1 Year Anniversary

Oh that sounded like not a good thound, not a good flock. You know what it is. It's so you're like, you know.

What it's because I'm a man and your girl.

Yeah, and I don't have like the will power.

Or like the strength strong.

I think I'm gonna work on my I'll probably work on my core strength or no, I have to work on my breast strength so that my arms like, oh, that's actually what's stopping me from clapping.

Shot.

Can't touch your hands together because your knockers are so big?

Can you touch your elbows together? Do you know how to do that?

Wait?

I actually can't wait.

It's because your food, your big fucking tits are blocking my nice rat.

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, Drew has a big surprise for the people.

Which one. I'm getting my foreskin back? Please give it back to me.

I just said that to what you would say? You saying which one?

There's several things that y'all don't know about it.

Were you planning on letting a secret go today?

No? I thought you were. I thought you were referencing because it's literally the one year anniversary, one year of rotting y'all's brains crazy.

One year of every week for fifty three weeks straight, sitting down and spewing nothing but hatred and.

Violent violence, anger, hatred, violence, Not a lot of love, very little piece.

It's there's a lot of love, but in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.

Literally, yes, yes, lots of love. But yeah, thank you guys for watching. This is the most consistent thing I've ever done in my entire Yeah.

I don't think I've done anything else for like this long or like with this much pride. Yeah, yeah, I take a lot of part in my fucking work. Like literally, don't fuck with me, Like this is like serious.

Cut back to the seventeen sex shows we've already made in this episode, I.

Know, every single episode is just like a plethora of like cock balls, come sweat.

It used to be such a big insecurity of mine. In the very beginning. I was just like, dude, like all we joke about is cocking balls. But like now I don't give a fuck. It's like hilarious.

They wouldn't have made those words so catchy if they didn't want people to say it every few seconds.

Do you have anything to say for the yearnniversary.

That's enough enough.

Okay, hey Kai, I'm here for you.

Oh, thank you. I have I do have one thing to say. What umm, I really want to have sex with Drew and eat his butt from the back.

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

That was your big moment that you had one big moment.

You're deplatforming me?

Yeah, is that what's going on?

But I'm taking you. I'm taking the mic back away from you. You don't need to speak of it again.

I understand that I fucked that up.

Yeah, you really did, honestly, Like you could have like shouted like something really important now, but like because Drew is not that fucking important, like Drew's literally of all things that are important, like.

To chowt drew up.

That was so weird. I already have this banana prepeeled so no one can make fun of me, so I just PLoP it up.

Why were you scared people would make fun of you?

Because literally made fun of me.

I didn't make fun of you. I laughed at you while you ate it because you you literally look like a little monkey, like unpeeling it. Oh no, dude, you have to like break it in the little pieces.

Yeah, like I'm.

Like a real man, eat eat that banana like a real man and break it up. I don't put him in your wrath like that.

Yeah, I forgot. I'm like literally straight.

Yeah, it's just like I think, honestly, I think sometimes you just forget, like you're a forgetful person. One of the tendrils with the banana, it's like, but honest. Yeah, thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. It genuinely has been life changing. It's something we've always wanted to do, and the fact that y'all have like stuck around for so long genuinely means so much.

Yeah. Literally, it's the best thing I think that has happened to me. Ever, it's a career.

Wise, don't get so fucking ahead of yourself.

Yeah, y'all are not the best thing. I've had a lot of sex.

So why do you p in the STV? Oh my god. Earlier today we stopped at a CBS and Drew got back in the car. He was like, I literally I was supposed to be in that STV and I did it.

And I knew I was saying it wrong. Like in my head, I was like, hold on, hold on, no, it was coming out of my mouth. And as I was saying it, I was like, this is the come was I was spitting the come out of my mouth. No, it was coming out of my mouth, and as I was saying it, it was like, Bro, this ship is coming out like so long. I can't stop coming, Like I literally rang everywhere. No. I when I was saying it, I was like, oh, like this is coming out wrong.

Wrong.

Boy, was I wrong.

I immediately added to it and I was like, you said that.

So wrong, And he was like, no, I got the C in the S and there.

No, I was saying the S and the C are kind of alike, and then you misheard me, So you're the stupid.

No, but the T is the one that's like shouldn't be there?

No, Oh my god, I can't. I literally can't with you guys. Like I literally just try to exist, you know. I just try to live and love my life and y'all take advantage of my kindness and my friendship and just shove my face in the dirt and rub it around.

And like you literally said two episodes sodes ago, you wanted friends who talked ship to your face, not behind your eye.

Did not see you?

Literally?

Did?

I think they like the fact that you're so sure that you didn't say that.

I bet it's in your fucking notes out too.

No, I guarantee I did not say that, You're And then I was like, no, I'd rather have friends and just talk about.

Behind my back because I'll never know if I have to choose. I'm sure I would rather someone talks shit to my face. But I don't need people talking shit behind my back. But I don't need either of it. You know, Damn y'all are literally fucking sick and twisted. It is the Kai and In Against Drew podcast that all this has been from the very beginning.

Are you quitting?

I'm done, literally done with you guys.

He needs a little I bullied him in the faking pieces of.

You know what, thought at him, actually thought at him.

Should we throw banana peel as at Kai like it's a fucking nineteen thirteen cartoon.

Let's see those notes?

Girl?

What do you have for us today?

Go piss girl, Go piss girl, go you'reine age.

That is like one of the like Internet things that will forever be hungry.

Oh wait, I just remembered.

I wish I knew the exact quote, but there was this TikTok that I was like talking about somebody who was like commentating on like language changing like drastically because of like the freedom writers had to create their own like novels and books and like just that open like platform at the time of like people being able to write books and publish them.

They were like it changed, like language forever.

And then someone was like our like new version of that is literally Charlie, like Charlie Pooth one day saying like I'm hungies and now that is genuinely in my vocabulary. Yeah, I say that all the time, and like, go piss girl, Like that is genuinely like disligh and server un ironically in my vocabulary, like and it's literally forever.

Don't forget about belligerent.

Oh yeah, it's pretty big.

I don't say that anymore.

My parents went, parents, what went through my high school journals?

And how did that make you feel?

Come? It scared me? Yeah, because I am They probably read that, and the reason they became so nice to me is because I'm like a danger to society.

I'm afraid of me.

Like the things I said in those journals was scary as fuck. Like I mean, I'm sure, like anybody's journals talks about like killing like thirty six people and burying their bodies in Central.

Park And no, that's not normal.

I was just kidding. That's not in mine either.

That was a really random thing to just like come up with.

I was just.

Joking, that's really no. People don't I know. People also don't kill people like me. I mean, what.

You know, people don't kill people like you and get away with that tea.

No, but when I'm a serial killer, he gets okay, tea.

Way, y'all got me, Like, actually, it's giving tea. Wait, it's giving tea.

Drew, what's your what's your body count? Like murder body count?

I said, thirty six?

Yeah, listening, Like.

Damn, I was busy, and you expect.

Him to let go, and you expect him to let you hit. Hey, I listened, so can.

I hit I'll I'll let you tap this. That's the craziest thing is how many people actually want to God like.

Hey, okay, I will like usually I would like be annoyed with Drew, like being like so prideful in that. But it is kind of insane how many people want to have sex with Drew.

It literally is shocking. It's shocking, and it's because I'm just like charismatic. I'm mysterious, Like people want to get to know me and know more about me because I I have this character online and like, but I break it on the podcast.

It's just it's just be people like think you're like hot.

Like well also that I also that, but like there's a big part of my personality there that like people want.

It's the part of your personality that talks about cocking balls.

Yeah, like on ironically that's what people want to.

Yes, it's it's because you advertise yourself as like a slust so we were like, damn, it's it's like that it's easy like that.

And being so constipated you're like on Wars in the bathroom.

Yeah, trying to get it out in disgusting, so I can't even say it and now you're trying to talk.

No, I'm done. Me and Drew did something really exciting recently.

It was like the most exciting thing I've done in a long time, and that is go to the grocery store and be a nuisance like forty minutes before it closes.

Like it's literally so fucking slay, like going to that goddamn grocery.

Store, like yeah, oh fuck shit, Oh my god, are you more fucking god?

Oh my god, oh my.

God, Literally, what the fuck is your prop?

Fuck? Oh my god? We need I don't fuck.

And you're gonna sit there, and you're gonna sit there like somebody.

You have to record the audio and I have to take care of like other responsibilities.

I need to fix this whatever. Well, I mean, we like have to turn this episode in. We like have to turn it in.

It's already late.

Let's just keep going. What were you talking about, oh, grocery stores?

Like I guess we can just go back. This is fucking weird though, I know. Whatever.

It's like, y'all weren't ever supposed to see this.

Good thing.

We make so much fucking money.

We'll just build we want to build the news set. Yeah, so basically, like the idea is like we build the set and just like we go everywhere.

Yeah, like we're actually we're like a traveling podcast.

We're in the Bahamas right now.

We're like very obviously in Moutha, Bahamas. Yeah, we're in the Bahamas right now for Charlie Demilio's birthday party, like she invited all of us.

We were on the jet.

We went to the grocery store the other day and I literally forgot like I wish I was joking where it was genuinely one of the best knights I've had in a long time.

I loved the Fourth of July, Like that was literally awesome. Are you're talking about the fourth right? No, I mean we did have a store then or when we were I mean both of.

Our grocery store encounters have been pretty fun, like literally which is when we went to h ma at like.

And I fucking spent a band like literally like crying in h Mart. No, like spinning a rack and h like that's what I'm gonna.

Do, Like you're bought, Like I'm not kidding. I think it was like six packs of drinks.

Yeah, well, okay, So if you know about procary sweat, like you know about procarry sweat, and the import fees of getting it in America is literally impossible, Like it's so expensive to buy it, and I found it in h Mart and I bought just a ship ton. I bought literally their entire inventory. I could see because.

He kept me like, no, this might not be here when I came.

I come back and I was like, we're literally talking about a grocery stop. And I guess, like, you know, with the way things are going, like there's no tampon, so like percari sweat might.

