LIVE IN DETROIT!

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos.

With our voice and reading each other publicly as a.

Form of therapy.

Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are.

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about to take philosof to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now.

This is the part of the show where we get you guys involved, and we let you ask us whenever you want to ask us.

No question is off limits, right, So we.

Got we got some time with y'all because we didn't bring y'all all in the snow for no reasons.

So we don't get through some questions.

So we have Denorra and josh Everyone shout out Joshua and Dwayne Josh.

Photos, Videos, podcast everything.

Well, first off, shout out to the crew who's helping to run everything here.

Everyone has their stations that they're at.

Josh, Mattello, Dave, Who am I missing?

Tasha Ben Ben? We love all y'all all over, he said.

Said Dave twice. Yes you did.

I don't get nervous now, Josh, because you're pointing stuff out yelling. Let me tell y'all something about Josh.

All right, So they have microphones on either side here, and we'd love for y'all to come to the mic if you have a question, don't be shy, and we'll have a little chit chat.

This is the best part podcast, all right. That's when you get to.

Talk directly to us. So, who's got a question? You can make your way up towards the microphone.

I see one going to Josh. Oh, now you're going to your bathroom?

Are you a drink?

Oh?

You want to hear a drink?

I was like, that's the first time we had a brother come up first.

All right, Donor's got one. Hi there, Hi, what's up girl?

What's your name? Where are you from?

I'm from Detroit?

All right? Now a native of a native I love that. And my birthday was last week.

Happylated birthday started her birthday, see what you started?

Huh So happy birthday to my best friend.

She brought me here birthday to Yes, happy birthday best friend too.

Okay, Favelocity a man.

So I'm kind of a deep person and I saw a lot of couples in here and looking at your journey all the way back from Black Love TV show, shout out to that.

What is y'all advice for couples overcoming trauma.

Struggles and how do you create that healthy balance for relationships?

Wow? You really thought about that question?

Oh sir, she got nervous.

So now that I got the mic, how do you balance trauma from the situational.

Activities from my past? You see my fault?

No, No, that's a great question.

It's a great question.

Well for us, there was a lot of unpacking that had to happen over the years. Right, So this is, like we said, twenty years in the making. And I think for Deval and I, we met really young. We were eighteen nineteen. I mean knew each other since elementary school, but I mean really started dating and.

Having a relationship in college.

So we were struggling a bit because we were individuals, of course eighteen and nineteen years old, who were still trying to find out who we are as people and grow right in that. But then also at the same time, so to consider the other person's feelings, have to kind of make a decision with someone else in mind. So early on in our relationship we struggled with a lot of that because we felt like we weren't communicating effectively.

Right.

You're not gonna give details about it. You're not gonna tackle the problem. You sweep it under the rug and hopefully it goes away. Devout grew up the complete opposite, you know. He used to have family debates and family they talked about everything and how everyone felt and tried to come to a resolution. So when we started dating and as our relationship progressed, that was a challenge for us.

So even in our book and in.

Writing the book We Over Me, we talk a lot about how our childhoods affected us and brought us to be the individuals that we are today. And it was acknowledging those things and how it manifested itself in the way that we communicated, in the way that we showed up for each other in our relationship.

So even taking it a step further.

Deval, being Husband of the Year, moves my parents in to live with us to help us with the boys. So in him bringing my parents into live with us, now he's literally getting a bird's eye view into how even my parents coexist, and he's like, wow, Kadein, I have such a greater understanding for you and why you are the way you are and why you respond the way you sponded to certain things because I can see how your parents raised you and what your family dynamic

I felt like we had a lot of roadblocks over the year.

Is because I took devous transparency in his honesty as him as him kind of badgering me as him pointing out my flaws. I felt very inadequate at times because I felt like, man, I'm not living up to the standard of what he's looking for in a partner. So I used to kind of self loathe and didn't realize why I had such a hard time just being able

And just that interest that he.

Took in me alone made me feel like, man, at least somebody really wants to hear me out. He wants to understand where I'm coming from. He may not always agree, but at least he understands what makes me tick. He understands why I made the decision that I made. And I can't express to y'all how much that patience and that navigating how we communicated helped us get past whatever family traumas, whatever generational curses like.

We like to say, had impacted us. As children now adults.

Yeah, for me, it was just trying to understand who her parents were so that I could then understand who she is. And then when she says stuff, I had to learn how not to judge her for how she feels. Right, So, for example, if she's upset about something in the past, and she would tell me, you know, when you said this, it hurt my feelings instantly, my thought process is, let me explain to you why what I said shouldn't hurt

No, Fox Fox Detroit this morning.

I argue a couple of times this week, so I'm trying to figure out which one it was.

It was La Show, it wasn't.

No, yeah, yeah, but that's not the story.

Okay, that's not the story.

It was Fox this Morning.

We was getting ready to get on the station rightly, and we arguing back and forth, and then we argue no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because we're going in three two one bout we Yes, we over me black love, Yes, communication, yeah, psych we communicate, well yes, as soon as I cut yo, let me talk to you real quick.

That's exactly how it works in Oh.

Let me tell y'all. Our glad team, our crew, they're probably half.

The time like, let's tiptoe out of here because these two what we're gonna do is deal with it right in that moment, because what we don't want to do is for ship to fester and to linger and life is too short, y'all tackle it.

Head on it is. Thank you so much for your questions, your question.

Go ahead, Josh got turned the mic on, Josh, Josh broke it. Hey charge him, do not charge me for that mic.

So there we go.

Hello, my nay Tequia and I'm from Detroit.

Shout out Detroit, shout out tro Yes.

Okay. First of all, my daughter's name is Brooklyn. You love that. You gotta get taste the name.

I know.

So I've been watching you, sister, first episode. Okay, okay, So backstory, okay, So.

My birthday fabulous? Is that you? Is that you fabulous?

My birthday is March eighth? I know? So you have to sign I ain't know. Shout out my chape. You have to sign my hoodie please, I've watched you.

Anybody who buy hood I'm.

Sign body birthday today, Body, I got you. Thank you, Okay, thank you. I've been married for thirteen years. My hubsband, thank you, thank you.

What's up? Husband?

I see you thirteen thirteen year bit did brother and.

We were sweets just like you are.

Yes, okay, so here's my question. I have a session called marriage Matters Monday. And my question is I want to start a podcast and I want to know how it's your beginning, and can you give me.

Some Here's the pointers. Here's the pointers, real talk.

You have to start, start, and be prepared to do podcasts when nobody is listening. Most people quit before the audience gets there because they don't believe in themselves enough to keep going.

I was making videos with.

My wife and my kids for two years before anyone of y'all saw that video with freaking Cairo.

Two years.

Every single day I did two pictures and a video every single day for two years. And I told Matt and I told Josh, I was gonna do this every day until people started paying attention and now looks and to be honest, that's the only advice I can give you.

You gotta do the work.

You gotta be consistent, you gotta start, and don't quit on yourself.

You do that. There you go, you'll be successful.

Good?

All right?

Down by donor?

All right?

Hello?

What's up?

My name is Sierrah.

He's here, So I'm an aries shout out to the bail fellow aries.

Uh, what's soesbril?

Second? Happy brother to myself?

Right, right right, So, and I'm married actually to a Leo, So I understand, y'all. Okay on the fireside marriage okay, fire sign that is, I understand it. So my question is more so for could them you know the veiled team aries.

You can sprinkle al one if you want to.

But let's the question a question.

So I just had a baby girl in March.

Congratulations in November.

I'm sorry, right before thanksgivings?

Okay to be or Cadie, I didn't even love It's all right, go ahead.

You're looking snatched tonight, honey, Okay, thank you, baby Chell.

I could barely breathe, but give us the worst overroatine give us. I know one of your last podcasts you talked about you finally getting into the gym and you being consistent this time. Talk about what was different for you this time? You know what about it? How you getting back snatched after having baby?

Coda? King, I appreciate the King making right, Thank you, thank you.

So I have a very love hate relationship with the gym, with working out, but I'm married to a former athlete, so it really just required why are you drinking my drink now?

To tell you answer your question, why are you focusing on me anyway?

Because I'm trying to be intact for y'all. So the biggest thing for me was consistency. That was an issue, right, And I believe the culture around women having to snap back, of course with social media and celebrity culture is a stressor, right.

The biggest thing that I.

Learned after each child, well, I learned this information which is completely just scientific. My obgyn told me after Jackson, go easy on yourself because after having a baby, first of all, it took ten months to get to that point for you to grow an entire human. What makes you think that you're gonna snap back in six weeks. The body hormonally after a baby doesn't even regulate to baseline for most women until nine to twelve months after birth.

So think about that.

You have all these hormonal imbalances going on, you're tied, you're maybe breastfeeding, bottle feeding, whatever it is, you're breastfeeding exactly, so you're up with a baby every two hours, feeding on demand. Then, not to mention too, you're gonna eat what you want to eat because you just feel comfortable in that space. The biggest thing is giving yourself grace. You have to. You have to for your own mental health and your own sanity. For me, it was important

He's there.

She cusses me out.

I do. I have almost where I don't want to go, and he hears it too. But also have an accountability partner. So I think you had posted something recently about me being in shape or something, and some of the backlass you got was that you're so overly concerned with my body getting back and something like that.

Yeah, a couple of people, because I always post Kadeen in a way to just empower her make her feel comfortable about yo, I'm on this journey with you, and I guess a couple of ladies felt like I was always pushing her to work out right, and reality, I've never pushed Kadeen to work out ever. I've always only asked her when she's ready, let me know and I can help you. But the biggest thing for me, and I'm gonna speak to the gentleman here is we like

Because the more we go together, the more I've noticed.

Like it's gonna sound crazy, but it's almost like her pheromones and my hormones match met Schuell. And when we go to the gym together, it's an enjoyable process, but not the process of be telling her what to do. She has her workout, we go together, I do my workout. She'd be watching me from afar. I walk by, tap on the booty, give us some encouragement, keep going. But I've noticed with that type of encouragement she's just been

Right.

These people train for months to learn how to deal with sleep deprivation, and they are the most disciplined people on the planet. But they even have to train for sleep deprivation. But in society, we expect a mom to deal with sleep deprivation.

Be a wife, be a mom, go to work. It's a lot. You know what I'm saying.

And I'm not saying this now as the like I know, like I'm so wise.

No, I'm saying this because it's my four fucking kids. And when it was my first kid. When it was my first kid, it.

Was disrespectful, y'all. He was disrespectful.

I was not disrespectful him.

What you told me?

So damn you're gonna put me out there these people like me, why would you do that?

Telling the truth? Are transparent?

Right?

We keep it real, right, Hey, I love you, you know that. Don't even go there.

So this is after our first baby. My mom had three natural births. So at six weeks I was like, what's up. She was just like, I know, babey, no baby. We were having an argument. I was like, yo, you act like you the first woman to ever have a baby. I said that, Yeah, I said it, said it, But I was twenty seven. I had no clue what a woman's body goes through, and I felt like I was doing everything in my power as a husband at that time to make sure that her life was good. I

Was when he was twenty seven. You know what I'm saying.

We have to learn as people to give each other grace, the same way I gave Kadeen grace as I learned about her body. She gave me grace because if you didn't give me grace, we would be divorced and she'd be cussing.

Me out like everybody else.

And I think it's important to tell that part of the story too, because I know this is your first child. Second okay, so you know a lot of the stuff that I've y'all gone through that and now it's the second time around and.

You feel a lot more prepared.

We're hoping that somebody hears this and says, you know what, babe, now that I understand what sleep deprivation is, I'll be more inclined to give you some grace. I want you all to know, ladies too. You know who else deals with sleep deprivation. Your child's father. And this is the truth. Somebody, Look, somebody sucked their tea.

Looks, why are you gonna suck your tee? Why are you gonna suck your teeth? Huh huh.

You don't think I was up you crazy. Let me tell Let me tell you. Let me tell you what my schedule talking about. Let me tell you what my schedule was like with Cairo. Right, Cairo Kadeen wasn't working. Stop me when I'm lying. Was I not putting fourteen hours in the gym, fourteen hours at the gym working I owned the gym. I had to be there to make sure that I could supplement whatever she wasn't bringing in at the time, because I wanted to make sure that my wife didn't have to go back to work.

Yeah I did.

I got up and this like this, you good, okay, but it's still broken sleep. And after months you don't realize how your husband or your child's father is going through the same thing. You're going through the same way. You got to learn how to deal with sleep deprivation, so does he. Because I was a grumpy motherfucker was I not? Were so on top of sleep deprivation. I wasn't even getting no.

Booty, no. So we was at each other that he was at each other. But here's the biggest thing.

By Cairo, she and I were a little bit more aware, so there wasn't the same type of vitriol towards each other as it was for Jackson. But I always want to point that out too, because I feel like dads who are real involved in their children's lives don't get enough credit. And when we do well, people say things like, that's what you're supposed to do.

But if you ever.

Say to a woman that's what you're supposed to do, now you're being massagynistic. So I'm always gonna speak for the gentleman fellas.

All right, now that's fuck God.

Now they want to talk of I love that and when it comes to the workouts. Girl, I've noticed recently that I was, yeah, this is the same person that whispered to me. Okay, we got to keep it concise because it's a lot of people. Meanwhile, about five minutes, ten minutes later, my bad.

You know, I just got into my story.

It's all good when it comes to workouts. I've noticed that it has helped me keep my curves. But slim down is higher protein. Trying to eat at least five meals a day, and I mean like breakfast, small meals, small snack, lunch, small snack, dinner, sometimes a protein shake, something that's easy. Like now that I'm on the road, I have my greens with me, vitamins with me, protein bars like whatever I can just eat so my body doesn't go into starvation mode. Also, ladies, quiet as it's kept.

Sometimes. Look, weren't lift weights I lift?

She didn't want to do it either. I ain't a football player. Why I got a hand clean?

Now her ass on her lower back, and she's like, if I look at my ass, I'm like, I know, hand clean deadlifts, front squats, back squats.

Lunges, sprints. Don't get on that trup mill.

In forty five minutes on the treadmill, you're gonna be skinny. You're gonna be skinny like them women that be running the marathons. They be skinny fat because they'd be skinny, but they still got fat pockets.

Skinny fat. I've never seen that, y'all seen skinny fat pever.

Yes, it's a thing.

Be because people who run marathons their bodies always in starvation mode, so they store fats to pocket and places and no muscle. So that's why their body looks emaciated for doing miles forty five minutes on the treadmill.

You don't gotta do that.

Their heart health is probably popping, though it is.

They have great heart health, great heart health, but poor muscular structure is bad for your joints. Lift weights, weights, lift weights, squats, deadlifts, lunges.

And sleep if you can. Know that's hard, but getting some decent sleep, Drinking your water literally the basics that people tell you it actually works, So take it back to the basics, get your rest. Congratulations on baby girl, Yes, thank you so much.

Baby. Running out of a drink you might want to Yeah, whatever.

People get jewels in their sideburns, and now they want it's all crazy, you know, go ahead, you know triple for meday? No no, oh no, no, no, HeiG you which she?

I ain't know? I could say, did you? I can't. Oh my goodness, I love Detroit. I love what you're doing.

We can't gusky song, nothing.

Worried nor too.

All right, we gotta get back to the questions we got. They about to do a whole medley. It's this group right here. It's this group right here.

Go ahead, literally you talk answer, Oh, give got something for round?

Applause. I was actually great. I was great. I was great.

Kaoke in the middle, list of letters.

All right, my bad, Josh, my bad. Broke ahead?

What's that? Brother?

Hello Detroit?

All right, now, what's up?

What's up?

Did you trick your wife into the fourth son?

Or did you have a conversation with her.

With the hard questions? It was all nice? Set them down.

I drink for that one.

Did you trick Kadeen? So I'm gonna be honest, I tricked it. No, The question was did I tricked Kadeen? Did I trick Kadeen? Or did we agree to have a fourth child, because I know everybody knew after the three whole boys, she was like, she done, she done, she done.

Here's the truth.

Kadeen came to me one day and said, I don't feel like I'm done having kids. She said she didn't feel like she was done having kids. I said to her, I said, hey, now, hey, now, I can't guarantee you that this is gonna be a girl.

I can't, I can't, but I can guarantee you that.

If we have another child, we will be able to expand our family and do it in a healthy, positive way, and we gonna.

Love whatever it is.

That was my way of making sure that if it was another boy, it wasn't just my fault. And she was just like, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. She just wanted to have another child. And once she says she was ready to be a mom again, I was like, let's do it.

Let's let's get it done. So the answer is no, I didn't trick her.

If you read the book, you find out that Kadeen and I had an unexpected pregnancy in college. So part of the reason why Kadeen and I take childbirth child, labor child rearing so like serious is because since we were nineteen years old, this has always been part of our mindset how we were going to raise our families and making sure we do it the right way.

So when it came to.

Having children, we joked online about having three hole boys and only wanting a daughter. But it didn't matter to me if I had five, six, seven, eight sons. It didn't matter to me if I had eight daughters. Who Now, I just well, we can't have no more.

Cause uh yeah, go ahead, go ahead. I got cut up.

Yeah, I that episode did. I got the snip snippities.

I went to sleep one night, woke up in the doctor's office. I said, what the fuck am I doing here? She was like, nothing, baby, go back to sleep.

I was like, all right, listen.

And it was the craziest thing.

So imagine this, you know, I schedule, I found the best roologists I could find out in Atlanta and made the appointment.

So it took the.

Valin that morning and just imagine driving into this place. There's a parking lot full of cars, and literally every car was a man taking.

This really slow, reluctant walk out of the car into the office. All of us was like this, and then one by one you're seeing the wives.

Go back in and pick their husband up and walking them slowly back out. It was like dropping your kid off at daycare and coming back.

We was looking at each other like.

Everybody know why they're there.

Come on, but you next, you next, come on, don't fall asleep now, it was. It was a sad day. It was a sad day.

It was.

It was a sad day.

I mean, but you know it was time.

It was.

But now.

Here's here's one thing I will tell you. I didn't know this women.

The women's libidos are definitely different than men's, but they also every time you lay down with a woman, the thought process is I could get pregnant.

Yes, for men, that's not the thought process. So we'd be ready to go. And it wasn't until years.

Kadeen was explaining to me, like, yo, we laid down to have a good time and then we just got kash randomly, like that's my biggest fear.

Then I got the IUD.

Put in anybody else who've had the IUD supposed to be non hormonal. So I'm thinking, oh, this is the perfect way to prevent pregnancy, and I can have a good time. But that was causing a whole another set of issues for me, to the point where I went for a physical one day and I was borderline the kneemaic. Why because every momth I'm losing tons of blood like this, just like I was TMI.

But ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

So at that point, I said, you know what, I know, I wasn't done with children.

I just had that feeling and any woman that I had spoken to, even women older than me, that said, you'll know when you're done. It's just like a thing that women know when they're done. I just felt like I wasn't done regardless if we had a.

Girl and boy.

And I just thought of a funny ass story of how we found out in the very very early stages that it was a boy.

Did we ever tell us?

I don't know.

I don't think we did.

She said, girl tell us, all right, So this real quick, real quick.

Sorry I got questions, but this one was a funny.

Eden was already pregnant, Kadeen was already pregnant. We were trying to find out if it was a boy or a girl.

They got anybody special.

The test called sneak peak. I never heard of sneak peak.

So with a sneak peek, you take a blood test, you put your finger, you take a blood test, and you put it in this thing. You send it into a lab and they tell you they send you in about a week if you have a boy or a girl.

But the thing is, with a sneak.

Peak, you can't have any other testosterone around. So Kay has to take the sneak peak by herself, and I can't be in a room. Kadeen is a hypochondriac, right, so she stabs her finger. Now, before that, Kadeen was talking nasty, Yo, tonightmen, where you can We're about to you know what I'm saying.

She was like, yo, babe, I'm about to go in the room and change. Go get ready.

So I'm laying in a bad naked waiting for her to come out. She like, Babe, I'm gonna do this sneak peak real quick, and I'm gonna come back. It's gonna take five minutes.

So I'm like fine. So I'm sitting there naked and I hear a whole bunch of fumbling going on. I'm like, man, what the fuck is going on in there, So I go in there.

Kadeen got to turn the kid around her finger, right, She's sticking her finger in, sticking her finger and wondering why no blood is coming out. So I go, hey, babe, you have to take the rubber band off your finger. So I take the rubber band off her finger. One little piece of blood drops out like this, and Kadeen goes, Now, I told y'all, I was in my bed naked. So I'm naked and I catch her right, but she naked, So now she naked fall into me naked and I'm naked, So now I'm naked and hard.

She like, I'm like, could he wake up? Could he wake up?

She like, I passed out so quick.

So I drag her back to the bed. I'm dragging her back to the bed, but Dick's still hard.

And the whole time, I'm holding my finger up.

In the air like like this.

You can't touch me. Don't touch me, You're gonna contaminate the sample.

So I drag her back to the bed, throw in the bed, I go get the blood. I put it in there, close everything up, and we send it away. I ain't think the shit was gonna work because it's not supposed to be no testosteroning around.

And then it's early, it's like eight weeks, so they say it's like ninety five percent.

Sure, yeah, but I was behind her getting all the blood and stuff with a hard dick, like I'm pretty sure there's testosterone somewhere.

In the air, and I dragged her in the back, put everything up, going there.

We get it back in the week. It says you having another boy. First person she blame is who.

I was like, you contaminated the sample.

She was so mad.

But then we got from the doctor. Yes, and it's the Dakota Marley Ellis is here. Y'all happy and healthy, and he's the little soul who's supposed to be here. And I couldn't be more thrilled. See he looks just like I don't know if y'all seen him, have you seen the That is my twin. And I said, Lord, I guess I should have been more specific.

I asked for a mini me. I should have asked for one with a vagina. He gave me one with a penis. But it's all good.

We love him just the same, and he's the perfect completion to our family.

Yes, who's next.

Okay, I'm gonna make this quick, but it is a little layered. Okay, So first I want to acknowledge my sister that was over here, who said her birthday was March eighth, and she has a daughter named Brooklyn. This year, yes, no, it's not my birthday. This year on March eighth, my son and I it'll be our daughter's fifth birthday.

And she actually was still.

Born and her name is Brooke, and lately everywhere we go we've been seeing signs of her. So I just want to acknowledge her.

And that was I could have shout out to you.

Yes.

So the first part of my question is can I give you all a copy of my book? Definitely got me a word with B on everything.

A word would be book right here, Thank you doing.

Then my question is my husband to know right here, being a photographer, we have been married.

It'll be four years in August.

We met at work. He was a police officer. I was police dispatch. Shout out to Detroit police. We also passed three boys. Like I said, our girl was stillborn. But my question is how do you keep the balance of keeping each other first while being a mother being a father, Because I'm I'm family fairy oriented and I often put our kids into everything, and he's like, babe, what about me? Like, we don't always have to include the kids, So how do you keep the balance of not including a kid?

If you cracked open the book? Who knows what the chapter is called? The kids ain't first facts?

And that's a fact Daval and I learned after just years of being parents, being spouses and then also having businesses together, podcasts, careers, everything that we don't work well and nothing around us stays afloat if he and I are disconnected. So that's the first thing, because it all

Absolutely, I'm gonna give you an l cheek code right here. Ask your husband what he wants and when he tells you, don't you judge him?

Do it?

Then tell him what you want and say I need you to do this. This is what we do. I kid you not.

And when you say that on social media or you say that to a bunch of people who are not trying to be of service to their partner, all your heir is, oh my god, she's too submissive. On my god, he's a simp. Your goal in a marriage is to be of service to your spouse.

That's your goal, period.

The only reason you get married is because you chose to be of service. When he asked you, that was his choice to ask you. When you accepted, that was your choice to say yes.

Just be like, babe, what you need? Babe, what you need, I got you no matter what it is. Don't judge him. You know what I'm saying, Like kay, and I will go through the list of things that we want every day. What you want today? I'm not lying, I'm not lying.

And it could be something simples like wake up in the morning, How can I make your day a little bit lighter fast?

What do you need help with today? How can I alleviate some stress? Like something simple like that?

Because what tends to happen too with our men, particularly if there are anything like Devalles. Devala's gonna say I got it, I got it until he doesn't.

Have it, okay, and I'm gonna be mad when she don't get it. But I never told love, you never told you know what I'm saying.

And Devao too had a little breakdown last November after just the stress of the year and work and everything, And I in turn now looked.

At myself and I was like, how did I not pick up on the fact that my husband was in need of something?

Like?

How did I miss that? How did I not see it?

And it was just me always being accustomed to him saying, hey, I got it, and I'll be like, I know. So I'm so much more deliberate now about asking him in real time what is it that you need?

And it takes the guessing out of it too.

Facts right, while I try to wait for somebody to figure out what it is you want, say what it is that you want in real time. When the spouse or the partner delivers, then you're gonna feel like, Wow, she or he actually took the time to give me something that I have requested, took the time to anticipate my needs. Took the time to anticipate what I may want in that omen, and then it makes it easier for you to then want to reciprocate that because you feel taken care of.

It's the business of service.

You can't get married if you don't expect to be of service to someone.

Facts.

Great question, what's good Chris from Detroit?

My wife right there. She didn't want me to come up here. No look or cover her face. You bought the tickets Christmas? Please? Okay? So I got a question. I wrote it so I wouldn't know you wrote it down.

Organized.

It's not that long.

Better be organized so I know.

You guys have probably had different perspectives on business decisions that.

You needed to that needed to be made.

Have you have you ever brought like all of your all of the facts to Kadeen, like you know.

This is what it is.

This is how we Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. There is not a fact in my brain that does not go to this woman.

You want to know why?

It's my life partner, Like there's when I'm talking about numbers, social security, how and I'm gonna tell you why I'm gonna tell you, what do you have kids? If something happens to me tomorrow, Kadeen is gonna have to know where the trust is, who gets paid out, what, how much is the life insurance?

She so what I'm responsible for all of our wealth building stuff. That's what I do.

Me and my partner, We go through all of that. At the end of every month, I sit my wife down, I say, look, this is the insurance plan. This is how much money we have in this account. This is how the business works. If something happens to me tomorrow, these people have to get paid. This has to get done, and you have to continue to do this because we got four kids. So fuck me being dead. There's no time to gree there's no time to do that.

You have a responsibility to get it on Jesus. And yes we rebuke that. I'm a knock on wood.

I'm a knock on wood because it is snowing like a motherfucker out signs. But there isn't a detail in my life that I don't share with my wife. And that comes from business to intimacy, because if you choose a woman, or you choose a person, and that's the person you want to experience everything in life too. You should feel comfortable just uploading everything on.

Her and watching her be like, I got you, babe, because I asked her to do the same thing for me.

Listen, Devouswo has business acumen. Like whenever you have a couple, usually one might be stronger at one thing than the other, and we understand what our strengths and weaknesses are. So business acumen is his thing. Finances that's his thing, Creativity that's his thing. So anything that is in that domain. I trust him wholeheartedly to know that he'll never lead our family astray. So what I am now as a

I wouldn't even know there was a show today if she didn't put it on my calendar in my phone.

Devou told his brother to come, oh yeah, come to come come visit us March March third, Fourthy we home that weekend, I said, Devout, We not home that weekend.

Bro, She organizes we are in Detroit.

So it takes that partnership and it's so much sweeter and it's so much easier when you can celebrate the process and the journey, the wins and the losses with someone to go ahead and involve each other in that.

Are you planning to start a business soon?

Yeah? Well yeah, I wasn't kind of done with the question. You kind of you know, Oh, my bad, bad? What was the question? My bad? I don't even remember that.

No, so basically pull the phone back out.

I got add real bad. You said finance. I was just like, finance, what you gotta do?

He didn't say finance? Is that business?

I didn't even know what she said.

And I answered the question basically like have you ever brought an idea to her?

And she didn't think it would it will work?

Yeah?

This, And.

I'm gonna let you finish the question. Go ahead, and.

Y'all like, how did y'all come to a common ground?

Where like, because you don't want to just listen, no, finish finished the question? My bad. I'm sorry. My ad D is just my band. That's it, man, I'm fucking with you. I'm sorry.

We gave you extra, though we gave you extra. It's around the question how.

You come to a common ground. You don't want to just take control of you be like this, I'm the head. This is what I do you know what I'm saying, But like you still want her opinion to matter, you know what I'm saying.

So here's here's the biggest thing. Here's the true, true answer, true answer. Every idea needs a pitch right. When you have an idea, you got to pitch it right. You want other people to believe in your idea. If you can't have the partner, the person you trusted with your life, make them believe in your idea, then you.

Probably picked the wrong partner, or your idea is bullshit. You know what I'm saying.

Like, you should be able to eloquently articulate what the idea is and have the woman that love you be like, I see it, babe. And if she don't say I see it, babe, she still love you enough to be like, babe, let's do it. Because she didn't believe in none of this.

When I told her I was retiring from football to go with it a TV film, she was like, now, why would you do that?

Why would you do that?

And I was like, well, the Lions don't want me no more on they cut me. She's like, you go to Canada. Canada's right by Detroit. Mace. She had every other idea. Here's I'm gonna tell you something, as are you a dreamer? You're a dreamer. You know who has to believe in your dream first you.

If you believe in your dream, keep working at it and make your wife a believe in your dream. And if you can eloquently articulate to her what your dream is, I guarantee you she gonna rock with you and y'all gonna build something that's amazing, because that's what we did.

All of this was a dream that I literally told her.

I wanted to have a show called de Vows Truth hosted by my wife where I could tell stories about the shit that we go through after going on social media. And then she was like, you're not putting me on social media. That's literally what she said twenty fourteen, she said, devowed is no way.

And now look we are see what I'm saying. You got it, bro, you got it. Sorry, y'all standing there for mad long, My bad.

I think these have to be the last two questions here and here.

Okay, sorry, y'all write into listening letters though. If y'all are online, I'm sorry about that. We can see what y'all all night. I mean, I'm feel like it's gonna be a big sleepover anyway, because I don't know what outside looks like.

We should have all brought our sleeping bag and just hunk her down.

Together because baby, all right, Okay, got your ponytail is fire?

Thank you?

Okay, Jane, I saw you at the Beauty Plus.

Thank you.

Okay.

Before she asked her question, we're best friends. We go out all the time, and we always ask this, especially since she's about to ask us, what do you think we do as our occupation? Before she asked her question, so.

You guys are best friends and you both have the same occupation. Yes, y'all are giving nurse vibes. Teacher you a teacher, kindergarten teachers.

I knew that white lady in Detroit. She's definitely teaching. Uh huh. You got some of your kids parents in here. Huh. But what you say she's gonna give your kids back grades?

We always run into pearans. But okay, now she wants to ask her question. Okay, Okay, So you guys said nothing was off limits. You guys are very in love. I love the way you love each other.

So I was just wondering if you've ever had a threesome before?

Oohoo, into the think of it, into the think of it. Well, let's do a poll, All right, let's do a pole. Someone's to read the book. Yeah, read the book.

I don't know if we left details about that and there or not. So we doing three showing hands?

Yes, how many people think we've done a three son within our twenty years?

Raise your hands high.

Now if you think, yes, the Valencadin have had a three son, raise your hands.

And if you think we didn't, raise your hands. She asked, you asked if we can.

Oh.

I was about to say, girl, now, since y'all brought it up, I was wondering.

It's real deadass fan over here with a T shirt like, okay, no, just kidding where you said, you're on the fence.

M M.

All right, drum roll please, somebody give me a drum roll. Deval and I have had a threesome.

Yes, we had in college.

In college. In college, don't call me and me put your phone down. I see you over here. Yeah we did. We didn't in college, Yes we didn't. We were young. We were experimenting. You know, you heard a sur vibe. So it's like all right, let's give it a try.

Yes, and we did, and now she hates the woman hates her guns.

I mean it was it was a situation in the moments we did it that was trying to, I guess, let her down easy by maintaining some sort of cordial relationship.

I was look at y'all, I was trying to.

Smash and run, and he was trying to be like, but no, let's let her off easy.

And I was like, stop, I guess.

Stop ahead.

All women deserve respect.

She look at y'all. Y'all talking about no, how you gonna say no? She engaged in a sexual activity with both of us. She can't be treated and discarded like trash.

You want to know why?

You know what women like that do? Fuck your future up? I discarded right from her. Get out of here, Get out of here. This is gonna be her. We write a book. We over meet and she come out.

We over meet.

Huh remember college two thousand and seven? Remember me, No, I'm not listen. My uncle and my father told me to respect any woman who is going to lay down with me and open her legs.

That's what my mother and my father. My mother and my father and my uncle said, if you.

Are going to lay down with me and we're gonna engage in something, we want to respect you as a human first.

There's no reason why she has to be treated like trash. It's simple. I'm being honest.

I wasn't saying trash. But she understood the assignment. We did the thing one time. Keep it pushing sis, all right, you know what she was here for.

Absolutely she didn't get the assignment. Listen, Okay, it was one time. You know, it was a good time.

It wasn't a long time, but you know it was a great time. Though I recorded it, you did, I might drop it on only fans.

Stupid good question, though, good question. You know we're gonna be this is what it was. We're in college having a good time.

It was fun too. You know, I don't have a think. I don't ever think about it. It be coming in my brain.

I'll be like, don't be reminis suit.

But I usually found I think I mentioned this on another podcast. Someone had asked me it was like two truths in the line.

I said.

One of the I guess my truth was that I do. We did have a threesome, and it's not negotiable. Now though, that's something that's off the table, like within our marriage. So we were young kids having fun in the time.

Yeah, I'm good, man. You be throwing that thing on me, you know, I'll be good, you know.

Thanks for your question though, appreciate y'all. All right, and the last one of the nights.

What's up, y'all? So my name is I'm from Detroit currently living in Jersey City.

What's up?

And speaking of women, fucking your future?

Up?

I got a question in the story for you.

Oh lord, one segue into another.

You here by yourself?

No, okay, but it's not her.

It's not her, okay, all right.

So I'm a recording artist in R and B, and I moved to Jersey City to pursue my first record deal under Sony. And as a fellow entertainer, I know you hear him bro sing something Dune't you thember.

You told me?

Love me?

Babe? Babe? Okay, okay, I.

See you favorite artists.

But so as a fellow entertainer, you know, we're constantly surrounded by women, beautiful women, all different races, ages, et cetera.

I'm also.

Detroit going let me tell you something, Detroit gonna be the man. We didn't.

We didn't have fabulousity twenty two. Joke up, Josh, Now somebody told umbout singing something else right now, sing something about.

Right now, sing Nextwell, but no, this is this is real. This is just happened two weeks ago, So no, go ahead.

My Chelly.

Lovely has a simmers day ahead.

So I'm an entertainer right surrounded by a lot of beautiful women. And the reason why this is a tricky subject because I just found out that one of the women that's a part of my team, I have two other businesses and she's a part of my music career. She's a semi up andcoming choreographer. She's a part of my other two businesses, a vital person. But I found out through somebody homeboy, that she's trying to sabotage me

How you don't know. You don't however, now, no, no, however.

Bro, bro let me stop you, Let me stop you. How do you make a great team with someone you know is trying to sabotage? And I just kind of team you're trying to build? Just found out, I just found out two weeks ago.

How much more Timmy the I got you?

Brother?

Hold on?

How old are you? I'm twenty nine, twenty nine? That's that's why go ahead and finish it.

So as a man, there's temptation around, right, yes, how do you avoid temptation?

Because women you have to kind of feed a fantasy?

And then two, Kadeen, how do you what makes you feel secure with your man being in an entertainment space where a lot of women are thirsty and also seeking after your man?

Honestly, So this is the first thing.

Kadeen and I talked about this the other night.

In college, there were times where we gave each other breaks. There were times where we went and tried to talk to other people because I never felt obligated to be here, and I'm making a choice to be here. I make that choice every single day. There isn't a woman that walks by me. I don't care how good she looks, that is gonna make me choose her over my wife.

I had that option.

Before, you know what I'm saying, when we weren't married, When we were out here playing around and I was playing around. There was times we was both like, yo, we need to give each other space. Because she'll tell you this too. I've asked her this question since college. I say, you sure you don't ever want to try to date anybody else? Because what I don't want is for you to wake up at sixty years old, look over at me and say, I wish I would have did some other things.

We gave each other the space and time to do what we want to do and make a choice to be here.

Now that I've been here, because I've been with other women and done other things, I knew I made the choice that was gonna make me a better man. For example, she not gonna purposely sabotage me, you know what I'm saying. So it don't matter how good she look. If you're gonna mess up my legacy, my family, my kids.

There's no way.

I don't even maturity will happen like you get older and you'll realize like that shit is not worse, bro, It's not sleeping with someone you work with, no matter how good.

They look, is not worth it. You'll realize it now.

I don't expect you to know what twenty nine because of twenty nine too, Devo was kind of like what I But when you start to have kids and you start to focus on being the best version of yourself, you'll realize that some things.

You're just not worth it, bro, That's a fact.

And to answer your question, first of all, plot twist, what if your homeboy said this because he was trying to sabotage you.

I got confirmation for somebody else who's friends with her.

Okay, I was just make sure because you know me, I'm gonna be done with advocate and be like, well, let's look at it from this angle. One thing I've learned early on is that no one can teach me to be secure, right. I have to be secure. It's not Devou's responsibility to make me secure. I have to work on that by myself and because I'm in a secure space knowing what I have to offer within this relationship on what I bring on a daily basis not only as a wife for the mom, but everything in totality.

He knows what he is. I don't gotta worry about none of that.

He can have as many sex sees as he wants, he can do whatever you want on TV.

But baby, he's gonna come home, and I'm confident in that. So that's something for me that I just could rest easy at night. And this man stays all over me. Y'all know if you can tell y'all see how you'll be looking at me up here?

What you gonna do when I come home? Though, That's that's the next question they want to know.

Now, I'm gonna swing from this shandily because why you got snips? So I got no fans, no more?

You know? Is that ponytail secured? That's all I want to know. I'm trying, no, not seriously, bro. I appreciate the question, but that's not your career. It's not easy. It's not easy.

And when people tell you when you get married that all the temptation goes away, it don't it don't. I've been married twelve years, we've been together twenty years, almost twenty one years.

A fine woman walk by, it's still gonna look.

I'm gonna look too.

You know what I'm saying, beautiful woman like that never changes.

And anyone tells you when you meet the right one, you stop looking, they fucking lying, because what will happen is you'll meet the right one and you'll still looking.

You'll be like, what's wrong with me? Or you'll say what's wrong with her that she can't keep my attention? It ain't about that.

It's about you making a choice, and as long as you make the choice within your best interest, you'll do good.

Absolutely, sir, Oh my god, that was just a rate list the letter question. Yes, it was, for sure.

Let me ask a questions. Y'all have a good time tonight?

Did you?

Oh? Man, you gotta keep looking out in the audience. And oh, I'm so happy y'all were with us tonight. We had such a good time. I feel like we could have been here all night. I'm like, shit, I didn't even look at the time. We don't hold y'all up all night, but we thank y'all so much for coming. You want to close out the show?

Can everybody stand up? Please? Fix my tight shirt?

You definitely ripped your shirt too. Did you see that it's ripped? Some swoll get you swo so.

This is the part of the show that I love the most other than listener letters, right, and it's because of this.

One of my cast mates that I work with, his name is cam Say Yo.

Devow, You're one of the greatest manifestos that I know because everything that you've said has come to light. Everything you said was gonna happen is actually happening. And I want to do an exercise with y'all that I do every morning. All Right, I want everybody to close your eyes. I want you to think about your biggest dream, the perfect job, the amount of money you want to make, the love of your life, the house that you want to retire in, and the car you want to drive.

Give yourself a round of applause.

Yes, we love y'all, Detroit.

So before we leave out of here, we're gonna do what ellis goodbye? Yes, do y'all know what Eli's goodbye is?

What does it look like?

L's goodbye is when you pat yourself on the chest twice and you say peace.

I love y'all everybody. How are we gonna do this? To the camera? I need an others goodbye? On three one two three.

Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network, and it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the podcast and Never miss a Thing.