Lori Harvey Me

you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow

Talk to a whole new level. Dead ad starts right now. This story time is gonna take me to a few months back. I'm on the Internet, all right, the Internet, on the Internet or the Internet Internet, the Internet Internet. I was on the Internet, was going through my my I G feed, and everybody was talking about Lorie Harvey. Right,

so I'm looking through this. I'm looking through this, and I'm kind of like, Okay, she was dating this person, talking to this person, talking to that person, and I think at the time she was talking to future HM. And I've seen like a lot of disparaging comments from both men and women in about their relationship or about her or to be honest, I don't know exactly what what they were talking about because we really don't know much about her. All the relationships gorgeous, but yeah, right,

so I was confused. So then you know, her in the future didn't work out, and I think now she's talking to Michael B. Jordan's and once again people are upset. I think a lot of women's hearts are broken because they probably thought one day they'd end up with Michael B. Jordan's. Okay, that's fair, you know what I'm saying. Somebody's didn't your crush you automatically upset. But I remember looking at my phone and being seriously perplexed as to what the issue was.

Like I was looking I was looking through looking for stuff and I just couldn't find anything, and I was I was perplexed, and I'm still perplexed, and I really want to talk to you about it. Okay, all right, so let's talk about it. Let's break it down, all right. So we have a special karaoke song for today. Okay, you're going to do it. She's gonna do it in the spoken words, spoken word form and in the words

of the great little Kim. You want to buy me diamonds and Armani suits, Adreamandini and Chanelle nine boots, things that make up for all the games and the lies, Hallmark cards saying I apologize? Is you with me? How could you ever deceive me? But payback is a bitch motherfucker believe me. What do you think bitches? Money get money? Hey, I mean, if you want to buy any all the things, baby boy, go right ahead, then you go snap it up, snap it up. You had to court me and buy

me all the things. Thank you for that spoken word piece. You're welcome, Yes of the Kim of little that's my girl. I knew way too many little kid lyrics back in the day that I had new No I know your mother was she had that was listen little Kimberly quiet as it's kept. I used to have my CD that my cousin had to get me because you know, my mom wasn't buying it with the explicit sign at the bottom,

and then I would listen to it. I definitely had c d s. I would listen to it on my disc man, and then you stop it and you rewind it to get the lyrics because we ain't had lyrics like that back in the day. I'm totally aging myself. I am aging myself right now. So you would have to rewind it and I would have to open up my trapper keeper with the fresh loose leaf joint and I would write down the lyrics, you know what I mean.

I had to get it right, and then there's a lot of times I couldn't get the lyric, and then I realized in my older years that I had the lyrics all wrong. Have you had moments like that with songs like Man? You couldn't hear it clearly because you had to Discman. Before that, you had to transfer from you your cassette tapes and your A tracks, so it wasn't really clear, you know what I'm saying. When you had the eight track and then you transferred over. It

was kind of like it was like get money. If that's the case you was doing the same thing with Biggie I I was born by all right, So Lorie Harvey, yes, is it Lorie Harvey me? Or don't Lorie Harvey me? I don't know. Well, come a herb. I feel like me as a dude, you know, hoping to one day have a daughter, is don't Lorie Harvey me? Like? If I have a daughter and my daughter's dating around, right and she's trying to figure out who she wants to spend the rest of her life with, don't attack my

daughter like that, Like, don't that's not fair. I think the context of the comments that you were seeing where people feeling like, oh my goodness, she's getting around, or there was also the comments of like, wow, look at all of these extravagant things that she has gotten these men to do for her during their dating phase. So that became the verb Lorie Harvey me, give me all the gifts, take me on all the trips. Like there

are two different ways that people. I think we're looking at her going from one relationship to another, and in her defense, I feel like it's one of those situations where she's dating publicly. She's dating men who are in the public eye, right exactly, So you know that is already subjecting her to unwanted and unsolicited opinions. Okay, you know, but I think they did a good job of combating that. Hold On, I'm cool with opinions, right, but the opinions

have to make sense. Right. For example, I've seen some opinions from women. You know what I'm saying, saying how she's you know, she's just jumping from man to man and she's in a quote unquote phase. Right. We have no confirmation at all that Lorie Harvey has been intimate or slept with any of these men, right, And I just want to put this out there for just people just to think about this, because that's her business. Hold On,

but let's let's think about this. Right. It could be very possible that men are taking their shot at dating her for the sake of trying to smash, right, because that's what men do. Is that what you did to me? Yes, I was trying to smash. I was trying to smash, right, and I succeeded. I'll let you wait a little bit though may be. But I still smashed though. But I

still smashed though. But my point is is that it could be very viable that these men are dating her with the intent to smash, and it's very viable that she's not putting out. So those men move on and be like, you know what, I couldn't crack the colt and they move on because she may be looking for something more serious. And that's why she's going from relationship

to relationship, because it's dating. That's what dating. You decide in that moment, if we can agree to try to figure out if we're gonna spend life together, and if it doesn't work, you move on, right, And if she's dating purposefully, she's looking for a quote unquote suitor. Right now, this is where I think people are going to be shocked at how I'm going to teach my daughter how to date, right, And I just want to put this out there. My daughter is going to be used to

a certain lifestyle, right, the same like Lorie Harvey. Now I'm not as rich as Steve Harvey yet, but by the time I have a daughter, but by the time I have a daughter and twenties mid twenties, right, twenty five years from now, I'm gonna be in a way better position. My daughter is going to be used to a certain lifestyle right now. Of course, I'm going to mentor my daughter to have her own the same way

her mom has her own. Right So I'm gonna want my daughter have her own, make her own money, be a businesswoman, not been replying or relying on the man for anything. She's gonna be able to have that ability. But when she chooses to date, I'm gonna want her to date someone of her father's caliber or better. You know what I'm saying, Lorie Harvey. Now, dating man who are in the industry exactly created some sort of lifestyle for them exactly. And people may say that's that's unfair.

They may say that's unfair. But I want my my daughter to be taken care of and appreciate it the way I appreciate her mom, you know what I'm saying, So the way I appreciate you. I want someone to take care of and I want someone who's being able to do the things for her that I was able to do for her mom. So it's going to be a certain level of man that I'm gonna want her

to be around right now. That doesn't have to be an industry man, because there's plenty of men who make tons of money who are good man who do other jobs. You know what I'm saying, CEOs, executives, um being rich on the low ea, when people who are thinking about generational wealth and it's not just about being rich and having money. But when I talk about caliber, I'm talking about the caliber of man who believes in family, you know what I'm saying, So a family and wealth building.

So of course there's gonna be a certain caliberman. If people have an issue with her dating a certain status of man, that's their problem. That's their problem, because men have a list of things that they expect in want in a woman. So if a man has that, why can't a woman have that? No? I agree I as a woman, I agree with you, And I feel like it's also one of those things where you look at Laura Harvey for example, or anyone who is dating in

that that realm okay, meaning like in the public eye. Naturally, that's going to open up people's opinions and whatnot when it comes to potentially raising a girl or a daughter and things like that. I agree with you and that I feel like there should be a level of Okay, well what is he bringing to the table if we've

already raised her in such a manner um. But I also to know that there's a certain an autonomy that I want to raise a daughter with that autonomy over her body, over her space, over her time, so that she feels like she then can decide, meaning that she should be able to know where she wants to invest her time when it comes to dating certain people, which means it maybe for a couple of months, it maybe

for a year, it maybe for two years. But the fact that she may be in a relationship or dating somebody for a couple of months and then moves on doesn't necessarily mean that she's less of a woman or redevalue her now because she's picking, choosing and refusing, you know what I mean. And it doesn't mean that she having sex. That's themazing exactly. It doesn't have to be that.

Because I'm going to tell my daughter to don't don't get caught up in there your mom and your dad who had a relationship since eighteen, because I wouldn't advise

that either. That's what I was getting to. I wouldn't advise that based on my own experience, I wouldn't advise for you to just meet somebody at seventeen eighteen and then that's the person who you're going to spend the rest of your life with, because I feel like we're in an anomaly, to be honest, Um, somebody who had you met somebody really early on and then we've been able to, you know, somewhat healthily grow together as individuals

and together. That's very rare. And we've had even you know, friends, people who we know that got together really young and try to make it work and ended up not working. They grew apart, you end up in divorce and all that. Um. Ultimately, you want someone to do with what makes them happy. Yes, but you know, so it gets very kind of touchy, especially when it comes to women, because we've always been conditioned, according to society, to hold women to a different standard

than we hold men. We'll talk a little bit about that. So a man, a man, for example, you're dating around, you're you know, meeting different women. Um, you're encouraged to you know, sold your wild oats and you know, date around and explore and eventually it's almost as if men are given a timeline where it's like, Okay, you're reached maybe your mid to late thirties, when are you going to settle down? Like that's what happens with men, whereas

with women it's completely different. It's like, oh my gosh, we're gonna condition this woman and we're going to train her up to be one day somebody's wife or to be somebody's mother, And then in turn, it then puts the pressure on a woman to then say, well, man, I may have to feel ashamed if I decide that that's not the route I want to take, or I may not be able to tell my family and friends that I don't want to be a mother, or I don't want to, you know, be married off to a

man for example. So so wait, So even in the dating process, what you're saying is you feel like women date and will stay in relationships because they don't want to be seen with a bunch of different men, because even if they're seen with a bunch of different men, it's like this, it's bad. Well, I mean I can say that I felt that way early on, and I felt like I was kind of raised that way. It's like, you don't want to be seen out with a man

pass a certain time. For example, you know, even when you and I Harvey, she was on vacation, go on vacation for a couple of days with a guy. Yeah, and my mama definitely, she definitely said that early on. We were about what eighteen nineteen, and we want us to go on vacation for Spring DrAk together to Jamaica, and pretty much almost booked the trip. And then she was just like, what is that going to look like?

You know, a woman of your caliber that I'm trying to raise, you know, going on a vacation with a man that you're not married to, and what is that gonna look like? And how am I going to tell your grandmother? And I was just like, I'm just trying to go and have fun. And I'm with one man that I've been with at that point for at least what maybe two years, you know, So it's not like

I was dating around and going on vacations with several men. However, I could have had that autonomy to do that, but I was raised differently in that it was almost shamed, right, It definitely was shamed. It definitely was shamed. But what my my thing is is this why do we automatically put on a woman right that if she's talking to a man that she's sleeping with him, Because that, to

me is what bothers me. Like we watched the show Britain, right, we watched to show Bridgetain, and even in the show Bridge even tho it's the fantasy, it's a fairy tale, right. The women are groomed to be wives, right, but they're supposed to take on suitors, right, and suitors are supposed to court them a bunch of different men are supposed to court them, but their modesty is important. But even though their modesty is important, men are supposed to court them, right.

Men are supposed to shower with them with gifts and show them what they're supposed to plem that's okay, and to show them experiences. Right. So it's like, if Lorie Harvey is doing that and keeping her modesty right, and she's not sleeping with these men, what's the problem if if so and so? What what if next week's Who's an Eligible Bachelor? Klay Thompson? Besides that, she he wants to shoot this shot at at Lorie Harvey and send her on a trip or send her flowers or by

her diamonds. If he can afford to do that, and she's, you know, the most eligible bachelorette, why do people have a problem like I really don't want I really don't understand. Did you see what he did, Michael B. Jordan did for her for valance? As because you showed me. I said, listen, if there was anything that was gonna get some panties, wet is that rent me out? The whole museum? What was it? The music, Michael? But the aquarium though, like with and he called her turtle and there were like

turtle swimming everywhere. I was like, how well, I thought that was that? And then the turtle bracelet and there was flowers and everything. I will admit that, but you won't for that. I will admit that I said, hadn't been me? See you wrong for that? You put it on Michael B. Jordan's See that's what that's wrong. That's just what it would have been for see LORI doing it. That is really rocking that Mike. That's that. But that

right to see. But it is my problem if it was me, no no, no, no no, tom out to time out to out please that you can't do that to Michael B want to feel that someone. Alright, no open aquarium for you and get sucked up. I don't care. I don't care how many action movies you do. Bro. Listen, all right, I'm just saying, if it was I don't want I don't even want to see that. But that's where she can come from, because that's wrong. It's wrong. But I'm just like you. I get it about I

understand that it's wrong. I am saying if it were me, I get that, but k what you're not understanding it. Part of the issue that I saw with those comments wasn't even only men have an issue with it. It was women. You say, women. Women keep saying they want autonomy over their life, they want to live their sexual all this other stuff. Right here, you have a woman who's twenty five existing in that space and women are finding issue with it. And I was just like, why,

But now did I hear you? Because you're saying if that were you, you know what I'm saying, a lot of women that was me. I'd have been putting out, so they probably felt like future was doing certain things, taken on trips, she's putting out, she was associated with other men. I don't want to keep naming names. I think it's also fucked up to do that. But she must be putting out to get these men to be paying attention to her. I'm telling you right now, she does not have to be putting out for men to

do those things for her. She doesn't like that. I remember in high school there was always the chicks right who would like the bad chick or the cute, innocent chick, And dudes used to be trying to crack the code. Dude, dudes, she can't. You can't claim that was you. Now, when you're talking about she was gonna be miking, seven year old Condeine would have rocked the mic, not so much as seventeen and seventeen. I was about seven year o Conine because Lorie Harvey showed me a year old woman

right now who's not dating right now in this time. Yes, you're right, it's different, this particular time and space that we're in. I will say it is fair to say that, yes, it's very different than when I was twenty seven or when I was seventeen. So now this is what I'm saying.

