Ownership & Legacy

we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about. Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take phillow talk to our whole level. Dead ass starts right now, talk

about divine intervention. All right, now, real quick, Okay, let me take you all back to about two and fifteen. Kadina and I had a tax guy. Right the tax guy was doing our taxes. Everything was going well. Um, I wasn't doing TV as much. I was doing commercials. UM. I still own some other properties, and then was doing makeup, and then was doing some hostess. We had a lot of things going on. Two sixteen happens, Trump wins the presidency.

I think two thousand seventeen the government shuts down, right, I think that's when we had the government shut down. I'm just giving you a little timeline. Two thousand eighteen, we go to let's start the home buying process, trying to decide where we're going to figure it out right. A tax guy says, well, I gotta catch you guys up on taxes with the you know, with the government being shut down, we don't have any of your taxes prepared.

So I'm not looking to buy a home right now, but let's make sure we have that in the back pocket when it is ready. Two thousand nineteen happens. Kadeen and I are ready to move to l A. In order to even rent a property. They want to see your tax statements. Two started two. I go to my tax guy, said, hey, I need my last two years tax returns. Can I get those tax returns to I can apply for this property. Don't hear from my tax guy.

Now I'm nervous. Right, I'm able to use my bank statements because Kadina and I do well enough to prove that we have money in the bank, so I'm able to rent the property, not work focused on it. Eventually my tax guy will get around to me. Now it's Kadina and I are actively looking to purchase a home to build a legacy for ourselves and our three boys. I say a tax guy, I need those tax documents. Don't hear back from him. Start doing my own research. Go on i rs dot com. My taxes have not

been filed since two thousand and fifteen. What tight? Now I got a new tax guy, black Man, my financial advisor. Black Man walks me through the process of focusing on getting my taxes and everything squared away. Major, major, major mess and clean up. Right, long story short with that. Had to pay some penalties of course, because you're late. Had to pay taxes for the past previous five years.

Good thinking, and I've been doing well enough and we were saving because we always save money to pay our taxes. So we paid all of our tax and everything right. But the issue was we did not have our twenty nineteen taxes ready to purchase the home that Codeine wanted to look at in July. So Codeine was very, very disappointed. Very She was, this is the house. I can't believe it. I don't know. I don't really cry. I wasn't at tears, but I was near tears. The trembling your voice that

you get. She definitely had the tremble in her. Fast forward to last October. Dean comes to visit me while I'm filming Bigger and she said, Hey, there's some houses here that opened up. My taxes still aren't done for She says, um, I'm gonna just go take a look at them. Traditionally the type of house we were looking at, they won't even let you in the door unless you have a preapproval letter and your taxes done. So I'm like, if you can get us to go see a house,

let's go look at the house. Calls to me, she says, hey, I'll be there Tuesday. They have available on Wednesday. I film on Wednesday. I don't know what I'm going to be done. I happen to get done early on that Wednesday. Get out. She's like, baby, you gotta come see this house. I rush over here. I get here. The minute I walk in the door, Kaudin is looking at me with that face, so I know what that means, all right, and I'm like, this must be the house. This must

be the house. So we walked through the house, and what did you think? I fell in love with the house. I'm not gonna lie, I fell in love. But in my in my defense, I was thinking, we're never going to be able to get this house because houses like

this don't stay on the market for too long. I will say that I went in the house knowing that we may not be able to get it, but at least I wanted to see what was out there right right, okay, I um, I said, okay, just know that we don't have our taxes over two nineteen and twenty, and we don't have a pre approval letter, so we can just go look and see if this is something that's in the you know, the realm, giving this is what we're

looking for kind of vibe. By the end of looking through the house, Kadin says, baby, I want this house. I said, okay, let me see what I can do. I go back to the car. I get a text message from my financial advisor. Hey, you're two thousand nineteen taxes is a complete I'm like, are you serious? He's just like, yes, it's complete. I said, I'm glad that you say that, because, Um, I'm literally standing in the house that I want to buy, the driveway of the

house we want. And then he's just like, um, are you serious? I said yes, He said, you know, is this the house? I said yes. He said, because I could have a pre approval letter for you tomorrow. I was like, you gotta be kidding me, Sean. I was like trying, you have to be kidding me. He was just like, no, Um, I could have that for you tomorrow. This is what you want to do. I said, can you get the pre approval because we would like to

make an offer on the house tomorrow if possible. Wake up the next morning, get an email pre approval letter that covers the cost of the house. We sit down. We sit down with out realtor. Arian shout out to Arian Elsbury. Arian, she got she got like accents and stuff in her name, but it's implied. Arian shout out to Arian Ellisbury. Real to He said, we're gonna put

in an offer, but you never know with things. Like this, because you know, someone in the house had gotten a ton of offers apparently the weekend before, so Arian created this great letter for us, encompassing everything that we wanted to do as a family. She puts in the offer on Wednesday. No, puts in the offer on Thursday. I'm the best storyteller here. Yeah, your days are off, but I got it. She put in the offer on Thursday.

