You Don’t Have to be Superman with Kevin Walton & Trinity Whiteside

a millennium married couple. Dead As is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead As starts right now. Before I introduced the gentleman here to my left. Um, I'm gonna tell a story that I know one of the gentlemen can relate to because he's married and he got mad kids just like me. Um. The gentleman in

the middle here is not married. He has a son, but I don't know if he can relate to this story. But I'm about to tell his story. My wife is pregnant for the fourth time, right, and during the pregnancy, I've adopted this saying whatever you want to do, babe, you know, whatever you wanna do. So for the last eight months, because she's eight months pregnant, I've just been saying, hey, hey, and I've been smiling while I say it. What what you were? You wanna do that? Hey, Let's let's go

do it. So for eight months we've been doing that. Right this past weekend, it's going on the ninth month, my best friend wants to come to town. So he's like, Yo, dee, I'm gonna come check you. Coaudina and I had an argument on Tuesday when he told me he was coming by, So it was my fault. I neglected to tell her he was coming by because we was already arguing about something completely slipped my mind. Whenesday Thursday goes by, Friday comes up, get a text message from Reef yo, I'm

gonna be by you at six thirty. I immediately said ah, because I already knew the ships thought that was gonna come down, right, I already knew, but I was like the funk that it's my house a man my house. I've been saying whatever you want, baby, eight months. It's gonna be fine. So I said, with a very light voice, say hey, babe, hey, you know you know Reef Reef said he's gonna come by. And I tried to run out the room and then she was like what happened.

I said, oh, yeah, Reef had mentioned that he was gonna come by, and she was like, from Miami. He just mentioned. I said, yeah, hear this man. She's gonna come by and stay a couple of days. Then I tried to leave and she was like and I was like, what's up? And she was like stay weird and I was like, oh, he's just gonna stay here downstairs. And then she didn't even get mad. She just sucked her teeth and said and it triggered me, right, It triggered me,

And I'm gonna be honest. I was in my feelings because I spent eight months saying whatever you want to do, baby, So now when I want to do something and I gotta get teeth sucking and eye rolling and heavy breathing, it triggered me. So I was like, what's the problem. I can't have a friend over. And then act came into like a whole argument for about two days, and it made me realize I need to talk to some

other brothers. And then then this, this doesn't only happen in pregnancy, as you know, this happens all the time in marriage, right. It made me realize, like I spent all this time trying to be Superman until I implode, and then when I implode, I implode on the smallest thing. And I'm trying to figure out why does that happen? And I need you guys to help me with that.

So that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, I gonna introduce our guests and we're gonna get into this topic being Superman. Karaoke time. I got a special karaoke for you guys today. There's no words to this song, but I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna know this song all right. I was singing it early and the gentleman heard it. All right, do you want to jump in? You can feel free to jump in. Pause dah da, dun. Everybody

shouldn't know what that song is. Thing, what's the next part? I forgot to tasty? I don't be watching White Superman like that. They need to make a Black Superman. Maybe if it was a black super where I'd note, but it's gonna have a little more really, that's what I'm saying. I'm Superman song would be better. They'd be like poomoom, That's what I think it would be. To my left here I got two gentlemen who I share the TV screen with often. One is my arch nemesis on sisters,

so we're nemesisis. I don't know if it's nemesisis or Nemesis it's numbers. It's never don't. But to my left here is brother Kevin Walton, Kevin Walters also known as Walton, Kevin Walton, also known as Aaron. That's the anti Zach. To his left my man Trinity Boy at Trinity White Side, also known as Rodeo. I gave him that name. The Cowboys, my two brother sisters. Can we give yourselves a round of applause? Clap yourselves up, so real, real quick before

we get into the meat of the show. Pause. Um, I'm gonna probably gonna pause a lot because I'm not on the show with two men and the same stuff like that. Just you know, I gotta come to let y'all know what it is, but I want you to introduce yourself. Kevin has been running a not only some men's group, but you are really big for the past ten years, over ten years helping men heal because you had some things happen in your life that pretty much

changed you and changed the trajectory of your life. So can you talk a little bit about what you do and how that's gonna help us today? Yeah, for sure. So I I do transformation work, spiritual guidance, activational speaking, and I have a practice I developed called Creatorhood that I've been teaching over ten years and it's creator itself

the practices for everyone men, women, children, families. And then over the past like um say, three four or five years, we've I've started also specialize in focusing on on men and and connected with the brothers that that started the Sacred Son's Organization that I'm a leader in, and so it became a container for men to be able to really meet themselves fully in spaces of receiving support where that isn't very offered to men and in a way

that's far more comprehensive, you know. So the important work um. It is. It is because like being able to process emotions, being able to know you have a safe space to really work through the things that, especially for men, we don't always have an avenue for or don't feel like we do right, not in not in the home, or

in friendships. If there's that old mentality of how a man supposed to be, and so we created a container for men to really step in and understand what it means to really be vulnerable and why that's the source of our greatest strength, and why it's so important to shift the old paradigms of how we've you know, how we thought men to be and what that means to be right that. So I'm glad you talked about paradigms and what we think meant to be and how that's

going to change. There isn't There's a reason why I have both of you guys here to your left, Trinity right. I call Trinity to O G. He's been married. I'm considered the O G typically everywhere I go because I've been married for eleven years. But Trinity has been married longer than me. He has grown children, and there's a lot of times when I talk about things that I'm going through Trinity and hit me with that. Yeah, I've been there before, so he's kind of been like a

mentor in a lot of ways. Is what I can look forward to when my kids grow up, Trinity. Can you introduce yourself to everyone? Tell them I'm like my man said, I played Preston a k A Rodeo on the show. Um, my husband, father, like devoce, head of three children. My daughter's twenty two. M My older son is a freshman in college. He's eighteen, and my youngest is thirteen. He's in the eighth grade. Um, a lot of things that de Val has been through going through

I've been through. Um, they're just growing pains, you know, and and as time passes, your wish for those times again. Um. But as far as you know, being married, Um, it's it's a lifetime commitment of trying. You know. Yeah, Yeah, I got married age of twenty. I just celebrated my nineteenth anniversary. Appreciate it. Yeah, And um it's it's And when I say trying, it's not like a New Year's resolution where it is you know, I'm gonna try to lose weight, I'm gonna try to eat better. I'm gonna

try to achieve this or that. It's it's a lifetime commitment of trying, because if you ever quit trying, then you're headed from major problems. So let me ask you a question. You heard the story I told, right, and I told that story. This whole season has been dedicated to pregnancy. But people think that that story is a pregnancy story where your wife may just be emotional or maybe the hormones. But no things like this happen all

the time. So do you have any story stories that you can relate to as far as you trying to be everything for your wife and you feel like the minute you ask for something, it's a problem. Do you have any stories like that? Oh? Man, look, I could take up the whole show with story anything like that. You know, being married nineteen years, those things they occur on the regular. It's not like you said, a pregnancy story.

It could be a Tuesday morning story, you know, and so we we could be out to eat, you know, have a good time wine and dine, us spending quality time together or something like that. I might have something I need to take care of. Like you said, it's kind of similar to what you said with your friend by. You know, my wife really doesn't like unannounced company, and so my dad could be coming boy to see the kids. He could have told me it like noon, I'm at

the gym or something like that. Okay, yeah, sure, come on by completely slips in my mind. I'm off at the mall or getting their haircut of taking the kids somewhere like that. And I talked to my wife about six pm. She's like, your dad's at the door. I'm like, my god, I'm like, yeah, he uh, he told me earlier.

