So Said, So Done

listen to see by. There's a delusional quality that all successful people have, and when it comes to my dreams, I'm a lunatic and there's nothing like being able to watch your dreams, my dreams, our dreams unfold together after seventeen years. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

I'll make you need derby most days. And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hun the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Phillow's off to a whole new level.

Dead ask starts. Now. This past year has been like the greatest year for the ellis Is when it comes to dreaming and manifestations. And the beginning of October, after I'd already rapped shooting my first season of Sisters of Tyler Perry, we got an invitation in the mail for his grand opening for the studio acres of land he owns former Confederate Army base now owned by one black man.

And we looked at the people who are going to be invited, uh Cicily, Tyson, will Smith, Denzel Washington, Oprah Winfrey, Hollyberry, Whoopie Goldberg, the late John Singleton, just a few names that were being dedicated to the twelve sound stages. Everybody in Black Hollywood is there, and we're in the John Singleton sound stage and and the doors opened to the

sound stage. Everyone was in tears, but um they opened the doors to the sound stage and there's a three hundred yard red carpet forty yards wide from the beginning of sound stage one of sound stage twelve, which was John Singleton, to sound stage to our which is over one free and we're walking back and forth dedicating each sound stage to the people who were there. And I remember looking to my right and it was Puffy. It was usher and ludicrous, and I remember Puffy looking up

and saying, this ship is crazy. Then looking to you, looking to my left and seeing jay Z and Beyonce standing right next to us. And at that point I said to myself, how did we get here to dream the impossible dream? You go, girl to fight the unbeatable fun sang sang too bad with unbearable sorrow. Oh isn't it such a good song. It is such a great song.

Oh God, the impossible to dream, the impossible dream. How often do dreams seem so impossible, so IMPOSSI oh man, just some telling that that small snippet of what was an amazing weekend almost brings me to tears now. And I'm just literally saying the same thing and feeling the same thing, and thinking about how I felt in that moment, and talk about being a good company man like devout. Literally I was alongside him the entire time and just holding his hand and we're walking. We held hands the

entire time. Yeah, and like just moments where we like squeeze squeeze each other's hands because we'd recognize like some other amazing person who was just standing in the same area as us, and we just wondered, like how do we get here? But it was also a moment of confirmation that felt like, man, all this work, all this work for all of the year, like we're supposed to be here. Culminated by a ten minute conversation with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith life made it was insane.

It was insane, And it's funny because I remember being young and saying to myself living in Brooklyn that where I exist now is where my life is going. It's not where my life is going to be this, I'm not going to end up here, you know, like I'm just not going to remember a child, Yes, I remember being a child, small child, saying am I going to play in the NBA? Am I going to be in the NFL catching touchdowns like Jerry Rice? Or am I going to be on stage dancing making people laugh, singing?

Like I just knew that there was something greater for me that had nothing to do with me, But I just felt my whole life that there was something greater than I was supposed to do and it ended up

turning into TV film. Because when I used to go to Morristown, Tennessee, and in summertimes, if it's my grandparents, um, the Boys and Girls Club had a basketball court that had a billiards lounge, and they also had a performing arts center and I used to always go to Performing Arts Center and I would dance, rap due plays and acting was always something that I wanted to do and I always felt my whole life like I'm not going to stop until I get to where I want to be.

And being at that dinner the Tyler Perry opening was like the first step. Like that wasn't the culmination of my career, that was the beginning. And I honestly feel that now. Yeah. I mean I was on stage at a young age too. Um. I started dancing at three years old, and I think that's kind of like the thing that you do when you have a daughter. It's like, let's go and dance school, um, and then let's see if it becomes a thing. And I was dancing since

that was three. Started dancing competitively when I was about ten. Um, and I'll never forget one day I got a pamphlet in the mail from American co ed pageants and I saw it and I remember always liking to watch Miss

America with my mom. Of course, Venea Williams was like my most favorite um Miss America ever and thinking to myself, Wow, like the beautiful gowns and being on stage and the pretty crown and the swimsuits like those are those are always things that I looked at and I kind of admired, like the the confidence these women had to be on stage and they were all so well spoken, and I remember looking at that as a young girl, thinking wow,

I'd love to do that one day. UM. So I got this pamphlet in the mail when I was ten years old for the Miss New York preteen pageant, and I remember taking it to my mom and dad and saying like, hey, I want to do this, um you know believe you let me compete. And you know, my dad was kind of like, oh, you don't have to bother with that, Like he wasn't. No, my father's not he's very practical, like us is gonna get you are,

you're gonna make money doing it? You know, it's about your school work, you know, attend to remember saying, and I'm like, it's a scholarship pageant, and I know scholarship meant money, so I was like, well, I can win money and I could put that in a bank account for college one day. So he was kind of like a still skeptical, but he's like okay, And I really wanted to do it badly. And my mom was more so the one like, well, I think this will be

good exposure. She saw they had an interview portion of the competition, so she said, you know what, this will get you in front of people talking. You're not going to be shy, you won't have to be scared of public speaking, and if you really want to do it,

we'll do it. And being on stage and feeling that rush and performing in front of people in front of an audience and speaking and public speaking became a thing that was just natural for me and yeah, thank you, and I kind of had a knack for it, and at that moment I knew that chances are I wasn't going to go the route The entire family went medically

into medicine. Um. Though, at pageants when they asked me what I wanted to be, I always had a pediatrician because I felt like, you know, that was what I was supposed to do. You know, my aunt was a pediatrician, my uncle was a doctor, my mom is a nerves my father's a lab tech. Like it made sense, Um, But I always knew deep down that that was not going to be in my path. So here's a question I have for you. UM, did you did you always

believe in manifesting? Did you always believe that I have to believe this, say it out loud, claim it in order for it to work, or did you feel like, oh, these are just necessary steps. I had to tell no, I was never a manifest er. I was never, um, the person who felt about it, felt it was necessary, or there was value per se in saying these things aloud. This is not something that I learned actually until like

maybe a couple of years ago. To be honest, Um, you know, I was raised seven day events in the church, so you prayed for things that you wanted, and when you did pray for things, you had to work. Is a different type of man that afferent, right exactly. So when I speak of manifestation as in like Africa affirmations a loud things like that, not necessarily the spiritual side of things that for me wasn't a thing, but just praying on things and being able to do the work.

