K forty.
Y'all, that's a sound bite.
That's a sound bite that.
Sounds like an announcement. I'm sure they know by now. If y'all have been following my Instagram, you know, baby, I love it here in the forty forty club. Happy to be here.
Dead ass, dead ass.
Didn't think I would, but I do. Hey. I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Dead ass starts right now.
Storytime, story time?
Are you going to tell the story time? On my fortye?
I got mad stories. Well, not about your fortieth day, but your fortieth year. Yeah, because you had a year for the ages. Let's just use story time to just go over everything that happened for you and your forties.
You mean leading up to forty, because it was technically still thirty nine.
Leading up to forty, this thirty ninth year, because this is your fortieth year.
Forty year, and continue with the same energy, just letting you know that now.
God, may I tell you, I don't know how you can can continue with this energy?
Go ahead.
Number one, You traveled out of the country every month since May. And the only reason why no since April because in April I was in Canada. And the only reason why we didn't go in January, februy March is because we were on tour with the book and with the podcast You Travel. You've traveled to a different country every month. You saw Beyonce five times.
Why do you squint when you say it like that, like you feel some kind of way that I saw.
I don't feel. Listen. I'm I'm an honorary Beehive member, honorary, but I can't imagine seeing somebody perform five times one calendar year.
It was a show, y'all. If you didn't go, sorry.
You went and saw Drake, you saw LLL, you saw an Usher. In the last month, you went to Turks and Kkos, you went to Jamaica.
Yep.
The reason why I'm bringing all this other stuff up because it's my fortieth year. So when all of you people will be like, Caden, does irve have that same energy? Because now I'm turning forty, y'all better be in these comments asking Kadeen, what are you doing for Daval for his fortieth.
Baby, I can't wait. All you got to do is say the word. The only thing that's whole to me back it is potential gigs that you may be booking. But baby, had you had a clear schedule, we'd be somewhere every month.
We'd be going to see Beyonce every month for your birthday. That's that's what would happened.
You missed like the highlight of the year, though, to kick everything off prior to the.
Travels, what was the highlight of the year.
The highlight was us together becoming New York Times best selling authors. Oh, yes, you're having an amazing sold out tour in multiple cities. Yes, I feel like that first quarter of the year was like epic and it really just set the tone for what that last year in my thirties was going to look like.
That is very true. You had a very eventful and monumentous yes, end of the thirties.
And very auspicious for.
My Jamaicans and auspicious well. No, in all seriousness are congratulations to you. Also seizing the moment because we talked about this last week. Yes, not waiting for there to be one moment for your birthday, but taking the opportunity every day leading up to your forty if the biggest thing for me for you and your forties is that you took very good care of yourself and made it a paramount choice to eat better, live better, and be better. Yes, and that wasn't just for forty, that was just for
the future. But you change your diet, you change the way you work out, you change your sleeping habits, like you really did a lot of things differently, and today I want to discuss the purpose behind that and what do you think you've gained by making all those changes in the past year. I love that before we get into all of that, we have karaoke. Karaoke time, and since this episode is dedicated to you, I'm going to let you go ahead and do your karaoke thing.
In retrospect, I should feel like I should have done Beyonce song right coming.
Out of.
But I know, I know you're beyond. I'm sure a lot of people are. But I was just like it kind of made sense. But since we're in a new year, I'm actually go start with a throwback. This is this meme going around or is like a video that says it's like point of view. I'm that friend that when you get in the car, you're always gonna hear old music.
I'm not listening to anything that's recent or new. You're always gonna probably get some sort of like random nineties to two thousand, R and B. So so, in thinking of forty and me and who I am as a woman here now, who I plan to continue to evolve into, it came down to none other than the late the Great Whitney Houston A everyone, It's all in me.
Anything leg.
I can cat suspect.
That reminds me you can go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead inside of you anytime you feel.
That reminds me of my God. Saturday Mornings she ill will wake up. It be like eight thirty. My mother up. I smell of pine sol in the wind decks. She get up. You gotta clean everybody, Get up, trauma and get up. I'm like, gosh, why child? It was either Whitney Houston or it was Babyface and Tony Braxton. Yeah, on Saturday morning it was yes.
Kiss Yeah. All right, y'all, let's take a quick break. We're gonna get back into meat to the show, which is me talking about turning forty, reflecting on my last year and what I'm looking forward to. I'll share a little bit with y'all.
Stay tuned, all right, So we're back, and my girl Trouble came up with some facts and stats. I'm gonna ask you these facts and stats, and you tell me if these facts and stats are true.
Okay.
Number one, According to research, women at forty tend to feel more self confident and sure of themselves. Is this true or false?
True? Like I at forty, I didn't feel the way I expected to feel because it's just the thing that you hear about or you experience, so you just kind of dread about the idea of getting older. But I'm actually embracing it, and I'm also looking at forty being not what forty was for our parents generation or generations prior. In my forties now, I definitely just feel like I'm settled into who I am and who I'm supposed to be, And of course I'm still willing to learn and grow
and change as I evolve in my forties. But so many women I've spoken to, they say the forties, this particular decade is like the best year of their lives for so many reasons. So I'm excited.
Yeah, when I think about the forties, I think about so many people, women who I've looked up to an entertainment. Forty is when they kind of had that breakthrough where they became exactly who they are that you look at Raj, you look at Regina Hall and Regina King, both of their careers really exploded. They've always been consistently working in their twenties and thirties, but when they got to their forties then it was just like wow, like they out of here.
If there's a power in being unapologetically who you want to be, right, not being who you think you should be or being who you should be for other people, just really genuinely sitting in that space of I like who I am, I like where I am, I like where I'm going, and also reflecting on the years prior, because for so long I have always been the person that looked at all the things that I haven't accomplished yet. Right.
