Learn Something New Errday

Go listen to see I buy. If I could do it all over again and I had the ability, I will put you in a box and just keep you on the side so I could do my thing and then come back and get you at the box. Leader Gee, thanks too, as dead ass and being honest, Well, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have rushed into a relationship with you. I took my time, played the field and all that, so you gave up the box. Possibly that ASDA broke out the box, dead ass. Hey,

I'm Cade and we're the ellis Is. You may know us from posting fundy videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. I'm making me derby most days. And one more important thing to mention we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a

term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead Ask starts now. Two thousand and seven. Codein and I spend the first Christmas and Thanksgiving together as a couple living in our own space in Michigan. This is my second year in the NFL,

our first holiday outside of school. She had graduated from Hostra's master's program, and Codeine pretty much gives me, not an ultimatum, but she let me know she was not into shacking up. That I had to make a decision. I pretty much had to shipt or get off the pot. Yeah, it was a extended situation that I feel like we

were in. And you know, when you reach a certain age, there's this natural succession of life that you feel like, Okay, I've reached this achievement and I've reached this achievement almost like school, you know, you go from nursery to kindergarten for a second third, you know, junior high high school. In life, I at least saw it as we've been dating. We're dating seriously, and for me, an engagement seemed like the natural progression if we've been together for seven years.

But you didn't quite see it that way. Now. I just finished my second year in the NFL. I'm coming off knee surgery. I didn't play my second year. My focus was on getting back to doing what I do to make money. You give me this ultimatum, pretty much told me you would be going back to New York if I didn't make some decisions. So buy a house in Michigan. I propose the summer two eight. Spring it was spring. Excuse me, Spring two. I get cut. Mm hmm.

In two thousand and eight, the recession hits August two eight. We lose of all of the money in the stock market. We lose over a hundred thousand dollars and the properties that I bought. We moved back to Brooklyn with nothing, and you say to me, I'm ready to plan this wedding. At that point, we had nothing else but I had you. But we planned a wedding. We get married three d and seven and the five people mm hmm. We moved back into this apartment and we're just looking at each

other like, what did we just do? It was all a dream. I used to read Bird Up magazine, so on Pepper and Heavy deal in a limousine, hanging pictures on my wall every Saturday. Remain Yes, you know very well who we are. Listen, listen't about to get me into spread love. It's the Brooklyn way. That's my joint fread love is the Brooklyn that record deal, Papa. I know you over here singing. Yeah, I know how I am. I singing. I make a song up for everything you do.

That's how I keep Kate's working and the next and whatnot. You know, let's get to the nitty gritty. What's the nitty griddy? We have five facts about each other that we weren't allowed to let each other see. So do not look at my paper, all right, do not look at my papers. I'm shifting my laptop as we speak. I hope, I hope you're not trying to read me, because that's the whole nother I'm not going to read you. I'm not gonna read younna be honest. Right, So we

gave we both gave one fact early on. You know, I played in the NFL, right, gave our little backstory and whatnot. And I'm trying I was trying to think of things that people wouldn't guess. I guess based off of like social media, because let's basically, people know us from social media, YouTube, blogs, and though that shows a lot of our life, um, it's scripted, like we put out there what I want. We want, we want you all to see, you know. So now, yeah, and it's

also therapy for us. So we get an opportunity to be real with each other right in front of your so you can see how we flesh out some of our how we discuss and debate. Yes, so I'll let you go first. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that beauty. All right. So fact number two about Devo, I'll choose your favorite number. Yes, umber two. Devo is a legitimate artist, like he can paint. He actually painted what was it a cheetah or a jack? And I had no idea.

I thought it was something like you bought from the store or something. It was that good. So all the kids projects from here on they had anything to do with drawing my alley. But it just makes sense about you always having been a creative. You know, you played football in the NFL, you run businesses, You're great at establishing them, You're great at kind of overseeing that stuff. That's cool, But I noticed that you're never really fulfilled

unless you really submerge yourself into the craft. So I got to create. I feel like, I like, I have a lot of things going on in my mind, and when I see something I can inspire by, I either want to sketch it, I want to draw it, I want to make a video, I want to write about it. And like you said, I've never been fulfilled if I wasn't creating. And that's the thing that killed me about the NFL was the structure. Was that you only had time to do this. You had to go to practice

these days. And I don't like structure, Like most creative people don't like structure. We like to color outside the lines. So creating, drawing and painting allows me to do that. Do you take the same approach with me in the gym, Like when you're trying to like, you know, show me workouts to sculpt my body. Absolutely well, you know you're like, yeah, you need a little more on hip. Stop me give

you this exercise I do artist and whatnot? Yes, that well that technically that's not your body, that's my body. I have the most fun with it, all right, so I want to enjoy it, so I sculpt it. I am not your possession. Don't even go there. See why you gotta take it there? Women always got to take it there. We know you empowered. I wasn't. I was just letting you know that I love you girl. There. I can't let you know I love you, girl. Just

let's just speak. It's so stupid, but no, it makes sense because even watching you with like a recent business that you have and you having to be responsible for email chains and you know, the chain of commands. If I was like going crazy every day having to deal with that structure. So you know that that should be like an artist all the way that it makes me want to You can't quit your own business, though, so

