People sometimes and you see your favorite celebrities, the energy you get from them is the energy you gave off first.
Ooh yeah, deadass, even the nicest of people. Right, Yes, And sometimes it just may not be the right time to approach someone. So when do you know when the right time is?
Dead ass? Deadass?
Hey, I'm Kadan and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I make you need therapy most days? Wow?
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.
Sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about to take pilot off to our whole new level.
Dead ass starts right now.
All right, story Tom, I'm gonna paint the backdrop so that people can understand what happened and where we got to how we got to this point and how it could have gone wrong. Okay, so one of my close friends just recently moved down to Atlanta, and he moved down with his wife and his daughter, and his other daughter was coming down a few weeks later. They had all that stuff delivered in pods. The pod messed up the order and was fourteen days behind. They were supposed
to be there a day after. All of her medication because she has asthma, was in the pods. They were expecting the pods to come the next day. She ran out of medication and didn't expect to not have her medication. So she's like, you know what, I'm chilling home for a little bit, but slowly but surely she has bad asthma. Her breathing was getting worse. She didn't realize how bad it was gonna get because she never lived in Atlanta before, and as you know, piling out here is bad, ragweed
is bad. It was coming off cold and flu season, so a lot of people have the heat blasting in the house. She didn't realize, but she was getting really, really sick. Ultimately developed a lung infection. At the time, we didn't know it was a lung infection, but just want to paint the backdrop. I had tickets to the basketball game. He had just moved down here. Me and Kay had just flown back from doing Sherry Sheppard. So I was like, Yo, I don't want these tickets these
basketball games. You and wifey go to the basketball game. He's like, all I bet calls me, says, yo, d wifey. She don't feel too good. I'm just go to the basketball game. Can you just check in on her? I was like cool because they lived right by us. So me and Kay literally just laying off the plane. I called. I said, Yo, how you feeling. She's like, can barely talk. I'm like, yo, you don't sound good. Are you sure you're okay? And she's just like no, I'm not okay.
I said, you want to go to the hospital. She says, I'm gonna try to go to an urgent. She tries to go to the urgent care. I'm in constant contact with her, me and k both in the car now right, and she's sounded words. I hear her crying because she said, Devoted urgent care is closed. They sent me to another one their an capacity. We just moved down here, I don't know which hospital go to. So me and kay Kay immediately says, Yo, buss a U turn, We're gonna go pick her up, take her to the hospital. We
go to the urgent care. We pick her up, get to the hospital. K is in there because we pull up right in Mercy, and this is asthma we're talking about. At the time, we don't know she has a lung infection. But I grew up with one of my closest cousins, Porsche, had asthma, and one of my closest front Gasvin, has asthma. And I've been with them where they will find one minute and in the next minute there's an er run or there's an ambulance being caught because they can't breathe.
I'm doing about a buck forty on the highway to get her to the hospital. Like I'm nervous. She's nervous. Ks looking at me like yo, like she has to be okay. We get to the hospital, We walk up, she registers and she's you know, lightheaded whole like I'm my arm around her. We sit down so she can fill out the paperwork while I sit down so she can fill out the paperwork. I'm holding her to make
sure she's okay. I see a lady across from me tap another lady, and in this moment, I've already been in this situation so many times they recognize who I am. After tapping the other lady, I go back up to the office, said, hey, we have a breathing issue. They say, oh, it's a cold red we have a breathing issue outside. So I'm back down there. I'm holding her, rubbing her back while she filled the paperwork. I noticed the lady has now has her phone up and she's scanning in our direction.
And I'm in the car.
Yes, you're in the car, And all I can think about in this moment is these people are probably saying, ooh, look at the valve in the hospital with a woman who's not k you know what I'm saying, I'm gonna get this on camera. I decide in that moment not to respond, even though I was fucking pissed, right And
because my friend here cannot breathe. Now, my brother who's moving out here, I've known him since he was ten years old and I was fourteen, So we're talking about thirty plus years of friendship and this is his wife. I'm like, fucked all of the bullshit they call us in the back of escort to the room, I'm worried about her. They said, we got her stable Devale. We're gonna you know, she has a slight fever. You know,
we're gonna make sure she's good. Boom. I said, Hey, I'm gonna go take K home so she can got the kids. Mind you, their daughter was at our house, so we're all doing this together as a family. So I walk her in the back. I come out. When I come out, the lady stands up. She goes zach Zach. I was like really, like really, you know what I'm saying, And she's like, oh, it's cool. School, it's cool. You know, where's K. I'm like, yo, I got to take K home.
Like I'm trying to still be a polite quote unquote celebrity, because to be honest, for me, at this point, it's still like super brand new. I said, she's in the car. She said, oh, okay, okay, you'll be back. I'll get you when you come back. No, you fucking won't like. No, you won't like. And the thing that bothered me the most is that I could tell the way people ask questions, right, It wasn't an old whizz k let me get a picture?
The question was like an old where's k? As if you got me, you caught me doing.
Something right that you shouldn't have been doing.
Right when I'm walking out, and then when she looks around, she sees.
The car with you because I literally pulled into the little like a circle just to let you guys, and I jumped into the driver's seat because I was waiting for you to let me know. Was it going to be something quick? Was you know, your friend on his way to be with his wife, like what we're doing next? I know that their daughter who's also too you know what's on the way to our house? Like this is a lot going a lot one time.
Yeah, And to be honest, the reason why we're not saying their names because they don't you know, they're not public figures. And what we've learned even through our podcast is that we'll mention the story. We may say a first name of something, and then that person becomes the target of other people's investigation.
Are there are times where we haven't said names and people just try to put a story together and then be.
Wrong and be wrong, dead wrong dead wrong.
Dead wrong. We got a call from someone was like, did you say something about something that I was like that.
Had nothing to do with you.
It was like some completely other person. But people be trying to put sh it together that don't belong together.
And the way babe, the way she asked, she's a whiskadeen. And but here's the thing. People act as if I still can't tell their recording, Like you have your phone by your chest, and this is just for y'all. Watch them. When you have your phone by the chest and you're scanning as I'm walking by, that's not a normal phone movement. I can tell you recorded. So when you ask where's Ka and I say, oh, she's in the car, and then you turn and then you see that.
She is in the car, it's like, oh, let me get all this footage so I can you know what I'm saying, we can corroborate his stories.
It's like, YO, moment, like I'm having a very personal private moment. My friend could possibly be dying, you know what I'm saying. We find out later she had a lung infection, and if she would have stayed home and went to sleep, there could have been a lot of difficulty with her breathing, so we did the right thing,
got her to the hospital. But in that moment, we're not thinking like celebrities like you know, but we'll we'll continue the story when we come back and the dissect why this has become an issue for not only us before a lot of people we know karaoke time. So now we're back and this song is very simple song. I don't know who sings this song. I really don't care, but this song always reminds me of that episode. What
it was the stand up that Martin did. I think it was run til that well, he said he came outside and the cops outside, and he realized the cops was outside, and then all you can think about his head was they looking at me. I'm looking at them. I'm looking at them and looking at me. You know, I can think of but sometimes I feel like somebody's.
Watching me and have privacy.
WHOA, I think that's Michael Jackson. The melody came to me, it's Michael Jackson.
Well clearly because he had to deal with a lot too facts, as you know, a huge worldwide celebrity. So but yeah, sometimes we be feeling like people be watching this. We'll be watching y'all watching this until y'all figure out that we know that you're watching us. And it's that's usually when someone comes by, like sorry to bother you, right, but I'm a bother you real quick. Right, It's all
love though. All right, let's go pay some bills and we're going to come back and we'll talk more about uh the story time and today's topic, which is uh fanning fandom fan decorum.
Or fame decorum. Famed there requires decorum on both sides.
Oh for sure, absolutely, all right, y'all, we'll be back, all right. So, yeah, that story time, it was funny because in that moment, we were all just so concerned about all the moving parts. You know, we were trying to assist them with the move. Here. We have our four kids, they have their daughter.
You know.
Then it's like all the family members on deck trying to help out. So if in that moment you handled it differently and within your panic for her, right and trying to sort that out, knowing too that you still like just got off a plane, have to get home, there's stuff you have have to do, you could have reacted very differently to the young lady who was like, you know.
Zach, And it's just true because it wasn't a young lady. It wasn't a young lady. She is definitely of age to understand, understand and know better what was happening, you know.
And yeah, for sure, but I can see how if you were to reply the way you really wanted to reply to her, then it's going to be like, oh, you know, he's mean or he's nasty, you know, not taking into consideration like wow, we're actually in an emergency room. In an emergency room, Like that's the biggest I think.
If there's any place that requires a level of privacy and decorum that people have, it should be a hospital, right, And this is anybody, This is not someone who's super famous or just you know the girl as a person. A hospital is such a super private, sensitive space for anyone.
So the fact that somebody had because I've been in doctor type environments and places where I've even called on the phone to make an appointment, and I can tell when I give my name on the phone that somebody might recognize who they're speaking to, you know, and for the most part, people maintain a level of professionals I listen to me, professional professional, listen.
Listen right.
Jackson plays that video over and over again. Sorry, my coffee hasn't sent in YT, y'all. But yeah, most most time, I think people have a level of the quorum that they do maintain. But every now and again that you know, and I get it because in that moment, you think, Wow, there's, however many billion people in this world. What are the chances that in this moment, in this space, in this time I am bumping into somebody who I either watch on TV, admire listen to the podcast? Am I going
to have this moment again? And I completely get that on the other side, where people who love and admire us and support us are just like, wow, what are the chances that our world's collided in this? This is my opportunity to say hello, you know what.
The only thing that bothers me with people and this is the way they deal with other people, regardless of whether there's celebrities or not. I'll give you an example. I'm in the Walmart over there and there's a disagreement between two young women and they asked to speak to you know, bring the manager, Bring the manager. The manager comes out the minute he comes out, this woman is in his face and he says, excuse me, it's you and your man. Calm down, I'm going to help assist you.
You know, can you just tell me what happens? She's screaming in cursonality, said, ma'am, what makes you think that? Like you can just talk to me like that. Her response is the response that we always hear when people don't understand someone else's job description of perfection. They say, well, you signed up for the job, you know what it was.
I'm the customer. The customer is always right, ma'am. Just because that person has a job doesn't mean that you reserve the right to disrespect them right at any They're a human. It doesn't matter if they're a celebrity, if they're a manager of Walmart, if they're the ticket guy at.
The movie theater, or they're the janitor, like it does not doesn't matter.
Yes, And people say this all the time. You knew what the job was, you signed up for this. No one signs up to get disrespected period, Like, I don't care what your job is, because.
When you get disrespected back, people are human beings, you know what I'm saying. So when you get disrespected back or the energy that you put out, Yes, you get a dose of that in return. Don't then play victim.
Facts.
Don't then play victim and act that you don't know how we got here.
Fact you started it.
You started it, And you're not going to meet people all the time who are willing to back down from confrontation. I know my husband enough to know, y'all, Develle is not going back down from confrontation. I'm not.
And I've been there with a dud one time. I've been there with to do. Remember we I got. It's me and Cairo. We were getting on a plane to go to New York and we're coming from Atlanta. And this dude, younger looking dude, he's just like yo, the like he got excited. I said, Yo, yo, Yo, I'm from Orangeburg too. We could be cousins, I'm like.
And usually we meet. We matched, y'all excited.
Yeah, So I say to him, I said, Yo, let's get a flick thing, cuz you know what I'm saying. You said, y'all. I want the boys too. If y'all know me, y'all know, I'm always going to ask my children if they feel like taking a picture, because I never want them to feel like their circus animals and have to do what other people want them to do.
I stopped asking them. I just say no, you just respectfully say no, you can have a photo with me, but we'll just leave the children.
And you reserve the right to do especially with the super young ones, because you're typically so I asked them, and typically Jackson is a little bit more like cool, it's early in the morning, I'll fight his first flight out. Kyro was like, I really don't feel like it. So then Jackson says, I'll stand on the side. Because Jackson was going to take you y'all stay on the side, well, Cairo, So I said, all cool, they side, come on and take the picture. He looked at me and was just like, so,
they're really not gonna take the picture. I still remain calm. I said, nah, like not taking the picture, you can get the picture of Mecuz like I'm trying to keep it light. And he like, wow, I support y'all. I do everything all I do. You know, I'm saying I can't even get a picture. So at this point, I said, yo, my man, real talk there, you holding me up. I'm trying to get on this flight. If you want the picture,
you could take the picture. So then he goes to put his arm around me and he kind of take the picture like he was reluctant, and I'm seeing Jackson and Kyro look confused, and I said, you know what, I ain't gonna take this picture. Man, you ruined the moment. Bro. He's like, how I ruined the moment there? I said, Yo, watch your mouth. Don't if you say some of my kids,
you can get real serious. And I think in that moment he realized, then now you have devoured the father, not devoured the entertainer that likes to make people laugh. And he was just like, my fourth d No, it ain't even like that. And I'm like, well, it's gonna get like that if you don't get the fuck out my face now, because now I'm getting pissed and my sons look a little nervous and I don't know you, and it's like now he takes that, and who knows
what he says. I was an asshole. I was aggressive, you know what I'm saying. And for me sometimes it's like am sometimes I don't want to be so nice because when I move my boundaries to accommodate people who may be excited. Then it blurs the lines and they
feel like there are no boundaries. And then when they feel like there are no boundaries, they feel like they're entitled to something that's just seriously, just a blessing, Like I don't have to give you a picture, but I'm always going to give people who support me pictures of me when my kids are there, if my wife's not in the mood. Sorry, you know what I'm saying. And I want to speak to two people because we do have friends who are becoming celebrity, who are celebrities, athletes
who watch who also listen. I honestly feel like as a person who constantly asks people to support their projects, support their art, to buy their products, I feel like you have Ai douc she every responsibility to be kind and take people when they see you in public. That's me. Yeah, I feel that's just me. You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, for sure.
