Keeping Up With The Kids

Parents. If you think you know your kids, you.

Don't, dead ass, because I remember when Lord.

And I refuse to become that mom that refers to various apps and social media platforms as the Facebook. Can you hit me on what's up? Don't let me be that girl? I cannot be that mom. Y'all dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos.

With our boys and reading each other publicly as a.

Form of therpy.

Wait.

I make you need therby most days.

Wow.

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are.

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

The lens of the lend you marry a couple.

Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take philosoff to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now.

Okay, story time.

Now, I'm known for telling stories about my young athletes, but this time in particular, I'm going to tell story about different set of athletes. My female athletes, and the young female athletes move different than the young male athletes. I noticed that they were way more sneaky. Right in this particular time, all of the parents and I were all we were all friends because we also did our

And I said, the snapchats for a reason, the several snapchats, several.

Snapchats, and she happened to check the snapchats and realize that all of the girls were at a party. So she didn't do like they do on the sitcoms and waited home and tried to catch the girls in the line.

No, she got in.

Her car, Oh she didn't.

She got in the car and popped up knock knocked on the door, walked in there and snatched them girls up out of that party, like the most embarrassing thing a mom can do on the most embassing when she snatched them girls out and then brought them to training on that Monday and said, Coach Deval, this is what your athletes were doing, and now they left it up to me to punish them. So they ran a lot. They they did a lot of duck walks a.

Lot because the mom was just like, oh, you know what they was doing, Coach vow they want to be in the party lights of shaking their booties all over.

Everybody wanted to do all these dances and stuff. So you know what, I think their legs need to.

Be quad strength, yeah, quad strength and flexibility.

Yeah.

There's a lot of sad faces in practice that day. I didn't scream it all. I was just like, Mama, they are they good moms? Just like, nah, they're not good.

I know exactly the mom he's talking about.

And if there was a mom that I had to pick to go up to somebody's house and snap some people out of there, yes, she'd have definitely been the one.

Yes, that's probably why I don't have daughter's lord because.

Shout out to her though, because she taught me a very valuable lesson. And then this lesson we're going to explain.

Let's do it. So karaoke time.

We're back to karaoke, and I'm you know, y'all know I'm terrible with lyrics, so I'm actually gonna pull up the lyric and the lyrics.

No, I'm not going to butcher it because the lyrics are.

Very very important, but many songs on karaoke time.

No, I'm not gonna butcher because these words are important.

You Okay, go for it.

You can jump on whatever you want, all right.

I can show you the world shining, shimmering, spanned. Tell me, princess, Now, when did you last let.

Your heart is sign?

Oh?

Yes, I can open your rise to social media take you wonder by one over Sideways and the Magic carpid ride a.

Whole new world, don't you dare? Close Your ride a new fantastic point of you.

Listen, no one to tell us no where to go or say we're only dream.

Not damn Come on voice addiction, you better hit that dream.

Yes, but listen to the words. That's what social media be doing.

The people taking you on a magic carpet ride, a cess pool of.

Stuff that's going on out here in the world.

What kind of magic was that?

Shining, shimmering, splendid everything you see in the world.

Ain't the way it's presented on social media.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

And if no one's there to tell you know where to go, baby, you will end up down bad. So yeah, let's take a quick break and pay some bills, and then we'll come back in and talk about why it's so important for us as parents to stay up on all of these technologies and social media trends and what's next and all the app and the lingo and this that and the third, because we will get left behind in the dust and can't keep up with our own damn kids.

All right, we'll be back.

All right, we're back.

So this, this story, even though it's funny, was super important to me because it came to me like an epiphany two weeks ago.

You know, Jackson turned thirteen. He turned thirteen.

Earlier in the year in April, and I've noticed just a change in him, you know, like he walks with a little bit more of a swag. He hasn't really gone through puberty yet, but he's almost taller than you.

Now he's feeling himself.

He actually says all the words to this rap songs, like he's not just saying to beat no more.

He's listening to the words.

And then he introduced me to something last year that I didn't even know existed. It was chat GPT me too. And in this moment, I was just like, yo, show me what this is. He showed me how it works, and you was showing me some stuff on AI. He was like, Dad, did you know on your phone? You can do this? And instantly my first response was, Man, I'm not doing all that shit. Man, I'm too old for this. Yeah, young people can have all this technology. I'm focusing on what I got to do to make money.

I think about so many different times that growing up, right, of course, we were before social media ages, right, so that was a little bit easier for us to maneuver and navigate and sneak around and do things that we probably had no business doing. But the layers of it now are so much more intense. Then you have the push for, for example, athletes. Since we're talking about your

Who's regulating those things? Are the kids?

I mean sure at that age, when you have that need to want to fit in, you're looking through the comments, You're letting that affect you. So I'm wondering what that looks like for children or I guess athletes in that position.

