Letting Go

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There are only two guarantees in life. You will pay taxes and you will die. Anything else that's not serving you, you got to learn to let it go.

Period.

I like that, But what happens when you can't let go?

Like me with you?

Period? Baby.

It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

Be raw, or but most apportantly be us.

But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we, and through it all, one thing has never changed.

This is.

Because we got a lot to talk about.

So every time I'm gona talk to y'all.

By the time when I really had to let go, hey remembers I came home and our whole world change.

It was two thousand and nineteen.

Wit a couple of moments like that, we we did, but it.

Was twenty nineteen. It was January, brand new year coming in. We had a lot of success with social media in twenty eighteen, but I was feeling stagnant, right. And I was in the gym with my year. My year was the girls, the Ladies track coach when I had prototypes. She was working with the ladies doing prototype and stuff, and I was sitting there in the room and she just came over with me. She put her hand on my back and she was like you all right, bro?

And what we have doing.

And I feel like I can't do that because while I'm here in Brooklyn, I can't leave Brooklyn. I have too many things going on. She's like like what I said, Well, I have the nonprofit at PS two seventy two. We own the gym here, we own the basketball court. My wife does make up and stuff like that. And she looked at me and she was like the val sometimes you got to learn to let go.

And I was like, what you mean.

She was just like, all those things that's holding you back is literally holding you back. Like the only way you can go to do what it is that you really want to do is if you let go of everything that's safe here? And I was like, what you mean? She was just like doing the gym stuff here is safe being here and using your brother as a crutch and your family and your friends.

Why I can't leave?

Because how are all of these people going to function if I leave? She's like, that's all safe, that's all. You've giving yourself an excuse to not go and try to do what you really want to do. You got to let that go because if you let them go, they'll be fine, but most importantly, you will be fine.

I don't know. That was just love her and now I love her even the love her even more here in that and that's probably what triggered that was January.

Yeah, we made the decision in April to move to La.

Made the decision in April, and then I ended up booking sisters. Yeah, and we moved to LA and then everything happened here.

We are here. We are the power of let and go. I love that, all right.

Karaoka time karaoke time typically, y'all know, I seen karaoke.

That's not a mature I feel like it's always been kind of like, go ahead, go ahead, lives.

It's been a mixture, y'all know, has it been fifty to fifty?

It's pretty fifty to fifty it is.

So now you know what we're gonna do. You know we're gonna do. We're gonna go back in time. Yeah, and we're going to see all the time that you said, Babe, I'm gonna let you do karaoke because that's your thing.

I can't carry a note.

I mean I can carry a note. But so far, how many episodes we got that doesn't stop?

So we have fifteen in the season. Yes, I'm pretty sure of the fifteen episodes. I do ten of the karaokes.

That's debatable. We'll see.

Well, you can go back and listen.

I love me and karaoke.

And does account if we do joint ones because sometimes there's like a man and a woman, there's like you.

Know what I mean, it depends.

We can count on how many you did by yourself, how many I did boself in trouble.

You're gonna tell us later. So the next episode we're gonna have.

I love it. I love it well.

I was just thinking about songs, but let it go. We did Elsa already. Yes, we're Frozen. Yes, so you had a good one. But I like this one from Mariah carry.

Even though I try, I can't let go.

Something in your eyes captured my soul, and every night I see you in my dream, You're all I want.

I can good.

You actually do caraokee better than me? Because that was actually really good. I felt very eighty eightish?

Did you? I think that song came out in eighty eight?

What was it that long ago? I don't know.

I grew up on Mariah my aunt Susie. I mean when that Vision of Love album came out, it was a rat. We had it on repeat about twelve.

That's your question. Yeah, Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston.

That's a good one.

Well that's the group when we come back.

Okay, like that one. I like that one. Stick around. We'll be back. Okay, all right, we're back.

Well before we get to no, I have a question for the group. If you had to choose who was a bigger artist or who was your favorite? Would y'all go with Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston.

Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston, Josh Witty Hoddy?

I know, people, I bet you don't know where that's from. I know, I don't know.

You know, Martin, Yeah, everybody want hunting. I can't really choose. I love Whitney Houston down. I miss her so much. They took her, they did, and we need to do an investigation into why. But I'm also a huge Mariah Carrey fan. Every album, every piece. I love Glitter, Glitter, Top five movies.

We got to look this up. Trouble who have more number one hits? Her highest peak, who had the longest career?

Mariah has like the record for most number ones?

I think she does.

Yeah, she has like the most successful crazy.

She's as far as.

I think Whitney. Whitney speaks to my soul.

Riot sounds beautiful, right, she like, you can't.

Do that right?

But when he had you dancing in in CBS, they played her and Dwayne Reed.

Do you think do you think Whitney had I mean Mariah had more success because she could have that crossover white audience, so that she had more success that way.

But Whitney Moore speaks to our soul.

She came from the church, like you think, That's why to us she relates more yes and no.

Because I feel like Mariah came after her, so it helped, like we already were Whenny already said the baseline.

