Get It Right, Get It Tight

more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing. But it were about to take pillow talk to our whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. I'm gonna take this back to a

couple of weeks ago. By the time y'all see this, the video will have already come out. I'm in super husband trained mode. I'm getting ready to go back to film Sister season five. Wife. He is coming off of her postpartum uh journey with with weight loss the first six to eight weeks, and she's not feeling like yo, I'm I'm, I'm ready to go because she already knows when I start training up, it's a different animal, but

the same beast. You feel me right, So now I got her outside, were running the hills, We got the medicine ball, throwing the medicine ball, she lifting weighs, dead lift, hand clean, She's getting her speed training in. But in this particular day, Matt and Josh we're here the film and it started, and we were trying to get some content, you know, so people can see that Codeine really gets it in, Like this is not a thing where she just be putting on workout clothes to get brand partnerships

and putting on makeup to look cute. No, Couldin really be working out. So I had an idea because typically Codein and I run out, We run in the front. We have the medicine balls about thirty pounds, and we walked down the hill with the medicine ball and we walked back up with the medicine ball over our heads. So in my mind, I could just put the treadmill on the incline and we can walk on the treadmill and hold the ball up and we can swap back and forth. So I'm in full train of mode. I'm

I'm I'm talking. I'm trying to inspire. I'm saying every quote knowing the man and trying to get K to be inspired. And Codin is not inspired, right, and she just like she dragged, and she dragged. I'm like, let's go. You know what I'm saying that, don't hurt tell yourself, I don't hurt you. Know what I'm saying, hold the ball overhead. I got you. I got you. So while I'm saying I got you, I looked down at the treadmill.

She's holding the ball over her head, and I looked down at the treadmill to see what the speed was, and all I heard was, oh God. And when I look up, K has dropped the medicine ball on her forehead. But she caught it. She caught it, right. So I literally look at her forehead and she got the tired tracks from the medicine ball on her forehead like she just got run over by a four by four. And She's like, dw it hurts. I'm like, that's just pain

leaving the body. Like I'm trying to distract her, right, and I see a little blood starting to come off forehead right. She's like, am I bleeding? Bleeding? And I'm like, nah, it's people got blood, sweat and tears when they lose weight. And she's like, am I bleeding? Matt? So Matt looks right at her forehead and then he looks at me, and I look at Matt like Matt looking at foreheads, like, nah, you're good me while she's bleeding right, like she had the thorns that Jesus had on when he was going

to the cross. That's what forehead looks like. And I just I just kept going. So I got the ball back. And when I got the ball back, it had makeup on it, which at first, when I saw it, I thought it was part of Cadine's face because it was the same color. It looked like skin on the ball, and I kind of got shocked. I was like, damn, I got her forehead on the ball. But you know what I didn't do. I didn't panic, and we didn't stop.

She finished the whole workout. Burns seven calories that day, because that's how the elliss do literal blood, sweat, tears, makeup on the mid ball every day and runs and rug burns on your forehead. But that ain't the first time she had rug bars on for before. All right, let's close this, but that's a different type of workout. And that's that's that for one and two and three and four, And get them syms right and tuck your tongue any time and do your just like this, get

head stop, get up check. Do y'all know what song that is? He's workout thanks to Devil's workout plan on the envy of all my friends. That's gonna be k awesoone oh someone, allR y'all. Let's take a break and come back, and I'm gonna tell you all my version of the the story is time you guys, Thankfully I live to see another day. We'll be back, all right, y'all, So about that story. Time, My head's okay. You know, it's a little sword to the touch still, you know

I was able to camouflage a bit, you know. Um for me, it was Cassy that said, Mommy, what happened to your head? I was happened to your head? What what happened to your head. I was like, Cassie, you know, Daddy and I were in the gym. The balls fell, and then I was like, oh the balls fell. Good thing. He doesn't know what ball. It could have been other balls, so you know, I'm saying it could have been other walls. But he said, you know, but anyway back, challenge challenge.

You know, hey, you know, stranger things have happened in that this household. But seriously, in that moment, I was on the treadmill and I'm like, why Devo, Like that's the first thing I'm thinking, why Devout? I still have a little bit of residual clumsy left in my bones after having the baby, because that's the thing whenever you get bringing into clumsy, right, so the clumsy has not

fully left my body. Um So, the minute I saw him turn that treadmill on and then we're super setting it so we're taking turns, actually going back and forth. So DEVI has to understand that ain't going the same speed he going. You know what I'm saying, you gotta alter it a little bit for me. Um But once I saw the treadmill going, and then it's just so many things you have to keep in mind because it's like your freet have to move. Then you have to have your arms up above your head. You got to

squeeze your core. You gotta think, you gotta you gotta breathe because that's something I forget to do all the time so you don't pass out. And then I didn't realize in that moment that I forgot to wash my face when we worked out, so I had makeup dripping down my face, which I hate because I never worked out with makeup one And I don't know what happened. It was like the sweat that was like building up in my body. My hands were, my palms were sweaty.

And then the ball just had no traction on it anymore, and it just it just hit me right in the face. And the first thing I could think of was my mom. The first thing I got thinking of was my mom looking at me in horror, like, oh my god, being your messr face? Your face? Are you gonna be on TV with your face like that? Is it gonna scar? Like?

That's all I could hear, you know, And then she would have came for you, which you intricate asked workouts, but you know, I looked over at Matt Matt gave me the head not of reassurance, which I come to find out now Matthew ellis, I might have to kick you out the family for that one, because he told me was just like, now you good, cay you good. You know, but I appreciate the support. I know that's

what he was going for. And um, you know, the cameras kept rolling and I kept walking and you finished. And that's the point and more love the story as I finished, and you did high and Klin runs you after that. You did high Clin sprunt you after that. So the more the story is when you fall, you get back. We fall down, but we get up exactly. You gotta get back up. You do get back up. Remember that time Cairo fell off the treadmill. Yes, Cayro fell off the treadmill. That kid right there can give

me a whole heart attack one of these days. He tries to come into the gym with me for motivation as well, because we'll talk about motivation and all that on this episode. But I am never more motivated than anybody but my five year old five year old Cairo, who ya know, is a beast in the gym and everything athletic like totally takes the initiative to go work

out by himself. So usually when I'm in the gym or I'm going to work out, it's really cute when you come along and he'll be like, it's okay, mommy, I'll work out with you. You You want me training today, And then hearing him say the things that you say to them regularly in the gym, he was like, come on, mommy, hard work beats talent. Hard work beats talent. I'm like, who is this talking? This kid is like understands the mentality I'm explaining to you. Like my sound bite, I

don't like working out. I got bad sciatica, So if I don't work out, my back starts to hurt, my legs start to hurt. So I have to work out consistently or my sacietica is going to continuously flare up and I'm gonna be walking like an old man in my thirties. And I just won't let that happen because I was doing that a lot in my late twenties because I wasn't as consistent with my workouts. Number two, working out to me is like the most consistent form

