Being an entrepreneur is actually more about understanding marketing than the business.
Mmmm. Dead ass.
That's a good one because a lot of times people don't even know what they need until you tell them dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos.
With our voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Yes, sir, we are.
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.
Dead ass starts right now. So what you got for story time?
For storytime, I'm gonna take y'all back to two thousand and thirteen. No, no, no, no, no, two thousand and fourteen, twenty and fourteen.
As a matter of fact.
Nah, I'm gonna go back to twenty ten. Then go to twenty fourteen. Okay, twenty ten, I was working at poly Prep. I had just retired from the NFL, and I was coaching football. Fast forward a little bit. I started training a young man to helping get a scholarship, and I had realized that, oh wow, I could help young men get scholarships by teaching how to be bigger, stronger, and faster.
So I said, let me start focusing on being a trainer.
I had already put myself on a five year plan to get to Hollywood. We had already discussed it, and I knew that being a trainer could help me make some additional revenue while so I studied for my NASM my National Academy of Sports Medicine, started studying exercise physiology and kinesiology. Then I started looking at how to build the clientele. I'd already had some clients I was working
at poly Prep. I was like, you know, these clients have money, but they're few and far in between, and I can't keep my I can't build my client base in Brooklyn with the value of the product being so high. So I decided to change my strategy and started to train in bulk. And this is why I realized in growing a business that you have to find a way to generate revenue at the same time while increasing your client base. The best way to increase your client base,
of course, is to cut prices. But a lot of times when you cut prices, you have to give them less value for what they pay for.
You have to skims pretty much.
I'll do it to you for chie, but you ain't gonna get the same product as everyone else. I figured, if I could give you the same product as everyone else, but cutting my prices by seventy percent, I'd able to I'd be able to build my client pool faster, and then at that point I'd be able to cherry pick who could afford the higher price training sessions.
And like clockwork, it worked right.
At one point, I was charging I believe it was one fifty per session, and I had a couple clients who was willing to pay. You know, I was training a couple kids at a polyprep who had famous parents and they could afford it. But at the time it wasn't bringing in enough money for it to be considered a business.
So rather than going from one fifty per session.
I started charging one fifty per month, and you got three sessions per week, and I was able to find a way to train up to thirty.
People at one time.
So what I did was I started to research and look at the market and see who was having the most success. And you know who was having the most success When it came to training groups, Paris Speed School, Perice Speed School was doing a class model, and in the class model, what they had decided to do was We're no longer going to focus on just training one person. We are going to preach a competition and a competitive edge. The only way you can preach competition the competitive edge
is having people trained together. So they change the ideology from a personal training it will get you better to training with multiple people. And the more people you train with, the higher rate you have, the higher chance you have of getting better because there's a chance that somebody in this group is.
Better than you.
From one month to four months, I went from having six clients to two hundred and thirty clients.
I remember the influx because I was there being your administrative is trying to track all of it.
So yeah, and more of the story is I learned that if you study in industry, staying ahead of the curve and changing before everyone else decides to duplicate what already worked, it's how you make money.
And we'll talk a little bit more about that when we get back.
All right, we're gonna dive into that.
What other song has a little bit of soul in it? A little bit of R and B.
I can dig it.
Let me see if you know this song. That's all I gotta do is say the first four words.
When the funk hit the fans, smell lightshit lynch BRIT's name, Gotta get funk a thunk a, when the fun hits the fan make you want to slap your man, Gotta get funk a.
Funk? Where the hell did that come from?
Steve Harvey?
No, but I'm like, where, w how did that just pop into your mind?
Today?
Josh Josh was singing it. I don't know where he came from with this, but he was. He was singing it, and I was like, yo, I actually just loved that song.
He was saying that how he felt the High Tops was like the baddest group ever.
He was like, YoY nice, the High Tops is nice.
They only got one song though they only got one song slot though quick break all.
Right, yeah, we'll get back. Oh my god.
You know what I didn't even think about when I'm listening to your storytime. Of course we're talking about entrepreneurship, staying ahead of the curve, all that good stuff, but the group sessions and the competitive nature.
That it kind of just fostered.
I didn't even realize that because we were doing a segment called Married to the Gym. So when Deval got all of these kids to train, I was usually in the gym anyway, because I had to be there to help with administrative stuff, but also too, like I was getting my workout on after having Jackson and everything.
So we just spent a lot of.
Time in the gym, and I remember a lot of the moms in their downtime waiting for their kids to finish their training session.
Was like damn kay, like you had a baby, how'd you get back? And I'm like, you know, Devo's crazy.
I've been training with him, and they were like, we should like do a little something like when you train me, can you train me? So for a second, I was like, well, maybe I can do some training too, But I'm like, I'm not certified to do that, and I wouldn't want to take it lightly. And I was just like, yo, why don't we do a scitement called Married to the Gym.
Married to the Gym.
We're the moms and.
Dads can train with us, and then we just do the session. And that became such a hit, being huge, such a hit, and to this stage we have a couple core people who are now like super good, like family to us, friends, and they talk about it too, and they're just like, man, I don't feel like I've been in shape since Married to the Gym, or I missed the camaraderie that we had and that healthy competition and that pushing each other man.
That was That was a good time, but that was training too.
That was That was the second part of the story.
I'm glad you brought that up, because remember when I said I was gonna start in twenty fourteen. Okay, twenty ten was when I started doing prototype, and then twenty fourteen merged into Married to the Gym because we had so many young women who were there for the hour with their sons. So once again, looking ahead of the curb, I was like, you know, if I have parents.
Who are here, and they're already going to be here.
If I dedicate my time to their sons, then immediately after I can dedicate an hour to them same group training. Cut the price a little bit, so it's not one fifty, it's one hundred. You've already paid the fifty dollars for your child's for a registration fee, so it's one hundred dollars a month. I could then duplicate because those the kids who were there, their parents had to bring them. So then I had to create a program and I could duplicate my income or duplicate my revenue in just
an additional hour. And what it taught me about entrepreneurship is that, yes, you have to stay in the present and focus on what the president is, but you have to continuously.
Keep looking forward for sure, because you know what happens when you.
Do something and you're successful at it, people copy you.
Yep.
And here's the truth.
Because they get to watch you do it, there's a great chance that they may be able to do it better than you.
Yeah, because they've watched you do it.
Sure, they've watched you stumble, they've watched you making mistakes, and yeah, when you have a perspective absolutely, So when you're the first it's good, but then the second and third person typically reap the benefits because they can do what you've done better unless you continue to move forward and you reinvent yourself. But by the time the four, fifth, sixth person starts to copy you, that trend is already dead.
Someone has to create a new trend. And when you are the person who stays ahead of the curve and you keep creating the trends, that's how you keep growing your business.
Shout out to your beautiful mind, because if I'll always be thinking of what's next and what's coming up next, that's probably why essentially in Brooklyn, you're like the godfather of training and all that, you know, because you really set the tone out there at a time when no one was really focused on football and keeping and coming out of Brooklyn that was not a thing. And now
think about how many children are now in college. They're grown men who have gone to school for free, and they've gone through the mentorship program and they're teaching children now. Like the effect is still definitely felt. And shout out to like your brother and Dola who are still kind of carrying on the legacy and a lot of the kids that you I keep saying kids, I feel like
there were. There were literally our children, but they're grown men now that are doing the same thing and impacting the community that way.
And it's absolutely dope to see we have.
I think we have at least four young men from Stephen renee DJ White, Roger Try think who has a Wayne Morgan, Kai Brian my cousin. Those five young men there who I know for a fact are making a living now based on the tutelage from the training that we've taught them. But most importantly what you said is very very true. There was no industry of sports performance training in New York period until we got there. The only place people used to go to train. Shout out
to this place was Parisi Speed School. That's where I studied and learned, you know, And I would be remiss if I didn't mention how much I learned at the Parisi Speech School in Staaten Island. That was the first Parisi Speed school that was actually brought to the city. Parisi Speed School started out in New Jersey. By the time they got to the city, they already had seventy plus locations was that where we.
Used to drive you. I used to drive you and both two.
Yes, that was Paricie. That's what I my NFL Pro day in two thousand and six.
I forget that they were in Jersey.
Yeah.
They they jumped on the scene in the early two thousands, like two thousand and two thousand and one. They had a bunch of athletes in the NFL combine who had run four threes, four two's, and everyone was like, if you want your athletes to get a first round grade, they gotta run fast, send them here. So then they started sending a bunch of NFL athletes to Paris Speed School.
I trained a Parisis Speed School in the four to three of my pro day and I became really good friends with the trainer there.
Ron Ron was a training.
Train me and both.
Yes.
I remember y'all packed into my little rev for your number clown car. Okay, because if I was eight and nine Mexica, they were Maxima.
They were running through that car.
It wasn't making it, she was she was giving up vaccine, was giving what she was making. And I said, all right, y'all could use the green machine, baby, because I got places to go and things to do. So that was that was a fun, fun time when I look back on.
Absolutely for sure, but I'm I was always watching seeing how things work.
Well, yeah, that goes back to my SoundBite talking about like people don't know sometimes what they need until you show them absolutely and you have to see that there's a deficit or see that there's a room or an area for a need or want and then trying to find a way to fulfill that. Right. So that's usually how businesses start, or essentially what people try to do
in the very beginning. And to your point, you may start with a certain model, but people see that Okay, maybe if I did this a little bit differently, or I use their model but I tweak this or I add that, then they can essentially probably be better at the original idea. And we've seen so many products that have come and gone and you know, duplicates and replicas and at this point now you're just reading the reviews at this point because you're just not sure which way
to go. But it always starts with that original idea and knowing that someone needs it. So people always ask what's the secret sauce when it comes to building a successful business, and For us, the key has always been to just make your own way back and when it comes to entrepreneurship, you don't have to reinvelp the wheel all the time. Following the success of others can help you succeed. But if you want to exceed those levels, innovation and staying ahead of the curve, yes.
Important, absolutely, Like the most important thing is to well trouble. Shout out to triple she has some key things here. I want to discuss these key things as we go through them. So for example, facts and Stats Forbes magazine gives three ways to stay innovative in your industry. Now, mind, you haven't looked at this yet, so we'll see look to the future. We've discussed that, try to forecast revolutionary innovations.
What products or services would render your company obsolete? What small changes can you put in place now to be able to adapt better tomorrow? Can you accomplish a task faster, faster and for less money. Who can you foster relations with that can read the landscape of your industry?
So essentially what we were saying.
Yeah, essentially what we were saying, But we've also duplicated this when it came to social media M right, So let's be innovative, right. They talked about look to the future, can you forecast revolutionary innovations. I'm about to tell y'all some truth about us in social media. I did not reinvent the will when I started doing social media, but I did look back first to see what was successful. I knew that I wanted to get in front of the camera. I also knew that you wanted to get
in front of the camera. After auditioning and auditioning, I felt like I was in the rat race, the same rat race as everyone else. I'm walking in the same places with little to no management online with fifty to sixty guys who looked similar to me and hype, weight and build for one role, and the role was a speaking role where I had one line something like man, fuck you man. It was like something like that, And I was like, how am I going to be able to build my resume as.
An actor playing Home Bowl number one shot? You know?
So I looked back in time and I said, you know, I realized there were a ton of rappers who were not actors. We started to get opportunities in the nineties, right, you look at will Smith, L Queen Latifa had the d at one point had a show. Eve had a show, So I was like, Brandy, So I'm like, what is it that made them get access to producers to get a TV show?
Influence?
All of those people were influential one but also marketable influence and marketability. So I looked around me and I said, well, don't load, just introduce me to this thing called Instagram. I can prove my influence by just being myself creating my own content. Remember when I sat down with you and I said, Yo, I'm gonna do my own sitcom. It's going to be a fifteen second sitcom. Yes, right, we called it a social sitcom and I was.
Like, what hell You're gonna do fifteen seconds?
And we started putting together our short fifteen second video. Then Instagram grew to sixty seconds, and from there it was a rap. But the key was the innovation, right, and that's what I want to get to. I couldn't do what everyone else was doing at the time. People were doing shock videos. Remember Boom Gang. Yeah, remember Fat Boy.
Says those short Vine videos or people were well Vine.
Was seven seconds.
But this is when Vine was slowly dying out because when Instagram started implementing fifteen second videos, and Snapchat was around. Vine had started to die, but everyone was doing shock videos, which was like someone would run up to you and knock your food out.
Your hand and run oh right, right, right right, And I was like, I don't see how.
This can be marketable. So I just started to decided to do dad videos. I just decided, before I saw anybody else that I was going to sit down and talk about what it was like being a father. I was gonna complain the way dad's complained. I was going to love on my wife the way dad's love on their wife. I was gonna love on my kids. But it was gonna be real and honest. And what it did was it gave me a spotlight that no one else had already done. So what it did was it
started bringing all of the eyeballs to my page. And then as it grew and I started to see more dads doing similar content because we saw guys even doing the have you've been.
Following us for a while, you know that.
The that was eyemovie here.
That that eye movie.
You've seen so many like redos.
Reiterations of the stuff that we've already done.
You on the edge of the bed. I think I just seen one the other day, or me having you at the edge of the bed.
And I was just in a couple of videos, do that.
