Live In Dallas!

every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take Philows off to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. So much. What have you beautiful bunch in here tonight? I'm gonna look at people ahead. I see some familiar faces. I love that. So we had to stall real quick because I had just had ranch stressing spilled all over my pants? Are we good? Though? Who did that? Who

did that? Shout out to the team, I'm like, you're you know, I'm not gonna snitch on nobody. I'm not gonna snitch, but well I'm snitching. Let me tell you happened when I came out here. It was like it was like a big introduction DJ Executive. Whoa, I set two feet on the stage. I ard somebody, go where can from this area over here? Don't single them out? Don't single them out? Wow, oh my god, look at

all these beautiful faces in here tonight. I just have to tell y'all, Um, since yesterday, Devo and I have been an emotional wreck. Okay yeah, and I just feel like we've been fighting back tears. You know. I have had a good cry. Yea, I need a good ugly cry. Um, But I'm gonna hold it down for y'all, so I'm not gonna do that. Um. But we're just so so grateful to all of you who are here tonight. Like I have to start by saying that I'm in such a space of of just gratitude and trying to be

present in this moment and live in this moment. And we just thank y'all so much for coming out tonight. Um. Did y'all hear the news? Um? Yes, we are officially a New York Times bestselling authors, but we over me, yes, yes, yes, thank y'all. So um, literally still shaking over that. I can't when when we think about we over Me, we do honestly feel like it's we, as in all of us over me. Because I'm telling y'all right now, I know people say this, but this is the truth. There

is no us without you. I remember the day I sat out there on the street venting about being left home by myself with the kids, but I had I had Cairo in my hand, and it was you guys who shared, commented and told people to watch this guy's funny watch it. So it was you. So this success is not ours, it's hours. So thank y'all so much. So in my moment of gratitude, going to step in the story time who were listening to that ass podcast? Ye,

so y'all know. Story time is when I tell y'all some of the stuff we'll be going through, right, So we just the most recent one. I don't know what story time is today, so I didn't tell us. I didn't tell it because it just happened. So we wrote this book called We Over Me when we talk about how we've developed this communication style to be together right and be one right. So everybody feels like we don't argue no more. Right. Wrong. I was about to be

in my petty bag yesterday. Let me tell you how God blocks you from the devil, because you know how they say, in your greatest moments, right, that's when the devil's coming. Right, the devil will be coming watching up on you. Right, yesterday, we're getting ready to leave, right, I go, hey, baby, where's your watch? You know that she ain't gotta watch on? Right, say where to watch the watch? I gotta watch on I gotta watch right.

I bought a watch. I bought a watch for my baby too, right, I said, baby, hey, where's your watch? She goes, oh, we'll see your book bag. I'm like, I have my book bag. I put everything in my book bag. I am not aware of a Rolex in my bag. Diamond and crusted roles at them, and I said, no, I'm pretty sure it's not in my bag. She goes, oh, that's fine, it must be in my bag. And she was like, doo do doo, doo doo walked over to her bag and I'm watching. I'm like, she's in her bag.

I'm like this, look, no Rolex, she donna spill everything out everything out in the bag, all this stuff up from now I'm getting mad and we're getting ready to do the other show that we just left. We were in Houston, So now I'm getting pissed, right, and I'm like, in this moment, right, I don't want to say I told you so, but I have to say I told you so. And we had made a pack that we were not gonna be petty. Thank you, thank you. I have so this out. The petty war started in two

thousand and nine. Can I tell my story? Up the dirt? Mine? Don't dig up the dirts. Two thousand and nine, we had a white Cadillac, right, We had two pair of car keys. One day there was only one car key in the drawer. I'm like, yo, that's my car key. She's like, no, this is my car key. I said, no, you always lose your car keys. No if I don't lose car keys out So we had a whole two

week argument about who lost the car key. Since two thousand and nine, I have kept a log of all the things Conneine has lost, including a bracelet last November that I bought her that she lost. So this was gonna be peace. Number seventeen right. So I walked right over to my phone in my notes with all of the list of things that she has lost, and I was getting ready to walk right over to her and say, hey, babe, since you always claimed my loose stuff, let's go over

these lists of things. And while I'm getting ready to be petty, the Nora comes over with her phone out and goes, guess what, guys, you I knew yours. I said, let's go. But that role literally, I swear I had a really good Valentine's date because that watch was left in my DC hotel room. I think I even offered a reward. I was like, I'll give y'all a reward. It has sentimental value. They were like, fuck your sentimental value.

