Our Fourth First Trimester

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead As is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take Philows off to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts right now. So you have a story time for us, because we have lots of stories. Guys.

I feel like this season is going to be loaded with just mad stories because we kind of felt like we should just you know, we do random topics in the past. Season's cover different things, but we kind of feel like we wanted to bring you out on this journey with us, you know, last baby, the last of the Ellis of the Mohicans. I am saying this. We are done on the record. I feel like we've said this before though, but this time, like I said, the

fourth time, it's different. So that being said, um, we got stories that we want to kind of just tell and share in the process and the journey. I feel like, you know, having children and pregnancy are always going to be hot button topics because there's always babies being born and people always out there getting it on, loving on each other and in each other. So that being said, story time war this new home that we purchased for our kids, of course, and Codeine let me know that

she's pregnant. So now that we know that we're having another child, of course, Codein wants to know right away if we're having a boy or a girl. And at this point, y'all know, now we've got four Kings coming baby, four Kings baby, he's the King Baker. But at the time we didn't know who had and uh, Codein had got this this little thing called sneak peek where they say of the time they're right and it's at home

gender tests. So this is something that I just happened to hear about through another person that I know that used it, and it was right for her. So I'm like, all right, you know, and at this point in time, I just I couldn't wait, Like normally I'm the one that likes the surprise, but she couldn't time. I was like, I need to know, like now, so now this was this was around how many weeks was this? I want to say it was around ten weeks, around ten weeks.

So with the ten week marks, she's right in the middle of the nausea part of it, you know. Just so you guys know, the first six weeks of pregnancy, there's not much ledge as your body is starting to make the change. But once you get to six, from six to twelve, so this is week ten, she's in the middle of NAGA. So she's not eating, she's you know, feeling all kind of funny and stuff. And we were still, you know, being intimate. This was this was our thing.

We still tempting, attempting to be right. So goes your babe, all right, I got you tonight. I'm gonna make sure you get I'm gonna take care of you. But before I do that I'm going take this test, the sneak Peak test. Now, in the sneak Peak tests, you can't have no test star stone extra test stars thrown around you at all. No, I'm not supposed to be in the room now, I'm not supposed to be anywhere. So

that she can take the test. What she has to do is prick her finger, put the blood drops into the little vial, She closed it up, send it off, mailing in boom. She gets the results back. So I go in the room. I'm butt naked, laying on the bed waiting for my wife to come out because she says she got me. After about say, seventeen minutes. All I hair out the bathroom is babe, babe, And I'm like, I love how I sound like a wounded every time, and that's actually calling me bag. So I'm like, oh God,

what's wrong with this woman? So I'll go in the bathroom and she's like, okay, okay, okay, stand back, stand back, because you can't be around none of the products. So I'm standing back, but I'm like, what do you want? I'm naked. She naked, right, So she's in the mirror and she she has the needle right, and she got a rubber band around her finger so she can get the blood out her finger. I said, genius, you gotta take the tourniquet so that the blood will flow. She's

because there's no black coming. There's no black coming, so I thought I had to sticking up. She's stabbing the ship out of her finger and ain't no blood coming out. Then she takes the rubb a ban off and like one little, tiny little speck of blood starts to come out. So now I'm standing behind her and she's just like it's trying to feel hot. She's like feeling I'm not supposed to be next to her. I walk up behind her and she kind of puts her head back on

my chest right and talking at my hand. One little blood drop, one little blood drop from her finger is like falling, falling, fallen. She's like, so finally she took the one little blood drop, put it in the vial and she goes, whoof, And that's what cane? Are you serious? That was one drop of blood. I'm queasy. So then I'm looking at her and then I feel hers go

limp coneine. Then passed out in my arms, naked, but her left hand is still in the air because she don't want me or the blood to get anywhere near me, right, So I'm like can So she's like huh. She wakes up right and I'm like you okay, and she goes yeah, yeah, passes out again. Right. So now I'm naked. She naked. It. I'm sliding her because I got her in my arms. Her fingers still up in the air. Though I'm sliding her, I throw on the bed. I'm on medium because my

my dick is running down her back. She naked. I'm still trying to get something right. She laying in the bed with her finger in the air, and she's like, I'm just fine, I'm fine. I just I need some water. I need some water. So I'm like all of this to find out what we haven't. She sits there with her finger up in the air for about seven minutes. Then we got this mattress, the mattress you made me buy with the remote. So I set her up in

the mattress. Right, So now she's like, she come up, kicks her feet up the side, she walks back in there. I walk with her, and then she sticks her finger and the thing gets a little bit of blood. Out closes it we ain't getting, we ain't getting. There was no no chitty chitty bang bang. That night she went to sleep, right, and then about how long it was? About six days? No, I think I did the rap it once, so it was like three days. Three days.

