It’s A Thin Line Between Love & Hate

And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of millennium married couple. Dead ads to the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillows off to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. All right, So let's go to

story time. Okay, but you gotta pay sleeve today. I'm gonna take us back to Hofstra Oh the Row two thousand and four. This is my junior year of college. I'm in the prime of my athletic career in college, on my way to being an All American. I'm winning Offensive Player of the Week like like three times in

a row. I'm tired. Okay, I'm tired. And my beautiful girlfriend at the time, we have the same classes, of course, because we do everything together other smart smart, all right, I said, baby, babe, I hit it with the no air voice, you know, I said, baby, can you sign me in the class? You know, I get some extras, some sleep. She goes, sure, baby, I got you whatever you need. So now I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm golden

illegal stuff, y'all. So there's nothing legal about don't go pulling up sign up sheets from back in the day. We got the sign up sheets, we got this stuff. We got everything right. It's now it's time to take the tests, the exams. I was good at cramming. Right, my wife, who I love dearly, Right, I say, baby, can I borrow your notes to study? She goes, I'm like, what you mean? She said, I'm not giving you my notes? I said, yo, you play you you signed me in?

You know, I don't got no notes. Without with the part of the deal though, And I was like, that's not my problem. You will have to figure that out. And I'm sitting here like, yo, you set me up for the oaky dog. But here's the crazy part though, right. I got my textbooks, I study and I passed. So I appreciate you for doing that because it made me do my work. So I love you for that. But I hate the fact that you get so like prim improper at the wrong time. It's like the wrong time

now to have more rules. You should have just never signed me in. I hate the fact that you get so prim and probably at the wrong time, especially when I need you the most. Don't try to make me feel guilty. I did a lot of the work by going to class and being a very diligent note taker. Okay, and that's why I wanted your notes, But you left me out to drop get to learn a lesson and look at the great man you are today, not just

a parent. Did that? Oh gosh, I hate you. Since I swear, guy, I swear again, I have no the feeling is mutual. How about that? Well, since we're walking around using the H word today, okay, since we're talking about I hate and whatnot. At first when I saw hate on the run and I was like, oh, are we talking about like when you feel like people hate on you. But I have my husband up in here today talk about he has moments where he hates me. I hate. I said, I hate that I love you

because I'd be wanting to be mad. Don't don't, don't try to stuff about I say he hates me. I literally wanted to said, I hate that I love you so much, I'll be wanting to be mad, but I can't. It sounded a little you'll be hearing that's another thing. That's nothing I gotta put on my list. Go ahead, we got listed the karaoke anyway, the karaoke anyway. To put a little sugar on top, you know, I had to pull up something out the crates from my girl rian N. I hate how much I love you boy.

I can't stand how much I need you because I do. I just hate how much I love you, boy, but I just can't let you go. And I love you so oh mmmm. What's the what's the word? When someone is like right, like righteous, it's righteous at the wrong time. I literally hate when you get righteous at the wrong time. Do you act like that a character trait? Like I do that often? Do I? Yes? Bro? Bro like yo

you like? For example, We'll be having a full fledged argument right and in the middle of the argument, she want to get righteous and correct my grammar. Don't correct my grammar in the middle of an argument, son, It's like that. It's a pepp something that just can't let slide. Like you know, like I've seen you the other day, you saw me, you saw me the other day you didn't see you know, there's certain things about your part

of that will annoy the ship out of you. And and the funny thing is those things that annoy you tend to be the things that you need the most in your life. Because now I'll be on Grandma alert when I speak to her and other people. So it makes sense, you know what I'm saying. It's it's almost

like a form of accountability. Absolutely, absolutely, And as a follow up or as an extension to your story, Okay, in college, Devout would have me signing him into class because he would align with me and take the same classes as me. I mean, your your boy's changed his whole major to be with me. Just so y'all know Okay, then we get around of a pause for me work in the system. The system has been against us for

so long. I worked the system three point one g p A thank you, thank you, you found a loophole a k A. Cade And was like several um, but that you know, he found the loophole in the system, was like you know what. I met him and he was a business finance major and then all of a sudden, he's in the School of Communications with me. Okay, So this one particular class, and this is why it got under my skin because this was the story prior to this,

this note situation. It was Professor Drucker's class Mass Communication. Okay, never forget it. And I used to go and sit through that woman's lectures for an hour and thirty five minutes every Tuesday Thursday. When I tell you, it was like fileting my skin with a dull knife. Okay. So I suffered through that and took diligent notes. You should see me with different color highlighters and all that pens or whatever whatever. And it was like really trying my

all in this class. You know, don't tell me how to take my notes. So I was doing, you know, doing my due diligence with my work and my notes and everything. We had a group project that we had to do. V was in a different group though, so I'm diligently. I'm that group member that's like, I'm all in, we're gonna do this, We're gonna get this. A Divo was probably like toe into this group project. Right, went up there and b as this whole thing with his group. Right.