Y'all said, ah, y'all on for her, on for me. Yes, But that moment changed very quickly because the tears that were about to flow sad tears because of the vow's list of the things that I've lost. Listen that you keep track of you and four boys, So if I lose it along the way, listen, I knew y'all was gonna cloud for that. One thing y'all gonna do is cloud for k Yes, stay well, she don't be making no time cage. Just fuck y'all, be like yes, yes, and it don't stink me do that? Who fireds? I

don't even fine your clan, your clan. What nothing women gonna do is back each other up. Whatever. I was trying to stand ten toes down for the men last show. Right, we were having a little argument, right, and I was giving my points across and I was like, white gentlemen, And it was like, I was like, that's right, gentlemen. We can't say we had so many couples in the house two last night, so that's a valley. Are gonna agree with you? They're trying to go home and get laid.

They're not about to agree with you to day after Valentine's Day. So you had to just quit while you weren't here. Stop what you mean, gentlemen. I know the struggle. I've seen all of them. I was like, all right, they was looking at that girl, like how many couples are we have in the house tonight? A lot of couples? How about single women? It's giving girls night? Single men seek never Yo, they got the game fucked up, y'all. They need to be here this ain't old women. Hello, Yo.

When I realized that when we went to Essence Fence the twenty eighteen, I saw all these single women out there, beautiful single women, and I was just like, Yo, if I was a single guy right now, there'd be so many options. But I don't think sing guys know where to find single women who are not to put the word out. So what we will do is, my guys who are here tonight with their you know, partners, you gotta tell y'all single friends, this is where you gotta

come to meet single women, right spread. So after story time on the podcast, what's typically next? What's next? Carry carryouke very night. We're gonna help y'all. You're gonna help us thing tonight, right because y'all already know I what's who here has questions for us? Yeah? Right here, I'm I'm playing. So if we like to turn it over to y'all and make this kind of like an interactive listener letters segment. So many people write into the portion

of the show, and that's my favorite portion. So we love to hear from y'all. That way you can ask us about anything it could be related to the book. If y'all want to know about the book anyway, So go ahead, do your thing. Dribbles down front, dribble. What's hey, I love your glasses. It's first of all, stand up and let everybody see your outfit of your glasses because babies. Okay, flawing this okay, flaw vibe. It's a vibe. Yes, okay, that was air quotes. Why why has our air quotes

any to the bathroom? He knew kind of question, so he did. Okay, shot man, he shot Okay. But I know y'all talked a lot about how y'all started off, and you know, your businesses and stuff like this. So we're at a point I'm trying to start our businesses, but we've just come out of like a depression stage. So how do you overcome that feel a failure and just allow your business to take off? This is a great question question. So this is gonna sound crazy, right,

y'all got six kids? I feel you, Mama. She's contributing in the Black History Month right here, this table right here, yes, sir, in the middle, and wow, congratulations, congratulations. So this is gonna sound crazy, right, But I do not believe in failure. I don't I believe that the greatest lessons you learn are in quote unquote losses. So even when you fail, right, you really don't fail until you quit all together if

you keep trying. Kay will tell you how many times I've tried to start businesses and started and started and started, and finally it was like bow, it works. Everybody sees when it works, but they didn't see the three four years when you were doing all other ship that didn't work. So I don't even think about failure. Just say, I'm gonna keep doing it until it gets done. That's a fact. Because the Valenkadeen. Go ahead, clap on my husband. Y'all clap.

That's why I love this woman right here, you've got a clap for my I've seen a couple little field everyone, it's not that kind of show. But if y'all want the only fans, just say so shit. We got a lot of kids to feed too. Mag and the Blue

Light you're right now about the Blue Light Special. But Devalichodeine that y'all see here today is literally twenty years in the making, right, and it's amazing when folks come to us and they admire, you know, the relationship that we have or even just us as individuals and we accept it and receive it and we love it. But we don't profess to be anybody's couple goals because on a day to day basis, Devalue are still trying to figure things out. Right the argument we was arguing on

the way here and just be like that. Um, But I say that to say, the best part about the twenty year process for us is that we've had each other. Oh Hubbies back now, he was nervous that we was gonna congratulations, six kids, kids, your whole story. Yes for your contribution. No, no, you didn't have six kids. She had the six kids. Yes, yes, thank you for your contribution. That Black History Month is what we're saying. Oh they

dont here loving each other. I love that. But doing it together, doing it as a team has literally been