Yeah, okay, some of it.

I think some of Mariah's crossover songs I didn't love as much as like her first album or like those first couple of albums. I think I liked older Mariah versus Mariah that became a little bit more mainstream.

Okay, that's fair. That fair.

Witney from me.

Looked at Mariah has nineteen hits and Whitney has eleven, number one most of any solo artist history.

Yeah, if I had to choose, it would probably be Whitney, mainly because my mother loves Whitney Houston.

Yeah, I just think is a nostalgia around.

Yeah, it's something about that felt more relatable to me. You know church point the church one right.

Yeah.

You hear her saying, oh, yeah, you know a service facts.

I don't know, all right, So I keep hearing about Stephen A. Smith getting this one hundred million dollar deal with ESPN, five year contract, twenty million dollars a year oper No opp I know he's kind of a controversial personality. So I'm wondering, do you think it's worth it? One hundred million dollars.

I think I do have an opinion about this. I think you are worth whatever money you generate. And if I'm being one hundred percent honest, people only watch ESPN because.

Of Stephen A. Smith.

So get that man whatever money he deserved, because you know, if they can give him a hundred million, they making billions.

So I hope Stephen they get paid. That's my opinion, Baby.

I love it.

I typically don't have an op if it's not within my task bracket.

So but I will be yes, you will. We talk about it here first. Yeah, I don't.

I don't watch ESPN enough, but I do respect what he does Stephen Smith.

Yeah, and his his candor and his personality. Good for him, Bro, do you think.

I think it's great because he's good for the bottom line? So that man, mm hmm.

I can't.

I can't put a valuation on Stephen. I don't don't know what.

I don't know what a hundred million dollars is, like, I don't I don't know what that is. I could be like he's fifty million. I don't know what to see what you're saying.

But I mean, but let me ask though, if they're willing to pay him a hundred million, it has to know that they must be making more.

Oh yeah, definitely making money. Yeah, of course it's him on that network for the company. He's definitely making more than that. But I'm not hating on it, Like I I love that he got it. But you know, I can't say that I like him. That's the thing. I think that's that's an issue with me. I can't see it if I like him or not.

Oh so you're thinking of do I like him enough to think that he's worth one hundred million?

Correct?

Copy. He's not your choice for content.

He's cool, has some valid takes, but overall he's like hit him.

Miss for me.

Okay, that's fair. Now, that's fair.

If you don't like a person to stick, you can still feel like they're worth the money or not.

What he's saying is he don't think that he's He don't think that he's valuable enough.

Like what he's saying out.

Here that that's the real reason.

Because Josh is a Knicks everybody, Josh is a diehard Knicks fan, and Steven they do be having some wild tak on the Knicks. After trying to act like he's a Knicks fan. The minute they don't do something good, then he just throws him under the bus. I do feel you on that very disloyal, but I stand his value to ESPN. I only turn on ESPN when that's one I do. That's just I could care about.

The That's true.

I do watch the show, you know, but it's not really for him. It's for the I like sports, so you know that's what it is.

What you think.

I'm not even a real sports fan, but I know who Steven A. Smith is and I know what his personality is like, so I feel like that's worth at least one hundred million dollars.

Talk about it, trouble get paid, bro.

Yeah, do you think brother man, open the door.

Because we're coming period. We're coming period next, I guess.

Since we're talking about money counting people's pockets, y'all know about Tianna Taylor and Emon Shumpert's divorce. A lot of information is going around about what they got in divorce and how the proceedings win in Tianna Taylor is clapping back now. She wants Emon Shumpert to be punished for leaking settlement information to the public. She said that he did it when she had something coming out, maybe music.

Op or no op.

I'm gonna go back to what Matt said about this. I stay out to marry people's business. But them two been married for so long the details of that probably go so far beyond that court document that I got no hop on it.

I hope the best for both of them moving forward. I got no op on it.

Yeah, no op for me either. I just it's too much back and forth and confusion. It's like some of this that's may be alleged, do we even know. It's like listening to two sides of a story and then there's a third, you know.

So I'm agreement with you on that.

I'm gonna sit this one out, y'all.

You already know.

No, I don't care, y'all.

I guess if I saw my bitch would move fast up.

That's what it was.

Yes, he saw a man.

Mom was like with.

The Hazel lies for you.

The documents, I forgot about that. I don't think the street is some move faster move.

I don't have no op on them. I do have an on that take on it.

I don't think Iman was thinking that because I mean, if we're being real, right, Aaron Pierre is big and tall to a lot of other people. But if you saw him next to Emon Shepherd, Emon, she's a fucking giant, is huge, and he's worth over like one hundred something million dollars, I doubt that he's like jealous. You never know, some some men be jealous for other reasons, you know what I'm saying. But I just don't I don't see that being a recent not Aaron Pierre being the reason

Let me just say something.

Does that really help though, Does it like help when you think.

It starts the wheels turning toward the direction towards you. Yes, like that's getting you. Now I'm doing something I'm in. I'm spinning way longer than I should be because I said something outlandish.