I didn't even study, didn't study nothing. I gave this whole presentation at the end of the class the last day. This is a final project. Dival goes to Professor Drucker. I really, really thoroughly enjoyed this semester with you. I feel like I learned so much. And I'm standing in the background, like Nick, you ain't been to like two more than two lectures the whole semester. Right, she probably don't even know your face because it's one of those

classes where there was like several of us. She didn't know it. But remember that, and I bust my tail in that class too. We get our raids in that semester. Where did you get in that class? Develt? What did I get in that class? Avelt? My only be the whole semester, I had straight AI's the one b So that girl that said I was like, from now on, I'll sign you in, but you ain't using my notes, bro. So the moral of the story is you are petty. That's one of the more The other moral of the

story is college is all about relationships. Okay, Well, I guess you. Well. I walked in there the hell out of Professor Dru. I literally met her one time time interaction. I looked in her eyes and I said, I thoroughly enjoyed. And you lined your hair up that day, so you know what you were doing gaze during her eye which your line up, your sharp lineup and whatnot. It's all right, it's all good. But look, and I mean, I'll be honest. Okay, I used you. I felt I admitted I used you, Okay,

but I had a purpose. I had a reason to do it because I knew that in life I was going to be able to return the favor. And I feel like I have I have. It's fair to say, can we shake on that? Shake on that? Okay? So it was one of the things that you hate about me is I know how to charm my way through things. That's actually a talent, and I'm jealous that you do have that. I envy that, Like you're able to just BS stuff at the best times, you know what I mean.

But the good thing is that with your BS come substance, and you're intelligent, so you're able to say, translate the BS into something of substance. So that's cool. You have just a regular old bullshit artists, you know, because I appreciate about I don't like that it's called BS. What I know how to do is I know people. I know people, and I think too often people forget that relationships matter, and rather than working with the person, they want to show how smart they are. Everybody don't want

to hear how smart you are. And I think that that's what happened with you, a Professor Drucker. You were very smart. You were intelligent, and you wanted to get up there and show everything that you know. And you was up and I used to watch her when you was up there. I watched when a lot of them young ladies was up there. She was an old, drive up old lady at that point, and y'all all these young,

vibrant titty sitting up on a small ways. So y'all up there telling her all y'all knowledge, and she used to be sitting and you got to know how to read the room. Read the room. Schooled me a bit too late. You should have told me that back in the day. I would have got her a damn apple. I would have schooled you. But you know what, you made me do my own notes. So so the task at hand today, playing a little game here. Shout out to Trouble from the diaphragm for coming up with a

fun little activity. Here. We made a list of three things that we hate about each other. And I know he could be a very strong word. I get it. However, it would be like that sometimes, especially in relationships, especially after being with someone for going on nineteen years, there's a ship that you downright hate and that's just what

it is. Um. In a set of two thousand fourteen experiments all Right, researchers found evidence to suggest that thinking about romantic partners can provoke both positive and negative emotions. In other words, you can simultaneously love and hate your partner, which I completely agree. And I think that's important for people to know that because so so often I hear guys and girls say, oh, I don't like that my partner does this? Is that should I should? I move on?

And I'm just like, you don't really have to love everything about your partner for it to be a good solid relationship. I mean, I feel like things comes and ebbs. Things come in ebbs and flows, so it's waves. You have only something in that moment. They're chronic things that you hate. For example, could be like pet peeves about you leaving your pile of clothes on the floor, and like you leaving the garbage in the corner. I don't do that, that's my mom. Sorry Mom, I'm not throwing

you under the bus, but Mimi does that. Y'all maybe be taking the garbage out of the garbage container and putting it next to the garbage container in the garage. Not me, but I will sweep and leave like the pilet dust in the corner. Like that's like it just happens like that. When sry, she did not have to do that. She did not know. When you start to live with people full time, you're gonna just start calling stuff out. That woman birthed youth shout out to girl,

just put the garbage. You took the garbage out of the container. You might as well put it in the bin, like mem I do not approve this message. I appreciate you. Mimi, once again, you're not reading. You're not reading room I am. Because she knows me, me gonna pull up receipts so she'll be like, I just saw on the Instagram that you were talking about me. People said, people said you were talking about me, and they're tagging me in this. So yeah, but um yeah, there's just little things that

become small things and then they're like character. I don't want to say flaws, but their character traits that people may have that you tend to hate. Right now, I'm on mine. It's flaws, Cary flaws like I got flaws, be right, but I mean something. Okay, So so what's something you have your first thing on your list? Let me pull up my list. Put go ahead, pull up your list. Let's see. I got about I got about one. So she yeah, guys, she's so dramatic, bro, she's gonna

pull out pages four. I got my list. Alright, you can go first. I'm gonna go first. All right. The first thing, well already said one one was the fact that I hate that she tries to be very very righteous at the wrong time. I hate that right. The second thing I hate about codem right and I've always hated about codein and this goes to your your family as well. Sorry, but I whole family. I hate the fact that y'all care so much what other people think. That's how I grew up like that. I don't feel

like that now. That's something you actually had to pull me out of worrying what people think. If I worried what people thought, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be talking to you all. I would not be the presence that I am on social media. So I've definitely

learned to let that go. Also, um, I also want to be very clear that when we're talking about the things that we hate, we're also going to talk about how those things are not deal breakers, because in some way, shape or form, they do make you better as a person. Because the things you hate, often times are often reflections of yourself that you know you need to fix and you really don't want to fix it. Sorry. Just may be different. You just may not be raised or conditioned

to feel that way. So it could be a thing where you learned. But I do I do feel like your family being that way and you being like that. Right, I always have to take key to how things are going to be towards you. And what it did was made me more cognizant about my surroundings and what I put out because I know that it's going to affect you. So in a way, it's helped me. You know what I'm saying. You're not talking about reading the room. I

talked about reading the room. It's helped me because sometimes I get to a point where I don't I don't give a ship about the room. Like sometimes I don't care if it's my thought, if it's my opinion, if it's my feeling, I'm just gonna say it. But when you live with someone and you know that what you say may affect them, you learn how to take a step back and think twice. Especially in the social media era.