I'm saying that I understand it to an extent. But what I'm saying is, this is why I said, don't Lorie Harvey me is because when I have a daughter, God bless us with a daughter, don't Lorie Harvey out door when you see dudes coming with boxes of roses or taking it to the aquarium and you're feeling like the vow the vow our daughters putting out what he did wouldn't be placing that energy on her either, though, But you just place it on Lorie hard Do not place it one harder. I said it for me, that

would have been me. I'm not saying that that's what she was doing. OK. Just listen to what I'm saying. You're saying, is that was you? Right? I don't want you to say because your daughter is dating someone, Damn if that were me at that point, I would so you wonder if our daughter is That's what I'm saying about the whole That's not would my old lady. But that's what I'm saying that everybody, let's try to project Let's not project on these young women who have opportunities

they can agree on. That's what I'm saying. Let's not project these these things on these young women who have an opportunity to date a certain calibornim man that they're automatically putting out because men according them the part of the That's what I'm saying. Women don't understand that the courting process entails that a man should show you what

he's willing to do for you. But since we're not courting anymore, if a man does that, people automatically assume she must be putting out in order for him to do that. They can also be reciprocated as well too, you know what I mean. I think about it. There may be things that she's doing for him. I don't I'm not sure if she's posting it on social media as much, you know what I'm just saying, Like, I know, he had like a birthday or something, and she she

threw a party for him or something like that. So she's probably reciprocating in that way. It may not be that because he did all of these things for Valentine's day's putting out sexually. She can be reciprocating that to him as well too, in a way to say, hey, I appreciate what you've done for me in this space for Valentine's Day, for example, I want to do something special for you as well. But but we've also been conditioned to believe that the only way a woman can

reciprocate those type of gifts are sexual favors. And that's why I keep saying, don't Laurie harvy me, because don't if when my daughter is dating, if she's dating a certain caliber of men and she's going on trips or she's doing certain things, I'm going to talk to my

daughter about soul tie and having autonomy over her body. Now, there's a difference if you're sexually attracted to someone and you you know women of sexual beings as well, and she wants to have sex and because she wants to, not because she feels obligated to because someone got her a gift, then that's her own prerogative. As long as she's safe, she takes care of herself. But I'm not gonna tell my daughter to just, you know, go out there and any time a man gives you a gift,

well two things. I'm not gonna tell her, you gotta wait ninety days exactly because I don't believe in that either. Some people have ties. You and I didn't wait ninety days. We waited a little bit, but it worked out in our favor. So I don't feel like I can ever put uh a day amount of time on how to wait. But I want my daughter to ultimately date openly and be like, Yo, this is how you live. But men should be courting you, bro, Men should be courting you.

A man should be especially the type of man and I want my daughter to be with should be focused on generational wealth bill and building a family. That type of man will court a woman to show her not only this is how I'm going to get you, but this is the life you could live living with me for the rest of your life, because that's what I did with you. I continue to exist and you do continue to exist in that space, and I enjoy that. At this point I'm putting out, are you hurting out

to earn you? Definitely put it out now, you know what I mean exactly. But it's also a thing where well, clearly we're out of space where I understand the level of respect that you have for me, you know what I mean. But I actually felt that early on with you, I kind of felt like too, as a woman, you

kind of have to know who you're dealing with. You got to kind of know the kind of man that you are dating, you know what I mean, And I mean sometimes people walk around here with facades and you may not be sure who you're dealing with until you're well into it, or you find something out, or you know, you scour their Instagram page and like, it looks nice, but then you find out there's a really bad habit they have, for example, or something, and then you're just like, man,

I gotta move on. Um. But that's also sometimes the risk that you take in the dating process, which makes me feel like I do not actually, um, I feel like I'm missing out too much on the dating process, though I do feel like I wish I should have done more of that when I was younger. Yeah, and again dating meaning being courted, Um, having experiences meeting other people,

knowing what I like what I don't like. That would have given me a little bit more of a better scope to see, Okay, what does cadein like and not like in a person, rather than being with somebody and then having to be that flexible in a relationship. Yeah, but I feel like we also met and we got together early on where we were both still very malleable,

so we were able to kind of finesse. That's another thing, how kind of finesse, how we dealt with each other, and also how we grew and it worked out for us. But that could also be to a detriment for some people too. But that's what I want to touch on, as far as even the whole, the whole idea that someone has to give you expensive gifts to show you

how to court. I courted Cadein with no spensive gifts and no trips because I didn't have it hero right, A hero would have pickle on the side I had to pickle for she got that pickled to But no, realistically, the simple it is simple. If you let me finish. If you let me finish what I'm saying, I'm gone you not go ahead. I'm gonna tell you why he's simple. A right, I'm gonna tell you why it's simple. The

courting process is to show someone care. Right now, you and I were at a certain level in life right where you understand, you understood where I was financial, understood where you were financially. I wasn't Michael B. Jordan's, I wasn't Steve Harvey. You know what I'm saying. But you weren't Lorie Harvey either, so you appreciated the things I