There was one of our podcast live shows where someone asked, you know, like, so what's next, view Kaden, like, what's some big things that you're going to do? And I'm just kind of like, wow. I was always thinking about all the things that I hadn't done yet. But I can actually sit back now and say, man, look at how much I have done and I have accomplished, and that in turn only lights a fire under me to
want to do more and to be greater. And as my children get older, I think that's like a barometer for me because now my children really are looking at me as a as a mom, as a woman, as a wife, Like knowing that they're looking at me probably with a different lens as they get older, their appreciation for me as a mother, my interactions with them as a mother, the quality time that I spend with them, that is also very very important to me, And I
feel like that's something that's been highlighted for me in this past year. And then you and I you know, you've known me since other than the fact that we went to elementary school together, you've known me since I was what eighteen, just about eighteen? Yeah, and you've always pushed me to be more and to do more, and to be the best that I can be and follow my dreams and dream bigger. And I'm looking at you as well, wanting to make you proud of the wor
women that I am becoming. So yeah, forties for me, I just feel very very confident and sure of what I'll look like for the rest of my life.
Well, you've only been forty for about thirty nine days, thirty nine down to the day, Yes, you know, December fifth and today recording right now, and it is January fifteenth. Yeah, so you forty days? About forty days, well, thirtays, thirty one in December forty one days. It's forty and forty one days.
So you've been mathematics.
You've been forty for forty one days. Have some questions for you? Yeah, okay, well trouble it's going to help me with these questions. But most of the conversation around women turning forty tends to be around pre menopause, wag gain and increase the beatle like that part, What are some things you want to hear more about from women over forty? And the reason why I ask is because
we do have a platform where people are growing with us. Yes, you know, people who are listening may not be forty now, but if they listen and continue to listen, they're going to remember this time and say, well, I remember when Kadeen was turning forty. This is what she said she wants to hear or what she's interested in seeing or learning about turning forty. What were some things that you were just like, I'm tired of hearing about this and I want to hear more of that.
What I do want to hear more about is just health and wellness. I think that's why I've been so adamant about looking into what I've been consuming my body composition. That's why on the prior season that we had here, we went I went to the holistic doctor to get some blood work done to just see what I can
do now to prevent any future issues. When it comes to health and wellness and trying to break myself or rid myself of the things that quote unquote run in the family, my mom being the prime example of that.
You know, she's about twenty six years my senior. So for looking at her and some of the things that she was dealing with health wise, I'm now it's causing me to take an introspective look at myself to say, Man, are there certain things that I can either eliminate from my diet or implement into my lifestyle that will make me potentially avoid those things but also give me a new lease on life?
You know, do you have any regrets? It's forty years of passing your life. Is there anything in the past forty years you feel like there, I didn't do this, or I wish I didn't do that. Is there anything in your life at forty looking back now that you like, if I could have done this differently, I would have.
I know we've spoken several times about if we had met later in life, or if we weren't so serious so early, I would have liked to see what my career as like a journalist might have panned out to be. I don't think it's a regret per se, because it kind of inadvertently pushed me into this space that I'm
in now. So I'm still able to speak and use my personality, and it's actually a little bit more tale to like what I really want wanted to begin with, Like I didn't want to be a talking head, news reporter, anchor, but more so somebody that was in the entertainment feeling industry and stuff. I probably would have had my kids closer together and sooner to.
Get that out of the way.
Yeah, because we had that five year gap between Jackson and Kiro and Kaz and then we have COVID again. So all I keep thinking is like, Damn, by the time Dakota's like graduating college, I'm gonna be Damn, i'mnna be well, I'm gonna be up there, think right, because the Colda's two, I'm forty six from from college. From college, like twenty.
One, twenty years, Yeah, graduate from and.
By the time he has children, I'm like, damn, I'm not gonna be around for his kids.
Like he'd be sixty when you you talking, Like if you if Coda graduated in twenty years, he'd be You'll be sixty. You'd still be younger than your parents who are here helping us now, So yes, you'll be here. I'll be fine.
My boys and my family so much and I want to be around to do the things for them that I want to do, like my be Like how my mom is from?
How old is your dad?
My dad's seventy one?
How old is your mom sixty six? How old is grandma eighty six? How old was Grandma Joseph when she passed?
She passed eighty two?
Maybe?
So realistically, the women in your life have lived to be eighty, right, I mean you still have a whole nother forty years of life left. True, So you have to start thinking like the end is near and start thinking like dang, like I'm not even at the midway point now, considering the fact that you are taking more advantage of the knowledge you have, being less stressed, eating better things that your grandparents and the women in your
family couldn't do. Right, But now you have those advantages, so you can It's fair to say, you know what, if all else is equal, I can live to eighty plus plus ten years for sure, so that gives you ninety plus So that means you have almost sixty more years of life left, right, right?
Oh, Yeah, what would you like to.
See in those next sixty years.
I'm looking at the evolution of just myself as a business woman, you know, first and forest is always going to be you and the boys and my family, of course, but continuing to see how I'm going to contribute to building this legacy that we have for our boys. So what's next from business standpoints? You and I continuing to build an empire together where we can then sit back and kind of just enjoy some time and some space together.
So that way, I'm not going to be in a different country every month without you, right with different groups of people.
But I was jealous. I was jealous, Yeah, because you got a bikini. You know what I'm saying. I got selfies every day. Every day. One thing I tell you and Kay go to go away. In the morning, when I wake up, I'm gonna give me some nice selfies I can't show y'all. And throughout the days, you're gonna take some pictures in them before you go to sleep. I get some even nicer selfies and I can never show y'all.
Bro.
So you that even though I was jealous you being away, I would like to be.
But I want to take you along. I want us to see the world. I want to show our boys the world. I want to watch them grow. Yeah, I want to travel more. I want to take our boys and experiences. For me, it's going to be about having moments like how we started the season talking about not waiting until the new year or the beginning of the month,
the beginning of the week to do things. I really want to just be in those moments and it may force me to pull back a little bit when it comes to sharing in social media, and I'm okay with that. Those are some things that I really want to just be connected in as I move into my forties. One thing that you mentioned here was the increased librito weight gain imperiment appause with stuff. I went to my obgin for my checkup, my annual check up again, top of
the year thing. I used to do it at the top of the year because it's easy to remember, like oh, new year check up, and then seeing her, she told me that I have to go for a mammogram at forty. So that's one of the things that women, if you don't know you look forward to having to do that is I'm going for the first mammogram some women go earlier depending on their family history. If you had you know, breast cancer or any kind of cancer in your family history,
you have to go earlier. But seeing it so I don't have that now, I'm going to have to schedule an appointment for that. Not looking forward to it because I haven't heard the best stories about mammograms, but some people to say like it's uncomfortable. You know, you're pretty much in a machine that was gonna squeeze your breast tissue like to a pancake. I don't know if that's true or not, but you know, based off self exams and my obgu I am doing exams with me, everything
seems to be good. But I mean, it's one of those things that's preventive, right, so you just go every year or every two years or as needed to get that checked up on.
Its true that they're going to smash your breast in the mammogram, And what makes it even worse is that when they're doing the mammogram, they're taking the picture, they're smashing your titty and you have to hold your breath. Oh wow, they're doing it, So it's like the most awkward thing in the world.
Super awkward, So you smash my titty into a pancake and I have to hold my breast multaneously when normally, when things like this happen, the only way you can deal with it is breathing.
Bathing.
So I'm it's giving like niggas be passing out.
Well, I mean you only you only pass out if you're not aware, So you shall practice. So when we leave the room, you're gonna hold your breath. I'm gonna squeze your titties. Now when if you're about to pass out, I'm gonna let go and tell you, yo, yo, you almost passed out. So let's let's practice this more often, you.
Know, and I can tell my my I had a man, My graham, my man, my man, My grammed me and all's well on the home front. Also increase higher libido. I've spoken about finally you having the visect to me me getting off of birth control. Women say that the libido spikes in the forties. I'm not sure what that is. If it's just the changes in hormones, being perimenopausal, all that stuff, I think it's pretty.
That.
Yeah, it is premenopause when you start basically having menopausal symptoms, but that menopause is defined as having not had a menstrual cycle in twelve months for twelve months, and perimenopause it can be intermittent.
Oh so you may have a period like one month and then maybe like it'll disappear for a little bit, and then.
You still have your period, but you start having more hormonal changes.
Yeah, man, more hormonal changes in the forties.
I'm dealing with hormonal changes since you was a teenager. But eighteen to twenty was hormonal changes pregnancy, all of your thirties hormonal changes. Now the forties, I gotta deal with more hormonal changes. Augies.
Imagine us having to or me having to actually deal with them in my body. It's a lot of hormonal changes. You need to support hold my hand.
I need to support, oh my hand because now it's gonna be I gotta understand this too, because you're going to do so once again, gentlemen, we're gonna have to understand.
Well I will, We're gonna have to understand now in my forties, I want to expect you to always understand. But what I will do is overly communicate how I'm feel and the things that I want and need when you can also express to me the things that you want and need, so we can get through this together. I had her together. You should get a prize because.
Think about after perimenopause is actual menopause. Then I gotta go through that with you.
Just take me on a trip. I think it'll be fine.
Look, that solves everything. She was on trips all last year.
I ain't solving anything on a trip, and I think I'll be fine. I think I'll be fine. Yeah, are always going to be the answer. But yeah, also, so we talked about that weight gain. I've, like I said, been super super sensitive about the things that I'm eating, the things that I'm consuming. You and I are barely recognizable when it comes to what we're eating now, Like I couldn't believe it, and I didn't think that you would be there with me. But I appreciate that we can do that together.
Yeah, you're gonna do it. I'm gonna do it so that it's easier. It's worse than changing your diet, but then watching the person that's your partner still eating the way you was eating, because then it's like smells good, Let me just get a little piece. Oh, let's just do it together.
It's like the whole household has has changed. So I love that for us. And then that way I can just embrace the body that I have in age gracefully. You know, people still gonna tell me my buddy button looks funny or that's the rumor.
But it's the same belly button since I met her when she was eighteen. It's the same belly buttony.
Don't even try to continue to explain it. One thing I'm not gonna do in my forties, y'all is argue with anybody and go back and forth in comments about my fucking belly button. It's the belly button I was born with. So for all of the tummy tuck rumors and oh the belly button look man made and it looks funny, my stomach's gonna look funny because I had
four kids. Like, I don't know anybody who's had four children whose stomach just looks completely normal, like they're in their twenties, hey, man, Like, it's just not a thing. So between that and having the diastasius recti and having the protrusion, one minute, people think I'm pregnant again. The next minute people think I had a tummy tuck. Y'all pick pick us. But what I'm not gonna do is go back and forth with nobody about my damn belly button. Period. I just maybe that's forty.
I've never looked at a picture and focused on a belly button. I've never done it. I don't know what it is, bro, I don't know what.
And it's literally other women just picking women apart, and they be.
Wrong and strong man, loud and proud. I'll be seeing some of the comments. I know that's a fake belly button. I can tell because my cousin got the same.
The stomach looked like this. You know how, I think no stomachs look the same.
I gotta say this, say this, and look at the camera. That is her belly button, Bro, I don't care how that is her belly button. Okay, Kadeen did not get a tummy tuck. Trust me, if Kadeen would have got a tummy talk, she still wouldn't have the little protrusion from the this Saty's wrecked eigh. We know this because she thought about it.
I did.
She thought. She literally said, Babe, after four kids, do you think it should be good to have a tummy Tuck and we talked about it. I was just like, I don't know, because then you're gonna be out of commission, and I think you can just work through it. Me being an exercise person, I was like, Yo, if we do what we gotta do together in the gym, been doing and we've been doing, I feel like you can get back. And last year, that's another thing we forgot.
Last year, you walked in Fashion Week, which is something that you that was huge for you and you will. You're thirty nine going into forty, and a large part of us changing was because we wanted you to be at the best version of yourself walking on that point at that stage, and you achieved that, like you were out here and when it was hot, because the Fast Show was in September. Jackson started football in July and August. Me and Jackson every week, twice a week, we'll go
to that field and we will be running. It'd be one hundred and fifteen degrees out there. I got the harness, I got all this other stuff. I'm pulling k back she running, So I know it would be annoying to you to do all of that shit only for people to go out there and be like, noa like her stomach of belly button fake? Nah, fuck y'all. A belly button our fake because if it was, we wouldn't have been out there with that damn heat running on the freaking field.
That's the fact. Would have skipped all that.
Seriously though, Like seriously, now.
If you'll tell me my arms look a little fat, that is true because I do neglect my upper body. And I've been saying that's one of my goals this year. I've been telling upper body WORKOUTSK.
We'll go into the gym and squat and lunge and deadlifts and life depends on it. And I'd be like, what you do for body? Oh, I did some ball twist, but that's not an upper body workout.
No. Upper body is just so boring to me. So I'm gonna challenge myself this year and do more upper body because I don't want to have them like arms, you know what I'm saying. And I do see some size in my arms, so I mean you you do.
See some size, but that ain't But you know what sexy though? What that a nice chisel back a woman that's lately big with like them thighs and them glose and and everything in her back.
And the low back dresses and stuff like that. That's what I'm gonna work challenge myself for. Like, by the time the summer comes, I'm gonna do more upper body and back stuff because that made my challenge. Like I got pretty much all my weight, like you know, the strength back in my legs, my core is getting that much better. So Yeah'm gonna I'm gonna work on that, y'all. I'm gonna work on that. And any day I do do a BBL or tummy tuck, just know I'm gonna get my hip dips filled.
That's how you're not gettel.
How you'll know my body done is if I got my If I get hips all of a sudden, I know, because.
You're here looking like a wisdom tooth, I know there will be no hip hops feeling look like a wisdom tooth. Here's my thing. I have no problems with plastic surgery. A woman get plastic surgery or for whatever, good. But my thing is you gotta look like a human still. Yes, you can't walk around looking like a wisdom tooth. It's just not attractive. Hips wider than your shoulders. Right, I'm not for the hip dips. I'm not for the hip dips. Now a woman give her dedicate her life to having kids,
stretch marks, calm, things fall because of gravity. You can't I get it. I get it. And it's and men can't be judging women how their bodies changed. We never have that kids, and.
Women shouldn't be judging it. We already know the struggles. I know we shouldn't be, but we should know the struggle that we deal with, whether it's a little bit of weight gain just because, or if it's weight gain from children, or you know, saggy skin and stretch marks and all that. Thankfully genetic genetically, I think I lucked out because my mom has not one stretch mark from three kids. Her skin is like, yeah, my grandmother's skin is like but so thankfully I didn't end up too
bad with the stretch mark department. I have some of my thighs and my but.
I've never once looked at a stretch mark. Yeah, I've never not once. You've had stretch marks since you were nineteen, You've had your booty, your hips. You're right here. You always say, I've never once looked at the trench marks and be like, oh, I can't.
Even and shout out to my mom and my aunts and my grandma because we all got booties on that side.
So yes, that's another thing to Cale did not get her butt done now. I will say this though, I will say this the top of the year. Last year, when we started working, kve been doing squats like religiously, and when I mean squats heavyweight because this is the first time after I had to resect me. Kate was like, Yo, I'm not having no more kids. Let's get into get
in this body right. We've been doing heavyweight squats, goblet squats, sumo squats, body weight squats, single leg squats, hungarian squats, r DLS, hydrants, RDL's Romanian dead list, we do straight leg deadlist, we do hydrants. You got yeah, everything everything. So your legs look completely different.
Than still not even where I want them to be at. My legs still got a little fat that I'm trying to I'm trying to get a knee cat. I never had a knee cap in my life, so that's another goal of mine, to get a lean cat.
I'm gonna be honest, I ain't never wanted you to have a a cat I'm fine.
You see how use women pick ourselves apart, even in our forties. We still do. We still do. It's just what happens.
But yeah, you just pick yourself apart.
I do. I do.
And I'm here to tell you to chill out.
Thank you, chill out? Hey, if you like it? I love it?
Oh, I love it. Can't you tell we got full boys here? Because I love it so much? Oh my gosh, I got I got one more question for you. Okay, have you already experienced any physical or mental changes since turning forty forty one days ago?
Physical changes, I will say overall, I have a lot more energy, but it could also just be the change that I've made in like my diet and the way I eat and stuff like that, and also prioritize and sleep like I'm no longer subscribing to Team No Sleep. Give me my pillow, give me my bed, I'm going to sleep. I'm taking this snap. I'm going to do that. So other than that, nothing super physically. Mentally, I just feel like I'm in a good place. I just feel like I'm in a good place. And how It's like,
how can I not be? God has blessed me? Immensely. He's shown me all the favor in my life. Yeah, you know, I have you by my side every day. On days that I feel like I don't want to, you know, I might being a little rut er. I'm trying to figure out what's next. Like You're just like, babe, go do it. I got you. You've always found ways to make sure that my life was that much easier so I can just do the things that I really want to do for myself and for my family. I
love you for that. So I have to say, even though I turned forty and it was a huge milestone in my life, you asked me what I wanted to do when you thought maybe I wanted to have a huge birthday party with a ton of people, because historically that's how we've done things. You know, all the kids' first birthday parties were at least two hundred people. They were huge, and I'm like, no, in this season of life, I just want my core people. I want time with you.