of testing your will. You know, like everything in life is based on on will power and do you have the mental fortitude to get through this when it gets hard. When you practice testing your will on a daily basis to working out, whether it be push ups, burpees, pull ups, running a mile, or something like that, you're teaching your mind and your body to constantly keep going when you don't want to. So to a lot of people, it looks like, oh, if I just loves working out, it's

really not that I love working out. I would love to to have a six pack and v apps that my wife admires so much by doing nothing. But that's just not the case. I have poor eating habits, right. I snack at night after I smoke, I get the munchies. I love candy, I love cakes, cadeans and others. So like, if I don't work, if I don't work out, I'm gonna I'm not gonna be healthy, you know what I'm saying. So for me, it's it's a measure of will. Plus it's also me being disciplined to say, you know what,

you don't have the best eating happens. Keep your body moving so that you can be here and available to your family. Because heart disease, diabetes, um, what else? Mentally, what was the other one? Alzheimer's all running my family and all of those can be held back or held at, babe by drinking water, getting sleep, and working up absolutely well. Will is something I am at a deficit four all right, y'all.

Will is something that I am working on. Will is one of those things that I have to will myself to have because historically I don't have the best relationship with workout, actually working out. I actually have a very poor relationship with working out. It's one of those things that I just never felt the need to want to make time for. It's something that I did and I do because you have a partner who's active, who's going to the gym, that looks at you and it's just like,

did you go to the gym today? Are you going to go today? Not because he wants me to look a certain kind of way, but because I will usually be in his air about things that I want to do, things that I want to accomplish. He come analysis, He's usually in my air reminding me of the things that I want to do. Thank you want to accomplish? Look at Cadine having accountability the y'all, what no you are have an account of baby, but also holding other people accountable.

Pop Like, why did I be pushing Codeine so hard? When Codein says she want to look a certain way, or she want to wear certain clothes, or she wants certain roles on TV and they require her to be a certain way, I am accountable for helping her reach her goal. It ain't me doing it because I want my That's it just pisses me off from people be like why she why he gotta push her to look a certain way? And it don't beat me push she want to push herself. Can I not be a partner

in helping her push? But that's in a whole nother podcast. And damn tell him how you really feel, baby, No, because in his the sad truth though, you you can't even in this day and age, empower and and root for your wife to do anything. People find for in everything you do. Absolutely nobody, nobody asked me how I felt about it. You know, they're just uh, pretty much imposing their ideas and their thoughts on that. Yeah I do.

I was just like, what what, I can't even support you and motivate you and just show people that I do that just because that's just what we do, you know. So he's absolutely right. A lot of the times, there are things that I want to do, things that I want to accomplish, that require me to look a certain way and to feel a certain way about myself. Sometimes it's not even how you look, because a lot of people will say to you, hey, you look fine. Oh my god, you don't look like you had four kids,

you just had a baby four months ago. Oh my god, you look great. None of that matters, None of that ship betters, because then said person, as in me or that mom who might have just had a baby, is looking at herself every morning, picking apart every single thing that she's unhappy. I watched you do it all the time, and not and not for nothing, guys. That's that's why

I'm so hard on Cadeine. Because when you watch the woman you love wake up every morning right and stand in the mirror naked and pinch and prod and turn and then grimace in her face. When you when you enjoy and admire the way she is, there's something and you just like, like, I wish I could take that from you, because I I know for a fact, I

don't mind going to work out every day. If I had to take on the thirty pounds while you were pregnant, I would take it on because I'm like, fine, I'll take it on and then once the baby come out, I'll just I'll bust my ass to lose it. But I can't. So when I got to watch you like do all of that, it's bothersome to me. I'm like, dang, I feel so bad. So when you say you want to get back, I'm like, let's go. Let's let's do this. I appreciate having that partner in you for that reason.

And you know, everyone says, give yourself grace, give yourself grace, um, which I tried to do, But there's also to the desire to just feel like yourself again. So honestly, feel like women should be able to exist in the duality of feeling grateful and thankful that their bodies are able to bring forth life. Right, we are this divine portal

between two dimensions, right between in utero and earthside. So I can celebrate that and I can be happy for that, and I can say, you know what, girl, go you you grew and nurtured and how's this human for nine ten months? Um? And then you have to get back. Then you're nursing this baby for months or years after, depending on the person. But I can also be like, but I'm over it, and I want to be back to whoever the funk I was before, you know what I mean? I want to be Codean who I was before.

I want to be the better version of who Codein was prior to this baby. Um. And there's always this pressure in this stigma around the whole, like snack back culture,

snap back culture and what that looks like. Um, And I think it's just it can be a little bit hairy because some people will look at it as a positive thing, like hey girl, you snap back, And then I think it's the time frame that's more so the issue, like how long it takes for somebody to snap back, people taking longer, or some people taking you know, a short amount of time, or people getting assistance to do that.

It looks different for everybody. So I feel like we just in general need to just not judge or shame people for that. What I've been seeing on social media is, you know, for a woman is working hard to get back, I'll see some other women being like, girl, you need to go sit down and take care of your baby. And I don't know if that's just then projecting the fact that they had a baby years ago and still haven't got lost the weight, so now they don't want

other people yet. You get those type of comments. But those sound like projections, you know what I'm saying, Like it sounds like projections from people who may not be comfortable in their own skin and they don't want to see someone else get back fast. Or I'll see comments like um, like for example, oh, she she got work done, you know, so it's like, okay, so I for a woman works hard to get back, you have a problem with that because you should be taking care of the baby.

But if a woman goes and gets work done, you have a problem with that because she found a shortcut, so maybe she didn't have to take as much time to spend away from a baby because she got work done. It's like it seems almost as if other people don't want to see that woman happy. And it comes from women, and it does come from some men too, because sometimes I'll be looking at be like, dude, why are you even comment on a one? Why are you invested a

woman's to getting back? Like I don't understand men who comment on anything that has to do a woman choosing to do on her body, whether it's having a baby, not having a baby, or trying to get back from babe. I'm I'll never understand that because I'll even have some men say to me like, oh, your your wife trying to get back already, Like why don't you whoa? Why don't I want? Why? Why don't I want? Why? Why are you following my wife? If it bothers you that much?

You know what I'm saying, I'll never understand. It is really an individual thing wholeheartedly, because I just knew this time around after having Dakota, and it wasn't the same for the other boys. Something other boys, I took my time and was like, yeah, I'm not just not in the mood with cats. It was that back to back having the baby that I was like, bro, I'm gonna take every bit of this year to slowly just figure things out. And it really is an individual, case by

case scenario. But for me with Dakota, I had already had my mind made up that I was like, listen, I am on the road to making sure that I'm going to be the best version of myself. The biggest scare from me this time around was having the episode with the postpartum preclampsh it, because that was an indicator for me to let me know, oh man, my body had was under stressed clearly, because they say pregnancy is like that many stress tests, or is actually a major

stress test that your body goes under. And if this is an indicator that I may potentially develop hypertension in the future, which is not far off, knowing my family history, now is the time for me to invest in myself, not just for the vanity of looking good on the outside, but the inside. If there are things that I can control and the whole this runs in your family situation that I can avoid by just diet and exercise. I'm going to freaking do that, and that will power that

I didn't necessarily have before. And the discipline that I didn't necessarily you know, tap into before is something that I'm making a conscious effort to do now. So it's funny this time around because when I said to Develo and I said to like my sister, and I said to my mom, and I was like, I'm not at with you all this time, Like I am totally invested

in getting back and working out. If I laughed at me and my sister laughed at me, and they only laughed at me because they know historically codem will be going hard for two or three weeks, and then CADE will do in the role, you know, Homer Simpson in the bushes, that'd be me after a while in the gym and um, and then I'll betch and moan when something's coming up and I'm like, damn, I got a month before we gotta do this, or damn I gotta

film that, and I'm mad at I'm good in this outfit. Um. That's usually my track record, but I'm happy to say y'all this time around, I really have been sticking it out. Like our podcast crew can attest to it. I was ordering pizza, pasta, all sources of stuff in here, and your girl was not. I was thinking to my meal prepped items. I was in the gym if it meant that I had to be in there after midnight, because that's just the time I had. I've been doing it,

so I'm proud of me. It does help that you, Um, we made a decision that we're not gonna have any more kids, so it's easier to say, hey, I'm gonna get back because you're not thinking I'm gonna get back just to get pregnant again. I know that that's extremely difficult for a lot of women, and this is a Devours truth moment that we have a lot of these.

When we first got married and you're like, I was, so I've always been in love with your body, the shape of your body, and I was just like, man, once we have kids, I wonder what's gonna happen to her body after she has kids? Like that that was the thought of mine. Now, of course I was younger, but um, I also knew that you didn't like working out, and I was just like, you know, like Coatina, I don't know what's gonna happen after we have these kids.

If Kadinian is gonna be like fuck it, Like this is what it is, what we're gonna work to get back. But after Jackson you got better than you were before Jackson, and then after Cairo you was on your roll back, and then you got pregnant again and then you game more rate. But then after Cats you got back and you were better than you were after Jackson. So I already know, yeah, this time after Dakota is about to be because you've gained ten pounds in all the right

places after each child. When I met you, you were about a hundred and fifteen pounds, and then when we got married, you at one thirty five. And after Jackson you kind of settled around one kirne kas they came together, you settled around one fifty five. Lecture weight and muscle, y'all. It's nice, it's really really good. But but I want to talk a little bit about some of the facts and stats. Some facts and stats. Exercise UM has the

following benefits, particularly for postpartum within him. So I'm just gonna tap into this until and then we'll talk about and then after this we're actually gonna get into what I work our routines are because you can get some tips. But so real quick, Um, if anyone is dealing with postpartum right now, UM, it helps to strengthen and tone the ad muscles, because that's very important. They get all stretched the hell out and pelvic floor be thrashed. Okay,

holding your bladder sometimes it's not existent. I've had one or two moments. UM. It helps to boost energy, It may help prevent postpartum depression promotes better sleep, not more maybe better. Um, it relieves stress, and they can help you lose the extra weight that you may have gained during pregnancy. So pretty straightforward. So this is what people need to understand about working out right. Working out is

not like you you can't cram a workout. People think if you go to the gym one time and you're in the gym for nine hours, you come out the next day you look like you put in years of work. That's not the way it works. You need to start with consistently going to the gym and just walking for twenty minutes every day. That's a good twenty minute walk every day. You'll lose more weight and do more and see more results than an inconsistent person going to the

gym five and six hours. Right. I told Cadenus once she was pregnant that, UM, when you're doing a stress test, they typically put you on a treadmill for twenty minutes and they asked you to walk, and it may increase the speed up and down slightly to see how your heart responds. But part of the reason that happens is because a twenty minute walk is the bare minimum. A humans should be doing every single day. Vast majority of people in America do not even walk twenty minutes every day,

which is sad. Consistent twenty minutes not I walked five, I walked three, and then you tally it up. Consistent twenty minutes and and and this is this is why this is important, right. This has nothing to do with pregnancy or women or advantage. So this is why exercise is good for every everyone. People who don't regularly exercise me lose up to of their muscle, of their muscle strength by the age of sixty five. That means your muscles atrophy. Atrophy means when you don't you when you

don't use them, you lose them. That's why our generation we live sedentary lifestyles where we're behind desks, we're on the computer all the time. Now that we had the pandemic, everyone's at home so they zoom everything. So people aren't even leaving to walk to the train to get to work anymore. So people are starting to lose You ever seen that movie Wally where it took place right in like two thousand and something, But the robots created a world that was so easy for humans that humans lost

all of their musculature and their bone masks. So they were just big blobs. That is a reality that can happen to people if you continuously live life the way we're living now, where everything is so comfortable, and we don't we don't walk, we don't move because we're we're beings made to move. We're supposed to lift and run and jump. But when we don't do that, those uses for those bodies they disappear. So that's why it's good

for everyone. Regular exercise helps lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels, two major risks for heart disease we notice my family as well, and diabetes. Like exercise can help you with that. Circulation helps with that. Exercise keeps your metabolism elevated even after your workout and continues to burn calories as you rest. This is a fact. This is why I tend to lift weights and not just run. You burn a ton of calories when you lift weights. Ladies, this is for you.

You go to train of training is I want you start lifting some weights. I ain't a football playing I don't want to lift weights. I don't want to be big in bowky ma'am. You do not pump out testosterone you could lift the same amount of weights as a man and you will never get as big in bowky as a man will get. But when you lift weights, you tear apart that muscle fiber in it that needs to grow. And what does it used to grow? It utilizes the fat inside of your body to feed those

muscles and needs more proteins. So as you're sleeping and resting, your body is continuously burning calories and burning fat. So the best way to actually carve out your body to look leaner is to lift weights, not to just run on the treadmill. That does not work. Studies also indicate that children's physical activity levels correlate closely with those to their parents, which means, thank you, Cairo Jackson, kas in Dakota will be what they see. They will be exactly

what they see. The only reason why they go to the gym every day is because when they look up and they see you and I in the gym, mail like, I guess this is just what we do. So they're always in the gym, they're always looking to be active and that that will help them even in their minds. Because I even told Jackson. Jackson asked, men, well, I gotta work out every day, And I said, you don't have to work out every day. You can do what

you want to do. But sometimes in life you have to do the things you don't want to do so that you can live the way you want to live. So what I did with Jackson was I told him I'm not gonna you know we've talked about before, I'm not gonna give you money or give you an allowance to do chores stuff that you have to do every day. Like if you have your own house, you gotta make up your bed, you gotta clean your bathroom, you gotta wash up and shower. I'm not giving you money to