got for you, you know what I'm saying. But even back then, if it's not a trip to Cobbo or Bora Bora, even if we drove to Virginia, people would assume, if social media existed like that, that we would drive into Virginia the automatically that what you were putting out, you see what I'm saying. But it was still just part of the courting process that allowed us to learn each other and ultimately make the decision to say, you know what, this is the type of guy I want

to spend the rest of my life with. And that's why I feel like it's simple, because it's like when you're going through the dating process and you get a chance to court and you get a chance to show a woman like I can take care of you, not because you need me to. Because at the time, it was never a I'm gonna take care of Kate because I could tell ka and got ship and I'm gonna have to carry her through life. It was more of

a thing, this is my equals. She's in college. I'm in college, but I want her to know what I'm here. It was a learning process. For us, I feel like we were learning each other. Think about the hours that we spent on those road trips, just like talking. Don't tell me why it's not simple, Tell me why it's not it's not simple. I think because people nowadays are contending with social media and this facade and this life,

this aspirational life. Half the time it's not real. So I feel badly for men, particularly because they have these levels of of Instagram photos that they're trying to live up to. You know, you think about a man who's thinking about proposing, it's no longer just oh my god, I'm going to have an intimate proposal with family and friends without it being an elaborate spread of like flats everywhere, photographer and video. So that difficult for I think according process,

particularly for men. Yes, and then women have a standard to which like, man, if he can't do this for me and if we can't do that, don't do it at all. I gotta agree with you, because when I proposed to you, all that mattered to me was our family was there, and absolutely and to me too. But if but now, but now, if I were to propose to you, I definitely would feel a certain level absolutely pressure and standard to be like, you know what, I gotta have a videographer, I gotta do a huge gesture.

I gotta make sure and in turn that may delay your process in trying to get things done because she may want to do it a certain way for that woman and then you're just like, damn, I can't do it to the calibers, but she's wanting it, you know what I mean. But even aside from say engage, just just courting in general, like you see people like hopping planes to go on vacation with a boar from her girlfriend or something like that, you know what I mean.

And if that's courting days, well, you know, people people to be spending other people's money to go on these vacations and putting it on Instagrams. But that's what that's what it comes back to, what you're saying, it's not fair because that's the standard of life. That may not because listen, like I did, like we brought it back to being simple. Think about my our Toyota Ciana when I opened up that that that trunk and I put them a cute little date night in the back of

the trunk, you know what I mean. Something like that. I feel like maybe for our generation will hold some value. I don't know how the generation of people coming up, and so let me feel about something simple like that. So let me ask you a question. We do we have a daughter, right, we do have How how would you help her navigate through this time? And I'm asking you because I don't want to try to man splain you know how a woman should go through this process?

How would you help our daughter? God bless, we have a daughter. She's twenty two right now? Dating and social media is a thing. You can't say, get off social

media and dat. But I think it kind of goes back to what you kind of explained earlier, is that you know, we're we would be providing it with her with a certain kind of lifestyle for example, right and she would god willing be around a certain group of family friends who just kind of empower her to feel like, you know what, she holds so much value that she's

worth dating around, She's worth having those experiences. She's worth also to having the freedom and the autonomy over herself and over her body to make those decisions when I feel like she's ready. So I feel like we as parents would have to raise her in a in a way in which she would feel like, Wow, I feel like I hold so much value that I'm not just going to be out here that I know that I'm talking about how would you tell how to navigate this space?

Like social media that, yeah, would you tell her, you know, date but don't date on social media or don't put who you're dating on social media? With like, like, how would you tell her to navigate the other the principles? I know how you would because you know, yeah, we agree with that, but I'm saying, like, how would you

tell her to navigate this space? Okay, that gives better clarification. Um, yes, I think there's a beauty and there's a mistique in a little bit of mystery and a little bit of privacy and not having to post every single thing and stuff. And it's funny coming from us because people probably feel like, damn, you'll post everything though you know, you guys are open book and we know everything. The best part about it is that people don't know everything about us because we

can pick and choose what we're putting out there. So the beauty and social media in that space when you're thinking about dating is that you can decide what you want to put out or not. The thing is, she's going to have to feel confident in herself to know that I'm not flossing for nobody, you know what I mean. There's like this flossy mentality that it's like, who are

you really doing it for? You know, and you don't need that justification from friends or from follows or from like So we're gonna have to really condition our children, even our boys, you know what I'm saying. We have to condition our boys to feel the same way to like you're not. You're gonna have to be respectful of women in general, yes, and then you're also going to have to be mindful of what you're putting out there

that then invites the negative content. So ultimately, it's not so much her dating process because she doesn't say much, so we don't know what her dating process is. It's her being social and you know, putting it out there for people to have comments, which I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest with everybody. Lorie Harvey is a social life, right, much like Kim Kardashian Paris Hilton. Right.

They feed off of this type of energy because it boosts their engagement, It gives them a level of status, which ultimately helps them make money. So people need to also realize that this could be a business decision for her to date publicly. You know, she's not putting out. We don't know if she's putting out or not. She's not even saying much about the situations. It could be a huge business move for her to say, you know what, I'm going to choose to date publicly. People don't have

something to say, They're gonna constantly repost. You know what I'm saying. I have brands and products that I want to market, so they're gonna come to my page. Homegirl got a whole billboard in l A for her her integration with her line with Naked Wardrobe. So it's like so in a way, she's winning both ways. So it's kind of genius and me while we're over here talking about her, right, but she's over there living the life,

you know what, which makes sense. But but I will say this, you have I would I would as a father, teach my daughter even if she would wants to be a socialite or an influencer, because it is it's a job. Now, like people, you know, people make jokes about gen Z. You know what you what are you gonna do when you're gonna be an influencer? Influencer? Influencer marketing is multimillion dollar industry. I know firsthand number one, and I also being a part of the podcast, you realize how much

people make off marketing. So yes, it is a job. Being. My daughter decides she wants to be an influencer, I would tell her, you have to have thick skin to be able to put your your life out there and understand that people are going to have opinions regardless of how much information they know. You know what I'm saying, Because the truth is we have minimal information and they will build an entire story around it. Yeah, You're going to have to just be able to contend with something

like that. And I would tell her to listen, Lorie sis I ain't mad at it. I'm at it either. That's the case Lorie Harvey me, because it's very polarizing, this whole situation here. It's like there's that don't Lorie Harvey mean that, like, don't talk about what I'm doing and don't make these assumptions. But then there's a Lorie Harvey me like rent out the freaking aquarium as now, I'll take it. You know what I mean, I get it,

I get it. I do say that I do feel like I'm proud of her for normalizing the dating process and the courting process. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, because I'm going to keep I'm going to keep pounding this away, you know, saying, no pun intended. But we do not have any confirmation that she's putting out for people. So so for people who to say that she's jumping from man to man and she's going through her whole phase,

you don't have any confirmation that. But her dating and being courted by by rich and powerful men who are bachelors. I feel like she's normalizing that in a space for black women because we haven't seen it before. You know what I'm saying, her being a socialite, her being courted her, and I I appreciate that because and also being a businesswoman to be able to capitalize financially off of it.

So that's the question is if she is having sexual relations with these people, these men, is it a whole phase? Are we calling it a whole phase? Why is it a whole phase? That's a whole another podcast as a whole other podcast. That is a whole other podcast. Yes, we're gonna do a podcast about the whole phase. Yes, yes, but right now we're gonna take a break and pay some of these bills because I gotta I just found out I gotta open up in the quarium for my wife.

That's all right, to get the Gulf golf. Um. So I'm gonna pay some of these bills, get some of these ads paid, so that you can rock this mind. We'll be back after these messages, all right. So we're back from listening to letters to letters actually bad, Yes, we're actually back to listener letters and just for for you know, to be fair and be right. Lorie Harvey is she's not she's not twenty two, and then gave us so many ages she's twenty four years old again.

Oh my goodness, you still look baby, thank you look at you. So I'm gonna read this first listening to letters. I go for it. I'm a twenty two year old woman, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and we've liked each other since sixth grade. Very nice. He cheated on me in March, and I have fully gotten over, haven't I haven't fully gotten over. We had an argument and he broke up with me because I can't trust him. But I'm telling

him that he needs to give me time. He feels like we can never get back to where we were before, but we previously agreed to go to couples therapy and reconcile. Should I fight for my relationship because I love him so much? Or should I just move on with my life? I hear two two so young a half together together? Yeah? Oh yes, sorry right now. Um, there are a lot of things that happened in those early twenties that I don't feel like should be the do or die the

final judgment for any person. UM at that age. I have a question, though, is he a cheater or did he just cheat? Because there's a difference difference difference between being a cheater and it's a different someone who cheated the serious because someone like that who's just a cheater, who's like, I'm never gonna stop cheating. This is who I am. And you want to be in a monogamous relationship as a person, whether it's a man or woman,

that's not somebody you want to be with. Do you think there are people out there there's just like you know, I'm never I'm never going to stop cheating, yes, or I'm just always going to be with multiple people and just not one. Yes, Because I feel like right now, as people, we aren't open to the ideas of polygamy or polyamorous relationships. So for a lot of people, they don't want to be judged. So what they do is they get in a relationship to feel like they're normal

quote unquote. But you're in this relationship to feel like you're normal, and you don't enjoy it. So what do you do? You have a secret life, you know. And that's not just men. Women do the same thing, you know what I'm saying. So I feel like until we normalize people being able to choose the type of style they want to live and it being okay and they're not being demonized for it, then this is what's going

to happen. People are going to continue to live secret lives, you know, and and then put this facade on for everyone else to make them feel comfortable with who they are. So I think that's what she has to figure out

and he has to figure out. I think she they should maybe take advantage of this break time too, because I feel like, being that young and having been together you and I since the age of eighteen, we understand now the value of maybe giving each other some space because we didn't our twenties, because we didn't we didn't really take fake breaks. But it wasn't like break breaks.

Wasn't break breaks, but it was like, yeah, we're gonna take a break, and we're gonna take a break, and then you know, a week later or something, we're like still calling each other and whatnot. So our breaks were kind of like very loose breaks. But the fact that you guys have broken up, you may want to take

this time to give him some space. Maybe he needs to realize like, Okay, you know, life is better over here, or you know, I enjoy being with different people and kind of just you know, figuring things out while I'm in my early twenties, and you never know, y'all might just kind of the paths may lead together again and they may merge a little bit later on. You know. Yeah, I think when she's saying should I fight from my relationship?

I think him cheating, you know, I fact be cheated, and then broke up with her because she didn't she can't trust them, shows that he kind of wants some space. And I feel like, you know what will be will be especially for them too, if they if they have soul times, if there are two people that can't stay away from each other, it'll be that way. And I think by giving him some space and allowing him to realize what life would be like without her would be what he needs to figure out if he wants to

continue to be in that relationship. What I'm saying, so, I think she should. You know, Mama, I think you should give him some space. Um, don't feel in any way that you have to behave like you're still in a relationship while you give him space, because typically people do that and then they don't give themselves any space, and what they want to try to do is remain in their relationship for the person while that persons or whatever,

and resentment bills. So it makes if you're gonna give him space, take your own space, live your life, and you'll figure it out once you gain more clarity. Because maybe you're twenty two, you're young, you're you're a baby, your infant. Yeah, there's still a lot of life feels being your twenties and feeling like you have it all figured out, like this is like the start of life.

But man, when you hit the sweet spot in your mid third, remember what I said, when from fifteen to twenty you think you know everything, From twenty to twenty five you know that you know everything. From twenty five to thirty, you start to realize that you ain't no ship that whole time. Then you spend your thirties trying to fix all the messed up stuff you did. So that's where they are now. You know, normalize the twenties

not being the prime. It maybe for people physically, you know what I mean, But when it comes to the whole package and where you are mentally and emotionally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, doesn't develop until you go exactly all right, next one, al right, next one coda, Devo. I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for

basically three years d years now. We're both twenty six and have some days where we wonder if this is I have some days when I wonder if this is the relationship for me. For the past three years, he's been struggling to get it together, for example, keep a job longer than three months. And I have my bachelor's degree in criminal justice, I have a semi good job. Still looking for a career, however, I want to do things like travel the world and expand our relationship more.

But because he's always looking for work and focus on the wrong things, it's holding me back. But I'm working hard to get my life together and it's just taking him so much time with mad ease, mad time. But I know he has great potential to be a great man and it's taking so long. It's not about him not having money, it's about him being able to be stable in life. Well, um, this is just the you know,

the old adage. You know, people have different processes in life. Um, typically you would think if I find someone with the same access is me, my relationship would be better. But that may not be the case. Um, Coin and I have gone through this. I've said three years they've been together six they've been together since. Okay, Yeah, Codeine and I have gone through this. Codein is thirty seven now, and sometimes she still feel like she don't know what she wants to do. So okay, it's like it's not

easy like, you don't. Just I'm such for that too. I just like spontaneing. You like molds, and I don't like mundane. So I'm just like, oh, I feel like doing this today and tomorrow. I'm like, I don't really feel like that. I mean, you know, I mean, I don't know if they're millennials or they're gen z or if they're a little bit older, but I do. Once again, young people feeling like they have to have everything figured out at six. Most of the time that's not the case.

You know, you have your bachelor's degree and you ever send my good job, so you figure like, I'm on my path, I know what I want to do. Some people at that age have no clue what they want to do, and it's okay for them to not know as long as they're trying to figure it out, you know what I'm saying. It seems like he's trying. He's going in and out of jobs. At least he's trying to stay with work. But if he's he's gen z er.

Gen Zers are not going to stay with work that they don't want to do for longer than three months. That's something that this generation is not going to do. Our parents generation stuck with a job because they were like I got a good job, I got benefits, got my vacation time. They did that right, or they got that city job where they can just write out for

rot it out for years. This generation doesn't do that. So, you know, if you're the type of person who's willing to keep a job just to keep a job, and then that person that's trying to figure out their passion, it's going to be difficult for y'all to navigate that relationship because that person is always going to have that that you know, wandering idea of what if I do something else? And quite so I would say give it

time six Yeah, yeah, I was gonna stay that. They're still young, he's maybe maybe still trying to figure it out. Maybe whatever he's been doing so far within his career field, he's feeling is not motivating for him, and he's not sparked by it. Um A lot of people change career fills too. You're fairing to go to school for one thing, and then the next thing you know, they're in something doing something completely different, or they pick up a trade or they start a business. Um, so just be there

to support him. But I would say, also feel free to date. This is why you date. Going through the dating process just taught you that you don't want to be with someone right. You don't want to date with someone right, with someone who's not making progress and it's kind of frivolous with their lifestyle as far as livelihood.