That was something that I believed in and something that I did as a child, and I still can continue to do that as an adult, coupled with other things as in verbal affirmation, speaking things into existence, and then also having to develop the work ethic to work towards those things. From the time I was five, I felt like I could do anything that I ever wanted to do. Mhm. I'll never forget that early because I remember being in Miss Bradshaw's class and they're being a bar Remember we

should have the chin up tests. There was a bar on the wall and no one in the kindergarten class or the first grade class could get to the bar without Mr Smith lifting them up and putting them on the bar. And I remember being in kindergarten, and I remember looking at the bar saying like I can reach that. Like I remember saying that I can be used to I can reach that. And I remember the kids and this is the thing, like I remember so vividly. I remember the kids like trying to reach, just jump and

trying and didn't get nowhere close. And I remember running and jem and I was always very athletic cause I'm like, I'm going to be the person to get it, you know. By the end of the year, I figured out that if I had run and jumped and kicked off the wall, I could kick off the wall and grab it. And I remember being able to run and grab it, and

it was a big deal. Mr Smith used to have me do that to other people, like he would be like I would be in gym class and he would be like, yo, Ellis, Ellis, you know what I'm saying, go go get the chin up bar. And I remember seeing the kids, can remember the kids coming in there and I run and I run full speed and I kick off the wall and grab the bar, and I remember the kids going yo. And I remember that point in my life being a point where I said, yo, I can't do anything I want to do, you know,

I just gotta figure it out. And from that point on to the rest of my life, any time I said you know what, I'm gonna do something, I just did it and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed until I figured it out. You know what I'm saying. I think most people are afraid of to fail your part absolutely, and I learned if I listened

to Masterpiece, that's something that to revote summit. He said in life right, you're gonna come across people, and these people are not going to root for you to win, because in our culture, especially in the in the Black American culture, we like to laugh at people who fail, you know, like we like to point out out how you failed. You failed, you failed, and it's not until you're comfortable saying in l it's not a loss, it's a lesson. Will you be able to continue to keep

trying because when you failed, you didn't lose. You learned. Why didn't I get to the bar that time? Why didn't I get to the bar at that time? Oh? Maybe I should jump off my left foo, Maybe should jump off my right foot. Maybe I should do my left, then my right foot. Maybe I should reach it my right hand rather than my left, because my right hand

is my strong hand. These are the things I remember saying to myself at five that if I wanted to grab it first, I would have to run and then I have to grab my right hand for us because every time I touch you with my left I can't hold it. And it was every time I missed it, I had learned something. So you had a strategy in place at that point. I had a strategy. That's that's

amazing to realize that at five. And I don't even think I knew that a part that about you that was a secret secret because I didn't know that because I feel I feel kind of strange telling people, because when you say things out loud sometimes people look at you like you crazy. You know, I can remember certain things in my life that changed my perspective on things and who I was and who I was going to be. And when you say things out loud, sometimes people oh,

he's full of himself. He's crazy. But even when I told people my dreams, they laughed. They laugh. There's a lot of things that are not meant to be said aloud. And I think there's a power sometimes and holding that in.

Oh absolutely, And you're saying, you know what this is for me because it's about me and it's something I want to accomplish, and you feel less pressure sometimes fearing the scrutiny that you're gonna have as you make it towards that because you think about success and you think about, um, what people that means for people. You know, some people believe that success just comes from being in the right

place at the right time. You know, one of the most successful people of all times in my opinion, at least Oprah when free. You look at her career and where she's come. Um, I have a quote from her, she said, UM, I believe that luck is preparation meets opportunity. If you haven't been prepared when the opportunity came along,

you wouldn't have been lucky. Absolutely. So when I look at so I know when I look around at uh, you know, these times and realize that the things I've dreamed of for myself and how they've come into fruition, that I'm extremely lucky. It's really just not luck. It's just having having prepared for it. It's never ever And I think that's the missing piece for a lot of people. I know. I've had moments where I just kind of

wanted things to happen. One of the things that happened, I wasn't prepared to receive it at that point because I wasn't working towards it, and I can admit that for sure. Shout out to our producer because about triple. But she has a man and her mantra is everything is magic about how you have to find the magic and every opportunity that comes your way that magic moment, this magic moment, and here's a perfect opportunity. I'm at Power. I have a co star role where this is my fame.

It's my claim to fame on Power. When I'm into jail and then Tommy comes up because he thinks something ghost season two episodes and I turned to Tommy and I go, you looking at that was my claim the thing right now? That was amazing sidebar because I remember everyone being like, has roll on Power, has roll on Power.