We wake up Friday morning to an approval and an acceptance of the offer, and I was like, baby, we're gonna get this house. And the funny thing is that's when the journey started. And that was not the easiest journey that we have spent purchasing at home. And this is our fourth, a third, our third home that we purchased. Right So, after this story time, we're gonna we're gonna jump into we're going to jump to the real process.

We're gonna have to tell you how that process dead as where the money and that's home and that's all. Mary had a little lamps. All know is where the money resides. And then Mary had a little lamp and that's about it. I can what don't reside and that's in bank account. Its telling there no more. Okay, they got us for all the coins? How is this being expensive? But the house is expensive, but the legacy is priceless,

right this prices and coins that go with legacies. However, it's what it meant for us to be able to finally purchase a home that's going to be home based for us where we plan on raising our boys. I mean, let me tell y'all, I've had moments where I'm just like vision and before we even got to the house and before we moved in, I had moments where I was envisioning like like Jackson on the lawn, like going to prompt and like stuff like that, you know what

I mean. And I just finally feel like we have home base. For so many years we were debating on where we were going to move to, where our careers we're going to take us. And I think one thing that we were able to discover during the lockdown on the pandemic everything that's been happening um around us, is

that we were able to kind of maneuver and work home. UM. We didn't necessarily have to be in a particular city or state to work UM and then being booked for acting gigs and things like that then would require travel, but we wanted somewhere for the boys to be grounded. Here we are in Georgia, Yes, in Georgia and enjoying it.

Enjoying Georgia. So far, so good. But I will say this so that anyone looking to purchase at home, do not wake up one morning and think, excuse me, do not wake up one morning and think that you just like you know what, I'm gonna just go buy a house soon. It is a long process and you have to be prepared from eighteen months prior. Have all of your ducks in order. Because my two least favorite words right now in the universe is underwriters. I hate underwriters.

I hate them. They combed through our life like like the f beyond. Well, there's a nitpickiness that goes with black home ownership. Absolutely call it what it is. Well, let's um, so let's go, let's let's let's start with this. You know, maybe have some percentages. The importance of home ownership changes from generation to generation, and that's fair to say, right, But what we know is that home ownership is one of the best ways to change the trajectory of your

family's wealth. And as a black family, owning a home is powerful enough to change the future of the culture. Absolutely right, absolutely that started, or you can jump into your stats. Actually so black, Let's let's get into some of these stats by creating a new legacy for black home ownership. Right In the first quarter of black families own their home compared to seventy three point seven percent

of white families, according to the Census Bureau. The gap is wider in some cities, with just of black families owning a home in Minneapolis compared with seventy six percent of whites, which is the widest gap in the United States. Cities with more than one million resident are studied by

Redfin real estate brokers. Found in DC of black households are homeowners, with the highest rate in the country, but far lower than the seventy percent of white households at homeowners now here, These now, these numbers I'm about to give you right now are very very important. According to a recent study from Landing Tree, black home buyers are denied mortgages twelve point six four percent of the time. The overall mortgage denial rate is six point one percent.

So we double that all right, state by state, neighborhood by neighborhood. Black families pay more in property taxes each year than the white family would in the same situation. Explain that because our schooling situation is far worse than any other demographic, but we pay more in property taxes when property taffic taxes typically cover the schooling and rolls and stuff like that. Absolutely, the homeownership gap between blacks and whites is larger today than it was in nine

thirty four. Think about that just in terms of like what's being passed out oterational wealth. When UM, which is when the Federal Housing Administration UM was established, says Donald sorry Donal Williams, president of the National Association. Let me give a little bit of a little context about that. Right, Um, The fh A was established after the Great Depression. Right so there was a housing shortage and FDR decided that we needed to create more houses for middle class family,

especially coming after the war. So the f h A was created and they started to develop all of these houses for UM suburban areas. This is the crazy part about the f h A. The government then gave subsidies to contractors who built homes for white homeowners, but said you can only get the subsidies as contractors, as if you decide if you agree not to sell to black families. So think about that. That's where redlining started. Now, so you built all of these homes, and you said, anybody

can hone these homes except for black people. And what do you think happened to those people who own the homes. Those homes accruede wealth, they've been great greater value over years, was a property value, and they passed those properties down

to their families. What do you think happened to the black families who couldn't purchase homes, They went built their own homes and neighborhoods like Tulsa, Oklahoma, Roswell, Orangeburg, South Carolina, which ultimately were destroyed, burned down, and they weren't covered by insurances. You want to know why the government also said that we're not going to insure black homes. This is a fact. This is not something I'm making up.