I had meant to tell you. I was, um, you know, I started to like like like when your kids are trouble and they're trying to explain, you know, why they didn't turn their homework, and I'm like, yeah, so, um, I couldn't find my phone and you would I think you was washing your hair. I didn't want to bother you, and I was trying to tell you. But yeah, he was coming back. He's just not He's not gonna stay long.

He'll be in and out to see the kids. And I'm sitting there, I'm waiting on a response, and then the worst response I can get a dead silence, and so I'm like, yeah, just Uh, I'll be I'm I'm my way at home. Do you need anything there? You go there, you go get them something, get them something you need to ring a car, anything on my way home that I can get you to help ease this pain.

But let me ask you a question, though, because this is how I feel sometimes, this is I'm gonna be the most honest I've I've ever been, right as a guy and a husband who is dedicated to servant and being a certain lead servant leader. Because I see myself as a leader of my house. I watched my grandfather on my father's side be a leader. I watched my father be a leader at the home. I've it's honorable for me to do anything in my power to make

my wife happy. Right, it doesn't matter what she asked for, doesn't matter when she asked for it. It's it's honorable for me as the husband to say, I'm gonna make that happen for her. So for me, sometimes I feel like it's I feel taken for granted when I just asked for something, and it's a problem because I don't understand why it has to be a problem, Like why do all the things I ask for have to be done on your terms in order for it to be

done right. But when it comes to you as my wife, you can just ask me off for women, and I gotta make it happen. And I watched my grandfather go through that with my grandmother. I watched my father go through that with my mom, and it made me start to wonder, like how how do we get here? And you talked about paradigms. Remember you just talked about cardims. Is it us as men? Is it our fault that once you get married you just look to please your wife and then when you don't get it reciprocated the

same way you like, you explode or implode. You know what I'm saying, Like, is it is it us? It's both? Like the thing about life is understanding ownership of self first in every respect. So even with what you just suxpressed, the paradigm and thought of thinking you can make anyone feel anything is also a misconception. I get that makes sense. Yeah, when it comes to emotional health and feeling state, it's not so much that your you want to make your

partner feel a certain way. It's your ability to support, magnify or encouraging like them leave that so like, as you know, you wouldn't be able to force right your wife to be happy. She if she's happy, no, right, then your job as a partner is to support that encourage the same way would be if if they're feeling any other emotional state. It's the ability to know that it's okay to feel that I'm here with you, right, that kind of space where there's a support of feeling state.

But the notion of um of a concept for for men specifically as being like you have to do everything and just shut up right. The concept of right even that and that that to me is something I constantly I'm dispelling when I do a lot of work with individuals or couples, it's getting that concept to shift. But there's also a reason why there's an essence of it

that work. So, for instance, in a household, when you think of masculine and feminine principles of energy and the way that they operate, there's very specific qualities to masculine, very specific qualities to feminine, and we all have both inside of us, and there's the way that dynamic plays out in relationships outside of us. And so when it comes to um, the qualities themselves the masculine. I'm gonna talking about the quality first, then what it means to

be embodied as a man. Right, So the masculine is the structural container and the sense of direction and movement, right, the feminine. Before you finish, is this like a fact or is this opinion? Because you know people will listen and be like, well, all women ain't this way, all men ain't that way. But masculine energy is described as that.

And I want to be clear about so, and this is and and even when I teach my classes on this, the first thing I speak on I said when I when I talked about this, I'm talking about the energy first before we even get to men and women, so that people understand what's happening. Because so for that reason, so what I'm talking about is factual information on how how the principles of energy work, how um like, how

the laws and structure of existence works with this. So there's very specific qualities that represent masculine principles of energy. So how energy works, if we have to go the science of it, I break that down I can. Right, So in in the qualities of masculine, all the aspects of being assertive, aggressive, commanding, living for purpose and freedom and structure and all of that steadiness, consistency, responsibility, All of that has to do with the qualities of masculine energy,

the mask and principle of energy. Feminine energy is the playful, the creative cultivation, nurturing um, the suggestive, the gentle, the um, the devotion, the fullness like sensuality and intuitive all that and and we feel emotions to our feminine So the whole premise of life is their design to work together. Right, So when you think of that house a household space, and you think of if masking is creative expression of energy and feminist creative cultivation in a home, there's the

masculine that sets the tone for the container. So the structure, the foundation, the steadiness, the safety of a container. Right. The feminine is the nurturing quality of the appmosphere, the emotional tone, the all of that is what the feminine energy holds. Now, real quick, is there any place we can you can quote to say this is where I get this information from, Because I know the first thing people are gonna ask, is, well, who created this? If a man created this, why should we believe what a

man says? You know, there's a lot of arguments, yeah you know what I'm saying, or they're gonna say a woman created this is like, why should I believe a woman? I'm a man. I always want to know if there's any text in particular, we can put that on our website or on our Instagram page so people can know where to get this information. Yeah, well, actually, I love

you said that. I can. I could even offer you some of the things, cause I've been teaching this for a very long time and it's and the practice that I teach has been organic development because even aside from a couple of the people I know in my life, very few people go to this depth of masking and feminine understanding it. Most people approach mask and feminine from

just the man women's face. And there's um awesome people that drop a lot of insight around it, like David did as an author, He's he's great at understanding certain relationship dynamics a masking of feminine. But there's the foundational pieces. For me, it's it's what I teach and it's proven

over and over again. And I've been in the process of developing the certification from our practice and all of that but it doesn't define correct because gender gender, gender and sex are two different things, right like male or female is also different than gender. And so when I speak on this, when I speak on it first, the reason why it's important to understand the principles of energy is then we can understand that dynamic inside of us

as individuals and then how it plays out. So for instance, your ability, all of our abilities, and this is the new stage of evolution for us as a species, is that men understanding the importance of our feminine aspect, meaning our ability to feel our emotions the record the time that we actually it is for us to be gentle and considerate, and then there's times for us to be aggressive and assertive and knowing both and everyone ends up

being lad with one more than the other. So in any relationship dynamic, you'll see someone's going to be more femine leed, someone's gonna be more masters and then you. But if you both don't have judgments about your mass and the feminine sides, there's times to adjust to each other.

So like if if you guys, because you're in contine, are are very much in the public eye working together a lot of different dynamics there's spaces where she'll take the lead on something right and you'll support her absolutely. And that the relationship of how mass in a feminist designed to work. It's like this, always moving and it's never separates, always working together. So so let me ask a question, right, based on even our wives don't talk.

So the stories you hear sounds so similar. But it's not like there's a women's tribune and they said we're gonna funk with out husbands today. Well, you know what I'm saying. But even the way he even chose to deal with, you know, trying to lower his tone, lower the way he speaks, trying to you know, there's times in my life where I feel like I'm trying to be Superman the same way Trinity said he was probably

with the kids, doing this, doing that. He's he has his mind set on so many other things, trying to help, and then in doing all of that, he may just be looking for a little reprieve somewhere and then when it doesn't come, that's when the trouble hits you. Do

you do you feel like that? Absolutely? Absolutely? Um, It's like I said that the rules to me are different, and we had this conversation, Um, you can do wrong, Like I've been in a situation where I've done something wrong, where I've upset my wife and made heim mad, or I didn't do something she wanted me to do, or something of that nature. I apologize immediately. Oh, I know where you're going with that. I apologize immediately, you know, I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm wrong. I like to

resolve things. I don't like to I don't like to take time to myself. I don't like to let things linger or let them steal in that gives you more time to cultivate more emotion and think, oh, well, I'm mad about this on top of him doing this, on top of her doing that, and so I like to resolve the issue and get back to the way things are normally. So I can apologize for whatever wrong doing it was and still get the silent treatment like like

like it's it's not enough, like that apology. Yeah, you apologize, but I need more from you, because that apology isn't enough. Whereas she could do something that upsets me or makes me mad, and you yeah, yeah, and she and and and and she's mad because I'm mad because of something she did and gives me the silent treatment all day long. It didn't come to me at bedtime. It's like, you know, I thought about it over the last nine hours, and that's my life, my life, and you were right. I

was wrong. I was wrong, and so forget about these last three days of silence. If we just we should go back to how we were now because I've apologized, and me being me, I'll be like, alright, cool, we're fine. But I'm just like, why is that not the case when I apologize to you? Why is it not okay? Let's get back to how it was. It's like the apology isn't enough. I need more? What is that perfect? So we're both going crazy. So what's actually being asked

for is the feeling state? This is and this is something that's been overlooked for millennia when the role and so now we'll go to male and female, right, the role is is female is asking feeling states to be met. Masculine is asking for like logic structure, What that's what I want? So? What what right? So in the evolution for us as men, if you can move past the content of what if, if if anything? She says that she's upset about right, It's less about the content and

more about the feeling. States. So when you apologize, you're apologize for the action. But that's the logical masculine mind going, Look I did this, I'll own it. That's the end of the story. Well, can I be honest? Can I just be on it before you finish? It? Seemed like goal this evolution is happening for us. Why are we No? No, no, no, no, it's not no, it is not bro, I've denied for eleven years. For eleven years, I've been in a constant

state of compromise. Yes, understanding, right, right, that's the state of compromise. Understanding, Bro. Yes, but that but that that's on that's on you, but not just on you where it's like a fault. This is the biggest misconception about relationship dynamics is that people think compromise or sacrifice is actually an act of love. And it's not. Okay, explain that because I think love. Love doesn't sacrifice, It dedicates and I'll talk about what that means. And you don't

want compromise and relationship to thrive, you want synergy. Synergy is far different than compromise. Compromise over time will always end up leading to bitterness and resentment no matter what. Before you get going, are you married? No? That's why you don't understand what I'm saying. Now, Now I get it. Wait, but why aren't you married? Brother? Can we talk about that? We could see you see smiling right, he's a whole bunch of smiling life. Yeah. Why why haven't you gotten mad?

For me? Like, I've the idea of relationships and there was a time in my life where I was like, I don't know if you know, marriage or relationships is in the cars for me like that now and I've evolved past that space and I do realize how beautiful relationship dynamics are and what they offer and have a

ton more insight around it. Now. You've been doing right so for me personally, where I dedicate my heart in my life too, that that means the most to me is where I'm focused now and that's been um making sure that I have an awesome coparent relationship with my son's mother, which I do that Ma Fami dynamic, take care of my son and where my time goes in dedication.

What I've now and the understanding too is also being very clear about why I would get into a relationship again, why or why not, and making sure that for me, understanding the caliber relationship dynamic that that I'm open to and knowing how important it is to ensure that I'm continually owning my sense of self in presence is like the ultimate and so where some yeah, so some some concepts of life. Some people have, like you know, marriage

and all that is one of their top priorities. For me, it would be something to to include in what my greater purposes. But then that also means that relationship dynamic would have to match that caliber of purpose. Now that's that's fair because Kay and I talk about this all the time, like marriage is not for everybody, and not getting married it's not a failure in life. It's it's also understanding what you want and what you need in life before you decide that you want to involve with

be involved with someone. But I'm just I asked that question because there's a certain understanding when you've been married with someone for over a decade and you notice when you feel like you're in a constant state of compromise and that person is just in a constant state of getting what they want and for for me for the most part. And I can't generalize, but I know when I get around all my married friends, all the husbands have the same story. All the wives have the same story.

The wives are all saying, my husband don't understand me, he's insensitive. All the husbands are saying, I just want things to make sense and I want things to be fair, but things don't seem to be fair. Meanwhile, and I'm not talking about every husband, because every husband is not

created cool. All husbands are not good husbands. The husbands I'm talking about the dudes that I know, like Trinity, committed to committed, dedicated, but not only to just their wife but their kids and also building for their family and their legacy. So I'm talking about the type of man who wakes up in the morning thinking, how can I make my family's life better? How can I make my wife's day better? How can I make my kids

day better. I'm talking about those type of man. And I have to say that because the first thing people would say is, well, my husband don't do ship. But we ain't talking about that nigger. So you know what I'm saying. So you thing, you gotta you gotta work. And I'm talking about the type of men that are trying to be Superman but feeling like no matter how hard they go to create this sense of peace in

their home, it's just never a sense of peace. And how we implode that because I've had I have I've had breakdowns, and I've I've read listener letters. We're gonna read a couple of listener letters later. I get emails, I get dm from dudes who just be like, bro, I need to be talked off the edge because I'm

either gonna fight this bitch or I'm leaving. And I try to tell them, like, the way you're feeling is not abnormal, Like you're not an anomaly in marverage, Like we're all in this together, and that feeling of uncertainty and being off balance, it's kind of normal, you know. I'm saying. That's why I like having this conversation. Because people do watch us on social media and they list to the podcast. I feel like, oh, the Valencodeine got everything figured out. Little do they know we argue just

as much as everybody. We have our moments where we just don't like each other, and we get over it and we work through it, But that doesn't that doesn't change the fact that there are times even when I can't speak to my wife about it. And I'll be honest here, it's probably gonna be the first time she's probably heard some of this. But I go through states of depression where you feel like you're giving and giving

and giving to everyone and it's not being met. So you just you you kind of like give up, like you're just like I'm tired of I'm tired of just giving to everybody. So then what you try to do is you try to pull back from giving to everybody because you feel like that's going to make things even. But then in trying to pull back from everybody, that gets you depressed because that's not what you naturally want to do. I'm servant leader. I want to be able

to serve. So when my wife says she wants to do something, the pettiness in me wants to be like, am I doing that ship because she didn't do this when I asked? And now I try to stick put my foot down. But then I'm like, she really needs my help, and then then I go do it and I help her, and then she takes my hope and she goes off and does whatever she want to do.

