Four Whole Boys For Good

I'll make you need therby most days. Wow. Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we all we created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow Talk

to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. I'm gonna take you guys back. I know we've talked a lot on dead as a podcast about my vision when we started the conversation about what I wanted to do, and we've never really talked about all of the dreams you had. And I'm gonna take you guys back to when I fell in love with Condeen already. We had a conversation when we had our first date about what

I wanted to do. And everyone's heard that conversation about Martin Beyond TV and saying I wanted to do that, but we never ever talk about what Cadeen says she wanted to do. I remember watching this young, like energetic, extremely articulate, which was this is no knock to anyone from Brooklyn, but I was used to the Brooklyn girls being round the way girls, even the intelligent ones were extremely still like like hood like. You know what I'm saying,

And I love that you know what I'm saying. All the West Indian women that I dated spoke with an accent. They were you know, you could tell which island they were from. But when I met you, you were so articulate that I did not know you a West Indian. Sound like I was from the Midwest. Yes, you sound like you were from the Midwest. And then I was trying to understand why did she talk like that? But then you did pageants and she won a lot of pageants.

Then we get to college and she says to me in this conversation, well, I always wanted to be a news reporter. And I kid you not. She says she wanted to be a news reporter and the first thing I thought of was Oprah. Yeah, and I was just like, well, she definitely talks well enough to be an Oprah, But let me see if she has personality like I said before on a bunch of other podcasts, and I'm a very driven person. Codein says she wanted to stay on campus.

She stayed on campus the first year and we were in the room with her roommate. Not gonna say her name, but we had a roommate, and Codein hated the fact that we had a roommate, so she had hers. She was like, yo, Deval, that's what I was like. Well, she was like, you know, if you become an RA, you get free room and bore plus you get a single And I was like, oh words. She was like yeah,

and she was like I'm gonna become an RA. I was like okay, Like you know, people just say stuff codein, went and filled out the paperwork, did the interviews, and became an RA, then one RA of the Year. While doing that, she maintained at that time, I think it was a three point eight gpa point a gpa and she was a part of Hafter News and Views. I watched her on because I used to watch Hoftren News and Views the same way she used to support me

in football. I used to watch Halfter News and Views because that was my baby that was going to be on TV. That was our news program, that the campus news program. And I watched her become a news anchor. Like everything she said she was going to do, she did it. She became an r she won RA of the Year. She said, I'm gonna go out for Hafter News and Views. She became a news anchor, not just a reporter. She became a news anchor on Hafter News

and Views. She then got upgraded to be an AD when a D of the Year, then became an r D, became r D of the Year. And the only reason why she became an r d's because she said, what, I want to get my master's degree and I want to get it paid for. At that moment in our life. I said, I loved this woman because she says what she wants to do and she goes out and does it, and she does it with style. At that point I knew I was like in love and I'm not talking about lust because we was having a lot of sex

in college. I was in lust, but I was in love with her ambition. I love that. This might be my favorite story time of all story times. I've got to be free, anything free, free, Yes, I'm gonna be no free to be me me anything me. Yeah, you go shout out to miss Dana Ross. Yes, um definitely didn't do with the service that she would have done it. But I'm thinking about being free, baby, but being free

and getting back to work. So speaking of work and paying bills, let's take a quick break, yes, and then we can dive into whatever you're gonna be asking me today. Yes, all right, all right, we're back back. Yes, that was a great story time. I think like I was, you know saying before, Sometimes it's necessary for you to remember and feel what you were and how you felt in those moments, right, what you are? You still are those things right? Yes, it's a little cloudy, No, it's not

you are on them, it's Claire's day you are. And that's when I want to ask you the questions. So before we I'm not gonna let you just dive into So I'm going to ask you questions specifically, Okay, go for it. When we first met in college and you were thinking about your life at any point during that process, were you clear about like, I'm going to have to take a break to have kids with this man, or

were you just like, I'll see what happens. Well, I knew for sure when we started dating and I met you, I knew for sure, like after about two weeks that you were the one, right um. And I knew that having children would require me to of course maybe possibly take some time. But I'd seen the examples around me in my mom and my grandmother, who were in my eyes, super successful women who were career women, but also amazing mothers.

And I felt like, in that moment, everything that I wanted to do in my life as a young teen, whether it was pageants, dance, school, being editor in chief of a newspaper at school, like, whatever it was that I wanted to do, there was no limitations, and there was really no distraction either. And I know my mom's number one fear when we started dating was that I was just going to be distracted from doing all of

the things that I wanted to do. And to her point, I think you were, in part a distraction, But she was right. Yeah, she was right. You were definitely a distraction, but also too not a distraction that discouraged me from

doing the things that I wanted to do. So, knowing that eventually we would be married and I would have children, I just felt like it would be easy for me to juggle a career and children and a husband, because why, I've seen people do it, and they do it successfully to my knowledge, right, So I thought it would just be something that would just naturally come easy to me,

being able to juggle all of the things. I didn't really foresee what it would look like when I did have children, and wanting to then now take the time to actually be at home with my children. That's something that threw me for a loop, and I felt the struggle once we finally had Jackson to want to continue to be a contributing member of the family by working and doing my own thing and still trying to find my way into the industry that I went to school

for and so much loved. But then there's just like this little boy at home who's completely changed my life. So, just to be clear, growing up as a young lady was successful mean in your family, your mom, your grandmother, No one explained to you how difficult the balance would be being a career woman. Even though you had these examples to watch, No one sat you down and said this is what it's going to take. Absolutely not it

didn't or no one did. I should say I did see it happen where women were juggling these things around me, like mom and grandma and my aunts and stuff, But I didn't know the burnout that was involved in that, or I didn't know what sacrificed or what went on the back burner when other things thrived. So you could be an amazing career woman and give your job one hundred and ten percent, you can be an amazing mom

and give yourself one hundred and ten percent. Are you going to be the same as a wife or vice versa. You may be an amazing wife, but are you a shitty mom because you don't feel like you can divide the time. It's like something always suffered. So you're saying it was three versions of you. There was three versions of your mom that you watched. It was the wife, the mom, the career woman, and then fourth would be

her as a person. And then okay, so for the or, it would have to be her as a person first, just take care of herself, right, then she has to be what would be next? Next? She would have to be her as a wife, her as a wife, right, her as a mom a and then her as a career woman. So so there was these four people that

she had to take care of. First, you have to take care of her serf herself, then her husband and her kids, then her career in that order, right, And you feel I think you would think that, okay, And when you watched her, did it seem like And then when I watched her as I got older, I was like, oh, okay, So she as an individual was at the very bottom of the totem pole, okay, the very bottom. Very rarely did I see her take the time to take care of herself. She was supposed to be number one, right,

She was always last. She was always last. And the reason why I said she was supposed to be number one because at the rate that she was working at, the rate that she was trucking me and my brother and my sister at this event and that competition and that pageant, and the way she was moving. I never saw her take time to re report into herself, right to refill her cut. So I felt like she was

always operating in a deficit lack of sleep. I would wake up at a random three am in the morning to use the bathroom, and she'd be up doing what paperwork notes, catching up on stuff that she should fall behind them because she had two jobs. She was doing so much to make sure that we were able to do everything that we wanted to do. So she fell to the very bottom. So she was last. What do

you think came first, work mom or wife? I think I think she was definitely nick and neck would have been working mom, okay, right, because her job when we were growing up afforded her the opportunity and the flexibility to be able to be there for us as children to jump in. If you know, say Kadeen has an early practice that she has to get to, you know, I can schedule my patients around us so I can get that little time in between to make that pta meeting or make that practice, so she found time to

prioritize work and motherhood. Working motherhood for sure, for sure, And then underneath that, I would say, I wasn't too privy to like how my parents' relationship was when I was a teenager. You know, there certain things that you noticed as a teenager, and you're just like, I don't know about that, but I know for sure that my dad and her were definitely starting to kind of as the years went by, it seemed like there was a

disconnect happening there. So that fell as well. And I asked that question because I think it's clear to point out that even though you grew up in a house with a successful woman as far as every aspect of her life, no one ever explained to you going into womanhood what that would look like. The reason why I wanted to ask that question is because at any point, when we start to get serious, did you ever say how am I going to balance my career, my relationship

and when I'm ready to start having kids? Never? I always just thought it was something that would just happen, you know, when they say, oh, when a woman has a baby, like becoming a mother is just natural instinct is going to kick in and she will just naturally do what she thinks is best for herself and her child.

And that does happen to an extent, But nothing naturally happens when you're considering another whole ass human who's an adult aka your spouse, who has their own working mind, their own working way of doing things, the way that they receive things, the way they want things done, and then having you, who was particularly demanding as just a person in general. Right, I didn't know what that was going to look like for me, So things that I thought that would just naturally kind of happen and figure

themselves out never did. So then that required me to then say, shit, like a lot more energy than I thought now has to be placed into Kadeine as a wife, right because now I'm not going to be considering what I need per se. I want to be considering what

this man needs, my husband needs. And the reason why I'm asking this question is not only just so women can understand that, but men and understand that, or any significant other they can understand that when you just expect someone to come into life having both their parents, it's watching their mom be successful. Because I remember saying to you a lot of times, your mom worked a full time job and I had the kids, and you should be able to do it. Yeah, the first person to

ever have to do this. Yes, no one ever taught you, Which means we should start having grace for women going through this process of beginning to have children and be a wife and be a career woman, and to understand that no one has taught her how to balance this, so she's learning on the job. And if I would have known more then that I know now, I would have been a little bit more understand well, a lot more understanding that that shit that that transition is major.

It's a major transition because it's a whole lot of figuring out. So not only is it now, and it depends on what order things happen for you, right, So for us, it was us being deliberate about we're dating, and then we got married and we had children. So you have children before you get married like that throws a whole nother dynamic inst the mix. Too. But but did you at any point say I have to a

lot time in my career to have kids. As a man, I've never had to think about You've never had to be like, Damn, I'm gonna be working on these films and these projects and playing football, but if I get pregnant, I might have to stop, right. I've never had have you had to think about that? Of course I thought about that, So I've thought about that a lot. And also depending on the number of children we're going to have.

And over the course of how many years, my fear was always being in a field like broadcasting or being on television. First off, the way you look is your business, right, that's your business card. That's what people see first. So there's that pressure to make sure that you're looking and feeling your best right. But then there's also there's never

a cookie cutter way to enter into that industry. So when you're hot and someone knows who you are, and your career tends to be taking off, do you really want to now stop and take time to not have a child, be away for six weeks or more and then potentially be forgotten in the industry and then someone new coming in and taking that slot. That's something that I figured and that's what has been in the backroom,

always in the back of my mind. Something that you've had to kind of decide, like I'm gonna make a choice to do this or not. Right, So it's like, am I gonna make a choice to say, Okay, we're not going to have children. Now, let me go full

throttle into my career. Let me make some segue or some headweight into advancing my career, and then potentially having to stop that momentum because I know that once I have this baby or I get pregnant, I'm going to be out of the running for say ten months plus postpartum,

so it's potentially a year and a half. To y'all, head, y'all head dacota do y'all had dacoda, everybody, this is proof that we do the podcast at home when you had the baby client in the background and then me, I literally stopped everything and I'm listening to like, who got them? Does anyone have them? So that's life? Right,

That's life? What was I saying? So we're so I'm concerned about now having to take a break from that ascension to then being out for potentially a year and a half to two years to have a baby, go through the postpartum phase, potentially breastfeed, nurture, all that, going back into the workforce, not even knowing how hormonally I'm going to feel now having to then leave my baby to go back to work. That whole process is just it was daunting for me and it's not anything that

I thought about prior to. So I'm about to cross my leg because I have a very difficult question here is this is the interview or leg cross? Oh my gosh, I love it, which no socks. Was there any point during our marriage where you were pregnant and you regret making the choice in that moment because you felt like you had started to make headway and had to stop to have a baby? Does a tough question? That's a question, and I want the truth, yes, the truth, the whole truth,

and then but the truth. So, getting pregnant with Kaz so so soon after Cairo definitely threw me for a loop. I don't think necessarily there was a career thing that was happening, but it was just I just had a baby, Like I literally just had a baby. Kiro was only six months and then Kaz popped up as a surprise like I am, and I was like shit, like I'm still in the postpartum phase, like I'm still nursing Cairo, like how can I be just having a baby and

about to have another baby at the same time. That was an extremely stressful time for me because I was thinking about the idea first of having two children under two. My career wasn't even a thing at that point. Yes, it was. I remember, see see this is this is how, that's how cloud of my judgment probably was concerned about that. But I remember, um, I had made the video with Cairo and they had gone viral, and we had started to get a lot more opportunities, and you were getting

a lot more hosting opportunities. Is that when I was with the Hot Zone USA. No, you weren't with the House, remember, because you had you had gotten pregnant. You had stopped the Hot Zone. This was okay, But this was when I had made the video in April of Cairo and I had gone viral, and then both of our social media started to blow up. Then we both started to get a lot more opportunities for you to talk about the process and talk about different things. And then Black

Love had happened. And when Black Love had happened, yes, we had met with Tommy and Cody and I might have just been I didn't know you didn't know, but I remember Cody saying, Man, you would be great to host these different segments. We had ideas for Blacky and then you got pregnant with Cass and I was like, man, like, we had met some people who at the time they lived in LA. Tommy had some connections. Cody was building

out her whole idea for black Love. Yes, they were looking for correspondence and looking for people to head these segments. And we lived in New York, right, We're thinking about the about the move to LA, and we were saying we're gonna move to LA. And then you got pregnant. We said we can't move with you being pregnant, right, So I remember with two and a half kids. Yes, I remember saying that, I'm just like, how are we gonna move to LA with two and a half kids

and no help? And there were so many things that going through our minds, and I remember saying, like, man, like her getting pregnant might have stopped her from getting another opportunity. The reason that's why I asked about the regret regret question because I was like, I remember that in particularly like, man, we were moving, we were moving, and it's like she's pregnant again, and it was okay, let's sit still, yeah, because we're gonna need help in

our villages here. And that was for the first time I had felt like your our pregnancy had halted our ascension in a different direction. Correct, well, not really our because you were free to do whatever you wanted to, and I was going to support you either I'm going to move to LA and let my families. Well not the LA move, but I'm like you, even if something became available in the in LA. You were free to go to LA and say you had to work like you always have the freedom to do that, and I didn't.

But the move to LA, to me, was going to be the change that sparked other opportunities for both being in events, for both of us being at events and people getting a chance to meet us. It's like recently, you go places and people get to see you in person and then their producer or their business partner. Right, so much networking is involved because this business is based on relationships, Yes, and it's important to say that, especially what we're talking about now. People always say this thing,

you know, Well, they don't say this thing. It's not about what you know, what's who you know, it's even deeper than that. It's not even about who you know, it's about who knows you. Yes, right, And I felt like every time you had to stop and take a year and a half off those people who knew you was out of sight, out of mind. Right, I had Kaden in mind for this, right. Being in the industry is so fickle, It really is so fickle. You were in a position, I think it was three years ago,

to be on a daytime talk show. We can't disclose with who else, and everything was in the works. The producers contacted you wanted the reel, We sent the reel over everything that's moving, and she got pregnant, and then the show got canned and went in another direction, did

a whole another daytime TV show. And that's what made me realize, like, wow, as a woman, there's so much more to think about when you're starting this process of light of creating life, and everything else in your life has to stop, has to stop, so you know, after you know where the conflict arises. For me, So I think about driven, ambitious Kadeen, who was you know, doing

pageants winning pageants? When I met you, I had just want a national pageants, um, you know, news and views, you know rd A d of the Year, all that good stuff. That passion and that vigor for career success altered for me when I started having children because it made me reassess what was my real purpose in life. It made me reassess how important career ascension was for me when I eventually had now three children. Extremely confused,

extremely confused, Still confused a bit to this day. But I think the relief that I have now life after the v sectimyum, No, Well, first of all, that's what let's be clear. Life hasn't really officially begun after visits sect to me until the val goes to get the sample checked. Y'all. De Val has not been back to get his sample checked. And until I know that the pipes are clear and the swimmers ain't swimming no more,

we ain't really in the clear yet. Okay, Because if you recall season eight or nine, I had my best friend Bianca here, and Bianca told the story about her having her fifth child after v sectomy that was not clear. So we're gonna do that first. Well, I like how she says, devoted and go back to get his sample checked. We did this together as a team. Someone has to help me get the sample out. I've been helping you. Okay, listen, listen,

I've been helping you. The doctor said, twenty to twenty five times, approximately six to eight weeks, you would have gotten you're twenty to twenty five times within at least twenty to twenty five days. This is where the kid the cap starts. CoDeeN said to me a couple of weeks ago. Yo, this day, we're gonna wake up. I'm gonna get that sample out and we gonna go. Did you wake me up to get the sample out? Miss missus right then? Don't let it all up to me

and be like de viol ain't do this. No, she didn't get up with me to help me get the sample out, Because we want out several times. We just have to collect it and take the specimen in. So once this did we once this round the sample like we had planned once this round of podcasting? Question? You see, I'm answering the question. No, no no, no, no no, did we get up collect the sample together like morning? Right then? So don't say devout didn't we didn't? We over me?

We not d over me. We Well, I won't be over that d until we make sure we get that sample cleared and I can get off for this mini pill because I am technically not in the clear either. I got on the mini pill just in case, just in case. Devot Swimmers is over the hard part. Already, get the hard part already, I got snip snippity, the stipties is done. We supposed to collectively collective say this, like I was trying to say once, this round of

podcasting is done. This week Monday morning, take the kids to school. Let's just get the sample out and we'll go. Deal. Can we shake on that? We shake on? He enjoys this whole sample collection process because so many times we want to collect the sample and the sample has ended up elsewhere. TM I, you didn't get the cup out. It's not on me. You have one job, but you made me completely lose my training throat. What were we

talking about again? No? No, but you you were talking about how And it's actually going to lead me into a question. I've never had that thought process of I'm going to be doing all these things and I may have to stop to have children, right, but life after of a sector me? Now is the time to feel free? Yes you no, longer. Right you, you feel like you have done your part for humanity. You've contributed four new lives into the world. Right now, you don't have to

be concerned with that anymore. Do you feel like your thoughts are clearer? Do you feel like your vision is clear? Don feel like That's really what I wanted to get to, because that takes me back. I wanted to ask those questions first because I need both young women to understand what that thought process is and to understand that how easy you think is done. For example, people say this all the time, Oh, you guys, how you balance life and work? You guys make it look so seamless and easy.

It's not. And what happens is we as people watch other people do it, and they make it look easy that we think that once it happens for us, it's gonna be easy until we hear stories and they're like, wait a minute, y'all were going through all of that, how come nobody never said it. Well, we're gonna say it. It's not easy. We're being here struggling, we being here tired, we being here not liking each other, we being here not liking our kids. The kids don't be liking us

like it'd be a lot going on. It's a day by daycase by case scenario. But what I can say, we were talking about confusion, right, having that confusion round Cadeen, who I knew, and I was very in touch with three kids pre marriage, that young, vibrant teen, late twenties. That's just like yo, I could do all of these things.

I didn't anticipate or understand or know how much of that was going to shift once I had children, because then there's desire to then be there for every moment in all those moments with my children, and now you have multiple children, there's four different people like I mean, and I'll be honest and admit to you guys that after we had Dakota, even prior to having Dakota, while I was pregnant with Dakota, devout, I debated about having

a fifth child. Yes, we literally said we'd pull another Cairo and Kaz right because we felt like we were in a space where we had the help, we had the resources where if we had one more child, we'll be fine, you know. So Dakota was going to have a little playmates soon after I might have been pregnant now based off of how we were trying to plan everything, and then I felt like God kind of knew better and was like, girl, I'm gonna give you a little

bit of this postpartum preclampshits. You could know that y'all are good, you know. And it's funny how I was very conflicted in this moment because I was telling Trivile the other day that I felt like I didn't officially made the decision to stop having children or to be done, because I know we were debating on a fifth I felt like the decision was made for me because of my health. Yeah, so I did feel a little bit of a way because I felt like as just a

woman who was in control of my body. So I think that I wasn't officially being able to say I'm done having children. You know, it was just made for me.

But I said, you know, God truly knows best. Because I then wonder if I would have even had the capacity to deal with and to love on and to give the utmost attention to one more person in my life, Like I already feel like I have to divide myself into five for you and then our four boys, and then whatever I get left for myself I would not have been able to do that with one more person, But I mean I think you would have if it was plans. I do feel like this. You didn't ask

to come here. God allowed that. Well. God created that moment for you to be here. So in that sense, God doesn't have to tell you what's next for you. He does it the same way he didn't have to ask your permission to be here. True, So if we start to allow that to be our reality and say when things happen to us that are out of our control, for example, don't say why we're not why wasn't I able to control that? Instead, God has gotten me here gracefully.

I'm doing well, living in an abundance, listening to His order and walking in the footsteps he provided. Let me continue out of that path so I could continue to be prosperous, instead of saying, why didn't God allow me to do this on my terms? Nothing here has been on your terms. Nothing. Absolutely, as much as we try to control nothing and didn't choose your money and choose your dad, you didn't choose when we were going to meet each other. All of these things are divine intervention.

And then you have to make choices throughout that and that that leads me to my next question. Do you feel now that the thought of pregnancy not childrearing because that's never gonna end. We're gonna be rearing children until

they're in their thirties and forties. Like that's never ends, right, right. Yeah, so not so much childrearing, but the thought of having to stop to grow someone inside of you, deal with the hormonal changes, and breastfeed after the child is here and postpartum in prenatal the thought that that is no longer in the picture for you. Does that make you feel any different as a woman. It makes me feel free. Yeah, it goes back to me feeling free, But it also makes me feel like I am now like I've done

I've done my fair share, right. I was blessed to be able to conceive naturally. My body did everything it was supposed to do. I feel successful in that. It's almost like I can now check that off my list of things. Right. We talk about the list of things that better everyone has, particularly women, there's these age rangers. You want things to happen, and I can officially like just put a goal star and say Cadine, job, well done. On that. So now I have to refocus and shift

to Okay, what am I going to do next? I have had a bad habit of self sabotaging over the years, right, because let's be real, and I can be real with myself now as I reflect, there were moments after having Jackson, after having Cairo Katz where I could have probably and

more than likely progressed career wise. Absolutely talked about this because of different moments or opportunities that I could have capitalized on, and I didn't because I fell back into this comfort zone of feeling like, but yeah, I can I can use the kids in his excuse, or I know that I'm probably going to have another kid, so I'm gonna just sit and wait until I get pregnant had this baby, and then I'll pick it up. That's

part of my procrastination style question. So what you're saying is is that you you the fact that you were going to have more kids as a reason not to move forward as fast as you can in your career. Yes, because you just was like fear, fear, fear of failing, fear of being an adequate, fear of not being able to be there for my children in the capacity that I want to be because I would have work obligations.

The thing that's so amazing to me now about the career space that I'm in is that I have the flexibility. Like all people ultimately want is autonomy over their time to do the things that they want to do, that they love to do. Like what are we all really searching for? What is this whole like rat race of working and trying to make money? Why so we can have the time to do the things that we want

to do. And my fear was always that I would be in a deficit as a mom where as a wife, and I struggle constantly with that balance between family and work because I never want to have to continually pull myself away from my family for work obligations because my kids may need me or my husband may need me. And it's particularly interesting for us in our dynamic because you are in a career field that will require you

to be a way for extended period of time. So there's going to be for example, when you were in Ottawa filming for three weeks, Imagine if I had a job or I was on a daytime television show where I had to be required to sit and be in studio at this particular time, I couldn't just up and pick up the kids and bring us spend to Canada to see you for that family time. We don't function well that way. But that doesn't have anything to do

with pregnancy though. That's using the fact that you have kids as a way to procrastinate on what you Really that's not going to change the fact that I have a vasectomy, because you can always use the kids as it was excused for sure, And that's my conflict now. So that's what I'm saying. So, do you feel like you have a greater fear now that you don't have an excuse to say, well, I'm gonna get pregnant. That's

exactly it. That's exactly it. It's a greater fear and it's even more of an uncomfortable space that I've been and like people have been asking me recently, like so, how does it feel to be done? And like what are you going to be doing next? Like that's the question everybody wants to know, like what are you going to be doing next? And that is a bigger fear for me now. It's like, damn, as I now approach what is going to be the beginning of the rest of my life. My children are only going to get

older and more demanding. Absolutely, they're only going to be involved in more activities that they're gonna want me to be there for. Like it broke my heart when Jackson was like, you know, damn, I wish daddy was here at my banquet, Like this is exactly why I don't want to be an actor. And I was like what, and He's just like, yeah, because you miss moments like this. And to him or to us, it might have been like, oh, he's gonna have more football banquets, gonna be at more banquets.

To him, it was his first and he wanted you there. So I just fear that both of us, also doing this career thing in this particular industry, that it may force either of us or both of us at times to be away from home. So that's something that I struggle with now as I'm looking towards life after the visseect.

To me, it's no longer delaying because of pregnancy. It's now trying to figure out how we're going to be the best parents that we could be, how I can be the best wife that I can be, and how I could still be of service to myself and max out on the potential and the talent that I have. Like I have the ability to do so many things, but what is going to take precedence over the other. You know what I'm learning right now that your fear

of it was never your fear of pregnancy. So even me having to a sect to me and you're not getting pregnant, it has eliminated a fear of you getting pregnant again, But it will never eliminate the fear you have of being inadequate as a mom, which is what I'm learning, which is crazy, right. I have small fear of being inadequate as a father, which is why I work so hard to try to be the best that

I can be. But that's not going to stop me from doing what I have to do to provide, because I feel like my greater responsibility is to be a provider, not which is gonna sound crazy, right, not to be present all the time, To be a provider so that I can give my children and my wife autonomy to

do the things they want. Where you feel like your greater responsibility is to be present, yes, and not so much to be a provider, But that's so us though, right, because historically not historical well, historically yes, historically and traditionally us being I would say, having a pretty traditional dynamic with our relationship and the way we want to do things. You always are utmost in forefront about being the provider. Yes, So if that means, like you said, you have to

be away, I'm going to be away. I'm gonna face him my kids every day when I'm here, I'm going to be super present because when you are home, you're super present, and I just allow that time because I'm like, you know what devils know when he's gonna be up and going again, but in your absence, aside from having my parents here twenty four seven, to be that the kids ultimately want their parents. So now that's going to be my new struggle moving into what's the rest of

Kadeen's life going to look like? Because I want to be able to maximize the potential that I have as you know, a coast, as a potential daytime talks or host, as an actor. I want to be able to do all those things. But my struggle is like, how am I going to do those things but then maintain the presence in my household? For my children. It's funny how we both have the same struggle we do, but we

lean onto what's our biggest priorities. Yes, and it also makes me wonder if these priorities were social constructs that we just brought into For example, the more traditional thing like for me, my priority is always going to be protect and provide, even if I'm not as present, where some people will feel like, well, less a fucked up thought process because you have to be there for your kids. And my thing is, yeah, I could always be home for my kids, and my kids and I could be struggling.

I could be home all the time, right, and they could be struggling. Or right, I could be away fifty forty five percent of the time and my kids can be able to have the ability to do what they want. What's more important for me, being a traditional person, my job is not to be here all the time, like um Fences and Troy says, I'm not supposed to you. You don't I'm not supposed to like you, like you don't have to like me. My job is to put a roof over your head, right, you got food in

your belly, right, that's my job. I honestly feel like that's my job and to hear you talk even though you can't get pregnant again. You know, when we get the you know, everything checked out right, your biggest concern is going to always be are you adequate as a mom?

As a mom? And that's and that requires your presence as a mom, like you said on a previous episode, And you've always said that, seeing as though your parents were absent from home when you guys had to come home from school, for example, and no one was there to receive you, and you had to be big brother to like oversee, and you wanted a wife who would be home when their children get home. I always wanted the same thing, like I want to be able to

pick my kids up from school. I want to be in the carpool line those days, Like those are things that I want to be able to do. And we lean heavily on my parents now because they're here and it's just two extra set of two extra setsive hands to help. But I don't think there's anything more than the light in the eyes of our children when they see that it's mommy picking me up today, it's Daddy

picking me up today. Do you do you know how much This conversation has helped me understand your thought process because like, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you why when I met you, think about where I'm coming from. We were both super ambitious, right, we were both killing it in the grades academically may being a Division one athlete, you're getting r D of the Year idea, Like, we were both killing it. In my mind, I've never thought

about stopping to get pregnant. So in my mind is that we're just gonna keep going and going and going and going. In your mind, you've always thinking like at some point, I'm gonna have to stop it because we both say we want kids, somebody's gonna have to be there. Every time you used to stop or sit back to make sure that that was taking care of. I used

to be like, oh, she's procrastinating. Oh she's excuses because like you, I used to look at my mom, who my mom was a full time career woman and she was a mom. But then I also remember now like it clicks back to me, there were days when my dad cooked and my mom didn't cook with My mom came home late because she was working and she had staff meetings late, and then she came home late, and

then my dad had already made dinner. So when I think about it now, all the things I used to judge you for and say, like she just don't want her dreams enough and she procrastinates, it's just a completely different mindset because as a woman, your priorities aren't have never been just my career. And this is you, not all women, because some women like I don't want to have kids. That's even if I have children. I'm gonna

hire this nanny and there's no shame to that. But they're like, yo, this is my career, this is what I want. I need my ascension to happen in this route. I need to provide my kids this lifestyle. So I'm gonna hire this nanny and they're gonna take good care of my children. And I'm gonna pop in when I can. And that's fine and that works for them, But I know I always wanted to be more of a hands on mom. I think I also too. Just look at how time is just a thief. Yeah, Time is a thief.

And I'm like Jackson already like just knowing that more than half of his life with us, it's gone, it's gone. He spent eleven years us already he only has seven years left before he goes to college. Shit makes me so emotional because I'm just like, I know what, I know, I know, you know, Like what have I done substantial enough for him in eleven years? Like I haven't done enough that he's gonna be like my mom used to and my mom I know, I know. Now I want him to be able to look back and say, my

mom taught me this. Like now I see he's getting more interested in the kitchen. For example, I and pulling him in the kitchen for a couple of years and now he like last night, he's like, Mama, want to be from broccoli, And I'm like, okay, we're not gonna order chinese food. I'm gonna find a recipe to make it together. And we made it together and it was our first time doing it, and he kind of just

loosely watched me when he came home for practice. But like, I want to be there for moments when he's showing interests and things like that so he can look back at my mom, she did this, she was here, you know. Okay, let me tell you something. We did a podcast and I cried thinking about Jackson, Right, But think about what we cried about. You cried about did I spend enough time that he's going to remember my presence there? I cried about did I prepare my son to be a

productive man in society? Think about our mindsets and why we as a couple sometimes can't get on the same page about what we want for each other. Because I'm looking at you through my male lens and saying that if she thought like me, she would be more successful in her career. Right, you know what I'm saying, And then you'll be looking at me through your female lens saying Devout needs to slow down and think about the

time he's spending or not spending with his family. And we often get at each other not realizing that your perspective is rooted in your your reality. Like you, what you want for yourself, it's completely different than what I wanted for you, right, And it's this moment right here is kind of creating some clarity, yeah, as to why

it is that way. And you know it's also particularly hard for me is when people look at me who know me the best, That would be like you, or my mom or my dad, or my siblings or just family. Who knows Kadein the go getter, the ambitious one, the ambitious one, the one who is always achieving everything and being like like my mom literally is always just like I can't wait till you're doing this. I can't wait

till in your own daytime TV. And you know the view they're looking for someone new, like you know, and she's always looking at me with this like, okay, so what's next for you? Kdein, like what's next for you? And I understand that she is speaking from a lens of probably in her own way saying I invested everything in y'all, everything in y'all, And she is in a sense it's probably like, well, what do I have to show for it as a human being, as a woman,

as a person who am I as a woman? Now that I've raised my children, y'all are doing your own things. Because also to kids have a way of doing their own thing and eventually probably disappointing you, Like you know, you put so much into children, you just never know sometimes what's going to happen regardless of how you've raised them. So I think she also looks at it like Kadean, like you have so much potential, like she probably knew she had so much potential that was untapped. She doesn't

want me to miss that moment. And I feel like I disappoint The adults around me look at me and say like, damn, KaDee, like you could be doing so much more. I'm glad you brought this up. Your your mom, and your perspective is completely different. This now, this is gonna blow minds. Check this out right, what we feel and what we want is not specific to our gender. Think about your parents, right, Your dad doesn't care about ascension. Your dad cares about the time he spends with his

kids and making sure his family is good. Whereas your mom's very career driven. She cares about titles. She wanted to get her master's degree, she wants to be director of nurse and she wanted to ascend to different places and continue to make more money to have the autonomy so that her kids, yeah, can do more things. Right, And that's not gender specific, because your mom was the more ambitious one and was like, I want more, whereas your dad was like, we have enough to sustain and

maintain to why are we pushing more? Right? But that also shows because the two of them never took time to consider the other one's wants and needs, not as a wife, not as a husband, and what the gender role was supposed to be, but what they want as an individual. They started to kind of separate because they couldn't understand each other. Your mom kept saying, why didn't your dad more ambitious? He's a man, a man should

do this. Your dad used to be like, your mom is a woman, Why don't she just be at home and cook? Remember? Why don't she do these and things? And it's like, yo, let's stop putting gender specific roles

on people. Let's start trying to understand where they are mentally going into this thing called life, so that when pivots happened, you're not saying, well, you're not being the person I expected you to be right or thought you were going to be, or not the standard as an eighteen year old, like you continue to look at me like and you have moments where you're just like, damn, but when we were in college, k, you used to

do this, this, that. In the third I just like, look out much as fucking change since college money, You're like, hs been formal people. We added to the family. We have a whole career. We have a whole team of people we work with, we have a whole man Like, there's so many things that are so different, and when you look at me sometimes you're just like, damn, I

just missed like my girlfriend. That's why now I'm more deliberate about going back to those sweet spots and moments and trying to recreate that for us, because we need that balance, like you need your girlfriends sometimes, right, and sometimes I need to focus in and be mom and

be on it. Sometimes I need like just at the top of the year, I felt like the house was not in shambles, but there was so much stuff to be done in the house that I, as a mom and wife and someone who wants to keep a home, wasn't able to do in the past year because we were so insanely busy with work and travel. So it's like sorting through clothes and taking stuff to goodwill and donations and you know, sorting through closets and refolding clothes and organizing. I'm like, I couldn't do any any of

that because I was literally doing everything else. You know. It's just and you wonder sometimes while you're just like, well, you know, we have a deadline for this. The Nori says, this is doing. I was able to get this done and you weren't able to get done. And it's like, it's because I had so many other things that are on the back of my brain that I'm thinking of that I'm just like Dan, like all these things in

the house, all these things for the kids. Say, it's okay to say it just was not as important as the other thing. It wasn't. But here's the thing. When we first met, I thought we were in alignment about what was most important, and at that moment, it was

our career. It was and to me being being the next Tyler Perry or bigger than Tyler Perry, the next Will Smith, bigger than Will Smith, the next Kevin Hart, bigger than Kevin Hart, to me, that's still my priority, whereas to you being the next Oprah or being the next Lane or like, that's just not as important to you. And I think it just made me realize that I have to stop expecting all of the dreams we talked

about at eighteen to still be the same the same. Yeah, well, I know we were supposed to be talking about life after the sect of me and how much has changed and how much, But I'm realizing not much is going to change because you still prioritize being a mom more than you do being a career woman. I even see it on your social media post. I'd be like, yo, you ain't posting five or six days and you'd be like, so like you, like you have so much other things

that you've done. I've been and I've just I've just been enjoying present time with the kids, Like I see how important that is. I see how much they needed, how much they enjoy it when we just sit, Like when you were away for the Sherry Shepherd Show, Jackson and spent a lot of time together that day, and it was just great to have conversation with him. Yoh, He's a freaking dope ass human being. It's like you

learn something new about your kids every day. And I passed the ACS to him and he's playing these songs and I'm just like, yeah, what you know about this music? Like it's just so interesting to see and connect with your children on that level. And I just love And it may be in part because I can say them to say because they they're my children, but we have some children likes as humans learning who they are. I

just want to continue to tap into that. And I feel like the career things that come organically that make sense for me, I'm going to go for it. I would never pass up on those opportunities because I still want to be able to be active in that and utilize my ability and potential, but not to a detriment of you, and not to the detriment of my children.

That's a that's a good wrap up, Like I understand, I understand now, Like you still want to be a career woman and in that space, but you're not chasing this never ending pursuit conquering conquering titles, and yes, yeah, and then with more and you are. I know you are.

I know you are. And it's like, as much as I enjoy what we do and I enjoy, you know, people knowing who we are and interacting with people, I have the moments where I'm like, I'm going to shut it off and I want to be able to do that, and I feel like I'm missing out on that moment in this fickle ass industry. You know. So there we are. I get you, I get you now. I think constant conversations, y'all, we learned something new every episode about something each other.

It's like the light bulb like literally went off. And I have to I have to thank you for always constantly pushing and driving conversations for us to have because I was never always, over the course of our relationship, very able to or articulate enough each articulate, yes, but not able to organize my thoughts in an eloquent way sometime so that it made sense. So I appreciate you trying to walk me through that so that you can

get an understanding of how I feel. And I'm continuing to work on that and being concise and eloquent with my thoughts. So marriage is a never ending conversation, never ending conversation. All right, let's take a quick break, I think we should take. I get you now, I'm getting all sniffily and emotional, So let's take a break, and then we'll come back and get into y'all's business as I just talked about all mine. All right, and does the letter number one we walk with you today? Yeah?

I believe you. Go ahead, and number one, my wife and I have been together twelve years, married seven Her mother never accepted our relationship and took the stance that her daughter my wife continued in this relationship, or if her daughter my wife continued in this relationship, she would not talk to her. That hurt my wife immensely, and I encouraged my wife to build back that relationship. Her

mother was her best friend. They overtime started talking again and mending that relationship, which was awesome for me because my wife wasn't as sad. I could care less if her mom liked me. In fact, the only reason and the only reason any of it bothered me is because my wife was hurt and to see someone who supposedly has unconditional love for you throw up conditions was is dumb to me. Never bother me until we had kids. Because her mother still does not care about the relationship still, wow,

come on, lady, get the fuck over it. Because her mother still does not care about the relationship. Still, her mom calls and acts like she is not in one.

But this is making me mad, but still wants to talk to my kids and visit them to what my answer is a resounding no. My wife turns the phone, generalizes conversations as if I am in the room, and concedes to me to act like I am not existing in my own home when her mom calls, wow, I have resentment in my being about it, and what I have resentment in my being about it, and my mind says, if she wants to act like you don't exist, then neither do these kids, because these kids are from you.

Give me perspective because my wife gets defensive every time I try to grasp and understanding of why she gets to build a relationship with our kids and they halfway come from there's no fucking way like this is making me mad, feels kind of disrespectful that my wife allows it. That is disrespectful. But what are some thoughts you can

share from this? Appreciate you ps not trying to be right or wrong, just trying to I'm glad you said you're not trying to be right a wrong, just just trying to see what is the problem with me also putting conditions on her getting not fuck that and to know my kids, the kids that come from a relationship a person she decides to ignore. Hell yeah yo yo, signed by I really don't like her, but I'll be trying. Yo. My g No, you can't talk to me years. I'm

taking care of your daughter. Your daughter's good or you want to have a conversation to meet with my kids. Fuck no, that is a hard fuck no, Like I have the same issue with my grandfather, my mother's dad. Like he's not trying to build no relationship with me. He has an issue with my dad and then my mom always trying to be like you know, you should

take your sons over to see your grandfather. Fuck no, Like there has to be you could tell is triggering to me, but there has to be a respect factor, Like you you don't get to choose to be parts of the people life who matter the most to me. Why you ignore me and disrespect me? That's not gonna happen, bro.

And to be honest, your wife's wrong for that man. Like, if we're gonna hold people accountable, you as a woman can't say I want to build a life with this man, but then ignore her, ignore the man when it's convenient for you because you're trying to have a relationship with your mother. People like throwing out the Bible. The Bible says when the wife leaves her family and gets married,

that is now her new family. That means you can't choose to be with your mom over your husband, and then take your kids to be with your mom and ignore your husband. That's just wrong, right, Like how you gonna be on the phone with your mom and then ask him to be quiet in the background. Essentially what he's saying, you gotta make yourself small in your own house while she's on speaker phone where b And the thing is, you are building a union together and your

mom needs to respect that. If your mom can't respect that, then you cannot be around my kids. Because this is what happens. People like to plant seeds in children's mind of things being wrong. You're not gonna plant any seeds in my children's head of anything that could be that you may seem wrong with me and my wife. I don't care what your thought processes. That's wrong, yo. And the thing is, if you can't agree with our union, then you don't need to talk to our kids because

these kids came from this union. You know what I'm saying, And I'm traditional aspect, but come on, give me a break. People like yeah, yo, people be wild selfish when it comes to stuff like that, Like I'm not talking like that's the most childish shit ever. Don't talk to me, you don't exist. But those kids I'm gonna talk to those kids, man, kiss my ass, lady, And I don't get like this, but that shit is triggering to me, Like how you disregard somebody like that? Right, that's just

completely you know what I'm saying. I mean, I don't know if the relationship she has, she never accepted the relationship, so is that she doesn't accept her or is it that she doesn't accept that they may be a same sex couple? Could be gave to us that they're a same sex couples. More than likely her mom doesn't accept the fact that there are same sex couples and her mom needs to right her mom is choosing to take that out on her significant other, still trying to build

a relationship with her daughter once. I have a relationship with the kids, but the partner I'm not talking to, Like, but does that even makes sense? Because if you do have an issue with your child being in the same sex relationship and have the issue with your child, not the person that she's in the relationship with, as if what she converted her or like, but you know how people had that weird like mindset about it. No, I'm gonna say, now, have an issue with yourself Okay, I

have four boys. If one of my boys came out today, say dad, I'm gay. Okay you gay. I'm not gonna stop loving you and choose to make your life right fucking miserable and at whoever it is that you ll both of y'all. All right, that's just what it is, yo. You know what bothers me so much about people? Son? People want it to just project all of their issues on other people and then expect those people to move how they want them to move, even though they wrong,

like you wild wrong right now? Yeah, and then you want to demand the respect. Don't talk to me, but let me have your kids. That is the most wildest yo. Nah, this is your wife speak to her mom about that big time facts and you need to have a conversation with your wife like this is not cool, you know, because she can't continue to make you feel less than

Oh my gosh. And this is triggering to me, guys, I'm gonna be honest, it's triggering to me because I feel like like that within my family, and my whole family is full of heterosexual relationships, but there are certain things about certain family members where they don't approve of

certain relationships. So they take it out on the kids, or they take it out on generations that have nothing to do with it, and then they be so selfish and so egotistical in their own life that everyone has to bend to me, and if they don't bend to me, then I'm going to disregard that person, but then still

asks for that's works. I never talked about this because I never wanted to put my family out there, but it does hurt me and it bothers me that my maternal grandfather chooses to not have a relationship with people in my family, my father, me and my brother, because

of the choices he made in his life. He made the choices, he didn't want to own up to the choices, and he continued to be disrespectful, and when people say could we not take it in the more he choose to not talk to people, but then still ask my mom to bring my kids over there, no like, have you lost your mind? Yeah? And maybe I took this away from them and it is about them, It should be about them. But it triggered me how you will ask for my kids, but you don't talk to me.

Do y'all see how wrong that is? Period period period period. Please, Oh my god, she's making me tight right now, maybe you want to fight somebody ain't gonna lie because that's just got a picture. Yes, from perspective, her mom is wrong right, period, Like we don't talk about who's right or wrong. And you said you didn't want to be right or wrong, but her mom is wrong, period. That's it.

And continue to have conversations with your significant other so y'all can find an amicable way to make the relationship work between y'all within that house. She continued to be. I let my grandfather be, let her be. It's fine to let people know that, you know what, We don't need you am out here. That's a whole fact. That's a whole fact. All. I'm all right now let's let's let's really back in now. Baby. It's so good, it's so good. I get you. No, this is fine, it's fine.

This is what we do. We can relate situations to how they make us feel a based off of our experiences. Right. Next up, my husband grew up in a large group of friends, some from high school, some from his childhood. They all have families, full time careers, and still find time to go out for a bear every now and then. My friendship circle, on the other end, has been more of a struggle over the years. I'm just now getting

in a good place with my relationships. I have different friend groups that I connect with for different things, and I feel like that's okay. My husband, however, tends to think that because my friends don't hang out as consistently as his friends do, that equates to them not being my quote unquote real friends. He's a firm believer that people make time for what they want, so if he sees one of my friends hanging out via social media with other friends, he then questions why I don't get

an invite as well. Although I feel more secure my relationships than I've ever felt in my life, I tend to struggle with how he views my friendships, wondering does he have a point. I feel like I'm always trying to convince him that my friendships are genuine. He loves

me and is very protective over my heart. I know it used to bother him seeing me upset In the past when I experienced flaky friends who didn't put the same effort in as I did with them, I have cried many tears over disappointment if I didn't get invited or friends they're not coming through for me, or I did not have friends coming through for me. My husband

had a front row seat to it all. Now that I'm older and wiser, I really have introduced myself to people regarding how I expect to be treated as a friend. My prospective revolves around meeting people where they are and lowering my expectation for people in general. Would you kind of have to do to avoid disappointment? Right? If they can hang out, that's great. If they can't, I have a backup plan. Anyway. I now believe it's okay to

have different friends for different purposes in life. Sometimes I don't know if I'm adapting this mindset as a defense mechanism or if my perspective is actually realistic. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, You're absolutely right. I think that your husband, in the circumstance is just trying to be kind of your pitbull in the sense because he's seen how these relationships have hurt you in the past, so now he's trying to make sure that you're not embarking

on those situations again. But I feel the same way you feel, Sis. I feel like the friends that I have who are my solid group of friends, my core group of friends who was very very few and far in between. They understand and we have a mutual understanding that we were able to hand a lot in the past. Now life is busy. We all have children, we all

have careers, we all have husbands, some don't. But it's okay because we know that even if we spoke for a week straight or we went six months without speaking, when we finally do reconnect, it's like we pick up right where we left off and there's no hard feelings there. But I can see why your husband might feel like, damn, you know, let me be hypercritical of these relationships now

because in the past you've been crying over them. You got to watch out for people who want to spend time with your kids who don't want to talk to you first. Sorry, that's bothering me, Yeah, because I remember. I remember time's going to my grandfather house and we're doing stuff and him making comments about like, you know, I fixed up myself like a real man. You know, I don't just call people to do that. He was taking shot to my pops. You know what I'm saying

that people Yo, oh, I'm sorry. Don't let people people don't talk to you, don't let them around your kids. That's a fact because because that's people be evil contaminations exactly. People be evil, and they the only reason why. It's a real vindictive thing. The only reason why they want to be around your kids and is to get access to them so they can do things. And it's real evil. Yo, and YO, protect your piece, protect your kids, and protect your heart against friends who ain't shit. But sis, I

think you're very realistic. Going back to the second listed letter bad I got you, I got you, but I got the second one here. I think you're very realistic in your expectations that you have for people. Now, the easiest way to avoid disappointment is to not have expectations. So if you have friends that you put in particular boxes because you know that there's certain friends that you can do certain things with, keep it that way for

your own sanity. If it's a I don't think it's as much of a defense mechanisism as it is being older and wiser and understanding how people work and how friendships. As you get older in life continues to progress and things happen, and life evolves and you add more things to your play as an adult, you're wise enough to know that, listen, a good friend is gonna be a good friend regardless, regardless, I do agree with that. I'm sorry. I just a lot of stuff that's still unresolved. Maybe

another podcast episode, we'll see, we'll talk about that. Like see, I love how we sometimes have a hard time coming up with new exciting topics for y'all, but they kind of kind of rear themselves as we as we talk about different things. You know, I'd be trying to keep like inside, I completely understand talk about because I'm like, fuck that. Yeah, I don't need the expermission for that. You you know what, you know what she don't need

permission for. You don't need permission. You don't need permission to write into us. Okay, you don't need permission, Just write Okay. If you want to be featured as a listener letter, email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A d as A d v I C E at gmail dot com. No permission needed,

all right, Mowing the truth. I feel like we spoke about so many different things in this episode between the listener letters and then everything that we spoke about regarding life after the vasectomy with me, and I think the moment of truth here is this revelation that I had in talking things out with you, and it's that I was foolish to believe that pregnancy was the only thing holding me back from achieving certain things in my life

or ascension within my career. It wasn't just pregnancy. And then the idea of having to stop and restart a career in an already fickle industry. I think it's just me realizing now that the things that I may have wanted when I was younger, as that young, ambitious, vibrant teenager, has shifted a bit now, rightfully so, because I now will be raising for vibrant, beautiful boys who will eventually

become teenagers and men. And I'm doing that with my life partner, who is you that I value your opinion, I value how you feel. I value your goals and dreams as well as mine. So it's me now trying to find a way to make sure that I'm finding a way to style step around what needs to be done in those particular moments so that I'm successful across the board with everything. So my children can feel like man, my mom was there for me when I needed her. My husband can be like man, my wife has been

there for me. And then when my career moves come and those opportunities come and they present themselves, that I'm able to jump into the ones that make the most sense for me and still gives me the autonomy over the time that I so desperately need for my family because I've realized, much like my dad, who is the simple one, that my family comes first. My moment of truth is that that was a long ask moment of truth. You got nerves after going back to the first listen

letter after the second one, We're ready on. But my listener letter is truly truly this. If you are your moment of truth or you listening letter, yeah, you see, I'm still on it out. My moment of truth is simple and is this regardless of who you are or what type of relationship you exist in. Right. If you're trying to be of service to a woman who plans on having children, the best way you can be of service to her in her career is to continuously listen

to what her true wants and needs are. Don't implant what you think their version of what it looks like should be. Just listen to what they're saying. Yeah, because our whole life, you've been telling me that your family's most important, and I've been seeing in my own self that she could be bigger in her career. Rather than listening to what you're actually telling me every day, and instead of putting fault on you for telling me what

it is that's important. If I truly want to be of service and anybody truly wants to be of service to a woman who is bringing forth life, listen to her when she's telling you what it's truly important to her. I love that because when I really think back on it as a kid, when I envisioned my life, the number one thing that I always knew I wanted to be with a mom and wife, And you guys have fulfilled that for me. Surpassed my wildest dreams. Oh yeah, and I'm living in bliss because of that. I'm glad

you added that too. Listen to your husband when he says the same thing, because your dad has been very clear about what's important to him. Absolutely, your mom wanted him to be more ambitious because he's a man, right, don't put your gender expectations on somebody just because you think they can do that better, right, or they should do that better according to societal this is what's important to him. Let that be important to him, and let him thrive in that, and let him thrive in that,

all right, y'all? Be sure to follow us on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content We got extra clips, we got extended video, and find us on social media at dead Ass the podcast. You can find me at Kadeen I am on Instagram and TikTok that's right and I'm at at i am devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review

and subscribe dead Ass Baby. Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as, to podcasts and never miss a Thing,