Be next exactly, yeah, and like well, like I think honestly, like tampons aren't a necessity for like society, but percarious sweat definitely is like it's giving like like man up, like you know, like if you're on your period, like.

Man up, you think like a like a like a juice is more important than like tampons.

And yeah, I didn't super disagree with what he said.

Thank you, Oh my god, like of course, the man, I don't actually know what no, thank you because it feels like you're just kissing my ask because like you want to have sex or something?

What a man? Literally of course, like I know you're something great standing up for women.

You always had. You just had to say something embarrassing.

Should I come out this episode?

Oh this oh this will be the one.

Yeah, actually I'm just hearing. I'm literally just joking.

Yeah, you straight guys, like literally like that was a joke. No, But generally I was fun And then I thought about it. When me and Drew first moved to La, our fun activity was to go to the CBS down the street and go and stand in there for like thirty minutes and just be delusional from like being bored.

It's like loitering as fun as fuck, and I don't care what anybody ever says, Like it's so fun. And also the amount of like freakazoids that would go into this CVS was like so fucking crazy.

Like CVS was like right next to a highway, so it was like pop.

It was so sick, like you would It's like it was better people watching than like going to a Walmart in the Midwest. Like literally the people watching in that CBS was incredible.

We were the people to be watched in that you like, we were the freaks.

You would see like a mother giving birth in one eye and you crossed over and see someone shooting up Herolin.

Yeah yeah, no, it literally was insane.

It was, but we act like there's not video footage of us like crawling around on the floor. Ever YouTube videos, the amount of YouTube videos we had that started.

I know, we were always in that goddamn CVS and we were like, oh.

We're shooting on location today, guys like get.

Ready, like yeah, run and gun stuff.

What is it called?

Oh, Drew's call time for the CBS is seven forty five on Tuesdays.

We got to make sure it was giving we had call times, especially with Josh's videos like on ironically no, yeah.

You'd literally be like are you guys free tomorrow? Like dude, oh my god.

That's actually something that will go into depth when we have him on. But like the battle that it was for to get us all for time, like on time was insane. But I won't I won't dabble too deep the battle.

Yeah, the battle for a time. Look at these paid actors seagulls coming in right now? Yeah yeah, yeah, I flew them in with my brain with my nearrowlink, bitch, nearlink. Let's talk about it. Wait, okay, we actually you know what, I think we might have switched back into the right timeline, like because cern this is being filmed on July fifth, Like as I was driving here. I was like, wait, I don't have any anxiety, Like I feel good. I feel happy, Like there's not like residual like stress in

You felt like that because today was one of the first two days in your life that you had a meal, like like literally like you like woke up and like I was like, do you have a meal?

Like we went and got grocery. So he actually literally giving me two days.

He's been like, dude, I've literally just felt like the best I've ever felt, and like.

I don't need to take a nap at like five pm. And it's literally because he's been.

Eating and I've been working out. But wait, let me go on the the cern ranch. I'll let my Betsy, my best Wait, it's giving Betsy. You're my Betsy. Give me a bet Sea, come here, give me your hands, Betsy.

I'll let my bestie go on her psychoticchizoid.

Okay, So we switched back into the right time because I was looking out the window and I was seeing the birds fly through Malibu and I was looking out into the water. The water is bluer, like no one wants to have that conversation but for some.

Fading off. So it's starting to give.

You, like I did take a heroic doush of mushrooms.

You're tripping right now.

Yeah, thirty six grams?

Is that a lot? Actually that's a lot.

It's like six times the amount.

Another thing for me is like the number thirty six is like in my brain permanently, just like the name er Kabado, So like it's like giving, Like it's giving, like I need the right thirty six on a lottery ticket or something. Or go back and watch a thirty six episode of Emergency Intercom.

Crazy person like you was just the right time.

By the way, the two things of my brain permanently is er Kabadou and thirty six.

You know, the craziest thing. And this is actual blasphemy and like I actually might get in trouble for this. But I can't name an ericabad song.

You've heard one I listened to.

Okay, that's Mariana Gronde.

Sir, fucking thing. Wait, that's the conversation that's not being had.

Ariana Mariana Grande skin killed me and for some reason, like on Fortnite and for oh.

I thought in real life and yeah, I thought someone with Ariana Grande, someone with Ariana Grande's skin, came in real life and killed you.

But they killed me on Fortnite.

For some reason, it made me more mad than it used, like anything else does, because I was.

Like, I want to pull that skin by its I want to pull that.

Yeah, okay, put that, you know, put that.

I was trying to give you a thumbs up. I was trying to be like girls we can see. Okay, back to Ariana Grande, Ariola gremble, that's what we need to start calling her. Wait, okay, Billie Eilish has baldy Irish. Aria Grande has arial like grimply like. That's the conversation that's not being happy.

I'm trying to think of another one. I feel like there's one more, but I can't think of it. Frankie Grande is just Franky grand and that's.

Enough to be.

Yeah, I'm sorry, But if your name is Frankie and you're watching this.

Why did your parents do that to you? Why did they name you that?

Well, Frankie for a.

Girl, that's a nickname. Why did they name you a nickname that's.

Endearing, Like a girl named Frankie is really cute.

I disagree, but I digress.

But also are about to be electrocuted actually by these power lines like get it louder and louder.

I know, dude.

When we were starting, also, I realized in the beginning of the episode, you have the most reflective fucking sunglasses on, So if anybody.

Was paying attention, they literally just saw that not.

Only were there people around us, but like you can see the whole thing. I'm gonna cut you off and be like, let's undo it. But like, I don't, you know what, sometimes the episode is just so good you can't.

You just can't do that.

You just can't start.

Are you gonna go on here? Are you gonna finish your tyrant about being in the right timeline?

Or like that?

So we basically we live in a multiverse, right sure, which just means that there's multiple versions of our realities. Like any decision or choice you make branches off into a new reality. So there's like it's just forever expanding in forever, like like there was a reality where the walls fell towards us and crushed us and killed us type of vibe. But thank god we're in the right timeline.

What is that?

It's the particle. It's a particle accelerator. It's like I can't really get into the physics of it because like we actually don't know what it is.

And it's a company.

Yes, okay, yes, it's like la, yes, he's giving it's.

The scientists that created eleven from strangers things.

They did it with the part No, someone actually in a particle accelerator. There's actually really interesting fact someone got hit by the particles.

I'm not joking, you know what I'm just you know what the particle accelerator is to me is those little fake laundry machines that people were scaring people to watch.

Their beauty NDErs.

And that's particle.

Like when you say that and someone turning it on, I imagine someone filming a really antiicula acting video of dirty water with the sponge and it can.

Go around the lad touch eleven thousand times in a second.

But someone who did it touch.

I don't exactly know exactly what happened to him. I don't think he died. I think it just sazed right through the hell smart. Yeah, I don't know. I don't exactly know what happens, so I don't why I brought it up.

But yeah, that's what the.

People are saying. That's what the people are saying.

But basically, every time there's the certain reactors turned on, people complain about like Mendela effect, and like then there's this theory that like, oh maybe every time we explode a particle, girl, what is this sound happening right now? It's like literally're about to fucking explode it that you're no, but it's crazy, Like you don't hear that.

It's real.

No one else hears the word sorry if you heard it in the mic. Next time someone complains on something, I'd be like, you hear that?

No, Okay, yeah, you're crazy.

I am also so cold, but I thought you were like a man or whatever. Oh wait the merch.

I know I was gonna mention it in the first five minutes, but I was like, I mean, I would hope you could see this and like get the picture.

We have Hella merch like. We'll just add an.

Ad in the there's actually only three shirts, so y'all are gonna all have to fight to the death.

The only pieces of clothing are the ones who were wearing.

Literally, we got hoodies. I was wearing a gray T shirt in the beginning. We got this T shirt, which is my favorite. Then we got a T shirt version of this, and then we got a purple shirt.

We'll put it up, We'll throw it up. We'll throw up all over the place and put pictures of.

Russ y'all will never hear the end of this merch shop like, it will.

Never accept it will end, So don't be slit. Literally, you will hear the end of it.

But so that's it. You're just crazy.

No, I just can't finish it because I keep getting interrupted, interrupting myself. It's one of my altars interrupting me.

Who is the scientist in you? Stopping you?

And one of the timelines? Are you straight drew? They can see you if you do it this time, they can see you. So what are you going to do?

Don't do it?

Oh he actually did? You defending your sha on it and slapping me.

Don't say that to me.

Again, I'm sorry you start evoking that hurt my hands so bad, hitting your cheek. I wonder that's.

When you know. That's when you know you taught him a lesson. Is when it hurt you too.

I bet that looks so real, like.

I bet, just like that.

Just like magic, Just like Matt. You don't know that song. You have no idea what I'm talking about.

Well, speaking of multi verses, should we talk about the scariest dream I've had in a long time?

Oh?

Yes, insot the clip right now?

Okay, not the clip of me crying.

No, it's so cute. It literally made me cry.

Okay, should we play the audio clips or we'll just overlay them, but we should probably play them because I don't I literally don't remember what I said?

Should I give context first?

Talk about it?

So?

There I am sleeping.

Let me paint a picture.

There, I am sleeping.

Our text are fucking rancid. It's just sit back getting forth to each other. We don't have conversations anymore.

So there, I am sleeping in my slumber and I am having the most vivid dream like I've had it a really long time, and it was just like I'm kind of forgetting it, and I wish I wrote it all down, but.

Like it's not something I need to remember because it was so gnarly. But basically, for some reason, it was set up in my old home, in like my first childhood home, and like it was like I came home and yeah, I came all over the place and I fell in it and I hit my.

Head and then I had to go to the hospital. There's a big mess. It was a big, slippery, wet mess. But oh that you cleaning for me. Honestly, that's the best part about living with you.

So I could score anywhere and Drew immediately comes up and just SiZ it.

It's crazy.

It's actually we have to play that next is like our us at Orion's Ring camera.

I forgot about that.

Yes, so whatever.

In the dream, I like come home and it's like my first home that I've ever lived in, and it's but it's in la It's like, oh, it's like one of those things where it's like you're in the grocery store but the president is there and like you're at the inaugurations, like just like one of those setups. So like I got home and I opened the door and Josh is like freaking out and he's like packing his.

Bag and I was like, what are you doing?

And then he was like he's just like shaking his head and like he like couldn't get.

The words out.

And I go into your room and you're not dude, I'm actually gonna cry talking about it.

He did.

It was such a bad dream. So like I go in the room and like you're not there, and I'm like, where is due? And he's like, oh, Drew like died today.

And also what's like so weird is like it wasn't like it was like a super funny way you died. It was you died like masturbating you, like we're constipated.

Oh my god, Like that's literally how I would die. Though it is like because I know it ship.

It was like it was gnarly and like like I was in such shock over it because I just seen you that morning and Josh was just like packing.

He's like I need to move I can't live here.

And then like I was like, I guess I need to move out too, because I don't want to live oh. Because also like it was literally the scene where you died and there was like blood because you were like vomiting like blood and so like.

It was like a really gruesome scene and I was like, oh my god.

So I like went and like started packing and then I was like, dude, I feel nauseous, like I was in shock, and I hadn't cried yet. And then I went in the bathroom and closed the door, and I like, I have never felt like emotional.

Pain in a dream the way I did in that dream.

Like in that dream, I was literally like like screaming like from the top of my life, like so bad that like I like couldn't let out a scream anymore. And I was just like sobbing, and like it was like I was in like so much like real distress.

I won't die. I won't die. But you know, my theory is that that's a different reality that I actually did die. I literally think that, like when you wake up in a dream, that's a different reality.

No, like I did wake up.

But anyways, so I had this like really gnarly vivid dream, and you know what freaked me out, Mors, I was in so much pain in the bathroom, crying, and like that I woke myself up, like I was in so much like physical and emotional distress.

That that's what woke me up. Like it wasn't like a jump scare or anything, and like it wasn't even like a good time to wake up. It was like seven am, and I just like woke up.

And then I was like so taken aback by how emotional I was that I woke up and I sobbed for like thirty minutes, like I boo who cried?

And then and there's a video of it because.

She says it laughing bruh.

And I saw that and I was like, girl, what the fuck happened? Because you didn't say I just saw that. I hadn't listened to it, and I was like, who died? Like literally what is going on? And you're crying? And I was like, wait, it was me that died. And then I get these voice and then nose literally my heart is still freaking out.

It was literally like.

We won't I won't spare you because it's literally.

Just sobbing, sobbing, and I like, what's crazy is I couldn't stop. Like I rolled over to go back to sleep, and I just started crying more. And I was like in so much distress and so anxious to the point where I almost got out of bed and went and like laid in bed with you and like to see if you were awake.

And I was like, I don't want to bother him and wake him up from it.

You should have, because it literally made me feel so loved because you know what I was doing. You were dreaming about this. I was literally spitting on myself. I woke up to myself spitting like I like like spitting and it would like land on my cheek. So you were dreaming about me dying and literally screamed crying and I was spitting on myself.

You know ever is I told this and he was like, dude, you know what I was.

Doing, Christian, I had to dream that he wrote the most amazing song.

Home. He literally thought he was creating yesterday.

Literally thought he was a beat up. He got up and like saying a song into his bony and wod.

He woke up.

Later he listened to it like like I try to remember, and then he explained the.

Dream to me.

He said, dude, it was literally like I described it to him like this and he was like, that's exactly what it was. I was like, it's like in Bohemian Rhapsody when they remade the like the Aide benefit concert, Thank you.

Should be fuck.

Like people around that makes sense. Oh my god, that is literally the fucking bird is not real.

It heard.

Yeah, he just floated there for five minutes. Probab didn't see that, but there was a bird floating there for five minutes. Explain that.

He.

I was like, oh, is it like literally in I don't know if y'all have seen Bohemian Rhapsody. I haven't, but the lady on the plane next to me watched it and there was like the longest scene ever of the Aides benefit concert.

That Queen did.

And it literally was a thirty minute scene of just the concert, like it was just them remaking a concert.

And I was like, is that what it was? It was like that high w He was like.

No, Literally, in my dream, I had a live choir like in a studio and I was at the board and I was like topping in and being like.

Try something.

Something, Think about how would you feel if you saw your family for the first time in a long time. Yeah, Like that's like what it was for him. And meanwhile I was like waking up crying. But you know what the craziest fucking part was is I don't think I told you this because I was saving it when I went back to sleep.

In the dream, I was being accused of fucking killing you.

And it was literally like like it was literally like I came home and then like there were police there and they were like, oh, what a coincidence that, like you weren't here when it happened, and like you come here and you have no idea and all this ship and they were really trying to pin it on me because we were together.

And then no, you know what fucked it up is like they they went through.

My text and looked up your name and like it was like we had gotten into a fight and I had set to text where I was like, Drew's been like so like hard to deal with, and.

I was like venting in my text.

So then they found it and then they were like, what a coincidence you sent this text two days ago were like last night and now he's day and they were like, oh, like you poisoned him, like and it was freaking me out, And in the dream, I just had more anxiety because I.

Was like, oh my god, it is the one the most that kill you.

I literally had anxiety.

I'm a part of the xy anarchy x anarchy army, but.

Yeah, that was like my dream and it was really gnarly.

Like it's crazy because I went to talk about it yesterday and I almost I almost cried, but I don't know, like obviously it's like my love for you, but like it's because I've been so ANXIO and I actually think like me or a loved one is gonna die soon, like every time I life me.

No, it'll probably be me, it will be me.

No, it's gonna be me.

Still we're still competitive over who's gonna die first. Well that's the thing though, I am competitive with my family that like I literally told my parents as like I'm sorry, but I have to die before you because I cannot bury you too, Like I literally cannot fucking do it, Like I will die first, and I'm sorry, you're gonna have to bury your son, but I'll be dead so I won't care, but I will not bury you too. No, and that's how I feel about you, is I have to die before you.

No, that's literally I think I also had that dream because I said to a friend like two days ago, I was like dude.

The worst part about.

Like losing like a friend is like that you have like a really close friend, is that you have.

To like live like the rest of your life without them.

Like it literally is just like someone gets plopped out of your life and then you have to just continue. And then like twenty years later, you feel fine one day and then you just start thinking about them, and like.

You probably just think about them every day.

Yeah, and then you get like phantom, like like phantom like, oh, I'm gonna like, yeah, I'm gonna text them and I'm going to send this to them.

I have that with my brother a lot where I'm like, I'm gonna like send him a TikTok or something. I don't even think he ever got the experience TikTok was kind of crazy, like that's not the peak of it. Yeah, you snooze, you lose.

I was literally gonna be like I was gonna be like, oh, that literally sucks for him.

That sucks. So that no, he probably he won the lottery by not having to experience the doom scrolling on TikTok. Literally the worst thing humans I've ever done. It's creating doom scrolling.

But yeah, that was my dream and now when I talk about it.

It is lovely that I am loved. It does make me feel good. And when I listened to those, I started crying. The morning after you made me cry good, that was intense. Let's talk about July fourth, fourth of July.

It was fucking awesome.

Yeah, it was sick.

It was awesome because we didn't do shit.

I don't care like before the July is my favorite holiday.

It's literally just fireworks their stulf on.

I know, like obviously, I know, like they're bad, like we should use drones, But I'm like, aren't drones bad too, Like that's like so much waste.

It's like a bunch of plastic and shit like robots and shit making it. No, fireworks are fun as fuck. It's the best thing humans have ever created, simply, Like I honestly, if y'all wanted me to, I could go on an hour long rant about fireworks because I literally studied it, all of the kims that went into it,

Maybe say that about literally, like anything you've ever done is a hoby.

You're like, I very easily could have made that my whole life.

You do look like a guy that makes.

Fun like fireworks videos, like I.

Feel like it, literally, Like that is one thing that has been consistent about you from the moment I met you, was literally.

Your love for fireworks.

Like so you're not very consistent in anything, but like your love for blowing shit up has stayed the same.

I do like stupid.

I do get it though, Like fireworks are genuinely so fun and like, yes, I understand. Like if you have a dog, like it sucks whatever, like put your plugs in it.

Yeah, my dog is crying.

Give that bit some AirPod max pro literally.

Man up, women need the man up.

Oh my god, you don't have to say that. Where does that come from?

Girls cry?

Remember when Frank Ocean accidentally polluted the Internet by saying boys don't cry? So literally every man would take a photo of himself crying and then make the captain boys don't cry.

Men can cry too. No, you shouldn't. Men should not cry.

I said, boys don't cry.

I'm sorry.

You have I ever cried?

Yeah?

Like you look exactly like the see like the kind of person.

Who I've never cried once in my life.

You just submitted to crying like this morning or something.

He didn't. Oh my god.

See and you tapping back into not listening, taking tabs.

You said you cried yesterday morning.

No, he said he came yesterday morning exactly.

I woke up spitting on myself crying.

He woke up drooling and coughing up, lookies.

On himself and so congested.

The mental image of you like sopping in your dream and you're like spitting all over yourself.

Why I do that? Choking in your dream?

You know, It's happened a few times, very like geriatric behavior.

It's happened a few times where I like woke up spitting on myself.

Did you know have like an ongoing joke? And like, uh is that tricky?

Laughs like a like.

A bird, I am tricksy literally, Like my laugh is like you.

Literally are tricksy. You are tricksy, and I'm fucking caught.

Yeah.

All you need is one crazy bitch and one overly confident bitch and then you have.

You have the best podcast dynamic ever. You make a million dollars.

Let me on your podcast. This is an open call. Let me on, let me on, let me in.

We should set a new podcast.

Yeah this one.

I'm over this ship. It's like such a I've always wanted to actually like start a new one, like keep this one.

No, I've always wanted like the second episode you were like I.

Really wanted everyone No, like I mean, like right now, have to.

What's not It's like this really new and cool easy side hustle that I've picked up.

It's like.

Whatever selling commercials to Trident? You know someone made that YouTube. No, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Why do you? Why are you so accusatory? I don't know who is he?

I love fireworks, bro, I'm just thinking about them.

No, it literally was fun, Like that's the most fun I've had. And it was just like watching fireworks.

Dude. The thing I like about fireworks is like I want I like that.

It's like almost deafening sometimes because it's literally so feel.

Inside of you, like, yeah, it does hit your prostate. Everyone, actually not even ironically everyone.

It is July. Keep that in mind.

Okay, what the fuck is I'm saying it in a threatening way, and I mean, I'm gonna.

Start your month was last month.

I'm gonna start saying it's July in a threatening way.

Why don't they that's get a month. Why don't the straight people get a month?

Why doesn't your mom's vagina hole?

Why don't you let me eat your mama's vagina? Pussy out? Drew Phillips eating your mama's vagina hole?

Oh my god, have y'all seen this new video Drew Philip eating your mama vagina hole?

Sometimes when you guys say she like that, I imagine like potential ad people. Like the thing is they.

See that and they're like, no, they don't see it. Like, y'all need to be more careful about who you give ads to because you guys.

Listen to a whole episode because you might change your mind.

Thank you for sponsoring this episode. Better help Vagina pussy.

Your mama, stinky vagina hole pussy forest worting.

You literally not funny at all.

Your mom's tiny.

Stop, it's literally not funny.

Can I see your mom's bule?

Wait?

I'm literally gonna spread your pea holder. Don't don't, No, seriously, you can't do that. Like fuck, I'm going to spread my pea hole. So that, like peeing is like like a ten to fifteen second endeavor. But if you just spread that whole a little bit, it'll just all fall out.

That, you know what I mean?

Like turning a bucket upside down?

You know, you know you know what I do? Okay, if you grab a water bottle, you spin it, make a vordtext and pour it out, it pours like crazy, but I spin around really fast and it just comes out all right.

But then like, do you have time to like grab your wiener?

No, it just goes everywhere.

Bathroom does have a funny smell.

Sometimes our bath map fucking stinks like ship. It's because it like molds. We like step on it wet. I like dry off before I dry off in the shower, like I'm supposed to be able to dry off on the shower mat, but now I dry off in the day.

No, I don't believe that you should be able to dry off on the shower mat.

I think the way your every human is supposed to do it is you wipe one foot and you like kind of get up to your thigh.

You step down one.

Up to your thigh, and then prince the varsity your body.

You are a fucking animal if you step out of the shower.

Be real, be real. We gotta be real on the fucking podcast. Wow, hold on tapping. I can't believe it. This is the latest one. But no, I fully agree with you that like you should like one hundred percent dry off in the shower before you fucking.

Sep be real this, be real that be real with yourself and go get some bitches.

Oh my god, that's come on. Come on, come on, come on, come, come, come come on. This app is fucking bullshit. It's such fucking ass, like be real creators. If you can hear me, you're at blows fucking chunks, like fix it.

Yeah, I don't use that ship because I like when I'm with my like people and I'm like enjoying myself, I just don't have I don't even have time to like take a photo. Like I'm just like too busy, immersed in conversation and like loving my life.

Okay, you're also lame as fuck, Like let's have that conversation.

Like Christian was like he was like, oh, my phone's like off because it was like low battery, like I've just had it turned off and we were like, do you want to charge it? He's like no, actually, like I just like actually looking at you guys and talking.

To you gorgeous.

I don't know if ew you just looked at that selfie.

Don't even talk about it.

No, you're taking it again. That is not real.

You got two minutes to do it.

You have two minutes to persect yourself. What I'm not.

What the fun?

Sorry prosecco. I was thinking about proscco because I'm gonna get fucked up tonight.

What we were talking about, Well, what are you talking about? What were we talking about? Dude?

Sometimes when we do this, like once we're getting close to.

The hour, like I become absolutely delusional, Like I don't feel like a real human anymore.

We could talk about this? Should I talk about that?

Or No?

That's like too much.

That's so funny.

Okay. So when I was back in Texas, I uh had to edit a YouTube video film and edit a YouTube video. But I just don't have a MacBook and I only edit in Final Cut Pro and you can only get it blah blah blah bah blah, you can only get it on MacBook whatever. And I didn't want to bother my sister and Steven to use theirs because I was just like being annoying. That is literally so cute, like stop, but I needed to edit. I was like, actually,

Like yeah, for sure.

You don't like a joke, it's like funny, it's funny.

Yeah yeah, heay, we accept you as you are.

They need to make a straight grinder.

There's like so many what there's like so many of those. They're just called like dating apps and stuff.

Straight people don't need everything.

Okay, Like if you really want, like to get bitches, like, why don't you go do it in real life instead.

Of exactly exactly? That's like I've been saying that the entire time.

I mean, you pay for like you also paying.

Oh no, I don't pay for it. Oh I don't. That was all a lie.

Oh I lie about literally.

Actually, you know what it is is I got gifted it by Ian because he works at Grinder. How come I'm not on there because you're you're not a girl, bitch?

Hi loving got one of those?

Wait, Doritos are actually so good. I wish I had wet hands.

You know what makes eating Doritos with pruney fingers so good is because since your fingers are pruned up, all the cheese got stuck in those little fucking crevices.

Damn job.

Yeah, and you're scooping up extra like dirt.

We haven't talked.

About eating one dirty ans kind of tastes good because it's salty.

Exactly. You're not we for them. We've been working out.

Twice.

We work out, we have gym memberships, like we are people that work out, Like we don't have to talk about this.

Do not talk to me at the gym.

That okay that I I don't care if anybody talks to me about Actually, that is so fucking embarrassing, because I genuinely think working out it's so embarrassing.

It's the most humiliating thing in the world. And it's even more humiliating when you're like disgusting, red, sweaty, like the most vile state you've ever been in. And then one of you motherfuckers who watched this podcast come up to us and are like, hey, we watched the podcast.

I was like, tell me, I don't know, like I don't want to know.

You can't see me in this state, Like you can't see me sweaty and red, Like I can't do it, like I'm disgusting and because I sweat, and I I stink, I sweat.

No I smell really good, honestly, maybe come up to me, but like, don't even do that to yourself because I'm like at peak pheromones, and then you might like find yourself in like shambles because you can't have something.

It's really hard. So fuck damn that light was doing a lot. I know it was like that shit was working.

But yeah, please don't come up to me at the gym, like come up to me anywhere else. Like I don't care, Like I would never tell anybody to not come up to me, but like there's something so embarrassing about working out, Like as a person, you shouldn't be working.

Out because that's just embarrassing.

Like running on a treadmill is literally so dystopian and embarrassing. And the fact that like someone has seen me do that, Oh my god, that's literally so embarrassing.

I know, I fully agree. And you know what's even more embarrassing is doing like push ups in your bedroom or core exercise. Like, no, I've said it once in your bedroom.

I've seen someone I was having stuff with, like working out on a yoga mat in their living room, and at that moment, I was like, yeah, I'm gonna have the tap out.

Yeah, never mind, I would have the girls like you grow up. Oh that's so embarrassing. Oh oh my.

God, no, bless you, though I fully agree.

God bless you.

Okay, tapping with me.

Media of the week. I've been on a big Aventura kick.

I've been dad so okay, someone to tell me this. Wait, riddle, this song is not supposed to sound like that. Oh actually wait I just figured it out.

Wait all right, we got to have you right strike.

Whoa you boy?

You boy?

Okay, I figured it out. Fuck y'all, I don't need you. Okay. So here's the thing.

I think Aventura, I don't know who did it first, but like they have a song whatever, whatever, it doesn't even make sense.

Fuck you, fuck you stop talking to me anyway.

I've been on a big Aventeurer kick. So my media of the week is love all That and then head Manita. Those two songs have been like doing it for me. Night Vision by Daft Punk, My October Symphony, pet Shop Boys, Chrysalis by Pram, and Hey Girl by Lady Gaga, and then both of the new Steve Lacey singles have been really doing it for me.

I've been listening to Zuzu. I think Xiu Xiu really weird music. But I love my Discovery Weekly was crazy and I'm trying to find the song off of it that I really liked. Oh here it is pressure Point. Oh no, that's the playlist name. Folding by lead Gamble was like really really, really good. And I have also been listening to still like so much rap and I don't know, like I've already I've talked about it three thousand times. It's the same songs over and over again,

Is probably one of the best songs ever.

Oh you know what. I watched The Bear. Oh I watched it in two days, and it was actually like really good. Like, uh, the first episode, there were some things that happened that I was like, hmm, like this is like crossing my suspension of what is it, suspension of disbelief, like like this shit would not happened in reality. But then I leaned into it and I was like relax, Like no one's saying this is the best show ever made,

Bear and Pig with Nicholas Cage.

Yeah, it was like about it was literally about like trouble hunting, like a pig that like hunted for truffles. Truffles are good, but truffle oil is fuck.

Was the worst thing to happen to man kind, Like you need you need.

To stop putting truffle oil in dishes, like you're sick for it. It's really wrong, and like not everything needs truffle let me put this.

Truffle onto the su bowl right now, Like, no, don't put that on there.

Like, get it away.

Fresh truffles are good though, And tonight we're gonna make truffle butter.

Yeah, tuffle butter on your pussy.

Exactly, pissyissy. Merch is going live tomorrow.

So Saturday, July ninth, twelve pm PST.

Go buy it, be there or be square. It's gonna be limited. Uh, buy it early or whatever.

Your mama stink you vagina hole for free shipping.

Girl cut don't do that. But yeah, Merch live tomorrow, tap in.

Did I'm imagining someone hearing I'd be like, oh okay, and like just pausing immediately and going and typing that in and trying like eight different variations.

Of capital no capital, every other letters on capital.

Yeah, thank you guys so much for.

All the support.

Yeah, it genuinely has been so awesome.

I was planning on going on like a really like sappy shield, but I'll save it for next episode.

Maybe yeah, maybe you'll see me cry. I don't cry. Bye bye.

Eight