the best part of the process. Right. In the book too, we discuss how we felt like at eighteen and nineteen years old when we met each other, we were so in love and we were so brought into each other that we didn't realize that the detriment that it could have caused to us as individuals, right, because I had my mom and other women around me saying like kadein, like you're so invested in this guy and you don't even know who you are yet, Like have you taken

the time to figure out you so he can figure out him? And of course it was. It was daunting in the beginning because I'm trying to find myself as a young woman, but also trying to consider him and his feelings at the same time. So I was asking a different show. You know, if we would do things differently, you know, as individuals, and if we didn't get together, how do we think things would be. I think we'd both be successful in our own right, but nothing BEA's

doing it together. So having the support and doing the businesses together, you know, it's definitely been a great process for us because in the failures or in those moments where you feel like they're dark times and you're trying to pull yourself out of something or trying to jump start something, having someone that you convent to or lean on or just kind of run something by without any kind of judgment or fear is the best part of

this whole thing. So shout out to my husband. Yahout y'all, Yeah, shout out y'all. Interaction yes, that this is genuine right here. For sure. You grabbed that woman that you hugged to, Yes, when you came back, So there's something here. Yes, there you go. That's your best friend. I seen it and the dance and whole hand shake. I love it. I love you. Know what's funny though, you know how many uh dms I get from people who's saying like I didn't, they've never seen this before, And I try to explain

to them that this is not an anomaly. It's just not seen. But this is not an anomaly. Like all of the all of my friends who I graduated college with, right they played in the NFL, Willie Cologne, Stephen Bowen, who else, Kyle Arrington, Marcus Colson are all married. He's a guys who played in the NFL, all married to beautiful black women and they have families and they they're doing it together. They'll never tell you that story, but

it's out there. So I don't want anyone to ever feel like, oh, we're the only ones no this, and you look around and there's so many right here. So first of all, clop it up for yourselves. Yeah, yeah, sure. And one piece of advice that I do have for you if you go into business together. Because the Val

and I do a lot of our businesses together. Even just writing this book with sometimes a struggle in a fight, and I was just like, we're supposed to be inspiring people, my guy, but we're over here fighting over writing a book that was like the craziest process ever. But no one to clock out, right, no one. You just want your best friend and not your business partner. Especially when

your work ethic or your processes may be different. You have to respect that because Deval and I ran into that a lot um depending on what business venture came along our way. Um, he's you know, workaholic. He never puts it down till this done. Me. I gotta take time to let it marinate, come back, breastfeed, a couple of kids, come back, you know, do a change, a couple of diapers, come back. So our processes are different.

So respect that, you know and and learn when you have to just get your best friend back and not have a business partner, keep in mind for balance if you will next, what's trouble at Tule tribble making her way around over here? I got first. I love both for you guys. I watch all his shows, and I watched all y'all kids. Thank you so much. You're gonna watch them for real? Though? Ye I watch because MEMI needs to break y'all. Okay, I watched the Grandparents all y'all.

You can watch the Grandparents too. Yes, But I'm married for twenty three years. We've been together thirty two. Oh, there we go. What's I'm talking about. I'm in college and it's hard, and I just want to have some tips for him to understand that I'm working full time. I'm a wife full time. Um, I have kids, well grown kids, a grand baby, and I'm in school full time. And he doesn't understand I graduate in May. You right around the corner. Okay, the corner, go ahead. The finish

line is right there. He's not understanding, and he didn't understand why I waited till I was turned forty something to go back to school. I get it. I get it. I get it, I get it. I get So is he feeling a little neglected now? Is that what it is he wants? He wants his best friend? Right? But I think you do deserve though, even at whatever age you are, to follow whatever that dream it is that you had. Um, so shout out to you for doing that, um, because I think it's ever too late to chase a

dream or to achieve a goal. So I think that's amazing. Um. But do you carve out time for him him too, because I think that one thing I used to do with Devol is I used to expect him to just understand. Right, he knows that I have a career, he knows that I have children, or we have children. There's a lot of things happening, a lot of moving parts. So I always was expecting for him to just understand because he's the adult, Like I'm the adult in the house, right,

the kids need something. But we even said it in our book. There's a chapter says that says the kids aren't first, And that's literally how we operate in our house. If he and I are on the same page, if he and I are disconnected, then the whole shit falls apart. Right. So, I know you have a lot of things on your plate, but I want to encourage you to tap into that time that you're going to need with him, because he needs it and he's clearly begging for it, right, So

