Listener Letters with Gizelle Bryant & Robyn Dixon

more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead adds is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead

Ass starts right now. Typically we don't really do a story time for listen to letters, but I feel like this story is extremely valuable before we listen to people's stories. Okay, it's about our sons. We have four, you know, Jackson Kira cast Kota right, And I've learned a lot about human behavior and people over the last eleven years. As we've had more children, you start to realize that no matter how you raise all of your kids, certain children

will respond to certain things differently. And what is teaching me is to have empathy for everyone else in the world, because it don't matter how someone grew up. They may respond to something a certain way, and you don't have the right to tell them how to respond. For example, you follow us on social media, you know that recently our dog died, right, Kingston Kingston was fifteen years old.

Kingston was officially the first son that we had. I bought Kingston four k in two thousand and seven when we were living in Michigan by ourselves. Long story short with um. That was the same year that Sean Taylor was murdered at a breaking at a home invasion, and he was playing in the NFL at the time. People from his you know, inside of his people thought that he was well and away game broke into the house. He happened to be there because he was on injured

reserve for the rest of the year. Someone fired a gun and he was shot in the artery. I believe or he was stabbed in the artery in his leg and he ended up dying arrest in p Shawan, Taylor. But at that time I was living at in Michigan with Kadeem and we were living in fair Land across from the mall, and people knew that we lived there, and it made me kind of wonder, like, how, you know, how would I defend myself if someone thought I wasn't home and came and did it a home invasion? So

I ended up buying a gun. Kadin wasn't big on guns, and she was just like, I don't want to live in a house with a gun. So I bought Kingston at the time at the time, now things have changed, not not if she has kids, she's a completely different person. When I bought Kingston, at first he was a ten pound ship too. Then I bought Achilles. Achilles a hundred forty pound mastiffs, so if anybody broke into the house, they were the odd couple. So if anybody broke into

the house, they would have to deal with Achilles. Of course he's a huge mastiff. But that's just the b story. The A story is Kingston passed away, so all of our children, no Kingston, but they all grew up loving King's birthday. October one, UM, and he just turned fifteen, UM. And he died a couple of days after he turned fifteen. So he died in New York. We lived in Atlanta. He was staying with Candee's brother, Tristan. Shout out to Tristan, and he took care of great care of Kingston. And

I was like, think, I gotta tell the boys. So now we go to tell the boys, and I do that, right. We had to keep my dad from telling the boys because my dad is like the Green Reaper. He likes to just tell bad news. He just doesn't with the most like straightforward way, like he doesn't cushion it. He's just like, oh yet the dog died. That's actually a good little in thing to put there for what happens after this, right, because your father's thing is with not

even with just dogs, when people die. Right when his mom passed, he said, you know people day, you know they live, they have a day. These things happening happen. You want to have a drink. He invite his friends over their line. You go to work the next day, Like that's just how father is very practical, and we say I used to say all the time, like you don't have a heart. How can you just you just don't have a heart? How were you raised? Right? Cut too.

We gotta tell the boys, and what I'm gonna say right now happened verbatim, no exaggeration. You know, I'll be putting a hunt it on ten, but this is no exaggeration. And everything that happened I predicted to Codeine that it was going to happen this way. Cayro and Jackson came downstairs first, and I said, let me tell these two because these two are the most emotional, right, So I said, Jackson is gonna ugly crying because Jackson is a very

empathetic person. And then Cairo was going to see Jackson ugly cry and start crying because he's like, oh, if Jackson's crying, it must be important. And then cast is just gonna ask me if he can watch the thundaments like Cash is just not gonna care. Right, So they come downstairs, Jackson and Cairo, and I say, guys, I have something to tell you, and they're like, what happened? I said, Kingston passed away right, Cairo breaks out Jackson tried to be tough, right, he's looking at me shaking

his head. I said, bro, your dog died. If there's any reason in the world to cry as a man as if your dog die, all right, so go ahead and cried. So he so the two of them crying. Right here comes cast drove it downstairs, comes downstairs, stands up. What happened? Cairo goes, Kingston passed away? Cat goes, No, he didn't. Kingston died because Kingston is old. And when you owe, you did dead. So Kingston died. Daddy, can

we watch the thundaments? Just like that? He literally did it just like that, And the parents and me first looking at him like your little sociopath, like you have no feelings. You don't see that your brothers are going through something right now. But then I had to check myself and I had to realize, like I need to

understand that everything doesn't affect everybody the same way. So let me not judge him and make him feel guilty for not feeling the same way, and just accept the fact that he is more practical when it comes to death, all right. And also and also made me realize that I need to hide all the sharp objects around cash because he has no feelings. Right, We have feelings, y'all, Okay, don't have a little easier than others. I have no feelings alone. And I say all that to say this.

We're about to read these listener letters, right, So when y'all listen to these listener letters, have empathy for these people, all right, don't judge them because everybody goes through things and handle things differently. Just because someone's gonna stay in a relationship with somebody for five thousand years that they know they shouldn't be in, and right in and ask us if we think they should stay in that relationship,

don't judge them. Okay, have empathy. Right. We're gonna make a joke or two, but it's coming from a very very good place. Absolutely, absolutely, So we're gonna take a quick break, absolutely, and then we have some special guests when we come and dive into these listen letters. All right, y'all. So we're gonna dive right in to my favorite portion of the show because I'm nosey as hell and i'd be wanting to know your business and you'll be writing in so I'm well within my right to read out

these listener letters that we have today. Um, we dedicate usually one episode per season to just really diving into you guys, writing in and seeing what you need help with. You know what you need our two cents on and we thought it would actually be fun to bring in two special guests on the show for us today to just get their two cents. So we got two cents, We got two cents, and we got how what's the math on net six cents? How come we only got two cents where they get two cents each? Two cents?