So you took me to Vegas. We had a nice little weekend or a couple of days, you know, to see usher. I wanted to be with my boys, my parents, you know, my brother and my sister and my family was like, Yo, we want to celebrate you. Let's go to Jamaica. My girls were like, hey, we want to take you away to Turks. Like it was really nice to be in those moments, to be loved on in that way. You know, day to day you see people, family, friends, and you enjoy their space, you say hello, you touch base.
But it's different when people purposefully come together to celebrate you in all of your favorite things, and it makes you feel that much more seen, that much more appreciated. So shout out to you, to my family, to my core group of girlfriends that took me away and really just loved on me. Like the end of twenty twenty three for me and the end of my thirties was like, I wish that everybody can go out that way. We'll not go out there.
I'll make turn the forties seem like you just transition to afterlight. I would be everybody can go out the way I would. I would have My friends was around me, my family, they held it down. You know, I appreciate them last days.
Sending me off into my forties. I forgot that that was the right way to say it.
But you know what, I mean I got to go out like that, you know, it was a lot, you know, and then.
My thirties with the bank, and now I'm looking forward to celebrating you, sir. So we're going to talk about what you're looking forward to in another podcast going into Hopefully.
I get a chance to go out like you went out. You know, we can have everybody come together and mourn the last thirty nine years because that was.
YO.
Listening to y'all talk about forty, I'm to tell you now, I ain't looking at forty like that. It's gonna be a motherfucker party.
It is exciting, though, I'm super excited, But I say that to say there's people who do feel like forty is like the end, and I just want you to know that it's not. It's literally the beginning. It's the idea of getting older, especially as women, you think things are going to fall apart, gravity is going to be against you, like, there's so many things that you're thinking about. But I am looking forward to doing all the things with you by my side and my boys and our family.
So that's what's up. That's what's up.
Nah.
I appreciate you, baby.
You Yah. I appreciate you.
You You are exactly where I thought you were going to be at forty really accomplished fine, a mother, thank you, fine, uh intelligent, fine, taken care of fine. This is where I thought you were going to be a forty fine, and I think you're going to be there at fifty and sixty and seventy. And I just I'm not Age means nothing to me, the same way I don't care that much about the New Year, right, I don't care
about a number. I just know where we are. And it's just like, let's enjoy, embrace alet of this song.
Let's do it together. Baby. I'm excited, I'm excited about you, and I just like, in a sense aging backwards, right, just kind of leaving our worries and troubles behind and just like enjoying it, enjoying it the positivity around aging. So I love that for us.
Let's all take a quick break while we unpacked. You know, everything that happened in the last thirty nine years that we had to let Kate go and come back, and we're gonna unpack that while we pay some ads. You know, it was rough first thirty nine. We went out, we went out though we went out like a check like.
Chick around, y'all, we'll be back.
All right, So we're back. I've been taking a quick break back. We are discussing turning forty m and since I'm still thirty nine, I don't think I'm worthy of reading the first list of the letter. I'll let you. I'll let you read the first listen to letters. Is you put all these years into life?
Listen mad years and mad days above you? So let me go first. Thank you, Hey, Kadeina devoured. First off, I want to start by saying how much I love watching you and the boys. We have a lot of the same opinions on life and being despite me being only twenty four. I know to y'all I'm a baby, Yes you are. But I'm married and I've been for almost six years.
That's what's up.
Oh wow, six years eighteen Okay, very similar. You guys have inspired me in more ways than you can think. And recently I think I found evidence of my husband cheating, Lord cheating come stains on the bottom of his shirt, and when I brought it to his attention, he denied and reassured me that there was nothing going on. I know I'm not stupid, and I know I know what quickiecumstains look like. Okay, might I add this has been going on for about three months now, on and off,
once or twice a week or so. Every week. He never has a good excuse as to what it is. It's always I don't know. I had a borderline panic attack because I have two small children twenty one months and four months a while.
It's like super back to back, and.
Even though I don't believe in staying in relationships for children, making relationship decisions with children is hard. Nonetheless, there has been infidelity on his part in the past, and even though it's been years since I've had suspicion, a bunch of things are running through my mind as to why this would be going on again. It's hard to believe that he would actually do something like this and break
our family. Plus, I believe cheating is so childish. Single or at least communicate that you're not happy and are interested in seeing other people because we've been together so long. For me, I would have to leave mentally before I leave physically. So my question is, do you guys have any advice on choosing yourself and learning your worth after an infidelity crisis so that you can move on. Oh, man, I hate to hear stuff like this man, but they're
so young. I wonder if he's probably on the same age eighteen married.
Like she should have sent in pictures that have come stains so that we can either confirm or deny if they really come stays. No, I'm just being honest because women, particularly pregnant women, tend to overreact and think things that are not happening. They're going through emotions, right, Okay, they're going through stuff. What if my man ain't cheating to.
How we do you explain the stings?
That's what I'm saying. How do we know what's a comestain?
So what you think he's just eating his sandwich sloppy lys.
No, I'm not saying that it's not a comstain. I'm just saying, how do I give you advice on what you say is a comstain? I don't know if it's a commestand I would want to see it so I could be like, oh, that's a comstay a nigga cheating, or be like, sweetheart, that's not a cumstain. Like where you're talking about. You sound kind of crazy. I don't know how to give for advice because I don't have enough information based on what she's saying. She says she's seen comstains, he's denying it.
