Have Another Baby….Maybe?

more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead as is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We bought to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead

ass starts right now. Have a baby by me, baby be a millionaire, have a baby by me, baby being mill and there being million. Don't play no games when I'm in that thing. Come see what I mean? You see what I means? Let her mama turn me on? Have you go? I mean I don't know what the words don't someone to mean I ain't. That wasn't even English. Just now, someone mean me? Don't another baby? Shout out to Neo peoples and Crystal. They have another baby? What's

uprist have another baby? What's up? Yeah? And they also have millions of dollars I'm working on. We can work on it collectively. Let me work on that, and then I work on the millions of dollars right right. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. There's a lot that goes into thinking about have another baby. I feel like we're ready spread very very thin. So the fact that we're even having the same with this topic

put you up to this topic. I had nothing to do it because I literally just got this run of the show to my email about two point five seconds ago, and I feel set up. All right, So okay, I'll tell you how this walking about. All right, This will take me the storytime. Storytime, ladies, gentlemen, storytime. As you guys know, we just put us a new home, right and upstairs, on the second floor there are four bedrooms. And as I take people on the tour, I go,

you know, here we go. This is Cat's bedroom, his Cairo's bedroom, here's the stairs, Here's Jackson's bedroom, and off in the corner there's a bridge to a fourth bedroom and its shaped like a dog. It's shaped like the dollhouse. The trembling because I don't understand walking there, and I could feel my daughter's presence. Okay, I feel the presence, guys, I feel it. Have a little pink room with a doorhouse, a little cave running the well. Talking about coaching, Daddy

Conchin happened. When I say kitchen, you don't find it funny. It's not cute when I say kaching. You know my nickname is Chinny, right, I was giving everybody the nickname is Chingy. Yeah. Shout out to Brian Jordan Jr. Because Maurice have an alert on my phone every time the American expresses hit and it goes coaching on my phone and she'd be sitting right next to me and my phone will go off him to be like kachin and I'd be like, what did you buy and like, huh

days ago, that's just hitting the account whatever. Seriously. But yeah, that's the best part about it is that since we've moved in and we've had, you know, family and stuff come to visit my father in law. Even the other day when he was here visiting, School was helping Devout mount some TVs and whatnot, and School was just like, yeah, did you did you check out the baby's room? Because I mounted that TV too, and I was like, the

baby's room. So instantly I'm thinking that he's talking about like devour sister or something, because, as far as I'm concerned, manifestation in here, manifestation shout out, my sister Tori is having a baby and she's having a girl. Yes, manifestation at the time about here this, she'll be here already. Yes, I think that's amazing. Is gonna have a whole room, a whole cousin to play with, a whole little baby cousin.

So let's all right, so let's get let's get into the top of yea happen bringing this to People's court, right, because I already know how majority of people feel about people's court. We're gonna state our case, right, We're gonna state our case as to whether or not codeine or not I should have another baby. Now for the record, okay, I that I can't guarantee you a girl. But I'm about but I'm about nine short, though I'm about as far as I know. There's a chance. So where did

you get from. I've been talking to my boys. Don't here. I've been talking to me and said, yo'all need to chill. Let the ladies go first. So the ladies will go first, and do you have a better chance? But I will say this, if I were to get another boy, I'd be hyped because then I would just have four boys and it would just be ad. So it's safe to say that you're your thing here? Is that you want a fourth child? I want the baby. Yes, I want a fourth child, because everybody got a partner on the

roller coaster. I said this before. With five of us, do we even get a roller coast for that to be a determining factor because we don't have four kids. That's why we don't go because one kid will be left out, so we don't go. But if we have four, it would be me and you and then Jackson Chicago, and then Cash and the baby. So then then we're gonna roller coaster all the time. If you want to

be a roller coaster for mad long my kid? Yes, they were so Yeah, I'm on the fence, devout he wants a girl particularly or another baby, we should say, I think you've always said you wanted four kids. I was kind of always wanted three, you know, I'm one of three year one of three. Three just kind of felt like a very round number for us as much as it's but yeah, four corners right. So that being said, UM, you know we're gonna talk about the things we love

about parenting. You know what we have noticed about our kids? Um, what are like deval and I what characteristics are like us? Which aren't you know, because some some things that our kids do on't my devot that is so ut is So tell me why you are so against? Well, you're not against. You want the fence, why you want literally like a toe on defense. I'm really on the nose side, but I have like my my leg is like properly

explain to me why. For me, it's it's it's more than just um, you know, having another person to provide for and all that good stuff. I got that there's also to this this time that I feel like I will have to sit out that I don't know if I want you to have to sit out again out of like work opportunities, thinking about everything that my body

goes through. You know, you you you conceive, you're pregnant for nine to ten months, and then you deliver this baby, but your body is still out of commission after that postpartum my fourth trimester for about a year. So I'm gonna be out for the count for like two years. No, you won't, that's fair. Give you a perfect example, right, we have an award winning podcast right that we're do.

