Friendship After 40

I ain't got no friends unless their last name is Ellis.

That's a good one.

He talking about me, y'all, dead Ass.

I never seen him spend that much time with somebody that he liked like that.

So consider yourself an anomaly family baby.

At this point, over forty, I have not no problem letting anything go, and that is definitely friends included. Wow.

It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become Webby Award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

Be raw, or but most apportly be us.

But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we, and through it all, one thing has never changed. This is ever after, because we got a lot to talk about.

Story time.

Oh my gosh, I'm gonna take this back to college.

College. Okay, it's getting farther and farther away for us. You know, they're right.

I had a friend who he and I were able to rekindle our friendship. But at the time I was twenty two and I had just gotten into the NFL and it was me and my friends.

It was four of us.

We all went to the NFL at the same time Super Bowl was coming up. One of the guys, who I considered the friend, decided to have a super Bowl party and I wasn't invited. Didn't know why, but the other friends like, yo, why don't you call him? And that's why he wasn't invited. So I called him and he was just like, yeah, I just really don't fuck with you like that. And I was like, a word, since when? Because I remember used to come to my apartment your food. I remember when my wife used to cook.

Fucking with me?

And he was just like, well, over the time, you used to say things and do things that I didn't think was funny. So now that we're no longer in the same vicinity, we're no longer friends like that, so I don't have to invite you to my space.

So I said, cool, like I get it.

And we grew apart, and I realized in that moment, like it is okay to grow from people, right, rather than being upset about it and be like what's wrong with me? I was like, oh, all right, well we're not in the same space no more. We don't have to be in the same space because we were on the same team, but now we live in different states, we're on different teams.

It's okay for us to not be friends.

And over the last fifteen years us not being friends ended up with us actually getting closer and becoming friends older and hates. So what it taught me was just because you are friends with someone during that time, don't mean you have to stay with them forever.

I love that.

And you never at any point questioned at what point you became unfuck withable.

To be honest, it wasn't. It wasn't like my decision. He made that decision, and I personally didn't care.

And you didn't take it personally.

No, I didn't take a personal If you don't fuck with me no more than then you don't fuck with me.

I don't fuck with you.

Hey, I can appreciate the honesty.

Exactly, but I didn't.

I didn't take it any personal, but kind of realized like, oh, shoot, like you don't have to stay friends.

With people, all right? Karaoke time. Karaoke time, So if we're talking about letting go of friendships, you know, the first thing that came.

To mind was the Frozen song, which one let it.

Go, Let it Go, Yeah, let me tell you how stupid she is. I came up with a whole song that I was going to sing, and and she jumping here and singing that. But after hearing my song, I mean, my story, I do like that song.

I mean at this point, yeah, I mean, we haven't listened to that song much. We don't have you that want to listen to it. And our boys. I took them to Disney on Ice one time, not knowing that primarily it's around the Disney princesses, and they literally looked at me. I had, like, at the time, three sets of eyes piercing through the side of my head, like why.

Are we here?

Because you had your son's there?

Yeah, and everybody, How.

Did I miss the memo that Disney on Ice is primarily about the princesses. But I mean that there's a song that kind of resonates I think.

Through life it does, and the song I was going to choose, We'll go for it.

Friends. How many of us have them?

Friend period ones you can depend on many friends.

That was my song and actually went well with this.

It worked well together. It's a perfect marriage. I love that who sings that song again?

I forget which one?

Friends?

Oh, that song is from like the seventies to eighties. You'll be knowing my dad used to sing that song back in the day. Remember when rat was hit. It was around that time. I don't know who?

Say from driving?

Is it Josh? What's the name of that ra who's saying that?

It's who? DEI?

Who? There?

You go?

Okay?

I should have asked trouble anyway, trouble be known.

Random facts, how many of us have them?

Tribs?

Let it go.

Can depend on tribs.

I like the remix.

From now on, I'm gonna say for your triple.

And we're never letting go, never letting us.

All Right, y'all, let's take a quick break, pay some bills, and then we will get back into the meat of the show.

Pose.

All right, we're back with what has become my favorite segment of.

The show, Opper, No Up, Trible, what.

We got today for and Well?

In the news. Recently, Jonathan Majors is back in the news. He has a feature film coming out called magazine Dreams, And it seems as though he had another little feature come out, some audio leaked by Rolling Stone of him seemingly allegedly admitting to strangling his ex girlfriend, and then a day later, maybe less than twenty four hours later, it was announced that he and Meghan Good are married. And so I want to know if you have op

Abusive, about Meg or is about Jonathan Major? About him?

Because I don't want to get into debating whether or not he is an abuser.

Yeah, we don't know that. We don't know agree. Well, that's a reason to not have an op on that, Yeah, because we don't know the facts.

So I will be the first one saying I don't have an op on that because I don't know the facts. In this day and age, facts be changing and AI is real and people be changing a fact. So until I know for certain, I'm not gonna have an opinion on Jonathan Major's But I do have an opinion on Megan Good. I think people should just get over their fucking selves, right, Like Megan Good, met this man.

When she met this man.

And if you look at some of our heroes, right, you look at Maya Angelou, she was a prostitute.

Malcolm X was a convicted feeling.

And I'm not saying this to bash those two, but I'm saying these are people who if they were defined by their lowest moment, we wouldn't be celebrating them.

So why do we do that to people? In this day and age?

Right?

Social media era loves to find someone's lowest moment, pull it up and keep them near at all times. And I'm just not doing that. And if they love each other, I love it for them.

Yeah, I was gonna say no OP for me because that's people business, because I don't know why they could tell me not about me and the vow in our business. You know what I'm saying. At some point you just have to understand like it don't have nothing to do with you, and that's okay, and we don't have to address it.

Next I'll pass torch to Matt.

I got no op because I got a model in my life. They are to marry people.

Business period, especially being married.

Now you understand that part. That's why I did it. My whole life because when I get mind, stay out of mind, like AKA, now, stay out of mind.

I like that. Ysh, no op, no op.

I guess my only opinion is that people need somebody to love them.

I think we all do.

None of us were meant to be on earth by ourselves, and I don't think any of us can say that we've never caused harm to another human. So hopefully she is. And I, you know, I would like. I don't know her, so I don't. I can't say whether I can trust her opinion or not, so it's kind of giving no op. But I hope that she has a support system behind her, so that, you know, if she ever were to find herself in danger, she would have somewhere to go and somebody to lean on.

I feel you in that you don't have no appa by her, But I respect that because we didn't have respect that the absolutely congrats making.

Next facts, Congrass, congratulats.

I love the love, if that's what it is, all right?

Next in politics, politics is kind of a ship show these days. You know what's going on.

Un your statement of the year.

I think I'm gonna run for president next time.

You probably, I mean you shaved your legs now, so you got.

You just need a lot of money to win the president, like a couple of trillion dollars.

Yeah, for sure. But since the inauguration, uh, the current administration has done a lot to try to roll back DEI programs and race based programs and colleges, universities, schools, corporations are rolling back their de I programs. And I saw this video on one of my favorite Instagram accounts. It's called a Subway Takes comedian joy l Nicole Johnson.

