Namaslay with Trap Yoga Bae

Go listen to see you by. I've had several times in our relationship where being with you, I've always had to question if I was enough. Damn. I know you're gonna say that what that kind of hurt? What hurt? Because now I feel bad you were supposed to feel bad. I'm just saying that's what it was. What it is, I'll receive it dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

form of therapy. Wait, I make you need most days. And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics. Things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium Mattie couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Phillow's off to a whole new level.

Dead ask starts now. So being with an amazing man here you go, whose work ethic is through the roof super overachiever, and that is exactly why I fell in love with you. I've definitely had moments in our relationship where I just felt like I was not worthy of being with someone like you, and I had those moments where I out like, Damn, you are a forced cadean. You were doing so many things in your life, you have so many dreams, you have so many goals, but

you just will never match DeVos intensity. And those moments made me feel like, Damn, I am just not enough in this moment. And the crazy part about it is that I had to really dig deep and figure out what the issue was. Because I knew that the issue wasn't you. It definitely had something to do with me deep down. So there's this one particular instance where we

had moved back from Michigan. I had went out there with Devo to just kind of be there as a support system to him, but also start my career in broadcasting. So I figured, you know what, it's perfect. I'll go to a small market out in Michigan, get a job as a news reporter, be there for him while he's playing football, and we'll live happily ever after. But then

life happened. We had to move back to Brooklyn, and I I would be lying if I said I wasn't mildly depressed, because I felt like the life that we were supposed to have, in the life that we dreamt of having, was no longer going to be. I was pretty much at home sulking in my own sorrows. And if I was like, hey, we're in this together. I'm going to support you are and ten percent, but what do you want to do? And I was like, I don't know. And that's when He's like, you act as

if you have nothing left to give. You are super talented, you're a makeup artist. Get up and go down to the mall and see if you'll get hired at the mat counter. And I was like, you know what, alright, fine, and he was able to help me get dressed that morning, drove me down to the counter and that's where I applied for a job and ended up getting the job. But I can't say that in that moment, I still did not feel like I was not being able to live up to what he has effected of me as

a wife, and that left me severely depressed. Hey, talking it like I talk it. Hey, this is she picked it. There's a reason why you picked walking like I talk it? Though? Why is that there's a reason Because we have the yoga queen of building today we do, which I feel like it's kind of weird, you know, just because like I started this episode saying, oh my god, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, and then we're talking about trap yok in the same breath. I'm going to tell you why

I don't think it's weird though. Why all right? Because in order to find that sense of peace, right, you have to meditate, Yes, you know what I'm saying. You have to find you have to become one with yourself, become confident and one with your being in your body, and nobody has better bodies than yoga girls. I know this because I follow them on Instagram. He sure, girls, all of my group chats be like, did you see

all of the queen listen? Yoga? Yoga is great. Yoga is great for a lot of reasons, for meditation, but also for bodies. For bodies, Yes, that's a good thing. Then centering yourself, you know, because a lot of that has to do with just like you said, you're being one with yourself and really that self care moment that I think most people always I always am an advocate for.

And I feel like if I had taken maybe moments like that in my moments of feeling you know, not worthy, or just feeling like really down in the dumps and kind of taking care of myself, that might have empowered me to be a little bit more confident in myself now. And the reason why I'm excited about this guest is because you love trapped music. I do. You think you would thug it hard, but you're not. I do. I really wanted to pick a mega Stallion song, but you know,

a big old yoga today. We can do yoga and you can work to that, absolutely, I do. You don't like to work out? What I found out too was a lot of people who do yoga, they don't like to work out, and they started doing yoga as a replacement of actually going to the gym. Well workout though too. It is. That's why I'm saying I'm excited, because you're gonna get introduced to a new type of type of workout.

I'm not doing sprints and football drills like you're trying to put me to the trap music, twerking and yoga. I love it already. I'm just gonna time as Brittany Floyd Mayo up with a bow on top of her head and be like, Sis, give me all of the tools I need to succeed at this. We had writteny Floyd Mayo in the house, how are you? I am phenomenal, fresh off the plane from Oakland, just flying for us,

for y'all. It was it was you. Honestly, my publicist when when the message came through from from your team was like, bitch, I love him, and I'm like, okay, well so will I right and so um and so Honestly from my camp, there was a lot of incentive, a lot of like these are people did like that's your tribe, go find and so you know, we are fresh off the fresh off the plane from New York. I just finished teaching at Sacks fifth A fine, because you know, coming in here we were talking about having

a drink or two on plane. How I could ease you out yet, I mean just yesterday we were teaching in Silicon Valley at Google. And so then I like, wake up and I look at my house and I'm like, okay, dis array, I gotta And the challenge was, when I'm in l A, do I come home and get my ship together or do I just go to the spot for the night. I'm going home. I can go with

