Fuck new Year's resolutions.
That as I'm curious to know as to why well for me in this new year, I'm choosing not to resolute if I cannot maintain the resolution dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Yes, sir, we are.
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about to take philosof to our whole new levels.
Starts right now.
Story time. I'm gonna take y'all back to January second.
Oh, go to the dates.
Yes, this is why I'm pissed. I'm not really business.
January January second, two thousand and sixteen. This was the year that we had moved to Pacplex.
Ah. It's also the year I got pregnant with Cairo. Yes, I remember, I think I'm the fourth.
Yes, that was our first year in the gym. That's why I remember this so vividly. January second, we had an influx of people signing up for memberships. Remember Dolo and I had did the Elite Physique boot Camp. Yes, we did the Elite Physique boot Camp. We had I think it was seventy plus people come out to the boot camp.
It was like, Yo, we're going to infuse all this life into the gym.
Vengeance.
It was like, let's get ready to go, let's create this right, boom, seventy five people came out.
January third, there was three people in the gym. Three people.
Yo, that's because you kill them on that first day. They didn't even want to come back.
No, this is my issue. You know, we'll discuss what the issue is.
Bottom line is, we have put all of this effort right, and we had put all of this energy into creating this great package for people pause for the New Year, because we understand that people create New Year's resolutions.
We did everything that.
You were supposed to do to entice people to join the gym, and they did join the gym, and they never came back.
Yeah, they didn't just lie to us, they lied to themselves.
Baby in that bank account, because when that rear current payment hits every month, how many people, how many show of hands, how many people right now have that gym membership that they taking money out of your account auto debit every month and you ain't step foot in there.
In a minute, I got two for you and your mom's I'm gonna raise both hands.
Three of us. I go to the gym, Yeah, I need downstairs. Yes, but you know.
I don't go to the gym. I got a gym dance, so I go there. Yeah. So that's my story.
Ever since that day, I've been kind of mad at New Year's Resolutions. But I also have a bigger story, you know that I want to discuss when we come back about actually New Year's Eve, and then we'll discuss why I despise New Year's Resolutions. All right, So for karaoke, I'm gonna let the first karaoke of the.
New Year, thank you so much. You know, I was thinking of like ways we can like revamp the show and all that, but I'm like, you know what, I love the format that we have karaoke is always fun. This karaoke came to me just thinking about like the new year, seizing the moment, and also having met this young lady, beautiful, young lady, super talented. We sat two tables away from each other at the Usher concert. Yes that my amazing husband, My amazing husband.
I don't think they heard.
My spectacular, incredible, amazing husband took me to the Usher Residency show in Vegas back in November. We saw the third to last show, yes on a random Wednesday, and I'm so happy we picked that date because I got to meet Victoria Moneue.
Whatsh yeah? And what didn't he call your name? Y'all? See?
Did y'all see?
Did you see that?
I called this album? Got to meet him in all that good stuff. But she was just so sweet. I've been following her for a minute now. I think it was back in like twenty twenty is when I discovered Victoria Moneue. And it's actually one of my favorite songs that she she sings. You know all my mama is popping right now too. But this one goes back to like twenty twenty. I believe when it was released, and I even kind of got you on it today, on it so I got this feeling that you brought me
to you. Yeah you did, baby. Look what's your mind's imagine the nation can do making shit true? Yeah you do baby? Oh yeah, get it, baby, So let me take away your pain, give me only your emotions landed like a plane on my back. If you can't hold it, life is but a dream that you manifested slowly, so fucking fantasy. It's your motherfucking moment, period. Yes, it's your motherfucking moment, y'all. Top of the year. Let's go. Let's get it. That shit goes hard.
You did that, you did well, Thank.
You, because y'all know one thing I can't do is holding no if you place it in my hand. Baby. But I'm gonna araok, y'all, because that's what we do. Season thirteen, dead ass. We're gonna pay some bills and we're gonna get back.
All right. So now we're back, so back.
Talking about New Year's resolutions. So New York resolutions for me aren't always necessarily like gym or fitness specific, but I do know a lot of people use that as an opportunity to feel like, Okay, it's a new year,
let's restart. I feel like this year was unique in a sense because the first day of the year fell on a Monday, and a lot of people I saw just on social media and stuff, were just like, wow, like this is perfect that it starts on the Monday, because it's the beginning of the week, the first day of the work week. Were prepared to really just let it all rip and be as organized and to restart
and jump start on that day. For me, at least, the kids went back to school technically on the third, so for me, the week didn't start till the Wednesday, so it was easy for me to be like, you know what, I'll start next Monday.
You see what I'm saying. You see what I'm saying on.
The next Monday, which has been the eighth.
So you you part of a problem.
I mean, yeah, I was trying to come up with an excuse me.
Yes, I got what.
I don't I don't have.
I'm gonna give you my perspective of why I hate New Year's resolutions. I hate New Year's Eve. Maybe I'm a scrooge. I'm a New Year's scrooge. But I feel like around Thanksgiving. Now, even before Thanksgiving, like right after Halloween, people start to And I watched this even when I was a trainer. I watch people say, oh, this year is a wash.
From the end of October.
Yes, and they spend the next sixty days just doing all the wrong things and saying, it's the holidays, it's the holidays. I'll start again come New Year's Day.
And I watch people say that lie to themselves for sixty days leading up to New Year's Day. Then they go out and party New Year's Eve and they enjoy this one big moment that literally lasts less than a second. The ball drops, and then it's reality.
Nothing in your life is automatically gonna change on January first. And I watched those same people saying, eh, i'll.
Start next next year.
Ar yep.
But that cycle is so like detrimental because we're toxic. You start, you start January thirty, say hey, i'll start next year. You make all excuses, so you go through the year. Then at the end of the year, you let yourself indulge even more in the bullshit that you was doing that year because you say, hey, i'll start over January first, and then when January first comes, you make no change.
No, I see that too, even just like so there's so many different ways that we can decide to start over, right, But thinking about fitness, for example, you have that New Year's Day resolution that we're going to be fit, so you go into it for maybe the month of January. Right, some people are practicing dry January where they're not drinking after partaking in tons of drinks at the end of the year. So there's like this, you know, like a
like a cleanse, it's detoxing of sorts. And then you get to like May June, when you clearly haven't been on track since the new year, and the summertime comes and it's well, does summer gonna get whatever? Body? I get it? And then it's like, oh, we're going into the winter. We're gonna start training for this summer body in the winter. And then it becomes a vicious cycle of never getting to where you want to be. But how many people are doing that with just so many different aspects of life.
All of their goals. Most people, and this is the truth.
I'm not trying to knock people, but most people tend to get in their own way because they find reasons to talk themselves out of doing it in that moment.
That's me. I will admit it. Yes, that's me.
I remember my taekwondo and jiu jitsu teacher Donna Commando, right before New Year. This was in like nineteen ninety six. I was young, didn't understand it, but she challenged us.
She said, I want you guys to treat every moment like it's New Year's Eve?
And I was like, what you mean by like? I didn't get it? You know, I'm twelve. What does that mean?
She was just like, see how excited people get they prepare for New Year's Eve. There's like, why wouldn't She said, why don't you treat every moment like that? You know, you see some happy new moment. This is the first time in this I've seen you. Right, when you see someone for the first time in the new year, it's happy New Year, you give them a hug, and then after that you go back to treating them like it.
What's up?
It's like, how come as people we don't embrace every moment as if it is a.
New moment, happy new moment.
And also when it comes to our goals, treat our goals, like every day is the first day of the year that starts on Monday. If we treated every moment like that, every goal like that, every idea, every relationship, we can all live better lives. And that's why I don't like New Year, because it always gives people an out. I'll start next year, and the next year it comes and then you say it again.
You know what I'm saying.
If there was no New Year, yes, and it was just this was my continuous life, most people would say, I'm gonna start now, because if I don't start now, it's just gonna spiral into something I don't want.
That's why I can't this. I despise the new Year.
I wonder if there's like a comfort zone that people have with like the new year, the new months, the beginning of the week. You know, there's something about that time frame for people that they mentally say, now's the time to start. But really, ultimately it's not the start, it's the consistency, because I know I've had the issue with the consistency of it all. Like it's nice to think of a new beginning and the detoxing and the cleansing,
and here's what we're going to do. But the follow through, I think is what most people have the issue with. I E. Me. I know I've been you know, on I've been guilty of that too, you know, not keeping up with whether it was fitness goals or just just you know, getting work done. But at what point does it hit you that enough is enough? I think for me, forty was a big, a big thing for me, where I was just like, girl, like, you don't have all the time that you thought you had.
You still got mad time.
I still have mad time. But I'm just saying, like you really think about it, I need to get out of my mind. I think about ages most people, so much of life has gone and I still have more to do.
Well, I mean, but even even that thought process, so much of life isn't going. Babe, Like, you've lived forty years, right, you could live to be ninety. That's fifty more years.
Right.
We pray we want that, But if we keep looking at things in that perspective, it will always be a reason why we can delay.
Right, Let's just throw all of that away. Dens of Washington said a quote.
I'm not saying it correctly, but it's like with confidence, you'll never start and with consistency, you'll never finish. Now, confidence wasn't the first part, but what I gained from it was that, right, the first thing you have to do is start. But like you said just now, which I think was so profound, it's not just about starting, because in the new year, that's what people do.
I go to the gym. I started.
It's not about starting, it's about consistency so that you can finish and reach the goal. And most people won't even try to be consistent because they'll just say, well, I can start over again, and that's the out the crutches.
I can start over again.
Right, you can never start life over again, So why do we keep putting a new barometer where we can start over again? Life has already started. The only thing guaranteed to this life is that it will end at some point.
You don't know when. So since we don't know when, we should value every moment as it's happening and not saying, oh, I can start it again.
We see what I'm saying, We really should. I mean, I think about so many people who have left this earth with so much left to be done that they've spoken about and wanted to do, and just never got around to it, particularly me dealing with my uncles, the loss of my uncle, and think it. I mean the moments when he just said I can't wait to come down and see you. When When can I come when? And you just keep thinking you'll have time until you
don't have time. But also speaking to the consistency of things, they say it takes what twenty one days for you to form a habit or something of the sort. I forget how long it is.
Well, I don't know about the days, but I know it takes over a thousand reps. Okay, So I know that from sports, from exercise, physiology and theciology. It takes a thousand reps of a muscle movement to become a habit or become muscle memory.
Right, And maybe in the physical, but just in general, Like, yeah, even if it means like waking up early every day, I think it takes twenty one days or something like that to form a habit or for you to break yourself of that. So like even just with us and our you know, nutrition journey that we've been on, you and I deciding to just kind of cut certain things from our diet and change certain things and finding alternatives.
It's to the point now where we just can't even eat the things that we used to We can't consume the drinks that we used to like. Things are just so different. But that was also consistency and really the willpower and wanting to change and be different and to be better. So we believe in making changes when the need for change comes. And of course there's no better
time than at the top of the year. But the turn of an old year into a new year is one that's a perfect metaphor for change, and it can be the perfect motivator.
It can be Yeah, it can be the perfect motivator, or it could be the perfect crutch. I'll just wait until the new year.
Yes, yes, yes, So let's think about it. Some things that we're trying to consider when we think about a new year, doing things over, starting fresh, asking each other what we think we can do differently in our relationship this year.
I think that's an important conversation for couples to have throughout the year. This conversation is about the new year, but I think that conversation is just important in general.
Right, what can we do? What can I do?
And we're gonna talk about this in a later podcast, because we had a whole not even ordeal, but we had a perfect example while we were filming yesterday that you and I have noticed our growth as a couple. Yes, and we were able to pinpoint like, man, you handled that differently than you would have Oh, for sure, I handled it differently than I would have.
Yes.