So I'm just like, v this is your one line though, that's your one I didn't you have another show that you did where it was just like then you're looking at it was it was the brakes where it was the brakes where I was in the lineup. I'm always in the line up. I'm always locked up whatever. So I'm in the brakes and I'll pull up and the guy says, um some dumb lines. I think he says something like, what you're looking at too, I say to him, I say to him on the brakes, what then you're

talking about looking at them? Pretty much Nanny and Debbie and none of them family watching. They want to watch the vals like big TV moments where she's just like you had to cuss. My family is very old school Baptist. But I get this role and then afterwards I get a call from production at Power. I was like, hey, um the value. You kind of look like Amri. Do you do stunts? And I'm like, yeah, I always lie, and I learned this in football. You lie to find

out what they want to present to you. I take the job as a stunt double, and I get an opportunity for the next three years to work as a Mari Hartway's stunt double. Best thing you ever did, best thing I ever did. Because there's no acting class better than watching a lead male. You want to be a lead male. Watching a lead male work from a day to day you have to look at every situation right and you can't look in and say, oh, this is

too small for me. People like to say that, oh I want to be here, that's too small for me. I went from being a half a million dollar a year athlete when I retired from the NFL to making ten dollars an hour working at Paris Speed School for two years because I wanted to learn. We lost everything. I wanted to learn how to own my own sports performance business had to start somewhere. So I had to take a very humble step back, a very very humble step back, and half a million dollars a year to

ten dollars an hour. And I know a lot of my friends other people said I would have never done that, But for me, I was like, where I am now is not where I'm going to end up. Like this moment right here is not when're gonna end up. So you got to do it that moment when we got back to Brooklyn and we were in the apartment, it wasn't renovated at that time, to the apartment was looking

about thirty years old. We had our suitcases with our clothes, some furniture, and um, I took we were engaged at the time, yes, and I was just like, so what we're gonna do. I was like, well, I'm gonna work at Paris and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go to the mall. You talk about taking a humble step back. We were living in a four bedroom, four bathrooms, but just fiance, living room, dining room, front yard, backyard in

a cold sack. We moved back to Brooklyn. My fiance takes your wedding ring off, her engagement ring, put it on the table, gets on the b forty four, goes to work in King's Plaza mall and it was like, this is our dream. We have a dream, we have a focus. We have to start in this small moment, but we're going to get there. And what was the promise I made to you? Every year, it's going to be better than the last, the most. And that's the that's the promise you have to make to yourself when

you're trying to manifest your dreams. Absolutely every year is going to be better than the last. And as long as it's better than the last, you know you're making progress. And before you know it, the floodgates open up because you honestly manifested. I used to say the k all the time, I'm gonna be a leading male, I'm gonna be a leading mail. I want to act, I want to do this, I want to do the last year, you were like, I'm going to be a series regular

on the show TV show. I said that last last year, and you got your last year. I said to myself, I'm going to redo my head shots and get back out there in front of the camera. You know, cast is gonna be two. We're done having kids. I want to book my first real credit on the show. So done. Just had my first in star show. There were many failures, many times we missed the bar on that remember Bigger? Oh yeah, we both tested. We both tested in April.

Watch the blog Some of our followers probably watched that blog where we both in April of this year went to test for the show Bigger, which is on b ET Plus right now, which is an awesome show. Shout out to the cast and everybody read everyone who casts for that? It was who casts for that? Yeah, it's a really great show that's airing now on BT Plus.

But we both tested for roles on that show, which testing means for yours who don't know, testing is when you read in front of the network, in front of

the executive producers. We read in front of Will Packer, and it's like, wow, we're right here, this is our moment, and neither one of us got picked, and I remember being in that moment when um, I know I didn't make it after like the first round, but it was the very last round and Devot was up against um another young Chase Chase for the role of Dion, and I remember Robbie calling us into the office and letting

Divot know that he didn't get the role. And I could just feel like I can see the bees of sweat collecting on Devot's forehead because he felt like in that moment, like, no, you know that was a sweat, right, that was my tears, tears going back through my forehead coming out of my forehead. That's exactly what it literally wanted to cry. It's so badly because I was just like, I know how close he was and how badly he

wanted that in that moment. But then you know, we picked up, We went back and say you know what Devot was for you as you it'll be for you.

And then he ended up two weeks later. Two weeks later, I went't auditioned booking Sisters and in front of I read in front of Tyler Perry two weeks later in our book Sixters, and I was like, that just meant bigger and reading for Tyler Perry leaves me booking that show, going to the studio opening, and meeting some of the people that I grew up watching I met, I met and had a conversation with did he jay Z? Jay Z's Whole catalog is the soundtrack from my life from

the nineties up until now. I like and he's from Brooklyn, we prown Brooklyn Knights. Like knowing everything that he's done and the fact that he's married now he has three kids and he's building an empire and he's socially conscious. It's like you look at certain people like, damn, I wonder if I can be able to do that. Then you get a chance to meet them in real life and then they just like it, what's up man? You know? And I'm like, oh shoot, I'm talking to jay Z

and he's like, this is nice. This is really nice. The Tyler's doing for everybody, this is nice. And I'm talking to It's like I totally got like chicken and like kind of aiding get alongside her, and I was kind of like, hey girl. She's like hey, and I was like, oh my god, I don't know what to say to her. I totally got start striking at that moment, which never happens to me. But that was that's big. So that leads us to your your mantra. Remember you had to make a mantra? Um, what was what was

the exercise? Where were you? I? I forget, but I've know it, but I forget where you were when you made the mantra. It was my sophomore year of college at Houstra. I was taking a speech communications class and we had to read the Secret and we talked about um manifesting in the law of attraction and saying things out loud. So they was like, you should have a mission statement that you say every day so you can

attract positive energy to yourself. So she wanted us to come up with It wasn't trush Shot, it was another professor, but Um, she wanted me to create a mission statement. So the mission statement was each day I worked to build a legacy, not to be defined by my greatness, but by the masses. I inspire to be greater than myself. And after class she asked, she was like, UM, what

made you come up with that? You know? And I said, well, really, Stickley, I want to live forever, and she was just like, what you mean by that, I said, how do you live forever? You create a legacy, and you can only create a legacy by making the people around you better, because if you make the people around you better, those people will forever say your name. I learned that by