You know they normally say you write a tweet, you delete it, you rewrite it, deleted again, think about if you want to tweet it before you actually tweet it. I actually go through that now because I know how my things are often affect you. So even though I hate that, because I want to feel free enough to

say how I feel I do appreciate it. Yeah, I mean, I think yeah also too, I think people always tend to lump us together, you and I because the individuals, but we also have the presence as the ellisis or dead as the podcast or defend, so we get lumped together. And what I don't particularly like about that is that you're very expressive. You're very expressive. You're also you know, willing to just like write dissertations and your captions and stuff like that. For me, I don't use this social

media in that way all the time. So then it becomes a thing where we'll devour here so much, and then Kadine never says anything about that. For example, you may post a beautiful picture or like tribute to me, and then you'll give a whole long thing about like, you know, a piece of my relationship or something. That's how you share. And then people sometimes have commented, men in particular, have commented like, well, why doesn't Cadine do the same for devot, So it's like, why should I

be expected to do the same thing. Maybe I'm more private with how I show my husband how I care about him. Maybe I'm not doing it for social media, not that you are. Men have said to me that they feel like women are typically always the more uh emotionally sharing person in the relationship, and women have often said to their women have said to them, look, you know you don't share about me, but look how Devoal

shares about Codeine. But then they always say to me, well, Devow shares and Codeine doesn't, you know, I'm saying, so it is like, so if I you know, if I share, what does that prove? Because she doesn't feels need to share, and if I share, she's gonna stop sharing. And that goes to what what you're saying is like people do

as they please. You know what I'm saying, Just because I share doesn't mean that I expect Codeine to share, but I do get women who do say to me, like, then Codeine doesn't share as much because they lump us together. And men kind of put it on you that the vow doesn't and she doesn't. Though, this is why I'm

not sharing with my girl, because he's doing this. Everyone has an argument for whatever side there are, and and and it's just being a thing where you either do what you don't right well, and I had to just kind of it took a long time for me, like you said, to break free of that, because I see how caring so much about what other people think has limited various people in my family, stop them from a potential venture, has stopped them from doing something they wanted

to do, and it's just so so restricting to me. So once you and I just really just been like, this is what it is. We're gonna put content out there. We're going to share what we want to share. We're deliberate with what we share. And I appreciate that you always consult or run by me things that you want to share, just because you know that it will in turn affect me. I appreciate that, um, but I just realized how freeing it is to just be able to put things out there and just be okay with it

and to be clear. As much as I hate the fact that she cares so much what people think, she hates the fact that I don't care what people think. And she used to be on me like I don't want to be seen on Instagram in a bonnet. I don't want to be seen like shut up and I'm a post that it. She would be mad. So the hate was going back and forth. We're going back and forth. So my first thing, excuse me, that I hate about you is that you have no off button. I hate

that you have no off button. De Voo does not know when to turn off. Okay, And I will say the benefit to that is that develop accomplishes a lot and gets a lot of things done in a timely manner. Me, I'm like, you can take the evening off, you can put your phone on vibrate, you can miss the call like, you can do those things just for your own sanity, because then he's like overworked, he's overstressed, he's worried about

his hair, you know what I mean. And I'm like, bro, this right here, it's probably like that phone call that you probably didn't have to take in that moment. So then it falls on me to be the person that designates time for him to decompress and disconnect, which is cool because then we get to reconnect. You know, there are plenty ways to relieve stress. My lady, Why are you going to bring it back to that? Though, I'm

not bringing it back to that. You do, but that's in part two because you don't know two clock out and the hard part about being an entrepreneur for us having our businesses together. You being a working actor. You don't know how to just relax. I promise you all for the past couple of days, right Mimi, Kiroon Kaz have been in New York, if we've been here with Jackson, and there have been days where we literally have finished

work and there's just been not much to do. And before this guy just like relaxes, take some time to watch a movie and chill with us. He's looking for the next thing to do. And I'm just like, bro, I could see your mind racing and before you just decompressed for a little bit, you thinking about the next thing to do. I think that's that. I hate that because I don't know you guys talking to hell out You guys can't see me. But I'm taken back. Okay, I'm taken back. You want to know why I don't

know how to rest. I have no off button. But every day I get forty seven packages at my door. Who is responsible to pay for those parts? Some of that is PR because that goes to the PR box. I the PR box. I have been going lately. I have been good late and I'm a working woman as well. Don't get it twisted. So if I'm going to be purchasing means I'm going to be purchasing things as well because I've earned it. So don't even blame it on my packages. I'm not talking about how you don't know