So it's not enough to just release whatever it is. You got to put some kind of controversy around it.

Well, you don't got to put controversy, but it's just it's clickbait, right Like, if you like it's trending, if you go to X right now and you see what's trending, it's going to be up there.

So then you go, why is this trending?

You research this person and you realize, Oh, they have a sneaker collection coming out. Oh they have a thing coming out. What's that about? That's really what it is. I think I forgot. Who's the first person to say there's no press is bad press? And that's what it's about. If they're talking about you, then that means all of the attention is going there and then so that's what I could see. I listened when Tripple said that.

That caught me up. I didn't even know he had music coming out.

No I didn't either. I thought he only wrapped that one time on Taylor's song.

Music video come out this week or last week?

It did come out. He did have music, it was a video come out.

Much.

I know.

You think of winning a fight Iman or No, we're joking ya, We're not doing that realistically. Who you think your money would be on realistically?

In Chicago.

I'm about to say, this is he from Chicago. Yes, he's an Chicago like like like an athlete, and he's been up against some of the most physically imposing people in NBA history.

Like I'm not taking anybody over Emon.

He would have no problems against.

Ll fucked up at Elis ever after. We do not condone any violence of any We don't.

We don't condone no violence.

But I'm playing I'm always very team light skin, right, and then here's light skin pays a lot.

The nigga would get sucked up.

A bracket by himself. When you like skinning, you got hatel eyes like you.

Here's Steph Curry. It's not there's only a few guys like that, you know what I'm saying. So, but Ima Shephard is what six seven like he's he's six he's yeah, six.

Seven, yell forward, shooting guard shot.

I think he's more for shooting. I think he's he's bigger than six six.

Though.

It's so funny to me how men know like the body stats of other men, like he's six seven, Like yeah, what if I was like what Beyonce got like a sea cup?

Like what'll.

Describing body parts?

We're talking about people that we've watched play basketball against other tall people, so you don't watch.

Know.

The reason the reason why we would know something like that is because it's like, wait a minute, Imman, Trump got to guard Kobe. You know, Kobe sixty six, So now did you find out he six five is like damn, he was going Kobe in short, that's a big that's a tall task.

So it's in relation to who they who.

Relations to the position.

Yeah, so we know that's why he says your shooting guards, your forward. That's why we know the heights, Like I don't be watching men walk by and be like he look about six either take him? You know what, now, we don't do that. If your athlete, we know y'all do that. Though, look at her, that's a B B L.

With that t R B B L t R B b L.

I'm about to change name Josh because that was Josh t R I B b L E.

That's hilarious. So now we know trip we got a B b.

L there in the name.

Listen, I'm starting rumors, look at you.

So next, what I'm my favorite people personality celebrities is Jennifer Lewis. Jennifer Lewis my.

Aunt in my head.

I think everybody's she's like my bestie. Like, if she's listening, Jennifer, I love you so much. But she had there's a viral clip of her that's been going around for like at least the last year, where she's on a radio show talking about someone she dated and when she knew it was time to kick him to the curb.

Have y'all seen it?

I don't think so.

You want to watch the video?

Yeah, here's the example of why I have to get rid of him. We're driving on a car, driving on Big Call, Life is great, and I come up on an Australian tree that I know is extinct.

So we're driving and I go.

Oh, that's a pretty tree.

Him, you say that about every tree, And I was like, well, nigga, you gotta go.

I'm Jonnifer.

I thought you was going to do it.

I thought you too, though, because you do Jennifer Lewis, I thought she was going to do It's what happens, a trible triple holding up?

Do you have an opinion on that? You have an opinion on that?

I just love that she's happy. I love that she's living life and she don't.

Let She is the classic epitome of unfunck withable and I love that for her.

That is my opinion. I love that for her.

I agree with her. I have an opinion. I disagree with her.

Just the other day, kids just hanging on the fridge upstairs, your mother come in there, you bust your chin?

What the fuck? We got to be so negative? You know what I'm saying?

Like the kids playing Why the first thing that go to somebody mind is like you bust a chin? We outside, kids playing basketball? Called then it's so fast you fall down? Why does everything have to be so negative?

Right?

Can you imagine living with a person that everything you do or say, they find a way to make it negative.

That's so heavy?

Could you? Ama?

I just that's a tree. You said about every tree? I said that about you till you said that ship, you know, Like that's how I felt like she wanted to say.

And I get that.

Don't take away my joy and happiness for loving stuff. Don't always feel like you got to point out something that I know what I'll be doing.

I feel man, let that nigga go.

I'da let him go to right there, right out the door, because I know that was her car. I'm pretty sure that was her car.

She said, she got the car, she got the house, she got all the things, and she probably said pull over.

And he said, why go stand by that tree.

I'm gonna show you why I love it.

Jennifer Lewis out.

I love it.

I love it. Let negative niggas go, Matt, she.

Knows what she needs for her life. I'm all for it.

Wow, I agree. I ain't got nothing to add on that.

