Prenup or Nah? With Judge Mablean Ephriam

listen to see by dead ass. I was going to ask you to sign a prenup, but I ain't hash it, but I wanted to ask you to sign it just to see if you was going to That was high exactly how did that even happen? Apparently? And we ain't divorcing. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. I'm making need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics most folks don't want to talk about. Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's off to a whole new level. Starts now. June two thousand and eight, I was going into my third year

in the NFL. I just asked Codeine to marry me at my brother's graduation barbecue. Um, I own to property. I had a lot of money in the bank, and I remember my friends saying to me, Yo, de voo, you wanna ask these a pre nup, and to be honest, out of fear of sounding naive, I was like, of course, but I never really was thinking about it. So then going into that summer, we hadn't gotten married yet and

I wasn't really thinking about the whole prenum thing. But then I had lost a lot because of the economic crisis, and I remember saying to myself, it's a good thing I didn't ask you to sign this prenup because I look real stupid now. And I stuck with you after that. So that was a sign when you lost all that money, that I was not prenup material. Who do you love? Are you for shure? I gotta do? Do you love you for sure? Yea? Who do you love? Hey? What's up?

My name is your love? Shout out to LLL ll S bay Al Right now, now I gotta stop singing his song because you went there, Because you went there. I gotta stop Bay with that little part who by by by total? That's total? Right? Yes? Yeah, So that made me think of this episode today made me think about that, Who do you love? And are you for sure? That's that's that's a very good question. They came to mind when we were talking about pre nups. We're talking

about divorce. It's like, do you really know who you're marrying before you marry them? H We're gonna dive into that today. What we're gonna talk about, you know, things that they potentially lead up to divorcing. Ways around that, Yes, and prenups are they necessary? You know? De Value made the statement before that marriage is a bad contract. Yes, So we're going to talk about that as well. Bring an expert in to see if you're really right about

what you're saying and feeling. I mean, I mean, listen. Marriage is a social constract that was created by man. So there's going to be flaws and everything, especially when you know the premise of marriage is supposed to be about love, Like how can you tangibly measure love? But um, I personally don't believe in prenups. Maybe I'll hear something Tony that will change my mind. Well, because when we got married, we both had nothing as we said we would.

We had nothing, So what were we prenupping? But like I said, like I said before, if you know you're about to get something right, and you get married before you get it, do you put in the prenup that what I'm about to get to say, for example, you were signing a big deal, or you got something coming up that I'm not going to give you half of everything that I've worked on before just because we got it after I got married. Me personally, I don't feel that I'm going to marry someone that I have to

worry about the if we get divorced. If I'm worried about it, if we get divorced, then I'm not getting married. Ah, So then you knew you didn't have to worry about that with me. Huh, you stuck with me because I got a lot. Now you're not getting half a nothing. It not because we need it's not happening. You stuck

with me, That's that's true. But I mean, you know, it makes me really think about, you know, the reasons people get married to if you want to dial it back to before we even talk about divorce and prenup being a potential topic for some people depending on what they have assets wise, you know, we think about the reasons why people divorced. So um, I was looking up some stuff here and the Pure Research report, and it was pretty much examining those reasons why eight percent of

people pulled from the general public said it was for love. Okay, as my mom said that you can't take love to the bank, So I don't know, not take love to the bank. You know, you can't catch out on that. UM said making a lifelong commitment was important to them, said they were looking for companionship, get a dog, get

a dog, not a whole person. I felt like that about making a life won't commitment, Like you don't have to commit to a whole another person if you want to make a commitment, like you can commit to veganism like so many commit to like not even eating pork anywhere or whatever. Like, there's many life commitments you can make. But anywhoy um said they got married because they wanted to have a kid, have a child, I would fall into that between between the having a kid and love.

I would definitely fall into that realm because for me, it's all about legacy. So I wanted to be able to build a family and have someone to share these these things with, you know, So I'm probab be around there too, um, for religious reasons, for financial stability, and for legal rights and benefits. So you need the health insurance come through, pull up, go to court, go to the state, let's get married. You're trying to become you're

trying to become a citizen. There you go. And according to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than of first marriages end in divorce within five years, and forty six sorry, forty percent of marriage is dissolved by the twenty year mark, So almost half of marriages don't work. Everyone has their their story and their you know. But today we're talking uh, prenum divorce rates, all that stuff. And we have a special guest in the house, yes,

who is very well versed on this sort of thing. Um. So this week's guest needs no introduction, though I'm going an introducer. She's an icon, a leader and the most distinguished judge on television, and she's beautiful. Sitting right across from me. You may recognize her as the presiding judge on Divorce Court or even from the media films as Media's Court judge. Shout out to my aunt Weei, who made me watch the Vote Court divorce Courts every day.

I stayed home from school and we used to watch the voice Courts like we had to watch it like you grew up on this person house. You grew up with her. All rise and please welcome the honorable Judge Maybling. Hey, yes, from everyone knows her from Divorce Court, but I know her from Tyler Perry's I think it was Meet the Browns. No Jail was going to Jail, and of course go to jail every movie though that was the first one. That was the first one that was the first jail.