how to disconnect. I'm not even going to defend your accusation. I'm gonna go to my next hate mood. See that means that it's I'm right. I'm not going to defend it. We're gonna move on. I'm not going to defend it. Okay, I don't have an off button. I don't have an off button. Okay, you reap the benefits of me not having an off button. I do. I do. So we're able. We're able to we're able to live our lifestyle in part two, because that has an offertion. What I said,

he gets a lot of things accomplished. I just am concerned as his wife about his health. Now you're gonna bring it to my health, now you that was great. Can we get a round of applause for a cadine she's worried about my health. I've been said I was worried about your health, and you're here like I'm concerned about these things, So me being concerned about those things. It's a total package, bro. Like I want you to live along with me. I want us to be able

to grow you know, old and fabulous together together. Period. So can I move on to my next hate things? You see, he already got three things that I only got one, but you just got like I mean, you told me to go next. You know what's fine, I'll let you go back to back, Drake, Go ahead, Drake, go back to back your papers. I should not your papers at your hand. Um. I hate that you feel like your way of doing things is the be all and all only correct way to do things. There are

other ways. People have their methods, people have their processes. Y'all see how my hand is going right now? My heart right now, okay, feels that his way is the be all that ends all. It's the vals way or the highway. True or false? First of all, that's false. That's false. It is absolutely false. I don't feel that my way is the only way. But I will say this though, in order for me to believe that your way works, you have to prove to me that's your

way works. And if you're not consistent at proving to me that's your way works. Why would I believe that I should follow your way? Well, what if my way takes a little bit longer than your way. Time is all we have in life. That is the only currency that matters. I can't sit here and wait till you figure out when you want to figure stuff out. Well, the figuring out sometimes it's part of the lesson, as

part of the process for people. But I feel like sometimes you just just like, we'll do it this way, and then like and if someone doesn't do it that way, then you're just kind of like, well, damn, that was stupid. Listen, guys, once again, I'm not gonna argue with my way. I am not going to try to deflect. I'm going to receive this information. Okay, I'm going to receive this information. And what I will do is I will apologize. If I made you feel that way. Don't because you're gonna

try to apologize. Phone was nineteen years worth of develop feeling like he's right all the time. And I will say I will say have amazing ideas a lot of the times, Like shoot, if if a company comes to me, it's like, hey, can you need you do a video. I'd be like Devel like it's a running joke with our manager de Nora and I that I'm just like, hey, we need a concept for this that in the third I'll be like, consult my consultant, see what I'm saying

because I know ning, but I know your strengths. I think a lot of it with relationships is knowing about shrinks and weaknesses, knowing who is better equipped to do certain things in certain moments, then getting that tax done so I can appreciate and respect the fact that DEVO has certain strengths. However, there's certain areas where there's room for a little bit of you know, let's see how it goes and like na, na, but respectfully, your way

be taken too long, bro, not all the time. Sometimes it hits me yo yo yo yo depends all right? Can I get an ash? Can I get like an honorable mention? Because this wasn't even on my list of things? Kind of this is my honorable mention. It's an honorable mention? Right? Can you print out the other eight pages? I haven't? First of all, y'all see how much this is the most talking Coneine has ever done on the podcast. Let

it let it. Let it be an episode where she got telling me she hate me and something, and she up here just talking, flapping them lips. For it's because it's the first podcast of the day, and you know, I had my caffeine this morning, so I got little energy. Y'all got me on on a good note. This is

one of my honorable mentions, right. I hate that my wife procrastinates and thinks because this is me trying to not have a stroke while I say the word procrastinates because it bothers me so much, like it is not okay to do things on your time because you know that I'm gonna get stuff done. And then your response to me when I ask you why you haven't get this done is to be like some things are just a process. You can't do that to people's son. The mortgages do on the first, the cardinal is due on

the third. We have three kids. They're not waiting for nobody, So I can't be up here waiting for nobody. I can't call the Morgan, Chase Man and b JP more going to be like, listen, hey, there's a process to get these bills there. Let me let me get back to you about I can't do that. You could have honorable not mentioned that. But whatever on whatever I do, I mean, the Good Lord is working on me. That's all I have to say about that. Okay, the good Lord is working on Mease he has a process, clearly

because it's taking a bit longer. But what I'll do is, I'll also say, through her procrastinating and learning to be patient, I've learned how to slow down a little bit and appreciate the things that are happening during the process. For example, this will take me to my final thing that I hate about my wife the value on number twelve. Now, my wife, we had two solid ones, cannot cut me off. There was another honorable mention my wife. My wife likes to cut me off in my feelings. Now, don't be

your feelings. Don't be your feelings. My wife loves to spend money, Like she loves to spend money and me. I still get a connection when I think about money leaving my account. Right, So I kind of hate it, But I can't say I hate it because I love I love to spoil her, So it's really not just you. I love to spoil you. And I will say this about that. I've learned to appreciate moments, memories, and experiences

because of you. If it were up to me, i'd probably make all this money, let us sit in my account and watch it every single day and be a miserable old man. But because K goes out and spends playing trips and stuff, I get to enjoy in my life. So so I do hate leave seeing money leave my account and hate the fact that you just think that it's okay to just go out to Amazon and just give all the money away that we both work hard for.

But I do appreciate the fact that we have moments and memories that we can we can enjoy, so we were able to live like comfortably. Right. So there are certain things that you don't even think about that we need, but me running a household, having the children around, just knowing things that we need, like you don't look for like this morning device, just like damn, I need some cute tips. Guess what, I just got some cute tips on Amazon. And I just fut tips come in boxes.

That's what cute tips come in, you know boxes, because those are cute tips stuff I delivered here over there, those are cute tips. Oh, I didn't know that was Christian do York. I didn't know my bad, My bad, it was Christian do your cute tips. Now if you you adore me, do you see what I'm saying? Um? Yeah, So I had a rough couple of weeks, so I just treated myself to a little something. I mean, that was it. But I understand, I understand, I get it,

you know. Like I said, I'm I'm a work in progress. The Good Lord is working on me and my third and I'll pick from my listing as though you had a long, a long list of things. My list wasn't that long, but go ahead. But okay, Um, so I can't say that I completely hate this because there's a benefit to it. However, div I would be liking to talk and debate about every goddamn thing, and I don't be feeling like talking about it. We got a podcasts like NIS got the talk in the podcast like a

goodcast outside of the podcast about I'm talking about. On a regular day, DIVO just become up with these like deep conversations out of nowhere, and I just don't want to like engage in the conversation. But I'd be stuck having to engage in these conversations with you sometimes and I'm just like, I just want to like be in silence and just like cuddle. You know what your problem is, or you don't want to be in silence and cuddle because you know what being this in silence and cuddling

leads to, I just want to cuddle. We already spoke about and I want to debate or fuck all right, that's too extreme, nobody getting stuff and having these deep conversations. Sometimes these deep conversations do, I will say, evoke lots

of thought and breakthroughs and stuff like that. However, sometimes I'm just like I don't want to debate, so I'm usually the of the couple will be with a group of people, a group of friends, and devour me the one having like full blown debates and conversations with people. And then I'm slowly like Homer Simpson, like backing out into the bush because I just don't be feeling and maybe two people. I don't like people like that, so I'll be like going to talk to people all the time.

But you, well you just said you don't like to talk to me neither, so I know you don't like to talk to other people. I saw that my wife hates the fact that I'm an intellectual and I like to discuss current events in life. I just found this out. Guy's I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna take my shirt off and walk around going who says that? Like? Who says that? I'm just saying this time and place

for it. And sometimes it's just the most inopportune time that you want to have and it doesn't even have to be about current events, having like relationship conversations and you just want to have these long drawing on and I'm just like, bro, I'm not talking, you know more. And at that point when we have those conversations, then I'll be like, oh, I see where this is going. He's doing this on purpose. Then I'll go ahead and get my hair tie and I put the pillow on

the floor and I'd be like, shut up. It's hard out here for man, but that it's hard out here, Bro, I can't win for losing. I can't win for losing. She hate the fact that I read and want to discuss the stuff that I read. I watched documentaries, and sometimes you have moments can't even get my thought out because now you want to cut me off. Remember I was one of the honorable mentions. I said, she come me on, I just hear go on a whole dissertation about how she hates the fact that I talked. I

might even try to talk to no more. I'm trying to talk to y'all and she's trying to cut me off from talking to y'all. You know what we're gonna do. We're gonna go take a break. We're gonna go, uh go do these ads. Where can I say that? Is it? Is that bothering you? And I say that we're gonna take a break, pay some of these bills, and when we come back, we're gonna get to listener letters. I'm gonna let k do the whole listener letter because I

don't want to debate with you. See how extreme he is that on the list of things that I hate you mad petty petty? What so guys real quick before you jump into listen to that or some tips for when you feel like you hate your spouse? Why you rubbing my arms? Because I really love you, but I just wanted to like just run off a couple of tips that we came up with. Okay, try to name what you're really feeling okay, walk it off or walk it out to whichever which way you want to do it.

Make sure you're getting enough time apart. That's important because we do value time apart. Sometimes too makes me miss them right. Pay attention to what's going on with you, because sometimes it might be you, it may not be them. Okay,

sometimes it maybe me. I will say that. Assess whether the relationship is still meeting your needs, Recognize what triggers the feeling, look at it from their perspective, and the opposite of walking it out, work it out, talk to people you trust, focus on the positive, and if allowse fails, you don't seek counseling therapist that helps you, you know. Um, so let's going to listen. Letters are real quick. Do you want to read it? Would you like? Alright? Go

for it? All right? I'm dating a guy Pisces who just puts that in there. I don't know. People are very big on like astrology and like I'm dating a guy Pisces who is very sensitive. So our Pisces man sensitives. I don't know any Pisces man. I don't think he seems to cry to you can describe a lot to go cry A lot too over little things. In my perspective, sometimes I can understand the frustration, and other times I wonder if it's the alcohol or is he emotionally unstable.

It sucks because it's frustrating and he's a good guy, treats me like a queen. But sadly, I haven't had the patience for a man crying over nothing or being overly sensitive. It's not fun to walk on eggshells. And I know I'm not I'm not that mean. How do you know if a sensitive man is worth the effort or work, or how do we know they're actually emotionally unstable and it's a red flag to go? Or how can I be more cautious to not trigger him to cry without having to lose all the fun? I love

you both, and I appreciate your advice to come. So what I'm wondering off of that is what exactly is he crying over? Because is it? Is it crying over like scenario situations? Does you see a sad movie and he cries like where I just want to say that, I think this is toxic femininity. This is toxic femininity. She's telling him he's too emotional. He cried too much women have been saying for years. Man, y'all need to

open up. It's okay to cried, and the man start opening up to the woman he loved, and she's using it as a weakness, well toxic. Is he opening up or is he just crying because it seems like she's not sure if he's overly sensitive. Maybe he needs to get to the root of why he's crying. Does it matter he's sharing his emotions. I mean, I'm not opposed to that. They're watching a movie. Say they watching band b band be getting shot but baby's mother, excuse me

get shot blue? He dropped a tear duca too? Is that a problem? No? I guess he's in tune with like emotions. Emotions, but I don't know. I mean, I guess also too, she's probably looking for a man who's probably a little bit more sline, right, Yeah, or maybe that maybe he's that the thing is for so long, crying and men have been seen is like two completely different ends in inspection, like that's just something men don't do.

So maybe she's alarmed now because she's accustomed to men not crying, or men being more masculine by not crying. So she's taken it back. Now she's like, I don't understand what this is. Maybe there's something there that's you know, because she says, how can I be more cautious not to trigger him to cry? So when she's saying something or is she maybe she's she's saying things to make him cry or make him feel inadequate. The first thing

is have enough context here for this. Maybe she doesn't realize how mean she is, or maybe he's yourself like it could be even one like I'm just being honest. Sometimes women don't realize that worlds have power, and some things you say and in your mind may not be me because that's how you grew up, right, But maybe he didn't grow up that way. For example, my cousin Porscha grew up with me and Brian. All we did was play, fight, shoot the dozens, talk trash to each other.

So my cousin Porscha, she got a mouth on her. If she's with a dude who's not used to that type of environment, she could be seen as me. Thank god she married from Philly my manner rich rich ain't soft, So would she get crazy at the mouth. He's gonna get crazy at the mouth back, like, like, I think that people assume that all men exist in one space and that's not true, and all women think that the space they exist in is the reality. But really that's

not true. We're all individual, individual people. He may be a little soft, she may be a little mean, and together he ended up crying all the time, you know what I'm saying, Like, I think they should explore that. She should go into the past and find out if there's things that she says or does all that makes it a little bit more abrasive, you know what I'm saying.

He needed to look at himself and be like, why am I always you know what I'm saying, Like, I think they both can do some work, finds happy made him and do some work, you know, exploring though, because yeah, I'm not sure about what's triggering the crying, which is I think the confusing part for me with it, um but her thing that I'm not that mean makes me feel like it maybe some things that she says to him or does that triggers accused the crying. But but

here's but here's a good point. Though she did say she doesn't she does. She hates walking on eggshells. Right. Remember I told you I hate walking on eggshells. And in another episode we were talking about how it doesn't matter sometimes what or how you say to someone. If someone is bringing something into a relationship, then that emotion um comes out whenever they feel attack, no matter how how you say it. I could see how she could be frustrated walking on eggshells because it's like, dang, it

don't matter if I'm abrasive. It don't matter how nice and light I try to talk to him. If he always crying, that may be something that he just keeps bringing to the relationship and he needs to check that out, you know what I'm saying. And she can check hers, he can check his. But if they love each other, if y'all love each other, if you'll listening and watching, if you'll love each other, do some research on yourself. You know what I'm saying, period, And let's stop clowning

men who cry toxic femininity. But she should be able to express it too, you know, and something that takes work sometimes from the probably figure out why it is he's like that. And let me be clear, I ain't for all the crying either. I told my boys, you don't cry in front the people you don't trust. So I don't tell them like you can't cry, you know what I'm saying, Like, that's that's toxic masculinity if you're

telling them and you can't cry. But I do tell my boys you do not crying from the people you don't trust. So you can't just be out here. It is sobbing all the time. You gotta learn how to hold it in and get to a place where you're comfortable and then let it out. So you alright now number two? Man, y'all sending dissertations. Really, um, how do you guys feel about privacy and relationships? I'm thirty one

and I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We're headed for marriage, but we couldn't bring ourselves to pay for a wedding before buying a house. His lease is up in December two tho nineteen, so in January, coincidentally, just before the pandemic, he moved into my place so we could save more money for our future. And this is where the problem really starts. Dumb, dumb, dumb moving in together. This man leaves me no privacy and that's

in caps caps lock SI no privacy. He goes through my phone, mail, purse drawers, comes into the bathroom when I'm in there, eave drops on my conversations with my girls. Anything invasive, he does it. And this is not because he doesn't trust me. He's just playing nosy and it drives me nuts. So he's k why you get quiet? You don't check my mail? You don't check my mail? Are you serious? You don't check my many were just moving together. I'm cashing it checks, bro, You mean though

you see that look just now? If looks could kill right now, she would have split my wigs just now, moment of true time. You're not. I am very nosy, and I embrace it. So what she's saying, she's saying, she see why are you getting mad? But I don't be going through your drawers and if all that stuff, I don't do that anymore. Goodbye to that. You want to finish reading the listing letter because she's not even get no advice today, messing with you all. I'm just guy,

