Leaving The Kids At Home

You're real talk on vacation. Kadeen is a completely different person.

That's the fact, Baby Cybar like your shades those a fancy for you.

I love that. For me, travel is my love language, but traveling with you is top tier.

I'm gonna tell y'all why dead ass.

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are.

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth.

And nothing but the truth. Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now.

I'm gonna tell you guys a quick story about the last vacation we just went on.

Went on a little.

I don't know, if you call it a yacht cruise or we went yachting off the French Riviera with some friends.

You can address me as YadA Yana from now on.

Big YACHDI, big YACHTI, big YACHTI about that yacht.

Life, Yeah, it's great.

We went to a bunch of different places.

We'll get into that, but my favorite place that we went to was Kopery.

And you gotta say it like that.

You can't be like a pri.

No, let's say Copley.

And the reason why is because it's a small little island right off the coast of Italy.

And when we stepped out of.

We went to like a little little bar. It wasn't a bar, it was a band playing. It was very it was very island. It reminded me of the islands. We go to Caribbean islands all the time. It was it was very island dish.

We had. It had like the local ish, very at home vibe.

Right then, and they had a local band. Local band was playing. Everybody was singing and dancing and having a good time. But as we walked down and we were walking back to the taxis to get back to the yacht, we just saw couples everywhere. There were couples just lean up against statues making out. There was couples holding hiss They were couple literally couples skipping down the streets of company, and the moon was huge. It was quiet, but there was a light rumble of people just in love.

There was a nice breeze. It was just like a really perfect night.

Yeah, it was.

It was a great night to just look at the person you love and just feel like nobody else existed. Yeah, and we haven't had a moment like that in a long time.

In a very long time.

It was giving get me back to the boat so we can rock the boat, work the Meddle eight. It wasn't even karaoke time yet.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza that.

I love that.

What's the second version begin?

When the moon hits your rye like a big pizza. Supply that's some more.

I'm so conflicted because for those of you who are not watching right now, your outfit is definitely not giving Italy vibes, just giving more of like Kingston, Jamaica tree very time trying to.

My two thousands babies.

I know what that is, absolutely Loly is giving very much shower ranks and the whole crew.

Yes, it's all right.

I'll take both, mister, love of that. Oh my god, so many people, those my PEOPLESO. I grew up on all that, So trust me, I give it. But let's go pay some bills because if we don't, I can't go on any more trips, and I'm gonna be a very very sad girl. Let's do that, and we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk more about vacations and why they're so so necessary for us.

All right.

So now we're back and we're going to move into the topic of the show, which is the reason for vacations.

All right, So let's check this out.

You know, I know you typically do these stats and matter of fact, you go ahead and do the stats of facts that put together.

So pretty much we found some style Tripple found some stats about traveling together couples. What that looks like according to the US Travel Association eight and ten. So that's about seventy nine percent of couples believe that traveling together has a positive impact on their relationship. Travel together inspires romance. According to seventy two percent among couples that travel together. About sixty eight percent say that leisure travel is a

See if you don't, you're doing yourself a deservice, y'all right?

And couples who travel together are less likely to say they wish their partner would do a better job sharing his or her feelings.

So would just look at that.

Let's discuss the This is what I This is the kind of stuff that I google before.

I'm like, babies, you can't google none.

That's what you're trying to take credit for. Trouble. She's trying to take credit for all the work you put in.

I don't want to say I didn't say I google this.

I'm just saying, whenever I do think about man, I really could use a vacation with devll.

Let me see how the facts is.

That's you're looking it's.

You be on TikTok, look at looking at top ten places to go, see where you get tand that's what that's what you.

I do reference my saved, my saved reels and posts and stuff, so I can reference those hot spots me.

On the other hand, I look at expenses, clearly expensive, but I also look at places where well, of course we also look at places for shopping, because you have to shop when you go.

I don't have to.

It depends on where it is. I don't have to.

Okay, okay, okay, that's fair, right, No, that's fair. But I also look at like food, Oh that's huge.

I want to be able to do something good, but I also want to eat at places that are known for having good food. You know, Italy known for having great food. The French food is known for being great.

If you had to choose between Italian food or French.

Food, hands down, Italian food.

To agree food, which is crazy.

I feel like all of these like new found allergies of mine.

I can go to Italy and be like fuck it.

I probably won't be allergic because the food is so fresh and so pure out there that it's given.

We need to move to Italy at least.

I don't know.

I think Italian beef pause is the same as American beef beefing good for your blood apparently.

So to take the wind out of my cell, I'm just saying, like.

I can more. I'm now I'm abandoned banana boat. You can be catamaran.

No, you just got to eat crustaceans.

But we definitely had that in Italy, for sure.

It was great.

Seafood is fresh. You figure you're literally right by the water, so everything coming in. Like some days we went to restaurants and they were pretty much like, here's what's fresh. It's not like, oh, here's the menu. Yeah, of course they have the menu, but it's like, what was the fresh catch that they just brought in from the short It was good.