Think you were hilarious. Thank you. The funniest part to me was when you screamed out by me and Whitney when well you were telling us just in chatting that that got you more fame than ten years on Divorce Court. It's amazing. Is in the power of the big screen? Three? I am known among your generations and younger and maybe thirty and under, I have more not they known me better by Medea and yelling at Bobby and Whitney than

they do. Ten years on Divorce Court five days a week and the eight show aired two times a day, three minutes of fame. I know, I know, it's it's us with the big screen and tales show though the voice Court. So that's has been a new show is Justice with Judge Maybelin now in the sixth season? Oh yeah, yes, congratulations very much. What you gotta tell us? How did you decide to get into a law Oh? I decided to get into law because of my father. My father

had a stroke. He was fifty seven years old and seven more kids to raise, and Social Security administration said denied him, Uh, social security disability. He couldn't walk, he couldn't talk, he couldn't do a day thing. How do you deny somebody's disability? They could permitted disability. They can't do anything. So of course we had to fight the system. We didn't have any money, seven kids. My mother was a elvin um. I helped her. We read everything they said.

When you know they denied, if you don't, if you don't agree with this appeal, and file this appeal and send it to here. So we just kept doing that and filing appeals every time we went all the way up till they fight and said, okay, give them social Security disability. So at that point I decided I would be a lawyer so that my family in particular would never have to suffer like that and they would always

have someone to fight for them. But I was in the eighth grade when I decided to be a lawyer and stuck with that, and my parents said that I've always been like the fighter for the family and for other people, and I was the one that would speak up. My dad was old school from the South. You know, children are to be seen and not heard. I was a child was heard and got slapped my grandparents from South Carolina, right. So I've always been the one that would speak up for what I believed in and speak

up to protect other people. And my little sister, my dad coming out, Dad, you can't hit her, you know that kind of stuff. So it's just a natural thing for me, uh what I found out. But yes, I made that decision in the eighth grade at age thirteen, and I never wavered and to this day, if I had to do it again, I would still go into law. I love it, love and you can actually impact people around here because far as so many times you see things crumbling around you and people are wondering how they

can actively change it. So here you are in the eighth grade and they're talking about change. Um. That was also during the time of the Civil Rights movement, and I saw firsthand how change was effectuated and change was made through the law. It was going into the Supreme Court arguing against uh antidiscrimination, arguing againt segregation. So I saw all of this going on in the nineteen sixties early sixties. So that too. Plus my dad's situation is like, okay,

that sealed it. So you knew you always want to go into defense, LA, Yes, defending people fighting for the rights of others. So I started as a criminal defense attorney, but no, I started as a prosecutor. Any most people started with criminal defense, best with black people because because they want to be defender. Because he wanted to know so he can write it's a new it's a new day now. But in my day. First of all, that wasn't that many black attorneys. And then secondly, they were

not letting them into the prosecutor's office. They would tend to get them into the defense attorney's office and the public defender's office faster than they would let him into the prosecutor. Right. So, but I didn't want either prosecution or defense. I just had to go somewhere first to get paid by somebody else. I had no name in the community. You know, my family name is from dinnerbody know us um. I had to get a reputation. I

had to get established. So it's like, give me a job, pay me, because when you get paid by prosecution or the public defender's office, there is no liability you're immusing from from lawsuits, malpractice lawsuits. As an attorney, you get to know people, you get known, you get trial experience

as somebody else's expense. You get known in the community, in the legal community, by the judges, the attorneys, public defenders, the courts, the bailiffs, the court clerks, all of those people that you need to network with because in a few years I'm out of here on my own. But I had a plan strategy. Yes, so I went there for that purpose, and I achieved that purpose. I got known, I got good reviews as a prosecutor. Um, I did some appellate work as a law clerk, so I got

to know the appellate judges and did appeals. I also did criminal prosecution, so I got to know of the judges in the court house, the court clerk, the bayliss and all those people that I needed to network with. So when I opened my own shingle, I would have them to reach back and refer me case. That's what it was all about. So then you eventually became a noted judge on television. Yes, So what was that life

for you? The whole transition from you know, making your way through the whole system and then now you're this noted judge. What was that life for you? The transition. I'm telling you it was an amazing thing because it just happened. I seriously with no thought ever in mine Because I didn't like TV. First of all, I like me, So how am I going to go on TV? I didn't like the way I looked. Yeah, I had I had issues. I had uh what do you call that? I had low self self? So I did not want

to go on television. UM. I had no thought of that ever. I was a kid that didn't watch TV. I didn't even go outside to play. I'm reading, I'm reading, I'm trying to figure out the world. I'm reading geography, history, biographies, all of those kinds of things. UM. But so it just happened like this. My partner, my law partner, because I've been practicing I guess on my own about ten and or twelve years. At the time, my law partner went to UM a meeting of the entertainment and sports attorneys.

They were having a legal class. I was a Tuesday night. I go to church Bible study on Tuesday nights. So, and my practice was predominantly family law at that point. And I said, who gets in trouble more than anybody and these family attorneys other than athletes and entertainers. So I needed her to you always had a plan, You

always had a plan. I needed her to network with the athlete, with the attorneys for the athletes and the entertainers, because how do they get their attorneys referral from their attorney? Child support and child custody was a big issue among those people because they have a lot of babies in and out of wedlock, and they have issues with child support and paternity um and child support enforcement was a big deal at that time, and that's nationwide. But they

were arresting all over the nation. So I had a I had become the attorney for a football player who traveled to l a to play for the Super Bowl at the Rose Bowl for the Dallas Cowboys, and he had an outstanding child support order that had gone criminal and when he got off the plane, Oh my god, they arrested him about the sup It's like a movie. You can you come in that Monday to get the team, comes in Funday to get ready. They arrested him fresh fresh off the plane. Happen to be sitting in my

office late at night. Dallas Cowboys managed to call and said somebody and then went like right, no, It went like this, he's from Dallas. So somebody from Dallas recommended somebody attorney from another state, who recommended an attorney from another state. And they finally got to me around like that, oh, we know the right person the California I went to court, quiet, didn't get any fame from it. Nobody knows it but me and him, right, quiet squashed, no media coverage. Every

nobody knows the original Olivia Pope. Yeah, that's what I did. So I was getting clients like that, and I got him off. I mean, guy just settled, resolved, he played, he did everything he had to do, no issue right. I get to the courthouse, media all over the place. Media, I just walked past them like I normally do, went on into the court room and then they're inside the court room and I said to the bailiff, I said, I came to represent X. I said, the media is

all around. We don't want any medias. To tell the judge we're gonna do this in chambers. So he told the judge, what was up? We did our case in chambers. That's a movie. That's a whole movie. To call you like that movie. What's so funny? Because I walked out smelling like y'all still hear him over anybody. So that's what I was trying to do. Get entertainment and sports attorneys. So she talked to the lady, another entertainment attorney, and said,

but my partner family law. The lady said, what they're looking for a judge to do the revival of the voice Court that was done in the eighties. But in the eighties it was all actors and actresses. Now we're in the nineties and it's reality TV, so it's gonna be real my partners, Shirley, she said, oh shoot, maybe we can do that now. They called me Tuesday night when she left the meeting. Wednesday, I called the attorneys at Box Television. Thursday, I went in for an interview

with the vps of Fox ten Programming. They said, well, we need you to do a screen test. This is Columbus Day weekend. We need you to do a screen test. I said, what that means? You gotta come and do a screen test this weekend? I said, this is my weekend off. I'm taking a break. I'm tired. I got a relaxed said, this is my weekend off. When you gotta do this with Also, now, I'm going to Palm Springs. I've already got set up. I'm going to palmp Spraings Friday.

I won't be I really want this show. You're gonna make it happen. I won't be back to Monday. I won't be back to Monday. So they said, what can you do with Sunday? I said, what time, the evening, Sunday evening. Yeah, so that's what we did when I got a Hollywood. I waste my good week in a relaxation and chill time handling all these family law cases, which is stressful. They don't give me the case, they don't give me the show. I haven't got my rest right who loses? Yeah, I can't do it. There, you

go protect yourself. People have to learn that. I have a question, since we talked about protecting yourself. Yes, we talked about yes, very good. Right. Caney and I have friends in the entertainment industry and in football. You know, you talk about football, and we often talk about prenups. And we talked about marriage, right, and I had brought up to our friends, and I thought marriage was a bad contract, just an overall bad contract, marriage yourself. Yes,

the contract, just the contract of marriage is bad. Yeah. I just feel like it's a bad contract. Wow. And this is why we've been arguing. As a contract. It is a contract. You got to go to the court. You literally have to go to the court to get married. You have to go to the state and fell out of married certificate and get an application to get married. But you don't have to go to court. See, I'm

not gonna argue with you because you know better. So I'm not even gonna go there and get a certificate. You do. You got to get permission, So you get permission, right, But then once you get permission, there are certain things that each party has to give up and you know, receive if you get divorced. That's why I feel like it's a bad contract. So the divorce is a bad contract. Is a bad thing. Yes, I agree, but it is

a bad thing. It is a bad thing. It is a bad thing because no, I don't necessarily agree, say, for instance, with the alimony portion of divorce. Spousal supports alimony where you have to pay a person forever because you were married to them for ten years or so. Up jud you're talking about this with that because I think especially for women, when you're saying we're liberated, we want to be free, we take care of ourselves, we

do our own things. Oh, but now I want you to pay for me the rest of my life because I live with you for ten years and we had sex and we made babies, and now you've got to support me forever. I don't like that. Now, that's the law, but I don't like. I think it's not good. But I got to say nothing. Are you looking at me? I was just saying, I think you need to protect yourselves. So I really truly believe in pre nups. Yes, most

like most definitely. It's just like everything that you know, how you say you have a plan and you got prepared for the inevitable. You got to prepare for the inevitable. And that's all you're doing is protecting yourself and prepare. Yeah, we love today, Yes, I love your dirty drawers and whatever you do. I like. You know what I'm saying, you can't do no wrong. You God, You're the most beautiful thing God ever created you, the most handsome thing. But tomorrow I hate you. But you know all that

beauty was, Don't you know what I'm saying? You know good someone? So you be dad what so when that happens, you have to be prepared. So I don't want That's why I say pem have a lot of questions about prenum because people ask me, and my boys asked me because I don't have a prenup. Boy, don't you guys didn't do one. We didn't do a prenup. I didn't have nothing to give him, and I have nothing. I don't need one. I don't have nothing needs. So it's like,

what am I a puber for? Right? But my thing was people ask me, but you, but that's you made a mistake that you don't have to have the assets right there? There prenup, That's what I wanted to know, is there? I don't remembered. Remember remember when Janet Jackson got married to the guy and they got a prenup. He said that if you stay with me for X number of years, at least five years, I'll give you X amount of dollars. If we divorce after that, you gotta say with me for five years and then I'll

give you X amount of dollars. But if you divorce me before those five years, ain't give you but nothing. Right so you can say that I'm in football forerence, you're in football, and my scholarship, I mean, my contractor is X amount of dollars anticipate making someone. So when we get married, here we go. If we get divorced during the time I'm in football, or if we get divorced in the next five years, this is all I'm gonna offer you no matter how much I'm making, you

can say the same thing. I mean, you said you were in television, you're in acting and stuff like that. You went broadcasting, so you had a career up going as well. Look, if I'm at this level of income, I won't seek support. But if I'm at this level of income, you're gonna pay me. You can do that. Or if I'm at this level of income and we have one house, two pieces of you know, this is what our we'll say. We like this, we're gonna divide everything.

And you said, now we're gonna divide everything equally when we if we ever get divorced, everything we acquired during this man areas, we're going to divide it equally. Or you use your money, you use your money, We're not gonna do that. And you can do that. You see. Now, that's that's important for people to know because when people here prenup, they think that there's already a prenuptial agreement that's provided by the state and then you just sign it.

That's what that's what people think. People ask me, if I signed a prenup, does that mean degreement? A pre nuppletal contract is a contract it's an agreement between two people who are about to be married regarding the future division of their assets should they divorce. But usually you can tell it to the existing assets. So that's why

you have to name everything that you have. For instance, if you say, if you leave out something and you hide, I'm only gonna tell you about this, But I got all this stuff over here, and so we had this agreement about these three pieces of property. But these we don't have an agreement back because they don't You don't know nothing about them, and I ain't gonna never tell you. Well. See, that's the problem with prenups often is you don't disclose.

So when you don't disclose all of your assets, your prenups in valid. You see, let me ask you a question. Let me ask your question. Seriously. I feel like once you get into a situation where you're talking about forever and then you start talking about assets, and you're trying to do this and hide that you've already started off in a place that could end up somewhere negative. That's right, but that's what I'm saying. But then you're not supposed

to hide assets. You're supposed to play lay your cards on the table. Here's where I am not going. Yeah, but the two of you starting out together and neither of you having anything, really you're gonna accumulate everything in the marriage. So if you go into a community property state, which most of our states are, I think there's only about four or five of them left that's not community property state, meaning that it's everything earned during the marriage

is divided equally one half. If that's the law, and which is still the law, and you don't have anything, now, you you can say, well, we don't have to do a half one half division, even though I know that if we get divorced, we're gonna have to do a half half while we say we do uh two thirds

one third or while. But if you don't have anything, it's not necessary to do a prenup because you are you're saying, whatever we acquire, we already know she's gonna get one third divorce, she's gonna get to thirds whatever were acquiring. The future, it's really more for those who have the assets now. So if you have assets, and you know why is because the assets that you have prior to marriage are considered your separate property, not community property.

Whereas when you marry in most states their community property states, So everything you accumulate during the marriage is considered community and that's what's divided. Fifty things that you own beforehand or things that you inherit during the marriage are that is your separate property. So that's why you have a pre nup. You come to me and we get together. I'm a millionaire. You're down here at the bottom. We divorced. I got all this property out here. You have nothing.

You can't take all my property with you and do and this divorce. And that's the sense of a pre nup, because it's not fair. It's not fair. And left well, forget fairness. If you want to give the person that as a gift, then fine, give it to them. But they shouldn't have the right just because they married you like me, for instance, I'd never married nobody without a prenup. I've been out of here husband, working hard a long time.

I've accumulated a lot. If you don't bring anything to the table, brother man, you're not taking my stuff if you don't have a prenup. Can I ask the question? I ask you ask you a question. Oh, don't fight you. Yeah. What I really want to know is about before you even get to the marriage face. Yes, look deep before you leave here it is look deep before you leave. And these are the kinds of questions you should ask. That's when you're looking deep. How do you think and

how do you feel about this? What do you have and what you don't have? Some women are only gonna marry you if you have it's amount of dollars there. Some men are only gonna married women who have it's amount of dollars. I know. One of the things you really should look forward, look deep before you leap, before

you get married. That dog gonna credit. You need to look at that at that because if you got a whole lot of debt out there and I have none and I have assets, and then we get together, I gotta spend all my money paying off your darn debts exactly, you know? And not and not only that, I'm you're telling me that you're a person who doesn't handle money well, and you have bad credit, You don't handle money well, you don't make wise decisions. How is that going to

impact your lives? It's gonna have an impact. So what are some common things that you feel like people overlook before man before marriage? Oh, they overlook those kind of that one particularly finances. They overlook finances, they overlook character for the physical appearance. You got to stop looking at the wallet and look at the heart before you decide to marry someone. What is your character? Are you mind? Are you loving? Are you polite? Do you have good

work ethics? Do you have good morals? Do you have any spiritual values with your the principles? What guides your life? If you're even if you have money, if you're just a money person and you're guided by money and greed, that's an issue too in that in my opinion, not for other people. They like folks as money hungry. It all depends on your personality. But you have to be true to yourself and really know who you are first. What am I looking for in a mate? And what

do I have to offer? That? This is where women mess up. They don't never ask what do I have to offer? They just always want to know what the man got to give me? And that's what men mess up because you never asked the question what she had to offer? All you worried about is the you know, what does she have the offer? In that category? You know you got hungry too. Sometimes, Yeah, no, look at you, you nasty judge coming for all. Let me tell you that judge maybe then got wisdom. I'm sure she knows

what I'm talking about. A man I was born yesterday, I didn't. I don't want to think about you like that. I've been watching since I as a teenager. Right, try to make me over. Don't put her in the box. I'm not gonna put you in the box. But when it came time to marry my wife, yes, I solely focused on character. That's why I didn't really worry about a prenup because I knew who I was married. I just knew, Like I was, like, this is the one. She's going to be a good mom. She's a good person,

she has my back. Did you say she's gonna be a good mom? People don't think about that. What kind of mother will she make? What kind of husband will he make? What kind of father will he make when you're dating him? What kind of man will he be as a father? What will he teach his sons? How much time will he spend with his joke? How much time will he spend with me? What kind of person? How are we gonna raise these children together? Should we

have children. People don't think about that. This is you know, it's funny. This is way bigger than the prenup. But knowing the character the person you married will let you know whether a prenup is needed. But like you said, if you have assets, you should have a prenup regardless of how much you know about a person. Character in terms,

character and assets are not quite the same. It's because if I, for me, an older woman, I have children, i have grandchildren, and I've accumulated and I'd like to leave an inheritance, as the Bible tells me to understand to my children and to my grandchildren, I don't want a man to come into my relationship and just because we're married for a few years, he gets to take all that I've accumulate, whole legacy, and my children get nothing just because he was good to me for a

few years. But that's not right. That's not right. So that's why I think it's necessary for me and likewise for him, because I see, I'm dealing with one of my family members now whose children could not understand when their father married that he married this woman because he loved her, he wanted her to be his wife, and then he shared his separate property, you know when he when he left in his trust. She gets a portion of this that I had before I married her. The

children get a portion of this. But they all up and all I mean, they're going crazy And I ain't my dad. You had a right to your parents property. None of us have a right to our parents property. But as a parent, I want to leave my children something, but I also would want to share something with my spouse. To see what I'm saying. So no, that makes a lot of sense. But you have a question, a very serious question. You have another question is my last question.

Don't say that a buddy of mine. He's not he said, Okay, I wasn't rich when I met my my wife, and I wanted to ask her for a prenup because I wasn't rich, but I knew that I was going to accrue assets. There were certain things that I wanted to I was willing to give her a portion and keep a portion for myself, but I was willing to give her fifty fifty. Right. He asked me if that was fair. I didn't know how to answer him, because I feel like, personally,

if y'all build it together. His thing was we're not building it together. I'm going out in the core in the assets. That's my wife. She does what she do. I do what I do, but I make more money than her. Is it fair for me to ask her to sign a prenup where if we get divorced she doesn't get I don't know about fair because prenup is not about fairness. It's about what you want to give and what you're willing to give and what you want to keep. It's not necessarily fair because life is not

always fair. But what he's saying is I don't want to share fifty fifty. Now what that other person has to decide is do I want to go in with a man who's saying to me, I don't want to share with you fifty and not what I have today, but what we will accumulate together, because when he when

you get married, you're accumulating it together. It may be your body, as say a football player, you're doing all that hard workers, you getting hit upside the head, and you're getting tackled in all of that, but it's still together because why you're getting hit upside the head and tackle. She's contributing because she's at home taking care of your children. She's at home helping to handle those finances, keeping the

finances together so you don't lose them. Hopefully, she's at home helping you do that, so you don't you don't, right, And when you come off that field and everybody else sees this personality, you know, and you come back and you're angry and you're upset, and you're feeling defeated because things didn't go as you thought they would go. She's the one who's stroking. She's the one who's listening. She's the one who's bearing the brunt of all of that.

So people contribute, what we have to understand is in different ways. But everybody contributes in a marriage, you know, we just don't contribute it on the same level. I understand that. I just I know where he's coming from because I don't want to out him, but he's he's about to be drafted, about to be making millions, millions of dollars. I love her. I want to show I love her, But if she decides she wants to leave me after I get drafted, I don't want to give

her half of everything I've worked in college. I think that's a good thing to think about because a lot of women, for athletes in particular and entertainers, that's what they're looking at, and that's why they're after them. That's

why I say, look deep before you leap. When those athletes entertainers is making all this money when a woman, all these women is coming up to him and every town they go to, they get you know, women, women, women, when women, they keep looking at the vage and that and and that's why they make a mistake because that's why she's trying. If that's her reason for marrying you, and you can figure that out, she's trying to cash in,

you know, on the gold. Yeah, that's the reason. If that's the reason for her marriage, you got to check it out. Is she one of those kind of women that that's what she's all about? And if that's the case, you should marry her. Because if you're worried about her doing that, then you don't even ask that's sorry, sorry, That's what I'm all about, you know, I'm in for the dig I mean. And then a lot of women, I say, women, young, the women these days, you gotta

bring something to the table too. Why you think the man's supposed to have all the money. What you're bringing to the table. You don't know how to. You don't know how to wash, you don't know how to you don't know how to budget. You don't know how to budget. You don't know how to decorate a house, you don't know how to. Can be not talking about me because I know what I'm doing. You know what you know

you want to bring it to the table. But here's the funny thing though, right, I had to learn how to do all that stuff too, because she was working and I was at home. There you go, I had to do that work together when we had Jackson. You was out there work. She had a full time job. You're starting her makeup company, And it was reversed. I had to cook, do laundry. I hated doing Sorry, sorry, but I hated doing laund gosh. I hated doing me too. I hated watching dishes. But I had to do it,

doing all of it, do it. And it's important if we if we're saying for women, men gotta learn how to do that too, because women getting paid. You know, if you want to judge Mayblean, you're gonna have to learn how to cooking. You don't have to learn how to cooking clean But you better have somebody in there cooking and cleaning. Did you ever learned? Who does? You don't ever have to learn, but you got to make sure that he gets done exactly. Don't depend on me

to do it, she said. But what are you working on? You have a lot of different things going on podcast Sassy Women of Wisdom. It's me and my girls, Evelyn Braxton, Beverley Hawk, who's the mother of Melika and Kadijja on the Kardashians. And then uh Constance Moore who's the mother of Lanta Moore also known as mc light. We have Assassy Women of Wisdom podcast every Friday night on YouTube and you can watch us and we're just sharing wisdom um with the world. And then I have the television

show Justice with Judge Mabeling. It airs daily in syndication on your local cable station. Check your listings. I have a nonprofit foundation, Maybel Need for Foundation. We offer scholarships to high school students going to college. I mentor a middle school and a high school. We have a mentoring program in a middle school in a high school. We're just trying to help with the community. Families. We honored father's every Father's Day. Hey, I got me honoring right

here fathers in the community, from the community. It's called honoring unsung fathers. We select fathers in the category of a single father, married father, divorce father, Billy's dad who's a non biological father, and living legacy category. It's a wonderfully ven We have celebrity entertainers and all of that, and we it's like the Red Carpet and we do awards. It's like the awards shows. And I've been doing that

for eighteen years now. Insane that if you ever thought there wasn't enough hours in the day, remember Judgeleen what she got going. And I have two books. Two books, look de before you leave, um, Judge, Judge male is Life. That's fifty two twos for weekly living available on my website, Judge mabelan dot com and maybe L E. A N. That's the spelling. And I do speaking engagement. I'm going

to Indiana this weekend for speaking engagement. A women's group going to Maryland and November nine I'll being up on Marlborough. So I do all of that kind of stuff, and I take care of my children and grandchildren and so for you to be able to sit here with us for a good little thirty forty five minutes. It's just paying for me. It's like, what else I have to do? Well, I mean, if you don't mind sticking around for like another ten minutes. We have listener letters where people right

in and they'd like some advice. You know, we didn't want to give our two cents and stuff on what's going on. So if you haven't turn around for that, yeah, I think they say I have time. I really enjoyed meeting you all and being a part of this too. I was. I was. I have to tell you, I was concerned with the name of the show. Okay, you know I'm not a millennial, no our generation x y Z. I can tell you what generation I'm from, but I

draw social Security. How about that daughter was surprised and she's like, Mommy, you're going to do what I said. But they want to talk about subject man. You know, I love to educate and wisdom people. You know, I love sharing wisdom with young people and who with people here from folks that's telling the wrong things of people, that's talking negative all the time. I love y'all and I love the wisdom I want to see you grow

and do and this beautiful young couple child. We always say, the only thing we know is what we don't know, So that's why we have to make sure we have an expert come in and speak about these things. Yes, questions most people don't want to ask. Absolutely, thank you so much. We're gonna take a quick break and move into listener letters right after we get into some ants and we'll have Judge Mabel and stick around give y'all her two cents on this. This for the record, there

it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he is best in the history of golf, no question in

my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now. Listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app All right now and we are back. Thank you so much

to Judge Mabling for sticking around. We want to get into some listener letters, which Deval always says is my favorite part, because I'm nosy and I want to know what you'a got going on in your life, and you guys have no problem telling us. So you want to lead us in the first question, Yes, I lead us in the question war, which is launch of disortiers like the S A. T. Jesus. Let's see what's going on. I was with my husband for a total of ten years,

married five years. We both a twenty nine. We have a one year old son. I found out my husband was cheating with the co worker, and I forgave him and gave him a second chance, just to find out he never ended the affair. We shared a house in the car. We sold the house, split the money. He wanted the car, I gave it to him. I had to buy a new car. Now he lives in a luxury apartment and my son and I have to move

back with my parents. I have full custody. He sees our son two full days out of the month, his choice. I am giving two hundred and fifty dollars. He came up with this amount every two weeks to care for our son, who goes to daycare full time while I work full time. No calls or messages asking if our son needs anything the value you mentioned. If you and Conninie would ever get a divorce, she wouldn't have to

worry about thing. In your opinion, do you believe it's wrong to request child support or what questions do you feel a woman like myself should be asking herself before she decides to file for child support. Judge Mabel, I'm looking at your face right now because it's wrong not to ask for child support. You sound like a zip dang fool. That's exactly what you need. You better go in that court yesterday and file for your child support. And you should have ever agreed to two hundred and

fifty dollars a month for child support. That's and you say he's living in a luxury apartment. Child support is based upon your income, his income, your lifestyle, his lifestyle get your You doing your child a disservice, and you're not a good mother by not asking for child support because you need the help for the benefit of the child. He's in childcare. That costs a lot. It cost a lot more to fifth their month. That's to fift their week. Most of them's two fifty days. It's two fifty day, girl.

You better get yourself in the court. You You see, I'm normally the nice person. I try to make people feel good. Told you the truth. I agree with her, I had once said before, I said, listen, if we ever got a divorce, she wouldn't have to worry about anything. She gave me three. Yeah, she gave me three whole kids. Whatever the kid, three whole kids. That's what she said. Every time she reminds, I gave you three whole boys. Three. She reminds me every day every day. And I get that.

I watched to give birth to these shows. Wasn't you watched? She I caught one. She almost lost her life on our first one. So for me, I understand the sacrifice of it. So for me, it's not even a question. I'll go even now, even though we're not divorced, I go without to make sure they have. So if we were to get divorced, that would be easy, right. Not everyone thinks that, But no, ma'am, you should go in

child support immediately. What's wrong of you is to sit there and allow your child to suffer that you want to suffer, suffer, but not your child. And the father obviously doesn't care, he's not concerned. But I know why you haven't asked the child support because you don't want to ruffle his feathers, because you really want him to keep liking you. Girl, Get up off your tail and go get your child support. Telling tell because isn't it true that the child should be living kind of equal

lifestyle too. That's what we look at. You look at the lifestyle of both parents, and the child is entitled to live in the same, a similar lifestyle to which he became accustomed during the marriage. So now go get your child. She hit the nail on the head though. The only reason why she's not asking for us because she doesn't want to ruffle hit doesn't want so she's doing a disservice to the child. That's so key. So many people don't think about that, right, that's not okay? Alright?

Question number two. I've been with my husband for fourteen years. We have two small children. I told him I want a divorce. We are cohabitating because he won't move out until the house gets sold, he moved into the spare room. He's on dating apps, comes and goes as he pleases, and it's angry at me, tries to pick fights with me. I feel trapped, overwhelmed and lonely. I don't have family nearby I can stay with, so I'm forced to ride this out. We listed the house only a month ago.

I'm trying to avoid communication altogether in the house as I don't want the subjects. I don't want the children to be subject to the fighting. Let me know your thoughts. Is their hope for me? Yes, there's hope for you if you get up and do something about it. You don't have to stay trapped in the situation. You keep saying, he don't didn't want to move out because he wants to stay in the house until it's sold. Because he because he listened to yourself. You keep thinking about listen

to what he wants, what do you want? Think about you and think about your children, and that is an unhealthy relationship. You don't have to wait until the house is so you go in the court file for divorce, ask for want of you to be able to stay in the house. Who can afford to keep paying the note wild while you're waiting on divorce. Um. If you can't afford to keep paying the note, that sell the dog, go on house. But in the meanwhile, both of you can move out and live where you can live happily.

You don't need to go through all that. It may take six months to a year to sell that Yes, that's right, and the courtoral issue orders. It says that the two of you will have to pay that note somehow, either by way of child support or by way of spousal or alimony. But the court will look at both incomes. I don't know the incomes because they she didn't mention it, but they were look at both incomes and see what the child support order should be since she's the primarical

stordial parent, and what maybe alimony should be. And together it may be sufficient to pay the note. If not, then let go of the house. Don't get so stuck on a piece of property that you are miserable. There are plenty houses out there. Go live in an apartment into the house selves. Maybe that's what you have to do to one of you, but living like that is miserable. It's psychologically debilitating for you and the child. And the husband who's calling his girl friends and there to that.

But you know what's funny, it's funny too, even the way she framed the question. She asked him for a divorce and asked him to leave and is upset because he's on dating apps. And you don't have to ask for divorce in California. I don't know what states. Most states, most states, you just file for divorce. Don't get Let me just say this. There's a misconcession. He has to sign a degree. Now he doesn't. Nobody has to sign and agree to a divorce. Someone has to file for divorce.

The person has to be served with the papers, say that you have filed for divorce. You can file for temporary orders pending divorce, like who lives in the house, who who moves out of the house. You can make those requests of court. You don't have to ask him

to do anything. It's called court orders. Order your diligence and see what it is you can do, because apparently the court will back her if she wanted to decide to you know, I mean, the biggest thing Judge Maybling is saying you have to start taking the power in your hand. Empower yourself. Stop sitting back and saying I'm a woman, I can't do anything. You want to move forward, get it done. We have a friend recently who wanted to change her life and did just that, and we've

seen it happen like you can do it. Her happiness is better. His happiness is better because no one sat back and said, oh, I'm stuck right and take a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars to go sit a lord and get some advice. Leave off that purse you want to buy that has somebody else's name on it. That's not giving you a day. Facts exactly, absolutely, just maybe lean gave us some tips. Here there you go. There's your whole advice. You've got that for free. See look

at you giving away advice for free today. You know what it's not. It's not for free. And some things you do because that's what God has gifted you to do and you have to share that. And although I may not get the paycheck from here's sitting here today, I'm gonna get pain, Oh you will. You know I appreciate you because I know if k ever asked me for a divorce, I know not to answer the door for an email man, because if I see somebody coming to serve me, I'm running hit. I'm gonna make this

to you all. If you even start thinking about it's somebody better call me and then you go. Now got you beat your tail first before they have happened. So you see, you see? All right? You see this is what I go through the time. And if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters in the future, be sure to email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. Alright, so it's time for the moment of truth. Yes, you know, we spoke about

several things regarding prenumps, divorce, marriage. Um, I feel like my moment of truth in this is pretty much coming from the listener letter questions. Not sitting back and waiting for your spouse or your significant other, I guess it

would be spousing this circumstance because we're talking marriage. Two roll out what's going to happen if you decide to divorce or just in general, and when it comes to the things within a marriage, making sure that your spouse, yes, is entitled to the way they feel, but you're speaking up for yourself. So for example, these two ladies in our list listening letters who kept saying he wants to do this, he wants to do that, he's doing that.

What do you want? You know, making sure that you know what it is that your want, that you're clear, and then you seek the help through the courts. So apparently the court can be your friend, though I know it tends to be a little bit costly for some people. If you're investing a little bit in that, you can gain some clarity and you can gain the expertise that you need so that you can kind of move on

and live happily. Yes, So from a black man's perspective of what I did learn today is that a pre nup is not some already created document that you just sign it and your spouse signs. You can go in there and redline and create your own version of what your marriage is and put it on paper. That clarified some stuff for me. Yeah, they definitely clarify some stuff because I was always, oh, you don't need to up,

you don't need to prenup. But what I did realize is that if you are a little bit older and you come into a marriage or relationship with assets, just like any business, you you come into the business, and you protect yourself, and you come into the business, you

protect yourself and you protect your assets. So if you have assets, you should protect the assets that you came into the business with and then create some parameters around the assets that you create together, because if you're both not putting in the same energy to accrue these assets, you both shouldn't be entitled to the same amount of assets if you divorce. That's what I've learned today, Jim,

that's a really good one. So pretty much you're treating marriage as a business in the circumstance, not necessarily a bad contract, but a business. Marriage is a business. To me, I've I learned from Judge Mabeling today. Uh, the divorce contract is a bad business. Marriage itself is not a bad contract. Marriage yourself is not a bad contract. But the contract that goes with divorce, that is provided by the state once you divorce, that's a bad contract. Yeah.

I think in general, just like we've said several times again, when it comes to relationships, just not infusing yourself and somebody else's relationship or their business, because clearly, especially when it comes to prenums, you have to curtail it to your particular circumstance, what if you're bringing in your assets, So those don't really apply to anybody but you and your spouse. So when people all because apparently you had a whole bunch of questions where people coming over saying

that what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? You know, you can't really advise people on on on this because you're not necessarily you know, privy to what they have. No, I can't advise them, but I can give them my moment the truth for it. Protect yourself, all right, protect yourself, protect yourself with everything and the bad jaff just mabid lyad said, protect all the way outs alright, guys. So if you enjoyed that as, be sure to follow us on social media. That's I

am devoured and Cadine I am. And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Yes, I just wanted to ask you. Yes I did ask today. You know you had several dead ass moments. I tell you, don't worry. She She's going to be proud. Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content officer is Chris Bannon. Our associate producers are Kristen Torres and Triple. Our studio

engineers are Brandon Burns and Andy, Kristen's daughter. We'll back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now. It's part of the Stitchen Network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple Go listen right now to the Distraction right now. I'lls out do it, please,