that's my perspective. I can help you, know, just because I know what that feels like to feel like you have so many things going on, but your husband feels like like, damn, you should just know Amy's right around the corner. Just hold tight, you know I'm almost done. Yeah, that's a lot of time. That's like, well, shout out, shout out to you. That is a lot for a mom, grandma, wife. You still work full time job. And but this is the thing I want you to just understand from a

man's perspective. Right, we grow up men and we're taught a happy wife, happy life. When you choose a wife, your purpose then is to make sure that you help your wife get whatever she needs or she wants. And a lot of times we're even told your wife is gonna give you what she can when she can, and

just don't nag and accept whatever it is. And what happens is with both parties, we are expected to just be like, oh, he'll be fine, I'll do it tomorrow, until tomorrow becomes a week, and then the weeks becomes a month, and then it's what I got all these other things to do. It's like, well, when am I gonna stop being the last priority? And we had this conversation and also to him right, this is one thing

I learned, gentleman. I'll speak to gentlemen. I am unafraid to tell my wife what I need, what I want, and what I desire. It's the same way in real time, because the same way I make it my purpose to make sure that my wife has everything she wants and needs and desires. I deserve for it to be reciprocated. And what I no longer do is sit back with my mouth shut and say she better figure this shot out. I'm gonna be pissed. I don't do that no more. Now,

y'all can clock for me now. But immature, young devout. We used to sit back like this and be like, it's been two days, tomorrow's Friday. If she don't touch this thing tomorrow, I'm being a bad mood. Then tomorrow around she'd been working, and I'll just be looking for any reason to start an argument. I hear that thing, God, do like you turned down the heat again? You know I like it? Then we arguing about the heat. When I know what it's about. It's about me, and I

absolutely absolutely so. What I'll say to you is sit down with your husband and be like, baby, what exactly do you need? And you have twenty four hours? You can find thirty minutes to an hour to be like, baby, I'm gonna make sure this time is your time because I can guarantee you y'all been married this long. He does that for you, doesn't he? Oh? Well, plot twist where he at? Is he here tonight? He's not here tonight? So listen? So you to here? And I told him, no, ok,

it's gonna be okay. You need to sit down and have a conversation. Yes, that is the truth. If y'all have a conversation, talk about your needs and wants and get to that both of you, not just you. Tell him to do that too, and I'll call for Tima. No, I'm like for Tima, y'all to talk about that, but try to call about some time for you. For sure. It's not easy, especially being married that long. Yeah, it's not. You know. We talk about service a lot, being of

service to each other. So if you look at the book, the title is we Over Me, but the subtitle is the counter intuitive approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship. And we say that because when you think of the approach, most people take to a relationship, maybe even newer relationships. It's finding someone who checks all the boxes on the list of things that you want

your partner to have. Right, But how many people really think about, let me be a whole, complete, happy individual who is willing to be of service to someone in this relationship. Right, So that's what we went by, the counterintuitive approach. It's a different way to think about relationships

where it's service based. So my reply to you with that double down on everything else that we've already said, is trying to find a way to be of service to him, maybe waking up one morning and saying, you know what, babe, what can I do today to take something off your plate? How can I make your day

better today? And you'll be surprised. It may be something real simple that you can do where he feels the appreciation enough to say, you know what, I'm gonna reciprocate that and do something for you today because you thought about me, and it's little things. You can start there and see how he receives that, you know, and that can maybe open the door from more conversation later. All right, facts, hopefully that helps. All Right? You know, are we on you? Now,

please don't throw nothing up here now on the last time. Hello, Hi, Oh what's up? What's up? This table too? Because his name is hard but okay, I named him after my best friend, the love of my life. Um, he is one raised in Harlem. So this past week and I actually went to visit and I do what every year? My question is, I want to move to New York, but I have three kids. So she said, what advice can you give raising three black children in New York and the move to New York when this is the

first thing, cost of living thing six figures? Like, oh, so you're gonna move there with him? So he'll he will be your partner. So you're here by yourself to harm. His mom owns it, like, so, so you're here by yourself and you're gonna move with him. And this is your best friend, This is my best friend, love of my life, like he told me this weekend, I complete him complete. So you're going to take your love? Huh? Yes, why are you still here? You should be on a

plane to haul them right now, right now. I came back crying this weekend. She can tell you. I came back crying because I do not belong here. I belong there, So why are you asking us? What are you doing? No? I take the micromlet hell go now no, just kidding, no, just kidding, No, go do your thing. And then the other part of your question, raising three black boys in New York? Yes, I mean for us in New York, the biggest thing was, of course, cost of living as

our family grew. But the good thing about New York is that it's so diverse, right, So it's a great place to raised children for that reason, because they're not just going to be the only ones versus some places that you go to that are outside of New York where it's not as diverse, and you find that your child is the one or the only in a classroom. So that's a benefit of being in New York. But I'm for sure with black children, the public school system in New York is trash trash, and there are so

many schools. Like you you could be on one block and there'll be four schools in that area, and depending on where you zoned, you can end up on the school that's overcrowded. Yes, may have issues, you know, with poor teaching, Like there's a lot of issues in New York of course, especially if you live in Harlem. Harlem has a lot of buildings, so you're gonna deal with overcrowding already, you know, and then you're gonna have to deal with transportation. How old are your boys? Real quick?

Oh so you have seven, so they will never be taking the transition by themselves anyway. All right, My only concern for you would be the public school system. Work your hardest to get them in the best school possible. And if you can find out all the raid things for all the schools, get your kids tested for gifted and talented. That's what we did with Cairo and Jackson. And once you get those scores, you get an opportunity to pick which school depending on how many residents live

in that zip code. So even so, there's still more to go into it as far as picking in schools. But I will also say this, if you supplement their education with tutoring like we did, I don't let no school systems train our kids. I'm just not doing that. We teach them about everything from black history to a higher level of mathematics to entrepreneurship. There are just things that they have to learn that they'll never learn in

the school system. So if you're the type of parent that is on top of that, then they can go to school anywhere and then you just supplement at home and you have your best friend doing it with you. I mean that. Good luck to you, sis, good luck. Thank you for the question. We have one over here, bro, familiar face out there. My question is simple. Curry chicken or chicken. Curry curry chicken. It's cury chicken, curry chicken chicken. Yeah. A lot of people who are not West Indian, they're like,

what is that? What is that? Any West Indian in the house. It's scary chicken? Yes, thank you? Where we got guyana? Where else? It's not not my best friend, best friend. I'm surprised it's you. They're gonna fight, y'all. It's a whole it's a whole different. It tastes good, I'll tell you that. Yeah. My father, my father can throw down chicken. Yes, shout out to my island massive on this side. H here we are. I'm sorry, how everyone hip? Okay? I just wanted to say hello to y'all.

What's up, hey girl? Well that's all good? Hey friends. Hi. So my question is more so for um I hear a lot as a single woman that I have a lot of masculine energy. Cater to that or get out of that terror? How do you cater out of that? Like? Did take getting that vibe out of me? So this

is this is my thing with the whole masculine energy thing. Right, if you understand once again Black history and what Black women have had to endure in this country, right, let's be honest, there has been no point in the black family unit since sixteen nineteen where the black woman has been a stay at home mom has been able to sit in her feminine energy. Right, Black women have always

had to work. Even when they was done with slavery, slavery was done, reconstruction happened, black women still had to earn in order to help the household make money. So black women have always been accused of being the more masculine of all of the women in the world. Find you a man that understands history and understands you, and that won't be a problem. Because she got a lot of masculine energy. She does, she talked a lot, she'd be doing everything. She don't like to listen, she likes

to lead, she likes to be in control. And I love it. You want to know why I love it because I knew I'm married a boss. When I'm not around. This is the woman that's gonna be helping raise my kids when I'm not around. I'm not concerned because if somebody stepped to my wife or my kids the wrong way, my wife got it until I get there. You saying

what I'm saying. But I'm secure in my manhood to know that if I'm approaching a black woman and she may be a little more voiceous or quote unquote aggressive, aggressive, I don't call it aggressive. I grew up in New York. In New York, you can walk by and a check will be like, what's good my nigga? That's the women, and like, what's something? What's something? My language? Y'all going back and forth? What's good with you? Let me get

that number? What's something like? That's how y'all talk to me, pretty much. How I bagged the valle y'all she listen. I bagged damn girl. You didn't know. Y'all didn't know that. Read the boxes, yo. I tell the whole story. Masculine energy don't mean nothing to me as a man. It was like, this is something I'm about to conquer here. You know what I'm saying. She walked right up on me. I was standing in minding my business. I was eighteen. She walked right up on me and said de Val

and Brian Ellis said me and my brother's name. I was like, ain't you fine? I didn't say that. I was eighteen, so I was trying to be cool. So I was like, who's up? And she was just like, you don't know me, do you. I was just like, I'm trying to get to know you. And then she followed me around the whole banquet and talked to me the whole time. Ain't nobody was following nobody, but I was keeping my eye on you. You didn't follow me around. I mean you were in the distance. Oh, she capping,

y'all capping. I was prepared for him. I was prepared. She came and came and got me buckets. We did that. We say all that. All of my friends who married women, all of them women are like that, multiple multiple degrees, super educated. They all make their own money. They are all just like that, and they all have relationships where they can talk and at certain times, she knows when to just chill and let daddy, do daddy. That's a fact,

because that's part of it. I let her be a queen when when she needs to be or wants to be a queen. But when it's time to do things and it's time for me to lead, she'll sit back because you know I got her. Yeah, there's no power shows, understanding, understanding. Whoever's equipped in that moment to do whatever the task is is gonna get it done. But don't dim your light because because you you'll never bestable them in your light. No,

you will dim your light. Find a guy who likes you, demmed, and every time you try to shine, he gonna be like, what are you doing? I don't need you to shine. Don't let me stay who you are to find somebody for you, That's what I'm saying. Hope that helps. Yes, we're here. Yes, love that. Hey girl, Hey, what's up? My name is Tamara, So I'm a twin mom as well.

I'm married to this fine doctor myself. Okaya, triple, I can't see fine doctor slide over, okay, doctor, a light on them, shine a light on them for me, doctor, love baby coming doctor yall y'all Q no, no, seriously, So we have four kids as well. We've been married. Actually, we have been together since I was eighteen. I'm wow about to be thirty eight. But I love you so much. Game. I feel like we have so much in common. But

our kids are a little bit older. I have a daughter now that's about to go to a mu I saw somebody in here with that. Congratulations, let's go committed for volleyball. So my question to y'all is, four kids deep, we've been in this years, how do we just keep the spark alive? Like I know now y'all are business oriented, which I have my own business. He's doing his executive thing and his business. How do y'all keep the spark alive?

Because that's where I feel like it's like a love connection thing when it comes to the kids, the business, the lots of things. Oh baby, I know it's loaded, but let's just get to the nitty grit. Consort. Yes, for sure, it's funny because we literally are like mirror images, right, the four kids and the thirty eight and all that stuff. For Devaleni, we realize that we just don't function well

where we're disconnected. So we had to start taking things back to the basics, right, we think about the times that and I think what spark this recently for us was writing the book because we had to call on so many moments and so many memories over the years, and we too have struggled with the whole keeping the spark or feeling like we're in love one one and like, you know, because tenuously loving each other, but are we in love in that moment or not? And it's because

of the load of just life. So we realized that in writing the book, there were certain moments and times and places in our life where we realized, Wow, we didn't have shit, like we had nothing, Like we were broke, we were starting over, you know, we were in college. We all had meal points, that's all we had. But what were the basic things that we enjoyed doing? Because this was my homie and my best friend. So I started taking it back to nostalgic moments that we used

to have. Right, So re instituting date night because we had a busy year last year and that was kind of falling by the wayside. So it's letting Mimi and Papata all right, y'all is going down to night date night, holdly kids down for us real quick and I mean one night, it was just a matter of putting on New York Undercover because we used to watch that all the time in college. And I put on these little boy shorts that he likes with a crop top because I used to wear it around doing room in college.

And we sat down, I made dinner, we played cards while we watched New York Undercover. That was something that we did in college when we had nothing and we just had each other in good time. So little moments like that was calling on him to be like, oh, you know, like you actually thought of something that we did when we really just had nothing but each other in good times. So those little moments over the years have helped to kind of reinstitute that spark, to to

reignite it. Rather, So what I did was asked her exactly what she wanted and gave her what she wanted. And I told her exactly what I wanted and said, if you don't get me what I want, then we're gonna have a problem. Bottom line, I'm not gonna make it all glamorous. It was like that was my approach. His approach was this. My approach was to tell her, like, yo, if I come in the house and you have one robe and your head look crazy, and you got on flip flops and you won't take a shower all day.

Don't roll over next to me late night too, Dave. Let's have sex. I that that I would like for you to put on the shorts that I liked that you wear. I would like for you to put that crop top on, and I would like that earlier enough in the night where I can enjoy that. So it's not a thing where you dress up me. Just get right into bed like that's my love language. I'm a visual learner. I'm a visual lover. Know what I'm saying. Let this be visual. And he's a full time, all

the time student. I'm always learning, always learning, always something new to discover. But but for me, it was us getting to a point where no longer saying, let's figure out what each other wants. Tell me what you want. That waste so much time. Y'all got time to waste. Yes, and it goes both ways, she said to me. I get more in the mood when I travel and i'm outside. Bad boom, Mimi, you got the babies. We're gonna here

this month. You know, it's just being deliberate about it and not trying to figure it out, because nobody got time for that, you know. And we're at a point now in our relationship where when I tell you what I need or what I want, don't judge me for it. Make a choice to do to do it, or we cannot be together. But you staying in a relationship together. Can I finish my thought that we're not gonna be together?

