So Your Water Broke…Now What?

more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, well actual lea saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about to take pillows off to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. All right, So you got story time,

story science. Dean is gonna bless you all with the story today. Story. I mean, I guess it's fitting because you know here I am about to have a whole another bit. I can't believe I'm doing this a fourth time, y'all, Like this is still blowing my mind. Um. So, when I found out I was pregnant the fourth time around, We're in a new state, new location, and I'm naturally kind of anxious at this point because I'm like, oh

my god. I always said if I were to have another baby, it would have to be the same exact way I had cats, Like, of all three experiences, which you guys have heard about, that was my most favorite experience when it came to labor and delivery. And I'm missing my midwife, so I'm like, what am I gonna do? So I thought about finding someone here in the Atlanta area that I can see. Um but I have such a connection to my former midwife, te Kia Ballard, that I was like, I have to find a way to

make this happen with Takia. Like I'm going to call her and be like, girl, I gotta pull you out of retirement. I respect the fact that you retired, However what will it take to pull you out of retirement for this last and final less baby. So in the meantime, while I was trying to decide what to do, I say, you know what, I'm just gonna go to a local

or B G I N. Office. That way I can just at least start the process, make sure the baby is doing well, do all my labs, blood work, all that good stuff right, And worst case scenario of push came to shove and I had to have a baby, you know, with this O B G N or in a hospital, at least I know i'd be under grade care. So as time progressed, of course, I reached out to t Kia like I said I would, and she's so humbly obliged my request to be taking out of retirement

just for me. Don't go hitting up y'all, don't go flooding her email and d ms like ye'a'll been doing. Okay, she's just doing. Do respect the fact that she said she will do this for me. You know, umies every day, so um in speaking to her. And it also kind of the stars aligned first because she's now living super close to us, so one of the chances that we're both living like almost in the same area now, it just kind of like the stars aligned. It was meant

to be for me. So I still was see my doctor simultaneously at the office visits and stuff because you know, also too, I'm aware of the fact that I'm of age where I need to be, you know, getting a certain a couple more tests done, a couple more sonograms, just to make sure that things were good with the baby. Um had a issue that happened with my blood and clotting and stuff. So there were a couple of different things that I wanted to monitor closely during this time.

So now here I am roughly thirty weeks. You know, now is a good time to make the transition over to another doctor or made wife, if I so choose to. So I said, you know what, I'm gonna have a discussion with my obi out here and let her know that I am about to switch gears. Now she knows my history. I told her. I was like, you know, I had my last baby at home and she was like, oh wow. She's like in our initial visit, she said, well,

you know, we don't do that here. I said, you know, I don't come to my house this and deliver this baby. And she's like, absolutely not, but I'll see you in the hospital. I knew what it was with her in the beginning, but I want to at least let her know you know, out of respect. Like Caesis, It's been a great road so far, but I'm actually gonna switch gears now and head over to this midwife and have my baby at home. She looked at me like I have five hands, y'all. She literally looked at me and

was just like, you're gonna do what? And I said, yeah, you know, I'm gonna switch over to midwife care. I actually don't mind seeing you too concurrently until I have the baby, and then I'll be back after I have the baby at home. And she said, well, I strictly and strongly advised against that. And I said, okay. I'm like, is there anything in this pregnancy that makes you feel like I shouldn't do this? Is there something that is

pretty existing? Is something that came up that made you feel like, you know what you need to be in a medical situation where you feel like if anything were to go wrong in that moment that you needed to be there had to be interventions. And she's like, well, your age, you're older. And I was like, anything, I'm looking around here, decrepit, you know. Um. She's like, you know, no matter how Christine and pregnancy has been or is, you have to always make plans for what could happen,

which I respect and I completely understand. And also too, she can't be liable if I decided to have this baby at home and God forbid, have to come to the hospital and then I'm calling her name and she's gonna be like, well, Sis, you told me you were partner ways, you know. So I completely understood and respected where she came from, and I couldn't expect the same opinion or the same advice from her as I did my O B G. I am back in New York because I don't have as long of a relationship with her.

You know, she doesn't alas much about my history. She don't know that I'm a g in this savy happy game. UM, so you know, I kind of mom you know. And at that poem and that moment in time, I felt like, um, and I wasn't gonna allow fear to overcome me or the situation or just this whole experience so far, because I had been so positive the entire time, and not to say she was trying to be negative, but you know, it just kind of put a little damper on our

relationship in that moment. But I went and saw her again two weeks later, and she's like, how's it going. You're good. I'm like I'm good. I'm like still seeing you and I'm still gonna have this baby at home. Love you, sist. But that's the deal. It's gonna end story time there. We're gonna go back on storytime because that was a great story. I do want to unpack a lot of that stuff, but you know, we gotta take a break first. Yes, let's do that. So let's

take a break. We'll be back and we'll be able to unpack story time, all right. Boom boom m. Don't go chase and water fulls. Please stick to the rivers and the lake statues to listen. I'm gonna be all in the water, all in the water. I will be in the water once more, guys, for our fourth and final baby king. Um. It was such an amazing experience having a water birf last time that it was amazing