finished reading listen. I'm gonna be quiet because I don't want no smoke. I really don't want no smoke. Don't it's too late. I'll finish choking smoke during a family Dinnerscus has mentioned wanting to change careers and he's reading because I was doing a better job anyway. So hey, whatever you are, you are right today, you are you are right. If this is not because he doesn't trust me, he's just plaining on nosey and it drives me nuts

bad enough. We're still working remotely. His take is in relationships, you should be one. He's an oversharer and sometimes tells me more than I feel I need to know. But two weeks ago I had a huge blow up during a family dinner. His cousin mentioned wanting to change careers, and he said, that's cool. Akila is going to back to school for her master's too. Now I never told him this. He found out I was applying to different

programs by going through my things. But it's a big decision I wasn't sure about and I was not ready to reveal yet. I was livid. He doesn't see the big deal and says I need to learn to share more with the people that I love. This isn't the first time he's mentioned things to someone that I never told him, but this took me. This took the cake for me being on my own for so long. I don't know if I can live like this anymore, or live like this forever. But maybe because on my own,

I've been on my own for so long. I'm looking at this selfishly. Is marriage about giving up privacy? Should I just ask him to share things about me? But except that, I'll never have the space that I once have. I love both of your perspectives on this. PS. I know, kay love zodiac science. I'm Arias and he's a Leo. I mean, I don't know if I love zodiac sciences, but I just it's a topic of conversation. So you know, I'm in Arias and he's only okay, So what's your

perspective of that? Since you always have something to say? If I always has something to say, that's I'm starting to podcast, y'alla. If I always have something to say, so go ahead to say it. Go ahead to say it. You know I my own podcast already know, y'all. He already says on listening letters. Oh, Condinias knows, because you want to know, y'all. Business, didn't y'all be asking me for for my my my two cents? So y'all send it in, And I'm just obliging, but get ahead to veil.

She said, should she do about her nose as man? I don't. Can you you let me know you want me to speak? I just said it ahead, holding up the process. She wants answers, Sequila wants answers Aequila. Understand that when you're dealing with a nosy person and they move into the house with you, things that you think are invasive to them, it's just normal. For example, mail comes into the house. Codeine passes me checks that have my name on it. I say, you know it's a

federal offense to open my mail. She goes, you have no privacy here verbati. Never You've never said that to me, never said you had no privacy there. I do that because I will go through the mail, take out the checks, and leave all the bills there. And I'm the one that has to manage the bill. So usually when I go through the mail, I'll take the checks out, give them to you the deposit, and I'll take care of the bills. That's just you don't say what's yours is

mine and what's mine with that? But I didn't say that you're not you don't have a right to some privacy I do believe that people should have a bit of privacy in their in their relationships in general, just as an individual. It's a level of respect. Okay, So I'm not going through your ATHO, I'll go the minute. Can we be on for a minute. Yes, did you used to go to my phone? Yes? I did early

on in the relationship. Not something I do now. I didn't because you were what and we were living where together? So how you'd be ready to argue with me about stuff that I'll be saying it is true, but you actually did. Well, you have to do it in the context of their relationship four years and then us nineteen years. I'm not the same person, but you have to be prepared when you're dealing with a nosy person and they

move in with you. What you're used to, what you think is invasive to them is just being nosy, That's all I say. Well, I mean she would be ready to argue with me, she asked me. From my perspective, I'm already know that. You know you're trying to because because because humor is part of the podcast. All right, learn to laugh at off baby now. So when we moved in together, you used to check my phone, right

mail comes in here, you check my mail? That could be invasive to people who are not used to being in relationships and living with someone who's nosy. Codeine is nosy. I'll be on my phone, She'll be looking directly at my phone, and I'll be like, yo, you're just looking at my phone, and she's just like, your phone is open. Nosy people be nosy. They don't consider it to be invasive. Why because Codein doesn't care if I look at her phone. Codeine don't care if I open her mail. So in

her mind, this is normal behavior. Yes, I agree with that. However, where it goes south for me is him than telling her business to everybody. That that is definitely do not. Never do we have conversations with each other about what we're going to share to other people. I am not allowed and she is not allowed to share my business with other people unless we've already had a discussion about it at even and even still then I feel like I do owe him with respect to some business that

he wants to tell. He tells, you know what I mean, and it could be good business. You know, it could be good things. It could be you know, not so good things. But I think we definitely have that see that that to me is just a mutual respect that I think they also have to learn to communicate, right. So for example, I used to hate that cold you should check my phone, even though I had nothing to hide on my phone obviously, be like, why are you

check my phone? And she used to be like, and just and I'm just like to do that now, and I'm just busy. What goes through your mind that you just think it's okay because the phone is here to go through it and look at it. And she used to be like, I don't know, it's just there, so I just go look and see what's in it. I had to understand that she wasn't doing anything to be malicious. She was nosy, but I had to create my own boundaries the same way you have to create your own boundaries.