Was remember remember when I told you she had mad masculine and just tell you that was a little glimpse of it. She she'd be getting a twitch. She'd be like, what you mean, we're not gonna be together? I'm sorry. I was finishing my statement that Texas call got to him. I'm not going nowhere. I'm not going nowhere. I'm right here. Let me just sit right here, blink two times, and I'm okay, guys, but no, But seriously, it's really that simple, and people don't ever want to hear it because especially

in social media. Right you tell your wife on social media, I like when you wear the shorts, then the argument says, why she gotta wear shorts? Why you can't like her? I'm listen, I'm telling her what I like when she says to me she wanted to travel, I don't hear nobody saying why. We gotta know she gonna tell me what she liked. That's my wife. I'm gonna give her what she liked. I'm gonna tell her what I like. I'm a husband. She gonna give me what I like.

If we can't do that, then we just shouldn't be together period. And that's that's what keeps you are right over here. I just don't like that jargon. I'm not gonna say it, but you understand, right the choice is what the choices are. And once you choose to be here, you choose to oblige your partner because you want to be of service. You can't act like it's moving mountains every time your partners say they want to do something.

And here's the thing, I'm gonna say this, sorry. When you want to be in a relationship and you want to be in a monogamous relationship and now your husband says, baby, you know what I like? When you do this and they want to be up on you and share that monogamy with you, When you suck your teeth and do something like come on, we don't like that ship. Bro. Clearly he's married to a West India who was always

chips and all day like it ain't fair. Like I'm just being real, Like if we're talking about in intimacy and stuff like that, one partner is always gonna have a higher sex drive than the other. It's not always the man, Sometimes it's the woman. Sometimes women have higher sex drives. You know what I'm saying. Any women don't have high sexuals. So boom, So this is my thing. And I and I spoke to I got a homeboy.

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna out him. But his girl turned forty and she like on him like, yo, my man's where it sat, and he'd be he'd be with us. Be like bro, man, it's like every day I'll come home and I say to him, you asked that woman to marry you, right, you have an obligation to make sure that her wants and needs need have to be met. Fact, are you gonna say now, I'm not in the mood and then leave her to her own devices? It's not fair for you to do that

to that woman. You hear that in it's not fair for these women to do that to these men. You right. Oh, you gave me to you right, oh, because we did this yesterday in Houston. And when I did that, the woman said, wow, wow, do we have any women over forty here that can can vouch for the sex drive going up after forty? Yeah, I don't clock when you turn forty in December? I sure down we're gonna wish the clock up. I'll celebrate your birthday tomorrow. Yeah, a

couple more months. Bro. Oh No, it's just fun. We've been we've been doing right. But but in full full transparency. I don't know if this is a little bit too much to ship, but in full transp bad. We can't get the worse than that. In full transparency, I take care of my wife. My wife take takes care of me, like that's just that's just it. I'm not gonna give y'all the details, but my wife takes care of me.

That's the reason why I'd be up here happy and smiling with Jean, because I've been taking care of you. Know what I'm saying, you can take care of me so and we we reciprocate, you know, when that American Express bill come around. I know what your love language is, Shapaya embrace yourself. God name. Let me just hit that button God. So let's take care of each other. Man, y'all gotta do that. Y'all got it. Y'all been into this deep, keep going. I love that for you, for

your time. For maybe one or two more questions. I just want to say, Hi, my name is Pasha. Hi, Pasha. Okay, scream your wife. Let's go chare for his wife. Yeah, chair for him to wife. That's what I'm talking about. That's egna get some pussy where he get home. Let's go, let's go pussy. That's the motivation. That's my wife. That's your question. Baby. As soon as we get in the call, you better than a fall asleep in a call. You better stay your ass. Don't give her too many drinks.

