Game Night! with Kid Fury

important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead As is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts right now. So you know, I was thinking

this time around for this show. You know, it'll be cool to do something kind of laid back. It's an evening session. Um. You know, game night is typically my thing to do when we get together with our friends, our homies. So I was typical, right right, that's the only thing missing from the scenario right now. But you know what, I don't even need no alcohol, you know, because our guest today is so lit that he's a whole ass drinking itself right. What you think? What you think?

So today we have a special guest on this show, someone whose personality is so big that we we couldn't just you know, ask him questions to do a corny ask interview. We gotta switch it up for y'all so that we can bring the fullness of that who is Kid Fury? To dead ass? All right? How y'all feeling

about that? So, so, if you're not familiar, if you've been under like a whole last rock for mad long, Kid Fury is a comedian and co host of the wildly popular podcast The Read along with Crystal West, the first podcast to ever put put us out. I got a few words shot a fact. The podcast features a queer black perspective on pop culture, politics, life, advice, everything in between, which has helped establish a cult following. All right, So Kid is known for his witty commentary, uh your

quick responses to current issues. So today our producers put together a cool little game night for us. What's up? Kid, I'm so happy to see your face, even if it's just virtually, I'm so happy to do I love seeing do literally anything. You know. I've been such a big fan of y'all for such a long time, so whenever you call all either like, I want to say you're a Day one, that you've been a Day one since before.

I think before I had a hundred thousand followers. I remember, Um, when I started posting more consistently, people was like, yo, the Read shouted y'all out, and I was like the Read and it was like, yo, it's a podcast. And at this time, I hadn't even known what the podcast was. This was going into two eighteen. It was going into two eighteen, and I was like, you know, I was like,

I don't know what the podcast is. And then you asked us to come on the podcast, and um, we went on the podcast and I was like, Yo, this is wow. Like I had no idea all of this existed, but you mentioned us, and my following just started to grow, people coming look at my videos. But we appreciate you bro to Read for even giving us that platform. No, I promise you, I literally think about you all the time. You know, I sent you a little DM every now and again to be like, bro, I just appreciate you.

I'm checking on you because I really feel like you guys kind of paved the way for us. Absolutely for sure. So y'all been doing a damn thing. We're proud of you. Yeah, because you got some things going to though, you got some things going to Um, you just a litied the deal with Easter. He was talking to you. Talk a little bit about it. Talk a little bit about comedy album,

talk about it. Yeah. Um. So Issa has a record label called The Radio, and she's also just been one of those creators that's been incredibly supportive, like forever and ever, um, and so she approached us, uh maybe it was definitely before the pandemic ship and she was like, listen, I love to do it like a comedy album with you guys. And we sat down with her and uh Manoni her partner over at the Radio, and started conceptualizing some stuff and we started recording. We have a lot more stuff

to to do for it. It's gonna be a very interesting and unique project more than just comedy. I don't want to say it too much because I don't know if I can, but it's Um, it's been a lot of fun so far and got a lot more to work on for it, so hopefully we'll be out soon, I think for shooting for this year or something that

does feel good. Does it feel good to have your hands in a different part other than the podcast, because I know that you have a wealth of talent, So how does it feels to be doing something different outside of the podcast? Realm um? Oh no, It's almost like it's like like a meal that you really like, but someone else prepared for you and you're just like, I know, I really like wings, but let me see what you know,

what the flavor it is that you've got. Like it's it's familiar, but it's also really exciting because the format is new and the way that we're building it is new, and we have like new perspective and stuff from the radio team. So it's exciting because it's like what we have been doing, but in a fun new way with

the resources and stuff. So I'm excited. So it's it's cool to see uh, millennials be successful and then broaden the horizon on what they can do to be successful because now I hear parents, you know, parents will say what you want to be when you grew up a influencer, a podcaster, and then a YouTube and kids are like, yes, they make like a lot of money. Like that's like a legitimate living out there, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,

So it's good to see you guys that. Yeah, because I remember being like when I was starting out on YouTube at like nineteen or something like that, and I'm living in my jamaking ass household and trying to explain to my parents. My mother was always like I don't get it, but I see you have passion, so like I get it. I'll support you. And my father was like he had more questions, what is YouTube? How is

this sustainable? Art? Sure? And I had to like back it up, you know what I mean, Like I had to really put in the work and back it up. And finally when stuff started off, now you know what I mean, I feel like there are more like the generation after us, We'll likely have more people that be like, yeah, I completely understand why you would want to make money

on social media or you Yeah, I guarantee you. They're going to have college courses on youtubing, on podcast on influencing, I guarantee it, and they they're probably gonna do case studies on like you guys if this is where they started and this is what they did, because they have to find a way first to monetize what we create. So they're going to monetize and make it seem like they created and say these were the first YouTubers and

has a formula. However, meanwhile, we was over here winging it out here, winging ship, and it's like throw it up? Is it stuck? Great? All right? That works? That works, But I feel you want that kid? My My father is still to this day is be like, so who exactly does write your chick? Is it you too? Who's who? Who exactly is YouTube? So yeah, I get it. I got all of those same questions too, and I answer them and then they forget. But they know that I'm

not calling them and asking them for money. So I feel like that we ain't homeless definitely, right. In fact, I pitch every now and then I might actually, you know, help out where I can for something. Okay, alright, so today we're gonna do something a little fun. Our producers were trying to rock their brains to figure out what can we do that's fun with coild fury. I'm nervous. Are you nervous? Yes? Because the Nora and Trouble put this together, so we have no idea. We don't know what.