I can't. That's why I didn't quit. But it's like once once you have someone who's telling me you have to be somewhere at a certain time or do it this way. I don't want to do it almore. Yeah, I don't. I want to do it my way. Absolutely, That's just the way I am. Yeah. That's why we work well because You're all about structure and alignment and purpose and I'm all about creating. So it's kind of

like the contract. We feed off of each other because sometimes you need you a little structure whenever you're ready, nere need structure. Yeah, but I need to I need to bring that that. I need to take a picture and post it one day. And my stories of the cheetah that devoted painted like legit painted, guys, Yes, no paint by numbers. Painted it myself. I sketched it first and then I painted. That's crazy. So when Jackson has this projects now, I'm like, don't even look this way.

I won't I do the writing assignments. Let's get into your second fact, don't you because you looking at me with that phase. Okay, let I'm an artist, Codeine is as well. Codeine excels in the art of procrastination. Shut out. Yea, this is a huge fact that I think people need to know. All Right, we talked about it. I'm a creator. I am not organized. I am not organized at all. I have my faults, but Codeine is very organized. She just don't like to do ship. That is not true.

I just get it done in your time, yes, because then it becomes my best work when I do it in my time. You know what you're You're great at creating excuses as to why stuff don't got to be done when it needs to be done, but respected respect of it gets done when it's supposed to get You're like Michaelangelo procrastination, and at that point it becomes perfection. No, but honestly, you're right. You're right guys, that I am a procrastinator. I am, and I don't know what it is.

I think it's like in my mind there's this pursuit of the perfect time, or like the perfect thing, and if I could never reach that perfection, I feel like I gotta wait and then life just casses me by. So it really helps to have somebody like him that is so focused and driven on light the task at hand needs to be completed right now. And as much as it drives me nuts, sometimes I need it. I need it. You're watching, You're watching the art, the artist

in the mastery telling you. Unless you break this down for you. And I'm an actress to so because you know how you go into a job interview and it was just like, you know, tell us one fault about yourself that you would you know, that's one fault. And what they say weakness, what's your one weakness? This is good needs one weakness. I'm a perfectionist. I have things you have to be perfect, so it takes me a lot.

That's what she just did just now. She said that she procrastinates because if it's not done perfectly, she gotta wait to tomorrow to do it, or sometimes I don't feel like doing that ship right then and there. All right, I'll give you up perfect example, your artist. You're the Michelangelo of artist. Tree of procrastination. The Sistine Chapel is in our living room. That Christmas tree, the Christmas four parts, and like one four of the tree is off, the

ornaments down. I don't even talk about the to the to the third fact please because I'm starting to get upset things about the Christmas tree. Well, it's funny that that one segues into one of mine. My third fact for the val de Vo thinks that arguing is a sport and he always thinks he's right, and he is probably the most exhausting person to debate or argue with. I'm taking back, like the competitive nature in you takes up discussions as something you have to win, and you're

not always right. And that's the thing that drives me nuts, is because you're not always right. Bro, I'm taking back. You said I think I'm always right. You know, I know, I know I'm always right. He does, and and the thing is so frustrated and arguing with you is not about it's just waiting for you to realize that I'm right.

That's what's wrong with the people don't argue with They don't know that which is so funny and it's so opposite of what people see on social media, because you're just like, I need me a devil in my life. I need a man who understands the X, Y, Z and Z and No, this dude over here tell me somebody who argue when they know they're wrong. Nobody argue when they know they're wrong. That's not the point. People. You need to be open to seeing other people's visions

and other people's reasons. You need to be understanding of their explanations. As to how they arrived at their decision or how they arrived at the path they took. You don't be trying to hear that you're doing. You breathe over that. They got to make sense though in your minds you can't, beautiful mind. You have to be able to articulate those thoughts. Yeah, all right. So for everybody that is like, I want me a devil in condine, what prayer did you say to find you? And you

don't even know? Just know when it comes with at easy, every day absolutely every day facts. B. I just realized how to do that in an emoji sidebar. You put the fax machine and then the B. So this is the person I'll be arguing with this and now you see why while arguing to my dolop and I was like, yo, I put the one hundred, like yo, one hundred, that's another like phrase for a hundred, Like I got you, bro,