We've seen people do the drop video, Yes, you saw people do the drop video right hyping up your wife videos like these were all videos I've been doing since two thousand and sixteen, you know, And it was able to it was able to catch on and became a trend. But then once it became a trend, everyone started doing it, so then we had to pivot. Then we pivoted to podcasts right right, and from the podcast we ended up booking some TV shows and from there we pivoted.
To the bookook or the live shows.
The live show, from the podcast to the live show than to the book. And the whole point is we've never stayed stagnant with how we were going to create content because now from the book and the live shows, we created the Patreon. The Patreon is a way for us to give people more high quality long form content.
Which is funny because that's where we wanted to start in the beginning.
We just didn't know how to do it, but we used all of our resources to grow so that we can scale our business to do greater things. And that's what I really want today to punch to all entrepreneurs.
It's time things take time, consistent.
And I also feel like there has to be a desire, right because for me, for example, I feel like I've reached a point where I'm thinking about what's next. And I spoke to you about this recently. I was like, Babe, I feel like, Okay, I'm doing the Patreon stuff with you. That's like my focus, the all day case of us,
like growing that platform, you know, sharing more there. But I was like, I feel like I should be doing something else, like maybe I just start a business, like selling something, And you know, you see people just like selling stuff, products or whatever it is that's naring there to me things that I love, enjoy youse Frequently some areas that I've looked into, I'm just like, man, it just seems so oversaturated, like everybody just wants to sell a lip gloss or everyone wants to have arousal oil.
And I just.
I'm fighting that desire to feeling like I need to do something versus also too just saying to myself, you don't need to be in everything you need to maybe focus on the things that are already in progress. And that's the conversation that you had with me. So, like, what advice do you have for people like me who are just like man, I feel like I should be doing something, but I just feel like I don't want to just put anything out there, nor do I want to half ass something.
So this is what you have to understand, right, Movement is not always progress. You can move in place all day busy work.
You can stand in there and do.
Jumping jacks all day, You'll be moving like a motherfucker, right, but you're not going anywhere.
Movement is not progress.
When you say to yourself I have to be doing something, there's no direction there, there's no purpose there, there's no impetus to put you towards success. So just saying I have to do something is not the answer. What you have to say is what is important to me that I can monetize because doing something means I'm going to find something that everyone else is doing to make money. If you don't love that, you can't keep up what it takes to build that to be profitable.
Passion or the desire.
Yeah, just saying I have to do something because I feel like I'm not doing anything. It's not going to push you in a direction to be great. In order to build something to be profitable in any business, it takes two to three years. That is so, if you're just doing something that you don't love and you have a passion for it, how are you going to commit two or three years of just doing something because someone else is doing it? You have to look within yourself
first and say what do I love to do? What is important to me? Then saying can I monetize this? Can I find a way to make this profitable?
Is this what I love?
Is there a need for it in the world that I can find a marketplace to put my love on the marketplace to make money.
And if you can do that, then you start working towards that.
Right.
But to just say I gotta do something, Nah.
That's literally me. I was like, man, I should be doing something.
But then you were so right, and that you were like, King, you have certain things in motion already, there's certain things that you love to just do, so why not invest more time in those things?
Yes, so you can reap the benefits of that.
See, but I was also thinking of the influence side of things, and I'm just like, man, like, I'm over here doing brand partnerships of course with products that I enjoy and love, and those are the only things that I only products that I tend to partner with. So I'm like, shoot, if I'm making all these other companies business, much like when I was working for Mac Cosmetics for example, right,
working for Mac Cosmetics for years. This is when the recession hit and I was like, I got to do something working for the company, and I'm over here, like you know, one of the top producers.
Average unit sale is through the roof every single day. Yeah, you remember that. I used to stress over the aus.
But I used to bring in so much money just off of the knack for a having relationships with people and being able to communicate and having break into personal communication skills and then pairing that with just makeup artistry skills.
I was doing really well. But I'm like, I'm making all of this money.
For Frank and Frank and I feel like I'm just getting paid, you know, pennies on the side for the hard work that I'm investing. And that's when I said, all right, the passion and the desire to then want to have my own makeup business and do my own thing. It made sense in that moment because it was a way for me to do something on my own and make more money.
So let me first answer that question, but also go to the second point right faction and status Number two was don't be afraid to emulate others. Okay, what new products or services do your competitors have? Is this an innovation you should adopt when startups appear? Why do they appear? What void are they attempting to feel? And what are they offering that others do not. I'm gonna tell you
how perfect this is. Remember when I worked at Paricis Speed School, I took the DC Speed School model for just training and applied it to football.
Oh so you just specialized it.
I specialized it because and also you see where it says here what new products or services do your competitors have? Paris was doing the class model first. Paris was doing the class No one was doing a football class model. All of the football training they were doing was one on one training because that I have to focus on this one child. But to me, that didn't make sense
because you play football as a team. There's no point in football where it's one on one except if you're outside playing a receiver or defensive back.
But even in that time, you need a quarterback to throw the ball.
So I was like, the team aspect works for football better than any other sport. It's easier to get people to buy in to twenty people in the game because on the field at one time you have twenty two people. So emulating others and seeing what the industry is doing is a way for you to stay ahead of the curve. Because remember when I said, when you start something, the person who does it second or third typically does it
better than you. If you see someone do something great and you notice some things you can change, be the second or third person. Emulate and do it better. Don't just do it exactly the same. Find a way to do it better, because when that fourth and fifth, the sixth person come, it's going to be too late for them. You've already made all of the changes. So emulating others is not wrong. You know, we all find inspiration from people. Right,
Chris Brown is great? Why because he emulates Michael Jackson.
Right. Kobe Bryant is great? Why because he emulates Michael Jordan.
Right?
You know, and it goes down the line in every every facet. And I forgot his name, but Bernie Mack was great. But there was a comedian before Bernie Mac.
He had the wide eyes and everything.
No, he was a voice behind Baybay's Kids, the voice behind the Baby's Kids Dead, Rob Harris. Rob Harris was an amazing comedian. Bernie Max said so many times that he emulated him like he had so much and he's become great because of that. Me in particular, people think I'm funny. Why I love Martin Lawrence. There's no shame in my game. So sometimes you can see someone and say that inspiration has you know, gotten me to this point?
What can I do to make it better? So don't be afraid to emulate others, for sure.
And I think the great's nostalgic, right, So when you see somebody who does a version of it and does it well, you know, or makes it their own, then that's just.
A moment in time where you're just like Dan. That reminds me of a.
Really great point in time.
Beyonce love Tina Turn. She emulated her performance style being all over the all over the stage dance and not just being a ballad singer because Beyonce could sing, which that I don't want to be a performer like that's people. Emulation is important because that's where you get inspiration for So it's important for you to look at your competitors, look what's going on around the field and see like, wait a minute, I see that, you know, give kudos
and always give shout outs. Emulation is not the same as stealing because out here in this world, right, I've seen it a lot of especially with influencers. Influencers will see someone else do something, take it, say it's their own, put a different name on it, and never give credit to the person, the person who gave them the inspiration, which is fucked up, if we be quite frank, it's messed up.
It is wild, all right.
And Third, experiment with different avenues or ideas, invest in research and development. Sixty six percent of small businesses in the US are profitable. Forty one percent of entrepreneurs plan to expand or remodel their business in twenty twenty two.
M All right, so.
Look here's the thing. It says, experiment with different avenues or ideas.
That's what we do.
Now, Yeah, we sure as I'll do them don't.
The book was an experiment, It's sure as that was for me. Patreon was an experiment.
The live shows started as an experiment, you know, like these were all things that we said, we have to invest in ourselves first. And if you're an entrepreneur, this is not on here, but I will tell you this. You have to put a slush fund away for experiments, for new ideas. So twenty five percent of the money I make in the business goes to a fund that is automatically for reinvestment back into the business, which means
when money comes in, I always put money aside. Of course, we do our wealth planning, we have our salaries, or we have our money that's in the business just so that our business can be solvent. R Solvency means that your business can pay out. Say say for example, we're on strike. Yeah we're on strike, right have you still have to be able to pay your employees, right, So you have to have solvency in your business. But then it also has to be an investment fund. So it's like, Okay,
the business has stalled here. Why what if you don't have enough trainers, what if you don't have enough printers to print t shirts. What if you don't have you know, like there's things that come up.
I mean, stuff always happens, always his life essentially.
But if you have that fund where it's just like you know what, I can hire an additional trainer, which is what I did. Remember I started out with me, do Loo and Brian. By the time we got to twenty fifteen, it was me, Dolo, Brian, Kamal Rick Kai, I think who else was Roger? I was training athletes at one point. Maya was also training athletes.
At one point, Man Maya had me like.
Maya had you. Maya had you.
Right, It was running like a gazelle.
Ya damn.
I miss Those days were not really because I almost died a couple times, but you know, hey, you never almost died.
Bro.
Do you remember when she had me doing rabbit with the high school girls.