I think, knowing part of her story, sometimes we do the negative ship ourselves, you know what I'm saying. And like she said, like when you've spent most of your life in your own like darkness, when you get out of that, if somebody tries to pull you back in, it feels like a personal attack.

She dealt with depression right yeah, right, right.

Yeah, So you can't even you can't even let anybody convince you that it's okay for you to be in that darkness anymore. How that feels like it's that can feel urgent to you with somebody.

Just yeah, you know.

I mean, there's a power and strength in that in itself. Not allowing somebody to pull you back into that space.

That's crazy, well.

I mean, and that that goes into what we're talking about today, right, like learning when to let go because something don't serve you no more. Right in that moment, Jennifer was like, I got the house, I got the car, I got the perfect man. I got this and it looks perfect to everyone else, including to you, but it don't feel perfect. A lot of times people hold on to things because it looks perfect to other people.

And in that moment, she chose herself.

So I rock well, And I think that's what a lot of us need to do, not just with significant others, but with career choices. That's why I told the story. I told right, the gym was no longer serving me in the way I needed it to. It was safe, we were making good money, but I wasn't happy. But to everybody else, it looked like the perfect way to stay safe, keep my family good, and do everything. But I just make me feel happy. So I let it go and moved on, and it greater came because of that.

Yeah.

I think a lot of times too, we just develop a level of comfort in that zone that we're in because it's familiar, it's safe, it's secure, whether it's that job that you know bi weekly that direct deposit's going to hit, you know, knowing that you got the guaranteed clientele, you have the family support nearby, you just kind of succumb to a comfort that you don't want to disrupt.

So even us moving to LA was a huge deal for us.

We moved with my mom just to at least some have a portion of our you know, support system with us. But it's just amazing how taking a little bit of sacrifice just allowed everything to just blossom exponentially for us.

You know what's amazing.

Think about how often people sit in misery because they're just comfortable being miserable. Now, think of us as black people, right, we anybody in this generation was actually, I don't want to say born into misery, but born into oppression, right, So We're used to not having as much, right, especially if you're a black woman. Right, It's just like I'm a black woman, bottom of a totem pole. Right, Oh, I'm a black man. No one really cares. So often we get used to dealing with the least that we

I'm go tore every day. Oh I hate this man, this man here, but I know I'm gonna go with every single day.

You know what I'm saying, I'm gonna eat this food and I'm gonna take my diabetes medicine even though I know it's good for me, just because I know what it is. Be uncomfortable, stop eating the disgusting food and try to change your lifestyle. Leave the job, do something else, leave that God, leave that woman, and find someone that helps you, because that's the only way you can actually get used to moving out of the comfort zone of misery.

Right. And you know it's funny, I feel like we're at this age now.

I was just talking to a friend of mine recently and just touching based on life, and it was just like, man, such and such as you know, separated, such this person, this couple we know, get a divorce somebody else, And I'm like, are we just at the age where things start to fall apart? Or is it that we're at the age now where people start to realize or get tired of their situations and say, you know what, I'm going to have to call this relationship quit so or

So the good thing is Matt is early thirties, Trible is mid thirties, Josh, I hope you don't mind me saying that, trouble and Josh is old and he's forty

You know who we teach to sit in misery? Kid? Kids?

You know how many men sit in miserable relationships because like, man, my father told me was gonna be like this man. And I'm like, wait, man, wait me. Your father told you're gonna be like what you know, being a man. We gotta do this, and you gotta do this, and just you know, she go and be there.

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.

You really just honestly believe that your life is meant to be miserable because you got married and you married that woman.

And that's what they said.

And the same.

Thing I got married, I got deal with this man. It's like, y'all really think you're just supposed to be miserable. People do because they watched their parents be miserable.

It's true. I know that I see that with like our parents' generation.

Absolutely, there are so many people from our parents generation that are just sitting around existing in misery, misery and it's either there making the acceptance or as my father would say, somebody put obi on him.

All of the Legit said. For people who don't know what obia is, I know, the West then needs to hear know, Yeah, like.

Voodoo, You're just like, you know what, this is above me with obia and he won't put no work to change it. But that's the thing.

And I'm like, what what action plans have you taken? What what moves have you made? What steps have you made to increase the level of happiness in your life that you're responsible for nobody else facts? Or you just wanted to succumb to feeling like, you know what, this was just put on me to live this life of unhappiness.

Well, what steps did you do? Because I noticed you lately that's how you got into a new career.

But you know, it's it's a little bit of both.

Okay, it was, and I'll talk about this more when we finally unhatched that episode, But in part it was a bit of stillness because I think the state that I was in, particularly last year, where I felt like we were just hustling to take every gig and to be at every event, and to consider every job opportunity

So what point did you get to? Like that were used like enough is enough?

It was October of last year where I felt completely burnt out after I came back from Saint Vincent. That trip that I took home to my dad's village as well, really was impactful for me because it was an emotional time for me, because I also got to see, like where my dad came from and the very very humble beginnings my grandmother, his mom, not knowing how to read

So okay, So, just to get this straight, at one point, you sat in the misery of if I want to get to a certain place in my career. The hustle and buss was part of it, right, and you were sitting in that misery.

We both were. We got hustled, we got.

To good misery.

Yes, I don't know if it.

Was misery misery.

I was miserable. You were miserable.

Yeah, I guess, burnt out miserable.

Yeah.

Sometimes sometimes we have to learn, and this is a good thing for people.

I learned to accept the words that come out when I say it, even if it sounds bad, because that's the word that first came to my mind.

That's what it was.

Just because it sounds bad when you say it, don't try to change it. I remember those moments we were getting ready to do a day with k Yeah, we were planning a bunch of things at the same time, and I remember waking up a couple of times and feeling overwhelmed and looking at you and you looked miserable, and I was like, yeah, what's the matter. You don't seem excited, You're I know, I gotta know do what I gotta do. Yeah, And it was after Saint Vincent we did have a sense of calm.

I did. I did, Yeah, because you're right.

September it was when I was supposed to do a day with k And it was also the pressure of feeling like, Okay, we're coming off of the momentum of the devusher can say toy that we did the Love Against the World tour in February, we had done BT experience in June July.

We had an awesome summer with the kids. There were there so many really great.

Things happening that I'm like, okay, like while this has happened, let's keep the ball rolling.

And then our schedules has got ridiculous.

We realized we were spread way too thin and you had to go back to filming. I was going to have a It was just too many things at once.

So I have a question for Trouble right, because I know there are traumatic things that happen to people when they finally say I've had enough.

Enough is enough?

There wasn't no traumatic, no moment. I know there's some facts and stats about people when they decide. What are they when they decide like now was enough for me? Especially in relationships? What are the facts and stats?

Well, one of the stats I wanted to include came from the National Domestic Violence Hotline because I think abusive relationships are a really good example of how hard it is to get out of the situation.

Yeah with me. The reason why I asked based on what you said is right, go ahead.

So individuals and abusive relationships, it takes them around seven attempts to leave before they permanently stay away.

So you heard what she said, seven attempts, Right, You finally walked away this last October. I can guarantee you there were more times of you feeling over whelmed and feeling that it was finally that. And the reason why I brought that up is because it wasn't like everything was fine and this one opportunity came and it's like it's overwhelming and you quit. You know, you felt like we were just doing a lot for years.

Yeah, yeah, for a long time.

Yeah.

I get the correlation because it's not always related to domestic violence, of course.

Yeah, but the trauma you put on yourself sometimes is more detrimental than the trauma someone else can put on.

You, absolutely, because then it's like, how can I show up for you? And how can I show up for the kids if I'm not at my best? You know?

So for me, that was that was it.

It took me actually literally having to clock out like I after Saint Vincent. I was like, I'm done for the rest of the year. I'm done, I'm done, And I felt comfort. I felt such a relief in that. And I literally when I was in Jamaica for the New Year with you, I just kind of one morning when I was praying and meditating, I was like, God, I'm gonna just be still whatever you have for me. In twenty twenty five, after having a call with our

And it's funny, the opportunities just came.

You brought that up because this is a conversation we finally get to have it. But I didn't even have it have it to have this with y'all with a Day with K. I had pitched a Day with K two K and to Joe in May. I think it was May. Yeah, And the first thing Joe said was, I don't think we have enough wrong way to do this. And the first thing I said was like, I always say we're gonna find a one way to do it.

Because we always do and we always do. Yeah.

And over the next three months, I watched Josh Matt Tribble, Brian Jordan Jr. Yourself, myself and Joe try to do everything right to make this thing.

Work the way we wanted.

It to work, right to our caliber.

And I do want to apologize to y'all because that's a traumatic experience to put something on, to put your name behind it and say, look, we got two months figure it out. I think the reason wy I brought that up too is traumatic for me to do that to you.

And I think that that was it for you.

I think that was enough, was enough because it was like, devout, you have all these things that you just want me to do, but I'm the one who have to do all.

The work now.

And I was like, don't worry about you got it, you got it, and I was throwing stuff and throwing stuff and then throwing even Brian was just like dvo like seriously, and I was just like, yeah, I think that moment of just putting too much on top of what we were doing is what kind of caused you to be like, I gotta let this go, and I'm gonna tell you how the truth. The minute we sat down and say, yo, we're gonna have to push this off,

To just pushing sitting in the same misery.

I was bought into it too, because I was like, baby, you told me that we was going to do a dance routine, Love Love against the World.

We did a dance routine. Brian George Junia was like, do you still think you could do it?

Split?

I said a split, Baby. I had nothing to split since I was nineteen. You know, I do a couple of tricks in bed, but I mean not to that caliber.

So I was like, list it.

So after doing that whole dance routine and getting my split back and everything, and I was like, oh, yeah, of course, I could do this, so it didn't feel like you were putting any kind of pressure on me at all. I was actually welcoming it because I was like, oh, I could do this, this is what I want to do anyway. You know, it's just logistically, it just was starting to not make sense for us.

You know, I'm starting to realize that's the trauma be putting on people. Josh.

How many times I've said stuff to you and you'd be like, logistics like dividers don't make sense. And I'll be like, I don't need it to make sense. I need it to work, get it done, and Josh.

Be like, find a way. And we were going to find a way.

But yeah, it was just one of those things that I think in that moment, I needed to let go of everything but my family and I literate. My conversation with God was like, whatever you have for me, I'm going to be still. If you need me to be at home more because my children need me at home more, I will be home. Or if my husband needs me in some capacity to support him and whatever he has

I welcome it. And that was literally my prayer at the end of twenty twenty four.

And look how that worked out. The minute you let it go, right the minute you said I'm pretty much let go and let God. Let go and let God, that's when you had an even greater opportunity January sixth change, which like funny because had we been doing the other opportunity, you wouldn't have had an opportunity to do this opportunity.

And sometimes that's.

How the world works, that is how it works.

You have to let go in order to open your hand to let another opportunity fall into it. And I learned that from mister Tyler Perry. Mister Tyler Perry told the story. No, Steve Harvey told the story.

And Tyler was holding a dollar or something like that.

No, it was the car. Oh, he had an old car and he wanted a new car.

And his dad told him, as long as you keep this old car and driveway, you never make space for the new car. So he got rid of his old car, and turning him getting rid of his old car, he actually needed another car and put all the energy rather than saving the old car, into getting a new one.

And he got it, and I got the message.

The message wasn't always about just removing something, but it was letting something go so you can use the energy you used to hold on.

To something to get what you really want.

Yeah, And to me, that's what letting go is in any aspect, let go of something so you can go go get what.

You really want.

It literally blows my mind to this day when I think about it, because for the past what three four years, two years, three years, we were on tour in February every February.

We were every February.

We were doing shows since.

Twenty twenty And when I got that that twenty twenty.

One, yeah, exactly.

So when I get that phone call, it's like, hey, what is your plan for twenty twenty five? And I was like, well, you know, rebranding the podcast.

Imagine are you on tour? No?

Imagine if you had have said I'm gonna be on tour.

In February, can you imagine it would have been like, Oh, I'll catch you next time.

I'll catch you next time.

And then what happens if there is no next time? Because this opportunity was perfect for you?

Yeah?

Yeah, Oh, I'm in such a space of like in sync attitude. I can't stop thinking about the way things unfolded for me since the end of last year.

That's why you gotta let go sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, insane.

All right, this is what we're gonna do. Take a quick break, get back to these listener letters. Okay, all right, I think I got to listen a letter this time.

Let me make sure.

Yeah, I got to listen to a letter this time. We're gonna make take a quick break, come back into these listening letters.

Sounds like I'm not. I was just making sure we didn't miss anything. But yeah, I think we're good to go. You okay, Ellis, Yeah, let go. Let go of these cars.

No, leave the cars alone. Because Triple worked hard on the cards.

You know what I'm saying, there's trauma behind the cards when it comes to Triuble, I'm holding on to them.

Okay, we'll be back.

We'll be back, y'all. All right, listening letter, I'm gonna read it.

I got you, baby, you had the last one. Yes, dear k Duval. First off, let me say, how's the family. I hope everyone good? Yes, yes, everyone's great. We appreciate you. Okay, So I listened to the episode the other day, nail polish or nah, I gotta say I'm with the vowl on this one. K you had some good points too, Sorry girl, but I'm with the vow only because nail

I don't know what do you guys think.

Should I take other people's opinions and inputs into consideration or should I stay the same ps. I need you to come back with the live show in February so I can finally meet you both first seeing you guys on black Glove, I said to myself, I'm going to meet them in person someday.

Existence I remember what my what was?

What was my my stance on the nail polish or not?

I don't remember.

I personally don't remember.

I do remember saying that my stance is that I just don't wear nail polish.

Since something I don't want to do.

But if and this person was saying, if they wanted to do it in solidarity, then something cool with that. I did say, though, if it's for solidarity, I would wear nails.

If it's just something that I think has a cause.

I personally don't think that just wearing nail polish makes you anti manly, you know what I'm saying.

I just personally don't think that.

So say it's a cause like brust cancer wearing this month and the kids in the clip I was talking about, they all had the pink nail polish with the kid's mom name on it because she had passed away.

I rock with that, like I would do that. I don't think that makes you less of a man.

I think you were an agreement on that, But I wouldn't just wear nail polish for any reason, and I wouldn't let my kids wear it just because because they their favorite athlete doing it. As far as her question about taking other people's input into consideration, I think you always should. And when you take other people's input into consideration, all you're doing is getting a different perspective of the same thing you look at, and.

You can always do more with more perspectives.

You know, when you limit yourself to one perspective, it makes you close and now reminded, and you can't grow that way. So taking their opinion into consideration doesn't mean that you have to follow what they say. Yeah, so you can take and listen and do I agree, Do I not agree? Can I understand? Okay, I understand, and then move forward what you want to do anyway, but definitely take their.

Opinion into Yeah, I'm in agreement with that.

I mean, the fact that you listen to a podcast is already showing that you probably a listening to people's opinions about different things, and you never know. I never profess to everything about anything, So if I can at least learn something pull something from someone cool, but not to the extent where I feel like I'm making decisions for my life based off of someone else.

Like that's different.

Live a large portion of my life with that indoctrinated into my head that I have to be concerned about what other people are going to think if I were to live in my truth.

As long as I'm not hurting nobody's feelings, I'm not harming anybody.

I don't think see anything wrong with existing fully and holy in what makes me happy.

I knew that.

Yeah, thanks for writing in And we might do another live show. I'm just saying it may not be a tour here we but Ellis ever after we might bring it out along.

We'll see.

I'm warming up to the idea of it because I was done. I was done with the live shows, Yeah, I was.

I was done after Dead Ass because we thought maybe Dead Ass was going to come to an end.

So I was done with the tours. I was never done with the live shows for two reasons. Number one, that's the best way that we can interact with our people, you know what I'm saying. Also, to the energy you get from being on stage, you don't want.

To I agree with that, saying it was for us to like actually put on these shows and tour, but like you said, if we do a live show in Brooklyn or you know.

I was never done wanted to hear her.

Yeah, I guess it's a difference hearing people scream.

Oh, it's my favorite.

There's nothing in.

Type of feeling watching yourself on television or in a film that comes like.

Being on tour pause.

Completely agree, you know what I'm saying, Like you can watch I watched myself on Netflix and I was like, wow, I'm on Netflix.

I'd rather do live shows than this and podcasts. Yeah, oh that's tough.

Yeah, which one if you have to pick one? Right? Yeah, if I had.

To pick one, right, I mean, it's not realistic to just do live shows all the time. But yeah, I get why people love live shows. I love live shows for that reason. It's probably my favorite part of podcasting altogether. But but yeah, we'll see, we'll see.

All right. So are we don't listener letter?

Yeah?

We are.

Well, if you want to write in and be featured as a listener letter, be sure to email us at the Elisadvice at gmail dot com.

That's t h E E L L I A d V I C A Gmail. That kind of I think.

Yeah, you're right, all right, moment of truth time. So today we're talking about knowing when to let it go, quit move on. You've had enough, whether it's that relationship, partnership, that job.

You know very it's knowing when to let go so you can receive what God has for you. Sometimes you hold on to what you think is your purpose just because it's comfortable, it feels familiar, and a lot of times that familiar, comfortable feeling has you sitting in misery. It's okay to let go of the misery and really get what God has for you. So that's my moment of truth. Man, let go what you think is comfortable for what you know is better.

I love that mine was going to be. Change is good.

Change can be very good, And I think it's changed when you are equipped, at least with a plan, when you're equipped with the reason why you want to change and shift. Change is uncomfortable, but I promise you on the other end of change can be some really really beautiful things. So, yeah, getting out of that comfort zone can be the beginning of something so new for you. I know for me, I was in a comfort zone, you know, doing a lot of tandem things with you. Yeah,

Did you hesitate it all in me when you got the phone call? Did you hesitate it all?

Like?

I don't know if I can do this.

Absolutely, self doubt, fear, imposter syndrome, all of that tried to rear its ugly head.

I had to talk myself out of it a lot.

I just want to be clear that she's saying this. We have a podcast, we've been on tour, she's done live shows and all this stuff, and still and still she felt self doubt. So if you're at home and you're feeling self doubt, don't ask yourself.

Why am I the only one feeling this? We all feel it.

Even the people you watch every day on television do whatever they do, there's some doubt that creeps in. They're just good at figuring out how to suppress it so they can do what they have exactly a good job doing that too.

Yeah, and I realized too, I was like, you know what, God was not going to put this opportunity in front of me, if he didn't feel like it was prepared for it.

So I said.

My prayer after that was to just eradicate any feeling of self doubt or fear or imposter syndrome, because everything that I've done up to this point was preparing me for this moment anyway. Like I went to school for this, I've been doing this in small capacities. Yeah, I took some time to have a couple of babies and you know, pouring to my family, but.

Two couples, two couple of babies for before.

Yeah, you're right, but it's all things that I was already equipped to do. It was it's who I am, and I just needed a solid opportunity. So yeah, y'all, change is good. Embrace it. Get out that comfort zone because on the other side are very beautiful things.

Trouble what's your moment of truth?

Well, we didn't really have a round table discussion about this, so I didn't get to tell my story.

About how round table is.

My first breakup sophomore year of college, I couldn't let go and I got in trouble for stalking this girl. No way I did, and that taught me a really valuable lesson. If you don't let go, you can go to jail. Literally, I mean that's pretty much the best lesson you can learn.

Like actually let go. This is almost like.

You know, I learned if you don't let go and go to jail, if you show up at people house, they clothes, they might get upset. What what what did you do that was so bad? I want to know everyone.

I would like send stuff to her job one time. The worst thing I ever did was she had she lived in an apartment that had it didn't have a key, it had like a code to get in. So I like went in her apartment and like slept in her bed while she wasn't there, and then she came home. It was so long ago.

Six months.

Ship story.

This is embarrassing.

But why can't you trying to throw this girl bed?

I'm just talking about moments that were expressing who.

Yeah, it's hard to let go, you have It's something that you have to learn how to do. I don't think anybody is. Maybe some people are naturally able to do it, but it is something you have to learn how to do, and it does take work. It does take understanding that life is like a river, you know, you can't stop it from flowing. It was your first love, Yeah, it was my first relationship.

Was happening.

Well, he still lives in Ohio, he's married.

This is what happened. Now we know the origin story. He transitioned, he pressed charges.

He didn't.

Yeah, he transitioned. When we dated, he was a man, he was a girl.

Oh he was a girl.

Yeah, oh I thought you may he died.

I was about to say, what transitioned into another?

Passed away?

Oh no, okay, sorry, it.

Was a she and then she transitioned to be Yes. So now he still lives in Ohio. We're but cool now, you know. We talked from time to time. It was a hard time in my life, but I did have to go to therapy, and I.

Was it harder because I had to learn my transition or no, no, no, no, no.

It was something you did. No no, ok yeah that had none to do with you, no, nothing.

But yeah, I had to learn. Something that I learned was mindfulness practice, like learning how to let thoughts and feelings flow through you as they come. And it is helpful with any decision you make, anything you have to let go, anything you have to move on from It is helpful to acknowledge your feelings and let them pass. Don't hold on even though.

Yeah, acknowledge it and let it pass. Fel like I was doing that more recently recently, Yeah, yeah, just like allowing myself to feel what I feel and not shaming myself or feeling what I feel, but then saying okay and then it goes.

I feel like that's how we've got past arguing over the past couple of years. Understanding that you feel a way, and I understand that you feel the way, I'm a let it flowing and let it pass, and also understand that I feel a way now, I'm not always going to feel that way, So you know what, let me not make this.

Feeling be the rest of my day. You know what I'm saying. That's let me need to be mindful. I feel this way now, but we'll be later.

You know that makes sense.

Josh, you ever stalked anybody? I know you have.

Plead a fifth anybody.

But my moment of truth is quitting isn't weakness. It is making room for a better you, a better job, a better dream, not good than anything. Sometimes we look at quitting as a failure to ourselves, to our dreams or our goals. But quitting can be used as something as a what's that thing when you spring cleaning, allowing yourself to provide, allowing space in your life to for a new chapter.

I get it. Don't look at this queens quitting that's what.

Don't look at quitting as a weakness. That's that's.

Don't let don't let letting go become quitting, which we see as a weakness.

Then go there you there you go. I got you, Matt, I.

Say, trust your intuition. You know it's time for change. Yeah, it may take time, but go towards and try to make change. Trust yourself because if you feel it, it's for a reason.

Yeah that gut, don't lie. The gut short, don't lie.

Pulls them guts, don't lie.

I was trying to rock with you, but these two just jump that. I was going rock with you the weirdest.

Good morning.

Trust your gun, I got getting goods right.

What you know about getting you don't know nothing about.

That's yeah, yeah, that's true every day.

Sorry guts, so be sure to find us on These conversations were going so far left.

We talk about heartfelt moments of change to guts. I love it, yo.

Triple just made it seem like she was doing the most calm thing and it just said, yeah, so sometimes if you don't let go, you can end up in jail. That's when it started going crazy because I didn't know what it was going there, and I was like, what'd you do?

Triple? I thought you could be like.

I was outside of her house and I was calling her name. Yeah, I used the cold got in.

I was in her bed. She wasn't there. I was in bed.

Tell her one more time? Is that what it is?

I don't know.

I wasn't.

I wasn't mentally you were young though, yeah, it was like nineteen nineteen.

That was your first live.

About the Triple was in her bed with airport clothes on. That's what drew the line right there. She walked in there like.

Knock that out.

Couldn't have been a West Indian.

There's a file and then we're like, nah, everybody knows that you do not sit on the bed outside clothes.

All right, y'all.

Be sure to find us on Patreon to see the after show, as well as more exclusive Ellis Ever After content, and you can find us on social media at ellis ever After on Instagram.

I'm Kadeen, I am I'm Deval.

I'm at on the score matt dot Ellis. There's too many Matt ellis Is in the world.

Sorry, Oh shoot, my bad.

This is me this guy.

And I am Josha Dwayne at j O s h U A underscored d w A I N.

We got you. We're gonna put it. We're gonna know what throws you to death.

And I'm at t R I B B L s Now.

We all knew it. We all knew it.

I'm at Trims, the Cool Trims, what is EVA cool?

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And if you listen on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. And as always that ass that's right.

Y'all tell a friend Baby Ella's ever After.

We Got.

Ellis ever Aptor is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, production by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Lashan Roe.

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