The take. Yeah, she's freaking.

I've seen other comedy of hers. I would have to I would have to look back, but I want to know. I wonder if this is the same woman who is like in a relationship with somebody that's not black. So it's funny that if it was her, it's funny that she made this take for her take right, Her take was to bring segregation back. She said that she wants to know where she's not welcome. Don't be covert about it, be overt about it. Let's have white's only badthrooms neighborhoods.

I do have an opinion on this because history, I understand what she's coming from with talking about bringing segregation back. Her overarching idea is the fact that black people did the best when black people lived amongst black people. Right So, for example, during reconstruction, before redlining and everything happened, black people had their own towns, you know, like to Pahoma, Rosewood,

Yes, it is Seneca Village.

They decided that they were going to take that land from the black people who had lived on it, had churches, office, everything, and they were going to make themselves a park.

So what they did was they changed.

The laws and said, hey, the deeds that you have to this land no longer matter. Even though you had deans on the way, don't longer matter, We're going to run you off, rape your women, kill you drowned pretty much, they drowned the whole Seneca village just like Laate Lanaiir and then created what we know now as Central Park.

Wait, is that the same history of Lakelander?

Pretty much the same?

And to me, that's why I think her take is so important because people have been saying so far, well, if black people don't like it here, why don't they leave? Or if other immigrants came, how come black people can't

So I understand where she's coming from.

The only issue that she's going to have is people gonna say, well, segregation was never separate but equal. So if it's not equal, you want to have suppering to have less. So I would say, no, I don't want to have supper to have less. I just want to have my own. I want ownership. So my opinion is I agree with her. Black people need to focus on having ownership and circulating everything we have amongst each other.

So that's my opinion on that.

Yeah, speaking of the circulation of the dollar, here's my opinion on it. Her saying that she prefers to know, oh, yeah, who welcomes her. Yeah, so that way she can then support those businesses by choice. Is when you're not going to be supporting a business that you don't really know if they really fuck with you or not, and you're taking that chance, it's like, let me know who to support because they accept me. And that's the way initially we've been trying to back in the day keep the

And I can vouch for that because y'all know how you know it was a field trip.

I haven't been to Target. I haven't been to Target, I haven't been to public. So I think they rolled it back to Kroger, like where I feel like I can make an impact. I've been trying to do that, So I prefer to know. I'm the committee of people who say, you know what, let me know where I'm welcome or not, so that way I can support accordingly.

And let's be clear, we are definitely understanding that DEI programs didn't overtly.

Help black people.

I get that to right.

We know that we know who's crying.

I think it was of the DEI programs, only seven percent of the people who got got opportunities because the di were black black people, right, So we're not doing this because we're only representing black people, also representing women because a large part of the DEI programs were women.

And my wife's a woman.

So if you're saying that there was another there was a a Christian evangelist. I got his name, but he said whenever he walks into his office and he sees a black female doctor, the first thing he thinks is, oh, she must have had it easy to get here, because of DEI programs, and people started blacking on him, saying, like, it's actually the opposite. If you think about what the world is, that woman probably had.

To go through ten it was that much harder.

The standard for her to even get there is probably ten times harder than what you ever could imagine.

Absolutely, And the fact that they don't.

Even see it that way is another reason why I agree with segregation, because I'm tired of having this conversation with white men.

Right because you know, essentially it was probably just a quota, phil like, you got to have somebody in there at some point this you know that, so some kind of diversity I just But I also realized how much of a crocket was too when we were applying for independent schools for jacks like that. So when Jackson, you know, being the first child, we were trying to do our due diligence when it came time for school education, what

Was supposed to be the diversity program, yes.

For people who you know, you're trying to get a diverse population of people into these independent schools, which is maybe one to two seats lass and.

The person who did run Early Steps was looking for black and brown families and black and brown kids.

But it wasn't.

It wasn't until we went to the meetings for diversity that didn't only have Early Steps people with other people that we realized.

What was happening.

Right, So the diversity was not just black and brown individuals. Diversity was economic diversity, so geographic diversity.

If you're a white person and you make a certain amount of money, you were considered diverse, so you could take up that spot right, or a minority right, Or if you're a white person and lived in the Bronx as opposed to Brooklyn, you could still have that spot in a school in Brooklyn because it was called geographic diversity. So pretty much what they did was they kept change what diverse was to not include people who like.

Us, or to include us, but make the stakes that much lower for us to get the spot because we're now contending with people who have all of these other diversities or our minorities and whatever, you know, demographic they fell in and it went from that to you know, same sex households.

There were so many different things. So it just made me.

Realize too that a lot of these DEI things and a lot of these diversity programs, they're really not for us anyway.

But I want to know where to spend my money.

I've been trying to at least go to find and support more black owned businesses, ordering directly from their websites, things like that, you know, I think at least makes me feel like I'm putting my dollar back into my fellow person's pocket.

I agree, Matt.

I get where she was coming from, h with the thought, but implementation of this would be crazy in twenty twenty five, so I don't know how this would really work.

I agree with that.

Yeah, it would look kind of crazy to see a colored on me.

Could you imagine a color is only bathroom? Yeah?

Could you imagine a white only restaurant? What you're gonna have mayonnaise? That's what she said, Oh she did.

I'm just being honest. Like when you go.

To get food, raisins in your potato.

When you go to get food, where do you typically go think about anybody ethnic places. Right, you're gonna eat Black, You're gonna eat Mexican, you're gonna eat Asian. Do you ever Italian? But do you see anybody I'm gonna get that good old American cuisine.

Nobody says that, let's go to I don't want a burger unless I'm feeling for burger fries.

That's it.

And that's the only thing I think White American cuisine consists of. That in an apple pie and chicken sela chick.

I love chichicken.

You walk in you.

That's not's a white woman on the logo.

I like that. Yeah, chicken salad chick.

Yeah, it has like the smell when you're walking there, and I'm like, yeah, this is not.

It tastes good, but because it's healthy, because a lot of ethnic food have too much salt sugar in it.

If we being honest, true, you said the adobo.

But I hope people understand why ethnic food is often too flavorful.

Do they know why?

Yes, they don't know why.

They had to work with scraps to make it taste good.

But a lot of salt and a lot of sugar and butter and things like that tossed it up a little hot so.

And the cuts of meat aren't the best.

Exactly, it's the feet and the tail and the tongue in the head.

Is how much oxtail is like a delicate delicacy. Oxtail's delicacy. Chitlings is a delicacy.

These were two things that black people pretty much was just like, I have to eat this because there's nothing else I could eat.

When become a delicacy, Oh.

It's not chitlins neither, it's chitterlings and chitterlings. Yes, it's not chipling's. We called the chitlings. They renamed it, called the chitterlings. And now it's the delicacy. And if you go to the supermarket and ask, it's a premium, you have to pay for it. I didn't know that because I don't eat ChIL lings or chitlings, but my dad told me same thing with oxtail.

Ox still now was like what you said.

Fourteen dollars seventeen sixteen outrageous, ridiculous.

Which is nuts.

Stop put it on we gotta go cook it.

Stop putting it on pizza.

Please, it's not enough.

You could barely get enough. That's gonna be a fifty dollars pizza.

Your mom made an oxtail all the day. She did pretty good.

And if it was because we was having this debate, it's another debate. If you can make a Philly cheese steak right where it's like beef gravy, which cheese, why can't you put ox tail on pizza because it's it's beef and gravy and cheese.

Whatis I think you got opinion on that? Can you put your eyebrows were up like this?

Anything, man, you can do it.

Yeah, if you know how to cook, you can make it.

It's too expensive.

Yeah, I'm saying about.

Put it on.

And I need the bone I need.

I can't say that, but you know what.

Where you need it.

Ever after after dark, where you need it.

And don't and don't thank you so much? Do I have an opinion.

One that I.

I think that as black people, we do a great job of like segregating ourselves, but it often comes at our own like safety. Like at college, if you went to a p w I we had. I went to Ohio State, one of the biggest p w i's in the country, and we have a small black community at Ohio State and you know, we had a community. It was us And that's because I can't tell you how many times I got called a nigger at Ohio State. These white people come from small towns in Ohio. They've

Did I get in?

The fucking shit?

Said he was giving you a complimentary to it.

And this was after I was watching him. I was at a party and I'm watching him talk to this girl and he's saying some of the most vile racist shit I've ever heard in my life. And so when he sat down next to me, I was like, let me move. But before I could get up, he said this thing to me, and I was like, this is insane. And so we often segregate ourselves out of safety because we don't want to be subject to that type of

The most, the most, the most.

But the same people that don't want DEI programs for black people and people of color are the same people that don't want.

White women white women.

I've learned that to recently listening to a lot of people talk, like when I thought that they were upset because it was black people, and they're hearing a lot more white men talk about even their own white women. And even Elon Musk remember the whole thing with the planes, and they were saying that all the planes are going down.

Because of the DEI hires.

He was talking about a white woman. Yeah, And I was just like, dang, so y'all really much blame. Everything that happens in the world has nothing to do with white men. It's either colored people or white women. Like that's crazy, bro.

Yeah.

And I do think that when segregation was a thing, when it was just the norm, I think that black people we took more responsibility for our progress in the world. Of course, we couldn't do everything because we're just a small population, but we created universities, we had our own businesses, we had our own banks, we kept our dollars. We cared for our neighbors a lot more than we do now.

You know, like I didn't even think about the community aspect of how that would have impacted Black people, Like it was way more community and looking after each other and supporting each other.

Well, think when things were segregated.

Think about mentally what it does to a group of people.

If you over years had to watch that anytime a group of people did something on their own and they built it up, it was burned down and bombed and killed it.

Start to tell people like, you know what, I'm not even doing that no more.

I'm going to focus on just myself or I'll just do whatever they say we need to do, because I don't want to be a part of being a martyr or being murdered, you know what I'm saying. Like the Tosa, Oklahoma thing was happening all over the country. You know, it wasn't like it was a one time thing. Synical falls.

I understand them.

Yeah, I think too. A really good example of this is the book The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lax. Have you ever heard of it?

I have heard of it.

So Henrietta Lax was a black woman who was from Virginia, and she got cancer in her early thirties and ended up passing away, and they used her her genes to create vaccines, vaccines because her sales kept multiplying in a way that they had never seen before, and so they were able to keep her cells and create like massive medicines, vaccines, all types of things. And they never knowledge her or her family or told them that this was even happening. But the way that this happened was that she grew

Bo Yeah, that's why it sounds familiar.

Okay.

Yeah, So I feel like that's a really good example of like sometimes we don't recognize it, but you're good where you're at. You know what I'm saying, Like, if we put our resources into what we have and who we have, into our families, our communities, we don't we don't have to ask for anything.

I would say, we when we at, when we're not fucked with, Yeah, because we be good where we at until they come in and do some wild shit and change post.

Right, because I mean, if we're being honest.

Tosa, Oklahoma and events like that led to redlining, where it's like, let's put all of these black people in one area. We're gonna redline that it's a place that no one wants to live. It's where the insurance rates are higher and the insurance and property values they get for those properties or lower. It's another way to take from our community of people. So I do agree with that, as long as they're not fucking with us. We find

That's a fact.

I was also gonna say, I really love looking at babies on Instagram. And sometimes it'd be like a white baby that does something real cute, and I'll be like in the comments, like oh so adorable. And then I'll be like, I wonder if they're racist, you know what I'm saying. So I would want them to put in their Instagram bio like we hate. So I don't comment on the Yeah, yo.

Truple is wild. But but I ain't gonna lie to you though I do.

Maybe maybe I'm wrong for this, But I pull up at a light and I see a homeless dude, and if he's white, sometimes I'll be like, I wonder if he racist, Like if I help this dude out, you know what I'm saying, or even if I go to help him and he I don't want no money from you, nigga, Like now I got to get out and fuck you out, you know what I'm saying. Like sometimes I do be thinking that because I'd be concerned, like I don't want to.

Nah, let me know what. Let's let's get it out there. You don't like black people.

Cool because this black man doing got to help you, So I agree with you and that let me know where I'm not welcome.

The last opera, no app we have recently. Keiki Palmer, who I love, is a legend. I feel like if I met Key Pop, we would be best friends.

Like I can see it. I can see it than Yeah, she.

Had us dying second we watched the movie. We watched the movie, and she had us.

She had a line where she was just like one of those days with her and sister we watched the other one of these days.

She had the line where she was just like, she said, you like you live in Beverly Hills. We both live in the hood.

I was like, that.

Does that's not.

In the hood.

It was the office.

They were trying to get a job with home girl.

She said, Hills, not Beverly.

She had me dying, so she did like a quick draw question game about what her bff green and red flags. And I thought that was interesting.

Let's careful, bitch.

You could be honest but say it's sweet.

So I'm sensitive.

You need a private life. You ain't got to tell me everything. I wouldn't never pressure a friend to tell me everything. If I gave you money, it wasn't alone. I didn't expect to get it back, you know what I mean. I don't really give out money much, but if I did, I expected you to keep it. So you don't even need to pay me back, so.

Can keep Palma video talking about friendships, red flags, green flags.

Personally, I don't have an opinion on this. This is all her perspective. It's subjective, and that's what she considers red green flag.

I don't have another people I'll say that.

I mean, I guess my maybe opinion on it is that I agree with a lot of the ones. She said, like, there's certain ones that I'm like, Okay, that's definitely green.

Flag.

One that stood out to me, I think now at my old age is being slow to answer text messages.

Like my solid core group of friends. They know my heart being the.

Right place, y'all, but the way my attention span, the tabs opening my brain, all the things I have going on are set up. I don't need no harm, no foul, love you to death, but you're probably not gonna get an answer back from me for a minute, and then I'll send you a long ass voice note to catch up on all the things that we haven't caught up on.

That's why I don't have any pain, yes, because mine is completely different.

And it's like, I'm not gonna argue with you or her about what because for me, if we close and I text you, nigga text me the funk back, I could be, y'all know, I'd be like, y'all could be hanging from a cliff right now when I text.

That's your favorite thing to say.

And I text you and you don't.

Get back to me. Now I'm dead, and so you call my friends. So but I get it you and I see you. I'm like, She'll send a four minute voice note to her friend and She's like, I ain't get back to Christina in three weeks, so I gotta I said, So why.

Do you call her? And I ain't calling her?

I'm like, because the requires me to be held up to do a back and forth for an extended period of time. So it's listen to my voice mode at your leisure, reply at your leisure, and then that's how we go. And it's the understanding that me and my little circle dot group of friends have that we all understand why.

I'm thinking about what she got to say? Why she's saying this.

You don't know what she gotta Literally, it's like you have to bank what you're listening to and then go back and you have to answer. That's why I got no pain, especially y'all to understand it.

I don't don't worry. I'm the same page. I got no opinion here.

I ain't got nothing either, Like why you even said this? That video?

Round it out?

I feel like Josh is judging me, but whatever, what's new? I feel like her her ran and green flags were pretty mature. I feel like a lot of people need to see that. Like the val if you're hanging from a cliff and your friend don't take you back. You better call nine one one.

No, I'm a black man. I'm not calling nine one one.

That's true.

See what I'm saying. That's why I called Matt. And if Matt don't answer, then what you called you?

Yeah?

Right, the wrong spot. He's gonna be late.

Do you do?

Hold on?

I'll be right back. What you mean, I'm hanging from a.

Play the wrong person?

I would not it, don't you know?

Y'all know the first person I'm calling you, You nigga, you better answer the phone. You better not send me a voice thirty minutes later.

They're ready, because i'd be tracking you on Life through sixty anyhow, So I noticed you were there.

My wife's nuts, guys. She made me get Life through sixty. She made me put my phone number and stuff in there. Now everywhere I go, she'd be like, I see you.

That's wild because you between him and Jackson. Yo, I promise you. So I was coming home from set one day and I was too busy running my mouth on the phone with my sister that I passed the exit for the house. I literally got a phone call as I was exiting the next exit, which was two minutes in like where are you going?

Why are you going away from the house.

I was like, wow, these guys are following me in my defense and it's literally Jackson and about at the same time, like where are you going? And my god, that just missed my exit.

Jackson pointed it out to me. I know he did, and he seemed worried.

Oh like he was just like he was like was he yeah?

Was my mom just passed? Where she's going?

And where's she going? And I was just like, I don't know. He's just like no, it's like she's really passing.

So let me call because you know, sometimes people be doing stuff you know they got right. And then once I called you and I told you you was headed back here, I told him, but I will tell the truth. I made her get life three sixty, not the other way around. For that very reason, I'm a very protective person and I never want to not know where my wife is. And people be asking me like yo, where's Kadeen, And I'm just be like, oh, ship, where is Kadeen?

The same way. I mean both ways.

You and about Jackson Jackson on it too, his grandparents or his coach or whatever. So I to know where you're at, how fast you're driving, if your phone is charged, I'm gonna send the thing to say, charge your phone.

That is her favorite thing to do. Charge your phone. Devour, slow down, devo, Look watch his speed. I'll be driving in my push.

Life gives you the.

I get on the same if you're driving it's your bicycle, like.

Privacy, man, Yeah, but when it's your when it's your spouse, it's not no.

No, it's just in general, like how fast I was, how fast year, how slow I was going?

Nigga, hurry up get home.

That is true though if I was trying to like creep my way into the crib and I was doing twenty five, it took you four hours to get home. Yeah, man, I just needed a break, decompressed, decompressing. But is we give each other that though, Like she'll be she'll be like she be like where you at? Like I just need a minute. And she was like all right, well I'll let the kids know because it dud be Jackson. Jackson be like, Dad, where are you said you're gonna be home five thirty it's five thirty six.

Your junior parent.

That is he a parent in training?

Bro?

He ready to go.

Everybody.

We just sent them away for overnight trip with my parents. And I'm like, Jackson, you're in charge. He's like, I know, I got that, and I was like, not just your Still He's like, I know grandma and grandpa to I'm like, yep, me and I'm.

Popping too, Like I love you asked me and you got the address. She's like, yeah, Jackson, cat.

Oh, ask Jackson what I tell him? By his grandmama. That's how I get him to practice. I'm like, you going with your grandmother? Yeah, you better walk outside, better pull out this, you better do this. So he's learning how to be with a woman as a grown up because now he's toilet in his mom and his grandmother.

Now, so I could be like, yo, anything happened when you did? You gotta and you gotta see how he takes it.

Bro.

He does jiu jitsu. Now, he'd be doing grappling like he takes pride in it. And I love that for him. You know what I'm saying I love it for him.

You know, he's gonna be a good boyfriend and then fiance and husband for somebody because he's used to taking care of his grandmother and his mom and his brothers and checking in on me, like we have some really good kids.

What he wants he could live with us forever too.

He cannot do that. He cannot do that. Jackson, You're probably gonna watch this. Look at me, Look at me right now, Look at your dad. You cannot live here forever. You don't want to trust me?

Trust me. I lived with my mom for a little bit as an adult. It's not good.

I lived with my dad. It's even worse. Imagine you come in the house at twenty plus and I ask you where you are?

What were you doing? How you going to deal with that? Think about it.

It's right, We'll we'll be tracking you on life through sixty. Okay, Well, onto the topic for today, guys.

Were speaking of topics we can go back. I'm not gonna out the person who me and him had to back and forth.

With as friendships.

Okay, but I do also think it is a good example to show that, hey, you guys might have been friends in that moment. Then some years went by, y'all separated, y'all grow, things happen. But now you guys are both family men, both have wives, both have careers. Now we're starting to rekindle that friendship and it's just different phases of life. We weren't we didn't have synergies at that moment, so we weren't friends, and now we do have synergies, so we be come closer.

Yeah. No, I think that was super mature of you. And that's that's the grown up Deval that I'm seeing now now, because the Devo maybe like ten fifteen years ago, would have been like, oh, we're not friends no more.

We'll fuck you nigga, and I won't be your friend ever getting in life.

Oh you mean that when it happened.

When it happened.

Yeah, But I'm like, if that, if I were holding you to who you were, then you would have never even entertained potentially even engaging with him ever again in life.

In full transparency, That's exactly what I said, right, He told me that, he said I wish you well, and I said, fuck you, nigga, you gotta wish me nothing, nigga, like who you are telling me that, nah, get out of there.

We don't got to be friends over that nigga, right, And that's how it was, right.

And now being from New York too, was like cool that nigga and we wasn't friends, and we both had friends mutual friends that we would hang out with, and he and I just wouldn't be yeah.

Like literally go to the same events together and everything and just be like all right, well it is it is what it is, yeah, cordial, but you keep it moving.

Yeah.

So with my particular group of friends, this is funny because you know the whole no new friends thing that Drake had put out when the phone came out, and people were like, oh, it's like a thing like no new friends in my forties. I'm actually welcoming the idea of new friendships gelling with people who I feel like, Wow, the synergy is just kind of naturally aligned and match.

And I'm like, oh, I meet a woman at.

An event, for example, or through another mutual friend, and I'm just like, yo, I really like you. Like one of my friends since I was thirteen years old, chares she Reese don't like nobody and I know that about her. So I'm like the fact that we're even still friends is like.

Are very very strang You don't like nobody.

I think that's the thing we have in common. We both don't really like people like that, but we like each other and we've grown.

If y'all didn't know that, you know that now.

Kadeen is not the most like, outspopoken, no friendly person when you meet her, she's not.

Yeah, I just am an introvert and I like to kind of be the observant.

I realize that's where Kaz gets it from, too, because Kaz is not immediate to like like people. He kind of sits back, kind of observes people from a distance. Yeah, And then it's just like I gotta feel alive. And if I don't feel a vibe, Yeah I don't feel the vibe, I'm like, eh, And I'm not going to force it, you know what I'm saying.

At least you can count on me to not be fake. I don't fuck with you. I don't fuck with you. And that's just what it is. But she Resa and I have been friends for years, so when she met this young lady that she's like, I really like her.

Like I have a new friend.

I was like, you got a new friend that thirty eight like what she's like?

I think you actually would like her, And then now I'm hanging out with her and her friend, which sometimes is a faux pas within a friend group. It's like you cannot be friends outside of the direct contact of friends. So it's like for a mutual friend to now be hanging with the other friend or the new friend. That's like something that you don't do. But I've just been welcoming that in my forties because I do think that there's things to be learned.

There's great energies and synergies that.

Align that you kind of just organically let happen simultaneously. Though you have to understand when there's friendships that no longer serve you. Yeah, some friendships are seasonal, and I'm okay with moving on in that way, not because there has to be any animosity or malice or.

There has to be a blow up or a big breakup.

But you realize after a while, maybe sometimes this person is in this compartment of friends where if I see you in passing, it's cool, but we're not necessarily as close as we used to be because the interests may be different.

I just think friendships go with whatever the movement of the moment. Right in college, we partied all the time. We was going to clubs, doing all stuff, playing ball. As I got older, I didn't party no more. I don't play ball no more. So the people I had synergies with that did that, they're no longer My friends like that because there's nothing for us to do right now.

My friends are more in the creative space. My friends are either.

Actors or directors, writers, producers, or they're into businesses.

Like my friends are not just athletes anymore or just students.

And also my friends are not only from Brooklyn anymore, which also happens. You know, you move to a different city or stay and you realize that your lifestyle change is because the community has changed. So I'm not against meeting new people. I honestly think that everyone should try to find a new friend or two every year, only because that change in perspective gives you growth as a person. When you sit back and say, I am who I am,

Right, I have friends who are my age.

She was like, I'm not working out with you your nuts, So of course my friendship with that person isn't as strong as it is with Matt because there's something that he and I have in alignment that we do consistently. And I think that's what people need to find with their friendships. If you're trying to grow and go to a different level, find a friend who's already doing that or doing something like that and do it together.

Yeah, and you like consistency in generalize. I love consistency, So I feel like if you have somebody that's locked into something that you are doing consistently, then that's going to actually.

Work for you.

That was the topic triple that I wanted to talk to you about about doing. I found a correlation between men who loved patterns and consistency they also love monogamy. And I want to do some research to figure out if that is a direct correlation or if it's a byproduct, you know what I'm saying. But most of my friends who love patterns, who love the consistency of doing something the same way every day, most of them are married and happy being married.

My friends who hate patterns, hate structure, hate anything.

They're all over the place with their lives. But they're also over the place with women. So I want to do a podcast and I don't forget. Yeah, but what are your thoughts?

Well, first off, before we move on, I'm curious to know where we are now in life. Sometimes you go back home to Brooklyn. Yes, there's groups of friends even family that you're like, you know what, I don't know if it's the distance, I don't know, if it's my mindset. I don't know if it's where I am in life.

So I crave companionship and I crave a team environment because as an athlete, that's all I've been brought up in.

Right.

Yeah, When I started playing football, it was like everybody on a football team, we got a goal to make it to college. Then you get to college and you meet everybody's goals to make it to the NFL. Then you make it to the NFL, and everybody's goal there changes because some people like I want to be a Hall of Famer, some people like I want to win a championship.

Some people like I just want money.

Then you had people at me it was just like, man, I just want this opportunity to make money so I could do what I really want to do. And it was when I got to the NFL that I started to realize that my ideas of what life is looks very different than my people back home in Brooklyn, which doesn't only mean I have to give them grace. I have to give myself grace for wanting something different.

You know what I'm say.

Everybody don't want the same things. Take my brother for example, I'm like, Yo, do you want a Lambo.

You don't want to Lambo? You don't want to do it. She was like, no, I don't. He's like, I want to take care of my family. I want to be comfortable.

I want to help my community, But I don't aspire to have a Lamborghini. Like that's just not something that I aspire to. And I'm like, well, that's something I aspire to. So when it's four hours left at the end of the day, I'm focused on how I can get something else to make that money. Whereas my brother's like, I'm comfortable, my kids are good, my wife is good. And I learned to not judge him for that, but also ask him, don't judge me.

For that because your fulfillment is directly tied to working for my purpose.

Yeah, my fulfillment definitely comes to my purpose, which is working.

Like what else as a man? What else am I supposed to do? Right?

Like, I can't give life, I can't give birth, Like, my only purpose as a man is to protect, provide, build, curate for the people around me who are doing that. Because if I don't have that purpose, what I'm gonna do. I can't play video games all day. That's just not my thing. So I enjoy teams. I enjoy family environment where I can find out too, like what do you want to do? I help you with that, You help me what I want to do.

Yeah, I just realized that too when you mentioned the team aspect of things. I wasn't into sports. Everything I did, extrahurcility was an individual thing.

It was solo.

It was whether it was the piano, whether it was pageants. The performance was based off of me solely.

That is true.

The most that I got was two years of cheerleading, which was not really like a team sport in my opinion, at least at the level I did it in high school. So that probably makes sense as to why I'm cool with being a loner.

I'm cool with not.

Having friends that are too close or too needy, or need too much of my time and attention.

You know what that is to you. It was brought up that way, but even with your siblings, like you have a oh man.

Well, well, myn is five years younger than you and Socari's ten years so you never had a moment in my life. I don't remember life without my brother, who's two years younger than me. So my whole life has always been about a teammate.

Yeah, yes, Now, I guess my brother's just kind of would kind of fall into that category.

But our relationship is so young.

Girl, he's a boy.

He's five years younger than you. It's not the same as me and Brian are boys who played the same sport.

Who's true.

As as a sibling group, we love our time together, but we also like our alone time. Yeah, yeah, so I just realized that correlation there. Yeah, it's just interesting because I realized how friendships in that capacity have affected you over the course of our time together.

But y'all play sports, Josh, Matt.

Y'all play sports, right, you think you're professionally, they're not professionally, But you played sports, Josh.

But we know.

But I mean, like, do y'all feel like the sport aspect made y'all more like I'm with camaraderie or you more like Nah, my personality is just like Matt's a looner.

I was just gonna let him go first because I was going to say that I am absolutely a loner. I have probably maybe I have friends. I'm not gonna sit here and say I don't have friends, but I have selective friends. I don't sit down and I don't mingle with everybody.

I feel you, Josh is in an eternity. So that's similar to sports, Like there was a camaraderie, y'all. You and your line had to do something together that no one knows went through, and that built something for you all.

I see that.

I see that because it makes sense because Josh is good with Remember you talked about people being fake. I don't think it's fake. Josh was a part of a line the same way I was a part of a team. And when you're a part of a line or part of a team, there's a job you have to do that you may not want to do.

It's just part of the job.

Or you have to tolerate people that you may not you know what I'm saying, have to tolerate in a personal setting.

Right, but even not even in a personal setting, but even in a in a professional setting like you work for somebody.

You work for somebody. I may not like my boss. I mean I like my co worker, you know what I'm saying.

But I think being in a team environment, being in a fraternity made it so that I've watched Josh being on people he don't like. He don't like me A lot of the times, me and Josh be ready to fight like a lot, But you know what, We're gonna get this money to get You're gonna get this work.

You'd be ready ready to fight you.

This is new to me.

You first, what's the first thing I said? I said, Josh wanna come in here and start moving it around?

Yo, Josh gonna come in here and start moving stuff. First thing you do is you don't think we need this table.

That's your friends, right.

But it also is knowing like teammates.

I said to Matt too, I said, y'all in the creative space where y'all see things I don't see, I gotta trust that they know what they're talking about.

You know what I'm saying.

If I have a vision and I want to suit something that's different, it's different because it's like, let trust me on this. But there's certain things that I'll be like, nah, them two got it because I have no especially with lights and stuff.

To be honest, you wouldn't be in a friendship and a partnership with anybody here if you didn't believe in what they could do.

Facts. Oh, that is a point though. Friendships based on can you gain something from this friendship? You know what I'm saying, And.

Then what is the term friend can be so loose?

Right?

Is that my.

Fendant, business friend and friends I don't.

Know they have an ability to do something and tolerate them for that moment.

That's where the associate component because done transaction.

That's how people get issues though, because you feel like it's associate and you can do something, I'll tolerate you with that person may be like I really like it not knowing that Josh is like.

That.

It's not even that bad. It's just that there's just no equals. There's no commonality there besides the work.

The task.

For me, there's some people I can't stand and I gotta work with like serious and I work on a bunch of different sets.

You know what I'm saying.

And what helps me is I know I'm only gonna be there for a finite period of time. You know what I'm saying, but that but you bringing that up does bring up the point of how do we define friends?

I think friendship at the core of it has to make you feel something inside, like it has to be some sort of emotional tie or some sort of like spiritual tie, or like you have a tie without having something in the game, exactly like a feel good.

I don't call everybody friend, I feel just because we we can hang out, we can chill. We don't do that that often.

That's true.

And even when I do share, there's certain stuff I would never share with you because.

I know there's your one friend that I know that you like this with Coda, that's your big friend.

Tell me I know, I know he will tell me me.

Colde is definitely He's definitely gonna tell me me.

Colda's best friend is me Me, Like Colda don't love nobody as much as he loved me Me.

I notice it's his father, it's you.

It's me me you because those that know its me me, Papa your because he goes to the We're.

Going to give him exactly what he wants trans.

With me.

On everything because he know Daddy, I swear it's the minute I walk in the room.

His eyes be like this, he's not joking.

I'm serious because and I know why I always try to teach him lessons. He three, he don't want to hear no lessons. He's like, I want to watch Paul Patrol. He's trying to explain to me how this is not good for my behavior, and I don't care.

I'll be trying to explain stuff to him.

His eyes be welling up and I'd be like, you all right, He's like, yeah, you just want to watch Paul Patrol.

He's like, I'm like, just go ahead. And that's why he don't fuck with me exactly.

And I don't mind that though, he can fuck with y'all, because I'm gonna have to make sure that he's.

I mean, he really fucked me when I came back from filming. I was going for like two weeks, and he was just like, oh, mom, so now he's like my shadow until I said he couldn't have chips for breakfast, and oh he was pissed about that exactly.

Close his eyes to the deep breath, then turned around and walk the way. I was like, Wow, you got sah.

I think I haven't seen in my life. You really just be like inhaling and exhaling. I aspire to be like that.

Well, he aspires to me like you, because he don't like people unless it's transaction. Here is that from me? Trouble trible.

I love friends so much. I love friends so much. Friends are my favorite thing ever. And I've been uh, you know, I'm from Cincinnati. I left Cincinnati to go to college in Columbus, which is also in Ohio. For those of you who don't know geography, there's a lot of y'all out there. But so I went to school in Columbus and then I left Ohio when I graduated, and I haven't been back. But my closest friends are

For you making me feel so I've never spoken on the phone with for four hours with anybody.

In my life for this woman right here. Yeah, I feel like a bad friend.

Bro, who don't do that? Bro, don't feel bad.

I know my girlfriends don't feel no kind of way because we all be on the same page.

Like you seem like a friend that check up on people. Yeah.

I like to send cards in the mail. Never got one of those. I love friends, got something for you. When I was living in Rhode Island, I made some friends. Uh. One of another friend that I've known since seventh grade. She went to college in New York and so she has friends that live in New York. I met some of them at her wedding, and then while I was living in Rhode Island, we all went to see Beyonce

Yeah right, or who did what last?

Yeah?

Who did what last? It's not transactional for me. It's the bond that we share. It's how I know that I can depend on you. Like my best friend from college, she might not come visit me in every city or very like often. But if I call her and I say, hey, I need you to update my resume tonight, She'll be like, all right, I got you. And then we'll spend four hours on the phone talking about what our ambitions are,

She don't believe you more than I do. I know that for a fact.

I know that for a fact she do not believe like I wonder if triple could do us.

And no freaking notes from trible. She don't call and chuck up.

Boy, you know what, you know, I'll be thinking about it. But you know, some one thing that I do get hung up on, and this I guess this is relative because we're talking about friends in your forties. I'm not forty. Let's just make that clear.

I don't worry.

I'm ain't forty, but I've got damn I'm not.

Close, y'all.

I'm thirty three for but young too.

Like something that I do kind of struggle with when it comes to friendships is that I'm single and childless, and so I really don't know a lot of my friends are married. A lot of my friends have kids, and I don't know what married people with kids be doing. So I'll be like, I don't want to call. You probably got your kids, right, you probably picking the kids from school.

But I'm like, trouble won't even come by to say hot, Yeah, I don't.

I don't be wanting to just I want to stop by. But I'm like, they got autum damn kids. Man, I don't know what they're not annoying, But y'all feel like y'all could be busy or you know, y'all got a lot of stuff going on.

So I get it.

I'm open to the invitation, though, y'all.

I mean, we've always said it's open for anybody. But I do understand your perspective, Like you don't want to show up to somebody house. It's like could he not even hear? Then you feel dumb?

Yeah, and be here, and he always asks where's Tribby?

Is she okay? Always you'll come by, he'll have a drink.

But I got a question, though, Have y'all ever realized something about yourself is why friendships don't work? I know, I realized I realized why my friendships don't work is because I always intermingle friendships with production, right, Like I want all my friends to do well. So I noticed that when I don't see my friends doing what I think they need to do to be productive, I turn into coach mentor and I start doing it.

And I noticed a lot of my friends don't like that.

Don't we know it?

They don't like it.

They just be like they'd be like, y'all, don't need you to tell me that, and I'll just be like, yeah, but you're not where you need to be in life, and I realize that everybody doesn't have the same drive. So I've learned to kind of, like in the past couple, I've learned to kind of just let people do what they want to do.

But you know what happens.

It frustrates me because then I'll be like, you ain't doing your nigga, you lazy, And then I don't want to be friends with you no more like you on a video game every night, Like that's not mine.

And that's why I lose friends a lot.

Like my motivation and my drive often I can't compartmentalize, and I feel like I'm always telling people what to do and I don't want to be that person. But then I also feel like I can't be around you if you only want to just play video games.

All day, you know what I'm saying. That's what I've realized about myself.

It's hard for me to compe I lost a good friend a couple of years back, and I'm still kind of unsure of as to why we're no longer friends because I don't think anything from my perspective, catastrophic happened where I was like, oh, I can understand why things

Hip.

Yeah, we've had somebody tell us like, I had to remove myself from being around y'all because I wasn't happy in my life you're talking about. Yeah, I didn't want to bring the unhappiness to y'all. So she literally removed herself. This ain't the friend, this is somebody else. Removed herself from us completely, stop texting talking.

We had adventures stuf together. She just didn't show up right, and we was like what happened?

And she was just like, I wasn't happy what my life was and I found myself not being able to be happy for y'all, So I just removed myself.

Right, which we kind of respected. But then you know what I'm saying.

But yeah, so this other friendship of mine, like for a long time, I struggled with it because I was like, man, like we were such good friends for so long, and then all of a sudden, it's just like you're just you just remove yourself.

And then I came to realize that it's not it wasn't just me.

It was like other friends and other family members that she withheld herself from or started to draw back from.

That's when I felt like, Okay, at least I know it wasn't me.

People go through things.

Yeah, people go through stuff, and that's okay, And I kind of rather you. I know that you have you feel some kind of way versus being like that wolf and she closed around.

Let me know who the ops are, let me know. Yeah, yeah, I feel it.

For that for sure.

Yeah.

I think for me, I lose friends because they're punks. You know what I'm saying. You can't say nothing to them, you know, and they'd be like, you're a bully man. I'm not honest exactly. And I am the youngest child, so I did have to learn how to like buck up on people. I'm very naturally just very sensitive, and so sometimes I be bucking on people that I'm close to, you know, like my friend, my best friend from college has lived in Columbus her whole life and She used

Because you hear the triple.

No more, no more.

Matter of fact, Yes, as of earlier today, she's fully shaved, ball smooth everywhere.

We're talking about he legs, y'all, her legs.

Everywhere. Down me down, let me see Josh.

I know Josh has lost some friends, not that many he knows of, Yeah, probably they don't. They don't matter though. The ones that tell me that I lost there the ones that matter. The only friends that I've lost, our friends that I don't do nothing for you know, And the answer they weren't friends anyway. If you got to do something for them, You're like, Yo, why are you taking somebody else pics? Why you ain't take mine?

Like seriously, are you serious? That serious your job?

Like or like or like the friends in my city?

And you wouldn't hit me. Yeah, but knowing I only come to your city if I'm going.

To go to work.

You know what they should You should tell them, Josh, my name is Abraham because I'm not Lincoln. That's what I tell people when they say in Atlanta, well call me Abraham baby.

I hope that's an over forty joke.

That is an over forty joke.

I can love that.

Abraham because I'm not a Lincoln. That's not on the get it.

At first, I was like, where's the punch one? Everybody?

It was a it was a thinker.

It was a thinker.

I got it.

I got it. It was terrible.

All right, let's look up with these bills, y'all. Well, take a quick break, and we're gonna come back after these messages. All right, we're back for listening letters. I'm gonna go ahead and dive in. I guess i'll write it okay cool? Hello Davalan Kadein. First off, let me just say, y'all are goals. Your content is fire. I'm out here taking notes every time.

Thank you.

Now, let me get into this because my love life feels like an episode of love and hip hop mixed with cops. Let me put on my seatbelt. Here's the tea. I'm thirty, and the stunning woman I've been talking to, also thirty for three years has me on cloud nine. What started as friends with benefit situation has blossomed into a full on butterflies, hard eyes and dreams of matching pajamas during the holidays. She sets my soul on fire. I'm talking milk like butter in the sun type levels.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I've even answered her phone a couple of times, and let's just say his energy screams I peaked in high school the funniest part. Every time he sees me, he turns into road runner and sprints off. I'm over here, like, bro, what are we doing? Let me be clear.

I love this woman.

She got me writing poetry in my head and considering singing Usher songs in the rain. But this ex is testing my patience and my ability to stay out of jail. So here's where I need your wisdom. One, do I respectfully tell this man to let go and ride off into the sunset. Two go full wwe SmackDown and handle quote unquote it the hard way. Three keep calm, let love do its thing, and just trust that this mess will blow over. I don't want to lose her, but also don't want to be the dude who lets an

You remember when dudes was damn and it wasn't even damn at the it was, And what I kind of I say, Yo, this is not kadeen, No more.

This is the vow I live here, pull up, we can handle this. Remember that.

Remember that, Remember that there was no more conversation that I said, pull up, pull up, and we can handle that.

And that was the end all of those messages. And I will say this, right, most.

People will be like, no, Deval is her responsibility as a woman to tell that man, no, it's not. Once she's told him that she's moved on. She said her last thing she needed to say. I say this all the time, right, it's a man's man's responsibility to protect and provide. If this dude is showing up to her place of residence or their place of residence, that is a fear factor.

That's something that's not appropriate. That's weird. So dude, show us.

To this doorstep again, and it's going to have to be dealt with in a way that's going to make my girl and myself feel safe. If you can't allow us a chance to feel safety, then I got to deal with it my way. That's that's how I would deal with it. And it's not about threatening, but it's letting him understand, like, it's not acceptable to show up to somebody's doorstep.

Bro, that's not cool, and he said every time he sees him, he like runs away, like what are you playing some kind of game?

You see what I'm saying.

You guys are grown what it is like.

And the thing is with with our situation.

We was in our twenties, and I didn't even try to do that to be a tough guy, but it was to let them know, like I'm serious about this woman. And the minute I let them know that I was serious, that's when they stopped.

Because you're right, because I did say things were very serious, that it wasn't gonna go anywhere or whatever, and you know, people want to try.

Sometimes it takes to like, yo, you know where she lived, Well, I'm here, pull up. We can have a conversation if you want, right and then it was no more back and forth. But sometimes it's like then she got somebody who was serious, not even like I want to fight him, but it's like, damn, she really do got somebody serious.

Because I'm not gonna lie.

Say we get divorced. Who's gonna stop me from popping up at the house. I'm just being honest. Nobody start like you nobo, you here still, And it's what's today Thursday, I'll be there six o'clock. What you make it for dinner? Okay, I got a new boyfriend, and I know that I asked what you make it for dinner?

Well, as you saw on the clip, we not never gonna be together, right because y'all saw the clip, we had to run back from that live show, so that speaking about that is just like whatever. But if we're talking.

Hypothetically, nobody stopping me.

Now, if the dude says, listen, bro, like you want Gadeena no longer together and I'm looking to get married and this is where i want to take my future of my life, I will respect that because if we're not together, there has to be a reason why we're not together. So if we agree to not be together and someone else is taking on that responsibility as a mature man, an emotionally her man, I'm gonna be like, you know what you got it?

Touch my kids and you fucking die. That's what I would.

You'd be happy to hand over the American Express?

Oh yeah, I would definitely give him the bill. Oh you said you got k you got all the KYD?

He take this too. That's that's my perspective on it.

So I love it all right, Well hope you'll hope y'all figure it out.

Bro circle back with us and let us know. If you had to press Homie, you know what I'm saying, if you had to tell Homie pull up so we can have a man to man conversation. I would love to know.

If you need back up. Josh said. He willing to go wherever you live if you need back up. He goes. Josh said, let him know you got matter of fact, his number is three. I ain't helping you.

I don't know you. Good luck though, good luck though.

Come on, because he's talking about melt melt, a light butter on a baked potato and whatnot.

Put something on him. She puts something on him. That's why that man is still outside that whatever you.

Congratulations, that means like the poo Nani is ninety Okay, clearly I love that you need help, So you want to be featured as a listener, y'all.

We have a new email address. Okay, it's the ls advice at gmail dot com.

That's t h E E L L I S A d V I c E at Gmail.

He was smooth with that for the first time.

Smooth because the movie is that dress you got on, you like, it's a little Maxi looking we got buttons. I never seen a Maxi dress buttons.

And doing a little something, doing doing a little something.

You know, we're still here, you know, my bad Matt, Matt here, Matt be here all the time.

I walked close to her and I'd be like, I'm all like, bro, I'm just gonna touch a little booty. I guess there's a little body man Like, now I'm gonna touch my white body.

Now that part, Hey, when you got one, you get it all right, y'all.

Moment of truth time. So we were talking about friendships, which I think initially started as friendships over forty but seen as though you guys aren't technically in your forties zone you're approaching or whatever, you can talk about friendships over time. Yeah, So what would be your moment of truth when it comes to those friendships?

Give people grace? Friendships aren't lifelong sentences.

If you've outgrown someone or someone else has outgrown you, it's okay to be like, you know what, We're not in the same alignment right now, So let me get focused on myself and if I meet someone else along the way. That's in alignment. That can be a friend in this part of my life.

That's cool.

But holding on to friends and being upset because friends have changed and stuff, and that's just middle school stuff. You see that in time between eleven and thirteen, people be real protective over friends. But nah, man, let people grow, grow yourself and then try to be better every day.

I like that.

I think for me, I'm taking an introspective look at being a friend, right, And I guess my moment of truth would be kind of understand where you may be of value as a friend but also have shortcomings, right. I think a lot of times when friendships fall apart or people move on, you're very quick to say, well, this person didn't do that, and that friend didn't do that, and because you didn't call me last and because I planned the last you know, friend outing or whatever it is.

Yeah, my moment of truth is everybody needs friends, and except me, I don't need no more friends.

You patience, I need.

A wife, friends want everybody.

I'm so so tired, I'm so so I'm tired of my own company.

This is not a dating pot, Yes it is.

That's the only reason I agreed to get on camera. I'm like, hey, this is a good this is better than tender right here.

Keep histro and you guys just know that we did a couple of episodes in one day. That's why Triple is wearing the same outfit. She doesn't love this outfit so much. Again, you know what I'm saying.

Yeah, she has some real friends told her to change your clothes, but she ain't got no friends.

I don't have a wife at home. I gotta do everything myself.

Wife would have remembered, you're shooting three athletes today.

Exactly, she said. She would have said, hey, why you got these other three shirts hanging up? Do you need to take them with you? And I would have been like, yeah, thanks.

I need you guys to stop reducing wifehood to pack in your laundry. Okay, enough is enough? All right, women have done way more to be reduced to pack and laundry. I'm not accepting.

I've been with enough you organized women to know that's not true. You know a lot of these women, they out here living foul. I don't want, y'all.

I don't want.

I don't want.

Anyway.

That's my moment in truth.

It my moment of truth is friendships are like flowers. Some blossom in season and some don't. Well, you find a good friendship, make sure you nurture it. Come on, I have some really good friends. Matt is a really good friend, and I try it. I see in Brooklyn anyway.

That is a fact you're not going to see.

But if you need, if you need to call Matt. And you were standing island and you blew to your tires out and you got to tow your card. Say at one o'clock in the morning, he got in the morning, two o'clock in the morning, he got drift from Brooklyn to damned New Jersey is going to do it. So once you have a good friend, please don't take advantage of that friendship and nurture that friendship.

Oh, you guys are having a moment over there.

I love that we're not having a moment.

I'm talking to the people.

Was his moment of truth?

Is the moment of truth, But it ain't a moment between us.

I'm glad Josh knows that because if Josh ever called me to in the morning, it'd be like this, And I'll be honest with you.

If I called you and I said, Bro, I need you, I know you'll be there.

So you already know that. Bro, if you called me to in the morning, I would know that this emergency and I'd be like, you're with the the second.

Second call, second ring or the first.

This is my honest truth, Bro, When people in the morning, I always know it must be something and that I'm always.

Picking especially at that time of night.

Yes, I want to be like, who did.

That's exactly how I feel that.

I understand. I understand.

Oh my gosh, mine was CHURCHI your friendships that you do have the ones you value, charge them, put put you all into them, value, value those people.

I like.

Also like what you said give people grace, like friendships are not forever. People grow apart. Some friendships are for a season, some some or not.

It'll end yea and life be life and sometimes y'all.

The exhil.

Oh, my god.

Be sure to find us, y'all on Patreon because we cut up even more patre okay, you can see exclusive after show footage as well as more exclusive Ellis ever After content, and you can find us on social media our new social media page.

On Instagram Ellis ever After. You can find me at Kadeen.

I am and I Am deval And if you're listening on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate reviews subscribe all right.

You can follow me Underscore Matt Ellis I thought he was gonna follow.

You can follow me at Joshua Dwayne as j O s h u A Underscore d w A I.

N and I'm at Trips The Cool on Everything t ri ibb Z The Cool Cool baby, And.

As we always do with the we love y'all dead ass.

We're gonna keep the dead ass if you still keep a new real baby. Ellis ever a.

God. Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Lashawan Rothe

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