And it's also a good time for the new year to also not only talk about what you can change, but also point out growth, absolutely point out what you've done differently, to say, you know what, we have come a long way. Let's not just say everything helways has to change. Let's look back and say, look, this is where we were, this is where we are.
I think one thing that's worked for us over the
years is using the new year. Although we do have frequent touch about where we are when it comes to personal goals, family goals, career, individual together, the children, We're always having touch bases throughout the year, whether it's quarterly, weekly, about what we want to do, what we're doing, assessing the situation, but even just being away with my girlfriends from my birthday, I was encouraging them, those who are in relationships to start the New Years as a moment
or as a time where you sit with your significant other and you make plans for the year. You assess the things that happened in the previous year, whether it's career, you know, relationship based, family, whatever, assess the things that worked that didn't work, and then you make a plan for the new year and have those moments where you can touch base. Because we've done that, yes, for several years, I think it definitely helps with setting the tone for the year.
It's funny you say that because I have a couple of different group chats, and a couple of the dudes in the group chats out then have asked me on the side, like your d how do you set up your ar Like how do you set up your year to move forward and progress? And how do you decide like what you're going to focus on for the year. And for a large part of those conversations, I was lost, like I don't understand what you're talking about. And you're like, you know, the start of the year. I've never been
a start of the year guy. It's just every week, every month. And what I did tell them was I don't utilize the start of the year is to be all and end off for anything.
Every month. I every month.
It starts with my finances, to my health, to my mental health, to my relationships with my wife, to my sons, to my friends. I'm always asking myself where was our last month? Where am I now? How am I going to get to where I want to get to next month? And what I don't ever do is I don't judge myself based on where I am in this moment, because sometimes you don't realize how far you come until you look back. Some of us are so like head driven that we only look forward.
I do that a lot. And that's one thing you've taught me.
Over the past couple of years was vow you're always so upset about where you haven't reached yet that you don't even realize how far you've come.
And I was like, I don't know what you're talking me. I want to shit. I just know where I want to.
Go, right, But I will employ everybody the start of this year, rather than saying I want to go here, take a look back at the year before and the year before that and the year before that, and see where you've come or if you haven't moved at all, and then only then should you make an assessment about how you're going to move forward.
I think that's very key. But it's funny you said to me when I said, Man, I'm thinking about all the life that I've lived so far, and it's forty years, and it's like, man, what have I really done in forty years. It's a similar thing here where I'm also looking at the things that I haven't accomplished yet and the things that I still want to do, and still
feeling like I'm running out of time. Like we always talk about this clock and this time frame that we have in our minds, things that need to be done. I forget who it was. Recently, I was reading up on was it Quentin Brunson that just started like acting or writing in her forties?
A lot of people I don't know.
I forget who it was, but she just started on social started directing it like yeah, and it's like there's so much I feel like when you start doing things in your you know, the end of the thirties early forties is when you really have a grasp on who you are, what you're capable of, what you want, what your non negotiables are.
And we'll talk about this in another episode with just forties and what that means to us. But really at that point, you just realized there's so much more time that I have to the things that I want to do, but I'm better equipped to do it now because of my life experiences. So it really depends on how you look at it.
And that's what I really want to employ people in this episode. It's to stop looking at the new year as a got to start now. It's a fresh slate, and I'm gonna because once you start doing that, you start to create all of these Like first of all, you create these ceilings and expectation for yourself that if you don't reach a certain spot at a certain time, then it's quit.
I'll start over next year.
I implore people to start by looking back first and see how far you've come.
Patch yourself on the back.
You, for example, forty years old, you graduate from college, got your master's degree Magne coulaude. You've worked in multiple fields, built a successful business, built successful businesses, had four children, got married, move across country twice. You gonna see what I'm saying, Like, there's a lot of things that you've done that some people that's their goal that you've already done at forty, so for you to be like, man, so much time has passed and I haven't accomplished anything.
We all do that as people, all of us, not just you. I've done that myself. I'm sitting here and I'm sitting here watching TV, and you guys know how much I love film. I love television, and I'm watching these films and I want to do a big blockbuster film. So I'm watching I think it was Top Gun. Then I watched Mission Impossible and then it's like a tear rolled down my face.
Oh yeah, you were in the theater once, like for a little strip of time, like just watching watch rooms. Yeah, and k was just like, what room you looking at you? Like, I know this movie good, but I mean, I mean, it wasn't.
Jerk, And I was just thinking, Nah, what i want to do. I want to add what I want to do. I'm like, I'm forty years old.
You know how many people that have been in films at that time? They forty And then Kate was like, yeah, but have those people played in the NFL? And they started a business. I'm not for profit, move across the country, half for kids, wrote a book became a New York Times bestseller, became an influencer.
And I was kind of like, yeah, that's nice stuff.
But I would ask that's literally just that. At random points start the day, I'll see he looks a little like pensive, and I'm like, what's the matter you, okay, because first of all, I'm gonna be like, what did I do?
You?
Like, in this year, I'm not looking at what did I do? Because it's not always me all the time. I don't be doing nothing, I don't be doing that, and I just be breathing. And sometimes this niggas look like he's pissed, and I'm like, what's the matter.
He's like, Man, I just want to act, That's it.
I just want to act. I want to act. I want to be respected as an actor. I want people to see me. I want to be a THESPI and I want to act. And I'm like, it's coming, babe, it's coming. I know it is. I know it is.
And we went to Sherry's show Crystal and I this year and she had a mantra that she talked about because she talked with Oprah and the mantra she got was later Greater Comes Later which, if you think about it, Sherry didn't become a host of her own daytime TV show until she was in her fifties. She's been a comedian for over thirty years, doing the work, you know what I'm saying, doing the work. And now she's up for every award, she's killing it and she's in her fifties.
Here we are just turned forty thirty nine, thinking, oh, it is over, no time, there's no time left.
That was me at thirty. I was in shambles when I turned thirty, y'all. I was literally in shap I was like the skinniest that ever was in my life too, and just like stressed, like I'm thirty. The life is over. It's like that top of the roller coaster and now you're like on your way down. And I'm like, damn, so thank you. And I was so excited about forty, like I feel so excited about it. So many people who are already in there forties tell me how amazing it is here and so far, so good.
I will say, it is amazing here in your forties, it's in. Things have been amazing. You're nearing there, Yes, amazing for me and your oh appreciate.
And speaking of things we can do differently in our relationship. This year, I am completely and fully invested in making sure I'm finding moments to just do small things to celebrate you and let you know how much you mean to me. I think we get caught in the rat race sometimes. I know how I get sometimes with just horse blinders on when there's things to be done and there's kids, and there's work, and there's stuff, and there's stuff.
But I am looking forward to just spending more small moments just you know, loving on you and also too deval and I are not. We've kind of made the decision together that when it comes to our relationship, we've given y'all a whole lot. Yeah, but we don't give you everything. We've given y'all a whole lot, And to an extent, I think we've reached the end of sharing about our relationship and marriage.
And yeah, yeah.
I mean not the end, because we're still going to share because we love to share. I'm a content creator, my wife's a content creator, and what better content and creator about your life? Like there's no better content. But and we're gonna do a whole podcast about this. But our children are of paramount important to us, and we really would be doing them a disservice if we didn't
focus on parenting more than we did content creation. And the older Jackson gets, the older Kyro and kads getting able to voice to us what they want and what they need and require, they need us more and they need less us entertaining people while parenting them. So we are definitely making a choice to do things differently, especially in this year, protect our peace as a family a lot more. Because when it was just CoDeeN and I, it's easier to go out there and create content and
do stuff and feel comfortable. But when your children are now out there on their own by themselves and people like hey Jackson, I've seen hey Kiro, I know, and they coming home and telling us, it's starting to get a little scary, you know, because you know, you just don't want your children to feel like they didn't.
Have a choice, you know.
So absolutely things will change for the ilyssis not in a bad way. This is just a way for us to you know, y'all know us can I gonna be D and K until we die?
Shout out to our patreon gang, who fact, that's where you're really going to get, if anything, the content that we continue to put forward. Yeah, this gear moving on. So just to make that almost like I guess a mini announcement that if you're going to want to see the Ellises, that's where you're going to get it. It's on Patreon. Because other than that, we're really just making a conscious effort to step back. I mean, think about it.
We've been on the scene doing like Black Love. How many years ago is that?
That was six years ago? Cairo was a baby and.
Just pregnant with Cas almost six years on going on seven years. I mean, if you will, you can call deval and I the godmother and godfather of family content, black love content, you know what I mean. We've been doing this for a while. We've been with all the panels. We've been talking about relationship, we wrote a book, we
did the documentary. It's like, how many more ways can we begin to or continue to tell our story without it, you know, of course getting monotonous, and we don't realize as devou star rises, as my star rises, there's going to be new people who are exposed to the Ellison.
I don't know you, I don't think it will ever be monotonous because life is an organism. It changes consistently, so nothing will be monotonous. The conversations we have about our family today will be completely different tomorrow once the kids.
Get about Love Story, particularly, But I don't.
Think anything can become monotonist because it's always evolving. Like I love Story. Think about the podcast I Love Story. When we first started this thirteen seasons ago, it's not the same as.
It is now. The way we spend about each other, to each.
Other, for each other, spoken about Yeah.
So I think it's it's always going to evolve.
I think for me, and I'm not going to speak for you, but for me, the biggest issue is time, Like I really want to be involved as a father and as a husband right and as a mom. My mind for the past seven years has been We're gonna go spend time or do something. But how does this become digestible content for our viewers as opposed to I'm going to spend time with my wife, and I just want to spend time with my wife.
Think about the amazing time we had spelling since us spending the New Year. Sorry, I had such a good time. I had such a good time at the end of the year, y'all. It's making me stammer. But just from my birthday trip my girls, to us being away with my family and the boys and stuff for my mom's birthday, my birthday, and the New Year, and we weren't documenting any of it for public consumption. We were just living in those moments and it was amazing.
I also think that's why the podcast is going to continue to be what it is, because now that we're not picking up our phones as much and we're actually living in the moment, which is what we've been talking about today. Living in these moments, these new moments from the New year. Yes, living in these moments allow us to tell you, guys what happened through the podcast.
So I know you guys have been seeing.
There's going to be our last go around for the Dead Ass Podcast live show.
We're going to do a podcast about that, yes, but Dead Ass Podcast.
Is not going anywhere for now. We're going to continue to you see, k ready to be out the vale ain't going nowhere. CA can goever this. I love doing this, No, I.
Love doing this too, But I also toy with and contemplate the idea of like when you have something good. At what point do you just say, you know what, good things come to an end. Let us know how y'all feel about that, y'all, let us know how you feel about that. Because I go back and forth, I go back and forth.
You think they're gonna tell us they want it to be over. They listening like they're not. I don't know what you're asking for.
No, I'm just saying, you know, the the podcast space is very, very like saturated. Now, maybe there's other stuff people.
There's only one dad.
As I was going to roll out, the breakfast club is going.
On for how many years?
This is like thirteen years for them, and they still get up every morning and they like certain things. If this was a scripted television show where we had to find stuff to talk about, then I'd be concerned because it's like, how many ways can y'all do this? But this is a show where we discussed our life and what's happening.
Our life is constantly happening. You know what I'm saying.
I get it. Yeah, And I.
Love to talk to people about it or talk about because people get a chance to see.
I love to share.
I'm never going to be a pastor I'm not going to be an attorney. I'm not going to be a congressman. But the way I feel like I can help people is by sharing my experience and using my platform to share my experience, not through anyone else's sore. For me, dead Ass podcast is a way for people to get the.
Real from us.
Yes, you know what I'm saying.
No one can tell No one is telling us what to say how to say it. So for me, I feel like this can go on as long as we want it to go on, but as long as we want it to and I'll say this publicly, if there comes a point where you don't want to do dead Ass Podcast, that's a conversation that we can have.
I just like being able to talk and this is therapy for me.
So even if it's you know, if we shut down dead Ass podcasts and I just have a dead Ass with Devo, that's something that I feel like I would want to do and that's not something we have to talk about now.
But you know what I'm saying, No, I'm just saying it. I've toyed with the idea and in the spirit of us being transparent about where we see us going in terms of content, you wanting to be recognized as a thespian, as an actor. You know. It just has me thinking, like, Okay, at what point does certain things close out and then we open up a new thing or you know, what, what is that going to look like for us? And that's a part of like a new Year's thing that
we talk about. At the beginning of this year, you hired someone new as an agent, like you got rid of people who didn't serve you in that space anymore, Like that was a new rebirth for you of Okay, what's going to be the next thing that can happen to take me to the next step, to the next level. And sometimes that's necessary in order to elevate. You have to reassess where you are and realize have I outgrown this space? And can I be of service to others
in a different space or entity. And that's all I've been toying with. So don't get nervous, y'all. I'm saying be over tomorrow. I'm just saying it's something I've been thinking about. I've had enough.
Just put this in the air that I may not be here next week, you know, Just let y'all know. Put my two weeks in.
Now, But how also on top of the year, we're thinking of the children and what we can do differently as parents, and you've touched on that and us just wanting to be present and wanted to make sure the children are getting our undivided attention. You know how I feel about that. That's paramount for me. I'll drop everything all day, every day for my boys. So that goes without saying. How do we approach making big changes in our life? How did you fear in reaching the goals
you set last year? And are you carrying any of those goals into the new year? Those are some good questions, trips.
I you see, these these are questions that I feel people should be asking continuously, yes, not just on the first day of the year, because these are these are ways you just become better as a person period, you know, like if you think about where we were last year this time, and this is this is how I typically just to answer these questions.
How I start my life. This is just my way, I'm not saying so everybody's real.
I start out with financially because I can't do anything in this world without resource to be able to do them. So the first thing I do every the top of every years and where was I this time last year financially? Did I save money, did I lose money? Did I make investments that reached me benefits, or did I make
investments that I lost on? Like, I really dissect my finances and say in the course of twelve months, because sometimes you can't look at a snapshot and stuff changed from month tomorrow, So you can look at a twelve month calendar and say, Okay, I've gained access to resource, so I've lost resources. So I used that time to figure that out first.
That's in the first week of the year. We met with our CPA, our financial advisor.
Yes, and there's a difference, there's different accounting, our tax but he's our CFP certified Financial punn of shout to Sean.
Sean from he's been on the podcast before, but he was like one of the first people that we touched base. But though we speak to him pretty much like weekly, at this point, he's somebody who we speak to at the top of the year just because, like you said, you want that screenshot of or that snapshot of what the year looked like last year and then a detail assessment of you know, profits and losses and money.
Because he tells us, like the first thing he said was this is where you were last year, and this is where we are. So this is what you've gained, this is what you lost.
This is what you can do.
This is what you Yes, this is what you can do, because you shouldn't do. I hired a bookkeeper last year. A bookkeeper is different than your certified personal accountant. An accountant goes through all of your profits and losses and they do all your tax things and make sure that you're in compliance with the government. The bookkeeper takes a look at every transaction on every account and tells you was as profitable or if it wasn't.
And one thing I'm gonna do is transact. Okay, one thing I'm gonna do is transact.
One thing his he is a funny thing. Then and I share. We share an American Express card. We share too, we share a personal American Express card, and we share the business American Express card.
She doesn't know this, but the bookkeeper told me.
She said, are you aware that the eighty two percent of the spending on both cards is kadeen?
That's what percent?
She said, Yeah, about eighty two percent of the spending on and I said eighty two percent as far as she said, well, not total amounts spent, but total amount of transactions. So of one hundred transactions, eighty two are going to be yours for sure. I said, so how much of those transactions?
You know?
How much of the spending? She said, oh, well, it's about sixty percent. So I said, so it's not large things. But she said, no, it's not large, but it's a lot.
I'm a transact.
Yeah, you go, she said, there's there's a couple of days where she's had twenty plus transactions in one day.
That's a fact because some days I shut down and I'm like bills to get paid. Don't get me in a rhythm. Okay, cause don't get me in a rhythm because you might have twenty on each depending on the day. There's business stuff, that's household stuff. Is this that that? It makes sense? It makes sense? Twenty eight percent? What was it?
Eighty two percent? I'm eighteen percent.
I'm eighteen percent transacting and try to that so, yeah, you know how to act transact.
That's gonna be the new thing for K can not act transact.
I'm gonna put that shit on the T shirt.
Okay, But the bookkeeper pretty much gives you a full accounting of where your money's going, how often it's going out. I found out how much money we spent on fast food, how much money we spent on travel, how much.
The business expense.
And then once you get all that information, you say, dang, this amount of my investments reaped this amount of benefits. So once you have all of this information, you now can set up a plan for the for the year moving forward, which is what you and I did with Sean.
And it's great to have several eyes on it. Right, Sometimes I'm going to miss something, miss something, so it's great to have a couple of different eyes to say, hey, y'all, now right, stop the transacting. It's to start saving, you know it.
Also it also shows us where what it showed me where our priorities lie. Most of Kadeen's transactions came through the household, stuff for the boys, stuff for like she would go for example, we say twenty transactions. She wasn't out there buying twenty Gucci bags. It was she'd shop in Amazon. And you know Amazon, sometimes they do each individual transaction. Yeah, so a lot of your transaction home stuff, stuff for the kids. A lot of my transactions were
larger transactions, but it was mainly for business stuff. So when I looked at the bookkeeper, she was just like, you know, you spent a lot of time focused on your businesses, Kate spent a lot of time focusing on the home.
But that lets us know where we are and how it works for us.
That's our strengths, our strength, yes, for sure, because then ask me not about the business. I mean, you do do a good job of looping me in so I'm aware of what's happening and the same, yeah, got to know. And I'll always before I go to swipe the car to do anything, I'm usually like, okay, babe, bike, business, personal, you know, can we do this right now? Can we not? The strike last year was how many months we were in the strike?
Man six months? That was another thing last year. Look at the year prior. You look at what happened during that year and say, how did we fare in that year when this happened. And I think over the course of last year, Kadeena and I learned a lot about ourselves.
Because I was not working for six months.
I was the first time since the quarantine, and even during the quarantine, TPS was still filming. I filmed two seasons of television during the quarantine, so I never felt what it was like to be out of work for that time. But then we're not filming since June and then rolling around into December and not getting a paycheck. Kadeena and I really bogged down on our expenses and we realized how we can live like this even if
we don't get paid. And I want to say this, yes, when you have a partner, whether it's your wife, fiance, child's mother, child's father, doesn't matter what it is, coming together at any point and saying this is our wealth strategy moving forward is how you can better assess what your year is going to be. Because Kadeen and I sat down with Sean, and Sean asked us Devalu and Kadeen what are your career goals for the year. What are your financial goals for the year. But then most
importantly he said what are your investment goals? Because they're not all the same. And the thing is you can't do all three if you don't have a good foundation with your partner to say, okay, if my career goals are For example, if cases my career goals are to get established with creating my own haircare brand, that's going to cost us money. If my career goals is to get some more property or start building a gym, that's
going to cost us money. So it's like, how do we decide where the money that we've pulled together is going to go unless we sit down together and say, listen, is our plan for the future.
And what I really appreciate about you and Sewan because again, Sewan's been he's your godbrother, so he's been in your life for a long time. But I've never made to feel like any goal of mine or any you know, business, you know, idea is less than what you want to do. Like it's literally like, okay, we're gonna come to this table and brainstorm. Does it make sense? So I never take personally like devows endeavors are more important than mine
or vice versa. I think that's the beauty and a partnership like this is that yo, if it's gonna be mutually beneficial to the family, and it's the right time because certain things is just not the right time for it, you know, it's it's always making sure that we're touching based on those things, and it's a continual touch base for sure. All Right, y'all, I think this was a pretty good way to start the new year with y'all a new season. Welcome to season three of Dead Ass,
I mean thirteen man, Welcome to season thirteen. Season three is the team and you say, got my seasons all mixed up? Season three is a team that it will be out soon too. But welcome to season thirteen of Dead Ass Podcast with Candadian de Val. Y'all. All right, let's go pay some bills as we talked about money and finance at the top of the year, and we'll be back for the listener letters and moment of truth. I'm excited to see what y'all got for the top of the year. All right, we're.
Back listener letters, first listener letters of the year.
Let's see.
Let's see if y'all made it good for us for the new season and the new year. You want to read first, baby, or do you want me to go? I'll go first. I want to say how much I appreciate the podcast and you guys sharing your lives with us. See I get that. As I'm telling you maybe I want to end this sometime soon. That's what happens though, right, You put something out there and then God tells you what you should do exactly answered answered prayers. Right all right.
I am based in Canada, but originally an islander from Haiti bonure funny, all right. I've been married for about nine years now, and let's just say marriage is ghetto what but it is still worth it. I love that your story inspired me to move my family closer to our relatives in the Greater Montreal area. Despite the hard times, I can definitely say it was the best decision for us. So thank you. I want to ask about your thought process on expanding your family. I have one child. Our
first experience with pregnancy was difficult. Got into hospitalize bed rest at twenty five weeks and then the baby decides to come into the world two weeks later through an emergency C section. From the day is spent on his bedside at the NIKU to coming home with him on an oxygen machine, the whole journey was traumatizing for me. I understand before twenty twenty three it was a hard no one having another child, but my husband and I always wanted two children. My ovaries are doing a number
on me. Now I've now graduated to maybe. I'm currently working with my therapists on the birth trauma because I want to make sure either way that I'm not making a choice by fear, which is super smart. I know that I will be high risk or I will be a high risk pregnancy with a higher chance of having a second PREMI and probably be on bed rest. So what made you guys want to have more children after the first experience with your first boy? And please? When
are y'all coming to Montreal? See you now? I'm telling you I want to end a tour. Y'all come here to come to Montreal. We haven't even been worldwide yet. We might not to reconsider this. I'm trying to put you guys on my date night list. Alrighty, it's thank you for writing in. I already understand the anxiety that comes with no matter how many times you've been pregnant, no matter how many children you have every single pregnancy as a woman, you feel this overwhelming sense of responsibility
to bring this precious life full term. And I have family members, I have a cousin, I have friends who have all had experiences where they've had early labor pre term labor babies in the NICICU, I mean micro mini babies. My cousin had a thirteen ounce daughter who is now a vivationous to year rold who is thriving and doing so well second pregnancy. So I know that there's a lot of different depending on the persons situation. There's a lot of different interventions that can happen early in the
pregnancy that will help you to get to full term. So, for example, my cousin who knew she was prone to pre term labor, had a surclage put in and that really helped her to us whole the baby. And it's pretty much where they stitch your servix closed in the very beginning of the pregnancy, and that is able to kind of give you a barrier depending on how short
or how weak your service is. Yeah, so now she's made it to about thirty four weeks, she's a sedulity section and she's right there and this is the first time that she's full term. You can do maternity pictures and all of that. So not sure what your situation is this when it comes to pregnancy, but that may be something you can explore with your doctor different ways to see how you can maybe have early intervention done
to be able to bring a child full term. But speaking to the first pregnancy that we had, in the first birth, which was Jackson.
I pray God.
We said, if you make if my scene comes through this okay and my wife is okay because we almost lost care. I said, I'm never having another child, and I will treat these two better than you ever seen a man treat kids and a mother. Like That's how I felt, because I was like, please, just don't take one of my favorite people away from me, so I know how she feels. One thing I will say very simple, anxiety.
Comes from fear. Fear comes from the unknown.
So the more you educate yourself and what you need to be better, the better you'll feel about it.
Period.
You can talk about the trauma all day to a therapist, but the only thing that's going to really heal you from that fear of not knowing is knowing. So let's get as much information. When it came down to having Cairo, I read so many different books, I watched so many documentaries, I watched clips on you. I did everything almost to the point where now people were calling me a doula dad, because when it came down to the birthing process, I knew everything. I so for me, I had the same
anxiety she had. But I just kept educating myself and I said the more I know, the better. And when I saw things happening, I said, well, based on what they told me, this is normal, and it helped us.
There were no surprise. I mean, naturally with birth there can be, but it's always a surprise.
Baby here like that the surprise all ship is coming right now.
We did not know he was coming today, Like there's always a surprise, but just knowing.
Yeah, I'm gonna let yell in a little quick embarrassing surprise that I had with Dakota's birth. So y'all, you know, like it's possible when from like the pushing, like imagine like pushing and like what you normally will push out of everybody. I had a floating poop, Guys, I had a floating poop.
It was a cue.
It was a little.
Baby poop.
It was I was so embarrassed in that moment, like here I am like holding this beautiful baby in a moment and I'm like, is that poop floating through the rose petals. Oh my god. And it was literally like I saw it and my midwife saw it at the same time, and she had the little like fishing it that she could scoop a fish out of a fish. Take with that. She just scooped the poop and it was gone. And I could not stop being mortified in that moment.
And then you pushed the whole person. I didn't look.
Down at the cold and be like, I just pushed your six pound self out of me. So, yeah, I guess I should real talk.
Nobody judges women like women like y'all judge yourselfl y'all judge yourself.
More than a nobody else. People in there crying like baby, somebody get the ship literally.
I mean, it's ruining my photos. I'm like, can we photo shot the ship out?
Like you know, I've seen it. I didn't even care. I was just happy you was healthy. I was happy the baby was here, was crying. That's all I cared about. That stuff was minor.
I really didn't care.
Yes, yes, yes, all right, says good luck to you as you talk about with your spouse, baby number two, the good things that you have all the family there. Yes, so you know you'll have the reinforcements that you need to get you to a full term liber I'm going to put full term baby in labor. I'm going to put that out.
For you at yourself on what you gotta do to get that baby to full term and do that that will help ease some of the anxiety.
You guys got it for sure. We pray for y'all. Y'all got it?
Number two?
Hello Devala Kadeen.
Been a fan for a while now, Like I still have my dope dad to yoh, that's what's up?
That long?
About forty of those sean on a dad gang. Now, while I'm seeking advice from a married couple, I do have my own mindset on how I'm going about the situation. I'm dating my girlfriend of three years now. This was our first year living together and it was rocky, but as things improved, I decided we could take this to the next step. Now. I had foolishly proposed two times prior, both times without a ring. The second time I proposed,
she said no, but I do. Sorry, it's funny. She was like, hell, no, nigg you ain't got a ring, but do better, and yes I will. That's what she said, Now fast forward. My girlfriend did tell me not to propose this year, but I thought we were on the right track. I put forth a better effort for the proposal, which would have me proposing in I don't even know what this word is vs.
Three gold by the luminescent Bay. I think that's what it is.
I thing, Okay, Well, we didn't get on we didn't get to go on the trip. So I figured i'd make a Plan B, that is nigga WHILEY was led all the way up to Plan D.
Listen when you get plan okay, sorry, took it away for the new year.
If Plan D ain't playing A, then it's a problem because in all my plans eight is a D, and that's what I'll be trying to give to K. All right, So Plan A means that D gonna get the d D K all right? Who alphabet suit make you happy?
All right? All right?
So when I finally found a chance, we're playing found a chance, she s said, no, didn't even look.
At the ring. Man, I can't lie me putting my heart on my sleeve.
That' shit hurt and put me in a not so good place, and my emotions got the best of me, and we ended up having our first argument ever. I tore pictures of us off the wall and said some pretty hurtful things. We went to counseling and sort of bounced back. I still apologize, as I know I caused my own grief and apologize for reacting emotionally. She still feels hurt about it. What the fuck she feel hurt about now? I got a lot to say about this. I'm sorry, and I'm not looking for her to hurry
and get over. Get over what the man's been wanting to get married to you, but since he didn't have a ring, you said no. But now he tried to do something else, came with a ring, and you still said no.
Finish the story.
Niggas be trying to do a lot, and we finished the story. I called my own grief and apologize. And the fact is he's feeling shameful. He had to apologize for her that she said no to his apology. This is some mind fuck here. She still feels hurt about it, and I'm not looking for her to hurry and get over, and I'm willing to make the situation less painful as long as she needs. Because I did mess up here. But my question is how will I know when or if I can propose?
This is? This? Is this sound crazy?
This is gonna be a fourth time proposed?
Don't sound crazy to nobody else? Should I forget about engagement? Yeah, nigga, forget about it. Go ahead, propose to somebody else.
She says, so far from that step, So it's like forbidding to even speak about it.
She don't want to get married, bro, she don't want to get No, I'm not confused. I know what it is.
I know exactly what. She does not want to get married. She doesn't want to get married. Let me tell you why. We had this whole argument at one of the live podcasts. Right, all of these women were saying, in order for her to say yes to the guy, he needs to come with a certain ring on a certain day, got to be to remember all this stuff. And then I started asking him of what do y'all come to the table with? And they were like, oh, I want to know what
she came to the table with. At least this time he came with a ring.
It seems like she came with a lot of demands.
You he's never gonna make her happy, bro.
Yeah, I don't understand. It's just like she said do better, and yes, said, well do better at what the proposal? Or do better at life? You know what I'm saying, like, what are we doing better at? It's either you know what you don't sist. I mean, I feel like at this point once it's like a third and fourth proposal. How I wonder how long they've been together. I'll say this, stayd my girlfriend for three years now. I'll say yes, he said he got a Dad Gang T shirt.
So he's a father. I don't know if that's the child's mother or not. He hasn't specified, but I will say this though, right. I have been with Kadeen since we were eighteen. Kadeen used to leave pictures of the ring type she wanted on the refrigerator. She put it on my laptop, she put it everywhere.
Manifestation.
If I would have proposed to Kadeen without a ring and said will you marry me, Kadeen would have said yes, Am I lie?
I would have said yes, that's my point. I would have I didn't care.
There wasn't no it has to be this way. The pressure that I put on myself was on you.
You said that before too.
Yes, yes.
Now, this is why I say when women was like, yeah, you put that pressure on yourself, That's why I say that's a lie, because look, he didn't have that pressure on himself.
He said, I love this woman. I'm asking to Mary man, I don't have a ring, and that bit. She said no.
Twice, and then he got the ring and she said no again, like what niggas supposed to do.
I'm sorry, bro, I don't think she wanted to get married. I don't.
I wonder why they didn't go on the trip too. He said, well, we didn't get to go on the trip, so I figured I may plan was ready to plan d I wonder how he ended up proposing it either way, It's like, come on, man, yo, I would love to hear her.
I want to know from the viewers. I want to know from the listeners. Man, what y'all expect.
A man to do? Man, because y'all been telling us all this time. I don't care about the ring. I just want you.
We don't watch movies where the guy and got the perfect ring and they didn't threw the ring and said, that's not about this.
I want you.
He came with himself and she said nah. She said, nah, I'm good on that, but you need to work harder. I got you next time. Come on, come on now, y'all know how I just want one of the women listening. You know how hard that is from man. He proposed three times, and even after proposing got shut down, he apologized. And now and now he feels bad, like I feel sorry. I know I messed up anybody.
Hopefully she'll get the mindset on the situation I want. Is this your mindset? Broh?
And now he's talking about some Hopefully you know she she will get over it.
Get over what turning you down three times?
I think what she's changed. They probably was the hurtful things that he might have said. Maybe that particular arts.
She deserved them. Stop yelling over that trouble. You scream, you laughing, but it's not funny. May be going through a man, be going through a lot, Okay.
Going Everyone has to say of the year or two, got rowled up, got me riled up, rolled up.
And I ain't mean to call your girl a bitch. I don't mean to call it bitch. She's not a bitch. A bitch with that move was bitchy. That move was real bitchy.
I ain't you know what I'm saying. I ain't ever gonna call a woman a bitch, but that move was bitch. You you know what I'm saying. That's messed up, man, bro.
Let us know how it goes. Let us know where things. I guess one things cool off and if she gets over it, give us a follow up, please, because I'm curious and I wish.
I wish I had another a girl over here. I could just be like, here, propose us. She's gonna say yes, like I just wish. Like right now, you know what I'm saying, anybody, his confidence.
Is probably at the load, Like his confidence is in a basement right now. He's still trying to do whatever he can do to make this woman happy.
Man.
I feel I feel bad for him, bro, like I do.
Man, Sorry, brother, let us know how it goes. Let us know, give us a touch base because we were very was very invested at this point.
I am, I want to know what's happening, man, very invested. Now if it turns out that he'll scum back, and I'm gonna.
Be like, hey, man, right exactly, we don't have the full story. You wrote this listening letters. You ain't tell us you did that, like right, right right. That's usually how it kind of slow leaks after. It's like a bad fart, you know what I mean. It's like slow leaking slow.
Now you call my man a fart. He just got he got denied on the proposal. Three times. You call my man a fart. Man, Go to the moment. Go to the moment.
Well, don't be bitch y'all, and make sure you write in if you want to be featured as a listener letter, because we love to hear from you. We're in season thirteen underway and we can't get enough of y'all. So email us at dead ass Advice at gmail.
That's d E A d A S S A d V I C E at gmail dot com.
All right, time for the moment of truth. We're talking new year, new me or not to resolute or to not to resolute.
Or I got an easy one, go for it.
Live in a moment. Treat every day like it's January first. Yes, entreat every moment like it's December thirty first, at eleven fifty eight, and enjoy those two minutes and say what can I do with this new start? And don't let it just be that day that's my just every moment. I want you to take every day of twenty twenty four and say, this is a day I'm going to create and enjoy and love and embrace.
I love that. I think my moment of truth to piggyback off of you, I think it's kind of hit the nail on the head. But also to just just be honest with yourself. Be honest with yourself as you approach a new year, a new week, a new month, whatever it is. Be honest with yourself about what you want to do and don't want to do. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking like, oh, yeah, I can be this and I want to be that. If you really don't want to do it, you have to put the
work in. And that's what I have finally done for myself. I've just been honest about where my priorities lie and the things that I really want to invest my time and energy on, and everything else is just a hard no. So I think being honest with myself has helped me think about how I want to approach the new year and each new week and each new month, because it's something that I feel like small goals and small bits of consistency will help me get to where I got to get to.
So what Kay is saying is, if somebody proposed to you in twenty twenty four and you don't want to get married, say no, gotcha, you're on her side. Be sure to find us on Patreon. But no, I hear you though, because we did talk about that too. Being able to live in your truth and walk in your truth regardless of what everyone else feels, be comfortable saying nah, I just don't want to do that.
Bro. That's me all day, every day, New Year, New decade, all that for real? All right? Be sure to find us on Patreon, y'all. Thank you to those who are subscribed and you're listening and you're watching, you're seeing all the good stuff. Who's watching my birthday recap? It was a vibe. It was a vibe, y'all. You can also see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content and be sure to find us on social media. If you're not following us yet, dead Ass the Podcast and I'm Kadeen I am.
And I am Devout And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, Make sure you get your copy of We Over Me, The counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship, and get them tickets to the Love Against the World Tour.
Guys, y'all are in for a treat. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, And with this being the last tour that we're doing for the foreseeable future, I think you want to get on it. Get on it. You don't want to say that you missed it. So whatever city you're in, whatever you're near, make sure you get there. Dallas, New York, Charlotte, DC, Philly, Atlanta. All Right, we'll see y'all there.
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