Insurance companies and the government did not mandate for black homes to be insured, even if they were close to white communities. So now, even if you took your money and you built a home, and you built land, and you built neighborhoods, when they were torn down or they were burned down and bombed. They were left disintegrated with nothing.

You got nothing from nothing. We're starting from scratch. So when people ask why the wealth gap is so huge in this country, that's a huge part the reason why for sure, and it's just today. Black homeowners are five times as likely to own in a formerly red lined neighborhood than a green line one. Yes, that's interesting. So what people need to understand about redlining is that redlining is is a map that creates a space where these

property values are giving less value. So black families, obviously black families and black neighborhoods were given less value because their homes were considered less but also if they did get insurance, their insurance payments and this is still happening

to it today a way higher. And we had president now President Joe Biden on our podcast to confirm that very fact that if he as a president of the United States, older home identical two hours in the same neighborhood, they would insure his home at a lower rate that it would ensure Dean in mind, and our property taxes would be and our probably text more so. And this is and especially with redlining. That's that's just how things work. And that was a way for them to continue to

marginalize black families and black you. And which leads us to why and why I said it was it was a legacy move, not a stunt move. Right for sure, you know because um one thing I also know about owning a property is that if you own a property large enough where your children can not only grow here but also raise their families, you're keeping so much money in your house. I'm gonna do a little bit of math for you, and was like a human calculator. So let me be ready, be ready, for ready for you.

Remember when I bought my car, my my Audi A seven, the payment was a thousand dollars a month, plus insurance and gas was five dollars a month. Yes, so that's fifteen hulls a month. That's eighteen thousand dollars a year I was spending on that damn car. Right. I had that car for a three year lease. Eighteen times three is fifty four thousand dollars I spent on that car. Right, All that money is gone double lot because of the rent.

A month in rent, that's a hundred and eight thousand dollars over three years that went to someone else other than my family. You see what I'm saying, A hundred eight thousand dollars in three years that I I'm never

going to get back. And I started to realize, if I have a home where my sons when they're trying to figure out life, when they're near early twenties too, late twenties, early thirties, and they're trying to figure out what they want to do with their life, if they can stay in a different part of the house and still feel like an adult and I have to pay rent to someone else, but stay here and figure their life out, that a hundred and eight thousand dollars could

be were in their pocket. But you know it's funny. It's opposite what we're taught or what the black community has tend to have done over the years. Absolutely, okay, you can work now, starting even before you're eighteen, and you can move out and be technically an adult according to the government, but as early as you can be

out there working. We're putting our kids to work because they want, We want them to be able to contribute to the household, to be able to help or at eighteen you're now an adult, you can be on your own. And then also too, there's kind of like this feeling when you turn eighteen, like, shoot, I am an adult, I want to be out. Yeah. Meanwhile, I was ready

to come back home several times after that. So if we can create an environment, like you said, or a space where our children can then feel comfortable coming back home and knowing that they have a little piece of you know, their own little privacy if you as an adult to be able to to work or to explore, or to be in school and know that they have the comfort of not having to worry about paying bills right away. But but that's only the first part though. The fact that they don't have to pay rent to

someone else is the first part. When we own this home outright and we move on and pass away, our kids then own this property and now have equity and something that they can call their own. And that's when you pass things down like that, that's how you start to to accrue generational wealth. And now my son is not coming into the world with debt with most most black people come into the world with debt. For example, Um, I'm not even gonna say no names or who it is.

But I have friends who graduated from college and moms and dad's just like, yo, you gotta take over this credit card bill. And it's just like, I just graduated from college and you gave me a fifteen on the

credit card bill that was in my name. And I had no idea that putting your kids on things on credit cards not to build credit, because there's a there's a science to that where you can put your child on as an authorized user on your credit card and then by the time they're eighteen, their credit score can be in the eight hundreds if you're taking care to side of things versus debt that's in their name, and then you're passing it on because a lot of times,

you know, parents find themselves in the financial hardship and they're like, I need another line of credit. Let me open up this line of credit in my child's name. Yeah, when you're trying understand what you know, when when you're living in the capitalist country where you're trying to make ends meet and things happen, you know, let me open

up another line of credit in my child's name. And then you say to yourself, I'm gonna pay it off and then Ultimately, you know, you start if you have bad spending habits, or you're not sure what the interest rate is going to be, and you think you're making payments, but the payment isn't enough to bring down the actual totality of the loan, and it's continuously going up even though you're making payment. Then you start to see you know, five six, And that happened to us. Remember um in

the end of my rookie year number rookie. At the end of the year I retired when we had that City card and I was like, Babe, I'm gonna put you on the City card. You can use the card, but when you use the car, we gotta make sure we pay it off. And we were making payments, making payments, but not realizing that those payments were going towards an interest rate that the skyrocketed up to I think it was.

And then after a while, you know, I was like, babe, have you been looking at where the payments are going? You're like, not really, And you were making payments for about two years blindly, just think never went down the minimum a little more than a minimum, and then before you know, you're not you're only paying off interest and the principle never went for years, so and it happens

to people who are trying to be deliberate. So it's not like, oh, other people are doing it and we're perfect at doing this, because we are examples of not being perfect at doing this. But to me, getting this property was away number one to have a safe space for my my kids and my wife to have autonomy

over their life. You know, we see everything going on out here in the country where kids don't feel comfortable walking around their neighborhoods and they don't feel comfortable being able to play ball and do things at the park. Now my my son's having an opportunity to do this in their backyard. You know, they have a basketball court in their backyard. Go in the backyard and play. You want to go to the pool, Go to the pool and play. You don't got to go anywhere else and

ask anyone else permission to use theirs. You have your own. It also gives them a sense of ownership where they feel like they can do whatever. You know, I have my own pool growing up, I have my own basketball court. My dad and my mom provided that for me, so I can do whatever I want. Because I watched my mom and my dad, so achieving things, not just doing whatever. Yeah as far as far as but but even but even in that, so many black people grow up in life feeling like I can't do what I want. You

know what I'm saying, My blackness is a prison. You know, I'm saying, I can't have to do what's necessary to make these ends meet, or I literally just can't do what I want. If I'm walking in the street and the cop decides he wants to, you know, stop me, take my you know, and and wrestle me to the ground, I could lose my life if I don't answer the right way, I could lose my freedom. You know, you you spend so much of your life as a black

person feeling like you can't do what you want. This house was a way for me to show my children that, yes, you can, this is your house, This is what you can do, and also empower them to think like that, because also slavery is a mentality. You know, if you constantly walk around thinking like I'm a slave, You're gonna exist in this country as a slave. And we have so much more empowerment in this country now that if if more black children lived like that, you know how

I get when I talk about this stuff. Emancipate yourself for mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds. I know you're gonna take it back to Jamaica, you shout out by Morley, but but no, you're absolutely right in that, and I mean also to I want to be able to teach our children a sense of pride in what they have where they live, being able to take care of that because it's also too We've spoken previously about dulling the silver spoon and creating adversity within

their lives and stuff. You know, we we as parents want our children to not have to struggle or not have to work as hard as we did, but we also to want them to appreciate what they have and absolutely providing them and letting them know that we're trying to take this um, these certain stresses off of your life so that way you can invest time in the

things that you want to do. You are able to do your abilities to really hone in on that you know you graduate from from from from high school and you decide, you know what, mom, dad, I want to take a year to travel and kind of explore to figure out what it is I want to do like, you can't do that because mom and Dad have a space where you can then come back and they just know that once you've done that, we're gonna want to know what's your game plan, you know what I mean.

So I think that this was so important for us because those are some of the things that we were not afforded, although our parents did work so hard to provide for us that we were able to, you know, do the things that we wanted to and then some. But I will say this, our parents gave us a better version of the black experience than they were given. And I think that's what I guess that's what generational wealth is as well. It's not so much about the finances,

but it's also the information. I talked to your mom the other day and she was, you know, telling me the story. Shout out to you and Mimi's relationships. Me and MEMI have grown a lot over the years, right, We've learn a lot over the years. But she talked to me about coming from Jamaica and how you know, it was hard for some people to have to come here, try to get a small piece of land or property

here in the States, then send for their children. They spend years here building, but then in doing that they were able to have their children come here not have to pay rent when they go to school and come back that everything happened within the house and they can go out and buy another property. And then that property churned into two and three and four properties. And when I look at your family, your mom and dad did that. Yeah,

your your parents owned four houses. Yeah. My parents moved up here from the islands drink and say vincent and literally came up here with nothing. It was one of those things where it's like my grandmother sent my mom, who was the oldest girl, sent her away to America. It was like, you know, figure it out. The same thing kind of happened with my dad as well. He was, you know, the oldest boy, and it's just like you

gotta go figure it out, um. And they did so well for themselves to the point where I really think about what they were able to pass down to my brother and rochister and I coming here with literally nothing.

