Wait, how do I move Like we're on top of each other and you're on top, which that doesn't.
Really make sense. I am a top. I'm a top, Guys, it makes so much sense that I'm on top because I am a top, my top king. Welcome to this episode of emergency in her calm. Uh, familiar faces, familiar spaces. Baby, we're back in our hometown's uh getting freaky with it? You know how that goes.
I'm gonna I'm gonna pull the Beyonce when she's.
Like, oh, when she's getting her hair done, what is it like, beauty?
Why did she do that? Sacred beauty?
She's silly, she's freaking out.
Well, so much to say, so much to say, so little freedom.
I love. There is a lot a lot going on in our personal lives that if you're dealing with some similar shit, you know the vibes, just know you're not You're not alone with with the family see the family drama.
This who shall pass? Me saying that to myself for the past decade, I'm like, this soon shall pass?
I mean, but it passes every single time. That's a cry. The things I used to worry about like they're not they were a blip in the fucking timeline and it's never ever that deep. But like in the moment, I literally feel like everything is gonna crumble and burn and I'm gonna die, and everybody I know and love is going to die. But it passes and everything's okay. So just remind yourself that in this moment, you're gonna be okay. We got I feel ball rug.
Oh it's my brother's rug. Also, this table is messy. Oh. I was gonna say, you look really good, you look cute today. I love your hair.
I haven't washed my hair in five days.
Hill, well, I said, or not? I said something I was thinking in the car because I had seen a video earlier today that this older woman didn't know what chat GBT is, Like this girl's mom didn't know what it was. And she said like by the end of it she was starting again and she's like, oh, can I ask him this advice? And I was like, first of all, it is crazy because I do the same thing, Like I always think of chat GBT as a man, and it is rooted in such misogyny and all this shit.
But if you really think about it, chat GBT is a girl as fuck, Like what do you mean you were constantly looking through my fucking phone. You were keeping tabs at everything. I do everything, I say everything.
I like know the answer to every question.
Yeah, as if you haven't gone through my fucking phone, like you went through my phone. You're a girl? Is a girl?
That video I sent you last night? And yet of like, I don't know if this is relatable to anybody else, but people who came from interesting family dynamics. I recall going through my parents' phones all the time, like, and I needed to know if we were a happy household, Like I would go through every text message, every conversation between my mom and my dad. Have been scarred a few times, but I wanted to like, as a kid, did you get me my parents are hot?
Like you think they're attractive? Yeah, oh, I guess I think my parents are attractive too, Like my parents are attractive people, but it's like how they made me.
I'm just oh god, I'm just jokeing.
Well no, no, no, I mean like because it's I don't mean like I find my parents attractive the fuck, but I do think about that because I'm like, damn, people have to find my parents attractive, like my parents are good looking people and they made me how they made someone this gorgeous, I'm not kidding.
It makes no sense, but tell you to get that bussy over here, get that shit to Grandberry, Texas.
You can't say that to him because you know he likes those jokes with you too much. And like, you give my dad an inch, he'll take a.
Fucking mile like the fact, yea, and he can take this mile around the block.
You're cooked you literally, I'm not kidding. You can't. You know you can't joke with my dad like that because then he just calls me and says random like shit, and I'm like, oh, that's not your friend, don't say that. Already called me and he was like, I met this guy who reminded me so much of Drew. The guy seemed nothing like Drew. The only thing about him that was like Drew was he was gay and had a purse, and I.
Was like, that was that was his vibe? He was like, oh, it reminded me so much of Drew. And it was a guy with her purse.
Oh my god. I have an aunt who was asking my dad and was like, you don't think that boy likes Anya? And no, he was like, what boy? And he was like, the boy she does all the videos with. You don't think they like each other? And then my dad was like I'm pretty sure like that, no, like I don't think they like each other. And then my dad had to like tiptoe run and she was like
is he yay? And then he was like and I was like, yeah, as far as I know, Like I don't really like, I don't ask, like I don't know, because my dad was just not about to be like he's okay, He's like it was just.
A funny back queen.
But my aunt was really convinced that you were low key plotting on me.
She was like, no, I vinced. I've said I've been plotting for a decade. I'm not kidding. I'm in it for the long run.
Like nice guys, finished flast.
Yeah, literally, like everyone in my family like is so confused by our dynamic. And they're like, are they like in love? Like yes, but yes? Are they like in love love yes?
But yes, yes, but no but yes?
And layers oh my god. Ya Okay, So you know I've been complaining about my exema for like the last few weeks, like every time I go to a cold place, I get exima on the insides of my arms, and like it's every year around the wintertime and it sticks until the spring comes around. I don't know what the fucking vibe is. I'm assuming it's just dry air or cold air, whatever the fuck. I was so fed up with it the other night, I was like, the lotion isn't working, like it puts its lotion on its skin,
like it puts its lotion on its skin. It was not working. So finally decided I bit the bullet and I was like, you know what, I'll I will test this old wives tale and see what the vibe is. And I took an oatmeal bath for the first time ever in my life. I swear to God, it cured it overnight. I'm not joking. It literally cured my exema on my arms overnight because I took an oatmeal bath and I squidged that like oatmeal juice, which no one
told me. It literally looks like pre come but I like, hell the inside of my arms and just like basically use it as lotion, and it fucking worked, So that shit literally works. I don't know if it's anecdotal or not, but like I swear it worked for me.