in there, right, it was great. It was good by yourself because you're gonna be in there by yourself again. That was the debate last time, y'all. If y'all don't know, the big debate was that was like, I'm not getting in the placinta water dubbed placinta water because water to be cloudy stuff. But last time my mom blessed her heart made it such a beautiful, like functual ambionce experience

where she had rose petals and stuff. So that kind of camouflage if there was anything chunky floating around the water stomach, I'm not getting in the placent of water, bro, I'm not. I don't care what you say. What dr shaming all you want. We got the border, we got the pool on order. Should be here any day now, so we could do a little test run, you know, and um, I would really really appreciate its devout if you got in the pool with me this time and

delivered our son body mind no swimming pleasant water. All right, let's let's unpack this story. First of all, I think sometimes in life, we as people tend to take things personally right, and we have to learn to stop taking everything personally. I'm going to use this story as an example. Right, your doctor, I understand her her reservations. You went to medical school, you know, um, mid refree. In the medical profession, they don't go there. Like oil and water, they don't mix.

So if she went to school being taught one way and knows that that's the safest way for things to be done for her. I understand her believing in her science, and you're her patient saying to you and her being liable. Yes, her saying to you the things she said to you, But that doesn't take away your right to choose what you want to do with your body in your life. And the reason why I say that is because we you do have women who listen to their l B G y N the entire way and still don't make

it out of the hospital. So that doesn't mean that one way is scientifically better than the other. It always depends on what's better for your lifestyle and what your religious beliefs or the things that you feel are in the best interests of you and your family. So rather than people taking it as oh, that doctor is wrong and this and this and that, No, that doctor is doing everything in in order with what she feels is right in her practice and for you as her patient.

So I applaud her for that. I don't have to agree with what she's saying. And I don't you know what I'm saying. I know you don't, because we rock with Takia. You know what I'm saying. So, um, yeah, I just wanted to put that out there and unpack that a little bit because sometimes people tend to take take things personal. She she hating my my midwife, she hated and I don't think it was that case with her. She was sweet about it, but she was just like her.

I think she also wanted me to understand like the seriousness in it and just saying, you know, as your primary doctor that I've been seeing this entire bregnency, I just don't think that this would be the best route for you to go. Like what she imagining that all that elsis like am you know? Um? But it's just one of those things like you just know, once you're past a certain age, there's certain things that you're going

to be kind of predisposed to naturally. Um. So, and what I respect, what I will equate it to being an athlete, right. Um, when I was playing football, I had five knee surgeries. Right. Um. Typically, if you're if you're a normal person on an athlete, right, and you tear a meniscus, right, They'll take you to the hospital,

you go see a doctor. The doctor may say you you should have a minisect to me where they cut the meniscus out, or you can do a meniscus repair where they pursue you just in and you're out for six months. Either way, they give you medication till you stay uf your need till the swelling goes down, you know, blah blah blah. When you're an athlete, you go to see a sports doctor, right, he's just like, we can do a minutes sector me. You'll be playing in three days, right,

So you see the difference. One doctor will protect himself, make sure that you're safe and everything, but they're not preparing you for a performance. You see what I'm saying. That's how I view sometimes mid versus going to the hospital. The hospital is gonna make things as safe as possible for you, to make sure everybody's good. You have everything here just case something goes wrong. But I feel like

a midwife prepares you for a performance. This is this is what we're going to do to make sure everything is good, go smoothly. We're gonna help you through this process so that you can be good through the birthing process, not just prepared for the worst. You know. And that's just my analogy for going to them saying yes, because you think about the things that could have gone wrong, for example with cats. His position right, that's something that Ta Kia knew early on, well not early, but towards

the end of the pregnancy. She knew, Okay, his spine is against your spine, I forget, never remember the anterior or posterior. But he needs to have his spine outside, so we need him to flip because that's yes exactly. So that's when she started to give us the inversion tips and val would have me upside down and all that. People thought they were just we were just doing the

most and the was shenanigans. No, that was there. There's a reason why um and kaz So said so done flipped right into the perfect perfect position to make it easy for him to make his exit. So preparing for performance as opposed to preparing for the worst, I think well, also with the preparation process, we should talk about a birth plan, like what is the birth plan? You hear a lot about birth plans, and um, it is just

like what it sounds like. It's pretty much a written plan that communicates your wishes and your goals before, during, and after labor and delivery um and it parents to be can offer up there best case scenario birthing um are the best case birthing scenarios rather how they ideally like the labor and delivery to play out if all

goes according to plan, right. So that's like you said on the latter half, preparing for what can be the performance versus the worst case scenario, so the different stages of labor. Of course, before before you do that, you I have a birthing plan. I've always had a birthing plan. So the first part of our birthing plan is to

make sure we know where the nearest hospital is. That that was since we knew we were birthing at home, and even when we were birthing with with Cairo at the hospital, it was how fast can I get from point A to point B? And I'm not just talking about going in ways and saying here's ways, says I'll get there in seven minutes. Um, click your water breaks?