I hear the stories my mom tells sometimes about you know, just trying to have a space to sleep in someone's home, just to be able to go to school and work, and you know, having adversity in that being locked out of people's homes like you know, and having to sleep outside like I really just look at my mom and dad with such admiration for the things that they've done to ensure that we now have a little bit of

something that we went to school with no debt. We're you know, I was going I was gonna tell you, I was gonna tell you not to cut you off. But think about what your parents did with property. Right. Your father never made more than fifty dollars a year, right, but he bought four property. And then the reason why I tell the story is because people think that it's outside of the realm of their possibility to own property,

But it's not. Your dad in the eighties never made more than k right, but able to buy I think, purchased three homes at the time, fifteen year mortgages, mom, fifteen year mortgages because your your mom made really good money that your mom made six figures during that time, um three mortgages though they had at one time, so I think with three mortgages fifteen year mortgages, your father ended up paying off those mortgages early, right when it

was time for you to go to school. He sold one of the properties to pay off your student loans. When the same thing for your brother. But yeah, I

didn't really have student loans because of scholarship. That the scholarships and stuff, but my brother and sister, you know, it just gave us flexibility, gave us the ability to say, okay, could you graduated school with no debt, Like here's a car, because you know, we're able to do little things for you to make that make it that much easier for you and then chase your dream to do the things

that you want to do. You know. So I'm forever grateful to my parents for from then setting up that kind of lifestyle for On top of that, when your parents transition, you and your brother and sister have seven figures of equity that you can split amongst the three of you for your next generation so when it's time to and the biggest part is the biggest part is when you do have that type of equity, right, most people can't get a property because they don't have a

down payment. You know, growing up in that, you know that hamster will, that is life. You spend every day trying to pay a bill, pay a bill, pay a bill that you can't save any money in order to get a down payment to own anything. Yeah, that's once your own property, you always have a down payment own more property. And I think that's the dopest thing about, you know, creating a legacy for your children through property and through land. And for me, this is what that

was and what it is. And when I think back now to the closing process for us and what the

obccles were that we had to face. Even like we said, you know, we were able to show our tax documents after a while, we were we had the down payment for the home, but there were still things that that popped up, like they needed to verify this, or they needed extra of that, or they need to dig more for this, and comb through that and and shout out to Sean Freeman, advising my mentor, my big brother from Flatbush, who my father mentor, who walked us through this process,

literally walked us through this process and said that we did not have to worry about any anything. Um. And Sean jokes that one of these days he's gonna come out here and tell us, he's gonna tell us the full story about all the hoops, Because there were hoops that we were trying did not even know we were jumping through. But he worked along with Mark, you know, our CPA, to make sure that that everything was handled for us. So when we say it was a roller

coaster server journey, it definitely was. And I think about closing day and how Arian made that special for us, and at first I didn't understand at first why it was such a celebratory thing. You know. She was like, I'm pulling out all the stops, you guys are closing on your home, and I'm just like, this is something to celebrate the fact that we're able to do that, um, you know, and just just be able to create this, this this life for our children. It just means that

much more, you know. So so to kind of give you guys, just kind of like a one too on advice things that you should know when you are have something closing on a home. Just in general. I know that different people are gonna have different obstacles, but we can highlight maybe a couple of things that are going to be helpful tips for people who are maybe in

the process are looking to do that soon. I do have a major tip for entrepreneurs because not only us, but I have buddies who are trying to close on properties and running through running to the same um hurdle. Right, because this class of black entrepreneurship is the largest that has ever been in this country. But with that becomes

a lot of different obstacles. So, for example, underwriter's love W two's right, which means they want to see a consistent stream of income over a certain amount of time. And what we ran into even though Kadin and I you know, humble brag, but we made seven figures last year, made that money on paper. They wanted to see a consistent stream of income over a year, even though we

had the money in the in the bank. And I didn't understand why, and Sean told us it was because they want to see a consistent amount of money because underwriters believe the money may stop and think that you had a good year. Right. But here's the way you get around that. If you own a business, right, what you do is you set up your corporation as an escorp or an LLC, and you write yourself a salary

which shows a consistent stream of paychecks. You know, I'm saying, we we have a partnership with paychecks where we write ourselves a salary now every single month, so that they can see a consistent W two so that when it comes time for us to purchase our next property, we don't have to run through the same thing. What I was doing, and this is important. What I was doing

was writing us dividends. So every three months or every quarter, I would write code and I have a fat check so that we can put in our savings account to show that we were making money. But they don't want to see dividends. They want to see a W two. And it's important for people to know. You have to show W two's. You have to have a high credit score, which is in the mid seventies or higher, because if it's seven mid seven hundreds are higher. Because if it's

anywhere below that, then they started to get nervous. Tell you I was skating, all right, I was. I was. I was teetering. I was teetering, all right, only because they that credit score thing for me as a joke. Yes, But at the same time, I was like, all right, this is the game I want to play. Watch I had to maneuver some things, but your girl made it by a couple of points. And make sure you have a down payment that is not going to affect your mortgage.

So for example, so many people say, hey, I'm looking to get into a program, I only have to put down five which is fine, you can get into a program. But when you look at the interest rate and how low the interest rate is now. I think the interest rate right now is the lowest has ever been in history, is below one percent. But if you don't put down that, that interest rate can bubble up to four or five percent. And what people don't realize is that they're gonna get

their money either way. So either you're gonna put the money up front and have a low interest rate over thirty years, or you're gonna put down a low deposit and have a high interest rate over thirty years, which is gonna cost you more money in the long term. So when you're deciding that you want to buy a home, remember is the standard. That's what most banks are looking

for underwriters. So people, if you're looking at a million dollar home and you're looking at two hundred dollars, you know you're looking at a five hundred homes looking at a hundred thousand dollars. So and that is not you know, a small amount of money for people right now, especially during the recession and during the pandemic, So you have to think about how much of the money you want

to save. And also they want to see bank statements even after you put down the deposit, so it's like you put down the five K or you put down the two d they want to see that you still have money in the bank to sustain that mortgage, not reside. And and also they're going to ask for all of these things. Two months out, you're gonna provide it, a month out, they're gonna ask for it again, and then a week before they're gonna ask for it again. So make sure that if you borrow any of that money,

that's an account, absolutely, and it's important for people. It's important for people to know that because remember I sold two houses and we ran into this with the other people I sold the house, they I guess they borrowed money. They put money in their account, they showed it, they had it, they got a pre approval letter, they asked for it again to show it, and they couldn't show the money in the account, and we couldn't close. So these are things that people need to understand when it

comes time to close on the home. You have to be able to show these documents and be prepared up until the day you signed that paper, because once you sign that paper, you good. But if you haven't signed it yet, they can pull it at any point so that you knew all these other things. Because let me tell your Deval tried to shelter me from some of these stresses. He was stressed. Sean. I was just like, guys, I just can't. I'm gonna sit over here while y'all

just let me know herd go. Well, we we're a team, right for sure. I shelter you from that. You shelter me from the moving process. Two times we moved across country and I wasn't there. Made the right looking. You don't disrespect me, but make sure not the left not hit you with the right. Baby, you're the budget need stow. Did y'all hear all that shout out to Tiffany. I'm nowhere there as good as Tiffany. Tiffany is the bomb. We're gonna have you back on Tiffany. Tiffany is gonna

be here every season. She's like a stake, but she's like a residence. Yes, every every episode. She has to come on every season, just to talk to us about finances and shout out to our team because we bought our home from a black family. Their realtor was a black woman, the attorney was a black woman, was a black man. Our attorney was a black man. If everything was black, realtor was a black woman, a fully black production. It was black black, big black man, black black excellence

at its finest. All right, now we won't take a quick break. That was a lot. That was a lot, but um, I hope I'll got some quick tips and tricks. We're gonna move into pastor letters after this break. We're gonna get into some ads. All right, thank you all for coming back. It's time for some listener letters. And these are quite lengthy. I love that I had acts in previous season for y'all to give us context, and now y'all giving us all. I like. It's good though,

so we can at least give our opinions. Okay, So number one, you guys are such an inspiration. I'd like to say thank you for extending yourselves the way that you do. Thanks Sis, I say sis because she goes on to say, my husband and I have been together going on nine years and now married for almost six months. We're both young, me being twenty five and him twenty seven, drive trucks together, no children, no crazy overhead. Within the last year, we've paid off a car and gotten our

first rental property. How did do you stay focused on your goals? Do you guys have any tips on how to be present and proud of your current accomplishments without feeling as if they aren't enough because you feel the finish line is still far out. He's going to say something and then you start reading this. I was like, so, I'm gonna tell you to celebrate to the small things, Okay,

big and small. It sometimes becomes a challenge for us because we don't have regular nine to five jobs and aren't around family often, all while our pears are living their best lives and we are considered boring because we just love to be around one another and enjoy things such as writing, looking at one million dollar plus homes, cars, land, et cetera. I mean that sounds like the same ship I but that's just pure enjoyment for us because that's where we aspire to be and what we want out

of life. Also, how do you find good mentors as yourselves? We didn't come from a financial literacy background or well off families. So us with us just by passing milestones that either our parents have met neither our parents have met. Um, we're working hard on ourselves and our overachievers. Though they're supportive, we both feel like they will. I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time to day. No. No. Though they are supportive, we both feel as if they will allow us to

cut corners. Okay, got Youah, that was a long and Jones calling me hi, Okay. So, Sis, if you and your bay find joy in aspiring for things, dreaming about things, thinking about, almost obsessing over where you see yourself, you were not alone because literally that was devalized and we still do it, still do it to this day. But I will say, of the two of us, I'm the one that's always celebrating the moments that are happening as

they're happening. Devourable book a role on the show, and while that show is airing, be thinking about the role he does not have or the role he wants. And that's just how you are. And I think that's that continues to be your motivation and continues to be your driving force. Whereas I tend to be the balance that says, bababe, you know, I just want to have you celebrate this moment because we are doing well where we are right now, you know, but never losing side of the fact that

we want those things that. I mean, if your friends are not into that as a hobby as the past time, that's okay to let them be happy doing that. Y' all can be happy over here because that Val and I for a long time, and when people did not have the foresight to see the things that we saw when it came to even just creating content or doing the things that we wanted to do with our careers professionally, that did not deter us. So we did have moments where were kind of felt like, damn, are we crazy

for doing this? Because everyone's saying that we're crazy, everyone's saying that we're doing too much, everyone's saying that we're sharing too much. But we found joy in that, we found join being our purpose, and here we are. All I'm gonna say to you, man, is that there is a delusional quality that all successful people have. I say that all the time, and I believe it. In order to see yourself, in order to believe that you can

do something, you have to see it first. If you see it for yourself and no one else sees it, that don't mean that it's not possible. That just means that they haven't seen it yet and they won't see it until you do it. So continue to manifest things and look at those million dollar homes and and and buy bigger and buy better because that's what you want to do. All I ask that you remember to pay it forward because, like we talked about in an earlier episode,

you have a duty to serve as a human. So as long as you continue to gain access to different things and and get more resources, you have an obligation to continue to pay it forward. So as long as you pay it forward and you continue to grow and grow and grow, you'll be fine. And and we talked about on another podcast. Um, what you just choose to do.

Find fun with your spouse is your prerogative. You know, trying to serve too many guys and serve too many other people is going to be an issue for your relationship. If you and your husband enjoy looking at how houses and riding together, then do that because that's your life partner. You know what I'm saying you can include those who want to do that. But um, keep doing it, keep being great, keep being happy, keep buying off, buying properties

and paying off cars or buying Amazon packages. I see the ups were in the livingroom right now, y'all, and I see that the ups this ups should be sweating coming here. He looked at me and my eyes. Sometimes he's just be like, that's ups FedEx usps a lot of them, man, All right now, I love that. Keep keep on, keeping on, y'all, Keeping on y'all, y'all do what you gotta do. All right. Let me start off. I say that I'm a big fan of the podcast,

and I've been listening since the beginning. I'm a huge fan. Thank you so much. I'm twenty five years old and my fiance is seven, and we just got engaged. We met each other in college and been together for six years. The use it for my email is that I'm seeking advice on what to do next. The big question for us is whether to have a wedding or buy a house. We've been there, little man. We are currently living in a one bedroom apartment. My fiance has expressed it although

we would love to have a wedding. We would like to move or he would like to move into a house in the next two days. I don't even got to read the rest I don't gotta read the restors. Let me tell you something. Tell okay, well, let me skim the rest of it, the rest of Codeine said to me in two thousand and ten that she wanted to have the big wedding because she felt like she was going to get both. She felt like that. She felt like, I get the big wedding, I'll get the house.

And she was right. Eventually she got the house and she had the wedding. But this is the thing. We got the wedding, and right after the wedding was done, she ain't care about the wedding. We don't. We don't ever watch the wedding videos. We barely look at the wedding pictures. We had had three hundred twenty people that a wedding. More or less. We have three people that our wedding. We don't talk to none of them. That's

okay to a small person. We like listen, the whole web, the whole big wedding thing, the whole platinum wedding thing is played out. It's played out unless but that's in retrospect after I've had that. Unless you can't afford it, and you can do it within the means, and you can enjoy yourself within the means. Do not extend yourself and choose not to buy your house because you want to have a wedding. I don't need to read the rest of this to tell you, bro, ma'am, do not

do it. Son. We spent ten years in an apartment. We're like, ma'am, man, man, I know a crackhead when I see one man, you as a crackhead. When you pay for that wedding, man, you a crackhead. Now, now you manage your husband, ma'am, because he can't get you the house man because you wanted the wedd and you don't have to deal with that man. That's what judge, That's what Judge Brown would tell you. We're not calling your crackhead. We're just making fun of Judge Joe Brown.

But we know Judge mathis like no, but seriously, like we get so caught up in doing things for the ground. Well she said when she said, am I holding onto that to the little girl for wanting this dream wedding and should be consider being financially responsible. Being financially responsible, don't she said, they won't be able to get married three. That's the case. So it's like, are you gonna delay being married because you have to wait two years for

the wedding. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing though, the financial responsibility, it's a time. Dates, all that stuff don't matter, Like it really don't matter. You have to make decisions with foresight. Some people rush to get married because the date is perfect. I got married in seven eight nine ten, Like what the funk? Like now you're divorced in seven eight nine eleven? Like nobody give a ship? Like that's what like? People need to have start having

foresight and stop thinking surface level. You know what I'm saying. And when I say people, I mean us too. But I did that this one though. Right, So we weren't able to have our vironnal in July four, But if we have a viurnal, we have been able to get this house. No, we wouldn't have. No, we wouldn't have. It depends if I could have turned it into a business. But realistically, what you're trying to a business? But Coadean spends money like it's a business. So we probably wouldn't

have had the down payment for this house. And now look at I'm just saying. I'm just saying, but we have the house and I will have my bronal at some point next year. Financial responsibility requires foresight. Use it. Trust me, you will feel better in the long run when you have years of happiness and stress free living as opposed to twenty four hours of the biggest party of your life. I tell you that was like literally

us seven. Since I have to say, as a big sis, what I would advise my sister to do is to get that stability financially. Yes, you can always have a party. Yes you have a party. Yeah we did. We were going to do ten COVID. You can't do nothing with COVID. You're gonna be massed up. You're gonna look at these pictures. They're gonna go back in time, look at these pittus. Everybody's gonna be like this. You're gonna be like, why do we rush to have this big as party? I

gotta ask, Josh, what's that? What's that been like? Josh? Like, you know, filming weddings, capturing weddings, get a crib, build some some equity, so that you can live the rest of your life the way you want to, as opposed to living the rest of your life the way you have to because you spent money on a stupid ass party. Period. It's not like you have some resentment built up with you. But anyway, that's no. We worked, we worked our way out of it. We worked our way out of it.

But I'm still a little like I got a little PTSD, Like we could have owned a Brownstone. We could own the Brownstone in Brooklyn right now. I could have had two million dollars of equity right now on the two hundred dollar purchase if it wasn't for this beautiful person to my left, right here, who said to me, I don't I don't really even want a house right now. I don't mind saying an apartment here, I don't mind staying here. I love it. Came back the honeymoon like

I hate it here. I was like what I was like, wait a secondode the house is not coming after the wedding, is it? And this was crazy. Y'all tried to kill me gifts. Y'all tried to kill me for my pressure comment. You tried to kill me for my pressure, but I don't know what I have been through trying to provide the type of light that this woman says she wants, only for her to be like I was stupid for saying that back then. But y'all killed me. But y'all killed me. But you know what, I'm gonna take it.

You know I'm gonna take that. You know I'm gonna take the killing because because I'm speaking, I'm speaking my truth. And and you cute while you do it. Look at you, you ain't even sweating. These conversations used to make him sweat. Look like I used to be about to pass out having this conversation about this. Do I have to let me die beforehead? Okay, all right, there you go. He's a little shiny right there. You get stressed out thinking about it, But I don't know exactly. We're a good

place now with this. Tell that to yourself. You owe me a stone in Brooklyn. You got a moment of truth or what? First of all, the moment of truth, don't let your wife talking out of buying the brownston't want to have a wedding done? And then moment of truth, girl, financial stability over the wedding. I'm telling you that as a big sister. Okay, but get the wedding one day. Though wedding was fun, I ain't Annie was fun. Um.

But yeah. If you'd like to be featured as one of our listener letters and send us a whole blur with lots of context, please do email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A D A S S A d V I C E at gmail dot com. All right, sounds good? All right, Well, we gave my moments of truth. They were kind of fun. My my real moment of truth though, My real moment of truth is that, um, the American dream is ownership.

It's not working. Ownership on land own property. You can pass it down your your kids, your grandkids, grandkids, grandkids will appreciate at you more if you get a piece of property and you own it. My moment of truth. With that ownership comes education. So you're working for and we are busting our asks for right now for our children to create this legacy. Be sure to educate them so they can continue to grow that legacy for years to come. Because the worst thing is busting your ass

for something and somebody pissing it away. That ain't about to happen. Man, Where the education reside? Where the education reside in the Ellis household? I know that that's so, Mary had a little lamb. Be sure to follow us, find us on social media. Dead asked the podcast, and of course I'm Cadine, I am and I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe to your boy and girl. I we love y'all. Well, appreciate your dead Asses back, y'all. Where's

this dead Ass reside As resides right here. Dead Ass is a production if I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead As the Podcasts and never miss a Thing.