Live From Atlanta

I cannot talk. I'm gonna stage. Yes, stop lasting. I gotta, I gotta Jackson tell me all right, it's my life. Guys. How are you guys doing tonight? I can't believe I'm in Atlanta. You look good. All the beautiful black people. Hey, I'm Cade and I and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. I make you need derby most days. And one more important

thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about. Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Phillows off to a whole new level.

Dead ask starts now, Heyo, what's good job? Back in February, before all the news about coronavirus broke, when we could still go outside and be around other people, we went down to Atlanta to do an episode of dead Ass live at the Variety Playoffs. We're hoping that this episode is a little bit of joy and escape in these uncertain times, especially because a t l y'all were lit. Okay, this was our largest live audience ever and the energy

that I felt on stage was unmatched. We had DJ Executive come down from New York to get the crowd hyped before we got out and it was on. It was definitely our most exciting venue because Atlanta is like our home away from home, away from home when we're not in l A or New York or Jamaica. Atlanta is definitely a place where we rest our heads and feel comfortable. So much love. We appreciate you guys, it was dope. But before we get into it, this is not our usual dead Ass episode. We wanted to make

sure the dead Ass Live experience was unforgettable. So our friend Brian Jordan Jr. Was there to m C and we got you to play a game with us. We're calling it the newly Wed Game, but of course it's the dead Ass Edition. So we'll tell you more about that in a minute, but first let's get into it. This is dead Ass Live in Atlanta. So what's some of Atlanta? Oh my goodness, y'all like a dream come true. I feel like at this point in our lives, it's like born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. Of course,

y'all know we're in relocated. It's Brooklyn, Brooklyn in the house, all right, Brooklyn cutting Hi. Oh my god, I feel it. That's crazy. So now we're in l A now, But I feel like Atlanta is somewhere like we were supposed to be eventually. Feels I have this feeling, like deep deep down inside that at some points I'm gonna end up here. Where's the best part of Atlanta to be? Though? Well, I heard when I had to care, Oh don't ye thet we're in my car. I heard somebody in the

back sat down in decado people people gritorial bad. I'm sorry, joying to join your ladies and gentlemen, Maurice. They ain't standing up for you know, So ladies and gentlemen. One of the most important times of Dead As podcasts, as you guys know, it's story time, right and because soon you said Carrie, say karayoke, you're like carryoake. You don't like carry. I don't know why I couldn't hold a note if you put it in my hands. I don't know why people always do that to you, but whatever.

So you know, we're all my couples and how many couples have we gotten here? Couples representing so who made this a day night? And when they had bought tickets for the other one. That's yourself, that's your self. That's the same how they turn on the lights a little bit, everybody left. There's so we're all the single people at so you had a single people? Ah, So y'all are gonna enjoy the story time because since you're single, you

you haven't experienced this yet. You see, I'm nervous about the story time because I actually wanted to tell a story time today, but did that claim that he had the story of all stories. So I'm low key nervous to see what you're about to take. You know, you don't gotta you don't be nervous. It's a great story. It's a great story. So New Year's well, Christmas time,

we spent Christmas time with my parents. Everybody knew that, right, yes, So we spent two weeks trying to have quiet sex because the kids was in one room, her parents was in the next room, our kids in the next room. Her grandmother was underneath us. So you know, we are in her her brother's old bed. The bed is mad crickety. So my brother listen working apparently in that bed. What's my brother? Shout out to my brother where Tristan Triston put some work in the bed. The bed was mad loose,

so I couldn't even get no working. Like every time I movie, it was like, so that's my song. So we spent the whole two weeks having probably some of the most terrible sets we've had in a long time because we couldn't do what we wanted to do. So she was just like heavy, baby, don't worry me, don't worry when we get back. Do we get back to l A. I got you, I got you. You tell me that's how you sound your hand be like this and you here, you'd be doing this with you're here.

Even when she don't got her wiging out here short, she's still don't like I got comping today in my hand shot, you know, but you know, go ahead, you get it. So I'm like, I'm like, and I was already pissed, and I'm like, you know what, I don't got No. She was like, do you have any requests? Like I don't have no requests because whatever I asked for you don't give me anyway. And she was just like, I got you, trust me, I got you. Right, So Booma, I said, if I tell you what I want, I

expect that when I get back. Gentlemen, if she asked you what you want and you tell her what you want, isn't it there that you get what you ask or correct? Okay? Okay, So now we get back, right, it's Wednesday, Right, Wednesday, we get back. I'm ready to go. I'm sitting there. I get out of the shower, sit down on the bed, you know, because I get down, shower, sit on the bed. I'm ready for her to do. I think what I said to her was I wanted her to put on

some heels. I wanted her to dress up like a schoolgirl little dress right, or librarian or librarian either one or cheery either one. And here's me on Amazon Prime like, okay, cheers, skirt good Prime two days got it? Okay? So I said all of this right, And she had just did a photo shoot, and she had this long this long weave, and she had on these contests. So I was like, I want to see all that on Wednesday. So now

I sit down and back to my shower. I oiled myself up because I want to look good for her, you know what I'm saying. Because I got If I'm asking her to put all this together, I gotta put myself together. So I did some push ups, some crunches, got out the shower, shindy, air dried, air dried, you know what I'm saying. So I'm sitting here now. She turned the lights low. She put this blanket by the fireplace.

I was sitting up right, ladies, Yeah, okay. She comes to see out of the bathroom and she has on a leotard. So now I'm sitting here and looking at her likeness, and she's doing some sort of what she going was seductive Beyonce. Thence she don't got the wagons, she don't got the contacts. So I'm just sitting there. Now she's trying to do her some something things. She's trying to know when she doing this, she little mess.

Yet give me a little more credit than that. Did y'all see what I just did when I walked out here, all right, So it was a little better than that. Right. So now she's doing her rub up on me, right, And when she was rub up for me, she liked to rub before me get to her special happy place. And when she feels that I'm in my special happy place, you know, what's time to get busy. So now I got a point to prove because she didn't dressed us the way that asked her to dressed up. So I'm

mentally fighting my special happy place. So it's like and I'm in my mind, I'm like Dan, she put a stink down set. Actually tell her what you really call my body suit? I was getting there all the more disrespect. So when she feels like it's not where she likes it. She turns around, she goes, what's the problem. So I go nothing, because I gotta prove a point. So she's like, no, devil, I noticed something wrong. And I'm like, now I forget. I don't want to talk about it, but I really

want to talk about it. But I wanted to ask me all the time, so that she said, to guys, you're telling me. I said, fine, you asked me what I wanted. I told you what I wanted. You came out here wearing nothing that I asked you. And she was like, I turned her life down. I put the fireplace on, I put the for I said, I didn't ask for none of that. I asked for a schoolgirls shoe, a lot brari, and you gave me here and it's

dry ass letatard. When I said that, I asked, that was savage fenty okay, Rianna be busting it down and that stuff. So when I said that, it's shuck a nerve, and she stormed off and said, you know what, the guy ain't got time for these bullshit. You called my liatar drawing. I'm going to sleep now. I'm mad because I didn't really want to stop. I just wanted to tell how I felt and I want to keep going. So now I'm like, how are you gonna just get up on for me? With the lead tron on? We

had plans. She was like, I'm going to sleep about So that she's like, what's this big problem? I said to the most importantly, you ain't even have on the heels. I like the heels. So that she's like, the guy I stopped talking, I'm going to sleep. I fine, I don't wanna talk about this anyway. So now I'm talking to myself and she talking to herself calling the old sorts is I don't know what she was calling me.

So I walk into the bathroom right, and when I walk into the bathroom, I see all the heels that I brought anem y'all, see how the closet is right. All I see is read bottoms and all this other stuff. So I got mad, perfectly lineup, color coordinated, all that. So I got mad. So what I did? I ran it there but naked. All the shoes do all the shoes, all of my shoes, y'all, from disrespect every single roll.

He's kicking shoes through the bathroom. All. I've never seen this man so violent with shoes before kicked all the shoes and then she laughing and out here and say, you know you stipid because you're dick still on medium. I'm like being it was, so I'm like, I'm like, how bad are you that you're walking around here? You're still like all my shoes? Like what if my shoes go to you? So now she's talking ship to me while I'm picking the shoes around and I'm getting down mass.

Now you're gonna pick every last shoe up and call look for it and put it back. That's going to do that? And I said, I'm not picking on shoes up. And then she's like, well, the shoes gonna be and to we move out because I'm not touching the shoes. I said fine. Then I looked down and I had a gash on my foot because I kicking one of the shoes. There you go. So now one of my spiky red bottoms. I don't know what. None of the band aids is in our house. So I'm walking around

the house with a bloody foot. I'm lamming drawers, slamming drawers, doing all sorts of stuff, and all I hear how the room is I'll bet you're looking for them. Damn bandays time, I'm like, stop talking to me, Stop talking to me, wrapped my foot in the towel. I tried to go to sleep. Dick still on medium this whole time. This what Then we went to sleep. She ain't say

nothing to me. I will go first. You know what the worst part of his whole story is, guys, I got o c D. So when I woke up, I saw all the shoes and I was like, oh, and I wasn't touching not a one. So now I'm meaning, I'm like, I'm like, is this like a U work hue with blue? Is this less blue? Is midnight? And she walked in there and she was just like, you know you're stupid, right, And I was like, you know you love me, right, and she was like yeah. Then we had set in the closet and then but the

shoes back in color order. And for all you single people right who look at people, for example, y'all look at us, and I hear these people say this all the time. Oh, y'all. The relationship goes. We have more nights like that where we fight and argue and call each other names that we do the time that you see on Instagram or what's just taking you pictures with each other? Like, there are so many nights where we just spend trying to figure out what exactly each other wants.

And the purpose of the story is just recently could people have been asking us like how does it feel to be relationship goes? And I kind of feel like it's a burden that I really don't want because we're so flawed as individuals, and I think that it's unfair for people to look at us and think that everything is perfect. So we just want you all to know that we have the same exact issues everybody else in

here has. Every body. I'm pretty sure your husband, a boyfriend has knocked all your shoes off with his thick and meet him. I'm pretty sure you know. I'm pretty sure your girl probably said that she was gonna do something and do it. It happens, and when it happens, don't quit on each other. Don't quit on each other, man stick with each other. So I will go for tonight since it's Valentine's Day week was to find the ideal couple. So today y'all are going to be a

part of the podcast. You're all excited about that. So right here is where we ask for three couples to join us on stage for this game. We needed a dating couple, an engage couple in the married couple. So let's get to know them a little bit. A couple of pass guys. Give them a round of applause. All three couples, all right? We had dating, engaged and married thirty three years? All right, So how long have you

guys been dating? Eight months? Eight months? Y'all, don't we're in that new no phase ever to be young again. I love it. What is the best and worst thing you bring to the relationship? Yes, and I got tricky on y'all. The best thing that I bring to the relationship is probably planning a date night. Okay, so you're that fool man, So that means that you're spontaneous date night planning. I love it, young lady. The best thing that I bring to the relationship ship is caring about

his football players like they're my own. I love that. So she's a nurturer. I love that. And the worst thing, the worst thing, I am a one word connoisseur. She will she will tell me how she feels, and I will blatantly hit her with him. Okay, you're trying to die, young lady. All right, m uh, this is not good. I'm working on okay, but when we are in an argument, I'm the first one to walk out the door. And you know what, transparency, This is a church free zone.

We got, we got? Thank you so much. Can we have engaged? Couple of must week up wearing a dead ass That's one of my favorite pieces of Birch Lawyer has dead ass merchant nights on though it's not gonnae age. And how long you've been engaged? I've been engaged for two years? Come on, y'all, come on now, we was engaged years too. When who don't be one an? One year too long? Right? It may sound like an issue, but we want to we want to do it right.

Interested absolutely, What how are you doing? You're doing your way? Yes, my name is Nash. I'll be tween seven and April. He's started thirty. Nice, So tell us what's the best worst thing you've been to a relationship. I'm like a thing. I'm a prof I'm a perfectionist, so I can pick out his flowers a little bit. Okay, you know what I mean? Like, because I want to elevate him. I want him to be the best him that he can be. I can see him. You know that's good. That's when

clocked that up. She's gonna bringing him brave and I'm very ambitious, very ambitious. There you go. So, what's the worst thing you bring to the relationship. I'm working on it. I don't I'm working on Tell him it's most things. She thank you loud. Here you go, a brother. Best thing you bring to the relationship proble myself from being a provider, for sure. That's important. That that's important, building wealth,

generational wealth. What's the worst thing? Probably the exact opposite of what they were doing, though I'm not very transparent. It is. Communication is a problem I'm working on. So you're working on it. I love that you see your true Okay, rip the man, you see a trem thanks in thirty three years. She got her purse back, But I love it. Three years introduced us to yourselves. Well, this is my wife, Kelly, all right now, okay, so

here's where we ran into a little technical difficulty. We had a hiccup in our audio recording and part of our married couple's intro and the first round of our game did not get recorded, so sorry about that, but shout out to Kelly and Clayton. They were our couple who was married the longest in the audience, and they came dancing down the aisle, married thirty three years. They

were really a whole lot of fun. All right. Now, now that you've met our contestants, it's time for the newly way game dead ass addition, which one of these couples knows each other the best? Which one is the ideal couple? So here's what we did for We gave each couple paddles that said him or her, and we had partners stand back to back so they could not see each other. Then they had to answer questions like who takes up more space in the bed? Or who

is more likely to cook for the entire family? Who is more likely to agree with Codeine's mantra budgets are made to be broken. That's one of my favorites. Whichever couple answers matched the most was our winner. That's one who is more likely to lose their keys? And whilete t one, oh look over, ron one is over. Everybody, give a round of the blow. Would you believe it or not couple was the first couple of eliminating. I was shocked. I'm not gonna lie. I was shocked. They

came down. They had so much swag, they were very exciting to watch, and they were fund people. But they ain't know ship about each other. I was gonna like, damn, how y'all still married? But you know it is what it is. You know you love his love. You know you love how he gotta loved. We down to the ny pritty. So in round two we were left with the engaged couple and the dating couple. We did a quick round of five questions. Be down to the knitty gritty.

All right, you already hold the paddles up to your chest, no cheating. If you turn the paddle down early, I'm deducted the point. I'm the paddle police, paddle police, you're already. Question number one, who shot their shot? First? Three? Two? One? Let us see? Okay, okay, all right, okay, right? Question number two, who is more likely to be late? Three to one? Oh, so we have a lead in lead by the cats right online online. They're both taken the

blame right right. Question number three, who is more buckead meaning who is more boogie three to one? Don't? Who? Who is the last two questions? This is a chance to catch up. Who is more likely to get lost while driving? Read to one? Don't this is the last one. And I mean, I guess you know if you're not a buckheads this who's more bluffs? It's more bluff more bluffes. So if the cops came knocking, who is more likely to sit? Read two? One time? This too so much?

All right, we can we get some music for our I tell poke, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I After eight well, our dating couple got off to a big league and they kept it for all two rounds. I don't think they got a single question wrong. After only eight months together, we crowned our dating contestants, our ideal couple of the Nights. So what I said was when they get married a couple of months from now, because they seem like they're on a rocket page to get

it together. Me and Codeine got to be the ringbarrel and the flower girl. Listen, don't tempt me with a good time. I love a good wedding, I love an open bar, and I love to get rest up. So I will be there pitching all the flowers down the aisle. Okay, congratulations to our ideal couple, and thank you again to our three contestant couples for being such great sports and playing with us. Yes, so, so we're gonna take a quick break and move into our live listener letters after

we get into some ads. Baby, this for the record, there, it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger was don know who he is in the history of golf,

no question in my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app. All right, we're back and it's time for my favorite listener letters. But this one was with a twist. So since we had a theater full of all y'all we said, you know what, let's open up the floor

for live listener letters. Here we go. So this is the one of the show. We get to speak to our audience, listen to us. Who has questions about life? We want to ask us for our advice. See. The funny thing is the show you can an email dead ass, I said gmail dot com. So thanks for me quite anonymous. However, at the live show we have a mic genera wave your hands, let them see the spotlight or do we have a spotlight? Oh so, don't be shy. Now's your

time to come on up. Okay, brother right here, And this is great because normally the women want to company ask all the come on rather tonight. So come on down and we're gonna see what he has to ask us, and we're gonna talk him through and see if we can give our two cents like we normally do. All right, okay, if you if you have a question next you can get behind them. Yeah, you have somebody on day. Don't be shot. Come on down, good night, brother. How are you?

I'm great? How are you guys? All right? Though? All right? With the leopard print? My wife are we're magic? She is matchic? Alright, now, all right, So my wife could I've been married for four years. We have two kids, and level year old and a eight month daughter. Son is eleven and daughter is eight month. We're both social life, both career driven. So one of the things that we've been struggling with is trying to balance being career driven, being parents, and also our social life. So how do

you guys balance those things? Who? That's something that we get a lot because I think we give the illusion a lot of the times, maybe through social media or the the the content that we put out that we have the scales completely balanced and everyone gets everything they need all the time. And the truth is is that's not the case. And so I want you to know

that you're not alone because we're sharing that. And I'm sure many people who are raising children, you know, who are married, are looking for ways to kind of div

you things up. UM. I would tell a lot of women, especially moms particularly, you're just women who are looking to have the career and the family or they just want, you know, they want it all, um, to just know that sometimes you have to let the chips fall where they may, um, and then just begin to pick up the pieces and prioritize after that, and just know that not everything can get everything, or not everyone can get everything at the time, so sometimes things may have to falter.

But just know that if you can kind of prioritize and just kind of lay things out in a way that things are gonna get taken care of within your time frame, then it kind of works out in the end. People just have to kind of understand. Like I my husband sometimes feel I feel badly for him because he feels like he falls to the bottom of the totem pole out of the times. Um. But it requires conversations sometimes and just be really a lot of time for him and a lot of time for the things that

are necessary and important to me. So that's how I kind of try to juggle things a bit. But it's always gonna be a constant juggle for sure for me being very deliberate. Friday's is day night. That's my wife's tim Can nobody take that time, whether it's a booking, depending on the money. There's a lot of money, and she'd be like, we get paid, but Fridays, Friday's nothing else getting in the way of that. I called my mother in law, can you watch the kids? My brother,

my sister, anybody. I just need help and make sure Friday's is for her. Sundays his family time. That's my boys. So on Sundays can nobody getting away of that. That's me and my boys. Monday through Thursday, that's my time. That's where I go out there and get this money. So from Monday through Thursday, she knows my mother in law who lived with us, No and my boys. No, leave Daddy alone because Daddy's trying to get that time for us for the weekend. So let him do his

thing during the week. If you're deliberate and you prioritize everything else a phone in line, appreciate that you appreciate it. Hillo, My question is, Um, I am currently dating now and I've never had to battle with um dealing with for the first time, I've been dealing with being too educated. I don't feel like as a black woman with several degrees, I feel like dating I avoid bringing that up because

I constantly like it's it's a hindrance for me. And I've noticed that in dating, Like what advice can you give? Like I don't want to dim my life because you should, and and Um, I just want some advice like how do you navigate conversations when you know you're dating and they're asking you know you're currently school with you know, what do you do? And you say you have X, Y and Z And it's like, WHOA, she's too educated for me? Like what what advice do you give? Because

I'm finding that as a hindrance. The first thing I'll give you as a dude is if you tell a young man that you're interested in that you're educated, and you get scared, that's the wrong man to be talking to you. So that's a simple that's a full is that, Like, the only thing we have is black people to lean back on is our education. Majority of us do not come from generational wealth. The only way we can build

it moving forward is about being educated. So if he doesn't want to educate himself, he's afraid that you're educated, you can't possibly build with him moving forward. So you said, you know what, brother, I'm out and move on. You don't hit it with a thank you because at least at that point you're you're doing yourself a favor. You're doing a favor and you know at that point it's

probably not going to end up working. But also to what is your approach like whenever you're meeting someone for the first time, are you someone that rattles off your degrees and then you feel like, you know, how do you think it comes up that maybe you can maybe all to that in the sense that good point. That's a good point. So how do you normally approach a conversation? I never say anything. They're the ones who usually ask, and I avoid it because of what I've experienced before.

It's usually like what do you do for work? And the conversation is to, oh, what's cool you went to? And then you know it gets into that and you can see like the reluctance when I start talking about it, So I never bring it up. I'm me. I'll give you a little bit of transparency. Sometimes it may be difficult for him man, because he may feel like if you say your degrees that you may come with a certain amount of baggage where you feel like you're automatically better.

He may feel that way. So I wouldn't go off the initial response. Continue to talk to him if you're interested, and if he continues to give you that energy to bounce, but don't don't damn it, don't dam your light, continue to be who you are, and ultimately somebody's gonna come that wants that light that you have, and it's a wrap, y'all gonna build something great and you're gonna just be shine and doing your things together because she got the masses. I don't I hear about it all the time. I

love it though, Thank you, thank you so much. Hi. So my question is, so, my question is, um, how do you go about someone saying oh, when you're asking like, what do we're doing? Type question? And it's oh, I want to go with the flow. What depends on what's flow? Like, wait a minute, depends on what's flow. That's a fair question and it's a fair answer. Sometimes you don't know

what you want. You got to meet people first, right. However, when you do meet people, I would think that anyone who's out there dating, because I have been dated in a long time, so I speak kind of hypothetically, I would think that I'm dating with some sort of intention, So not sure what my I'm not sure what your intention is, but I know what my intention is, and I think that's something that should be clearly stated in the very beginning, that should be after the first a

second conversation, maybe first a second date. Is that typically how we go all those dators out there, single people? How does that work? Yeah? More or less. No, So we don't have intentions when we date. We just go with the flow. Let's explain something to y'all. Let me explain something to y'all. All right, all right, so I'm gonna beat dead ass. All right? As a as a brother, you don't necessarily go into every conversation knowing I'm gonna

have a marriage and four kids with this woman. Sometimes, right, sometimes I noticed I said four kids aren't want You're right? That went right on my head on purpose. Sometimes, and this is an answer for you. Sometimes you really don't know. Sometimes you don't know, and sometimes it takes time to build a connection with someone. What you do is you take that answer and say, hey, I'm gonna go with

the flow. Okay, we're gonna go with the flow, but you're gonna set personal boundaries for yourself of what you're willing to accept and non accept. And then once you set those personal boundaries for yourself, if that person is not willing to move with the flow you're trying to flow, you move on, but you don't have to have a flow. You can't just be so rigid in the beginning on the first conversation and say I'm going with the flow. Now I want kids. So that ain't gonna work. It

ain't gonna work. I'm just staying. So that's the question. The question I have is are you still around, You're still going with the flow or what? It's only been like six months? So you've been going with the flow for six months? Hold on, sammerdown, summerdown. You met somebody with the flow nineties? Six months? Oh my god, I want to live in another state. Don't talk this young lady live in another state, like, I will not allow it. What I'm saying is in six months at least we've

been going with more than a flow. Now, well, he also lives at a state. I'm twenty five. I was saying, we was going with for eight years. That's what you call it. That's cut us podcasts, everybody. I appreciate the time. Well, I'll be damned, no, no, no, the flow all right, but that's news to me. You see, I told you you're always constantly learning about your partners. So I'll learn something we do tonight, all right. So what we're gonna be doing for the rest of our lives. It's going

with the flow. Why you ask this, dusk, It's a valid question. Ahead. That's gonna be a new hashtag when y'all see gold with the Flow under my pictures on Instagram. Down you know where it's started, right, I'm just out here in this freestyle and going with My words were taken out of context. It was the network they played that clip. I don't know what We're gonna have a great aversion when a shady boots, shady boots, shady boots. Listen, listen, listen,

tread lightly. You asked him, right, where are we going? How about rather than asking him you tell him where you want to go? Tell him where you want to go. I'm all right, so where we're going? So there you go. Question. I think we had time. Maybe one more. All right, let's see seys. What's up? Hi? CoDeeN? Hi? What's your name? Dominique? Dominique? What's going on this? Hi? The bell? You know, I'm

waiting for her to say, shut up the bell? But everybody kind of late, I'm sorry, everybody kind of segued into the question. I'm a singleton us. But the biggest thing in my last relationship was just dealing with We were both professionals. He had a PhD. I have my d v M. All right, wonderful, we're on our careers. We graduated in the same year. But it was just this kind of how do you not overbear the relationship? How do you keep things kind of handled? Because I'm like,

you are at my level. We're about both at each other's level. But he always was insecure. So as a woman in the relationship, how or as a man, well, this gonna happen with a woman too, How do you guys maintain that balance of not making someone feel like they're less achieved than the other. It's funny, and I talked about this a lot, and it's not in terms of a level of one having more achievements than the other.

I think the things that we've struggled with more recently, it's like, for example, as business partners, our style of

doing things, which is funny. I won't go into too much detail, only because we just did a podcast like on this for about season three, so uming season three is gonna be out our second y'all No March fourth, March four, so I know March fourth um, But there was many times that because the VAL's method and process in doing things was different than mine, he would sometimes either look down on it or he would not take me seriously in that moment, and for me, I then

ended up feeling like I was inadequate or I was the lesser of the two because I was working through my own process to get things done. Now, I dealt with procrastination a lot, and I've said that before many times, so he saw sometimes when I was really trying to get stuff done, it was just me being a procrastinator, but in turn, I was actually working through my process to get things done. I work differently. I'm a last

minute kind of person. I'll bang it out and I'll get that A on that paper, because you know, people just function and operate differently. So one thing that we had to do more recently was kind of give each other space to to be able to be our own entities. And I think the lions got blurred for us a lot because being together eighteen years, married almost ten, A lot of times the lions get blurred and then in turn causes a lot of resentment. Intention So that's how

we've dealt with it recently. Is to kind of give each other space to do our own thing, and then we'll touch face when necessary, because it was taking a toll on our marriage now because when I was dealing with him as a business partner, I'll be pissed at something he did then and then it carries over to me being his wife. So at that point, don't touch me,

don't kiss me. I want to look at you. I want to spend time with you because I'm still mad about what happened when we're on the clock, and then I had to learn, you know what did that. Sometimes we have to punch out and know how to divide and separate the two. Thank you. I agree he's gonna through everything. I stayed from here on out going with the flood. Absolutely. Valentine's Day is flying. No, I agree. We put a boundary in our marriage and said and

we we prefaced everything by saying this. I'm speaking as a business partner. So with everything I say at this point, you know I'm talking about the business. I don't ever want to be punished as a husband for something I say as a business partner. Once you begin to separate that, you start to realize that the person that's speaking to you, was speaking to you from a different per a different

purpose than he is is your husband or wife. So as partners, I wouldn't get so caught up in the degrees and what you do for your hustle because, like Dan said, her hustle is different than mine, but we're both hustling. If you're both hustling and working together, continue to work together. But you got to put that barrier in the middle at some point in the day and say, Okay, now I'm just your lover, I'm your best friend, I'm your homie. Let's talk about something else. If you separate it,

you'll be able to find that divide and communicate effection. Yeah, but of course, still offer encouragement because we all need a little encouragement motivation every now and again. You know what kind of separate the two for sure? Okay, thank you, thank you. We got time for one more question, more question, Sorry y'all, y'all gonna email us dais at gmail dot com and we'll get to tell us you at the show, so we know for sure that y'all at the show.

Thank y'all for coming up. Hey guys, knowing my name is Ontario, Ontario. Hey there where my fiance ten years. I got a simple question. It's like the hardest thing when it comes to food and you ask each other what you want to eat and the female says, I don't know what he saying. When it comes to food and you asked her what she wants to eat, she says, she don't know. You pick, and you pick something and I don't want that. I'm gonna be a hunt's honest.

When I asked her what she want to eat, she knows what she wanna eat, like she knows I'm listening. I think that's give her grace. She asked you to pick, you pick something, she don't like what you pick, give her grace to change your mind. And then once she changed your mind, say okay, David, because I'm gonna tell you right now. In marriage, sometimes there is just no who fucking answer, brute like it's no answer. Sometimes I'm telling the truth. Bro, you're gonna rack your brains trying

to out. Stop trying to rack your brain. Understand that y'all a very different beings, that'd be different. So when she started doing stuff like that, just look at just remember why you love kay. See what I'm saying, Maybe finishing you try to sentences and all that. Okay, that's something simple like that. That's mine. Don't need a trip on that. That was quick. We actually got time for one more. Somebody having in the way. Yes, I was yo, I wasn't letting y'all go shout out to Ferrick Paddicky

Jim straining the boys. My wife is here. She didn't even know that I was down here. I told I was coming to get a drinking a live. She's right there. You left your wife, wife because I got a serious question, wife, serious? Is it gonna get you back home tonight? Or you're gonna have to much gonna cost? But it don't matter how much sense is enough? Listen? We got to meet in Greek tickets, So if you don't want to answer

it right now, make sure you answer it later. Please, I got another one, so listen, um, all right, listen when you are amen? Who is as attracted to your wife as I'm attracted to my life? Enough? Right enough, with respect, with respect, I don't blame you, so all right? Enough is never enough. You see the woman that you've fallen in love with, you only get to choose one that you want to marry. You want to give for

that love all the time. So to be honest, she could give it to you every day, every other day, it's never gonna be enough because you're always gonna want more. You under want more. It's the truth. Right. But here's the thing, right, And this is what I had to learn. Our bodies are made differently, very very differently. There are things that I'm able to do and get up for that she can't necessarily get up for every single day, right, And he's not. He has no problems getting up for anything.

So it takes a certain level of discipline to be in a monogamous relationship and find happiness as a man. I'm telling you that it's not it's not easy. It's not easy. But what you gotta remember is if you tell her and she works hard enough to help you as much as she can, you gotta be appreciative of it because there's no other option, or it's death. You see,

I had to come close to me death. It don't matter because to be honest, there was a point where we were trying to do it every day and full transparency. Her body couldn't take it. Her body, she physics Lee could not take it. She was getting sick. We had to go to the doctor. There were things happening, and I'm like that, but I was putting it on it. I was putting it on her. I was putting I wouldn't want to be your girlfriend. I was we y'all

think about it. We've been together since eighteen Imagine how much test stops there on. She had to deal with eighteen NFL and then how many times I had to reinvent the wheel after kids, after all those different things. Ladies out there with kids, y'all know how it goes. It's not Listen, it's not it's not easy. And and this is the truth. There has to be a certain amount of empathy as a man for your wife, and there has to be a certain amount of empathy as

a woman for your men. If y'all can express that empathy and continue to work to make that spark happen, there's never gonna be a number that I can tell you that's gonna be exact. Y'all just got to continue to work. Because we've been together eighteen years, we still have this debate. It never goes away, It never ever goes abait. We debated about this last week. Last week, Bro last week. So just love on your wife and

I will give you this one tip. Find out ways that can make her get in the mood when she may not want to be in the mood, you know. But for us, we have these conversations and we talk about it bluntly, and that's how we get through it. We're able to laugh about it now and make jokes. But the ship wasn't always funny and still ain't funny what we still talk about it now, so it would be the same thing. Should be funny to some time. Don't be funny as long as funny is what you

knocking my shoes with it, that's what's funny. But my wife love you guys. We moved that here because we all thank you so much out in here because of us. Yeah, we heard Johan, he's John Ty of her in the show, so happy, Oh damn, oh goodness, and we moved to l An It's right. We might circle back, Like I said at the top of the show, we might circle Yeah. Nah, you don't follow us, why causing all this trouble with this sexual you won't even live here. I hope y'all

single women chumping sides we get outside. Nah, Hey, everybody, thank you so much for being here with us. We love y'all. Give yourself to a round of applause. Bryant Short and Junior. Come on, Ryan, give a round of applause for Brian Shorty. Julia, give a round of applause for Djae I huge thank you to everyone who came out to our Atlanta show. We can't wait to be back and do it again. Let me tell y'all, it was such a good time. It was unbelievable and we

really really love you all. Shout out a t L. Be sure to follow us on social media. That's I am devout and I am Subscribe to dead Ass on Stitcher, Spotify, Apple podcast, or wherever you're listening right now. If you're listening on Apple podcast, make sure you rate and review us dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico and Dinor Opinion. Our executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple and

Kristin Torres. Our Chief content officer is Chris Bannon. Our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and Last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen's We'll Back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to the Distraction, right now. It's out. Do it. Please,