My thing was, I don't just pick up your phone because you may have information there that you don't want me to see. For example, she'd be playing trips and surprises. If I go through a phone and I ruined all the surprises, I've messed that up. You know what I'm saying. I may not understand the context of anything that's in

her phone. For example, remember that time you asked me to check your email and you were going to I think it was Oh my gosh, I forgot what you were trying to uh surprise me with what you were going to get makeup done at a hotel. Going to get makeup done at a hotel, sends an email, Hey, I'm being at the hotel blah blah blah. No, that's not what it was. It was a gentleman who emailed me about his girlfriend's girlfriend. Yes, and he was trying to surprise her for there he was proposing, so he

had the hotel information that he was. And that's before like when early on in makeup day, I didn't have like a professional email, just my person And this was super early before you even using social media or yeah, exactly. But even so, if I go through her email and I see her and a gentleman planning to meet up at a hotel and she's telling me she got to go to work, I can create whatever narrative I want

out of that email because I'm just being nosy. You understand what I'm saying, Like, it's just not healthy to be nosy and check up on other people's things. Because you can create your own stories that may not be true, and things happen like that often, and then you look like a fool because I should imagine I show up at the hotel, I knew it, and then she's sitting there doing a girl's makeup and someone Then I would feel like an idiot. But you know how many times

that happened. Oh, I create an argument and she is of not going to the hotel and missing out on business because I'm looking at her phone and being nosy and thinking I know everything. You have to give people privacy, even if you live in the same space. There's nothing wrong with having your own and being it. Now the male, Look, we're married, we've been married, we've been together nineteen years. The mail comes in here, could gonna open the mail?

I could kill her, like I really could. Also him going through her purse like I was always taught, like, like, you don't go through a woman's purse. So just like what like I just don't understand um like that level of just like he goes in the bathroom when she's there listening to conversations with girlfriends, like so it's almost like she's living like a prisoner in her own home because she can't be comfortable just existing without him telling

her business. That has to be annoying. He could be nosy or he could be insecure, and if he's insecure, he's looking for something, and if there's nothing there for her to show, he's going to keep digging because in his insecurity, he's thinking, I'm going to find something. So since he's always looking for something, he could be looking deeper and deeper and deeper and there's nothing there to

look for. That's a possibility. I don't want to put that on him, because I don't like putting it on anybody, because I could have put that on you and it would have destroyed us. But I legitimately felt like you were just nosy, and you were and and make we make we make jokes about it and everything. The truth. The truth is, everything doesn't have to be so serious,

you know what I'm saying. As long as you're willing to have a conversation with your partner and get true understanding and be willing to listen to him or her and try to give each other great so you can change, it can all be funny later on once you figure out what it is. You know what I'm saying. That's what I like to make jokes about things, because to me, it's not really that serious. You checked my phone, you

check my email. We've been together ten years, about to be eleven, about to be nineteen years as best friends and lovers. Like I'm gonna laugh at a lot of stuff because it really is not that big of a deal, because if it was, we wouldn't even be together. It's just that something too are triggering, like you're like you well, but also to like, I'm just like, we're just looking like that might have been conde seventeen years ago, but like now, I'm like, I'm time to be checking your

drawers and stuff like that. If anything, I'm going to put refresh your drawers with your drawers, how about that? Because I did laundry, so you're welcome. Yeah you don't. You don't. You don't snoop as much, But people are, people are getting used to you being triggered by me even making jokes because your looks be like, I just want us to be clear. Christ I know I'm dealing with you know what I'm saying, I'm dealing with Yes,

I don't know. Ye let him know that there has to be some kind of boundaries, because marry just not about giving up privacy or giving up boundaries like that's that's a bit much, all right, y'all. So if you like to be featured as one of our listed letters, since I'm nosy, yes, y'all already know, UM, email us that ask advice at gmail dot com. That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. Moment of truth, the moment

of truth, Yes, the moment of truth. I hate that I love you, So I actually don't hate that I love you. I love that I love you. Okay, Um, this is this is my moment of truth. You don't have to love absolutely everything about your partner to be in love with them and for that person to be perfect with you. It's okay to be different. It's okay to have different ideologies. It's okay to be different people.

Because what I've learned is that us being so different gives me a different perspective of life through your eyes. So I don't hate that I love you. I love that I love you. I love how different you are. Um, you my baby, you get on my tapping, dancing on it. You be tapping, but the feeling is mutual. I know, the feeling is very mutual. I love that we're different. No, I love that too, And that was actually gonna be

my moment of truth. Um. Trying to in those things that you hate, embrace what's different about it and see how maybe that can then impact your life in a positive way. For example, with me, me being the one who kind of lags with things, sometimes try having a day or two where I don't have an off button. I'm always on like you are, and maybe see how much I can accomplish in that time frame. You know what I mean, Because usually something that you hate about someone.

I feel like, even with our circumstances, you hate something that is the opposite of what you do. So it's like one of those things that's a trigger because it's like, damn, I hate I would never do that, but that's what you do. UM, So trying to see like the bright side of it and just maybe taking a day or two to apply that to your life and see, hey, it may not be that bad. After all, I might have accomplished a lot of ship. Then I can clock up. So I hope y'all had a good time with us. Today.

You know we always have a good time with you. Um be sure to follow us on social media if you are not already, you have the podcast page on Instagram. Dead Ass the podcast and you know to find me Cadine, I am and I Am Devout And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rape, review and subscribe. Dead As dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing