smoking weed and then they'll be like, oh my god, I'm gonna smoke and then we should order food, and I'm like, no, I'm getting food in me and then I can like maybe join.

But maybe I'll have a midnight snack MUNCHIESE munchies if you can't until I feel fucking batshit crazy today, I don't feel normal. My most recent bad weed experience was when I was back in Texas and I was like laying on the couch watching TV and I just had the gnarliest thoughts about like like we were watching Netflix and I was watching these shows on Netflix and I was like, I was like, no, this is like garbage TV,

You're like, it's trying to kill me when the only person to go put it in you is you?

Exactly, No, the weed it controls people.

I think.

Fuck.

I was just thinking, Oh, that reminded me of when.

I went to Texas for like that fun party we went to what was that party?

I went to Texas for.

My brother's funeral. That was the event of the year.

You could eat anything when you're famished, and you might as well be eating out of Michelin stub bit. You could feed me the seven eleven like rotisserie talk like taquitos when I'm hungry, and I'll be.

Like, this is the best food ever. But I will say those are the best food probably ever made.

I never had the takitos, but I used to fuck up the chicken wings. But I was like the chicken wing monster.

We just had this conversation like two days ago. But like, I can't do bone in meat at all, like boner meat.

Eh, I can't.

I can't do bone and meat because when you're eating, when you when you're eating, the sucking the bone, yeah, exactly. It's a little gay, Like I can't do that. I can't suck bones. No, because like when you're eating bone and meat, one it's on the bone, which I shouldn't fucking see bones ever in my life. That's so sinister until the tendons, uh uh, the tendons in the fat. When you buy into that shit, it is like eating fucking rubber bands, like the.

Best taste ever.

That's why I love like squid and octopus and like oxtail and like pigs feet because it's all like batty like like tendons and it's like it's the most.

It literally is like a cultural thing I think, actually though, but no.

I literally like that is what.

Makes me like in the most, Like let me clarify, this is the most.

Joe Rogan shit you'll ever say.

I am not vegetarian because I'm like, yeah, like save the planet, Like of course, I'm like, yes, I do my part.

But I am in any any like health thing I'm in.

It's for vanity and like that's it purely.

Never get it twisted.

Like I don't have a hydroflask because I'm like, don't waste plastic. I have a hydroflast because if I don't have a hydroflask, I won't drink water and then I won't.

Be pretty, Like I like, of course, like God blessed.

That I'm like helping the world while I try to be pretty in like little ways. Yeah, but it it is never like I'm not skipping out on straws, like I will take a straw because I don't want my teeth to be yellow.

Also, straws aren't the things that are killing the turtles. The things that are killing the turtles are fucking nuts.

And a lot of people would be like, oh my god, did you switch from making cancel overfishing because you saw that. No, I'm sorry, Like that is not my duty, Like that's not my job.

It's a corporation's job. We need to it's the scientist's job to figure out how to get us live drugs. Would you eat lab grown meat?

Yeah, because that's what like plant based meat is. That's basically like lab grown.

Would you know?

Would I take lab grown meat.

In my whole No, it was basically what I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I can't say it because it's just so gnarly. It's really it's really naughty. Should I just say it?

Would you?

I mean, that's a test too.

Big, because lab grown pussy would.

Hit like alien, like alien alien versus predator puss.

I guess actually, lab grown dick would literally they can make it through the twirls that the little and.

It could suck like they could. We could add a little attached.

Meat you could shape it like the rabbit toys and give it like an extra mouth to be like I won't go.

Yeah, you can tell a lot about a person.

If they put the cart back.

Yeah yeah, that like that's like really says all you need to know. There's another one of those where it's like, okay, like if you put your cart back, you're like a fairly like moral person. You care about the well being of others. But if you like leave it in the middle of the thing, you literally don't give a ship and you're a narcissist and you care about yourself and no one else.

But there's a rush.

But yeah, but I mean like I've been in rush situations and I always put.

Oh no, you're like the most moral rounded person ever.

Keep going though I t you like, thank you, thank you. I feel like I am so thank you. No, there's another one where it's like.

You were gonna say something stupid. You were literally gonna say something so fucking stupid. No, go, what were you gonna say?

As a man, it's my duty to make the girl come four times. That's just a line, like it's the type of person I am.

You know, Oh you're so nice, you make girls square and stuff. You make sure your girl squirts.

Yeah, we should just talk about how we miss the first two weeks of Lockdown.

We should move on.

But like a Zola is eating my goddamn plant. Motherfucker she was is she did? She chomp on it big time. No, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Actually, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Like this is actually like the saddest day of my goddamn life.

Oh is it bad?

Yes, we're leaving the same.

The worst.

We'll just keep it here for the rest of the episode. We'll watch her.

I'm gonna fucking vomit.

True wells. Also, so that's the good news.

Dude, Oh my god, he ate no, and yet this is all him, That's all him. He was eating the funk out of that like a fucking snail. He's getting spankings. I'm not kidding. IM gonna spank the ship out of him.

I'm so sorry. How much was this way too much?

I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna get a spray to like spray around that air of the couch so that it's all good.

It shouldn't have been there anyways, Like I knew he was gonna do but that motherfucker

M