The Evolution of Fatherhood with Ser Baffo, Slick Naim & Robb-Davon Butler

ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying fast on the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead ad starts right now. Story time. I remember being seventeen years old and honestly feeling like my father didn't like me. Like I knew that he loved me, but I remember saying to myself, my father doesn't like me much. And I remember saying to myself, like, damn, what did

I do that my father doesn't like me? Because I felt like I was my whole life, I had tried to do everything I can to make my father proud. So at that point in seventeen, I said, I'm tired of trying to make my father proud. I'm just gonna do what I want. And that's when I started to rebel a little bit. I started to talk back a lot and just make my own decisions. And when I left to go to college, I was so excited about

being out the house until I was gone. And then it was in that moment when I got to college and everything my father was trying to teach me and instilling me hit me like a ton of bricks, and I realized, Damn, that's why he was the way he was. All Right, it's karaoke time. I got my brothers in here, right, so I'm actually gonna sing the song Brothers with my brothers.

I'm gonna need you all to join in with me, all right, from the Best Man soundtrack, if y'all remember this, alright, So we're gonna start from the verse, alright, ready, one, two, three? What can a brother do for me? He can help you up when you ut down. What can a brother do for me? He can be my eyes when you can't see. What can a brother do for me? He can help you be either best man, I can't. I can be, I can be, I can be, can be, I can be. Help you bet up, best man, I

can't be. That was terrible. Oh man, I think I drowned you all out. But welcome, Welcome, guys, Welcome man. So I'm gonna introduce you all to this very special group of guys here because this group here became my clan here in California when I moved out here. All right, I'm gonna go in order as the people are watching me here, so we're gonna go to my left, we're gonna go to Solving. Naim. Solving actually put me in

my first film. Oh. He's an award winning producer, director, actor, rapper does everything father, husband, got a son now X shout out, shout out, thank you for joining us, Solving. I appreciate you. Brother to his left, it's my man, Serbifo shout out. Brooklyn Coney Island photographer. He's worked on the Lakers, the charges would bet Will Smith. I mean you've you've done a lot of work with a lot of people, bro, a lot of work. You got out here first. You told me years ago. He was like, Yo,

d R D you want to make it. You gotta come out of Hollywood. I'm gonna Solomon told me the same thing, so sir bole, I appreciate you going yes and to his left and last was certainly not least. My new brother from another mother lives down the block for me. I ain't gonna tell you where we lived. I want nobody rolling up on us say it's my man. Rob da von Butler, former NFL athlete play safety. He

liked to hit people, now works in corporate America. He's a father, husband, also a son, we all sons, but also father of the four beautiful children, two sons and two girls. Rob, thank you for coming and joining us. I had been struggling so many times with what I was gonna do for the men's episode, because we all kneen and I always do the podcast together. But last year one of our biggest episodes was the guy's episode, and we talked about dating and relationships and people love that.

But I felt like it was important, especially in today's time, to talk about fatherhood, especially black fathers. And I think it's important because um Rob Slack and myself we work out every morning together, and every time we get together, people would think as men we would be talking about asks. You think we would be talking about women, and but we literally sit there and talk about fatherhood. What are

we do? We ask each other because Rob has the oldest children, he has grown children, so Slick is always asking me questions. But I bring Jackson with me and I'm like, yo, Rob, how do I deal with this? And then I felt like I should bring Bafo because Bafo was in the space where I feel like, if I didn't have kids and I had a group of people that could tell me what to look out for, I could make decisions based on those things, Which is gonna lead me to a question that I want to

know from you guys. Right in story time, I talked about what my father was to me, and I kind of want to hear from each of you what your father was to you guys, Like, well, I mean I have to really think of about that because you know, unfortunately I didn't have a great relationship with my father um until I got married, you know, and then my wife, you know, brought us tried to try to mend that relationship because she knew that that was you know, that

that needed to be needed, work needed to be done there. So there was a large gap of years you know that, Um, you know that we didn't really talk much or you know, or go back and forth. So I have to kind of go back to, you know, my very early years. And um, I when my father was to me was you know, disciplinary, um, hard worker though, you know, self made. You know, he started his own company example. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

so yeah, definitely that was one thing. And then and then just kept progressing in that, you know, so he completely just did his own thing, you know North. Yeah, but my father is that actually white and my mother is Algerian. So my father came, my father came to New York. Um before I was born. I've seen me my mom and you know, they had me over there. But he, um, they divorced immediately like after I was born, you know what I mean. I don't even know how

they even got together. It's just to make me and um. And then he went he moved to Inwood, Washington Heights, to eleven Finish and that was the hood, that was the Dominican hood. So you know most of my yeah, that was I mean, that was fact for the weekend. When he walked in from New York, I called him slip. Yeah, I mean, that's been my life in New York, explaining to you know, put the vegans Dominicans that I'm not. Sometimes I gotta say in Spanish and they're like, but

um so so yeah. So so I watched him literally, you know, from broke as how, you know, black ass whip that was still getting broken into you know what I mean, um to you know, to to making something of himself and you know, being that good example for you. You would say your father was an example more than a presence. He was just an example. Yeah, and he was very present in the early phase and and and actually as a as a baby, were piste off my

mom because my mom was the worker. My mom was working the nine to five, and my father stopped to quit his job just to be with me as a baby. And uh, which made my mom because now she's the breadwinner and she's like, yeah, we got these bills or whatever. But my my pops would finesse it pretty ill because he was an engineer before he got into computer software and uh, and would just be able to just do a freelance job and make and then be like here's the money for the for just enough, you know, for

for the bill. And I would make I would piss my mom off even more because you can make money and you're not doing it, you know what I mean. It's funny think all fathers learned to finesse. My father was a finesse, so he he got his associate's degree, didn't go to college. After that was bouncing and they started working for Chase Manhattan Bank and then became like you know, he does on computer program and in mainframeing. And I used to be like, how do you how

do you manage to make money? You don't even have a Batchelor's degree. And he's just like, you know, it's not what you know, it's who you know. Dads always know how to sound like that sounds like school. Oh my dad. My dad's pretty awesome. Actually we have a really good relationship. Yeah. Um, growing up he was around. He was definitely a disciplinary but I didn't I didn't know anything away from discipline in a sense, like I didn't know that that was wrong. I guess them is

from Ghana. Yes, my parents were from Ghana. Um. My dad uh played he was a soccer playing Guana. Left Ghana in the seventies by himself, came to America came to figure out. America came to figure this out and I'm good, Carson, Yeah, ain't gonna so yeah. So he came to mur Um and Uh in the seventies and just wanted to establish some sort of ground here, which he did, and then he went back and got my

mom and my three brothers and brought him over. So for me, um, seeing seeing that and hearing that story growing up, I mean, I felt like this man left the country that he was very comfortable and familiar with to code to another country that he had nothing nobody there um and started a space and and and started working for himself and started to build a foundation here in America where he's able to bring my family over.

So for me, Um, he's like a true example of like, you know what I'm saying some shing I need to be emulating, and how I would love for my kids at some point to see their grandfather and know these things about them. So yeah, it's big. So that's two things over there. I heard. Example example Rob, you and your phone, I met your father. He's been spending the last week with us working out and last in the morning seven working out with us, Young Bucks. What was

your father to you. Man, I'm sitting here reflecting as I into my brother's a goal that went before me, and the thing that comes to mind for me is, you know, my dad was a role model. He occurred for me as a role model growing up. But what I what I came to know as a father myself now is that he was a real model. So my dad didn't hold no punches. He didn't hide anything from us. Um so he showed us the good, the bad, and

the ugly, you know. So I took that by and large, I said, man, this is not what I'm gonna do with my kids because this team too much. But now we're looking back on this, like everything that I got to that you experienced as a young man, especially a young black man going up in America, my dad put me through it before I got to to to live through it myself, so I kind of already had him as a reference point. Some people would say, well, you know,

he shouldn't be doing that. You know, you shouldn't have your first beer or your first disk, you shouldn't be talking about sex with it. But my dad was an open book. Aside from that, he one of the things that stand out to me the most is that he always pushed the envelope for more. He always he wanted me my brothers to be better than him, and so he was. I would get straight A's, bro, you know, being a football player score five six seven touchdowns. He

wanted to point out the tackle that I missed. Until your point earlier, I always felt like, yo, dude, why are you Why? Why can't you never give me my props? Right? And it wasn't until I was thirty years old, this is nine years ago. We had a conversation about you know, why would why would you ride me? How come you never gave me out? A boy? He said, Son looked. I always felt like you didn't like I was never

good enough for you. He said something listening. The reason why I wrote you that way is because I saw who you was. Straight A's was the expectation. Five six seven touchdowns a game. That's that's who that's who you want. So that's so when you when you felt shorter that it was like I had a problem with it. But when you did it, it it was like that's what I expected out of you, and I found got I got that, and you got that at thirty. But how did you feel about that. I let him know how I felt

about it. I told him, I communicated to him that I developed a complex and not being good enough. So how that shoot showed up in the world. Was I always strive to overachieve and was driving was this internal diet that monologue really between me and me saying that you're not You're not good enough? Um, so there was

an impact. So I'm glad you say that, because where I want to take this conversation is we and in this current culture, we hear oftentimes, you know, black men don't defend black women, black men don't love black women, black men don't marry black women. These are all the

things that we're hearing about black men. And I want to have this conversation because we all had fathers in our lives, and I want to know what happened in our lives that made us be the way we are, and especially in our twenties when you're in that dating process, because when you're older and married it's easy to say now, but we're talking about people who date near twenties, between

twenty and who were you? How do you think having your father in your life, or if he wasn't in your life at that time made you be who you were. And if you were that way, would you have dated yourself? How did your father and who he was help you become the man you are to be a companion for someone else? And this is open floor, this is you don't gotta go order. I want to hear that who were you in your twenties when you were dating? Was terrible? Um?

What I date myself in my twenties, Nah, I wouldn't. Um. I was fun, but I wasn't serious. So depending on you know, I guess the lady or the girl at the time that I was dating, depending on what she wanted, she could get fun. But I wasn't really serious. So when it came to being serious and like I settled down towards the back end of prior to moving to l A, I had a girlfriend for like three years. Um, but I myself know that like if I was a few excuse me, if I was a lady, Um, looking

at myself at twenty, I would not have. I would have I would gonna get me wrong, I would be da cute, you know. But but I personally would not date myself because I was selfish. I was very selfish. Yourself. I was very selfish. Um I figured I was also s which one of them, the youngest the seven, Um, somebody was wild deep you know what I'm saying. And

I was the last one. And a few things did kind of go my way growing up, But for the most part, I've always felt like I had to, like even til today, sometime like they'll be like having sibling discussions and I might chime in and they'll blow Steve, you're young. You know, you know you're young, you're youngs absolutely till today. So I think I've had that complex growing up of wanting to sit in the be the

same level when like as I got older. Now, even when I talk to my mom, I'll be talking to my mom she's in Ghana now, and I'll talk to them and I'd be like, I'll be saying things to her and I'm like, mom, you know, like I'm not a kid, I'm grown. I'm grown now. But you gotta let my kind of say that to kind of let her know, like, Mom, I'm good, I'm very careful, I'm aware, you know what I mean. So they I mean, as they say, you know, you're gonna ever be their babies,

you know, no matter what. Um, but you're gonna ever be their babies when you're also the youngest of many, and so you being the youngest, that just made you half an If you bro I would not have like I grow I grew up in Coney Allen Brooklyn, Coney All That's the hood, my guy. And if you would have told me then that I lived in the hood, I wouldn't have believed you. Because I was able to get everything I needed and if I wanted Jordan's you can get it right. I needed the new system school

together you had everything was kind of you know. So it's kind of to me and like looking at it, I'm like, I didn't realize the life that I was. But also, like I said, I think that all contributes to the fact that I was the last born and just feeling this need to want to step out up and be seen up beyond everybody else. Um. And I think it kind of has cat like followed me into my adult life in a way where I've taken good

out of that. I'm taking the good bits of that in terms of like being seen and being working, working and just not constantly trying to be better every day. I think that was something that I carried over. I don't know if they knew what they were instilling to me when it when it was happening, but that ship is in my blood. Bro I feel slick. I knew Slack in his early twenty I hadn't seen his action. Yeah,

I mean, I definite would date myself. I mean, but but I'm there, But I go home with myself, you know, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, look, I think the environment that we are, you know what I mean, the feathers that we grew up with, you know, and you know it's about you know how many you know how many, how many bodies and what you could do and you know this, it's that competition, you know right right, It's that camaraderie that you go out and you're like,

I'm gonna get this. And then you know, on top of that, you know, my boy Sam so I had, I had like he's like an older brother of mine. I was also the youngest um and uh he would he His job was was a doorman at the biggest clubs in New York City. In New York City, so I was getting I was going into these clubs. But when I was sixteen, So from sixteen by the time I was of age, I was like it like the club. I was like, come on, I know how to maneuver everything.

And I was he was giving me drink tickets too, because I couldn't afford the drinks. I was like, you know to me, like when him locked up even drink tickets, what was saying doing right? Well, yeah, I always like when you give me the tickets, I always feel for the thickness of the stack, you know what. I'd be like, oh, I gotta stack to you know what I mean? And so,

you know the thing. It was so funny too, because you know, the girls I'll be talking to in the club like oh, your baby, you must be like twenty two, twenty one, and I'm like, you know, seventeen, Like yeah, you got that right. So yeah, So so you mixed that with you know, growing up in New York and also my like I said, my mother was a very home worker, so she wasn't very She wasn't home a lot, you know what I mean, even though she was there

for me for anything I needed. So you know, I had, you know, all of the the ingredients, you know what I mean, to get reckless you know, um in the city robbed. You know what I thought about. I'm thinking about this question. Listen to my brothers. I'm gonna take a different cut on it because you was married you I was married and I got married at one, So you know, at first asked, I would answer the question the way they did. Nah. Hell no, I wouldn't date myself.

But now I think back to like the values that my dad had instill then he had he had four fps, Dad, forgive me, I gotta I gotta share this with the world. Four as when it comes to girls, find him, feel him, suck them, and forget him. I knew that, and I'm like five, you know what I'm saying. But so so

that was that was the that was the conditioning. But something in my spirit never felt that doesn't feel right because it's like, if you abide by that philosophy does not explain why you left my mom when we were when I was two, and I didn't want that. So I was I was a wild ball early. So I lost my opportinity at twelve. So all the all the buns dudes was getting in college, I was getting buns in middle school. So you talked about being exhausted because

he was in the club early. Because I started early, I wasn't trying to give another notch under my belt by eighteen, nineteen and twenty. It was about the connection and the love. So I was I wasn't. I wasn't. I was a serial monogamous slash cheater. Okay, here's the meeting behind it. Like every woman that I dated, I felt like they was my woman because that's the level of chivalry and care giving I gave him. I was always a giver because your father was a gentleman. He

taught you to smooth. He had a gender he had when we were talking what I'm saying, so, so I never messed with girls to say I did that. I messed with him to be like, I wanted to blow their minds. I want him to love me. You know what I'm saying. I wanted to be the best they ever had, the whole thing. So I would definitely date young twenty year old r dB because he was a good He was a good dude, but you know he had some other things he had to work out. You know,

it's crazy. I I've been I've been with Codeine since I was eighteen. Um in my mid twenties, I would not date young devot um. It's funny when I watched people on social media and even on TV, they're like, oh, this is relationship goes and I'm like, y'all see relationship goes now. But if y're knew deval and codein in two thousand and six two seven, you would be saying the same thing. You know what I'm saying that necessarily it wasn't because I was a scumbag. And this is

what you know brings me to have this conversation. I realized that I didn't understand what it was to be a boyfriend or fiance or a husband. I just didn't understand because my father never had that conversation with me about what it is to be in a monogamous relationship. This is a conversation me and my pops had about sex committed about so what you know, I got comums in my drawer right said, yeah, good job, that was it, bro,

that was it. And and here's the thing. My father was a mentor to thirty to fifty other young men in our community. He ran the Junior aim in the Salle Missionary Baptist Church. But he and I never had that conversation, so you know, that left me to do what I wanted to do my brother. My brother had a baby at seventeen. And it's crazy because you mentor all these other young men, but I never really felt

like my father was my mentor. So when I was in my twenties, I was being I was being what I thought a man was, and I learned a lot dude watching rap videos. You know what I'm saying. You see chickenie and nice CHICKI want to smash you back. But I did learn from my father and my uncle Kevin to always respect women. So I was never disrespectful. You know what I'm saying. I was never ever disrespectful

to women. But I just didn't know how to be monogamous even though I was trying, you know, and that makes me want to you know, made me want to ask this question, how do we break that if we want to raise young men or even raise young women to be in relationships. Because you got two daughters, and

I always say I want to have a daughter. You don't have kids that you have a son, But what now is father's We have to start to think about what we didn't learn and how we act because we just said we all said we wouldn't date out twenty year old selves except me, except you. You said you would. But there's women out there who are looking to date. And there's something that I think Rob said that I think women deal with that men don't deal with. Women

develop faster, both physically and mentally. So I remember in high school, all the bad chicks in high school that we went high school with the older duds, And I'm talking about sophomores. Remember sophomores in high school. Surely you fourteen and you would have seen it. He drives, and you know what I'm saying. So they've been dealing with adult issues from fourteen, So the time they get to twenty,

they're like, I'm tired of dealing with kids. But us as men, we don't get to that point until, like you said, were twenty five. Now I'm in that position where I can, you know, kind of have fun, and then women are kind of like, what I have fun from fourteen and twenty, I'm looking for a husband. How do we, you know, as fathers, begin to break that for our kids, especially our boys, especially because I know you got to you got when I got three. What

do we tell our boys. I mean personally, I feel like they have to go through the emotions, you know what I mean, Like I wouldn't they gotta. They have to learn a lot on them on their own. And I wouldn't want to deprive my I wouldn't even want my son to be husband material at a team. That's fair. I agree with what I'm saying. Let him, let him go through things, and obviously, you know, respect, respecting women,

respecting everybody. You know what I'm saying That just respect period is you know, paramount and raising him That's what I'm gonna do. But I'm gonna let him do his thing, you know what I mean, and until like you know, until he starts getting serious about somebody and you know, I feel like he's super serious about this this girl, and then I can have a talk with him, be like all you know, we can't put the age that something.

Is that the same approach if you have a female daughter, Like if you have a daughter, That's what I was gonna say, what say, the same energy you put as far as how we feel, you know, we give let our son just kind of do him and figure it out. Are we taking that same angle with our daughters though I don't know. I don't know. And here's the issue, though, if you're telling your son figure it out, he needs

people to figure it out with. So if you're not gonna raise your daughter to figure it out, then he's gonna end up having to take advantage of someone's daughter who's trying to date deliberately. So and that's where to me, as fathers, we have to figure out what's good for

our children. Because I don't know the answer. I say I want to daughter, right, and I say the king all the time, and when I when we have this girl, you're gonna have to do this because I don't know what to say because I'm telling my boys like slick. So listen, you can't go into life thinking I'm going to be someone's husband until you explore a little bit. You have to You have to know what you like and what you don't like. Or maybe that just applies

for a women too. Maybe that just applies you have to explore and just decide what you want. I'm cool with it. I'm cool with it, but I don't know if it's misogynistic for me to tell a woman to go out there and have fun with different gods until you figure it out. Because you know what I'm saying, how do we how do we as fathers have that conversation with our daughters. Oh, you're having the kids, you know. But I personally wouldn't say go out and have fun,

even to my son, go out and just have fun. No. I would just kind of feel like it's just own conversation and just things that he's experienced. Hopefully I'm at a level with my son where he's comfortable to least just talk to me. That's the first thing it. Child has to be able to come and want and talk

to you, you know. So if he's able to talk to me, I feel like then I can he can put trust in me to tell me stuff, and I can kind of veer and guide him in the process and not necessarily say your guard to knocked down fifty girls and then get that out of your system and then get married. No, no, no, no, What I mean like, kinda put the pass a little bit for him, help him pick that rob your daughter, But it's the relationship.

Your daughter just turned twenty one. What are those conversations? Like? Curious? He's gonna be a good dad, bro, be a good dad. Man. So here's the thing. Since you framed the question, I got to think, and you asked the question, I get to thinking about ship introspectively. Right, So there's there's there's a difference. The conversation with my son's is twofold. On one hand, is idealistic. Listen, sexist, for marriage is sacred.

You know that course the whole you know the ideal and then it's okay, but let me let me, let me, let me keep it a hunted with you. You're gonna you're gonna get the itch. You're gonna have this dream before the dream occurs, so that they're not taking it back by that wake up. In this you know, you can sol in their drawls. It's like stip dying. You know, that's part of the process. Welcome. So I prepared them for it. You know, we did the whole condoms in the banana joint. Now I did it. Now I just

gotta because now you demonstrated. So there's this this duality ideal versus reality, like the world world that I have on my son's. Conversely with my daughter, then there was only one part. There was there was no duality. It was just all idealism, right, you don't give it away. No one's worthy of it. You can get a disease,

you're gonna get pregnant, wait till you're married. At the end of conversation, what happens is some little some little slick, some little slick surfect kind of like a little pulls up sweet talking move talking, you know, twelfth grade trying to mack on my name grade daughter. And now I got I'm forced to have the conversation before she gets taught by the streets. And so the answer the question is, I think for me, I would have the conversation with my daughter in the same thing I had it with

my sons. We would have talked about birth control and condoms and things of that nature. I'm always giving a new would like looking back, they don't. That's traditional people. You do not talk about sex with your daughters. That's

that's like new parents, millennial that's millennial parents. But I understand why you would because I think, and I don't know, is it our responsibilities as fathers or does that fall on the mom Because I remember t I got a lot of flak because he said that he takes his daughter to the g y N to check and see it from him is still in place now. I think that there was a little bit too far. I think certain things, especially for a teenage girl. Mom you know,

mom can do that. But I do know that that fathers have a responsibility to be something to the arters that is missing in society. You know what I'm saying, Like, we have a responsibility, and I think it's unfair for us sometimes to be like, you know what, I'm not doing it. So I'm trying to figure out with you guys,

how do we fig about what it is. I definitely for my daughter, I definitely want to be the thing that um that that that fulfills her want for stuff, so she's not wanting from somewhere else, if that makes sense. So thats just's just her whatever whatever she needs. Because my biggest thing even just growing up, thinking about how many my sister grow My sister four years apart, and there are things that she might have wanted. But because

obviously my parents are old district. Well my dad at least he wasn't with the ships, so she wasn't gonna

go out and get it. But I could see how if the parent is at least um kind of like I want to say, do good and then you get good type thing, you know what I mean to build that relationship with my daughter at least, so now I know that I'm able to give her things that she doesn't necessarily that no guy can't impress her with stuff outside of the crib type energy, you know what I mean, Like whatever, I'm able to provide her with some things where she's not like I'm lacking this at home, a radio.

I've never seen this, so this is new and it's amazing to me. So therefore I got to be like just all over this particular individual because of so for like essay for me is just really just letting her get familiar with having um so therefore searching for him, right, I would add to that to me and that you talk about, you know the role of a man and and and rearing a daughter. I think that that every child should have male and female energy and therefore male

and female in that rearing. So I honestly, my wife is such an idealist that she couldn't she couldn't deal with the real world conversation when any of any of the kids. So then I had to be a buffer between the ideal and in reality. So our daughter twenty one actually should come to me first, But in an ideal world, I think mom should be the one to have that to keep it a hunted conversation from the female perspective. Now I understand what you're saying, because that

leads me to my next question. We understand that there's a duality between raising a boy and raising a girl. But as a father, you also have to learn to defer. Even though in my household it is a known fact that I consider myself the leader in my household. Now that doesn't mean as a leader I know all I know as a leader, went to defer because my wife

knows more. Right, when do we defer to our wives or the mother of our children with raising our boys, because we often, as as fathers, feel like we know how to raise boys. You don't tell me how to raise my son. But we just made it very clear here that there is a responsibility for a father with raising a daughter. Should we do a better job of having our mother's involved with raising our sons? Absolutely, you

were raised by your mom? Yeah so, And I think it actually it goes too fold right because I feel like when you have a daughter, if you're this role model in this kind of you know, figure that you're showing her what a good man is, you know what I mean, and what a good man should be. You know, you would think that that's what they would get attracted to, right, because that's on the flip side, you know, that's what

my mom was. And so if I was gonna marry some you know, I'm gonna marry someone you know, like my mom. A boy's first question as his mom. They say that sounds creepy, but that's the truth. Yeah, So you know I ended up marrying and every woman with similar principles, you know for the most part, and um, and knowing that she's gonna she's already an amazing mother.

So I mean, those things are you know. I feel like our you know, paramount for you know, sculpting what your child is going to be attracted to, you know what I mean, and end up and hopefully end up with, you know, for for forever, Bob. Because here's my thing, Because once we answer this question, I have a follow up question. Now that we understand the duality to be between raising boys and girls, we understand the importance of having a father figure in the role of our daughters.

But as fathers often time we pushed mothers aside when raising our sons because we feel like I'm a man, I know how to raise a man. Speak to the importance now that we've already discussed the importance of a father and a daughter's life, of having a mother helped raise your son, to be honest, and how that was with you in your house, but being honest, I was with my mother at the time actually, to be honest, like my dad came home, he was gone all day

at work, he'd come home at night time. I'd see him for the time that I was up before up until he says time to go to bed. And that was the relationship as far as like, uh, seeing and just being around him all the time. Of course, he got weekends and you know things like that, you can hang out with one church and all other stuff. But for the most part Monday through Friday, it was me and mom Duke, so a lot of my stuff, like everything that I've kind of learned, Like for example, I

never had a sex talk of my parents, never, not once. Never. I mean it was probably just too taboo for them even you know, because being them being foreigners, um older foreigners from Ghana, like just to come back and be here. I think they felt that was probably, to be honest, maybe like a custom that was more Western, like a

Western customer conversation, right, you know what I mean? Because um So, I never I never had that conversation with my parents about sex period, you know, just kind of like tryal error figured out, just make sure you wear a condom, you know, kind of thing, just having conversations with friends, watching things on TV. Um So, to answer your question, Um, I think the dad's role is super important. But in my case, my dad was there. But I feel like I learned a lot more from my mother though,

you know, Like somebody said to me one time. He was like, um he said, it's super important to have like a dad around, you know, And I was like, no, absolutely. He's like, you know, just the little things like when you go to the bathroom and you take a piss, you know what I mean, Like how you dangle you dangle your dick to lit that drip. You know, just make sure you're not putting the PISSI dick tipped in

the back of that. That's something I went and I feel like that's something that a lady techically wouldn't know to have to dangle the dick to right, you know, So I don't want to stay in the US. And in fact, then we used to way to Tidy White's and it's all bad. But so a lot of my learning I learned from my mother. So in addition to learning from my mother, I also, like I said, I had older brothers. So my older brothers who lived with me kind of put me on game and just kind

of school me. Cousins and all that. But a lot of my my mainly learnings, I guess I didn't really honestly. I learned how to treat a woman, of course, and I've seen how my dad treat my mom, so that in itself, Like my parents been together for fifty plus years. Bro, that is my mom's first and last you know what I'm saying. My mom never been with no other guy

but my dad, so they've been together for ever. So I have an older I have a brother that's fifties, so that lets me know that they've been they've been together even right for a minute, so I know that they're UM. I would say their practices now that I'm older,

some of it I definitely won't. I won't practice with my kids um, but a lot of it, a lot of it was was good, but they were you know, like I said, there's just some things that you just kind of gotta bury as you get older, as far as like um ways they might have raised you, things they might have said while raising you just kind of got to bury some of those and know that that's not something that I want to um put my child through or just you know, say to my kids when

you know when their things are going dad, or some shure. So I have a question for Rob because you got married. You've been with Courtney for how long? Twenty years? Right when we were that is love when we were all in that dating process right as now, because you weren't father's in, were you thinking about this woman might be the mother to my kids when you were dating going through these process or was it just like I'm gonna smash you knew? So my my my girl was my

friend first, we were like homies. And to your point about you know the impact of a woman or a mom in the life of boys, my mom was my model for womanhood, just because my dad was my model for madness. So in my mind, a woman worked, a woman still cooked and still cleaned, and still tended to the children that my mom she did. So my wife showed up. She was she was the strongest woman that I've ever met, aside from my mom. So I dated other girls before, but they would break down it's kind

of league. But my wife. So I started to see these qualities. I wasn't intentional about it, because again he was homies. But I begin to see these qualities. I'm like, yo, after like six months of friendship, I was like, she got everything that I wanted. A woman to a movie, had a girlfriend high school, sweetheart, was a track star at how State. So um, you know, but this this this you know, love interest, this friendship became a love intress.

And to your point, when I made her my girl, I knew, Like when I told her you my girl, I knew it was over. I was. I was eighteen nineteen at that time. Serious, I knew, thinking that's mad. Serious. I mean, think about it, eighteen You're in college going

into college, right, So I was right. So some cases, folks is trying to figure out what they want to do as far as career wise, even you know what I mean, And I'm here, I am making a real decision at twenty one or eight team to say I want to marry that's that's that's real and get down. So you know what I said, you weren't scared at eighteen because because Corney also had a child and they met. So I was like, you wasn't afraid to be a stepfather at eighteen, Like what was going through your mind?

Point because at eighteen, I wasn't thinking about even being a boyfriend to anybody. I told codeine verbatim, I'm like, I'm not trying to do this. I said, you're perfect. I think you're perfect if I could have things my way. And this is going to sound misogynistic, but I said, I would put you in the glass case from the sign until I get right. And men think that, men think that, you know what, I'm like that, and I felt like I wanted yo, and this is what Kay

said case I'm not doing that. Ship. I was like, I guess I gotta try this anogamy things, you know, and I end up trying it until we get married and now we have three kids in this life. But it just it makes me think about all the things and the reason why I wanted to have this discussion with you guys is because I think women and other men who don't have father figures need to hear the thought process for men as we're going through the dating process.

We've already all admitted that we wouldn't have dated ourselves if I was a single woman. And the thing is you you proved that because you got married at twenty one and you've been married because I've worked through everything, which shows that you have longevity, you know, But I wouldn't have married myself in my twenties. We all we all talked about looking for women who remind us of our wives. Only when I didn't say that was bafo because you haven't found you haven't found the mrs right yet.

But we all say that mondest of our moms, monest of our moms, because we've all found someone in the monest of our moms, and also finding a woman that can be a good mom to our kids. Like these are the thought processes as men of what when we start to date? Seriously? Right? So I have one final question, one final question, now that we know all of this, how do you think you can father? What's the best way to father? Mm? Hm, Like like knowing everything you

know now, what would be the best way. You you have the woman that you want to live the rest of your life with, you have kids, what would you say would be your things that you know in order for me to be considered a good father, I would do these things. I would instill these qualities, and I would behave this way. I'll start, I'll start, I'll start. For me, it would be creating a safe space for my kids first, so that they can be exactly who

they are. Right And I'm gonna say something right now that's gonna sound crazy, especially from where we came from, because we grew up in Brooklyn during the nineties, where homosexuality was like you couldn't even if someone said anything to you, but you would be piste off. Now did I have kids. I can tell you right now, if one of my kids came to me and said that he was gay, homosexual, I'd be cool with it. Growing up, I never thought that that would be where what it was.

But when you learn to love someone unconditionally and you have kids and you can see in their eyes who they really are, you start to realize as a parent that it doesn't matter what their sexual orientation is, who what God they pray to. This is my son or my daughter. So the first thing I would say is created a safe space so my kids can be exactly

who they want to be all the time. The second thing I would be I would say, and this is the last thing, is that I would find a mate that would be able to parent with the same vigor for parenthood that I have, because it's unfair for for my kids to only have one. You know, if this is a parent, if this is a partnership, I would want someone who is just as invigorated by it, and I would want I would want that person to just be as excited every morning to wake up about parenting.

How we parent is going to change because I know things in my house is gonna be different from things in your house. Things different in your house, things different your house. But I know that those two things matter the most to me. What you think I mean, I agree completely. I think you know leading by example, you know, first and foremost, making sure that, like you said, there's

a safe place, a safe place for them to be comfortable. Uh. And I feel like making sure that they don't only see you as a parent, but the best friend you know, And I think you know like I see you with Jackson you know what I mean. Um, I feel like you guys have that relationship and I feel like that's crucial, you know what I mean, because they because if they feel like they can come to you with anything, then like that's the foundation that's of a good parenting, you

know what I mean. Because now you know what they're feeling, you can really help guide them, you know what I mean. And you're not going to you know, implement you know your way of thinking or you know the way you want them to be, you know what I mean. You can hear how they're feeling and here exactly what their mental state is at and be able to just help them be who they want to be, you know what I mean, rather than shifting them the way you want

to be or whatever. Like you said, like you know, if if one of your kids say, AM homosexual or whatever, at least you know that you know they can't. They were comfortable enough telling you that you have to tell you that. So now you can help guide them, you know, to to be you know, the best person they can be with that sexual orientation. You know, so they're not reckless or not you know they're not knowing what to do or not angry or not, you know, projecting the

opposite on somebody. You know, there's mad people who are bullied, who are homos that are bullying you know, other homos because they're scared to come out of the closet themselves. You know what I mean? Do you say that because I have a home I have a homeboy whose son and he asked me, this is and this is how all these things happen because the whole, the whole paradigm is shifting. He's a black man, and he said, my son is gay. I know he's gay, but he hasn't

come out and told me yet because he's afraid. And I don't want to bring it to him because that's his to tell. And I don't want to endanger our our peace and out home because he feels like I was snooping or spying. But his son is very aggressive. And his son got into a fight in school because the dude called him the f work, so he beat the dude. Now that since his kid plays football, so he's he's a big kid, but he's like devout. How do I present to my son that I love him regardless?

How do I and and this is a dude that like me was it alpha male? And I'll honestly say, when I was growing up, saying the F word was like anything else. It was like saying the N word, Like you didn't realize the impact it had on people. You know what I'm saying. You didn't have it. So he used to throw it around like it was nothing. And he was like, I didn't realize until I'm older than I had kids. And then he said something to

me that was so eye opening to me. He said, devout, I look at my son, and I can tell that my son is struggling because my son feels like if he if he chose, he wouldn't have chose this if he had a choice, But he doesn't feel like he has a choice. And he's gay. And he said, as a father and made me realize that who am I to judge someone who doesn't have a choice on who they love. That's who he loves. And when you have a son like it's unconditional, He said that I never

thought in a million years. He started looking at my son and I just I want to hug him, but he said, what do I do? What do I tell them? So y'all, I'm asking y'all for advice because I didn't know what to tell him because I was just like, you know, tell him that, you know. But then I'm thinking, like, no, you can't tell him that, because then he's gonna want to know how you know what you're snooping on me? And by giving on something that shows that, oh my god,

everyone knows you know. And then I was like, what do you wait for him to tell you and let these things happen? So what do y'all think he should do? I would? I would, I would engage in. First of all, he talked about creating a safe space. Yeah, that's imperative, but I would engage in a lot of questioning that led to the at least gave him the space for the truth to emerge, Like I ain't gon lot of you. I had a conversation with my oldest, my oldest whenever

brand girls around. You know, he's a pretty like he's a he's a good looking man. You know, he's like it's like prints like he prints print, you know what I mean. I'm like, yo, yo, if there's anybody like this, there's there's homosexuality lating throughout my family on both sides, every generation. So I'm like yo, this is this is he's our generation. So I asked a series of questions because he never talked about girls, never bought any girls around, and he was just he's private in that area of

his life. And so I was like, you know, you first to start off as you're talking to any girls at school, you know, he got any interest in girls, not all, but somebody anybody, UM, and that kind of you kind of let him, uh, you know, divulge or or not. And then you say, you know, whatever it is that you're dealing with, it's the thing, whatever it is that you're dealing with, there's no conversation and no life experience that you could have that you can't have

with me. And I said these things to him, you know, and he was kind of like looking at me like I had three eyes, Like he was like, true story. He's like that, do you think I'm kidd so you so you are a subtle like nah, it's like na, man he laughed like man, I'm just na, I'm just saying I'm just saying so. So just I think there's no other way to I don't think you should wait for the son to bring it to agree. I would definitely, um,

I would have a conversation for sure. I mean because I just know like how I was raised, Like it's not really with a sugarcoat and not saying we're not obviously there's very tactful ways of you know, having that conversation. I would be as tactful and on um unaggressive, I guess, or just without him feeling attacked or she feeling attacked

that I'm asking and having this conversation with them. But the most important thing for me definitely is the same space to communicate and see me as the uncle or the or the father or whoever. But know that like my niece and nephews, like they call me the cool uncle that lets me like so they come and they talk to me about things, you know, like I'll randomly be home and I'll get calls from my nieces who are not calling their dad or their mom to ask questions.

But you know what I mean, So um, I think be giving off that that comfort to the child that they can talk to you without impunity, you know, like talk to you without any sort of so without any sort of like feeling like my dad's gonna judge me, or he might look at me sid sideways or I might actually even get in trouble for the fact that I'm telling my dad I'm gay. Nah, you just kind of got to allow that conversation to happen. Um, I like I say, I if I see it, like, this

is the thing. Like growing up, there were definitely kids growing up in my neighborhood. When I grow up in they'd be like, oh him, yeah, he And this is when we were little, you know, and as they got older. Now when I go home, these guys are gay, you know, like some of most of them. Actually, I'm not gonna lie, like if there was ten guys, is that when we're growing up, they pointed to the mountains like, yo, I

think he's such and such. And now when I go back home, those ten guys are all what they said they were gonna. You know, people remember one in particular. You and I know he played football. He played football, He played quarterback from Corney. All already know what you're talking about. He is now and and it's it's funny that you say that at a young definitely, and we that the radar sense, that little spider sense goes. But you know what's crazy because of generational trauma. And we

did a whole episode on generational trauma. It is can you imagine living a life where you can't be yourself? It's tough imagine living a life where you're in your home with your parents, with your parents, the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, and you can't be yourself.

And the reason why this is important because as black fathers, right, I think it is important that we changed the dynamic and people thinking that gay bashing or homophobia is okay in the Black community and we accept it because I for one, don't like I just I just don't you know, like I mean, people are allowed to think whatever they believe in. You know, people who believe in God and Christianity will come to you and say, well, the Bible says that there's so many people in the Bible doing

things and been sinning and doing so many things. You know what I'm saying. We can pick to do that. But as a father, I think it's important for people to hear that if you have a child who may be struggling with this. Because I don't know if people know this now, but the suicide rate amongst homosexual boys and girls in the in the country has risen, especially during the pandemic, and it's it's always been high against African Americans because they've always felt like they haven't been

Can you imagine? Imagine that? And as far as I think it's, it's on us to be like, yo, you are free to be who you are. You are free to be who you are, and we can accept it and we can guide you through that aspect of your life the same way I would guide my head or a sexual son and daughter through their life because just because and this is another thing, just because you're a sexual, don't mean you can go out there and just do

whatever you want to do. I wouldn't let my head of a sexual son and daughter just do whatever they want to do. So what I would do is guide you the same way in this conversation has not I've listened to tons of podcasts about fatherhood, and we always addressed fatherhood with mother, father, son, daughter traditional and we're just forgetting about a group of people who have never been acknowledged. And I think that we should change that. And that's why i'm and the thing is that I

want everyone to listen to this. When I went through the questions, I never said to these men that we were going to discuss this. So this wasn't a planning thing where we all came here and said we're gonna say this. It wasn't planned, and I didn't want it to be playing because I wanted to be genuine and I want people to understand that us as men are evolving, especially as black men were continuing to evolve and learn

about each other and learn about everyone. So I feel like we're the last of that quote unquote like toxic generation. When I say toxic, meaning like I mean, we grew up in we gre up in the nineties, you feel me. So we grew up where men had to be wild, masculine and you know, like you can't really show sons

of weakness. I feel like last of that batch. After we get out, men are like allowed to cry, you know, in the sense, and are allowed to feel some way, like it's okay to have feelings in a sense, you

know what I mean. And I think that's so important as we phase out out, like we're phasing out ourselves in a sense, you know, like we're phasing out the way we were brought in and we're allowing this new path, this new brain wave, uh to kind of move in and be the new quote unquote norm as they say, you know, the youth, the new way to have kids, in a new way to approach your your family, you know, using that nature. So um, you know we're the last of the dying breed, as they say, I guess right.

I just want to I want to make a distinction before we move off this top and you you wrap myself devout. We spoke about homosexuality and the context of people who don't have a choice. Um, something happens in the wound and during a gestational period chemicalization or the feminization of males, and and where the the testosterone and the astrotisic levels that all happens in the wound. There's a whole spectrum, the science, whole science to it. But it's also people who just flat out choose to be

homosexual because that's what they like. It's prefer Yeah, that preference, preference, personal pence. I don't put those people in the same boat as the people who are born that way. To me, that's fair. No, I agree, I think that that's fair. Ye, not to not to just say well, if you you're born this way, it's cool if you choose it and it's not. You're right, I think, because the purpose is still I mean, the purpose of your choice and ultimately like and I don't think you should fault me for

not liking to eat beef hypothetically. If that's the thing, that is a good analogy. I mean, I don't. I don't eat beef. That's not that's I don't eat it. I don't think you should look at me ways for that though. That's a good Yeah, that's a good knowledge of preference. Baby, gentlemen, I appreciate you. But we're not done yet. We're not done yet. Before we come back with listening to letters, we're gonna take a quick breek. We gotta pay some bills, all right, but we'll become

will come right back with the listening letters. Coats not hands. So I'm gonna do the listener letters. You gotta pay to meet this bob about to get told. We definitely got we'll be right back, all right. Now we're back, all right. We had to go pay some bills or Slick went to go put some money in the meet it, so he didn't get no ticket. I think he just took the car from me, told me to hit your ride home. So got you, you got So we want to listen to letters. This is where people are. They

email in ask us for some advice. So codeine is not here. Is going to be the advice from the guys today. So we're gonna take one listener letter. Here we go. We're gonna try our best, all right. First off, I just want to say the value truly inspired me to be a better husband to my wife. I appreciate that, bro and father to my Son's just wanted to know

if you had any advice on fatherhood. I have a three year old and a two week old, and I feel that due to not having any good examples of being a good father, unequipped to give them the tools to be upstanding men. Any help is appreciated. You got two sons, you got a son, you grew up with a father. I got three sons. Um, what's some some good advice. Let's everybody just give him one tip? One tip. Here we go. I hear that a lot, and what's that?

It's that I didn't have an example or a proper example, so I don't know how to Let's just keep it abuck. After the let's just we can't part of my language, but both. If you're a grown ass man, you didn't have to have a dad. You don't have to you have you watch TV. My thing to him is this, get a good vision, you creative, get a good vision of what an ideal that looks like, and then you work your ass off to exceed that vision. Draw influences from de Val, draw influences from old He runs with

the Cosbys, like Uncle Phil. You know what I'm saying. Come on, man, even watch Good Times? How not to be? Like, like, can we just dad? And we got canceled culture, So let's just cancel. I didn't have, so I don't know how to X. I didn't have, so I don't know how to. That's my two cents. I definitely agree with Rob. I mean he took my answer, took my answer. No, absolutely, device for the brother, Um, how does the how do

kids are? Three and two weeks? So? I mean my thing really to be honest, like I would say, just just stay present, you know, just in all forms of presence, meaning like attention, meaning like just being there. And you know, because being there doesn't necessarily mean that you're present, So you definitely present in a sense of constantly just even just watching the kids like looking at them every devoting time.

Because I have niece and nephew, so, um, there are times, you know, I'm hanging out with my system, I dip off and you know, watching for a bit, and I have to sit there and now change. I'm not just I'm uncle Bob, but I'm also like, you're kind of like the parent right now, so you gotta make sure that they're good watching going. Remember one time I was going to the movie there. I went to the movie theaters with my niece and nephew, and um, I took my niece off the car and I took my nephew

off the car and I turned around. My nephew was gone. When I in that moment, the feeling that I had in my chest like that, it was like an instant anxiety fear, like oh my god, where's the kid at feeling like just him not being president. But he was around the other side of the car, so he was just kind of like at that moment, I felt like it was it's such my duty to make sure that

these kids are one well. And then they know that if some ship went down, Uncle's you know, Uncle's right behind me, and that he's gonna take care of me and you know, protect me. Sorry. Um, so yeah, I would say definitely being president um all the time. Um and you mean the kids at three and some months old, so yeah, you got to be very present. Bro, there you go. So yeah, I mean I would say, um,

you know, definitely agree with what y'all said. But it goes back to what I said earlier about not just being a parent, but being their friend, to making sure that making sure that they know that you are a friend as well as you know, a parent. And obviously you know there's boundaries in respect that needs to be had because they're not just a friend. But but but yeah, they need to be you know, you need you need to be able to navigate both you know, being a

father and a and a friend. So here's my thing, because all of you are right, But there's one key component that I think that we often missed as a father, which is being a very good companion to their mom because I think people don't understand that the emotions and the feeling that the sense that they get from their mom is never going to go away that connection, especially they're still young. I learned from Cairo because I used to speak to Cadeine's stomach all the time. When I

walked in the room and I just started talking. When he was about a week old, his head used to turn to the direction because he's used to hearing that voice. And then with kas whenever me and Cairo started talking, his head always turned. So you become a father in uterome. That continues throughout parenthood the more you pour into their mom and make her feel special. Those essence that feeling and men sometimes don't want to hear it. But you're

not gonna be first no more. Bro. You know your wife is, or your your girl or your your child's mother is gonna wake up in the morning. The first thing on her mind is going to be those children. So you know how how old is ex eight months, nine months, So when you wake up and you make sure she's good, she'll make sure the kids are good. And that's important because all the stresses you cause are gonna roll down to those children eithern if you're not

causing the stresses yourself. So about the single dad, Oh, the single dads. Listen, If if I was a single dad right now, um, I would learn how to balance between providing and being present, because that's the biggest thing I hear from single dads. Single dads all the time say you know, well, I gotta be there, but I

also got to provide. And there's a balance. You have to choose when is the right time to provide and sometimes um and I did this recently, presence is more important than presence which means that you gotta be here. You may not be able to get them Jordan's this month, but if I made every single one of his games feel better. So what's understanding the balance as a single dad and knowing that you gotta be there. I would add to that this um as a single my dad

well he was in a single dad. Well he was because I live with him for a couple of years when my mom was having problems as a single dad. Two things self love model that show show your kids when you have them, if you have them all the time, if you have them on the weekend, what self love looks like. And then I would say number obtually for boys, right, practice self love, whether that's how you get your hair cut, you're working out, dancing, whatever it is, cooking, going on vacation,

treat yourself. But the other thing that I think is even more important than that is how that single dad treats the baby mother or baby mother's I get you a lot of friction, especially if there's courts involved with y'all support. Dudes take it out on the on the mother when she should be working. She don't need as much money. Bro. If you lay down with her and you dropped something up off up in her and God saw it fits fourteen trilling in one chance that this

baby is gonna be here. But some reason at all the joints you smack down, she got pregnant. You know what I'm saying, You and me on the same on the same thing that I don't I don't fool around with the whole child support thing because I do believe you have a fiduccia every responsibility to take care of your children. Like women are the vessels of life. I say it all the time, and we always have these conversations about you know, men that equal to women. I

don't think men and women are equal. There are certain things women can do that men cannot do. Women can create life, you know what I'm saying. So there's a greater aspect to that, to that. So what you work for that when you were a part of creating that life that she is now the vessel for you are responsible. I don't care if she works, if she don't work. If you were that concerned about whether she works or not, then you shouldn't have slept with her. You know what

I'm saying. At this point, it's too late. The child is here, man, so and that's that's just me. Now. Some men would be like, that's fucked up, Oh you were simple. I hate that all the time. But the bottom line is that that's your child now, Bro's you know. That's because your kid. Bro't like like the thought of it, like I created this Now I'm out. I just man, I don't know. And the reason was because the child the courts from my business or or my baby mom's

a thought. So I'm gonna be mad, disrespect h not you were single that to slitch questions. You gotta honor that baby mom. I don't care if she's a stripper seven days a week, treated like a queen, especially in front of your kids. And it's that if you treat her like a queen, no matter how much of a thought she is. Because I got a homeboy that's dealing with like a crazy baby mother and from the time

that he got her pregnant. I told him, I said, Yo, it don't matter what she do, Bro, you're gonna have to treat her like she's the queen because she's going to be the vessel that brings your daughter into the world. And he has and she she kind of out there, but he's continuing to do things the right way. He won't talk down to him, be disrespectful. And I'm like, you got to brof you know, if you didn't want

to deal with this, you should have never slept with her. So, Bro, that's that's something the factory and when you're going to bed guys. Yes, that's that's a real that's a real conversation. Bro, that's a whole another conversation. Yes, I mean, let me not say joints. Let me be more clean women that you sleep with. I think the thing is, guys, we end up a lot of times just sleeping with females, ladies just a frid We just sleep with a bunch

of them when they look nice. We sleep with him sometimes. Man, if this looks good, but this don't look good, you know what I might still do so on with that, you know what I'm saying. So we have to get to the point now where it's not just it's not this, it's like, you know what if like, if I impregnant this lady, am I comfortable and am I going to be happy with the result of her bearing my kids? Absolutely?

That question that's maturity. And if you feel like if she has, if she got pregnant, you would be completely okay with it, then go ahead, strike away, right. You know what's funny, Think about how much sex you wouldn't have if you look at a woman and said she wouldn't be a good mother. You know, protected sex, Yeah, but if you protected sex because sometimes I mean, you can't protect yourself totally. But yeah, that's something like as

I got older. Obviously the twenty year old me wasn't thinking like that, but as I got older, I started to implement that into my little vetting process of the sense like if I am sleeping with this lady, this beautiful lady, if she got pregnant and came to me and said, by fo, I am pregnant, we have a kid, and uh, I just want to lay this message on you. What would my response be if I was completely okay with that? I have to be okay with it, you know,

like I have to be okay with that. So a second second, you fellas we are running out of well know we have run out of Jacob is trying to go home. Trible is in the booth like these dudes keep talking. So I just want to let y'all know that I appreciate your first and foremost. Be sure to find us on social media. Did no, I'll do that after this. I appreciate y'all. I really do. Typically we do a moment of shoes, but I feel like we've

gotten so many moments the whole thing from everyone. I hope you'll learned a lot today, Um, young ladies out there, I've hoped you've learned what the thought process is for us as men. We were going through that whole process of dating where we are in our lives. Young men, I hope you learned. If you don't have a father figure, you can listen to this podcast and UM and anyone in between. If you learn anything today. We appreciate you, slick, sir, Rob.

I love y'all. Man. It's okay for us too as men to say we love each other and a little and I appreciate You'll thank you so much so be sure to find us on social media at dead as the podcast, um go follow codein I am of course, I am devout. Give your handles so people can know where to find y'all. Man at Slick, Underscore, nam and A I am sir s E R b A f f O at rob da von r O b b d A v O and on instant I need to get your names before we get about it here and

once again, man, that's dead as the podcast. D E A g AS T H E p O d c A s T follow Kadin, I am and I am devol, and if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead dead As is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Nora, Pinia and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcast and never miss a thing I s