Live from DC!

is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Were about to take phillow talk to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts right now. What are how you're feeling? Any Brooklyn people in the building with my Brooklyn People in the building? Yes. Any New York people in the building? Yeah, Any Jersey people in the building? Yes, I ain't gonna lie of you. I'm tired. Sign Jackson was like Daddy,

so what he says? You gotta get sturdy. So I said what is getting sturdy? I'm old now. So I started doing all these dances and ship and I was like, all right, I'm gonna get dirty. I think I might have told my meniscus just now that ship is no joke. Shout out to everybody, first and foremost, before we get started. Thank you. Thank you, because we had to make some adjustments. You guys came in. You guys that we're here early. You smiled, you love doing us, you are appreciative, so

we appreciate you, guys. So give yourself a round of applause. But without any further ado, I know the real reason why y'all here. It ain't because of me. It is not because of me, all right, and I'm gonna tell Yall something right now. This young lady that's about to come out, it's a freaking beast because three days ago she had oral surgery and I wanted to cancel the show, as she said about there's no way we cancel the show on these people. I'M gonna put some ice on

my face. Love you too. Roll she puts some mice on her face and she said, baby, that's gonna make some magic and spread some love. So, without further ado, I'd like to bring to the stage my queen, the Queen of not one, not two, not three, but four ways ladies and gentlemen, taking I look good. Thank you. You look good, baby, you look good. Thank you so much. Do you see? What's up, y'all? Oh, I have seen, seen, have a seen. Yes, man, I got up hear and

it just got hot instantly. You know what? I think it is, too. What's up? I think it's the beautiful faces that I see out here in the audience. Chocolate city, chocolate city, chocolate cities. Yes, Oh, look goodness, that's what we're gonna do. We always start who here listen to the podcast every Wednesday. All right, this is this is a little birthday present. Friends. Talking makes you right. I'm have been working, y'all. I'm have been working. You know,

nine months ago we had a little Dakota. So my people down front listen. I told him last night and Philly, I got my spanks on, you know. So if you see a little space speak through at the bottom, you let me know. Y'All gotta hold me down right, all right, and if I passed out from holding it in, Y'all know what. I love it. I love it. So you know, we always do karaoke right, but this is very, very different for us because this is dead as podcast live. So this is ain't about us, it's about you. So

we want y'all to sing along with us. This is a very popular song for Karaoke and it's going to speak and and and begin what we want to talk about today, which is about loving each other, serving each other. Okay, so DJ give us that Karaoke Baby. See If y'all know this song. Yes, thank you so much. Good job. Y'All did. Y'All already know if you listen to the podcast. The girl'll be trying. But that is not my ministry. Okay, thinking, it's not my ministry, so I'm staying in my lane,

I'm gonna talk and we're gonna have a good time tonight. So, D C Oh, we love thank you so much. So we were just in DC a little while ago, two, three weeks ago, with the boys, so we did a whole family trip out here, because we thoroughly believe in making sure that we are taking our boys around to experience not only just having the family experiences in the bonding moments, but learning about who they are, their culture, their roots, where they've come from, all that good stuff.

Thank you. Are giving them a show now. They they ain't paid for that. Listen that titties popping out. Yeah, holding down again. Remember, I told Y'all SPANKS and titties. Okay, thanks and titties. So next story time, I'M gonna take y'all back, way back to three days ago. Three days ago, y'all, remember the time? What were y'all doing? Three days ago? I heard somebody singing. Remember the time. Who was singing? Remember the time. Let me hear them vocals. Real Christ,

who hold that thought? We have so much more to say, but not before we get into these ads. Will be right back, y'all. Welcome to dead as podcast. This is a safe space where you have to feel comfortable being exactly who you are without feeling the need of being judged. You understand me, and it's important that we tell you guys that because, like I said, this podcast is not about us, it's about you. So we're gonna be playing a game today and the game is going to involve

three couples that are in this audience, right here. So pretty much what happened was we had prompted you guys to write into us. This is the moment where the guys who are here with their significant others get real nervous. Because they're like all ship, don't tell me you wrote us in. Don't tell us you wrote us in. Last night in Philly, this dude down front was just like, please, set you right. You write us in, did you? And of course they were one of the couples. Second, second,

second couple. We met an elementary school said he knew that was the story. So pretty much y'all had to write into us. We had triple, our producer, who y'all met a little bit before we came on stage. Give it up for you guys. Are finally able to see trible and you meet her a little bit, because we're always talking about her on the podcast. She's the one that holds us down. She's been with us since the SHURET's. IHEART radio, so we love triple. Triple is also single,

in case you didn't tell y'all. Alright, she is single and she's looking for a lovely female. So if there's anybody in the audience that's single, it might be interested in triple. Hit Her in the D M S. that's where it goes down. She's welcoming them. So I am going to read the three love stories of the couples who were selected. All Right, I'm not gonna say the

name at first. I'm going to read the love story and then at this point you'll kind of figure out who it is because you know that you wrote in, and I'll announce the names and you guys are gonna make your way over to this side where Donora is standing. Raised your hand to Nora. Everyone, give it up with do nora manager, all right now, and you are gonna make your way up on stage and we're gonna have

a little fun tonight. All right, all right, first couple up we are and they gave our their instagram handle. We are crunch field. We are I guess that's their name. Okay, we're celebrating twelve years of marriage August, but fourteen years together. My husband was a church boy. I was straight off the streets, okay, I mean drug dealing, rocket wear, jacket, pastuko jeans, Tim's chick. Okay, okay, two thousand six. He saw me at a church women's event. Oh, at a

church woman's event. What was doing? A Church Women's event? She was. She was doing hand to hands. That's what she was doing. She had a different kind of offering plane. Huh. Okay, look, I had just got saved and wasn't for no stuff and definitely no pretty yellow boy does she mad gangster. I can't wait to see what she looked like, y'all. But about six months later, after he kept trying to get at me, I shot my shot in his myspace messages. We're taking it back to my space and we have

been inseparable ever since. Y'All, give it up from Michael and Carrie Crutch all right now. So as Michael and carry make their way down, we're gonna move on to couple number two and as you hear your story, make your way on up. All right. Oh, we have some newly weds in the building. So we are newly weds and we'll be celebrating our two year anniversary on October one. No words could describe our love story. Dead Ass. It was nothing but God. In a nutshell, we met mate.

We're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. September, after ten months, we had a bad breakup. Didn't talk for ten months, got back together December. Went through a hell of a healing process. Okay, baby, that's how works. That's how works. Six years later, February, raw proposed. In October one, we got married. I'll give it up for Katrina and rubber, all right, and while we wait for Katrina and Robert, I will bring up the third and I know couple. I'm nosy. I'M gonna listen.

I want to read it to a game something my seeing the words right. All right, in that part two, I get hit. All right. Now, most would say it had to be loved, as capital H D had to be loved. That drew an almost forty year old, forty year old woman, never married and no children, to a forty year old divorced father of seven. Check. Heyyy Hey, hey, no judgment, no judgment. Guys, Sky, sky, sky, it's sky's skys. Hey, y'all, come on up, listen. Listen, y'all. Can Save Y'all judgment

for ten P M when the show was over. Okay, not hit us. So not just seven children, but get this, seven preteen, teenage girls. Baby that they don't say that. It's my man, you have the patience of Joe. Michael J K A house and to Chico officially met in twenty Oh nine, fell in love, married in twice and closed the sister circle in officially making House a girl dad of Eight. Wow, congratulations. All right, now he only got the recipe for one type of baby. We've facts.

We know all about that, right, they've. We've now been rocking and rolling for eleven years. A blended family like no other team broadband has managed to ride the heights, muddle through the lows and continued together to tell the story and the journey continue. Written. Michael Tshiko, come on, you look beautiful, all of you, all right, so give us your name so we know who's who. We could put the story together. Michael and carry Michael and carry

giving up a Michael and carry Yaller one. And we have Katrina, Robert, Katrina and Robert, yes, Girl Dad, and Tasha, Tasha Co all right now, so good to have y'all with US tonight. All right, y'all. So I'm gonna give you, the guys, the rules Um audience. You can also listen to loan, so you can. She'll help us keep score and all that good stuff. All right. So each couple will be standing back to back and you have your

marker and your notepad. Let's go back to back, back to back, de Val and I will ask the women and men questions respectively, allowing them to answer for what you believe your spouse would say. So, for example, I'm going to ask the question to the ladies about what the men would say, and Conde is going to ask the question to the gentleman about what the women would say, and you both are answering what you think your spouse would say. You have since y'all, y'all got eight kids.

I'm gonna give You'all eight seconds. Eight seconds to answer, all right. So each player will write down their answer without consulting with their spouse to see who knows they're partner the best. And when the timer goes off. Time is up and we will share the answers book for the last time. No matter what the answer is. Do Not Judge these people until you leave here. Somebody says, listen, all right, all right, are we ready? Babe, you have

question number one. Do you remember your question? You need a cute card. I'll do this, all right. Go ahead, let me see if you remember question number one. Ladies, if your husband where did he asked right now how many times a week y'all have sex? What would his answer be? All right, so everyone should have something written down and just read the question again. About the question is, ladies, how many times a week, would your husband or spouse

or significant others say y'all have sex per week? How many times people you have sex? Couple number one. All right, let's show the answer at the same time. The show one possible. We have a player over here, Ladies and gentlemen, we have a space player. She said. When in the possible? He said three. So now this is what's funny about this. This was funny about this. We've been doing this for

a while. Every time we asked this question, the women always be like no, he's gonna say we never have sex, and the man gonna be like, yeah, we need to have more sex. So to answer always vary. That's a fact. So, like thee with different answers, nobody the truth. You said, he we'll be tied. Understand this. Couple number two still a point. You'RE gonna have a port, you're gonna have reports to have and the possible for pot y'all kids. Yeah, kids, and when Y'all got married? I told her first Er.

So y'all not really newly? Well, that's two years. Wish. So. So wait, real quack brother. So what do you think? Seems to be the hole back here. I'm a smart man. I won't answer that question. He said he's gonna Smile. Man, listen to two years. He learned a lot. Don't never go against your wife in public. That's a fact. Y'All. Have that conversation in the car. Alright. Now, couple number three, you have seven kids, so you seem like you active. Let's just be honest. He'd probably be walking on a

house like this. Definitely to what turn. Oh, see, know each other, know each other. I see you. So we have one point. I have a point. Zero points, but you will have a chance to redeem yourself. Time to redeem yourself. Question number two. All right, if you ride in the car with your spouse and their mother, who would your spouse want to sit in the front? All right, but the mothers exam. Were talking about mom here. J what about that song, Bro, that was you. Number two.

Couple of one, mother, mom is riding in the front. So now listen, listen. I told you I don't be judging. Sound like judgment out there. I'm gonna tell you why this is important. I'm gonna tell you why it's important. They both agree that his mom is going to be in the front. Right. So what difference does it make if everybody else feels something different. If they're in agreement, it don't matter. That's how marriage works. There we go. So now you got wanted to have point. Couple of

number three. Three to one. Wife. Okay, wife Down Front. Yes, okay, that's two points, y'all. On the point, he said, my mother been in the car. What's your mother saying? She don't want to be in the front. See, my mom literally said the same thing. My Mom said Hey, hey, this is after we got engaged, because before we got engaged my mom used to be in the front. After we got engaged, my mom came over to me. She said Hey, baby Tekadine, go ahead and get in the

front seat, and I was like why? She said trust me. I was like all right, then I started to realize what was happening here. She was like, your wife always has to come first. Over your mom was something that I learned and was something I learned and I worked for us. Couple number one me wife all day. Wife. Wife. All right. So here we go. We got three correct answers. Three correct answers. That means they're on the same page. They definitely are. Yes, all right, you got your next

question ready? Yes, I do. All right, now it's right up in here. Ladies, if you had to give you a partner an a plus in this sexual position, every question about sex. Do you notice that the car you picked all the sex questions? It was on the car ahead? If you had to give your partner a plus in this sexual position, what would it be? So who are we asking? The ladies were asking ladies. So, if you were giving your spouse an a plus in the sexual position,

what would it be that he does that? Just you know. Yeah, all right, pens down, see people trying to change things. Don't be peeking over that shoulder. We got, we got take. We can rewind coping on the three of you guys up first, three to one. Bang, Oh, missions, they disagree. Okay, y'all, gotta recap that one. Like to look into your eyes. Lay Down, baby, let me see you while I'm here right now. That's why you got so many kids. You're making love right. That's a fact. Do you know what

we've been doing? Every day? Every day? Number number one, number one, eat that thing, eat that thing, he said. All of them, all of them. See, start with your first a freak couple. Number two. There you go, boys too. I love that just like me. Oh Yeah, when the time comes, if you would like children, chances are that's the recipe right there. All right, so this question is for my ladies. If you were to give your spouse a whole pass, what celebrity would they use it for?

or which celebrity would they use it for? It's funny. Every time we asked this question right, all the men start sweating. It's hypothetical. It's hypothetical, hypothetical. All right, all right, who's up? Two, you're up first. Three, two, what go? Christina, Milia, Laura Lonley, Laura London, Christina Milian. I mean you gotta Type Right. They kind of have a tight they go to the same person. There you get another half, a point, another halt, because on everything I thought that Lauren London

wasn't loved, an't cost the thing, but that was Christina. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, couple of number three, three to one. Oh, did they get it? I'll with them, y'all, with them. They know each other, y'all, they know each other. Janet Jackson essence fest this year. Did anyone go to essence festancy Janet perform? Baby Jane has not missed the beat. Okay, all right, she was bombed a couple of number one. So now Lathan,

and who you have? You had nobody. What happened? Celebrity right there? Give me four, give me, yes, say that you go, Girl. How many years you been in the game? Twelve. That's why, from I don't know, nobody got your celebrity right. Nobody but you baby talk about you're gonna half a point for that because it was a dope answer. Yes, yes, she even out the possible. Over I see it. She did said one of the possibles. All right, last question

of the day. Last question of the day. WHO said I love you first, and where did they say it? It's a two part question. If you get both right, you get two points. Now this is where the fights always happened, right here. Now, this is the portion of the show, Lord, so we're gonna start coming up with two. Breathe to one go. All right, so they got one part right. She said it first, but this is a description. Whether it was that apartment or let me ask a question.

Were you in your apartment on the phone? I mean, there we go. I mean, Y'all get two points. Y'All got two points. Coming on a three, three to one. House, home, Um, but who said it first? Oh, your name is house. Oh, I'm a what the fuck? We forgot confused. She answered the second question twice, like you know, people are high stool on those ships, so they gonna see, see, see, see, see. I was like, Oh, poor thing. Okay, so you get two points. Yes, yes, the House said it in the House.

Very nice. Okay, very good. Okay, so we agree that it was he said. At first he didn't know where, though. She said on the steps at Kiana's house. We want to know WHO's Kiana? No, so they got one point. So who won? I'm gonna Tell You who one I'm gonna tell you who won. Everybody, Ush your mouth, Hush your mouth. I think it was three. They all win. You want to know why? Anybody who is brave enough to come up in here and speak the truth in front of a crowd of strangers always wins. Yes, get

all the stay. No, everybody getting around. The drinks on me. Make sure you go to the back. Tell him that the val sent you. Come on. Yes, bartend and staff, how come up with some drinks. With some drinks, don't enjoy yourselves. Get real sauces. Go home tonight. Don't have no more kids already. Don't got no, no diapers. There was already a similar shortage all summer. Now we know why bet when you and nick cannon. All right, before you keep going, let's stop for a quick second. WE'RE

gonna go pay some bills. We're gonna be right back, so hold that thought. Now we get into the podcast. We typically like to do that as an ice breaker because we like to get to know y'all. You know, this isn't really about us. Um, there is no blueprint to love or life. were all out here guessing. Figure out. Alright, they already told me at the ball you got shots for everybody. On my cut right, cut, Hilton stab off.

But no, Um, baby, what's up? Let's talk a little bit about D c. We Um, you know, we almost moved to d C. Yes, it was two thousand and nineteen. Yes, the pandemic was like on his break. In the beginning we were living in Calabasas, and Calabasas just didn't feel like us. You know, we east New Yorkers, were Black Yorkers, came down. Oh yes, yes, yes, definitely, okay, I sing. Y'All. How about my island? Massive. Anybody from Jamica, JEMERICA, rich? Yes,

love it. Before you started, there was a couple that just got married. I was gonna shout them out. We sort them in the meet and greet. Where are they? Where are they? Well, there was a couple that just got married. We had all actually, I'm just a Asia and Q. Those are the two names I remember. A couple. Yes, but we almost moved to D C because we learned a lot about the history and of course it's called chocolate city. Did you know that D C was the

place where most free black people started in America? Did you guys know that? Yes, right, and of course during reconstruction they migrated west and they migrated north looking for work and stuff like that. But D C has a lot of history, especially with all of the great universities that here. We were just recently here with the boys, and part of the reason why we wanted to move to D C is because we wanted to raise our children in a place that looks like them. You understand

what I'm saying? And, Um, we do. We do say a lot of jokes. We'd like to break the ice, talk about sex and stuff like that. It's funny, but we really want you guys to leave here feeling like you've been filled up, you know what I'm saying, like I feel better. I want to be better tomorrow than I am today. So we want to talk a little bit about creating a safe space for our young people. How many parents do we have here in the building? All right, yea deep, deep, deep, deep. And how many

singles in the room? Singles, my brother single. Did Mark? I know that already. Tristan raised a hand. We're looking for a nice young lady for him. All right. Is He mingling? He's probably mingling. Knowing him, he probably mingling, probably buying people drinks on my time. I mean, you're gonna have a that's a real little brother ship for sure. And then our married couples, all right, and then our couples who were dating in situation ships. You know well

that dating couples like nobody. Put the phone over there because they're gonna pull me up for a game now. Right. And can this couple right here, they're about to get married, right here, right, yes, everybody, send them some love. They're getting married to weeks start getting married. Were sending all the positive energy and positive love that and they downfront and center. They're like weld trying to get all the

gyms today right. Yes, but no, we actually loved D see a lot because of the history and we wanted to kind of talk a little bit about how we create safe spaces for our boys. Um for example, like I said, we were living in Calabasas and I'll never forget Jack came home one day and it's the first time he had corn rolls and he said people kept trying to touch his here and they were like man, you're cool, you got braids. And then another kids said

to him, you know, you're really, really cool. You Got Braids and you got Jordan's which, if you're not black, you don't understand, like that's a microaggression for you cool because you're black. And I'll never forget this story Jackson. As y'all know, we're fair skin we go to his class and he's the only black kid in his class, right, and there's a bunch of pictures on the wall, right, and the pictures are self portraits, and we're looking at all of these pictures and all of the pictures are

painted pink because the white people painted themselves pink. And we see one little picture right and it's the darkest shade of Brown I've ever seen in my life. Right. So now all the parents are looking up there and they're just like looking for the green eyes. I'm trying to figure out, you know, the Blue Eyes. Which one is. Megan and I woke up in between them. I say I'm looking for the Brown eyes. I'm trying to find out,

and they didn't know whether to laugh or not. But it kind of like resonated with me that when you put your children in places where they don't feel comfortable, it's difficult for them to exist freely, and I realized that that's part of the reason why we moved to Atlanta, was because we wanted to put our children in a place where they can see themselves and see people around them be successful and if we when I look at this audience, I see a bunch of happy, successful, loving people.

So shout out to y'all. Anybody out here been to HBCUS? I know that I'm so jealous. I really wish that we did develop I went to Austra, out in Long Island and New York and I think that's one of my biggest like if I could do it all over again, moments, I would have definitely attended. Ah, see you. Yeah, somebody needs to like bring me on. It's like an honorary and well, and this is the funny thing, because we don't speak about why black people choose to go to

P W wise, for instance. I I was the thought process was, I have to learn how to deal with what the world looks like, right, so if I go to a college that's predominantly white, the world is predominantly white, I'll learn more about how to deal with that situation. But now I have friends who graduated from H B C us and they tell me how they've been prepared

for the world and taught their history. All I do is spend time teaching my son's history and I realized, like man, they couldn't really benefit from going to Hbcu. So we're starting to ingrain in them from young like we know you athletes. You could be one of the first generations to say I'm a five star, I'm gonna go to Howard or I'm gonna go to Hampton or I'm gonna go to Spellman, and that's I hear you. So shout out to all of y'all for going to

H B C us. But look, we have about thirty seven minutes and you know what we want to do with these thirty seven minutes. We wanna talk to Y'all want you want to talk to Y'all in the podcast. But first of all, who's listening to the season of the podcast? Yeah, and I've been asking in every stop. What's been a favorite episode this season so far? Family, selling, GRANDMA's your spouse. Very nice. That was a good one. Nice Selling Granny's house. Anybody listen this week? Selling? All right,

so we're gonna do listener letters live. We're gonna DO I've listened to this because you know it has my favorite part of the show, because I'll be only your business because y'all do right in. So we had normally on the show will have you guys write in and triple will go through and she'll pick some listener letters and we will answer them at the end of every episode. But what we're gonna do here today is we're gonna

have a microphone that I believe Donora or a triple has. Okay, so we have triple over here, we have donora on this side. So we want to hear from y'all if you have any questions. You want to talk about some stuff, what's on your mind? We want to hear from you. So put your hand up and we will make our way over to you. So go ahead, y'all. I see a hand right here in front. That was the first hand. Don't be shy here. Okay, trouble's gonna come around to you. Okay,

I'm a little embarrassed. They're gonna judge you at the ten o'clock okay, I'm drea from D C. Happy to be here. Yes, okay, so this is super deep. Okay, so I was with my college sweetheart for forever. Um, we got engaged a year after well, during the pandemic, in October, and so January, Um, about February actually, he decided he didn't want to get married anymore at when we decided, but he wanted to push it back a year until okay, so fast forward to two thousand and

one to one, Um, October. He then decided, Um, I'm really not feeling like I want to get married anymore. Right. So I'M gonna ask from you guys from you know, being together from college. I don't want to say like an immature what should I do, but, like I'm feeling like part of me wants to write it out, you know, with the man that I love, who I thought was my soulmate. But then the other part of me is like, do I just drop this man and move on? We

also should. We also should add that the primary driver of this is probably Um, a family member. We won't announce who that family member is. Don't you start his mother out out, okay. So seriously, I come from a family who they were together, the only people they've ever been with. Right. So they're like, write it through, you got this. But then the other part of me is like, is this normal? But but he was clear about the fact that he doesn't think he wants to be married.

He was clear that he wanted to be married, but then he wanted to get to know each other more after he already proposed. I had a ring on my finger. I clearly don't have a ring on my finger anymore, but I still love this man. So I think that's the dilemma. Is like, we've been together on and off since but seriously, since twenty nineteen. I am so boom. I mean this, this is the first thing I'm gonna say. All Right, oh, it's the first thing I want to

say thank you, thank you, thank you. We like to have fun, but this is a serious situation, I feel so thank you for sharing that with us so understanding. It's that everything we say is always going to be in jest because it has to be fun, but we're gonna give you some truth, all right, the first thing, this is the first thing, when someone is honest with you about what they want and what they need. Believe now.

So if he says he doesn't want to be married and you want to be married, that may not be the person that you want to be married too. Or it made me that y'all may not be available at the same time, but since this is a time where you feel like you want now here is, I'm gonna ask a question. Are you willing to try to meet other people to see who is willing to get married, or do you love this man so much you are willing to wait until he's ready to get married? Don't

listen to nobody else but yourself. You stand what I'm saying because you're the only person has to live with this situation. Yeah, you under staying. The main thing we do is we feel pressure from other people to not look quote, unquote stupid. I don't want to look stupid, so I'm gonna do what everybody else says I should do. And sometimes it's not just pressure to feel stupid, but

there's that societal pressure. There's the pressure that you have this timeline or this clock that's ticking, which is very real. Talk about that, and there's a timeline that you have in your mind that you're saying, well, ship, we've been danking for the past what you said, two thousand nineties. That's three years. You knowing each other for about seven years and you kind of feel like you're invested in this situation and it's about time that something happens. Val

and I had that similar situation. Yea. Although we both wanted to be married, we had different time frames of when the marriage would happen, but we had a similar situation. And all of black twitter cuss me out because I said that she pressured me. But I'M gonna be honest about this. Right there is an undeniable pressure that goes into marrying a woman when you ask her, and it's your responsive response as ability as a man to provide

for her right. So when I asked her to get married, I was under that influence, like this is my wife, if I'm gonna ask her to have kids, I have to be able to pay the bills. If she's having a baby, I have been able to take on all the financial responsibilities. During the time I had just got cut and lost my job. So I was like, I don't know if I'm ready to get married now, not

because I'm not in love, but can I handle that responsibility? Codeine. Admittedly, so says she was only focused on having a wedding, and this is a part that women don't like to admit, but she says she was focused on the wedding. I was focused on the marriage. So I felt pressure and when I said I wasn't ready to get married, she was taken back, like what's wrong with me? And I'm like, there's nothing wrong with you, I gotta make sure my

house is in order. And a lot of times I feel like men get that bad rap when we're not when we say not ready, and sometimes it's fear. It's fear. It has nothing to do with you, that's his own insecurities that he's projecting, but sometimes we don't know how to express it. I didn't express it, probably to her when we were at that moment, because I didn't know what to say. I was also only twenty seven at the time, so I was just like, uh, I think we just need to wait, and she was like why?

I was like, because there's just some things I need to work out and I just don't know if I'm ready right now. That's horrible communication, but at seven, how do you know how to communicate? In my mind, I think, Um, what develop has done a great job of doing, at least with me since we met, was actually trying to

be a good communicator. You tried and in having such great faith in Him and knowing his work ethic and his drive, and I just felt like, you know, at that time we had already owned two properties because you were coming out of the NFL, you were in transitions because you just lost your job and retired. But I just had the utmost faith that we were gonna figure it out, like we were going to do it together, guardless, and and it didn't matter how it was gonna happen,

but it was gonna happen. So whether we had the wedding, he's like, do you want the wedding or do you want the house? I'm like shout. I want both. Like, how is that gonna Happen For us? You know, because also to like I said, in my mind I'm like ship, I'm rolling on. I want to have my first kid by thirty, I want to have a house. There all these things in my mind that I had mapped out. And what happens when she don't go according to plan?

So I understand how you feel. You understand how you feel, but only you can make a decision to you really want to sit and Wagh that out, and I think it's worth having more open dialogue and conversations with him if he is the type to communicate out loud for it. Have you ever expressed to him, as you want to get married, why you want to get married and what your needs are? Have you ever expressed that to in so what she said was she's expressed that she wants to,

but she hasn't given a why. And the reason why that's important is because if he doesn't understand why it's important for you to get married right now, he can't even fathom why it's that important period. So you have to express that before you make a decision and be ready for whatever his response is, because if you give him the Y and he says, I don't care. Now you have the right to say I'm ready to move

on because we're not aligned. But if you say the Y and he goes, Oh wow, I never thought about that. Let's make a plan. That's somebody you want to work together with. So don't just discard it, don't just throw it away. Have the conversation and trying to figure out how y'all can meet in the middle. Alright, good, Lexus Drea, dre A, right, good luck to you. Yes, all right, that was a good first question. What's next? Okay, what do we have? I said a couple of hands coming up.

I got a question. Wait. Yeah, everybody giving up? The woman who keeps my husband fine, caroline sharp Um. So how do you deal with a per uson as defensive like, where it's hard to have? Don't look at me like it's hold on, hold on, because the first night we did to show in New York. You're saying how you was defensive at first. How did you handle that and still be able to carry on the conversation without not

being able to get past the confrontational part? You know, long walks and alcohol, hell, little marijuana facts yeah, I tend to be the one who developed claims to label defensive. Wait, I label you defensive. All you defensive. There needs to be some accounts that have defensive moments. I have defensive moments and that's just something that I think stems from just my upbringing, my childhood, things that were never discussed

when I was younger. So it's just like, okay, when it comes to communicating and having to I've always had to portray, portray, and I've always tried to be that perfect child and that perfect wife and that perfect mom. So if I feel like someone is putting me in a position to or not, I do have moments where I may get defensive. Yes, I do have moments, but

sometimes I don't think it's me being defensive. I feel as though if my husband, I feel as though if my husband is in a position where he feels like, okay, Kadine, you did something that I'm not in agreement with. I don't this make me happy, I don't approve of what you did, I feel like I owe to him an explanation of how I arrived at my choice. Would you say that's fair? Okay, because, because I'm not about to be doing stuff just willing nearly for no reason, as

if I'm being irresponsible. So there's a lot of times thought and decision that goes into me arriving at a particular destination. DEVO does not like to hear that. At times, devout prefers, he prefers for me to just listen to him, to understand where he's coming for Um, and then that be it. I can listen to you, I can understand where you're coming from, but does is it not worth me than saying I understand how you feel, but here's why I made the decision I made. I feel like

that's just necessary in a conversation. But in his eyes that's me being defensive and making an excuse and trying to backtrack and backpedal, and I'm like, Bro, no, I'm just trying to take you through the chain of events. So you know how how I arrived at this destination. But label made defensive. Baby, labeled me defensive. Are you are you know I'm about to give you a solution,

because she's done being defensive. So y'all literally got a chance to see what I go through sometimes in a relationship. I'm not asking you why you did something because your why doesn't matter to me. For example, if you slap me in the face, do I care why you slap me in the face? No, I'm just trying to explain

to you how that slap affected me. And when you when I'm explaining to you how the slap affected me, you not acknowledging that you slap me and it hurts, hurts me again, while you spend time defending why you had to slap me that. That doesn't work for me. This is how I feel. This is how I feel if someone comes to you and says, listen, you did something that hurt me. When my wife comes to me and says hey, devout, I feel a way about this, my first response isn't let me give you all the

reasons why I did what I did. My first thing is, wow, what did I do and what can I do to be better so that I don't repeat the behavior? So as let me listen, I slapped you in the face. Okay, how did that make you feel? Baby? I Apologize. I'm not gonna slap you in the face no more. I'm gonna work on being better. I'm not gonna spend hours trying to convince her why my slap was justified, and that's what being defensive is, and I think a lot of people, I think a lot of people who are defensive,

don't realize that they're doing that. You understand what I'm saying? No, no, that's not what it is. Does anybody understand where I'm coming from? Because we we literally argue about this all the time. Doesn't like apology. So he says apologize and say x Y Z. Devel would be like, don't apologize. To me, change behavior is the best apology. Right. Yes, I acknowledge that. Okay, cool. So I'm not gonna say, you know, I'm sorry, I did X Y Z, but you don't at least want to know why I arrived

at that, that flat, for example. So this is a this is very important. This is very important because tiff acts the question right. Being defensive doesn't only only mean that you defend your point, it means that you're not even willing to have an open conversation and you keep trying to defend your point without hearing what your partners saying. That's what you literally just did that just now, before I get to say a word, you started defending all

of your points. Did she not ladies and gentlemen. So y'all gotta Y'all got a chance to see it in real time. Being defensive it's not only defending your point. Being defensive means my words are more important than yours. So, no matter what you say, I'm going to defend my point first. That's what being defensive is. So I think it takes one of the partners to say, you know what, I understand how my partner communicates. This is what I

learned to do tiff. I don't I don't blame her and I don't shame her for being who she is. So I don't say, Oh, she's defensive this. I let her say her point. Because so what tiffs said was, do I feel like I lose my voice because I'm letting her speak first? I don't. We're doing we're doing this for life, which means we have nothing but time. So to me, it doesn't matter who says it first. I learned. I've learned to say, you know what, I'm

gonna Talk. Okay, how she I feel, and before I can finish saying how I feel, she's going to tell me eight thousand reasons why she did what she did to avoid the argument I'm gonna let her get all of that out. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that I understand why you did what you did, but I'm gonna still tell her I understand what you did, why you did what you did, but it still hurt me. And do you understand that? No matter how you justify what you did, it still hurt me? And we've learned

to communicate that way. A lot of times people say I gotta speak first or I need to have the last word. I don't give a shit about having a last word. I just want to make sure we both have an understanding. When you understand how your partner communicates, I no longer be like your defensive this I'm not having a conversation. I let her speak the same way. I'm mule headed, I'm very strong minded, so I believe

my way is right all the time. So she's learned to be like, you know what, let me listen to what you're saying. Yes, we've kind of had it down to like a recipe. So it's the point. We don't even really get into arguments like that. No more tip. It's not even like a defense battle. It's literally like, all right, here's the process here is okay, here we

gotta disagreement. Here we go. So it's literally like a sparring match, but it's a very amicable one at this point because we literally just letting each other air out what it is, seeing if we can come to some sort of agreement, if it's required. Where is we have moments where we're like, you know what, we're not, we're just not gonna agree on this. And is it really that big of a battle that we really have to continue to take at? Are we just gonna let this

year rock right now? Um, but in real time, y'all, you can see how we go back, for it's literally how it is. But the most important thing is the acknowledgement of understanding. She can be defensive and I can be narrow minded, but if I can acknowledge that I understand what she's coming from and she can acknowledge that she understands what I'm coming from, we can come to an agreement. Being defensive is just one way to argue.

Being mule head is just one way to argue. Once you realize that about your partner, just be like, all right, well, I understand how she's gonna Respond. Let me get my point across and understand her point. So you're never gonna stop a defensive person from being defensive, the same way you're never gonna stop a mule headed person from being mule headed, but you have to agree to work on

understanding their perspective, and that's really what it is. And as long as you can agree that I understand where you're coming from, you can work on being better because, like I said, okay, I don't know. I don't believe in apologies. The best apologies change behavior. Don't apologize and slap me in the face again. You know what I'm saying. Apologize and then say I'm going to do better and live better. So I gotta I gotta Stalker alert. Back here.

This young lady got up out of her seat, found me with a microphone and told me she had a question by the bar. Okay, we see you back here. How are you? Hi, My name is Gabrielle. I just want to say canine and De Voo, me and my boyfriend, we love you all. We Watch your podcast, we watch a show, we watch your instagram, we watch your facebook, everything, everything that you can think of. Ain't that right back?

That's right, that's right. Okay, okay, so I was late and filling out the information, so I wasn't able to put the information on about our relationship. But, as I said, My Name Is Gabrielle, I am twenty seven and I'm on tour and I'm fifty seven. All right, all right, now, does that sound like one of Y'all podcasts that you just had? What's that? Please continue, I want to hear the question. Yeah, Y'all just had a whole podcast. I said,

I listened to Y'all. Right, yeah, y'all just had a whole podcast about older men's dating younger women, younger women the men. Right, we've been together for six years. Okay, we're not a man. It's the math, math, we don't need no mathematicians. Okay, okay, you see the math, man, mathematicians are here tonight. We've been together for six years, ups and downs, baby, ups and downs, and we relate to a lot that you all talk about. Okay. So, so we've meant to New Jersey, we're coming back home.

We're listening to your podcast and I'm like, baby, that's you. He's like no, baby, that's you. He's you deval and Canine. I'm you okay, the question is. My question is we got the background I had to give your head. We didn't get selected as one of the couples. I give you that. My question is, my man loved big asses. Okay, he loved that asses. All Right, now, I'm natural. I

got what I got. That's what I got. Now my question is, I told him, I told him myself, baby, I'm gonna go get surgery, so so I can get what you want to look at. Okay, he don't want me to do that because he don't want other men to look at me. So my question is, how should I go about him continuing to look at women with big asses and I just have an average ass. Do we got a spotlight so we can see how big her asses? Let's see what she's working. We're back there.

I mean it's moving. I'm gonna make this very, very simple. It's definitely I'm gonna make this very simple. Can you give him the MIC real quick? Can you give him the mic real quick, real quick. That's very simple. Okay, awesome, my man, my man, real quick, do you do? You Love Her ass? So then that's all that matters. Baby, I don't know why you even focus on anything. Else social media will have you fucked up, because women will look at all of this stuff and say, Dang, that's

what my man wants. He wants you, that's why he's here with you. Also, don't, don't compare yourself to other women. It's so easy to fall into that. It's easy to do that. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be with you. It's that simple. But I will say this. He never gonna stop looking. I look at us all the time. Hey, look at us all the time. Baby sending me assis like I do appreciate beautiful. INSTAGRAM is an APP to look at. Right and, just

to be honest, here's a very transparent moment. Right, very transparent moment. I hate having a beard. The ship is itchy. I hate it. But you know who likes beards? Her? You know who. You know how? I know, because she'd be on instagram looking at Man with beards. Flat understand. Don't gonna look at who I'm following now. I know you'RE gonna go to my kids to see who I'm following.

That this is the truth, Bro that never changes. Just because you meet somebody and you fall in love with this doesn't mean that everybody else just instantly becomes unattractive. That's not how that works. If you think that that's gonna Happen, you in for disappointment. seriously. But when someone chooses you, they choose you for a reason. I choose her for a reason. I'M gonna look at women. Women are beautiful, but every day I'm gonna go home and be with her. That's all that side says. How do

you feel about your ass? It's the question, because far too many times that's women are doing it for other women. We're doing it for other for for men. Were doing it for a spouse. How do you feel about yourself? It's really ultimately what matters. All right, you have to feel good about you. Yes, and I got one more question. Seven you fifty seven. She'd be having you do tiktok videos with your old life. That's what we want to know. Yes, let me play up to you. I've seen a love

when you got up and you hugged that woman. Age Don't mean ship. When you love somebody, you love them exactly the way they are. So y'all go ahead and keep loving each other. Appreciate y'all. Thank you for the support for Real, for real. Hi Cande. So on to the next my name is Brianna. I'm from D C. I'm here with my husband regions. You have a marvel sister fell you. Um, I have on heels, but without them on almost five a nice so I've been following,

following you guys for a while. We've been married almost two years in December and Um, read just with like five children. Um, I went into the marriage knowing that he does want five kids. Um House, that I can do, a house with seven kids, that I gotta start now. Oh Hey, okay. So my question is for read just as wildly ambitious. He's an entrepreneur. I'm also a career woman. We are go, go, go. We have support from family, but my parents are married. They've been married almost forty years.

You guys have help with your four children, your mother in the home. So I want to know a realistic, Um sort of snapshot into the life of the average individual who has multiple children. How would you be able to prioritize your marriage, make sure that you're still pouring into one another, making sure that the marriage is the priority while you have children, so that you can still grow in love with one another and not focus on the children's well, here's the first thing. Don't ever say average.

You can't be great by saying I want to be average. You understand what I'm saying. So if you want to live that type of life and have all the things that you want and desire out of life, you can't think like an average person, because the average person is never going to do that. So you have to automatically believe that you are greater than everything that you've seen, and that's not arrogance, that's not cocky, that's a belief

that God gave you. If you can see it, that means he gave it to you for a reason and now you have to go claim it. So if he wants five kids and he can see himself with five kids, you believe in his dream and you believe in yourself and you can have five kids and be an entrepreneur. Go do it. Go do it. That's all canine and him and we have four. Here we are with four. Wait, we managed to prioritize things. Is really trying to stay as organized as possible and, like you said, leaning on

the village. That is everything to us. What do you think? It's home right now with Jackson Cairo, Kaz and Koda shout out to me pop up my grand other. We are so blessed to be able to call in the reinforcements whenever we need that, and it's who better to be with our children when we can't be then our parents, divine and I are going to a wedding with my parents in November. My brother and my sister. Shout out

to Tristan the Zacari in the audience. We're gonna be in a wedding in Jamaica and my in laws, devous parents, were like, we'll come down. Dvo's grandparents are driving Virginia. Will have four family members, great grandparents and grandparents, to help while we're away. So that really puts us at

ease to know that. But in terms of prioritizing our marriage, that's something that we have to be super deliberate about, because it is so easy to mix and mingle the idea of being husband and wife, being mom and dad, being business partners. It's so easy to have that kind of cross into each other and then the lions get blurred and sometimes I look around and I'm like Yo, I don't want devot my business partner. I don't want devout my co host. I don't want Zack. I mean

sometimes I do. We Want Zach when I see them sinking TV, heaving on TV. But Um, sometimes I just want my man. I just want you to be able to clock out, and he's not good with that. So it's also kind of knowing you too, his personalities. You say that he is a go getter. He is. His work ethic is through the move. That's who I'm married to as well, and he does not know when to

clock out. So I have to sometimes put it in our calendar, our joint calendar that we have, or I have to let our manager know that there's gonna be time since where I'm gonna need my husband. I'm gonna need you to block these days because I'm taking him away, or these are gonna be family days for the kids, or these are gonna be days where we will decide that we're gonna buckle down and we're gonna pour into our business stuff, have a little let him in on

the little secret that we have. I'm not pregnant, y'all, so don't even say it, okay, but when I say that, to say, for example, one of the latest things that we're working on that will be coming out at the beginning of next year. Val and I are writing a book area. So anyone who's been at any of our live shows New York, Philly and you guys here in DC know that to look forward to it coming out around Valentine's Day. And it's not gonna be how to and here are the five pillars of how to have

the perfect marriage. Yah, Yah, Yah, because you know, we don't believe in that. And though we are flattered that we've been hashtag relationship goals and all that stuff, we

really just want to share more about our story. Um. There's been things that you guys have heard about between us on the podcast, things about our past, but this time around we have some stories that are untold that really helped to get you guys to understand how we arrived at this destination, how our upbringing, Um our parents have kind of contributed to who we are as individuals, and then US growing together as individuals, working together since

the age of eighteen to now. So I'm looking forward to that and I'm hoping that you guys will support as well and find the book to be something that's really, really, really dope. Um, but you know, each other and you know your strengths and weaknesses. So I know that he can't clock out. He knows that I'm a procrastinator at times and I'll take my times getting things done, but we respect each other's processes. It wasn't always easy to get here, but I know where his strengths are, he

knows where mine are. We know when we have to kind of tag each other in and who's better equipped in the on meant to deal with whatever the situation is, and really just trying to stay organized and keeping each other's first, because the valve does not do well if he doesn't have his Beste all, because be best friends up here first and foremost, before everything else. Yeah, if there's one thing I would have to just piggyback is

the fact that she's my best friend. So as long as I can always reach out and be like, okay, my friend is here, we'll figure everything else out. We'll figure the kids, we'll figure jobs. I got my friend. That's the basis for everything and once you can figure that out, you always be good. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, y'all. Y'LL, a joke could be here for sure. Next question. Next question, where we at we're triple at someone in the back there, casis, hello, we're saying, Um,

my fiance is not here. My maid of honorable with me. I get married in two weeks as well. Is it? Two weeks from today? You'll have the same date, exceptcember. Nine, s nine, okay, September. Yes, yes, yes, so I listened to your podcast all the time and I make him listen to it when there's certain situations that come up and I'm like this is us and you need to listen to this and we need to discuss it. So one of the things that came up was sex. He

definitely dims. One of the biggest issues that comes up is sex. Um, he's forty seven, I'm thirty thirty eight. I'm sorry, he's forty eight, I'm thirty eight. So we're ten years apart. In the beginning, of course, rabbits. We've been together for eight years. So rabbits. But now I'm like, Bro I'm good, you know, once a week, we're good, and he's like no, I need more than once a week. So of course I'm like, what's the compromise? I can give you this mouth, you can take these lips, whatever,

but if I don't feel like penetration and everything else. Like. What do you suggest the compromise can be for a situation like that? Because his drive is here and I'm coming down a little bit right now, but I'm sure it comes back up at forty. That's what that's what I hear. Anybody in their forties, women does it come back? She's like Eric comes back for the ladies and the forties. Looking forward to that. I mean, this is our struggle too, though.

It's a lot of our struggle. We've just learned to get real creative with stuff. So we've we've gotten extremely creative. I think for us it was it was this understanding right, and this was always goes back to the monogamy episode. If you are dating a guy who you know has a high sex drive and you like him because he doesn't compromise on anything in his life. He doesn't compromise on his job, his family, he doesn't compromise on his work or his his dreams, why would you ask him

to compromise in the bedroom? Because it's just not that. It's not that easy. So it's like I want you to only be and this is this is how it sounds to us man, right, I want you to only be with me, but I want you to only be with me when I want you to be with me on my terms here and and that's that's what it sounds like to us if you, as a woman, don't communicate it properly. And what Codeine and I had to learn was that how you communicate your sexual needs is

extremely important. It's don't just say to him I don't want to do it. Have A conversation about why your sex drive maybe down. For example, we were rabbits all through college. We were rabbits for the most part. When we got engaged, she got on a different birth control. I didn't know that the birth control was gonna affect US sex drive. Then she got pregnant after she got off the birth control. I had no idea about how

hormonal imbalances were going to affect her sex drive. As men, we have to learn and understand the body that we are dealing with, and when you understand that, you become a lot more empathetic to what women are going through. But, ladies, you can't just expect him to know that. These conversations

have to be had and they're very difficult conversations. But the problem is when you have these conversations, one or both parties get defensive, then they feel like the other parties being selfish and then all communications stop and that's when sex gets stilled. For us, it was literally like y'all, Kay, was like look, when I get penetration and I'm satisfied, I'm good. I don't want to have penetration two days and that's a compliment. nony. Men feel like that's a compliment.

Like Oh, my girl is good for good to three days because I put it down. Do you feel like that? No, no, men feels like there's not one man in here. That's just like Yo, my girl is good because I put it down. So she's good for about two or three days. I feel like I'm the man. No, no, no, no, no, no. I do understand the logic right, and this is how men and women differ. Your logic is that ship was so good, I'm good. For us, it was like that ship was so good, I want to do it again.

You see what I'm saying? So and you can't take you can't say that the men are wrong and we can't say that the women are wrong. You just have to learn how to communicate. So what we ended up doing was don't judge us. K you'll be like, blow my back out. Monday, Tuesday, I'm gonna give you the sloppy toppy. If you're not good on Wednesday I'll give you that that happy ending massage and by Thursday she's

gonna be ready to go again. You see what I'm saying, and I am like, all right, as long as we have a plan, I know that she's putting in work to take care of me. Then some days I can look at my white face and be like, Babe, you just tired, go to sleep. Because for men, and and a lot of men will never admit this, we just want to be wanted. It's a blow to our ego when you go to your woman and you try to come on to her and she rejects you. A lot

of men will not admit that. I'm willing to admit it because I'm not here trying to date nobody else. This is the only woman I gotta deal with for the rest of my life. My ego gets hurt when I look at my wife and she's looking good and I try to come onto her and she's like, I

got a headache, I don't feel like it. So then you start to think what's wrong with me that the woman and I want to be with doesn't want to be with me, and a lot of women feel like men don't go through that, but we do go through that. So imagine you on Monday half set with your woman, that you come back on Tuesday she hits you with the old rain check. Wednesday's I got a headache, Thursdays, I got you tomorrow. It's like, Dann, why do I keep being rejected to? Don't get me wrong, we don't

have like an actual schedule. I think it's more of a mental thing. For me, that's also that fund either when you have something that you have to clock out a schedule to have sex. It's like who wants to do that? Ship neither. There's no fire, there's no spice, there's no spontaneity, but it's almost like keeping that mental check of like I did this, I threw it back on Monday sor right, you know, like that's how I

kind of go through it my head. So I'm like, all right, if he's in a little bit of a bad mood come day to three, then I know I got to do something because I could tell in his whole like his whole aura be off. My old come in the door soon, not coming to do I just look it up, but I'm backtracking, like what's today? Yeah, I can see she's going through it, and I'll just be like it was Monday. But women don't know how men have built like we see y'all and we'll be

ready to go. And I do think I might get killed for this. I think it's unfair for a woman to say to a man, only be with me, but only be with me when I want you to be with me. I think that that's unfair because as a man, I can't do that to you. Listen to this hypothetical. WHO HERE LIKES TO TRAVEL? Women, you'll like to travel. Listen to this hypothetical. List analogy. I meet you, beautiful woman, handsome God, comes over a says baby, what you like

to do? She said, Oh, I like to travel. I said, I'm gonna take you around the world, I'm gonna make you see everything, you're gonna do everything. That mean we're gonna be best friends? And she's like yes, for the first two months we travel every weekend. Right, because y'all be having sex like rabbits early right. So every weekend we be traveling. Boom, boom, boom. I said, you know what, baby, let's make this exclusive. I want to be the only

person in your life you travel with. And she says, great, we've been traveling every weekend, I can get used to this. So now you're traveling every weekend and out of nowhere you're getting your bags pack. You're like, baby, where you're going, and he goes, yeah, I'm tired, we're not traveling nowhere. So she's like, okay, fine, I'll give you a break the next week and come is around, baby, when we

traveling this weekend, I got a headache. So now she's like, well, I was used to US having travel dates every weekend, and he's just like, well, I'm just not in the mood to travel no more. Don't you think that be fucked up? Be Honest, it would be up. So now that you think that is fucked up, imagine you're giving a Nigga pussy a lot and then, out of nowhere, you just be like, I don't want to give you

no more, no more. That's how men feel, and I'm not saying that you do it on purpose, but I feel like we as people don't have these conversations to understand what the other person is going through, because if you had these conversations, you would say, she's not just cutting me off. There are things going on. For example, I didn't know we were having sex so much in college that it throws off a is Ph balance. When your Ph balance gets thrown off, it throws off your

sex drive. And what's women were? We require so much more to get to that point. It's not as simple as just jumping up and being ready to go, because if it was that simple, baby, why would I not want to make you happy and do what every single time you wanted to? If it was that simple, I

was and that's fair. But, ladies, we don't know that, like we don't, and then once we, once you do learn it, you do have men like myself, and there's probably other men here who are understanding, but if you don't have the conversation because you're afraid to speak on what you need sexually, you'll never get to that point. So that's ultimately what it comes down to. You gotta talk to each other and not be afraid to say what you need and what you desire, because's the only

way you're gonna get it. That's your life partner. You should be able to be honest with her or him about whatever you need to want and make it fun. Because that travel, vacation sex. Now did you talk about travel? That vacation sex. It's different. Anybody else feel like that? Because I'm know I do, and we can take me away. Baby. You can tell we've been through ruts. It's easy to get out of ruts when you focus on each other. So just because you interrupt now, that doesn't mean that

rusts going to be the rest of your life. We've been in ruts and got out of ruts by focusing on each other. That's a fact, and that of service. Episode is so, so, so true. I changed my mindset and kind of thought of ways that I can be of service to devot to make his day of a better. Like I literally changed my mindset and was like, you know what, even just sex aside, I literally wake up in the mornings now and I'm like, all right, what do we have to do today? How can I help

to make DEVO's Day easier? And because I'm able to do that for him, he in turn is then more motivated to find ways to make my day easier and it's really just a matter of communication, reciprocity and taking that into consideration along the way. So absolutely, yeah, I appreciate you. You're fine. I love you. Tell me ask a questions. Did you have a good time? By those with some good lister letters? Do we have to time for one more question? Has a question. Why am I

not surprised? All right, we'll close that with Hilton's question here. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you so much. I'm ready. What's up here? Shout out to Um Sakara. Interest in your brother and sister. We Love Them. To shout out to do. We love her too. Yes, absolutely, Um, and we love you, guys so, so, so much. Thank you so much. We Really, really love you, guys. And you know what I want to ask you, guys, Um,

what your love? What your love languages and when, for each of you, was the first moment when you realize that you fell in deep love with another? Hilton said that with the wind. You saw that right the wind was blown. It was a moment for Hilton over there. Y'All, it was definitely a moment. Thank you for that. Thank you for that, Hilton. Um, I mean, I forget what the whole like love language thing is like what all five or six of them at this point? But I

know that. I definitely I know what your love languages let's flip it. Let's see who knows whose love language. Yours is definitely touch, physical touch, affection and, Um, you know what it is. Somebody said it. How they know me. WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED? Yes, yes, that's it right. So I can't remember all of them in this but where it made for sure. What am I? Your love languages are shopping. Come away, don't let me hit you with the shutter. I do like, like, yeah, have surprises. No, no, no,

she's not big on quality time. That's a lie. You are a Sagittarius. You spent your pregnancy by yourself. I did. That was hormonal, though. I was very I wanted to be very much alone, especially with my last pregnice. Back to being defensive now. No, Um, I would. I would too. I would say gifts, I would say words of affirmation. I can tell when when my wife is getting down. I know how to speak power into her. I know how you have. Yeah, it is God. God has blessed

me because he knows what you need. So he knows what you need to so I could give it to. You do that with a lot of people. It's not just me, like I'm actually happy to share you and that gift with people, because you have a way of pulling people out of, say, stuations that I've never seen before. Appreciate you, appreciate, but that's I mean, that's that's God. God gives us all gifts. Um, I knew I was spreading his love or her love to everyone and I

guess that's my way. So I receive that. I knew I was deep in love with devout after probably, I mean I fell in love with him, I feel like, almost instantaneously, because I feel like at that age I had never met someone who was just so sure about himself and just so sure about life and what he

wanted and had such a vigor for just being successful. Um, sitting back in our college dorm room back in the day and having conversations and just talking all hours of the night and me driving forty five minutes from Brooklyn to half just to see him until I transferred. I just knew within maybe the first two weeks of meeting him, Hilton, he was the one. He was in I called my cousin up and I was like, girl, I met my

husband tonight. That was after our first date and she'll tell you to this day she was at the New York show my cousin Sophia, and she was like girl, please, this that man big. She was like he didn't even think that. He grew into his head. Yeah, what you mean? It's gonna be and she was like what? And I was just like there's just something so dope and so electric about him and I just I don't understand what

it is, but it's something. And that was October three two thousand two and we have spoken every day since. Here we are married, four kids, this whole life. It's insane. For me, it was witnessing a woman with such drive and power do it with dignity. She's a Brooklyn girl. She came to my room and I remember the first night she spent the night with me right. We didn't have sex because she was being deliberate about being a lady and I wasn't pressuring her and she had on

a two piece lavender ninety. Do you remember the color of Y'all? It looked it was kind of velvet, but it was like Velt is velvet. I planned that. I ain't got it a rainbow. I was like this is okay, okay, so it's not really lingerie, but it's a it's a vibe. It's a vibe. Yeah, she slept over and she slept over. She got up and she made sure I got up to go to class and I was like what is happening here, and she was just like hey, she's like hey, Um, you want something to eat? And I was like yeah,

I'm I'm gonna grab some Thea. She's like you don't have time. I went to class. When I got out of class she had a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll from the Delhi and for me it was like Yo, she really just exudes everything that I know that I wanted a woman and at the time I was eighteen and I was fighting it. I was like, I don't want to be in a relationship, I want to sold my wild oats, I want to I want

to do this. I'm an athlete and it's everything. Room me to her like she's how beautiful she is and I'm not. I'm not lying to you. That was probably one of the last things that was on my mind. It was everything else. She used to drive the Hostra from Brooklyn to see me twice a week. She would leave little love notes on the pillow, like when I had to go to practice, when I come back, my bed would be fully made up and she would have a handwritten love note on the pillow and I'm like, Yo, Yo,

she I was like, who does this? Like handwritten script? First of all, my head was hurting trying to read this ship because nobody writes the script no more. But I was like, it was the details, no, it was. It was just those details made me realize, like, no matter what, this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I just felt like I could envision myself taking over the world with her. And you see what we're doing here. It's all coming

to fruition. So, and that's all thanks to y'all. Yes, it is all thanks to y'all, because y'all love her so much, but realistically, that's what it was, man. She just told me. He showed me her true self. She never held back. She told me she loved me in two weeks. Um, I said thanks, because I didn't I didn't know how to respond, and this is what she said. She's like, that's okay, and I was like fucking girls just so and I just fell in love with her and I've been loved with her ever since. So did

y'all have a good time? I'm asking my time. Did y'all have a good time? We had such a great time with y'all tonight. Man, best before we leave, I like to do this with everyone because we always want everyone to leave here feeling like they are going to be better tomorrow than they were today. So I asked for everybody stand up. I want you to close your eyes,

close your eye, just be quiet for a minute. Close Your eyes, envision the perfect life, the life that you want, with the person that you want, doing all the things that you want, and I want you to take a minute and understand that, if you can envision it, that has already happened and since it's already happened, is God's will for you to have it. All you have to

do is claim it. So in this moment, right here, before you leave, I want you to say that you are going to claim the life that you deserve and you desire, but you have to be disciplined, because discipline over desire will determine your destination. Everybody opened up your eyes that life that you just saw as yours, because me and K did that in college and this is what we wanted to see and we were able to

get it. So that's what we're not gonna do. We're not gonna say goodbye because we're gonna you everybody here again. We family at this point. All right, we're gonna give you what we call is that Ellis Goodbye. When I say Ellis Goodbye on three, you pat your thrust your chest three, two times, one two and you say peace, because we're gonna spend love and peace to everybody. So Ellis Goodbye. On three, you pat your chest two times and we say peace. Ellis goodbye on three, one, two, three, peace.

Dead Ass is a production of I heart media podcast network and is produced by the Norapinia and triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts and never miss a thing.