So if you're learning that you don't like this, you don't just stay in it because you invested three years in it a character trait that's not gonna change, right, I mean, if it doesn't change, then you're kind of stuck hoping that it's going to change. And that's the last thing you want to do in a relationship. But you know what happens though. People feel like especially women, feel like I started in this relationship. It's been three years. I'm twenty six. If I move on to another relationship,

then I've wasted all this time. Or I don't want to keep dating around because if I keep dating around, then I'm gonna seem as if I'm a whole you know what I'm saying. No date, you just learned if you don't like this, you realize that I don't like this, go find someone that you like. Need to normalize, like not feeling that you have to be stuck with somebody because invested a certain amount of time, whatever that time is, and just trying to say, you know what, I'll deal

with it because that's the worst, the worst way. That's how resentment to start. So good luck to our listener letters who wrote in today. Thank you all so much for always uh, you know, telling us a little bit about what's going on and getting us giving our two cents. You know I enjoy doing that, you know, um and if you want to be featured is one of our

listener letters. You know, tell your friends right in. Everybody whoever wants to tell us a little bit and is looking for a word or two, email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A d A S S A d V I C E at gmail dot com. All right, moment at truth time, Moment at truth time. My moment of truth is, don't LORI harvy me speaking on behalf of the young women who want to be courted, you know what I'm saying, who want to enjoy their life. Don't project what you

think I'm doing on me? Right If if men according me and they're taking me place and doing this. Don't automatically assume that I'm putting out sexually to get these gifts, or I'm doing this for some other reason other than the fact that I want to. Don't put that on me. If you have issues with that for yourself, that's fine, And and that's for men and women, men and women who are putting those projections on me and what I should and shouldn't be doing in my life. Don't lurry

harvy me, bro. Don't don't automatically assume, Bro. Don't I'm just look at the camera. Don't automatically assume BRO, that because I'm living my life in a certain way that if you would do something that that's what I'm doing to get when I'm getting. Don't do that for me, because when I have a daughter, I'm going to tell my daughter to make sure that she's courted the right way and the right type of man. And if that means that that man wants to take her places and

buy her gifts and do all this other stuff. Receive the gifts, but don't feel like you gotta put out in order to receive them. If he wants to show you what he's capable of, and at some point you like, now, you're not really my type, and he moves on and another man comes in to do that. That's part of the dating process, bro, that's period. I don't. I don't. And you know, my daughter is not going to be a gold digger because Daddy can give her whatever she wants.

So no, she's not gonna be a gold digger. And my daughter gonna be a boss. She's gonna make her own money. But she will be courted me respectfully. She will be courted respectfully. Meet her. I love it, well, you want me her soon? What's what's what's the day? March?

You're gonna meet her in December? So that being said, um, my moment of truth is that I would really appreciate it and love it if people can normalize the dating process and that it can be having fun with somebody, having experiences, getting to know everybody, going to getting to each other rather and not having everybody feel as if sex always has to be involved, because it doesn't have to be. And if it is, that's your business, and if it's your business, keep it your business. It doesn't

have to be a thing where everybody is involved. And I know that's so very very difficult in this age that we're in, in in this space that we're in with social media, but I feel like there needs to be that process of people going out there and meeting and and meeting without the you know, influences of everybody else, without sex necessarily being involved. You know what I mean, Like, let's take it back to some of the basics. Do

I sound like an old lady for saying that? No, you don't sound like the old lady, but I do see in social media though, it's like when two people date people automatically, I love them together. They need to stay together forever, and if they don't and that someone

else moves on, not that person is wrong. So when that person is dating and trying to figure out who the person is, because I know some people who have been together for a long time and have not posted one picture together on social media or it's like a close friends. No, but the general republic don't know. And

that's that's cool too. You mean, there's privacy and that it's okay to be private with the cording and dating process if you want to be, especially if you know you don't have the skin think enough that people in their judgments and their gency and whatever else comes with that territory for all right now, So um yeah, y'all, be sure to find us on social media. If you're not following already, that as the podcast on Instagram and

I'm Kadina I am and I am Devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. We love you. We'll be back next week. Next week, We'll be back as. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the podcasts and never miss a thing, I said, lest I s