High Value to Who?

the calls. M m m m mmmmmm. So that means if you have a beer budget and champagne taste, you out of luck. Hey, I'm and we're the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ads is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth. And nothing but the truth. We're about to take Pillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. I'm actually going to take this back to very recent I was out with. I'm not trying to out anybody. Somebody can tell you who I

was out with. But there was a bunch of single people and we were all discussing what we consider to be high value, right, And there was one man in particular, can't say his name because y'all know him. He's a friend of the show, and and he was talking about what he considers a high man based on what women have told him. High value man, right, So of course you have to make over six figures, gotta be over six ft tall. I gotta believe in God, gotta be good in bed, gotta have a six pack, gotta have

nice teeth, gotta be a family man. I grew up with both your parents. And he said, that's why bitches are single, because that nigga don't exist. I was like, that's not true. That man might exist somewhere, it might not be minus the six ft. So I so I'm not but I'm not high value enough then, so for some women I don't I don't cut it right, So

lucky you, Yes, lucky, but it's um. It was just funny to me in this moment where we were sitting at the table with these single women and listening to what their idea of what a high value man is, and then we were talking about what high value woman is and for men, it really just came down to looks and being willing to just take care of the man. That was it. If she looks good and she takes care of me, she's a high value woman. And the

women were just flabbergasted at this. We haven't dinner. They was just like what and they were just like all the men were kind of being like like, that's all I really look for. There was like nothing having to do with earning, potential, background, up bringing. We're going to dive into this more. We're going to dive is more. But the story in it is that women didn't know what men considered to be high value for a woman, and men didn't know what women excided to be high

value for men. But we're all out here trying to find each other. Sounds like a clusterfuck of confusion. Ask me literally, this sound like a clusterficker of confusion. And we we all sat there like amazed at what the other side really I thought high value was can't you pay my bills? Can you paying my automobi telephone bills? Thinking maybe we could chill. Don't think so you and me? Do do? Do? Do? Do Do you know what that song

reminds me of? People make it seem like this whole high value man woman things like a new thing because of Twitter. But in two thousand and two, bills bills, bills came out, then no scrubs came out, then no pigeons came out. So it's like this has been an ongoing conversation. This is nothing new, nothing, nothing new. All right, let's take a quick break, Yes, and then I guess we'll get into the show. Yes, high value man and woman? What does that look like? M So we're back story time.

It's always interesting conversation. I feel like when we sit down with our single friends, because you know, I will be completely honest. Deval and I both I think, at separate times in different moments, has said, Man, I wonder what it would be like to be singles some days? You know what I mean? Because we started dating at eighteen and literally we're together for twenty years. Of course we hit our moments of like, you know, breaks and whatnot. But UM, I do not envy the cess pool that

is dating. I mean, that's not my words. These are words I've heard from single people, you know. Um. And it's just I think a lot of general confusion that's happening because it's simply put here or simply put in the conversation that we had with our friends. No one really knows what the other person is looking for sometimes, and people are guessing for the most part. Well, shout out because she put together this list right, high value according to the Internet. Well let's tell them what high

value is. Because at first, when I heard the term my value, I was putting it in a different context. So the term high value has gained popularity in the most recent years, UM, mostly due to influencers like Kevin Samuel's I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with who often boiled down the term to the amount of money and man makes and the ability for a woman

to produce pretty babies. But as complex human beings with our own unique background experiences, there has to be more that makes us valuable partners, don't you think, um, Like I said in my sound bite, value is determined by the person willing to pay the costs. So um, we really can't decide what's valuable to people. We have let

them decide. But like I was saying, according to the Internet, which is I say all the time, is always the loud minority because and it's gonna sound crazy, don't get upset at me, but studies show that most of the people who consistently interact on people consistently interact on the Internet do not sit in the majority. This is typically the minority, or the extremist. The extremists often sit on

the Internet and combat with other extremists. Most people with any idea, whether it's politics, religion, or sex or anything, there's there's always a moderate. But it seems like the extremists always sit on the Internet and argue with each other. But then we look at the extremes and consider that

to be the truth. And we we have the popular opinion, the popular opinion, And we have to say that upfront because we're using the Internet as a barometer because it's will we find people opinions, and it's also just entertaining. But the Internet is not real. People, like we have to we have to just say this. The Internet is not a real place. Yes, it's not like we have Earth and then we have the Internet where other people live on the Internet. It's just it's just not real.

And you can do that if you want. But some people do live on the Internet. Hey, but high value according to the Internet, right, the value of something determined by what the market is willing to pay for it. Okay, six traits of a high value man. According to Mr Kevin, Samuel's number one, making at least ten k per month that will put you in a hundred twenty dollars all right, has made at least ten k per month for at least three years, so you have to be doing this.

He's also accepted by other other high value men, which means it's not only about what you make. You have to be accepted by other men who make similar amounts of money. Right to the rolling rolling in similar circles. I guess, yes, But also I guess when it means

accepted by other high value men. You can make your money anyway, but if the way you make your money isn't accepted by other high value men, then it's kind of like I can see that, you know, what I'm saying, like, it's really a high value man as a network of other high value men that goes what you just said, has a network, so he hangs with all the high value man His value is visible on the internet. On the Internet. Again, that's that's crazy. Is useful to his

group of high value men. This is what's crazy. Nothing in here has anything to do with women at all, at all, at all. This is about how he is fearing amongst his comrades for the most part. And I mean, if you think about it, kind of makes sense because if we're going to rate high value men, you have to rate them against other men on the internet. At

that visible on the Internet. So it means that the people who are posting the highlight reels of their life on the Internet are the ones that would fall on which which to me is kind of crazy because if you don't post on the Internet, then it means you're not a high value man. Even if you do fit all of these things, it's not If it's not visible on internet according to this list, then it's not high value.

And then I also would think that men and women, I mean it could go either way, would be concerned about posting the fact or just announcing the fact that they make over six figures, because then that in itself, it makes you wonder are people really even pursuing you for genuine reasons or is it because they see value in you? Well, I mean, I mean, but the best with dating is all about dating. Dating is all about putting what you offer in the forefront so that you

can attract other people. Let's think about the Latin right, lain nothing about it. Suitors when they wanted the princess's attention, they had to come flaunt their riches to prove that they were worthy. So, I mean, some of the things he's coming from is not like he's pulling it out of there. And now he's talking about Disney. That's another fantasy. Asked world too. It is remember the way they romanticize marriages. Okay, that's that's fine, So let's take it to real life recording.

According right, it is a man's responsibility to take a woman out on a date. Right, it is a man's responsibility to show her the type of life she could live if she was a part of his life, which means he has to kind of flaunce his his ability to provide. It's the same thing. I mean the same thing. It's just not paying an advocate because I just I'm just saying like, we can't say it shallow when realistically this is what I mean. People. You know what's funny,

I don't even think that a shallow per se. I was just playing Devil's advocate because I can think of even early on when for example, in most cultures, not most some cultures, they arrange marriages. So you know that this family is coming with a certain amount of value, and this family is coming with a certain amount of values. So you want to put two children together who can maintain the value or grow the value because they are together and being a parent. Now I have an understanding

I think greater of that kind of mindset. You know, after just working so hard for years building everything up as a family, you want to pay child with some in social settings you have jack and jails for example. Right, you want to get together with other affluent black people with your kids together, not a mingle. Hopefully they you know, will grow together and maybe something will happen. So let

me ask you a question. Listening to all of this, do you feel like, as a woman, if you were single, these would be the things that would you would consider a high value man. But I wouldn't necessarily be placing him amongst other men. I think that's more of like a guy thing where you guys would be saying, Okay, well,

you know he makes a certain amount of money. He makes a certain amount of money, then we can kind of get together and potentially invest or do things together, or you can grow your your knowledge base being around these kind of men um. Being a woman looking at this, I think tank here a month is fair, that's what the years that would be a fair place to start as a woman. If I'm saying okay, I'm looking at it for at least three years, which means he is sustainable,

absolutely sustainable lifestyle with the room for growth. I mean growth because you are expensive, I am, But it is about other high value man. I think that is important because even if you make that much money per month, right, what if you do it in an unsavory way? Right? What if you sell drugs within your community? What if

you're a pimp? You know what I'm saying, Like, that's you're not that's not considered high value because you're utilizing an extorting, not extorting exploiting other people and their safety in order for you to make money. So I think the acceptance from other high value men means that people respect your hustle, in your grind and how you're able to bring value. You see what I'm saying, Like, I

think that's where that that comes from. But on here is nothing having to do with looks, uh, morals, family background, Um, nothing is in that particular list where I know for a fact as a woman. So I was gonna ask you what's what's missing from this? What's missing? I think looks definitely, that's the first thing. Is if people want to call it a a shallow they can, But that's the first thing that's going to actually attract someone to someone Like I'm going to be in a room full of men,

who is my eyes going to land on first? And then from there you spark conversation and then you go on definitely just play Devil's advocate. Here. There are more unattractive, higher paid men with options for women then there are attractive men with no money. So I would I would beg to differ that looks matter that much to women because it seems as if it don't matter what you look like if you can take care of women. That's

for some women. If I'm looking at you and waking up to you every morning, you gotta look like this fine specimen next to stop before you get pregnant. No, no, no, no, seriously, though, like when you when you, when you answer the question, I want you to try not to answer just for you, Try to answer for what, like your your friends and like, try to think about how women are they want someone that looks good initially at least, and are some women who are willing to buy pass that and say you

know what? Okay? On the scale of one to ten, he's varing around five six. However, he has an amazing personality, was brought up the right right way, loves his mama you could tell, takes care of his family. Um what else? So where does looks fall on the list of high

value because the relative to the purchasing. So when it comes to getting married, because looks can be important for me, it seems like looks as important for dating and casually having sex that when it comes down to marrying a man, it seems like women don't care as much about looks as they care more about providing and protecting and stability.

Is that fair? I mean I think that would be fair to say, Um, for some women, UM, you would hope that somebody that you want to marry or eventually will marry, is somebody that you can still be attracted to, because, let's face it, even all this money and stuff aside, you're going to want somebody that you're physically attracted to. Sex is important, you know, like that is important women? Wow? Wow,

it's just I think it's important for both parties. It is because whenever, because whenever a man says sex is important, women always say sex is not that important. I think it's important in marriage. Is it agreed upon often in marriage? Not upon blasted for saying that sex is not that important. It's not that high tone, imp Okay. So sex may fall on different levels for men versus women in marriage, but I think overall sex is important because it's always

a topic of conversation. All right. So I like where this is going because now we're talking about a high value man, not in terms of Kevin Samuel's saying his list is based on him and he's The truth is he's a heterosexual man. So if we're being honest, his ideas of what a high value man is don't doesn't matter because we're not trying to attract Kevin Samuels are trying to He's right, so men are trying to be

attractive to women in this case. So if this is the case, you're saying looks is of paramount importance, I think it looks. It's definitely high up there on the list for sure. And then we're talking about marriage, not just dating at this point, like deliberately, like dating deliberately to find someone to Yeah, thinks I just feel like that's just the initial step in order to say, hey, what's going to intrigue me to come up to you and say, hey, hey, what's your name? It looks that's

gonna be the initial thing for me. So the first thing is looks right. I'm checking out your teeth, that's breath, your fingernails, how well you're put together? Is your clothes put on properly? Did you iron? Here's another question though, when you if you were single and approaching man a man, are you approaching every man with the idea that this might be my husband or it's like, let's see if I have fun first, and then if I have fun, then this might be I think if I'm intentional and

I'm deliberate about where I am. Say I am in the pursuit of someone to marry, then yes, I would pursue somebody with that off the bat, like, hey, you know what's going on. You have to get to know the person first. But because we have to be heir to both men and women in this day and age. Back in the day, and we're talking about way back in the day when it was all about chivalry and

women weren't even in the workforce that month. Much women dated differently, right because at the time, like say the fifties and sixties, when women were not in the workforce, when you met a man, you were meeting a man for a marriage. Now women make their own money, so even their value on how much money a man makes doesn't have to be as high as it once was because they can take care of themselves and a lot

more women have more sexual freedom. So sometimes women aren't even coming to the table with I'm looking for a husband. Sometimes it's like, yo, I may be looking for a good time, not a long time. So I think as long as you're deliberate about and you set that intention off the bat, but not on the initial meet up. I mean I'm thinking. I'm talking about like the first meet up, first met Yeah, it's just attraction. So it's like, great,

let's see where this goes. But if you know in the back of your mind that that's eventually where you would like to land is to be married, then that's dating with what purpose? Dating with intention? That the term I hear a lot of people use. Now and then you have the ones that you said are just out for a good time. Okay, so you got looks right after looks, I would definitely say money money, okay, So after you have going on a couple of dates, you're

going on a couple of days. The first thing you're thinking, after he's attractive is can he support my lifestyle or could we if we were to be together? Is this type of lifestyle that I could live right? Or for me, it's more about let me see where this man's ambition is. You know, it's more. It's not just only money. Sometimes a lot of ambitions. So I want to see a drive, I want to see a hustle. I want to see it work because it can lead to money. However, not

also talk. You know, some people talk a good game and they can sound super ambitious and they can sound like they have all the right ideas, and then that's that person that is waiting to get their truck and company off the ground, and then years later nothing happens because they may have the gift of gap and they may be able to tell you about all the things that they have in the work that may never come

to fruition. So I think that it's important to decipher, like what's the difference between someone who is actually putting the wheels into motion to achieve these things versus someone who just has the gift of gab and can talk a good one. So his looks. Then it's to see where his financial situation is, his ambition is, Um, what's the next? I would love to see how he is around like his groups of friends, family. I think that's a very big telltale sign when you were talking to someone.

So his network, so yeah, also determines his value. I agree. Okay, Okay, so yeah, it has a network. I mean I guess I wouldn't necessarily say that accepted by other high value man. But yes, there's two difference. It's accepted by other high value man and then has a network, right, So yeah, I would have to agree with having a network of other high value men, because if you're the sixth person in a group of six millionaires, then you're going to

be the next millionaire. Right. If you're the sixth person in a group of bumps, then you're going to be the next month. So when you have a high network of a network of high value men, more than likely this person can sustain being a high value person because their network allows them to continue to grow. They're around people have like minded you know. Um, So so here's here's the thing it says, is accepted by other high

value men. Right. Um, We also had this conversation because amongst my friends who are professional, right trying to compete with scammers, drug dealers and other men who don't make their money in the quote unquote legal savory way, how does a professional man compete with those men? And that's where I think it comes to, is accepted by other high value men because for example, you know, we come from Brooklyn, Flatbush Canards. Scamming is a big deal. These

dudes make a lot of money. So for a lot of young women it's easier to be attracted to that type of lifestyle, and they pass over on the good guy and the funny things. That's what I mean. The other day that said, um, a lot of you young women passed up on the good guy to be with the drug dealer, but now you're looking for a good guy to raise the drug dealers kids. And I was like,

that's that's deep, you know what I'm saying. And then and that goes back to when you're looking for a man, right, his acceptance in society, not just a high value man, but in society kind of determines on you know, longevity. You know, can he sustain that lifestyle or is that the lifestyle is going to lead to either death or prison? And I think that's where it comes from accepted by other high value man what I'm saying, So, where is

that going on the list for women? Yeah? I think that I guess, you know, kind of maybe at the same level of network, if not right below that. Yeah.

That's also I think very very important, especially when you are thinking about just longevity and a relationship, because you know, of course any relationship is going to have its ebbs and flows, but if you have somebody who is at least solid and you know that once you're together, of course, better together is what we've experienced as well too, So days when you didn't have it, I had it vice versa. So um, if I at least know that I'm rocking with somebody who I can depend on, then it's a win.

He also put here his value is visible on the Internet. I wonder if he put that based on what he's heard from women. M it's if he's made his list based on this is what women are saying. I wonder too, because in my circle of friends, I've spoken you know about random, random um interactions that my single friends have

had and whatnot. So one thing that is sometimes a turn off or raises a red flag, because everyone's throwing out red flags now, is if you meet someone you get their Instagram page and their pages private, or if you get someone and they don't have social media. It's almost it's almost as if to say, what do you have to hide? Though? Why are you out on social media so no one can find you on Facebook and Instagram?

It's like, do you really want to be that detached from the world from people from your past, because you know the Internet has a way of keeping you to the past. Flag. But I'm gonna be honest, that doesn't bother me. It wouldn't bother me either, but in moments, yeah, because it's just like there's so much value placed on this world of the internet and social media that it's like if you don't have these things, something is wrong

with you. Some things that because what's the mystery behind this person why they don't have a social media it's calling in conversation. So you would say that his list is pretty I would say, this is pretty accurate, and then of course adding to you would add looks. You would add looks. You would also add how they treat their family and interact with their family. And what was

the other one you said? You would add, I mean, as I get to know the guy, it would be how he treats me, you know, full respectable yep, I mean sex if it eventually lead to that, yeah, sextually, because because he doesn't have sex here, which would lead me to believe that women don't value sex when they think about a high value man. But you're saying that that's not the kid, because, like you said, Kevin two is probably as a hetero sexual male is not interested

in that. But as a woman, yes, sex is definitely important. And size there you go, So I mean and that's but that's important that he should put that up there, right,

so size matters. There you go. And I think that that's important because to be exact length and girth, because I've known a person or two who's been talking to somebody and things were going really well and and he's so nice, and you know, he may not even necessarily be attend you know, he might be a six point five and then one thing leads to another and he's like a three point five in the pants, and then that in itself can be a turn off too. Well.

So I'm gonna be honest and say that them. I think that is fair because we put so much pressure on women to look a certain way and to be a certain thing that if that's what you require as a woman, I think it's fair for you to ask that. You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't. To me, I don't think anything is shallow because you have one life, and I think in life you should go for exactly what you want and you shouldn't be shamed for saying exactly what you want and what you need because it's

your life. You know what I'm saying, Like, like, no, no one can shame you for saying this is what I want or need. Um. I do think in because of misogyny, they have taken away a woman's right to say what she wants or need sexually, right because it's like we can't hurt the male ego. But you know

what happens when you do that. Women go into these relationships and become unfulfilled because their whole life they're told you can't say what you want to need from your husband or your man, and you have to just take what they give and your unful fild and then you reached that breaking point where you know, what, this is not for me, and then women are just like men and like I'm gonna go get what I need or

what I want regardless of what you think. That happens a lot a lot of people are entering into these marriages and being like, you know, this isn't actually for me. So if I'm being honest, I think women should be honest about what they want and need sexually the same way men are. This way, we can be up front and say, all right, that's what you want to need, and if I meet that, then we cool. If I'm not,

then let's move on. You know what I'm saying, but we had that conversation as well too at the table, and it was interesting to hear women's perspectives on sex when it comes to that, And I think we should talk about that, because you know what tripped me out there? There were five six traits for a high value man, but they were fifteen traits. I was like, wait a second hand, so fifteen trains. Let me tell you what

the fifteen trains for a high value women are. So I'm not sure where this list came from, doing O trouble, but this wasn't. This wasn't according to And I think the reason why he doesn't have one for high value women is because his audience is predominantly women, so he hears from women what they consider to be a high value man. There's not a lot of men saying to him from all right, So first, she embraces femininity. She cares about her parents. She's agreeable, she's a champion of

women's causes. She's kind, only associates with high value men, has good female friends, cares about her reputation, classy, always improved, always improving herself, a peacemaker, a tribe builder. Embraces healthy sexuality, not a victim saves her sexual power for one man. Wow. Wow. It just shows you how different the values are for men and women and what they put values in. It's almost like I read this and I felt like a around, like they were just like raising this woman onto a pedestal,

like this is exactly what every man wants. And it may not be, it may not be. But but one thing I did notice that when you talk about men, the first thing they talked about was money in the first two and then the third one was his acceptance by other high value man, his network of other high value man. It has to be visible on the internet. So there's a huge emphasis on finance when it comes

to men. Sure, when it comes to women, there's an emphasis on embracing femininity, her appearance, her being agreeable, champion in women's cause that you see, there's nothing here for the women about making money really at all. She associates with the high value man, but in what contexts, because I guess only associates with high value man means if she's dating, she's only dating men of a certain caliber, which I mean as a as a man, I would

definitely put value on that. You know, I remember my uncle told me, Uncle Kevin, he was always had women around when I was growing up, and he was he was younger, but he always told me, you don't You don't go for the woman that's going after every guy. You go for the woman who's very selective, because if she chooses you, that means she's trying to see which guy works for her and not just running after attention

from every guy. And he told me that from a young age, and I was just like, it makes sense, and and in my life that's typically the women that I gravitated towards. I wanted the quiet women who were themselves business, you know who. I was like, Okay, well, she's not running from for attention from everyone. She selected about who she gives her attention to, you know what

I'm saying. So I can get that for sure too. Um, she's agreeable, a champion of women's causes, is kind, always seeking to improves, so a pearance is on here moving herself. So she had mass taking some sort of pride in the way that she looks um embrations healthy sexuality. I guess that looks different for different people too, because right now we're in a in a culture where I guess sexual freedom. Yeah, but you can have sexual freedom and

do it in a healthy way exactly. That's why it says embraces healthy sexuality, and I'm kind of glad that changes. But then it goes down and says she saves her sexual power for one man, which means men are high value. Men are looking for high value women who are seeking monogamy.

You see what I'm saying it See it seems like they are looking for a woman who wants to be with one man and not necessarily looking to be with a bunch of different And then going back to like even just the finance part of it where it says that men are everything was pretty much based around money and nothing here having to do with that for women. How much is it do you think a high value man is looking for a woman who is high value

making money? Well, for me personally, I've never considered how much money you make or a woman made to be a deal breaker for me. Right, Like my father always told me, it is my responsibility of the man to be able to provide and protect my wife. Because if I'm going to ask a woman to have children for me, what if she has a baby and she can't go back to work. You know what I'm saying like carrying and my father told me is carrying a baby is the hardest thing a person in the on the world

has to do. It is unfair for a woman after having a baby to be forced to go back and split responsibilities in the household when she's had the sole responsibility of creating the life that y'all did together. And if you think about it, that makes sense. Now for some women that sounds misogynistic, and for some women it sounds like, well, I don't need to be protected. I

could do my own. That's fine, and if that's fine for you, But me as a as a man that can handle all of the responsibility financially, I'm not looking for a woman to have that in order for us to be a pair. If she does, it's not a turn off because you make a lot of money. It wasn't a turn off. You always had career aspiration, so it's not a turn off. But there were moments in your life where you were just like, I kind of want to stay at home and focus on the kids,

and I was like cool. So it also wasn't a turn off when you said you didn't want to earn. So for you, it was knowing that, okay, Karina's ambitios said she can do all the things, but she doesn't have to do all the things. A try builder, right, A try builder. When for me, when I when I saw you, it was like, this is a woman that could help me do anything I want to do. If I needed her to earn income, she can. If I needed her to take care of the kids, she can.

When I need her to take care of me, she can. If I need her to help out with my parents, she can. You know what I'm saying, My my brother and sister. My brother and sister have kids. If if I need her to help with them, she can. To me, that will is one of the most important things in a high value woman. For me, it was she's a builder. I when I look at women, I look at your

ability to create life and nurture. Right. So it's like anything I have, whether it's a child or an idea, you can nurture it to its full progression, to feel full potential and help it come to fruition. So that's interesting. I guess conversations like this um intrigued me, and I think they mildly trigger me in a sense, because I'm raising four boys who will eventually be men, and I want to be able to have conversations like this with them to just kind of prepare them for what they

may encounter. Now. Granted, we were on a dating scene for years, and what the dating scene will look like for them when they're of age. God only knows what that's going to look like. But you know, I would want to hope that they would find somebody who is, you know, of equal um stock, you know, like somebody who can elevate them as well. I would be also very interested to putting on the list of high value things.

That's particularly where my boys are looking for someone to to date eventually, if that's what they choose, I want to make sure that she has some earning potential and that she's not somebody that will just be hanging on just to hang on because it's like, oh, he got me, so I could just sit back and do whatever I feel you. But, UM, I'm gonna be honest, your boys may not be looking for that. Like um. We we have put our sons in a situation where they're not

gonna have to come from the bottom like we came. Well, that's why I'm more concerned because it's like we've worked so hard to establish that for them. So it's like you're not about to just picked up any old body. But but my thing is, a woman's power doesn't any person's power doesn't always come from earning potential, right like that, that's just not the case. Just because you can't earn

money doesn't mean you don't have value. And I say that for men and women, right, because you may have a woman who's just she's just a killer when it comes to creating revenue, and she may be looking at men like even if she may she makes may make so much money. Right, take say, for example, the budget Nesta she makes ten Tiffany, she makes ten figures a year. I can guarantee you she probably doesn't look at um, you know, and God rest her husband's so her husband

just passed this past year. You know, prayers up to Tiffany, Elita and her husband. But if she were looking for another suitor, you know what I'm saying, She know she's still warning she's a widow. Now, I can guarantee you she's not probably saying you have to make X amount of dollars because money is not something she's looking for. She probably has so many other things in her life that she wants or needs help with that she may be looking for a man that could help facilitate those things,

and it may have nothing to do with revenue. Does that make him of that's value because he doesn't do that. No, because value is only determined by the person willing to pay pay the cost for see what I'm saying. Definitely so to be perfectly honest, And that's that was the

whole point of my sound bite. These lists really make no fucking sense, right because once, once you create a list like this, right for a man or a woman, what you're then doing is conditioning people to look for that as opposed to conditioning them to look within to say, what do I need? And what Once I figure out what I need, what do I need? What do I have to offer this person who may have these things on their list? On one second, I'm gonna make it

very direct to you. Right, when I retired from the NFL, I was still a high value man, still made a lot of money, but in that moment, I wasn't making any money. I needed an earner, did I not? Right? I need it? So when that moment I needed a woman who can generate revenue. While I was building my business, I was in a moment of entrepreneurship. So it's funny how all of these traits for high value women right,

don't have anything about earning potential or education, right. But the truth of the matter is any woman who comes to the table with earning potential and an education is high value. Because I did also see on the internet that they were saying, so you're telling me a woman that has an education and is earning money is not a value to a higher earning man, or it could

be intimidating to that man. And there was a debate going on, and I was like, and I was watching, and I was sitting there saying like absolutely not, Like absolutely not. That's that doesn't put you lower on the list because you're more educated. Because there's also this myth that black women are some of the most educated people

in this country. Of all the demographics, all the races, black women have the most degrees, and that's what makes them the least attractive because they have the most degrees, is that their at least attractive. No, No, the myth is automatically that they're the least attractive. That's the myth. And then and then the answer to that is, well, they have the most degrees, they're the most intimidating to high value men because high value men don't value women

with degrees. You know what I'm saying now, They always changed the goal post. Before it was the degrease things. It was women. Black women weren't are desirable because they just didn't look good. Right, and then we watched how society has just mimicked and imitated everything from a black woman from her hips to her breast, to her lips, to her hair. So now it's no longer that they're not attractive. No, that's not what it is. What that

that was a lot. What we're saying now is that they're so educated because they had to carry the black community for so long, that they're intimidating to high value men. So if you want to get a high value man, you should dumb yourself down and not talking about how much money you make. That's that's what we're seeing on the internet. And what we talked about before on the

internet is that it's not a real place. It's always the extremists and the loud minority sharing their opinion the most and people thinking that this is what it is. I'm telling you it's not. Because there was their percentage to about the number of black women marrying black men. Yes, because the the myth was that black men don't marry black women because they're not desired. And then pulled up the stat and this was a couple of years ago, it was over all black men who are married are

married two black women. And then the myth was is that as black men ascend in life, they marry less black women, which we debunked, which was false because as black men made more than a hundred thousand dollars, which put them in the top two percent of earners, they married black women at a higher rate. And then once it was over two hundred thousand, which put them in the top one percent of earners, they hired black women

at didn't even higher rate. But what they focused on was the few that married white women and said this was the standard, right, So and and and I just say all of this to say a lot of these traits to me, our traits of the loud minority who are saying what women and men need to be like in order to find love. And I'm giving you an example of a time where it's not real, Like I

kid you not guys. When I was at my lowest coming out in the NFL, it was like I felt safe because I was like, you know what if I take at least four months and just focus on my business and let K handle this aspect, even though I was still paying all the bills and making sure everything was good because I'm still always going to be a provider. The fact that I knew my wife could handle it if I couldn't gave me enough goal to take chances and the level of comfort to do it while you

were doing it. Absolutely, and I took those chances, and I reaped the benefits of those We reap the benefits of those chances, and it was able to get to a point where now I was like, Okay, okay, you can earn if you want to, but you don't have to. But those first that first year of marriage, you had to. We needed insurance, right, we needed additional income just in case something felt a business. We just had a baby and I needed an earner. Right. Here's here's quote unquote

everything they said is in the high value man. Other than the fact that I'm about it in short of being but talk about it baby to ba but also to what this made me also and you saying that made me think that you had me in a space where I felt comfortable being able to sit back and do everything that I wanted to do for you and for us, because I knew I wasn't with some dude

that was just some bumb mass too. That was on to the next you know dream quote unquote that he was trying to chase and not going to eventually bring this to fruition. I see what you're going. So you're saying, at that point, I wasn't making ten dollars a month, but you could see my potential and I knew because why we communicated about what we both were doing. We wanted there was a vigor behind us. There was a drive that was something that was not that was tangible.

I could feel that. So although the tangible money wasn't in the account at that point. So that's deep because according to this, it says you're not considered the high value man if you haven't been making tank k tim k per month for the last three years. And what you're saying was you didn't need that, You didn't need that validation in that moment because you saw something in me that had more value than just me making tank

to see. Now, that's that's deep. That's deep on both sides, because here you have a woman saying you saw something that wasn't on this list, and here you have a man saying that I saw something in you that wasn't on this list that people aren't mentioning, and that's what made us work, That's exactly. And that's the whole point of looking at these lists and saying why you can't just create a person based on the list you see on the internet because you don't know what you're gonna

need or want that moment in life. Who this list together? Anyway? You know what I for them. There's another thing too. The loud minority be mostly people who are single on the internet. So it's like, if you're in a relationship and you're trying to determine if your man or your woman is of high value, why would you go to the internet. If you are in a relationship or you were married, you should not have time to be on the internet conversing about what it is that these people

are looking for. I just I mean, but that, but that's but no. But let's think about it though. If you're going to decide what value is, why would you ask people who haven't been in successful relationships what they find value in Because clearly they haven't figured it out right, So what you should do is ask people who are in successful relationships what was the value you saw and your woman or your man? Because that, to me, should

really be the amina. Right. We should start asking couples who have been together for a long period of time and have shown success in their life. I'm not talking about the couple that just stuck together and they hate each other. I'm talking about the couple who are continuously working together building businesses um um, building the next generation through their family, paying it forward. We should ask those couples, what did you find in value in a woman? What

did you find value in a man? Because those are the people who figured it out. Asking a bunch of single people their values for for men and women to me make no sense. Whenever I meet a couple who's been together for a long time, you know, you'll meet somebody's parents or something and they're like, oh, we've been together for four and something years, married for years. I always asked them how did you make it work that long?

What did you do? You know? And I remember seeing UM probably some Instagram video or something where they were in a nursing home or in a hospice care center, and they were asking these people who were pretty much in their last days, like what was your one regret in life? For? Like? What are the things that you issue could have changed? And I'm like, the people who have been through the most life and the most experiences

are the ones who we should be asking. Not necessarily are pairs if that's something that we're aspiring to UM. So when it comes to high value men and women, there's a couple of things. I think we can also consider some things to add in there that can probably fall on either male or female UM. And in talking about just mental health awareness UM, emotions and all that emotional intelligence, it's very it's very good relationship requires great communication.

So making sure that you have somebody who is able to express themselves, say how they feel, can just have a good conversation altogether. UM. Emotional intelligence is the basis of communication. So self awareness. Are they aware of their own emotions, their drives, their personality and passions? UM, self management, differing pleasures, staying power, grit, which is something that definitely

saw on you. UM Social awareness, so are they aware of other people's emotions, emotions and social dynamics UM and relationship management. So that's building in managing positive relationships and that could not just be with you with people around

them well automatically. I'm noticing two different things. First first and foremost, the first list was very superficial, and I think in a way it has to be because when you're thinking about what you're looking for, you don't know these people yet, so it's like we we also have to be fair to the list. That's because if we're talking about high value based on what we are aspiring to see you, you can't really say I know this person has this. It's like, well based on what I

see surface level. So not for nothing, I may probably get some slack for this because I'm gonna applaud Kevin Samuels, and also the other person wrote this list is because what it has done is it's it has exposed people's flaws and what they're looking for in a life partner. You know if it's flawed and how your approach is social for someone based on what people have said is brings value to them, and I think that he has

exposed that not only for women but also for men. Right, if you're going into situations with a very shallow, surface level viewpoint of what you want in a man or a woman, you're not going to ever find any real value. You know what I'm saying. If you look at these lists here, and everything on the list is just surface, right, and all of these people check these boxes based on

the surface. When you get into a relationship, now you're struggling because this person checks all my boxes of what I thought would be a high value person, and I should be in love. But they don't have emotional intelligence, they don't have social awareness, they're not empathetic. Then you're like, wait a minute, I found everything, but now I'm not happy.

So then you go to the next version of that and you repeat the cycle of surface level, surface level, surface level, you get your heartbroken and you realize, like, dang, what's flawed is my approach to looking for love is flawed? And that's where that's why I said we have to we have to applaud Kevin Samuels and the other person that that wrote this list because they've exposed the fact

that those looking for love have a flawed approach. Yeah, I think, yeah, I diagree with the flawed approach part. And that's in turn why I said to it, like if I walk into a room and the first thing that is going to be the thing that attracts me to somebody as looks, so people might say that that's shallow or that's flaw flawed approach is looking for that first. But I have to also be honest to what matters

on my list. Yeah somebody else? Um so also um piggybacking off of the emotional tone just part that we spoke about just now. Purpose. When a person has a purpose they had, they are driven to create the life that they want without relying on another person to create

it for them. Ambition. I saw that in Devoal's eyes when I had when I met you with our first date actual say we were eighteen, and the way you spoke about your conviction for the things that you wanted to achieve in life, and I was like, wow, he really has shipped figured out and it was inspiring to me. I was like, Wow, this is the money that I feel like I could really just like vibe with because he's about something you know how many times do you

meet somebody and you're just having a conversation. You're like somebody, somebody calling me real quick and tell me there's an emergency. So I could did from this conversation to tell you as a man, a woman with purpose is just as high value. Because we sat down and talk about our dreams together. You were, you were fight, you became r A, then r you want r A of the year, a D A D of the year, r D r D of the year, you were going on internships, you were,

you graduated magnaicum Loudy to me, it was purpose. Everything you did was purpose driven. So as a man, as much as we say or we want a woman with feminine energy, yes we do. But you don't want to roll over, a pushover. You don't want to pet you don't want someone you have to tell staying here, train. You want someone who's gonna move through life with purpose

the same way. So I don't think that purpose is just for a man, or it's for both, like both people have to have because that purpose also sometimes doesn't even necessarily translate to something that's lucrative financially. It could just be somebody who's so um driven in their purpose to exist and just be full of life and be happy with whatever they're doing. It itself is attractive because that person may not be making all the money, but their energy there or what they bring to fulfill you

can that's what I'm looking for. Priceless that could be what I'm looking at. Maybe what you need in that moment for sure self care that includes hygiene. Yes, like I said, fingernails, I'm looking at all of them habits that promote good physical and mental health. You can have all the money in the world, but if you don't take care of yourself, baby, how will you live long

enough to spend it working out together? Taking care of self Self esteem defined as confidence that one's own worth or abilities, or confidence in that Self esteem is important for men and women right because if you have a cool and quote high value man with low self esteem, you know what he's gonna do. Project that entire self is low self esteem onto whatever woman or women he's dating in that moment and constantly make you feel less

than because his self esteem isn't high enough. The same thing, if you're dating a woman that's supposed to be high value and she has a low self esteem. Her insecurities are going to drag you down as a man. And what are we not responsible for in a relationship exactly someone else's happiness. You can't. Oh, that's true. You're not responsible for someone else's insecurities. You're not. That's them problem, not problem. Individual is important and individual subjective evaluation of

their own birth. Only you can do that for yourself. The belief that you're worthy of love, respect and all good things don't have to wait for you to make a certain amount of money, all right. And to round out the list that we have here, um, secure attachment, So a person who's not afraid to love and be loved um, and does not tie another person's position in their life to the self worth. A person with a secure attachment style can set boundaries for themselves and respect

their partners boundaries. They're honest, uplifting and can stand up for themselves, right um. And then balance. A person who has and values balance knows when to take the lead and when to be led. We're talking about this in the former podcast too, And I mean we don't have to say all of these, but this last one I think is perfect impeccable with their word what they say they're going to do they do. I think that's important to me. I think that's the most the most importance

of all of them. Being impeccable with your word, you know, saying Okay, I want to do this and I'm going to do this and doing it. Doing it means a lot of life. That to me is a huge value. And if you notice, all of these values are not surface level. These are all values that you can only find when you finally get to know someone. Yeah, I mean there's levels to this for sure, for sure, but that also shows you that you can't peg someone a high value or low value based on what you see

on the internet. You know what I'm saying. So so realistically, it's impossible to decipher without getting to know someone if they are high value or low value person. With that being said, that means you have to take time to get to know people. It doesn't happen, Nope. You gotta grow and last one, growth growth focus. So a person who is always open to growth and expansion, because nobody wants to be stagnant in life. I would hope not. I've seen people fall apart because one person is growing

continuously and the other person is complacent, all right. I think we got in a couple good points and then tidbits and stuff like that. Um, you guys can further the conversation, but our I G page. I'm sure we'll be posting about this topic for sure. We'd love to hear from you all, but we're gonna take a quick break because we still want to hear more from y'all, of course with listener letters. So we're gonna get into someem ads and we will be right back, all right

back with listener letters. Let's jump in. Hey, conneta deval, I need some advice. I left a very toxic five year relationship in twenty About nine months later, I met a guy and we hit it off. We're dating for about nine months, and he recently broke up with me because he said I disturb his peace and that I'm damaged. M hm. I feel as though throughout the relationship he picked me apart about what I needed to change about myself, whereas I really brought up his issues for the sake

of me being understanding of his circumstances. I kept asking him to be patient with me. I have deep rooted trauma, childhood, sexual, etcetera. Something he was very aware of and claimed that he would always be there for me to work through it. I'm in therapy and working on unlearning unhealthy communication styles and behaviors. One minute he's telling me he's so proud of me for my progress. The second I mess up,

it's as if I've never showed any effort. It's very discouraging and honestly threw me off of my healing journey during our relationship. As in therapy, I've learned to have grace for myself, but in this relationship there was no room for that. I was literally full of anxiety, is scared to make mistakes. I'm stuck between feeling guilty for

disturbing someone's peace and having grace for myself. I asked him if we could talk about it in person, because I believe sometimes a transparent heart to heart can fix a lot, but he refused. Please help me wrap my mind around us. I know that self love comes first, but am I wrong for wanting someone to love me through the difficult stages of my healing journey, especially if I'm making an active effort to be a better human and not sit in my trauma. Love you, guys, I

would just give you a hug. I want to give you a hug. You know what's hard for me to watch people who go through therapy therapy is other people. You know. You know, someone go to one therapy session and they come out and start telling me everybody to know about Like you went to a session, now you know what everybody else is dealing with. It sounds to me like he's going to therapy and now he's trying to diagnose her with the therapy sessions he's been through.

But I will also have to say this right being honest, he she says that one minute he's saying, you know, good job on the progress, he's proud of her, but then the next minute he's pointing out something wrong. Just because someone points out something wrong doesn't mean that it's completely obliterated all the progress you've made. Like Kadina and I have had this issue. I could compliment kadin ten days in a row about something if on the eleventh day I said I don't like this, then she says,

I don't ever do anything right. That's it feels like that. But that's that's not fair to yourself and it's not fair to me. If I say to you ten days in a row that I like your progress, I love what you're doing, I love with you, and I say, hey, baby, messed up here. You can't then the gate the fact

that for ten days I was a positive reinforcement. It's just, hey, nobody's perfect, and I'm just trying to point out to you in that moment, in real time, that you might have done something that might have hurt me or could possibly hurt yourself, and you might want to fix it before it becomes a habit. And I think for a lot of people who aren't used to that level of criticism, it can feel daunting. You know. Um I tell K

all the time. I do this to myself. I wake up every morning and I think, I guess this is my form of meditation. I go over all of my interactions yesterday from the day prior, and I say, dank, how could I have done that better? Did I do something wrong? Whether it's with my kids, whether it's with her, whether it's with co workers. It's like, did I say something that could have been seen as damaging? Could have done this better? And I don't think that that's me

nitpicking it myself. It's me constantly trying to be better, and um, I do also realize that I project that on people, you know, because even Jackson has so many times, you know, I feel like I can't do anything right,

and I'm like, I don't. I don't want you to feel as if I'm nitpicking, But if I see something that can be a detriment to you or all of us, I gotta say something in that moment, because if I don't say something and it happens again and again and again, when I finally say something, and you're gonna be like, well, why don't you say something the first time? Just hard. Sometimes it's hard to deal with, particularly as at a

ten year old. So sometimes, because I know as an adult, sometimes when you do do that to me, for example, I feel like I'm ready to crumble, Like damn, I feel so inadequate in this moment. But you're saying, hey, I'm just trying to be proactive, not preactive. So yeah, I get how he can see that, and it can be a lot for like a ten year old, But in her circumstance here, I feel badly because she's like she wants somebody who to just love on her while

she's going through the things that she's going through. But some people also too, probably just don't want to sign up for that, or they think that that's what they can sign up for and they can manage it. I mean, I feel like it's better for him to have walked away, absolutely than to have stuck around and said he it's just yeah, it's and it's probably hard. He did himself a favor, and he did her a favorite. He would

have been wrong for and and not for nothing. It seemed as if he does have her best interest at heart because he did choose to walk away, because he could have stayed there and dragged this out, knowing that it's never gonna work, and not giving her an opportunity to meet someone who can value her enough to work with her through these hard times. You know, one thing I've learned in life is that when someone shows you

who they are, believe them the first time. Right he says he wants to walk away, my there are billions of people in the world. There is someone there who was willing and able to love you the way you want to be loved. You don't have to beg or ask for that person. Right. It might have seemed nice in the moment, especially coming out of a five year toxic relationship, and you figure two in that was like probably round about pandemic time. To everybody was dealing with

a lot of things. Yeah, dealing with a lot of issues. And you know, as my wise wise grandmother once said, every him stick a bush. I'm not sure if I can translate. I actually I can't translate. Every every and I'm talking about the gardening tool has its stick in the bush, meaning you will find your person. I'm shaking right now. You will find your person. You can't find a better Grandma Brian said, every i'ving stick, and you

will find your stick in the bush right now. What you're telling people all holes gonna be stuck in bushes at some point for somebody's gonna be the whole holder and somebody gonna be the stick. So okay, that's a that's a great analogy, Ellis. But there's somebody for everybody. Get it. It's my very body. It's a fish full of full of fee full of fish. Don't touch my fucking fish. It's my fish. Thank you, Oh my gosh,

my wife crazy. I have no idea. And number two, number two, first off, shout out to you both for making big things happen as a couple and always striving for more hashtag couple goals. We received that, although we hate the term couple goals, we received that. My boyfriend and I have been dated for two point five years. He's thirty six and I'm thirty. I'm a very outgoing, energetic pro sin and most times on the goal he's the total opposite. He's such a home body and frequently

just wants to chill. The difference has been conflicting over these couple of years, but I've taken it upon myself to appreciate how his different style has positively contributed to the relationship. We started dating in almost three years. We started dating in almost three months in COVID happened, so more than half of our relationship happened during quarantine. That's tough for anybody. We are just now starting a normal quote unquote life and experiencing real life situations as a couple.