She's like, I got an email from them, right. The email opens up and it says it it's a boy. The first thing she does is look at me and go, you supposed to even be in the bathroom now, believe it. And she got pissed at me. And I'm just sitting there like you would have. You would have passed out and bend your head on the floor, But all you

care about is me contaminating the test. And at that point I was like, that serves me right, My dumbass should have just waited for the blood test that week because I got it done in ten weeks anyway, because you know, I'm over thirty five now and they cleaned that that's like a older pregnancy. So but she blamed me. That's and And the funny thing is the microcosm of this whole story is no matter what goes on with her life, from the moment she finds out she's pregnant

until she gives birth is my fault. That is the whole the story. I'm gonna dedicate this song to my baby. You better do all the singing because listen, I know you ain't gonna. I think I'm gonna remind me every single day, like I don't know, eute give you this intro. Mhm, thin mean love so many things I got to tell you. But I'm afraid I do know because there's a posibility that you look at me differently, love like a song.

Ever since the first moment I spoke your name, because then I knew that by you being in my life, these with destined to change. Love you better saying look at you alright, great, that awesome. But I know I love you though, that's a fact. I know I'm doing this for a fourth time. Versa I love you. I would say that we have definitely been loving on each other, yes, development loving in me, clearly, loving on the outside. Clearly. There's no polite way to sit now, y'all. I'm sorry,

so should I position? Yeah, but at the ankles though, because I'm not, I can't quite You're pregnant, may don't nobody care pregnant? For the fourth time on you. Alright, so we're talking first trimester. For trimester is technically like that first thirteen weeks according to the timeline of pregnancy, right. Um. And it's funny because I see here Triple Pudding that

it's the sneakiest of them all. It really is, because it's kind of like some people know they're pregnant and people don't, and then some people have these sicknesses and then some people don't. So, um, it's a time when you kind of you're not gonna look pregnant, you know what I mean, Like you have that moment where you kind of look like you might have gained a little weight, You look a little bloated. So it's like your body is going through all these changes you're not really saying

to anyone yet. You may not have announced it to people that you're pregnant, but there's so many different changes that you're feeling. So your body is flooded with hormones, and there's like a gamut of symptoms that start to kick in once that riseing hormone level hits, and you and your partner we're looking at each other like, so what do we do now? Because I definitely had his moments. So when you think about it, you have no moments. I knew what to expect, but this time else but

in the game now. But think about like the first time around. The first time around, you were really just like, yo, this is crazy. Yeah, the first time I you know what to expect exactly. It's important that people know that not knowing what to expect doesn't mean that you're a bad partner of first time people. It's uncharted territory for some people, you know what I mean. So with the body of the first signs of pregnancy, you have swollen,

tender breasts. You know, nobody really shies away from that, though we welcome the moves um nausea with or without vomiting, increase your nation food cravings, and diversion constipation. This time around, well, I mean after last season when our episode We Kid Could Fury yea introduced to my bottels in a very very strange way. Um, hey, I owned it. It happened. If you don't know what I'm referring, So you got to go by to our Kids Kid Fury episode five. Yeah, see,

baby brain, that's another thing that happens all throughout pregnancy. Um, and your emotions. Everything is all over the place. You know, prenatal care is now something that you have to actively seek and there's just so many things that are happening and when you think about it, Okay, the baby's growth during the first time, I sid let me tell you what my body does on a day to day basis. We're over here making bones. Okay, my body is making bones.

My body is making hair, nails, skin, a whole digestive system, sense of touch, eyesight, a heart, and my favorite can ask a question for your question. They'd be like a baby can see color in a third week? Right? How they know? They didn't ask babies you was in u to row, when you was in there, when when did you start seeing color? We've pulled a hundred babies, a hundred of penises, some of them. But you know what's

the most impressive part from me? All I have to say now that we know that we're having another boy, we have four whole kings. My body makes penises. That it's my superpower. Listenbody asked me, what's my superpower? I makee penises like you're welcome. You're welcome. Thing's gonna going around to the kids schools and telling the kids what you do is your superpower. Superpower is that I make penises and that's just what it is, you know. So, um, you know we're talking about how to kind of help

your partner through that first trimester, all that good stuff. Um, there's so many different things. There's so many different way. The first thing is that the emotions is real, like like dudes. When she's I think like Connie. I remember when I first came home. We were living in the apartment. There's a first trimester with Jackson. She opened the door. I came back late from the gym, and um, she was like hey baby, and I was like, what's up. What's up? You know? She said nothing. She's like, um,

you're hungry. I'm like yeah, she said what do you want? I was like, I was like a sandwich. She was like and I was like, what do you think the car cry you want to? And I was like, oh gosh, this is what I'm in store for. That was the first draw. But you did well. He said you should do stay calm, Stay calm, because I didn't know what to expect you ever come And then she's inside start cooking.