the ladder. I get it, though, I get it. Sometimes that's before before we get into the conversation, we have to formally welcome Brittany and introduce her so that everyone knows her. So, Brittany is a passionate, certified Vinyasa Yoga instructor Antwerque Officiant. She created a yoga persona Trapped Yoga Bay, as an answer to feeling unwelcome in a standard yoga studio. And you have to talk about that a little bit

as well. And she now tours the world the world spreading trapped love to those who lack acceptance in wellness spaces, bridging the gap between health care and cultural relevance. That sounds like you create your I love that I found the lane and I stayed in it. O no swerving, No swerving. So tell us about your journey. How did

you get into yoga and then eventually become trapped yoga Bay? Yeah, and you know, when I was hearing you you talk a little bit before about some of the experiences you had in your life, it actually came from moments very close to what you were experiencing. The difference was I did not have an amazing partner at the time, so I had actually discovered yoga when I was in college. I went to Dillard University in New Orleans, and um, I was angry, like I was disfighting West Oakland kind

of angry. And yeah, I mean honestly, and you know, it cost me my ability to be my freshman class president. And so they said, if you're gonna stay at this university, la girl, you're gonna need some therapy, right, And so I'm going through this process and in the school counselor says, have you ever tried yoga? So I go to a

yoga class. Five classes later, I had this this kind of awakening, this this moment that I was like, Wow, this is something, so much so that I switched my major to social behavioral studies and positive psychology and did my senior thesis on how yoga could help people who are struggling during times of transition, because actually that's important

and we're always in transition transitions. That's exactly what my story is about moving from one phase to another and being lost and exactly and and so so how do you reduce that anxiety and how do you continue to maintain your self worth? And so I had these realizations, but simultaneously I had also gotten married. So I got married to my my college sweetheart. Before I was twenty. I was popping out babies, so we had our first daughter when I was twenty. We had the second child,

my son, who's now seven, when I was twenty four. Um, but shortly after we got married and started having baby ease, the relationship became very abusive and I lost myself entirely in it. Um, were you both abusive or he was abusive? He was abusive, I was an angel. That's how it is, okay, Um, But seriously, like it wasn't a two way situation UM in this case, UM, and so I had been moved from Oakland, where we had returned to after graduation, to Texas,

which is closer to where he was from. And you know, just some some dirt came out and I confronted him and it became a really violent situation. And that moment, like literally I had got the sense knocked back into me to who I was and that I had been lost for six years, right, And so I hit him with the like I'm going to Walmart to get some milk. I'll be back, And I took our two children and put them in the back seat of our car, took the dirty clothes out of my um garage, and drove

thirty two hours back to Oakland. And that was the very start of me realizing that I had been lost for a very long time and I needed to find myself. So you made you made a decision, and I think this is important. You made the decision that most people in abusive relationships can never make, and that was to choose you and yourself quote unquote love you, you, yourself

and your children over quote unquote love. Which is funny because we've done an episode about toxic relationships and how we were able to like navigate that, and here you are. You took the power into your own hands yourself. You weren't waiting for him to remove himself. You removed yourself. Yeah, thank you. I like that cognitive reappraisal taking. So yeah, so that happened. And then you know, I was homeless, jobless.

I left my job. I was a technical recruiter, I made great money, had a good you know, a good work life. Um, and was homeless, laying on the my grandmother's floor like crying every day like who am I? What am I doing? Here? Do I matter? And then it hit me that these are the quintence to a yogi questions and since need to go on some eat, pray love. So I actually called his parents and was like, UM, come get these kids. I like, I am lost. I am not being a good mother because I'm just not present,

and I'm going to go find myself. I don't know how long it will take, but I promise when I do, I'm going to come back for west. We stopped for a second. Can we stop for a second. You know, I get emotional, I'm being honest. It takes a lot as a parent, and I'm the reason why I'm getting a little emotional now is because we had to drop my son, who's five what three to our daycare and I'm leaving and he's reaching out for me. This is the third day, and part of me just wanted to

be like fun this daycare, you're coming with daddy. But having to know what's right for your kids and to hear you go through that and then have to do that. It's brave, though, and it's hitting me because I went through that this morning, like I really, I didn't tell my wife I want to turn on man. I don't even about his mindest story, school and what everybody think.

I just want my son because I've seen him cry for you to do that, man, that that is first to drive to leave home then tell you God for sure that's no. I'm just absolutely thank you, thank you so much, Like I really received that, and I told

you we was going to be family. There are um but but really it was a lot of times we have to be honest with ourselves and say I am not who I need to be right And if you like speaking about your situation with your son, if you continue to bring him where you were going, and to be honest, sometimes you know you have to slow down

for your kids and they deserve that slow down. And even you bringing your child to this, even this podcast right now, would be a selfish act because you could not be who you needed him to who he needs you to be in this moment and be what what the legacy that you're building and what your future is. And so the best thing for your son is to say, Hey, I'm putting you in the care of people who I know will take care of you, who I know will

teach you, who I know will help you grow. I'm going to go do these things that make me feel like a man, that makes me feel like a human, that progresses whatever I believe my purpose is. And then I promise I'm going to come back for you, because Daddy always comes back. So is this a conversation you

had with your children. Yeah, My daughter was five, my son was too, so they were just like right and and and to tell them like, you're gonna go play with pigs and all that because you're gonna be in the country right um, and you'll have your own room there and and so so there was that conversation. So then what I decided to do was go on this eat, pray love journey. I went to China, India, Brazil. It

took me three months to find brittany Um. I stayed at an ashram in Reshakesh, India, which is where I've got my certification. I danced the night away in real dejon Narrow. I navigated human kindness in Shanghai, and I really figured out who I was. Question how did you do all of this? You have? You said you have no resources, you left your job, you moved back on your homeless. How did you do this? Human kindness? Human kindness?

I had to humble myself right and and go and say, hey, like I'm going to be using my my savings and instead of just trying to hurry up and put my life back together because that's what looks good, I'm gonna use that to to fully break down everything I have. And when I put myself together, I will be fortified and and pushed through you know, like gold, right, like

to purify myself. So the the initial response was to take all of my resources into just like get me an apartment and get a new job, and get back popping and and see that revenge and be like, look what you missed out on, but like I didn't. The reason why I left him wasn't because I wanted him to suffer. The reason why I left because I wanted

to stop suffering. So all of that would have been you putting a band aid on the situation from that exactly listening to her story, right, think about how we were forced to think about her story and her having to go through that time where she didn't have much and had to go to her savings. We literally went through the same thing when I got cut from the NFL and she wasn't working. We had to humble ourselves, come back to Brooklyn living my grandmother's apartment where she

hadn't lived in for years. It was old. We didn't we weren't making any money. I used my savings to start my business. She she was taking a bus. Like, I feel what you're saying, because that brings you into an awakening of of like self, like I have to do these things absolutely and going through the same thing. Yeah, and I just I guess it requires a level of strength to just be like, you know what, I need to do this for me, Yeah, because it could have

been easy for you to stay here there. So you had a good job, you had a husband, your kid, you could it could have been so easy for you to be you know what, I'm a grant and Barrett because my kids are good. Here I'm making money, oh my god. And it looked good. Yeah, because because we're so concerned in the social media and the social media area. Yeah yeah, so so so all of those things. Um, and I've said, okay, well what do you want to do? Be? And I came back. I actually started med school. So

I went back to school. I was in a medical program and I had about a year left. And one of my really good friends who oddly actually happened to be my tenth grade Spanish teacher. And she was like twenty one when I was seventeen. So we just like really bonded and stuck together. Um. She had quick teaching to open up a dance studio. So she calls me and she says, hey, I remember when you invited me over to your house to do yoga. And he was

like really ridiculous with it. What did you like to come and teach your class however you want at my studio? And I was like, nah, I'm good, Like I don't really like people, I didn't really go to school to become a yoga instructor, Like I just went because I was on some like let me figure my shot out. And so she was like, well, you could keep half of what you make. And I was like it she

was talking about a girl. I'm like, I'm I'm a single mom in school, Like okay, So I did this like little twerky flow thing and I was like, just like he said about you. I was like, we're gonna call it trap yoga because I'm a motherfucking thugs. I was like, no, you're not. You know you're not. But uh, let's run with it, right, like the exact same. Doesn't it like totally make sense? Like doesn't it catch your attention? She's like, look look at your excitedness, like there's no

thug there, but just happen. Don't don't even get me started, like this was made. We have a similar voice, like that gravel and the like that's not a rock rob, that's the tread wanted to come out. Both of you want to brow you away. You're not invited to this part of the conversation. Okay, you'll both say the end of your words. You're too intelligent. Okay, both of you too. Well, now that you said that, I want to be clear. I want to be clear on how I feel. Absolutely.

So we talk about like mental wellness, like you talked about you having to find that journey to find out who Brittany is, right, and then you talk about physical fitness as two separate things. But yoga in essence combines the two. Right, So why do you think it's important for people, specifically people of color to practice yoga? Yeah? And I don't know if you guys know that yoga actually translates to yok which is to bond the mind

and the body like that. So I don't know if you're just intuitively saying that or you knew so, so now now we all know now, Yes, And so I think one of the biggest things UM, they and part of the story that I skipped, which is why it was so important for me to do UM what I call a culturally relevant yoga class, because I came back from India and I'm in San Francisco and Berkeley, California going to these yoga classes and I am largely feeling inadequate,

I'm largely feeling unwelcome. I'm feeling like my ass jig a little too much. I want to hear different sort of music? Are these pans the right pans? And so I stopped practicing in studios because I was like, I'm not I'm not inadequate, Like I studied this. You know where they got it from right after they stole it from Africa, So I know, right I cannot be come

on now, Core power the originator please so UM. So I think it's really important, UM, and part of my messages self care looks like you because too often, UM, as women of color, we glorify modernization, you know, and so we we really take so much pride in being martyrs and in killing ourselves in the name of love. But I'm always challenging people to be like, do you understand that love is like understanding that you are your heart?

You are the heart beating your body, and and the heart is like cool, bed, I'm gonna give blood love to everybody, but first it has to come through me. First. I have to to receive this and filter it and oxidize it and make it best for for everything around me.

And so I think if we're trying to move from this point of um, black women laying ourselves on the cross in the name of love, to saying you know what, I am going to love you after I've loved myself more holy because if we're talking about you know what that looks like with my kids. My kids are thriving now. They are so happy, they are so they're doing so well. They have reconciled so much that they saw even in their early years because now they've got to meet their mother.

They finally met their mom. They understand mommy is she and happy. And too many times I think of moms and us trying to pour and poor and poor because there's a hero's hero ethos and say that moms have We want to save the day all the time because that's just what we innately want to do. But it's like, how are we re feeling? How are we refeeling? And you know the oxygen mask, you know, first you put it on yourself and then you help others, So so really,

you know, just bridging all of that. So, like what I'm always saying is yoga, is this really awesome opportunity to get into your body, especially as a mother, when you loaned that body out and they babies gave it back it was never the way you gave like this little these little aliens invaded my body and just wrecked the whole joy, the whole joy. So it's it's me really trying to help um people. But if I have to be super specific, women of color rebridge that that

relationship with their body and their mind. And then once you get those two together, empower yourself to never ever separate from your true north or who you actually are again. But I know it's so hard to get our people to take care of ourselves, So I cloak it. I disguise it as a day party as um, you know, come meet with me, or we're gonna throw that ass in a healing circle, you know, and they don't know, you know, and and and be a torqueficionado in that way.

And so whatever you're looking for, if you're wanting to try self care and and be bridged, I'm there for you. If you're just coming looking for a ratchet yoga day parties some self care because you look too old for the club, then I got you. Sis. If you're here because you are a yogi and you want to finally experience a safe space that bridges you know, um that mindfulness, self actualization culture with who you are as a trapped music lover thug at so I'm pointing back and forth.

So then I got you and so I and and and to put all of those different type of black women in a room, right, I got, I get this. The fister ratchets like you should. I've got to show you guys the story or people have to go online and see, um what it looks like to make Google yesterday, this like super blaque experience. And so one of the like also that was a little more. Yeah, that was that was a whole another beast. Okay, you know one girl worked out. She was, like I called by day,

it's worked by night. That's not funny, right. You know what's funny when when I heard you talk about getting back to your origins and the fact that black women have embraced the fact that we have to be martyrs in order to be accepted and we have to kill ourselves. But then you spoke about going back to the origins. That speaks about what we see in mainstream media right in order to be a black woman and be accepted, you have to kill yourself. But when you think about

going back to the origin where everything started. Everything started with black women and starting to embrace that as our history, as opposed to the Black American version of our history is that we were just slaves. And in order to in order for your loved ones to move on, you have to die. I think that we have to uh lose that indoctrination and talk to indoctrinate and our young women and women like yourselves that no, we don't have to die, we have to live in order to pass

on to our young ones and the people after. So I think it's great what you're doing outside of just the working and the yoga, but the indoctrination of self care. You talk about self care so much, and I learned, you know, as a as a husband, how important self care is because she's a better version of herself when she takes care of herself. She's a better mom, she's a better wife, she's a better actor, she's better at

everything when she takes care of her first. So I think that is important, you know, absolutely, and even you know because we keep talking about kids, speaking to that piece. When my children come home and they want to talk about slaves, that say, stop, they were not slaves. They were enslaved. People, right like, we are the children of enslaved people. But that is not their title, that is not in their DNA, that is not who they were.

And they want you confused, right and you know that, and I'm like, and to be honest, there there are still people who are enslaved today. What are we going to do? Right like? Not even you know in our minds and our relationships, um, even with deep but even that small change makes it different. No, my grandma, great grandparents weren't slaves. They were for I didn't. You don't choose slavery like you choose being a doctor or a lawyer, a teacher. You don't wake up people like I'd be

best served as a slave. That's true, though, I mean those little changes in verbage will really change a young person's mind and how they view themselves. Think about verbage and talking about verbage and viewing themselves your ratchet affirmations. Yes, I just need I need to hear because we love some Can you share a couple with us really and let people know what this term is, what they are, how often or when you know you say them? And how do you know that you need to hear this

on a daily basis absolutely so. A ratchet affirmation is real world advice, but it sounds like your favorite rap lyrics. And so some of my favorite ones is, you know, talk about self care. My goal in life is to be there for everyone else, but to never leave my motherfucking self behind. Love that. Or we'll say something like you can accept someone for who they are and not funk with them for the very same reason. I like that one. Like that one because we would just talk

about yesterday. You know who that person is. Leave them on regg Oh yeah, don't even don't even answer that. You know who that is, you know what it is, you know what it is. You just don't don't do it because people doesn't need fixing. It's not your business to fix. You're just like, you know, don't you over here trying to fix everybody else? Like sucking up they carm and let them get there. Maybe, I yo, that's

not funny. I love that, right. We need to wratch you affirmations, baby, Shoot, you got a lot of ratchet affirmations. You just can't think of one right now, but you say every day you say that, well, dead ass is a ratchet affirmation, and I'll have to show you guys, UM have a move that has the word dead ass in and I'm going to have to show it to you. You're going to have to. It's called the Twerking Chataranga, right, sounds like becausa, but I call it chataranga dead assena.

So that's yes, you know, I'm gonna tell you that tonight. I need to chat that. I'm gonna need that you set up a success. Okay, I'm with it. I'm with it. Let me ask a question, though, were you able to find love again after healing and then going through this whole journey, because now you're you're not the same person you are, right Andreiado, So I'm sure you'd make any person heavy you got. Yeah. So one of the most amazing things about going through this Yogi journey me is forgiveness.

I don't know, like it's it's not only forgiving what the person who did some foul ship to you, but more often than not, we don't remind people that you need to forgive yourself because we'll be piste off at ourselves for allowing that to happen. And so definitely had a period of fun where I was like relationship marriage and just drop your draws. Okay, like do I talk about none of that? Um? And then I've had the opportunity to find love again and and honestly the most

unexpected place are you guys asking me? It's a loaded question because you already know that, like my DJ is my life partner or okay, but so so yeah, I had been just working, working in all of that and having fun. And I was in New York. New York is actually a magical place from New York, from New York, but yeah, but SERI asleep. So so I was not looking for love but working on forgiveness and vulnerability so that I could receive it in whatever form it came

back towards me. But I was securing my bag and having fun. And so it actually had been a year and a half of my DJ who's our DJ now who's now also CEO of Trapioga Bay DJ True Star, where like we were just I was just in a situation in New York and she was like president as she always was, and I looked at her and I was like, oh shit, I've never even like dealt with a chick before, but I think I love you and

we should be together. It is it is and so you know, we've been in relationship for almost two years, and when I say, it has been the most restorative, amazing relationship that I have ever had, like with another healthy human being. And I get to watch her grow and her flourish and the same for me, and to to be able to have that level of like, this is who I am and and I'm accepted and and

but also not need that. So for some to be a person who's like, I'm good, but I also am good with you and we're better together and such a good feeling, it's you know because on the contrary of Deval and I, we met when we were well, we started dating when we were like eighteen nineteen. So we've talked in prior episodes about having to work through that together because we weren't the whole people at the time. And it's like, you know, now I understand the meaning

of I'm not looking for you to complete me. I want to be complete within myself and then if you happen to ride along, they were good. So that's kind of the space that you're in with your significant other now, which is amazing. Yeah, I love it, and like, yeah, as an aquarian woman, I'm like, Hey, I'm all out in Norbid. Yeah, do you want to? Like? And she

rolls with the punches. So you met her in New York, which is funny because I met her, but I fell in love with her in New Okay, So that's a magical place, like we said, which is funny because I had the question, Um, I was wondering, since you're taking it to so many different cities your trap bay like all over the world, do you find that these stresses and things that people bring to the yoga experience are different depending on the place or the area that you're in.

I've never been to two classes at the same time. Are two classes twice or one class twice? And I don't know how you ever say it that makes it sounds all secretary and but but but yeah, every every city has its own vibe, um and and I do love the New York go quick little side thing about that. Because of the way my voice sounds, people have always assumed I was from New York, even though I was like, but I'm so Oakland, like for real and so uh.