But no.

But seriously, I enjoy the most on vacation the time we spend we sit down to actually get a chance to talk, because Kadeen and I will be in this house every single day and we'll not see each other till twelve midnight, right unless we get some dedicated time to work out together. It's Kadeen wakes up, she gets the kids ready for school. I take the kids to school. When we come back, Kadeen got amash to run or

It's midnight, just in time to do it all over again. Yeah, and we are literally, as we said, ship's passing for real in the house together and we don't even realize that the talking that we do, because at one point de Val and I we would get into it because he'd be like, bro, like you haven't you barely like gave me a kiss.

In like a couple of days, Like.

Are you won't even kiss me?

And he's just like I'd be like, no, I feel like every minute you're like I see you, like you be here, but we're not.

We're not connected, right, like actually.

Connecting with someone, being affectionate, having conversation uninterrupted, Like those are things that I was taking for granted because I'm like, oh, Davalla's here.

And those are things I need, yeah, for sure, like this and this is this is part of like a new form of masculinity where when you will you were brought up as a man to feel like, don't say that you need your your woman.

You know what I'm saying. Just be why I didn't deal with it.

Nah, bro yep, Nah, I'm man enough to say I need my wife's attention at some point, like I need a hug, I need some kisses, I need to squeeze some booty, and I need to talk about what our future is. And when I mean the future, I'm not talking about a five year plan all the time. It's like, yo, what is our plan for this weekend? Like what is our plan for tomorrow? So that we can get on the same page. Because when I don't feel like we're vibing on the same page or not even in the same book.

I'm not in a good place. Definitely. You know, I'm not in a good place, and I'm honest with that. I need that.

No, I love that you're honest with it.

And I think that these stats are very spot on because the positive things that they say come out of spending time via a vacation, and a vacation sometimes is not feasible for all people, right, so financially may not be feasible. You may not have the time to take from work, for example, to do something extended, to go abroad. Believe it or not, some people, especially as black people, don't even have a passport, you know, so vacation can

I'm going to book a.

Hotel in the city and we're gonna go for dinner and we're going to stay a weekend and make it a staycation, because it's sometimes impossible, even though the intentions are good, it's sometimes impossible to say that we are able to get the time that we need and deserve from each other being at home, because it's always going to be a distraction. So sometimes that vacation or that vacation might look like a staycation and it could be something as simple as an overnight or two.

Now, I feel like when you take the vacations as well is important. It's not just about taking a vacation, it's when right. We learned this summer that everything we did on our vacation that we thought was going to recharge us for the family vacations just just went away as soon as we dove right into family vacation and

There was no TV.

Matter of fact, on vacation for those two and a half weeks, we didn't watch We didn't watch television at all. No, we were too busy running after the kids and at night it was a time to unwind.

But those were the best moments for me.

Right, you put your phone down, Right, you look into your partner's eyes, you talk about the future. For Kadeen and I, having a plan has always been what's brought us together.

Yah.

Right. I think we talked about this in another.

Podcast that the first five years of our marriage was very difficult because it was stressful. What I didn't realize was the first five years of our marriage we didn't go on vacations because we was in money saving mode.

We're in super money saving mode.

The only staycation we went on was year one of our anniversary.

We went to the Conrad. That's the only.

Staycation we had in the first five years, Which makes sense why we were so like rattled and on edg so true.

It makes so much sense because you know, if you're not like to travel together, then chances are you're going to have a difficult time sharing feelings or you're not going to have time to maintain a healthy relationship. So that's actually a prime example of how that affected us.

But the only thing that kind of kept us going was that we had a plan, and we had a common interest. We had Jackson, and we had both made a decision and we were like, listen, we don't like each other right now, but I love Jackson so much and I love you so much, and I'm not leaving.

And you were like, yeah, I love jack so much and I love you. I'm not lying.

I think that was the only common thing.

That the only common thing at that time.

We were twenty seven years old trying to figure out what this marriage thing was, and we was both like, well, I'm not leaving, and I was like, well, I love you so much, I'm not going to ask you to leave.

And we figured it out.

But it was in the moments where we sat down and was still and didn't let the world get involved everything else, and we could look at each other and say, this is the person I fell in love with kind of brought us back and to be honest, if you don't have vacations throughout the year. Because Kadein and I have talked about this, We said every quarter we were going to go somewhere. That's that was the plan.

That was the plan.

And when work started to pick up and TV started to pick up, and then we have more kids, that every quarter turned into every year, right, you know, And.

Sometimes we wouldn't even be able to make it for our anniversary because our uri for the past couple of years we were at essence Fest. You know. Essence Fest is always that first weekend in July, and to me, I'm always like, well, it's irresponsible to leave behind a potential opportunity to make money for our family to just go on vacation, you know. And then after essence Fest, we'd just be so tired that we're like, damn, we've

I just want to point out how much we've evolved. Yeah, right, even even on this podcast. If people listen to season one, yeah, season two, this podcast, it was a lot of us telling the other person what we needed.