Thank that we're doing from home, so you won't have to be out of work because we can do it all the way through your pregnancy and you will be in the comfort of your home. Plus, right, I've been busting my ass. Right, we got a gym in here, which means you can be in shape through your whole pregnancy and working and you don't got to miss a beat. So see, I'm covering all the on camera opportunity voice. What if someone calls me for a role and they

got pregnant roles, They got rolls. Doesn't call for somebody to be pregnant. They're gonna write that ship in because you just fly like that baby. Make sure make sure you have people you can call to write me in the record showing you know, I love the record to show see. I don't see she putting herself in a box. You can't put yourself in the bottom. Man. It's the

intern and one thing you will never understand. No, you watch me go through it, and you can empathize in a sense, but you'll never understand what it's like to actually fully carry an entire person, deliver that person, and then be the source of nourishment for that person for months to come. Like. It's a lot that goes into that. That's fair, which is why this is even a conversation. My here is just starting to grow back casts. I've

been bad for so long. I'm about to you was never boy you have it was always good like you yourself. You're hard on yourself. Listen, listen, I understand all of those things right as a man. It would be insensitive and tone death for me to sit here and make it seem as if I make it seem like it's

easy to have a baby, right. I get that. I'm not by any means trying to say that, but I will say that I I feel, as your husband and your life partner, that I've provided you an opportunity to have children and continue to exist in the space of work and chase your dreams. And that is a fact I will say that is a that is a definite pro is that I know that had if we were to have another child, that that's something I would not

have to worry about. I can literally be able to be in a space where I'm comfortable and and be healthy and take the steps that I need to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby and all that because you will in turn take on the brent of responsibilities around the house, finances, all that good stuff. Okay, So what you're gonna do about my broken out skin though? And the little thing? What you mean you're broken out skin? Because of the territory. We will put in a budget.

We will put in budget for you to get facials to make sure that your skin is taken care of. Does that sound right to your sound? Fair? Everything? Because I've been playing in I understand that my body goes through nothing. When you have a baby, I'll be putting in the work to get the baby in there, because

I'll be putting that work work. What Listen, a lot of times you just kind of be like, Babe, I just kind of want to say, and I'd be like, cool, whatever, and I'd be like, it depends on what happens if we had a couple of drinks before or not. But that's that's I don't as long as you are back challenge for me, you argeback challenge for me. It's cool.

Problem with that is argeback challenge gets boys. That's why we have Yeah, you hear the whole wife sales about what you can do to get certain things and certain you know outcomes. Um, so I got some facts here. Let me look at look at some facts making over here. So I thought you said you wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared, but know trivile gave me some facts, so I'm gonna see.

According to economists Brian Kaplan, if you have a typical level of American enjoyment of children, you're willing to actually adjust your Parrington parenting to the evidence on what matters, then the right number of children to have is for see. This is why I said we should always bring facts to podcasts. This is why. But it's easier said than done. Having a baby is much different for women than it

is from men. And today we're going to make our cases for why we do want or not want another baby, but let's the record shows that the ideal number is four. That's what the kid with this capitalist Brian Kaplan. Scott's a smart guy. Brian Kaplan is a smart guy. I think it's fair to say that, like four for me is ideal, Like when you have two boys and two girls who it's like, oh, everybody has like a brother

and a sister, isn't it like adorable? But that wouldn't be the case because we're not gonna try to match that if we were to even have another child. But because the thing is you have another child, said as a girl, it's gonna be like, well, she needs a sister. Where does it stop being like listen, not just you per se, but you know, people people joking. But we

could have twin girls. That wouldn't be dope. I don't know if my skin could be elasticity and collagen, and my skin at this age is not popping, is flawless. And I'm not just saying that come trying to get you pregnant. I'm saying that because it's the truth. Twin girls would look good on you, baby, but also good on you. But also I also think about quality of life for our children right being able to spend time

with them once they are here. So let's not even talking about pregnancy and all that, like we understand what comes with the territory with that, but thinking about wanting to spend individual time like that's something very important to us that with each child, they get their individual time with us. So adding one more person to the to the mix is also going to be one more person's feelings and thoughts and emotions and us navigating and style stepping around how we how we can parent that child.

You know what I'm saying. We have a y role who don't care nothing about us. I haven't seen Jackson in five days. What do you mean? And we are in the same house. Jackson don't care about us. He's not worried about how much time he spent with us. But I am concerned. What has one son already gone? He's already gone, Jackson. We on't even got to count Jackson. Jackson is like a grown I have. I have to make a schedule appointment to be able to chill with Jackson,

because that's what I'm saying. He's very consumed with his virtual learn. He takes us very seriously, and between that and an extra wait till we get friends and a girlfriend and sports. Let's not rush that stuff. I'm just saying, I get it. However, it's important to me to make sure that we are able to spend an invest time in our children, you know what's somewhat evenly, and they get that alone time, you know what I mean. So I never want something like that to sacrifice. I have

to sacrifice that with one more child added to the mix. No, alright, conception, there's there's different methods, the whole method here, right, So, conception, what are you willing to sacrifice? Are you willing to sacrifice to your sex life? The sex of the baby is determined by which chromosomes are carried by the conceiving sperm cell. But according to urban myths, there are certain steps you can take to conceive a baby girl. I got a story to tell, A quick story to tell.

There was a point when Cadine was trying to conceive a girl, and she tried to happy doing all of this wild ship right. For example, we could only have sex on certain days, we could only have it in

certain positions. Um, and there were certain times where it would be like certain times in the night where Codeine would be looking through her what was the name of the book you calculated there was a calculator thing, and she'd be like she would be like late at night, two am, and she's like, oh, babe, according to the calculator, we're supposed to have sex like today, you know, like right now. And I'd be like tired, and I'd like,

you want to have sex right now? And she's just like, according to the calculator, is supposed to happen right now. And I'm like, I bet. And then she'll be like and she's just like later and she like what you're doing when she said but it got to be missionary if we do it any other way, that if you're gonna have a boy. So I'm just like, are you kidding me? Like she's just like, I'm serious. So we tried that, and you know what happened. We had Cairo. That's a fact. So all of these urban myths and

legends to me don't matter, don't matter. So what I say is God is going to provide us with what we need. That's a fact I'm saying. So if we have ultimately, I think it's fun to talk about all this stuff, like the different ways, Like they say, for example, boys sperm spins faster, so the survival period for them is shorter, whereas the women or the female sperm lives longer and they will be able to you know, last.

So they say, if you have sex a little before your ovulation, than the chances are you have a girl. That's what. That's what, that's what you were trying to We're trying to do that loosely, you know what I mean. And then of course there are other high tech options for sex selection. There's IVF, and then there's also a sperm selection UM. Both of these methods you would have to go into a doctor or lab or something to do UM. And we we considered UM, IVF and sperm selection.

Kandin and I actually went through. We went to a fertility specialist and we were like, let's kind of see what it's like. I don't I don't understand why people get judged for trying to do different things. UM Codeina and I actually went to. UH wasn't an i V specially, so it was a fertility special specialist. So we went to a fertility specialist and we found out our options. We asked about sperm sorting first, and they told a sperm sworting is about a sixty We're like, right now

we have fifty fifty. Am I going to pay for sixty forty? We kind of felt like, what's what's a more definite way? So we were asking about IVF and we we got all the details about IVF and the only thing that kind of um made me I decide that, you know, I didn't think this was the best thing for us because her body would have to go through most of the changes taking the hormone shots, and because we already have three children, I felt like I didn't want to force her to have to do anything more

to her body and then carry a child. Now, had we not been able to have children, and this is something that we wanted, I would definitely would have been with IVF. You know, especially with IVF, you get the eggs and then you can find out pre insimilating them into your spouse if it's a boy or a girl pre explanation. But what they did tell us was that there is a chance that you could do the I v F treatment, get the eggs, get it all together, and it'd be all boys, right or all girls or girls.

So I was kind of like, yeah, and I was having still stuck up to God. Whether God wants to give us boys a girl's the whole fact. And I just kind of feel like, um, you know that I'm not against science or anything like, there's a big debate to between the science of things and what God, the universe, or whoever it is you believe in providing for you or giving to you or blessing you with. And UM, I battled with that too because I was like, you know, I'm not gonna try to, you know, paint out this

picture that is not supposed to be. You know, I batted in a way. UM, So I battled with that. That's something that kind of crossed my mind. And then I also thought about people who are unable to conceive naturally and this is like their only option, and I kind of feel like, you know, maybe something like this should be reserved for people who this is their only option, you know what I mean. Well, what we talked about surrogacy to right, and surrogacy is also an option that

some people have as well. To um, and I was kind of like, again that maybe something that's reserved for Remember the same sex couple who are unable to have and they need a surrogate to carry their baby or um. You know, there's so many different reasons as to why

a woman may or or not. But my body being fully able to have carried three children, I kind of felt like, you know what, I've been able to do that naturally, So if I were to do a fourth pregnancy, I would do it naturally and then be happy with whatever the Good Lord blesses me with. I remember you saying, and we were thinking about doing the surrogate, and you said, the one thing you didn't want to have to tell you your daughter or son was that, you know, where's

my maternity pictures? Mom? Like you have maternity pictures with Jackson Kyro with And then you're like, well, I wasn't strictly for the vanity of it all, like well, I didn't want to throw abou getting my body back, you

know what I mean? And understandable, and some of people have careers that they're just like, you know what, I can't sit out for you know, nine months to a year and there's no judgment there, that's just what's something that you know what I mean, you feel like you just don't want to do or you don't want to sacrifice, and that's that's And for me it was like, it's your body has to go through it for nine months and then a whole year after with you know, nursing

the baby and then trying to get back. So me as a as a man and as your your life partner, I felt like it's not my responsibility to tell you what's the best way to conceive. So I kind of wanted to find out from you, like, what did you think would be the worst? Because I was with anything. I was with the sperm sorting, I was with IVF, I was with um doing the I v F and picking a sex of the baby. I was with doing

a if that's what if? That was with what you was with But you felt like you wanted to have that connection, So I was like, you know what, she wants to have the connection, then we have to do it this way. But then you're on the fence now

about it. So my question to you is how much of this is really a partnership and a agreement or is it really just if you want to have another baby is yes or if there's no is nor how much how much it's a difficult that's a difficult situation to being or a difficult question to answer, rather because it's like, naturally, I would like to consider your feelings.