He just returned to the workforce after being unemployed during COVID. Congratulations, But he's so unhappy at his job every day. It's a different complaint, and in my attempt to be a supportive girlfriend, I just listened. But it's also taking a toll on me. I would describe him as a dreamer. He has big dreams of owning multiple businesses, but I really see the tenacities what you just talked about, Okay

that I think it takes to accomplish this. I hate to sound just mental, but at thirty six, I can't understand what went wrong. We don't live together, nor have chill. I stay Accounty apart about an hour and a half drive, Jesus, although I do enjoy my independence. We have talked about moving in and the future together, but are currently working on aligning our finances to get to that point, and living apart has brought its own issues. We are both

terrible communicators in our own way. He'll go m I A on me for hours and simply brush it off with I had my phone on dn D because of work, or I fell asleep, et cetera. I'm terrible like expressing my emotions so many times, um, I've had to just go with it, but exist with that ikey feeling in my stomach. We all hate that. I've grown to love him,

but constantly have doubts this will work out forever. I've been in a toxic relationship before, so It definitely left me with some damage, but I'm hopeful this time around it's different. Should I stick around to find out the plot? Think is? I had to scroll back up because I was like, how long? So where we are getting? So two and a half years? Okay? That was my question. Can't nobody tell you if you should stick? Like you know,

I'm kind of different with this one. I think both of you have to put the work and necessary to make it work. And if you know you're terrible communicators, you'll both know that. Then that's something that you may have to If you think it's worth it, you gotta work on it. Maybe if two and a half years in, if you see that there's really potential here and y'all love each other like that, maybe seek therapy to see how you can better communicate with each other because your

styles may be different. I don't know, but does he look like you're forever? Man? Is that how you feel? Their relationship sounds like every relationship they've been together two and a half years. They don't communicate properly, They have different lifestyles. One is more ambitious than the other. Like, yeah, do you love this person? Yes? Or no? If you do love this person. You have to be of service. We talked about this all the time, be of service

to helping them become a better person. And are you willing to work? And that's it, like it's all. It's it's nice to say, like, oh, love is easy, and relationships shouldn't require work, and they should be easy seeing seamless, know the fun. They ain't. They require work. And if you feel like putting in the work to make this work, then make it work. If you don't, you don't, that's the key. You just gotta want to do it, want to make the choice every day. Yes, And and that's

that's ultimately what people don't want to hear. Should I should I should not? Listen listen. We can't tell you what you should do. What we can say is in our relationship, I want to be married. I want to

be with this woman. I want to be monogamous, so I take the necessary steps to create a safe space for both of us for for that, Like there's there's no magic potion, there was, there was no prayer, there was no I just want that because to be honest, this let me to let me break it down real quick for you, the way you explained your boyfriend and your in yourself in the beginning is very similar to me and devou. He's thirty six, I'm thirty. Clearly I'm

thirty and he's he's outgoing and energetic. I am the opposite. I actually like to be inside. I'm actually a little bit more of an introvert introvert um. These are all things. Our communication styles are very different, extremely different. So we are really no different thing, y'all, except we want to be here because if we didn't want to be here, we probably would have definitely would have been broken up a long time ago, and we both want to be here. If I wanted to be here and she didn't, I

would have been chasing. It would have become it would become exhausting. If she wanted to be here and I didn't. That's really what it is. You have to find someone who has just as invested in the relationship working is you. Period. There's no timetable that can tell you want to figure out to stop, There's no list that can tell you if this person is the right one. It's just the want to, like do you want to do this? And if you notice that that person wants to do it,

then let's do it. It's it's really that simple, like nobody else can tell you. You know, that's it. You know that's it, and that's it. That's all we got for y'all today. If you'd like to be featured on the list the letter, email us at dead Advice at gmail dot com. Triple Let's sayer from y'all. That's that's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. Moment of Truth time how high value? We're talking high value men and women?

The list of things. Um, I really just feel like the definition or the term high value is relative to what you're in the market her. If you want certain things, these are the things that you're going to be looking for. Just be honest about what those things are. I think that saves people a lot of the headache and the work and the the time that we're taking investing into

these interactions that can potentially go nowhere. If you want to be in it for a good time, not a long time, let us know, or let them know us. Don't tell me, let them know. If you're looking and you're dating with the intention to eventually find a life partner, let that be clear and then put yourself accordingly in those circles the networks. So I have a a couple of moments of truth. The first one goes back to the very beginning. The value of a person is determined

by the person willing to pay the costs. That's number one, right. Number two, you can't be upset at Kevin Samuel's or anyone else who is showing you what people are saying they want. In the opposite sex, right, don't don't kill a messenger. You may you may not like the way he delivers his message, but he's getting his information from the Internet, and that leads me to number three. People are clearly seeking it to people. People are seeking it. But it leads me to number three. The Internet is

not a real a place. Right. Just because the Internet says this is what value is or high value doesn't mean that that's true. Because the vast majority of people discussing stuff on the Internet often live in extremes. Right. The Internet has showed us that the extremists are always the loudest, and the people who exist in the middle, which are the majority, very rarely have a voice. So don't get stuck on the on the Internet trying to

figure out that. And the last thing I want to say in all of this is, if you're really seeking what high value is, because you're looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, the best people to ask are people who have successfully done what you're achieving.

So if you're if you're interested in what a high value man looks like as a woman, how about you ask a high value woman who's been married to a high value man for a long period of time, as opposed to going to the internet to have single people who haven't found what they're looking for tell you what their version of high value is. Find a couple that you feel have put values in the right place right because we've already proven today that value is not only

there are dedicated to finances. There's a lot of other things that are dedicated to value. So find a couple. If you're seeking to be in a monogamous relationship. Another thing is everybody's not seeking to be in a monogamous relationship, and that's okay. But if you are, find that couple and ask that couple what would the things you valued in your partner, and then say to yourself, are those are things that I'm willing to be number one if I want to be of high value and am I

seeking the same thing? And that's really how you can find what possessing. Find that couple. Just don't call us because we're tired of talking to you. I'm not actually I'm not. I like talking about butterfly outgoing introversial. Only want to talk to nobody, she'd be saying, anybody sending the kids away. I don't want to talk and you occasionally everybody else. You'll be talking to my babies. N D said, you'd be talking to my babies all the time.

No pause forget. We'll be sure to find us on social media at dead as to podcast I Am Devout and Cadena I Am. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, please review, please and subscribe. Tell a friend all that Dead dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Nora Pinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as to Podcasts and never miss a Thing as Prison