do that. But working out, it's something that you don't have to do. If you're going to gym and you put the same workout in the gym that you do with your school work every day, with your basketball, with your holding class, I'll pay you for these workouts. This way he'll learn that thing. I can be rewarded for doing the things that I don't want to do later in life. So for me, working out is also a way to teach my children how to be disciplined. And

you scipped one right here. Improve your mental health and mood with an exercise routine. So Kadein and I talked about this all the time. Um, your body has endorphins and your body also has um oxytocin, which helps you feel better. People don't realize that when you work out, your body gets pumped with endorphins and oxytocin. That's why after a workout you always feel so much better. It's

it's not that I feel good because I worked out. No, your body chemically is being pushed with all the things you need to rejuvenate itself. So you'll feel tired, but you'll be in a better mood. That is true. I noticed that because usually for me, at least for me, the hardest part is getting started right. It's the mustering up the strength some days, having to talk myself into it, having to look at myself and say, okay, Kadeine, you know who is this person that you would love for

your body to look like? Like? Those are the things that try to get me into the gym. And then once the workout is over, I'm usually like, I'm so glad I did that because I feel that much better now. I'm glad you said that because it's important for what I'm about to read next. Remember when I told you, guys, I had that sports performance company called a Lead Prototype Athletics. All of these stats and I am about to point out I can tell you are true based on ten

years and over a thousand kids. Right. Studies show that kids who work out do better in school. Regular physical activity can help kids build empathy and leadership skills. The University of Florida reports that participation in sports help children develop self esteem and that girls who participate in sports develop increased confidence and have a healthier body image than

girls who don't participate in sports. As we transition from doing just football to football, basketball, softball, volleyball, track and field for both boys and girls, we noticed that all of our athletes who started with us had an increased g p A by the time they finished with us, all of them everything even were required to be in the programs. Absolutely we did in port car checks every third Friday in the month or the end of every

semester or trimester for the younger kids. But what we noticed was even the younger athletes who had a d h D issues or a d D issues who were on medication, after they started routinely coming to Prototype their parents who said, you know, we took him off the medication because he just showed so much greater focus. A lot more students performed better when they have workouts, either early in the morning or during school. But they took Jim out of the classroom and parents don't have any

time in the morning to train their kids. Are they still getting recess consistently. I know sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, depending on whether and stuff. But some kids, kids have to get up and move absolutely like they have to get the wiggles out. Well, I know a lot of school, especially in Brooklyn U recess was not a part of the school program anymore, and neither was Jim.

It wasn't mandatory, and it was kind of counterproductive because I know some some of the education people in education I talked to the border that said they took Jim out of schools because the competition. They felt like the competition was hurting kids self esteem if you're always the last person in gym. But I'm like, you're taking away

life lessons when you do that. You can't eliminate competition from children, and then as they become adults, try to hold them to a standard that you expect them the whole that it's not used that they're not used to. So for me, I feel like competition and physical activity teaches kids that if I'm not good at this, I

can routinely work at it to be better. Better. See what I'm saying is giving them a benchmark to be able to move or you know, to assess that um, at least when it comes to their peers too, for sure, And when it came to young women, my track girls and my volleyball girls, when I tell you, they definitely had higher self esteems. They walked around mainly because they

felt better. They were were talking about track athletes and volleyball affrics like that's how I like to train, to train a track and field athlete, to be honest, Because I noticed that they're lean, right, not usually not super bulky. Um, they're lean, you know. The posterior chain is typically built up and developed. Yes, the legs, you know. So that's what I'm I'm working on now. What I also noticed, too,

was the camaraderie. We hear so much about how young women are jealous and caddy and all this other stuff. These young ladies on these teams were like a family, true and every team has their riff. I don't want to make it seem like they were perfect, because even the football teams got their riffs and the basketball teams.

But these young ladies were a group. They came to the gym together, they traveled together, they brought in their report cards together, they competed together, they won together, they lost together. But I did see them all develop these

leadership qualities from from fourteen to eight team. When they graduated and then went off to college, I felt proud to watch them go off to college confidently you know about who they are as people, and they just I feel like sports and especially training and working out helps

everyone with them. Oh goodness. Aside from just the track and field and the teams that we had in there, we ran a program collectively married to the gym, where they were for adults for a lot of the moms who were in programs and stuff, and we developed really close. I mean, two of the moms from that program are

cats godmother godmothers now. Because we developed such a camaraderie and a and a closeness and a bond where it was just women mom even dads were exactly and we would just motivate each other and keep going, and having that group atmosphere was so so so beneficial, just not not only just for us to get through the workouts, but just to hold each other accountable, you know, having someone to help you push to get through that last rep, that last set. Um, those were some of the best

times that we had together, for sure. For sure. So let's move and get into nutrition, which is probably the bigger part of this family fitness that we're doing here. As the Vols sits back and says nutrition because he wants to his gummy beers and his cheese puffs at night. Yeah, man's it can't even lie. Yeah. But one thing developed to tell me, he said, you can afford to eat certain things and enjoy the things that you like in moderation if you work out hard, because the body is

still burning that workout. For me, though, if I'm looking to um, shed fat, build muscle, lose weight. UM, I don't look at the scale much whenever I am starting my journey. Stop looking at the scale, ladies and gentlemen. Scale is much like the devil a lie and um, I'm just not in the business of doing that. It's better, if anything, to measure inches and then see how you're

losing inches. So sometimes for me, it may be that jumpsuit, for example, that I want to get back into or to wear, and I'll just put it on and say, all right, this is this machine even getting past my hips today, and then noticing, okay, it's past my hips now can it zip? Can't quite zip? And then maybe another two or three weeks, Hi, she's zipping up. This a little puff and bulged, but she's zipping, and then eventually I know that I'll be able to wear this

confidently outside. Um. But typically trying to wake up in the morning generally I'm not a big morning person when it comes to eating, but I know that within the first hour of waking up you should try to consume something. So getting up in the morning preparing my breakfast, UM, I'm trying something different this time. It's carb cycling. So I'm going like, for example, for the first six weeks, um eating medium carbs and medium carbs meaning better carbs.

So I'm not eating the white rice, which I greatly creakly miss in my rice and peas um, but not really eating the white starches, dose breads, flour, things like that, and kind of replacing that with things like you know, a sweet potato or quenoa or um oatmeal, things like that, and then still because I'm breastfeeding, oatmeal is also really good to have in the mornings for breast milk production UM, and I can't severely cut too many of my carbs

now because of that, because I'm still trying to UM produce milk. So I know, once I'm done breastfeeding and once cold it gives me a break, then I can do it a little bit more strict if I needed to. UM. But my problem is that I never want to have to worry about doing a fat diet or cutting and crashing and doing things for like you know, four to eight weeks and then reacclimating to life and enjoying the things that I want to eat, and then the way it just comes back. So eating five to six times

a day UM is super important. So the way I try to space out my meals, which is difficult for me because I'm just not a heavy eater like that. So I'll get to the end of the day and be like, damn, I still have like a snack and a meal that I have to consume that I just don't want because I'm not hungry, but the body needs this replenishment in order to build that muscle, particularly in

the protein department. So I'm eating. For example, I'll give you an example in the in the morning for breakfast, I'll have you know, uh, five eggs worth of egg whites. So I'll just kind of separate my eggs and my egg whites. UM, throw some spinach up in a bit, you know, put a little onion bell peppers to make it taste good. Then drowned it in like sugar free catchup and saracha, just to get it down. Some days because it's hard, um, with a side bowl of maybe

say oatmeal, um, and then some berries on top. You know, that'll be and it's actually not that bad. It's not that bad. Or some days it will be turkey bacon with you know, um, eggs and stuff. I just try not to eat anything super processed too much if I can avoid it. UM. The key to it is trying to make sure that you're getting those protein sources from actual food. I do, though, if I'm in a rush, we'll grab a quick protein bar or after a workout.

Devo has told me taught me that a protein shake is pretty good because it gets to the body and the bloodstream quicker than if I had to wait for the food to be digested in the system. Um, so that's what I have for breakfast. I may have the protein bar or shake as a snack, or you know something a little thing of fruit, you know some you know, cold cuts, with a little salad or al tune in salad. Then I have my lunch, which is like a sensible meal.

So just make sure I have again heavy amounts of protein, having my vegetable, and then a minimal amount of starch or sometimes no starch. If I'm just not doing a car right in the morning, You'll make me some waffles are drizzle in syrup. And I think about that and just be like, I'll just oh, I'll just do two letter see see, sometimes I might no work like that because me and the two hundred birthies ain't seen each other.

So I'm like, you know, a girl, you know you're not about to go do the burpies, so go ahead and put that doughnut down. That's why. And I have the willpower to do that more than I have to do the burpies some days. So hey, everybody has to know what works for that exactly one little trick that I've been doing though that the kids have not picked

up on yet, y'all. And I feel like this is a mom like put a badge on me hack, because I'm like, okay, always finding ways to make sure that my children are not consuming too much sugar, but also trying to find the balance where they can live as kids, because I know my uncle usuld take me to the candy store back of the day and I would clear out,

you know. So I'm trying to balance between them enjoying themselves as kids having a little bit of sugar and not I recently found a really good sugar freeze theyrup so I told my mom was like, Okay, in the mornings with the kids, let's see if they don't know the difference if we swapped out the syrups. I know,

I know who who noticed. They did not notice, not even one child that would have noticed, cas because I tried cats with the sugar free catchup Jackson, actually all three of them, Jackson and Cairo ate their catch up with with whatever they had it with, and they completely did not know the difference. Kaz looked at me and he was like, Mommy, I don't like this kitchu. Mommy, this is not the right catchup. Of course it's the right catchup show. I showed him like the Hinds bottle,

and he literally looked at me. It was just like, I bit if you say so, but I'm not about to eat this ketchup. And cats, who normally will be scraping his plate for ketchup, had a whole globy ketchup still on his plate. So I was like, he's gonna be a tough one. My father tried that with us with the eater flakes. Back in the day. We got getter flakes one time, right, and we used to They used to take the frosted flakes and put it in the cereal container with the plastic joint. So one day

he brought out these ga flakes. It was in the gitta box, right, and we like gitta flakes. What is this? So we went to eat it and it was not good. It just it didn't have no sugar. It was just was terrible. So my father was like yeah. I was like, yo, this is nasty, and he was just like the same, don't eat it. Don't eat it. So then the next day you know that he got so mad, right because he told my mom. He told my mom that we

wouldn't notice. The next day he tried to be slick, took it out the gitta box and put it into the plastic game. Right. So we're eating it and we're like, yo, this is the ga flakes. He's like, it's not. No, it's not. This guy went in far has to go get a frosted flake box. As he lookes from the frosted flakes, I said, school, that's an old frosted flame box. Bro that was downstairs. And the cycles you're not you're not low. You'll do whatever you complete. People don't have.

I was like, the people who have don't have seal don't want to the flakes neither. That part that's like going to that's that's time. We went to the all inclusive resort in Mexico and they kept refilling the Appleton bottle with fakes and I knew it was not Appleton, and I'm like, y'all giving me this fake ass, cheap ass room and I know that's not that. Bring me the bottle of Appleton. Let me see because I know my Appleton. That's one thing I'm gonna do, is no

my run. What did that bottom look like? That bottle look like it was vintage, back from about nineteen sixty two, and they had that bottle they kept, they kept refilling that joint. I don't even think I've ever seen that label appletons on an appleton bottom ever in life. And I'm you know the tender age of thirty something is and I have never seen that before. So that's exactly what Coop did. The problem that scooped. He had y'all

see the flakes. To begin with, I didn't even let them kids see the bottle at all, because once you have, once you put that in their mind that they know that there's a bottle that's different, they're already gonna say that sugar. Here's the truth, man, I do think I have a sugar addiction. Like it's not really an addiction because when I have to go film and I cut my sugar, and can cut my sugar for three to

four weeks, which means it's not an addiction. But I love, Yes, I do have will power, but I love sugar, and it's bad that in my mind I'll be like, all right, I'll eat this pack of sour patch kids. But I'm a drink half a gallon of water or I'm gonna go run. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's what I tell myself. I know for a fact that that's not the best for my insides. Like I know that I shouldn't eat this much salt and eat this much sugar.

I know that. Okay, So for people who going to be like, wait, wait about your heart, what about this? I know that. That's why I work out so hard to help my body be able to defend those things. But I also I have a great wife who tends to shop in the direction of my health. She notices that I'm eating too much sugar and stuff. I'll notice. I'd be like, your ways the cookies, and she'd be like, you ain't getting no o cake m h. And that's accountable too, Like the same way he wants to hold

me accountable. When I say, Babe, I want to look like x y Z, He's like, Yeo, I gotta go film. I'm gonna have a sex scene. I'm gonna have to have my shirt off whatever it is. And I'm like, well, you're gonna look the best that you're about to look in this sex scene. Like that's what's gonna happen because I'm not about to have to send you out there looking at it as a reflection of me like him.

You see the gud love handles that loving like, No, I mean, you're gonna look the best version of yourself if I have something to say about it. And I appreciate you saying that, because, um, I do want to look good for you, like you know what I'm saying, Like I I want to come out the shower and have an eight pack, And have you been like, oh, there goes my husband. You know what I'm saying, Like for me, for me, that that's part of marriage, right.

Part of marriage is not only dating your spouse, but continuing to be the best version of your spouse, and your spouse can continuously be intrigued with who you are. You know what I'm saying, As much as my children need me as my my husband needs me as the woman that he fell in love with, it as his girlfriend,

like I'm trying to be girlfriend status life. And And the thing is, I appreciate you saying that because there's also a narrative that's saying, you know, you love me as I am, even if I choose not to do my best to be the best version of myself. Love me and this self loathing. That's not fair to your partner, right, Like, like you can't self loath, let yourself go whether you're a man or a woman, and just be like you have a responsibility to love me this way? Like who

wants to live with somebody like that? What? People? We all want to be of service to each other. Yes, I don't mind being of service to you, but I also want you to try your hardest to be the best version of yourself so we can live the longest, happiest life together. Me and cone I got to an argument with Cadee while she was pregnant. I didn't ask her to lift no weights and ask her to run. I said, can you just walk for twenty minutes every single day? And she was like why did I why

not to walk? And I was like, because be doing life together and if you die, I'm gonna fuck you up because we're supposed to do this together, which means we have a responsibility to each other to help each other live as long as possible. One of my aunts lost her lost, my my uncle passed away. My aunt Diane, my my uncle Dewey died in sleep and he was on heart medication. And one morning she woke up and I remember getting a phone call from my aunt from

from my mom. We were in the basements. She was like, you know, uncle, do we passed away? So we drove over to Aunt Diane's house, and all my Aunt Dianne kept saying was I'm so mad at you do. You promised not to leave me. And that stuck with me. You know what I'm saying because I was I was nineteen, I believe, and all I remember her was crying, was saying, you promised not to leave me. You promised, And to be fair, he did what most black men do. We we listened to our women, but we're not when it

comes to medicine and it comes to doctors. We don't trust doctors. We don't like going to hospitals. And we feel like we can self cure and heal everything, and sometimes we can't. You know, the best thing for us sometimes it's to go to the doctor. But you you can self cure and heal if you just work out continuously. So I told myself, I want to be here for my kids. I don't want my my kids to ever get that phone call that their dad is going. You know,

I had a couple of friends in college. You know, we were in school playing football, and you get a phone call someone so his dad passed away. A couple of my prototype kids, they're in middle school. You know, they come in. You know what I'm saying, It was the matter with you. Oh my dad died, And sometimes we were hearing stories of it being earlier, like forties. We lost a prototype mom to a heart attack in

her early forties. She woke up one morning, was on her way to work, was walking up the platform and get to the trains that she wasn't feeling well, so she decided to go back home. She called in to work and said, hey, I'm gonna just head back home. Went back home, said she's gonna take a nap. Her son walks in. Thirteen years old, son walks in, sees his mom sleeping on the couch. I didn't think nothing of it, Hey mom, no, no. I went to do his homework, went to get something that he came back,

she was still sitting there. He felt like something was wrong. Went to touch his mom and she was cold. And I'm thinking to myself, I don't want my sons to ever have that feeling, and I don't want to have that feeling. You know, wake up one morning and Codeine is not here anymore, you know. So we're constantly Codin and I are constantly on each other to be healthy, not just vain, but healthy so that we can be together as long as possible and live life. Yeah, that's

I feel like that's something that's in our control. So why not right how we're living. Other things we can't control. But if you can control at least moving that twenty minutes a day, move, y'all move the same way we're gonna move into this break. Wait, wait, before we do the break, Before we do the break, let me tell them real quick. Codeine and I don't train traditionally. When I'm in the gym, I'm not in the gym no longer than an hour. When I trained Candin, she's not

in the gym no longer than an hour. Everything we do is high intensity interval training. We super set, we do weights, and the cardio we do was more sprints than running. So, for example, if Codeine gets on the treadmill, she'll do She'll set the treadmill to maybe nine miles per hour. She'll do twenty seconds on forty seconds off for ten minutes. Then she'll put it up to ten miles per hour and go for ten seconds on fifty

seconds off. This way she can sprint that weight off as opposed to just jogging on the treadmill for half an hour to an hour, because that doesn't really help what she wants to build. We you know it's black. She wants, but hamstrings, calves, quad She wants to be thick but lean. You can't be thick and lean by running an hour a day. You have to do it the same way sprinters do it by lifting weights and

doing sprints. I do the same thing, not because I'm looking to be thick and lean, but as a as an athlete, I know that um explosive movements help me buke up while being leaned. So thirty seven years old, I don't want to be under the bench press doing to fifteen times like I'm playing football. It's bad for your joints. So I do my pushups, my pull ups, my medicine ball throws, I do a ton of sprinting, and I play basketball. I try my best to move every single day, even if my on my off days.

On my off days, I'll get on there and do some striders for twenty minutes. I'll get on a bike for twenty minutes, or I'll go play basketball for a half an hour an hour. But there's no day that goes by where I just sit on my ass and I tell Codeine, same thing got to be for you, even if it's not your workout day because you don't get on the bike, or she'll go out there and do a high incline walk on the treadmill for twenty minutes. So I just want to make you make it clear

to people exactly what we do. So when y'all see us, just say that's why they're so in shape. We're not a cyclical in shape family where we work out for three months and stop for three months. This is a lifestyle for us. It's a lifestyle and we were doing it before we had it in home Jim situations. So

it's me. I'll have seen that video with me in the staircase in our apartment back in Brooklyn after I had Cairo, so that's almost six years ago now, where I got my checkup, I was cleared by my doctor, that worked out again, and my ass was up and down the stairs in the apartment building we had six floors and devoured weight where we were on level four and I would just be going up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down the hallway.

So it's not down the hallways if you don't feel like you have it accessively in your house, so you have the place that you know is just right at your fingertips. Just find a way to move. And during a pandemic, we got a jump rope and before we even had the treadmill in the in the house in l A, we was in the backyard jumping rope, doing push up some purpose. It cost nothing. Find a way to move for twenty minutes today, ladies and gentlemen, can

we move now into the break? We can move down to the that's that we can move into the break. He likes breaks. That's just even in workouts, the minute before we even started the how long before we get a breath? Listen, you're gonna tell me my whole workout. Don't be trying to surprise me midway through and tell me I don't know how many reps you have. Tell me my whole workout so I can mentally prepare myself. That's my process. Don't knock me for it. My job

gets okay, Okay, all right, y'all, we'll be back. All right, we're back with listen to letters. Um, all right, do you want to go first? I will thank you so much first. I love you, guys, Black Live at its finest. Thank you both for being so transparent, sharing life and love with us. Appreciate you. Thank you. Okay. So, my daughters are eleven years old. Her dad is seven years older than I am. We started dating when I was nineteen and he was twenty six. Long story short, it

didn't work out. We dated a little over a year and then it ended for various reasons cheating, immaturity, lying, et cetera, but mostly because I wanted more and he didn't. Well. About two weeks after the breakup, I found out I was pregnant. I told him, right, I told him, and he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. I raised my daughter pretty much alone, with him only making appearances for birthdays and special occasions up until like

four years ago. For the last two years we've gotten closer and really developed a beautiful co parenting relationship and friendship. There's always been attraction and chemistry there, but we've always been We've always both been in other relationships, were now both single and decided to date to see where it goes. I was very hesitant because of my reasons. Can I trust him? Can I forgive him for leaving us? Will

he leave again? We have been dating for almost three months and I love him, but I don't feel the spark or butterflies. I don't feel like I'm going to fall in love. I feel like we're better just as friends and co parents. But I also wonder if I'm just scared to commit to him after we've been through so much, or should I really listen to my gut. I feel like if I was truly where I wanted to be, then I wouldn't know by now. Also, I don't know how to tell him we should just be friends.

I know it's crazy, but I don't want to hurt him. I know that he really cares for me and now wants to be with me. I don't want to lead him on what should I do? First of all, it says thank you for a well written paragraph that I was able to read with stations and stops, because I feel like it got the gist of the story you read this season. There, go ahead, I love that girl. Go with your guts. If it ain't there, it ain't there.

One thing I have learned is that there's certain things, particularly when it comes to relationships, that you just cannot will yourself into feeling. And if your gut is telling you this, now, I say, go with your gut. You may just be comfortable with that parenting, the co parenting situation and stuff like that, because that's just where you are. You he's coming around now, but you've already left. It's

okay that that has happened, you know. Um, But I am not one for forcing things when it comes to love. If it I gotta be honest. Um. I hate telling people like to not not try, so I want to say try. But one thing I will say about Codeine and I I don't have to try to have a spark with k Like I just love her, Like she just walks by and I'm like hello, you know, like, like who who is that? I've seen her all day

and the minute she walks by, It's like yes. So I I hope that everyone in life can find that person that does that for them, And even even when we're not getting along like and I'm not talking about a a lustful Hey, who is that a spark? Like that's my girl, you know, like cause because even when she's pregnant, when she's being a pain in the asked, when we're not talking, which is never too long, but even when she walks by, I just want to grab her and hug her up. So that, to me, is

is what's the difference. You know, when people say to me, like, what is it with you? And codein to me, there's there's nothing in me that says maybe I want to be somewhere else. I know where I want to be. Sometimes we can't agree on us being at the same point at the same time, or the level of which we're both engaged at that moment, But when I see her, it's just like, that's my person, Like I don't I don't want that. I don't want her to be with nobody else, and I want to be everything for her.

So if you don't feel that, you can't force that. There's no litigating that, there's no amount of therapy that can make you feel that about someone. That spark is important, that it's so important, and that's something you just cannot like will and muster up. Like I literally say every time, if that that that moment when people first meet, that first couple of months and everyone's just like so in love.

I'm like that feeling. If you can bottle that up, that spark, you know, it will be nice to have to take a swig of every now and again as your relationships continues. But that it's not It's not like that. And also, let let this be not a warning, but put us on notice for dudes like you have a good girl and you you love her, but you're not prepared, or you're not ready, and you treat her bad, or you do something to her those things that she don't forget.

You know. So now as you mature and you're like, wow, that perfect girl that I had, the one that I want to be with, let me go back to her. All the things that you've done are now a stain on her heart and her spirit. And it may be easy for you to say, well, let's move forward, but it may not be easy for her. And the thing, the spark may now be out because of his behavior, you know what I'm saying. So let this be a lesson to anybody who thinks they might have found the one,

but they hadn't found the right time. You know, time doesn't heal all wounds. Some wounds become tattoos, and now you're stuck with it because that person will never forget it. So now absolutely good luck to you since I hope you guys find a way to figure things out. Number two. Hello, I'm a happily divorced women with two sons seventeen and twelve. I got married super young, and things happened, and now we are divorced. My ex husband was and still is a great dad to our two sons. We cope well.

No courts are involved, just us in our agreements. My ex husband cheated, but I can admit I mentally left the relationship before he stepped out. He talked all of that. We talked all of that out and we are over that. My problem is I found out my ex husband was talking bad about me till my now seventeen year old for years. Wow. My ex husband gave my son a negative view of me based on my two year old self. I'm thirty eight. Now me and my son are not

as close as we should be. My son talks to his dad more and he feels like he can't tell me things because, as his dad told him, your mom blows up at everything. Question for K, how do you maintain individual bonds with your three children? Question for the vow why did my ex husband do that? I do not talk bad about him to our sons. What can I build? Um? How can I build a bond with my son to break the view my husband painted of me? Okay, well I can answer first. So yeah, I'm very deliberate

about having individual relationships with my boys. Um. It's easy to think, oh, you have four boys, now they're boys, you can just kind of lump them together and do everything together. But I'm very deliberate about taking time throughout the day. So this is a daily thing that I

practice daily throughout the day. I make sure that I take a moment with these child and it could be something as simple as having a quick conversation about what happened in school today, or just pulling them aside to say, hey baby, mommy loves you, give me kiss, or hey, I have you know two minutes I'm in my bed, I'll pull one of them in the bed with me and we'll just sit there for a couple of minutes and maybe watch a show like They're just those moments

that have to happen for me every single day with each child, and I think those moments in itself at least just let them know that Mommy is checked into you alone and not just you and all the brothers.

Then one thing the Devil and I have done recently is that now that if I say recently, because I'm re acclimating to life now having a new born and having another son, but I try to plan, at least, if not every month, every other just a designated time to take each child out, so, knowing what their interest is, taking the time to take them out, and I say out, because sometimes it's hard when you're in the house with other boys to just have that quiet time alone where

you're cut aside, you know, from everybody else, and you can just tap into each other one on one. If I can take them out to do something that they enjoy, I'll ask them, Hey, Mommy and Cayro date, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Mommy and Jackson time? What's up next? What are we doing?

You know, I don't play basketball, but I'll shoot some hoops with you outside, if that's what it means, or if it's just taking him to practice sometimes just to sit and watch practice, so that they feel like that mom is invested in each of their lives and in each of the things that they're invested in. Because I always want to try to stay connected. I know, as I get older and as they get older, and as even technology advances, there may be things that I can't

keep up with. But um I need to make sure that they understand that Mommy is tapped into the things that they're interested in. And I just genuinely want to learn more about my children. So and that's the way also to keep the lines of communication open and having them feel like, Okay, mommy. You know, she's gets on my back about you know, making my bed and sweeping the floors and doing my chores and being a you know, good young man. But she also too just cares about

who I am as a person. So and that's important for boys and their moms because we talk about this, um my mom growing up in our house, like me and my brother, though my mother was a lunatic, Like we just thought she was crazy because she was being a mom. But also moms have a different type of worried moms have they just handle things differently, especially when it comes to their sons, and Kenninian says this all

the time. Sometimes she has to lean on me because she's like, I've never been a boy, so I don't know what these kids are thinking. So when she's ready to lose it, she sometimes think like, let me just yeah, I've had to learn that recently. Yeah, but that brings me to her question. She asked, you know, why did my husband tell my son bad things about me? This is this is number one. Just because you don't like the things that he said, you have to ask yourself

if there is truth in that. And if y'all are co parenting and not living in the same house, he made be trying to explain to his son how to deal with you, and he can only do that based on what he's been through. So if y'all have been through some things, he only knows how to tell us on how to deal with you the way you were because that's when y'all were together. He doesn't live in

the house at this point. And the truth of the matter is we as parents dads sometimes explain to our sons how their mom is right and it's not always okay. For example, when Jackson was going through with school and used to come down and like spas on him with school, right, I used to say to him, like, Yo, you know your mom's is gonna spass, so why would you do x y Z. I'm not saying that you're you know, you have no reason to spas or trying to talk

bad about you. But you know what, the truth of the matter is, your mom is not as patient as me when it comes to certain things. She's constantly telling you the same thing over and over again. If you do it again, this is what's gonna happen. And sometimes for moms, they don't want to hear that the ad has said that, but sometimes we have to tell our

son is the truth. Your mom may be in a bad mood and she makes walk in the house in a bad mood, and you may do something that she don't like, and she's going to take that out on you. That's not always a you problem, that's her problem. You know what I'm saying, because as a mom, I can redmen times that I'm guilty of that sometimes and I'm just like or my approach may not be the right approach, or the approach may not be received well. Even though

the message is just a simple message. But but the thing is, we're all human, so we all have flaws, and I think sometimes moms fel up set like why did my husband point out my flaws? Well, your sons have to live with you, and I can't always just validate your behavior if your behavior is not always good. As a dad, sometimes I have to let my son know, hey, you're not crazy for feeling like this. Your mom might have blown up for that small thing, but let me

walk you through the process. And when this happens, and a lot of times I think moms take it personally and like why why would he say? Why will you do that? Because if you behave that way, I have to explain to my son why this happens. You know, I remember growing up in my house and me and my brother thinking like, why is my mom like this who goes into the closet, takes the plastic bag of clothes out, whips them open, throws them on the floor, and says, now clean this up, Like like why would

a mom do that? But then as you get older, like my my father did when we got to be of age fifteen sixteen, and say listen, listen, your mom deals with stuff and processes things differently than you and I and sometimes she's not going to be the kindest. But you have to learn to listen or regardless because

that's your mother. And as a young boy, it's kind of like, so she's crazy, is what you're saying, And I gotta deal with it because I live here, and sometimes it's a dad you like, yes, especially if I like if you live here, like I've I've told Jackson this, Yes, your mom crazy. I've definitely told You're mom is crazy. So and I totally you meet me, it's crazy too.

You met me, it's crazy too. But you know what drives them crazy when they have to repeat things over and over again because you don't listen the first time. We can we can eliminate all of the crazy if you would just listen the first time. Very true, but kids never exactly and sometimes moms act out because y'all want boys. Why would he do that? Like, like that's what you always ask me? Why meet me? Will be like, dude, stoves, why why are you walking the room? And I'm just

like mom with the boys. That mom, I would say, take your time, build a relationship with your boys. Understand that they're not gonna like you at all times, the same way they're not going to like their father at all times. And it's definitely gonna be ways. Yes, there's there's gonna be ways, especially when they get in that late teenage age. I've realized this. All teenagers hate, would you ever parents is parenting in that moment, So don't

take your personal mom. Whatever dad said and you said, if y'all y'all a co parenting willing get it. Whatever he said was probably trying to justify an action. And I'm pretty sure you don't realize that. You you probably do the same thing. You know, you know your father crazy. I know Codeine has told the boys on plenty occasion. I might not want to do that because if your father come home and and the boys no, I have my character floors too. We were at the basketball practice

and his coach goes, hey, Jackson, what's your sizes? He's like, oh, my dad knows my side. He's like, all right, I find out for me that. Jackson goes no, no no, no, no, no, don't don't call my dad. Call my mom. And he's like it goes like, why why I call your mom? He's like, my Dad's gonna forget. He just dot that's the character floor like I don't, I'm gonna forget. And if you tell me something, I'll put it off for later.

If if I don't think it's important, and I know, Kay will tell the boys, like you want to do that for real to bring that to me. Don't even tell your fault about that. I don't take it as a je I'll tell you it as hey, that's just something that I gotta learn to be better at or you just don't have to deal with because you got

me right, right. But the thing is they they co parenting, so when she's in the house by herself, she has to deal with all of that the difference between us, and that means that we're here together so they can bounce back and forth. So I mean, also she feels like her son is a mature seventh is she's seventeen now?

She said, if he's a mature seventeen where you feel like you can actually sit down and chat with him and say, hey, you know, something's happened between you and my dad, my dad and myself, your dad and myself rather um. But I was twenty two and I was still trying to figure things out. Like, imagine you five years from now having a challenge trying to figure things out,

Like that's how I felt in that moment. So I just really don't want that too, you know, continue to be a burden in our relationship because I was young and I was learning and I was figuring things out, you know. So good luck to you, sis, because I know what it's like wanting to have that relationship with your baby boys. I just wish. I wonder if she could have told us what he said exactly, because it's hard for me to say why he say that if I don't know what you know, she said he talked

badly about me. But talking badly could be your mom blows up at everything. Yeah, you know, like but I mean talking badly, your mom blows up at everything? Could be affect or it could be you know, your mom is a fucking bitch, don't like everything. But meanwhile he was like having a whole affair or something like why blow up? I want to know what was said so

that I can get for better advice. But hopefully girl send us a Part two sends a part to all right, y'all, if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters. Be sure to email us at dead ask Advice at gmail dot com. That's d e A d A s s A d v I c E. You know, I v v I c to whole thing. Let me try to again to one. D e A d A s A. Right, I got it. D e A d A s s A d v I c E at gmail dot com. Thank you, all right, Moment of truth time. Moment of truth time. This is gonna be for my lady's.

Do not let anybody dictate how you should look and feel about yourself. Don't let them do it. You deserve, whether you've had a baby or not, to be comfortable in the skin that you're in. Just make sure that you're considering the fact that you want to be healthy first and foremost from the inside out. So whatever that looks like for you, whatever regiment that you can develop to be able to stay on top of that, do it.

Everybody else what they have to say. If you don't like that little, you know, little piece of roll or that little fat, work it out. If working out and working for you, lipul suction that bitch, do what you gotta do to make yourself feel good. Because The way you feel about yourself is the way the world will receive you because that energy, it's something that you can't fake. All right, So do what works for you, says whatever that is, just do it safely. Literally do what you

gotta do. You know what I'm saying. Oh, I'm an advocate of people doing what makes them happy. I feel I feel you. Um. My moment of truth is this working out doesn't benefit you only outwardly. You know, people think that people who are just working out just want to look good, to have six backs. Note, I want to feel good. Um. I want to constantly test myself and I want to instill discipline in myself and my

entire family. Like I want to build a team around me with the people I live with that if we got to go to war, I know I can trust these people. And you know you can trust people when you work out together. So I just I just employ you. If you are a husband or a wife and you have a family, get the whole family up together, the kids, the spouse, get moving work together because you'll be surprised the camaraderie you built. Because teamwork makes the dream work.

I love that because stuff that was so poetic nice ending to the episode today, But before we let you go, be sure to follow us on social media, take your phones out, do what you gotta do. If you're not following dead as the podcast yet, please do so. And Cadine I am and I am devout, And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be sure to wait, review, and

subscribe and get your ass moving. Dead as dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing