The Third Time's A Charm with Jasmin Brown

When I became a mother, there were certain things that I was only able to experience as a mom, no matter how much people told me, you had to be in the thick of it. I feel so responsible these days. Responsibility looks good on you, sis, dead assadass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos with our voice and reading.

Each other publicly as a form of therby. Wait, I make you need therby most days. Wow. Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the day we about to take Bilotov to a whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now, all right, story time. So if you're wondering if this was planned, it wasn't. I mean, it was planned for me to have Jazzy here with me today. However, the whole, like Denilone situation black, the black underlay, the black leggings totally not planned. However, according to Triple, if both of us look three inches to the right and two inches down our side, profiles are giving family. And that's because we are yeah so jazzy,

My whole life I thought that I was Trinny was my mom was born in Trinidad, but she would always say born in Trinidad by way of Saint Vincent, Like my whole family's from Saint Vincent.

So in my mind, I'm like, aren't you where you're from, right, I was like, where you were born? So she was like raised in Trinidad, she was born there? Oh she was born in Trinidad. Oh, yes, so she was born in Trinidad, but then she came over.

Yeah because her fam is her both her parents are from Saint Vincent. Okay, however, her dad was in Trinidad for some business and that's where she ended up being born.

Gotcha, gotcha? Gotcha dad? Like nationality wise, I guess she's technically Trinidad yet, right, But the whole family, the whole bloodline is it's fency Okay, So we had to scale it back. So I was at Jasmine's baby shower, okay, having a grand all time, putting the rug, and then I introduced myself to your mom and dad, which is such a West Indian thing. Introducing yourself to everybody. Absolutely

Yet?

Jazzon and I were going through like the whole gamut of all the songs that we enjoy. One was Little Kim, but she was a bit risk for the episode. So I mean, I mean, we do risk a, we do risky, we do risk a. But you're from the late nineties, early two thousands. Good is mad songs that I could sing, son, I could pull it, masks up. I just want to know what your favorite could Dude? Did you have I Know you love Me? Like cook food? Even though a nigga got a move like a crooked move, she bars

It's because it's acapella. It's a cappella. Acapella, a cappella. I think with the a acapella like showtime about.

The Okay, it came to mind, I'm thinking about because there's one part that I don't know. Good dude, I know you love me like cook food, even though a nigga gotta move like a crooked move. We were together on the block since free Lunch. They should have been together having four.

Seasons, but we used to. We used to use umbrellas to face the bad weather. Now we travel first class to change the four never have bunches, just me and you. I loved your point of view because you have no punches.

Bars. But you weren't a partner of it. Though we're supposed to do it together. I know it's all right. Though you was in your element. I let you rock. I let you rock. I liked it, you was feeling it. I was see. Sometimes it comes to you in the moment. You know what I'm saying. So I let you rock. You might guessterday booth. Yeah, it's your world. I'm just living in it right now, all right. So I'm gonna brush up on my jay Z lyrics real quick. I'm

Yeah, well, you know what it's the question is who's watched Jazzy, who's Jazzy and who's Jazzmin Brown?

Okay, because watch Jazzy man that whole And.

It's funny because it's like I don't want to say it's a character, because that's really my personality. Like how I started, like in the car doing my rant, saying whatever, and like those clips were going viral like that was watched Jazzy. So it was like a girl that you would watch my name is Jazzy and just keep watching me.

Okay.

But then it got like when I started to grow up and mature, and but my audience not everybody would come with me, so I found myself having to still do the same stuff.

Okay.

So that's when I felt like, Okay, now it's it's because I'm more of a character now because I can't grow out of it.

I mean I can, but the people want this. So you were trying to evolve from watch but she got stuck.

Yeah, because I noticed that like people want like if they relate to you in one way, they want to they want you to stay that way. And then there's some people who will grow with you, like they have kids too, Like a lot of other influences shout out to La La Milan, like she just had a baby as well, Candice and Omar had a baby, so like they go from being like influencers and now their parents. So now like we now all of us can relate

It's just it's just different now. But people want me there, right, They want to hold you to that. They want to hold me there.

So now it's like someone told me, they were like, oh, ever, since you got a man, you think you a.

Profit, you're a prophet, Like that's not what I think. That's not what you think. That that's what you believe, right, but like versus reality exactly.

So that's when I realized I had to try to just keep that thing the thing because it was selling, you know, like doing my comedy, doing my shows, like even like Toya turn Up, that character was created way before, like the Suki Hannas and Sexy Reds and city girls like that was like, you know.

You were the original but O g Like we said, yeah.

So now it's like if I if that character, if I were to keep going, like it's right on brand now because that's kind of how like a lot of the culture, like it has gone in that kind of direction. But I've even had to take a break on her so I could just focus on Okay, who am I?

Like? What am I doing? Right? So we're talking about jazz now. We talked about Watch Jazzy, Jazzy Jazz.

Yeah, Jazzy is that's like my family Jazz Jazzy. You know, at home, I'm Auntie Jazzy, you know, so that's like my home name, you know, Jazzy Watch Jazzy, Yes, my home name.

And then Jazmine Brown is like who I am?

Like that, it's like I guess, oh my gosh, the mom yeah, the motherly side, the woman's side, the partner side, that's the actress side.

Yeah. So how have you felt stifled, I guess in a sense, or have you felt stifled with people who still crave Watch Jazzy but you feel like maybe I've outgrown that portion of my life or I've outgrown that portion of content or my talent. Do you feel stifled in having to still curtail your content to make sure that you're including those people or do you feel like, you know what, whoever's gonna come with me gonna come with me. Regardless, whoever's gonna come is gonna come.

Because now it's like I can still do the content, but now it's gonna be baby related. Now it's like instead of me talking about dudes or whatever, can't.

Talk about that anymore.

Have a man, so it's like I'm not really I'm not outside anymore, right, So now it's like, let me talk about these babies and how these kids are acting, you know, so that I can do more of that kind of stuff. I just haven't really found that dance yet. Okay, there's things that I think about all the time, like, oh, this would be good if I would have rant about this, yes, But then I haven't because I'm just like, as you know, like having a newborn. It's like, oh, yeah, first of all,

We both had brain fog. First of all, this is contagious Okay, I thought my brain fog went because I'm here two and a half years PILs Dakota. And then we were talking about something and I for a second we were like what were we talking about?

And then you were like, I don't know what we were talking about. And then you were like I don't even know what I was talking about.

And I was like, need to do it. And it was like, oh, this shit is contagious. It is so constagious. But I love that. I love that you are finding new ways to I guess it kind of eventually evolve. People don't know how to evolve sometimes, though, So you got backlash from people who felt like Toya Turn Up or watch Jazzy used to preach one thing through your comedy, but then now she's at a different point in life, and they were trying to hold you to that standard.

It's crazy because it's like, dang, like I can't, I can't evolve.

Y'all want me to stay the same. It's like, y'all want me to be single so bad, and you're mad because I'm not.

That's just sound by then y'all y'all.

Want me to be single so bad.

It's like, why can't I if everybody's out here looking for love?

Why essentially I would think that most people are right.

Yeah, I mean it's like, okayship even though right, companionship, love somebody, a warm body, whatever it is. It's like, you don't necessarily want to be alone. And if you keep and if you're telling yourself that, I think you're lying to yourself because eventually, you know, I read something.

Is that freedom or is that loneliness? Oh? I think I saw that you may have reposted that I did. I did. I thought about that and you polled and it was what was the result of that poll? What do people think? Do you remember freedom? Freedom? People think it's freedom. People think it's freedom.

But I mean there was a good amount that said lonely yea, but I mean it was but freedom was was, you know, had the higher vote. But it's interesting, it's interesting to think about that yeah, because it's like, you can you know, I have friends that are amazing women

Do one for me. And he's like, and she's nine ninety and still ain't got.

Nobody, wow, because he better be doing this, this and this and having X y Z and her list was rigid, and her list was rigid, and it wasn't gonna budge and Granny ninety plus still talking about he need to be doing this, this and that at.

Ninety Oh granny hard right, So it was he might find granny and man, he was so he was like, you know, there's women who are like that. So it's not to say that like that.

I was not to say that I settled, but I mean, obviously, like you know, everybody knows my man got a lot of kids, right, and we just had one. So people the main thing I always hear women like, oh, how can you be with someone with so many kids, or it's like, originally, like I thought I was gonna I thought me and my.

Person, we were gonna be each other's first first. That's what I thought, especially that would be ideal for you. Yeah, that's what I thought was going to happen.

So it's like, okay, but I had an open mind and then with that I met somebody amazing. So it's like it's sometimes the list is so strong and you not budget, but it's.

Like, just see what you're going. I'm not telling you to settle, but baby, just see what areas you can you know, sing, So it's not necessarily settling, but however, you know you have a list, right, you have this mental note of things that you want your partner to have. They are not going to check all the boxes, not in life.

And listen and not at once, right, because I remember I was I wrote I posted a list of like the man I wanted years ago, and somebody was like, I love your list. It's great, but and I believe you can find all of this, but you got to give the person time to.

Become these become those things. Because for you to.

Find someone who has all of that all at wants, baby, you ain't the only one who own him.

That's that's my husband. Hello, that's literally my husband at eighteen. Do you think he had all of the attributes that I thought he was gonna have. I mean no, I will say I had a little foresight, you know, I knew he was gonna go to his big head and whatnot. And I say he had little work ethics and ambition.

Yes, So it's like they're not going to have everything all at once, right, but it's like how long are you going to give them to become everything on your list?

That's now that's a determining factor because some people, men and women, yeah, will sit and they'll wait and they'll hope for change. How do you decipher then, is this just who the person is? Or am I attached to the potential of who they could be? Because I had this conversation recently with someone who is no longer in a relationship, and she said that she was in love with the idea of who she thought this person was

You can't stay the same, you know, and whether you're changing for me or changing for yourself, you gotta you have to do something evolving. So it's like, go into it, like them how they are, however they come, like them like that because you have to like them like that.

It's cool to be like hopeful on the potential.

But if they don't change at all, do you like them how exactly how they are in that moment?

That's exactly what I Oh, really, and it's funny to be interesting, you said, yeah, we cousins, baby, lady.

I told you it's funny because like that was me, Like I was so fixated on like the potential of the potential and then it was like, you know, we had a thing and I'm like, oh, he's going to be this.

And that and dah da da, And then when he became all those things, he dropped me ooh he like plot twist. Yeah, like he went and explored his horizons right right.

You know, it was like, Okay, I've reached a certain level of success right now, I want to see.

What if the grass is green? Are over there? You know.

And we weren't like officially like boyfriend and girlfriend, but we were like we knew each other.

Fel together, yeah, kind of doing life together simultaneously, yeah, seeing how it would go. Right. So I guess the way you protect yourself in a moment like that is saying, okay, we're doing life together. We're seeing we're of support to each other, but not being fully bought in until you know what the potential outcome may be, or seeing how things are going, kind of feeling it out and not being exclusive.

But then there's people who will wait around to see if, like how that future looking, and then they try to lock in on you real quick, like oh girl, he just real he just got this contract. Let me try to lock him down. Yeah yeah, And then there's that right again, back to what we both said. You gotta like the person food.

Oh they are right who they are right then and there, I find to change gears a little bit. I believe that, and I spoke about this. I think with b on our episode that people can't use against you what you already put out there. So if you're transparent, if you're honest, if you're living in your truth, you know they'll try. They'll try, but it won't hit the same. I was just gonna say that it's not gonna hit the same.

It's so funny that you say that, because I remember being pregnant and I had other friends who were and at the same time as me.

Talking about like, oh my gosh, my baby's doing this.

I feel my baby kicking, I feel my baby doing this, and I was like, I'm like, I was probably like seven months and I was like, I'm not feeling like I don't feel no kicks. I'm like, should I feel anything by now, like at least like something. I felt, well maybe not, maybe around like the five six mark.

But I wasn't.

You know.

Everyone's like, it's so beautiful you feel these movement and it's like I'll go to the doctor and they'll say the baby's healthy and all the things. But I'm like, I'm not feeling movement like that. And then I realized that there was too much noise around me. I had to get in a quiet place. I left town, I went away. I went to Florida. I went to Cocoa Beach, Florida, and I stayed there for three days. And I just wanted to have like solitude and silence and just just.

Lock in on my baby.

So every day I would get up and I'll be like, we're gonna go have breakfast, We're going to this, We went to church, we did all the things. We would go on like dates, and I would act as if like my child was with me. And then so you were like verbally speaking to herbally speaking.

I didn't know what it was, yes, because.

Yeah, So I remember I bought a book and I was just reading. I was reading the chapter a day, and I remember like as soon as I finished reading one chapter and I closed the book, and I'm like, well that's it. I mean kicking like wait, like what happens next kind of thing, and I remember breaking down crying like oh my gosh, like this is so crazy.

And I remember just like looking at my.

Timeline and seeing all these beautiful pregnant women who don't have no acne or bacnie or heartburn or none of the things. And I remember looking at them like, yo, this isn't real, Like your armpiss ain't black, Like what is going like?

You know what I mean? Like I' still recovering chill.

My armists was so dark and I'm just and I remember just being in there just venting to myself like, Yo, this isn't real, Like you guys aren't keeping it real, you know. And then like I go on the bathroom if I throw my phone down, I go in the bathroom and I'm like just looking in the mirror, like fixing my ponytail or something, and I promise you I heard a voice that said, go on tour. I was like, God,

Right?

How?

Oh I'm the third one. He got all these kids, and I'm this and that what I'm gonna call it? God?

And he said yep, uh baby mama, number three third times a charm And then I was like, oh wow.

I was like that's it. So this is in turn you taking, for example, do not toy your turn at per se, but using the content and the following and the comedic aspect of it, and then now making your own based on your current situation.

Yes, And I was just like, you know, and I called my agent and I was like, how do you feel about this idea?

She's like jazz that is brilliant. And I was like, because I.

Already know what they're gonna say about me, right, but if I can beat them to it and say it first, right, you ain't got nothing on me. Right, You're gonna say I'm the third one, okay. And I said that already you're gonna say this a sixth child, okay. And I said that already, right, you're gonna say all You're gonna say all all the things. Right, You're gonna say, oh.

You did all that shit for a nigga who ain't even put a ring on it. I said, oh, I said that in my stand up, you know what I mean? Right, Like I opened up like that. Right. So that was brilliant, I think because when they went dival, so we were just like, it makes total sense. And this is so on brand for Jazzy, like thinking about what's gonna be the next thing to do, what's the next way, What's how can I now personalize this experience experience, I.

Said, just the sweetening even more. I was like I'm not gonna post a picture of my you know, people post a little stomach like I'm expecting, right, I was like, my pregnancy photo gonna be my flyer when they so when they share it, they're promoting my show. That's the only photo you have of me with my with my bump out right, It's got my tour dates on it.

Crazy, So when you share it, m hm, do you know where it was going to go. It was gonna be in all the group chats and the shade room, Yeah, the sites and everything. I mean, they found a way to just take my photo and just I'm sure you know, as they tend to do as they tend to do. So how much of that for you, if we think about perception and reality, how much of that for you was?

Like when I found out, I was ignant, completely caught me by surprise.

I felt a lot of shame. M M. I felt a lot of shame. What was the shame? Was it out of wedlock? Shame? Was it who you're pregnant for? What your family would think? What was the all of it? All of it?

All of it wasn't necessarily him, Well maybe it was. It was a little bit of everything. It was like I waited till I was probably about five months to even tell my mom. Wow, yeah, because I was like I knew how they you know, we know that was Syndian's standard. Yeah, you know about you know, being married out of way, I mean, pregnant, out of wed locke all that, so you know all the things.

How are we going to tell the family?

Yeah?

So I wait, I waited. It's that crazy as adults were still like so concerned about what are so I just think because I remember, like I will always say like I don't want to be nobody's baby mom, Like I don't want to be a baby Like, no, I don't want to be a baby gave. I don't.

And it's so funny because I will always say that even before I got pregnant, before like and it wasn't even that we were even trying, like I like he knew how I felt about that, like I don't, like I have no interest in being that.

And then it was like, here we are.

You know what I'm saying, Here we are, And it's just so crazy because like I just never thought and not to say that I'm just too good, but it's like I just never I just never thought.

That's not something you saw for yourself. Yeah, and that's okay.

Yeah, So it was so then it was also one of those things like yeah, bitch, like you thought you was so much better than us, and here you are.

You just like you just like me. Baby mama, shit, baby mama, shit. But I think you also, I think it wanted. I don't remember if it was in a video or a story like or what you're it's your rebuttal to it was, yeah I am, but the situation that I'm in is different. It's different. Yeah. So then that was the thing.

It was like, Okay, I gotta just I gotta just get in front of it.

Part of your show. Yeah, yes, yeah, I gotta get in front of it.

And then you know, at the end of the day, it's like because people are like there's tears to it. It's like, okay, you're his baby mother because you guys aren't married. But then it's like, you guys are in a relationship. So are you Are you just that? Are you his partner? And are you the mother of his child?

You know what I mean? So it's a layered relationship. It's not just a third baby mother. Yeah, it's like we are in a relationship together. We are doing life together, we are raising a family together, we are doing all the things together. So it's like I am I like to look at myself or we call each other life partner, you know what I mean. So it's more like a partnership than just like a baby mother to no, for sure.

No, I just knew that I was going to need time to get myself together because out the gate, I was just doing a lot and I know, and I created a standard that I knew that I wasn't going to be able to pulled once I had my own child, because one, I need to lay down somewhere, I need to just be with the baby, so I can't be as hands on as right I was prior to my child,

You just don't see it, you know what I mean.

And then, like I said, I have a baby now and obviously like I'm still.

A bonus mom. The pancakes are still getting flipped and they never stopped flipping.

So everybody who thought that because I'm scratching my man's back to sleep, But I'm not gonna have time to flip flapjacks the pancakes and breastfeeds and breastfeed and clean and study my lines and work and be a super mom and do all the things.

Pancakes still flipping. Well, shit, I'm coming over the banana too. Oh fancy from scratch from scratch scratch house. I love that for you. That is great, that's great, and I think it's a thing where what I appreciate about you, Jazzy, is that you're not This is not a facade for you, It's not a this is your real life.

And what I noticed, Kadeen, and I have to say this before before I forget, it's people put their fear on you of what they're unwilling to do, so instead of you saying so instead of you being like, oh, I'll never be the one getting up in the morning making pancakes and doing all the things and going to the jumpy house and taking them to do whatever it is.

You won't do that. So you are extection. So you assume that I'm not doing it. My baby is being done right and doing it gladly, gladly. So it's not even a thing where you're over here like I gotta do this. No, it's innate in you.

To that person, it's like the nurtur Yes, so we have this thing that say like I don't have to do this.

I get to do this. I want to do this, I want to do this.

I get the opportunity to do this, you know, like I have the opportunity to be an amazing mother figure in these children's lives.

Like yeah, who you know what I mean? I mean.

And then there's people who just don't want no parts of that at all, who see somebody with a lot of kids and run and run right.

But it's just like you have the opportunity.

Yeah, I know my intentions are good, and I know I know how I was raised, and I you know, it's like it's beautiful to be able to have that opportunity to do that. But some people just they see somebody with so many kids and they just run, They run from the idea of it.

Yeah, I love that for you, Jazzy. I love that because nothing about our conversations. I've called you a lot of times to check up on you, just to make sure that you were good, just being a new mom now having your own baby, just to make sure that your mental good and that you're you're you know, not offering unwanted advice, but just making sure that you're okay. Because as the first time mom, I'm sure you get it from all different angles. Yeah, but I want it

And I was like, honestly, I just whatever guy's gonna give me is what I is what I need.

And then I saw I was a girl.

It's so funny because as soon as she was born, the doctor like put her vagina to my face.

She was like, it's a girl, and I was like what we kind of.

Had an idea though, like people kept saying like, oh, it's a girl, it's a girl. Right then I was like I felt girl energy. But then I was like, yo, this mam make nothing but sons. So you were just like I was like, I don't know, I don't know. But then when she came out, I was like, wow, I mean it's just honestly, I'm such a lover and I feel like it was the love that completed me because I've always been like I feel like I'm always the one that loves the other person more.

You know What's funny. My grandmother used to say that she was like, this is my vincy side. Someone who loves you? Is that a thing that she was just like, if it's not about who love you, I mean, it's not about who you love, it's about who love you. She used to always say that like your partner should love you a little bit more than you. Yes, that's what my mom love you more.

I know, I know. I tell him all the time. I'm like, I definitely love you more inship.

That's crazy.

He's like, he's like, no, he'd be like, you don't know that. And I'm like, tells me the same thing.

He was, I definitely love you, Ma, I said, no, you may be physically more of the like touchy feely affectionate person, but that doesn't equate to love anymore, you know. And he's like, I never thought of me like that. I'm like, yeah, exactly. I'm like, people love differently, so having a daughter something I cannot relate to. However, Oh wow.

Well, basically what I said to you earlier was like, yo, I hope she wasn't. She's not gonna be a whole like I was, but you know what, she's not though, because I had dad.

I had daddy issues, did you I did? Is it like he was spoken about before having daddy issues, but your dad not present, because I feel like I seen him my dad.

My dad was very present. However, you said there's different ways you can love something. Yes, we had different love languages, so I didn't. I took his love as not caring. His love was you have a car, you got a roof over your head, you got all I don't need this. I don't need to tell you. Look at the car you're driving, and you got full tank of gas and your oils chain.

Yes, all the things.

Matter of fact, you have a that I worked hard to get you. Yes, But it was like you didn't say it. Yeah, he didn't give me a hug after right, So for me, it was just like, oh, like I wanted that, so I guess yeah. So in my mind, I'm like, it's like, did I create those issues on my own? Like did I make up having daddy issues?

Because I was just I just didn't understand you didn't understand their way of loving.

Yes, So later on in life, I just I realized like, oh my gosh, like man, this whole time, I was just telling people like man, daddy issues and my dad this, this and that, when really my dad was an amazing provider.

That's interesting. So it's interesting to hear because so many times you do hear about like the absentee father and then people having issues because of that. But your father was very presented and everything, but he didn't love in your language. Yes, So it made you still feel like a void or a deaficity, and that forced you to look for love in places that you probably shouldn't have been. Right.

But I'm driving in a car that he worked hard for to get to where I'm going.

I'm driving in my new car.

You driving a right, right, right in a car that your father bought, but but you don't love but he.

Don't love you. Wow, It's it's a cultural thing too.

She would wake us up in the morning by kissing our feet. Really yeah, so like what a difference.

What a difference.

So it's like I feel like raising a daughter, you gotta be honest, you know, and and I know that like coming up in this day and age, like she could she can watch some of my old videos. She could see some of my perspectives on how I used to feel about things, or some of my old stand up clips or whatever, And I don't want to lie to her like I want.

To you want to explain that to her?

Yeah, Like I want us to have the kind of like I don't want to like we're not gonna be friends, right because you.

Know, make it very clear with our friends. Me and you're not size used to say, or she would be like two women can live in the same house. So if you think your oh man, leave, get told you find your own house. I'm like, first of all, you never sounded more Jamaican than when you tell me to leave the house because we not the same size. Sis,

Yeah, But like cam is extremely honest and you know, and very transparent. But he I always tell him, I'm like, honey, not vinegar. You know, he's vinegar all day.

Vinegar me.

I'm like, I try to just soften the blow a little bit, but he's just like, no, like they need to know.

This is how it is, this is how it is.

He also has a lot of sons though, so I think that maybe and he's softer on the girls. But yeah, yeah, I mean there's no rate to really there's there's no way to really tell there is.

I can just do the best that I can. That's a fact. And that's what I would encourage you to do, Like, do what naturally feels good. Do what makes your daughter happy in this moment. Like right now you're exclusively breastfeeding. I see you've been working hard at that. That is no easy feet. Look at the jazz you got teens y'all. Yeah, when she came in to the driveway and I gave her a hug, I was like, oh, we got t stead of touching. This is amazing. I love that for you.

Oh, I ran all over my mom. My mom was so naive. I just knew that, Like all I had to do was check in. Hey, Mammy, I may want your life. Yes, he Even till this day at my big age, she still has her location or my location on her phone because she just wants to know, Like she s like, I'm gonna have that with my boys, you know, like she just wants to know, just are you all right? So she would look at it and just seem I'm at the house, or she'll be like, yas it's late, I see you're.

Not at home. Are you all right?

You know, like, yeah, she just wants to know it. And I always just let her know that I was okay. And as long as I did my check ins and I let her know that I was okay, it was pretty much free game. Right once I figured that out. Terrible, So, like, I feel like, you're gonna be.

Doing more than checkings. You're gonna be pulling up on sis oh cis tracker on the car. You know.

I feel like I would be I would be a little bit more strict, yeah, but not to the point where It's like when she turns eighteen, she's a girl's gone.

We're also stifling her, you know, yeah too, Yeah. I think kids need that balance of like discipline, but also that open line of communication which is super important, Like you never want her to be too scared to come and tell moms something like because then they try to like do things on their own and make decisions on their own. It's like that constant balance of trying to empower them to be their own people and they get their own decisions. But it's like, as an adult, haven't been through it?

You can ready, I'm not going Yeah, three months that far ahead?

Right. What's surprised you the most about motherhood so far?

It's a love that I've never known. It's like like we were talking about I'm a lover, right, and I was like, Okay, how much more can I really love somebody?

Like? Right? You know, because it's like.

Cam is the greatest love I've ever known, Right, So I was just like, it's going to be more than that, you know what I mean?

Yeah, what makes that the greatest love you've ever known? Is it? That? Is it being reciprocal love on a deeper level face off of what you've It's just love on a.

Deeper level than I've ever experienced, you know, somebody to really choose me, you know, and like just like just it's funny because the thing that my parents loved about him was like, oh my gosh, Jazz, Like he takes you everywhere. He just shows you off, like it doesn't matter where he's going. It used to be times he's like, oh yeah, I got to go here, and I'm like, okay, well just let me know where you're done.

He was like, you're coming with me? Like what you mean right, I'll be like, oh my god, Like I'm proud of you, you my girl.

Yeah, like what you know, just introducing me in the highest regard, like always having respect for me, like whoa you know, and like my parents like when I when I found out that meant allowed to them, it was like wow, and then I just wasn't really used to that, you know what I mean. So just just connecting with someone on a very deep life, you know, after being hurt and after going through breakups.

And oh yeah yeah you know. Yeah.

So like once I had her, it was like, oh, this is what they talk about.

Very different, very different. Yeah, how much does people's perception of you, now that your mom, now that you have a partner, a life partner, how much just people's perception of you alter your reality? Does it matter? At this point? It just doesn't matter. Now.

It's like I don't even care about social media, Like I'll pop in every now and then, you know, just to like do some mommy stuff or just hey guys, I'm still alive, or like talk about breastfeeding, or.

But it's like, now.

Everybody used to know what I ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and who cut me off on the side of the road, or what I bought from Walgreens or how this person was acting or what was my experience here. Now it's just like I really enjoy my privacy. I really enjoy you not knowing what I'm doing. I really enjoy you not knowing the dynamic of me and my man. I really enjoy POW. I reached out about like a reality show for the two of us, and I was like, oh, yeah,

Crazy that girl, Isn't it crazy how people's real world? It's really caught up in this abyss of social media, Like if it doesn't happen on social media, like it it's the craziest thing. It's not really, it's not really. He doesn't follow you, he doesn't post you. Funny, funny story because you know Crystal of course. Yeah, shout out

It's just like y'all because it's always it always goes back to my relationship, Like, oh, y'all, it's funny because I was reading an article they were like, yeah, they got together in twenty twenty one. Your facts are wrong. Where did you even get that? Like we were actually together before that. People just like you guys don't.

Know y'all don't know nothing. You really don't know nothing.

It's like you just piece together things and like, okay, this sounds like it could be true.

Okay, I saw this this here, all right, let's put this here.

It's like you try to puzzle piece people's lives, right, but it's like we're putting out what we want you to.

Oh yeah, for sure, and from what they see then they create a whole narrative around it that.

Yes, usually, but it's like you don't know usually faults, you don't know nothing.

So with all that being said, that's your maintaining a space that is healthy for your daughter, your children, your life partner. What do you think is your guiding principles for like maintaining a loving relationship, Like what does Jazzy want moving forward when she sees herself as life partner mother, bonus mom? What does that look like for you? Man?

You know what, we have a big sing in our house where we say lead with love.

There's lead with love.

Like I was talking to one of my friends on the ride over here and I was like, you know, when I became a mom, Like, I don't know what I was doing. I've never was like you leave the hospital and it's like, wait, it's just gonna be us.

Wait what do you mean, I don't hold on like, no nurse to call bell that all that.

I'm just like, wait a minute, I was like, but I was like, I didn't know what I was doing. I just know that I just lead with love. You figure it out, that's it. So when your heart is in the right place and you lead with love, everything else just kind of falls into place. And that's just what I do.

I believe it's not scripted. Like I'm just a very thoughtful, caring person.

These are other people's words, not mine, But I'm just extremely thoughtful.

But that's who you are. It is. So it's just people can't change that.

If I know that this is your favorite and I'm out and I see something that I know that you would love, I'm going to come home with that because you know what I mean, if I have access to getting it, like it could be like a pack of em and MS or whatever it is.

I'm gonna come back with it and be like, oh I saw these.

And whatever whatever just my love language, or it's like I want you to feel special, Like he was away for work for some time, and when he came home, like I had like a welcome home banner for him, Like I had like this, like you know, I had some goodies for him and stuff like that, because like you.

Had some goodies and some good I want to supplied the milk for the cookies. I want them to feel special. I want want them to fill loved.

And I think that my love language is words of affirmation, and my, oh my gosh, mine is all of them. Words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, those like the.

Main three, the main three.

Well mine is just okay, I see you're running out of your favorite uh body wi right.

That's me. I'm gonna replace it. Yeah, I'm like that too.

Yeah, Like I see, like before you can even ask favorite meals like any little you don't. Ever, he ain't never gonna say, hey, babe, can you get some more of that is already there. I'm gonna be like, oh, it's a matter of fact, Oh it's empty already hold on, I just got to another one here, let me pull it off. Or when I see something running low and I see him in the shower and I'm looking on his side of the other shower and I see his

That girl, right, you know what I'm saying. And that's how that girl and that's how I live.

And that's how I am. Lot The kids too, Yeah, oh they would love this. Oh matter of fact, Oh, this is something that they would like or whatever it is, you know what I mean, Like, Okay, I'm gonna do this special thing because like I think about them. Yeah, and it's like back to you know people who are like, oh you' how could you be with someone who has so many kids.

It's like they're amazing. They're so amazing. I love that they really are. I love that they really are. And I'm sure they love on you just as much. Because one thing children are gonna do. They don't feel it. Yeah you're gonna say it, yeah, and they'll act accordingly. Yeah, you know, so children, children and dogs, animals, children and animals will know good people. Yeah, so you know, and it's funny. I'll watch my children if they kind of stay away from certain people or their energy, or you

It's like, if I know everybody loves boba, like before, you can't even ask me to get back the kids this week. We already got yeah, and you don't even have to tell me the one that you like because I know nobody. Like I had surprise them one day and came back with boba and one of them was like, did you.

Get the one? I'm like, of course I did. Of course I did. As I said. I'm like, yeah, come on, I love that I know the one that you like.

And the thing is, I'm such a stickler too, so it's like, you know, say, for example, this one don't like ice and this one does. It's like, I'm gonna remember that you don't like ice in your you know what I mean, Yep, and totally get it.

And that's just that's the way.

Even when it's fixing plates, everybody likes their plate different certain kind of way. You don't have to tell me you don't jazz is on it. Yeah, I know who don't like cheese? Who like those intolerance? Who wants I I know who want wants to.

Dish that ketchup? I know who wants to ketch up on the burger? I know no, But that's that's how it's five of me. I know, I get it.

And they're all different, right, And so it's like, so when you take the time to know their personalities and know how they eat, and especially if I'm the one cooking, it's like, it's just paying attention to details, details and what you love to do, because that's me, that's you.

You're not asking nobody else to be that. That's just who you are. What's a jazz? You know what's funny as I wrap up the conversation or the meat of the show with you. When I got to meet you, I think it was in La with Kendle on time. We were hanging out and we just had the best night out. The four of us were sitting chitting and chaturth and whatnot. You did remember it was a it was a whole thing. That conversation I remember was a

You know what's funny they said to me, that's how we knew you were valuable. Instead of like shortening my my episodes, they got a body double for me.

Wow, and they were like, Jazz, you have a body double. They're like yeah. They were like, oh, he has fires. GP loves you. He called me and was like, hey, how are you feeling.

I was like i feel good and he's like, okay, I'm riding as a teama like do you feel good? Like do you want to be in the season? I'm like absolutely And then you know that and he was like okay. He' said okay, don't worry about anything. We're gonna work it out. And then they had a body double for me. But the fact that he even called me as he was riding it just to see what headspace I was in.

That's so indicative of who he is. Yet, No, it really is, It really is.

And I was just like, of course, I was like I'm ready to work because obviously like being pregnant.

It's like I needed to get back to something that really really made like happy. That meant like it was felt like yes, and I had a great pregnancy. But still I was like, yeah, it can be taxing, especially how they film over there at TPS.

So I get it, but I wanted to like but I just thought it was just very beautiful.

That was beautiful. And if you haven't seen Caught Up, oh yeah, everybody about it. We couldn't talk about it when the strike was happening, and that's when it launch was a BT plus because baby, the minute I knew it was coming out, it is such a good series. If you haven't watched yet, I remember telling my sister about it my friends and they were like, yo, we want more, and I'm like, you gotta come back season till you write me and it is your cousin, I

Writer and executive producer and star baby period.

Give her all the titles, all the accolades, everything, all right now, Well, since you got all of them titles, come paties bills with me real quick. We're gonna take a break and then we're gonna come back and we're doing one quick listener letter while the baby is still nice and quiet with me.

Me.

We're gonna see what they're talking about this week, so stick around. All right, we're back. We fed some babies, some lip glos songs, use the potty, you know, refreshed and ready to go. We also notice that we both have matching French pedicures. Yes we do. Okay, cute toe gang. I love that, all right, y'all, So we're gonna dive in. I have Jazzy here, who's gonna sit with me through y'all business. Okay, are we going to get into one of the things? Do you know because we had a

Any advice, oh child, go and give your married woman advice, and now I'll give you.

I'll give you one. Right, So I found out my partner, so partner maybe not married, one year old child. You'd like to go back and decipher, like break it down and I'll see what actually is happening here. Well, first off, having the conversation with someone who's been unfaithful sometimes you got to get to the root of what exactly was

Maybe she's blaming herself too, you know, because like you said, we don't really have too much backstor we don't know if he's been cheating, been lying, been doing all the things. I don't know that It's interesting because I think that I was having a conversation with somebody and they were saying, like, you know, back in the day, like our parents and our grandparents, like they fought for every reason to stay together.

Now these days they look for every reason to leave. Ooh, you know what I mean. That's a good point. So it's like everybody's so quick that throwing a towel.

And I'm not saying, you know what I mean, if you want to leave, hey, yes, that's your business. But I think that, like you said, like getting to the root of the issue and really finding out what's really going on or whatever.

I do know that.

Women naturally are we are monogamous creatures, you know, But I know, I do believe everything is a choice.

But I do, you know, feel like men have a little bit more of that, like like they got a scratch, that they got a scratch, you know what I'm saying, However, discipline men are disciplined men. I don't know what their relationship is, Like I don't know, and then not to justify anybody's actions or behavior, but I do know that they're I think the cheating there's levels. I think there's

Yes, like do you would you rather him just like have sex with somebody that he doesn't really.

Know, like one off and never talk to him again, or someone like who's making him laugh and sending him like good morning and knows his favorite snack, like you know what I'm saying? Yeah, which which one was it right?

He says it's you know, it's a mistake. He'll never do it again, Like, which which one was it right? Because like men know how to detach themselves from their penis, like their mind.

That's what I've heard too, Yeah, you know, having several conversations with deval or just other men, it's like they can compartmentalize it a lot, whereas women maybe can't. Right, So it's just like.

You hear cheating, You're like, oh my gosh, she guta say it with another woman like a but it's like he can literally like have zero feelings for that person.

It's wild.

Yeah, and again I don't know the situation. I don't know, but like you said, I would get to the root of it. I don't think that. I mean, of course, in the initial is like, oh my gosh, we'll never be together.

Right, Like it's especially having a one year when it's like, you know, she's still postpartum, she's still doing it with all the things.

And it's like, you guys have a child, so regardless if you leave him or not, he's still gonna be.

Parenting is going to be. It's inevitable, exact inevitable. It's interesting you brought up you know, our parents generation or even our grandparents where it's just like, damn y'all don't fight through anything. But the converse side of that is that damn y'all stuck around through anything too, you know.

And really and you know, create a safe space for your partner to talk to you, because like that saved Vali lots.

And that's the real thing.

It's like what if what if he just didn't have nobody to talk to him and became you know, started talking to this person and she heard him out because every time he tries to talk to you, you you fussing and arguing and he's not a safe space for him. However, that can be like, oh, you're taking a man's side.

I'm not.

It's just that I'm just trying to see how this thing could have happened. And if you guys are going to talk about it and either resolve or break up a conversation, it's worth having a conversation.

Yeah, still worth knowing. And I feel like.

You should be able to talk without fighting. You can have heated discussions, but like like lets some time go by and calm yourselves down and then really talk about it. But also like really hear the person out, don't just listen like I can't.

Let me hear what you have to say. Okay, you fuck me? Okay? And yeah, and I was at work like no, like like really listen, like really listen and understand trying to see you know what, maybe I can understand why it came across that way, or why you proceed it that way or how you arrived at this destination. Yeah, whenever the Valan I have like disagreements and stuff, he normally is just like, well, listen to how I feel and understand how I feel, and how I feel is

And you know what's interesting because the times that I've cheated was aut of retaliation.

So you weren't the cheatya. Initially you weren't the cheat. You were just cheating as a No, not like you're you cheated, I'm gonna cheat back. It's more like it's there's just some things that you need and like, Okay, I'm just gonna just paint a picture. I'm not not saying this is what happened with me, but just say like.

You crave for your partner to tell you that you're beautiful. You've told them time and time again. I need words like I need you to tell me these things. I need you to tell me.

He don't do it. Don't do it don't do it.

Somebody I show John or whoever tells you like wow, like you're really beautiful, like I really like your today or whatever, and it feel like, oh my gosh, that void. So this is what in my relationship we always call like crevice. That's when that crevis got you know what I mean, like creating And it could start off innocent

Y'all, communication gotta be right. So either way in the way I go back, which for you twisted, you gonna have to talk to that man so big big is gonn unfold? Yeah exactly. Oh my god. It's some pretty good advice. Thanks Jazzy so much for that, and I hope that things work out for you. Sis set us a follow up, you know what I'm saying. Sometimes when we have too little, we have to paint a picture again, Like we talked about that, painting a narrative around, just

Too, It's like, really, in the culture, can't nobody mind naby everybody want to be in somebody business?

For sure? Have you heard about this, I'll be like, no, I have a new born. I don't know what's going on. But then you have people that say, well, if you don't want me in business, don't be putting ye business out there. Well, baby, y'all want to just take the situation and round. It's just like it's like one thing I was trying to share and then now we were like, yeah, another thing, you posting your baby?

If you go cover the phase because I'm excited about being a mom bitch, that's fine period.

And is that the moment of truth? Right? My moment of truth is honestly, like you gotta give people grace. Yes, give that's a good one. That's like an overarching topic, including yourself.

Give people grace, give yourself grace, because I've had to learn to give myself grace through this process of like, you know, I was talking to one of my friends today and I was like, you know, my child is like my purse and I don't leave home without it.

You know what I mean. It's like my American Express, well like de vous American Express. Yeah, like the Amax killer or like I said it before, time and time again, like.

Your ID or your credit card or whatever you just can't leave on what I was like, she gotta go like wherever I go, Like I'm here with my baby right now, you know, like she has to come Like I gotta work tomorrow, she come in.

Yeah, that's just what it is. It's just what it is.

And I had to just like give myself grace because I'm like, I feel like I don't like feeling like a burden on people. It's just like, n it's my child, Like I don't I don't want you to have to you know what I mean. Like like a little bit ago, she was crying and I was apologizing to your mom, like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

Who made me know something about crying? Shall Yeah, yeah, so it should. I get it. You just want to make sure that she's good, especially as the first time. You want to make sure that like you hear her cry. It's like oh yeah, first off, if your ears go up, start leaking, yep, and then you're just like oh anxiety. Yeah, well, just know that you have a safe space here and we family like literally, but also yeah, given myself family

However, however, if you're on social you can follow me on Instagram at watch Jazzy. Also Satiama season one, two and three, Yes, ma'am about to be filming season four and.

Yes on the way okay, And obviously you can stream my show Caught Up limited series as of right now four episodes on BT plus, written and executive produced and starring me.

So that's the Big one. Also, we need four more.

I know everybody's so good you'll have to watch it really is.

Yeah, it just just stay tuned. I might not post a lot of these days, but when I.

Do, you're gonna wanna You're gonna wanna be. I love that. Thank you, Jasey, and be sure to find us on Patreon if you have not joined yet, be sure to subscribe to get exclusive dead Ass podcast content, as well as more Ellis Family content. All Day K A Day with K. I think we're liking the flow of this giving talk show vibe, so we'll see how that goes. But yeah, dead Ass the podcast is on Instagram. You can find me at Kadeen I am. And don't forget

Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and it's produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass The podcast and never miss a thing