I want to consider how you feel what you want out of life as well too, and especially if we're going to be having children together, Like this is something that we're doing together. You if you wanted to, could essentially go and have another child with anybody else. You know what I'm saying. But I don't want to die, right, You don't want to die, You're not crazy. You don't

want to hurt anybody else to get injured. So that being said, you know, the wise thing to do would be for us to come to some sort of agreement. So um, but yeah, I do feel like I also to have to can take into consideration, um, how you feel. I think what makes it easier for me to even be on the fence at this point is the fact that you fully understand the process from consumption to postpartum. You are an amazing father. You are super active. He

actually really is in real life, Dad gosse to. But it's like the good thing, well it's in blue, but the good thing is that there's no longer any colors, there's no gender norms and ships like that. No, No, I mean, shoot, blue could be for girl too, but historically, historically, um so, yeah, that that makes it easier for me to be like, Okay, well, if I were to have a fourth child, I know that I wouldn't be in

this alone. That I would have all of the resources and the support that I needed, um and not just from you, but like my mom who's here with our three boys, who's being driven crazy daily with our three boys. Our families are super involved and everything, um like that. So that makes it in turn easier for me to even be on the fence at this point. Um. So, I do try to take into consideration how you feel, and I think it does have to be a collective decision.

So you think it has to be a collective decision. At any point, did you feel like I was being selfish for wanting another child when you said you have done that three Um No, I never felt like it was selfish. At first. I thought you were joking, to be quite honest. So the fact that we're even having this conversation in this podcast, I'm just like, wait a second, you are actually really serious. But also I was thinking about too, like like women after the age of thirty five,

you know, become high risk. There's consultations. I mean, according to some paper they say that, but I feel very twenty one, I feel very but according to this little old paper. I mean, I'm I'm not sure what my insights look like. Although I do try to take good care, so that's something that I also take into accounts to. I'm like, man, finished like having cats cat. I was literally had cats a week before I turned thirty four, So I'm like, man, I was done all my kids

at thirty three. Now I can focus on get my self back in order and whatnot. And it's kind of like, I don't know what the recovery is going to be like, you know, after it'll be good, so good, I don't know. It's rough. It's a lot of things to take into consideration, to be quite honest. Um, you know there are many phases. There's a newborn phase, you know, where the sleep deprivation is real, and I can't help you with that. You

you breastfeed, I can't. I don't got no breasts. Um. I have a pretty big chest from doing all these push ups, but there's no comfortable there's no milk coming from them. So I can't. I'm not even gonna try to state my case for the newborn phase. That's gonna be your realm. You and typically your mom and your grandmother come up here and stay with us. So the good thing is we have space now so everyone can feel comfortable and you can have help that lives here

with us. So you know, you're probably gonna lose more sleeps. I'll give you that. The newborn phase is definitely gonna be something that's going to be probably, I think a positive pro think about caring for four children, um, with three boys who are now pretty much independent in us that they may be able to help themselves a bit. Jackson being like super big brother also helping with the two little ones supermature, Um, so I think it would

be easier in general. You know, I'm trying to think of a a countdown count up to the age when Jackson will be able to babysit, you know a little bit. I think we can kind of loosely have him watch his brothers while we're in the house together. We're not leaving them alone, but absolutely, you know, um absolutely, so you know, by five years old, I think actually now Kas can dress himself like Kyro can dress himself. No,

no, no no, I closed, We are in closes. I'm just trying to be fair to the discussion and giving pros and con don't get excited, don't all right, all right, I'm just trying to be fair to the argument or the discussion rather. And then by nine, you know, he's doing good. Yeah, it's funny that kid should be able to take care of their personal hygiene without assistance, without a sistance. But I'm gonna have to remind that. It

reminds him every single day. He came down this morning, for example, we're here recording this podcast, you know, in the home, and we have our our producer Triple here, we have Josh here, we have Dave U A K A dimple God. And I mean, at this point, Jackson comes downstairs and he's having a full blown conversation with Triple, and I'm looking over him and I'm like, this, brow did not wash Brush's teeth this morning. I can guarantee it,

so I'll call him over. I was like, Jackson, do you think that it is wise for you to wake up this morning, come downstairs, be all in Triple's face without your teeth? He hits me, with the no. The back end of the no, I was like, go upstairs and brush your teeth. He's nine, and he's like, am I in trouble? And I was like, Trible was in trouble? O hear you know what I'm saying. Got to remind these boys, Okay, he's my brothers broken as record up

in here. They're probably thinking, I'm like the most naggiest person ever in life, But at this rate, I'm just like, man, I mean, sometimes you be nagging, but let's stay with focus. But let's stay with focus. You're you're talking about we're talking about babies here. Jackson is nine, you guys, only set of issues at nine. I'm talking about the babies, all right. Next one says, what about our relationship? Is your marriage able to withstand the changes that come with

having a new baby in the home? Talk so if you don't get what you want in the timely fashion, you don't want to hear no excuses? Why we talk about and then we just do a whole podcast about the next ten and you just theorize all these Can I finish reading? Can I finish reading the thing? Our relationships were? So? I can't finish reading my thing. Our relationships with not to motorist when you were pregnant with Cairo, So how did you get pregning with casts? So fast,

stop it, stop it. There's just some things that have to get done. However, look sociologist. Sociologists so gos. Sociologists theorized that we're about to lie. He was about to lie, y'all. You see, he can't even talk. Strangs and sociologists theorized that in heterosexual relationship, mothers are more unhappy with their marriages after they have children because they tend to take on more second shift work, childcare and housework and begin

to feel that their relationships are no longer fair. I can honestly say that is not true. That's not true, isn't So that's why we don't got to worry about that. So I feel confidence saying that, according to research, couples have sex less often after they have a baby. Now, those first six weeks, we couldn't have sex at all. But even after the six weeks after that, you were tired, unsexy, and in your mind you was unsexy, and my mind you was not unsexy. There was nothing sexy about milky boobs,

and you know that's that's debatable, all right. You were swollen everywhere all the right spots, So you can say you wanted sexy, but I will, uh, I will respectfully, respectfully disagree with you because I felt like you were sexy after having children. That's why you got pregnant again with kas fifteen months later. But my thing is what these sociologists are saying are true for most people. In our case, that is not the case. I'm a very, very involved father, and you don't get left with all

of the responsibilities. I also moved your mom in, and I will move your grandmother in so you don't have to worry about not having help. So for me, all of the arguments that women have for saying they don't want to have another child because they get left with everything and the man gets to go out in rome and do and live his life, it's not the case with us. So for me, I'm like that goes you know what I'm saying, And the Bible says be fruitful and multiplied. It is my guy given duty to multiply.

I got a multiply like God's only run around here. He was just here to second, but only got three, only three, four and if a girl, if I could get a girl out of that that fourth one son, it's a rap, like, man, I'm not gonna ask you for nothing else ever in life. We don't even gotta have sex. No more, give me a girl. We don't gotta have sex. Trying to say that if we have this fourth child and it's a girl or a boy, or is it just has to be a girl that

I have asked you. Wow, just I don't know if I can hold up to that end of the park. And though I mean, I'm just lying because I'm gonna want to have sex, but it sounded good when I was thinking it until I said it. Then when I heard myself, I was like this, no way, but I just want four. I want four, and I knew I'll be talking about wanting a girl so bad. And I have to just say this publicly too, because if I do have another son, I don't want people to be like, oh,

he had another kid. He's not happy with the fact that he has a son. If I have four boys, I would pound my chest around here and feel like the king bro I got four sons. I feel like I'm playing with house money and I can't lose because if I have a daughter, I get get my princess, I get my little minicaated I can spoil, we get the dollhouse. And if I have a boy, I got four sons. I got four soldiers. You know what I'm saying, right, Yeah, I mean I agree if I had a mini me,

so that would be great. Um, if I had four boys, that I mean, can you see me with like four like beautiful men, like eventually walking on protecting you every corner. And three look even, that's like a trifecta. You see what I'm saying. What I'm saying, you can have three in the media and then you can hold my daughter right there and then I'll be protected. Like don't that sound I sound like the winds glowing in my favor?

We can talk about it, all right. So, okay, you said you want a fence before, so it was are you closer this way? I'm straddling the fence because you've made some valid points. You've made valid points like the fact that you're an involved dad and you are super supportive and all that good stuff. That's that's great. Um, that's probably of the strongest argument that you've made because at least I won't feel like, what that's the strongest one. Yeah,

that's the strongest one that you made. Then what about the fact that you also would like to have a daughter, you would like to have a bond. That's a that's a very strong point. It would be nice. But I don't feel a deficit like I've had conversations with women who have all girls are all boys, and that's just the natural conversation, like you know, and I'm not. I don't take offense to it when people are just like, well,

when's the girl come, when's the girl come? I don't take offense because at this point, and you said, people eight'clock in you uterus and be asking what's next when it comes to the reproductive system. So I'm okay with I don't take offense to it. But I think it's a natural question that people ask. If you have all of one thing, don't you wonder what it's like to have the other? And I had um a conversation on I Forget. I think it was on Angels podcasts Um

that chick Angel on Instagram. I think it was on her podcast Angel. Yeah, what's up? Angel? Girl? Angel? Yes, she has four boys now, she had one son then twin boys, and then she just has her last She

has four total now, she said she's done. So the question he came up that if you know, do you feel like a deficit, like you're missing something by not having a girl, And she said for her, like even with her last son, there was like a morning that happened when she found out she wasn't having a girl because she's kind of like had this letter written to her daughter that she just like, so that's something that

she's always wanted. So she did kind of feel like, man, but now that she has her four boys, she's just like, you know, I'm good, Like I have a house full of beautiful men, and I get that feeling. I, on the other hand, never felt a deficit not having a daughter.

I really haven't. If you can't see me, my places like this, Me and the boys been around here, slamming each other into the couch, running far in, looking at the video games in basketball, and you just be like, that's what boys do, right, And I go to the room and I chilled by myself and I'm good when taking a nap or watching the show. You don't want to. You don't want to, you know, have a little daughter, you can dress it would be nice. But I don't feel like I honestly don't feel like I have some

sort of deficit missing in my life. It may be different if I eventually have a daughter and then I'm like, oh my god, I can't imagine what my life would be like without you. So what about the what about the little I G pictures? You'd be sending me a little cute girls dressed up like their mom because they're super cute. She says, she don't have a deficit, but she sends these things to me. She sends them to me like beautiful, like rings and like vacations and stuff.

That doesn't necessarily mean that I have to have it right now. Somehow, you were sending me rings when you wanted to upgrade, and you got to upgrade. You were sending me houses when you want the house. You got a house, right, we were house shopping. What you mean? So you're sending me little girls telling me subliminals that you want a daughter. I'm winning this argument, by the way, guys, and I got I gave you those two. That's I'm a provider. I provide you with the things. Have a

baby by me, baby be a millionaire. I'm winning an argument. God, So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take a quick break, right, We're gonna answer some listen to letters. When we come back after listening letters, it's gonna do our moment of truth. You're gonna tell me whether or not we're gonna have a baby or not. No, I don't like that kind of pressure. I need to sleep on. You know. I'm gonna sleep on that kind of person.

So sleep while we pay these bills on these ads, and when we come back, we're gonna do these listening letters and they can't give me an answer. All right, guys, will be right back after these ads. Al Right, guys, we're back with listening to letters. Let me scroll ups most important part because she knows you. I don't need to say that every every single I feel like you know that already, but they do. Let's start with these listening letters because you'll know. I know y'all want to

get to the moment. Is gonna say yes? And I'm gonna go first. This is a proposal or something I'm in proposing to you about this baby. For a minute, does it come with a ring? Like? Does it come with a ring in the party. Everything you do comes with a ring in the party. You got an upgrade, but this you get Like, come on, son, when do I get a ring in a party for anything? Do I ever get a ring in a party? I can throw you a party and I can get your rate too,

but I don't ever get one. Don't play with me what you wanted for sure. I was gonna say something, but it's too explicit. It's too explicit, all right. My boyfriend I had a pregnancy loss about four months ago. Although the pregnancy was unplanned, we went from being scared too excited in no time. At twenty weeks, our baby girl was diagnosed with a genetic disease that had a low life expectancy rate. After the loss, I wanted to try again. However, my boyfriend was adamant about not wanting

kids right now. He's been pressuring me into taking birth control, which I don't want it. I don't want to do because of how it makes me feel. I've suggested condoms, but he doesn't like the idea of that. I just found um, I just found out that in four weeks pregnant, and he's pissed. He's been trying to talk me out of keeping the baby because he feels like we're not ready. After experiencing one loss, I'm not prepared to go do another. I told him that if he didn't want anything to

do with the baby, that he could go. I know, pushing him away isn't the answer, but he's being insensitive. Wow. Every time we start talking about the baby, we fight. I'm going to regret termining the pregnancy, but I don't want to lose him either. I'm stuck on what to do as I don't want to be a single parent or lose my boyfriend. Do you guys have any helpful

advice to me. Um, What I'm wondering is if suffering the first lost the first loss, not lost the first loss, if he has not quite dealt with that, because there's a there's a bit of it. Yeah, there's probably some. There's definitely trauma around that, especially the morning period. Yeah, there's a morning period that comes with um loss, and especially at twenty weeks and then you know it's a girl, and you know what I mean, It brings that much more life to UM the idea of having a baby.

So maybe he hasn't fully um mourned that or dealt with that loss and in turn, why now he is scared, you know, and that that being scared or that being worried or concerned can also manifest itself as anger, and it may not necessarily be angry per se um, But at the same time, it's about the way it's coming across, which I see can make her feel um like she's stuck between a rock and a hard place. So that's

a tough place to be in. But I would probably suggest having maybe more conversation about that loss and how it made him feel. You know, I don't know if that's something that was done yet, but that might help him kind of get his feelings out about that so that he can then move on to um possibly embracing this next little blessing that came along. You know. Well what I'm hearing about these two. First of all, they sound very young. First thing, she says she had another baby.

If she had the baby, she lost the baby. They were continuing to have sex. He didn't want to have another baby, so he asked her to take birth control. She said no, but he doesn't want to work condoms, which means neither one of them wants to take the proper steps to use contraceptive. You know. I do think it's kind of selfish for a guy to say, I don't want to have a baby, but I'm not going to wear a condom, so you have to take birth control.

It's something that affects your body. I think that that's very, very selfish because she's anything like me. I know how sensitive affects your body. So I think it was it was unfair for him to do that. If you are adamant about not having a baby, you should wear a condom, you know. But clearly she wasn't taking the birth control, and I'm not sure if she told him she was and it wasn't taken, and got pregnant again. But now they're here, they're pregnant again. She does not want to

have an abortion, but she does not want to lose him. Um. I believe in a woman's right to choose, you know. I'm I'm pro life. You know. If it were me, you know, and my wife says she wanted to have a baby, I'd be like, let's go do it, you know I'm saying. But I feel like, as a man, I can't tell a woman what to do with her body. So she no. I mean, I'm I'm personally myself myself, but I'm not going to be pro life for a

for you, you know what I'm saying. Like for me, if you and I were to have a baby, I would go with when I have a baby, But if we were young kids, I would be with I want to have the baby. But I cannot tell a woman what to do, So i just want to make it clear that I'm not going to go out there and be like, you need to have an abortion. But at the same time, I'm not gonna you know, I would step up to the plate if I absolutely like, that's

what I would do. Hopefully, this young man, if you are responsible enough to lay down with a woman and not want to wear a condom because you don't want to like the way it feels, step up to the plate. But if he's not, it's up to her to decide what she wants to do, because she will be the one that is forced to live with this decision for the rest of her life. So I'm pro choice in the fact that I believe that, you know, women have the right to choose what to do with their bodies.

But me, if it if it were me and I were him, I'm like, well, we have your pregnant, so let's go. And so I think it's important to decipher the difference because I wouldn't want to take a woman's choice away, but U yeah, he might. And I wonder if it's a thing where maybe he's trying to kind of call her bluff with it. I don't know. I don't like to try to figure out what he's thinking or we don't know, but it's just there's no possibilities. But I'm just trying to think, like if he's just like,

you know, do this or else someone to leave. But you say, she does decide that she wants to keep this baby and move on, and she runs the risk of potentially losing him. Will he kind of come to his senses later and say, okay, you know, praying that she has a healthy baby, that he's just like, damn, I was overreacting or I felt this way because I was worried, or you know what I mean. That may be a conversation that needs to be had between the

two of them. I would say for her not to make any decisions based around him or how he feels. She has to make decisions about what is best for her and how she feels, because when you make decisions about people who can come and go into your life, you never want to make a life decision for someone who is temporary. You see what I'm saying. The only thing that's definitely permanent here is this child if she's able to carry full term. So she needs to make

a decision for herself based on that. Make getting a decision about someone who's a boyfriend who may or may not be here. I wouldn't do that. So she needs to think about what her morals are, where she feels, because she's gonna have to live with this decision for the rest of her life and do what's in the

best interests of herself. Yeah, that's true. The worst the last thing you want to do is make that decision with someone else in mind, and then Harvard resentment or upset, and then now you resent, the baby wants, the baby comes, and you're doing all these things because it's like I made this choice, but then you try to place blame after um. So good luck to you, sis, I hope you are able to figure things out and best of

luck with your pregnancy. So look, I think we only got time for one listener letter today because we do have a long moment of truth, because I want to go through all all of these questions to kind of figure out where we are. Okay, Okay, So what I'm going to do, Like I said, I believe in a woman's right to choose. I'm gonna ask you the questions and you can give me your answers, and then we're

feeling we'll keep score. All right, So, conception, are you willing to sacrifice your sex life to have another child? Me personally, I know our sex life is going to change. Um, Yes, I'm cool with that. I'm cool with that. I did it three times before the camera roll. I did it three times before because the way to do to set up sometimes, y'all. Okay, am I willing to sacrifice if if someone is asking me the question, You're asking me the question plainly? Okay, Am I willing to sacrifice my

sex life? Yes? I would be willing to sacrifice my sex Okay. So that's one for the good guys. Okay. Pregnancy, labor and delivery. How do you weigh the risks when when women over thirty five or at a higher risk for the following complications? Uh, just gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, premature birth, lower birth weight, birth defects including down syndrome, miscarriage, still birth. These are things women over thirty five can

do the lower risks. Maintain the healthy weight, pre native care, stay on top of treatment for any pre existing health conditions of smoking, drinking, and drug abuse. Avoid harmful chemicals. So this is ship people should do anyway. Healthy, stay active. So when it comes to pregnancy, labor, and delivery, the risk are all on you because you're the carrier. You're the vessel of life. So how do you feel about that?

I mean, I feel like I've been trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, um for just because you know, I know I have a lot of pre existing conditions in my family that historically tend to rears ugly have at a certain age in life. So being mindful of that, I think in general, I've been trying to make sure that I'm conscious about how I eat, how I you know, try to work out somewhere consistently. But that's that's love

to be seen. Don't have any excuses now though we have we have equipment here, so um so there are risks, but I do have a really great relationship with my my midwife and my guy in and stuff like that. So is that something that I would be concerned about? No one more for the good guys to finished be concerned about it. But I also do know that there is um you know, things that methods that have to be taken, steps that need to be taken. So I feel confident with the people who I would have alongside

me through a process like that. I do feel comfortable. Okay. Next question, caring for newborn? Who's gonna lose more sleep? We discussed. Am I willing to lose more sleep? Are are you willing to lose more sleep? That might be a note for me, dog, We're going to figure out something else. Figure out something else. Your mother lived here, all right? Well, and grandma will come. Did you talk to grandma yet? He's trying to move grandma. You know,

I spoke to Grandma already. That's one more of the guys, three zero zero for a baby, Ellis, don't be calling my grandmother without me knowing. Okay, caring for four kids? Are three boys independent enough to help themselves while caring for a newborn? Let's think about our kids, Okay, thinking about my boys and how they co exist together. They are they are very very self sufficient for them. One more for the good guy, the four zero Jackson is a grown adult. Kyle was right there. Cats is on

the border, but Cats body trained. Now he tells me exactly what he wants to eat. Address himself too. I was surprised the other day no one actually looking good. Jackson had to dress himself, and all of a sudden, Cats can just dress himself on his own. Look like these questions are mask you. I feel like they man, I feel like triple came in here. She got introduced to the to the baby, the baby room. She posed these questions where it's gonna look skewed. But last question,

what about our relationship? Is our marriage? Can you hear me? Hand? Give me hand? Is our marriage able to withstand the changes that come with having a new baby in the home. I'm being honest, Yes, be honest. That's all I want, is honest. When we spoke about where we see our next ten years going, right, I did not foresee ten

years going necessarily with another child. However, based on the conversation that we had with the ten years, we did say we were going to put each other first, right, so me putting you first, you're putting me first, and then the children will then be able to reap the benefits, the benefits of us putting each other first. If we stay true to that, it's possible. Fine, that's one. That's fine. Baby is a sweet. Let's let's lead situations. Always one for me, even if it's four one, all right, so

for one. Okay, so it's four one. I know that that's still not a yes, I get that right, but at least it's not a note, which means we're picking up steam. People were not a time because I know that you wanted to have a baby at a certain age. Yes, that would have wanted to be done by a certain age. I thought it was done done. But here's the thing, though, you're so fine and everybody still thinks you in your twenties,

So you good? So right now we win in Alright, I'm gonna start working on the other projects to make that happen. And the thousands of people who no one loves us and watch our story. I love y'all, but y'all y'all crazy. So here's here's here's the collective moment of truth. The collective moment of truth, is if code was a little bit younger, she would have been all

in it, yes and starting a baby. UM. The only thing she's truthfully worried about is the bounce back of the fatigue and physically where your body is because of your age. So it's not about the number of kids. It's just a little later. God will provide regardless of how many children that we have, so that isn't really a conces Not only will God provide, will provide as well. Absolutely you will. I don't have any doubts about that. But piggybacking off that moment of truth, Ultimately, it's nice

to make it a collective decision. However, whenever a couple is married UM or debating about having a child, I think it's nice to guests have the collective conversation. A lot of times, Ultimately it is up to the woman in many cases because we carry the babies, we carry the children. UM. But at the same time, too, I feel like with that collective decision, there's not necessarily a hard yes or no from either party, you know what

I mean? Like I feel like sometimes, um, if a man is too outspoken about the way he feels about pregnancy, it's taken as insensitive, taking as pressure while you pressure on her to have another pressure. We're not allowed to pressure you. No, I don't. I don't agree that that. Yeah, that's one. This is one domain where y'all can't. Yeah, y'all can. Y'all can pressure us about marriage, but you can't pressure You can't pressure you about babies. I think

this is something very different. No, it is different. It is. It is. It is very different. It is, and mainly because you go through some physical changes. I don't know if people know this, but you you know, you had to get emergency surgery and I could have lost you after having Jackson. That's why this is so important to me to have this discussion, because, um, you had to go to surgery. I didn't see you or Jackson for hours. Are you were close to having a blood transfusion and

you almost bled out because your cervix ruptured. Not ruptured, UM, was lacerated. Was lacerated, and you were losing a ton of blood. So um, it's not it's it's a false equivalency to try to make it or even thing. And obviously I was joking, but um, I do feel like it is a fun conversation to have. But um, I do like I love you and I love having kids. I want more kids. UM four would be a nice square number for me, you know, a nice Screa number for me. So we'll pray on it, on it. We'll

see how it goes. I'm not I'm not. I can't say that I'm fully at this point, but we'll see how it go. Guys, We'll see how But I do be in and out. I spent a lot more time though, so check this out. If you'd like to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us that dead as ind at gmail dot com for sure, and be sure to follow us on social media. You can find us at dead as the Podcast and you can find me on my personal page at cadeene. I am and

I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and vote baby number four. You're going to get an influx of listener letters that are going to be like I think y'all should do this to get a girl triple. Look out for all the recipes because I know people gonna send them in. DEVI has to have sex with one foot of the other one sock on while you're blinking your eyes a

thousand times. I'm going to enjoy practicing. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and Never miss a Thing