We have no idea, so excluse us in advance, because we don't really know what we're about to jump into. They decided to put together a fish bowl of questions for us to choose at random, and each of us will get a chance to answer if the question applies. Okay, and they might have been drinking over here now that I think about it, because my wine rack is looking very big, so they might have been drinking. So I apologize in advance. We're not responsible for what's in this

bowl right here. They asked me before if any question was off limits. Not said all right now, So Div's gonna go first, because chances are if we were at actual game night in person, you and I would be on the same team, because clearly we dressed alike. And that was not planned, y'all. That was not planning, down to the hat. So I'm feeling set up. I totally

wouldn't not. I don't know what's in here. I promise you what Trouple said, everybody got to answer the question yes, everyone, whatever, Okay, you're trying. I was trying to make a team. I go from the strongest links. So here we the first one. He needs to be at home board. Name a sexual position or fantasy that you will never try or do. Oh, position, fantasy, sexual position or fantasy. So I know I will never do because my sexual partner won't let me do it

because it was a fantasy or something. I'm asking, Is that what it is? Trouble sexual? Okay, so boom right. So here goes a sexual fantasy that I will never do. Um again, I will never do because on French UM, I would like to have a threesome again, but I know we can't do it now because we're married. We did in college. I'm gonna put it out there. I gonna put it out there. We didn't in college. We didn't in college, but we were not married at that time.

So now that we're married, Kadan completely put the kabash on that, so I know it's never gonna happen again. Oh damn, I'm blushing. Guy. I was actually thinking threesomes for around the same reason. I feel like, but I totally get that though, Like I feel like that's something especially if I find my person and I'm comfortable like prior to like lifelong, like when we're early on and we're kind of like getting to know each other and like experiments together, I could see like getting that out

of our system. And when it's lockdown, it's locked your memory and your imagination exactly. We can recall the time, we can reminisce on that time we had. But then again with me, I don't know if this is a well fantasy. Yes'm I'm with you on the three someomething, But in terms of a position, I just that there's a there's a entry way that I just rather not entertain anymore. So yeah, that's that's where I have no choice. That's just what it is. I'm just like, you know,

kids exit only she completely put the kabash on that too. Yeah. I just we tried it. We tried it. I think one time when you was drunk, and even in her drunkness, she was like, she was like really quick. I was like listening, like, no, I just that's just one hole that will not entertain. You threw it a question away, all right, I'll pick down. You know, It's just one of those things, bro, this is a whole other one right there. I mean, you know what I mean, you

got options, but I like that one, all right? So then we live. We agree on that, we agree on that tell us an embarrassing shitting or farting story at one What was going on with this team of ours that want me to go for one? So the shifting one I may have talked about in my podcast before, but it was like I think it was in first grade, and I like it was just terrible Miami Dade County Public School line. Like it was like cheap pizza and chocolate milk. Someone was like, oh, you gotta be up,

and I just like pizza. I literally had to call my mom off work to come or whatever. It was a nightmare. Um. And then the farting one, unfortunately was as an adult. I was just gassy on a flight from l A to New York. But I was also like a sleep but like my fart kept waking me. And at once one point, like the fart that woked me up, like like I just woke up and I saw the woman sitting next to me, who was like a young black girl sitting next to me, was like

cracking up. I think at that point I have been ripping them probably a while, but I woke up to her just like losing it, and I didn't even apologize, Like what do you want me to do at that point? You know, you have nowhere to go. You can't even exit at that point, You're just stuck. Oh my god, smell bad. But sometimes the sound effects are worse than the smell. You know, Yeah, I got what do you want to go with your shooting story? First? Good? Okay,

I'll go the first left song. So, so I was on my way to Long Island to do makeup for a wedding, right, and got up that morning and with me, sometimes it's like a hit or miss thing when it comes. So coffee. Coffee can sometimes like send me all the way to the toilet or I'm I'm fine. Right. So this particular morning, um coming off of like a night of having like mad food, Like my grandmother came and cook, so I had like ox stir rice and piece this that.

Normally in the morning, I'll get up and I'll poop and I'll be on my merry way. This particular morning, there was no poop. Fine, So I'm on my way to this client's house and I am about maybe twenty minutes shy of reaching her house, and I'm feeling it kicking, and it's kicking into the point where it's just like damn, like I'm turtle heading at this point now, right, turtle heading to the point where I'm like this this may

not I may not last the twenty minutes. But then I also felt like it was one of them ships that was gonna come from like my spine. Right, So I was like, if I go to this girl's house and shipped at her house and like, say, there's like a toilet issue where it doesn't flush properly, then I'm gonna be mad embarrassed. Right. So I'm about ten minutes out and I'm like, I can't do this no more.

Some i'thing in my mom's car. My mom having mad ship in her car, right, So I pull over on the side of the highway and it was kind of on a bend where I exited, right, So I pulled over and I'm like searching the back of her car or whatever. So I found a gallon size zip bag. I saw on the gallon side zip bag and she had like she had some like random like ship in it. So I was like, I'm about to shoot in it.

So I turned the zip blog bag out, went to the side of the car, opened the passenger door, and I I pulled my pants down and I shipped in this. It's my bag. Okay, this is the woman I married, y'all. But I did not. I did not think, oh, I'm about to shoot. I need tissue at the same side, right, I can't believe I'm telling you all this. So at this point now because I took a ship in the zip blog bag, and then now I'm like, I gotta wipe myself, Like I can't go to this person's house

with a shitty ass crack, right, I can't. It's gonna be itching and stinking. I'm gonna be there doing makeup for like six people. So of course I look at my mom's car and all this ship she got in there. There's no tissue. So a bitch took her sock off, and I wiped my ass with my sock. Yo, yo,

you are savage, Joe. My wife is. I don't think I've ever told the ass with a sock took off my other sock for a second white because you know, you can't just wipe one time, and I just put everything in the ziplot bag and I threw it into the bushes and then I went on my memory way. But the relief that I felt after that, yeah, I'm never I've never heard this whole story. The relief that I felt after that with second to none. You I don't understand how quick thinking you know what I'm saying, Like,

I actually commend that was quick on your ear. Talk about being being in a pinch. Yeah, I was in the pinch. So all the that I got the job done, I took a ship. I felt better. I got to her house. I felt like a legit ten pounds lighter, And of course I washed my hands and a stuff. When we're about that part wash my hands and all that and my mery way, Okay, shitty, sorry, y'all. That was we were getting really like they learned a lot about questions, had a three sim in college, and now

you're just shipping on the side of the roll. What is going on? I'm just imagining the poor person that's cleaning the side of the highway. I'm glad that, Like, what really did you put the sock in the bath? I figured I might as well contain everything, and just like because then like I just like, how am I going to like take a bag of ship back in the car with me and then right with it somewhere like that looks bad? That was bad that. I'm sorry guys that I'm not ashamed of you. I had to

do what happened? Did you did what? The other option was take a ship at her house and clog her toilet, or shipped on myself and just not do the job. So you got the money, though, you got to the bad baby right, well, at least, I mean your your story when you were a child, Okay, you know you, um my story I was grown as adult. Um I was. I had just got to the Lions. I was going in from my tryout, and I was nervous, so my stomach was like rumbling, like I'm like sweating, like rumbling.

So the coaches up there talking and giving his speech about could be a part of the lines you know everybody's rob rob. My stomach is killing me. So in the middle of the speech, I'm like, yo, I go to the bathroom. So he's just like yeah. So I run to the bathroom and I picked the toilet, right, I going picking the toilet, I go sit down, I go to sit down on the toilet. I realized that

there's no toilet bowl cover. So now I'm turtle heading, like kay describe, I'm turtle heading, right, And I go to put the toilet paper cover on there, and when I go to sit down, it falls into toilet. So now you know how when you're about to go to the bathroom, it gets closer and closer and closer. So

now it's like about to come out. I turned around to get another piece of the toilet paper cover, and when I turned to put it down on the toilet paper explosion all over the door, all over the toilet paper holder. It's like just ship everywhere. So and I'm like oh, because I'm like yo, like I'm at the Lion's facility, like this is my dream, and this ship all over the thing. So then I didn't know what

to do. I don't know how to start cleaning it up, right, So then I hear people about to come into the bathroom, so I just leave and I go into the next store. So I go into the next store, and I finished using the bathroom right, and I heard, you know, I'm just like you know, I'm like here people going going to the store, going to the or. So then I come out the store and the dude it goes in. He's like yo. So then I didn't know what to do, so I just act like I was shocked like he was.

So when he opened and I was like, yo, who dad si, And he didn't think it was me because he just seen me come out this store. So I was like, yo, this is a yo, straight acting. So he's like yo, these rookies coming here, and I'm like this fucking that's disgusting. Whoever did that has no self respect? This is wrong. You want me to go get somebody.

He's like, yeah, go get the janitor. So I ran got the janitor and I made sure the janitor leeward was my me, and then they was in there and cleaning up, and then I just went and went back into the meeting. It was just kind of like but it was it was like it was like a like a ship tied eye all over the doors. Yeah, least I contained my ship and the ziplock bad. You had ships smeared all over these people, and you know, the nervous the nervous ships. The nervous ship. To me, that question,

y'all s for that, y'all messed up for that. I would have never thought like it's like they new that's what they want ourselves. They can't get no more worse than shitty and threesomes in college. I mean, listen at this rate, never same ever true or false? The size of the hands tell you about the size of the penis. I wouldn't know because I don't. I don't I don't shake hands and then look at penises. That would be

a woman question. I look at penises and and stuff like that, but it's hard to get like a gauge. I mean, I haven't seen many penises in my life, unfortunately, um to be able to tell. But I don't know. What do you think kids? Is that true or false? I've never taken the time to give a damn like a little surprise to compare the right, Like, first of all, they just scientifically can't be accurate. But like you never,

I don't necessarily know that. I want to be like, oh, this must mean that saying something for the imagination, he's surprised. You know, find out what you're gonna get when you get there. But why not to do all the measuring versus hands and stuff like that, and then you have a nigga with like King Kong hands and like a toy story penis, and then you're like all mad at what the internet? Right? Are you mad at? Like the Old Wives tale? Then you set yourself from disappointed and

then what does that look like? Like a King Kong hand, like holding a toy story penis? That must be a little off putting too. I mean I was just like gauge looking at like you know, when Gray sweats Pants season comes in, and you know you kind of like you pair hands to penis. Thought no, I wouldn't say I do that too, And then it's kind of like a false equivalence at that point, because it's like a penis and sweatpants just walking around versus like an erect penis,

like two different things, you know what I mean? Some people growers, some people are growers, and some people are just like what swellers. I don't know what what category does that go into? I don't know. I think people would look at me weird if if I was giving people my ideas on the plethors of penises. That's just not mine. That's not it's not my it's not my foe tail Like I don't meet man and be like, hey, hand shake, let me see what you're in the locker

room or whatever. Like was there ever like somebody that you walk past and you're just like WHOA, But well, I mean I wouldn't even even if you did in passing, like in the locker room saying I don't think a nigger would be like but his hands that's like, that's a perfect example. That's that's a perfect example. You never

see a man because in the locker room. Of course, dudes be naked in the locker room, but like you said, you never look at the dude and see his penis and then be like, let me see if his hands match.

That's just because if you're a Peter Gazer in the locker room, don't nobody like a Peter Gazer, Like nobody just wants you staring at my penis, Okay, not to stare, but say, for example, just because you've been in the locker room with men, for example, and has there ever been somebody that you're just like, WHOA, I didn't expect for him to like have that, you know what I mean, like eiven him have like a really large quinness or like that is that is that is a different that's

a completely different question. But um, but if you did, if you did feel that way, what would it be based on hands, attitude or just like the size of the guy, or like a shorter guy having a bigger dick versus like a really big dude that you thought would have a big dig and he don't. Here here's the truth. As a head of a sexual man, when you walk into the locker room, you're not even looking to compare penises. That's not even my that's not even

my thing. Like, I'm not into penises, So I I legitimately don't walk around and saying like let me see who's you know what I'm saying. But but as a homosexual man, it's also like not there's not like a I okay, I would say if anything that I can think of it, there's anything that might you might like attribute size to in terms of presentation outside of nudity.

It might be like big dick energy like that, just maybe an energy that you get from someone that's like we talked about that, We talk about that all the time. It's just a confidence that he exudes that he's just like he thinks he's all that because he knows he has a big dick that I'm about to say, because Donald Trump. Donald Trump exudes someone who thinks he has

a big dig but we ain't gonna know. But then sometimes you're like, oh, I ain't got a little dick because he's just because you know, little man complex, little man complex. But then you got big dig energy. Sometimes they you know, they're not mutually exclusive. And then people

don't be delusional. It's too so it's just light man like you think you must think you be packing because I know my some of my girlfriends have said that they've been let down from somebody who they thought was talking to all the talk, that they had, all this stuff, and then they got to doing to do and they've been severely disappointed. So don't set yourself up a disappointment. That's the lesson here. Don't look at hand, don't look at hands. Hands are for shaking. Okay, have you ever

thought a friend's kid was ugly? I'm answering this questions friendships. Y'all y'all gonna mess up friends. Okay, so maybe maybe not. Can we can we alter it a bit and just say, like, have you seen a child that you thought was ugly? Maybe that's not what the question is you have to answer the question. Luckily, my friends are cute, so I don't I don't want to say that. I don't think

I have had any friends whose kids are ugly. I mean, you know, sometimes in that newborn phase, the kids might look a little like alien ish or like, you know, when they have to kind of grow into theirselfs, they look kind of really really skinny slim, so they have to kind of plump up a bit. So, you know, I feel like it takes a baby like three months to cook right, to look outside the bomb, to settle into their So I mean, so that means which one of your friends got a ugly baby? It's not what

the question. I didn't say which one they asked you ever thought? So, this is my thing. I don't think everybody is attractive. I don't babies and in adults. I

don't think every human I see is attractive. So when people who I don't think are attractive mate with other people who I don't think are attractive, and then they have babies, you know, I'm not the type of persons won't be like, oh, I'm gonna just be like I'm glad the baby's health from Yeah, tell me you've never been able to people to have I have known to want to attract people to have really cute babies, and I don't know how it's uh, And I feel like

maybe they don't stay cute like I think once they like hit puberty or whatever, it's like, oh there, like sometimes they but like I don't think I have friends that have kids I don't think are cute. But I have known people that I would not call friends that have had kids that I don't think are you don't just said you don't blame the child. Thank you, you don't blame the child. Just say you don't hang out with ugly people. Though yes I wouldn't, they wouldn't really

roll in those circles. But I do agree with you kids. I've seen some people, like even just in pageant days when I used to compete back in the day, I would see a girl on stage like a beautiful girl, and then you see her parents and you're just like, WHOA, how did they make her a? And B is that going to be her future? She could be scary for somebody, you know what I mean? So I would tread lightly if I was somebody pursuing like they say showed me

the person's mother, showed me the person's father. That might be an indicator of what you have to look forward to decades from now. I'll also say this, the unattractiveness also comes with facial expressions. If people like some people walking around with like a scowl, you know, like they just they just you know, like what you think like that for you know what they just mean, you know,

just mean scowl and they just look ugly. And then you see their kids and their kids smile and you're like, oh, you know, you look like facial oppressions and the way that you choose that hold your face like that passes down. It's not like kids will hold their face the same way you choose to. I don't know why. So if you make your that is true. Because when one of my aunts in law was pregnant, she was just was not the most pleasant person to be around. She just

always seemed really unhappy. She was like always scowling, and everyone would just like, you know, you know, smile, smile, and she'll be like, you know, and then the baby came out looking just like her, scowling the entire time, and it was like, I remember, my grandmother is saying a lot of his mercy, we have to go smile for this baby. Smile for this baby, because it's like now the baby's out. Let's hope that the energy transfers from smiling. Have your whole family wondering on who you

talk about right now? You know she grown out, but she's so a kid. What happened at one time? You got way too drunk or high? How long can we do the show today? Okay? Lately? All right? So the last time I was drunk high, I um for whatever reason, I was like, I want to tweet something really positive and inspirational. And I tried to do that, but apparently it sounded very morbid because I was just like life is short and it's very hard pushed through you got it.

I don't remember what that profound sat right, but I thought like, yeah, I've touched someone today. And then I got like sticks back to bad calls from friends and family that were like, are you okay? I got text messages from like like co workers, peers, people I'm inspired by that were like, you mean so much to the community, don't do it? And I was and I'm drunk off my answering like what why is everybody calling me, and finally I realized that everybody thought that I'd like, you

need a suicide note? Are you kidding? One? This was like three weeks ago. Still there, I got to go see what this note is? How long ago was it? Yesterday? We love you. Usually when I'm like really fucked up, I either like say a joke that's stupid, or I fight or I scream help uncontrollably. I love that. So this one time Deval and I I knew he's gonna

tell the story, which about the brownie. Okay, so you know, I'm not like heavy and like the smoking part of it, but it's like give me a little something that I can eat and you know, partaking, and I'll do it. Right. So this one particular time, we were at a friend's house and this this particular friend and her husband. They have five children, right, we had our three boys at the house. So we're chilling, we're barbecue and having a good time or whatever. So you know, our friend goes

and just like yo, um, I got this brownie. Though, I got this brownie. So I was like, okay, so I kid you not. The piece of the brownie was like mad little It was like small like this, you know. So I was like, oh, okay, whatever, no big deal. So Deval and I both took a piece of the brownie. I should have known something was that when they didn't eat the brownie, they just gave it to us. So it was almost like some experimental ship that it was just like, oh, I'm gonna see obviously, how funked up

I can get these niggs over here. Because so we ate the brownie and me being like I was like, 't that brownie bodied it? Brownie ain't do ship good. I was like, did I get your weight? Because I saw at one point his eyes looked a little glossy or whatever else. You'll get your weight. I was smoking the pin before that. I was smoking, and that's how we ended up getting to the brownie cause I was like, man, this pen really ain't doing nothing for me. And he's like,

I got something a little more. Then he got the brownie. When he got the brownie, so I see he's a little glossy or whatever, I was like, don't worry, babe, I got you to know. If anything, I'll drive home, you know, enjoy yourself. You know, I got I got

the kids. So then we proceeded to go into the backyard just to kind of get some fresh air, and Dival and I were literally sitting side by side alongside each other, like like shoulder the shoulder, like hands in our laps, and then all of a sudden, everything just was like moving in slow motion. So imagine eight kids kids at one time on the deck. Mommy, daddy, why do you look like? Everything was in't like slow motion?

And it was dragged out, and I remember my friends saying, are you like It was just like I was in some sort of trence. I could hear my heart beat. I thought I was gonna die. I could hear my heartbeat coming out of my chest. So I was like, I gotta go lay down. Me and K went to go lay down, and I took the brownie first, and then you know, you took the brownie first. You took

the brownie first, and then I took the brownie. We go to lay down, and then finally we get up and we're like, yo, we gotta drive the kids home back home. And it was like a panic for a second, but then I was but then I was convincing myself like, oh, I'm good, Like I'm good. I was like this is mental, Like you can't give me no brownie thing that's gonna

take me out all night. I was like, I'm I'm good, so and listen, I do not we do not condone driving under the influence or while in toxic for anybody trying to show up to my children. But we had three kids, and we had to get back home exactly. And this was like at least two hours later because we slept and everything. And I got up and I was like, good, so let's go. We get in the car, kid, and I kid, you not codem thought she was moving. She's like, I'm gonna get us home, right. She thought

she was moving right. We're on the highway right, and she's like she's blinking a lot, and she's like it's like, I'm I'm going straight right, I'm going straight right, I'm going straight right. I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, I'm going I'm going to speed limit right, She's going fifteen miles p our kids fifteen. But I was so afraid that I was just like, yeah, baby, going to

speed limit. She didn't go no faster. It took us forever to get home, and she in the middle lane because she don't want to draw no attention doing fifteen miles per hour on the highway. Cars is flying by us, honking, and she's just like, she's like, why the honking. I'm like the baby, don't worry about them and focus focus. She drove straight fifteen miles per hour from there all the way home, and and in my mind I was

completely fine. But I guess like the mind over matters ship did not apply in this, and I didn't want to alert her because if I was mad calm, he was like, you got this, baby guy. So I thought I was good because I was like, here he was telling me I'm good. I feel like I'm good, and I just was not good apparently, but prayed the entire way like, Lord, I will never eat another brownie from these people ever again. And that's the last time. That's the last time we ever ever did an edible wheel.

What was your wackiest sexual experience? M hm hmm, wackiest sexual experience? I got one, and this is in this is in no way to be racially divisive, but I just I don't understand why you're laughing. But I had sex with the white girl and it was like it was like a porn because she was just doing a lot of like groaning and saying things. But it just wasn't like hitting the way she expected it to hit,

you know. It was just like yeah, yeah, yeah, And I was just and I was kind of like the soundtrack, Yeah, it was like yeah yeah, And it was kind of turning me off, like it was you know, you know how you ever said somebody's turning you off. So I know for a fact that I wasn't even like hitting it like that because I was turned off. But she was like oh no, and I was just like all right, all right, I'm I'm done. So I ended up like faking like organs and I was like, oh, okay, got

to go. And I got out of there, and I was like, yeah, that might be that might be the last time might ever do anything like that. Like I just and I'm not trying to be racially divide, but this is why that was like your white girl spirits. Yes. I was always kind of like, I'm I'm good with this, You're good. Yes, I'm gonna stick with my women of color because it's just a little bit more there, you know, a little bit more spice. You know. It was pretty better. Yeah,

you know what I'm saying. It was more authentic. Yeah. Also, like the cheetens, the cheecken wasn't there. She didn't have like the over ask. Yeah, I like when the ass hit the lower back when you hit it and they'd be like specks. It wasn't there. There was no splicet so there was. When she bent over, it was just like two hit bones in my pelvis. That didn't feel good either. So I was kind of like, damn, I can't do to no ask. That was a whole turn off.

She did, but I tried it because my homeboy, my homeboys in college, was like, yo, if you fuck a girl with no ass, you get more, You get to feel more because you don't chick that guy ass. Sometimes they asked just be black, right, So because I had asked, Now, this is the funny thing is the whole conversation happened in the locker room, right. The white boys was asking us like, man, how do you like these girls with these you know, these big butts, like these black with

these big butts. And I was just like, what do you mean? And they were just like, yeah, you know, it's just too much. You know, I'd rather have a little tight, but you know, and I was like, why, it's like you get more, you get to feel more. So I ain't gonna lie. I was young. I was like, I want to try and see what they are, what they're talking about. It just was not for me, Like I like the SPCE, this is why our food tasted different. Thing,

we just do things different. That's okay, we do things different. And oh, how the white tables have turned? How many white boys still saving see that? They don't say that no more because you see them now. You see them now, like because in college we're talking about two thousand and three. I was eighteen. That hasn't one two thousand three, two thousand four vibe. That's like that early New Line cinema. You're right, that's when Cameron Diaz the most beautiful woman, Angela,

Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Anderston. Yeah, that's what they were into. Is it's not like the animal. Oh my god, that's hilarious. I don't know that I've ever had like a super whack one. I think they probably the wackiest experience once was problem that like the first thing comes to mind was like after a night at the club with an X mine I was mad at the nigger for some reason and still decided to have sex, and so I sort of just let it happen while hating him the

whole time and also sort of like fake. And then you know, the nigger didn't want to leave, like refused to be like no no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, oh yeah, I hear you. I don't think I've had a wax sexual experience. I mean, probably the wackiest one I've ever had was like just losing my virginity to think about that, Like nobody, like neither of us knew what the hell we were doing, and it was just awkward.

I was. So it was just like that awkwardness of like, first of all, running through your mind, shouldn't even be doing this, Oh my god, my mom is probably at the door. Like there's just so many things that go through your head. You feel guilty, you feel like I should be waiting for marriage, I'm going to go to hell, and then being conflicted with like, but I really like this guy and he don't really know what he's doing and he's nervous. So that was probably the wackiest one.

I'm sure most people who've had their you know, virginity stories probably been like that ship was like the worst, but like, yeah, my virginity, My virginity story was pretty wack too. But it also makes me think, like now it was an adult, I wish it would have been with a more mature, older woman who knew what she was doing. So I knew what I was doing. I had no clue what I was doing. I just washed a bunch of porn and it was just like, there goes that cousins told me what to do. Your cousin.

My cousins told me. They told me what to do, and then it was over. And about I say, about twenty six seconds that first time you get up in there, boy boy, oh my god, it's the whole New world. You're like, wow, Wow, this is what black people used to cure all illnesses and diseases. Ginger Real Tussing Robot, that was my second one, Tussing, Robert Tussing. I was gonna say, saltee or vix vix, saltine crackers. The price is right, ginger Real Robot, here we go. You can

cure anything that's a fag. And if you're a Jamaican or from a West Indian household, you could throw some bush tea in there. Well, eucalyptus on. Honey, there you go. Your mother with the eucalypt was that the eucalyptus up this oil. So we had COVID earlier in the year. You know what her mother had us doing sniffing eucalypt this oil over hot hot water and lemon and orange peels. It worked. God, you know, Thank God. I don't believe

COVID even touched my parents doorstep at any time. Every time I would call them, my mother is in the kitchen boiling some herbs and spices or whatever, and with the towel, you come up there sweating like this. And after that I started doing like poor extractions. I was like, this is a whole facially one. You might as well the time take advantage of the town. Yeah, that's a fact. Oh my goodness. All right, kids, you're gonna stick around with us. We're gonna take a quick break, get into

some listening letters after we paid some bills. All right, so we're back, and I have a quick question about listening letters. Y'all do listening to letters on y'all show, right, yep, every week? Because somebody said to me somebody said to me, yo, ya should change your name for listening to letters because y'all stole that from the read And I was like, well, we ain't trying to steal nothing from the ready y'all got. Y'all got some letters from the listeners. They said, come on,

another's be creative, come up with something different. You stole that, give us a suggestion. Then that's the case. I don't know why, what do you want us to call it? Oh my god, I just want to make it clear since we have kids on here, there's no there's no love lost between us and the read that we stole listening to letters like y'all call it the reading that actually will be literally they are right exactly on this listening letter here is a book, and we'll be asked

for they send us like a snure like chapters. Okay, because we at one time said, you know what, guys, give us some more context, and now they're like, giving us the whole song and go for the first one. Yeah, I bet first and foremost. I love your family videos in this podcast has become my new guilty pleasure. Thank you so much. I endore watching you all and enjoy watching you all It gives me hope that falling in love with your best friend is real and can happen.

I would like to remain anonymous, so you shall if you can, to protect my identity. Oh gosh, I wonder what's happening here. Last year I lost the love of my life. She was separated and one day she left me, and she ended up choosing to be with another woman, not her wife. She told me after a bait after birthday trip we took for my birthday. We got back from the trip and the next day she was a stranger.

She told me she needed time to reevaluate things. A week later, I received devastating news and I am h s V one and h s V two positive. I immediately revealed the news to her. She was tested, and then a week later she found out she was also positive. She didn't tell a soul. I looked up every person I had ever had relations with, male and female. There

was also one person i'd ever i'd ever had sex. Oh, there's only one person I've ever had sex with that I actually saw something in their generals and they denied it when I reached out. I hadn't slept with that person in years and no breakout to nothing as prom my o b g y N. It is common for this virus to live dormant in your body. Up and sixty people in the world have it and have no systems or symptoms of outbreaks. It is only continuous if

you have relations. During an outbreak, I felt my life was overlost my best friend, the love of my life, and my outlook on life. I attempted suicide. Oh man, come on shorty, and started therapy to try to cope. I just couldn't see pass my life after that call from the dock and losing the strongest romantic connection of my life. This woman was my best friend and now

we are nothing. Now I have guilty. Now I have guilt because the new girl is not aware of my ex girlfriend's status, and it eats me up because that's not right, and that's not how That's how I ended up in this predicament. Someone didn't tell me, and one sexual encounter and changed my life. I had a I made a choice to always share my status even though the other person may not want anything to do with

me after that. Yes, it's terrifying dating with this STD and it has a large stigmatized image attached to the diagnosis. I literally have nightmares about the truth being revealed. What if the girl tries to hurt me or my exes family? When is when it's too soon to reveal that I have it or too late? Any advice you could you

would help. I'm confused for a second. So she she was with this girl the STD from her, and now the girl has moved on, and she doesn't know if the girl told the new person that she has the STD, and she doesn't. She pretty much doesn't know when is the right time to tell new people in her life. She hasn't told she's moved on as well, but she hasn't told the new girl in her life. And she said she was up front with people and tell them even if it means that they won't be with her.

She says she will like to be, but she says she's this new girl is new, So when is the right time to tell people that one is the right time? Well, one is the right time? Any advice for her kids? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, UM, I think that prior to you having sex, the right time is

when you're ready, you know. Um, I don't think it's something like I think that some people I believe who have certain like S T I S or whatever and know that they're stigmatized for it or whatever, they kind of feel like when they're when they start dating someone, it needs to be like date one information, like you need to come out of the box and be like this is a thing because it might be a deal breaker or so I want to get it out of

the way now. And I don't know that that's necessarily true. Um, I've never had that conversation with anyone, and I want it. I can think of it as ever directly had the conversation with me. So I'm really working off of like how I feel like I would feel, and it's something, but I personally feel like it isn't necessarily owed to me when we start dating, you know what I mean. But obviously, if you're going to have sex, it should

be a conversation that you have prior to that. I guess the fare would be the fair would be that you are dating someone, you didn't disclose it, You're going a couple of dates, you guys are really feeling each other, and then it gets to the point where you do feel like you want to then have sexual relations somebody with somebody, and then you have to lay that news on there, So it's almost like a set up for disappointment possibly, or do you feel like you're wasting your time?

I feel like, okay, when you're dating someone, right, it doesn't automatically mean you're gonna have sex. So I'm not going to disclose my personal business to someone who I don't even if I like enough to to have my personal business. So date won some people, but some people will probably say, okay, date when you realize you like this person. If you continue to go on dates with them and you don't tell them and then it gets

to the sex part, now you've wasted their time. If they chose that they don't want to move forward on dating because you have this STDR s t I. So for me, it's like you damned if you do, you damned if you don't. But you get one life. As long as you're clear with someone when you're ready, like like kids said, when you're ready, I think that's the most important. And as long as you don't put someone in danger by just by having sex without disclosing beforehand,

that's that's cool. In time, know, there's no right A long time it's when you're ready. It's your body as long as you don't put no one in danger. So I agree with your kids, you're not really wasting anybody's time. But you know, disclosing that sex whenever, because you could go on four great dates and then before you go to have sex to find out that like they don't page house support or the right or they have big hands and their print is small, like you know, something

like that. The funny thing is that's but that's a great perspective that we don't often think about. Right when you think about st d S or s t I S. It's like you got to tell right away because you could be wasting somebody's time. But he just brought up a good point. You may have gone four and five or six days, go to the house and realize they're fucking dirty and decided I don't want to have sex with this person, and they had nothing to do with

an STD. We we decide whether or not we want to not have sex with someone for so many reasons. We can't just say that this is the only reason that's going to matter. So that's a good perspective that I have you thought about. Yeah, well, good luck to Jesus all right now. Number two and last, but not least, absolutely love you guys and the influence you guys have on your audience, especially during these times. Thank you so much. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years.

He is about to be thirty, and I'm He has three children before we met. I have not graduated college yet yet college yet, still pursuing, but I do work for the New York City Department of Education and make very good money to pay for my own car, travel and help my mom out. He does not have a college degree, jumps from job to job, and has no skill set for budgeting and saving money, so of course that means I've been paying for a majority of everything

we do and eat. He we speak about marriage and having children, but I'm hesitant because he was not specific or has no specific goal to do anything as his career is concerned. I don't necessarily want to walk away because he we have grown this connection as him being my best friend. I see the potential of the relationship and the sex is bomb kids. Ah. I understand he has to focus on his kids first, but when will he finally stabilize himselves to start building a steady life

with me. I can't keeping at the register while he hugs me from behind. Dick to bomb dit bomb, That's what that is. Is she just dickmatized. So the answer to when is he going to do that'll about to say like she knows. The answer is he who as women in his life that will cover all his bases for him And all he has to do is fuck you and hug you from the back when y'all are at target? Like, why would he do anything differently? Is

that sex withy um? Yeah? I mean I feel like isn't these types of positions Usually if they get their ship together at all, it's because like they have to sort of like make the decision, whether by falling on their face or just facing some other obstacle in life, or they kind of have no other choice but to like get their ship together and change their way of thinking.

But you sitting back and waiting for that day is a disservice to your damn self because a it's not promised, So you might just end up old and resentful and have this niggas fourth and fifth and six kids and he's still jumping around from job job, And then you manage yourself and him. She's gonna be mad at herself, him and every other nigga because it always happens, and you you knew what it was, you still working with him.

But then after that it's gonna be niggas ain't ship because like, look how you built yourself up since you're like, you have a job, you can pay for your money or travel. This that he has no degree, jumps from drop to job, no skill set for budgeting, doesn't save money,

can't save money because he don't make money. So it's usually with these listen letters, I feel like they kind of map everything out to just say the obvious, like girl, yeah, they just want information from us of what they know they want to do, because they all map out all the bad stuff and say, I know, I know that I should. But if you want me to sit here and tell you no, girl, fight for it, because n he's telling you who he is. People not just niggas.

People who are enabled are going to continue to do and and show bad behavior because they're enabled. If that is what it is, because why not, why not just all my bases are covered and I don't have to do anything but drop some dick off, you know, what I mean. Yeah, literally, that's a fact. That is a

whole fact. Well, if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, keep writing in, keep emailing us, and just know that listener Letters was not copyrighting coined by h Kid Fury and Crystal at three UM because we're just getting letters from our listeners and we love y'all and we appreciate it. So continue to email us at generals. That's a fact. Continue to email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. Yes, that's d E A d A S S A d V I

C E at gmail dot com. Alright, So to close out the show, Kid reads a moment of truth Moment of truth time with some parting words you'd like to leave us with. Typically it's about whatever the show topic was about. You just kind of have that final note or that final thought or that final piece of advice. I mean, we got two kip key, We laughed about ships and farts and dick sizes and all sorts of stuff. So is there anything that you'd like to leave us

with as your moment of truth? I was gonna say, should happen, and it happens anywhere at any time, in any day. Um No, I guess just I don't really want to say it. I love you guys, and you guys consistently inspired me, and I'm glad that I got a chance to do this. I'm sure Kerson will love to do it as well. She wasn't going to school every second of every day these days. Oh my goodness. She was definitely missed. But we enjoyed having you thoroughly.

We were glad to have you too, just as glad as I was to have that gallon size ziplock bag. So my moment, I told you my grandmother cook. She made ox their ricing piece. I had cabbage at fried planting masks that that morning. She made acting and sawfish. She made some fried dumplings. So it was just a plethora of things in my system. It was, you know, it was a little spicy to the little pepper and was not. It just was not a vibe, y'all. But

like you, like, like kids said, ship happens. What matters is how you deal with this ship in that moment. Are you able to overcome the shitty moments? Yes, that's what matters. There we go. Did you have a moment of truth? Baby? Oh? My moment of truth is that I learned real early that when you're hitting it from the back and her ask, don't hit hello back and go clack at me. She got to eat oxtail ricing peace.

That's how That's how you get that over the Seriously, my moment moment of truth is it's fun to live in your truth. You like when you can talk about the things in your life and not be ashamed of who you are and what you've done. It's it's freeing and it's facts. It's fun like this is. I think that's one thing we all have in common that just is it is what it is. I mean, my podcast is called The Read. In your podcast is called dead.

We don't give over here, that's all the fact. Well, kid, make sure, like I said, if anybody was like completely under a rock or comatos for the past couple of years, where can they find you? Where can they find everything

that you have going on? Oh man? Our podcast is called The Read and then it's R E A D. And I think that the Instagram and socials are this is three it's your Grammy, Twitter and stuff and my shows K I, D F R Y. Good luck finding me actually being active on social checked it you have like you have like one post on your page. I was like, what you did? You deleted everything. I'm in a season. I'm just chilling and just observing, keeping my headlone working and just trying to like encourage all the

people we need. Moments like that, we'll come up above ground. Okay, now it's about to be springtime. It's about to be springtime. Well, it's always as as always, it's good to sit down and chat with you. I'm hoping and praying that the next time we do this it can be in person or even when we're in New York if you can link up for a vibe. But you know what I mean, You get together, have a drink and all that good stuff and just chill. So I'm looking forward to coming

west very soon. Well you know that we're stuff. Now we're in Georgia. How are you? You don't always bouncing around? You have eight homes across the planet because you work on every country. That's what I was like, this is home base. Now, this is home base. So if you're ever in the at L area, give us a shower and pull up. You're always welcome. I'm always done Goodkay,

I cannot wait? All right? Sounds good. We'll be sure to follow us on social media and you where to find us dead as the Podcast and you can find me at Cadeen I Am and I Am de Violin. If you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe dead asked Baby and follow the read. If we haven't been yet, right, tell your auntie, tell

your friends, tell your mama, all that good stuff. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing