Best of Emergency Intercom 1

I will be you know that g gave us friend until the end. But like, really, what I'm after is that pesty. That's really all I've been here for.

Like I was like, oh, my ears feel like the most like clear and free they've ever felt. Now they're ringing.

Yeah, now they're like ringing and like buzzing.

I speak at a very low monotone level.

Really, that's what I'm saying. The American sign language people's on stage like faking.

What the fun was that?

Did a bird just at the window?

I don't know, but the the drawer thing opened, it rattled, like this thing rattled that.

You're literally scaring me right now because paranorm experience.

I don't want to open it. There's something an animal.

Wait, are you serious right now? Because I heard it too, but I thought it was you hitting your mic.

No, like this rattled open it?

Oh my god, because I have wood to knock on.

Okay, I have wood too, because I do have a bouldering penis under my blanket right now.

That's what my wood was. That someone would.

Say the way you rubbed your eyes and what that means?

My god, Yeah, what's up?

I'm like, Damn, you really do do that, like you're really into that, right. I came to the conclusion that scot lovers like people who love being pooped on and shipped one.

Like about Scot like the music.

And I love our braver in the.

Start the jump, they like still need that kind of simulation.

Home.

You need to stop doing that.

Hide your kids, hide your wife.

Kai what we just went That was probably the longest media.

Yeah, no, I'm not kidding. That's Dru's culture. I'm not going to cut that out. Were you eating a burrito or something? Was that? Yeah? I was just YouTube they were he was eating a burrito. Do not demonetize us. I'm lacking a certain meat in my diet. I just pointed at DRESD for those I couldn't see, like.

I had a dream I was in pretty just started crying. It was called the Golden pitch Shower. Oh yeah, it's like the beer shower at l j T Larry Joe Taylor festivals, but with piss and you just unzip your pants and pee everywhere.

I gets kay because he somehow thinks it's going to be his fault.

It's like scary.

Wait, but the way Red means recording like whatever, Well, I saw your dad on grinder mm hmm, yeah, so he is using it to make he didn't like interrupt them. No, we matched and I hit like crazy. I don't know if you poke. If you're a guy and you poke your belly button, you can feel it in your penis tip.

Try it, kai, what what would you like your belly button really hard? Oh? What the fuck?

I know? Whoa crazy? You? Try to see if you feel it anywhere? Okay, we're literally sexually satisfying ourselcond half the stuff I think you have to suck because it's not it's not ack.

I just I mean, I've known you for ten years and you were at seven when I met you.

I was six. You're right, No, you're not. Seconds.

Your will never end. It will never end. And that's okay. Like you'll just be the old man with a fruity tube in your mouth.

I freak a fruity too. Now you need to fucking chill right now, right now, like.

A fruit flavored like puffing sucking too.

You gotta suck it and it's pretty.

Oh oh wow, this is crazy. Now, this is crazy. I wasn't I wasn't prepared for Were you really scared?

Actually?

Right now. I was That's what I was gonna say. I was going to say, O'Ryan as my uh like, who you hello?

That scared me?

That' me horny?

Honestly, you have Sigma eyebrows.

This is this, guys, this is why we have to kill toxic masculinity.

Exactly exactly.

I felt like Harry Styles running through this field.

Okay, take it back, running back cut that. Don't ever say that about yourself ever again.

I literally sometimes I just feel like I look like Harry Styles.

We can only hope for so much, you know, we.

Can only help you kill yourself tonight.

Yep.

Hello, maybe like I don't I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but like Comey's stuck inside.

Mmmm, beggar begging you.

What I was gonna say is, why would my feet get so warm in the shower?

I get horny?

Oh? Oh my god, I'm like a walking hypothetical.

I'm a walking paradox.

I'm a fucking walking paradox thresomes with a tricera tops.

Damn, that's just a crazy what in my dream, We're at this party.

And it's at it that I wasn't in your life anymore?

Oh, bib. That would have been a dream come true.

Yeah, I have scabies and little boxes on the hilltop, little boxes native tikey. Remember what you're fighting for, little boxes on the hilltop and traffic and suburbia, and remember that's what you're fighting for.

What do you say?

It makes perfect sense to me?

Like I don't know, I like manly.

Yeah, they're like manly, like mouth farts.

They're not like cute girl farts. What just like when women fart on my face, like it's like cute.

Oh it sounds different. Does it feel different.

Than ment because I just don't mean that men different.

What does it taste like?

Doo dooo? Koka?

Well, yeah, you've ever had a devil egg. There's a lot of skinscare scams that like everybody is falling for. Like drinking water. You don't have to drink water. I have only drank pepsi for like the last like fourteen years of my life.

No, Drew, you have to drink water, Like that's not like a scan like that that's been around.

For like hello and I'm still here. I literally have not had a cup of water in fourteen years.

So true, that's really what colors your pea.

It's like red. I think I like subconsciously threw together those last bits just in case I was going to go and so because you get Jewish. Yeah, you just doing I can't be myself around you. I'm just saying I say one thing. It's conversation. It's always got to be corrected. My life is always has to be corrected. I'm the guy to correct it.

Seems it's like was.

It in like a bad mood? But I've been kind of set Drew. Did you drink? Did you already drink?

This is vodka?

Drew?

No, No, you can't keep doing that, Drew.

You honestly don't need any more. Stop, you don't need anymore, bitch.

You also get that you get dirty sheets, but a cute sleeper.

Y'all want to see my tits?

Please?

Like please?

Then you look at that guy like swinging around over there. He's on the very tip top.

I know.

Those birds Like.

What you're gonna like? What those birds?

What? No?

I think I misheard you?

Yeah, and say ship, Well, last night on Thanksgiving is over? Like, tell me why Thanksgiving is over?

Hi?

I'm a little peggy. Stop I've been ripping the armpits out of my shirts and sweaters right, better circulation better pheromount.

I know how to help circulate your blood if you need help doing that me too, like rebooting and like recoading.

Our neighbor just took a flash photo of through the window. It was fucking so weird.

Should we go stop him or should we just let him have that for his enjoyment?

I mean he can see it my skirt, I don't care.

Can I see your morning wood tomorrow?

Yes?

Yes, and ironically yeah, See it's a real problem for me because when I walk into the room, panties just drop. They just start dropping, man, like everybody m actually, wait, what if what if we captured the second on video a girl? We'll just leap that out.

I'll probably he's gonna have to use the bathroom a few times during the flight.

And I've been grubbing your fucking shoe this like, I.

Don't mind if because these like don't have any like like warmth, so your hands are like.

I'll give you a foot massage, like we can take these off. You need to stop and it changes her pad in my fucking bathroom. Itells like dog searcher.

Century is crazy. No egg white is like stinky far.

You like that bro, you like that and your classiest and you hate poor people football see what that has to do with it. But like in India's room, like tearing up.

Talking she was fully about to cry, really embarrassing because I thought I lived and loved a man, but then I realized.

That it was just a boy. So and you're ugly, so, oh my god, and I never loved you.

I could say the same.

Okay, what's the oh the highest cinema alex ge song I've been thinking saying recently.

Where I get sad, I get sad, I get so mad. Way with the broken rim, keep going because I am track bad and I am bad sometimes I get mad.

In my room.

That was awesome.

Yeah, have you been working on that?

That's like you.

Guys have been working on that. I think the idea is that you created an infrastructure for electric vehicles, and then you move the power grid to a sustainable power grade to power those vehicles, and then you also don't have to you don't have to spend energy getting the energy source to the vehicles like with gas.

Okay, sometimes I actually I'm not joking. You you go on rants and I smile, but literally, my brain is a fucking clip. Guy, Who are you having sex.

With I've been having sex with Drew. I've been having.

You're not to the point of hunger where you're nauseous, because we.

All have a hunger. We all have a hunger. I've seen them there.

We literally.

Monsters zinc and is yeah, monster z inc and uh finding nemo are coming to say hello?

What? I don't have Twitter, and either do you? So you're lying.

I'm not lying. I have Twitter, but for other reasons, and sometimes I'll navigate over to the trimming page. What where'd you go?

Who is that?

Hello? Hi?

Helli Hai?

Where's Drew? Drew?

Come back?

Hi?

Where's your killer? Self? Kill yourself? I'll love you kill yourself, killing yourself?

How do you get in here? I'm getting in here.

You look straight and sexy at the same time.

Stop stop? Okay, wait, what what about it?

Though?

What can y'all have sex when we're not doing our goddamn job?

Okay?

Oh?

What am I supposed to do when she dies? That's so one a line. I think I'd get another cat.

Maybe you're pregnant right now? You never you.

Don't say that kind of shit to me. Don't wish evil upon me? What do you like?

What did he call you? Oh?

You think i'd look pregnant?

Wow, I'm not saying that. That's what I was saying that. That wasn't what I was saying.

We're gonna know that, we're gonna have a conversation about this after funny how freely you feel to speak on a woman's then leave it in. Leave it in.

Yeah, I'm gonna cut it because you made it look like No, wow, are you? Are you gonna yell at me for that? What are you gonna do to me?

What the fuck is that?

I'm gonna thank you.

Do you want to hear about the crazy ship I heard on the book?

Well, you immediately shut me down, just like I don't want to hear about that.

So you get to talk about your like weird like conspiracies and I can't say something right.

They're not constrocious, they're not conspiracies. I've had another obsession recently, but I can't remember what it was.

It's probably me.

It's not really an obsession when I watch you sleep at night like that's not an object.

I know that's what you're what I know. I was joking about like me being your obsession.

Okay, well I was joking too. I do not climb a ladder and look through your windows at night, Like I don't prop up a ladder and just like look in like that's weird. I would act you never do that, So you sound dumb.

Now it sounds like it's something you do and you're like backtracking heavy?

Were you singing usher By? You deserved all of that.

Yeah, but I just had Oh my god, why are you looking under my skirt?

No, I'm not cutting.

That signals to me.

What I was literally telling a story.

Oh no, the girls don't really talk to me that often. So like when I'm gonna have a fucking panding, I'm gonna throw up.

You're like in our mid twenties.

True, No, I'm sixteen, bitch. Don't ever say that to me ever.

Fucking Okay, well you're sixteen, but I need you to hurry up in h fastics.

The fact that I spent all my time with a sixteen.

Year old is like, it's crazy that we're in our mid twenties.

Like, you know, what you want us to do is be like your own nest. Fuck Kui, But I love you.

You're aging gracefully for somebody with the genetics.

That you were gifted.

Oh you're beautiful, beautiful just the way you are, and you shouldn't care about what other people think. If you.

Oh my god, you bitch, ass liar, bitch, I'll just jerk stop interrupting us with myself.

I'll play with you in the backseat.

No, what's cool is this bag looks like it was made in the same factory that they make basketballs on Amazon.

I'm just saying, I mean, am I wrong?

Oh my god?

Like, no, you can't do this the whole episode.

What are you doing?

He's gonna re enter. I can get enough attention the first time, and.

You're like putting things in the frame. Why did you have a stapler on the opposite tip?

I stopped sleeping naked because one time my friend sent me the stick is gonna come.

Oh, I don't give an it's my vibe. It's like if my nudes leak, I'm kind of just like relief, Like is it's like my brother died, Like I just like get relief.

Did you just compare your nudes leaking to your brother dying?

This is something that I've been holding off and I actually cannot believe that. I haven't talked about it yet. But okay, so you know Taylor Swift, she got her new album coming out, Okay, tell me why. One of her first big songs she wrote about me, tear drops on my guitar. That was written about me. Drew looks at me. I fake a smile so he won't see.

No, it's I think it's He looks at me.

I think it's true.

Are you making that up?

Because it's it's very real. She wrote it about me, because do.

You have the faith you fucking photoshopped.

Like I'm googling it right now. But the thing, the fucking thing of it all, teardrops on my guitar. Drew looks at me. The first one, Wait is that actually? Yeah, That's what I'm saying is I didn't tell anybody about this, but me and Taylor had a thing really early on.

Say wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, what year did this song come out?

Because now this is getting weird.

Don't ask questions because she's about ten years older than you, which wouldn't be weird.

Now. I was greened by Taylor Swift. Oh there I said it. There, I said It's crazy how you've ignored every single question I've asked and answered all of vinyas. It's just like I prioritize.

I prioritize attention from women because then you know they should be put on a pedestal.

In my opinion, honestly, I agree with that, Like why do you all have.

To turn everything into like proving that you don't hate women?

And I feel like I've been doing okay enough that I don't need.

To which is you need to talk?

I did.

Imagination.

I don't understand how like computers work, and you like can't pay me to sit down and learn.

I've said that before.

I can easily.

No, Hello, oh, botox looks really good. It's cool that Kai got a really good botox that you can't tell that he has like botox and filler.

And do you have the face?

I don't. I don't. I swear to god it actually, oh yeah, it's not one hundred.

I love them so much. They have this square almost frog like toe detail.

Fell out of your anti microbiule's turn around, go back to where you came from. And but like I can't do bone and meat at all, like boner meat. I can't come from me?

How is it I just in compliment to you.

Hey, don't cry, don't do no Roman, don't cry, please stop like actually no, it's like rushing me out.

Oh my god, I'll never fucking him again.

Wait a second. You guys fuck.

All the time like clockwork, because we're fucking I've never seen the movie.

Let's talk about finsta. Have you ever talked about finsta? Oh my god, like.

The energy of if they think you are important and if you are not like serving that you're.

Kai Kai. Your camera is on?

What's up?

Your camera is on? Are you drinking?

No? No, this is water? Why do you have water? And it's like a propel, It's.

Like tequila, Like why are you actually know you're you're done? Like you're done camera?

What do you mean I'm done?

Camera off?

We need to get a replacement for that guy.

I know it was it was pretty okay. I think we technically have the technically that's a headline.

Yeah, oh god, is it a vibrator. No, it's a flashlight for like Drew's mouth.

Oh love my mouth?

Yeah?

How did you get the fucking mold? Yeah?

What I like did this thing where I like scanned your face while you were sleeping and did a three D.

What the fuck impressive?

You know?

Okay, I thought you guys you should go to kill yourself, and you should go and kill yourself. Now, can I get a pineapple takeware? Vow?

I have never seen you move your body like that. Holy ship, I'm not touching.

Get your hand off of me or something?

You got talking about? Poo, that's my twins.

You have gotten iPhone? Why is he always on that iPhone?

If I had the money Charlie Pooth had, I would not be on iPhone dot com.

I would be out like I would be like, not on iPhone?

A gay? Oh oh a man with that I phone is gay? That broke that.

Literally yeah, I'm literally like, I'm like weird niche on the internet.

You're like, are right extremist? It's okay, No, I'm not.

No, Drew, stop you have to talk like we can't publicize that stuff.

Because like, well you said blue Lives matter. I'm a Republican. We should be able to talk.

No, I didn't say that. You're saying all of that. I would never publicly say that because I'm smart.

You mean by that, I just feel different, you know.

Yeah, I forgot about earrings.

I feel better. Oh I noticed something was really ugly about you, and it's because you didn't have your ear rings.

And that makes me feel so awful because I feel very insecure without my earrings.

Well, it's something you can change in five minutes, so just do it. Nature. It's like breathing, Like I don't realize I'm doing it. It just happened.

No, I feel that, but I never miss access and I'm like the best.

Wait what yeah, like I'm also like super on like hellas substances like LSG.

No, don't admit to that at least like you can keep no, you can keep doing it and like I don't care. But just like for the sake of our like image online, don't like post.

Hoop, the tab of LSD, I took a finton all rockstimes that make you feel terrible.

Yeah, you should write a book about it and sell it to somebody who gives a fuck, because I literally don't.

Oh my god, I'm not confirming nor denying that I have a gun in this background now, so keep talking shit and find out.

Just like you're starting to shoot your friends.

Let's just find out. Should we find out? Let's just say I laughed my little bet off.

Just like caught up. We're caught up in other things.

I feel like you guys do stuff though. Shut I just I'm trying to like validate the fact that you guys are living.

Your life and you go blind half of the things we say to each other.

But that is such, that is such an honor to be living a life where I am surrounded by such funny people that I am constantly pissing myself and giving.

Myself the and the fact that you're constantly doing that and not giving me the panties after it's crazy.

What Yeah, it is not a straight fruit. It is a little fruity.

Yeah, Drew, you got a little sugar. You saying, car, what the fuck.

Did you just said?

Was that a slur?

Where you like that was really derogatory? Like what you say? It's during Pride month, and during.

Every month is Pride.

Month, Babe, walk out and it's like a kind of fancy hotel, I guess, and like other people cool people were staying there or whatever. Are my eyes too close together? I feel like they are.

I don't know.

Okay, I just said it.

Drew, serious question, do you want to drop any more ship and fuck up the audio before we continue.

Oh my god, do you question?

Do you want to drive after this?

Yes? I'm so sorry.

Like it was a usual stomachache where I'm like bloated and something hurt. But my fucking colon's were literally vibrating. Like if I put my colon to my clip I would have it would have been because they were vibrating.

Do you get it?

Okay, Jesus fucking Christ.

Jesus H Christ? Where does the age come from? Like have you heard someone say that before?

Like Jesus Christ?

Have you heard that it's for holiday? It's for like the holiday, Christmas, Jesus Holiday Christmas.

Yeah, hanging out and it's just like this key that's like what the fuck.

The house? But like electric bikes and she kept saying to her electric.

Care and I like, chair, what is that? Like, I'm just trying to get some pussy.

I gotta be real.

Oh my god, that's not the way you do it.

I thought, that's like what you would like you didn't even care what I cared. I was taking notes the whole time. Sometimes my depression just flaies up.

Oh my god.

Didn't ask though, like let's let's be real, Like it wasn't like a diluted drink.

They were serving me alcohol. So I had a drink and that was like joking.

Okay, when you're on your periods and like your uterus and ship hurts, just shut the fuck up. Yeah, And I was like and I was, I was like, whoa, oh her name was married looking like hold on, we got media really.

Focused and pay attention. When I cook, I do too much And then like my dish is like a.

Million you're doing too much. What's fucking crazy is that? I literally like I had to hide my tattoos in shabu yeah with the frank Ocean lyric.

Yeah, but you have one. So it's like.

I had sex with your mom last night.

Did you know that, Ki? And she squirted everywhere? Did you know your mom was a squirter?

Oh my god, why would.

You know that? Ki?

You?

Wow?

But it's real, like it was the genesis of you realizing that you were straight and you.

Didn't have to exactly exactly, exactly exactly. That's seriously, like one hund.

We thought our boobs were like the funniest thing.

Like we literally like the amount of times we would be in bathing, since like at the beach, at.

The pool and get in play with each other's boobs and like take pictures of them and like like pour water on them, and then you'd send those photos to me. Now, send me pictures of your tits.

Like Milady didn't see you there.

If I was there, I wouldn't have let any of this happen.

By the way, how would you have stopped that?

I don't know. I would have found a way. I'm basically ant man piece.

And just listen to it because you like it and it makes you feel good.

Stop, I'm white here.

You do this to me all the time, like you're a fucking slut, Like I didn't know I was marrying someone who was for the people. Show them, show them, show them what you did in your mouth.

You're embarrassed.

What are you gonna say? Oh, I've been trying to gain weight, really bad lead in Japan, and I ate so much fucking food. I ate so much goddamn food in Japan, and I actually did gain weight. I gain seven pounds, So congratulate me.

Where did At some point I squirted and squooshed all yeah, I've come on our green carpet in our living room.

What I literally was like, I feel like so normal normally, I feel like fucking ship. Can I play the word of my balls? No, but like.

You're giving me a little peak show through and I can see your.

Ball to No, I can't, Can I see? Can I see?

I want it?

Oh honey?

How wan?

How today kind of lied to me?

And that's a whole know that this became the mental health podcast since last time I've been on here kill yourself? Oh yeah, yeah.

So much pro and your fucking life.

And this what was I saying to earlier? I was like to say that for the podcast, Oh that you.

Were he be happy, gave me a blue check. It's coming in like a week and I'm gonna get you one two oh all right.

Oh he's crawling around.

I don't know if they can see that.

They can't see.

He's getting back in the frame so they can see it. This is what this is. Hit it again, Come on, logo, come on, let's get you back on the on the chair.

Literally twenty episodes, but every time I just like, forget, what the fuck?

Yeah? What? Please don't leave, Please don't leave. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna do this episode The rest alone and yeah, this this will be coola.

I'm gonna fucking kill you that way.

I'm done.

I'm actually like that.

Up with all your bullshit.

Calling me I walk walk?

Yeah, my brother died.

No he did? You keep calling me a lie?

He literally did. Liar all the bitches at home?

This is me? This is me? Where the bitches at? Okay, it feels like we're roommates. Wait, guys, and they were roommates.

Ah?

Wait, is this gonna be out on Mother's Day or buy Mother's Day?

No, it comes out right before Mother's Day?

Okay, I can't say this then, Yeah, don't.

Say that talk. They need to make milks stay. I need to make milks stay.

Turn your camera off and off? Time out?

Three minutes in ya? You know how there's another's day. Yeah, they need to make milks stay.

Are you kidding?

No? For real?

That's literally my joke. I'm sorry.

Who is that?

Who got in? Who got into our jo? I think? I?

How do you guys not recognize my voice?

Who is this? This man is scary?

It's me. Look, I.

Get the funk out, get out, get out?

Oh oh damn, keep going?

So tell me this was.

I okay, because I was talking and you just are like trying to buy it while my talkings.

So like I got then like the calls are.

Oh yo, it's a sickness. Didn't in here both of them. Both of them.

Are coughing, But that cop didn't sound bad. The cough is a normal cop.

Like, how have you not seen this movie?

And you just like listen to this And I was like, because it's two of the greatest composers of all time.

Hello, I think.

Me and Kire honestly shocked because.

Like, you just want me to take off my beer?

Do you want me to take it off?

I'll take it off, take off?

Oh my god?

Fuck your guys, are you shaved for you?

You just pulled your beer, just.

Ripped it off.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I'm literally fucking crazy.

That's not hurt.

I'm fucking crazy. I'm fucking crazy. This random guy that my dad in.

My construction site and nobody know who you knew, who you were?

Whoa I really don't know? Like that was the definition of I'm in the middle of his story and someone just said something. Let me come up with something quick.

Bitch, eradicate. We need some eradicating, eradicate James Charless.

Oh my god, oh god, oh my god, I'm.

Not kidding, Like, why is airplane food and airport food? Those are the worst meals ever?

But not for me? Not for me, Pam damn.

No make up by Styling Wait tattoos by Drew though, Yeah, we know.

The thing is no one said it looked good today.

You look beautiful, and you look beautiful today.

Okay, dream when I get home, you're getting the biggest spanking I've ever given you.

I'm going to put you over my lap, bend me over. Okay, okay, ship we've got.

How big would it get? How sticky would it get?

Your whole?

Yeah?

We're recording this, bitch.

Oh, this is we started.

You're I hope you're happy that this will be your last job that you will be able to get, because I don't know where else you're going to take this resume.

Oh you wanted to.

Sing your members?

Okay, see how fast I catch on to you? Yeah, you little, you, little bastard. Trick not the oil spell causing it oil?

That's actually crazy.

Remember when Bass used to have the drive throughs and they would send the check in the two so.

That was fun as I put bees in one DJ a festival in New York.

Bitch, you ate like McDonald's, what the fuck are you saying?

Like you know when people are like, oh, sissue a like Josiah ate, like McDonald's what does that mean? It's just me being very classist.

But they're giving kaiwan and then they're like having it permanently in like the work where you do what your work is, it's a cocksucker, bitch, ass ballfucker.

Yeah, so I mean you win.

Choosers. Are you pretending, Hey, he's tapped out.

He's like he thinks he's he thinks he's recording a podcast up, so.

Somewhere else he entered in like a parallel universe, and I think it's a podcast.

It's a universe where it's just him because like he's giving no space for op.

Oh, let's see all good.

Oh he's back.

I just was somewhere so drunk that it.

Like came out, and I do remember cracking ill.

What y'all I liked flirting with each other.

I'm literally talking about shitting and throwing up.

I would kill for both of you guys, Okay, I would do whatever it took about yourself.

Oh, oh my god, And I think he did he do it? Did he?

Wait?

But he went too far?

I've got the power? Did he do it?

Though?

A classic?

And then the last song I need to.

And I'm vibing inside. I want hair sentences against so bad. I should do that. Actually, I'm going to do that today before we go. I'm going to break this on your fucking head.

Why so, Drew, you were constipated and then Enya, you just played Fortnite. Yeah that's cool. I started a nonprofit and yeah, so that's just like what I've been doing.

You're claiming you started it charity.

Mm hmm. Yeah, I'm working on, uh, fixing war. I'm getting rid of it.

So you started a nonprofit for neo Nazis.

No I did it. I'm Jewish. Why would I do that?

I don't know.

You mean, that's just something that you said. I'm not doing that.

Do you have proof that you're not doing that?

I don't have proof that I'm not doing that.

But I'm oh, that does not look good. That really doesn't look good on you. Like, I'm gonna be honest and you cause you should be a lawyer, and I'm gonna sell it.

I'm gonna make pink hats. I call them pussy hats.

All right, let's go into you're freaking me the fuck not your.

Post breakup with joker glow glowna joker broke up.

I tried to kill myself last week, Dude, I really wanted this to be a like a fun one. Do you want to know why?

Why?

Do you want to know? How?

Hell?

And why you can choose one?

Why?

I woke up in the middle of the night, okay, and I walked into the kitchen and I saw what I thought was a ghost, but it was an intruder, and the intruder looked at me and spoke in tongue or binary or I couldn't describe it, but it was almost like a Morris code like clicking, and the clicks for some reason resonated with me, and they said kill your family or kill yourself.

Choose one.

So I tried to kill myself and it didn't work. And I later learned that it was a schizophrenic delusion and now I am on.

Antipsychotics.

Cool because I.

Guess other carriers because I didn't know there were other phones other than iPhones, but apparently there are other cell your devices that you can purchase, which is really confused because I thought I thought there were only iPhones, Like, what are the other ones?

Like, because don't I don't know.

But you guys don't know that there are other phones.

There's only I. I don't even know what the word phone means.

I know, is that a separate word because there's iPhones?

But do you guys know that there were phones before the iPhone?

I actually don't know what that word means.

Yeah, because you keep saying it without like that's that's like if you I was like, oh, did you know that there were homes before homes?

Like what are you saying?

Yeah, like you're taking a let Do you know that there were other types of iPhones before the iPhone?

Yeah, there's iPhone like.

Fog, they the three G model.

Like, you guys cannot be more wrong about the situation.

Okay, because that's funny because it's two against one fucking idiot.

Yeah, I didn't think.

I hope you feel alone.

That's but basically I found out that I had bacterial imaginosis and I used affection at.

The same damn time, which is pretty common.

But we made sour dough bread in that oven.

Fu, get's wrong with you?

Since No, actually that sounds like my goddamn dream being. I'm not kidding. That is one of the most fucked up things about me is like I feel like actually discussing saying this because this is not chill at all. And I recognize that, and I realize that this is not okay to like want this, and I actually do need psychiatric help and this stem this is very deep and it like goes back to like my childhood or something. But I legitimately like want a chronic countess and.

Says or asks, what's the hardest lesson you've learned in adulthood?

That you are truly alone in this life? Like you can have your people, you can have your family, but at the end of the day, you're alone.

Well, that's like really.

Full of duty. And I, for an eye, I literally killed so many I've killed so many people.

Oh hair and you put the hair clip in it? You do that to my vola?

Yeah, and then I'd really take some time to try to find the clitorists. That's a syop that doesn't exist. Urgency Intercom Cream dream Wet, Dream Cream, Dream Cream Team Team Cream. Are you on the cream Team. Are you squirt squad? Cream team or squirt squad a lame nihilistic way, but like a Zola is eating my goddamn plant. Motherfucker she was is she did? She chomp on it big time. No, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Actually, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

Oh, is it bad?

Yes, we're leaving the same.

It's not the worse, the worst.

We'll just keep it here for the rest of the episode. We'll watch her.

I'm in a fucking vomit. Dude. Oh my god, he ate no in you. This is all him, That's all him. He was eating the fuck out of that like a fucking snail. He's getting spainkins. I'm not kidding. I'm gonna spank the shit out of him.

My grandpa died a long time ago and I met him. Actually I had a chance to meet him once in Honduras.

But he was the grandpa on my dad's side that abandoned my dad and at the at.

The age of five years old, I was a rider die. They were like, oh, you want to meet him. I stayed in that bed, jumping like a little monkey monkey jumping on a bed.

And I looked at my grandma. I said, nope, I don't want to meet no fucking trader. And then he died.

No, I would be so mad, like this is so fucked up. I am vain, like I know this, I liked. I am very vain.

I'm stuck in my vanity.

I want to be pretty like that's like one of my main goals in life is to look good, no matter what.

I being pretty as a curse because you're hated by the ugly people and you're hated by men. You can eat sweatshamed.

Yes, my femine is king.

I'm down for the pretty girls. You're more than just a pretty girl to me, what am I? You're a funny girl.

You're a funny looking girl.

In the fucking hurricane picket booth at chuck E Cheese, that was one of them.

They fire out your chucky cheese.

I always saw parents getting into fist fights at my Chucky Cheese and it was fun, and it was like, this is this.

Is how humans should be existing.

Parents should be getting tipsy and fist fighting and kids are lost and kids are crying and they don't know where to go, and the big mouse is scaring the fuck out of every one.

The video of me.

Like drunkenly recording with my handicapping like I don't want to take them to.

The hospital, and going cloth on his face, he literally looks dead.

No, I think we should insert that clip.

Yeah, I mean we could drive him to the hospital.

No, I'm not going to the hospital.

We could just drive to the hospital. It wouldn't cost four thousand dollars.

The thing is, Mason last night was literally throwing up like four times in a row, and we did take it to the hospital.

So I'm like, why do we have to say Drew to the hospital?

Look at him, He's way worse than what Mason. This is like Project Decks name.

That's so mean, because like obviously everyone's destined to flop.

Like, no, I was just in my flop air for the last Like, yeah, I go.

Through constant flop ers. But my thing is, you have to take pride in your flop.

Yeah, don't run away from the flop because it only hits harder.

Exact, like, you need to put on your best fucking dressed to go out there. Yeah, and slay in your flop try something new in your flop era, but but not to now, like, don't be crazy. You know he meant his kindle, yes, amazon kindle Amazonian.

That's what they should call the workers Amazonians.

Oh yeah, do you look?

He should like turn the god and start doing that.

No, literally, y'all, don't. Y'all do not want my religious art like you do not want it. They're coming soon.

Our religious homophobic tant art.

Coming soon, coming real fucking suit playing. What was what? Stop?

Stop?

What is that?

Oh my god?

Did you lock the door?

Did you forget to lock the fucking door?

I forgot to lock the door?

You was?

Oh my god?

What literally my worst bucketing about poetic justice.

It's just so o oh Corilla, welcome girl.

I'm just getting started.

How did you get here? Corolla?

I need.

I'm trying to bring back my talk show off the outfit because I spent a lot of money minutes bring back my dogs.

I just found that out when my brother died, and now I'm reliving it because my Grandpather just died. And honestly, like when my bug died, like that was really traumatic. Damn, I'm being I'm surrounded by death recently, Like you motherfuckers better watch out.

Are you threatening?

I'm not threatening you. I'm just saying when I opened when I'm sleeping.

No, it was like nothing like it was like you couldn't even bring a back onto the planet for that flight. All you could have was like a book back or some ship like because the plane could not handle.

I can defend on that plane because it's like my fat ass and my wieners like too heavy, it'd like weigh down. Because I have a giant fucking believe that happened in real life.

I know, I see.

That's why.

That's one of my problems is like school doesn't teach you like important things like how to do your taxes and squid.

Yeah, the consequences of your own actions. Okay, that really just threw the vibe off, like incredibly, that like really ruined the vibe.

Like you just you know what it was.

You felt happier than me, and in that moment, I knew I had to take you down.

You had to take like no.

One I should be.

I am so miserable, but I still need to somehow be the happiest.

Girl in the road.

Oh. I Like when I got in there. Immediately I was like, yo, like I need to like stand my ground and be like the man this prison needs. So immediately I went up to like the strongest gang in there and spit in their face, which was stupid because I was only in there for four days. And then I started this like underground what's it called, like economy with slim gems. So all of y'all's donations.

But they didn't, don't it who donated to?

Just all the viewers? So like they really they sit by my side like they were there for me, and like listener, like thank you for putting money on my commission, like commissary, commisary, thank you for putting money on my commissary. Like I was able to buy slim JEMs. I was able to buy another slim jims to start a little slim gym economy. And then yeah, I traded three up for a ship and I protected myself for four days and I'm here.

It's like pirate Sleigh, Like would you rather have an eye patch or a peg lug eye patch?

I feel like it's more iconic, but the peg leg is kind of sick peglass. Imagine's fucking pegging someone with your leg and just like fucking their ass with you. Mm hmm.

That was good.

Yeah, oh like we actually don't need a test, like kaya asked like a gay agent a gate agent was like, oh no, like you're good, Like don't.

Think it was straight. Actually, oh my god.

I would never take my kids to a water park.

Honestly, I would give my.

Kid is going to the water park. That's how I'm never sick is because I got my immune I went when.

I swallowed so much I think my local water park.

What what because I went and I swallowed so much water at the water park.

You didn't do that, Okay?

And hope and hope and hope you not live in a home.

Yeah you're not. You're not happy in that house and you genuinely like need to just like get a homey house and like maybe you'll feel happier. But also maybe I'm I'm saying that like we.

And that's used to eat the tuna from subway.

Literally going down.

It's going now really.

That I'm going to play that on my iPhone?

Why did you spend more than I ever usually do?

And no.

Are you serving while I talk?

You know?

What I find crazy? What is that women can't come like they can't have orgazons.

Stop it because that's not true. Why do you actually think that?

Are you?

I'll believe it when I see it, you know, Yeah, literally, Like I'm just trying to like, I'm just trying to like figure out, like.

I'm trying to figure out if you're joking, because there's actually no way that you think women are incapable of having an orgasm.

What every woman I've been with has just not Have you.

Ever thought like that's more of like something you've done like a problem like you're like making or no, because I.

But also like I haven't I have never seen that happen.

I mean that makes a lot of sense.

I had an idea for the podcast. I stand right here in front of the camera and then you guys just take turns kicking me in there in the way in the nuts.

You get off on that?

No, I don't get off on that. I just think it would be a cool idea for this.

I don't like, what what about that is? Like cool?

Don't you guys think that would be cool? No?

I would have fun doing it, but it.

Would make me look like, like imagine how funny would be if I was like over in pain, and you guys maybe even continue to kick me while I was on the ground.

What is happening?

I don't know. I'm just saying, like it's an idea, and then maybe you could get some dirt and like throw it in my face.

He's gonna clean it up.

I'll clean it up, okay. And maybe while I'm cleaning up, you yell at me and throw the sun you tomatoes or eggs or pissed.

That sounds like it's coming from your end, like you just want to piss on someone.

Yeah, I admit it. Yeah.

Is that something you guys would be interested in or is that like we're.

Gonna we're gonna have to think about that.

Yeah, because that doesn't sound like can you please just say yes right now?

Oh my god, Like why are you like leave us alone?

Let us like figure it out, okay.

All right.

Whatever?

Basically getting off the fight. Oh this just vibrated in my hold.

I'm gonna call you, Oh my god, right the Twilight Forest help of a big, strong, honky werewolf man doesn't come and take me away and things to me.

Yeah, I hope a vampire doesn't come and like finger me on my period and stuck all the blood out of my oh fuck my cervix.

Yeah, I hope a big hairy werewolf guy.

They should have installed a vacuum in the mouth of Okay, that's yeah.

Because also my dad called me and he was like, Nya, it's getting hard out here, like it's just so hot, like I'm aging and I still have to work outside and my life is really and I was like, oh, my fucking god, why the fuck do you keep calling me my work.

Like I'm working.

I'm literally like and then I fucking hang up on him, and then I look.

At kind of like, you better fucking cut that out of this.

You better cut that the fuck out because my dad's on the phone crying to me. Then my mom calls and she's like Anya, like can you please can you help with the phone bill? And I'm like, oh my god, you fucking bitch, throw your phone away. Why do you need a phone?

I need a phone for my work. It's crazy because I find myself working past like five point fifteen. I scream for cream, you scream for cream. We all scream for cream. Damn.

Oh that's just me, that's just my body part. Like I can't really stop it. And they did make me leave my kuchi in the US.

Damn they did the same thing to me with my heavy wiener, with your big boner.

Cheering the lithium.

What a ya. You're beautiful and I love you just the way you are.

I didn't ask you to say any of that.

Shit, and you don't have to change yourself for me.

I'm gonna take your skin, cut some of it off, dehydrate it, and then apply adhesive to the back of it, and use your skin as nipple pasties.

I love the way you make words.

But it's like never that deep.

But because of that, and because of my caffeine intake, and now that I'm a Coca Cola drinker, I think I am two steps away from a kidney stone.

Yeah, and what that said, Let's have a ship a sip, shall we?

By Pretty Poison Miracles by Alex g And so you're just seeing things like more beautifully because.

Like you know, like how you have to turn down the radio to like listen to directions. That's what it's like like listening to loud music. It's hard to hear a conversation.

Don't look at me right now when you say that.

I shattered my second Mason jar of the day.

Wait, what is alar I heard it?

I have no idea.

I actually don't.

I hed ate dog food as a kid, and I wish I was brave enough to eat fish food too.

Like when I'm at a table with my friends. John Mulaney had a really I think I've literally said exactly this, but I was listening to the podcast. He was if you don't see if I'm gonna smack the fuck out.

Of youdrawing all the last trade men in twenty twenty two?

Should I do it? Should I do it?

Too?

Because like, I don't know if a gay person doing it, it's like it's like, oh,