I mean, I believe it because the only lotion I can use on my body that doesn't make my skin feel like it's being torn apart is oatmeal based lotions. But even that, I'm like, y'all have to be putting alcohol or something in this, Like there has to be something in this that's like not good for me, because it still makes me. I wake up and I feel like if somebody went like this to my like knees, it would just like my skin would fall.
Oh wait, I was gonna say I did wake up with like like my back literally being like a block of sand paper, Like there were these like bumps all over. I could like itch it off, like I scratched all the mumps off.
But like I wonder if it was just like because see, I don't fuck with oatmeal, Like, if you are somebody who eats oatmeal, you are fucking nasty to me. I'm so sorry. I don't give a fuck. I know it's like such a staple thing for everybody. The texture of oatmeal literally taste like if somebody hawked a loogie into my cereal. That is what oatmeal is.
It does taste like a sneeze it. Really, I get it tastes like a sneeze.
Brother, that shit does not taste good, and also like it. Why is it great? I feel like, no matter what y'all be doing the most like putting your fucking like organic almond butter and shit and it starts to look gray.
Like, it starts to look like gray matter. It starts to look like infant diarrhea. But overnight oats is a trend that I really thought I could get behind. I really was like, oh, like, this is something I can do every day and eat. Bitch. I had one bowl of it and it was the most vile, ansid shit I've ever put into my mouth in my entire fucking life. And my mouth has led me to some very very dark places, let me tell you that much. And that is at the top of the.
The evil the evil tear with the pyramid tier. Bro. I just I'm such a texture person for food. I've realized like it has to be specifically.
Your hair looks like gorgeous today? Did you do something different?
I forgot all of my hair products except a moose, but my hair just a vibe. I need to go stand around outside because when I get that humidity in my hair, like I haven't been outside today, but when I get that humidity.
In my hair, every time we do a zoom episode, I fall in love with you a little more.
Thanks. It's also because like I can't help but if there is a hammera or a reflective surface, I will be looking at myself and.
Just subtenly like capture your angle.
Like I'm literally like I'm trying to be so nah a lot.
I'm like I do the exact opposite in you, where I see myself and I go.
I'm so puggy, I so pug Did you see that edit from Trisha talking about us again? And I'm so sorry. I feel like there's like this on going back and forth now and we seem too cool to go on the podcast, but genuinely we are not only so busy, which she did acknowledge, but also cut camera like literally my mind, my mind, I literally I at this point, I can't tell if I have OCD or if I'm
really bordering on schizophrenia. I can't lie. The past few days, like my thought process before falling asleep, I think I wrote it down because I explain.
What you were just saying, because that sounded like cut the cameras to Tricia and oh.
Oh no, I'm not saying cut the cameras to Tricia. I'm saying cut the cameras to my brain.
Oh.
That's also like, I feel like I haven't been on a good one and I want to go on that podcast and literally be like that of a lifetime because for her, like being on her podcast is going to make me us feel how she probably felt before she was on SNL. Does that make sense, Like it's the same level of anxiety and like I need to perform and I don't feel like I've been able to perform. So that's why I'm like, cut the camera.
Also, wait, no, no, no. She also was like, oh my god. Yeah, they're like gorgeous, they're beautiful, like Enya's literally a model, Like Enya's so high in a model and she's beautiful. And Drew well, okay, Drew too.
I mean, listen, let's count the campaign's babes.
Yeah, that's true, that's modelble.
Okay, I'm literally not. Also, when every time she says that, I'm like, oh, I literally I go into a shoot and I serve the same exact face every I.
Will say we have a really cool shoot coming out, like a couple of cool shoots coming out where we're giving like we're giving what the girls wanted. We're giving the fantasy.
Very specifically, one shoot in specific that I'm like, okay, Like now it feels like we're pushing it. Like now I can't even get mad at my aunt for being.
Like what's happening, because she's going to see those pictures and be like, right, see, I told you, I told you about who did it better? But my brother was like talking to me about us, and I was like, yeah, like I told them the big news what we just found out the other day. And he was like is she Like is she in love with you? Like are you in love with her? Like like what's what's the dynamic there? And I was like I really don't have the time to explain it to you right now, babe,
Like it's the nuclear family. Why is everyone all my dacking balls, like stay out of my fucking business?
Like I know, I'm like, broh, y'all have Like that's how I know y'all aren't really about this found family shit, Like you claim you're about it, but you're not really about it. Like when I think of my future. I genuinely think of being with my friends and being old and getting high and like watching their cards play around in their front yard.
Like and then when I think of getting old, I think of uh doing a bunch of opiates and Anya taking care of my opiate addicted body when I'm like seventy, oh.
Are we gonna need a caretaker? Because I'm about to join you, You're joining me, I'm tapping in. I'm gonna be like, you know what that does? Look fun? Like, let's go, let's take a trip.
After I'm old and decrepit and rotten, I feel like I can get away with whatever I want.
Yeah, undercause I feel like for the most part, I was talking about this recently with somebody because I think, at least specifically me, I look back at my teenage years, and I always think I should have done more bad things, like I should have been more of a reckless teenager. I wasn't nearly as reckless because I'm just such an anxious person and I've always been like, no, what have been something happened? Well, you had reasons, yeah, but I was like always scared and I had to be a
responsible parent, So I like couldn't do that. And now I feel like I'm about to turn twenty six, and I'm starting to feel like that about my twenties. Like I think there's only two solid decisions that I've made as a twenty year old where I'm like, that's kint, that's such a twenty something year old decision, Like you're so crazy, girl. I have maybe twenty minutes worth of speaking to doing my twenties that are like I was crazy.
Other than that, it's like and you know you you're thinking about it all wrong. Our twenties have been the most obscure, random, weird, fucking like absolutely batshit crazy out of the norm like twenties anybody could ever fucking have. And like I I think your twenties are like I should be like having doing s every single night with a new person, and I should be doing all of these drugs and I should be doing all of this shit.
No no, no, no, no, that's bad, that's gnarly. I think there is room for some play, some play on both ends, but like I don't trust that shit, and that I like, I really I really don't trust that shit now, Like I am so scared of everything.
No, I even mean that I meant, like, why haven't I had like four situationships on iPhone at one time? I am sorry, and I'm really not trying to center romantics, but I think I am just spoiled at this point and I have like all of my fun love from all my friends and family, but like, why do I wake up to a driest fuck phone.
I'm literally it's your fault. That is your fault. You don't text nobody back? Yeah, nobody back? Yeah no, But like.
Come on, seriously, Like when was the last time I had to text somebody and I was like, ooh, let me make sure I texted the right person because I'm talking to like four people at the same time.
Like literally me yesterday.
I think it's just my like innate nature is a woman to hunt and gather, and that's what I want to do with people who are obsessed with me, but I don't.
I don't want to be Wait, a woman's need to like decorate the house is like epigenetic hunter and gather. Fucking shit, That's what I'm saying.
Like it's the same thing with like people. I'm just like, well, my DNA tells me I'm supposed to sert community and family and maybe yeah, part of that community is just people who want my whole who will never receive it. But like the fuck, Like, seriously, what is the point of living if nobody was like what, like, no one's fiending over my whole? Like no one is like.
I'm right here, I've been here for ten years, have been this year? I think, So what is that Mike who wants to vote? Who's vote me?
One friend?
Who's too wo I love that means so much the way I just need to show that what were you gonna say?
I was gonna say, she's so fucking.
Funny, she's really advanced. But I do need to show the people that I'm not ugly. It's just the headphones.
You're so annoying. Like you didn't look ugly with the headphones on.
No, no, no, my face just looked like three inches too wide.
I mean, I know what you mean. Every time I have headphones on, it gives me like head dysmorphia, Like I feel like it morphs the shape of my head, like.
See look, It's like it's almost like an optical illusion. Yeah. So I was fingering my ass the other day and uh, I pulled it out and it was covered and boot, bitch, what the fuck emergency intercom even about?
I know, well, I saw a girl on TikTok talking about how she went to a raccoon themed restaurant and she was getting her food stolen by raccoons. And I'm like, first of all, let's call it for what it is. Call a spade a spade that is a restaurant with a raccoon infestation and they are making lemonade out of
fucking lemons. There's no world where someone was just sitting around and was like, oh my god, you know what sounds lit if we invited a bunch of fucking raccoons into our restaurant where we have.
To circuel our food.
Also, how is that legal?
It's probably not. It's probably in fucking Serbia or some shit.
How easy is it to get rabies? And also how bad is rabies? Like is rabies?
Even serious rabies is horrible? Like you get it and you have like a ninety percent chance of dying, and like your death is like you're fully loocid and awake the whole time, and you know, like you're dying and your body is just rejecting water, Like if they bring water into in front of your face. You start like hissing. You're like, get away from me, get the water away from me.
But you're like I always thought rabies was just like something they kind of exaggerated for, like over the hedge.
No, no, it's it's really gnarly, like it's I think it's like pretty difficult for people to get. But if people get it, like you're cooked, you're basically done, like there's no coming back from that.
Let me see if I can order a stran uh. I want to smoke that rabies like brabies like me. I want a stream called like Raby's glue. That would be crazy.
Yeah, but the Raccoon restaurant is like a scam, just like Airbnb cats are a scam because you're basically paying and someone's paying to stay in someone's house to house sit their cat.
Like no, literally, like I am paying to do your job. I'm paying to clean the litter box because if I don't, I have to suffocate from an like ammonia smell in here for the next four days. Is also I'm sorry unless Airbnb reaches on decides to pay me. Like if that's the case, y'all never fucking heard me say this, mm hm, but fuck Airbnb. Airbnb is the biggest scam ever, Like it's it's equivalent to kind of the uber thing I was talking about how like a lot of ubers
recently just stink. A lot of Airbnbs stink esthetically, like they just look like they fucking stink, And I'm so sorry. I just it's like when you're going apartment hunting and you find you think you found the best place of your life on Zillow, and then you go to the place and it's like, genuinely, what the fuck am I looking in? And also how is it legal for people to live here?