So people start cooking because the sense of smell makes pregnant women feel encourage healthy life choices, to make sure that I'm healthy, I'm walking, and I'm working out. So it's a support for me. Guys. That's honestly what it was in that first time. Mster. For sure, you look like you're waiting for this, this segment the meat of the show. Yes, this is this is the meat of the show, the meat of the show. A lot of experience with me that the fact clearly, So, Um, I

have some questions for my wife. Since we're gonna do this, we do this podcast. You know, we'd like to read each other publicly. You want to have another baby, right, you wanted to get pregnant, right. We agreed to this collectively, collectively two of us. It was it was it was heavy on the devout influence. Okay, okay, we can admit that. But it was kind of like, all right, I had I can entertain the idea, and I did. So here

we are. So my question is, which I know a lot of men have for their wives or mothers of

the children. M why do y'all blame us after the fact, like y'all did not contribute to what's happening why y'all act like y'all were shocked at surprise, had no clue what was happening, and now was just at That's super easy for you to say when you just completely remain normal and it babe the entire time, you guys have no idea what happens to the party for that entire nine well technically ten month period and then postpartum blame Eve. Eve made Adam the apple and that's why you got

to deal with pregnancy and labor. God told you leave leave the apple alone. But no, no, anyway, So I think anybody, of course, naturally the idea of like bringing life into this world and having a baby is a joyous occasion, right, But when it starts to hit, you know the symptoms, the morning sickness, the fatigue, the nausea,

all of that stuff. It's just explain to the male listeners who may not know, because I know I've watched you go through a four times, what is the first trimester of pregnancy, like I would say, I mean, of course, everyone's experience is different, so I'll throw that out there first, because some women say they experienced nothing and they're perfectly fine.

So people don't even know that they're pregnant in the entire first trimester and then completely find out after the fact um, whereas with me, for example, I just know instantly, like the minute I'm find out I'm pregnant, I'm like, oh yeah. And part of me thought like is it mental? Like oh, just because you know you're pregnant, you're trying to like you know, mentally, and it's like, oh my god,

am I sick? No, because you know you have you know, COVID for example, it's like, oh god, I'm starting to feel all the symptoms because I was exposed or whatever. But no, it's um. It's one of those things that it's almost like an immediate change to your body. So that first trimester is the most important, especially for this growing person, because they're all of the different cells and all of the different Like this is the most vital point in the pregnancy because everything is forming, so your

body is literally working on overdrive. And then you still have to continue to conduct life as if nothing's happening, because it's not like you're ill or have a condition per se. But this is just part of the process and and and not for nothing. This is where I think being a responsible respectable partner comes to play as a husband, right because I already know how the first

try messages hit you. So I made it very clear to everyone around Mimi, the boys, even myself during that first tray mester, You're gonna sleep a lot, You're gonna be nauseous, You're not gonna be hungry. We gave you space, can you can You know you absolutely did. It's kind of like that no, that that was appreciated because also to having to deal with that, you also have to

be at least I know. I try to be aware of the fact that I still have my husband, I still have my three boys, I still have my mom, who are all co existing with me in this house. So there are times when I notice I don't. I know I'll be better off for everyone if I'm just off to the side to myself. And then I had moments of guilt where I felt like I can't even like mom right now. I want a mom with three

boys because I just literally physically can't. It's like it's a physical thing when nobody just can't do but for you things and only lasts for six weeks Like that, that nausea, super fatigue last I would say six six, eight weeks. So the minute you get to week twelve and the second trial messages when you feel like you know, then you then you you come back to me. It's

almost like you come back to life. And it's one of those things where I literally go to sleep and then wake up the next morning and I'm perfectly fine. I know some women who have that the entire pregnancy. I mean the vomiting, the nausea, and just imagine, imagine the feeling of you know, you're having a stomach ache. This is how I kind of related to guys. You have a stomach ache, You're like, man, I have that feeling like I want to throw up. I'm just nauseous.

You go, you throw up, you feel better, Like, wow, I needed that and just get it out my system whatever it was, and now I'm back to normal. Morning sickness is I throw up violently. It'll be late at night, right, I'll be laying in the bed, right and I just hear like, I'm like, baby you all right? Yeah, you do that, and then you're still sick, like you're still naxious. There's no release, there's no reprieve, there's just no thing.

It's just back to it. It was to the point where this time around, I was literally walking around the house dry heaving, like like out of nowhere, just dagging. And I'm just like, oh, that's just I couln't even make food. All the boys. You would be walking down the hole and all the boys just be looking at me the whole time, like did you see that. I'm like, yes, it'll be over, give a couple of weeks, she'll be fine. But all the boys just like, yo, something that mommy

is like a demon right now. That's another thing too. Let me just let all of my brothers know, because I get a lot of phone calls from my friends who are first time dads um eating people on social media. It will hit me up and be like, bro, my wife is just not the same person right now, Like what is going on? They ask They're asking me like is she is she faking? Do you think she's putting on? And I honestly be telling dudes like, bro, bro, she

is going through. Can you imagine just being sick for weeks at a time and being tired, but still trying to be regularly, just conduct regular, still having work, still having to be mom, still having to be a wife, like, yeah, it's definitely frustrating, but you can help. You can help your wife or significant oly get through those by being what I call obnoxiously nice. Right, I was talking to about this, Right, I knew from the moment you got pregnant that there was gonna come a point where you

would just you know, start to get into that pregnancy mode. Right. Well, I think you even knew prior to that, because, let's be honest, there was a big discussion that was had before I even entertained the idea of how in another child, because I said to that, you know what it's like when I'm pregnant. You understand what it is. You've been there. It's a roller Look, it's a whole last roller coaster, bitch? Would you? Would you not say that? Be honest with yourself.

I don't think that's it. I think I'm just trying to cope and deal with my situation the best way I can. You don't think you'd be a little bit though, No, I don't think I wouldn't. I wouldn't say it's bitchy, You're still pregnant. So I'm gonna just say okay, anyway, like I'm saying so he knew what came with the territory, is what I'm trying to say. So I literally said to him, and this is a serious conversation. I was like,

do that, Devalue. You understand what it's like when I'm pregnant, particularly the first trimester and the third those are the hardest for us. I don't want to have arguments about sex. I don't want to have arguments about anything because you know what we're about to embark on. But this, and that's just what it is. But this is complain about it because we're here, because you understood this was going to come with. And I haven't complained about it. I

have not complained about it. You had one or two or three moments, you know, in the past seven months seven months, and I've had three moments. There's another point, gentlemen. I will point this out. You could kiss your wife's ass literally for seven months. Let there be one day when you remind you that she didn't do something you for seven months and you don't know what I got when I've been na it's going to happen. But that to me is where and I'm not saying that it's

not justified, but that's where the bitchiness comes from. But I don't even think it's an as kiss anything that necessarily needs to happen. No, not necessarily, because I don't think that's what we need in that moment. Sometimes if I said, we just need space, we need grace, we need a little understanding. Sometimes we need to be left alone, like it doesn't necessarily have to be an ask kis and thin because sometimes I don't even care if I

don't see you for the day. I'm in my corner, let me hold my court out to look for me like comes next to me today, because I know if because I know, if I'm going for too long, then you start to get on. I wasn't a good wife and I can't even mom and you get guilty. And one thing is I understand this, and I'm not saying that it's not valid. I'm not saying it's not valid. The simple fact that you don't want that has to go through physical illness. You're the one that has to

go through fatigue. I understand that. That's why it's my job as the husband to make sure that I'm over the top with making sure that you're okay. You get that you are very intensive but, but, but I have to make sure that I always affirm you every single day to make sure that you know that I understand what you're going through. But what I'm saying is is that even in those seven months, the one or two or three times that I had to be like, hey, babe,

did you realize that you didn't do this? It was like World War three? Like like you was like say when you got that face because you wasn't trying to hear it. See how she's not trying to hear it. And the only reason why I'm bringing this up, Fellas, is so that when your girl or your wife does this to you, don't feel like it's just your girl

or your wife. It's not. They're not gonna care. She's not gonna care what you didn't get or what you needed in that moment while she's carrying a baby, she's emotional, hot, and sick. She's not I understand that. That's why when we have our little debates, so I'll tell you how I feel and you don't care, and you get pissed. I don't care. I don't I'm not gonna get mad about it. I'm gonna just give you a time and

let you come back. But one thing I'm not gonna do is are you and go back and forth with you when when it comes to some of these things, I'm gonna let you vent because I know you know what it is now, I know what it is. Half the time you miss me, I do miss my wife like miss he misses me Cadine minus the belly. I mean, what's your favorite cadein hi drunk cade? Okay? And those are two things that I can't partake him in the stage.

So understand that you missed me, and it's okay. And a lot of times I'll have to be like you know, a babe there there, bring it in. I know you missed me. I missed you too. If you want me to be apologetic about missing my wife, the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with for for nine to ten months, I'm not gonna be no

apologize I missed my wife. I appreciate that too, because here we are just about nineteen, it's almost almost nineteen years in and you still want to rock with me, and I exactly that, And then I in turn sometimes feel bad like damn, I can't even be what you need me to be. In But that's and that's where that's where there's no debate here. And that's what I want young men or men who who are having babies for the first time to understand that this does not last.

Like the arguing, the not seeing eye to eye, the hormones, the emotions, that all this stuff does not last. It stops. It stops, like and first trimester. For those first twelve weeks, it's gonna be high. Once you get to the second trimester. For the most part, some people's pregnancies are different. You, for for one, go back to normal as if you're almost not pregnant. So for those three months in between, we'd be having why would be nice? Be really really good?

And then when we're gonna talk about this later and we get to the third trial mester, it goes back because that's when you're at your motor your highest, like the emotions are really there. But I think that it's important for young men and young women to understand that these emotions you're feeling with your significant other that um, I don't want to say that resentment, but that feeling like she he or she is not how they used to be. She's changing too much, he doesn't that's normal,

you know what I'm saying. I think it's awful people to know that. And it doesn't stop because then once the baby comes, there's like the fourth that people people don't talk about that post part and part and you know, we're all gonna do a podcast about the fourth trimester. We do plan on doing it because that one in particular. Really a lot of marriages change in the fourth trimester because they don't expect it. They expect when the baby comes that everything goes back to normal. But there's so

much more that goes into it. But um, I do have another question for you about the first trimester. If you had to rate the trimesters from good too bad, would the first trimester be the worst? Well, the second words, because I know the second is the best one, is that which one is worth the first of the third

trial mester? I think for me it's the first. It's like that that's the worst for me at least because even though it's like, you know, I don't have a belly per se or my hips aren't aching it and I'm not getting that pubic bone pressure and all that, I think the first is the worst for me just because of like that that naga sickness fatigue that I get, like I literally feel like I'm a zombie, like I cannot function. Um, I just want to be locked away.

I even said to you ingest, but like for real though, like ship me to like Jamaica, that for try myself, let me go, let me go away, let me go to the island, send me to sat Vincent, sent me somewhere for those first three months. That way I can just like be to myself, not make anybody else miserable because I feel miserable in that moment. The work for you, because then you would you would feel guilt like I

was away from my family. And because you always say that you feel like in that first time And a lot of this is emotions because those hormones are kicking in. She cries for everything. You know, everything makes her over the top. You often feel like because you can't do the things that are you feel like you're feeling. That's true because I wouldn't want to be um away from

you guys. Trying to find the happy medium. It's like, for example, still trying to cook for the family and having severe versions to any smells while remember that I was trying to trying to make dinner for the kids. You know, they wanted to shrimp fetishing the offered or whatever. So in making it, literally midway through, it's like the smell of the garlic hit and I'm like running to the bathroom. And one time I missed it and poor Jackson, poor Jackson had to help me clean up like vomit.

All three boys were like looking at me like you know what that is. But I don't want them more. We don't want Albreda anymore. Well, here's here's the thing too. I want to ask you what what would you say guys can do to help their partner go through the first timester what? What what could you say? Would be? Um? I would say if you can just figure out like it's almost like a get in where you fit in situation. That's what got us in this situation. But to shake.

But you literally like where can you be of help? Where can you be of assistance? Where can you take off a load where that's one less thing to have to worry about, for example, like with you, you know that sleep is very important to me at that point in time. So sometimes you're like, all right, guys, even if if mommy falls asleep. We're going to have a movie night with the kids, and they'll at least be near,

we can cuddle. Mommy's gonna be sleep. But at least it's something that may me still feel like, all right, I'm a part of the family, engaging in sometimes because you don't want to be isolated alone. You don't I don't want to be isolated from you, and like to just figure out where you fit in where there's a deficit and see how you can just make it that

much easier. Like there's just so much for a level of understanding that you can't quite understand, because you will never be able to walk in our shoes and actually carry a child. But I think if you had that level of understanding and you're just like, you know what, I'm gonna let her rock because I just don't quite understand and it's uncharted territory for me. But clearly something's happening here because there's a major change happening, you know.

I think if you allow that grace, you know, that would be probably the biggest thing, the biggest thing to help as a guy, you know, when you have someone that's having your baby. So y'all want to know how I got through this fourth pregnancy. Because you was asking

me mad questions. I was about to ask you. First of all, I wanted to hear a woman's perspective agree, And I think that's very important, especially for guy's that are listening and stuff, you know, because we have a mixed audience, so it's definitely important to hear that and my perspective. Um. But for you, um, you know, you were definitely gung ho about having a fourth child, knowing fully what was gonna be, you know, a part of that. So that being said, you felt like it was still

worth it to have another baby? Absolutely? Why that, um? Because I know pregnancy doesn't last forever. And I also, like, I'm a vet now this is our fourth pregnancy. I've learned too, and this is important young men and young women to understand this. Go into pregnancy with no expectations. Do not expect the child's mother to be able to do any of the things that she typically does on a daily basis, because you don't know how she's gonna feel.

You don't know she's going to be nauseous, fatigued, irritable, And if you go into these situations expecting that will she'll still be able to do this. That's how you get disappointed because you don't know what to expect as long as you go into pregnancy. No one that, hey, I made this choice to create a life with this woman, and don't put any expectations on her. You can't be disappointed.

And when you're not disappointed, you're able to wake up every day and be excited about what the day is to come because now you know that you know this is what I'm ready for. On top of that, be prepared to, like you said, getting where you fit in. No take over a lot of things. There were a lot of things that I typically don't take care of and don't handle that during that first trimester, I just took over from her because I didn't want her to struggle trying to do it and not do it well

and then feel bad about it. Um Codeine has she she gets very guilty, and she feels like if she can't do stuff to the hundred percent, that she's not good at all doing anything. And she also feels like if she does something wrong one time, she's never done it ever right before, so and you have to understand that. Coupled that mentality with the fact that she's emotional and hormonal. It can be depressed. Control over that can be depressing a young lady. So you have to know that this

is what I'm I'm signing up for. And and that's the man part of it. You know what I'm saying. You don't get an escape from the time you get you become pregnant. You have no escape from that until the baby, and there's only one exit. There's only one. I've been having some anxiety lately because I was like, listen to that. I have moments. It just hits me

randomly throughout these seven months so far. I think it's as my belly girls and the baby's growing and I'm seeing like this a whole that's human being in there. There's only one way out, and that gives me severe anxiety because I was like, wait a second, I have to Then I start to get flashbacks of like labor and birth and all that, and that's a whole another thing. Like I was literally crying the other day because I was just like, I can't believe I'm doing this again,

and there's one way out. And as a man, and as a man, I never have to experience that, which is why you have to maturity and experience teaches you how to deal with all of these other things because don't got to do with that fact. But devil has his moments, y'are he not really that mature? Three times Val wants to hit me in the gym. You know, I'm walking high inclined on the treadmill, get my little workout and trying to get my heart rate up for

my thirty minutes. Then this guy wants to be like, babe, how's my abs looking? Like I didn't do that. It's my back fat still. I said, you know what, I'm gonna give him some grace because I understand that he's still working. He's a working actor, and you know, he has to maintain his physique. But sometimes it's a little difficult to hear when you don't ask you, pregnant wife, pregnant wife, how your ads looking. Don't don't do that. That's a trigger that triggers them. Don't don't do that.

I was like, yours look great, let's talk about you. Yeah, waves, waves, that's going now. I've got no more waves. You know, wan't got no more waves for pregnancy. A lot of the stress that I take off of her, you know, where it goes to my follicles. My follicles is dissipated. They going, they ain't even get still. The hairline still tight though. As long as I got my hairline, I'm good. Yeah, nothing A little filler wouldn't He's all right, But you know I'm a rock with that. But um no, I

just the first time mess is a beast. I just I just really want people to understand that as as a man, you have to understand what comes with it. And I'll be joking. I call it she all the time, like, oh, here comes to bitch, and she'd be like, don't call me, no fing bitch. Different? Why I sound like yo? Her voice get mad deep though I love how, I love how I have mad different voices. Sometimes I sound like I don't know, Like do you know yourself? I don't

think you know yourself. You have never been married to yourself, so you don't know what I go through in here. It's like an exorcism in here. Sometimes I don't me and the kids, the kids know to ask them asking about Codeine's multiple personalities. You live in the alternate universe. No niverse, you live in the alternate universe. I don't understand. That's like, well, clearly you understand something because you're still here. So nine a year strong, October three, twenty o two.

You struggling just now to the brain. That's the real thing, to y'all, baby brain. So there's just so many things happening at one time. But you know, we're rocking out. I'm excited. First mess was down, so we're gonna walk out through this process. But first we'll have to take a break, pay some bills, and when we get back, we're gonna speak to some of y'all. Ka's favorite part of this show. I know. I usually actually missed this whenever we're like on our little hiatus and we come back.

I miss having our listening letters because I want to see what's going on with y'all. I mean, if we're sharing what's going on with us, it's only right that we get up in your business a little bit. So we'll be back, all right, So we're back listener letter time, or I'll have missed these, all right. I'll read number one since I'm so excited. I've been watching you guys, and it brings me joy and it's inspiring to watch. Thank you. I have been married for eleven years. August

fifteen will make twelve years. Me and my husband's family is not close. We used to to be. Still, Okay, you don't you don't like periods because this is a real long all right, let's go to dial this back. No, it's literally just now clearly here we are first time. Um, not as close as we used to be. I had three miscarriages and and got shot three years ago. Oh my goodness. Please some kind of way we're gonna blame it on the baby brain, yeah, please, But no, I'm

starting to feel sad for her. She's a lot of stories. This is the story she said. My mom passed away June twelve, just buried her in July. I'm just asking how I can get over the suppress. I want to start trying again for my baby. Me and my husband for two years was not doing good. But now we are trying to make it, make it work. He is listening to me more, and I'm listening to him more too, and talking. But I have been depressed. What can I

do well? It's the first thing. The fact that you said you and your husband are working together and listening and communicating. That step number one, Because most most issues in any relationship, whether it's marriage, friendship, business, all start to splinter because of miscommunication. It's not even because or lack or lack thereof. It's not even because of wrong doings. It's because, oh, this person was doing this, So I thought,

you don't have to think when you communicate. So the fact that they're speaking and working towards it together, I think is the first step. The second thing is she has to admit her depression to her husband. I hope that she has admitted this to her husband and trying to get help. I mean, therapy is always the thing that I'm an advocate for. You know, some people rely on different forms of therapy. We've also even you know, spoken about better help, which is on one of our

sponsors here, So professional help. You have to kind of seek that sometimes. But you have been through a lot three miscarriages, you were shotting and robbery, and your mom passed away, soide, that's a lot of different events that couldn't totally trigger that. Um So, yeah, I try to and I'm happy to see that her and her husband are still together, still working on things, you know what I mean, after the past two years. Um So, I

think you're on the right track. Maybe just getting a little professional help, my help, um to kind of see how you can get out of this slump that you're in. And I wish you guys well, you know, miscarriages are not easy either, um. And I think once your body is kind of healed mentally, physically, um, emotionally, then it'll kind of be the powerhouse that a baby needs to thrive and grow in, because trying to be pregnant in a in a position like this when you're depressed is

probably also to not the easiest thing either. And I think also you just have to make a choice to wake up and this side that you're going to be in a better space mentally. You know a lot of times people are looking for something else to pull them out of that, and realistically, there's nothing that can pull you out of that. You have to pull you out of that. So wake up in the morning and make a decision that you want to be better, and then try to find things to make you feel better. Yeah.

I think at this point maybe she's had ample time to grieve those losses. So good luck to you is if bang number two I got you baby, all right, you just chill with your little pregnant self. Alright, you two over there, I'm doing the podcast. It's the first child doing the podcast with yes, yes baby boy. Alright, hey guys. First thing first, I love you. We love you too. Okay, so here's my little problem. Boom. This person is from New York. Check checking. My boyfriend of

three years. We broke up once. We broke up once, but remain friends but still did. The usual is getting but still did the usually. God damnit, people, let me explain something to you, pussa. It's very import but we still remain friends. Still we did. The usual is getting fake married in order to help someone get their citizenship? Is that the usual? I mean all right, I just found out weeks eight weeks pregnant, and I'm stuck and don't know what to do. So let me read this

all over again. Boom, my boyfriend of three years. We broke up once, but remained friends, but still did. The usual is getting fake married in order to help someone get their citizenship. I just found out eight weeks pregnant, and I'm stuck and don't know what to do. Okay, So what I'm trying to decipher here is is she pregnant? For the person that she married for the citizenship or

is she pregnant for her boyfriend? So what I'm thinking is Boom her boyfriend of three years they broke up but friends, but since they friends, he was like, YO, married me, so I get my citizenship boyfriend, right, which she did, but then got pregnant. Now one person. So now she's pregnant and married to the same dude that was Boom once her boyfriend, but now Boom about to be her baby daddy, her husband. She says, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do mean either, like you stuck? MA? Like,

uh so, where are we stuck? Are we stuck with wanting to have this baby or not have this baby? Are we stuck with wanting to be married? Or are you married? Because you said they got married fake married for the citizenship? Right? So is this like a fake love, fake relationship? Are we rocking with him because we really like him even though you guys were dating. You might need the sense of clarity, Sis, no, no, no, I got this. I got to check this. Watch me break

this down. Find out exactly how long you got to be married for the citizenship to stay in place? All right? Once you find that out, you make a decision about the rest of your life based on you in jail, because if you get caught get married for your citizenship, one you can go to jail. Number two, you can be deported. And those are two things you don't want to figure those two things out first. After that, make a decision of whether you want to keep the baby,

because that's also a woman's choice, and stay married. I can't tell you what to do. I can't tell you what's best for you. Only you know. What I will tell you is this, don't get that as deported and don't get that as locked up. So figure those two things out first and then make a decision for yourself. That's a fact. Or you can send some clarity our way and let us know we can further because we're

guessing right now. We don't know what's really happened. Impossible situation and some hypotheticals, but it sounds like something that will be sisters. It does, it does. This is definitely handy pregnant, and they really made a fake married because Gary ain't really a citizen. Oh plot twist. I like the little plug for your show. It was cute. It was cute. I'll watch every Wednesday, not p n B two. There you go, Zach Team Zack teams a team up.

Al Right, well, if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, y'all, make sure you email us at dead as sid Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A D A S S A d v I C at gmail dot com. C E, you missed the miss you missed the Let me try that one more time. Wound. That's d E A D A S S A d V I C E at Gmail. There you go. You can't be talking to people punctuation and whatnot and then you're spelling it. Just in case when your pregnant wife tell you didn't say to rewind

the tape, you just say the rewind the tape. Learn how to say this whatever you want, babe. It's my favorite words. It's my favorite phrase, all right, Moment of truth time phrases. Yes, let us know what your moment of baby, moment of truth. I know, I know, I know a moment of truth. Right, So, dealing with the first trimester, pregnancy and all that um through every trimester,

and of course we're talking about the first um. Just gratitude is something that I always try to remember because, um, like I said at the end of last season, you know, thinking of people who are trying to conceive or having issues and things like that, sometimes you kind of feel insensitive when you complain about being in the moment, you

know what I mean. Um, but I do feel like you can coexist in the space of gratitude but also being truthful and being honest about how you feel and about the changes that are taking place in your body. So I never wanted to be misconstrued where it's just like, well, you x to be pregnant again, you wanted this again, You've prayed for this baby. You know you and your

husband planned this out, and here y'all are complaining. I just want to make clear that people know this is not a session to complain or to be a bitch and moan, but it's rather to share the truth about it, to share our experience, because we know the record has shown, at least in our podcast, that we're not the ones that feel not the only ones that feel the way

we feel regardless of the topic. We've had so many people that have reached out to say, you guys have saved my marriage or I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. So it's it's okay to exist in the space of gratitude while simultaneously being truthful and being honest about the way you feel in the moment being pregnant. So that's my moment of truth for today. That well, my moment of truth. Um first and start and start. I want to go

back to this is our rainbow baby. Before last year this time, we had lost um a child right after trying to conceive in the summertime. So with that being said, it puts things into perspective. Your wife is gonna be tired, she's going to be irritable, um, she's going to be in a bad mood, she's gonna be nauseous. But there are so many people who can't conceive and who can't carry babies full term. As a as a man, I

feel honored that my wife can. So anything that my wife is going through, I take pride in knowing that I'm gonna help her through that process, even if it can be annoying and and not for nothing. Another moment of truth. It's okay, young man or older man who's having a baby the first time to feel a little annoyed, but knowing that it's your job because you're you're human. And I know some of you guys watch me on social media and I show me having a good time

with my kids and enjoying pregnancy. And I do enjoy my wife and and my my family. But if you ever feel like you don't always feel at your best because you don't understand something, don't feel like you're less standing. Man. You know what I'm saying because I have those same feelings. Sometimes I wake up and I just feel like they am I in the mood to be extra jovial today,

you know, sometimes I'm going through my own things. So um, pick your pick your moments where you need to be honest with your wife or your significant otherwise she's pregnant, let him know how you feel. But it is your responsibility to carry the burden of the emotional toll of having a baby's going to have on your wife, especially in the first trimester. That is your only job. You can't carry the baby, you can't give your wife a break. So bro, you just gotta deal with it. That's my

moment of truth. Deal with that ship. It will get better and you will reap the benefits ten months later, that's a fact. Yes, good job, Ellen's stap me up. Yes, So I'm happy to be back. I'm happy to be back to And it was almost the thing where we were kind of watching the calendar and we're like, oh, shoot, we gotta come back so we can give you all some stuff to listen to it to watch while I go ahead this baby, how about that? So be sure

to follow us y'all on social media. We also do little little things there as well, or you can kind of keep up with us on a day to day basis. Um. But of course that as the podcast and I'm Cadine, I am and I am devouted. If you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe, y'all. We're dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as to Podcasts and never miss a Thing