I asked her for something, she wrote her eyes and then I'm like, now we're back to square one, you know what I'm saying, Like I've I've put all my ship aside to help you do something, but then when

I need something, I don't get the same. And how how can we what are the tools but we can utilize to get through those those moments Because I can't drink alcohol every day, I can't smoke weed every day, you know what I'm saying, And that and and that's that's it, like being able to not be dependent on things to feel a sense of peace, right, So being able to shift that because the thing that's really asked in us as men, especially now, and the realization of

to be to really embody that essence of masculine. It's no longer about say, just the idea of being provider. It's about being full presence. Bull presence is far different. It's a different game because now you're you're living from the inside out, which is the proper orientation. But full presence mean like like performatively, what does that look like? So like being fully so full presence is being engaged

with your life fully. So what I mean by that is like you're aware, consciously aware of your emotional state, and you don't overwrite it, you don't bypass it, you don't suppress it. You genuinely take a moment to acknowledge your own emotions. Suppressing it as part of the problem, because because that's the depression is, and depression is actually

whenever there's some form of sadness. It doesn't mean it has to be like full fledged bawling, but some form of sadness that you don't know how to process, there's gonna be a judgment about feeling sad and that and that judgment is going to bring anger, and anger is going to suppress the sadness. And that's where depression comes from, is actually anger turned inward. So can I ask your question? Well, I don't ask you a question because I know I do this and I know that you you probably have

to do this. Sometimes there's times where I feel like a moment of sadness or like anger, but in order to keep my household running at the way it needs to be, I can't express it to my wife or my kids. You know I'm saying, when when you're married to someone I know, if I expressed the way I feel a out something to her, it automatically brings her down.

You know. She she she tends to take everything I say personally, So if I say something to her, then she takes it as or something's wrong with me, I'm not doing something right, and then it brings the whole aura of the house down, which then goes to the kids.

So a lot of times I find myself when I do have an issue with something, just suppressing it for the sake of the mood of the whole house, and then that day turns into three days turns into we had to do You experience the same thing, absolutely, um, and I'm glad you touched on that, because, like when when you're married and you have kids, your your own self preservation is no longer your top problems. Your wife,

your kids above all else. You want to make sure they're they're happy, they're good, they're they have no worries. And um, so let's rewind back to when the pandemic first hit. You're you're worried about your wife and kids. You want to make sure they're safe. You know, everybody's COVID. This COVID the you know, and I'm worried about them. Okay, And at the same time, are our work is shut down? We don't know when the money's coming in. I'm the bread winner. I work. My wife, thank god now is

to stay at home mom. I'm able to do that for her. But this is at a time when I wasn't even serious regular yet it had been announced, but I hadn't been paid like you. So now I'm like, so when is the money coming? So then the gems are closed for me. The gym is more than just working out. It's stress relief. I go there and I leave it all in there. When I come out, I feel great. I've been going there for like the last twenty years, six seven days a week. I can't do

that anymore. You go out into public, you gotta worry about getting sick, your kids, your wife getting sick. Then you gotta throw a masks. I'm a people person. I love people, and my dad always says, anytime my son is talking to somebody, he's always smiling. Well, you don't get that no more because you can't see their smiles because they're their masks now. And so then the stress starts to sit in and it's kind of like a domino effect for me. It was distress. It in is

everybody gonna be safe? My kids are gonna catch coked? My wife? Okay, we got bills, where's the money coming. I don't have an outlet like the gym anymore to relieve distress. And you got a smile. Got to because I don't want the kids worrying because they see me worrying, or the wife worrying because they see me worrying because I never worry. I'm always the one my wife is, oh, this is coming, that's coming. I'm like, it always works

itself out. But now I found myself in a place where she's like this, and I'm still like, don't worry, It's gonna work itself out. But on the inside, I'm like, how is this going to work itself out? That's bro. You us explained how I'll be feeling every single day.

And I try to explain this to my wife on days where even when because women say they want communication, when I tell her I need something that I don't get it, and then I try to express her that makes me feel, then she'll be like, well, you just complaining. I'm like, am I complaining? Or am I telling you how I feel? So it's like if I don't say ship, then I'm not being communicative and that's toxic. But then if I'm saying ship, then I'm bitching and I'm complaining,

what the fund do you want me to do? And then on top of that, I still got to deal with these emotions regardless of what I say, I gotta deal with it. And I feel a lot of times we don't get no off switch. And men don't talk about this a lot because we're even programmed not to talk. You know what I'm saying. My grandfather condition, you'll be quiet, you'll be steadfast, you'd be strong, and you'd be still. That's how my my grandfather was. He talked my father

the same thing. My father never talked about financial problems to us. He lost his job, I laid off a couple of times, and he never let me know that there were issues. But he is figured it out. So I was walk in the house thinking we were always fine. Come to find out there were times we were not fine. But that feeling of not having to worry as a child is what I want for my kids. So we have to harbor all of this. There's no off days. The thing that bothers me. I'm gonna let you interject.

My wife said something to me when I talked to her about being consistent, and she said, sometimes I just want to take a break, and I should be entitled to take a break. And I say, fine, you get to take breaks. Name a time in our marriage where I got to take a break. I've been the breadwinner since we've been married eleven years ago. There's no days when I get to say, you know what, Kay, here the bills for three months. I need to take a break.

You know what I'm saying. For men, sometimes I feel like, and it's not complaints, it's just the fact when you're trying to be a servant leader that when you don't have no time to take breaks and you're always worried about everyone's mental health, yours is not a priority. What tools can we find to say, I need to get out of this before I do something. What I'm saying, Yeah,

there's a couple of things in that. Because it's also and this is why I mean like both men and women and everyone in general evolving, because it's it's gonna be a comprehensive thing, like when when we talk when we talk about living from synergy and not compromise, right, compromises a denial of self. Synergy is is a consideration

of the whole. So synergy recognizes everyone's individual sovereignty and recognizes you're part of something greater, which means that when things come, if disagreements arise or things come come about, instead of the idea of being like yeah, whatever you say, or shutting down, it becomes an exploration that both feeling states get honored and you're guiding it in a direction where you can meet and and it's always there. Not some of the times the possibility that is always there,

but that's not what we've been that's not exactly. It takes more patience and more dedication to do that because it's a it's an easy out to be like yeah, fine, But that's also a form of escape, which is a misalignment of the masculine. So when we talk about purpose, escape is a misalignment of the masculine. So rather than dealing with problems when you drink or you smoke, or you go out, that's a miss some mask. But you know what we've been taught growing up, sometimes you need

to find an escape on your own, that's all. There's so many exactly like, there's so many there's so many things we've been taught that are literally in direct contradiction with nature and our health and optimal and well being. One one of the other ones being there are spaces to work through things as men that your partner is

not designed to support you with. That is what struggles like, So you your ability to express how you feel to your partner is important for both, for both and and everyone being able to receive their partner in that is important and establish that container. Then there's depths of that to work through that they're not meant to. That's not

that's not their role. The reason why we create a secretty as a as a and having this this support system for men is that there is a place that men have to go to to go to the depths of their pain, the depths of their emotion, the depths of their mental capacity. That is that must be designed to hold it. Your partners not signed to hold that effort. What you're saying is for me, expecting to be able to resolve all of my issues with my wife's part

of the problem. And that's part of the reason why I always feel like she's not being irrational because she's not even designed to understand she's pretty much. What you're saying is you need a guy group, You need a space of support for you. Yeah, every every man. And that's been because you think about what we've been doing for so long, right, Like we feel like we have to be strong and don't let anyone see anything which

eats us up. And then we get around our boys and it's the idea of a nine gonna be weak, right and now it's cool, you know it's And we don't ever go further in. We don't do that, but we get together, like when we when we read together, when me read my boys, we get together. I'm probably the most vulnerable because I know I'm not going to be judged, and I know I'm dealing with dudes who are on the same level mindset that I'm on. There's

no there's no dick measurement contest. I don't got to be the toughest guy in the room all the time. You know, I'm saying, that's the sign of both of your maturities, because what you guys represent is a recognition of a moraligned and healthier form of masculine, and there's

still there's still another capacity to go. But the fact that you already do that because I was, I was the same way even when I didn't, wasn't this clear and centered when it came to me and my friends, we would have all kinds of in depth conversations around the stuff because I and I would be vulnerable with them, and like if I if and I see them, I'll tell them I love them, you know what I mean? Like it is that real. So the what you guys represent and also the reason why your family dynamics are

are doing so well. What they is a part of that the the but there's still always a another capacity to go because for me, it's not just like say, if you go to the gym. The gym is a great way to let off steam and energy, but it doesn't address why that was even there in the first You see what I'm saying, Yeah, eventually it won't be enough.

And so what we're looking to do as we evolved, because this is the things we have to start knowing how to actually guide our children on and evolve relationship dynamics to meet because the space of right, so to me, it's and I do just want to teach my my parenting worship. Number one rule for a parent be vulnerable with your children. Yeah, told me the same thing. So important because because they'll also learn through your own process how to process emotions. That vulnerability is is an actual

source of our greatest strength, not a weakness. Right. We were taught the opposite for so long, and that's why it's there's no mistake why the dropout rate is highest for men, the suicide rate is highest for men. Why all mostly mass shootings, all this stuff are mostly men. There's no reason why. There's there's a very reason why that's the case. I'm going to read these off to you just so I'm gonna read a couple of statistics off.

Forty seven thousand, five hundred and eleven Americans died by suicide, making the tenth leading cause of death. That's a lot of people. Men died by suicide three points six times more often than females. And I'm not a scientist, but I attributed that to the fact that women have been conditioned to express their feelings, so they don't go you see, they have expresses to do that men don't. Twelve million Americans have serious thoughts of suicide. One point three seven

nine million Americans attempted suicide. Fifty of Americans have been affected by suicide in some way. Now here's a very important thing. Personal relationships and marriage in particular bear substantial,

substantially on self inflicted mortality risk, including suicide. As University of Maryland sociologists Philip and Cohen noted in the working paper last year, the increase in overall mortality rates among white Americans so called deaths of despair, attributed to self inflicted causes like drug over those, suicide, and alcohol abuse, which is limited almost exclusively to those who are not married for men and women. Which means marriage in a

way kind of helps people with those things. I guess because we have the people to bounces and you have a purpose, like you said, purpose driven, it says here um. Research from the National Longitudinal Mortality Study finds that divorced people in particular are twice as likely to commit suicide compared to married people. So, with all of that being said, I have a question to ask. We have a lot

of female listeners, and my wife is also listening. She's over there shout out to you, baby, Um, yes, you know I got a shout out the wife her pregnant self that, Um, what are some tips pause that you can I I gotta say that it's I can't say that it's divine, masculine motherfucker. All right? Um, what are are some tips that you can tell wives or women who are in relationships how to deal because, like you said, K is not designed to deal with some of the

issues I have. But for years I've been trying to help her, help me, help us, and it has not been working. And for the longest time, we've adopted this saying we're just different, so we don't we don't argue and fight no more. But when we get to that point where it's like it's just it don't matter how many times we have this discussion, it's like putting a round peg in the square holes, like, you know what,

We're just different. Let's just figure it out. Um. But I don't want to leave it as I gotta figure it out on MYRT because this is what tends to happen. And I have boys who hit me be like yo, my wife think I'm cheating because I'd be out and I say why why are you out? And he'll be like bro. Sometimes I need to break. You know, I go to the gym, and I'd rather not just go to gym and go back home. I'll just be out for a couple out. She want to know where I'm going.

It's like, this is my time for space. Why do I have to give you all of this information? But then when I try to sit down and talk to you about what's the problem is now I'm annoying. So I just want to be out and clear my mind. And her first thing is, or you must be out with someone else. A lot of women don't realize men, especially men who want to be married, like I chose to be married, Trinity chose me married. We don't want to just go out and just cheat like sometimes we

just want to be by myself. The same thing with my wife. And my wife says she wants to go on the girl's retreat with her girls and they go be going for two or three days. My first door processes or she out somebody, you know what I'm saying. But if I say yo, me and Trinity to guy's going out, the first thing women typically think is, oh, they're going to Brazil to go bitches. You know what I'm saying. And I think a lot of women need to realize that it's not always the case. But that's

also conditioned. Like so so we first of all, no one conditions our programs as we condition and program ourselves, right, and we do that for ways of wanting to be accepted, validated, all those things. Right. So the way that we've conditioned ourselves is we actually think a lot of what is actually misalignments are the way that masks and and and and feminine energy operate and how men and women are And it's actually not true. It's been perpetual misalignments played

out over and over again. So like because when I with all the work I've done in all honesty, men and women want the exact same thing. I find there's different thought processes, different mechanics, and different things. And what's interesting is may I mentioned like the qualities are designed to work together, so is the frame of mind. So the minds are meant to explore. If you think like this with these details in this process and I think like this, you explore how it works together. It's not

why don't you think the way I think? Or why don't you you know like or why don't you just been trying to get there. We've been trying to get there like a struggle. Bro. Like I'll sit here and think I'm being the most logical I can, and then I'd be like, hey, do you understand what I'm saying? And she'd be like, right, But that's because that's exactly that. But that's because you're approaching it from logic when the first thing that's got to be met at the feeling state,

now this is this is not. This hasn't been as common right for everyone. So even if with the nature of like saying an apology, right, it's it's look, I can imagine you're feeling like this, right, and I gotta own I didn't quite communicate it. And I just want you to know that I'm I'm here with you and and you know, I'll make note of this. Right that there's a different capacity of presence when sharing it is not And this this is absolutely on on on men,

but it's a lack of awareness whenever. If if your wife is upset that you shrink, retreat or walk on eggshells or get quiet, that conditions that process too, so then then there's less consideration of you. In a lot of other spaces, invitation is actually to open up further with more of your presence to be there. That goes, Okay, what are you feeling right now? Right, Like, I'm gonna

cut you off though, because you're not married. Huh. But when you do try that, then you get hit with them shrinking and then being like you're being too aggressive or you're being insensitive and I'm just giving your devil's advocate because I've tried both. But you you can say you try, but I have no idea what you've done, and that that's not like you don't know what it may look like, right, because because assertiveness and aggressiveness is a healthy thing in a way that it's approached, it's

not dominance or conquering. Those are misalignments, right, So it's a The approach I'm talking about isn't just like being like anybody like taking control situation, right. Command is different. When you live in command, it's led by the heart first and your mind follows. But what you're doing is knowing how to be in connection. And that's the key piece.

And for all the couples I work with when it when it came to their relationship about beyond the verge of falling apart, and this is marriage or just you know, together when it was about to fall apart. It's literally two adjustments about communication, command and surround under and presence, and everything shifts where and then for some people being able to do that actually revealed it isn't healthy for them to be together, right, And so either way you

want that. But the space of sticking it out in commitment, which is really important, and the fact and what with what you guys have done. The invitation isn't just like why I did that it didn't work. It's just like children, right if you do if you say one thing to a child, they're the support. Is it stays consistent? Right, Like for instance, if you let your child know, hey, it's okay you can tell me talk to me about literally anything, and I'm here with you. And the first

time they do, you're with that. They'll go okay, cool. But the next time they do, you judge what they're what they're telling you, They're like, cool, I'm not safe to do that. And then and now you have to continue to establish the concerning that. So the same thing in relationship, this is something you haven't done in a relationship before, then it's going to be the invitation of consistency. But you said, you said men are the divine mastering

in its consistency. That's not divine feminine, No, fluid, fluidity is the feminine you know, all life not because right, So, and that's that's also why that's also why don't don't go over that we need to go that's actually important steadiness and fluidity, right, And that's actually where flow lives.

So when we talk about being in a flow state, it's but what that what that means is though, is is because feminine is in the emotional space and the sensuality of life, to experience it in its richness and fullness. The masculine is the thing that keeps that moving into greater expressions. So when if we're tuned into like divine mask and embodiment, that means we live on wanting to continually meet the edge of life, like where else can

we grow? Where? Understand that? So then but then in that when we talk about steadiness, what matters to men into the masculine space, and this is what the feminine wants in masculine is is two things. Right that there's there's the steady devotion to something greater, which is um and it's being true to your word. Integrity, that's what

that's what the feminine wants, that's what masculine respects. So like, if you and if of us are rocking and I don't never keep my word right, you're gonna like respect me and consider get that what the masculine one, because that's what we're trying to get across our wives. Because I don't know how to express that. Maybe you can do a better job. And we have a lot of women who listen, you're asking because here's here's one of the here's one of the biggest misalignments in the feminine.

And and then and we'll go into the why this is, but we'll go into the feminine to the female. Right, So, when women or anyone feminine lead thinks that talking ship to you is the best course of action to get you to change or to clean stuff up or tighten up, it's such a misconception. Right, A little encouragement goes a and so, and what that means is the willingness to say, listen,

I'm here with you. I understand you're you're you're you're going through some stuff, right, and I can be with you in this and this is so for all the women listening, it's so important that you hear this all right, you will never talk shipped to someone and get the best out of That's true, right, That's what it is, that that nurturing aspect. There's something greater in you, and I know you're going through something and I'm here with you and I support you and we'll get through this.

That masking taking. The reason why the reason why I asked that though, was because in all of these talks people doing about relationships, all the accountability seems to be on men. Men need to change this, Men need to do this, We need to do that, as if there's only one person in the relationship. And if you speak on what women need to do, they say, I'm tired of hearing men tell women what they need to do, because realistically it has nothing to do with how you

dress or what you do. It's all about synergies and alignment. But that what you talked about, when you speak empowerment into someone, especially for a man, helps out. That's I mean, that's whole character on sisters is the fact that Karen didn't speak anything positive into him and Fatima did, and that's like the whole man. And the thing is, if you hear the arguments amongst the women, it's that ship don't matter because they're like, no, it does matter exactly.

Team I did was speak positively, and the same thing with Aaron speaking to Karen, because Zach was toxic as hell, right so when he was but I mean, rather than trying to find a way to interact with Karen, all he did would just throw back at her exactly. He threw knives and throw spikes back at her. Whereas opposed to Aaron, who came in and was like, I'll receive all the negativity you trying to give me, but I'm going to try to turn that stay in alignment and

give you something different. And I think that's what we're seeing. And that's and so and and everything I do like in creativehood, and I get invited to women's circles to share like and I'll break things down in a lot of different ways that even women haven't known as much. And it's not the idea of like a man telling

anyone anything. For me, in my practice, the whole guidances there's something more in everyone and my invitation, my the reason why I get called the work is to bring that forward and everyone, because to me, it's not just about having a healthy relationship, it's about evolving what it means to have a healthy relationship and what it standards of humanity. So when I when I share the stuff, it is everyone is responsible for themselves. Nobody gets a past, nobody.

I like that. But before we keep going, because I know we gotta take a break, we gotta we gotta get to listener letters. But before we get going, I want we have a couple of letters. I know I've read a ready that I know I'm really good. I want to hear both of these perspectives on this. But we gotta pay some bills. So we'll be right back. After we pay these bills, and we'll get to these listener letters, and we're back. Kevin is singing. He's in his element when in the middle of takes, when we're

on set. This is what Kevin is doing. He's he's therapizing everybody. I know that's not a word. I just made it up, but he's everybody's therapist. So he's therapizing everybody, all right. So what we've decided to do because Trinity and I have been trying to give him examples of what we go through in our marriage, and Kevin has been over here, you know a very piece of tell us no brother, no, no brother. That's what you gotta do.

So rather than doing the traditional listener letters, I'm gonna let Trinity ask a question and then you can answer the question. And then I know I don't got no advice for you because I'll be struggling to I'm gonna let you answer the question. Then I have a question and I'm let you answer the question. Go ahead, okay. So, like what we were saying is um one thing that me and my wife has started doing that we didn't do in the past is learning to respect each other's

time of expression. You know, early on, when we would have disagreements or arguments and we would come to one another and express how we were feeling and the thoughts we were having, we would well, two years ago, you did this, So how can you feel like this now? Or whatever? She would take her Yes, and it was your time, yes exactly. And so what I've learned to start saying is you know, hey, we've resolved that you

had your time. I gave you your time. I respected your time of expression, and we got through it, which is why we're still here and still together today. So what I need you to do is respect my time of expression when I'm letting you know my thoughts and my feelings, and not bring back something that we've already worked through to counteract what I'm telling you. Now, how does she receive that? She received it well, and it's something that we've been using and it's made things go

a whole lot smoother than they used to. You know, there were times initially would she would jump or revert back to old ways of handling things. Well, this is how I felt to five ten years ago. But now that she's kind of I don't know what the right word to use is, but she's she's kind of called on to this way of doing. How much better things go when there is that respect for each other's time of expression. And so that's something that's helped us out.

And what what people need to realize is marriage is constant change, is constant growth. And the person you married one year ago, five year tenures, they're not the same as they were back then, and so there has to be a constant state of adaptability. You have to be able to adapt with your partners growth in order for things to stay on course, so we start using different

ways to resolve different issues. And so why why do you think that is that whenever there's a situation where we're trying to express ourselves, we're not really looking to resolve the issue. We're looking to kind of CounterPunch. What's you're saying that's something your wife does too, Because whenever I express my feelings, I feel like my wife don't be listening to me. She'd just be staring at me until I'm done, because she in her mind, she'd be like,

as soon as he's done, I'm gonna say this. Like it's like she's not actively listening. She's waiting until I throw my punch, until she has a clear shot to knock my ass out exactly. It's like she's she's biting up lip and she's got that fist back and she's like, as soon as he misses it, lights out. So is that like is that part like what is is that part of the feminine or that? So that's yeah, that's

a really important pattern to acknowledge and shift through. So whenever whenever someone that there's a thing that drives everybody in a human experience, right, I call it the two generating appeals of operation. But to just be super specific, there's two things that everyone wants to feel, and if you're living from a healthy, centered place, you'll all you always feel them automatically, and your approach to life is

far different. When you don't feel these two things, everything in your life is dedicating to wanting to get them, and it's never the actual real thing. And that's where and so what this is is is safety and significance. Right, safety and significance. This drives everything so that the two generating appeals, they generate what appeals to how we approach our lives. So if I don't feel safe and significant within my being, all I'm interested in my priority of

focus comfort and validation. Comfort and validation, comfort, validation. When I feel safe and significant, what I'm what I'm after, growth and liberation. All I want to do is meet more of myself, expanding more life has to offer and

be fully expressed. So then when you're not feeling safe and significant, that means that there's certain experiences you have where if you don't know how to identify your emotion and process it, you don't feel your actual state of power, and you feel powerless, and that's what happens in arguments, and in arguments, nobody's ever telling the truth. In the argument, you just want to win. You just want to feel

more powerful again. Or if you feel like someone has command of the space and you want command because you don't feel strong, and that's and that's what happens in the battle, because people start wanting to be right rather than stay in connection. And so in in what training expressed, what was really dope in your expression is training? These example actually goes to the command surrender relationship of mass and of feminine right and command of surrender is not

the same as control of submission. Command. Command means that you are centered with energy and you know how to direct it purposefully. Surrender means you allow the energy to flow as it is. Surrender represents the feminine aspect, Command represents the masculine. Or you know you're gonna hand some beef with debt, surrend submit and so here right, So

here's the difference control and submission. Control is I don't feel saying significant, So I want to make things the way I want them to be, So hopefully maybe I'll feel like I have a grasp of my life. It's a misalignment because you won't. It's not how that works. No one ever controls anything that happens. And that's and that's that's the battle of the argument. Someone wants control.

What happens, though, is if you don't get control and that's not working, right, which is that validation sense, you start going into submission. But submission, which is different than surrender, is now you acquiesce, right, whatever I didn't want to do with it anyway, or find whatever you want, or any any form of shutting off. That's submission, right. So

that's and that's control and submission. So what happens is when you're in command and surrender, right, and they're not separate like you you the only way to be in surrender is to be in command, and the only way to be in command is being surrenderous. What that means is you're not looking to control anything. You are in command of the energy that is you what you do with your attention, where you direct your choices and actions and you allow things to unfold as necessary to receive

information to make more moves. So, but the only way this works with a couple is if both people are constantly trying to be in a state of command, so they can openly here right. Well yeah, well not just the command there there yet you are constantly willing to meet each other in the principle of command surrender because there's gonna be time for you you have to But but but again, surrender is not happening without command if

you're surrendering in submission. Right, So like for for what you, Trinity expressed hissibility to say, listen you, this is my time to share. Right. He's not. He's not. He's not downplaying her, he's not putting it down. He's not being like, you'll never listen to me, right, that's all bullshit. He's saying,

this is my time to express my feelings. That is, I'm here, like i'm here, right, And then she goes, oh, now now there's a new space of awareness and so then she surrenders to that space and ghostly thank you for that. Okay, should be clear, surrender is not submission. That right, if they into it, but that's usually because they submit more than they command their lives. Shots. But we'll get we'll work on that. We'll work. That's why right here, come holl at me. I'll take you on

a journey will destroy your life. So but what's dope about it is is because what happens with command and surrenders, it's in consideration of everything. And that's what actually authenticity is. Authenticity is I'm gonna be in this honest expression while being considerate of you and your feelings because we're in this together. Honesty is just this is how I feel right now. But and so you have to have honestly in authenticity, but authenticity is far greater. So when you're

living in authenticity, you choose connection over being right. So in in Trinity's case, what he expressed was I in this moment, like underneath that statement because he's not attacking her, he's saying, right now, I want to be in connection with you, and it's important that you hear what I'm saying. And that's why it works exactly because then she'll receive that in a feeling state and go, I understand that

why because she wants the same thing. Right. But if you're not used to doing that, you're gonna go to whatever your initial reaction is. So if the initial reaction was I'll bring up to sing in the past because in feminine states of if I feel this every memory linked to this feeling, I'm gonna reach because I want

to feel more powerful. That's the argument space, right, Like I want to just win a win the situation, which is also why if you get caught up in that as a as a man, you will lose or masculine lead because this also applies to the the same sex relationships, but the masking lead, you'll lose that every time, right, because the feminine space all it wants is to feel differently.

But what happens is if that feeling gets met. So if Trinity is like, listen, this is I'm with you, and this is my chance, and this is my opportunity to express my feelings, and it's important that you hear me, she'll her system will ease and go, Okay, he's with me and he's actually opening his heart and he wants to be met, which is different. Then why don't you

just shut up and listen to me? So that changes the whole dynamics, right, And if you do that in completely, that becomes the standard of the relationships that don't do that enough, it doesn't meet the standard, and then you're gonna be and for all the time. See that that

goes to what well. I had another listener letter ready that the person wanted to remain anonymous, But he was talking about how he grew up differently communicating with his siblings and his parents than his significant other, and because they grew up completely communicating completely differently, when they tried to have conversations, it was like oil and water, and I mean Codeine and I were very, very similar because

kdein growing up her householdn't communicate well. Everybody swept stuff under the rug and they were quiet and they just let things harbor. In my household, we had family caucuses where my my family came My parents came down and said, you can express how you feel now. Once I expressed how I feel, and if it ever went against my

parents thought, I was considered the wild child. So it wasn't really a family cause it was it was as a dictator ship, you know, disguised as a caucus where they just wanted to tell me exactly what they wanted me to do. But because we even had those, I

always like to approach things head on. So when we have a cover station, I'm like, can you let's talk about this, And in her mom she's just like, I feel attacked, right, so you know, so listening to you talk about that, giving her her time to say, let's only discuss what's bothering you, and giving her her space will help with alignment because now I'm surrendering to what she feels, and now she will be able to express how she feels in totality, and this time is only

dedicated to her with hopes that when it's my turn it can be reciprocated, not with hopes with the absolute standard that it will be reciprocated. It will have to be for you, for both of you, because because it's not like life, especially physical reality isn't about fairness right first and foremost, it's about awareness and choice. So when you are more aware, what do you do with that information?

So in Trinity's case, where he expressed that his wife is now more aware of what he's expressing and then her choice is to meet that why because she cares about the relationship. She cares about their connection, she cares about the dynamic and their family. And if you know your wife's because if you have a wife that doesn't care about that, that relationship is over right. Why that like, that's that's done. See, that's a big. That's an even

bigger statement. If you're dealing with someone who you know is not concerned with being of service to you, then there's no reason to even be ex and then you'd have to check in with why you chose that. That's

another thing to do it right. So so then in this case when when it's too different, because because it's the case for everyone, right, like everyone's brought up and they condition themselves, they have patterns, ways that communicate is where their family base and that's and now you're meeting

people and sometimes it's similar, sometimes it's different. The space where everyone meets is if you're willing to choose two things connection, right, I want to be in connection with you as we communicate, and you don't necessarily to say that, you can show that. And then the other part is always being in curiosity and wonderment. And that's who you talk about where everyone is constantly growing, involving whether you're in a in a marriage or not, you're gonna keep

growing and evolving. The thing to remember in the marriage is that is still happening because you're two sovereign beings and that has to be an important aspect. That's that's I'm gonna let you finish because we've got a moment of truth. So I don't want you to finish because that sounds like a moment of truth. You actually just gave me my moment of truth. So let me just let me get this out. If you'd like to be featured, because that was a very unconventional listener letter, but I appreciate,

I appreciate your experience, your perspective. I appreciate yours. And if you'd like to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. So, gentlemen, now, now was the moment of truth, right, And in a moment of truth we kind of pull it all together.

Today we were talking about men feeling like they're Superman and trying to find an outlet or find a way to communicate better with their significant others so that they don't implode or explode. Right. Um, I got a lot of nuggets in gems today listening to both of you, and I know what my moment of truth is. I would like you all to go first, if you want me to go first. I'll go first. I'd love to hear what you got, mat So, my my moment of truth is this, and you really literally just said it.

As a man, when you choose to be married, that's a choice you make, right, you also have to take ownership of who who you chose to be married to. And if you find yourself in a constant state of disagreement um, a state of depression, a state of not being aware of where you are because that person just doesn't seem to be as willing to serve as much as you are, you have to then ask yourself, why

did I choose this person to get married to? If you constantly feel taken for granted, if you constantly feel like you're forgotten, you can't always blame the person. You have to start to look within, look at yourself and say how did I get here? Why did I choose to be here? And that's my moment of truth? Um. As a guy who claims to be superman at times, I'm going to take accountability of this. I'm not gonna look at my wife and say why do you make

me feel like this? I'm gonna look at myself and say, why do I feel this way, and it goes back to the choices I've made. Did I make because you're you're not married yet, and that's a choice you made right and you found peace in that. Did I make the right choice to be married? And if I made the right choice to be married, did I choose the right person to get married to? And I do feel good about that, like I love being right on, enjoy being married. These moments we have a foreign few in between,

but they still happen. And I want other men to know that when you feel this way, you're not alone and it's not something that's gonna last forever. If you learn how to deal with it. That's my moment of truth, so beautiful for me, my moment of truth. I'm sticking with the whole Superman theme and being married and being married for for so long is just the realization that I don't have to be Superman. I married the right woman for me m and things aren't going to be perfect.

And that's a realization that a lot of people don't. They don't understand. They feel like, Okay, I married this person, they should be perfect. To me. Everything she goes smoothly, smoothly, And if you have that perspective that Okay, now this person has to be perfect than that relationship or marriage or what have you is doom from the start, because that's an expectation that nobody can meet. But just because

things aren't perfect don't mean they aren't great. And so for me realizing that I don't have to be Superman, that I married a woman who allows me to realize that that, Okay, if I'm not Superman, I'm gonna be fine because of the partner I chose to walk through life with. And so just to revert back to like I said, it's it's a lifetime commitment of trying. It's trying not always succeeding because you're gonna try things that

aren't gonna work. And so it's kind of like you go through these trials and you'll get to a point over however many years that Okay, this works. Okay, that didn't work, This works, and that eliminates a lot of the things and a lot of issues and problems you had earlier on in the marriage. And so that's my

moment of truth. You know, the person, you don't have to be superman if you got the right woman, that's yeah, And I love and and I would even go as far as to say, instead of trying, you're actually doing, and you're using the information of the results of your of what you're doing, like you're not even trying thing, you're literally doing it. And that's I just want to make sure that's honored. Because you're trying. That's the real thing.

And so and I love what you said because and this can also be part of my moment moment of truth. And in something else I'll share on top of it is it's always gonna be about resilience, not perfection. Right, the structure of existence is perfect. All of that is handled on how things operate. But this game for us

is we're constantly meeting new edges of ourselves. We're constantly growing into more, We're constantly discovering more of what it means to be um, to be a man, to be a woman, to be creative, to be healthy, to be all these things. And there's so much more to expand into. So along the way, will make decisions, you'll get different results. There will be plot twist, the will be university. But the whole point is that you continue to step forward

and meet yourself. And so if you have a conversation and you don't you say something different than what you actually wanted to say. It's the opportunity with that awareness to be resilient enough to go slow me make this a jo you know what I mean. And that's that's always the game. It's it's with the information I receive, do I compound my choices because it is actually getting the results I'm looking for? Or do I make adjustments?

So we keep looking where the synergy is, where the harmony is, where the health is, where the optimization is, and that space for us and this is for men and women. It's important. What I've seen the same things that make all relationships work, um communication, the ability honor everyone's sovereignty and be in having a shared resonance. The moment of shared residence changes, meaning that you're no longer on the same page, or that your direction of life

is changing, so does the relationship dynamic. But even as you grow to share, residance can always remain. And that that is what I've seen as a really important key UM too amazing relationships because everyone's at some point, everyone has to own themselves fully. If it's absolutely at some point, everyone has to be considered the other person, because if if you're in a relationship and you're only thinking about yourself,

why are you there? Right, you're choosing to be in a dynamic with someone to be considerate of them, and that's absolutely invitation. But that what that means, though, is you said, and you said it perfectly. No one ever makes us feel anything. We choose how we feel in relation to how we're perceiving something, and so our ability to own that and go, listen, I feel like this, and I want to I want to have this moment to talk to you about it, and owning that, the

space gets created for that to be received. And if you're with a partner that actually wants to own themselves and see the relationship thrive, they'll meet that. If they don't want to meet that, it's now a different conversation that see, But that's important for people to realize accountability is important. But if you realize your partner never wants to be accountable, that's a different conversation. Why are we even together if you're not even trying to be accountable

for the things that you can change. If it's always me all the time, we need to have a different conversation. So fellas. One more thing, I don't know what it's on time. One more thing, moment of truth and this is for for men specifically. You must have an outlet of so report that is not you escaping so friends rather brother brotherhood, whatever. You gotta need to find a space that you can actually express yourself and be held in support and guided in a healthy way. Find it, like,

open yourself up to it's out there. If you want to hit devot, hit me up, you know, like whatever you want to get there is important. There's there's avenues and support systems, and it is no longer. It's now fully aware that suppressing your emotions and running from them isn't the answer. It's not healthy and it's going to lead to all kinds of distoration of your life. So it's important to now like drop the guard and find a space where you can feel safe enough to be

vulnerable and share. UM. That would be something else. I wanted to make sure this kids not keV. I appreciate you, Trinity, I appreciate you. Before we leave. Make sure you tell everybody what they could find you. What's your social media handles, websites, all that um Trinity white Side, Instagram, Trinity Underscore White Side, Twitter at he Man Underscore eighty two and Trinity white Side on Facebook as well. Appreciate you, um So, Kevin Walton.

I'm at Source Radiance on Instagram, Source Radiance on YouTube, Soce Radiance on Twitter. His nicker name is Source Radiance. You know what type of alignment you have to have in your life to be a black man named Source Radiance on social media, I rock rock and every time I see you'd be smiling because you're not married. But I'm gonna just let that rock though you you deflected on it. But you're watching The Secrets to the Universe. You know you just got Yeah, I feel a complete opposite.

Look if my wife is listening to watching, I didn't mean anything. I would just supposed to be our brotherhood, supposed to be the Brothers Circle. I was performing. If you need anything to eat, if you need me to break up, just text me. See brother he already built on this Brothers messed up. I'm stand on this block by myself. It's cold out here. That's why I'm the only one drinking see the gout water. But I got

some Hendason here. You can be sure to find us on social Media at dead as the Podcast because d N I am y'all know her. That's my beautiful wife, and I am devout And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe and you know what, people we out. Dead as dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a thing