How long does it takes us to get from upstairs in the apartment to downstairs to get in the car, then from the car still hit the ways and then once we get there and I've driven that path with you so many times, And what I did for our birthday plan is from the time we're upstairs, I would start my watch where I would start my phone and get us downstairs to parking and I would record how long it took us to drive to Methodists where we had Cairo. It was almost like a dress rehearsal time,

you know what I mean. Just there was a show, the cons Show that they had an episode where one of the characters was playing for you. I think it was Jack Ripper. What's not Jack Ripper? That was his name on another show. But anyway, they were doing pretty much like a rundown talking about the guy from his company. Yes he was that it was his dad and it was just like it was kind of like that. But no, But it is important because every minute counts when you're

having a baby. And if you say way says, is only gonna take us seven minutes, but it took you nine minutes to get in the car. Now you're looking at sixteen minutes, see what I'm saying. So part of the birthday plan is knowing where the closest hospital is and how long it will take you from the moment you realize the water breaks and getting everything together and if you have kids. We did a video about this, remember about getting all the kids ready and getting them

out the door in time. So and then not just making sure that you have at that moment people at the house, man, the kids that are there, if you have to call an ambulance, if that you think that situation will be faster. There's so many things that you have to take into account for that. UM and then

keeping in mind just like the different stages of labor. So, like I was saying before, early in active labor, which is pretty much when the cervix starts to dilate in your face, so it thins out, it opens up UM, and you may feel mild irregular contractions that slowly start to escalate. UM. And this it's hard to tell when early labor how long it's gonna last. It's one of those things where you hear women I've been in labor

with you for thirty six hours. You have some people that are just like I just felt like I had to take a ship and baby came out. That was it, you know. So there's so many different Sometimes it's hard, especially with your first baby, to kind of know what to expect. I'm hoping with our fourth time around, that it'll be shorter and that I can kind of feel it coming on because you're already starting to can guarantee

you it's going to be shorter. Every pregnancy has gotten short and shorter and shorter, and I'm already starting to feel like even just this morning, I was telling the crew, I was like, guys, I'm starting to feel like, first of all, like he wants to bust out of there, and then I'm starting to feel like I'm not sure what body party is, but I almost feel like he wants to at some point stick his hand out and

be like, hey, y'all, just letting you know that. What was it was the term the Braxton Hicks, not the bon called him to Tony Braxton's remember the contractions. There wasn't contraction, but that that feeling. They said, it felt like you were having thunder crotch. Oh yes, Um. I actually text my midwife and she said it's called lightning crotch. Lightning crosh So that's what I was experiencing last night, y'all. And she said it's very normal for this phase of pregnancy.

I'm thirty three weeks now, so she said, yeah, lightning crotch. It's pretty much like a sharp shooting pain, almost like a electric feel that you have coming from like through your regina. Like that's exactly what I was experienced. So between that and the Braxton Hicks and him moving as if he's about to bust out, I was telling the crew like, y'all and it's it's important to know. But because you know you have a hear those stories where every time there's a pain they run to the hospital

and like it's a force alarm, no baby coming. When you understand what's happening, you know with your body, you don't make all these false alarm runs. And then what happens is it almost becomes the boy who cries wolf. So you do three or four false alarms. Then when night you're sleeping and your wife like maybe, then they do the hospital and you're just like yeah whatever, yeah whatever.

Then you wake up and then there's water all over the place because the water legitimately broke, and now you're not prepared. So it's important to to understand what the body is going through. And like like I said, once again, listening, listen to your partner, but also have someone who knows the process to ask questions. She'll texts t Kia all times in the night to ask her what is this that I'm going I'm still asking the fourth time around, Like I'm still asking. I'm like, is this something I

should know? Every pregnancy is different, every labor is different, deliveries different, so there may be something new every time around. So me, you know, considering myself pretty seasoned in this whole like childbirthing, thing, um and pregnancy, I still have questions to this day. And when you lightning crotch, the best things to do is take a warm bath, do a lot of sideline, or do some inversions because that will help get the baby out of position where the

babies down there in your crotch. So all of those things you can do to help the mom relax and feel a little bit more comfortable. So, yeah, that was good. It's funny too because before I hit before I even hit the key up, I was like, baby, I'm feeling this stuff, and he's like, let's do inversion. I told you. Devout posted a video on Instagram, y'all. I don't know if you'll seen together, but with him doing inversions with me,

and I just said, just don't do this. If you have a weak as husband, Okay, make sure he's been doing his lifting and whatnot. I don't skip leg day. Babies don't skip leg days. Hundred and something something pounds to me. You only about you're too kind. Look at you. I haven't seen that since I met you. So in that early active labor, it's just about kind of moving because you kind of want the labor to come on, you want it to per grass. So sitting still is

not the best thing to do in that circumstance. You kind of want to start moving, go for a walk, um squats in that squatting position, just allowing gravity to do what it's supposed to do. So this is what not only have I read and watching documentaries, but I've noticed even with my wife when she had to get induced and they gave it up a door and she sat there on the bed, it seemed like labor slowed down and time slowed down, so she just got anty,

she got fidgety. It was it was just like the worst experience because they sit you in one spot and you really can't do anything, as opposed to Cairos. Once her water broke and she was moving around to get Jackson, gravity was starting to work in her favor because she was sitting up. But Cairo started to move down. Then she started to walk around, which allows your hips uh to spread a little bit. And this is what people

don't know I noticed from exercise physiology. When you start throughout the day, when you first wake up, your body maybe in alignment from when you're sleeping. But as you start to stand and gravity starts to work, your hips start to get adjusted, and your your spine and everything falls into your your pelvis. And if you're pregnant, your pelvis and all of your joints are more lubricated because

they're gonna start spreading as the baby comes. So when you get into active labor, the more you move and the more you use gravity, the better it is for the baby to get into that birthing path to go and do what the baby wants to do, which is get out, as opposed to laying down and gravity not working because you're laying down and you're sitting there, and then the baby is kind of sitting where it can be sitting on your spine, you can sit on your pelvis,

you can sit a bunch of different places. When you're constantly moving your body and walking and letting gravity work, things happen a lot faster. That's why we went shopping. And also it keeps the mom's mind off of the pain. She's not thinking about the pain and she's thinking about how much I can get these peaches for And that's I remember being in the bread out and I was like, oh, we got bagels. And then I remember feeling like a little bit more water because I watered it and break

all at once with yro. It kind of broke a little bit that it kept broke a little more, and I remember thinking like, oh, man, I'm in the paper towel on an owl like playing up an ow three where the breads thatte where my water is actively breaking? How about that? Keeping her engage in her mind engaged, kept her mind off of the pain. You know when things start to become more enhanced when you're just sitting

there waiting. So if there's a lot more distractions, whether it's family, friends, are you just constantly moving, it's the best way to get through that labor. Who start to get a little nervous thinking about it, that's the next one active labor. So that's when you're six to ten centimeters that's like the very end of the and it's almost a thing where at the end, like Takia, this

is where a midwife comes in handy, Right. She taught me how to channel and think about pain, right and from a mental standpoint, So she said, think of pain as something that you embrace. Right, You want to embrace the pain because as you embrace this pain, all it means is that you're that much closer to seeing your baby's face. So that's exciting. He so that that excitement that you have to see this baby finally and hold this baby. The more the pain comes, it's like I'm

that much closer on that it's almost done. So that pain that the finished line is what I literally was thinking about when it came to Katz, and I remember like tuning everything else out, listening to her voice and just thinking, he's almost here. He's almost here, because you're in. The minute he comes out, it's over. It's over with that. But that shows your mental fortitude, your toughness. Right. You keep saying you're a g and people don't understand why

she keep saying I'm a genus. It's because it takes a very different type of person. Even with working out right when someone's doing pull ups. They'll do pull ups until it's about to start hurting, and then they stopped. They don't want to deal with pain. But the only time you actually see true growth in the muscle is when you you work through the pain. And finally, once you work through the pain, that's when it's like breakthrough

and then it's like, oh, the pain is here. And once that pain gets there, the endorphins come and you start to feel better and then boom, you have a breakthrough. It's the same thing with child birth. Damn. I wish I can employ that to working out, because the bait don't like to work out, but when it comes to pull ups, caves like, na I ain't trying to feel none of this pain. But but I mean, it is a great way to think about it. Even with your birth.

You know, when you feel like dull, ringing pain, that means you're gonna constantly feel it. Don't pain is nowhere near. Once that pain comes, he's like always coming outs, about to be over and then yep. So when that time hit to the stact that six to ten window where you know it's the contractions are gonna come sooner and faster. They're gonna be more intense. It's like, Okay, that's when things are going to happen for you, um, and that's

when she needs a partner the most. That's when uh Sakari was helpful because you were on the medicine ball and you was bent over the medicine ball, and she was pushing your hips forward, which helped. And then your mom was in front of you talking to you, and then she came right we we we came and we were dancing with each other. And what that does is, yeah, rocking the hips and all that movement just helps the baby get into position. So she's really gonna need her

your village, You're gonna need your partner. Because I kept constantly hugging Kadein and kissing Kadein, and people are making jokes in the video, which is like Devo would have been annoying and shipped me with all of the kisses around the neck. But what I was trying to do was to get her mind off of where the pain was. So it's um, it's something else we studied. In football.

They do this thing called stem which sends like electrodes electrodes like other places in your body and it takes the pain away because if your body is feeling tingling other places, it's not focusing on the place where the majority of the pain is. So I kind of employed the same type of mentality when it came to labor, thinking deep into this stuff. I told you I was like football. That was my sound bite preparing for labor.