And then he put the fax machine. And to be like an actual I was like up in the private house, you know certain things, certain things private house don't don't do it. Let me go, let me go to my third factor for codein and a lot of people don't know this. Oh God, Codeine's discipline comes from the fact that she's a classically trained dancer and penis right, So yes, I did. What people don't know is that Codeine is

very detail oriented. So when I say things like she's a perfectionist or or like she know she graduated magnicolon lauda. She was valedictorian of her junior high school. And you were salutatorian in high school. What was it in high school? No, high school And there was mad people up high school, and I say what you want to say, it was mad smart people. The auditorian's overall a g p A was like a hundred point eight. Like how does that even happen? I have no clue. Hey, this is what

it is. Very smart. But um, yeah, you you were very detail oriented. You do everything with purpose. Um. Today is a perfect example. Like you put your makeup on and your wig to do a podcast. Can't nobody see what you wear it, but they can hear how beautiful you are. If I feel good and I look good, I'm going to sound good. And I wanted to sound out there like this is some of y'all's first time hearing me. So I want to make sure that y'all

can understand how I feel. And and and also I need John to understand how I feel because she's classically trained as a dancer. She she turns and she points on like one ft all the time. So left foot, it is fucked up. I got. I'm just being honest with the people. I gotta deal with that. Left foot is on my left foot, guy. The bottom part about bed, she's shoving my right my right leg, my right leg right now. I seem like somebody was kicking me in my sleep. That just be heard what she cut along.

Now you're gonna have people zooming into my feet like on my finches and stuff. Make sure I filter my foot from now on. It don't matter who. I love it. I love it. I still looked them tolds. Baby. You know I'm a nasty motherfucker. I would stay far away from it. Left kind of bad guys. Fact number four about the bell, this is like becoming a roast? Is this anywhere in the breakdown that ya like Devot's on roast kidding today? So this one, I don't know when

I thought of it. I really thought of it. I I tried to try to find facts that people based off of social media and and and vlogs and everything would not guess about Devo. And this kind of made me a little emotional when I thought about it. Um, devots relentlessness is a direct result of him feeling like he's never been anyone's favorite. Oh damn, you're just gonna go right in too, my childhood. Childhood episode one wounds

my mother already, Like you shut up. True, I have a very good relationship with shout out to, but no, like, this is something that we've spoken about and I feel like, you know, in future episodes we can dive into it a little bit deeper. But it's the truth, though, it's

the truth. I remember you saying that you've you've always felt like you were never good enough or you never a favorite, never the favorite child, never the favorite on the football team, never the you know know what's funny though, and honest, having kids now I understand why I felt that we're growing up. We're both the oldest. So when you're the oldest child, there's no blueprint for how to do things. So I was the first, and then my brother came three years later, and then my sister ten

years later. So seven seven years later from my brother so ten years from me, but I feel like with my parents they were trying to figure it out with me. And on top of that, when you're the oldest, there's a greater pressure to do well because the younger ones are watching. And I find myself doing that to Jackson, and it's tough because I want to parent him as best as I can, and sometimes I feel like, damn,

I'm turning into my parents. But I understand it now, But throughout life before I had kids, I didn't get it, Like, you know, they couldn't. They couldn't show any favor towards me because I was the oldest. I did things first, and then my brother comes along and we're the same sex, so it's like you don't want him to have to live up to his brother, so you kind of find his his attributes that you can highlight. And then to me, I took it as you were just you know, forgetting

about my attributes. But I think also too um in your parents defense, that they knew you were going to be good. Like as a parent, you know when your child has something, when they have like an X factor, like something just this, there's a light in them that just can't be damned, and you just know that this child is going to do X y Z and to try to as a lot though she used to try to fresh and you used to talk back the damn. You just turn into Jackson's mom in here fresh you were,

I wasn't fresh that very opinionated. Yes I've heard that before too. Yes my mother told you that. Yeah, I mean I know, I deal with you now. She handed you off to me like proudly. She was like here, She's like here here he's yours now. Yeah, good luck, She's like, good luck. Me and Ma we share many of like side eyes together, codes and whatnot. Got a number one ladies in my life. Kane kane until my daughter, but not excuse kicking you don't try to slide it in.

You slide nothing. Now shut up. I slide it in again, not even and again my daughter is here noting for it. You know about the last time that was one pump too many. So we ain't going to through that again. Fool me twice, shame on me the same. You don't even know the same, sounding like bush, sounding like bush, sounding terrible, just stopping you can't get food again. Topic, But you know it's funny though you know what I

heard a lot growing up my dad. You know, you know what broke your attitude stinks and I always felt like I had to like go more and more. But I mean you you you suffered with a similar thing. Though. Yeah, it's just funky when you're ready? Is she talking about something? I thought this wasn't a roast, no many therapy session. But I just want you to you're my favorite, babe, just so you know that. I know you may not feel like that every day, but you really, I'm definitely

not your favorite. Definitely not your favorite. I have other husbands that you could your favorite anyway. Well, I mean, we live in the house with you three other husbands, and I know I don't come before kyro Jackson and Cass. I know that the I know that right now, which is why you feel like you want a daughter so you can have you know, I need my own teammate. But this takes me to my fourth fact about Codeine,

And it's funny how we've lived together so long. I see, I feel like our facts are almost going in unison. But Codein never thinks she's good enough, and I think that comes from my third fact, because you were a pageant girl, and because you did classically training dance and classically geo classically trained pianists, that you always trying to be perfect at everything, that no matter how great you are at something, you just feel like it's not good enough.

You get down on yourself. I think that that's part of the reason why you procrastinate. Plus, your mom is hard on you, bro, Like, your mom is very very hard on you. And I think it's another oldest thing. My mom, the oldest of six, born and raised in Jamaica, you know, was trying to find our way to America. It's for a better life and you know, be able

to send money back home to her family. And yeah, my mom was always very very adamant about me being able to stand on my own two feet and be able to provide for myself and take care of myself and be independent. And I mean, hey, it's the pressure that was put on me. This made me the woman I am today. So I have no regrets and I love my mother for that. Um and my dad of course has been around two but Dad is not as like you know mom. Dad's kind of like, yeah, you know,

live and be free. Mom more so, you know, she she had her foot in my neck like from early early so and that. Like you said, I think it's the oldest thing. But I also think it's being a woman and her wanting you to be a strong woman. Absolutely absolutely. I mean you think about where women have been where we're going right now, especially like being a

woman right now and a black woman at that. Speaking of which, this is a question that people always ask that I don't think they know about you, is that Codeine suffers from anxiety, especially when she has to perform. That's in part because she thinks she's never good enough. But it's it's funny because you can, you can function while having anxiety. For example, on the way over here, Coudin was, damn, they're having a panic attack. And we talked about it and we we got it out, you know,

when she was able to speak on it. And the thing is we've learned that we speak through things. If she's going through something and or I'm going through something, we got to talk to each others with us, there's no putting things off like we got to deal with it. And the thing is, so many women, so many women asked me like what did Coldein do to get you or how what does codein do in your relationship to

you know, make it work? That she's so strong, And I think what you do the most is that you're vulnerable through your strength, Like you're able to you know, you're about to cry and we're on the train and you're just like maybe I'm having anxiety. Like I think that's the strength and being vulnerable and you know, and being able to tell me like I don't think I'm going to be good, you know what I'm saying, being

been with that. I think that's a strength that you have, you know, as a woman, which is not hard, not easy, because women always have to be so strong because if you show any weakness, then it's like she's emotional, she's hormonal. Yeah's passionate. Yeah I am passionate. So it's like the weakness I've showing that vulnerability. I think it's strong. Oh thanks, that's fun. One devoce fit fact, which I think is

just it's just a funny, random thing. It's devout when I when I make his plate of food, because I do make his plate of food. Here you go already know when you're going Devo has to eat all his food separately. So DeVos plate is literally like veggies are off to the side, starches off to the side, proteins off for the side, and they can't touch. He's neurotic and crazy like that. It's not what neurotic. And foods have their own taste. Why I gotta put them on them?

Why don't you just put it in the big pot stirred all. I want to taste my vegetables and my meat, pause and my my starts. But sometimes the like meaning like what's on the fork needs the meat with the vegetable and the starch, you know what I mean? Like the perfect edge of that taste is everything. I just feel like you're missing out on that in life, bro, if you want to eat all your stuff separately, that goes back to you being so detail oriented and picky.

You gotta give so much pressure to the damn colleg greens to make sure they're good on college is better be good. If somebody puts some nasty ass collegues in my player, I want to be able to say these these colleagues nasty. I don't want to put my colleagues on my chicken and my rice, and but this is my thing, y'all, and we can talk about it right. This is what wives do. This is what wives do. Right. If I don't do something the way she likes it done,

then I'm crazy and neurotic. I accept the fact that she likes to mix her food up into a jumbo and eat it at one time. I embrace ittail gravy on the rice, extra gravy. You see what I'm saying. With the steam cabbage mixed in. You're not enjoying, aren't there. You're not enjoying what the chef put together. But you know what she'll do. She'll shame me for being a food separator. She'll shame me. First of all. You ever go out to eat and watch somebody watch you eat

your food? You know how annoying that is. I'm sitting at my table and it's just quiet, and I'm getting ready to eat, and I'll look up and she's looking at me with her eyes looking at me. Don't ever go to lunch and dinner with me. Guys, I'm gonna watch you eat, and if you chew that, it's an ultimate wrap. Like I'm going to another table. Stop watching people eat. Don't slurp your soup. You have a problem. I can't be in the same room when people eating cereal.

You have a problem. You have a problem, Pet Peeve, number four thousand two, You have a problem of mine. Just so ya know, Pet Peeves speaking to Pet Peeves. Um, this is Cadine's final fact for me. It's a fun one, is it? Yes? Okay? Codein is a freak. She doesn't like to have sex often. She does not like to have sex often because I feel like I have to like conserve, conserve all of my energy, my freak for that one good time. And I could wait like a couple of days. But the way you set up you

won't let me live. That don't work for me because listen, if you're freak right, all that does is make me want to freak off more. So, now you don't freak me off on Monday. Now it was Tuesday. I wake up thinking about the freak of if we have Monday, I want to freak go off Tuesday. That's just supposed to last, you know, like a good couple. That's not how men work though, That's not how men work. Like my When once you freaked me off, my I'm like, I'm looking for it. I'm looking for it, and then

I have to scale it back a little bit. I was gonna scale it ball. Something that's gonna scale it back. Let's than what it's already scaled back. Like like I need more and anybody got the recipe for me being able to freak off two days in the row. Let me know, because this has become a big thing in our house. This has been a big like you made something funny, I said to a text last night because we had sex yesterday and I knew when I came home.

You know, we had sex two days ago, and I knew when I came home last night we wasn't gonna have sex. So I was sitting there in the house and kids all day, and I was preparing for this, and you don't have the kids all day. I had the kid the first part of the day, and then your mother came by the second part of the day. See this is how women be lying. They always throw

this out. They always throw this out as if they're the only ones that have the kids, when they're not the only I had the kids and the only want me. You know how the babies are there, but you weren't at the house. You weren't at the house. That was only for a couple of hours that I'll stop because you didn't get home until at the ten, so don't even play yourself. The kids will sleep at nine, so you had an old hour to yourself. Get your freak level up right. I'll work on that next time. So

let me tell you what happened. So last night we go, we go to bed, and this is what she does when she don't want to have sex, right, when she don't want to have sex, right, when she passed me and something, she makes sure she don't touch my dick at all, like she'll slide by it like it'd be like I can't touch it. If I touch it, that he gonna want to put it on me. So then she goes to bed, right, and she turns over and go to sleep. I'm like, you know, i ain't even

gonna argue with her tonight. I'm gonna just send her a text my third dream by then. And I didn't even know this a long text, like a woman text where the texts, so women text, yes, don't do that, yo, you do that. You know you know women text longer than men, and y'all get mad about it all the time. You'll text me a long text and I'll reply with okay, and you'll be like going. So I should have replied with it okay and kept that same man and even

reply this morning like you didn't see the text. Honestly didn't. I wasn't paying attention to that. I was having anxiety. I wasn't even paying attention to that the lot. So we didn't have sex last night. So I texted a long text explaining how upset I was that we haven't had sex two days in row. Better luck tonight and better luck. Le's see how we go. Listen, man, we'll see how the rest of this discussion goes. Say that you see what I'm saying, You see what I'm saying.

This is what we go through in our house. These are the fact, This is the truth. This is what happens. This is stuff you don't see. But it's very real, very very real. A matter of fact, I might withhold it from you because you know, in the mood nor More suddenly got a headache for my head hurts, I'm gonna go over here and recharge, and my head hurt in a rechard, I got cramps. Don't even go there either with that, because you don't know what that you

know what it's like to have these kids my bag. Goodbye. This for the record, there it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger Woods doesn't know who he is best in the history of Gaul no question in

my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert And we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. All right, now it's time for my favorite part of the show, the listener letters. This is the time when you guys can write in, you can ask for advice. And I like this portion because I can give my perspective, but

I will not proclaim to be an expert. So if it don't go right, don't blame us, don't come looking for me in the park a lot. Don't get mad, you know, I'm just gonna give you my perspective. Like I said, I am not a relationship expert. It's my favorite part too, because I'm not another year because I like to hear other I want the questions sometimes give you insight into what the other people are going through. So I get to learn sometimes just by listening to

what the question is. So this is my favorite part. That's nice. But I always put the disclaimer out that we are not relationship advice experts because I am still every day trying to figure out this man next to melt all right, and you're struggling. You're struggling, you know. But I got to figure out a difficult person. I got to figure out which your fifteen personalities I'm dealing

with at the time. So depending on that personality, about roughly you got fifteen personalities, each one each one comes with a different wig. Yes, don't throw shade at my wig, devo. And then there are substances to your personalities when you have the hat on with the wig, so there are layers to your personality. So you have about eight different personalities. Let me tell you, I just call it being very

resourceful because when I have a wig on, guys. Just so y'all know if the lace front portion is not acting right at that particular time, I went on Amazon and I ordered fifteen berets different different color berets I have read are just like the whole rainbow. So depending on what I'm wearing, Like if I'm wearing a blue set of pants, I'll wear the orange beret. Just you know, complimentary colors for everybody. Everybody who thinks that it's one

it's a hat wig combination, it's not. It's not. She buys a wig and a hat to go with the wig. But I'm able to simultaneously take off the wig and the hat in one clean swoop. Yeah. That that right there, and I'm able to then think the skill. I can think and breathe again after I get the wig off my head. Right before we eat crab legs. That's when the wig and the hat comes off. Absolutely, I have to be comfortable when I eat sidebar. Back to the question.

Get I'm getting get just thinking about this all right. So our first question is when you're significant other looks at you, what do you think they see or think

about you? Man, that's that's a that's a very loaded question and there's a lot of different nuances to that question because a lot of that depends on how you feel in the morning as the person like when I wake up in the morning, it depends on what my confidence is, okay, And then it also depends on the first face you make when you look at me in

the morning. So yeah, so that's what I like sometimes. Um, But for the most part, when I look at you, I know that you look at me, you see a protector, you see a provider, you see someone that's going to make sure that you're okay and taking care of Yes, that's for the most part. But then there are days where I I know you look at me and you give me that little squint side I because you're really

not sure what you're doing here anymore. Because we have our days as a married couple where we're just like, bro, this this this really is not working. And the funny thing is that I think everyone goes through that. But I can tell what what you're thinking sometimes in your face or your responses, and you know, I've learned to to accept the fact that as I change and as you change, you're going to be a lot of days

like that. But as long as the overarching idea is that you know that I'm a provider and I'm a protector, and then I love you more than anything else. I think that we're good. So all of the little funny you know, the funny looks where he's kinda like I don't even know if he is anymore. They're gonna come and go, but you're always gonna know I'm going to provide, protect and I love you. That is very spot on. You're trying to get some tonight, right, That's another thing.

You know, I'm gonna put that thing on you. Yeah, you know when when you look at me, I know you're going yeah, something like that. But I have said that before. I feel like you you make me feel as if your sole purpose in life is to ensure that me and the boys are good all the time. Like sound mind, we're good financially, you know, we feel like we're taken care of. So high five for that you're successful in that, and that's my whole purpose right now.

Asked me the question, so, uh, what do you think I see when I look at you? You know, the first thing that came to mind when I saw this question. It kind of made me a little se I'm not

gonna gonna lie. Um. I feel like sometimes at least now you look at me and you wonder, where is that girl that I met and knew when we first met, you know, And it has a lot to do It has a lot to do with I feel like just over the years, with you know, kids and with time and with responsibilities, a little bit of that girl has gotten lost. Um, And it was just kind of like the carefree Kadean who was just happy with had at that time. And I'm not I'm not, but I feel

like sometimes you miss that. No, there's no sometimes I do miss that. Like, if you think about it, that's how we we met, Like we met each other at that moment. That's what makes you fall in love that

person that you you initially meet. But then it also creates in me a little bit of uh inadequacy that I feel sometimes, you know, I kind of feel like, you know, maybe a little part of you is yearning for that person again, that girl who was like, you know, the go getter, always going, and you kind of have to use that too then say, hey, like remotivate me all the time if that makes sense. No, it does make sense. But I have a follow up question, You

don't miss that about me? No, because I feel like your your ambition and your your work ethic and your drive has always been consistent. It has been consistent, and I think that's because too you've had to like you've never had the easy way into anything that you've done. For example, go into Hastra. They weren't like, oh, this guy is a great athlete. We're gonna give him a full scholarship. You had to walk on to Hastra approve yourself.

The same thing happened with the NFL. You weren't, you know, a draft pick. You had to go improve yourself. So I think you always having to do that and having that insane work ethic is something that I admire and I'm jealous of. Like I wish I felt like that all the time. I get that. So pretty much what you're saying is is that you've lost a little bit of your spark for in yourself from being that goal getter, that nineteen year old that I met. Why do you

feel like you lost that? I think it's your It's just everything compounded on top of each other. It's the years, it's the work, it's the bills, it's the kids. It's just like, sometimes I struggle with who Codeine is again, you know, and I feel like sometimes you look at me and you're just like where where is she at? Like that girl that I wanted to put in the

box right right for a rainy day. Well, you know what's funny, though, I will admit that watching you as a woman grow has been great because I've seen you just conquered so many different things. I don't think you give yourself enough credit for the things you've done, and I think that's in part why you find it hard to celebrate who you've become. And I think that's in part why we kind of had this back and forth and where you're not excited and happy sometimes about who

you are. But baby, I love who you are. You're growing. I do miss that little girl sometimes, but I can't say that I'm not in love with the person you are now. You know what I'm saying. I'm also in love with the person you are now. And he's in love with this extra about pounds that I've put on since I you know, he sees the mother of his sons like I gave you three whole boys, and that a little extra babywait has fallen into the right place. So you know when my significant you got you got

to give yourself credit. Alight, all right, give yourself down, double up, thank you, thank you. Right, let's go to the next question. One question being married, do you feel obligated to have sex every time y'all get in bed? Yep, but it don't happen. It don't happen. Let me tell you. Okay, I feel the obligation, but it just don't happen. I can't. I can't like who And that's another thing. Cadine Drive at eighteen and nineteen is not here. We are a

decade and change later. Okay, it's just not And it's like you're throwing throw into it all the actors of just like not even just the Drive, but it's like all the ship that we got going on. Like I sometimes that should don't stop me from what I want to go to sleep? That do not stop me. Do you remember that one time you were like deathly ill? Devo had a fever that was like a hundred and three point yes, and he was so sick, and all I can think to myself that night was like, how

dona give me a free night? He's not gonna be looking at me like okay, so we're gonna get it in. And I was so excited until devout and his hot asked body, because I remember your body was so hot, rolled over everything else in his body was dead except for you know what. I was like, there is absolutely no way that you want to do this right now. Imagine what that would have felt like. Though it's heated,

it's heated, it feels good, added sensation. I was like, a reason why, there's a reason why the Lord makes that still work. Literally, I was floored by that. I said, there's no way this man on his almost deathbed wants to have sex right now, because how is that possible? I literally think it has a mind of its own, Like it's not having a mind to see what You don't understand the power you have. You could have cured me. I couldn't. You could have cured me by giving me something.

That's why it still works. Gave his as a thorough flu a night quill. Drop him up, and I was like, go to bed. I was pissed. Go to bed, let me sleep in peace. I was pissed, But you know it's it's it's funny because as like, like what she said. Even though we're joking a lot, we do have these these talks and these issues. You know, our sex drives don't always match, and for the most part right now,

yes they don't. They don't ever match. And this has become, you know, a topic of contention in our home because me as a man, want to know, like, well, what do you expect me to do? You want me to be monogamous, You want me to come home and love on you and be romantic and do all these things. But how am I supposed to do all these things if I'm not getting what I need as well? I know, but you need it like every day to week? Can

we like come to a happy medium? Sign? Stop stop lying and making it seem like like, Okay, here's the truth, right If I don't get it, we've already we started to bargain. Okay, she can't do it every day. The female body cannot take that type of interaction. Every day. Things happen, all right, So we go every other day, right, But if two and three days go in between that

every other day, I'm gonna being a bad movie. Don't don't ask me for no hugs, you know, And don't and then don't act like you don't know what it is, because you'll be knowing what it is. She just gets tired of having the same discussions over and over again, and I'm just like, I know what it is, so I know i'mnn have to turn up tonight. But we need to find we need to find some middle ground. Because I'm speaking for all the men here. Men turn up your radios. It is unfair for you, as a

wife to ask me to have sex. When do you want to have sex? Only when you want to have sex? How you want to have sex and only have sex with you and be happy about it. That's like, that's where that's my point. Where is the compromise? If I got to do all that and I got to be happy? So I got ya. I'm just trying to smile right now, like I got to smile. She wants me to walk him smiling. Y'all hear the smile. So she wants me

to walk in the house, horny. We ain't have sex in three or four days, and when we have sex, you gotta have sex how she want to have it. And I'm supposed to be like, hey, hey, you can't expect me to do that. Absolutely, I'm gonna be grumpy. I'm gonna be to understand my plight and know that I was dealing with the kids all day, and I was working all day and all that good stuff. Oh yeah, I don't ever deal with the kids. I don't ever work right. I'll just be walking around the world free

all day. Sometimes women be full of ship. I'm telling you, we're gonna cap this discussion for a whole another peut. Now we're capping. Now cap this is exactly what she doing, capping the booty because you're trying to tap the booty. But let's tap this for a whole another whole, another episode. Let me gather my thoughts because you're not about to

attack me. I'm not attacking, attacking the truth. Just sure that's de vous truth though that's the only truth I'm concerned about, you know, because you always think you're right. Like I said before, guys see or the Highway, I know him right whatever? Anyway, Um, any advice for couples with different culture American and Caribbean. But this is something we had to deal with directly because there were some some issues of us not understanding each other's culture on

a very serious level. You know, let's just throw out the food thing. Um, the religion thing because her her mom and dad sell them their seven day eventus. So I was raised seven, so they went to church on Saturday. I grew up Baptist. We go to church on Sunday. For me, those are the easy issues to deal with,

you know, like we weren't even concerned about that. Some of the issues that we struggled with was the social economic issues that Caribbean and American blacks go through, and that a little bit of that clash they have, not understanding each other's history. Yeah, I think there's definitely a little bit of m contention between American blacks and Caribbean Absolutely. Um my parents are My mom is from Jamaica, my dad is from St. Vincent Um, And I think that,

you know, they might I didn't think. I know that they migrated to New York looking for a better opportunity. You know, that's the thing you're back home, you have your family. My mom was the oldest of six. She is the oldest of six, I should say. My father, um also too, was one of the older sons in the family. So they came up here looking for a way to make money so they can send money back home to send for the kids and bring them up, and just looking for more opportunity out here in America.

And they came and they worked. Like both of my parents, you know, we're pounding the pavement. My mom started with her first job at Burger King, you know, while she was going to nursing school. My dad was in the hospital working as a as a lab tech um. So you know, they definitely both were trying to just find

a way to make money by any means necessary. And I think a lot of um West Indians, Um, I don't always say Caribbeans, but West Indians definitely come taking any job possible, by any means necessary, being able to make money to support themselves into advance. And I think and I can respect that, but but there the issue comes with Black Americans who have been in you know who,

who have you grown in this country from generations. The issue comes with the lack of respect for the fight that black Americans had to go through to even get those opportunities for Caribbean Americans to come over here. And and part of the reason why there's an issue is because in our school systems in America, they do not teach Black American history. So I know they're not teaching Black American history in the Caribbeans, so in the Caribbean,

in the Caribbean or West Indies. So when they come over here and you hear them use terms like black Americans are lazy because we refuse to take job jobs that that we've been doing in this country for free for years, it causes an issue for Black Americans because it's like, Yo, you're not gonna call me lazy when my people fought for the rights that you have now

in this country. And I think that's where the issue called definitely, because there's been times when me and her dad have gotten into arguments in the home, in her home about what black people in the Americans are willing to do as opposed to black West Indians. And realistically it was just a lack of knowledge on on both parts, because there's a lot of Black Americans who don't understand the struggles in Caribbean culture and they just feel like, oh,

you live in the Bahamas, it's nice there. You know, they don't understand that you're coming from almost a third world country and you're willing to do whatever to get that money. To go back. So, and let's be real, we all came from Africa and we were dispersed throughout the West Indies. We were dispersed about, you know, the America's so we all pretty much have the same struggle. Been this franchise for hundreds of years and we're all seeking that, you know, that ability to be able to

just provide and thrive in the world. So I will say this any advice, make sure that you guys sit down as families and talk about the history of your culture. Be transparent about how you feel, but make sure someone is willing to educate the other and open to listen so you can learn about the others culture. I think that was very well said. Absolutely, because there's so much beauty in the culture. Yes, there is so much beauty between the Black American experience. There's beauty with all of

the islands in the West Indies. So yeah, embrace that, embrace that we should really be supporting each other through it all. So, you know, first of all, we want to thank you guys because this has become like a therapy session for us. So if you've got any questions, please email it to us too. Dead ass Advice at gmail. Dot com. That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. Thank you, guys. We appreciate to look forward to those questions. Yes, definitely,

all right, the moment of truth. You've always hashtagged your devource truth on here or your videos and your futures and stuff like that. I would say my moment of truth or the moment of truth for me today would be do whatever you want to do in life, whatever you whoever you want to do it with, and enjoy it like you just got to enjoy every minute of it. You get one life to live and you have to enjoy.

On top of that, you gotta learn to listen to the people closest to you and to be able to give and take constructive criticism without being offended or feeling insulted or being offensive or insulting people. You know what I'm saying, Like, know what I'm saying is that's that's

the moment of truth. If you can learn in all your relationships, not just marriage, brother, co worker, you know, friends, if you can learn how to take constructive criticism and not be insulted or offended and give it without insulting your relationships can grow because the only way you can grow in a relationship and learn is through dialogue. It's true. And I think they want the truth, but then I can't really digest the truth, so it's hard. I mean,

I think people don't want the truth. I think people want to hear what they what they want to hear and take it as because they get offended if it's not right. Okay, gotcha, Well, I mean that takes me to mom a wer truth. I think, um, thinking about everything we spoke about today, I think about how much transparency can get you a long way, um, and in

those relationships. So like you and I being very transparent, or just me learning to be more transparent, like with my my family and my parents and stuff, because transparency was something that was not really encouraged in my household. It was like, you know, you don't talk your business, you don't talk about things. They kind of blow over on their own, which they never do. They tend to fester.

So transparency get your long way. I mean it's not just transparentcy transparency with your significant other, your family or friends, but being transparent with yourself. Like a lot of self reflection today. You know what's what's going on in Codein's life that she needs to fix. You know what I mean,

Codin fix your life. You don't need yanla Um, but you know if no, but it helps to have someone who really cares about you in the process, you know what I mean, and someone who's as invested in your goals, if not more, to help you along that way, you know, um,

And yes, stop caring what people think so much. I think a lot of the reason why we're able to be in the position that we're in now, having had the social media sitcom or having the social media presence, it's because we ultimately are doing what we want to do and we haven't cared about what people said about us since we were eighteen. Because in the time we got together, when I was a freshman in college, all we kept hearing was y'all ain't gonna last. Oh, you

got a girlfriend coming into college. We'll see how that goes. Oh you got a girlfriend going into the NFL. Oh we'll see how that goes. Oh you your wife doing social media? That ain't gonna last. Was like, That's why I said, do what you want with the people in your life and enjoy it and do not listen to nobody else. I mean, because if we did listen to everybody else, we probably wouldn't be here in the space that they're talking to y'all dead ass. Alright, guys, be

sure to follow us on social media. I am Devout and that's Cadeen. I am for me kg A D and I am not Condemium, but I mean, hey, I'll take it either way. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe and spread the lovely way. Baby. It's New York Way, It's cade and DeVos Way. Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square, Stephanie Karauke and Dinor Opinion.

Our executive producer is Chris Bannon, and we'd like to give a special thanks to our recording engineer, Jared O'Connell, our sound designer Brendan Burns, and studio manager Ashley Warren. H We'll back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitchen every We're called Substraction that's available every we get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now. To the distraction. Right now, it's out do it least