And yah, I will never forget that house that we thought we were gonna move into and it was straight up demonic energy. I'm not kidding. I don't know if we ever talked about that on here.
I don't think we did.
We went and saw like a house that like it was perfect in the photos. It was its huge, it was like literally straight up like compound vibes like, and it was cheap as fucking We were like, dude, what is the issue? Like, what is the issue? Like, what what's the catch here? We pulled up I'm not kidding we walked through the threshold, and I swear to god it was haunted by ghosts and demons, like we left it immediately.
We need to talk about the fact that like a couple like not that much older than us showed up to show the apartment with a child who was not that much younger than us, Like she was younger, but she was like sixteen. The couple looked like thirty. So I'm like, okay, honestly, that's a vibe, Like I'm not judging teen parents, that's a fucking vibe. But the parents' low key seemed drunk. They both had to Stanley.
Cups, drunk as fuck, drinking out of that stan Lee.
Yeah, they were like drinking out of Stanley cups, and they were kind of just not talking to us and walking us through the place. They just opened it up. Also, the mom was wearing size for Jordans.
I had pictures of it. I won't air her out for her own privacy, but it is quite literally the silly, silliest thing I've ever seen.
It was so awesome. Also, the dar like was running around the house and hiding around corners and genuinely jumping out at us. So the vibe was already odd and they were late. They were like fifteen minutes late, so we had been standing around this house. Also, the neighbor spoke to us and was basically being like, yeah, like this neighborhood is very quiet, and I don't want college kids living next to me.
And we were like, Okay, it's okay, we're not college we're not college kids, and we're gonna be loud as fuck on purpose now, Like literally, I'm not kidding. When our next door neighbor, it was beginning of COVID pandemic. I was cleaning the house and I had a speaker in the house not even playing that loud when she came over and would like banging on our door and was like shut the fucking music off. I literally, oh
my god. I literally crashed out. Like I've been in a perpetual crash out state for like the last month, but like that was like next level. Like I said some really hateful things that I don't say to anybody, like I've never even said it to another person since, Like it was really really bad, but don't fucking play with me, Like and you know what I did.
Thing. It's like even the people on our building. Even the people in our building don't complain about noise, So like, how are you in a completely different building next door? It's not my fault. This building was made in eighteen oh three. In the wood or the glass of the windows is actually like drinking cup class. I'm not kidding. The windows in our apartment. I genuinely think if I like flicked it hard enough it would just shatter.
Okay, I do want to say, where the fuck did the co Catte gurlies go? The croquette gurlyes? Like I swear to god, I couldn't turn in my own house without seeing thirty six Cocutte girls just like chilling there. Where they at? Like where are they at?
Like what did they morph into? Like what was the next step?
Like village people, corps? I don't fucking know.
Like uh, like.
The old town? Yeah, like the it's old but it's still bark means.
I love that picture. You mean the gun that's like sitting on the guy's lap and he's like, who the fuck are you gonna kill? Thomas Jefferson.
Yeah, it's old, but it's still barked.
I think I said this. I can't remember if I said this on the last episode. But we need baptisms for non religious people. Yeah, like I want something like that. But like, because I wouldn't say I'm not religious in the sense that I do believe there is a God. I have no specific dimensions. There's no vision in mind. I don't necessarily have a pin. I couldn't build you a pinter sport of what my idea of religion is.
It's very it's very abstract. And also what I mean by that is I only think about God when I'm actually terrified.
Mm hmm.
But I want I just want to baptism like, but nothing crazy. I just want to be dunked in water by somebody.
I really just want an autism, like I want to be dunked in water. I want an autism, like I really really want my priest to put me underwater and splash the Holy water on me, Like I really just want to be autism.
I think you're mixing up baptism and autism. Those are like really different.
Yeah, I think I think I did.
Going to the mall during Christmas time is the equivalent to I can't even think. I don't think I've experienced anything.
Oh yeah, it's the equivalent to like Doomsday Beach, like that Harry Styles movie where he was like running around at war or whatever the he made. Yeah, like that, it's literally the Tricia Padies music video, Like let's that, Like it's really, it's really you have to be like on this same mental capacity as a marine, if not higher, to go to the mall within three days of Christmas.
And that's all I do every year. It's like without fail. Also, I guess by the time this comes out, Oh my god, by the time this comes out, Christmas is not only done, but it's the last episode of twenty twenty four. This year has been.
Scary.
Well, the good news is I feel like everyone's in it together. I don't know a single person who's like this has been the best year of my life. I've yet to meet somebody who has positive connotations to the year twenty twenty four.
I was gonna say the last I was going to say, like it's because it's an election cycle, Like no election cycle years are good, but twenty sixteen like not to be in old head, like if you weren't, And then like really, like there was something about twenty sixteen, like it was really giving this vibe like literally being drunk and listening to the Drake Future album, Like, yeah, it was a vibe.
It was that vibe. But you know what, I'm like, I think I'm resting on the delusional optimism because this year in terms of politics, it feels more intense and scary than twenty sixteen, But like, I don't know, I feel like there is I feel like twenty sixteen was so good because there was a togetheredness, especially for our age range, for the first time, where it was like we were thinking about like people's like moral ideas, like.
They're idea, just thinking about people, like yeah.
Literally just like thinking about people, looking at the people around you, trying to really realize and dissect why the people around you are good for you and like oosh, maybe shouldn't be around you. And I feel like, because also twenty seventeen, twenty seven, how is that bad? Like
that was too lit. So I'm genuinely my spiritual psychosis is telling me that twenty twenty five is going to be awesome, and I'm really scared because I did go into twenty twenty four thinking it was going to be awesome, and then god.
I will say, twenty twenty four regardless of that shit was iconic.
Yeah, regardless of personal life, Like work life was awesome and I'm very grateful and like, also I feel like community building was really good. But personal life it did feel like I think somebody put a hex on me.
I put a hex on you, bab.
But the HECKS is low key fizzling out. But also the HECKS is fizzling out in the way that the HECKS is my OCD and it is my prozac.
Yeah, the hex is low key and it's flop era. Yeah, the hex is.
Yeah, Like yes, every day I still have my three hours of pure fucking panic and disturbia where I'm really convinced that everything is gonna fall apart. But I was thinking about it in the car and I was like, bruh, it really is just my OCD because my main issue is, like with the way I love, the way I act, the way I guide my life is I am so terrified of things going wrong that I want to control
every aspect of every moving part. You just gotta let go, and I need to back up and just be like listen, say lev like no more, this too shall pass. I'm on a say LEVI wave right now.
Just like Vida Loca, live in Levida Loca livid la vida lokin.
Also, I need to tell this really funny story about my little s blings interacting because they're just at that age where they're like teenagers, and they cracked me the fuck up. But my little brother Leo cooks like he's he's fourteen.
And he knows how to cook, which like him cook now.
I know, kind of embarrassed me because I'm like, I can't cook. I'm not cooking you anything back.
It's actually so cute. He like got that from your dad, Like.
I know, look, he wait, I can show you a picture he made me. He made the family steak and mashed potatoes, like mashed potatoes from scratch, like he boiled mashed potatoes and did the whole thing. And he asked me if I wanted to eat, and I of course said yes, and then he it was me, my dad and him eating because my mom and sister were out doing last minute shopping and he cut my steak up for me. Oh and he didn't cut my dad's steak. But he's like, do you want me to.
Potatoes? Lime? Green? Hey, brat potatoes.
Not too much of my brother's potatoes.
Bro not too much, not too much.
No, they literally do like green because my parents like, I'm sorry, like I hate to air them out, but my parents are just at the age where they really fuck with those fluorescent ass lights in the house. And I'm like, bruh, it is literally it feels like I'm at the fucking DMV when I go into the living room.
No, no, no, no no, your parents.
Do like vibrant fluorescent white lights.
Literally yesterday, I'm not kidding, I had an encounter with it.
Way.
But backing up to like, I just need to say this, Ya's dad like whips up in the fucking kitchen, like straight up like chef vibes. I just have to.
Put Yeah, my dad uh man used to My dad used to be a chef and is still a really good chef. And I learned nothing mm hmmm. Oh by way, before I forgot, he made me stake.
My dad was excited.
I know, I know, I know. Well this guys, this is my last one. You will never see this ever again. Like also, the color change is really gross.
Wait okay el fa bruh.
My brother and sister were talking about it like two days before because my brother was talking about how he cooks. I was like, wow, like you actually cooked. That's kind of crazy. And I was asking what he cooked and he was like, oh, I really like cooking steak. And I was like that's cool, Like I never cooked a steak in my life, and then not that, he was like, bruh, his steak tasted like fucking rubber. Last time he made it.
That shit was so bad, blah blah, like going in on him and he was like, it's because you don't know how to fucking eat steak, bro And then they got started going back and forth and she was like and then he just breaks through her talking. He goes and y know, she told me to cook it like chicken. What the fuck does that mean? And then I was like, actually, what does that mean? She was like I wanted him to cook it, and I wanted if he didn't tell me that it was steak, I would think it's chicken.
And I was like, I don't think you understand the texture of steak. It was never gonna taste like chicken. And Lad was just like, what does that mean? Like what what does that mean? Like what what does that mean? Like like he was just freaking out because he was like I couldn't, like you want your steak done like so cooked, because she also was like I don't eat steak that has red in it, like what if I fucking die? Which I agree with, but it was just it was I'm just great to be there.
Wait, let's let let's fucking address that real quick, this whole like anti cooked through steak agenda, Like I'm over it. It's tried, Like I'm sorry, I don't want fucking nasty like blood and guts and like gross shit seeping out of my red meat that I already don't want to fucking eat. I'm eating it because I have to. I've never once been like, well I want a steak right now, like what, No, it's because it's put in front of me and it's someone else's cooking, and I don't want
to be mean. I'm sorry. I don't want it to be red in the middle. I'm sorry. I want it to be cooked.
Also when it's potatoes and and like the blood leaks out and like it dyes the potatoes and now you're just having like weird like pink potatoes. There are some people who really fuck with the stake. There's just something so crazy about cooking a steak at home.
Like, first of all, now.
Your sofa smells like cheesecake factory. Yeah, like, now your sofa smells crazy like the air a steak in the house being cooked. Like I'm so happy my brother cooked that for me. But I will say he was heating one off for our mom later in the day and like he was doing it the proper way and like got the pan background everything.
I was like, ho, the smell it It like leaves, like a layer of oil and grease all over the house and also on my face.
And like, also, we need to have a conversation about beef tallow moisturizer. I saw this guy that I literally think is one of the funniest people in the entire world. But I like forgetting his name right now, but he made the funniest video ever about beef Tallow, just saying like the one line that stuck with me. But it was like, if we have to question whether a product that goes on your skin smells like beef or not,
maybe we don't use it. And it was just like it was like a huge realization for me where I'm like, yes, like at least like the men are taking care of their skin, but like at what costs, Like they're putting literal.
Beef backing barbarian all for us, so you don't have to be seen in a fucking altar Sephora, get out of my face. Also, where the fuck do you buy beef tallow? Where do you buy that? I don't think I would trust that off of a delivery truck. A lot of y'all were fucking ordering that shit in the heat of the summer and it was sitting in the back of a truck literally boiling over.
Yeah, no, it was like it does it like melt. I have to find this guy's name because, oh, Jake, Jake Cornell his beef top.
Oh he's so funny. I think I saw that video.
He's really really fucking advanced, like and he's been on like a banger run lately, like he's re entering his like generational run arc. Well, were you in hyaluronic your acid dropped youth tallow moisturizer? Saravey was there, sarave has always been there, Like it's okay, bruh.
That's just it's just too much. Also, the way in which we went from people being worried about kids doing like the hot water challenge and throwing boiling water on each other. That's also you could get on TikTok and you could say anything people are so afraid of aging, grow the fuck up as.
Much as literally grow up.
Twenty six Like I don't. I don't fear aging for like my looks and my vanity because I am sorry, as insecure of a person as I am, I genuinely think I will get hotter as I age. I've accepted that like tough burden to carry, but yeah, I'll I'll get sexier as I age, Like I'll carry that on my shoulders a lot of y'all. I could get on TikTok right now and say that at the end of the day, like day I take my dirty socks, I soak them in hot water, and I dip my hair
in it so that it will grow. And I would put so much money on the fact that someone out there would do it and then placebo themselves into thinking it works.
It a thing. I literally just saw something like that where girls are now putting their baby's ass ointment all over their face before bed, and I actually loki want to try it because it's apparently like zinc oxide or some shit, but really, like, we don't need to be putting everything on our fucking faces. But something I have been doing recently that like Loki is it's not like a TikTok train and it's something I discovered on my own.
But I after you use the restroom when you're on your period, I go into the toilet, or I mean into the trash can next to the toilet, I take your tampon out. I ring out the like I mean you leave your tampons in for like forty eight hours, seventy two hours sometimes, like you're always on the verge of stepsis. So it's like even better rotten. And I put that on my face before I go to sleep, and that's how I get this beautiful, beautiful, glossy skin. But it can only be with someone you love, cause
your periods are sync or something. The signs that I haven't gotten down to the bottom of it yet yet.
No, I'm not kidding if you, oh wait, like I don't know. I just miss I miss when people were doing crazy shit like that beef Tallow. Honestly, the more I think about it, I'm glad we're having this discussion because it's really opening doors in my mind right now. But the more I think about it, I am like, oh, it's annoying the things that pick up. But I want.
I want blue Whale challenge, I want hot water Challenge, Like.
Yeah, I want the eating the tampon challenge, Like I cannot believe we really saw a girl just chew on her fucking tampon.
Like I need the uh tidepod challenge.
That's our divine wow. Guy's literally our divine because divine ate dog shit. She ate the tampon.
Wow.
Cultural movements and art.
To repeat itself like two fucking idiots.
Beef tallow is a little on the cusp of or eating eating dog poop is similar to using beef tallow. That's what I meant to say. There's a drone.
Oh hell, no beige babies, So let me talk about that for a second. So a beige baby is a baby that was raised inside of a beige dungeon like those rooms that have done. It's literally just wood color like it's there's no color. There's cream, there's white, maybe some gray, and that's really as far as it goes. But the beige, it's a big part of it. Like
my sweater. I really want to know the societal implications of raising a beige baby, Like I really think it's gonna do like damage to the fabric of our society because once they see colors for the first time, they might actually all develop epilepsy or some shit. Like.
I also feel like those are the babies who are most addicted to like cocoa, melon and shit too, do you know what I mean? And the reason they're so addicted to is because it's the only time in their life they get to see fucking color. And that's probably why all the babies are gay, because they see the rainbow for the first time and they're so attracted to it.
Yeah, the frogs are gay because of the estrogen and the water supply. Yeah, the babies are gay because of their beige rooms.
If somebody with a normal brain chemistry heard the past like ten minutes of us talking, they would genuinely.
Think it would be Yeah, it would literally be the same, Like it would be the same as giving a jolly rancher to a pilgrim, Like it would do the same damage to their brain.
Wait, do the beige babies get to eat fun food? I feel like a lot of those beige babies also have moms who are like, I'm making my baby fruit loops.
They only eat babes, they only eat mashed potatoes and boiled chicken.
Like that is so insane. Also, I don't know, like I think if I have a kid, like, I'm really gonna let it do whatever the fuck it wants for the most part, Like what.
Like I'm not joking, I'm being dead fucking serious. Like I know for a fact that my kid is going to be experimenting with drugs when they're fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. Now I'm going to act to their face very upset with them. But Loki, I'm gonna be like kind of cool, like you're one of the cool kids, aren't you.
No, I really hope something gets done about pop bars because I can't. I can't have a kid who has a pot bar.
Huh did you just see that?
Did you just almost fall? No?
I looked insane. I wonder if I look as crazy as I.
Think, you probably think you look crazier than you do.
Marvel movies are humiliation rituals for top actors in the world because those silly fucking suits, Are you kidding me? And seeing them outside of the green screen in that stupid fucking little outfit they have on. No, it's it's got to be a joke. It's got to be a humiliation.
Like it's I want to know how those actors like talk about being in Marvel movies, Like do you think they're like, yes, I'm in a Marvel movie or there, or do they preface it to their friends like, yeah, I was just filming something and they're like, oh my god, what I.
I'm a part.
I'm a part of the Marvel stuff now. And I thought it was gonna be like stupid, but I kind of like it.
I actually really love it. Everybody's really sweet. No, literally, like we one of our actor friends, we have several actor friends, like was talking about being asked to do a Marvel movie and how they hook you is like, not only are you getting paid like ten million dollars for a single role as like, which is just life changing generational wealth, but they also like are like, oh, and like you're going to be in eight movies over the next twelve years, so it's basically guaranteeing them like
one hundred and fifty million dollars. So you really like, actually can.
I guess Marvel is low key like the NFL of acting. It's like the biggest deal you can get is being a part of that shit.
Yeah, it's it like it is like they make it impossible to say no to and then if you say no once then like they don't hit you back up because they're like, how the fuck could you say no to us? Marvel?
I can't even lie all the shit I'm talking right now. If a Marvel contract got put in my face, I'd sign it so fucking quick. I would sign it and then immediately pull like as Dizzey out of my back pocket and get so fucking high because I'm lit for life, Like it does no matter.
I fully I am on the same way of length, like I will be doing a Marvel movie if it gets put in front of me.
I want like a Madam Web though, or is that DC.
Uh?
I don't know.
I think it'd be kind of funny, Like I feel like we're serving more like we get picked up by d C. Is the best we're gonna get. We're not getting Marvel.
And yeah, you're saying really scary things to me right now, I am too hot to hear the words DC and Marvel.
Sorry, my Disney. My Disney brain is coming out. I've been having to do a lot of like understanding what production companies own what because I was genuinely I am obsessed with going to Disneyland. I love Disneyland. I am a Disney adult in my free time, and I was obsessed with the idea of Wicked like becoming a thing in Disney. And then I realized it's universal.
Uh see, that's that's what I'm saying, universal Wicked World. I'm telling you, it's the next big thing, like they need to do. Like like the ride is uh you're writing a broom at the end and the song that Alphabus sings like the Wicked Witch of the West or whatever the fuck what's the last song.
If you care of that?
Yeah, and that's playing in the background, and it's like those rides where you're.
Like, yeah, they should replace Harry Potter with Wicked.
I'm sorry, Like, no, keep Harry Potter and add a Wicked World. Like it's that easy because we can go in through the gate and it's like you entering shiz and it's like a fake water. I'm telling you, I'm cooking. I'm literally cooking right now.
I know I want to go to shoes.
There's a Tulip Field ride where you're running through the tulip fields and it's a roller coaster. I don't want to have to run, though, No, you're not running. It's a roller coaster.
Okay, because any ride where I have to do like the Haunted Mansion.
Loki, you're pushing it.
I just have to walk through this fucking ugly ass house right now. Yeah, and you're trying to make it seem like I'm on a fun ride when really, the ride doesn't start for ten fucking minutes and I have to be squished next to the most people ever, it's obviously a safety hazard. God forbid. Half this building started to catch on fucking fire. There's no escaping from the Haunted Mansion. We're all gonna be the next ghost for the next fucking guess of this house sets up.
Woh true? Okay. The last thing I wanted to address and kind of talk about is the Enya ozimpic rumors. So people think Enya is on ozimpic, But I mean, look at her, y'all. She does not look like she's on ozimpic, Like, not even close to being on ozimpic, Like, she looks nothing like ozimpic at all. She is not. There's no like, I don't see a world where she could be on ozempic because.
It feels like you're like it feels like you're kind of like doing a backhanded thing right now, like you're kind of defending my honor. And I thought you were. I thought you were gonna say, like, we go to the gym often, and it's really weird to say that.
No, you do not look anything like. You look nothing like being on ozempic, looks like like at all.
That's crazy that you haven't been getting comments because I really don't like the way you've been looking. So I've been going into your room and like stabbing you with an ozembic pen in your stomach while you're sleeping.
That's why I'm eating lately.
