Stop Clocking My Uterus With Angel Laketa Moore and Marcus Tanksley

Facts nobody else Aska. Hey, I'm Cadeine and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos without boring and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. I'm making need derby most days. And one more important thing to mention, we're married. Yes, so we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of the live's most taboots, things most folks don't want to talk about. The lens of a millennium Mattie couple. Dead ass is

a term that we say every day. When we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Pillow's off to a whole new level. Dead As starts now, the clocking of my uterus is real. And I say that because you know, I actually have a funny story to tell y'all. It was around the time I had had Cairo and he was six months old. I got

pregnant with Cats. I went to my local Caribbean spot, Jamaican spot in Brooklyn, right felt for some jerk chicken. You know how it is when you're pregnant, you got you just want what you want, right, So I walk into the spot, I see my girl, and I say, she's my girl because when I see her, she knows what I want. She knows I want extra sauce. I want the hot sauce on the side, and I have to have my hard old bread to go with my chicken. Right.

So she sees me when I'm now pregnant with Kaz, and she looks at me because I don't you know, there's a counter so sometimes you may not to see the stomach right away or whatever. So when I stepped to the side to give her a little hug, I don't put little tip in the tip drawer. She looked at me and she was like, wit, you'll breathe again. And I was like, I mean, I guess my husband bred me again, Like what does that even mean? This like?

And she looked at me with like a bit of confusion and also with the sense of helplessness, like this can't be like another baby. So I was like, actually, this is the third this is the baby, and um so I'm like postpartum and I'm like prenatal at the same time, and just give me my chicken. Sess I saw from behind her was hands in the air and I see me clapping and I'm seeing gunshots. You can't ask people questions like that. And she was just like,

oh lord, I'm sorry. Come come get me your hog. Come, come, come get me a hug. You want more chicken. I'm watching all this from the car. I was like, no, but I'm gonna take a coll of champagne. And you ain't getting no tip today? Sis? How about that? There was like an embrace, and I think she genuinely like felt sorry for me, Like, Sis, you're you about to have like two under two and what happens? I got extra chicken though, I got extra chicken, and she got

no tip that day. But it's that right, I made up for the next time I saw her because she hooked it up. The tip is what got us in this trouble anyway, Mind your funking business, Mind your funking business. Leave me alone, and when you're seeing me, leave me alone. Where you're going, where you're from, where your mother. Don't ask about my mother, don't ask about me being a mother in how about that shout out to Femba Funky business. It was one of my sco songs back in the day.

But the moral of the story is my your funking business. How about that? All right? I don't know why don't ask me when I'm having a whole another baby. I got three already. You was mad and were looking at me no more promise you close this person to me. And I don't want to scare our guests away today because they might just leave you already scared accord. This whole segment just got me all. I'm sweating, like my guys. The idea of another baby just makes me so sweaty.

So on today, I'm gonna read from the script on the show today to represent for team No More Babies. I'm gonna give also your stage name Angel. Angel the key to more Y a k A. That chick Angel on Instagram? Right, and what's your Instagram handle? Mark, Marcus? Ain't that what it is? That's what it? It was rarely on the ground, friend, because I did not have it. I didn't have no social media when we did love it, Marcus, how do you not have Instagram? Like? All right, so

Marcus ain't on the ground. I was just like, screw it. So we actually had a chance to sit down with YouTube for a segment on couch conversation. Did you actually have social media that or no? Black? Yeah, black black. They had the analog computer at that point. It was when it was Macintosh so much. But Angel, you're hilarious comedian. Yes, hilarious comedian. Um, your reading about crazy diets is one

of my favorites. Okay. Angel. It's also a wife, mother of four whole boys, and has a podcast called is this going to Cause an argument? Yes? That's me and Marcus podcast. Is this going to cause an argument? Nice? Yeah? So yeah, before I speak myself, right, you just don't ask anyways, what's my favorite thing to say before like I'm coming to her and I kid you not, She'll

be doing something. I'll be like, not that I want to argue, because I don't, but then I'll go into what I'm thinking, and because already know, you really know it's gonna happen, right that right, So tell us a little bit about the Tanksley family. Oh goodness, there are six of us now, we are a family of six. We have four whole boys, all right? Yes, shooting the club, you know, I go in without a plane and reckless.

We had our last baby six months ago. He's six months Be careful because you heard about my story with the jury. What's annoying about that is when you have so many kids and people find out you having another one, they act like it's a mistake, Like what how am I supposed to take that? That's not our friends. They find out Kate was pregnant, they were like, damn, are we not friends? Like you be able to go out to drink over again? You're gone about yourself, but you

need your diaper? Chance right exactly? What's happening then? And I think that's the main reason why Devour wants a girl, because he feels like the three boys that we have will leave him and then I'll be not wanting to change his diaper. So you'll have a daughter to help him. The boys are gonna be gone. Boys leave, boys leave the house. Do not look back, look back for their like me, I know I'm that ages ages of your boys. We have a ten year old. We have four year

old twins and six month old. Okay girl, he had three pregnancy yeah, I only had three, thank the Lord, and so I got one of them twins. He might have my back and one he's the one right now, like he just kind of tolerates my presence. He just man, I know that ten year old. That ten year old. Every time you're walking the room, he just be lying. He again, No, he already know the game though, because he knows that daddy is actually the one that will

spoil him. So now he knows like if Daddy come in, you better put on a show if you want, if you want the things, you're good at faking it though. I'm just like like like whatever, So you're trying for the girl for this last one. The twins was trying for a girl. We tryed for a girl for the twins in for this last one. So when we found out with twins, were like, okay, one of them has to be right, wouldn't do that? He was like, he was like, are the identical? No? I and the fraternal

at that? So they definitely one could have definitely definitely. They don't even look like they look like cousins. Looks like dang. Yeah yeah, so listen, I understand that's not going back. Yeah no, I'm not gonna be There's something dope about four boys. Yeah, like even coming from like she was even saying that, she was like, you know what, I kind of like this, like I can say I got four boys four kings. Yeah right now, I'm like yeah, yeah, later and I'm like, what am I going to do

the later on? There? Like, Yo, did y'all see the movie Waves? No? No, we watched this movie Waves with um Sterling K. Brown. He's I just love him. The entire cast was good. But it really is a story about a father and how he um he was really really hard on his son, and his son didn't take that the right and end up going through something. I don't want to spoil the movie, but I saw so much of myself in this movie because the father was a wrestler. They grew up in a prominent white town.

Um he was a construction worker for him, and so they lived a really good life. But his thing was, my son is not going to grow up with the spoils of life. And I understand the purpose of hard work. And I noticed every time that he walked in the room, the sun would immediately like straighten up, but also have that look of like like this is gonna come a point, but it's gonna go. Yeah. He was training him to be a wrestler. So the son was eighteen and now he,

you know, hunting ninety pounds. And they end up squaring off, and I'm saying to myself, I got three boys, bro, I am. I'm in the gym constantly, I'm throwing, jumping on boxes, I'm pushing sleds. I'm just like did I ain't trying to break up no fights later. Do you know which one of your boys, if need one, just based on their personality, that would be the one to test your market? That Twins's already tried me a couple of times. Yeah, he's got he's got a fire in

him that is unexplainable. He has no fear about the child. That looks like because who's going to challenge me? It looks just like me just like everything. He's athletic. The minute I say something he's only two. The minute I say something to him that, hey go down, he looked up like this. And then I walk over he's just shaking his head. I'm like, when you turn sixteens, but I'm letting you know you see there back. He probably

loves me. He's like shows me the most attention. But at the same time, it's like, you want me to come at you, don't you fear he has That's the problem. He does not have any fear. It's like, I don't know how to get it anything. I don't think they're gonna get it because as don't have any fear either. He fights his brothers. He's the youngest. Jackson is sweetheart. Jackson has his mom's spirit and it's going for the spirit. So Jackson is just like, hey, Dad, you know, whatever

you need me to do, I got you. And then Kay still trying to figure him out. But that's the one because it's like when he's so aloof when it comes to me, he's just like, you're working on something. The way you just described the pecking order in your house is very similar. Two hours. Because Jackson is sweet Cairo was the middle one. Kyra was the one that

we can't figure out. He's emotional but very mischievous. He knows like he always asked him questions like he's like, you're going to the gym, Yeah, what time are you coming back? And I'm like why, Yeah, I have nothing to do? Yeah, why do you want to know these things? And he's just like he's gonna be that one asking later, Oh, mom and dad, y'all going out, So what time are you're coming back? Trying to like size out the situation. I can have my friend come back for like hours,

you know. So we know from early right, So they say it first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes to baby carriage. But you know that real life is not that simple. Things go out of order for some folks, you know, some decide that they're ready for children. They aren't ready children and sprang on them, you know. Um, and so people even have trouble conceiving. People don't realize that asking that question like when are you going to have kids can totally throw people off all together. And

it's funny because it's like a vicious cycle. It's like you get mad, you know, you're dating or whatever. For us at least then we got married and it's like, oh you got married, great, or even before that you're dating, it's like when you're gonna get engaged, like oh, when you get married, okay, great, you're married, when you're gonna have kids, and then it's like it's never stopped. Oh, I gotta know something. Right for women, once you decide you want to get married, you want to have kids,

isn't it like exciting? Because absolutely, at what point and why did people asking you if you want to have kids become an issue? Because I'm remember when we first got married, when she was pregnant, it was like, oh, I'm pregnant. Look at me, I'm pregnant. You know, when you got the big belly and you can everybody gives you all the attention. Women love that. I don't want

a man explaining anything. So I want to know from you guys, at what point did that type of reverence that you have from being a mom and being pregnant become a burden to where it's just like, don't ask me no more about kids. Well, you know, I feel like it brings on a lot of anxiety, like because even if you do want to have kids, right, it's still you're trying to like figure out how everything is gonna work, Like, okay, if we add another one, like do we have enough room? Who's going to help us

when we both have to work. So while we might be excited about the notion of getting pregnant, I don't want to have to contemplate all those things right there in front of you, you know what I'm saying. Like it's I mean, because it's not a small feat. Like even if people make it look easy, it is still difficult. And I think when people, especially when you already got kids, like god dang, and people keep trying to add I'm like, are you gonna add to my budget? What what are

you gonna do? Are you gonna come watch this child that you want me to have? So I think there's like some of the for me, it's some of the anxiety that like I get of like okay, oh, and then I got to think about actually berthing this baby and not dying in the hospital. You know, there's just so much stuff attached to it other than the decision of I'm gonna have a child and I want you to know about it, that's for sure, exactly I mean

also too. I was looking through some articles recently, and according to a two thousand and six or two thousan's tend national survey done by the CDC, and it's a little dated, but still I think it's prevalent. One in eight married couples who want to have children struggle with fertility. Everyone's story about how they arrived at having a child is different, and I think that it's a very touchy subject.

Um someone who just gets married, if you're the next question is when the children coming, These people may not even know how easily they will be able to concede. So that's a little bit of a sore topic, I think, and just out of respect for people and their privacy

and respect for like not knowing what their struggle. Maybe if you see a couple that's been married a year or two or three and just keep asking when's the baby coming, how do you know they haven't been trying all that time, They've been having some struggles I've never

thought of. I never really thought about that because we had a honeymoon baby, so I never thought about what it could be like to be trying to have a child and not getting anything and then someone asking you when you're going I never really thought about for sure, And for me, I always feel like it's just people like to get invasive on couples, like when you're dating. It's like when y'all getting married. We used to snap at people, whether it's her family, my family is like,

none of your business. I remember her like snapping and be like, don't worry about when he's gonna proposed right stuff together before you come right thing. When you're gonna have a baby, it's note if you have been I don't understand, like your a couple of people love y'all love to see you together, but at the same time, I don't think they realize how invasive it is. It's like, let us work at our own pace. But people are

just curious and excited. They want to see something new, but at the same time, it can't come out very invade. That's I always felt it was. It's to Candein's point, there was a couple that we were talking to and I had just had twins, so we were talking about babies. So in the natural progression of the conversation, I was like,

do you all plan on having more? And they kind of looked at each other and they were like in God's timing, I didn't know at the time they had just had a miscarriage, so like, wow, I didn't mean anything by it, and I thought, so it was open for you to maybe just have the reciprocation of conversations. Yes, yes, And it wasn't like they tried to make They didn't make me feeling type of way. I end up finding

out through a video that they end up posting. But I obviously felt like an ass because I was just like, I had no idea, but to what you're saying is just people's story of fertility, of having a child. It could go so many different ways, and unless you are a partner in that couple, you never know you know what they've gone through. Absolutely, you know what I wonder, because, um, we're now in a different time where people share so much.

So I feel like, has it become comforting for people to feel like, well, they always share if I asked, it's really not that big a deal, you know, because I mean for me personally, I don't get offended when people ask. Of course it's not my body, so I can't get offended for my wife. But I do realize that I do share a lot so if if I share, people are going to be entire tice to ask a question. And I mean naturally two people have the engagement with

us constantly joke about wanting another child. Loki seriously joke about one. There is no maybe very very clear, but I do understand. Like Angel said, it's not my body, and I don't. I don't have that stress to worry about. You could possibly die. We talked about this all the time with Jackson. She had to have emergency surgery in the hospital. She lost a ton of blood, she had a lacerated survey, so the fear of losing someone on

the table is real to us. So I don't ever, even though I make jokes about want to have another child, if we die with three boys, I'm probably the most excited. I have three boys. So it's not a thing where it's like, oh, this is gonna break our marriage if

we don't have another child. But right, yeah, I mean, and I don't take it, you know, personally, when people ask that peoples are good, we're sharing that information, sharing on and that he wants another baby, and I can be like, well, my job business, but okay, he's not gonna get one. Okay, so you know, it's funny because it becomes an engagement with our followers and support us and stuff like that. And I don't think it comes from a mean place. No, no, no, no, you know

you understand that. Have you guys had that? Now that you have four boys and you still don't have a girl, they know he had affect me, you know it. You can have a girl, pant, but they're still everybody's still like, y'all need to try for the girl, Like how many

you got, so how about you catch up? Like opposite of y'all, Like I didn't want to have the next one, and Angel was like, no, I want to try for this girl because we had I mean, it wasn't that bad, but we had the situation when the twins um we're born. It was like we had this whole big thing in the hospital. It was like terrifying. Yeah, and the day before we literally lost our best friend. It was just

like what is going on? You know, they brought in the crash cart and everything ain't So that was the one thing I'm like, I don't want to live that again. To the rest of my reasons. Why yeah, when you yea, when you like, I'm never going through this, Yeah, I'm like, ain't no way. But then the rest of my reasons were completely vain, like I don't want to change the more divers I don't want to more car and seats.

I don't want to be carrying this baby everywhere like I was like, she was like, why do you honestly don't want to have another one? That was the top and everything else. I'm like, I'm being serious about the rest of this stuff, right, did you guys trying to like old wives tales methods of like how to get the girl and whatnot. Absolutely none of them change my diet. Yeah, that one you're talking about how I'm supposed to go in?

How far? How I'm like, yeah, we tried everything right there, You're doing too much, like this is what I do, this is what works. I know what I'm doing over here, Like you want to have what movie was that the wife want to get pregnant? So she hadn't. He was just like stop, stop, no, don't keep gonna get right

there right there, you finished, Okay, get off me. And he was just sitting there like, yeah, I heard that had to stop working out, cut dairy out of his diary, all this stuff and I'm just like and still, yeah, I don't. I don't wish for anybody's chance. It made it so bad as I knew so many people who had three boys and then the girls. So for me, I was just like, I'm gonna try it one more time, because yeah, like the clock is a ticket, I'm about

to have a milestone birthday this year. And I was like, I don't want to be that that broad that's oldest hell still having kids. I know people in Holly would do it, it ain't for me. I was like, it's now or never, and he was like A right, and he is so cute, Oh my goodness. So then that brings me to my next topic is contraception and how as a married couple you talk about that and we decide who's doing what are you trying your tubes getting Marcus, as we know, Yeah, I told to my boys about this.

I got two of my boys cover sections. Marcus. I'm straight up. It was easy. Okay, it was easy. It was said, it was quick. It was look at the face, He's like, I don't recommend it that I was reading. I saw of a sect of me and my nuts started team game. Even I just saw the v here's what that is natural, Like, there's no I didn't want to do it, even before we had the twins, even after after the It took me forever to fainily go get the procedure, and finally I was like, it ain't

even going through the procedure. It's the fact that that's part of me. I'm super sperm. That's what I do. Exactly. I got poke, exactly, got warning science, keep away exactly. Don't even see the same swimming pool with me, that's who. So after getting over the ego as clearly what it was, um so the other thing, I was like, all right, what are the what are the repercussions of this? Because I'm only seeing, oh, you know this procedure, does this?

Does that? So I had to purposely go seek out negative and like the horrible things because I couldn't find any. So once I went to see goes At, I'm like, none of this sounds official. So I talked to the doctor who was in there in the yearage. Just google it. That's my phone right now. Google to be the first thing up. Whatever I was research, like, Marcus, you wanted to know about the earthquake that just but so I was talking to him and he just he's laughing, shook

his head. He was like, what did you do? I was like, I googled it because I couldn't find anything negative, like broh man, I'll just be nervous, Like like we talked about it, and I know it's easier for us to do it than for her to have it. His directed me, So that's not a whole uterus rip. It all about even get two stide. But also I was thinking about it because as a man, I feel like, you know, and she put her life on the line three times to have kids. The least I could do

is get the snip. But then when I see any word that begins with V, my nuts run into right now like they're not coming out, like the doc's gonna be let him drop, and they be like, we're not coming out, but actually you're a post on that Just how like easy and simple it was. It was. It was like in and out, and I refused to I've had I did birth control, which I don't do well with. I've had two different i ug s, and I was like, for as long as we've been together for sixteen years,

I have been in control of our birth control. I'm done. I'm not doing it each time. It's like we noticed the difference, you know, in that relationship, like when she's on versus when we trying to get pregnant. It's like sexes are always better when we try when I'm not going anything, because yeah, we've been struggling with that too.

I mean, did you see any changes performance, Like not not performance, but like just I don't know, like gets to stop him at lower like do you feel any No, No, I talked to I think the count is up to like twelve. Now. Different dudes I've talked to they had it and like, you know, dudes are real reluctant, like yeoh yeah, yeah it's cool. But I talked like people I know, like dudes that will tell me like yeah, man, it shoots out my air. Now I don't tell nobody else.

You know. Everybody was like now I don't, he said, I know, um one of my friends he he head is how long ago? I know people aheading for like fifteen years. Now they're just like you know what I asked, if the wife hears me, it's wonderful, Oh my god, Like they are all like, oh yeah, this is like what it is. Because they don't and she don't. She don't have nothing affecting the hormones. That dude don't either. Fifteen minutes. Oh, it was so quick. They don't put

you to sleep. I was having a conversation with the urologist. He's like, what are you into? I was like, I don't know him. In the car, Oh, you gotta call Yeah, we started talking about cars next ding. I know, I feel something calm, Like what's it? He's like, We're done. I'm like, what, so then? What are you into? Cutting nuts in the cutting nuts? Literally, it was like minutes

from from walking in the most nervous. I was going up in the elevator because she was parking and I'm riding up in the olevator but by myself, and I'm about to freak out, and I'm like I'm about to lose it to park and come back. He was done pretty I mean, we sat in waiting room for a little bit, but when I came in, he was walking like his nuts hurt that I was walking like. I was in so much because I was scared to move because I'm like something down there. It's yeah. He was

walking like he just had a baby, you know. How like you kind of a big path. I was like, taking it easy. I had on my little special drawing screen draws these drawers. Dude, if you do it, make sure you get I'll send you to lie there on Amazon. She's like, You're getting on side. You're getting on the side. I'm gonna tell you how this is gonna work. Exactly how this is gonna work. I'm agreed to do this. Codine is not gonna drive up to this. She's gonna

drop me over the front. Codine gonna go park, she's gonna come out of the car. Cut to Codeine walking to the doctor's office, me running out of there with the drawing up the screen with me in the whole ballet costume, like, oh, I'm going to see the Nutcracker. That's not funny. It's not funny. I'm not laughing. But when you up there like ye. He he's so relaxed about it because he does like five six of these a day. He's been doing it for the past thirty years.

So I'm sitting there like, all right, so what about this? He's like yeah. So I'm like, so, what negative things have happened? It was like everything I've heard negative happening has been temporary. It's like I've heard of guys getting it done. It's like they, you know, snipped something wrong. They get swelling down there for maybe a week or two. So you can't keep telling me nothing worse than that.

I'm like looking for any reason to be like alright, no, thanks by, But it was just like I was like, Marcus, is either if you don't get it done, it's gonna be condoms or pull out. And I was like, what's gonna happen? The worst was like pulling out is like you just spent all your time making the best cookies of entire life, and you're smelling them and then throwing them in the trail. Somebody just rubbed the passion mouth. You just throw it in the trash time. It's like,

what's the point why torture yourself? And I can't imagine condom? I was like that we just ain't gonna be doing it. So he was like all right. I was like, you gotta get I can't imagine condoms. And to be honest, after cars, I think I got air sperm. So if I tried to pull out, I wait, you're breastfeeding, right, do you notice or did your doctor tell you or have you heard that you won't get your period or pregnant when you're breastfeeding that. My doctor has never said that.

I know people who think that, but I have One of my sorority sisters has children that are a year apart. She went off of that. She was like, I was still breastfeeding, so I thought that I wasn't gonna I said, girl, yeah, well devout somebody devout heard that from whether in d probably or Marcus or pregnant if she breastfeeding taking chances, you know, and too many here we are so taken too many? Yeah, no, no more chances. I was like,

we got to get this cut. So we have kids, contrary to popular believe that there's more come in unless the Good Lord has plans for us that I have unbeknownst too, because we didn't have that little talk with Jesus. Um, what do you appreciate about parenting now? As your boys are here and they're growing? What's probably that one thing you appreciate the most about parenting? Uh? I go first, Um,

one thing I appreciate is being able to pass on knowledge. Um, because I got all this stuff and I was telling Angel this a couple of weeks ago. I'm like, I'm still learning stuff from my daddy and passing that on and right now, especially my oldest you know, they ain't at the age of like let me set you down and you know, talk to you. But I'm telling him stuff and it's just like right now he's like all right, daddy,

Like he didn't really pay that much attention. But then every now and then he'll come back and repeat something I told him, like yeah, yeah, you okay, so you ain't just ignore me. Um. But that That's one thing I do appreciate being able to do is pass on to them um anything I can give them and see and hopefully seeing that flourish and turn into something that I wasn't able to turn to. All the knowledge that I was giving into your more turned it into more UM.

For me, it's uh, it's made me realize quicker what's really important. Like, prior to kids, there'd probably stuff that I would get like hung up on, stuff that would probably upset me that are actually miniscule when you look at the bigger picture of life. So having these kids, there's stuff that just if stuff don't go right, I'm like, whatever if I can't do something that I really you know what I'm saying, because I'm like, I got four

healthy boys, a beautiful marriage. Uh, And I think with parenting, it just keeps me from wearing about stuff that really don't mean much of anything. And I look at uh, not to judge my friends, but I look at my friends who don't have kids, and I see when they get hung up on something and I'm just like, sis, yeah, yeah, yeah, really that's what it is gives that give me a

great perspective. And I'm glad because there are so many things actually living out in Los Angeles that could have you chasing the wrong thing, and um, just having kids has me going like, not is this important? No, Okay, I ain't worried about it. In is there anything that you're looking forward to or not looking forward to as parents or just as a family? Oh? So many? I know angel not looking. I know what I'm not looking because I know what is not looking forward to good looking.

I'm not looking forward girls coming around. That's I'm looking forward to, looking forward to them girls coming around. No, not not what she looked like? What do mama look like? What the father do? What was hold on? What's his name. Yeah, what's your mama's name? Could be a real awkward meeting. Right that being said, Angel, I have a proposition. What's the as we continue to grow and flourish in our careers and whatnot. I feel like we should go in on a space with me and you can just get

to get the girl and hide. Yeah where we have our own bathroom that's clean and smiling, spotless, and right there's about to try to throw me under the other this morning. Maybe the guys visit every now and again, or we don't even have to tell him to add your shower. We can just meet you you you would be face time and me what you do and don't and don't let you face on me call me and I'm having fun because then you bring your ass right

back home. You already market, so we can at least go there to pee and piece room and come back. I got I got a little touch of O C D. So cleanliness is not the thing with me. Don't don't see she's gonna make me slappy more so than my wife is. Um. So I would love to come visit you'll there. I want to see so what has angel at you through? I want products everything white everywhere when

you kids will go there, hold on, hold on. I love that you guys talk about how bad our bathroom is, but historically the women's public bathroom, it's way worse than the men. It seem like they always usually put like a little fake little flower up in the areaway as you're walking in to make it seem like you're walking into this lounge. We don't be looking seable at a club. Yeah, when I want to. I stayed with Kate in college.

One time in came in college, I was staying with She had three roommates, three women, And I walked into the bathroom and I walked out of that bathroom and I said, Kay, there's some things going on that I cannot said. I don't know what's going on. She was just like, who's whose parents raised you? Like, oh my god. And that's why the next semester I became a resident assistant. Have my own listen, I did this became one of my freshman year. They needed somebody, and I was like,

I'm doing it. Give me, give me out here. I get my own four walls, y'all get y'alls on bathroom. We get our own den or living room I'm with it. Let's do it. We just gonna hustle, me, gonna work with at the same time. Exactly. Listen, we'll go down then y'all go to your bathroom, don't come to the then with me and do it. As long as I got some champaign, y'all gonna say s they sold full

of ship Bro Champagne pop it is the truth. Let me be away from k and post something on Instagram around instant Oh, you just having a good time friend having all sorts of fun. Huh, y'all were awesome people. One more time where they can find you your podcasts Instagram, so you can find me at that Chick Angel across all platforms as well as you Tube want that Chick Angel TV. And then my husband is Marcus ain't on the gram on Instagram and Marcus ain't on the book

on Facebook. We have our podcast so when it comes to you ain't on the TikTok definitely. I don't know how they're doing all of this stuffing else I gotta learn the struggle. Yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna get one soon to him and dedicated like the twenty year old Cadine like a little ratchet. Yeah, any platform for the head. I'm nervous. Did you say going to the podcast and our podcast is this is going to cause an argument?

You can follow us there as wonderful. I think I've coming and don't because we got to do some listener letters. So people right in every season, like you are so nosy, know when people send me, send me scenarios and they just want my two heads. People nosy. People watch the news and come in and report to you, and you in a different room and tell you everything was going on. She's coming in now with something. Oh, we're gonna take a quick break and move into listening to letters after

we get into some ads. So stick around this for the record, there it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior. But here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he is best in the history of golf, no

question in my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Alright, we're back with Angel and Marcus and we are going to be doing some listener letters. All right, now, what do we have? Two? Three? Today? Is it too? Oh? That's a long one, so all sign it. We got

a little high cool here. Alright. So hey, y'all, thanks for thank you for blessing the world with your podcast. I admire your relationship and the rawness y'all share with your listeners. Thank you, thank you. I'm pregnant with my first and his fourth. He's been showing some rawness too. I've always been very attracted to my man and love the sex we have, which is how I got here. Being pregnant literally has me annoyed whenever he tries to

touch me or be lovy. I've been there too. I enjoy when he's out late, I get to fall asleep. Isn't bet alone. I just overall find myself wanting to be in a bubble shield around him so he can't touch me. This makes me feel terrible because he's very much like devow and that he wants to have sex with me like every other day and knowing it makes him feel upset and also unwanted when we go days without it because I literally cannot get in the mood.

I was woke with him about a little about how I feel, and I don't think he completely understands or he still wants what he wants anyway, Um, continue felt this during any Have you felt this during any phases of your pregnancy? And do you know anyone who has? And for both of you, how do my man and I compromise where I feel like I have the space I need and he can also get what he wants, which is sex more consistently. This is the lifelong question.

I mean, I definitely dealt with that. It's like, I think I've said this before, and it was funny, and we just came across a little video on Instagram where it's like a mom like a mother dog and she had nursing and then the daddy dog is behind her trying to get some too, and that's and that's literally how I felt. I'm like, it came a point where I felt like there was just either somebody in me, whether it be a baby or devot, somebody touching me,

hanging off my boobs. Like there was a went where I was just like, nobody touching me again because it's just my person, Like I just wanted to have my person and being pregnant, I mean, the body internally is going through so much. Sometimes my body just did not want sex. My body did not want to be penetrated. My body did not want to be touched. And it's something that was not explainable and we had to really find a way to like maneuver that where he can

get a little something. So if it required me using other body parts to get him what he needed, like I had to do it. Have you felt that way with any of your pregnancies? No pregnancies. I was my horniness cranked all the way. I got cranked up all the time for the majority of it, not the first trimester when I was like nonsense and stuff like. But yeah, once we got past that, it was more so okay,

you don't. After having the baby is when I was just like, okay, he just be asking at inopportunity times you want to do something. There's a baby hanging off my titty. No, absolutely, not. I don't. Eventually we don't do it now. Usually different putting it out there like you know, just so you know, just in case, Hey, hey you got to do that. You know that. Hey if you if you with it, I'm I'm you know, I'm with it. I'm with it. You know. I was with it nine months and I'll put in my work.

So what time for you? It's like marks, it ain't been along enough. Doctors, we can't. He don't know what he's talking, don't. There's always a path they put on it. That's six weeks, ain't real? Was we probably more like three? You had a water birth, so you was good. It wasn't a lot of trauma. But I think I think, you know, it's a natural party I would imagine for a woman and not feel like she wants to be touched.

I mean, like you said, that's a lot going on as a dude, especially he's on his you know, but I think he but he probably because it was probably different. It depends on It depends on the pregnancy. Because if he had four in his previous relationships she was horny during pregnancy, he might not realize. He might be like, wait a minute, well because this is what guys do. You only go with what you know and you don't know the female body. So he was with someone else,

you have four kids. They were pregnant and they were horny. Now you're pregnant and you're not horny. He's probably like, what's going on here? She was horny and pregnant, was you know, like, given excuse? He cannot say that. If

he says that, it is the worst. But but one thing I do know is that men sometimes, like I knew I was insensitive to certain things, even with Cadine, because my mom had three kids, and she had natural births, and her mom had three kids in natural births, and right after pregnancy they went straight back to work because you know, we would bless that Ky didn't have to

go back to work. So when and Kay was that the six months postpartum and we were still having issues, and she's like, you don't know what it's like to have a baby. My thought process used to be my mom had three, your mom had to be run back to work. You're six months out of it, you haven't been back to work, and you're making it seem like you're the only woman in the world that had been I could have suf anytime you said that to me, And I'm just like, what you're not gonna do? Right?

And the chances are your mom didn't have those conversations with you about what her service and her vagina the parts of her body felt after that, you know, and unfortunately having to rush back. My thing is nobody has these conversations with a man, So how was he supposed to know? And that's my podcast unless they have a conversation. She said, she did, She did. He just has to be more receptive that, like, this is not his body, it's her body. And if she's not able to like

not that she doesn't. It's not so much that she wants him to be unhappy because she says that she feels bad, but like, sometimes you can't make your body do what it don't want to do. It just is what it is. That support the woman and said, especially when she's pregnant. I learned that with her second pregnancy. My first pregnancy. I was her first pregnancy. I was with twenty seven. I had no clue. I was just kind of winging it. I was our first child. I

oh yeah, so yeah. When we talked about that, we just go in and with Cairo, from the minute she told me she was pregnant, I said, until this baby is here and healthy and you want whatever you want. I didn't argue or complain, just whatever you want. I'm not gonna win what I'm saying. I don't have to grow a human. I want my child to come out happy and healthy, so boom, you know. And the thing is she's gonna have to explain to him, and he's

gonna have to practice that. I didn't always do, even though I said that, there were times when I was still a little selfish. But it comes to reps where you learn how to you know, Okay, I want to be selfish in this moment, but let me just let me just suppress this right now and just whatever you want to be like that. With Kaz it was cool, briefe.

I didn't even ask for nothing. This is also her first pregnancy to so she's probably unaware, you know, So she's probably that's probably why she feels badly, because she's probably thinking like she would I would normally want to happen right but right now I don't. So I would say the fact that they spoke about it is good. Finding a way to compromise might be good where it may not be through like actual intercourse, but maybe she can do other things like make sure he's good and

you know from there. So I mean, that's important that you said that, because it is important that they compromise. So often it's told to men that you just have to just shut your mouth and accept everything. And that's

not good either. It's not it's not fair for people to tell men you got to be quiet and deal with on your own, because if they start to be quiet and deal with on their own and they start saying, well, you don't share it with me, and you don't say what you need brothers, say how you feel, and y'all compromise on it, you'll both have to give and take right. I know that's something. I know. You guys are veteran married you know folks, and we are veteran married folks too,

So that's talking again. A whole lot doesn't lot. It can save a whole lot of heartache in the end. All right, we got womo. My wife and I have been married for one year now. Before having our first child. We were always happy in joining each other's company. Now that she's a stay at home mom, and I'm active duty military. Things have changed. Our marriage feels like I'm just a roommate. Late at night, she goes into the other room, stays on her phone all night. She doesn't

want to communicate any longer. I listened to y'all's podcast with Judge Maybelline, and I don't want to divorce. I love my wife, I love our family. I just need advice on how to fix the marriage. PS. We don't have sex anymore. Yeah, I kind of already know no what this is. I watched Caden go through this, right, She wasn't a stay at home mom, and then she

became a stay at home mom. I think by her becoming a stay at home mom, she probably has lost her sense of purpose and there's something deep within her that has nothing to do with him that she doesn't know how to find her happy. And since she's at home all day, he's active duing the military, he's out, she's probably seeking some sort of happiness and can't find it anywhere. So she's probably spiraling into a little bit

of a depression. And the statute is that he's probably taking it on himself, like what am I not doing? Which is the worst thing you can do. I think that he she has to find an outlet. Being a working woman to a stay at home mom or working dad to a stay at home dad is probably one of the hardest transitions for human because you went from having a purpose to just be at home, and that can be unfulfilling. Everybody don't take that being at home

when you when you were weren't doing that. They don't take that as important, right, yeah, actually, but it is. It is very significant to do that. And a lot of people assume that most women want to be hit home with their kids. I know people who love their kids, but they don't want to be at home with the seven. They have other dreams and aspirations that they don't really feel the need to put on hope, because a lot of men don't have to put their dreams and aspirations

on hold just because they have kids. So there's like this, uh, this assumption. That's the word that a lot of women have put on them. And that's probably the case for her, Like, I didn't want to do this, and maybe she thought she did and then realized I don't want to do this. That was kind of me, actually, that was I was just like, man, I want to be home with my baby. It's my first baby. I don't want to miss anything. Like That's how I felt. That wasn't even two thousand seven,

But tell your story. I'm oh, well, I felt with Jackson's like I don't want to miss anything, and I want to miss anthing, and and being home with him for that little bit, I was just like, damn, I had to go back to work. So then when I did go back to work, I was like, I miss being at home. And then when I decided that I was at home with him, and I was unhappy being home with him because I'm like, shoot, I don't have any time to just like be around adults and have

adult conversation. And I felt like it made me a better mom if I was able to just step away from a little bit do yourself for myself, and then come back feeling a little bit more refreshed. Like it's kind of like a cycle that you kind of get at least being a parent or having a child, and then deciding if you want to be at home or not, or if you have the luxury of even be able to do that. Yeah, I feel like too, outside of just being a parent, I remember when Cadine had just

got she just graduated with her master's. She was stressed out. Her hair was thinning because she was stressed out from school, and she was just you know, she was just done with being a school and being a resident director. I was playing in the NFL, so in my mind, I'm like, this is an opportunity for me to be the man. I'm like, yo, you can stay at home, be the kept woman. I'm out here and making really good money. I remember I came home one day. She was in

the worst mood, and I'm like, you're at home. I took you shopping. You got this nice place you're staying in, Like what is the problem. And she was just like, I don't want to be at home and this is before kids, And I was like, what do you mean. She's like, I got my master's degree, Like I should be out there working. I should be doing this, doing this, doing this, And I'm just like, for me, of course, it was my ego. I'm like, I'm providing you with

this lifestyle, you know what I'm saying. And then her husband could probably be doing the same thing. You know, I'm an active military, I'm fighting for the country. I have an opportunity for you to be at home, you should be happy. That could cause an issue, because that's how I felt with her until I realized, like, yo, she did go to school for mad long, graduated, have good grades to be at home. That had nothing to

do with kids. Everything to do with the fact that she didn't know what the purpose was and she was we struggled in our sex life at that point. Every time she looked at me, she kind of blamed me, like he's the one that got me here. So when when you look at somebody and that person making you mad, you don't want to have sex with that person, you know. And I could imagine him saying, you know, you know, I'm a military you know, you my wife. You should be at home. She's not gonna want to have sex

with you. If that's the case, we don't know. I'm just saying based on what he wrote here, you know, I know, it seems like that could be an issue. And they're still learning each other, you know, like we had we talked recently, like the same person you start dating is not the same person that you married to two years. We are so different and when we met

sixteen years ago, it's not we're not the same to people. Yeah, but being that early on, they got a lot to learn about each other and they just gotta keep that communication open. Now often do you'll have those talks? I feel like for us, it's like every week we have that talk of this is who I am right now? Work with me. How often do we just have that, like for the first time, like of who we've become.

I feel like we've been having it more often recently, just because Marcus is having a like a shift in life, so like our responsibilities to each other, like what we do for each other is kind of shifting. So like because we're in it, I feel like we're talking about it all the time. But up until that point, it wasn't. It was never really a conversation. But like end of last year, the beginning of this year, it's like, dude,

I hit like a mouthstone in life, like something else. Yeah, the beginning of ten to nineteen, like completely different person, like completely different. And I realized that later on in the year, I'm like, dude, what happened to me? Like that's when the conversation started. So we started talking about it more and more. So It's funny, y'all, say that because they talked about there's a shift. She said there was.

She was a wife, they were both working. He's acting military, she's a stay at home and then the shift happens. It's probably a shift in one of their lives. Then they have to communicate about communicate go into a different room and not talking about it, that's only gonna lead to a separate paths. They got to talk about it and be honest for sure. That was dope to listener letters down And if you want to be featured for one of our listener letters, be sure to email us

at dead as Said Advice at gmail dot com. Thank you guys so much for giving your two cents or your four cents and it's too we all thank you. Look at my mask. So before you guys dip um, we normally at the end of every episode to a moment of truth. So that's pretty much like whatever your takeaway was from the episode, and it can be about anything because we spoke about so much um, you know, with people clocking uterus is or isn't you the right when it's want to put an eye on how you

say that? Good laugh at me about people try to be too intelligent stop talking out how is it university? You're right, I don't know look it up, but y'all at me. You might be right. Though alumnus is alumni. I'm saying we're gonna go with that. You and remember if it's not you to ride codeine s I always make up words. It was the last one I made it last season. Epicity like epics of the Oh. I love it though. We're gonna put that in our wall, in our Spacespicity of the moment, the two of them,

they all these degrees, They just like making stuff. People be out here making up all sorts of ships. So he one little takeaway, one little moment of truth for today's episode. I guess my one moment men of truth is that, Um, everybody gets to the side when they just want to start and stop a family and it's it's okay. Like for some people that might be seven kids in for others it might be none. And uh nobody should have a problem with that. Uh my moment the truth I want to go back to. People just

need a manly business. You took my markets business. I learned something today you did. Yes, Um, there's nothing that learning, but it makes more sense you don't know what people have gone through before you asked that question, so be sensitive to the fact that this question you're asking there may be a story behind it. So before you call the woman out or not having kids or saying whether you want to have more kids, be cognizant to the fact that she may be going through something. Right did

you go? Be sure to follow us on social media, folks, cadein, I am on Instagram and i and if you're listening on Apple podcasts, please please please be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sogico and Dinor Opinion. Our executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple

and Kristin Torres. Our chief content Officer is Chris Bannon, our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and Last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen's We'll Back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitching network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to the distraction right now, it's out do it. Please,