Come Test Out Your Future Coffin - podcast episode cover

Come Test Out Your Future Coffin

Aug 13, 20257 min
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Episode description

Jerry’s mom gets a call from Skeery the funeral director, asking her to get into her future coffin so they can make sure she fits!

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Transcript

Speaker 1

That free money bones hack, the free money phone tat thanks to our friends at Eminem's Peanut or you say peanut, Eminem's.

Speaker 2

By the way, where are the eminem Peanut? Do we have those? Did you eat them all? You're acting like you're on some sort of sugar high over there. Today's suspicious. We always get them. That's wine.

Speaker 1

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Speaker 2

And you know what they're doing.

Speaker 1

They're giving you and whoever you love a trip to Las Vegas for the iHeartRadio Music Festival in September.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's true. That's awesome.

Speaker 1

So next time you see a bag of Eminem's peanut, you know see that bag is more than delicious.

Speaker 2

It's also a trip to Las Vegas them all.

Speaker 1

So if you want to enter and get the rules, simply go to Elvis durand dot com. The rules and ways to enter to win this trip from Eminem's Peanut at Elvis Duran dot com. When it all and we'll see you at the iHeartRadio Music Festival in Las Vegas this September. All right, The phone tap. It's worth one thousand dollars. If you're calling one hundred, you went it one eight hundred two four to zero one hundred.

Speaker 2

Here we are. Where's the phone tape? Okay, don't answer the phone. Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap.

Speaker 1

Scary calls it experimental. This phone tap is cutting edge.

Speaker 2

It's different. You might not laugh, Dear Elvis.

Speaker 1

The email says, my mom is aware that I'm in the process of planning for our future. I'm looking to purchase a resting place at the cemetery for her. Oh jeez, nothing wrong with that. These have been ongoing discussions. Please call as an official from the cemetery, and why don't you mess with mom a little bit?

Speaker 2

It's really going to get her nervous. This comes from Jerry.

Speaker 1

All right, Jerry's going to start to call to his mom, and then Scary calls Jerry's mom as the cemetery employee with an interesting request from the cemetery.

Speaker 2

Let's listen to Scary phone tap.

Speaker 3

Hello, Oh my y'all, Oh Jerry, Yeah, what's up?

Speaker 4

Yeah?

Speaker 5

No, then where are you?

Speaker 3

I'm at work? Uh, this guy's gonna call you from so yeah. Pain you have Wait a minute, Wow, they got a new development they're putting over there for the you know, revobs, And I didn't want to tell you about it because it was a good deal.

Speaker 5

Why you want to buy him?

Speaker 3

I'm going to get it for you.

Speaker 5

Oh I didn't want to sing acting, but oh in the wall alone.

Speaker 3

In the war. Oh I right, at least you'll hire up. You got to view the whole summitary.

Speaker 5

Man, thank you?

Speaker 3

All right. Yeah, so I don't know what he's gonna call you.

Speaker 5

Okay, Now I'll find out all the detail here.

Speaker 3

He's going to talk to you and then let me know what he said.

Speaker 5

All right, all right, yeah, yeah, no problem, Thanks a lie.

Speaker 3

I'll call you a letter.

Speaker 5

Okay, bye, Bry.

Speaker 2

Alrighty, we got it. I'm okay, Hello, I'm looking.

Speaker 4

For missus carfagno yo, please, how are you? This is Barry Delive from Holy Cemetery.

Speaker 2

How are you doing?

Speaker 5

Okay? Oh yeah, my son was just talking to me, Barry.

Speaker 2

Now he bought a plot for you.

Speaker 5

Okay, in the wall, like everybody's in there and you're just together having one big after life party. Okay.

Speaker 2

Yeah, So what we'd like to do.

Speaker 4

Is set up an appointment for you to come down to the cemetery when you have a chance, and we'd like to put you in one.

Speaker 2

Of these drawers.

Speaker 4

And in the drawer, yes, lay inside of this on your back, and then we were going to close it.

Speaker 5

No, no, no, I'm not going to roll on nail on the line.

Speaker 4

Then you're going to measure No, we're not going to steal it permanently, Missus Carfano. But we wanted to make sure that you would fit into it when the time comes. Well, that's the issue. We had a problem last week with somebody a little larger and we couldn't close it.

Speaker 5

How tight are the I can't understand how tight are these bulls that he's going to be squashed at cassandine.

Speaker 4

You wouldn't climb up the ladder, lay into the casket and then we can now close the drawer. No, no, no, we want.

Speaker 2

To make sure everything fits right, missus Carfano.

Speaker 5

No, I know I'm not going to go no box, I'm not dead yet.

Speaker 2

You talked to your your son and we'll get back to you on this.

Speaker 5

Okay, thank you, thank you, bye? Hello fo Yeah, oh, this guy's a weirdo. What he wants me to go measure it in the casket.

Speaker 3

Wait a minute, what are you talking about. Yeah, he wants you to go into the want the casca.

Speaker 5

Yeah, what do you gotta just get in? They just shove you in there. Next tuesday's another casket behind you. There's another casket.

Speaker 3

Were going to take a look at it.

Speaker 5

No, they want to put me in there.

Speaker 3

They want to put you in there.

Speaker 5

Yeah, because you we're gonna measure because we a problem last week. The person was a little too heavy. I said, I'm telling you now, I will not go in there.

Speaker 2

What are you for real?

Speaker 5

He says, Then we shut.

Speaker 3

The door by Why do you want me to come with you? Oh, my nod, I'm working. I'll be waked there.

Speaker 5

You're going for me.

Speaker 3

I don't really scared about.

Speaker 2

Thank you.

Speaker 3

That's nice.

Speaker 2

Agree, Yeah, buried alive again from Holy Tow. How are you?

Speaker 3

How are you there?

Speaker 5

Yeah, I'm here.

Speaker 4

So I spoke to our grave diggers over here and they told me that we do have a casket available for you to get into.

Speaker 5

I'm not going in. No, cats, get out of here.

Speaker 2

We want to put you in a casket. No, we're going to raise you fourteen feet up.

Speaker 4

No, slide you in the wall in fifteen minutes, and then you'll be out.

Speaker 5

Fifteen minutes close to phobia.

Speaker 4

No, what if we were to put some lights inside the casket when we slide you in?

Speaker 5

No, no, no, no, I'm.

Speaker 2

Just trying to make it more comfortable for you.

Speaker 5

You're not going to make me comfortable.

Speaker 2

Okay. What if we give you a cell phone?

Speaker 5

No?

Speaker 2

No, we could give you a deck of cars. You can play a game while you're in there to keep yourself busy. No, no, no, no, read a magazine.

Speaker 5

No, I'm serious.

Speaker 3

No, at least give it a shot.

Speaker 5

No, I'm going there, Jerry.

Speaker 3

No, you know what, Then you can always cancel it.

Speaker 5

No, Jerry, you know what, Jerry, But you want the lord.

Speaker 3

She's old, shore going, she's got hush.

Speaker 5

She's got husband, They measure huh. It's just I'm sorry, but I just can't handle that. I can't.

Speaker 2

Okay.

Speaker 4

Well, would you appreciate your son if he put you on the radio and phone tapped you? Oh no, miss, my name is Scary Jones. Mister ran in the morning show and you've phone tapped?

Speaker 5

Are you crazy?

Speaker 3

Old man? You are crazy?

Speaker 5

You mental? Mental?

Speaker 2

My son, what do you want? To say to everybody, you got a son.

Speaker 5

Ladies and gentlemen, check them out carefully. You see what happens when you get to be a senior. They can't wait to get ready.

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