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we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead as is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. I'm gonna take us all the way back back in

the time, two thousand level. Okay, March, Okay, you was big pregnant. He was big, big pregnant, big, big pregnant human is pregnant. And at the time, you know you weren't that big. Just kidding, right, But I think at the time we had two cars. The time we had two cars, we were living in the apartment and we were both working. Yes, we did have two cars because we're both working. Yes, still at MAC and I was

still working at Paris c Speed School. And I remember we were going grocery shopping and we got the groceries. Now listen to this story. All we got the grocery. We didn't have no kids. We got the groceries. We got to the apartment. I had a pregnant wife who couldn't lift anything, and we had two cars. Codeine used to have to park the car in front of the in front of the church. Un let's pray it doesn't

get told. I would have to load the other car, unload the groceries, double parked in front of the apartment. Unload the groceries. Take the groceries upstairs, multiple trips. If we had a lot of groceries, so okay, we'll go upstairs. I would load them into the elevator, ok with waiting the elevator, send them up, send the elevator back down. I would load the groceries again, send the elevator up,

go up with her. Take the groceries from the elevator and walk them into the apartment and then go back downstairs and park two cars. The whole time i'm parking the first car, I'm praying that the other car doesn't get told from being in front of the church. And we needed to cars both freelancing, so not freelancing, you're

working the long out. So UM at that moment, like I remember this vividly, dealing with that those more, especially towards the end of the pregnancy, I said to myself, I'm never gonna have my wife be pregnant while living in this apartment. Ever. Again, that was two eleven. Fast forward two sixteen and seventeen, we had two more beautiful boys. So that was besides the point. But during that time I learned so much about how to get you through the pregnancy that now I got all the answers. Sway,

let me find out. You made a list. I got a list, y'all, a list all right? Now, let me see how accurate this list is. This will be fun. So for karaoke, I have a special song that UM. Typically at black weddings, the grooms sing this song to their mom to it, or they dance. Yea, they danced with their moms to this song like, well, is it a if it's a West Indian family? Chance to that there's another song? Definitely, I'm gonna say country American. Okay,

I didn't see that. I didn't. I didn't dance with this to my song. I didanced the Dear Mama by Tupac. Yes, but of course my mother's down for the course. She's you know, she's a revolutionary and she knows my love for Tupac and as y'all know too because Cairo's middle name is Shakoor. But um, this song here, I'm going to dedicate to you because you are the mama of mine. Now, four boys, I still get chills every time I hear

four boys. Let meet mom me he man, Mama, Mama, you knew love you, you knew I love you, Mamma, Mamma, you're the queen of mam Okay, vocals come through your love. It is like your love is life from hears from the starting is I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the word. Just google the lyrics before you try to sing. It's all about the melody. I don't know. If you've seen my eyes started to water because you know, what I envisioned Jackson getting married, and look at you,

look at the emotion. I cannot believe myself. Continue, go ahead, cry you was like food to muscle guys home. Now you see what I go through. This is why some point to talk about this because so emotional, emotional. But let me get to my list. It wasn't sing that did that. You remember those days, man, Let me tell you those days. I thought they were never being into it and never being into it. Was a lot, It

was a lot. There's a lot. And then you figured that was when I was pregnant with Jackson, so we hadn't even had him yet. Then you throw Jackson into the mix. His grocery, there's laundry, there's this, there's a baby, there's strollers, this car is that, And we literally vowed like we're going to get out of this place before we have another child. Five years passed, and then back to back, back to back, three children in that apartment,

and then things got progressively more difficult. Though I did learned about delivering groceries. Deliver groceries helps, That definitely helps. Laundry didn't. That was the guy that tried to make it in one trip. You ever seen a memesingers red try to make it one trip, I'm trapped to be hurt, and I like, I just get to get the door impossible. But then it used to be the delivery man showing up some wedding bullets like, oh my god, how many people are you feeding in this house? I'm like, listen,

I got a house, three boys in a husband. So when KEI fool decided to deliver, that was the best thing that of never. I was like, I'm gonna paid delivery fee without any problems. If I'm being honest, full transparency. This list was not developed just because I'm like, I need to take care of my wife. This list was developed from my sanity, the list that you made as a husband, as a husband taking care of some things that I need. Let me explain to something these ten things,

these ten things, and I'm putting on this list. If every dude who has a pregnant woman that they're taking care of it gets these ten things on his list, their life gonna be easier. Okay, Yes, to listen up, listen, listen, I'm telling you listen up. Women, I'm gonna put them in order from not least important because they're all important, but I'm gonna put them in order, from ten to one. Number ten, number ten. Let's see how uber important pregnancy pillow. Yes,

m M guess that is. Actually Once again, Codeine has not seen this list, so as I speak the list, she'll talk about the importance of it. Pregnancy pillow is important because of posture when you sleep. Most pregnant women after a while cannot sleep on their stomach anymore, so they tend to sleep on your side. If your back is not in alignment, you can't sleep well. The baby will be on your blodder here here there. So a lot of women tend to like wrap their legs around

the pillow, wrapped the pillow around their head. It's like they hugged the pillow. Now, I used to be her pregnancy pillow before she was pregnant. But what I was told was that I'm too hot. He's too hot. The body heat. She has no use for me. So now why I'm discarded? Now, Okay, this is what that means. Pillow him him. The pillow is him. The pillow is like six to go all way down to the bottom of the bed, all the way to the top, and

it wraps all the way around her body. So every time I try to get close, I feel him it's like a big candy case, just like blocking me. I'd be like, yo, this is wild, like like why is this do in the bed with us? You have not slept on you or near you the past five months. And then I'm not gonna lie. I'm not jealous. Are you serious? You don't feel some kind of way? Can we be? Can we be transparent? Here on dead ask

the podcast. I've gotten some of the best sleep in the last two months because I'm not at the edge of the bed because you don't want to be near me because of the heat, so you all the way on your bed. My bad, baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'm preparing. You deserve I deserved, maybe I deserve men. It's throw none of the words. I deserve to know the words pregnancy pillow Number ten, number nine, yoga ball. Do yourself a favor, gentleman, gets her a yoga ball.

Once you get to the third trimester, She's gonna want to sit down, but not She don't want to have to feel any weight around her. She don't want to sit on the couch and feel heavy. The yoga ball allows her to feel bouncy, the buoyancy, you know what I'm saying. So it allows playing on gravity for a bit. It kind of takes because sit down here. Let me tell you. By the time I'm done an episode, tell

them I can barely walk, so the yoga ball helps. Plus, while she's bouncing on the ball while you're watching the game, two sites you want to see. Trust me. The question is that you're gonna do some yoga with me though, YOA doing yoga with you is how we got here. Make sure you stretch, maintain the flexibility flexibility to obviously, yes, we talked. We were to maneuver around the belly. If you drop, pick up what I'm dropping. So I tell

a quick story. When I was playing football, I should stretch every day, all day to three times a day. Continued to stretch me. It was you know, my hips was real flexible. Right as I got older and I stopped playing football, everything I do is linear because I'm on the treadmill, run, I jump rope, so my hips

aren't as flexible. So as we were trying to continue the hanky panky, as the belly was getting bigger, I had to maneuver around the belly and my hips ain't the same as that used to whole cramp in the middle of the session. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait once you ladies, when you hear your man go it's not good, it's two things. The one thing is either he about to end the whole session or that cramp is that Charlie, who are stuck in there? So

you you know it was bad. I had to massage it out, and then you get back to got back to business. You know, we're always gonna find a way to get back to you. So that's number that's number two right there. We got the pregnancy pillar. We got the yoga ball, number eight on the list. Number three, being back, get the being back. I got downstairs and then oh, yes, so we have yes, yes, yes, yes,

because yes the sack. What is it called the love side? Yes, this this is becoming between You're not gonna pose that. Don't pose that nasty. Your mother's gonna hear this. Look, we should know not to listen to these episodes. The love sack is good because it's like a memory phone that she drops in and once again, like gravity, just allows her to feel free. It takes all the pressure off her lower back, upper back. Either they get in their cuddle with me, or they flip. Yeah, they do

front flips and almost kill themselves. And k is mad. So number seven, number four total, but number seven on the list. I'll blanket, okay, And I'm gonna tell you why, because number six is air conditioning. And what happens is KaDee will go from cold to hot instantaneously, and once she puts the A C on Alaska, she'll be mad at me if the blanket is not within arm's reach.

But the problem is, right that we're in existing here with three adults in the house, right, and my mom, being a Native Islander, always likes it warm in here, hot, so she'll go through an entire summer with no A C, no A C. So it becomes a thing where I'm walking past the thermostat right, and I'll go ahead and hit the temperature down, So I'll go down to like seventy seventy two just to keep it level. I mean

in our bedroom, maybe like sixty. It depends on the time, right, And then literally I'd be like, man, what is something's wrong with the HVAC unit? Something I'll walk past, look at the thermostat what does it say, Clarendon Jamaica. Mom thinks she's home. You don't even be a number no more, just be on hot. So at that rate, I'm just like there's a battle. And then poor Devo. You know, many times I woke up thought I had COVID, woke up sweating with the chills, not knowing what the fun

is going on. I look at the dermostatic Dean got it on sixty three. I'm like the Dean really really just like you're not because you got all the blankets, two sheets and him in the bed and I'm just there. I'm just there like freezing, thinking like this something's wrong, like this is not right. I mean, it's like the warmth up here and the cuddle, but then it's like the leg out. You always gonna have the leg out,

like the one leg out. And then I don't sleep with any clothes on anymore at the point, because then you get wrapped up in it and it's just too much. It's just too much, y'all. So So now I got seven and six is a blanket and air conditioning because in the apartment, taking it back to the story, we didn't have central a c. We had an air conditioner, and we had an air conditioner in our room, conditioning Jackson's room rooms, and the air condition the living room.

So if you walk from the living room to the dining room to the kitchen, especially in the summertime, because you've been pregnant the summertime twice, you would be sweating bald by the time you go to the refrigerator. So Codini would like go to the kitchen, she would be in the living she would walk in the live room. When I go in there, I'm like, babe, I thought she's coming back. I'm in the fridge. I'm like, what happened? She's it just got hot and I just do not

want to leave right now. She's just being a freezer in the fridge temperature. I said, I'm going to make my life easier on hers. I'm going to make sure we have central a c the next time she gets pregnant. That was one of the biggest things. Um, if I had to put anything on the list, I would the first thing I would say, is a house. You know what I'm saying, Because it's a comfortable space. A comfortable space, right, but I know pretty women on like stairs you don't

like to move around a lot. You don't like people. So if you gotta getting elevator, deal with people in the elevator, you don't like that. So if there was one thing that I would say, I I didn't want to put it on the list, because not everybody can get a home. But having a woman in her space is like the best thing. And that's what I always told you. I said, I can't wait until the next

time I get you pregnant. I can have you in your space where you can feel comfortable, which I feel like you didn't promise that, And here we are, Thank goodness, I've been very comfortable this time around. So now we get into the top five. Right Those those other five very very important. Let me recap those pregnancy pillow, yoga ball, bean bag, blankets, air conditioning. You agree with those? Right

now we get to the top five. Number five very very important, especially if your wife or baby's mother has Melani a gallon of raw shay butter ah, keep the skin. Let's oh my god, ahead ahead. Elasticity. Well, I couldn't say that struggle moment. Struggle moment for sure, but no, that is very true. I mean, people use many different concoctions at this point. Um, for me, it's all about

just keeping the hydration. I don't really have a science to it at this point, but as long as I'm oiled up and greased uff, you don't really care, because you know, I feel greasy all the time. I don't mind it. But I know you used to have the shade butter was so raw. It was like it was like a brick. Like it wasn't the massage, but it was a brick that I had to like press my fingers in and get it out here. You got to kind of like work it, and then once you work it,

it becomes the oil. And then once I put the oil on the stomach, I used to rub the stomach all the time. Do it now with all the different concoctions you got, but make sure you get a gallon of shade butter. And pro tip, don't forget to do your legs, thighs, but like that whole upper hip region because you remember with jack and that's the best favorite

part of course. But with Jackson, I was so diligent about my stomach doing it all the time that I completely neglected my upper thigh, not knowing like, oh, since you're gonna gain some weight there too. And of course I always had a couple of stretch marks here and there after you always had, but it wasn't growing. But then it definitely got a little bit worse. As there's nothing worse about stretch marks. I'm meaning sorry. As a woman, sometimes I embraced them and they are where they are.

But in terms of like the visibility, I feel like, never meta, dude, ever, that's it. Damn shortly fine, but she got them stretch marks on her thighs. I've never not one time heard a man ever say that. First of all, I've never ever heard women say that. You've never heard of women complain about marks, Not a woman

who's attracted to women. I've never heard another woman who attracted to women saying I would talk to shorty, but she got some stretch me internal never you know women, you know, All I'm saying is is that I've embraced mine. Because I've embraced them too. That means a lot to me. I put them in I count them too. It'd be like, do you know the checks? What does those calls? One to three shang? Every time I see when I'll be like, yeah, I did that appreciate badge of honor. I put them

stretch marks on them. It's so good. Um, I'm at this point. I'm like, you know what, it's all good. It's gotten me these beautiful boys and um little booty low cake and I'll rock with it. You know what I mean? It is what it is? Number four? Oh this, oh, this one is important. Pregnancy band, the pregnancy band joint that goes underneath the stomach to lift that. Yes, that is a must. That is a must. That that right there.

Let me explain something to you at the end the end the third trimester that her crotch is gonna feel like it's falling out. And it's pretty much because the baby's like regurg to take the stuff. And I tell you that I feel like my whole vagina is gonna fall out. And I was just like, you know what, let me make sure that for baby number four she has these things so that you don't have to be stressed about you're gonna worry about it. Plus it just

keeps the baby tucked in the for extra weeks. It provides a lift, you know, it takes that pressure off. I can't imagine even like moms with multiples like, I know someone who's having twins, and I was like, girl, you have to get this on Amazon because that weight sometimes and the way it settles into your pelvis. But guess what, also, it helps with stretch marks because if your skin is the only thing holding your skin and your muscles obviously the only thing holding on to the baby,

and it's just hanging. The more it hangs, the more stretching is gonna get. But if you have something holding it up, you know what I'm saying, It helps the skin. I told you, I got the I got the answer. Sway. Don't never ask me how how because I know how. Boom all right. Number three very very important because I watch you do this every day. Get that woman leggings in every single color, every color, like every single game maternity. Enjoy it on Amazon. The ones that under your breast,

those are great. They come all the way up, they really do, and they grow they pretty much as you grow. They will always cover. This is not the worst than putting on ladies. Nothing worse than putting on some legings right, and then the joints be rolling down on the side and it's not rolling down on the side, and the next new your underwears rolling down with them, and you have to constantly be pulling eliminate that. Get you some maternity legons, or at the very least, you put you

on my pants. See what I'm saying, I'll be doing. You put on my pants, you sweatpants, everything, she's wear everything. I literally spent the majority of my hometime pregnant. And it's cool. It's cool. You know what I'm saying. You know you like me your clothes. I speaking of clothes. Number two, get mad onesies and I'm not talking about that for you. You know that the gray ones that you got, it's like a tank top. Oh yeah, yeah.

The reason why this is important, right, it's not so much I do like to see you because the clappage, the claps like a Maxi dress, but like the jump suit version of it. It's like a pants Maxi dress. It is, But I already foresee it's easy access for boo bite baby crying, right when when you don't got to get undressed, you don't gotta unsnap nothing, They don't. I see, I'm you see what I'm saying. Plus it's

really forward thought. This. I wasn't expecting to this. I thought you were going to do a funny list like this. You're very practical. I'm because I'm trying to help people, trying to help people, not just women. I'm trying to help men too, because if they, if they four would think this and they have these things on deck, when their wives are significant others get pregnant, then they can be like, yo, I got these things. And then you know they're gonna be like that is true, should be

like did your research really moved me? And then he could be like good. So now that she's good, he can chill, because that's the biggest thing. If she's uncomfortable, he's gonna being It's definitely it's giving, thoughtful, it's giving. He's involved, it's giving. He's in tune to what's happening to my body because I don't know that those onesies, right,

they're not the fleece onesies. They're like the claude, like the T shirt onesies, very thin because you be hot, but it covers your skin so when the a c is blowing, you don't get cold. You don't want me to catch your cold. The only person catching colds here are me me. But that's fine, that's fine, you know you're pregnant. I'll just have a running fever for ten months. Number two, I mean number one. It's number one and the most important thing. I think people need to understand.

Pregnant women from the first trimester to the third trimester to post partum need naps. Allow them to take naps, yes, naps, yes, because then you had there's a point, at least for me, I know it's coming. We are Insomnia starts to kick in, so I'll be up late and I can't sleep at night. But then no, I have to be up at six am with Jackson to getting ready for school, for example. And then it's like that daytime that which I'm looking forward to when the kids are at school, Like that

daytime that nobody about me. The best part is I woke up this morning and just sat at the edge of the bed. It was just like I am tired, and I just swop video. I woke up. I woke up this first of all, I woke up. It was like an eerie silence, because typically when CADE wake up, she's gonna wake up, she's gonna take a deep breath along wolf. I hear phone scroll my head and her nails clicking click, like I hear things. When I woke

up today, I heard nothing. It was just like it's like aree silence, and it was like foggy in the room. When it be foggy in the room, that's like a sign and something up. I don't know where the fall come from. I think you'd be steaming woke up. I didn't move. I didn't make no sudden movements neither, because you don't want to make no sudden movements when you have that feeling. So I'll look over and Codeine is sitting on the side of the bed like the meme of the fox, Oh the fox. Yes, that was me.

That was actually had both her hands in her lap. But what really told me that she was ready for war was that she had her hand corn rows. Yeah, I had two little friends. It's actually under this wig right now. So I was like, she she got the Cleo corn rolls right now. I couldn't do it to you on camera. For those of you that eventually watched this episode, under this wig in his hat right now, it's madness. I just knew it was. Maybe at the end of the episode, I'll show y'all just for kicks.

But I was like, yeah, you're gonna show them the corn rolls, I might. You know, I got no shame at this point. You don't mean anyway, so clearly we don't have no shame. But the thing is I asked her, I said, you are right, and she said no. So I didn't know what to say. So I was like, you need a hug. She was like nope. So then I was like, what's you know, what's the matter. She was like, I just woke up and I'm tired, so I don't know what to say. So I was like sorry.

She looks at me, she said sorry, and so you got like, seriously sorry, as you're still laying in bed, I don't know what to say. I know what to say. So that made number one on my list because clearly she tired, so she need naps. Do you feel like I missed anything that was very thorough? I thought at first when we were going into this episode, I'm like, oh, that was gonna be with the Shenanigans and have like funny stuff, you know, But this is like a really

practical list. I'm actually very proud of you. You're very observant. I mean, at this rate, I would I would hope that you are um. My question is what you want? What you mean? What I want? What you want? Because you try to be all cute with your little list and whatnot what she wants? You know what, I'm gonna make a list to how about that? Make a fine make a list next week where you have a list for me next week, I'm gonna have a little really what I want? What would just be nice once in

a while? Thank you? Oh yeah, I do say thank you. Though you said thank you maybe six times in the last seven months. I mean that's averaging one of months. I don't know. When you let me tell you, I would bring Kadina blanket, lift up her feet, do all this other stuff, and she would just be like, that is not true. I do say thank you. Maybe I feel so much better thank you, especially when you get my flips and my inversions and stuff you want to

say thank you? What you're saying? I feel bad you have to do all of this, and but so many words thank you. Don't you get it? And nobody else sees it. She's like, I feel bad for all of this, but can you but can you go get I'm like, all right, all right, what what does you mean? That's when I started blinking because I'm like, everything, Babe, I appreciate you. This is amazing. I mean the care is the TLC for me, you know, the attentiveness. Yeah, and it's and ultimately, I think at the end of the

day's teamwork, right. Um. The only thing I would say is maybe if you had to add another one access to Uber eats, seamless, any kind of food you eats around here me. But I mean sometimes sometimes though, if you don't feel like going now, I'd be like, yeah, baby, let's just I'm feeling for this. I need access to like cravings and snack food. That's definitely something that should be on the list too, but that varies from day to day. She'll be like, she'd be like, Babe, you

feel for Chick fil Ach. I'd be like, I'd be like, yeah, yo, like I could get me a solid and thirty chicken nuggets, get the gallant of the And it should be like, you can use my card and I'm supposed to be like my my payment, you can you can use my car that's then linked to your cards, linked to my account. This is what I'm racking up them a max points for you boo. So after this baby drops. We can go on the real like I'm gonna be honest vacation, how about bad? I do not here what you ask for.

I am proud that I'm able like this for your fourth pregnancy, to be able to have you in this crib and be able to just be able to get everything on the list and know what you need before you say it, and be able to be like hi, right.

It makes me feel good because we struggled, like at first, and I'm not saying struggle, like it was just a struggle, like when you're not when you don't know what to plan for with a pregnancy and you live in an apartment and you got two cars and you go to at groceries and now you pull up and you're like, fuck,

she can't help carry none of the groceries. And then and then it's like damn, like I really didn't think any of this through, or you're about to go into labor, or your back at her and you're just sitting there like, damn, I wish I had a you know what I'm saying That recently happened to a friend of ours having a baby. We were like, does she have a ball that she can mount? While she's in labor. They were like, no,

we needed that. Oh I'm calling her, like, yo, send whoever's not staying in the hospital with you to your house. Get the yoga ball, a sap that's gonna help her with labor. But I remember thinking all of these things when your first time you're pregnant, thinking I wish I had this, I wish I had that, I wish someone

tell me. But being comfortable being at this point now, pregnancy don't feel as bad, you know what I'm saying, because we've prepared and these things aren't expensive, like a pregnancy pillow, yoga ball, being back, a blanket, you know what I'm saying, Gallant shape butter, a pregnancy band, these are the and leggings. These are things that you can get on Amazon or you can get anywhere Target. Target, once you find out the first month of pregnancy, get

all these things. It just makes it easy, especially when we have to run somewhere. What you don't want to have happened to, gentlemen, is you try to go somewhere with your dear lady and she's pregnant and can't find something to where. But if you got that will keep my ass at home. Exactly. Don't invite me nowhere because I'm not going right now. We don't invite me because I'm a fel away. If you don't invite me, and then so invite me, but I'm not coming. Thanks though,

you're the worst, You're the worse. You get up, baby, gotta go here, okay, her tights on the types come all the way up here to the next baby up top, baby up top. But well, thank you baby. If I don't say it enough like you, definitely make sure that I am super comfortable each time around. It just gets better and better and better. So don't try to get me pregnant again thinking that pregnancy M five is going to be out this world because it's a no for me. Dog, it's a no for me. Do I have to speak

on that now? Don't be looking. Don't do it because you know he's done this in former seasons, past season. Yeah, exactly. Good, All right, let's go pay some ads real quick. You don't got to pay the ads. Well, the ads play there, you go walk and buy you some more spending. After the baby, we'll be back and guys, we're back back with listener letters, diving and go first all right, hello

to both of you. Have been following you guys since the Christmas tree that stays up for all holidays, that's me. And now we're about to have about four or five mysteries up here here, God help us all. It won't be one of the man that I can make a really cute, decked out one for you. Anyway, let me get to the point now, Okay, I truly love you guys in your family. Anyway, let's get to the point.

My husband and I have been married for fourteen years now, and we married earlier in our lives, especially my husband. I'm eight years older than he is. All my marriage isn't bad, so I won't put that in on our title, but sometimes it's questionable. My husband is a great man, a great dad, a great provider, a big supporter, and literally my very best friend, but he lacks empathy and compassion. I think it has a lot to do with his

upbringing bringing. See, my husband and I lost six children to spontaneous miscarriages, and still points Brown's early up in our pregnance in our marriage while we were dating. I'm sorry to hear that. So it changed me in more ways than I could imagine. But we finally have our rainbow babies, who are nine and eight at the moment. Congrats um. But we still feel conflict about the children because he feels like I'm overprotective, he feels like I baby them. He feels like my life doesn't fit with

him anymore. Or he says I only care about the children, not my husband. I promise you that's not true, because I'm madly in love with my husband as if we just met. I just feel like if they need more of me, or they need more of me because their children and with dealing with all of our loss, I'm going to protect them till the day I die. What should I do or what can I do? It's hard to balance my babies being young. He gets mad sometimes if we're in the living room talking and my baby

is coming and ask me for a hug. Then makes me and then then that makes me mad, and now him and I are upset at each other. I'm so confused. I don't want to make my husband feel neglected, and I don't want my children to feel like I'm neglecting them. Help me if you can, all right, So, Sis, I understand that it's probably really difficult to deal with um loss. I understand loss as well. UM, and I'm so happy to hear that she has an eight year old and what was a nine year old now, which is great.

But just as much as those babies needs you, your husband needs you as well. Like you have to remember that you guys were together for married fourteen years. I'm not sure if you're here together long before that, but everything started with the two of you. So the fact that you're neglecting him and you have him kind of pushed to the side, I can completely understand why he feels that level of neglect. UM. Personally, Divin and I,

we don't believe in babing our children. As much as we love and adore them, UM, we don't believe in that babying thing because we feel like that's just something that they're going to have to not be accustomed to as they grow in dealing with the real world. UM. So yeah, I know Devo feel strongly about this too, because we've had that discussion before. We've had this discussion, and I don't think that it's UM, I don't think

that it's uncommon. I think it's only natural when when you have a being grow inside of your body, and then comes outside. It's almost as if your heartbeat is walking around with arms and legs. So your first instinct as a mom is to protect like and that's not just humans, that's any species. The mother is the most protective of the cubs. So that to me, I understand. But um, what tends to happen is that being your child.

Now trump's the person who you're creating a life with, which you have to remember at some point that child is going to grow up and go on and have their own life, and then you're going to be left there with your partner that you're supposed to build a life with. So for me, number one, the first thing she says is he hates when we're talking and the child comes up and ask for a hug. A lot of times children tend to do that because they just want whoever's attention. If the attention is not on them,

they want the attention. Condine and I have a thing where if we're having a discussion, our children just and walk up in between us and just start talking to us. First of all, you have to say excuse me. Boundaries, of course, you have to say excuse me. We have to acknowledge that we recognize that you're standing there before you can just come in. Because Number one, if we're discussing something that you shouldn't be hearing, you can't just

sit around and listen to that. Number one. Number two, you have to understand that your mom and I have a relationship, and you don't get to just come into the relationship and say everything is gonna go my way, because as they become adults, they're gonna then become entitled or feel entitled to everyone's time when they want it. That's not the way the world works. And you have to start children from young. You know, we our youngest now Kas is three. Kas knows and he had to learn.

In the very very beginning, Kas would walk in. We'd be talking and he would just walk in and hug and jump on us. Now it's like, hey, bro, you gotta say excuse me. You see me and mommy talking all right, we're talking, you say excuse me if it's not an emergency, and you just want my attention to do what kids do? Look what I can do, and then they don't do ship, don't step conversation to do some wild could not gonna be pissed like you didn't

stick the landing. You know what I'm saying in the middle of a conversation to say, look what I can do when you fell? Nobody parents remember what it's rung with this kid. So you know, it's important to clay boundaries with your children, you know, and in turn they also learn how to you know, self suiting and out of respect. Self suit is very important as well too for children and being eight and nine, they're little, but they big. The big eight and nine is big. They

get in on fire. Do not come in the middle of me and your mother conversation. That's the brothers not drowning. It's like, if something's not dire, don't just run up and hug me or your mother while we're having a conversation. It seems like her husband is trying to say he's a great man, a great dad, a great provider, a big supporter. He's literally your best friend. So let's lean on that a little bit more. I'll say this too.

If he's all of these things and she can acknowledge it, it it sounds like he's the type of the type of guy who wakes up in the morning and wants to make sure his wife is good. It is very difficult, Kadina and I have gone through this to wake up in the morning and be the type of guy to make sure that your partner is good and always feel like no one is making sure you're good, feel feeling

disregard like. It's very difficult for anyone to wake up every morning and constantly do that and always be put aside. And it's not always men. Sometimes there are wives who wake up and they're always like, let me make sure my husband is just make sure it's this, And he may go out be a provider, but he comes back and never checks on his wife. That's difficult for that person to constantly give and give and give and never

feel that reciprocation. So if you know miss that your husband is all of these things, and you know for a fact that you've disregarded him, that's a change you're gonna have to make because it's not fair. Yes, absolutely, very well said. I agree. I think we're both on the same page with Yeah. So the empathy and compassion that you say he lacks, I feel like you lac tusis um. Yeah, try putting yourself in his shoes for a little bit. And I wish you all the best. Yes,

number two. I've been a fan of both of you ever since I saw your video of k giving birth in the pool and your home in Brooklyn. Appreciate that I love the narrative that you guys are pre sharing a black family and black marriage. Please continue to provide the positive, uplifting content. I'm emailing because I'm still a virgin and I just turned thirty a couple of months ago. In high school and during undergrad I was looking for love, but never found someone that I felt a true connection with.

After undergrad, I told myself that God would send love my way when I was ready, and in the meantime, I would focus on my own self development. That's smart, so I started working and started grad school. I dated on and off throughout my twenties, but still haven't found love. So I put all of my focus into saving, building my credit, becoming the best version of myself, and establishing a solid foundation. Now I'm thirty and still haven't found

anyone special. Yeah, I heard of stuff out there. Um. I'll be graduating with my second master degree in December. I keep myself up and work out with the trainer three times per week to stay in shape physically. I thought that eventually I would attract the right one, but so far, no luck. I want to have intimacy and a real physical and mental connection with a man. But at this point I am tired of waiting. I already

know what the problem is. Should I continue to hold out or just find someone to satisfy my physical needs? Also devout, from your point of view, is a thirty year old virgin to turn off to man? My virgin status isn't something that I divulge off the mm hmm, Well, she seems to have a lot of things together, but this is the thing. It doesn't sound like she's deliberate about finding someone. It sounds like she's just sitting back and waiting. And she said, God will provide. You ever

heard the story about the man on the boat. There's a man on the boat. The boat has holes in it, it's sinking. Boat comes by, says, hey man, your boat sinking. You need help. He goes, Nope, God will provide. Boat flies on. Second boat comes on, hey man, you need to help. You both thinking nope, God got me. Boat goes on. Third boat comes said, yo, dude, you're about to drown. You need help. He says, while he's drowning, right, dude, dies those to heaven. Says, yo, God, don't you have me?

He said, I sent you three boats, you dune me. It's the same thing. You have to put in the work and be willing to accept what God has given. You can just sit back there and wait. Right. And it seems that she planned everything out from her master. She has two master's degrees, she's a trainer, she's in shape, she's all the things. But what are we actively doing to find what are you going? Where we're going? Are

their mutual friends? I always like to think of like mutual friends that might potentially work, says, I don't know. Hit us up, you know, send me your pay, send me a picture, let me see, let me see what we're working with me see we can have any matches going on. I would say this, you have to be as forceful and speak as much truth to power and deliberate about finding love as you are about getting a master's degree in working out that you got to put in the work. You have to put in the work.

The thought that you're just gonna sit back and then just a guy is going to come out nowhere, or a girl is gonna come out of nowhere. It's just not gonna happen. You have to be deliberate, and if you're looking for a certain type of partner, you have to be deliberate about where you're looking for that type of partner. Exactly, you know what I'm saying. So that's what I would say. Because she sounds like she's a great catch. Yeah exactly, I'm like, she's thirty now and

all that. And I don't think the virgin status is a turn off because she asked about that. Do you think it's a turn off for a man if he finds out that I don't. I don't think so, to be honest, no, I mean, and here's the truth. There is somebody for everybody. You're gonna find guys would be like at thirty, I don't want a version. There's gonna be some guys like a thirty I would love to get a girl woman who's a version. She hasn't been

with anybody else. So there's always somebody for somebody. So if you ever trying to create a generalization about what is good for one person, that's never gonna happen. Don't focus on what other people are saying, but be deliberate about who you're looking for. That is a fact, all right. I'm just happy I'm not in these Dayton streets. Man. I've heard that it's pretty difficult out there, so best

of luck to use this. If you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, that's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. Moment of truth time. Yes, you want to go first? Want to go first? Um, I'll go first after your

list that you put together so diligently. I just want to take this opportunity to publicly thank you and express my gratitude to you for just being amazing, being attentive, for anticipating my needs before I even know what they are, and even when I don't know what my needs and wants are in that moment, just providing me grace and options and always looking to find a way to alleviate any sort of stress or any sort of tension or

pain that I may be feeling. I mean, you went as far as to move your mother in law into our house. You went as far as to moving my mama into the house. Can we say that one more time so people can understand the level of sacrifice to move in my mom to just ensure that I have extra help and extra assistance with the boys. So that way,

this time around, everything was that much smoother. In addition to you still being a super active dad, a super active and attentive husband, and still working and booking the lead role, booking the lead role. So that's what we need to repeat, booking a lead role in his first film film. You just don't miss a beat like ever. So I love you, I appreciate you. I thank you

for this beautiful life that you provided us, myself, the boys. Um, you know that we love you like you are the king of my heart, the king of our life, the king of the boy's hearts. Like that's just what it is. So I love you, Ellis I love um. Thing that just made me feel good. My moment of truth is Um, I feel appreciated. That's the reason why I'm able to do those things. Um, You're amazing. You, You're my person.

Pregnancy is not easy on either one of us, but it's so worth it because we're gonna have four beautiful kings. But before the boys, before anybody you're worth it, like you. Seriously, I fucking worth it? Am I even worth it with my Let me show you all my took the wig off later? Yes, damn, I love today seems like shucks the class. I'm ready to set it off right, and this week was hot and uncomfortable to listen. I'll be trying.

I'll be trying to keep it cute for you, and keep it cute for y'all, But there comes a point in time where enough, it's enough enough, still cute you my moment of truth. But I don't care. I'm sorry. I wonder moment that moment of truth. Your mother, it's a huge help. Oh my god, amazing. I like the best thing about having a mother in law like your mom.

She knows how to be involved and stay out of the way, because you know, some mothers in laws like to mothers in general, like to just be in everything. Or you asked me for my help, I'm not here. Your mom likes to be helpful but not be overbearing, which made it so easy for her to be and we wouldn't be able to do everything we got going on if it wasn't for your mother. Actually, so if y'all ever hear somebody randomly coughing or like stomping in

the background. It's me, MEI me, me, trying to be quiet. But you know, she don't know what that means. But I love you too, thank you, and I you and so I know. Oh man, trust me. Let's hope that he's not filming this movie. Wow, I'm having this baby? How about that part? All right, y'all, So be sure to find us on social media at dead Ass, the podcast, I'm Cadina, I am and I Am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review,

and subscribe dead Ass. And I'm not promising, y'all. I'm gonna put my way back on for the next episode. We'll see how it goes. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Nora Pinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as, the podcasts and Never miss a Thing,