watching Troy and Achilles was my favorite character. So Achilles always talked about wanting to live forever because he always wanted his name to be spoken about. And the only way you can speak of people will speak about you if you're a protector and if you influence people. So I always wanted to influence people to be great, and

it really has nothing to do with your greatness. At that point, it doesn't matter what you did, because no matter what you do, there's always going to be someone greater that comes along and does it better than you. But if you are the person is known for influencing greatness amongst people, your name will never die. And that to me always meant so much. Think about Michael Jackson. Think think about Michael jacks Think about how many people

after him have been influenced by his music. That Michael Jackson's music will never die. We have three boys. They all sit down at the computer and put in beat it and listen to beat it like they literally even down to cast on his iPad, will be listening to Michael Jackson and it's just great. It's just no, You're

absolutely right. But I almost feel like it turned into I get I was interviewing you today, and I think it makes sense only because I know your story and you knew since five years old or since you were really young, that this is what she wanted to do. And I've watched all of these things kind of come to fruition, especially with your career, and it's just it's been it's been amazing to kind of watch and see. It's been amazing to be a part of what you

though to be honest, because this is dead ass. And one thing I've also learned throughout life is that you understand the value in people, and I understand it. I wouldn't be able to do anything in my life if I didn't have you here, because there were times where I didn't exactly know how I was going to get to the next step, but I knew that could be creative, and you always found a way to turn that creativity into an actual plan that worked. You know, It's funny too,

because I I always. I struggled a lot with UM figuring out what my purpose is, and I think I still have moments where I wonder why what am I here for? I'm not sure what it is. What my purpose isn't just my children, because naturally, like you said in past episodes, when you become a mom, that's like your soul for focus before everything else. So it's like,

it's not purpose to just be a mom? Is my purpose to be here to assist you on your journey to greatness and this legacy that we're creating for our boys. And I've struggled with figuring out what exactly it is, and I wonder sometimes can my purpose be multifaceted? Can I be here to assist you in being great? And then now that I've done having kids and I'm back in front of the camera again, now I can maybe find my purpose through acting um, you know, raising our children.

But also I think about the component of other people and giving back and being able to help. And I think that's an amazing thing that we both have in common, is that we always and everything we do try to be good people to other people around us, and we think about how we will be able to help those around us, those who may not have as much even being able to help our family, Like, that's always something

that we've spoken about over the years. It's never just about you, it's never just about me even never just about our children, but it's about the masses around us. Well, it's funny because I watched the movie that pretty much changed my life. Um, you haven't heard the movie called pay It Forward. It was a movie, it was. It was the movie with the dude from the sixth Sense that forgot his name, the kid from the Kid from Success. But um, he had this I forgot I wonder if

that's even the name of it. But the concept was paying it forward, and he had this whole idea that if something does, if somebody does something for you and you pay him back, it stops there. I did something for you, you pay me back. That frees you of somebody doing something for you first. But if you pay it forward, and you do something for someone and that person has to pay it forward to three people, it continues to grow into the world. Think about how dope

that is. Rather than saying to people, y'all, i'll give you this, but you got to pay me back, you said, you know what I'll give you this, but you gotta pay it forward. That changed I remember watching that. I think that movie changed my life. I have to find a name of the movie. But it changed my life because it made me realize how important it is to not give people back. You know, if someone gave me something, that means they probably don't need my help, but someone

else may need my help. And if I can do it to someone else and then they keep moving and forward, the world will be a much better place. You know what I'm saying. And I just that recently to one's maybe one of the kids you've mentored or something. I mean, we could pay it forward on the wall at the gym them you put paid phone on the wall because I tell you I to all the kids, they will say, your coach to value. You know, I'm gonna pay you back.

And I tell them on Somebody's like, I don't need your help, bro, but there's gonna be someone after you that's going to need your help. And the only way I'll help you is if you promise me that you're going to help someone else when they ask you for the help the same way, the same way I asked it. So whether it's money, whether it's advice, don't worry about paying me back. But coach Vallece, you're fifty dollars. I don't need the fifty dollars. I gave it to you.

But now if someone else asked you for fifty dollars and you got it, you better not keep your hand closed. You know what I'm saying. And I think, and I think it's important for people to know too, when you're manifesting your destiny, right, especially when you talk about the kids we mentor people can't be what they can't see, right, you have to see it first. Once you see it and you know, like, this is what I want to do,

that becomes the goal. You take that thing, you visualize it, and you put that somewhere where you can see it every single day. And if you wake up every day because it's easy to get distracted in this world and you lose sight of what the goal is. So when you wake up every day and you looking and you see that goal, it's like, that's why I'm doing this. That's the power behind vision that's that is the huge

power behind vision boards. And you know, people, some people think a vision board has to be on your wall, right, here by your bed, and some people do that. I've never had a physical vision board, but I've had visical vision boards in my phone. There are certain things that when I opened up my phone, I see it and I say, this is what I want. Remember when I created the vision board, it was will Smith, Diddy, jay Z, and Wesley Snipes, and I said, I wanted to be

a combination of these four men. And I put that in my phone and I had the picture of all four of them. And whenever I feel like I'm losing track of why I'm doing something, I go back to that picture and I say, this right here is why it's funny. I I started doing like I said. I never was the one that always like said the verbal confirmation to affirmations and stuff like that. Um, but one thing for me is I've used I've used my social

media now to follow certain people. Oh yes, I feel inspire me or motivate me to be greater, who are doing things that I aspire to do and they're doing it. And that's the power of using social media for the positive. So if you look at some of my top stories, they're going to be people who motivate me. In the acting world, they motivate me to be a better mother. They voted motivate me to be a better wife, a better human being. Like, that's what I use my social

media for. That That is such a dope concept because if you think about it right, social media now they have algorithms that when you click on somebody's profile or you click on certain things, they send blasts to your phone of those things. So when you're following certain things subconsciously and physically, it's always on your mind. So when you follow bullshit, when you click on bullshit, bullshits on your mind. So if you look at social media and

you're following trash, your life is going to be trash. Absolutely, you need constant reminders of why you do things in life. If you look at the greatest people in the world, they're not following bullshit, they fault. They may be following five or ten people, and all of those people are doing greater things than them. Absolutely, and it's a reminder of this is where I want to be. That's so dope that you said, I didn't even think about that.

That's probably the biggest for me, just because I know so much of my work is on social media, just with us creating, being content creators and all that. So we do spend a lot of time on our phone. So I think about the time that, you know, you have those moments where you're kind of just bored and aimlessly scrolling through. You think about what you're actually consuming.

And I know that for a fact, there's certain people that I followed for a reason or whose whose stories I'll go to for that day because I know there's something in there that's going to motivate me or uplift me, or it's going to help me get to that next goal,

whatever that is. So it's like, you know, I think about setting out maybe like a little um, a little path for people or a little something to follow, because we like to have takeaways for our listeners about what is it, what it is that you can kind of take from this and maybe apply to your life. Right, So once you decide what you want, you said that goal, Yeah, decide what you want, you set the goal. UM trible,

you know you're annoying trouble, but we know. But she she gave she gave us a really cool UM acronym, which is smart. Right. Smart stands for a specific measurable, achievable relevant time bound, so all of these things. Yeah, and it tells you pretty much she's smart and she sees the magic in the moment, So you know, we want to I just want to break that down really quickly to kind of give people an idea of how

you can apply this to whatever whatever it is you're manifesting. Right, So specific goal should be clear and specific, otherwise you won't be able to focus your efforts are really, really true motivated to achieve it. So when you're drafting up your goal, you know you should answer the first five questions right, the w questions, what do I want to accomplish? Why is the goal important? Who is involved? Where is

it located? And which resources are limits are involved? It's funny, that's literally literally, this is literally what we did when I retired from the NFL. When I was trying to figure out how to get acting, it was like, Okay, what is it I want to do? Okay, why do I want to do this? How do we get into it? That's when I called on Adrian because she was involved in it. It was like, who get involved with? Where is it located? Me to the city, who do I

talk to this is? And which resources are involved? Like this is exactly what we do. What will limit me from that? And how can I navigate around that? Is? So that's great. Then measurable m make your goals measurable so that you can track your progress and stay motivated.

Right for example, this one right here, right. If your goal is to be a stand up comedian, for example, you can say I want to understand up three times a week, So it's exercising that practicing that it's attainable and it's trackable so you know when you're making progress. That makes so much sense. I think I need. I feeled myself at that point. Absolutely I need to do that as well. And that's where my procrastination came in because I'm just like me just sitting around expecting things

to happen and it's not happening. I was. I was directly impacting that proportion of my life where things just weren't happening, and I'm wondering why, Well, it's because but she wasn't working at it. You just weren't doing it. It's true, though, I mean, that's that's the hard truth, Like why isn't it happening because you aren't work Because you're not working at it? Exactly. So all these you can pray as much as you want, you can do all these verbal affirmations as much as you want, but

it's not going to happen that way. Hold on faith without works. It's the truth. It doesn't matter whether you're religious or your spiritual. It is the truth. It is. I remember a quick story. My grandmother was like, um, guys, before you go to sleep, this yard needs to be cut. I said, Grandma, ma's your questions. She was like what. I was like, you believe in the Bible, right, this is me at twelve. She's like, yes, I feel smart, smart smart. I said, yes, I do believe. She said, yes,

I do believe in the Bible. Where I said, well, you made us read a scripture and it said if three or more people come together and we pray, the Lord will give you what you need. So I was she was like yes. I said, so rather than us going out and cutting the yard, how about the three of us get together we prayed at the yard will be cut, and then we're gonna go play basketball. And she said about you can get your brother, y'all go pray. I don't whoop your ass, right, So I'm gonna just

go outside and cut the grass. But then she was like, because the moral of the story is faith without works, is that you can pray for it, but if you don't put the work in, God will not give you the blessings you asked for without you're putting in the work. Shout out to my Nanadela Ellis. I got the I got the message. I ain't want my ass whooped. I ain't wanted dead ass. I didn't want a dead ass. I wanted to be alive. That's how we have fake grass because I'm trying to cut it so fake it's

fake achievable. Your goals also needs to be realistic and attainable. The easiest way to lose motivation is by setting goals that are out of reach. To avoid that, breakdown big goals into smaller goals that will help you get there.

You know, maybe your goal is to make a career change, and if you don't have those skills to make that make your viable candidate for that job, then maybe you're gonna have to kind of backtrack and see what you can do to teach yourself, get a new set of skills, get a certification, whatever your next goal is, to switch careers. Now I'm gonna have to remix this a little bit because I feel like being realistic doesn't get you anywhere

in life. Like another Will Smith, the goal thing I've heard was him saying being realistic doesn't make great people. For example, the Right brothers right when they decided to talk about flying flying planes. Right, it's not realistic to think that you could take a piece of metal, bend it into a cylinder, get in it, and then fly over the ocean the ship is just not realistic. So in a way, you have to think beyond being realistic. And then that's why I'm siming a remixing. So now

you know what the end goal is. Once you know what the end goal is, let's create some smaller goals, which I agree with, to get us to the final point, because you're not going to ultimately get to that unrealistic goal tomorrow. There are steps. In the case of the plane, it's like, Okay, we're gonna make the metal cylinder, okay, right now, we need an engine. Okay, now we have to find gravity. Okay, that's how are we gonna do all? How we Let's let's this goal for this year is

to figure out aeronautics. That's the word, right, aeronautics. Yes, that's why you're marryat and you're cute plus are relevant. Your goal should be important to you. Social media makes it easy for us to compare our lives and success to other people. That is a recipe for disaster, and sometimes that can make you think you want something that

isn't for you. So comparing yourself to other people and listening to the opinions of others in your life can have you creating goals that aren't relevant to your life, your skills, or your particular interests. So set goals that align with what you want for your life. Not to say about that that's just straightforwards, just true because if you listen to if we had listened to what people told us about what we did with our social media,

we wouldn't be here right now. Yes, that's it. Also, if you can put yourself to other people's life, like your homeboy could be a wrapper. He's killing getting wrap. You don't even want to wrap. Why are you even upset that he wrapping and you're not You're not even trying to wrap? There you go, you know what I'm saying,

So I get it. You got to be relevant ant, time bound, set a date, and giving yourself a dadne actually applies to creating a sense of urgency with your goals that will keep you motivated and able to prioritize how you do spend your time. And this will also help you break down your long term goals into daily actions so that ties into um measurable right and asking yourself every day what can I do to get closer to my goal? This is like super helpful. This is

helpful because there's something I need people to understand. The most valuable asset you have in your life. It's time. Time. It's not money. You can always make more money, but when you're losing time, like you can't lose that. That is the most valuable asset you have in your life. So if you don't set time and Codeine and I going back and forth on this all the time because Case she's a procrastinator and I'm the opposite of a procrastinator. The minute I know something has to get done, I

want to rewind and do that ship yesterday. And it can be like devout like we just found out about it. The fact that it's not done. You can't be stressed and worried about it. So there's a balance in between, right, you can't be a procrastinator at the same time, you can't be a stressful person thinking that stuff's never got done on time. You have to find that medium to where you can you know, you can get things done and still live a comfortable life and enjoy it, enjoy

the moment. Like you said, I don't do enough enjoy the moment. Yes, I think that a lot. You definitely need to stop and enjoy certain moments and not let them pass you by. And these are things that you've

worked for for a long time. So as we wrap things up, which I think this is amazing because this is um the last episode of season two, So we're super happy that you guys have been on this journey with us, So happy for you, happy and just being as we're getting towards the end of the year and everyone's probably now going to be making those vision boards

and having those discussions. You know, we're ending the fourth quarter of the year and already looking towards two thousand twenty and everything that's out there that you are trying to achieve and the goals that are being said. Um, you mentioned the secret devot and having to read that book. I had no. I read that book as well a couple of years ago. It might it might be worth doing a little stift through again just to get a little refresher. But UM, we did pull some stuff from

that UM. One being visualizing what you have now, visualizing what you want and in detail UM. And also being able to see yourself in that place UM where you want to be UM, and how making those goals are going to be real and achievable for you. And the only person that you have to conceive, the only person that you have to convince that you're capable of this is yourself. And that's the truth. And it was funny.

I learned this uh mountain biking. When we were in St. Lucia mountain biking and people going down the mountains so fast, and there's a woman there, she's a professional mountain biker, and she said, UM, don't look at the rock. And I was like, what the hell does that mean? She was just like, every time I'm going down mountains with people and he hits fast, they look at the rock.

Because once you look at the rock, you go towards the rock and it don't matter how many times you say, don't hit the rock, don't hit the rock, don't hit the rock. If you're focused on the rock, you're gonna hit the rock. So she said, don't even look at the rock. The rock is not there. Look at the path that you want to go. And that's what you call visualizing. You visualize where you want to go away. You see yourself because the universe is always conspiring in

your favor. So since the universe is always conspiring in your favor, if you're constantly thinking about the things you don't want to happen, you don't want to happen, it doesn't that right. So all it is is just sending you all the stuff you don't want to happen. It's sending it to you, as opposed to saying I got this, I got this, I got this, And I've exercised that every time I thought about I don't know if I'm gonna get this. I don't know if I'm gonna get this,

I don't know. I've been doing that recently. I've been doing that recently with these new auditions and new stuff, and I'm like, I got this, Like I absolutely got this. Putting that out there, don't even think about it and then in turn protect your energy because sometimes too, when you know that, you're convincing yourself that you're capable and

that's the only thing that matters. We're kind of tuning out everybody else who may think otherwise and being concerned with what other people think about you, your dreams and things that you're trying to achieve. So protecting your energy you UM. You know, what you resist will persist. I

like that what you resist will persist. The law of attraction says that the universe does not process negatives, only energy, meaning that if you focus on what you don't want, you will only continue to attract more of that thing that goes hand in hand with what we just said, positivity goes a long way. Don't watch the rock. Don't watch the rock, keep your eyes on the pad, and don't worry about how it's going to happen. Just no

one believed that it will. UM. So people take that approach for here yourself, for the opportunities that you don't even know exist. Many of the best opportunities I've seen come from places and people in situations that you least expected. So don't let what you might see as a setback discourage you from working towards your goals. This is very great stuff. I mean, it's it's I mean, we we gave some great examples. And it's funny to hear somebody I put it down on paper, because as you go

through life, you don't put things down on paper. You just do it. And I can see how doing these things for me, it's almost like the step by step. Yes, it shows the measurables there for you. Give thanks, exude a positive attitude and attitude of gratitude, because when you're genuinely grateful for what you have today, you will start to see more clearly that you already have everything you need to succeed. As though that's so dope, and it's

so true. That is so true people. I feel like people who are genuinely humble, gracious people always get more stuff. Absolutely and and you know, I always talk about being a spiritual person out of religious person. I feel like God has always given me more than I needed because he knows that I'm always going to pay it for forward.

So and and it may sound crazy, but I feel like God will never let everyone go without, so he knows that if he doesn't give me so many people will go without because he knows what I can give. I'm giving and that have come and gone through our household. We think about the children that came through your mentorship program who used to come home with us some nights. We used to feed them, give them lunch money, whatever it was like, and never expecting anything in return or

wanting anything in return. We just knew that it was the right thing to do in that moment, and we genuinely wanted to do it because it was going to better their situations somehow, even if it was just for the day, yes, you know, if it was for the week, for the month. We need some single moms who needed some help with their kids pick up and it was just like, that's just what we did it with us. We had Jackson in the back seat with us, and

we'd be trucking kids around like there were hours. As I said, I've definitely had more than just three children. You definitely about through our household. But it's funny to financially because sometimes people equate all this to finances. The moment that we stopped worrying about our bank account is when our bank account always remained full, because I remember it was times when I used to watch every nickel

and diamond. This is going out, this is going out, this is going out, and I only saw stuff going out that I wasn't allowing things to come in. And my my aunt Debbie gave me a parable about keeping your hand closed. So he's like, when you have money in your hand, you feel so tight that you're not letting no money come out that you don't realize that you're not letting no money going either. So you gotta open up, you know, let the blessings flow and then flowing.

You gotta let the blessings out to let the blessings come in. So absolutely all right, there we go. So we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna move into some listening letters when we get back after we deal with these ads. Baby, for sure they too this for the record, there it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here

it is. They'll return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger Woos doesn't know who he is best in the history of Gaul, no question in my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. All right, and it's

our last bit of listener letters for this season. Thank you to everybody who's reading, who's wrote in um to our email and told us a little bit about you know, your situation. So to close out for the season, UM, we have this one here. I'm a twenty six year old single millennial woman who is literally just trying to figure out life. I know, still trying to figure it out. Girl. I did everything quote unquote right, went to college, graduated

with honors on time. My mom wasn't playing with me, got a job in advertising and marketing, and went back to grad school and graduated while still working full time. I know, I'm very blessed, but as my birthday is coming up, I've been thinking more and more lately about what I want my life to look like and what I really want. I just don't want to live in ordinary life when I feel like I'm destined for more. Number One, one of my goals has always been to

become a TV media personality. Know, you both created your careers and dreams from the ground with nothing. I podcast with a friend and I've started to put myself out there more. I know it's going to take time, and I'm more than happy to do the work. What tips or suggestions, what would give to someone who is building their dream career from the ground up and want to be in the media industry. Okay, that's our first So it sounds like you're starting to do the right things. Yeah,

I mean this is the first part. You work. Obviously, you have a great job, you have your degrees. Okay, so I would say start. The number one thing is put some money aside. Put some money aside, and put this as your savings for when you decide to take the leap, because at some point you're gonna have to take the leap and put yourself out there to not do both. So as long as you have the money and you have the opportunity and resources to do that,

you know you'll feel more comfortable doing it. First thing, you start putting some money aside. That's number one. Number two, find out exactly what it is you want to do in TV media before you to make that transition. You can't just say TV media right to decide what you want to do. Find out if there's a craft involved or learning with that, because you have to respect the craft of that work. You can't just say I want to do this and go and go start doing it.

You're gonna have to learn about it for people to respect you and give you opportunities. Absolutely, and they may not require like a ton of schooling or anything, but it may be you know, a class or two that you would have to take just to kind of, you know, have that under your belt your resume. Say, for example, like when I did entertainment hosting UM with the Hot Zone. You know that's something that I reached out to someone about.

That could be Number three. Start to reach out to people who are already in the industry who um may know the right avenue for you. Once you figured out where exactly you want to be, So you don't want to just be broad in that, Oh I just want to do television, Oh I just want to do media work.

Where exactly do you want to fall into that category and then find out the right people that you can align yourself with and know that sometimes you have to do that work without pay in the very ahead, because I've been there, I've been working with say just to be able to get that real you know, um, be able to get that footage of yourself doing it so you can have that as your proof, like a proof of concept. With anything you need, people need to see

it to believe it. Um, So go ahead. That's three and four find the right people, and then four be willing to work towards it without pay. That's why number one makes sense. Save some money, um, and just do it. Put yourself out there. You have so many different avenues that you can use at this point, you have no excuses. You have the podcast, there's so many social media outlets, um, different websites, I mean really to get into television and media and film. At this point you have so many

routes to do that. So just keep at it, and you've got to be persistent and get used to hearing. No. Number five rejection is how much percent of the business. They say fifty, but I feel like it's more like ninety. Yeah, it's like you're gonna hear no a ton of no more, and it takes one years for the floodgates open up.

So that's it, the right I like that baby you gave for five things, And when when that feel like opens and you get the opportunity, capital capitalize on it for sure and be ready, all right and moving on to our second listen to a better question. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We have a one and a half year old daughter. He's a great man and a wonderful father. However, I feel like we're stuck

in the standstill. I work, I go to college and take care at home, and he works, helps out with our daughter. But I feel like he's lost his drive. He doesn't like to do family activities. He hasn't made any moves for our future, no career moves. He used to dream of being a writer and director. Him being stuck with this in the slump makes me frustrated, and it's sort of pushing us apart. Any advice on this,

many blessings to you guys, Thank you man. This just sounds so familiar with people who um like we talked about early in the episode purpose, finding your purpose. He may not know how to get into being a writer or a director, and that can be frustrating and also put you in a little state of depression when even if you're working and you're making good money, but you're not doing what makes you happy. It makes you feel

like you're not living out your your life's purpose. And then ultimately us his family start to feel the effects of that because he's not happy within himself, absolutely, and he's in a field, like we said before, acting, writing, directing, all of that, that industry is just so difficult to

break into. And um, there's, like you said, there's a lot of nose before you get that, Yes, and there's a lot of you know, putting things into works and into motion and waiting for it to happen, and preparing for it to happen to only hear the know or things not being green lit, or just any little thing that could potentially be a roadblock. So it's understandable. I

get it. Um. I also too have been on the side where I've seen the frustration and devout for example, you know, working the jobs that he didn't necessarily want to work, but he had to work just to be able to make a way for him to do what he really loved. It's frustrating, So it can be frustrating. We both went through that. I remember in two thousand and seven. Um, this was my second year in the NFL. I was making a lot of money. Code was at home.

She wasn't working. She was like a stay at home, kept a girlfriend, and she was in a state of depression. She was like, I want to do TV and she talked about going back to New York while I was in Michigan because she just was not happy not doing what she wanted to do. UM. The first thing I'll tell you is that it has nothing to do with you. If you know that that's what the issue is, don't don't say, oh, I'm not doing something right, don't internalize that.

But what you can do is speak to him about it. Tell him you recognize it, and say how can I help you get to where you want to be? You know, as far as doing the things you want to do, that still may not guarantee his happiness, but if you take an active step into helping him get there, maybe you find some writing classes or some directed classes, or or you find out ways for for him to you know, start taking that step to chase that dream, maybe to

help him get out of that phone. Yeah, and it seems like you're doing a lot at home to you know, you work, he said, you go to school, you take

care of home. He helps with the daughter. Um, so maybe too, like you said, since it seems like you're willing to help, and you are helping, you know, being able to say, baby, is there anything you want me to help your research or look up like you think about when Devo was like, yeah, I'm going to be a stunt doublefore Mari and I was like, well, you don't do stunts, but all right, let's google this's and

figure it out together. You know. Um, sometimes that little bit of support or maybe the excitement and you or you just saying, you know, I recognize that you seem to be in a little slump. Is there anything that I can do to help you? Or you know, maybe we can do this together, or I can help you jump started that might help. The lastly, the most important thing I need to tell you guys is that this

is normal. A lot of people walking around in the world today don't know what their life's purposes and they are feeling a state of frustration on in depression, especially amongst millennials, because millennials, unlike our parents or the generation before us, we were taught differently. The generation before us was taught that you get a job, you work, weeks vacation, and that's life. And when you die, you go to heaven because you pay your taxes. That's what they were taught.

Now our generation has been taught that you're not happy unless you're living your life's purpose. So there are a lot of people walking around, working, doing well who aren't happy. So don't feel like what you're going through is not normal or that you guys aren't making so normal. Some of the people you look at, look up to the most, have gone through that are going through that, So don't be so hard on yourself. Continue to talk, be transparent,

and figure it out together. For sure. Definitely, Oh my goodness, Season two is a rap that went so fast. Are you gonna cry like you did at the end of season one? Yeah, we love you guys so much and we thank you all for listening. Um, you know, and continue to follow us and continue to write in listener letters just because the season is over and on me, we still the email box is still open, and go ahead and email so keep emailing us because we will be back with season three and will be digging up

you know, some receipts and some emails. So continue to um to write in, and if you want to be featured for one of our listener letters, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. Yes, all right, moment of truth. Do you have a moment truth for this season or this episode, or just anything in your heart that you want to say, or any good things moment of truth good people out there, here's the moment of truth for me. I'll let you do a moment

of truth for just yourself. I have accomplished everything this year that I wanted to accomplish, as far as TV, podcast, social media. I didn't get you pregnant. But I'll say this man's mind, I have accomplished everything that I put my mind to this year, in part because my mindset from last year. From the beginning, from the middle of summer last year, I started saying to myself, I'm going to.

I stopped saying I wonder if or I hope. I started seeing last year in our house next year, I'm going to, And I started to put the work in to say every day I'm putting the energy into getting that, and I got it. And I want everybody who listens to that as podcast to apply that to your life and get everything on the life that you want because you deserve it, because you're all fucking dope. There you go. I love that. Look at you. I love that, and

I love you, and UM, let's see my moment of truth. UM. I'm going to speak as Cadeine UM who has had her children, and I am loving and living in the moment with my children. I have an amazing husband, we

are doing things together. Here is to me closing out this year accomplishing so much that I've set out to do, but also knowing that if I continue to work aggressively towards my goals, if I continue to speak these things into existence literally UM, just channeling them, to have an amazing two thousand, twenty UM, and I'm prepared to do that with you by my side, and our boys following closely behind, and all of our family and friends around. I'm just super super grateful, um, for the year that

we've had. We've relocated so many major big moments and moves and and hills and valleys, but I'm just thankful for the ride, and I'm thankful for everyone who listens and who continues to share and comment, And like, I mean, every victory that we have had, collectively or individually, um, is that much more impactful for us because we've had a host of online I feel like family and friends who are continuously rooting for us, and I feel like

we get sometimes more support from them than people that we know. And yeah, and it's insane and it's been great, And in my moment of truth, I'm thanking you and I'm reflecting on that, and i want you to know that it's never taken for granted and it's always appreciated. And we love you guys, and we look forward to more seasons with you. So make sure you follow us on our social media. That's I Am Devout and Cadine I Am. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

sure to rate, review and subscribe. Continue to listen. Man, it's a wrap on season two. We'll be on a little bit of a hiatus, but we'll be back very soon with more to talk about more amazing guests and marketing and dest dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. Is produced by T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content officer is Chris Bannon. Our associate produces are Kristin Torres and Trouble. Our studio engineer and original music is

by Brendan Burns and mixed by Andy, Christine's daughter. We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part as the Stitching Net. We're called Substraction that's available everywhere getting podcast at US, at your Spotify, Apple Go listen right now to the Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please m