John Q

more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead adds is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take phillow talk to our whole level. Dead As

starts right now. So, ladies and gentlemen, this is a warning. This story time is going to be long because they are very detailed points I need you guys to to remember and listen to when I tell this story. I'm gonna start by saying, you already know because of the last podcast Thursday morning had to va sectorm me. So there's a little sore in certain areas, in a bad mood for obvious reasons. Friday, going into Saturday, Kyle's has a fever, has a fever of stomach turn and he's

having some abdominal pain. He's been having his pain for a couple of days, but at this point he's crippled over a stomach curtain, can barely walk. We decided we're gonna take him to the emergency room. So we take them to Emory Hospital. Go to Emory Hospital emergency room. Um took us, took they so took us about forty five minutes to be seen. Wasn't really that long. They triged him immediately once they asked about the abdominant pain. They put us in the room. Uh. Nurse came and

checked them. Nurse practitioner came and checked them. She said, based on his abdominal pain and his fever. And I was in the room with Cairo. Because of COVID protocols, you're only allowed to have one parent in the waiting room at one time and one parent in the emergency room at one time, so because I'm big enough at the time, even though I just had av Seconomy to carry Cairo, because Kyro couldn't walk, I had to carry Cairo from the waiting room to the emergency room. And

the doctor said he can barely walk. He couldn't stand up straight. The pain was severe and it kept coming back. She said, it may be a pendicitis. Because of the fever and because of the stomach pain, it could be a pendicitis. Um. The problem is at Emory Hospital, they don't have the technology for children to care for children. They said he should get a sonogram to rule out a pendicitis, so they wrote us up prescription. No, they

gave him some IVY profile. UM. They put down all of the details from his vitals on in a folder and also sent them to the Children's Hospital of Atlanta, where they told us that's where we should go because they have the proper equipment to care for Cairo. They then asked me, do you want us to call an ambulance to get him over there? Um, you have you would have to wait for the ambulance to come, or you can drive from straight and get him there faster.

So I said it ain't this must be serious. I said, I'm going to get in the car and drive my son to the hospital. Kay was already in the car waiting for inpatient, texting me every five minutes. So I said, hey, we gotta take them to the children's hospital so they can do a sonogram. They think he might have a pendicitist. Kay posed the car up. I carried Cairo into the car. We come home, get our stuff because we don't know how long we're gonna be there, and we go straight

to the children's hospital. When we arrive at the Children's hospital, we go to register him through the emergency room. There was a young man, white boy with a bang. Remember this, who's there for registration? I was told in Emory. When you get there and let them know that the doctor called, they're gonna see Kyro immediately because he's dealing with possible appendicitis. I get to the front desk, I said, hey, I

just came from Emery. Um they told me to ask for Before I could even finish the statement, the young man says, whatever doctor you spoke to is probably not even here anymore. You're gonna have to wait in line like everybody else, At which time I was a little offended and put off, but I said, you know what it is in an emergency room, everybody's here for an emergency. My emergency can't be any much more important than anyone else, and so let me just wait. It may take a

couple of minutes. I said, fine, Kyra, not go over to the waiting room where we have to wait. I find I feel out all the paperwork, and there's at least twenty kids in the in the waiting room coughing, sneezing, flu like symptoms because it's cold and flu season, and there were two children vomiting. I'm like, I can't have Cairo sit in here. He's not in here for flu like symptoms. I also have the code at home for all you who don't know, the quota is immune compromise.

Because he's not even one years old. He needed He has needed a nebulizer every couple of weeks because he's had breathing issues because during cold and flu season, his brother's coming from school brought him home. A virus col crew creup is a type of virus that can cause you to lose your breath while you're in your sleep, and you can pass away if you're an infant, so he's immune compromise. So I said, I can't have Cairo

sit amongst all of these germs. So I sent Kyra in the car with K and I wait for his name to be called. After about twenty minutes, his name is called. I text K. K brings him right in. Now we meet with the nurse who is supposed to be the triage nurse. Meet with the nurse. The nurse sits down. She says how old is he? I say six. She takes his weight and his temperature. She says, what is he here for? I say, he's here for abdominant pain.

We came from Emma Hospital. They said that he might have a pendicitist um, so they said we should come over here because they have all of the instruments for him to get his song the room. She says, okay, I have all of this paperwork here. Go have a seat in the waiting room, at which point I said, do you have any idea how long the weight is going to be? Because we were sent over here as an emergency. She says, it's a children's hospital. It is

cold and flu season and means emergency. I really can't tell you. I said, fine, I'm gonna have my wife keep him in the car because there are you know, a lot of kids over there. Six She says, we prefer to have him sit in the lobby, at which point I said, that's not gonna happen. I have an immune compromise. Before I can finish my statement, she walks away. I go, okay, okay, just take him in the car. I'll wait in the waiting room while, you know, they

figure out what when Cairo was gonna go. At this point, I sat in that waiting room for two hours. Two hours. Guys. Now, I sat there for twenty five minutes first while they waited to call us back so we can come in and they can ask me what was wrong. Then I waited another two hours and my son was not triashed. You have to understand how important that is. This is an emergency room, children's emergency room. We were sent from another hospital or possible appendicitis. Now we've waited two hours

without my son being triash. No one has checked his vitals. At this point, Kay texted me and says, hey, Babe, how much don you think it's gonna be Cairo starting to wake up? Now? The medication they gave him from Emory seems to be wearing off. He says, he's starting to get back in pain. So now I'm like, let me figure out what's going on. I go back to the front desk where the young white boy was with the bang and I said, hey, um, I've been here for a little bit of a while. Do you know

what the e t A is? He doesn't even look up at me. He says, there are four people who was here before you, who've been here longer than you. I said, I understand that, but I also seen people come after me who've already been seen and dismissed. I'm just wondering why we've had to wait. How he came from another hospital, he says, what we take patients depending on what's important, gunshot wounds, asthma. While I was in there, nobody came with a gunshot wound, so that's neither here.

So I said, sir, how can you decide what's important or not if no one has triaged my son? He says, when the nurse spoke to him, she made a decision. I said, she asked three questions, and no one checks his vitals. He then starts to ignore me, so I was starting to get upset. I said, hey, do you have any children? Doesn't look up at man. He says no. At this time, one of the security guards, who is an off duty police officer, comes up and says, hey, sir, um,

is everything okay? I said, no, everything's not okay. This young man is being extremely dismissive. He goes, well. The security guard goes, can you have a seat? I said, yes, I have a seat. But if I say I'll blow this motherfucker up, then he'll pay attention. He goes, you know, you can't say that. I said, that's my point. I can't say that, but it would get everybody to pay attention me while my son is in the car with abdominal paying for the past three hours, possible appendicitis, and

no one has triashed him. He says, you know what, that's not right. I'm gonna find out what's going on. I sit down and wait another twenty five minutes, calmly, patiently. I don't say anything to anybody. I'm just waiting. While I'm waiting, I noticed another young father comes in, another black father. He has his son. It's son. He's been waiting there for the past twenty minutes. Now I've been here almost three hours. He's been waiting for twenty minutes.

He starts to get upset. He says, listen, are you guys understaffed? Because this doesn't make any sense. My child has autism. If he wakes up in an environment he's not familiar with seeing all these people, he's gonna have an episode. At that time, the triage nurse, the same triage nurse that told me to wait there, takes his son directly to get triashed. So I look at the security guard like, hey, you see what I'm saying. Something's not right here. I'm still waiting in their take people

in the triage. He looks at me. He goes, you know what, so you're absolutely right. Let me go see what I can find out for you. He goes over to the young man behind the desk to try to find out some information. The young man completely ignores him. He then goes directly to the triage No. She says, hey, can I ask a question? Why haven't you called Ellis? She walks by him. Now he's starting to get a little bit upset. He waits outside of the triage area,

waits for her to come out. She comes out. He goes, excuse me, ma'am, why haven't you called Ellis? She says, Is this is why you're calling me? He says yes. She says, verbatim, I didn't call his son because he didn't want to have his son wait in the waiting room. I heard that and I freaking lost it. I got up. I said this is bullshit. The minute I stood up, the security guards came right over to me and was trying to calm me down. I said, no, this is fucked up. And the words I use right now, I'm

not the proudest, but this is what I said. I said that white bitch decided to deny my son care because I wouldn't listen to what she wanted. I had to take liberties as a parent. I have an immune compromised son at home. I can't have my son sitting in the waiting area with fourteen thousand kids coughing and sneezing. Then he goes home with another virus that he brings to his brothers. He says, sir, you're absolutely right, but

I'm gonna need you to calm down. If you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to deal with you once He said that I felt triggered, so I took my hoodie off. I said, if you want to deal with me, be ready to fucking deal with me. At this point, he realized that I wasn't playing Prior to this, He told me to text my wife and told her to bring my wife inside because he was going to make sure that my son was seeing. By the time Kate comes inside, I'm surrounded by about six police officers and

security guard. Kay says, Babe, what's going on? I repeated, this big white bitch decided that she was going to have our son wait in the car for three hours with possible appendicitis because we shows not to have him wait in the waiting room. And when I asked questions, the little white boy behind the desk with the fucking bang was completely dismissive. Once I started speaking out and everyone was listening to what was going off, other nurses

came black nurses. Of course, the security people I was dealing with were all black. Extremely compassionate, extremely compassionate, listen to every word I had to say. I explained how wrong it was. I made it very clear if my son would have died with the pendicitist in the car. All I would have gotten was an apology from the hospital, and all of this could have been avoided if they

would have just triaged my son. But when do you ever go to a hospital and not get triage for three hours because you were basically you don't want to sit in the lobby at this point, Now I've made a scene. They've asked me to step outside. Everyone's listened and out of nowhere. It's wait a minute, we have a room for Cairo, So ka goes. So we sat in the car for three hours, not triaged husband, causes a fit, and now you have a room for my son,

I said, you know what? And at this point I had to make a decision because I didn't want anyone in there to touch my son. But I had to be honest. If Cairo was dealing with the pendicitist, if we went to another hospital, we would have had to wait to reregister him again and it would have been another couple of hours. I said, since you have a room, my son can go inside and me seen by a doctor. But that bitch ain't touching my son. Am I proud

of calling her a bitch? No? But I'm gonna tell you like this in that moment, I felt so helpless. I really was waiting for someone to touch me because I wanted to unload all of this fury I had in this moment on whoever was going to stop my son from being seen. And I had a woman next to me and my wife, Cadine, who was ready to do the same thing. Yeah, I told her, and that moment she said, what do you want me to do?

I said, Okay, take my wallet, take my phone because I'm probably gonna end up going to jail because I'm gonna kill every body in this motherfucker. Bro. After that three, I've been getting so round, get mad every time I'm hot right now thinking about it, just just it was crazy, y'all. Crazy. Don't push me because close to try again not to lose my head. They got to feel us some time to maybe wonder why they want to take usunder. They want to take us under, baby, bro, listen, John Q

up in that bitch, and I promise you. It crossed my mind when I was in the car with Cairo and I was watching him kind of sleep for a little bit, and then he started to kind of whimper. I was like, mm hmmm, mm hmmm, we're about to unleash and come back bills and we'll get into a story time will gives you some more details about everything that happened, and we'll talk about this health care system

and what is looking like or not. Okay, we're back guys. Um, I'm going to try to use levity and laugh during this situation, because ultimately Cairo was fine, but this was serious. This was extremely serious, and there were some other things that I saw during that night that I want to talk about that made me want to talk about this

in this podcast. So just um to paggyback off of your story time, just from my perspective of course, me being Mama Beer being concerned, and then also not being in the room at the time with Devout while he was waiting with Cairo. At one point at the first hospital, I went in to bring Cairo's water bottle and he

was literally screaming in tears um from pain. And then I had to go back to the car and I was just literally in tears in the car and just calling all of my prayer warrior friends to just pray over Arrow and the doctors and the nurses in that moment, because we just did not know what was happening and having on and off pain from the Thursday being sent home from school. You know, it just seems like something

wasn't right. There was like a relationship between him getting the medication and the fever coming down and the pain going away, then it came back. So that's what was alarming to us, UM, and Tyros was a tough kid. He usually will be all right, he'll tough it out.

But to see him in that excruciating pain and as a parent not being able to do anything about it was I think that even more triggering for you and I when Devout called me to finally come inside after having waiting for almost three and a half now four hours, because I was timing when the medication might have worn off. Um, I walked inside with Cayro on my back, and I walked into Devout pretty much handing me his keys, his everything, and it's just like, I'm going to jail because I can't.

So I was like, wait a second, what's about to go down? Because I was ready to put Kyro down and be like, so, what's happening because I think you had told him, my wife is gonna come in here, and it's gonna be a big problem. No, I literally said to them, because I knew the nurse was a woman. I and I hate talking about this because I'm not a violent person and you should never resort to violence, but I just want to I want to speak honestly

about how I felt different parents in the moment. I felt like someone use their position of power to endanger my son's life and hurt my son for three hours.

He had to sit in the car in pain, and although he was medicated and it wasn't the same excruciating pain, he's in the car, writhing in pain, in and out of sleep, and my wife is sitting in there, and I'm just like, you chose to hurt a six year old boy because his parents decided they weren't going to put their son in any further danger by having them

wait in the lobby. I would now, I would have been a little bit more understanding if I said, all three of us are gonna wait in the car and someone has to come get us, because that wasn't the case. And I went in there purposely like any old regular civilian, you know that, saying we didn't go in there saying, you know, my my husband's an actor. Or Devot wasn't

pulling any car. It's like, you know, you know, a following of people that know he went, went in there and prepared to wait like every other person, every other parent, and that even though we were sent from another hospital, and part of me once I said, you know what, none of this would have happened if I would have let them just take Cairo in an ambulance. But we were trying to think quicker on our feet and get in there faster, because if he would have came in

an ambulance, they wouldn't have had him wait there. They would have triaged him in the ambulance and took him right to a room. But when they gave us the option to potentially take him and then still be seen immediately they told us, asked for this doctor, and you will be seen. They pretty much less we called there waiting for you. So I was under the impression that we were going to go right into a room. And when the young man dismissed me at the front desk,

even still we waited three hours. We didn't cause a fuss, we didn't we didn't bring up anything. We just waited. And I felt in that moment that she just used whatever little power she had to punish Cairo absolutely for a decision that we made. Absolutely. And it's like, you know, in that moment too, you try try to see other than a race situation, right, you try, and you try to give people the benefit of the down. And he said, you know what, I know. My mom has been a

nursing for years. My sister was an e our nurse, so I get that things get crazy in there and they sometimes have to make difficult decisions. But I felt like she was just being vindictive in that moment. I felt she was just like, Oh, well, these mothercker's ain't gonna listen to me, so I'm gonna show them today. That's what it felt like. It was very much giving, like, oh, I'm gonna show these nicks today, Like y'all, y'all gonna listen to me. I told you to wait in the

waiting room. You're gonna wait in your car, all right, So I got something for you. That's what it felt like. And that's when I was ready to pop off. But but that, but babe, that's what she said. She literally said to him in a condescenating manner. I didn't call his name because he didn't want to wait in the waiting room. That's what she said. She didn't think I could hear. She had a mask on. She was speaking to him, but I was listening keenly because I had

nothing else to do. I was there for three hours, and I wanted to know what the issue was. And then on top of that, remember he was taking the pain medication and it was no pain up until the sixth hour. There was now going on the fourth hour, and he started to feel more pain. And this moment, I'm thinking it's getting worse. It's getting worse. Has his appendix rub shirt, has it become so inflamed that now

he may need surgery. And I'm thinking those three hours he's spent in the car put my son's life in danger, could have been and I wanted to put my hands on her. And I'm not a violent person at all, right, but that's how I felt. So when I took my hoodie off and then the officers are like, I'm gonna have to deal with you, I was ready for them to deal with me. And I said, well, you know what, y'all gonna deal with me, but that bitch is gonna

have to deal with my wife. Yeah, because I came in and you came in fury right after that, right after Kyro on my back. Um, and it's crazy how I saw a develop in that moment. It was rage, it was fury. I was ready to put Kyro down and pop off and do whatever had to be done in that moment. And then when this black nurse came over to me and whispered, he says, we have a

room for him, We have a room for him. It was like an instant switch because then I went back into Mama Bear and I was like, wait, he can get seen now. So it was too part from me was like, great, he can get seen now, let me take him straight back. But it was also all of a sudden I found a room after we were waiting here for almost four hours. Now, all of a sudden,

there's a room for us. Okay, that's convenient. But I took Kyro in the back because at this point, now Cayro that naturally is in pain, but he's also scared, and he's just like what's going on. I'm saying that I'm fine, don't have to say we can go home. I'm fine. Yeah, And we knew he wasn't. He was just trying to be a big boy and was at this point in tears and I felt and it wasn't even it wasn't even tears, like more anger. I was afraid and I felt so bad. I felt like in

that moment, I couldn't protect my son. For three hours, I sat here, docile and waiting while this woman was being vindictive about punishing my son, and I did nothing. I felt guilty as a father. I felt like I let you down as a husband. I feel like I let Kyro down as a dad. And at that point, I was so upset that I was ready to just let it all out on the line and not care what happened. To prove a point that you think you can prove a point with my child, I'm about to

prove a point. And that's that's just where I was in the moment. And then it started to all like everything that was happening was in playback. Right before me and Cairo signed up, there was another young lady that was there with her eight month old daughter, black woman. They were her eight month old daughter and her sister, and they were there right before we were. Their daughter was coughing a lot, and she was not triaged. They then asked, you know, I saw her right before I

got up to ask. She got up to say hey. She was very kind to She said, hey, I just want to know. She asked, the same young man with the bang at the fucking counter, what's the e t A? Because you know we've been here for a while and I'm running out of formula. You know, my my daughter was getting a little rested. I have no formula and I don't want to have to leave him Mr Coole.

The young man says to her, Well, you're just gonna have to wait, because if you leave and come back, you have to start all over again, and if you go somewhere else, it's going to be the same thing. No compassion. No, didn't offer a resolution. We're in it Ldren's hospital. Hey, No, it was just you gotta sit down and wait. So I watched this young lady take her baby and have to make a decision. Am I gonna go get formula? Or am I gonna go get seen by a nurse? After waiting here for three hours,

and they chose to leave. Now, this is my thing. That young lady was sitting there with her daughter, coughing and hacking very similar to how Dakoda was coughing and hacking in here one day and we were able to take the coda to a doctor found out Dakota had crew croup is a virus that causes inflammation in your past your ear passage, and at that age they don't

have the ability to fight it like us. So he had to then get a nebulized to clear his ear passage because the smaller to get, the closer he gets to suffocating in his sleep. What if that young lady went home and something happened to her baby because no one showed her compassion. And this goes back to the old saying when a black woman tells you she's in pain,

you gotta listen. Like and and I. I sat here in this emergency room, children's emergency room, and watch all these other people get seen me in and out, get seeing me in and out. But that young woman had to wait and chose to leave. And I had to cause a freaking scene in order to get my son to be seen at the Children's Hospital of Atlanta. And the reason why I'm saying this is because Kadena and I are not taking as lightly. And we're not taking as lightly because we want any money. I don't want

anything from them. I want consequences to be handed down to the people in that emergency room, and I want protocols to be put in place to protect people who look like us, Because everybody like Kadena and I don't have the finances and the resources to have grandparents at home to watch the other kids, to wait in the emergency room for three hours. They don't have the resources to call a private physician to come to the house and look at the baby. Some people just have to

go to the emergency room. And if you're not met with empathy and compassion in the emergency room, that's how people lose loved ones in the emergency room. Just like it would have been as simple as this, right people saying well, what would have been an easy thing, easy fixed? For all you people who are nurses who are saying, well, things get crazy in the emergency room, it would have been this simple. Mr Ellis, you said he might have appendicitis.

For all of you who don't know what appendicitis is, UH is when the appendix becomes inflamed. If the appendix becomes too inflamed and it ruptures all of the bio and everything that's in your body then unloads and creates an infection in the entire in your entire stomach, in your entire system, and can cause you to die. That's what appendicitis is. So when they talk about we take

people based on what's more important. Apendicitis is up there, Consider that we're being sent from another hospital who saw it as an emergency. It's like, come on, guys, there's no gunshot victims in here, there's no stab wounds. It's a children's hospital exactly. So for my thing, it was it was as simple as you're saying, okay, you came here with the pendicitis. Let me check his temperature, his fevers down, she did that. Let me take his vitals.

Let me see where's where's his heart rate, you know, because sometimes your heart rate is connected directly corrected to infection. Things are going on in your body. Things can happen differently. When they take all of your vinyls, take all of his vitals, which would have took five minutes. Check his abdomen, see if the pain has subsided or if it's intensified. If it's intensified, that means we're getting closer to inflammation

and a rupture. If it's subsided, even with the medication, which we found out afterwards, then you know it's not a pendicitis. That would have took them five minutes. And at that point they would have say, hey, Mr Ellis, it's clear that he doesn't have a pendicitis. His fever didn't come back. Do you mind waiting while we tend to other people who may have some more serious issues and figure out what's wrong with him. And at that point I would have said, sure, at least I know

my son's not in the car possibly dying. But no one had the care or its core health care for a reason, right, no one had the empathy just say let me make sure that this young man is okay. And it was as simple as when we finally got into the room. Now. So now I'm in the room with Cairo, trying to calm Cairo down and just saying to him, you know, babe, I want you to be honest about how you feel. Do you feel any pain,

does your stomach hurt? Show me where? Because I didn't want Cairo to then just say he was okay for the sake of saying he's okay, because he was more concerned about you. So I said, listen, dad, he's gonna be fine. I said, I'm going to text him right now. As I said, do you want to call him? He said, you can text him. I text you, and I said, what did I say? Said? Baby? Please? Cairo's okay, and

he needs you back here. Please just try to calm down and so you can come back, because at this point I didn't think Deval was even going to be allowed back into the room with us, after making threats and saying the things I said, Yeah, you know, they were saying that, you know, they shouldn't let you back in the hospital. But they did let me back in the hospital because clearly we were in the right exactly, and I think the security guard he knew that off

duty cop. And then they sent the nurse home. Yes, So when the doctor came in, it was as simple as her literally pressing on his abdomen to say, Okay, this is not appendicitis. If it were, he would feel that I'm pressing down. He couldn't stand he, you know, But we realized at this point the motrain was still in place, his fever wasn't coming back. He ended up being diagnosed with a really bad case of gas d

What she said presents itself in different ways. So if you have gash room tornus, or stomach flu or a stomach bug, you can get fever, you get nausea, you can get diarrhea. You could also get intense stomach pain and cramping as it is trying to get the virus

out of your body. And what happened was since Cairo wasn't eating because he felt sick and the cramping was coming, it was causing him to throw up, and it was throwing up nothing but bile and mucus, which causes more pain and more inflammation in his esophagus because there's nothing but bio. So she was just like the pain he felt was severe. It wasn't as severe as appendicitis pain, but him as a six year old wouldn't know that.

So when he feels the intense cramping and he's hunched over, it was more than what he could articulate as a six Exactly. That was the thing for us. We know an ache versus cramp versus a dull pain versus a sharp pain. For him, he just saying it hurts. And then as a parent, you're just like ship like, I don't even know what kind of pain it is, what pain has known that. It was just that he was kept saying, you felt nause is and that was his symptom, was the cramping and the naja. He was doing a

lot of vomiting and stuff like that. So um, once the doctor you know, cleared him, he was good, gave him some anti nasea medication, gave him something for the cramping. I demanded to see the nurse on duty, whoever the manager or that the head nurse chief nurse on duty was and um, we explained to her what happened. Um. At this point they were changing shifts too, so she was kind of coming into the story. UM. And of

course we don't expect for them not to stick together. Um. The nurse pretty much was saying that the triage nurse was not in the wrong because she was just following protocol and Cairo was not as deemed severe as an issue when she first um saw him, so therefore she felt like he was able to wait, which we know was just bullshit in the end, because again Devout heard with his own ears the reason why Cairo was pushed

on the waiting list further down. Additionally, they don't know that they're dealing with a family as filled with healthcare professionals. Can's mom has been the director of nursing at a hospital for over twenty five years. Sister is now an e er nurse. So when we went back, we went back with the proper terms to use to ask for the right people to get things done. And we want to explain this to people so you know, if you ever find yourself in a position like this, the first

thing you do is ask for the house supervisor. When you ask for the house supervisor in the hospital, the house supervisor has to listen to your case. Because one thing hospitals don't want, especially children hospitals, is bad pruins ultimately, so when you ask for the house supervisor and the patient representative, they have to sit down and listen to

your case and ship rolls downhill. When you start asking for those people, they have to do a thorough investigation, and once they do a thorough investigation, they're they're going to have to be some disciplinary action if they find

wrong doing done. When you don't know who to ask for, which a lot of times people in these positions don't know who to ask for, right, so they ask for another nurse, they ask for security, so they'll speak to security, which can't do any thing, or they'll speak to another nurse who's also on the job, who is going to look out for the nurses there, because sometimes these nurses don't know the stresses that have gone on, so they just try to appease people, which is not a bad

thing if you're a nurse, and if you're a good nurse, all you care about is the patient and what I will say about them. All the nurses that followed cared more about Cairo than the situation, which is all we wanted anyway. All they asked from the beginning was is Cairo okay? That's the minute they came in. The nurse that came in afterwards, when we asked to speak to the nurses supervisor, the first thing she said when she came in the room, Hey, guys, sorry about anything. How

is Cairo? That's all we wanted anyway, for some care and compassion. But if you find yourself in a position in the hospital where you feel like you were treated poorly, asked for the house supervisor supervisor and asked for the patient representative. They will listen to you and they make sure things get done, because what hospitals don't want is for the state to get a report, because that's how hospitals get citations and they get shut down. And the

hospital is a business like anything else. They don't want citations and they don't want bad pr Yeah. So this experience that our local children's hospital is indicative of a larger issue in the health care system. Is the lack of care in the health care system for people. Um that's attendant that it is intended to serve. So in August, a company called well Star Health Systems announced that it would be closing the Atlanta Medical Center on November one.

So what does this do now? It leaves the city with just one operating level one trauma center one or entire city of the City of Atlanta has one. Right, So representatives for the City of Atlanta fear that disclosure will disproportionate, oh my goodness, sorry, disproportionately affect the city's low income residents and create a literal life or death situation for an already vulnerable population. Which this is a perfect example of what happened because we we got out lucky.

What if Cairo had appendicitis? And his appendix was inflamed, right, knock on wood, right, But what if that were the case. We get over there, we get dismissed, not once, but twice, and then we get punished for not having our son in the waiting room and Cairo's appendix ruptures in the car. Then what do we get? You know what we get? We get an apology from the hospital, and then we get a hashtag and then we start this. Now we

have to change the protocols. So we were lucky that Cairo didn't have appendiconist, But just imagine how many people come to the hospital with life and death situations and have to make a decision, just like the young lady had to make a decision. Am I gonna wait for three hours or get formula for my eight months old child who's coughing and hacking? And she chose to leave. First of all, prayers up for that young lady and

her family help. Everything is well with her daughter. But people should not have to make those decisions living in America. It's just not fair. In Atlanta at the children that was the I think the most mind blown apart for me, this is the children's hospital. This is just not like you know, everyone's there are adults who can just kind of manage themselves and kind of just know, you know, how to express how they feel and know how to deal with pain to a certain extent. This is all

happening in the children's hospital. So the strain that's in the strain that situations like this put on the health care system is literally a trickle down effect going from providers to patients, making it hard to be seen, heard, and most importantly cared for in your most vulnerable moments, which was definitely what we experienced in this moment, and we just felt like we had to speak up about it. Devin and I went back to the hospital when we

kind of had some sleep, just a clear conscience. We wanted to also get um, you know, first and last names of some of the security guards who we dealt with, and also give a shout out to those who work, yes, who not vulnerable, who who did show empathy, right and and we're compassionate. The entire security team. Oh, they were great because they could have handled it differently, right. And this is another another reason why it's important to have

people like you who looked like you. They're because they see you as human. I felt the humanized in that moment, I felt like she didn't care. I was just another number to just another patient. And the way she dismissed me, and and the way the young man behind the desk dismissed me was almost like, we see young black people in here all the time. Just go wait, just go wait, just go wait. But it wasn't until the black nurses came and the security team. For example, these were off

duty police officers. And you hear so many times about how police officers don't come ready to de escalate the situation.

But this, this man, and I'm not going to say his name around upon the podcast, but this this man had children and chose not to do what he should have or could have done in that moment, which was arrest me, right, he chose to listen and I and being seen and feeling feeling feeling like I was seeing and being heard allowed me to calm down a little bit in the moment, to give a clear and concise, uh version of what happened so that people can have

a better understanding. Yeah, because the last thing you want to just be is that what they want to see the typical erratic, Yeah, exactly, who is just being irrational? And just flying off the handle. This didn't all happen for no reason. This happened after almost four hours of being dismissed and being put on the back burner, So that was important. And I remember looking at this particular security guard and he looked me in the eye and he said, ms ellis your husband's gonna be okay? Just

focus on your son. And that was just like okay, So at least I felt like, having just met this man in this situation a couple of minutes ago, I felt enough ease, and I felt definitely a special person, like all right, I kind of trust you to make sure that my husband's okay. And he's an example as to why people say, why do black people continue to join the police force? Why are they first responded in our areas? Why should be in our neighborhood. This is

a perfect example we can relate to each other. He saw me, he saw himself and me and treated me like a human. That's it. And if the nurse saw me and viewed me the same way, none of this would have ever happened. Oh absolutely not. And without saying it, because no one actually said it, but the security team and some of those nurses who came, they were kind of rallying around me. It's almost like they saw this before. No,

they definitely said to me. No, they verbatim. You know, a few of them said to me, bro, this is happening all this happens all the time. That's literally what they said to me. This happens all the time. So this isn't about Cairo. This is about the protocols in place and how they're very dismissive to disenfranchise people who go to these hospitals because hospitals are big business. Not

to mention, like we know Sakari isn't ther nurse. A large part of the staff is overworked and tired, right, So we're not going to sit here and make it seem like they're not human as well. They are human.

And even said she said, you know, one of the reasons why I didn't want to work in peds is because you have to deal with parents a lot like Pdr Short we have pediatrics, but she said, a lot of times we just like are so stressed that we don't want to have to deal with like two parents screaming at you because there because of their child, which is not easy. It's not it's not easy. So we get that, like I completely get that having family in

the health care system who are workers. So we we came to the hospital with the level of compassion and empathy for healthcare workers because we have family who spent their entire life dedicated to the health care systems. Why we understood the weight. We understood protocol because it's the hierarchy of who gets treated for what. Absolutely, but that wasn't our case. That wasn't our case. We were being punished because we didn't want to listen. And here's another

thing that we were told. You know how many parents, and this is something that parents need to understand when you go to the hospital. You know how many people get tested for COVID upon entry to the emergency room and test negative. Then when they leave, they test positive. We're still in the pandemic. People. So if I, as a parent, want to choose to not have my child in a crowded space, I reserved the right to do that.

And you can't punish me and my child for doing what's best for not only him, but for everybody in the room. Because it was crowded. Yes, there were people not sitting, there were people standing at that point, you went like you were sitting on the floor. When you sent me a photo where you were, I was like, bro,

it's it's overwhelming. And I can understand if we were trying to be divers or we were trying to pull cards or throw names out there and be like, YO, call us when his name, I come to the car and get us or text me or call me. When that wasn't the case. It really was like, okay, on Cairo's behalf, it's father is going to sit here and wait and they can check the tapes. I sat in that corner with all the people coughing for two hours.

Another family came in with two kids who was sick and coughing, and there was no seats, and I gave them my seat. It was that crowded. I was compliant. You know how they always say to black people, why don't you just comply? I was complying for three hours and my son. This is why sometimes black people get pissed when you say why don't you just comply? Because I complied with everything and was still treated like less than human. And my son, who's six, who can't defend himself,

was treated that way. And I can't find no levity because I get fucking piss thinking about this. It's not like there really is, and I feel bad for people who don't know how to speak up for themselves, right, I didn't care about who was videotaping me, who saw me, who was like, oh, that's the that's devout from the elyssis exactly like this, So that's that I didn't care

at that point. I don't. I know they're probably gonna video out there of me taking my shirt off and spats it on everybody in there, because there was a lot of people in there, and I don't care. I needed my son to be seen and make sure he was okay, and we just we wanted to have this podcast to be able to give you some insight into what's happening so you don't feel like it just it

was just you. But also who to aske for, Like our family has been in the healthier his system, so knowing to ask for the house supervisor and for patient experience is something that we know. So we just want to share this information. If you have an issue at the hospital, don't just go home and say, oh, this happens all the time. It's okay, because it's not okay, don't act tell security. Security can't report it to anybody. Can follow report, but that's not going to go anywhere.

You have to ask for the house SUPERVI and also the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active labor act Um. It says that every patient entering the emergency department has the right to be seen and evaluated if they have an emergency, so they have to see you. It doesn't matter about insurance,

it doesn't matter about anything. You have to be seen. Additionally, insures that physicians cannot ask the patient for any proof of insurance or form of payment until after they're stabilized and treated, because they sure us, I'll roll up in there for a co parent insurance the minute we got the room. As soon as we got through, and that was the next person that came in was homegirl with the car to take the information in the paments, which is crazy because we had to wait three hours to

be seen. But the minute we got into a room, they came in and asked for our insurance. Now they she did go to take the payment and she said, wait, I can't take the payment because his name was still read doctor and be seen. But they had all of those things in place like it was instantly in the room banget insurance information. But we come in there to be treated. I got a wait three hours to be triaged. That shows you that there's something wrong with the protocol.

Insurance companies are required to cover emergency care regardless of the diagnosis, and emergency care is covered based on the person symptoms rather than their final diagnosis, which is important because Sakari made this very clear. This is why it's

good to speak to medical professionals. When Cairo reached the Children's Hospital of Atlanta, his simp his symptoms had subsided because he was medicated at Emory, not because it went away, but that he was medicated in emery and they gave him the medication to ease the pain so that he

could make it to the Children's Hospital of Atlanta. Which is why I was so adamant about him being triaged, because I wanted someone to see him, and I didn't want to just take him back home and he wake up in the morning in more pain and it'd be too late. So they can't look at your child and say, well, based on the way he looks now, he's not in pain. Yeah, because he was medicated right. I think that might have also to been what the triagnur saw. She's like, oh, no, fever.

Oh it's kind of like as she was checking him, but it's like, but she didn't check him though, she didn't take all of his vitals. You have to take no, I meant the nurse when we first got to the room. When we first got to the room, the nurse came in was just like, okay, so Fever's down, bloo pressures down and he was like at this point kind of like in and out of sleep because he was after we got in the room, he was still under the tria.

Just the nurse that I have the biggest issue, which that's the one that said that we we didn't wait so she didn't want to take his well absolutely, she didn't take any of his vitals. She did take his temperature as he sat in the chair, and she got his weight and then she just dismissed us and said we had to wait. Right. Hospital way times are based on several factors, but non urgent needs are not one of them. The CDC states that of emergency room victim

sorry visits our medical emergencies. So again understanding to that there is a hierarchy, right, someone comes in bleeding profusely, or you know, someone can't breathe or having a heart attack,

that kind of pain, chest pain. There are certain things that take precedence over other things as but in our case, because we were transferred from another hospital and clearly everyone in there in that moment was really just kind of sitting there, coughing, sneezing, in and out of sleep, we felt like that was the ground for us to be seen in a timely manner to at least rule out

the appendicitis. So yeah, it was important for Deval and I. Once everything kind of calmed down, we Cairo was stabilized. The next day we went out. We were coming back home and we're passing the children's hospital, so we wanted to stop in to make sure that we had everything in place. Because what I'm gonna do is write a letter. One thing about me. I'm going to write a letter and we'll be back up there again to see the

house supervisor. And we're going to come back, put our suits on, nice dress on call our attorney, and we're gonna go speak to the house supervisor. You want to play these games, we can play the same game in the State of Georgia. We'll hear about it. That's one thing that my mom, being an administrator for over thirty years in a nursing home facility, one thing they don't

want you to do is called the state. They don't want you to call this state, and then when the state has to launch an investigation, then things really get out of control. And I think Cairo's worth it. I think every child, every child, regardless of what who, what they look like, every child is worth it. And it's funny.

When I was talking to one of my friends who I usually call whenever I need a prayer moment and stuff, Christina, she said, after we found out everything's okay, and I tell her the story, she said, maybe maybe I were just meant to go through that to just be the voice for people are the voiceless. Maybe we were meant to be in that situation to just say something. And that's why it was important for us to even have this podcast because she's like, you know, thankfully Kiro is okay.

Thankfully Cairo is okay. But you know the the initial emergency room you went to, you had a good experience there, Well, say, Emory was great, Um, but think about how many children are dealing with these kind of situations and parents who are your straighted, you know, because of this lack of empathy and compassion in a children's hospital. Rh Yeah. Yeah, let's take a break, tak all right, y'all stay with us,

all right, we're back listen to letters. Hopefully this will give us a little change of pace chow because the way we only hear sweating and it ain't the lights just get it every time we tell this story, and we've told this story several times since it's happened. And it's okay because I need this to still be fresh in my mind as I'm in the process of writing this very detailed letter about what happened. UM, so I could just send that out to everyone that needs to

know about it, um at that hospital. But let's change the pace and um tap into y'all's letters. But yeah, I've been writing it on Cantina develop herself. I love y'all and look up to you so much. Thank you. Sis. I'm a twenty seven year old married woman. I've been married for two years now. I just needed advice. I'm not sure what to do in my marriage. I'm the main breadwinner. I work three jobs. I take care of

my household and make sure everything is okay. I am an esthetician just starting her business, and my business is not starting off the way I wanted to. I don't have the finances to finance everything I need in my business because I have to make sure all three kids

have everything they need. Right, and she's married. How do I not grow resentment towards my husband and continue to push forward with my business even when I feel like I'm in failure and a bad mom, have really bad depression and anxiety, and I feel like in this situation it consumes me even more. But what's he doing? Like I didn't give me anything? He doesn't have a job. She says, she's the main breadwinners. She has three jobs. Right, she has three jobs? Is it that he has one?

Is he a stay at home dad? Um? I think if he was a stay at home dad, she would have said, my husband doesn't work, doesn't work. But I think she said the main breadwinner, which means he doesn't make he does make some money. Got you and she feels like she's pulling the weight of everything. Well, I

already know off the bad just as a woman. Um that the trying to find the balance between being mom having three kids, you know, and then also trying to balance a job and starting a business like that in itself, it's a whole lot um and it's hard if you don't have the support. It's really hard. It's difficult being a woman because when you're the main breadwinner, right if you're if your dreams and aspirations for yourself are higher than your partner. Right, what if he does have a

good job, but that's just not enough for her. She wants more, She's going after more, but she's still also a mom and a wife. It's hard to not grow resentment, you know. And you know, when they talk about finding someone that's evenly yoked, people think that's all about relation, all about religion. It's not all about religion. You have to find someone who has the same dreams and aspirations as you have, right if you want different things in life. What if he's a simple man and he's just like,

we don't need to have three jobs. We're good with we are you known? You can you really fault him for for being comfortable where he is? But can you fault her for it? Sounds like two people who may because She didn't say he was a bad father. She didn't say he was a good beat. She didn't say he wasn't non existent. It sounds to me like she wants to start another business and she wants more support financial.

It makes sense, Yeah, more supportant. He's just not there for yeah, she says, because how do I not go resentment towards my husband? Continue to push forward in her business. So it seems like she's just trying to do more, trying to make ends meet. Um, and I mean, let's be for real, in this day and age, just because you have two people in the household doesn't necessarily mean that you're making ends meet with It's difficult, difficult, not absolutely,

it's difficult. I mean mom and dad of just working one job at piece. I don't think I've ever just seen that. I know my parents at some point my mom was working two jobs. My dad was working two jobs. Like it's just it's just a thing that has to happen. Well, finish, You're fine, No, I was. Parents worked in healthcare, so it's it's a little bit more commonplace for people in healthcare to have two jobs because you can have your per deem job, then you also have your hourly job.

My mom, for example, only worked one jobs. You worked for the city, So there are also a lot of people who worked there nine to five, and that's what they that's my job, you know, having another job to them, it's not even possible because I worked for the city. I working on the five that have good benefits. Um. I think this is a conversation that should have happened earlier about where what they wanted out of life? Right, because now now they seven, they have three kids, which

means they've been together since they were young. Right, So let's just say they had three kids, and they had their kids back to the children back to back to back. That means the children have to be at least a year to year and a couple of months apart. So I mean she started getting pregnant around three. She didn't know who she was. If he's young, he didn't know. But now she's reaching closer to thirty, she may say, you know what I want more out of life? Well, yeah,

a lot of ship happens. So sometimes when you have children too, like you ever hear people say like my children are having children ignited like this driving me, But I just want to do more for them, and I want to give them more opportunities. And sometimes that happens to people. And and like you said, her husband may be like, well, we're good, you know, right so, And I think that's the conversation that continuously has to happen

throughout the marriage. Right when your your your dreams change, your goals change, you don't have to just sit in and be like, Dame, my goals change. I'm gonna do it on my own. Continue to speak to your partner about it. Codeina and I have often gone through these modes where between the two of us, I'm the constant dreamer, right um. I always called Codeine the Amex killer. That's that's her nick. And everybody knows that I make so much jokes about how much money could Dean Spence. Let

me tell you something. If I didn't make a lot of money, Inde Maker didn't make a lot of money and we lived in the apartment, you know what, code would be fine, because she was fine when we moved back to the apartment. She never complained. Some people are just happy in their space, in their moment with that person they loved, and that could be him the same way it was Codeine. I always wanted more and then wanting more. Sometimes Codina and I used to have this argument.

I just like, I'm the only one pushing. I'm the only one going. I'm the only one going. I remember one time Kay said something to me that kind of shocked me, but it made me realize that she was right. Remember when we were having an argument and I said, I brought you this ring, I brought you this house to do this, and those alders and stuff, and you said that I asked for none of this ship right, it was the house of Michigan. Like, I bought this house in Michigan for us. That could be our starter

hole and we could have a life in Michigan. I'm like, I never said in Michigan in order to ask for a house. I thought this was just a text rite off situation. And I was like, I was like, yeah, but I still bought it. But I had to realize that, dang. I never even had the conversation with my wife about what she wanted out of life and told her what I wanted to see if we were on the same page. As I continue to express to k over time and overtime, what I wanted for my life and what I wanted

for us. She then was like okay. She literally said about you could be the richest man in the world, and you know what you're gonna want to do? Get more. She was just like that. I mean, not for nothing. I was appreciative in the moment. I was just like, great, Like I love this house. Like, oh, you know, we were we were technically, I guess, playing house because we weren't quite engage your marriage yet, so you know, we were shacking up, but we were shacking up in a

cute little house. Yeah, yeah, you know. So um, because I didn't I didn't want to make it ever seem like I was ungrateful for the things that she were provided for me. But you did have your own vision of what you wanted to have for your future wife and future family. And it sounds to me like she has her own vision working three jobs and she's starting a business, and it sounds to me like she's an entrepreneur and she's looking for more purpose and she wants

more things. And her husband's probably like, we're good, We're good. And I could also see if you don't have a conversation and you start a business, right, just this doesn't have to be a woman or a man, but this is a spouse. We don't have a conversation about starting businesses.

And I just started another business, and now I started this business and I don't have the finances to see the business through because anytime you start a business, it takes three years for that business to make it into the black. Typically you'll spend the first three years just investing in the business. So now you're putting all your money into the business. You looking at your partner like, why ain't you help me? Your partner can look at

you and be like, I ain't start this business. You know, I'm trying to make sure that everything we have now is on point, and you want to spend more money starting another business. The resentment can go both ways. That's true. That's why the conversation needs to happen. It's it's interesting that you said that because it made me also think of another situation with another couple that I know where it was like, you know, the woman was like the

business mindset. She's like, Okay, great, I'm just gonna do this and this is my new business venture. And it's like, you know, her husband just had to be along with it, like it just had to go along with the flow, and he was kind of like, I know that you're not even equipped to be able to do this. Why are you starting this business when you know you're not you know, you don't have the time for it, or

you're already stressed out. So he might be saying to her sister like, I know you want to start this business, but can you can you realistically give it a ten percent right now in this moment? So he might be hands off and be like, yo, you're about to dig this whole. I'm gonna let you dig it by yourself, you know. So there are a lot of different ways that this can go. I wish I had his perspective as well to to kind of give a better, um, you know, advice to you. But she did ask how

do I push forward and not grow resentment? You know how you don't grow resentment towards people? Have conversations. To conversations bring forth clarity. You don't have resentment when you know. Resentment comes from not knowing why didn't wonder why why

didn't this person support me? But well, when you get clarity, now you have clarity and you know, and at that point you can make a decision, and if you make a decision to stay, even though the person is clear as to why they don't want to support, you can't have resentment towards that person. Need to resentment towards yourself

because you've made the decision to stay. Have conversations consistently, and stop thinking that you're ever going to reach a point in your marriage when you're not going to have conversations. If there's anything Cadine and I can tell you about marriage, part of the reason why we have dead As podcasts is that the marriage isn't never ending conversation. That's what

it is. Because as you evolve and he evolved in Young Lady or twenty seven, when you're thirty five, your minds is going to be completely different than you were when you were twenty seven. As your kids grow, your mindset are gonna is gonna change. So continue to have the conversations and speak to each other. Just continue to talk and be honest and upfront in real time. Good lexes number two Dear de valin Codeine, I hope you all see this and respond because your girl needs some help.

I'm married to my high school sweetheart of fifteen years. Congratulations been married for a year and a half, but we've hit a cross roads for years. He has a rusted to me that he is interested in being with other women for experiences, and has suggested three sums or bringing and bringing in a girlfriend. I'm not against it, but I get mad jealous From New York. I get mad jealous when he attempts to go and do things

we have talked about. We are grown now thirty one with two kids, and there are some things I would like to experience as well as I've only been with my husband, But I don't want to disgrace our marriage. We have been discussing separation, but we have both but we both feel that we just need to continue to be open and honest with each other right and that we can overcome whatever. At times, I feel like I would just let him roam and be free and happy

because I love him that much. Do you think there's a way to keep our relationship happy and successful as long as we are truthful or are we headed down a bad road? Signed the laws? Sweetheart? This is what I feel. One thing that we've been there before, definitely, there's this is one thing that I think triggered me to realize what's going wrong right? She says, I don't

mind trying these experiences, and I have experiences. I want to try my own, but I don't want to disgrace our marriage, which means she's thinking about who other people. That's the problem with both her and her husband may be thinking about other people when deciding what to do within their marriage, and that's a recipe for disaster. You guys have to come to terms of what you need and what you want, and you have to walk that walk together period. What other people may think or believe

about your marriage does not matter. It doesn't I'm not gonna sit here and say because we're not gonna judge what you'all trying to do neither. Because we've been in situations like this, we're just like, damn, like I think I want more, Like we've been together since we were eighteen years old, Like I haven't had experiences. He hasn't had experienced it, So I get it. But it's like,

who you advertising this too? For them to even feel like, damn, this is a disgraceful marriage on y'all have to agree on this, and the truth of the matter is having those open conversations with each other may allow y'all to create a safe space to find out how to try things together without including other people. That's what Cadine and I did. After a while, after while, after while, you like, well, I want to try this, I want to try that. How can I do this without my wife knowing? Because

I don't want her to feel bad? Well, she may say, You may say, how can I do this without telling my husband? Because I don't want him to feel bad. When if y'all speak together, you can say, all right, well you like this and I like that, Well why don't we try using this? Why don't we try doing that? And then you find ways to have those experiences without really having those experiences, and it gets to be kind

of fun. Like they recently had a conversation about just like sexual fantasies and things that we might have tried, you know, either when we were younger, things that we want to try now, or like different things that we've seen in like the Latest Point episode that were like oh ship, like you know, um, And we found ways of like how can we be creative and kind of

invent those those experiences for each other? And we found some ways and I'm just okay, this is different, but it's it's been fun trying to figure things out on the road to shooting blanks. So it's about to be on the poppy, y'all. So yeah, I hope y'all listen to the podcast about the vasectomy. So ya, we we

talked a lot about sex in that episode. So just take some of the cues from that episode and apply it here, because listen to me, man, when you can get on the same sexual path as your partner, nobody else's ideas matter now, Codeina and I and I need to say this because people really don't know. We don't believe in an open marriage. For us, we believe in monogamy.

We believe in monogamy, so you can still be with somebody you've been with since you're a teenager and still enjoy a healthy sex life with that person without including other people. But for those who do believe in an open marriage or polygamy, if it works for you, it works for you. Like out, y'all, stop saying other people we're worried about disgracing our marriage to other that ship don't matter. None of them people you're worried about is ever gonna step in and just be like you know what,

y'all having issues. You know what I'm saying, I'm gonna take care of these bills for y'all. I'm gonna take care of your kids. You know what. I'm going ahead like, there ain't nobody gonna step in and say that. You know what, I'm gonna find a way to make you happy. Yeah. All they're gonna do is talk anyway, period. So speak to each other, find out what's good for each other, and stop thinking about other people. The only way you can disgrace your marriage is if you're dishonest with each other.

That's the only way you can really disgrace your marriage. Keep having those open on his healthy conversations, like you said, and you're asking your question here, do you think there's a way to keep our relationship happy and successful as long as we're always truthful? Yes? Yes, yes, And the conversations are gonna be tough at times, is but they're worth it. Now. And here's the thing, because this this last question, or are we headed down a bad road?

People always ask about their headed down the bad road when it comes time to including other people. We do know some couples who have successfully added other people to their relationship. And they live a happy, happy marriage. And we know some people who try to remain monogamous and a fucking miserable and their kids are miserable, and their in laws are miserable because everybody's miserable because they're they're trying to live the way everybody wants them to live

and that's not working. But then we do have other couples they're like, yeah, we do this, we do that, we we go to these parties, we do this, and I'm just like, I don't know how, because I can't do it. But they are happy, and they have kids, and they're they're very successful. They're successful financially, and they haven't had any issues where some of the monogamous couples we know, I found out later on that, oh I

thought I was monogamous, but I wasn't. You know what I'm saying, And you know what I'm talking about people walking around claiming that monogamy is the best and thinking that, you know, I'm in a monogamous relationship, not knowing that yeah, you maybe, but your partner may not be because y'all just trying to hold up appearances for other people. You can't do that with your marriage. You have to do was right for you. Do this right for you. As

far as the elysis, we love monogamy. So whatever you decide, make sure you love what you decide a little truthfully. And it may take a little bit to get there, but you'll get there all right, y'all. If you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A d A as as A d V I C E at gmail dot com. Al Right, moment of truth time, John U up in this bitch I literally thought about that movie in the

car too. I was like that I would literally come in here and like at this whole place under manners quick and I wouldn't care about any of the questions anything to protect my my family a matter of fact, that's my my moment of truth. A moment of truth is that you, as a man, have a responsibility to protect your family by any means necessary, and anybody who's gonna step in the way of that, I'm gonna have to deal with the rath. That's just my moment of truth.

Make sure that you advocate for your children and your wife. Um as intelligently as possible, because even once they feel the wrath, you have to eloquently articulate why you gave somebody the wrath. So don't just be out here just trying to gun, bust and throw hands doing some other stuff. Be able to articulate your perspective so that people can understand where you're coming from. That's the only way you

can get empathy and compassion. Additionally, if you work in if you work as a first responder or anyone dealing with people that they're worse and a heightened sense of urgency, please take that job seriously, but take it with empathy and compassion, because that's what we all require as people. Absolutely.

I think my moment of truth is having experienced all of this, doing a little bit of research sometimes and knowing ahead of time, even before an emergency situation, know the protocols with hospital no the hierarchy of who needs to be contacted if something does go awry. Um, we've talked a lot about that, even just on our pregnancy episodes. Like you know, being an advocate and doing your research and knowing the resources. The same thing applies in a

children's hospital. The same thing applies in a regular emergency room where they're adults. Just knowing who can potentially be your advocate in those moments at the hospital, Knowing who you can make a complaint to UM. No if it's going to be falling on deaf ears, making sure that you're documenting times, names, first and last names of people

who you are having these interactions with UM. Because if it does come to a situation like ours, where we are planning to and are in the process of taking it up into higher levels, you want to, like the vow said articulately, articulately explain verbally but also on paper what your experience looked like, and knowing who to send these complaints too, so something can be done and don't feel like the systems ever too big. All complaints don't

fall on deaf ears. So if you're at home feeling like something happened to you and take my mom, gonna say nothing because no one's gonna care. That's not true. People care. Yeah, shout out one more time to the security team over it the Children's Healthcare Center of Atlantigency. They were great. All right, y'all be sure to follow us on social media dead ask the podcast we have our own page, which is growing beautifully. Thank you all

so much. I wasn't sure how much people would tune into the actual podcast page, but I love to see y'all there, and of course tune into Cadeine I Am and I Am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcast and never miss a Thing