Now he's gonna be driving like this. Hey, hey, hey, we right here. We wake up. That's how I be bro. I ain't roll up. But I just want to say thank y'all so much for coming here. Like I put in on y'all, um, I was like you did we here were here. I watched this team up. I listened to your podcast. Thank you so much. Sisters, like yes, talk about it. You all have definitely inspired me to like go for my dreams, my aspirations, listen to my husband a little bit more. A little bit goes a

long way. We've been together since high school. So it's like, congrats to that. Thank you to read a book and be inspired through like listeners to some positive words and affirmations. It really does a lot to me. And I'm pursuing my master's in early literacy. There you go, get you my academy. It's called Nurturing Minds Preparatory Academy. That's gonna be opening it up in June. As I'm talking about it turned into a real quick your kids right now,

we take cashup. I'm ready at the front door. The question kids, how do you all balance everything? Because we also have kids, Like we have one son that's three years old, said like it takes a village to help race nobody. You can't even make that joke no more, and been like, you all bring people around to influence your children as well. And I know that you all have Crystal as your you know, Dakota's got mother, yes, and Andora one of okay, make sure yeah, yeah, we're

not from here. He's from Michiana. I'm from Chicago. We a family out here, So how do you create that type of community, that type of bomb. Okay, yeah, I um, thank you for your question, and good luck to everything you have going on. It's amazing. You know what's funny When we first moved to Georgia, although I didn't have my mom and dad, I went to Jackson's a sneak peak at school, right snepeg events. It is like the

first day, open night whatever. And I was about seven ische months pregnant with Dakota, So I was like, listen, I'm about to find me some nice black people up in the school that I can be friends with. So I literally went in there scoping out the scene, like, oh, can I approach to be friends with? Because I understand the value of if I didn't have my parents, for example, or they're in New York, or they're somewhere, who can I help? Who can I rely on to help us

in those moments, right because we can't trust everybody. So I literally found the cutest couple with their son who happened to be in a class opposite Jackson's same grade, and I went up to them and I introduced myself, and I'm just like Hey, y'all, we're new to Georgia. This is my son, Jackson. Jackson introduced yourself to his general. Jackson came home piss pits walthing the door. She said, mom, what happened? Know the kid in his name Grayling, and

she's gonna talk about some y'all introduced each other. Then she's staring at us like this whole tough. So I was like, what's up? And he was like, he was like, you know, you told me to be from Brooklyn. You gotta size people up. I couldn't even size him up first because Mommy's staring at me in my face. Then he was like, can you just come next time? Don't know, come by herself? Think I got you. But guess who

Jackson's best friend is now? Ye, Mamma, being knowing, I said, these are some decent folks, hard working black people, just like us. Okay, and if I'm trying to expand my village, because what we're not gonna do is have my friends, my kid, my kid friends with people we don't know, because you know, you got to know the parents too. I want to know your grandmother and auntie, your uncle, all of them. So Jackson became friends with him, and

that was an extension of the village. So now Jackson on the debate team with Raylan, and here we are in Dallas. Jackson had debate team practice today and we had nobody to pick him up. Who brought him home Graylan's dad, right, So it's just about scouting out the area, just being in the circles where your kids are, see who they kind of naturally gravitate to with friendships even and see if you can kind of rely on that, because it's hard to leave your children with people that

you don't really know. I'd rather keep them. How old your kids, Oh, or you'll live one and he's three, because I'm about to say leave him home by himself, but you can't do that. Or if you have older kids, like there's a sixteen year old the house, it's like you're gonna babysit tonight. You didn't even know it. But yeah, the village does definitely help in terms of balance. I mean,

balance is really hard to find. A lot of times, the chips have to fall where they fall, and it's necessary sometimes to recalibrate and reprioritize what needs to get done, but lean on each other man lean on each other. Sometimes Devot has to tap me out if we don't have Mimi and Popping nearby or you know, a god parent nearby that we can trust. Um, Devot can see in my eyes sometimes that I'm just like I just

need help, I need to move me. I need an hour. Yeah, I need an hour, you know, and just tag team with each other because that's also necessary to have your individual time as well. So, um, good luck to y'all with that, with everything you have going on, absolutely we got time for one more question or that's it. Say, Oh my god, I feel like we can talk all night, but y'all, did y'all have a good time time? This is what I want you to do. This is out

of exercise work. It's very simple. I want you to close your eyes, close your eyes, and I want you to envision your biggest, greatest, most unimaginable dream in your life. Do you see it? Can you smell it? Can you feel it? Open your eyes? It's yours Because if you've seen it, that means it's already happened. And since it's already happened, all you have to do is find a way to get it and it doesn't matter if you don't get it tomorrow. You got your whole life to

get it. And like I said before, as long as you don't quit, you never fail. Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and it is produced by the Nora Opinion and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass, to podcasts, and never miss a Thing.