It's like preparing for football. I love it. I love it. UM. So yeah, the last part of active labor is going to be pushing. Typically that's when everything transitions. And this is the very intense um, the more painful part of it. And stage two it's time you're pushing. You're pushing, pushing in the baby finally comes out. You'll deliver your baby

during the second stage of labor um. It could take a few minutes or it could take a couple of hours, depending on your baby's position, how you're pushing, UM, if you're tired or not. I know that weighs a lot into it. UM. You know, some first time moms or women who have had an epidural, or you know, I just don't know how to push up. There's a particular way to push, and the best way to describe it is like you're taking like the biggest ship of your life,

Like you're pushing through your butt. If that almost makes sense, Does it make sense sense as a guy, because you can you can just kind of push on the surface, or you can push like deep. But I mean that's the kind of pushing. The preparation before that though, like the entire pregnancy, we do this thing called tv A, which is transverse abdominals right where she squeezes her stomach right.

And the more strength you have in your stomach and those stomach muscles in your lower back allows you to push and get all of that that impetus that you need to get the baby out, you know what I'm saying. So the birthing process doesn't just start the day you have the baby. Like health is very very important. Fitness is very very important, perfectness with anything. The more you stretch, the stronger your core is, the easier the label will be because you'll be able to get the baby where

you need to get, push it out. It's about effective pushing if you will. Yeah, so little baby's head is out, bodies out, you deliver the baby. There's still more. There's still more, the placenza, which is stage three and delivering the placensa is not as intense. I don't think you'll feel tramping again. Um, and that comes out after the baby, sometimes as short as like ten fifteen minutes. I think for me it was like thirty minutes after Cats. He stayed in the water for a little bit. The kids

came in, they got to meet their brother. He latched on and was breastfeeding immediately. Um. And then the the placensa comes out, and then then you can feel like, Okay, my body has completely been rid of all things baby for the most part until your milk comes in, and then that's a whole other story. The best part about doing the home birth was we were able to do delayed cord clamping, which I know some hospitals gonna do. Some hospitals is the minute to have the baby, they

cut the cord immediately. I'm not sure what the practices and birthday centers, but we were able to do with delayed cored clamping, which means all of the neutrients from the placenta are allowed to get to the baby, which we feel helped a lot with Cats being able to be so alert. He first came out and then you watched the placenta go from like this bloody pouch and like the cord will be it looks like a huge vein and then it's just empty, it's all white and dry.

Literally transferred. It was myself, cas and the placenta, everything is still attached to him to the bed. And that was in a night's parts about being at home. I went literally from the pool to my bed and we slept for like three hours, I want to say, And and that really allowed the cord time to just completely deplete into his body. And remember his skin was like super rosy and um, he was alert, he was looking around.

It was just it to me, I think it made a big difference in just the way he was reacting. One bright lights. It wasn't a cold sterle room. Yeah, Cairo. Um. They end up having to take him a couple of times. I put him under. The temperature was dropping. Was getting pissed, like, how about you turned on the It was like degrees in the room. Keep taking my baby to put him on the lady and let me put him on me.

So then we just did skin to skin. After a while, I'm like, if anything my body temperature will help his temperature rise. It was like one of those being at home, you know, from the island. So the apartment was on Africa. I was sweating, but hey, Kate was comfortable, the baby was comfortable. So it is what it is. You know, our thermostat does stay anywhere between Kingston, Jamaica and Richmond Park.

Sleeve beens in. How about that? Um? So, yeah, that's pretty much the succession of it with the birth plan and how you should really think about the different stages of labor that you want to plan for and again making those you know, if something goes wrong or you know, gentlemen, lady will not be in the right mind to think of anything, so you have to think of everything. You have to have everything like at your fingertips. You should

know where everything is. You should know where everything is supposed to go, because that's really all you can do in this moment other than like keep her distracted by helping her physically through the movements and stuff like that. You just gotta know where everything is and know that if something happens, exactly what you need to do. For example, my biggest thing was knowing where the closest hospital was and how long it will get there, especially during that

time of day. So if you have ways, what you do now is know where the hospital is. You put ways in your phone and say is their high traffic is they're not high traffic during this time, See what the traffic will be over the next three to four hours, because you never know when the baby is coming, and just be prepared for whatever happens. Um. If you have multiple kids, make sure you have things for the kids to do, because the kids are always gonna want to

get to caneem. I think with kads Um Cairo will asleep, but Jackson was up and Jackson kept coming in the room and at times he wanted to hug and stuff like that, which is cool because it allowed Kay to relax. But the best part is is having a plan for everybody and knowing that before anybody says anything to the mom, they gotta go through you. You gotta be the biggest advocate and let them know, like, Hey, any issues y'all got, just bring it to me. And that's part of the

birth and plan. I love that. That's so true, so true. The support is like everything, um so real quick. A couple of advantages for water birds. Just wanted to run down the list of things that I think has helped me the reasons why I'm such an advocate for it and want to do it this time around UM warm the warm water. It really helps to relax, to soothe

and comfort UM. The support of the water means that you can try different positions freely, so it kind of takes that weight off of your body when you're in the water. Of course, buoyancy yea, that definitely helps. UM. Gravity also helps to move down the baby into the birth canal. UM. It can lower your blood pressure and reduce feelings of anxiety, making your body more able to accept and release those endorphins and relax which contend to ease the pain. It can improve back pain that you

feel the pressure from dilation. UM. I remember holding onto the sides of the pool and kind of rocking my hips from side to side like white water rafting. Yeah, but it helped. It really did help. So even discussing this birthing plan with Takia, she kind of took a tour of the house. She looked at our bath tub in our room now and said, hey, you can probably have the baby in here. We'll just satinsize it and

you can happen here. UM. But then I was like, girl, the way I was rocking my hips, I was like, I'm gonnaed a little more space. So we have the pool coming so that we can make use of that too. The water can help your perenium stretch, which is that part right underneath the vagina, between the vagina and the anus. Yeah, sometimes you have to cut it. Yeah. Well, it's like a sponge. And I try to tell this all the time, a muscle. Why any piece of skin is like a sponge.

If it's dry and you twist it, it's gonna whip. But if you take a sponge and you put it in water and it gets more flexible, it's filled with water when you so remember that about the body, a woman's body, and water was way more malleable. So there you go some disadvantages, because of course there are artist advantages to it. You won't be able to have any

pain relief options. So once you're home and it starts, you can't you can't ask you my wife to pull out the epidural because there is none um So it's kind of like that point of no return that you feel, which is why I was kind of nervous every time my water broke. I was like, oh, this is going to be it. Um, you're unable to use a tense machine, your contractions may slow down or get weaker, um if you get into the pool too soon. So I remember the kid kind of watching me, and she knew exactly

when I had to go into pool. She's like she went from owning to grunting. So that grunt normally means that it's close. All the way we walked, we were all there was ane. Um, if the water is too cool, the babies at risk for him hypothermias. Of the water has to be the right temperature, um, and then you might need to leave the pool if there is a complication. Some women will start in the pool and they'll end

up squatting on you know, the toilet or standing you know. Really, at that point, it's just like whatever's comfortable has to take precedence. So yeah, the y'all go. That's that's the reason why, UM, I feel like I want to talk about preparing for a homebirth. But we may be able to do that in another episode too, just because there's so much more that goes into talking about preparing for

the actual homeboards. Maybe we'll we'll bring it back on another episode in the future you all, where we talk about like breaking down the whole home birthing process or maybe even like getting too Keya in it to Keya in it so she can help us prepare for this next time around, which is going to be very very very soon, very soon. So we're gonna take a quick break, pay some of these bills when we come back, and be ready for listening letters. All right, stay tuned, y'all.

All right, now we're back for listening letters, which Devot has finally admitted is actually his favorite con portion of the show. So let's just dive right into the first one. I've been married to my husband for five years and we have four beautiful kids. We have been through everything, and I mean the good, the bad, and the ugly. Despite it all, we've decided to hold on and keep our marriage going. My question is, as a married couple that's been through a lot like yourselves, how do you

deal with the backlash? I find myself sharing our story to try to motivate young couples or new couples, and it sometimes backfires to where I'm judged. They assume I'm stupid, They say things like couldn't be me? I've heard that before, and you know, just very aggressive and very negative. I think people I don't think that people can see that there's a beauty in the struggle and the power and forgiveness.

I also feel like people are so quick to give up, and especially in this new day and age, it promotes all this self love and self care. And I don't think couples understand that it's not just about self, it's about both of you, guys, it's you and your spouse. Well, the first thing is that you know you're always going to get backlash. You know, I always use this girl, I always use this analogy. But Jesus got backlash, like

Jesus only preach love. Jesus got backlash. Like if Jesus gets gets backlash, and who are you to not expect backlash from people? Um. Secondly, like my wife said, like, we don't care if the message ain't for you, for you and especially those people say couldn't be me, and that's the point. That's why you're single because you couldn't

see yourself in a relationship. And that's fine, that's fine, cool, Like you don't have to judge the situation, just say, you know what it's not for me, and that's perfectly fine. I think the strength of divine and I found in it too, because it's kind of like, I didn't believe that this would be my ministry quote unquote in the very beginning, Like neither one of us thought out to be like this pillar of like, hey, guys, this is what our relationship looks like, and you know, this is

how we make it work. Um, of course, our hearts in the right place because we want to be able to share through our experiences and just be able to be open and be candid. Because why generations before us never were and we find ourselves stuck in the same cycles over and over again. Why were your grandparents unhappy? Why are your parents unhappy in the relationships? Why would we want to subject ourselves to that? So why not speak about these situations so we can say, you know what,

this is not an anomaly. What's happening between the two of us. This is something that happens quite frequently in relationships, and this is something that we should have a discussion about because maybe there's a way that we can now maneuver or pivot, as we say, now to make this a little bit better. Of a situation, you know what I'm saying, So I just kind of take on that mentality.

Like devots actually kind of helped me with that over the years because I used to be the one that would take things on and be like, oh my god, people are going to think this and that, and now we're at the phase where we're just like take it or leave it, Like if it's not for you, it's not for you. And also it's I think people need to understand it. It really is a sickness for you to wake up in morning and be concerned about about what other people think about you, especially people who don't

really know you. Like you have to think about how sick that is. You wake up in the morning and you have things that you need to do in order to become a better person, but your first thought process is what people? What are people going to think? That's that's real bad. It's so restricting, it's so restricting, and it's just stifling, and it really makes you wonder you're doing all of that for what. Like my thing is when people say couldn't be me? My thing as well?

Do you pay my bills? Like are you contributing in any way to my life? You know, social media is in a favor in a phase now where everybody has an opinion. Everybody but fingers can type like whatever, you know, voice noted, whatever, And the thing is couldn't be me. It's not always a bad thing. No, it couldn't be you. That's why it's me. There's only one of me. You're right, you could never be me. Someone someone says it couldn't

be me, Okay, I get that. Like that like people like sometimes we tend to put out content or put out information as people, and then we get upset when people don't receive the information we put out the way we want them to receive it. It is also not your job as a content creator to tell people how to take in the content you put out. You know, they are entitled to disagree, they are entitled to not like it. They are entitled to create their own idea of what it is you're trying to say once you

put it out there. That's part of creating content. You just have to put out there with hopes that someone receives a message the way you want them to receive it. But if they don't, that's a them problem, that's not a you problem. And the more you continue to make it a you problem, you're gonna start to feel inadequate,

or you're gonna start to filter. You're gonna start to filter what you put out, and then at that point it's not organic to you, it's not authentic, and then you're just conjuring up something just to suit or another person. When there's like millions of people who are going to have opinions. So listen, people are going to be upset regardless of what you say. That is just this is my ultimate, my ultimate, uh microcosm of life. Jesus had haters.

Jesus preached love and healing, and they killed him, you know what I'm saying. So it doesn't matter what you say, someone's going to have a problem with it. So say speak your truth and just know that someone will learn from it. Someone will definitely alright. Number two, Hey guys, my name is Wren. I'm a twenty five year old mother of three young babies. My ex and I were together for almost five years and had our kids back to back. We broke up in November of just days

before I found out about baby number three. Since we've broken up, he's not been a father to our kids at all and only and only ever sends a text message on birthdays and holidays. He hasn't even met our two month old son. He was never this way when we were together. He was such a great dad that I never expected him to do the kids this way,

even as our relationship was headed downhill. I've gone through an entire pregnancy caring for our kids alone while working from home, and you've and y'all have truly kept me saying and you're giving me so many reasons to laugh and reflect. You've helped me to take accountability for things that I could I couldn't. I couldn't have handled better.

Oh I could have handled better throughout my relationship, not to say that he's absolved from being a joke to his kids, and have given me some amazing advice to take into my future in all aspects of life, not just romantically. So thank you. You're welcome, Mama. During this time or during my time alone, I spent time visualizing and praying for the man that I want and that is that is for me, while continuing to work on myself and for my children. Out of nowhere, this guy

drops into my Facebook messages and we hit it off. Immediately. We talked every day, were authentically and comfortably ourselves when we're together, Our goals and dreams in and out of a romantic light seemed to align very well. And he can damn there reading my mind. Sometimes neither of us want to rush, and we've agreed to keep sex off the table from now until we're shure of what we want with each other. I didn't expect God to work

so quickly. If I put him in a box and tell him to just hold off for a year or two a devouce at once, I totally would, But I also don't want to lose I on a partner that I have a chance to grow with. We've admitted to each other that we feel there could be something special with us. But should I wait? It hasn't been a full year since my breakup. What should I do? I don't know, but telling anybody to wait a year, well

not a year. But you had said if you could put me in the box and have me like, yeah, you want to put me in the glass case, So

I think that might be what she's referring to. It's like, just put you over there in reserve until I'm ready for you, and then well, this is the thing, since she kind of referenced me, I don't think there is a timeline for you to work out or there is no cookie cutter of time that says if I do this in this amount of time, it's workout, or I need this amount of time after my breakup to then

be able to date again. I think you should take it on a case by case basis, and I mean, if the spirit is moving your chail, hey, but I do think it's important for you to really know someone before you bring them around your kids because we've seen a lot more recently, especially because there's social media and twenty for our news cycle of people coming into relationships and hurting children that aren't theirs. Oh yeah, she said

sex was off the table. I would hope that her children are off the table too in terms of like what they're introducing. And they probably both agree to kind

of take this slowly. So I mean, if you're you're a year out from your relationship or your previous relationship, I think you can take baby steps towards you know, absolutely starting And that's one thing I would definitely do, like you said, um, take time with the kids, because I think it's important for them to get to know each other first before she even introduces them to the children. And I know sometimes people like, well, you got kids,

you gotta lehm know you got kids right away. I'm like, nah, no, I need to know who this person is. This person needs to know me before I even involved them with my child. Absolutely, I mean I haven't been in the dating scene for a minute. Um you haven't just never really been in the dating scene like that. But I would imagine that it does not happen necessarily be something that you put on overdrive and just you know, fall into he's living with you now and then you guys

are like back into that kind of relationship. I'd say, take some time to you know, will each other and here's the truth to each other, because you guys haven't heard codein and ees full love story, which we actually the process of getting together right now for something very special for you guys. But um, love stories exist when two people want to be together. So there's nothing you can do to make sure everything goes right. If he wants to be there, he will find a way to

be there, whether it's weight or not weight. Like when Canine and I first got together, there were certain things for me that I was just like, man, I'm not doing this because I don't want to be a boyfriend to anybody, but I wanted to be with Codeine and she said she required these things, so I made it happen, you know what I'm saying, and vice versa, Like, that's just what relationships are. You You say what you require. UM. You give grace to allow a person to make a

decision of whether they want to do it. But ultimately, if you want to be together, you guys will find each other. And it's the effortlessness for me, like something's just kind of naturally flow. And you said, he kind of just fell into your Facebook, you know messages just

like that. I have a person, a friend who was just like, man, I've been praying for this particular kind of guy, and here he is, and he's that in abundance and I didn't even know if I was ready for to receive that, but thank you God, at least he's here. You know, the answer is what should you do? You should be deliberate about what you want and what you need, um, but don't put yourself on the timeline and say, if things don't happen by this time, that's

just not gonna work. So deliberate communicate. There you go. Good luck to you, baby, And if y'all want to be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead assid Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, that's d E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. My moment of truth for the birthday process as um, the vow, the daddy doo la that brings the vibes. That's a whole as you can tell. But I'm growing a d still amazing to me. Guys, I've grown four penises,

I'd say all the time. You always say that all the time. Actually you've grown five penises because you make mine grow. But God, got um. The birthing process doesn't start the day the child is starting to come into the world. The birthing process for me started when we first started to prepare to even become pregnant. That's a good one. I wanted to make sure that I was involved in every single aspect of the pregnancy. Pre pregnancy

with this fourth baby, I was involved in everything. You know, we every visit that you had that I could go to before you know, they put the clamps back on everything because of the pandemic I was present. That is very true because you think the fourth time around, it's like, oh, you're seeing this sonogram already, you've seen that. But no, we really, um, we really just get excited every single time.

Like I just recently did an Instagram story that I was just so excited every time I go into see this baby, even though it's my fourth son, it's like

still exciting. But I want to take this time to appreciate you, sir, for making this experience probably one of the best experiences when it came to just planning pregnancy, putting me in a comfortable situation where I literally did not have to do much but take care of myself and this baby, um to the best of your ability, and then some um and just always being so invested like the that will come to me sometimes y'all and be like, yo, I watched this documentary about like childbirth,

or or I was watching reading this article about like women's bodies after labor and just how to get through something, and I'm just like, what made you go and research this? You and me and your mom and my mom was in that room when they had to will you out of there and take you into emergency surgery. That's not a feeling you want to have again. If you can do everything within your power to make sure everything is good.

And after having our first three children, being in an apartment, having to deal with parking, having to deal with the elevator, having to deal with so many other obstacles that make it difficult, you know, having to go to the gym, and still working so many hours, being able to do it this way. I'm I'm proud of me, but I'm part of us. We did this together, you know what

I'm saying. I had a plan, like a birthing plan years ago when I said when I when you are ready to have this fourth child, I wanted to be like this, and we put this birthing plan in place. And it's not even just us as our full our full village. Like your mom is here. Your mom has been here since we moved to l a Um and then here in Georgia. She's helped me unpacked this house,

think about it, get the kids ready for school. On mornings where I feel like, oh god, girl, I can't get up because I've been up all night about that though, like you're full pregnant. Last night, you didn't want to have to really get up this morning do much. But your mom is there to make sure that the kids get out off in time. You know what I'm saying. The dad is living here now, your sister is gonna come for the birth. Like we created a plan and

we execute it. That's what you call manifestation. And I'm here to say this to anybody who's listening. Don't ever let people tell you can't do something when you know that you can. Like it sounds like the most cliche thing ever in the world to say, but you can do whatever you want to do if you have the mental for the two to see it through and to like God, we heard now listening to letters, don't listen to the backlash and listen to what other people are saying.

They can't see your vision, so they can't You have to expect people to not understand you. But if you've got the vision in the mental ford to just keep going and you can get to where you want to get to in life. This is a perfect example, so perfect example. So thank you, thank you for this um and it's going to be an amazing, amazing experience. And I am actually looking very forward to it until my water broke breaks and then I want to be like baby, I think it's time. Maybe I think it's time. Oh

my goodness. All right, y'all, So thank you all so much for tuning in. As always, we appreciate you all just as much too. Be sure to find us on social media at dead as the podcast on Instagram, and of course you can find me Cadine I am and I Am devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. That ass as

about to be in that water, y'all by yourself. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Nora Pinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts and never miss a Thing,