You felt like you was going to die, but you didn't almost die, could barely breathe out.
She was crying.
Like the feeling, the feeling of like can't breathe, So you're nervous because you can't breathe. You feel like you're gonna die because you can't breathe, and then you're exhausted from the run like.
I was at that point.
I was like twenty eight running with fifteen year old girls.
Okay, twenty eight, first of all, is not old.
But I mean compared to fifteen year old girls who have trained and.
Tracked chat, ye, twenty eight is not old. It's not old. And I think you hadn't trained like that ever in life.
But that feeling of breaking through the threshold of oh my god, I can't breathe to oh my god, I'm breathing while doing this hard workout is invigorating.
Like that's how you become an athlete, you know, That's why.
Most pretty badass at that point you.
Were, you were and you still are a badass. You don't you don't push as much. You kind of like, listen, I'm doing on my own.
Listen my own, but you didn't push on I'm not the running, no living my next life. All right, y'all. Hope that helped you today.
If you're on the fence about starting a business in the thick of it, or you got a little you know, idea brewing.
Hopefully that helped you out today. All right, y'all, back to the money.
We're going to take a quick break get into some ads and then we'll move into listener letters.
So stick around.
All right, we're back.
We're back listening a lot of time. You want to go first, baby? Or should I go first?
Ladies first?
All right?
Heyy K and D.
My husband and I are both twenty six years old. We have three children. He works and I haven't had a job since our middle child was born two years ago. He makes good money for where we live in Alabama, and he's also making plans and strides to get into other fields and build other streams of income. The problem is, I feel like he's making moves in his life and I'm sort of on pause. I love being a mom and being a homemaker, but I also have big dreams
for my business, Nurture by Nature shameless plug. I'm a doula and I want to travel and help women have babies.
I love that.
That's so in the core of what I love.
Even tasks like operating my online sales have been slipping because I'm just exhausted or busy with children. How do I deal with the resentment of feeling like time is slipping away from me to build and fully operate rate my business while he gets to make moves and grow. I know he's working to do this for his family, but I just feel like I'm getting closer to thirty and that I have nothing of my own to show
for my twenties. And I'm scared to be forty to fifty plus and have nothing to show for it.
Girl, Calm down, Oh, I say, she's twenty six.
Calm down, she was talking about forties and fifty plus. Girl, if you knew where we were at twenty six trying to figure shit out. I mean, first of all, you do have a lot to show for it at twenty six. You have three beautiful children and a husband who loves who's working hard for your family. That in itself is an accomplishment I would think as a married couple and
as a family, so celebrate that. However, since I do understand and I completely feel you when you feel like you were just at home, not living to your full potential and your full max. That was me for a little bit when we were in Michigan after I graduated grad school. I came out there with the intention of working, didn't find anything in my field, felt like I was a bump on a log. Also felt like I was not a contributing member of the family, and that too can also take a shot at that at your ego
and what you feel like you have to offer. So I'm thinking what would work for sure is if you try to find pockets of time that you can invest in your business. Right. The beauty of being a stay at home mom and having time is that sometimes you feel like you have time, but you don't, however, structure right, putting children down for naps, getting households, things done in a certain way where there's a structure, and you're just allotting time to devote to your business. I think it's
just a matter of organization. I know when I was at home with the kids, a lot of times you just feel like the day is a jumble because you're just running after kids all day. But I think it would be helpful if you found pockets of time to devote to your business so that way you feel like you're having a little bit of an outlet. I don't know if you have any family help nearby where you can maybe designate times that someone else is caring for the children.
I don't know. The age is two of your other children, so you can kind of go from there.
One thing. You didn't notice. She said that the middle child was born two years ago, have two under two? She has no time.
Oh the child, the middle child was born two years ago, which means they have two kids under two years old. Oh, you don't have no time, there's no time. But here's the thing though, Right, you're twenty six years old. If that middle child was born two years ago, that means that other child is probably around one or close to being one. But all of those children will be in school in three years, three years back, by four minimum,
all of them will be in school. And you know what, you have from eight to three pm time, and you'll be twenty nine years old.
You still won't even be thirty. So you'll have plenty of.
Time in your thirties to dedicate yourself because now your children will be in school, right, your husband will be at work. You have all this time for yourself in the middle of the day, so you can dedicate your thirties to building whatever it is you want to build.
Cay and I have talked about this, and I always felt like I had to work to put as much help around Kadeen so that she didn't spend her whole life running after kids, and I was like, if your mom gotta move here, if your dad got to move in here, if I got to get more job to get help, I'll get you help. But one thing we did notice was that everything we thought we had to do in our twenties fourth the count was bullshit.
Facts like a blur.
It's a blur.
We've built everything we have through our thirties. And then Kadeen walked in her first New York Fashion Week show, closing it.
On forty yeah, and felt great.
And I say all that to tell you, I know, it feels like life is passing you by at twenty six buteart, sweetheart, you have fourteen more years left before you reach forty fourteen, which means you have plenty of time.
And the fact that they got the kids out the way early true.
If you're done that, Yeah, that's a good thing too.
Maybe I'm settling into myself and who I am at forty Yeah, I've heard that from everybody. I don't know why I thought it was gonna be any different, but most people say that, like, once you hit forty, your finally like settle into who you are as a person.
So yeah, that's yeah, that's the part that I'm missed in the beginning.
You don't have no time now, says, But you're invested in your family, and you're home with your children, and you're raising your children. And that's what I would hope most people want to do, is be there to raise their children until they're in school.
I agree.
And then, but I feel like with the way her husband works with her and they work together, if she dedicates these next couple of years to making sure they get off to school and everybody is good, she can have all the time in the world, right, you know, like all the time to build her business, because you'll have all of that day and then, excuse me, I don't know how you guys are gonna, you know, figure
out what the chores are. But at three o'clock, once you go pick up the kids, you dedicate your time to your family.
That's a fact. I love that. But still, Sis, you look like you have two under two here.
Still see if you can find a couple pockets of time for yourself, girl, two one to two is rough. That's rough there, Yeah, it is naughty. He can help, so hopefully yes them all right? Thanks for writing in onto the next take it away, baby.
Okay, let me start by saying that I just love you guys so much and your story is really beautiful. But okay, let me go ahead and dive into the story. My significant other of twenty years died almost two years ago. Sorry to hear that, Mama, and I thank you for the kudos. This October and everyone is telling me I should get out and start dating again, but our children
are seventeen and nine years old. I'm hesitant because our children only ever seeing us together in the same household, and I'm afraid of what it would look like or to even introduce them to another person of interest. And may I add, I am a thirty eight year old arees Hey welcome who loves hard and love sex. I trust me, so I want to be careful who I invite in my world. Plus I'm not sure if I
even know how to date anymore. But your girl do have needs and I'm tired of toys and I do miss having someone to talk.
To, hold and comfort me with. What the heck?
Please give me some kind of advice because your girl is lost in these new dating streets. You know who don't know how to date me and k I don't even know how to help you with God.
I don't know how to help you with that, but I think you do deserve if you feel like you've moved on, not moved on personality, We're ready to now, you know, show interest in someone else that you deserve.
That I hate. I hate to be this type of process, to hate what my dad said it to me. But this is the fact.
What is what happens in life happens for you always, and it always happens. I don't know if you believe in God or you believe in the universe, but things that happen in your life happened for you to be successful, even when pain happens.
Pain happens is a lesson. If you didn't die during the pain, it was a lesson to make you stronger. Right. So, and I'm saying this with the heaviest of heart.
Right, but your person, your soul man who passed on, they passed on because God saw it fit for you to see something else or be with something else.
Right.
That person is with God now. Right.
So you can't sit here and say, God, that was my person. You made a mistake. No, God, you bless me with that person for twenty years of life. I appreciate you, I appreciate that person, I appreciate my kids, But you still have a fiduciary responsibility to your children
and yourself to be happy. And if your happiness looks like you being with someone else, you just shouldn't feel guilty about that, you know, like I don't think that you should sit and sulk about the fact that you lost someone you know, honor that person, continue that person's memory, you have children with that person, but still go out and live your life and be happy because that's what that person and that's what your.
Children would want.
You know.
If I hate speaking on this, but if something were to happen to me, I would hope to God that Kadeen doesn't sit in this house and just be lonely and look at old pictures of me. I would hope that she would do. But I would hope that you would do what was gonna make you happy. If you being happy means that you sit in the house and you will remember me with that. But if you being happy, it means that you need to be with someone else and get some companionship you know, and have someone else.
Have my boys see someone else love you the way someone is supposed to love you. I'd be all for it because they need to see it and because you need to feel it. Just because I'm gone doesn't mean someone can't feel that. God creates people for a reason. So yes, I use that because nothing's gonna happen to me, nothing's gonna happen to you.
No, but I completely get it, right, But no, I completely you know what I'm saying. You know, I think that's no for sure. Absolutely, And she's only thirty eight.
Yeah, thirty eight.
We have a whole lot of life left to live.
And I think that there's always another chance, you know, there's always another chance for love, and I think you deserve that.
And remember we remember we used to train a lot of kids. Twentiest episode. I had a lot of single moms whose whose husbands were either gone or incarcerated or chose not to be a part of the children life. And so often the moms would say, you know, I'm just here for my son, and the sons or daughters with a trained would be like, my mom need to find a boyfriend.
Mom, you know what I'm saying. Like they want, Yeah, they wanted to see the moms happy.
Yes, it's true.
You remember they used to be like yo, And then now we see a couple of the moms dating and the sons and the daughters are like YO, like this is good to see somebody's loving my mom. So when you feel like your children are not going to embrace that person, it all depends on how you embrace that person and how that in person braces embraces your own family.
So, of course, use discernment.
If you like me and you love sex, that means that you're gonna love having sex with someone who honors you and appreciates you. Because loving sex is not the same as loving the right type of sex. I love the right type of sex with the right type of person. You know, all types of sex doesn't appeal to me, you know. So if you're aries thirty like me, you're probably the same way. So just use discernment. Protect yourself, protect your peace, but enjoy your life.
Ma yeeah, live it up, Live it up sas all right, y'all.
If you want to be featured as a listener letter, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
And if you can't spell it, tell them.
Baby, that's d E A d A S S A d V I c E at gmail dot dot com.
All right, moment of truth time. We're talking staying ahead of the curve. We're talking entrepreneurship, how to be innovative. Yes, what we got for them to round out this show today.
So this is this is really the big message. Right, your job never ends on you an entrepreneur.
You never reach a point in the business where the business is running on autopilot and everything's going to be fine through perpetuity. That's not the way businesses work. Businesses are all about being innovative.
Right. If anyone here watches Succession, go watch Succession.
This family was worth billions of dollars and all they ever did was have meetings on how to recreate the business and evolve at a business. This is a billion dollar family. I'm all of the successful people that I know who are worth billions, because we know a couple now who worth billions. You know what they talk about, how to pivot and change and create and stay ahead of the curve.
And they all started from small places like most of us.
We started from small places, and we continue to pivot and curve, pivot and curve, pivot and curse, just like what I do with k right. I noticed that we in the bed. Sometimes when I pivot it and I throw the curve, that's when I see her go oh. So then I just keep pivoting and curving, pivoting and curving, pivoting and curving.
Dollar do.
Just stay just stay innovative, keep your mind sharp, read books, look at the industry. Never feel like you've arrived, because the minute you feel like you've arrived, that's when somebody gonna pass you.
I think one thing that I pull that's a really good one, Babe, thanks for that. I think what I pulled from this too, is, you know, learning to foster relationships that can read the landscape of your industry and your business, because sometimes you may not be able to even foresee that. I do think it takes a special mind for someone in business to just even start a business. But they're roadblocks, there's thumbs. Sometimes you hit a rut.
You don't know what's the next thing. As you get older, you don't realize how you have to keep up with technology. So learning how to join forces with people who may know a little more than you about the industry that can then tell you, you know what, I think this is a good way for you to move or I would advise you to do this, so you know, not being afraid to look for advice because you know, this is who I look to for advice when it comes to anything business related, because.
Baby, I'm a worker. Bee, tell me what I gotta do and I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna be the talent and all that.
Because when he talked about fifteen second videos and Instagram, I was like, what and here we are. So some people I think are just gifted with the n act of innovation, creativity and business entrepreneurships and that's you.
So shout out to Mimy, shout out to Mimi.
I appreciate you, to Maimi.
And thank you to Maimia.
And yeah, all right, y'all be sure to follow us and find us on Patreon if you haven't yet, to see exclusive dead Ass podcasts, video content, and Ella's family content. You'll see a whole lot more of us and the boys here doing all of the things because you know, we on again and again and again, and find us on social media. Dead Ass the podcast. I'm Kadina, I am and.
I am devout And if you're listening on Apple podcasts. Be sure to rate, review, subscribe. Make sure you pick up your tickets to Love Against the World Tour. Were coming to y'all this February. All VIP is sold out, so don't wait too long, but we still have some good seats. And last, but not least, pick up your copy of We Over Me, The Counterintuitive Approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship. It's a New York Times bestseller, over seventy thousand copies sold.
Come on, y'all, we appreciate it. You to one hundred k by the end of the year.
The holiday season is coming up, and it is a stocking stuffer you Jim's Baby.
Dead Ass.
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