Okay, so sis send us photos of it. No seriously though, I think because there is a history of cheating, maybe she feels like this is something that has done in the past, and maybe she's having suspicions about it. I know what it's like when you have two small children back to back. Had we've had those issues, well, issues meaning like the stress that comes with being pregnant back to back. Absolutely, so if she has a twenty one month old and a four months old, means that she's
not sleeping, her body's probably out of commission. You've been pre natal and postpartum at the same time. Your hormones are all over the place, your libido is at an all time low. There's so many things, So I would want to know what your life is looking like sexually between you and your husband. Are y'all having regular sex? Is that potentially an issue? Why he may be looking for it elsewhere?
You know?
What's communication looking like in the household? Are you know? Are y'all bickering. Are you nagging? Is he nagging? Is there complaints about not enough sex? Like, there's a lot of things that can be dissected here if we had a little bit more. I think I'm background on the story.
Who leaves umstains on they shirt and go home?
Right?
That's like to me, just sounds like it's happened. It's happened, okay after the first time, and she noticed it. How about us, like, yo, let me move my shirt out the way. Like for me, it just seems like I'm not sure.
Unless he just doesn't care at this point, he's like, well, I'm gonna get caught, I'm gonna get call.
But here's my thing. If he don't care, then he'd just be like, yeah, they come stains, and so he cares enough to lie if he's lying. So if you care enough to lie, then why don't you care enough to take your shirt off or pull your shirt up or you know what I'm saying, Like, I just want to know.
Because we've many of quikies where you just like you pull the shirt up over your head like.
This, I've never had I've never had costings on my shirt on our shirt ever, Like we come on. We've been against who's eighteen? We had mad quokies in the car going right before we had heads to our parents for Valentine's or you know what I'm saying, yo, your parents just going let's go. I've never once just had come staying on my shirt, right, so I wonder what that is. But even if you know, even if it ain't,
she asked a question about knowing your worth. Truth of the matter is, I would never just stay in a relationship for my kids. I personally would be like, listen, I am a better father if I'm in a better place with peace. You and I can co parent, We can be friends. We don't even have to be friends. We have to be able to co parent, though. And if you're willing to work with me and doing that, then cool. If you're not willing to work with me on that, that's cool too, because I still got to
be who I am for my children. I do also know, though, that sometimes the other person can make it hard for you to parents when they want something that you don't want. You know, we've seen time and time again since we've been together, people who have kids. One wants to be in a relationship and one don't. Then the person who does want to be in a relationship makes it hard for that person to be a parent because that's the only way that they can keep that person engage in
whatever relationship. Because I'm just talk with them, you know what I'm saying, So I know how hard that is. But as far as knowing your words, you know what your worth is. You know exactly what your worth is and what you're willing to receive and accept. And if you're not willing to receive and accept cheating, then it's time to go. You know what I'm saying. Like, there's
no debating it. It's just time to go. Your children wouldn't say, babe, but mom, stay and get cheated on for us, babies won't say that they want to see their parents happy too.
And also too, she said, just be single, or at least communicate that you're not happy and or interested in seeing other people. Maybe start their spark the communication by talk about what it is like. Just come to him with some sort of well, of course, the approaches and everything, So just say, hey, are you just not happy here? Like, just please be honest with me so we can get
some clarity about what we should do. Moving forward, because genuinely, all you should want at the end of the day is for both of you to be happy in whatever space that looks like. And like you said, being a co parent who's a healthier version of themselves is always better for the children in the long run, you know. So I don't have the conversation about that.
She said, they've been married going on six years, right, and she's only twenty four. They've been together, say were.
Eighteen, right, that's if he's the same.
Hopefully he's around that age, or they're young, they're growing together. But if he's not, he's a little bit older. But my thing is too. And this is just the God's honest truth. It takes a certain level of maturity in man to know how to deal with and have empathy for a woman who is carrying a child. Every man is not made to be a father. Every man is not made to be a spouse, you know, and every man is not made to be the person responsible for
the woman carrying the child. And you had two children back to back. If he's young, he may not be mature enough to understand what it means to be in that position. And if that's the case, let him go do what he doing, and you go be who you need to be for your children and find someone if you desire to be with, someone who was prepared enough and emotionally prepared enough to take on that role. Because if he is cheating consistently, then that's not gonna stop
just because you pointed it out. And I think sometimes that's what people think, I caught you. Now that I caught you a you're gonna stop right, No, you caught me. I'ma lie about it, and I'm gonna find another way to do it. You know, it takes a level of emotional maturity to stop that behavior if you want to. I think a lot of people need to understand once you decide to have a child, and I'll speak to women for this, understand that it's a lot for a man to know how to deal with all of the
changes a woman goes through. So when you decide that you want to lay down with a man, and that man may be the father of your child, have discernment with who you choosing to lay down with, the same way we have to have discernment as men on who we're gonna lay down with and impregnate. It's the same thing because.
There's always a possibility.
And if you sleeping with somebody and you looking at them and saying this person will not make a good father, they're not empathetic, that they don't care about anyone else, don't sleep with them, because then you get this situation, right, right, this is the truth, gentlemen. Your girl get pregnant, the first three months or that trimester, she not gonna want
hear from you. She's gonna be nauseous, she's gonna be tired, she's gonna be throwing up all the time, and every time she looks at you, she's gonna be disgusted at the fact that you get to be normal and she has to go through. Well, it's the first three months. Yeah, the next three months, she's gonna feel like she wasn't pregnant. Oh, I'm out the first try mester. It's the second trimester. But you know what happens in the second trimester. Women start to show a little bit, but that show isn't
really a baby bump, it's a pudge. So now that same woman is gonna be a little bit insecure about how she looks because she's a little bit heavy now, like things aren't fitting the same them pants don't close.
Have you done a little bit?
A little bit, You're gonna have to deal with that. So now, first semester, you was dealing with her hating you because she was sick every day. Now the second trimester, she's gonna hate you because she don't look the same. She's starting to change a little bit. Third trimester's hell because now she's big, she ready for this kid to come out. Her pelvis is gonna be hurting, she's gonna be have discharge, she's not gonna want to have sex.
She's gonna hate everybody. And if you, as a woman, haven't chosen the right man to walk that journey with, you're gonna find yourself extremely disappointed because dudes's gonna be like, what is happening? And here's the crazy part. That's only the beginning. Because then there's a fourth trimester when the baby gets here and you have sleep deprivation. You gotta wake up every two and a half hours to breastfeed. Your boobs are gonna be sore, probably cracked and bleeding.
Your vagina's gonna be sore. You know, if you had to have surgery's gonna have to be snitched.
Up.
So now we're going on a full year. You haven't had the woman that you laid down to have sex with. You know what happens to most men who don't, who aren't prepared for that, They cheat. You know what happens to most women who haven't chosen the right party to go through that with, they get cheated on. Couple that with the fact that y'all did all of that, had the baby, and then a couple months later got pregnant again.
Yeah, man, it's a lot. Your body hasn't even fully recovered from what happened to it last time.
It's a lot. Like like ladies and gentlemen, pregnancy and delivery and child rearing is a lot. It is never on one person. Two people had to lay down to make that child. Two people have to take care of it. If you don't choose the right partner, you're gonna end up in situations like this fact men and women, because I know some ain't ship mothers and I know some
ain't shit fathers. I know some people that be like, why would you even have a child the way you behave It's not stupidity, it's not gender specific, trust me, and it's not age specific because I know some dumb old motherfuckers and I know some dumb young motherfuckers. That's the truth. Like, I can't see him find an older women to have a baby, which she'll be better though, No find the older man to have a baby, but
he'll be better. No, them niggas is dumb. They was dumb as young people and they dumb his.
That's one thing. Yeah, I've noticed it at the rifle age of forty that people some people are just their same eighteen year old selves and they're same twenty something year old selves that have just aged yes to forty and beyond yes, and have not grown at all and have no desire to change.
So hopefully we've helped you. The biggest thing here is but confirm that is come stains all right. So if you want to take some pictures, send it back to Trouble. We will send it to our labs and our labs of me Josh, Matt and Trupple gonna look at it and be like, I don't know if this is coming out or it maybe come and then tell you, yeah, yeah, yeah, he cheating on you. So send it to us again and we can close this. We should have We should have a dead ass Court. We should have a dead ass Court.
Bro equipped with forensics for real, all sorts.
Of stuff I'll pull I pull up in this motherfucker like this. I got the test right here.
It's dead ass Come when they come.
To the cumb stains on Jonathan's T shirt, you are a cheater. She's gonna get up and be like he's gonna run in the bag.
Yod deplete to today we have we should definitely, we should definitely do dead ass Court, y'all.
What do you think y'all think?
I feel like the after show can kind of be like dead Ass Court. We're gonna find out from Josh Trouble and that what they think about this.
So hold coming to you after after the show show, Dead Ass Court Live, all right, Number two.
Communicate, Please figure out what's going on over there and circle back with us and let us know how it goes, So all the best uses for real.
Number two. I would like to say I would like to stay anonymous because I've told everyone I know to listen to y'all, so i know they're gonna hand it. I'm from New York, You're you're love it, and I've been in a relationship with my fan for almost three years and we have a four month old. Congratulations to you guys. Our sex life has gone through a lot, but now it's amazing. That's what I'm talking about, you
working at it. Only thing is sometimes when we are in the moments, I'm imagining scenarios to help get me to the big moment, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong. All the scenarios are with my man. For example, I'm imagining him as a cop arresting me, or him being just a friend. And we shouldn't be doing this basically like porn storylines. Is this wrong? How fucking No? It ain't wrong? And should I talk to my man about this? Yes, you should talk to my yo.
What does it mean? I'm not sure if it means I'm not being satisfied by him alone. Love you guys?
Did you have fantasies?
The thing I like the best is that she said she's imagining him a girl. I wish Kay would tell me arrest me, arrest me, daddy. I was like, what you want me to do? What? I will go to the local police department. I will buy a full flo I will get a police car. She will be coming home from the grocery store. I will pull her ass over, sirens and everything. I would hire someone to be my partner.
I'd be like, Yo, can you grab a put in the back seat, and I will fuck the shit out of KR in the back seat of that fucking uh copcast ya for real. Fact, I would have on the cam and everything so I could record it. I will go out and then I will recorded it and I would have her doing all sorts of wild ship and then I will record and I will show it to a lady say see what I did for you. So, no, you ain't wrong, you are absolutely right. And the fact that she said that sex life is amazing, which means
they are compatible. They are they're doing the right things. I love this.
Yes, it's the scenarios and the role play for me because apparently I've been actually in scene study myself because I have some stuff that I've been working on for the vo. So this is actually so right on time, and this is this is the Lord giving me affirmation that I'm on the right track about what I was thinking. Because it's let me tell you the role play, the dressing up. This is on the devows been dying for me to do for years, and I was thinking of something.
Now years, decades, decades.
I finally think I found a situation and a recipe. So I love that somebody else is feeling the same way. Have those fantasies about your man, tell him what they are? Roll them ship all that.
Are you talking about my fantasies or you got your own fantasies?
No, I think both of our fantasies. Some are mine and some are yours. You ain't tell me no, no, no, I want to do for you because the fantasy of mine to please you in those ways.
So yes, I do want to be stopped by a lady cop thinking I should day the cab because the uniform fit is so tight. D me my rights, cut the lights. I had the right to read silent for everybody who don't know. That's that's wezy wesy and Bobby Valentino like a cop co ya when I.
Get up, Oh we can see that angels.
Yeah? Oh man, No, just kind of actually got me.
Hi, I wish, I wish, Oh my god, I do have a cop outfit too, I still got it.
Yeah, you do got a cop outfit? You were once in like twenty nineteen. I remember now, it won't fit. There's nothing going over that thing you grew back there this unless it's the skirt, and then it'll all over little booty. Yeah yeah, but it ain't little no more. After four.
You can look forward to some extra weight in certain places.
Yes, I like that, but nah, but I first of all, I think this is dope. This is dope, a girl. You would be surprised he would love to get dressed up. Man, I'll go down to the fire department. Man, get me a fire hose, and I put the house on fire. Kate Walker home, Like why the house on fire? Be like, shut up, shut up, pull my holes out, skirt all over you get this fire out. You know how I'm pooring things. Man, It's only one way we can get the fire out. I need you to squirt as much
as you can to get this one. Do you want me to squirt on the house, the bus. Do what you gotta do, baby, We gotta get the fire right out of here.
I love it. There's so many scenarios coming up. I love this, and I love this for you.
Girl.
Go ahead and let us know, circle back and let us know how he likes it. I'm good for a circle back love y'all. We're in the circle back season too. Said anything that you any business that was undone or unfinished in twenty twenty three. Now is the time to circle back for your right y'all. All right, and be sure if you haven't circled back yet, slide into our messages. We want to listen letters from you.
Do do this.
Tell him that you are a naughty school girl and you've been a bad girl, and you came to the principal's office because you need to get punished.
He's the principle.
He's the principal. Put on some glasses, put on a skirt, and do all of the things.
And watch you got some blue light glasses.
Watch how he gonna be like huh. And then you're gonna be like, yeah, I've been naughty, and look at Dennis eyes and then roll your shoulders like this and go I've been naughty, And then take out a pattern, be like, spank me, daddy. I guarantee you he gonna be like, yes, ma'am, Yes, ma'am. And then you gonna find yourself in a different position. Because when you can get a man to use his imagination in the bed fucking rap.
I know he was done with that, but now it was making me think, y'all have to see the eyes in the body language. For y'all on Patreon, you can see it if you're listening. You gott to join Patreon to get all the theatrics.
If y'all knew things that me and Kadeen be doing. Yo, I'll be in the living room and then Kadeen will just disappear right and then I'll get a text message and I'll just look at the text messages and then I'm just like, she like what you doing? And I'm like, where are you at? And then she'll just be some nasty shit that she's just I can't tell y'all because I don't want to barrass my wife. Then I go back there in that room and she got some outfit
on and I ain't never seen in Vegas. She had a old leather Victorious secret that was five joint and man, we were staying in what we sayed in the Encore, saying the Encore where we could see the dome the new So the light is constantly going to our room. So we were using that light as our lights, and it was like.
You know. Time happens in Vegas, that's the fact.
And whatever happens in Vegas right there stays on my phone so I can watch it later.
God forbid, God forbid. Let me tell y'all, if there's a breakout viral moment, it'll be that.
It'll be that.
Probably I'd be so popular and so famous after that. Forget it, forget it. I'm gonna run that back. Though. That's a good thing too about being in your forties and being in shape. There's things that you can wear now in the bedroom where you feel confident. Let me tell you all.
In the twenties and thirties too, like you was popular, but not like.
In between kids, like I feel like every like once I got back after each kid, and I felt more confident with like my but like when the strings and the and the wires can just like sit and they don't be cutting in and you have like all extra fat hanging out the side, like when it just lazes where it's supposed to lay. You couldn't tell me when you like.
When you're not looking like a pack of busted biscuits. You know, when you bust the biscuits on the corner table and it'd be like and it'd be like spilling out right. So you don't, you don't you didn't like.
Looking likely for me. No, you know some people with that.
Some of the best we had was when you was fluffy.
You was.
It was right after them kids. That's how cass got here, That's how got how calves got here. It was a little fluffy, but was.
Sort of stuff.
It was fluffy, though, but you wasn't. It was a biscuit away, but I was the biscuit. He was the biscuits. Biscuit called me the Pillsbury dough boy, the baker that biscuit over.
Bake me a cake as fast as you.
Put some gravy on that biscuits were so stupid? Can you can you? You know what you one of our listeners. Let us email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
That's d E A D A S S A d V I C E at gmail dot com.
A little bit right.
I love that moment of truth time. Oh my god, y'all, moment of truth time.
I got an easy one. You forty, You fine as fuck. You accomplished your mom, You've done everything. Just keep enjoying life, move on.
Thanks next thank you moment of truth for me. I'm so thankful to God for forty years on this earth, yes, much of which more than half has been with you by my side, building and growing together. We have four beautiful children. I am just excited about unapologetically being who I am from forty on and mad trips. Where are we going next?
You know who? You're gonna be a cop later?
Lada cat arrest me because the uniform one fit miss o tite. All right, y'all, be sure to follow us on Patreon if you haven't subscribed yet, now is the time to see exclusive dead Ass podcast video along with a ton of Ellis content all Decay episodes. I will be doing more this year, pulling you guys in to all the stuff that I have going on in this new year, and you can also find us on social media dead Ass the podcast. You can find me at Kadeen I Am.
And I Am Deval And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, pick up that We over Meet book The Counterintuitive Approach to getting Everything you want out of your relationship, and make sure you subscribe to us on Patreon.
And if you haven't gotten your tour tickets yet, this is going to be the last tour for the foreseeable future, y'all. I'm letting y'all know that now we're not sure if or when we'll be back on tour. So Dallas, New York, Philly, DC, Charlotte and Atlanta. Now is the time. Grab a friend. If you live close by to a road trip, make it a weekend overnight is Valentine's Day in between. Get your tickets now and see us go out with a bang.
Dead Ass dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network, and it's produced by Donor Opinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss a Thing