Therapy, y'all.

You know what I'm saying.

We joke about it in the show opening that we get on each other as a form of therapy. In this podcast, Yeah, but it literally like you guys have literally walked through and sat through therapy sessions where we've talked things out together. And I guess kind of indirectly, Triple has been our therapist because of the questions and the facts and the stats that she provides. You know, that gives us kind of like a map or a blueprint to speak and have these conversations openly.

Well no, but but I remember us talking about a vacation on like season three, and it was a funny debate about what you need and require on a vacation and what I need and require on a vacation and I even did a video about it after Essence Fest when I was just like, listen, I'm gonna do I'll do whatever you want to do during the day as long as that night you busting it wide open, right, And that's.

That's where it was.

You We was like, well, I want to ten, I want to get up early, and I was like, fine, I'll do all of that just so that when you get back to the room, we can do what I want to do. And now it's evolved to you telling you saying I know that a DEVO doesn't like this, so on vacation, I will curate the experience around the fact that I know that these are things going to make him happy. And now I'm talking about, well, I

Let me curate this experience for her.

And when you have two people, let me curate this experience for him thinking about the other person. You both get what you want for sure, and it happens selflessly. And that's when you can fall into someone when you go into a vacation and thinking, on this vacation, I'm going to make sure my partner gets everything they want. And I think that's that's like the subtlety of maturity, you know, of realizing that everything ain't about me all

No, absolutely, you know what I'm saying, one hundred percent agree with you. And it's funny. I had a friend recently let me know that, you know, her and her husband were kind of at odds, and it was seemed after speaking to her that it was just more of her like a desperation to just spend time with him. And she said that they have tried in a certain moments, you know, to have someone come and watch the kids and go for dinner, and like that just wasn't enough

Let me find a way to make it happen.

You know.

It's so it's so much more beneficial because a lot lot of times the other in the group or in the part in the in the duo may not even see it. You know. For example, there were so many times that your head was down and you were just working, and you were working, and you were working and you were working, and I was just like, Devo, like you have to take a break. And you were like, how can I take a break when we have all of these things that we're trying to accomplish.

Like, there's no way that's true.

And I'm like, but I would like for you to be around and healthy and alive and refreshed. You need to clock out sometimes, you need to turn your brain off sometimes. And that's kind of where she was, And that was the conversation I kind of encouraged her to have with her husband, Like it was really also out of a place of concern, though she felt like she was being selfish wanting him to just kind of clock out for a bit and tend to her. She's like,

A vacation, you know, that's that's a good point. A vacation doesn't always mean you have to go somewhere. A vacation also means, let's say these kids somewhere for a couple of days, and let's just do what we do in our own house.

Baby. The house be different when nobody in it knew be different.

It's different, you know.

And I agree that sometimes people will need the change of scenery because sometimes you need that too. You got to get out of your space of you know, mundane you know, day to day activities, but sometimes just trying to find a way to recreate a space within your home where there it's like a picnic in the backyard, or like bringing a chef to cook, like that's a cute moment too. Sometimes where you can just take a day or two or even an overnight with just no distraction so.

I'll say this too.

I noticed when we're on our vacations as opposed to like family vacations or even vacations with friends where you're hosting. Right when you don't have to worry about anybody else except for you, You just you're in a lighter mood.

Oh yeah, like not having on a schedule or like following a timeline.

Things like that. Yeah.

But also just when there's not a child attached to your ankle or your boob or your back or wanting something, it's like I get to see you be a little bit more relaxed, you know. And I know, and I'm not big on this, like masculine feminine energy. I really don't get it right, but I will notice that you're when you're in mom mode.

When you're in mom mode, like your.

Feminine energy is way different than when you're in wife mode.

Because that shit ain't soft, man, They be talking about.

This soft like soft soft parenting. Don't get it twisted. Okay, when I'm in mom mode, and I think it's in part two, just the way we parent, Like yes, I'm going to be nurturing and I'm going to be motherly, but like we have these boys in line, you know, so you see a different side of feminine there. Absolutely Then when you get like your girlfriends like Kadeen, the girlfriend Kadeen, like my person, Kadeen, you know, my sex partner, Like that's complete too, completely different different.

Now it is you even different?

Like when we were out when our only vacation one night, you had on a turtleneck.

He was in the fucking Bahamas.

It was one hundred and eighty seven degrees outside and you had on a turtleneck.

It was not a turtlight. It might have been like high necked.

It was a high neck something. But I thought she's going to pass out. And I was like, you're gonna wear sleeves out. He was like, you know, the boys are here, and I was just like, yeah, I'm worried about the heat. Made like it's hot, Like I get it. I get to see cleavage, I get it. I'm talking about I'm worried, and you just like yeah, but the boys, And it's just it's different to watch you be a mom.

Right you know what I'm saying, Like what.

I look like now right here?

Pulled out you you either got the big robe on.

I love that. It's just a place of comfort for me.

You know how some people just feel like, oh, this just feels like a hole.

You got to stop people stealing people's bar robes when you go on vacations. We got about seven, We got about seven bar robes from the ritz fumlike all these places, and you can't tell me to stop.

The last video I posted it had writs on it.

Now you're gonna have me banned from the writs.

They can't ban this from the rits.

You know, to me, it's just a party and gift some times. And I'm thinking most of the times, if they don't see the robe any of that, they'd probably just charge your room for it anyway. But the one robe that I did fall in love with was the road that you got on that last film that you did in Canada, and you were gonna leave it behind, and I was like, leave this rode behind with the hood.

And it's funny. It just feels like a hug and sometimes I need that if you're not here. And that's what the robe is for.

Mean about to create an international incident stealing robes from Canada.

It's a Canadian road, baby.

No that you were gifted that robe from Netflix.

Oh yeah, don't putt talking about you from the No, I did not take it from the hotel.

You see hear me making me out to be a one big teeth.

I told y'all's the genile man.

She don't ever spend a bad I am not a Jeni steal some stuff she liked.

That's not okay to me. Is I'm spending my good, good money up in there. If I have a parting gift or too, Oh well deal with it.

By women be the biggest thieves. I hope y'all know that. No, no there.

Do you remember that time? I remember that.

Time there was a study on who steals the most? Right, a study? You know who steals the most?

No?

Lie, older white women?

Yeah? Do you remember that time? Back in Brooklyn? We went to Red Lobster for lunch one day and there was it looked a mother and daughter.

It looks like a mother and daughter duo because one was significantly older than the other, and there were two white ladies. It was like gateway Red Lobster that like no white people normally, like.

That's our hood, you know what I'm saying.

And they were sitting across from us and they were eating their food, but they had on sunglasses and dad hats, eating in red lobsters of course, very unassuming. Right, So we're sitting there, sitting there. They eventually get up and leave, and we're not really paying much attention to them. And then when you see the server come back and was like, no, the fuck they did not, and that they walked out.

On the bill.

They walked out on the bill, And I was so hurt and upset in that moment. Somebody, I know what they were gonna do on a trip, thet little asses on.

The way and stealing looking old kadeens privileged and stealing robes from Red Lobster.

I'm definitely not old, nor am I white, So I don't know how I feel in that category.

Robes you'll be stealing.

No, I mean stealing chadababy biscuit mixed.

There's never there's never been a biscuit made like a cheda baby biscuit.

That's a fact.

That's I'm still do yourself a favor, right, go on to vacation the red Lobster, get your get your wife or your girl from Chainna Baby Biscuits.

She's gonna fall in love with you.

I think they even have the mix now in supermarkets. I got to go look for that. I don't know if I would do it before I do my detax. I can't have cheddar cheese. I'm allergic.

Dang your life.

Oh bro, what am I shark? What are my shark hooterie boards?

Josh laugh in the background.

I love how y'all laugh at my demise right now, it's not your demise.

You're gonna feel and look great.

So when I bring a vegan shark hooterie board to your next event, y'all get excited.

Get excited, get excited.

You better make a regular excited because I can't. I can't do that. I can't do vegan cheese.

Oh my god.

Do you think we've ever had a bad vacation where we didn't get along or anything.

No, I can't remember one time we've ever been on vacation just you and I and had a bad time. I remember being broke in college and staying at the ram Inn because the Ada or Ramata had fell off the hotel, so we was calling.

It the ram Inn.

And that's exactly what we did.

That's what we did. But we enjoyed our shot.

It was given those kind of vibes.

Yeah, we were.

That was I think that was my first trip out of the state with someone other than my parents.

But we had such a time.

We got in my little toil to wrap four we called the Green Machine, and packed it up for a nice little weekend.

This printed out the map quest.

About to say, this is how pre uh tech this was. There was no iPhones, Nope, there was no GPS that you could just attached to your car. We had to print out the map quest physically printed out, and we marked off all of the mild markers where we had to exit, and we set the odometer to zero, and every time we got to that mild mark we got seventeen miles before I exit, and every.

Time we get there, we would set it and.

We were looking at seventeen that we go bout and we reset it to zero, and we would just keep hitting the marks.

And we didn't have.

Ways to alert us of cops, so I would be on the lookout like all right, babe, this is a stretch.

There's some rails here, so you good.

No popo noo, I'll be doing like ninety five in the rap four because it did not go past night accelerated.

It was like hm, it was.

Like coughing, like please, don't take these gas no more. But those so fun, I think about it. We found out about the foundation we have as a couple. Were like, okay, we got to get to Virginia. Let's go to map Quest, let's print this out. You had your job, I had my job. It was like we had a camaraderie, a.

Teamwork, and that goes to show that we had so much fun and we were able to do this vacation on you know.

A couples money had no money.

So Divell and I were able to vacation throughout the course of our almost twenty one years in so many different way shapes and forms that we always had a good time about how we got.

The money for that.

Remember my father used to give me one hundred dollars every month, and then my brother would give would split his pel check. Yes, so I would get a thousand dollars in the beginning of the semester and I just put a little bit of moneyside and said, I'm going to cover the hotel and he was like, I'll cover gas, gas and co and food.

And it's literally the same way we live our life.

Now.

It's like, okay, I'll.

Cover room and boarding and you handle all the incidental stuff activities.

Yeah, we're still been.

Doing it since nineteen Come on, baby.

I love that is that we know our strengths and weaknesses too, Like you know your thing is like, all right, you plan all the logistics. I don't know if you ever asked a vowel, if you ever catch him on the door on the way to the airport, and if you were to stop him and say the volt where you going to say?

I don't know.

The most devow will know is maybe the country or the island that we're going to. But did I don't know how we get in there? You don't know flight time, like numbers. He don't have to know that because I do. I'll just be walking and dragging bag.

No, this is what I asked, how many bags do we have total? Because I'm the one responsible for a bag, so I'll be like, okay, we got four big bags. I got help here. I got Jackson. You take that one, Cairo take this one. I'll get these two. If the bag is too big for Cairo, I'm like, yo, Jackson, you got that bag, I'll give these three. Kay, We'll have her chades on everybody's documentation.

That walking off, that's it wokeing off fast.

And it's been me, hey, follow your mother, father, motherly mother, mother, I'm that pushing the stroller.

You check everybody in. I'm just giving the bad tags. We have our system, we have a sister.

It's a lot.

It's a lot to like approach a TSA agent and then you got six people, and then the TSA agents never know what they want. So as some people want you to open it to the passport page, some people want you to give them all the passports at one time. Some people want each person holding their respective passport.

So you just never know.

It's like it's like a surprise every time you go through TSA. Some days take your laptops out, some days don't. So nothing is ever consistent. So that's why I feel like I need to be the one in control of those things, because you at least can kind of bring up the rear, right, you.

Know, I don't mind bringing up the real baby.

What would be your.

As long as you bring the ray on vacation.

Listen, the rear ain't going nowhere. Clearly, clearly this is for life.

What would be a dream vacation you have, like a dream place or a dream activity, or like.

What my dream vacation would be.

You know, I'm all about being a genie, and I'm.

All my dream vacation would be going where we were supposed to go on my thirty fifth birthday. I want to go to Cairo and see the Pyramids. I want us to do that on our own. I don't want to take the kids because I don't want to. I can't enjoy an experience when I have to watch you and for a little people. For sure, you know what I'm saying. Strictly, I'm in dad security mode and I'll be missing a lot of stuff because I'm like.

Okay, the person who's the person who got a bathroom.

Who's hungry, stop running over there, get off the edge. That's not ours, that's not ours.

You know what I'm saying. It's like I'm always saying.

Something, Oh is that person at the top of the sphinx.

Oh that's Cairo, Cairo.

Down the side of the sphinx that he just climbed and then he's gonna come down.

Dad, it was easy. Oh you're not supposed to do it.

I don't care if it was easy, absolutely, But I want to go to Cairo.

And that would.

Be probably a mix of little education, like being out because we don't necessarily when we're on vacations kind of venture out sometimes because I feel like we.

Always remember when we went to Saint Lucia.

Oh yeah, we did.

We did.

When we say Lucia, we went to Dominican republics, we did the zip line it like, that's my thing. When with us too, just us too, we do go out and venture off. When we just let you sleep in first, Yes, certain days, because some days you want to get up early in ten. I'm like, fine, I'll get up, I'll find me an umbrella with shade. I'll lay back down and let her ten.

Or let you sleep in and I'm like, baby, I'm gonna get my coffee beat me at the pool.

Like, well, I don't. I don't do the sleeping thing no more. I used to remember, I used to.

That's one way we evolved.

We have evolved.

We used to, but now I like being up early because I want to get the sun.

You want to enjoy the I want to enjoy the day. You know what I'm saying.

I'll sleep when it's dark outside, but I no longer want to miss the beauty of what the day is. I think in my youth, it was always like, oh, you'll have time, just get sleep.

You'll have time to get sleep.

But now, even when I'm home, when I used to go in the theater and watch films and watch movies, so watch I'm Now I'm like, Yo, Matt, Josh, it's nice outstide.

Let's go on the man, Let's go outside. You know what I'm saying. Let's let's do something.

If I'm a smoke, I'm a smoke outside on the balcony, you know what I'm saying.

But it's that video.

I'd rather just be outside enjoying what's happening and to be inside. So I've evolved. I like to get up early on vacation. Now I also like to watch you learn stuff. I'm the one to watch documentaries. I'm the one that will learn about stuff because that's just how my mind works, and I feel like sometimes you just like to enjoy being out and not having it do anything.

But yeah, I like not having to think sometimes about it. Who has to be weird and how and what?

But I also enjoy watching you enjoy new experiences, you know, Like I know you don't like doing a lot of physical stuff, but when we walked up the piton when we were in Saint Lucia, you were like, you were like, wow, that was great. You know what I'm saying. It was just all of different experience. I feel like, open up new things, trying.

New things, right because I feel like, if I'm going to try something new, why not do it in the comfort of your company, right? You know that for me is always the best way to make a memory, to experience something new, to have someone there to motivate me along the way. If I'm apprehensive, like yeah, that's great.

You know?

But it's just he's actually gotten her out of her comfort zone to be able to just travel and enjoy things and know that every vacation or every vacation is not just going to be a luxury experience where you're on a resort all day laying out, but you know, trying to mingle with the locals a bit, you know, trying to stay somewhere that's different than just your typical resort or hotel, like maybe staying somewhere that's like in you know, airbb Airbnb or something that's a little bit

To get to.

A couple parts in Africa, South Africa being one this year. Yeah, South Africa, though I love to experience with the boys, just to see it.

Why we can't do vacation and then the boys, we absolutely.

You asking me why we can't We absolutely can.

You know I'm never going to say no, we can even go and like test it out first and then.

Why don't we just do that?

Yeah, somewhere we should go first, see what it's like and then take them see if it's even worth because sometimes I wouldn't want to take a five year old some places because he's not going to care right and the quote is.

Too young to enjoy some anything. That's the only downside with having kids with such a big age difference. It's like some things that we know Jackson will appreciate and learn from and know Coda is not going to do it, so we're gonna have to probably double back on some places once he's older. Because Cairo's been dying to get to Egypt. Even when we went to Barnes and Nobles to get what's this summer, he was like in the

We are not disconnected.

Yeah, I shouldn't say disconnected. Every night we're in a different location.

I facetimed them kids every night. There's not.

That I don't say, hey, I'm just telling you I love you when we wantedly it was a six hour difference, I believe.

And every night, I don't care if it was three in the morning.

Our time, our time, I'll be like, yo, yo, don't go to sleep without saying a night to your dad.

No, for sure, night to your mom.

Absolutely So texting, facetiming, sending.

Pictures technologies made it that much easier.

It's so great. Like we went support a Fino while we're in Italy, and the kids loved the movie Luca. So while I was there Albert.

So while I was there, I took a ton of like photo and video and sent it to Jackson. I was like, show you brothers, this is where Luca was inspired by. So that's super fun. So moral of the story is, y'all, if you gott obey vacate with them for sure. All right, We're gonna take a quick break and move into listen letters after we get into some ads, So stick around, y'all.

All. Right, We're back.

We are back.

Let's take these.

Save those for Leida ya. Those are cute. Save tho. Are your eyes adjusted?

All right?

Well?

Why your eyes adjusted? I'll read the first one? All right?

Hey, getting a naval Want to start off by saying thanks for your transparency and sharing your family with the world and being a great example of real life things. You are very welcome. Thanks for following us. Thanks for supporting us. I hate to say following thanks for supporting. I am twenty nine years old from DMV and married. Sorry, I'm pregnant with my first child. I'm currently five months pregnant and starting to show more now. My boyfriend has

Gaths. I love when y'all be putting like little inserts and stuff in.

There a whole me. I'm wondering if men. I'm wondering if do men get this with their women when they're pregnant. Is this normal to feel this way? What can I do or say to change this? Because it's a little irritating, and I'm trying to have a peaceful pregnancy as a first mom. Pretty much, she's trying to be peace first time mom. She's trying to get the d so she could be a good mom, all right. I know after birth I'll have to wait another few weeks or even

Don't touch me.

Why would I want something else in my body while I'm growing a human? Well, personally, my first trimester, I'm always out for the county, like, don't look at me, I'm puking, imnauseous. Second trymester, I get my mojo back. So second trimester is always good for us. It's almost like I'm not pregnant, yeah, because it's at that point now five months, it's like you kind of show, but

You know I will say though.

For you or in my experience with you, each time I was pregnant, you've never made me feel as if you weren't attracted to me or did not want to have sex.

I don't care what it is, what trimester it is. We could be about to have the baby, and Deva just like, well I.

Heard that, if I heard that, if we did it, and you know, I knowed it in there, and that's going to break down the lining of the service.

I did hear it, and.

The fact a scientific thank you. I'll be here with the science, the science.

But I say that to say, who would think in that moment that you would still find me attractive enough to want to do anything? So speak from the male perspective, because she's trying to get that insight.

I can't speak from the male perspective. I can speak from the devour perspective. It was nothing about you, ever that was not attractive to me. But I do have friends and people that I know who when their wife is pregnant, they're just not into that. And sometimes it's for fear.

Of not into sex or not into their women.

No, not into having sex.

It's like my wife is carrying my baby, and I don't want to mess nothing up, so.

Feeling like they may hurt the baby or that kind of thing.

Okay, Like some men just just not into that.

They're just like baby you all right, like children had a baby, and then we can get back to our regular schedule program. Then I can't speak for like the male species because you know what I'm saying, and some of these things it's hard to generalize because every case is so different. You know, we don't know what she looks like when she's pregnant, what she doesn't look like when she's pregnant, so or what she looks like when

Like, we don't know.

So my thing is it's hard for me to give her advice based on, you know, a paragraph. But what I will say is, like I tell everyone else, do not listen to anybody else.

Our advice doesn't matter.

Speak to your partner, have conversations and find out what's going on. And if he or she tells you how they feel, don't judge them for how they feel or what they're saying.

Try to listen and understand where they're coming from.

For example, if he says, bebe, I'm not comfortable having sex with you while you're pregnant because I don't want to bother anything. No no, no, no respect his decision, But tell him, yo, I need some because this is what I require in this moment, can we find a way to compromise, you know, because that's what we did. You weren't always into having sex in on every moment, but she was like, I know Devo needs something, so let me take care of him this way.

That's how the compromises happened.

The compromise was lockjaw. That was pretty much the lock jaw compromise. Yeah, put the shades back on m hm, because that was the only option. I did not want anything in or around me. But I know he required a certain kind of experience. And I will say by Dakota, I was I'm mastered.

Oh yeah, you were. You were a master. It was like you got so good at you was like, I ain't gonna be here.

Let me tell you.

You will put that baby.

It was literally like a like a thing like it just.

You will put the belly. You just dropped the belly right here, and you'd be like just standing right.

Here, just pretend like you don't see this belly drop down. I don't know. At that point, it was just like fac and titties.

That's it.

But no, but but seriously, it's like pregnancy is a difficult time for people when it comes to sexual like being sexual. Some people are not into pregnancy. Some people are into pregnancy. Some women's sex drive increased during pregnancy.

One of my homework, I'm like, yo.

My wife be on me all day and I'll be like yo, like you pregnant, like chill. You know what I'm saying him, And well, he wasn't really loving it because his biggest fear was like I don't want to.

Like this is too much.

I just don't want to do anything, like I just don't. And I'm like, bro, that's what I told him. I said, Bro, your wife requires certain things. You guys agreed to be in this marriage together. You can't just tell her no because you don't want to. What if at some point she just decides she's going to tell you no because she don't want to. And he was like, I never thought about it like that. I said, we don't. We

That's not fair. It's not fair.

We don't think it's fair when they do it to us because she's pregnant.

If she requires that, yo, and do that right, I can do that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Like, and maybe he doesn't want to do intercourse, Hey, you're gonna have to go down there and handle your business.

You know what I'm saying, Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Get creative, you know what I'm saying.

You created to find some ways. But talk to each other, you know what I'm saying. Continuously let each other know how you feel, what you need and make it work.

And pregnancy is a particularly vulnerable moment for women, so we just be in our feelings all the time because the hormones are like all over the place, so it could also be a little bit of useis just kind of being you know, self conscious about your body and the changes taking place. So we would say that all to say, have the conversation with him, take the guesting out of it, and just ask him directly, like you know what's going on, you.

Know, good luck to you.

Hopefully he'll be honest about it, because everyone's going to be honest about it.

He may have to learn how to open up. They've only been together for a year.

They have been together for a year, but just don't judge him for what he says in his response. Receive it, you know, for what it is.

And I think that ultimately what you want is to try to have that open line of communication. So make it an atmosphere where he feels comfortable opening up and don't take it personally.

And shout out to you man for still trying to take care of your man and take care of yourself while pregnant and not saying I'm going to.

All the best with baby. Yeah, congrats Hakadeen and Duval.

I'm a huge fan of you both and your willingness to be open about your journey. And thank you for giving us all hope. I we appreciate you. Thank you just giving y'all love. I've been in a relationship for about a year, and we've dated for about five months before making it official. We're extremely familiar with each other's families, taking international trips together, lots of date nights, linking with friends, planning our futures, and just really taking care of each other.

Worth addressing? What addressing? And then let us know what happened.

Only thing I will say is this right? He gave you his phone and access to it.

Well, she said I searched his phone. He didn't say that he gave access, so that could have happened in this way.

If this dude is moving wild crazy like that, she not gonna have easy access to his phone like that.

That's That's what I'm saying.

It could be, as she put it on him, he's sleep he knocked out.

Let me let me tell you something and she went to town. Let me tell you something about there's a way. But let me tell you something about dudes who proclaimed to be good liars. They be on top of their games. They be on top of the game, all right. And I'm saying this to say this, I'm not saying that he's not lying. I'm saying it definitely needs to be addressed. But don't be surprised if it's nothing when it's addressed.

And he's just like, right, yeah, Or it could just be his friends, like if it's the fraternity group chat, y'all be ragging on each other all the time about random things.

But and I'm not making excuses. I do think it needs to be address because the ship does sound crazy.

But don't be.

Surprised if he looks at you stupid, if you like, yeah, this is baby, because this is the girl that I had a crush on or something something something, and yeah, we're not fucking but I saw.

Her, and you know what I'm saying, like that was my name for her at the time, that her in our group chats when we got to move.

People who move funny, the first thing they're gonna say when they post something in the group chat is yo, y'all better delete that.

I'm being honest.

Like, if a dude is moving foul, right and he goes in the group chat, and he'd be like, Yo, da da da, y delete these messages asap. Somebody who moving foul like that is not going to have a group chat with all their friends putting all their information and letting the girl have access.

To their phone.

I'm you know better than I do, because I don't be.

Women women are the best liars. Women women be trying to I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm thinking in their case in her group chat, dev I'm not talking about a generalization.

No, what I'm saying is is she said that this man proclaims to be the best liar in the world. That seems extremely frivolous from a god who claims to be the best lie.

Let me tell my girl that I'm a great liar.

That yes, but I also do think that the stories sound crazy and she needs to be like, yo, what is this? Like?

What is this that we can agree on?

What is this? And he may lie about it right. But what I'm saying is if he tells you the truth and be like, yeah, this is right, he's being honest.

About it because the brother could be homegirl from college days or whoever, Like you know what I'm saying, anybody like it could be anybody, So we won't always assume the worst.

Don't assume the worst, but it does need to be addressed.

It.

It does definitely address that joints and then right back to.

Us to let us know what you know that right back to us and let us know. But let's let's think. Let's think they've been together for how long.

Did you say?

Let me see what is my thing that's scrolling? What the hell? Ye oh, yes, about a year? She said.

It says they've been against for about a year.

Uh huh m hmm, Well a relationship for about a year. We've dated for about five months before making it official.

Okay, Okay, so let's see exactly what he says. Let's break this down.

I just want an outside of perspective to make sure I'm not blinded by love. His birthday recently passed Musha tickets. Okay, So she put in the word bay to make a collage I don't know. I found messages in his fraternities group chat about him saying he ran into Bay because he didn't know they were closely and how he's got.

To be low out here. That sound like.

What I don't know?

You tell me, I'm asking you.

That sounds like an admission of cheating. You gotta bewdy. But she yelled his name out and it threw him off. I don't want to waste my time. Got to be low out here. Let me ask you what you think.

Yeah, it's given that you need to have a conversation.

Sis right, because what he got to be low for is he being low to Bay and you're like the side piece or vice versa.

No, I don't think that because he said he said, I didn't know that they were closely?

Oh where he ran into Bay because he didn't know they were So it's not his Bay. How does he not know that his babe closely to him? True? You see what I'm saying. That's why it doesn't make that much.

It is Bee just like a person. For example, there's people that you have in your group chats with guys or whatever. It may be a photo of a woman and we're like oh we call her Bay. Oh shoot, I ran in today.

That's what I'm trying to realize is that don't be surprised if what you think is something is actually nothing. But then he's gonna be asking you why you're going through my phone because because and the reason why I say that is because no man and I know that it's going to be an admission of cheating in a group chat, is going to leave it in the group chat and then have is this girl potentially to his phone?

Like potent? Like we have to start thinking logically.

All right, it could be logical until she asked him.

And right, and could it could be a funny thing. For example, how many uh I G. Chicks do we follow? And you'd be like, that's Bee.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You'd be like, that's babe.

One thing I'm gonna tell you most men don't say a woman that they would is if that's Bee unless it's a joke.

I'm just being honest. No man says to another man, yo, that's Bee. Nobody really does that.

But we'll see.

I think it needs to be addressed. And you do have to write back to us now that you heard this listening letter played on the show. You got to write back to us and tell us what you.

Found out the outcome of the conversation.

Yeah, but I'm just I'm just saying based on context clues. Okay, got you. If he is cheating, he's not.

A good cheating and he's not a good liar, so we can take that cap away from him. All right, Guys, if you want to be featured as a listener letter, email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.

That's D E A D A S S A d V I C E at gmail dot com.

My moment of truth is very simple when it comes to vacations. Book it. Book it.

That's it.

Book it, do it.

It's it's let me tell you if you haven't been on one, if you're in need of one, if your partner is in need of one, or see that plan ahead. There's so many ways to enjoy each other's company, and it doesn't have to be super elaborate and expensive. Sometimes it's just a change of scenery. That can be something local, it could be a road trip. Just that disconnecting to reconnect is so important, So book it.

Copy.

I will say this when you book vacations matter more than just booking a vacation. If you book a vacation right before a family vacation, everything you did on that vacation is just gone swept under the rug. And because Kadeen was exhausted recovery after the first vacation, then we went on the extended family vacation and she don't even remember anything we did on the vacation. So I would say, either bookend vacations, one of the beginning and one on the end, and that you can only afford one at

That'schol oh Man, all right, y'all.

Be sure to find us on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ass podcasts, video content, and so much more of the Ellis family, all deca devous truth, all that good stuff, and you can find us on social media at dead Ass the podcast on Instagram, you can find me Kadeen I am on Instagram and TikTok.

And I am Devo.

And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe dead Ass. Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and It's produced by Donor Pinya and Trible. Follow the podcast on social media at dead ass the Podcast and never miss a Thing