People always be like, yo, you're from Brooklyn, Like you seem like Brooklyn. I was like, I ain't never been, but when I get there, like it don't be all thank you. And I got there and New York is a beast okay, And you know, I was like having a hard time, Like I was like sig like trying to navigate like all of these energy, ease and attitudes. And I literally got into a bathroom and saw a sign that said, l A, it's for quitters. And I

was like, my black ass back there. But in the same way that you know, um, New York is has this huge energetic pool, it also has this magnetic you know, um transformative power where you have to for me, you know, in New York manage my vulnerability but also my optimism all at the same time, um and and and deal with that exterior. But the students are funny because they come in like kind of aggressive but full of love. And so they walk in there like, yo, I fucking

love you. I love everything about you. And I be like, bitch, are we about to fight? I'm right right, But they'll give you all the energy, all the energy. They sell out my classes. Actually, New York is my number one demographic. Only only next down to that is Atlanta, which makes sense because that's the track capital. UM but but yeah, like New York is and you could feel that catharsis, Like I can feel that released in the room every

time I'm in New York. And so if I'm talking about um, if there's a day where I'm having a low day where I'm like, I need to feel my purpose, I need to feel like I make change in the world, I will tell my coordinator put me in New York because I feel the most power and change happened when I'm rocking with my New York people. I love you, l A, And yeah, that takes me to you know, because we're wrapping up a round the time. We don't

to keep you all day. I need three things that you would tell people because we get takeaways from people, you know, for the episodes. People can say, what's something tangible I can walk away with and I probably implement in my life that can help me other than taking the class that was number one. We get listener letters all the time where people would just kind of seem lost, like, you know, the situation you were in, my wife was in,

I've really been in. What would you tell people three things to help find themselves sent to themselves so that they can kind of bring it all in and say, let me restart my life to get on the right back right, to come back stress anxiety, that, um, it's okay to be broken mhm. Recognizing that it's okay to be broken, right, we feel like we always got to

hold ourselves together. Sometimes you need to separate from from the world and from everyone who keeps telling you who you are and fall the funk apart and that's okay. Um that self care is not a crime. You don't have to tell people why you need to take care of yourself or how you need to take care of yourself. You can just do it. That's number two. That's number two. Look at he's taking copious notes. I'm not. And then number three, no, is a full last motherfucking sentence affirmation.

That is a because you can you can feel the rehearsals, right. Yeah. I felt like that came from a place of all of my wratchet affirmations are not just me sitting there saying, oh, ship like that would be cool for Let people know this. These are things that I have endured in my life. I call them departments of hell that I have taken up residency for in have found my way out and

now can identify that in other people. And if if these ratchet affirmations you know, resonate with anyone, you can text me right eight oh five five five six for eight six Yes good, because it's it's my trap, lie, because I know everybody like I see so many mirrors, and I see myself in so many people. And when you were going through that friend, you felt alone, you felt inadequate, You felt like you were the only person

experiencing that. But if you had someone who you could be vulnerable enough with, who you knew wasn't going to judge you, who you knew could tell you, asked you're strong, you got this, and give you quirky little things and and and and ratchet affirmations to keep you going, then maybe you're suffering, right because you still have to go through what you have to go through to figure out where you are. But maybe you're suffering would have been a little bit easier if you had a friend called

It was just gonna make it that much easie. And so I send out ratchet affirmations, you know, every couple of days, like literally, I'll wake up and like I spid, I wake up at four am, I spend two to three hours in meditation, and I will send out a vibe to be like, what the fund is my tribe going through? And then randomly, while you living your life, thinking you were alone in your darkness, you will get a message from me. The latest one was about revenge.

It was like, spend no time, seekret, revenge. Fuck them, they get no time, no love, no energy. Get back on you. Yeah you so New York came. I think that's like Black Panther and me. They have their anniverse three yesterday and you're still feeling I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the black love, Brittany. It was so good to have you here. Like I almost didn't know what I was stumbling upon when I first saw I was like, trapp Yoga Bay, I was like, what episode is this?

They they were talking about me being enough, for not being enough and doubting yourself and how did the too correlated shout out to our producers. Sure, yes, absolutely you may divine appointment. Absolutely absolutely nothing happens for by mistake. So um tell everybody where they can find you before you don't. You can find me on all social media.

Trapp Yoga Bay t r A p y o G A B A E trapiogobay dot com like literally google me, oh you with the Google me trap deformation, Google ratchet affirmation, don't forget, don't forget the building, you don't stand the cheese. I don't right. They almost jumped me trying to jump me off. I got jumped by trapped yoga Bay and my wife. You're so silly. So we have let's letters

coming up after this. I'm not sure if they don't necessarily apply, but usually we invite our guests to stay so you can give your you know, a little take on you know, people asking us advice and not listening to letters. Today it's called ask not asked, bay, ask Bay asked. That's what I say, you know, pronounced the end as. Now you're not being a ratchet. Now you're

being intelligent, intellectual, you know, that's what it is. So we're gonna take a quick break and we're going to move into listening letters after we get into some ads. So stay close by this for the record, there it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and self behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me Jordan Bell.

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It always helps, you know, three heads are better than one to actually too, because it's normally two of us. Yes, all right, you want to read, babe. This is a long, healthy one where cold long listening to let us all right, they have to give us the whole story. You know. I am twenty three and my boyfriend of one year and seven months have a hard time with communicating, mainly on my behalf. At the moment, we're about to move into our first house together and money is very tight.

It's been stressful, but we've got together. We've got each other to get out of our heads and focus. But my main part is my anxiety and depression. And I get to the point where I can't speak or uncontrollably crying or stopped on ConTroll be crying for hours, and he gets frustrated that I don't say what is going on. I listened to your podcast and the one that spoke out the most to me was the vows still big mad about that stroller? Yeah, I'm still big mad about that.

You guys talked about how communication was hard at first and the different childhoods. It made me think about mine and how I showed my emotions or shared my issues, and honestly, it wasn't easy. It's kind of like Cadine's childhood. It didn't have an open opinion, or I didn't have an open opinion. I was wrong. Every time I expressed myself, I would get in trouble for having emotions. I was a cry baby and I always grew up. I grew

into a team. I just bottled everything up. So it does affect my relationship a lot, because, for one, I shut down every time something happens, and even if it doesn't have to do with him. But since I'm shutting him out. He thinks that he's doing something wrong. Okay, I get that. I know I can tell him what I feel and why I'm crying. I just don't want to seem like the bad person for seeing how I feel.

I guess my question from all of this is for Codeine, how did you start opening up to Devot and how long did it take? Wow? Alright, so so opening up is something you definitely have to do. Yes, Um, I think the thing that helped me with opening up to Devot was Devot kind of being relentless with asking me and genuinely wanting to know what was wrong. So I'm not sure if that she says, say if her her

boyfriend was asking word, she didn't give much insight. Say he gets frustrated, frustrated when going on, so he may ask, you know, and at that point, I think says, you just need to kind of open up. And like I said, you know, you've referenced my childhood and me feeling like I wasn't from a family where communication was a big thing.

But I know how much I cared for Devlo and I cared for our relationship, So it didn't take a long time because I think I realized by slowly being able to have those moments where I did have to cry them out, and I had the moments where I cried often and Devo would just be like, just open up to me. I think feeling the sincerity in his voice and his tone and his approach definitely helped me

to open up. Um. What do you think, Brittany, do you have any tips for someone like this who's going through the you know, the anxiety and the depression um that she's experiencing. Yeah, meditation um to to to realize.

I think what's amazing is she sees that she gets triggered, and she knows what her trigger is, and so before stepping into something or even when you're in that muck, to back up, and even if it's a mindful second, which is like practicing a breathing exercise to to help just calm your nervous system, because what's happening is that you're went back into the past and bringing it like right here, even though it's not you know, it's it's

not happening, and those feelings have anxiety she's triggering from her younger self and then she's bringing it to the forefront. And then it's bubbling over right, which means that there's some some healing in the past that has to happen. And you know, even if we can't get to that space breathing, a breathing exercise, I would highly recommend, like a six phase meditation where you go through compassion for yourself and others, forgiveness, all that kind of stuff. Yeah,

that's a I would I would agree. How do you feel in those moments? When I was, it was frustrating. It was frustrating, But part of it was frustrating too because I grew up in a household where all we did was communicate. So when you think everyone's community, you think everybody in the world exists like your family, you know, as part of the egocentrism where you just feel like my family is the epicenter of everything in the world and everything we do everyone else does. So he probably

feels the same way. Why doesn't she talk to me? That's how I felt. I was like, why doesn't Cadine talk to me? What's wrong with me? Normal for him? It was, and I thought something was wrong with me. And then um, I had learned, like you said, when things started to happen I knew what triggered me. And then rather than saying, okay, I'm getting upset a code because something that triggered me from before, I used to be like, you know what, let me take a step back. Yeah,

I think it also helps. I'm sorry not to cut you off. Um, I think what also helped you, And that instance was realizing after being around my family as well, so being around my brother and my sister, my parents and seeing how we communicated or didn't communicate, it gave me a great understanding, had a better understanding for all. This is why she is and this is deep rooted. It's not that she's just trying to blow me off or she just wants to be sulked into this depression

on her own. It's just that this this is a something that was learned behavior in a sense. And Britney makes a good point though, Um, understanding what your triggers are, and you made a good point understanding what your partner's triggers are allow you to take, you know, take some time back and say she may be responding to this because of something that happened prior, so let me not you know, address it the same way before I used

to nack, because why don't you tell me? Now? She'll tell me when she's ready to open up, right, And I think you know, they'll learn each other if they if they're both invested in your sis like you. And when I said when he said twenty three, I saw Britney's face like, Okay, well you're you know, like that just means that you have a whole lot to still learn about yourself. Well, remember remember what we said fifteen, it's twenty you think you know everything. Twenty to twenty

five you know you know everything. To thirty you start realizing, like him, I ain't know shit. And then thirty is when you start to try to fix all of those things that you've been doing wrong in its twenties. So she's just in that process. Stick with the sis for sure, all right, listen to let her Number two. Let me start off by saying, I absolutely love you guys, love you too. Love story is very similar to that of me and my husband's. We started dating at eighteen. We've

been together for thirteen years. I have two young boys, ages ten months and three. With that being said, my question is for Codeine today. Everybody wants to talk to me. How do you juggle being a bomb as wife and a bomb as mother and still have time to take care of yourself. It's hard and I'm trying. Well, she said that it's hard and I'm trying, But I agree this, um,

and I would love to know your secret. I feel as though I'm so busy taking care of my husband and my kids that I hardly ever have time for myself, and I'm always too tired. This is perfect for y'all to like, this is exactly what y'all talk about doing all the time. It's funny because just recently, Devot was just like, you're tired again. I don't understand because we were traveling a lot. Like you said, you travel a lot, You're going from coast to coast. I'm you know, part

jet lag, part just had this residual mom tiredness. I think every mom inherits somebody got to explain that to him. I don't give it really is, and it starts from like when the baby is conceived, because it's like you anticipate the lack of sleep that you're about to not have for the rest of your life, and the moment you can't lay on your stomach again, right, so forget it because the sleep is not even so it was from ten months of not sleeping that for the rest

of your life. Tired because yesterday, I'm gonna tell you, we're happy. Yesterday. We both get up early with the kids. But in order to help her with her tiredness, I take the kids. It's a condition. It definitely helps. I took the kids to school right we were going to work out. She said, can we work out later? So fine, she took a nap. I picked the kids up from school, she took a three hour nap, came back. It was

dropped two kids to basketball practice. She was still at home sleep though I was taking to taking care of household stuff. All I'm saying is that I was out doing all this stuff to make sure she gets home. Right. We get home, we get we get done working out. She comes so tired. I'm like, what the fund did you do all day? I literally did everything, But you're Tired's not even a physical tiredness. It's like a mental tiredness,

and that too can totally. It's exhausting. So Sis, to answer your question, there are days when I am not a bomb as wife and I am not Bombs's mother, and it goes back to my story in the beginning where I have those moments where I don't feel worthy and I don't feel adequate, and I don't feel like I'm doing enough. But God is good and trying to be perfect is exhausting. To stop trying to be the best of everything to everyone all the fucking time, and

maybe you won't be so tired. And I say that absolutely. And you need time for yourself. It's so important. I know you hardly ever have time for it, but you kind of have to like carve that out because if you don't have the time to just take care of yourself. I mean, there's those moments when I just said, you

know what, I'm going to the supermarket. I enjoy going to the supermarket, but I'll take like a good ten fifteen minutes and just sit in the car in silence like that that will be my moment, just like you said, sometimes meditate, sometimes just sit and collect my thoughts. It's amazing what that time can do. So the way you prioritize everything else trying to be Bomba's wife and bomb As mother, be Bombas whoever you are too, you know,

it's it's very important and hopefully your husband. Let you get a nap every now may maybe maybe keep at it, says all right. If you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot dot com. Awesome, yes, all right. Moment moment of truth? What did I learned today? What did you learn today? So, Brittany, we don't always do a moment of truth, so that pretty much sums up the episode, and you know that one takeaway for the audience. Um,

what's your takeaway, babe, what's your moment of truth? My moment of truth today is that there is an unspoken pressure on women that I've learned to say about being martyrs and feeling like you have to kill yourself in order for your family and the people around you in order to exist and be great moving forward. And I learned that we have to get rid of that idea and start letting our women know in our communities that it's okay to take care of yourself first before you

take care of everyone else. That's my moment of truth for today, listening to Brittany's story, knowing your story, and then um, just feeling that as a as a dad as well, that you know, the whole oxygen mask thing. You gotta put your oxygen mask on first before you put them my oxygen masks on your child. So that's my moment of truth. Man. You you women need to take care of yourselves. If you really want to take care of the people you love, take care yourself first.

And I learned that it's okay to be sophistic watch it. It's okay to do that, you know what I mean. It's okay to have all your stuff together and then not have it together and then if you need to twork your way through it, do it. I'll second that. All right, We're both going to benefit from that. Brittany, any last words and you take away any moment of

truth I know, Um, I wouldn't say that. It's been very amazing and therapeutic to to witness you all, um, specifically UM, to see a man in his divine masculinity and the level of vulnerability and honesty that is permeating in this room fully filled my cup and is giving me more grace. Azing. We had the reciprocity in this room, Okay, So it was awesome. It was awesome, your sophisticated nous and your Wretchedness has been great today. Trap Yoga bay By,

Follow me I am Devout, Follow my wife Caden. I am And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate with you and subscribe. Absolutely Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content Officer is Chris Bannon. Our associate producers are Kristin Torres and Trouble, our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and mixed by Andy Christine's daughter. For Fact, I'm Drew McCarry and

I'm David uh. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's available everywhere. We get to the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to the Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please,