Imagine doing that to someone, Like, imagine finding out that somebody's been coming into your room and just being like with nozempic while you're sleeping. Honestly, like, no, I would be mad because I've heard such scary after effects of like health issues that come with ozempic, So I'd be like brouh at what cost? Like That's the annoying thing, is like bruh, Like y'all are talking about somebody who I I just started smoking weed. I'm twenty five, Like,
I am so terrified of big pharma. Y'all think I'm about to be the test dummy for ozempic, Like get a grip. I'm gonna let all the bitches do it crazy boot style. And then I like, I am sorry, like and I also don't like if you everyone gets to do what they want. But I genuinely believe there's three things that to me, I can partake in but much later in my life. And that's like crazy drugs, yep ozempic, and plastic surgery. That's all shit for what I'm like in my mid sixties. And at this point,
I'm bored. At this point, I'm just like fucking new face challenge, fucking new body challenge, fucking new vibe challenge, fucking new brain chemistry. Like by the time I'm sixty five.
It's like challenge is so funny because you're like addicted to crag.
Yeah, I mean shit, so what like if I'm like sixty seven, who's calling for me? I don't plan on having kids. It's like I'll just be like the aunt of all of my other friend's kids, meth head aunt.
Meth head Inya. Yeah, fine, meth head Inya is gonna come over. She's really weird and she stares at the wall for five hours a day, but she's awesome, and I know her teeth are scary. We're getting her new ones soon.
No, I would obviously get veneers. I have it planned out. My retirement fund is going to literally go crazy for like.
Whatever I decide to be literally going to go crazy.
Like it sounds fun to be sixty five and if I still have the health board to get boobs and then just get them taken out, Like that's I'm not kidding, That's something I've genuinely thought about. I'm like, it'd be funny to get a BBL for like a year and then the next year just get it taken out, just to see. I want to know what life feels like with a big butt.
Yeah, by then, I'm sure it'll be easily desolvable and shit.
Also, by then I'll know that I'm not performing for the male game. Yes, Like it's just it really.
Is gay men. Huh, why would you perform for gay men?
Well, I mean that's all we do here.
Yeah, Hey, gay Amail Gaze okay, Drew Sigop. If you eat a bitches pussy knowing she sell it, you need to be on fear factor.
Dah.
That was from Gabby twenty twenty three. I was edging twenty twenty four. I was stroking twenty twenty five. I'm busting all over y'all.
I mean, honestly, that is my vibe.
That was from Kyla, and then the last one is probably my favorite one ever. Gay men will make fun of horse girls and then put a harness on and do ketamine. Girl, you are the horse. I think that's from at Leo D. Gray on Twitter. Literally, the grandmama is the baby. The grandmam is the baby.
Like we can't say much about our personal lives, but just know the grandma.
Is the baby. The grandma is literally the baby. And also just know I live in like actual fear right now, Like I'm genuine like not for anybody else's safety, but for the safety of everyone else. Yes, should we do media?
Yes? My media of the week is I saw Janet Planet.
Oh okay, is Austin Powers, bar By Mason m a x O N Like no, go ahead, Sorry.
Mine is Walking by Patty whipp Ever, New Beverly, Glenn Copeland, miracle Man, Bob Carpenter, When I find the time, or when I find time, Cody Chestnut. I watched Janet Planet, and I am obsessed with that movie and I've seen it twice now and the soundtrack is good, and I feel like now is a cool time to watch a movie like Janet Planet because we're all with our families, and I think that movie does a good job of it's so real.
Yeah, it's like, oh, some of y'all, we're not supposed to have kids, the grandmom, the baby.
Literally my media is I watched Monsters University, the prequel to Monsters Inc. And I think that might be the greatest prequel sequel of all times.
You've literally talked about this three medias of the week, Like your hyperfixation with Monsters Inc. Is giving Disney adults so you can't even Actually, we should go to Disney together so you can get your Monster's ink ears. Yeah, the way I was saying that, I'm not trying to be funny, I'm like, you should genuinely.
Do that, Like I want them. I love Monsters Inc. But into the Void, Tim Hecker, Sleepy Time, Raymond Scott, Reach for the Dead Boards of Canada, and Heal Pentagon. Did I watch anything else? I went to the MAVs game that was lit, and I have a crush Lucky. I have like a real crush, like a nervous waiting for a text back crush, like a oh my god, like did I say the wrong thing? Crush, like a piss that they're not texting me back immediately crush, or like oh I'm making this all up in my head crush.
Oh I love that? Yeh. See twenty five is about to be lit as fuck. Okay, well, sorry if this episode seemed a little off, I'm sure like many of you, this time of year, although very sweet and nice, brings a lot of stress and reminders of things. And just know that as long as you have your found family or even just one person around you that you love, or even if you don't have that, and you have to do that online in your communities and do more outreach to find those people, that is what makes it
worth it. And it will pass and you will find the people that you were meant to be with and they will come and you will be so happy. You will be so happy even that you waited.
Are you so happy even?
But yeah, and I guess, yeah, this is the last episode of the year. I really thought I was going to get on here and do my big one and give a sweet speech, But right now my brain.
Is attach episode.
Maybe next time. Well, thank you guys so much for.
We record that one before the end of the year, and then it goes up on the end.
Yeah, so technically for us, you'll be seeing us in the past next episode.
All right, well, all right, peace and love and unity and respect. Peace to your family's happy holidays.
Happy bye.