That's you gotta split our two cents because we're married, no money because we're the guests. Extra sense. Yeah, there we go. All right, So that's about six cents we have today, y'all. Okay, not like the movie though. UM. Here to help us get Reasonably shady with these inness the letters are two of the stars of the Real Housewives of Potomac and hosts of the podcast Reasonably Shady, Giselle Bryant and Robin Dixon. Welcome, ladies, Thank you. It's

such a pleasure to be here with you all. You all are beautiful and amazing, So thank brav It's beautiful and just so beautiful that we're sharing. I hear a makeup artist Robin and Giselle Nellie. Yes, I know. Once I saw she started working with you ladies, I was like, oh my god, the canvas though, these canvases are beautiful. It can buy. I wouldn't know, head right, canvases sounds awesome. So we're so sweet and had a good time for this weekend. I love that. I know you guys have

been super busy. Bravocn is out the way. Um, you're just making a bunch of appearances. How did that go? Insane? I have never been as I feel like my voice is hoarse, like I've never been so tired in my life. But it was. But but it was like so exhilarating. I told like I told my husband. I was like, I feel like I felt like Michael Jackson, like walking through the mention because the fans would just like they would see you and they start running after you and

screaming and you know, trying to get a selfie. And I was like, oh my god, this is insane. You know, we're used to people wanting to take a picture of us, but when you put thirty of them in one building, it's off the hook. But it was. It was awesome. And then to see all the other Bravo talent and you know, you don't know them, but you know them because because you're all are on the same network. It

was really cool. It's always it's always nice to know that people are watching, you know, because we do the show and we just carry on, but people are watching, they're invested, they love it, they love all of our craziness. So it was just nice to be up close and personal with people that know every scene from season one, they can recide it back to us. That's a great it's a great feeling. So that's a question. What made you guys decide to get into the podcast? Lane, Oh

my gosh, that was all Robin. So we were in the COVID in the pandemic or the ers, and we really didn't have anything to do, and Robin was like, let's get on Instagram live and just so we did that a couple of times and people would comment and say, you know, you guys should have a podcast. And Robin called me and was like, girl, we need to have

a podcast. And I was like, okay, Now, Robin and I have never listened to our podcast, and so we didn't even Yeah, we didn't even know what we're getting ourselves into, but we were like, let's do it, and um, it's been great. Yeah, and it's it's been really cool because on our podcast, like we don't talk about the show. We would love to talk about the show, especially while it's airing, but we really don't talk about the show. So the listeners are really able to get to learn

us even better. Um because on the show, you you know, you only see but so much of our lives and our personalities and all that. So um on the podcast, I mean, they they you know, right in and they're just like, oh my gosh, y'all are so funny. I feel like, y'all are my girlfriends. You know, people look at me crazy because I'm walking down the street cracking up.

And so it's been you know, rewarding for us to hear from people because they love you know, it's like they're connecting with us on a on a deeper level and not a show level. Absolutely. Who came up with the name reasonably shady? Who came up with that name? Because Robin? That was because I didn't know how got shady. I didn't know that I'm lying. I'm within reason, Okay, within reason, Yeah, And I'm so I'm technically I'm generally the reasonable one. Like I'm always trying to find the

good in something, or I don't jump to conclusion. I'm trying to wait till I see all sides of a story to really, you know, give my give my opinion. So I'm the reasonable one. That is the shady one. She is instantly, doesn't matter what it is. She's junk shady. I love that. It's a perfect age. Yeah, but but I still have shady in me. But I'm I have reasonable shade. She's just shady. Love that I love. That sounds like the perfect marriage because over here we have

our fair share shade shade. Earlier, talking about my air pods was dusty because I don't want to to use my interpods. They were dusty. They had a bunch of air. Sometimes your wife just be your biggest d You know what I'm saying as I closed my air podcast, like, don't look at mine either. Alright, y'all, let's jump into these listeners. Letters. So I always tell people when y'all write in, first of all, don't send me two sentences and expect me to make up the rest of the story.

So then now they took that ship to heart and they'd be writing these long dissertations, so be prepared. At least we'll hopefully have enough context to be able to give them what they need. Okay, you want to read the first one. I read the first one. Alright, go for it. Here we go. Good evening. I'm in the Navy. This year. I've decided that I'm done. I will not

re enlist and keep doing something I don't love. I've been in it for ten years and my current contract ends in two I have things I don't I have things I want, I want done before the day comes, and I have plans for whatever gets done after. I've had a few girlfriends during my time in the Navy, but no relationship over a couple of months, and all of them approached me first. I'm excited to start the rest of my life, and I would like to have a good woman to do it with. But I am

hilariously inexperience and approaching women. My question is where do I begin to start when it comes to building that confidence to break the ice and asking her out on a date when I see a woman worth it? Uh So this is a good question because he's able. He was able to get a woman's experience, three women's experience, and then a man's experience. So I'll let you ladies go first. How could he work on building his confidence? I love to see a picture due because you know

it starts right. You know, we could say it, bro, you need to like hair, you need to wear better clothes. Um. But if it's just like, you know, a conversation. I always find that a joke always wins. So if he could come to her with like something that's funny and she laughs, Yeah, I was. That was my first thought as well. But I mean it has to be a good joke, right, But I mean I'm wondering. So he's us he's saying the women come to him all the time.

It's like he's saying the women women come to him him. Okay, let me let me just tell the dudes out here you know that that are scared or shot to approach women. Listen, you just gotta understand you're going to get shot down. You might get shot down ten times and then that twelfth time. You know, the eleventh time, you're you're going

to win. Because I've shot down a many of guys and they just take the punches and they keep on moving and they go on to the next and you see him, you know, he might be in a party. You see them work in a party. They get shot down again, you can see them. And then finally somebody I hate. Yeah, I hate to break it to them, You're you gotta just go for it because you will get rejected. You're gonna get shut down. People are not

gonna have time, they don't want to talk whatever. But you're going to find that person that will connect with you. So you just gotta try. Yeah, I would have to say the biggest thing is understanding that people's quote unquote rejection doesn't have anything to do with you. You know, most of the time, people have their own things they're going on, and they project whatever they're going on in

that day on people. So if someone says, no, I'm not interested, that doesn't mean that you're not a good person. You may one not be that person's preference or to that person could be having a bad day or three. Like you said, that person could not be having time for me. What I tell my young men that I mentor what I'm telling my sons is you gotta just focus on being the best version of you and be

confident when you woke up to a woman. It don't matter if you got on suspenders, if you got on the tuch seed though, if you got on a naval outfit. If you woke up confident with your shoulders back and your head high and you got a nice joke, you know what I'm saying, She's gonna violitely be laughing, Kiki. But if you walk in all like small, like you're you're not sure, that's the quickest way to turn the

woman off if you don't seem sure. Yeah, usually insecurity insecurities can speak really loudly when you're just approach to someone. So a lot of times, like when you said, I want to see what he looks like, I'm like, yeah, of course, because it's like the approach, the energy that he brings before he even opens his mouth. A lot of times that has something to say about it, right, Yeah. You know what I think would be helpful is if

guys just get straight to the point. I hate that little stupid small talk when they're trying to like pretend like they're not trying to talk to you, but trying to see if you're going to like give him an opportunity. Just get straight to the point and be like, you know what, I spotted you. I think you're beautiful. Um, is there an opportunity for us to get to know one another, Like, just get straight to the point before

I like stupid. Uh I want to say, I like stupid small talk, because yeah, I'm telling you, one thing you should do is go get stuff as a man and start approaching women and just being like, hey, I think you're attractive. Can we go on a date? They're gonna be like, uh, that was that I would get all their numbers. Listen, my brother, My brother and I look exactly the same, and women think he is so handsome, so I would get all their numbers. I bet you.

I bet you. You You don't approach him, like that's the really I don't, And you know, and maybe it's because, like I've always been in a relationship and I'm like, dude, you're really wasting your time talking to me, like get to the point. So maybe it's because like I'm not even like I'm really not trying to talk to you. And if you're sitting here doing all this little stupid small talk when you're just trying to get my number, like just beat it, you know what I mean. That's

my perspective. And I haven't been in a relationship for a hundred years, like robbing, And so when I approached, I like all into the small talk because I got I like small talk because I feel like small talk and tell you a lot about a person. Absolutely can tell you whether they're they're witty, whether they're smart, whether you know you can have a long term conversation with them. Um, so I'm here for the small talk game. So that's gonna be my tip for guys. Get your small talk

on a point, get that thing on point. Listen. I ain't even gonna lie. Small talk does for us. It's the same thing when we're evaluating a woman, right, It starts with looks. Of course you attracted you you approach

someone you're attracted to. But when you start the small talk, if she can't hold the conversation either, A lot of men are kind of like she's pretty, but and'll let you know which category she falls in, right, because if she's the pretty girl who can't have small talk, who doesn't seem intelligent, then you might get a date and whatever after the date. But then if you find, yeah, you get smash and that's it. But if you wom it's like, wow, she really intrigued me mentally. It's like,

you know what, let me go on another date. Let me see if this is the type of woman that I could spend the rest of my life with. So small talk is important, but they in no small talks dating smash that one. Well, good luck to this young man. I love when guys right into because I feel like, listen, letters are always usually like heavily women writing in. But when the guy's writing and I'm like, okay, they're they're they're taking a stab at trying to be a better,

better gentleman. Right, So let's dive into the second one. Oh lord, child, this one long, this sense just like a story. All right, Hey, getting into vow. My husband and I have been together since two thousand thirteen, so that's nine years married in two thousand, eighteen four years. My husband is currently a stay at home dad, and I provide financially. I grew up in a household environment where the women did a lot of the work and always put everyone first and didn't ask much for themselves.

As long as their husband and children were happy, They were happy. I've been accustomed to this, and I feel like this is how I'm supposed to be as a woman. I don't ask for help. If I need something high I'm only five ft, I just get something to knock it down, or a step school one, because I'm usually faster at doing that. And too, I don't want to inconvenience my husband to have him stop what he's doing or make him get up when he's relaxing right now.

We're also on a budget, so I'll let my husband and child get their wants and needs, and I don't ask for much. My husband says it makes him feel like I don't need him because I do everything myself. I don't ask him to help or allow him to buy me things. The things he wants to buy me are usually more his style and more pricedier than I would spend because I don't see the worth in it.

For example, a fifty is nail polished bottle. I'm perfectly fine buying a five to tend five to ten different colors of a cheaper brand because they're gonna chip off anyway. He says, since he's not providing financially, he feels inadequate and me asking him for help or allowing him to buy me things would make him feel like he's at least contributing to my happiness. But she's still buying stuff on her home money though. I don't get that right because he's to say, at home dad, he's not working.

How do I break out of the habit and mentality of I got this or I don't want to inconvenience him, so I don't ask. I've always been independent and if I do something, I'll figure it out. If I can't do something, I'll figure it out. How do I allow him to do these things without losing my own independence? Another part of me doing things on my own is my childhood environment. The women did everything to take care of their men, and they didn't have to lift a finger.

I want my husband to feel needed and wanted, but also want to keep my independence and self worth in knowing I don't need anyone to take care of me. Thank you for your advice and your inspiring podcasts and family. M hmmm, lady, look at your one thing. I'm gonna talking about yourself. You're gonna know what her answer. Just

end our body language. Now, this this is really good. Though, This is really good because I think that, you know, society has shifted a little bit and that there are more women making more money than men, right, and we do feel as women a sense of independence and a sense of strength from that. Um. But that is not good for a relationship. I think. I think a man feels them emasculated. I think that let him go on about that fifty dollar mail polished, which I've never seen before.

By the way, I'm very intrigued by saying I haven't even said that same, but like, let's right, let let him buy that and be happy and excited that he's doing that for you, even though you feel like it's a waste of money. Um, But you got to give the man something that he feels like he's in charge, that he is contributing, that he is doing something to make him his lady feel, um, a sense of security, and that he is making her happy. Like you know,

I am the biggest independent woman on earth. And I've learned later in life that I gotta like make up shipped to like allow to God to feel like helping me out, even I fee himself. But I gotta give it to him anyway so that they feel like they're contributing. Um. So I get where she's coming from, but like, let him be a man, just let him do it. I mean, first of all the fact that he's but the fact he's to stay at home dad, I think like that's

a major contribution. So I think you should probably maybe um acknowledge that a lot with him, you know, just like reinforce that, tell him, you know how important he is to to her the family, and and she can't do what she does without him being a stay at home dad. Like, so she's got to like pump his his ego up in that sense. Um, I get what she I get where she's coming from. Where she's like, I just do it myself because I'm the I'm that type of person. I'm like, if I want something, I'm

do it. I don't I don't need, you know, anyone to do things for me because I'm gonna figure out how to do it. Um, But I do think, um, yeah, she just needs a let she needs to let him lead and he can. She needs to let him if he wants to treat our nice, let him treat our nice. But mostly like she just needs to just pump his head up and just tell him how important he is to um just the daily, you know, being able to do what she does. She can't do what she does

without him taking care of their kids. So what I wonder though, is is she genuinely happy in herself being this for their family, Because it doesn't read that she's just like, this makes me so happy to be of service to my husband in this capacity and do all of this for my family. She's saying it more like she's been conditioned to do this because this was the

norm that she grew up in. So it doesn't read and here at all that the reason why I'm doing this is because it just is so fulfilling for me, and it makes me so happy to do it. It's giving more just like that's just what I've seen growing up. Well, this is this is what I believe. I feel like even in this generation, Like Gesell said, earlier, society has changed. Right, socio economically, things are way different. The women she why

growing up probably weren't out earning their husbands. So those women might have been stayed at home moms or might have worked part time, so their contribution was to do everything for their husband that their husband was out working a nine to five or twelve hour days. But when your husband is home with the kids and then you come home and tell him I'm gonna take her everything. So she's been out working a nine to five and

then she has to come home. That's a difference a different socio economic system that women are existing and in today's time, for example, you can't ask a woman to be, for example, an old school type of woman if you don't provide old school values right and old school values are provided that a man goes out and work in a man, a woman stays at home if she wants to. Like for example, in our household, I earn more than enough money for both me and my wife to not work,

but my wife wants to work. So when she works, she works. She wants to make her own money. She makes her own money. But since I provided her with the opportunity some of the traditional things that I want in a wife, that when I come home, she doesn't have a problem doing it because she feels a freedom and comfort. Asking a woman to do both both be an earner and be a homemaker when she gets home

to me is just unfair. And I think for him, that feeling of inadequacy comes from naturally feeling like, wait a minute, what am I doing here? I'm gonna stay at home dad. Plus when my wife comes home, she doesn't need me either. She does everything like and and she really can't talk him out of feeling that way. He would have to get his ass up and do something like. I feel like all people just need their own purpose that man or woman like, everybody needs their

own purpose. And it's not on your partner to make to tell you like, hey, you're everything I need. Now you gotta figure out who you are on your own, or she always gonna feel inadequate. So I just think he needs to work on his self esteem a little bit, and she needs to be this this was from her or from him, This is from yeah, So she needs to tell him go get a job, get a job the kids. Look, you know, you know I'm not mad

at that. I'm not mad at that. If you want to buy me mes nail polish, right, go get a job so you can buy me nail polishy with your money. If I'm working my ass off and then I come home to take care of you, and then you said you want to make me feel better about getting money from me to buy me stuff real quick Yeah, that's what's the pen like, you know what I'm saying. It didn't Yeah, it didn't sound like she was complaining though

that I'm wondering, she's just right. He's complaining, complaining if she's right, If she's right, and then she is complaining like if she's right, and then she is complaining. But I'm waiting for the resentment to start to build. At some point, there's going to be some resentment building for sure. But Robin did have a point. No, No, I was just gonna say, if I'm working, i come home, I'm resentful. You have to get up and be doing about something.