Well, I'm I'm glad you brought that up because it was one name that I forget and forgot and I don't know how I even forgot this because he's a professional and still gets a ton of vitrio. But Bronnie James, when I watch how they maneuvered Bronnie on social media, and when you really think about it, did BRONI ever really have a social media?

See?

I don't know.

Following it, you see what I'm saying.

He had a social media but you can tell his page wasn't run by him, and it was specifically monitored by his parents, which makes sense because Bron knows everything he has gone through through social media. Same thing with Savanna, So they were like, I'm not going to throw my kids into social media now that whole idea of in order to boost your profile social media is necessary. Yes, that's true, but your thirteen year old doesn't have to manage their.

Social their own account exactly.

There can be a.

Page dedicated to the work that your child does that they don't have access to, if that's something they want to do, or you can sit down with your child and say, look, you get a social media page, because.

They're probably gonna get one anyway.

Facts without without you knowing it.

That you could do like what we did with Jackson, and I said, look, you can't post anything, and Jackson like, why can't I post anything? I say, because at thirteen years old, you don't understand the repercussions and the ramification of something that you post exactly.

So I don't want you to have I don't want you to post.

Anything, and we don't want you don't We don't want you subjected to other people's opinions about what you post because Ultimately, when you do post on social media, which was also the conversation we have with him, when you post on social media, you have to understand that it's fair game. Whatever you put out there, people have the right to be able to comment, to share, to like, to do whatever. That's the whole point of it. So

It's all the time. I see you do it because I have his.

I guess, I say some time because I know, yeah.

I have his password.

And part of the thing that we decided was you can have a social media page if I have access to it. So on his social media page, I have his social media page linked, so I can just double click it and I'm on on his page exactly.

So he doesn't even know. I don't even have to say, give me your phone, Jacks, I can look.

And I told him, I said, look, I'm just letting you know that I can see right, just so that you.

Know, yeah, his whole phone is pretty much successible to no HI.

If you want to look at stuff, ask questions, but go ahead.

No, So yeah, I was just saying that to say, when you think about the algorithms and how those work with social media platforms, I feel like, Okay, if I'm pushing him that things that are motivational inspirational to build his confidence. We joke over certain things, like we have our own little inside jokes. I'll send them things that have to do with that. Then that will hopefully push his algorithm to search more things that are inspirational and motivational.

At, there's no hopefully it will because the way the algorithm works, things that you save or things that you click on they constantly send you because the algorithm wants you to stay on the app. So if you're constantly looking at trees, for example, the algorithm's going to send you trees because they want you to stay engaged with what you like. So I purposefully send him inspirational quotes, wealth building things, muscle building things, minds, things about being

I know he has his cousins and his friends. It's another thing I do.

You can't accept anybody without me seeing because your praise is private. So when I go in there and I count I'm that dad guy, I'm not.

I listen to me.

Kadeen and I are unapologetic about what we're doing with our kids, and I've met with other parents and other parents the most you think that's a big controlling and I said, yes.

It is controlling. Absolutely it is because.

The minute my child goes out there in the world and does something that people don't like, the first thing they say is like, why is this child out of control?

Exactly, I'm not going Exactly.

Kadeen and I are not going to let social.

Media or leave it up to them or children, it's.

Friends or anybody to raise our kids. So what are we going to do control what they see and how they see it? Now, granted, he's gonna find other ways. Absolutely we know this, right, We also know and we told him that we know this. So now it's a point where it's like, yo, we're being as transparent if you want to do things or try things or see things, come to us, we'll walk you through.

Literally like nothing is off the table in this household essentially when you think about it, nothing because we want them to always feel comfortable coming. And that's even me as a mom, you know, thinking raising for boys, like there's things that they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with, something to a mom about because it may be things having to do with girls or having to do with just growing as a man and being a boy and change it in the body.

But Jackson, he comes to us.

It comes to us, and he comes to me and he'll ask and he literally does not have that like fear or anxiety.

I don't see that.

And I love that freeness that we have with our boys because they literally like I want to be in the car with y'all, and I want to be rapping to a little baby too, you know what I'm saying. I've been known a time too to pull up some lyrics a to see what the hell they're rapid about, just so I know, because we do believe that you know the power of speaking things and saying things. So I want to know a little baby talking about sometimes too.

I think the truth is for both of us right, and we need to do a whole podcast on this trouble.

Please write this down.

I want to do a podcast on me being the type of man that I want my boys to grow into, and them seeing you as a type of woman they would want to spend the rest of their life with, and how important it is for the both of us to make a decision once we had children. It's like, yo, I have to be what I want my kids to be. You know, it's not enough like when we grew up, do as I say, not as I do. That don't work anymore.

No, they don't actually live exist.

Yes, because I want my kids to look up and be like I want to be like my dad. So if my dad is not doing these things, I don't want them to be like, look at my dad.

It's so old school. I don't want to be like.

Him because then it becomes a thing where it's like, oh, if he's not doing these things, because he's a square.

Did you feel like that with your dad, because I know like you got some pushback when you were growing up about like getting braids or getting a tattoo or doing those things that they felt like was on trend at the time that the young people were doing, but it was frowned upon, you know, from your parents' generation.

I'll be honest, I never really like sat down and thought about it, but I will remember this.

My dad was the cool guy.

Okay.

Remember growing up in Flatbush, Brooklyn.

All of the dudes that was on the corner always like people in the people over there.

In album, all knew my pops through his organization.

So I looked up to my father because he's the dude that all the guys I looked up to looked up to.

You know what I'm saying.

Okay, so your dad was cool.

Yeah, de Sean Freeman is the Chris Jackson's, the Kevin Caesars. Like all of those guys who protected us in Flatbush and made sure we was good.

They yo, mister t uncle. They looked up to my pop.

So I was automatically like, Yo, whatever my pops is doing, That's what I'm want to do. You know, walking around with my sleeves cut off my shirt. My father wore jewelry. People asked me why I wear jewelry. My father wore jewelry. Why he liked nice cars while he put ten in windows and rims on his cars.

My dad didn't was that guy he was though.

My pops literally was that guy.

That's why, you know, when people talk to me about fatherhood and stuff, and they just like, you know, who are your role models? And I understand why they asked people who their role models were, because it's very rare that you hear a black man say my role model was my dad, because they purposely don't choose black men with fathers to ask them. They always asked the black men who don't have their father who was their role models?

So I got to watch my dad, you know, I literally grew up with your dad's lessen. Yeah, I think about my mom and dad, or particularly my mom, because you know, girls like to emulate their moms. My mom carried herself with the utmost like presence. Everything was about the apparents and being put together, and that's what I wanted to emulate as I grew up. So like being in pageants, for example, was like so spot on for

So I'll completely get that.

All right, Let's jump into some facts and stat's really quick so we can see what's going on in this world of parenting and children and how we're trying to stay up.

Okay, let's see more than half.

That's fifty six percent of parents who report having at least one minor child but who may also have an adult child or children say they spend too much time on their smartphones, while smaller shares say they spend too much time on social media. Thirty six percent or playing video games eleven percent. Eighty four percent of parents say their children use technology with them or another parent at home. Sixty two percent of parents feel that technology has a

Now, I don't want to say throw all of this away. I don't write because I read all of this right, but throw all of this shit away, okay, Because there's a story that I told, oh, I think it was two years.

Ago about parents who came in.

Remember I used to do social media checks for protogah at the gym, and these parents came in because I had a profile from their for their son. Mom says, there's no way that my son has a profile because my son doesn't even have a phone. Coach, if I wouldn't even let my son have a phone, I said, are you sure, I said, well, these pictures and video are from a phone that I found in your son's possession. She's looking at it. She's like, I've never seen this

Probably with his allowance money, saving us lunch.

And saving up his own money that he got, put his own pro, created his own profile and everything, no number because it worked on Wi Fi. Then hard all of his own But here's the here's the smartest part. All of the stuff that he had on the phone, he kept it at the gym. That's why the phone. He never took the phone home. But that's why his parents didn't know. Wow, because those.

Parents, those parents were probably probably in his shit trying to find stuff.

That's why I say all of these stats where you think you know your child, you don't. You have to be caught up on technology. These parents were listening to their child. My child would never lie to me, same thing we said about Jackson. Right, My child would never lie to me, right, my child doesn't have a phone. You find out that your son not only has a phone, but it's on there at fourteen, throwing up gang signs,

His name came up.

Now you here denying the fact that your child has a profile and them has a phone, press charges on you. Your son now he has pedophile charges against him for sharing pictures of a minor to his friends. And this is why I say all of this stuff about facts and stacks, throw it out.

It's true, because the real fact about it is that whatever you think you know about your kid, you probably know that much just about that.

And I'm saying the same thing about I need to know the technology, right. The reason why we need to know the technologies. I can't trust that my kids are gonna tell me everything about the technology. And he felt comfortable doing stuff on Snapchat. He's fourteen, he said, I thought it just disappears. And I said that to him. I said, you see, this is the problem with you guys. He was sending stuff thinking it was funny and joking our dad. I'm not in the gang, like I'm not

Screen recording in walk saving the story.

When I asked Hm, I said, how do you think I got all of these things right?

They just don't even know the pork. They're so dumb like teenagers. They man, they are so dumb. I know we were so dumb.

Then not only teenagers.

Parents are dumb because you know who else monitors social media, the Feds.

The FEDS monitor social media.

They didn't know that their child was caught up with a bunch of kids who were all gang affiliated fourteen.

I know what you think of fourteen. They're not really doing anything in gangs. You know.

With the highest rate of murders amongst kids in New York City during the most time twenty twelve to twenty sixteen, murders from between twelve and sixteen years old. That was when Wu and chow really started to develop twenty twelve. In twenty sixteen, they used to use young boys as shooters because you could. You didn't get fed time as a shooter when you were young. You get out when you're eighteen. So they would tell kids all the time, it's not that big of a deal. I need you

That you know what I'm saying?

You should know this.

You shouldn't be singing certain songs and then walking through East New York, because if you sing those songs and walk through East New York, you may have beef with somebody. You singing these songs so loud because you got your EarPods in and you walking through a drug zone or a zone where these dudes are the ops, and you get your ass what I've lived it when that prototype.

Man. Because I was going to one of the questions would asked it was what trends do you feel behind on when it comes to technology? And I'm like, maybe as much as I try to get on TikTok and try to post on there and be a tiktoking person.

I just I just don't have the capacity at all. I don't have the capacity.

And I don't think it's a special kind of brain power that requires its required to do TikTok.

It's just not Maybe it's just not my You don't have the band with. I don't have that. Don't have the band with?

When are you going to sit down and practice dances between all the other stuff you got going on?

That is absolutely true. I think it's more of a time thing. I just don't have the time, the energy, or the real interesting either, you know. So that's somewhere where I fall behind. But like you said, to your point, having a TikTok and at least knowing like that's going to be something that you can have just to insane. It has to be the op want to know me for your kid to know what's happening and know what's going on.

What about in the I think it was the nineties, This is before TikTok. This I told about my parents when U teens were playing a knockout game where they pined you up against the wall and had you fight, and.

It like they cut off.

And a couple kids had died and the parents didn't know like why they choked my son out like this?

And it was like they were doing a trend.

Parents need to know the trend so that they can talk to their kids like, yo, don't play this knockout trend.

You know what?

I else to rely on to having like a younger sibling, Like my sister's ten years younger than me. Your sister is nine years younger. It's like, what's happening.

Over in that world? You don't know?

Like now I have to tap into our nieces and our nephews. Yeah, who are the eighteens and the nineteen and twenty year olds to be like yo, like let's have what's happening. But it's again having the genuine interest as parents and not writing it off like oh, these young people, these young people, you know as social media personalities are having a presence on social media. Do you think that our kids are going to be more responsible when it comes to social media?

Well, I've had conversations with with our children, all of them, even the little one, Dakota, because he liked to pick up the phone. And I'm learning through social media, like they're learning, you know, we don't put our children on social media as much as we used to because now we're realizing. At first, I thought social media was a trend that was going to be gone, right, and we were, you know, we were utilizing it to help boost our

Children, and it's like you can't take it back. Like once it's out there, it's like forget it, Like love love my fan page down, baby, But let me post the Instagram story real quick, and within like two minutes it's reposted on the fan page. So I'm like, damn, if I wanted to take the story down, I can't now because y'all already reposted it and you know, and it's just so quick that people have the access.

That's why we have to become those same people like the TV model and the movie model, where they have governing bodies who decide what people are going to post.

We have to be that for our children.

Yeah, so it's no longer you know, you can't have this, No, it's let's talk about this. Why would you post this? Let's discuss why is it important for you to post this? Now, let's discuss what can happen if you post this? You know what I'm saying. It's those types of conversations, not not no, you can't ever stay away because it's the

That's a whole nother s.

Child alcoholism, a drug problem, depression because the minute they got out in the real world and there was nobody there to tell them no.

They were stimulated by everything.

I kind of worked out well in a sense. Maybe it's because I found you. Maybe you helped to save me, because I know I was baby. I was ready to turn up in college when I left my parents' household, because I was the textbook person that was we did turn up.

We turned up in life.

No, but I was that textbook person leaving my parents' house going to college. That was like completely suffocated by my parents. But in their eyes, which I completely understand and I don't knock them for it now as an adult, they were trying to do everything to protect me.

So I get where they were coming from.

You know, both of them came up here when they were just teenagers and had to fend for themselves, so they're trying to protect me from this world.

That they were up against.

But yeah, I was prepared to go to college to just be like, all right, I'm in every party, I'm outside like I'm going to do all the things that I couldn't do at home.

I said no, and nah, I'll put the kabasha on that.

So aside from falling in love with you.

I think there was always just like this innate, healthy fear that I had, not wanting to disappoint my parents like that, That for me.

Trumped everything else.

So if it came down to me making a decision, even when it came down to decisions you and I had to make, as you know teenagers in college, it ultimately boiled down to, oh my god, what are my parents going to think if they got wind of this? There was always that in the back of my mind.

You know. See, for me, I grew up differently.

May I think because I was a boy growing up in the nineties, different than your parents.

Raising a daughter.

I got a little bit more leeway and part two because my parents weren't home all the time, so they had to trust me. So a lot of times it was just like, okay, you're gonna wear who you going with? I need to know And because I had to share that information because I wasn't afraid of my parents always saying no, I trusted my parents. When I wanted to try things, my parents like, okay, bet you can try here. Shout out to my uncle Kevin, who I had my

He was gonna you know, he would never put you in harmsquad.

He gave me some Hennessy on the rocks, me and my boy Jay, my brother, and he was like, the only thing is if you're gonna drink it, you gotta drink the whole cup. Jay thought he was super smooth and drank the whole cup and was messed up for the rest of the day. I sipped mind, my brother sipped out. Was but we didn't like the feeling. So from that point it was just like I wasn't in a rush to drink. You know, I was at home in his house. We all stayed the night.

There, so it was just like, so you weren't ed by it, No, I wasn't because it was something I had access to.

And then when I did it and it didn't feel good, I didn't want to do it no more. And he was just like, you know, in typical uncle Cape Fast see'all athletes now you're supposed to go to practice the next day. How you can go to practice feeling like this? And it was like, you know what, it was like, you know what? Are he right though? Like I'm trying to be nice at this? Why would I mess that up? And for that reason, I didn't drink or smoke in high school at all because I was afraid that my

Like.

He was known as hip hop cop. So he was the guy that was on trend.

Who knew all the music, who was you know, let me drive his car, but also kept an eye out so I knew how to navigate.

So that's what I want to do for our kids.

You know. Yeah, I think we're kind of well on our way with that because I even see it, like even outside of social media, it'll be little things like when the kids decided to grab a snack. Kaz for example, God love cas down, Okay, Kaz is my little He's like my little pantry mouse, right, He's the one that's always looking for a snack, and after dinner, he's the one that's going to ask for dessert. Yep, you would think that Kaz was like one hundred pound seven year old,

Kaz an orange?

I'll take some watermelon because that's a healthy right.

I'm like, yeah, he's using discernments.

So like where most kids would be like, let me get the cookie, let me get the brownie, let me get So it's like little things like that are starting to resonate with them where they're like, I'm going to make a healthy choice because this is good for my body.

Conversation.

I want to yeah, and I want to be like the best version of myself. I want to be a supreme athlete, so I actually give my body the right things.

Jackson and Cairo was just like then I walked in and it was a box of prime on the floor.

They sent Yeah, the company said the company.

Center and Jackson and cairols, Now, we're not drinking those. It's not good for us as athletes. And I was like, you'll be listening, but the box been there.

But you know what it tells me, and it tells us that our word holds weight heavier than what they watch or what their friends say. Because when it first came out, they were like, oh, we need to get this, this, that prime and all because all the kids were doing it. And then once we told them, I'm like, you know, we don't. It's it's a new it's a new dream.

Son.

You know when we became cool with our kids when we took the picture with the rapper not grbo oh NFL Chappa NL chappo. You said NFL Chopper.

Oh my god, you see what I'm saying. Guys, You see what I'm saying, NFL Chopper. No, you see what I'm saying about to send us back? The kids gonna be like.

Namn a Facebook. No, you know what it is.

Y'all have to excuse me because we're knee deep in the NFL season and that's all we talk about, and that's all that's on my team.

L E Chopper, Please forgive me, baby. Okay, but you're.

Thinking about NBA young Boy because there's an NBA young boy and then there's an n L E child.

I NL Chopper.

Yes, we met NLI Chopper at the hip hop at the BT Awards and we took a picture.

But then me and him was throwing the ball to each other.

And shooting jump shots at the game again, and that's when Jackson was like, yo, Dad, he was playing ball with NLI Chopper.

Yes, right, And I was just like, that's what's up right. He was like, you don't even know what song he singing, do you?

And I was like, yes, I do, and he started singing the song and then I was like, well I should I actually do know the song?

Which which one is that you remember Walkome Down Down? Oh you know, yeah, got a little dance to go with.

The twenty nineteen. But I feel old even saying that.

You know that song that the boy sang, the NFL Chapel, you know, NFL Chopper, He sang the song and walk them Down.

He sang the song and the walk them Down.

We watched the NFL all day yesterday, game after game after game, from.

One o'clock to eleven. There's a football game on every Sunday.

Absolutely, and it's Monday, so it's gonna be game on today.

It will be my life, my life, my life, all right, y'all. Another part of life is paying bills. Let's take a quick break. We're gonna pay some more bills and we will get back into listener letters when we.

Return, so stick around, all right, y'all.

Were back, and we were just laughing about the fact that I totally totally called and then lean chopping and chop yo yo.

That is wild.

The kids can't see.

Them, and that was that was my typical West Indian mom moment.

Where I was just like call them punder, whats up and tell them so that you know, the.

Chop up on the TV. And if you know.

Football, Tom Bradgy, you know, uh traffic.

They wouldn't even know Tom Brady. They would, they would, they would.

Completely tail us swift tail us swift.

Brian what's his name again? Remember? Anyway?

Let it over.

Yeah, speak for yourself, bro let me. I'm about to get up.

On the I'm speaking for you. You don't want to say the NFL chop. But what you may speak for yourself, I just know I speaking for both of us.

It was the confusion, y'all. I'm living in the matrix that is boy mom life. Okay, you gotta want me go first, I'm sure, go for it, Hey, go first, Hey, fam I just want to.

I just want to put this out here, right.

And there was a study that came out right and I'm gonna put this out here for trouble that heterosexual couples the divorce at the rate of forty six.

Percent on half.

Okay, that's quite a bit, right.

Lesbian couples, No, I'm just male gay couples twenty six percent.

Really, m lesbian couples seventy four percent. Damn Yeah, y'all a problem. I'm not a lesbian, no, but you're a woman so what I got.

To do it.

I'm married to you and we.

Still what you just did to me, What you just did to me is the problem. You said I could do it that you change your mind missing just cut me off. If I was a lesbian like Trouble, we'd be fighting.

Oh my god, you write trouble.

You ain't taking that shit, huh. But as a man, I'm gonna take it. You know why, Happy wife, happy life.

I love it.

I just said, tell me get the longer ones, you know, because I'm trying to save you from doing all this the work. You know what I'm saying, teamwork.

I will never say let me take the longer one. You can have that, all right.

I indeed enjoy the longer one. Thank you? All right? Now, Hey, you're nasty.

Y'all.

Kids can't watch this between NFL Chopper and you begging podcast.

It's not for them kids, Okay, period. Much love from Houston, Texas. I'm in a bit of a pickle. Bos does it?

I don't know.

My husband and I going on am eight years married, and for the first two years of our marriage, he decided he wanted to open his own massage therapy business.

I agreed that this would be.

A great idea, even though it would push back our plans to move to Houston. Originally, we lived in Louisiana until twenty nineteen. For the first year of our marriage, we stayed with his mom so that he can have money to build his business. The second year, he finally got We finally got our own place so that he can take care of his business. I decided to take on all the bills, including rent and daycare. Six years later, it's my turn to do what I'd like to do,

I asked if he could at least pick.

Up a part time job while I'm in school, which would only be for two years, and that was an immediate no. So I asked if he could at least pick up on trying to get clientele for his business. But he hasn't really put the work in to even speak or pass out business because.

I still got a business after six years.

So that he can gain this clientele that he really needs, he wants me to help with his business, which I do. I post on Facebook, on our page and posting groups around the city. I even speak at his business when people even mention needing a massage. If he doesn't bring in close to what I make, then it would mean that I would not be able to go to school, which means I would be resentful for what he couldn't do. How do I motivate my husband or what can I do so that I don't forget about my dreams?

All Right?

The first thing, I'm not even gonna approach this for me, I'm not going to take I'm gonna take all the personal stuff out.

Of here and keep a business.

Six years doing a business and you haven't been able to scratch the surface to build a clientele. You don't have a business. You're hemorrhaging money, and since you're not worth you're hemorrhaging your wife's money. Right, most businesses that become successful and have sustainability start to make a profit after three years.

So I'll give you the first six years. That's the glideline. Yeah, the first two years you win a red. Right, once you get to the third year, you're supposed to be in the black. You get to the fourth year, then it's like, oh, my business can sustain. The fifth year is oh, my business has solvency by the sixth years now was like, how could I expand or even scale my business by year six?

Like, that's that's a long time.

If you're in year six of the business and you're still in putting your own money into the business and don't have the clientele for it to be sustained, you should pivot and try to do another business. Maybe that business isn't for you, the business model you're using isn't good, or you're.

Just not a good business person, right, or maybe you don't give good massages, sir, because if you didn't, if a friend didn't tell a friend to tell a friend by now, like, yeah, that's usually how businesses thrived. I mean, I think number one is like word of mouth. That's true, telling people. Then she says she's on Facebook share and talking like anytime someone brings up you know, oh my neck might hurt. Oh my husband he does a massage,

You know that.

Huh, it's just dead indeed it is.

Can we be real?

Be real?

All right?

Man?

That nigga don't need no fucking motivation. Bro, He don't you know what he need a foot up his ass. There's no way in the way if that's my.

Sister, right, Seriously, six years, my sister's been paying all of the bills and then now it's time for her to do something for herself, to go back to school, which wild probably help her make more money.

And you like, and it's a problem, that's crazy.

So how like real talk?

Because I think a lot of what people they tend to try to pander to either sex or pander to a situation so that they don't sound bad.

This is the truth.

As a man, right, you have a responsibility to provide. As much as we like to say women should do this and women should do that, as a man, you have a responsibility to provide. Your wife gave you an opportunity in years to set up something.

Did we not do the same thing?

Literally the.

NFL?

And I was just like, yo, I want to start this beast training business. And I said, Yo, after these two years, you will not have to work at.

That store anymore. Literally that, I said, I'm not We're not doing this anymore.

It was literally that.

And if I didn't build that business after two years, you know what, I would have went and done got a.

Job because I had a part time job the whole time.

Anywayuly did.

And there's an actual timeline that you need to put into place when you're doing something with a part facts you have a husband and wife. What's the point in having a teammate when you're not wor working as a team.

Child.

Part of motivation is accountability, and the accountability is for her to say to him, and this is when you know that you've met your match with someone who's evenly yoked. Right when I wanted to do certain things and I needed you to go back to work, it wasn't a hey, babe, how can I find ways to motivate?

It was like, Yo, we got a plan. The plan is to do this.

Part of that plan requires you going to get insurance so that we can at least survive for these two years.

And it was I say less, so said so done.

Right when you was working and you was like your devow, I hate working and going for the holidays, it was no, babe, how can I motivate you?

It was like DIVI, I don't want to do this. Okay, so what's the plan?

What is the plan?

If this is your life partner? There's no how can I motivate? Sit down with that man and the two of y'all created a plan that works for both of you, not just one. The plan that they created in the beginning was only working for him. But he seems very comfortable because she's handling all.

The bills bills exactly.

Nah, bro, Now if that's my sister either, I'm fighting you.

You know, what I'm saying, or I'm telling her to leave. You know what I'm saying.

If you my brother, I'm asking you what are you doing there? Like, what are you doing?

You got to get up, Go get a job, do the massage business in the since you don't have a lot of clients, go be a substitute teacher.

Yeah, if it's your own clients, you schedule your days. It's flexible, and then you pick up something else on the other side. Like to me, it's just a no brainer.

Nobody mass in the middle of the day, So go work somewhere in the middle of the day. Between you can be a parer at a school and make a quick fifteen hundred dollars every two week just being a power in the school. And if you're a massage theup pison, you have a skill set you can offer to teach the kids.

Why you can't teach massage stup being the school that's.

Episode ye.

Teaching.

You have a basis of people that you can then say, hey, guess what I do.

You know what my business is like.

You find different ways to network and you spread the word about your business. He got to get it together, it up. That's crazy. Craze.

Hope that helps. Like long, we said this is dead ass podcast. We're not judging you, but.

Good luck to you, my man. We want to see you live your dreams out too, saying we all got dreams.

Shit.

I'm right all right, babe, you can number two.

Hell, thank you allowing me to do number two. Pause. It's not a pause but something around doing number two then sound right. Hello. My name is to Quisha aka Cuisha. What's up? Quisha? I'm thirty nine years old and my boyfriend is thirty four.

We've been in a relationship since December eleventh, twenty twenty three. That's what's up, guys. We met at work while working in the same building. We spent every break together. Now he's on third shift and I'm on first shift. Still, I understand that it's going to take time to get used to the different hours we have, But my question is how am I supposed to get used to it when we make plans to spend time together. He sleep from being tired at work. I love this man with

Please help?

Yeah thirty nine for kids, I get it.

I kind of feel like with this situation here, since it's like a different shift than they're working at the same place, this sacrifices in everything sometimes. I mean, at least he's working, both y'all are working. Y'all have jobs. It seems like he's spends time with his son. You have your daughters, so it's a sacrificial period, you know, until maybe you guys can do better or get on another shift. I don't know what where they work or what it looks like. But it's hard when you don't

Are you spending time?

Sometimes just being in the presence and falling asleep together can be enough.

We've been doing that as podcast for so long that I'm starting to realize that it's not up to us to decide how they're going to make the perfect life for themselves. Them too have to have a conversation and build the life they want. I honestly believe in the law of attraction. Right if you really want something in the world and you put any all of your energy around it to get it, the universe will conspire to

We pivoted.

We figured out, well, how can we change our schedule and see each other more When it was the NFL and she was still living in a Long Island and I was living in Detroit.

We got on flights.

Listen.

That's it's it's sacrificial. It's like doing whatever by any means, that is it. Nothing could keep de Val and I apart, Like, nothing could. It couldn't, not a job, not distance, not anything. And we just we literally like you're right, we worked to be together. Like whatever we're fired, we do it now.

Is you got twenty four hours in the day. Nobody's working all twenty four hours, Like you have time in the day, whether it's an hour to get on Facebook when we're in a Facebook on face time face get

That has to be a discussion for sure with him. Yeah, taking to each other, you have to. Yeah, because just working different ships and being tired. I get it, everybody tired. But if I'm tired with you, look at us.

I was up this morning to practice it.

Well, six, I was up with thirty. Took him out by six at the rest of the kids be tired.

Yeah, you know what happened.

We came back into bed, fell back asleep for about an hour and a half and woke up and we're here and we're here.

So yo, fine, time for your your loved ones. Man, your spouse is your family. Gotta make it time for each other even when you're tired.

Man, that's a fact. All right, y'all.

If you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

All Right, moment of truth time. Today, we're talking about parents staying up on trends social media technology.

It seems like we may need a course for this babe.

To be honest, my moment of truth is very simple. All right, have the type of relationship with your kids that allows them to be open about their one needs and desires. We talk about it as spouses all the time, right, creating that safe space for each other. And a lot of time, I don't think parents create that safe space with their children. You know, they create a barrier where there has to be a level of respect and a level of fear so that the kids don't do things when you're not there.

But I'd rather my children speak to me, and I'm still maintain their respect absolutely sometimes, But no, I think there's a healthy level of fear.

I'm an old school parent and I'm not looking for when I say fear, I'm not looking for everyone to agree with me. People can disagree with me, even you as a mom. I don't even mind if you disagree with me. I want my sons to fear me a little bit because I want them to understand that there

You should have a fear of these people, you know.

It's to be like, Okay, these people you know have my best interest in heart, but they also have an authority to tell me what's good and what's not good, and what's right and what was wrong.

And that's kind of missing from this day and age.

Now. Yes, when you think about it, yes, you think about the village. And we talk so much about the village and how they're able to help us raise our children.

That used to be an extended village that we had.

Really so when we didn't have social media and we didn't have phones and technology, we had people on the street on the ground.

Who would you.

Walk past Miss Mary's house or you'd walk past Uncle Joe's house. And it's like, if you were doing something that you knew you weren't supposed to be doing, or you with the group of people you shouldn't have been with, the word is probably gonna get back to your parents faster than you're getting home that night.

It's funny, you say that, right, because we have a village here, right, And Josh will say it Trouble will say it's like, y'all kids are just different.

You know.

My kids also have fear in us, but they also have fear in all of these adults. And that fear is if I do something outside of the character or the moral standard that my parents, it's created and Matt or trouble and then Josh sees it. I couldn't get in trouble. That's why they feel like all your kids are so well behaved because they're scared, you know, And I'm unapologetic that while they are young, and I want them to be afraid of us so that they do

Doing parenting our parents.

Yeah you know what I'm saying.

I guess I could tie this into my moment in true time. But Jackson just said to us last night that he's starting to see in life as his life is unfolding, He's starting to see why we are the way we are, why we parent the way we parent, why we say the things we say, why we raise him the way we raise him.

He had to do and overnight.

Retreat, and that already built of anxiety and being devoured because the minute I saw the email come across about an overnight retreat, I was like, he overnight over with who you got FACETI a mind baby, because he's gonna be sleeping in our house because we don't do the whole sleep out thing. However, it's something that he was required to do. So we had to like, really, you know, get get have the discussion about what that's going to look like with you being away. So it was like

On the floor, there's one flip flop. Can't find my flip flop? Who stole my shirt? And he's just like, I have to deal with none.

Of that problems because all my stuff was together.

And he said he didn't realize how naturally that came to him, that he just was. He just did it because that's what was instilled in him. And then he talked about sitting down to eat dinner at nights.

What looks like, see I'm cutting the steakman. They elbows all love steak, flying crazy, They dropped for his knife.

He's like, I'm sitting here, elbows tuck. I'm just they asking me, Jackson, how you do that? He said, simple practice. He's just like yeah. He couldn't believe it. He's sitting down with all of these kids. He said, it was.

Like it was like a jungle in there, exactly every man for themselves.

They didn't know what was going going on, and he.

Was just so put together, but that was his first time doing something like that and away yes from us, And naturally, Deval and I were in talk about being in a pickle. We were over there looking at each other like, man, I hope I.

Don't ever let my wife say that the vials always the pickle and I'm always in her Okay, all right, just make that clear, unpaused.

Think we're clear, all right?

But that being said, parents, we need to be the ones to instill that moral compass and instill the things in the children, our children that we want for them to be in this world.

And then stay up on.

The trends to baby, get you a young friend, get you a niece, a nephew, somebody who knows how to tick tack drop like you had, all that stuff.

Okay, and never ever get the name wrong. N l e Chappa.

Listen, miss kay, I got you, baby. I know your name, I know exactly who you are. I know the whole dance and all that thing. Okay, all right, cool. Be sure to follow us on social media, y'all. Okay, if you haven't been doing that already, where have you been? You can see exclusive dead ass podcast content on Patreon.

Let me start that over, y'all, because.

The whole thing all right, y'all, be sure to find us on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass podcasts, video content and exclusives. Ellis family content, and you can find us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. I'm Kadine, I am and I am Devo.

And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe and get your copy of We Over Me The counter of Tuitive Approach to getting Everything you want out of your relationship.

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