With that being said, we're in an emergency room. I'm at dinner putting a piece of steak in my mouth, and you don't ask. But now I see a light shining on me and my family while we're eating dinner.
Yeah, I have a similar story. I have several actually of people just recording me. The weirdest ones for me were always when in the moment, someone may see me, see me with the children, see me with you, out with my sister, whoever, and instead of in the moment just coming over and saying hey, hello, just want to say hi, because I'll always say hello back, it's recording a video of me or taking a picture and then dming me later.
Yeah.
And I may randomly come across it like hey, I saw you and your sister earlier in hobby lobby or whatever, right, and it's like, okay, so you didn't say hi in the moment, but you took a picture of me and my sister looking at ornaments and you just didn't say hello in the moment, Like, which one is more weird to me? Would it have been more weird for you to say hello and just acknowledging me in the moment?
And then we have a little exchange, because if I was looking for Christmas ornaments, I probably would have been excited. I don't tell you what it is. I helped you with your Christmas the core. I did all that, you know, so that is always kind of off putting for me. But I do have an instance one time where you guys know, I like to take my boys on mommy sun dates, and you were out of town filming at this point, I think you're in Canada, and it was
a Friday night. Didn't feel like cooking. I'm like, you know what, I'll take the three oldest boys for dinner. So we go to one of my favorite restaurants and they seat me in the back and it was kind of like a tight kind of boot situation, but it was a booth where a couple could sit on one end of the booth and then I was able to sit with the three boys on the other end of
the booth, but it was still within close proximity. So it was another black couple, which I'm like, cool because in this area I don't often see black couples where the restaurant is. So, you know, I say hello, just being polite, and I saw the woman in the duo kind of like perk up, like she probably recognized who I was. So then she like pulled her phone out
and then I saw her like showing her husband. So maybe she was showing her husband because we can always tell that too, when like someone pulls the phone out and then you're trying to be like, that's who they are. So that was transpiring. So just to be polite, because we were sitting in such close quarters, we exchange a couple of words, you know, and just being nice, being human in the present moment, made no mention of who I was or who Jackson there, my kids were, you know,
no no mention of that. But I'm also not pretentious, pretentious enough to think that people always know who I am when I please. Sometimes people don't know and don't care, which is fine too. But I could tell in this moment that, you know, she was sitting there and she definitely knew who we were. So my kids ordered thirty six oysters. We're having a good time, we're eating. It's towards the end of the night, because we both were kind of eating around the same path, like they were
wrapping up around the time we were wrapping up. So I don't know if this is when she thought this was her time to try to get a photo, but instead of asking for one, she holds her camera up to take a picture, and she's literally like within maybe four feet of me and takes the picture and the flash goes off. So once the flash goes off, that's
when I get annoyed. And then I look over her and I'm just staring at her in the face right now, and she's fumbling with her phone and she's like, Babe, I told you my phone was malfunctioning, and I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. And he looked so embarrassed. Yeah, I've seen he looked so embarrassed, and he was looking at her, and then
she I can't believe you did that. And I'm just staring at her and her face, like, girl, you got caught, like I know you were trying to take a photo of me or the kids or whatever. And then she turns and then at this point, now she doesn't even like let up. She probably finds a way to take her flash off. And then I see her like trying to hold the phone up in a way that it was inconspicuous. But I'm like, she's still trying to take a picture. And the only reason why I didn't press
her in that moment was because I was with the boys. Yeah, I was with the boys. And then Jackson was like she definitely took a picture because they know because he yeah, because he knew. He was like, why didn't you just ask for a picture? You would have took it because the kids know too, Like we're always going to be able to just say short, no problem, y'all. Catch me at five am in the airport at Heartsfield, come over for a picture. I'm look crazy, but I'm gonna take
the picture. And this is what it is.
That's what's important to say is that we do feel as people who constantly ask and appreciate the support that people give us. We don't care what we look like how early in the morning is if you see me, you see ku, come take a picture, like come, stay, what's up?
But it does snap filter? You know, I don't mind we take a picture of snapshat, like like do your girl a solid and let's put a filter on.
Me because I'm tired of looking at the pictures of me later. And I got lashes, like I'm tired of seeing pictures and I'm like why do I got lashes and bush? But it is what it is, Like, hey, if.
That's the picture you don't want, especially if it's five am and you approach me at the airport.
But this, this is what I'm going to say next, is very important for people to understand. We live in a day in age now where digital content moves faster than it did like then regular analog magazines and newspapers back in the day. I remember when I was younger and I go to the supermarcro with my aunt Debbie and my mother, right, and the National Inquirer or National Inquisitor was like the magazine that's like the shade room, that's right, And I remember going to pick it up,
and then my grandmother all being like, man, put that down. Man, that's not even real news. But then I remember other aunts being like, go, that is the real news, because that's you know what I'm saying.
They give you.
It's got some columns. But that stuff was so like, it moves so slow back in the day, where now, when you end up on a gossip column, that becomes people's reality because there is a segment of the population who only exists in a digital space, and what they see on some of these blogs and gossip columns, they honestly think that it's real.
Oh yeah, so oh yeah, because there's no cross referencing from a journalistic standpoint. Back in the day, you can only access personal celebrities or they're personalized if they gave in like a tell all or an exclusive, or they wrote a book or they sat down with like Barbara Walters,
that's when you were able to get that access. But now social media has created kind of a new kind of celebrity that thrives off of sharing more about their personal life, and people are just soaking it up because they feel like, no.
No, no, they're not just soaking it up. People are taking from people and using that to create their own content, which is what other people don't understand. There was an article that was released that companies started to find black celebrities and release false stories with AI included to get clicks. Oh you see what I'm saying. Okay, so what happens is do at the airport or no, no, do to the airport, or even the young lady at the hospital,
she takes the footage she has. She then takes that footage and just says I found devout at the hospital with another woman getting a procedure done. K is nowhere to be found. Why because people want and clickbait, So then people start clicking on it, and then people start commenting on it, and then the commentary becomes their react becomes the reality. And then what happens, And it's the
scary part. The next interaction you have with someone may come from someone who exists in that space, and now they give you the energy from what they think is real for sure, and now you respond to that with negative energy and it compounds.
So your next airport situation is going to be like, I can't believe you got getting in them full hole boys. You know what I'm saying, And you in the hospital with some chick related you.
See what I'm saying. And then and then your response, what the fuck are you talking about? And then she's like, oh, he cursed at me, and then it's like he has another bad incident at the airport. I'll tell you exactly how this happened. Remember when I was telling the stories about me getting stopped at the courthouse and how Zach gets the Valent trouble.
Yes, yes, yes, there was a group.
On Facebook that created this whole thing about how de val Got is getting too big for who he is, not realizing that the stories I'm telling this part of jokes, they're just they're jokes. Their stories. They are real stories, but it's jokes.
They're saying that you're too big for who you are now because you wouldn't talk to people in court, or something like no, no, no no.
The thing was they were just like, this is what happens when they didn't even listen to the story. The commentary came from the title that because remember I put Zach gets the vow in trouble, right, so the title was de val Ellis finds himself in court again amongst trouble.
Oh wow, they.
Use the clickbait to get people to click on it, not listening to the story. But then the commentary that ensued was just like these niggas get too big now to day and now he's in trouble. This is what happens. But then that becomes someone's reality that's not.
Real of you, so that you're potentially losing support from someone because it's just like, oh, like what happened to humble de Val? No more? So I don't want to anymore? Ye.
And when these people walking around with phones and they just capture parts of your life so that they can create a narrative for themselves, so that they can get clickbait. Not only are you stealing my likeness, but you are making it difficult for me and my family to move in certain spaces because you're creating a whole narrative that does not exist. And to me, that's my plea for people.
Don't stop asking me for pictures, don't stop coming to get a selfie and get a hug, or give me words of encouragement or ask please please, let's interact together, but stop taking pictures of me and my family or taking small moments that don't belong to you to present to your audience as a way for you to get clickbaits and making it difficult for me. That's what bothers me, and the entitlement to feel like, well, you knew what
it was when you signed up. Reminded me of the manager at Walmart when the lady said this was your job. You knew what it signed up like you honestly feel like you can curse that man out because he's the manager at Walmart. Just like you said the janitor. The janitors cleaning and people come by just throw stuff on the floor and you're like, man, can you just throw that in the garbage? Man? Do your job? You sign up for this, Like how you to people? No.
I remember just recently we were at a Hawks game and someone came over to say hello. It was a fan came over to say hello to you and accidentally kicked your drink over. Yes, and it was like the whole floor was saturated where we were, and the one of the custodians came over with his mop to mop, and you took the mop from him and you mopped around my area in your area and handed it back to him and said hello, and he was just like, man,
I watch your show and all that. So it was a little moment y'all exchanged and then he walked away. And then the young man that was sitting next to me was just like, wow, that was really nice of you to like take the mop and mop the floor, you know, and help him out in that moment, because most people wouldn't have done that. And I'm just like, people wouldn't have done that, Like you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just so innate for us to just service to people, be personable.
See all people as humans, absolutely, see all people as humans. But the sad truth is a lot of people don't see quote unquote celebrities, and I hate, I hate even using that term. They don't see you as human. You're just always their entertainment and it doesn't matter if you're on TV or on the phone. Now your real life becomes their entertainment. We see it all the time. Where even with Cam Newton right getting assaulted, well, I can't
say he got assaulted because he jumped three people. Y'all gotta realize it's too sometimes y'all see people and y'all don't realize how big and strong they are, and you say things in real life that you you probably only say in the comments section, and then you get dealt with. And now those young men are having a tour talking about what Cam did to them, and I'm just like, yo, we've seen the footage of y'all getting man handled.
If you've seen him in person, there's no bone in my body that would make me think to fight or jump. Cam Newton man statute, Okay, he is legit.
Sixty five two sixty and he used to shrug off NFL dns for a living. And those men are six y five, three hundred pounds and he's shrugging him off while holding onto the ball and looking downfield and you think that you're going to take down Cam Newton. But here's the thing. Even in that people were saying, yo, he Cam Newton, he talking, He talking trash, We talk trash. It comes with the territory. You Cam Newton, you come back, We're gonna talk trash to you.
It's like, man, it's abuse.
It is. No one signs up to take any job to get verbally abused all the time, or with a lot to cyber abused. No one signs up to get cyber abused. And I, for one have taken on the mantra that I'm not going to read the comments or I'm not going to read a lot of stuff, because even though ninety five percent of the comments we receive are kind from the people who really support us. Yeah, we love y'all, rock with us, and we always tell y'all if y'all see us in public, come say what's up.
Let's get a pound, let's share some words, let's get a picture of a video. Yes, but there's always the five percent that's looking for their own way to make their mark, and sometimes it's easier for them to try to tear you down than to seext you and be like, hey, how can I do you think that? So?
You know, back in the day, like we said, personal access to celebrities' lives or anything on their personal side was really a treat, like you couldn't get that often. But now with social media has created like this new kind of celebrity that thrives off of sharing more about their personal lives. You having access to the personal lives and feeling connected with them in that space for you, because I know that when I met you, you've always said that you wanted to be famous. Yes, so that
way you can help people. That was like your biggest thing. Yes, And you didn't know at the time in what capacity that would be, but you just knew that that was your purpose. Now, in this day and age, with social media and people feeling entitled to you and your life and access, do you think you would have reconsidered wanting to be famous. No.
I still want to be famous and even more powerful because I am inspired by people like Michael Jackson, like Will Smith, like Mahamad Ali who utilize their fame to be kind to people like I just want to be kind. Anyone who's ever met me in person will tell you I really just want to love on people, and I want to receive love and I want to show that it doesn't matter what your job description is, how much
money you make, We're all just people. Bruce Lee was also somebody else who I inspired to be like was of the people. He was carried out of his movie to enter the dragon he was carrying at the Big Boss. He was carried out of the movie there in China by thousands of people in China, and he stayed there with the people. Like that, to me is the greatest power you have as a person. When you've made so much money and you have so much power, but you still have the ability to be of the people and
connect with the people. That's true power. Because I also want to be able knowing where our people have come from, you know, Black American people, West Indian Black Americans. I want to be able to help those who don't have a voice.
You know.
I want to be a vessel, right. I want to be able to say and not always on large scales. But you've watched me do this at Prototype. Yeah, that young man deserves an opportunity in college. Yeah, it's going to cost a couple grand. Let me put a phone call in tell them who I am, and I'm going to support this young man, but we're also going to help them financially. And then we watch young men like that like Roger now own his own business and now mentoring a bunch of other people. You just hit me
two weeks ago. It's a young Caribbean woman at Hofstra.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah.
So after doing the doc, reconnected with one of my Jamaican sisters over at Hofstra. She's also working there still, and she contacted me because it's a young lady. She said, it's brilliant, came up from Jamaica. She needs assistance, and she was like, you know, are you connected to anyone who? Does you know any kind of Caribbean society, scholarship funds or Jamaican specifically, And knowing that I have a good relationship with the Council General, she said, does she have
any resources? And I was just like, what's her balance? Like what are we working with here? And she told me and I said, I'll cover it just like that, man, I'll cover it.
Now, let me ask you a question, how did that feel?
Amazing? This young lady wrote me the most beautiful email.
I see you about to cry to you. I see you about to cry, but you see this feeling you have. This is why I would never regret wanting to be famous or wanting to be powerful, because not only did you give her something that she can tingently walk away and say, hey gave me this, but you also gave her inspiration because she's a Caribbean girl from an island, just like your mom. It grew up just like you.
It literally made me think of my mother.
You see what I'm saying.
It made me think of my mom coming up here at what she was, seventeen, no help, the oldest of six parents are like, you got to go make something of yourself, figure it out. And now my mother was sleeping in random friends, you know, of family houses, getting locked out of places because she was out late studying. Like I literally saw my mom and that young lady and I was like, what does she need? And I said,
you know what? And I asked her. After that, she was super grateful, sent me a beautifully well I'm like, people don't write this well anymore, you know, but it was a beautiful, well written email where she was super grateful and she said that she will make her point to make me and her family proud because she's so grateful for the help, and she was going to keep me abreast of because I was going to ask her to keep me abreast of her studies. I want to
see your grades, Like that's the thing. If I'm going to be assisting, you have to do your part as well too. But knowing that my friend I vouched for her, it was just like she just she's such a good, good, good kid. I wanted to stay a breast of her grades, make sure that she's doing well, that she's okay, and then for future semesters, talking to her about what her plan is going to be to be able to get the financial assistance that she needs. So it's then putting
against called. But then also too, this is not something that I'm doing and I'm blasting on social media like I haven't told anybody, you guys, I didn't even know you were going to talk about it today. But visiting that we, with our reach and with our resources, are able to do because that's the way. I don't even do it for the blessing that will come later. I do it for what it is in the moment, because
people genuinely need help, and people genuinely are trying. Yes, you know, and I know what it was like going to school and trying to get the scholarship money and not wanting to be all on our parents and working, you know, to have our little side money to do whatever we wanted to do, and being able to graduate debt free from school. Like, those are things and blessings that I want other people to So, so.
Let me ask you a question, Being as you could be a blessing to someone else, why would you ever regret the power you have? Now? That's why? And then nothing can deter me from it. No, nobody with a picture in an airport or a hospital can deter me from doing what I've been given an abundance right like God only one of another one of my favorite people is Bob Marley. Right when we went to go see his house in Jamaica and they talked about how Bob
gave most of his as rich as away. People would stand outside his house and he would get they call it penance when he would just say whatever he had in the moment, he would give to the people. That's why God provides you with abundance. God does not provide you with abundance. Abundance to sit up on an ivory tower and tell everybody else how to do things. No, you can't take this when you die, it is not yours.
So you have a responsibility to share everything. And when I say share everything, it's not just money, share your wisdom, share your kindness, but mostities share your humanity. You have to share your humanity. And that's why when we talk about decorum, it's not just about the chorum for people who who you inspire, but also the chorum from people
who choose to inspire. Right, if you choose to be a celebrity and you're gonna go on your Instagram or TV, buy my books, buy my t shirts, watch my movies, go go, go, go go, And then when you see people give them poor energy because it's like I can't just talk to you.
That fact is if you're untouchable or you're not reachable or tangible, like, that's wild.
That's what. That's just as wild as the person that's going to hold up a phone right and record.
You, right. And I get that people have off moments and they have off days, like, for example, what something I do when I travel And I'm like, you know what, say it is the six am flight that I'm Therefore, I'm at the airport four thirty in the morning, and I know, man, I'm a little funky right now. I haven't had my coffee. Like I just want to be left alone. I'll put a mask in a hoodie on and keep moving, you know what I'm saying, Like that's the beauty and coming out of the pandemic. You can
wear a mask and people won't question you. But it's just me also not inviting that attention because I know in that moment I may not be in the mood for it, you know, so I think as it's just just just just read the moment to test the barometer in that moment and in that space and see is this the right time on either side to make that approach.
It's funny you say that, right, because I didn't even think about this moment. But this is actually a very important moment. When you first walk in the delta part of the airport. There's a young lady who works at the kiosks. When not in the young I say young lady because she's she's about sixty something years old and she always say morning, a young lady. She sees me all the time because we traveled like four or five times a month, and she sees me early in the morning,
she's me late at night. And she said to me one day, I took a picture with some people and she could tell my energy was low. Yeah, And she was just like, sweetheart, I talked to you for a minute, and I'm always going to give like my eligers the respect. Of course, I don't have a time. Of course. Of course. She was just like, your energy was low this morning, and I was just like, yeah, it was a little low.
And she was just like, maybe sometimes it's okay for you to say no that you don't want to take any pictures because you keep giving to everyone. He said, every time you come in this airport, you get stopped a minute. You walk in here, and you're trying to give people. But sometimes it may be better for you not to give people low energy and just say maybe next time. And it kind of made me.
Think, like, because you don't think that it's okay to say next.
Time, yeah, I don't think it's okay to say ourselves.
The other person she was and be like they probably think there won't be a next time, right, you know. So I'm like, if this is a moment again where our worlds collide, Like, why not just take the moment to be nice in this moment? At Tyler Perry's grand opening for the studio back in twenty nineteen, I walked alongside Beyonce. Y'all know how I feel? Yeah, Okay, walked alongside her. She looked at my dress. I looked at her dress. She was like, that's a nice dress. And
I was like, thanks. That would have been my moment to be like, you know, the vomit of the mouth and just tell her all the things that I'm sure she's heard from people and everything. But I played it cool and I tell her thank you. I loved her dress too, and we just kept walking and you whenever you spoke to Jay and you was like you were like, we were like to talk to Beyonce like this is your moment, and I was just kind of like, you
know what, No, she's enjoying this moment as well. There will be more moments when I'm going to see I already, just like I manifested that, I just put it out there. I'm like, I'm going to see her again, and I'm when I beat in the space where I'm in a better situation to have one on one time with her, to talk to her and say the things that I want to say to her. And that's just what I manifested because I could have in that moment just been like I'd have jumped on her back, girl to walk
down the carpet together, you know what I'm saying. But I just did that. I know Julius was definitely close by, and even though it was a safe very like you know, contained space for everyone, I just felt like in that moment, like, you know what, let her let her enjoy. Yes, she probably gets that all the time, yeah, you know, and she did get that from a lot of people who
were at that event as well too. But I just took it as a moment to say, you know what, I'm going to I'm going to have my moment with Beyonce. It's what happened. So but I can understand how people feel like this is my time, Like who would have thought.
Moments I told the lady at the airport, I was just like yo, like yeah, I don't know, I talk, my energy is low, but I can't tell them no because what if I don't see him and then all they remember is the vout brushed me off for a picture. Yeah, and she said, she said, I could not be famous because these motherfuckers. I said, I know, but I told her, I said, but these motherfuckers also make me who I am.
She was just like, that is true, that's true. She said, you can have all that, which to me is like an understanding. It's an understanding that I don't want that for me. The understanding is I do want that.
So with that comes this, you know, to answer the question that I asked you if I would you know, in retrospect now, considering the way things are with social media and proximity and people feeling like they're entitled to you and your access, I think the only thing that I would have adjusted.
Is the kids. The kids. I knew he's going to say that I feel the same way too, because they didn't ask for this.
They didn't ask didn't ask this. And to be honest, when we started this whole social media thing, we didn't think it was gonna be all.
This because social media wasn't this. It wasn't first started.
It was like you had like three hundred followers, three thousand followers. You're like, okay, cool, but then you have one point three million people who then support now and it's like everybody feels like they know the children. They called him by name, like, but our kids know, like you don't answer to anyone calling your name, like you know, even in just their school environments, people know who they are.
And I agree with you on that.
People are super respectful. But that's my only like regret is involving the children. I would have been the one that was putting emojis over my kid's face. Now I get why some people are just like protective, They're going to post the back of their kids' heads and whatnot. You know, I'd be like, just don't post them at all. But you know, you know, people do what they want to do. I get it.
Though the larger you get, the more popular famous you get, it is difficult on kids, you know. You know, I gotta say this. I watch what Bronnie goes through trying to be a young man navigate the world, and he gets so much hate from people. And the thing is they didn't have Bronnie in the media like that. He didn't have a social media page when he was ten and thirteen, and saying look at me, look at me, look at me was really keeping his head down and
focused on working on his craft. But then you have hundreds of millions of people, yes, growing as adults, who just especially and once again, most of the audience supports Ronnie. But when most of the audience is one hundred and fifty million people, but then there's five million people who are praying on your downfall, it may not seem like a lot because you have one hundred and fifty million, but that five million constantly coming at you can be
a lot. And watching him go through that as the reason why people ask me, howcome you don't have a social media just for the kids. I said, because that's not And people say, now, y'all don't show the kids as much. I'll cut back a lot on the kids. I'm like, yeah, because they need to have their own space to decide if they want to take on that. They don't have to be inherit. They don't have to inherit that level of intrusiveness.
It's true, and the people are still going to create their own stories anyway. At one point I remember someone commenting or saying that this is when I used to read the comments, like years ago. I don't do it anymore, especially after the whole debacle with our viral moment with the monogamy episode that me miscarrying our baby and all that. But prior to that, I remember saying, someone is saying, like, it's clear that I favor Cairo out of all of the boys. At this time, the Koda wasn't around. It
was just Jackson, Chiro and Kaz. I favor Cairo because I post him more because and they don't post cash or something like that. And I was like, where the fuck did you get that from? I said, Cairo loves the camera. Cairo has been holding the camera in his phone since he was a year, speaking his little language and taking his own videos, and he loved it and
it was entertaining for us, and we shared it. Yeah, but then it made me feel like, damn, so here I am sharing our technically private family moments that I could just keep to myself. But I'm here spreading joy, you know what I'm saying, the joy that I feel for my sons. And then there's a narrative going around that I have a favorite kid, like how did that happen? Cas is like fuck, y'all, Cavs could care less about the camera. And He's still like that to this day.
So we let him rock because we're not stage parents.
I mean even on stage in Atlanta. I was like, you want to come out with your brothers? I asked all of them. Yes, Kyral, you want to mic absolutely cays you want to say something nah nah, And that's just He's like, no, I'm good on that.
Yeah. Absolutely. So a couple of facts in stats that Triple Uh found for us that we're going to use to round out this episode. Fandom facts and stats allows people with similar interest to form a supportive community that fosters feelings of acceptance for people involved. But toxic fandom can easily be created with fan groups because of the
intense enthusiasm the fan community fosters and supports. Fandom becomes toxic when it starts to create possessiveness, entitlement, and feelings of superiority for fans that are of a certain art or artist. Now, how to act if you see a celebrity in public? And it's funny because, like Deval said, like we literally don't see ourselves celebrities.
People still asks all the time, like yo, y'all just be walking in the airport, no security? Yes, because I still got to get on the plane like everybody. Yeah, I really just don't feel like.
I need to have to go back to Brooklyn.
And y'all be like, yes, to go to the corner store. Yes, I get my card, don I go. You know, I still go to court. I got a speeding ticket. I gotta go to court.
We still do a lot of and people are like, well, can't you get somebody to do that for you? And I'm just like, but why I could do it? I'm here.
But the truth is, though, even the judge told me when I went to court the last time, He's specific. He pulled me aside and said, you can't you have to have someone come in for you because I can't contain the court if people are going to be taking pictures. And I didn't realize if it was that big a deal. It is, And he said to me, he said that, you know, ordering the court is a thing, mister elis ordering the court. If I ask you if you're a celebrity.
Jet that's my favorite. You can't handle the truth, that's not the favorite.
He asked me. He was just like, if I ask you, if you're a celebrity, you have to tell me the truth because if it creates disorder in the court or creates a problem for safety for you some one else. For me, that's a problem. And that in that moment, I realized that he wasn't joking. And he was like, in the future, you can have an attorney step in in your place and he can do things like this. And he was dead serious. He was not saying yeah, he's telling you this is what you should do.
And I was like, this is the protocol.
Now, yeah, okay, well, I guess I have to listen, like if the judge is saying like this, And he asked me. He was just like, you don't think you're celebrity and I was like, no, he said, I can tell, and he said you'll probably be a celebrity a long time because of your humble attitude. But everyone back there and back in my office knows who you are. And clearly them three women there who are trying to take pictures and video know who you are. Right, So he's like,
you can't ignore that. Yeah, And then he, you know, gave me my citation.
So he didn't let you off.
Knoed. He knocked it down. He knocked it down, so I didn't get any points on my license. But I was also a first time offected in Atlanta, so you know, and I paid a very hefty fine. Typically that's what it is. It is about paying the fine. But he didn like remind me of that, and like you can't take for granted the fact that you have. It's good counsel.
So how to act if you see a celebrity in public, Be polite and act normal. Celebrities know they're famous.
They don't.
They'll appreciate being treated like regular people, which is it's true.
I do.
I do like that and be polite and normal because we're gonna be polite and normal too. It's funny when people come up to you and expect you to be Zach or they expect us to be like Devalan KaDee, like when we're doing sin as actors, and then when they see that, like we don't have that like high energy, sometimes they're just like, y'all good. I'm like, yeah, we're good. We're just trying to catch a flight, like you know, just out to eat, you know, normal stuff.
What you want to drop it?
They would I would don't touch them. That's the next one. Would you like a stranger to touch you without permission. Consent is required for everyone. Touching is probably my least favorite thing because I'm a huge germaphobe. But if you want to ask for a hug, or you want to give me a pound or high five or whatever it may be, your arm around the shoulder for a photo, just ask. It's all good you.
It's very different for women because there is a dynamic care of abuse and abuse with women in society. So I understand where you're coming from. Me personally, women come up and run up and hug me, and they glad me and stuff. I embrace them and you know, take pictures and stuff because I know the excitement. I don't feel intimidated, you know, buy it. But I do understand where you're coming from because as a woman, you don't want some dude just come up and just hug you
like that. There's definitely a power dynamic there. So for me, the whole don't touch me thing, I'm not as like That's like women will come up and just want to hug me. Dudes to come up and be like yo, and they'll go to slap me a pound, and I'll slap and pug and will embrace and they'll like hug me, and they'll look at me and it'll hug me again and they'll be like, yo, like you like a real person.
I'm like, yeah, dude, like that's I'm a person. Just just know that and anything I can do, you can do. So just think about that.
That's great transfer of energy to I'm a little bit more just like germophobe like that does always touch people. And I have always been that way, y'all since like early. Okay, respect their privacy. Everyone does not need to know a celebrities in the vicinity. A private situation in a public place i e. A hospital visis shouldn't have be exploited or shared. That was and we have had people who come over and they'll whisper, I'm not gonna make it hot,
and we appreciate that people do that. We appreciate y'all. I'm not gonna make it hot, but I see you, I love you, and we're always like we love so that's always funny. Don't take photos and videos without their permission. This is rude, weird, and inappropriate. Consent is required for everyone.
Again, and that's not just for celebrities, because I've seen take pictures of other people in public, and they sometimes do it to make fun of and that you shouldn't do that. Man, that's that's messed up, y'all.
Yeah, tell them who you are. If the situation is appropriate for a conversation, introduce yourself. Tell them why you love their work. Everyone loves a good compliment, and stay calm. At the end of the day. Celebrities are just regular
people like we are regular people. We promise, y'all. Definitely definitely all right, let's take a quick break and we're gonna move into listener letters after we get into these as, so stick around, y'all, all right, and we're back for listener letter trime, and then we'll wrap it up with a moment of truth. Hey, Deval and Kadeen, I want to take the time to say thank you for setting good, healthy black relationships for other generations while also asking for
some advice. I'm I'm twenty eight years old and my boyfriend, also the father of my kids, is turning thirty this year. We have two beautiful daughters who are five and under. I love my daughters unconditionally, but their attitudes trying my patience. That's why I had no daughter's child because God already knew that maybe i'd been hemming up some chicks up
in here. Not the issue this year, though, I have been doing some self reflecting and straight and ask him straight up does he think I need to be softer? His answer his answer instantly was yes. Now my question is how do I do that? I work full time, pretty much do everything with my girls. He's the fun parent. But just realizing I don't know how to show my softness without feeling like a pushover and being soft with the wrong things, and also wanting to be able to
show my daughter a healthy relationship. Recently, my four that there's like no period here, so I'm trying to figure out what this ends. Recently, my four almost five year old started paying more attention and asking why we aren't married yet, And I think this plays a big part of it. He said, he doesn't want to get married, just proposing on his own timeline. Please let me know.
Oh he said he does want to get married. He does.
Oh, he said he does want to get married, just proposing on his own timeline. Okay, so, like most of you said, most men have their timeline. Please let me know something. First of all, we need punctuation because this is literally a big paragraph of words. But I get the gist here is that she feels like she cannot tap into her feminine soft side because she is working full time and doing all the things and getting caught
into the routine. So I think her question is, or possibly one of the questions here is part of the way she's not soft because she's not married, you know. And then she don't want to set an example for her daughter.
Well, there's a lot of things here. The first thing, the first thing I see is she says, I love my daughters unconditionally, but their attitudes trying my patience. Attitudes are learned behaviors. You got to ask yourself where did your daughters learn that attitude? That's the main thing. I had to learn that as a father, Right, certain things about my son's used to get on my nerves. And I used to say to mysel Remember I said, children
is the greatest reflection. And then you look and you be like, oh he learned that from me?
He sure it is. And it's like, like, I think some things are innate, Like you know how some kids might be the sassier one. She's like, why is this one like that? One particularly got a little edge to them. You know what I'm saying, But you're right, a lot of it is learned, Like I've even seen it now that I reflect as an adult, like, wow, the way I deal with things or say things sometimes it's a direct reflection of how we used to communicate in my house. Yeah, so that's true.
That's the first thing she has to ask herself. You know, do you if your daughter's attitudes try your patients? How will your daughter's attitudes try their partner's patients in the future. And if you want to be a good example, how can you be a better example so that your daughters don't go through what it seems like you're going through. Because she asked her husband, do you think I can
be soft? And he immediately said yes, which means this is something he probably feels the same way about your attitude that you feel about your daughter's attitudes.
I'm wondering if this feeling of not being able to be soft in this moment of your life is a byproduct of your childhood and how you were raised, Like did you feel like you had to be more assertive? Did your mom raise you to be the independent woman that don't need nothing, that wants to be in charge of everything and has the final say, Like was that a a part of what your life looked like when
you were growing up or was that learned behavior? Do you feel like you had to get like that because your husband, or not your husband, but the father of your children, who you eventually want to marry. Is he more of the quiet type, that's more of the pushover? You know, I'm wondering what the dynamic is of their relationship and why he's the fun dad, you know, or the fun parent, where you're the one that's always the serious one, because nobody really likes to always be like the kill joy either.
No. And I know part of this with dads, Like they're young girls, they're five and four. It's hard to relate. You've never been a young girl before, so it's like, how do I, as a grown man, relate with my daughter. It's difficult for some men to find that space to relate. So it's like I leave it, leave them with their mom until they can grow up, and then we can
get them together. You know. I see some men do that, but I am interested in knowing, Like if she goes to work all day and she's with the kids, is he not providing a space for her to be See.
That was going to be my question. I'm saying, like she did not have the comfort or to try to be soft.
Right, But what I'm saying is is like she also said that they've had financial issues. He said he's winning on his own timeline. So clearly the financial reasons are the reasons why he hasn't proposed yet. True, but if the reason, but if him not proposing is also getting her agitated and making her not soft, that's something that they need to.
Discuss to see what I'm saying, layer effect. Yeah, it could be a layered effect.
You're providing anxiousness you think. To be honest, it might not even be anxiousness. It might be resentment. Now like they have two kids, they're both under five, five and four, but it's like, hey, we have two children, like we're doing the house thing. How come you haven't made me your wife? That is not anxiousness now, it's resentment. Resentment makes you hard.
Or she might have the philosophy where I'm not doing wife things until I'm a wife, so I'm going to continue to move like a woman who's independent and single ish, you know what I mean. Or in a relationship, yes, but not which is the marriage, which is very true, and she might be reserving that for when they finally do get married. That might be part of her philosophy.
Too, which can be difficult because I know some people say you reserve wife activities for when you and wife, but then you won't accept a man reserving husband activity till we become husband. You expect a man to be a husband, so that you know what I'm saying, people have to sit down and have conversations about what they require even before they get married. Show me how we're going to live together. This whole wait until we get married.
Then until to me doesn't make any sense because I'm not going to sit back and hope that once we get married you changed to be the person that I expect. I want to see that you can be that because you want to be that, so hopefully.
Early on with you and I like, I treated you like your husband, like my husband. But that was just innate, Like I feel like I wanted to take care of my man. That's my point, and it wasn't me just trying to you know, hold on to this like put my feet in the cement. And I'm like I'm not going to budge because you haven't put a ring on
it yet. Even when we were debating about being engaged and like the timeline for being married, and you told me you had a plan, and I didn't necessarily know what your plan was or know your timeline, nor did I agree with it. That didn't take away from me still taking care of you.
You know it didn't. And he also showed me. You also said it when you felt like it was taking too long, like divo, I don't want to be your living girlfriend. Yeah, and you has said at that point, I'm not going to just stay here and be a living girlfriend. You didn't say I'm not going to treat you the way you should be treated. Yeah, you just said the vow. This doesn't work for me, and I had to make a decision. Sometimes couples just have to have that conversation. And I treated you like you and
my wife to hear me, yeah we did. We been doing that since we were eighteen. So yeah, I mindset.
But yeah, good luck to you. And I think just have the conversations with him. I think there's some like underlying like just questions and clarity that probably could be worked out and could come to the surface if you have those conversations with him and see how he's going to be willing to help you get into that soft era. All right, good luck to you assists.
Second question today, Question number two Derek, Kadeen and de Val. I've been listening to Pop Cash from the beginning, and even though me and my boyfriend aren't married as of yet, our relationship started when we were kids too, eighteen to be exact, just like us. Most people will say we're still kids in our early twenties, but we've been together five years now, and there's one thing I can't seem to shake. I feel less than a, not an equal
to my man. Let me explain. Since day one, he has known what his plan of life was going to be. He was fresh off the boat, as I like to say, when we met coming from Jamaica. His first plan with college didn't go as planned, but being the great man he is, got straight to the second plan and started working. All while he was putting his plan to action, I was a struggling first generation college student and a working
one at that. He was there for me through my rough times and even encouraged me to look for alternatives to four year college since I was having such a hard time, which I did, but ended up leaving college and going into the workforce full time. Fast forward about two years and twenty twenty three, he is in his career path and supports both of us financially and manages to help out his family as well. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in the same place. I don't know what the hell
to do with myself. I've tried entrepreneurship and it has a lot of up and downs. Yes, it is and makes the experience less desirable to me. I've considered going back to school, but honestly, I don't want to put more pressure on my boyfriend, being that we live together and he already does so much for our household. I also am having a hard time finding a career path that I truly would enjoy and find purpose. Luckily, my boyfriend supports any decision. I don't even got to hear
this no more. Let me tell you something, Mama, Let me tell you something, Mama. Your life will not be defined by this moment right here. Yes, when Kadeen and I first wait, when we first graduated from college, we were in the NFL. When I say we, it's because we did it together. I made all the money. She was a stay at home I got cut. We need insurance. Ka working, I'm gonna stay at home, right, Kay working, I'm gonna stay at home. I get my second job,
doing acting, doing all this other stuff. Kay, you stay at home. I'm working. Now, we're doing all this other stuff. We both making a lot of money. Living a life was great, right. I told Kay, I don't want to do certain things no more. Ky, So well, I pick up that end of just like, and I'll make the money so that we don't miss out on it. The purpose of the story is to tell you that they are going to be seasons for both of you in life.
Right now, this may just be his season, Marama. Yeah, but that don't mean that your season is not coming. You just have to be diligent and trust that you have a man that's going to support you through your downtimes and when you up, he gonna support you when you up. Because that's what me and Kay did. It's been a back and forth. There's never just a one person. I never felt less than when K was handling stuff. I never made K feel less than when I was
handling stuff. That's what the partnership is about.
That's a fact. I mean, yeah, I think you just said everything perfectly. I know her feeling, but yes, and I was going to say, I know what it's like to be in your twenties and you're just on the fence about what it is that I should do. The fact that you have a boyfriend who is super supportive and has figured hisself out like some people are just born that way, Like some people are born knowing like this is what I want to do. They figured it
out and then they go directly towards that path. Yep, you can still take the time to figure it out. But the great thing about it is that you don't have the stress having to worry about overhead and things that normal people would have to worry about that don't have that support.
Just don't get complacent.
I was literally about to say that. I said, the only problem with that is that and I can see because I've been there and it has happened to me in certain circumstances where Deval has taken care of so much that I was like, well, I mean, I could take another day or two, or week or months to put the wheels into motion, and what I want to do because I don't have to. Most people with their backs against the walls have no choice. Like you said, your boyfriend came up from Jamaica, Like we know what
that is like, back against the wall. Gotta come up here, make something of myself. There's no other way. But when you do have the leisure of some or the opportunity where someone is taking care of those, you know, those fiscal things that tend to be an issue, then you tend to get complacent. So whatever it is, figure it out, work towards it, but support him in the process if
he's the one that's up. Because Deval and I literally work on a system where whoever is better equipped in that moment, whoever has the opportunity in that moment, it's everybody rally around it. Devour booked sisters, what do you need, babe. Everybody rallies around him in this moment to be as successful as he can or needs to be in this moment. Kadeen, you got this going on. Everybody rally around her to make sure that she is in the best situation to
be successful and just keep doing that. The reciprocity in that is the beauty. So good luck to you. And if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us at Deadass Advice at gmail dot com. We're a couple of seasons into the dead Ass podcast and we just absolutely love hearing from you guys.
That's right. That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.
All right, moment of truth. We're talking about fame and fam fan decorum and what that looks like and how there's like a tandem that goes on, you know, between fan and the celebrity symbol. What does that look like? Baby? For you your moment of truth.
We are all people. No one, no matter what their job is, signs up to be your entertainment all the time. Respect each other as people. If you're a fan, you have to respect the celebrity as a person, give them some space or time to be able to interact. If you're a celebrity, respect the fan as a person and understand the humanity that comes with that person who supports you all the time. So there's going to be a
level of excitement. If both people can see the humanity and that interaction, we will all be fine.
Everybody will be fine, all right, you know what I'm saying. That's a good one, babe. I guess my moment of truth in this moment is whether you are someone who's in the fame and spotlight or you're a supporter, think about how you'd like to be treated or approach in that moment, you know, because again, the energy that you put out is likely the energy that you're going to receive. Absolutely on the back end, and just know that you're
not entitled to anything from anybody. Anything that you have in terms of an interaction with someone is out of the goodness and good nature of their heart and spirit in that moment. Nobody is entitled to anything when it comes to personal space. So just keep that in mind and continue to love on Deval and I. When you see us in person, say hello, yes, come, say if you want to, ask for the picture, ask for the picture, make sure I got a filter, okay, and all that
good stuff. But we we welcome the love. We genuinely do, and we thank y'all so much. We couldn't do without you. And we see it all the time.
We say it all the time, lem.
And we live and it's not I'm not saying this just because I'm about to ask y'all to find us on Patreon. I say, at the end of every show, y'all, y'all know the script already, but find us on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass podcast video content as well as more Ellis Family content. And you can find us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast on Instagram and I am Kadine, I am and I am Devout.
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Still getting the books and reading them. I love it, yes, ma'am, I love it. I love it.
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