Make that helf busy. Yes, I'll feel you that. I feel you in that Kadena and I have gone through do that thing where it's just it's just whoever's out for the day, and when they come home and that person is just home, you just be looking at them. Why you just descread it though, to stay at home parent, because we know what it's like to sit at home and be with kids home all day. Like it looks as if I'm home and I'm coming I'm crazy, I'm sleeping all day, But no, I'm running after kids and

doing household ship. You know what I'm saying that she did she say did she said? She said my husband and child. I let my husband and child. One was my argument. I want her to never write in again. Okay, ridiculous. Robin had a point though. Robin's point was, it doesn't sound like she's complaining, right, it doesn't sound like she's like she doesn't have a problem with herself, but her husband is the one with the problem. So let's just

think about this, right, just think about it. Psychologically, she's the one that goes to She's the one that feels like she has to give them everything they want, and now she feels like she has to fix her husband. There is something there. She's not complaining, but there is something if she feels she sees all the things that are wrong, and she's asking us to tell her, you

know how we can fix this. But now, so your husband stays at home and he wants the money to buy you gifts, and now he has a problem with he feels inadequate. That there's something wrong there. Now there's something she's not complaining, but she's pointing it out. Yeah, she's complaining. He's leaving something out. But it's definitely It's definitely deep, and I think as the longer goes on, it's going to be frustrating for both of them. It's better, it's better for her to let go let him do

some things around the house. But also it's something to get a job. Yes, yeah, it's just I want to see my man providing and feeling that sense of security and comfort and just on, okay, man, did the check clear? That's what I want to you know, I do that. I do that sometimes just to like to like get her all excited. I go up, I go outside and I opened up like the hood of the car, and I just rubbed my hands on everything so it would get dirty. And then I just come back in the

house like you just had to fix the carburetor. Meanwhile, we have an electric we haven't electric cars, so there's nothing under there. I like a husband that can look at that wiping my hands on that for us. Okay, number three this is this is a novel here all right. Hello Codeine and Devout. First and foremost, I wanted to say that I love you guys so much and we

love you too. Thank you. You two are really amazing in your podcast has really helped me live a better life for myself, and it's giving me different aspects for how to raise my child. So thanks for that. I thank you. You're so welcome, my monkey. To start off this story. Whenever, whenever someone puts off the start off this story, you know this is about to be wild. To start off the story. I really need help with

my relationship. I don't know what to do, and there's so much to say, but I'm gonna try to give it. Give you the shortest version. Okay, she's already two paragraphs and we know nothing. My husband and I have been together for five years, married for four short time. I know, right, but I think we have come to the end of our role in our relationship. The damage has been done. We have been to three counselors and still can't get it right. I think it's him, he thinks it's me,

someone on, and so forth. She's very, very articulate and extremely colorful with his writing. The disrespect between these past few arguments leaves current convos short and sometimes just unresolved. We barely have sex maybe once or twice a month. I'm just not in the mood anymore. I feel like I've been hurt so many times. And I don't feel like I can be vulnerable with him anymore. It seems

like I'm living with my enemy. I've tried everything, guys, but I'm the only one who seems to be putting any actual effort to try to make changes, and I get nothing from him. He huffs and puffs every time I try to talk, and we'll say whatever he wants to hurt me and lashes out from time to time. On top of that, no conversation ever gets finished because if he doesn't like what I said, he gets up and walks away. Damn, it doesn't matter if she's still going, wow,

I already got it. What's happening here? Uh? It doesn't matter. If I come to him with some respect, watch my tone or lower my voice, I get the same results. He was really interested in counseling and told me that he didn't believe in it, which makes me feel like the three counselors were a waste of time. Nor was he really an active participate in our sessions either. The situation has been going on for almost two years. They've

only been married for four years. We never go out as a couple of our family stopped like yo yo, let me tell you something about Gazelle. Gazelle laugh, she's going full hard, She's gonna Okay, I'm sorry. I feel resentment because how he treated me in the beginning, as beginning has all changed. He used to be the sweetest guy. I'm talking demand of my dreams. I thought I wouldn't ever want to be with anyone else in the world. This is until I moved in with him and realized

who he truly was. But now I feel like he knows that he's got me, and he thinks I probably won't go anywhere, But I'm starting to think otherwise. We have a baby together, he's almost two, and I don't want to separate our household and raise myself alone. I can't even afford it if I wanted to. I'm twenty six. I'm twenty six and he's thirty one, and I've been okay, oh, I have an okay paying job. But you know, when you're from New York or you're from New York and

oh man, that's tough. And she said that Jersey Rent be busted. That is, by the way, But back to the story. We're going back to the story. Oh wow, okay, um, what's her question? I really have strong thoughts about being with someone else. I know there's someone out there that would treat me better and not degrade or continuously disrespect me.

Our last convo was the final straw. I have had brain fog from COVID, intends to stutter and can't think of words the same conversations, and he made sure that he laughed at me, that's fucked up, made fun of the fact that I fight this nick let me not even going there, made fun of the fact that I couldn't speak, and told me that this is my sister. He get hands put on him, I should get my ship together and then come to him. I was hurt. Guy's honestly hurt. I know the damage has been done

on both sides. I am far from perfect. Okay, I'm not gonna read it. She still has a lot good. She wants to know should I leave, should I stay? What should I do? I really wish I could stay, she said, would I'd be wrong for telling him that I think an open marriage would be the best thing for us at this point or for me? Or should I follow divorce and deal with the consequences and call it a day. Oh my gosh. Okay, I know that's a lot, Like what do you do when you truly

feel like there's nothing left? Well? In open marriage? And as she was reading, I was like, could just leave and then pop in, Oh we have a two year old? Oh we lived together. I can't afford the rent is expensive And that's where that's her problem. It's like she's I think if you didn't have the child, if you didn't, if you weren't able to live on your own, then you would have been gone. So you yeah, and and what you what she's dealing with right now? Like it's

only going to get worse. Clearly, you've been at three counselors. It's only going to get worse. You have a child. Your child doesn't need to be raised in an environment like that. So I'm sorry she's gonna have to in my opinion, following hard times, Yeah, she gotta like it's it sucks. I don't you know. We don't want to promote divorce and all that. We want to keep our families together. But this is not going to get any better.

She's gonna be miserable, it's gonna get worse. We don't want it to get to a point where it's extremely toxic and you have a child, So do what you can do and figure out how to help to get out of there and file for divorce. This what I mean. She can say if she wants to, but she can stay. But he left a long time ago. Okay, mentally and emotionally, that brother been gone, So it's over. Get your baby and bounce. It's a ratter, and figure out how to

financially make it, make it work. I mean, I'm sure you've got a mama, a grandmama, us and somebody you can stay with until you can get yourself financially on your feet. Um. I mean, this is a no brainer, girl, Bounce, Yeah, I would. I would have to say, you know, the first thing is realizing that they've only been married for four years. A lot of times people just look at time and be like that so long, I've invested so much. And then she has to get rid of that shame

of getting divorced. Right, there's nothing wrong with getting a divorce. Most people stay in a marriage because they're like, I don't want to be shamed by saying I got a divorce. But they think it's feeling. But to be honest, feeling is staying in a relationship where you're underappreciated and being abused. Like these small things right here start off as that type of abuse till that type of abuse isn't enough,

and then it gets to be more. When someone openly wants to make fun of you or degrade you or make you feel like you're less than that's how abuse starts. And then with that no longer works because at some point she's gonna get used to that and ignore it. That's when the abuse goes to another level. And I've seen it so many times and so many of the men and women, and I've I've talked to that. It always starts somewhere and you can see it coming and you say, oh, they'll change if I do more. And

the more you do, the worst they get. I know. The old school approach is like, you know, wait till you're married to move in. But that's why I'm a proponent for living with somebody before you get married and you make that final final decisions. Because she said everything was fine her dreams till they moved in, and then what happens. You're representative that you've representing to this woman the entire time can no longer sustain a living situation.

You know what I'm saying now, the real persons don't come to pass, and it's just like ship. If I had known that living with him was gonna be like this and this is how life was going to be, I might not even married his ass to begin with. I also got to say this though, baby, And let's not forget they only dated for a year before they got married too, so they barely know each other when they got married. But I'm doing a math. She got pregnant,

they got married. The baby is about babies about two years. Yeah, they got married, Well, they've been married for four years. For four years, Okay, fine, my math was wrong. My math was wrong. But if you think about it, it's like they were dating for a year, got married, got pregnant, right, You really didn't know this person. And babies change relationships even people. For example, K and I were together for eight years before we had Jackson, and having Jackson completely

changed the dynamic of our relationship. And this was a woman that I had known for eight years. Imagine you don't know somebody and they get pregnant and then you move in. It's like you've taken all the varials that are possible all those variables and put them in one situation. It's almost a recipe for disaster. So, and she got married. You know, she said she's twenty six, So she got married when she was twenty two. So you really didn't notice. Yeah,

you really didn't notice yourself. You can't know. He's right, you did, she didn't know. She didn't know him. You were way too young to be getting married at two years old. I'm like, and and I want to give her some um encouragement and optimis optimistic, you know, just guidance, Like life evolved, it changes. You grow so much and so yes you're twenty two, but you have so much growing to do, so don't feel like you're stuck. Like,

just look at this experience. Um, you know if it if it ends, and it doesn't end, well just look at it as a learning lesson. It's something to just add to your life story, you know. So, Um, but if you stay imagine if you stay in this relationship for ten more years and you stuck and you're you know, it's toxic. You can't grow, you can't. So yeah, just it's kind to move on. And you don't like her

any more anyway. So it's open. He don't, like, there's no way any any man that would openly just laugh at their significant other, who's who's obviously going through something like brain fog from COVID and stuttering. Like I like to laugh at everybody, right, I love to laugh, But I would never laugh at my wife and she's going through something that firstly trying to hurt her feelings. He might just be the one pushing her out, because you do.

Sometimes the person that wants a divorce sometimes doesn't want to be the one to initiate it. So it's almost as if he seems like he's pushing all these buttons for her to pull the trigger. Just pug. He's thirty one, which means he got married when he was twenty five. Yeah, yeah, like he was one. You got a lot of life, a whole lot of life, mama. Do what's best for you and your baby. Go find your piece, being a

healthy relationship. And you're right if you're twenty six, there's plenty of men out there who would be like, hey, what's up, mama. They're going to start small talk with you, except if you run into robbing. Robin ain't on small Robin gonna walk right up to you and be like, what's up with you need your kids? Why are you both here to the bar? Why are you both here in the bar? You're the kid. See, I'm ready to throw this next Lets this next letter out because it

starts with hello uncle Devala auntie KK. First of all, I ain't y'all what I'm not your aunt. You can call me sis, but I'll be making me feel some kind of way like y'all trying to put me in a certain age bracket. Let me slain something to you. Okay, I'm gonna be honest. We're going to the next You'll can't do that to people, ma'aw. I mean, I like the term of endearman. But let's say listen, del and sis thek There we go, There we go. You could

be old. I'm not gonna be old. Are you on TikTok? Ladies? Are y'all on TikTok? Yeah? You're not on TikTok. You know why I'm not on TikTok. I tried to get on TikTok. My head starting hurt. It was too much stuff going on over there. Yeah, the kids that was on there was between fifteen and twenty two. And all of those kids could be my kids. So when they have to TikTok, you gotta jump in and jump out.

It's not for your it's not for age. You're right to stay on it longer than fifteen seconds an assumption for me. Yeah, that's time spend. I guess, I mean, I guess we're approaching. If you're on the Instagram Facebook group, they're gonna call you auntie that we're Instagram Facebook. You know what I'm saying. So you you are uncle owning you as auntie? Then alright, alright, niece all r. Let me see what my niece gotta say today. Y'all. I

think it's a girl. Are we talking to? I just want to start by saying thank you for every episode you've ever created. This is music to my ears, my everyday ears. My fiance and I have been together since high school, which will be nine years on November six, for two years all right now. We've recently bought a new house and we have one kid together, one on the way. He's literally my best friend and I couldn't see our lives without each other in it. Don't get

me wrong. We've gone through some bad time where we just didn't know if we could make it, but we did. We're planning to get married next year, but when we got pregnant, we really couldn't afford a wedding, which was what we both wanted. I know you talked about if you guys can get married again, you would do it differently. What's some advice that you we should take? Just to say, I do I hope to get a chance. Oh sorry, child, I hope you get a chance to read my letter.

And I can't wait to see you live again in Philly. So what's some advice that we should take into consideration? I guess before they say I do. So. So my first wedding was in two thousand five and we had four people there and it was the time of my life. It was amazing. We had so much fun, so many memories. It was great. But I would never do it again. So you know, now, intimate weddings to me are very nice. Um. I had an intimate wedding. Um, but like three receptions

and then were was just stupid. But um, can you know you gotta explain that. Don't don't bloss over that why we had three receptions? I got to know quirement to Okay, So I got married to this guy's a pastor of a church, so he wanted a reception for the church. So that was Lottie Dottie and everybody that

was probably like five people. Yeah, okay, So I just felt like I felt like, because I had the intimate wedding um, the ceremony, I didn't mind doing all the other receptions because I had like that personal intimate moment, which was important to me because I think a lot of times when people think about weddings, they're thinking about

everyone else, like we're having to a peace. When Valin I got married, we were the first on either side, you know, first like niece and nephew, first grandchild, like we were the first to get married. So all the excitement was around us getting married. So we had a smooth people at our wedding, and the day was never

do that again and never in life. I was like, I don't even know, I don't even know care to know, like half of the people that was there, maybe just a percentage of them that I still talked to, I would never do that again. And at that point for us too, it was like people said, you know, Devot gave me pretty much an option. He said, do you want a house or do you want a wedding? And I was like, well, I want both. Say that though she said, she said, you know, I really want to

winning as you're a girl. You put the pillow cans in your head and you talking about being a bride. And that's when I dreamed of my own time and my whole line. I didn't quite said like she said. She wanted this wedding so bad. And this is the funny part. We had already owned the property in Michigan. When I was playing ball, we bought a house, so

in her defense, we already owned two properties. So but we were living in an apartment in We were living an apartment in Brooklyn because I had got cut, so we were living in an apartment in Brooklyn. And I said to her, we buy a brownstone in Brooklyn, or we would have to live in this apartment for five years while I rebuild so that we can do something else with the resources. And she said, I don't mind staying in this apartment. It's really really nice. I like

it here, ladies, ladies. The minute we came back from the honeymoon, she sat on the edge of the bed right and I was just like, what's what's the matter? Tears come down her eyes. I don't want to stay in this apartment. I was like, really, our wedding course the worst investment, the worst investment I have ever made in my life. But I will say this, I will say this, we had the time of our life and we ended up getting the wedding we wanted and we

have the house we wanted. So we got both. It just didn't happen on the time she wanted it to happen or I wanted to happen. And in between the time from getting the wedding in the house, it was very, very difficult, Like financially we were we were trying to make ends meet, Like it was just a poor investment. We were in mid twenties, like we just had no clue about what we were doing, and we thought we knew everything. So my advice to them would be think

about the marriage, not the wedding. If you focus on the marriage, you'll make a decision that will last more long term. Sinse Yeah, because going into it, it seems like they have a pretty solid, healthy situation going on here. It's just a dilemma over this whole wedding thing. Yeah, I agree, and I've I've seen beautiful images of small,

intimate weddings that looked like they're full of love. You make sure you have the people that you really really really love and wanted to be there, and you know they were able to keep keep it out of really

small budget. And so I think, you know, a lot of people get caught up in the whole like, oh, I want this big wedding to please other people, like you said, and you gotta realize like, no, this, you gotta be smart and big long term and realize that you know, you don't have to please other people, but you can also have a beautiful wedding that you had to create memories, long lasting memories, and you'll be happy with So yeah, so true. People in search of the

Instagram mob moments. Yeah, if you have money to waste, you have money to waste, money to barn, then fall out, have your big wedding with people that you're not gonna talk to ever beginning life. Fall out. But if if that's not how you're living, which is obviously these people that wrote, then you really have to be mindful about what matters, and what matters is you and him, that's it. And the and the babies. M that's that's what matters. So make it makes sense as it relates to people

that love you for a lot. Yeah, I've seen some really cute when it's like Devo's best friend and his wife. Now they up and went to Italy, just the two of them, and she had a beautiful gown. He was in like a tailor custom tux. They had an efficiant, they had a photographer, a videographer out on the Amalfi coast and the flowers. That's I'm speaking it and I'm gonna say this too, right, I'm gonna put to rest the stigma that when it comes to weddings that it's

only women who want to have a big wedding. Because remember what he talked about what people wanted to do, things real big. I'm people, I'm people. The minute Case said to me she wanted to have a big wedding, I was like, all right, so because your ego as a man is fine. All my boys playing ball, what they have for their wives. They had how many courses? We want fourteen courses, we want fourteen courses. And it was just like Mr Ellis, you show I see the positive, baby,

whatever you want you can get. So here, I am trying to be big ball and not having the money because my ego wouldn't allow me to say that. I couldn't. You know, I had to downsize my wedding. So it's not only women fellas. We fall into that too, And I was definitely victim of trying to keep up with the Joneses at that moment, and I regretted it afterwards. Were really invested to I was just like, what's the what's the wedding color is going to because my favorite

color is red? It should be red. And I was like, I was like, why we care? Like you're really invested that much of this wedding and he's like, well, if I'm paying for that ship, you gotta be red. I was like, okay, so harm whispering to the wedding planner the red doesn't go with my yellow. What are we going to make this work? I was? I was a little bit of a diva. Red drawers, my guy, get you some red drawing a day? Well, ship, speaking of calling it a day, it looks like we're gonna have

to wrap with you guys soon. I think we're coming to up. I know, Triple just gave me the the group chat. We got to get to the end of this um. But I would love to have y'all back. I think we were doing We were just on the tip of the iceberg of getting good with some other stuff here too. So yeah, scratching the surface and we love to crush over event let us know for sure. But if y'all come to reasonly shadey, I'll have to understand, it's nothing but shade. I love. I like shady. Actually,

I think it's fun. I guess for the sake of our our people who normally listening, we had to code it with love. But we do agree we like in the moments of shade. So if we have somewhere we can unleash the shade, I'm I'm with it. Our whole podcasts came built of shading. We shaded each other like we we told each other about each other for the first four seasons and we didn't ingesting and love, but we definitely was shading each other. This is definitely like that,

this podcast. I don't know how it's been for you guys, but it's definitely been like therapy for us. We usually have discoveries every episode, like I didn't even know you thought that, or like who are you again? Like this person you know about things some delustional every day every day. But we love y'all so much, Thank you so much. Let everybody know where we can find your podcast, where they can find you your show, what you have going on?

Go ahead and drop that plug. Yes recently Shady podcast. We download episodes or upload episodes every Monday. But we were on any anywhere you can catch your your podcast, Apple, Spotify, all that good stuff, um, Instagram at recently show your podcast what else and catch us on And we're also yeah, we're also on Patreon so um recently on Patreon, so both check that out. And yes, every Sunday, eight o'clock on Bravo TV, The Real Housewives, The Potomac whichever, whichever.

I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I don't have time to watch TV right, but after meeting you guys like this, it does make me want to watch you on TV because I want to see because I'm like, I got a chance to actually see y'all. So y'all are both really sweet, and I know the Housewives they always be going at each other. I don't want to see what does l say to fuck somebody down, because I don't know Robin. Robin is going to be the one. Like listen, guy, she didn't mean it like that.

That's not exactly how she meant that. She might have said your breath stink, but she didn't mean it like that. And she didn't mean your baby was ugly. She didn't mean it. She said it. Lord, check it out. You should definitely watch. We're very entertaining and you're gonna learn a lot about both of us. But okay, that just out. Yeah, the Shady was not least. We have a I am that's for not least. We have a live show, a reasently should Shady Love show in New York November twenty six.

So it's that Thanksgiving weekend. So after you eat that turky on Thursday, then on Saturday at City Winery, we are going to have our Lives show. So you're all in town, come check us out. Beautiful. That would be so dope. Absolutely, I can't wait to sit with y'all again and chat some more. But we're gonna let you go for now. Thank you all for joining us. Thank

you you guys. Sorry, thank you to each and every one of you who have written into our listener letters, and you know, even if you haven't been selected yet, keep writing, keep sending, because I'm sure at some point we will definitely get to your letter. And if you want to be featured as a listener letter and you have not written in yet, email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, that's D E A D A S S A D V I C

E at gmail dot com. All right, I'm on a truth time after getting the Giselle and Robbin's perspective on these listener letters. I hope you guys found some of the advice helpful this time around. I guess my moment of truth is that you know, no one can really tell y'all what to do in these situations. I mean, it's fun for us to listen and to maybe offer a different perspective, but ultimately, you have to live in that body of yours. You have to live in those situations.

You have to live in that life. You have to put your head on that pillow at night and and be we hope content at the very least with the life that you're living. So that being said, I guess you can take our stuff with a grain of salt, or you can take it with the hole enchilada. Hopefully you're doing what makes you happy first and foremost facts.

And I'm just gonna say you right, And I want to add this, being reasonably shady or dead ass can be extremely healthy because once you take the sugar off the coating and you've got to deal with the hard truth, sometimes that's the best medicine, right to take the sugar off. That's cute. Take the sugar off the dry ass cupcake because the cupcakes be dry sometimes? Are you gonna remix my saying? I just said it off the flip? It was a mic drop. Why you had to remix my joints?

Cute though, But I just made me think of like the times when you've had like the icing on the cake and the cake be dry. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Hungry? I think it's lunchtime, y'all, because it is my moment of truth and you're trying to remix my moment of truth. Now we're talking about pastry. Come on, now, ellis that was reasonably shady? Well, you know what you

should do? Then go on social media and find us at dead as the Podcast before I go take this lunch break, and you can find me at Cadeen I Am and I Am Devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe dead Ass and keep writing in. We'd love to hear from y'all.

We love you, Thank you all so much. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing