Ladies and gentlemen, if you have a young son that's gonna come a point in their life when they think they can beat you. For me, that time has come.
It was about to be dead ass somewhere y'all in this house. But baby, I could have used a warning because as a mom to boys who's never been a boy or a man, that caught me all the way off guard.
And I'm not gonna lie. I was a little scared.
Dead ass.
Hey, I'm Kadan and I'm Devo and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Boys and reading each other publicly as a.
Form of therpy.
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Yes, sir, we are.
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.
Most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take philotof to our whole new.
Level dead ass starts right now.
Story time. So take you out back to a couple of weeks ago.
Me and Kay go to a basketball game and Jackson is not playing like his normal self. He seems a little bit like timid. Right, little did we know that he was suffering from the hip injury. He didn't tell us, But he's playing a little timid. So I had seen some things during his play, even engaging with him and the kids afterwards.
I didn't like.
So I go to talk to him about it in the car and then he's being quiet, He's gonna say nothing. We come home later on that day and he avoids me the whole four hours. So don't I don't like that? Like, I just don't like that if we have an issue. As a man, you have to learn how to face your issues. You can't run from confrontation. So the kids had went to bed, and remember Jackson had went to bed, and I said, did he go to bed without saying good night to me? I'm like, so he really trying
to avoid me that much? So I called him on his phone. I said, that's the type of time you want. He said, what I said, You You're gonna go to sleep and not say good night to me. We say good night every night. You can go to sleep without saying good night.
Cool.
Since you want to be like that, you stay on your side of the house. I stay on my side. Don't ask me for nothing, don't tell me nothing. I don't care. You do whatever it is you want to do since we can't talk.
Right. So then he says cool, So now I'm even more mad.
Right, Oh, he's his mother's child.
So I call him back and I said, cool. So you just gonna be a little bit right, Cool, that's you cool with that? You're just not gonna face Well, he said, what you want to I don't know what to say. I'm not gonna just stand in your face like a poop. But so I said, all right, you better have something to say when I come upstairs.
I just got done working out. I'm pissed, right, So I go upstairs.
To talk to him like a normal person does, but I'm mad. Go up the stairs, go up the first flight of stairs from the man cave. I get to the second flight to get us upstairs, and he's staying at the top of the stairs. And then when I get like midway through the stairs, he comes down and he stops me. He's like, what you mean, Like, watch when I come upstairs? What you're supposed to mean? So at first I'm like, Jackson, get up my face, and I push him up the stairs and he like gets
to the top of the stairs. And then when I get there, he like pushes me back. So I'm like, I'm like, oh word, I'm like, this is what we're doing now. So you're trying, okay, good. So I'm like, fine, you want to fight, put your hands up. So then he put his hands up and I'm like, oh, he really, he really well, he's really trying to go toe to toe right now. So he put his hands up. The first thing I do is sweep them, right, I sweep them. After I sweep them, he falls.
On the floor. But no, no, no, that's all of the that's all you heard. The ain't in it.
Right after he falls on the floors to get up since you know so much, right, So I got look in his eyes and he just jumps right back up. So now I push him in his room, right. I push him in his room, and he got his hands up right, So I throw a little jab right, a little quick jab right. He weaves it weaves it throws a jab back at me. I said, oh, you're really trying to throw bros at me right now? So then
I grab him right and we tussling with each other. Right, So I throw him on the floor and I got my elbow in his chest right, and I'm.
Like, you think you could beat me? You really think you could beat me? Right? Then I hear don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't don't me.
Me and Kay run upstairs, right, So I got my elbow on Jack's right, and I'm like, yo, go back downstairs.
Were good, we're good. And then Kadeen is like, y'all don't look good.
Just don't look good to me. And I'm like, we're good, go back downstairs. So then I let Jackson up and Kate looks at Jack. Jacks goes, yeah, mom, we just slapbox and we fine. So Kate looks at me, don't say nothing. Then she looks at Jack, don't say nothing, Me and him breathing mad heavy.
You forgot me me?
Oh no, I didn't forget me and me I didn't get to me me yet. So then I go go ahead, go back downstairs. I go to close the door, me me busting the door booth. No, dudes, I'm not letting you do this.
I'm like, let me do what. I'm like, me me.
Now I'm getting real upset and I'm screaming me, me go back downstairs, like this is between me and my son?
Is my house? Go back downstairs? I see me me she thought. She she's throwing her hands.
I like what, okay?
Me, Me goes downstairs. I go to close the door. Kate push the door open again. Now I'm getting upset. I'm not even upset at Jackson. No more, I'm upsetting them too. I'm screaming, Kate, go downstairs, leave me with my son. She's like, no, I'm not leaving. Like there, y'all don't seem okay. I said, we're fine, right, So I closed the door. After I close the door, I turn around, Jackson is still standing there with his hands up. So I said, what's up? So you want some what's up?
So?
Now I go form tackle him. He grabs me right, he gives me two like quick rib shots. Huh huh. So I punch him in the stomach.
Boom.
He buckles over. He gets up, We grabbing each other. He gets me in a headlock. At this moment gets me in a headlock. I said, this is a moment where I can either end my son's confidence and I can body slam him through the floor and probably be downstairs with y'all, or I could tap out. I chose to tap out, and I'm going to explain after we come back from a commercial break, everything that was going on that day.
You guys, perspective of what I saw. Karaoke time karaoke.
So being is on from Brooklyn.
It's only right that I sing the song that relates to what was going on in the house. What's beef Beef is when you need to cast to go to sleep. Beef is with your mom means stay up in the streets. Beef is when I see you, guaranteed you be yet I see you one more time.
What's beef.
Beef is when Mimi come upstairs trying to sleep, not your mad busting in the door.
We got heat.
Beef is when I see Mimi telling me to stop hitting their kids.
Night so much been and you know me, me and I are allergic to.
The cow, so we wasn't having it. We wasn't having it.
All right, We're going to discuss it.
Yeah, yeah, boo boo.
Let's go pay some bills to come back so we can unravel this fight night at the Yellen's house.
All right, So we're back.
I'll give you guys his perspective on story time, and you know, from his point of view everything that was happening. So I'll let you guys know when I take it
back to the basketball game. For those that don't know, there's it's been a while since DeVos actually attended a basketball game that Jackson has played in main reason being Jackson was on all these different teams and had so many different games, and aside from just not being able to make every single game, there was a level of anxiety that Jackson felt, I think when he would see you in the audience, because there's the pressure of wanting
to make Dad proud and wanting to deliver and everything that they talk about it and they practice. Devau wants to see it in the game, and if he doesn't see it in the game, Jackson knows it's going to be a long car ride home with debriefing and unhashing what happened. So Devall hadn't been to a game for a long time, so at this particular game, devall felt like man Jackson was playing kind of Timody wasn't doing
this thing. So you had, you know, conversations with him after the game and then in the car ride home and you know there's that long about to get home, fifty minute drive. Yeah, you know, talking about all the things that should have, could have, would have done. And so I already knew that there was going to be some kind of contention, but I'm like, it's normal, that's what happens after game.
All good, until fast forward to that evening.
I see that Jackson was kind of staying away from Deval throughout the day. But I'm like, you know what that was. That was previous, kadid that was Kadian behavior. Like I would be Deval, and I previously would be in you know a little kerfuffle, and then I would just try to just stay away cleaning everything.
Why do you clean in the vacuum, Kadi? Who you ever seen somebody clean the vacuum.
I do clean my vacuum regularly, sir, thank you. But yeah, it's just like I just don't want that kind of heat. I don't want that energy. Let things cool down for a bit. So Jackson was definitely just on his side of the house, Devol on this side. So it's towards the end of the night, the boys are in bed for the most part. Jackson is still up getting ready for bed, and I see Devao just worked out. So now imagine he's leaving the gym downstairs. He's hot, he's sweaty,
he's breathing heavy. He's just like going upstairs. I'm thinking to the shower. I was in that moment and got turned all the way off real quick, in a matter of like three minutes.
Sorry.
So I see him coming up all sweaty or whatever, like Okay, I'm gonna take a shower.
So I'm like, okay, cool.
So I went downstairs, checked to make sure all the doors would locked, put the alarm on and whatnot, and then I.
Hear like like like fumbling, you know, like fumbling upstairs. So I was like, what is that?
So for a split second, I was just like, I did not The last thing I thought was it was jacksone Devou. I'm thinking somebody either fell devout, caught an intruder in the house. Like There's all these things going through my mind, but never that Val and Jackson are fighting. So I'm at the bottom of the stairs as I come upstairs, and I look up and I see the two of them in the balcony area, like literally going back and forth.
They're tussling.
So I'm standing there for a second confused because I'm like, are they slap boxing or are they really fighting? But I saw the type of energy Develle left the gym with, so I'm like, is he really like fighting Jackson now? And I see Jackson fighting back, And as I'm standing there in my mind all of these things kind of playing, I see my mom come around the corner because now she hears the altercation going on, and then she looks at me, and she.
Looks up and she looks back at me, and she's like, you're just gonna stand there. You're just gonna stand there.
And I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what's happening, That's what I say to her. So she's like bolting up the stairs at this point, and I'm running behind her because I also know my husband, and I also know that he's probably not gonna take kindly to her interjecting with whatever they have going on, whether it's a fight or not, and I was just like, Ugh, this is probably gonna go bad. So I go upstairs and at this point, my heart is pounding because I'm like, oh,
they're legitimately fighting. And I've never seen this in our house, Like Deval's never lifted a hand to me or the boys.
We don't spank our kids. Like this is just.
Completely out of left field in my opinion. So we go upstairs and, like Deval says, him and Jackson are tussling. I open the door and I'm like, it's everything okay, Like what's going on? And he's like, we're fine. In my eyes still from my vantage point, they don't look fine. Deval looks like he's seeing red. Jackson is over there with his hands up, he's sweating. I'm like, what's happening. Then Mom is just like I'm not gonna let you do this because Mom in her mind is like, oh
my god, they're actually fighting. We've never in our household fall. We don't come from a house of fighting. We don't come from a family of fighting. That's one thing Deval said he used to do with his brother and stuff when they were in the streets to Brooklyn. I was not like raised that way.
We saw it all the time, like that was me and my brother fought in the house, yep, and we fought outside with each other against people like it didn't matter.
Me and my brother could be like not talking that odd.
Somebody says something to my brother and this beef is on right and it's me and my brother against everybody.
Everybody always, but.
They used to we're not accustomed to that because we've never had to do that. However, there were moments when Deval had to jump in and help my brother or whatever if my brother like one tid my brother had gotten his chain snatch or something like way back in the days and was developed.
Got in my car and I'm going in the type of time. That's what it is.
Moral of the story. Don't ever roll up on de Val, y'all.
No, okay, so let me let me finished finish. Yeah.
So in that moment, we were just very like shocked because we didn't know what was happening. Devalo died and say, you're about to go upstairs the slap box, Jackson, because I've seen them slat box before.
The kids all know how to fight.
Deval has been training them, like it's what they do but in that moment, given all of the prior, you know, things that happened throughout the day, I just didn't know what was happening in this moment, and it came to a head and to me in the worst way. And I never wanted to see you and Jackson having any kind of physical altercation, nor my mom. But then you explained to me afterward was what happened, and I understood. Then, well we can take it from there.
There are many nuances to nuances to everything. The biggest thing is Jackson is a very polite, kind kid, right, and he's also a very privileged kid because of who his parents are. Because of that and because of what he wants to do in his life, Jay and I put him in environments and in surroundings where everybody's not privileged, because that's not the world. So I'm not gonna have Jackson only play basketball or play sports in our neighborhood.
No, we are going to the places where I grew up. He goes to the park to play.
Ball in Brooklyn, when we go to Ta Cobb County out here, when we in Georgia to play ball, like we go everywhere he goes to ote, he plays ball. But what he has to understand is that there are people who are watching you who automatically assume, because you're privileged,
that you're gonna be soft. And there are gonna be people who are gonna see the things you have and they're going to take or try to take from you because they feel like, one, you don't have the mental fort two to fight back, or streets marts, or they're gonna feel like he don't really need it anyway, so if I take it, he won't care. And I'm trying to empower my kids to realize that, like, yo, you don't have to take that from people. My dad told
me when we moved to Kanarsi. We moved to Narciti in nineteen ninety three, the third black family to move to Kanarsi when it was mainly Jewish and Italian and we were considered privilege.
Growing up in Brooklyn, we were considered house kids.
So when we would go to the park in Bayview or Brookline, people used to fuck with us, and me and my brother used to have to fight because they're like, oh, this goes to house kids. So I got used to having to stand my ground and also put hands on people in that type of energy. So especially when you live in Kannarsi, but you go to school in Flatbush. My brother goes to school in Marine Park. Sheep said, Bay,
you know what I'm saying. You get on the bus at eleven, you may come across somebody who may try you. So I've always trying to teach my sons to always be confident enough to not have to fight, but show people confidence that they don't try you. But if you need to fight, you could put somebody down. That's always been the less So on this day, I just didn't like Jackson's demeanor because I felt like other kids were.
Of course, he's also we have him playing up, so he's the only twelve turn and thirteen year old who's playing with fourteen.
Fifteen year olds who hasn't like scratched the surfaces.
He's no puberty yet.
So I see them little brother in him a little bit right, and I see that he's in that position where, well, these are guys I look up to because they're also really good in basketball, so I am the little brother and I'm like, no, you're not the fucking little brother. Those are your contemporaries who you have to learn not to view them as an older brother, and that's the people you're competing for for the same jobs and scholarships.
So that was my mentality and my thought processes was if he is afraid of me and he doesn't want to talk to me because we have a difference of opinion, he's going to then roll over to other people who have difference of opinions because he's used to just avoiding confrontations.
Agree.
And Jackson is just naturally nice and kind kid. He's every school he's been in, every teacher he's had, every teammate that he's played with, their parents have been like, we just love Jackson.
Because we teach him not to bully people. We teach him to have awareness and emotional maturity if you see other kids are going through stuff, like be there to be in support of your teammates and friends. So because he was taught that, sometimes he doesn't know when to use discernment like this kid don't need that. This kid needs to be told get the fuck out my face because it's gonna be a problem.
And I'm trying to teach Jackson the difference. So when I came.
Home that day, Yeah, when I came home that day. I wanted him to challenge me, like that, what did I do wrong? I don't understand, But rather than challenge me, he hit, which showed me more of him being the propensity to be bullied if he's hiding, because in those environments, when people see that you're a hider, that's who they go to show other people that they tough. I'm going to chase the kid just hiding, and I'm like, Jackson,
You're not that kid. So when I was coming upstairs, I was coming says to have a very intense conversation. And then when I came upstairs, he met me at the stairs and he was like, what you mean, Like we're gonna talk about it. So at first I was like, first of all, don't impede my progress in my house. I went to Dad more like I'm walking up the stairs, don't stop me. So I'm like jack to get out
my face. So I pushed him back, and then when he resisted and pushed me, immediately I got excited because I'm the first thing that came to my mind was like this, my son is not a punk, like my son is not Solt.
That's the first thing.
So then I pushed him back, and I'm like, let's see how he's gonna respond. When he responded, he got up and put his hands up. My first thing is, okay, this is the moment that every dad talks about. There's going to be a moment where your son is not going to just say yes dad and listen. And I said, okay, this is the moment. Let's see how far Jackson goes. So I put my hands up, and I thought he was gonna be like, okay, okay. So then when I put my hands up, he put his hands up. I'm like,
I can't punch my son. So I swept him in the front of his.
Foot, swep a bottle ye soaked.
He put his hands up. I sweeped in the front of his foot.
When he falls, I expect him to fall, and then it's like, okay, did I get it? But then he got up, so I said, okay, he really not afraid. So now I'm like, okay, let's go through this. Let's see how far he's willing to go. So I throw out a little slap box play jab. He dips it and swings at me. So I'm like, yo, he really
is like, I'm not going to back down. I immediately became very proud of the fact that my son is not backing down, because if he's if he's willing to challenge me, that means in the street, he's not going to be afraid by some fourteen fifteen year old kid.
He's going to fight back. So now we get to tussling.
And I've been through this with my dad, I've been through this with my Sinsey when I've had to fight. I was a black belt in taekwondo. I trained under Donna Commander, Anthony Commander, and Professor Duncan, who's a tenth degree black belt. He trained Wesley Snipes and a whole bunch of other people. But I remember when I tried to challenge him and he swept my ass and was pinning me down to the ground, and I kept getting up in tears. Is coming out because I'm trying to
figure out. I was thirteen at the time. I'm trying to figure out how to sweep this grand master and I'm getting flipped all over the place.
But I also said to myself, I'm not going to quit till I get him. One time.
Never got him, but I ended up ripping his gee because I was battling that much. And he came to me afterwards and he said, you know, I appreciate that you never gave up and you never quit. With everybody watching here and after a while people started to giggle because they knew that I couldn't do it.
I never stopped. And he said, that is what's going to make you great in life.
In that moment, I said, this is Jackson's moment to realize that he didn't give up.
See, I needed to be prefaced with all.
Of it, but for this, but to be honest, I didn't know what was going to happen like that.
And also you were upset with me and mom after the fact, absolutely, because from Davao's perspective, he's like, how dare you guys think that I was legitimately going to hurt Jackson? Like do you not trust me absolutely as a father and as a man to know like I've never raised my hand at anybody.
So he was pissed. He came in.
Now, So now that's where I went turned on to turn off because now you're mad at me, You pissed.
Off, just like what the heck is going on?
You're supposed to know better than to know that I would never do something to harm our child, right, And I'm like, that wasn't even the thing on my mind.
It was just like it was a scared a scared feeling that Mom and I had.
We had a feeling of like, oh my God, like Devalot has completely lost it. At this point, we don't know how to help the situation.
I understand where you were coming from.
The thing that bothered me the most is that if I'm the one tasked to protect his family, right. For example, your mom often says, you'll call your brother talking about Tristan.
He needs so I'll call him.
It's like, if I'm the one that you tasked to be responsible for all of these people, when Tristan has an issue, they call me. When my brother has issue, everyone calls me. You gotta trust that I know what I'm doing. So when I'm telling you guys, yo, I got it, leave and now you're refusing to leave, what you're doing now is ultimately undermining what I'm trying to teach Jackson, because what I alwayso want Jackson to know is that in this world, no one is.
Going to save you.
Yeah, I get it.
No one, But now here I am going through with you and your mother and your grandmother is literally trying to come save you. That's not the message I want because I didn't want him, you know, once I pinned him down to be like okay, dad, Mom, help mom.
No, he didn't do that.
When I pinned him down, he hit my wrists, he elbowed it, he got his hits from underneath, and he got on his feet and he was afraid. He was legitimately afraid, but he never stopped. And as a man, that's what you want from your son, you know, when he's fearful, how is he going to respond? I then went in lunch, because, like I said, I'm never going to hit my kids. I lunged at him to tackle him in the ground, and rather than him conceding, you know what he did. He pushed my head down, got
me in the choke hold. And of course he's lighted to me. He's one hundred pounds, I'm two hundred pounds. I could have easily picked Jackson up and slammed him, but no, when he got me in a choke hold, I'm thinking like if I'm a fourteen year old one hundred and ten pound kid, and that this kid got me in a choke hold. I'm probably gonna tap, So I tapped.
And yeah, you know what I'm saying, they are strong.
I tapped. And then as soon as I tapped, he's looking at me. He's breathing, and I was just like, I'm like, are you okay? Are you good now?
No?
It's literally it's the same thing you if you ever watched Lion right with his cubs, and the cubs like nibble on his tail and he goes oh, and he fakes like it hurt. The reason why he does that is to give those lions confidence that their bite has power. I give you that's that's part of it. And a lot of women don't know. When you have sons, there's going to be that moment where the dad and the son go at it.
The best thing you can do is get out the fucking way.
If you if you if you use discernment right, if you use discernment, and you pick the right type of man that you say, I want my sons to grow up like him.
I want my sons to be like my husband. You say, okay, and.
I have you know what I'm saying, most confidence in who I selected to be our sons.
I appreciate that who I should.
Procreate with, because that's one thing I can always say I've done right you.
As a father.
I mean, I appreciate that.
I think it's clear to see everybody knows. Everybody sees it, but me seeing it firsthand and seeing the things that people don't see and the things that are not captured, is invaluable.
And I do completely trust you.
So I'm sorry that you felt like in that moment I was trying to undermine you and mom when I were, but we were just we were just oblivious to what is happening. In my mind, I've seen you coming out the gym high and sweaty. I was like, oh, it's that type of time. I was getting ready to get ready. And then that completely dampened the entire proof. But now we know what it is, all right. Some facts and stats. Dot's jump into it after telling the story about Jackson
and Deval. According to research, forty percent of kids who lack secure bonds with their parents may avoid or resist their parents when they're upset if they cause them more distress. Studies suggest that this can make kids more prone to serious behavior problems.
So think about my time prototype. You know how many of those kids I had to wrestle and fight in You know what I'm saying, because most of my kids, seventy five percent of them didn't have dads. So now you're coming into a facility where we have rules and standards, and regardless of who you are, how good you are playing a sport, who your mom was. Coach Deval and Coach Brian and Coach Dolo, we're not having it. You're two minutes late. That means everybody has to do burpees.
Oh you want to talk back, everybody else has to do burpees. Oh you want to make a scene. I will physically remove you from the gym. Coach Deval, You're not gonna touch me. How much you want to bet? And then we get into it, and then they start to realize, like the way you're acting now, it's literally the same way a young man acts against the police and either gets locked up or gets his life taken
because you don't understand authority figures. And when you see men, your first thing is to buck up to prove that you're a man. But you're a child, and I could literally end you. But I'm trying to teach you how to control your emotions and get your point across without being physical.
See, that's the value in having males around, strong males, not any male, but strong males around your boys, especially for the moms like you said that we had in prototypes who had the lack of male presence in the life but entrusted you. Yes, and Brian and Dolo and Rick with their sons because they knew they were going to receive that level of discipline. Or if you boys tried to buck up and step out of line, they're not going to buck up to their mom.
And even if they did try to.
And the couple tried to mom and got hemmed up, absolutely and I was like, who you talking to your mom? Like like how absolutely? Okay, wait till you come to.
Accountability system was like something that was so so valuable to have, you know, in this program that we had within Brooklyn, because we knew what it was to be a black boy or a black young man walking through the streets of Brooklyn.
At any moment, stop and frisks, you get thrown up against the wall.
You don't know what's going to happen if you do not conduct yourself in a certain kind of way.
So and I get it.
I just want to say this, It's not to comply. People say all the time, how come that person didn't comply. It's not just about complying, it's complying with compassion because also understand that police officers have a job to do, but also explaining that I know my rights and I'm not going to be railroaded in a way that's going to be deemed unacceptable by me as a person.
And emotions enough knowing how to community, how.
To communicate that.
So I'm going to comply with compassion, but I'm going to communicate to you that I will not be disrespected in a way where you and I can both understand, like, hey, I'm not bucking up against the power, but this is exactly what it is. And I've had to do that so many times in Brooklyn. I've had to do that. So my my uncle was his retired detective. He taught
me everything about how to deal with cops. Small things like they come down to the window, roll all the windows down, hand them your ID with your PBA card and say just giving your heads up. My uncle is on the force, looking them in the eye.
How you're doing officable?
Makes get him feel safe by rolling out on the windows and lets them know that you have somebody on the force. But also, I understand you have a tough job to do, but I'm letting you know I know somebody on a horse, which means I know my rights, and I'm looking you in the eye, which means I'm not scared, I'm not intimidated, and I'm not gonna be
treated less than. Those things taught me how to get through those instances with police, but not only just police, with principles who you know, sometimes you have a male principle or even a female principle who wants to exude or exert their power on you as a child, and sometimes you got to learn, like, you know what, in this moment, that person has more power. I'm gonna control my emotions. I'm gonna get out of this situation. I'm
gonna call my parents, you know what I'm saying. And if it's a male principle, my dad gonna deal with you, and if it's a female, my mom is coming to deal with you.
You know what I'm saying.
That's what I'm trying to teach Jackson. Don't you don't got to back down. You don't have to back down, but you can compose yourself. And in that moment he showed me like he's like yo. He I could tell he wanted to cry, but he didn't. He did not want to fight me back, but he was not going to be pushed down and held down. And I also could tell when he was pulling a little bit, because nobody really wants to hit they pops. When you respect your pops, you know what I'm saying, he wanted. And
I asked him, I said, how did that feel? He said, I just wanted to get you to stop. And I said, well, how do you feel now? He said, I feel in control. I controlled that, Like it could have gotten worse, but I feel like I controlled it. Then I took Jackson in the room with Cairo and Kaz and Dakota and we all had a conversation about being a man and standing in your ground and learning how to control your emotions but also knowing how to protect yourself and fight
and know one when to listen. And I had the conversation with all four of them because I know Kyrol's coming.
Next and the.
Next door. And then he came downstairs like I'm just so scared.
He said, Dad, you scared me like you scared me.
So I had to explain to Cairo, like what you and this good thing for Ky to see that too, because young boys often don't get to see their fathers in the controlled rage of protection to know how harmful their father could be to someone else.
You know what I'm saying, because you talk about it a lot of times, you tell the stories, you talk about your upbringing all the time, but they've never actually seen you in action, noting to be physical with some.
Right, They've never seen And until a boy sees their father do that, it's hard for them to even imagine that my father can go there, but.
Or that people can go there, especially if you haven't been in a fight ever or had some kind of like altercation physical. Well, you can prepare for it, but until it actually happens.
Boys also need to understand how different it is for a young boy and a man and strength, because Jay, you know Jasim, like y'all heard you got into with your pops and he was just like, yeah, you know, I was able to stop him, but he's like yo, he's mad strong. But that gives him a level of
respect to know when you're dealing with grown men. Sometimes maybe you might want watch your mouth because as much as you think you know, he's wild strong, and if he has that level of superior strength over me, I have to respect that in this moment. I'm gonna get out of this moment. Then I'm gonna tell about Pops.
But you understand what I'm saying. It teaches young men how to know, like, yeah, you fourteen, you got a little hair on your balls, your chest is a little wider, and now you think you can talk to your mom.
And I've watched it through prototype.
I had one kid tell his mom to shut up in my office in front of you, in front of me, and not for nothing. His mom was being extremely abusive. Oh you ain't no, no, no, no no, And he said, man, why don't you just shut up? Sometimes I watched her go to like and I was like, like you cause she and then I was like, can you just leave for a second? And I asked her to leave for a second and I say, dude, like what is that about? And he was just like, yo, I'm I'm scared. And
I was like scared of what? And he was like, yo, like my mom be hitting me all the time, and it starts with the screaming and the yelling, and then like people be hitting me in school, like I don't. And then it really made me realize all of his responses came from fear getting bullied in school, getting picked on in school, his mom not realizing she's picking on him at home and right. So then I said, Yo, all right, can you step up let me talk to your mom? And I say, oh, like, what's the deal?
You know what she said, I'm scared. I was like scared of what she was like, Yo, he's bigger than me now, Like at any moment, he can decide that he wants to do what he wants to do and I can't stop him. He lifts weights with you, he's sixty one two hundred and fifteen pounds, Like what am I supposed to do as a woman. She also said, I'm scared that when he goes to school that he's
going to get picked on. He acts so soft, so trying to say her way, and I'm realizing, like, wow, you're both afraid, and because you're both afraid, you don't know how to control your motion.
Communicate that to each other.
And what do you think that's sixth first layer. What do you think that's six foot one, two hundred and fifteen pound kid gonna do if he's really scared and he's in school, He's gonna hurt somebody.
Or probably just make a super move. You see what I'm saying, and not even think about it.
And seeing so many different iterations of that type of fear with our young men and their moms and not having their dads. I just wanted to be able to instill the type of confidence in our boys to where it's like, bro, it's okay to walk away because you know you tougher than that kid. You know you bigger than that kid, laugh it off, or have the level of toughness to say, oh he bigger than you, Yeah, but he ain't that as. He ain't as big as my pops. So I'm not taking his shit, and if
i have to, I'll put his ass down. I want my sons to have that level of confidence so they can walk around and make better decisions, because most decisions that are made that are like poor decisions are made out of any emotion that they don't know how to control,
anger or anger, fear. You know what I'm saying, I'm just trying to teach my boys how to do that, and sometimes it's better for them to get physical at home, Like you'll realize this, and I'm gonna say this, And one thing is I'm not asking for anybody to validate what I'm saying or agree. I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna raise my kids the way I want to raise my kids. I've seen too many different other ways. I've lost kids to gun violence. I've lost kids to jail.
I've almost lost kids to prison. I've lost parents because of issues with sons and daughters and then other parents got involved. I've seen too many things in real life to give a shit what social media says about how my parent. I don't want my sons to ever walk around the world afraid. And if that means that we have a kerfuffle in the house or him and his brothers are fighting, and rather than me jump in and saying stop and saying okay, no, y'all gonna fight, go ahead and fight.
That's the way I'm gonna do things.
Cause it's gonna come a point where Kyro's gonna test Jackson and I'm gonna have to teach Jackson how to be as compassionate with his little brother as I was when him and say he gonna try you buck, all right, show him, show him your strength, but don't hurt them.
You know what I'm saying. And that's just the way I'm raising my kids.
I don't People can argue, I don't care whatever sound bites they want to take or videos and say this, he's beat his kids. Do you think whatever you want care? My son's not gonna be no bullies. They're not gonna get bullied. My sons ain't gonna be a product of the system. No, no cop is gonna ever take my son and say he didn't comply, he was being aggressive. If that happens, I know you did something to my son.
And I can guarantee you this, If that ever happens, you won't hear you won't hear me up there with no hashtags and de val coming.
I'm making that very very player.
On your real talk though, like I'm not. I'm not doing that serious. Like I'm raising my sons to be compassionate, strong, empathetic young men, and if something happens to one of them, I know that whoever did it did it.
You know, and we know we're.
Doing the right thing, because it's going to be unfortunate that they're going to have to engage with people in their life as we do every day who are not going to have the same kind of emotional intelligence or just that kind of mindset. But I would hope and implore all parents raising children to really invest time and energy into that because it'll probably help our children generation to be less getting into these kerfruffles.
I'm gonna be honest, K if only you knew some of the stuff. And it's not just the boys the girls getting into fights because they're afraid, them being afraid, the bullying, or them being afraid.
So what they do is tell one of their brothers or cousins.
And now you have a raging bull who's afraid running to another raging bull who's afraid, and one takes out a gun, and now kids are gone.
I've lost kids that way too.
He was going to defend who over what, So y'all are fighting and he's getting arrested over Instagram comments And when I.
Speaking to the kids, something like, there's always this what happened?
I didn't know I was afraid because he said, or you were scared because you were scared.
Now you got to show everybody you're not scared.
But you are.
Yeah, but in order to prove you not scared, you can pick up a weapon, or you go get ten people and you run up on this guy and now y'all jump him or you kill him, or you slice him, or to prove a point that you're not scared.
And you know what that kid does.
He goes back and he gets a weapon, well his twenty people, and it's anover ending cycle when all it would have took was one person to be like, you know what, you got it, you got it.
That comment wasn't that important.
You got it, and you're not that important, right and all you saw okay, okay.
To me, I walked away from so many fights. No, I walked away from so many fights in high school. Middle school I got into more fights because middle school
was where I learned how to manage myself. But high school I walked away from so many fights because when you compete competitively and you really hit people and you hurt people, or you punch somebody and you see their eyes go in the back of their head, it becomes real to you that if I hit someone who doesn't know how to fight who doesn't have on head gear because my brother and I fought and Joyce centerl same thing as Tristan Joyce Sanna Marina tournaments, Oyama tournaments where
it was full contact but with head gear.
And when you're thirteen and you kick someone boom.
In the head and you watch their head eyes go back and you're like, dang, if they didn't have head gear, or when they they could be a problem. When I get in the street now with fourteen fifteen and oh you solved other and it's like, no, what, because what's gonna happen? We get into a fight and I roundhouse kick you with no head gear and you hit your your head on the.
Seamen and you die.
Now I'm getting locked up, and now I got to deal with someone's death on my hands or my girlfriend the foul someone so said this to me? So why why do they feel comfortable saying that to you? How about you stay over here where I am and it won't be no problems. You're not gonna go say nothing to them. No, I don't know them, man, I don't know what started it. Oh you pussy, Okay, I'm pussy that. So if I'm
pussy in. You don't fuck with me or I'm gonna bring your My brother had to fuck you up because you ain't defending my honor.
Do it. Then the brother comes and get in your face and you're just looking at them like, I'm not scared of you neither, but I'm not fighting for your sister. So what you're gonna do?
And then you have a certain level of calm that people realize they can't get.
He probably calm for a reason. And I don't want that smoke.
You've seen it.
Think about it. Think about it Sari's twenty first birthday.
Yes, I remember that.
All them dudes.
Long story short, A dude disrespected Sakari because she had a VIP. One dude was standing in the VIP. She asked if the dude could leave the VIP. Dude said, fuck you, I'm not done it. No, No, I've seen Sakari jump back. So now I'm like, i gotta stand up. I go over to the dude. Dude is obviously inebriated. I said, Yo, it's my sister's thin He I ain't getting all, you know, and we're in the club.
There's only one exit in the club that we're in is. This wasn't tracks.
This was years ago, years ago.
So we're all the way in the back. A whole bunch of dudes come around because they see me talking to their homeboy. It's like ten dudes.
They roll up. Yo, yo, you're talking to my man's So he put his hand out to me. First.
I pulled his hand and pulled him up on the VIP did that in first to show him on purpose, to show him I ain't some weak dude, And I said, what's up, my guy?
He was just like, yo, my man, you my man doing a lot of talking. He looked upset if he got a problem. I got a problem.
I looked him in the eye. I said, look, I'm here with my sister. She's twenty one. There's seven women in here. It's me and one other dude. What do I look like fighting with y'all with all of these women in here. He looked at me in the face and he said, you know what, You're right. I said, this is kind of corny, Like I'm not spending my time fighting young. He went and talked to his man. They got into a little argument or whatever. I guess
this man wanted him to do whatever. But In that moment, I was like, I'm not gonna get killed on Tuesday at track because I want to be the tough guy in tracks on a Tuesday day, like I'm not. I showed him that I'm not scared. I pulled him up on the thing. I spoke to a man, the man in his eye, and you know what he did. He respected it. A lot of young men need that same type of tutelage. It's okay to be a man and show you're not scared, but let's be honest. Look at all these women. What we're doing.
What are we doing here?
But if I was scared and I see all I'm coming and the first thing I do is punch your dude, and now we fighting, Now, now it's a big thing. Or if I threaten him like y'all better leave me out here, you know who? I know that's corny too.
There's always the people that want to leave the club and come back and all that.
It's just all.
To be like wow, in the pissing contest, I won, y'all.
And as a man, that's my biggest fear of my sons. You know what I'm saying, Getting into a pissing contest, with someone that has nothing to lose, and then my son is no longer here.
You know what I'm saying.
You can avoid over that by being the peace and the ease in the situation.
You know what I'm saying, A little this this, I'm gonna show you something too.
If I'm ever not here and people pay attention in this, it's so easy to calm a man down as a dude when you could squeeze his hand firm like this, look him in the iron like my g like. But but they feel in your strength. He not weak, he not a pushover. And if once you pull him up on the stage and you tell him and they realize, like, okay, he did kind of pull me out. Weai over two hundred pounds, he probably got something to him. Let's not
do this. Most people, especially you, probably don't notice too Most people who get shot, right, they only get shot because one person had a gun places where they know everyone's carrying. How can we never hear about shootouts. There's a certain level of respect when you know someone else is armed. That doesn't always mean armed with guns, armed with intelligence, you know, armed with that physicality to put somebody else down. When people know that they be calm.
It's always the one sucker who were going to a party.
We've always seen that, We've seen that guy.
You know what I'm saying this, Absolutely, they always looking at the call as a risk because they have an insecurity. But when there's one is a metal detector and there's only one person with a gun, that person is always the toughest. But then there's no metal detective because everybody's armed. Everybody chilling because it's like.
Oh, he could shoot too.
Nobody wants to pop off, not popping off. Yeah, you see what I'm saying, to pop off.
See, y'all, I'm over here learning something new every day. I'm listening to out unpack this even more because we kind of had a conversation about this after we did have a conversation about this after everything happened.
But you know, I'm learning now.
As a boy mom the things that I didn't know because I was raised completely differently, completely differently, even my brother was. My mother and father were the type that was just like, stay out of trouble, stay out the way, stay in the background, don't be that person, don't bring it un necessary attention to yourself. Like that's like we were more so on the offensive side of things, like
just be the ones to sit back. But we just have to understand now and not to say that the world is so different now than when we were raised, because there's always going to be nonsense. It's just knowing that now I'm in the parents sy and I see what's required of young men nowadays in order to carry themselves in a certain way, that they have the confidence to be able to take care of themselves.
And that's ultimately what we want.
That's it just confidence.
Just have confidence to walk through I mean small things, like one thing I have to shout out.
My uncle Kevin, and my Pops and my uncle Dan.
Growing up in Brooklyn, they all taught me, like, yo, when you walk in through Brooklyn, make sure that people know who you are.
Make eye contact with everybody.
It doesn't matter if it's a bum on the street or a local gang member or it was good my g look them in the eye, shake hands. Because all people want to feel is respected. And a lot of issues that happened in the world happened because someone felt disrespected.
Disrespect comes from small things. You and Brooklyn.
You walk by somebody, you look at them and look away sometimes like the fuck you looking at or it's like what you're grilling me for?
It is, but you could ease that like this and you see me do this.
Kadeen and I will be walking down Saint Mark's to go somewhere or from unpacking our car, and it be a bunch of young dudes that look like they're gonna cause trouble, which looks like my prototype kids. I was like, Yo, we're walking right through this group and I'm gonna just watch this. We walk through evening gentlemen and what do they always do?
They?
What's up? No issues?
K used to be when he's twenty something years old walking the dog going to the car never had an issue in our neighborhood. Ever with all of them young men that be hanging on the corner, the only thing they would ever say is like your dog man will watch your car for you. Make sure nobody leaning on your car. And it didn't take me having to go out there to punch nobody. Nah, I just show them respect and reverence that like, Yo, I know that y'all are here too.
You know what I'm saying. We shared a community. I know y'all here. You know what I'm saying, it ain't nothing, you know what I'm saying. When stuff were going on, I run out the window and you'll like, Yo, the Jakes is coming down the block. You might need to disperse.
Because we used living on the fourth floor and I could see down New York Avenue.
It's a one way street.
So whenever I've seen the cops coming down because someone had called because the young men to be at the corner, I yell out the window.
Nothing. You know what I'm saying.
But it's stuff like that in your hood. Last thing before because we do got to take a break. We coached over five hundred young black men and women in Brooklyn from Bedstar, Crown Heights, Brownsville, East, New York, Kanarsi Flatbush.
Over twelve years of tutelage.
We never had one fight, one gang incident, one shooting, one arrest in our building.
You know why.
We had a certain level of respects and respect and we demanded it from every child that came in there.
And part of that respect was we will physically put.
Your ass out of this gym if you come in here under the long and I'm running my house the same way. You know, we're in the world now where everybody's super sensitive. Don't say this, don't do that, don't do this. I was that coach. I'm not lying. My brother too, would tell a man in a heartbeat, keep fuck with me. I will slap the shit out of you.
I will talk because how you've moved on since then, Because these kids nowadays, you couldn't be like that with them.
Well some, depending on what the parents allow. Because we did what.
We always did was we had full conversations with the parents. Remember it was, hey, if you're going to join this mentorship program, understand that the level of discipline we're going to instill in your kids starts with us. We want to make sure they get home safely. We had relationships with the sixty ninth percent. I made sure that every cop that patrolled that area knew my prototype kids. They all have my cards, so the parents knew that we
were coming from a place of love. But if a young man ever got disrespectful, we let the parents know we will put hands on your kids and let them know what it is, because I don't want a cop to ever have to do that to our sons. I always with love, always led with love, and I mean to be honest. You're raising football players who are lifting weights. Our sixteen year olds are five eleven six three five to two hundred and forty pounds.
Them cops be afraid too, because they don't look like kids.
They don't.
You're right, A lot of them after I can believe it. You know, it a matter of a couple of years. It's like from babies to men.
Think about Think about Kamora from Grand Street, six four, two hundred and seventy pounds.
Jamaican mom.
Mom is a nurse, you know, and she you know, Coach Brian, coach Duvau help my son Da Da Da. He big as hell, but didn't know anything about the streets. A kid like that starts to get picked on and feels so afraid he can really hurt somebody.
Never happened. Gave him confidence.
And on the Rutgers, I think he played a couple of years in the legal or he may be trying to play.
Went on the Rutgers, got a free education. Shout out so.
Many, so many men, not just saying now that boy to them, but there are men doing amazing things, and our boys will not be any different. All right, y'all, let's take a quick break, and we're going to come back and get into some list of letters after we pay some bills.
All right, we'll be back. All right, let's dive right in.
Since you did a lot of the talking today, baby, with your expertise filling us in on what it's like to be a boy becoming a man. It's easy all I'm gonna dive into these listening letters for you. Okay, all right, what's up y'all? First off, you two are an inspiration to me and my family. I'm a father of two and eleven year old son and a four year old daughter. Me and my girl both love the work that you all do to spread your message. Thank
you so much. The world needs to see so much more of what you guys put out, and we thank you for that.
So check it.
I heard in the previousness in the letter that one of Jackson's punishments was thirty sprints on the treadmill, and I wanted more details of those work. Ok okay, for my own workout routine, and I keep in my bag in case, oh, for my own workout routine is to keep in my bag in case my kids want to test me. That's all I wanted peace and love to you both in your beautiful family.
We appreciate you.
Yeah, And I answer the questions simple, thirty sprints on the treadmill.
Typically I do high incline sprints with the kids.
But when it's punishment, it's not high incline sprints because high incline is for performance.
What wasment for it?
This was a while ago. This is a while ago, but it was punished for something he didn't do. But I know the thirty sprints. It's typically everything is within a minute. So for example, if he's doing sprints, I'll tell him, look, you have a twenty second sprint, which means you get forty seconds rest. And if you have thirty of them, that means you have to be on this treadmill for thirty minutes.
So it's a thirty minute exercise.
Twenty seconds off, forty seconds, twenty seconds on, forty seconds off. It's a flat ground right for him at his age, I think he was like eleven.
He only ran at like seven. You know what I'm saying.
But for you, as a workout, if you're a grown up, like I do the same workout thirty minutes sprints, I'll do twenty seconds on forty seconds off. I'll put the incline to like six, and I may run it like ten because it's a good cardio vascular workout. But it's not like just running on the treadmill. You sprint for twenty seconds, you rest for forty, you won't be able to do thirty off the bat Start with maybe ten to twelve, and then build your way up.
Like even Jackson. I didn't start him with thirty.
Jackson started with eight, and then after eighty two, every two weeks we added four, so we went from eight to twelve to sixteen, and ultimately he ended up at thirty.
Oh okay, cool, I spread to y'all, Yeah you do. Once I get rid of this plant, our fasciaties that I have, you know, you turn forty and all everything starts to get tight and it starts to hurt and whatnot. So I'm wearing birkenstocks and Hokah sneakers and everything. That's like, my level of drip lately has been at an all time low because I'm trying to get back at your body. But my body it has been on.
Yeah, that's been drippy.
There's so many ways splash.
Oh my gosh, all right, what's number two?
Hi?
I hope this message gets to you. I'm in desperate need of advice. My daughter, who turned eighteen in May, was invited to her boyfriend's family for a birthday party at Great Wolf Lodge, where she would have to stay overnight and come back the following day, meaning she will stay with the family at the hotel. Ooh, we've never allowed her to stay overnight anywhere, let alone with the boyfriend's family. I text the boyfriend's mother and thanked her
for the invitation. However, we'll pass this time and maybe next time we can all go together. I sat with my daughter and explained to her I didn't just say you're not going because I said so. So I explained to her that that it's not that I don't trust her, but I think my comfort level for her to sleep away with a family I've known for so little time. They've only been dating for a year now. Also, we don't have those values. When I told her, she got upset.
Of course, she did said she will go. It sounds like me said that she will go to which I replied, no, you're not, and she said I am and walked away just to give you some context.
She's a great kid.
She has been very respectful until now graduated high school, will start college in August. We have never allowed her to have sleepovers as a Latina mom, that's just not even a thing understood. Mom drained, a super drained, a teen mom of three? What would you have done in this situation? How can we keep the trust that we have for her when she's in college. It's two fold for me, baby, at this point, I completely understand where you're coming from.
We don't do sleepovers either.
I think Jackson has slept over at two people's homes and those are people who we trust heeartedly, and we've known and we know that without a doubt everything. Yes, we know these people, you know. And other than that, it's just going to be a grandparents inles, that's it. So I completely understand where you're coming from, because things
are crazy this day and age. However, However, Mama, where there's a will, there's a way, And the fact that they spoke to you about it and let you know what was happening and she still said she was going to do what she wanted to do regardless.
That sounds like Kadeen.
At eighteen, because Kadeen at eighteen met Deval, and Kadeen at eighteen was so in love with him and knew that he came from an amazing family and had a mom who was not interested in even getting to know these people. But Kadeen wanted to do what Kadeen wanted to do. So what did Kadean do what she wanted to do?
Anyway?
And then I ended up lying about the situation and saying that I was staying on campus for the night when I wasn't.
I was up in the Poconos with the Valan his family.
Yeah, so saying as the.
Same mom, the fact that they're being honest and opening upfront about it, as much as I understand how uncomfortable it may make you feel at eighteen, I know she's probably going to say to you, technically, I'm an adult. I hit eighteen, I'm an adult. The fact that she can be open and honest, and then the family can be open and honest and say here's what's going to happen. I get you not feeling comfortable, but the next level of conversation, if she's still going to go anyway, it's like,
what are the sleeping arrangements. Where will she be staying, Like, how is the setup going to be? Yeah, because they're going to find a way to do what they want to do anyway.
But Mom, I understand. I'm giving you a hug right now because I get it. I get on a cultural level and on a parent level.
But I'm also not far removed from eighteen to nineteen year Okadeen, who did the very same thing with Deval and told my mom I was gonna go anyway.
This is what I think parents need to realize. First of all, I think she did everything the right way. I would have done everything the same way. But you also have to realize that you say she leaves to go to college, so she'll be having the biggest sleepover for the next four years.
Yep.
So whatever you think, you haven't taught her up until she leaves in August. Like it's a rap, now, you know what I'm saying, Like this not her not going on this trip is not going to teach her anything more for when she goes away. And to be honest, what I think might happen is you say this and then it becomes a moment of contention the minute she leaves to go to school. Then it's gonna be I'm gonna show my mom. I'm gonna do what I want
and you don't want that. I would agree with Kay on this when they say, listen, you're eighteen, you're an adult. You can vote, you can smoke, you can't drink yet, but you're going away to college. If this is something you think that is that you're comfortable with or you feel is okay, I'm not in support of it as your mom, but I also can not stop you.
So you do what you think is right.
I don't think it's right, and then try to guide her through the decision process.
When you tell an eighteen year.
Old no when they know they're going to be leaving, they like, I don't really have to listen to you. My mother and father told me no a lot, And the minute I turned eighteen, I did everything I wanted to do. I got a tattoo, I got both my ears peers, I was drinking out.
You know what I'm saying, Like I did those things just to say.
That I did it, because it becomes a countdown or how much longer I'm going to be in this household with you, and then it's just like I'm never going to come back after this, And that's what I said too. Whatever you've instilled in her, those morals, those values, that moral compass over the past eighteen years, at some point, Mom, you're going to have to rely on that and just know that she's going to make decisions. Some are probably going to be in her best interests and some won't.
But you have to have that kind of conversation and that confidence in what you've done with her up till now, and just hope that she will in those moments lean on that voice in her head, which is to be her gut or it's going to be God for her, and then it's going to be what mom has also taught me and instilled in me over the years. And I promise she'll make the right decisions, or at least what.
If moms tried to do this.
You know what, I don't agree with this, but I trust that you will make right decisions if you decide to go, and then make it a collaborative effort with her and her daughter as opposed to me versus you. I know you really want to go. Okay, So since you really want to go, let's see how we can make this work where you can feel comfortable and I can feel comfortable.
What does that look like for you?
And if they're collaborative, then she'll be more inclined to be like, oh, my mom said I can go, but I have to.
Do these things the things, And then she may say to herself, because mom is now entrusting me to do something even though she really wasn't signed up for it, I'm going to go out of my way to make sure that I don't make my mom regrets absolutely the decision that she's made absolutely by allowing me to collaborate with her on going on this trip. I'm saying, so,
I think that's fair. I think that's a That's probably how you and I would have handled something and come up once our boys become older and you know, Jackson or Cairo pass. Yeah, moments like that. I just always want to be in the loop. It's like you, says a parent. You just never want to be out of the loop of what's happening. You want them to feel comfortable and confident coming to you with anything.
We did that with Jackson recently. I didn't want him to go in that sleep away then he went to I didn't. Yeah, it was, but I asked him and I said, Yo, do you want to go?
Yeah? And he was just like, yeah, I want to go.
Everybody's going. I said, all right, well this is how it's going to be, you know what I'm saying. And then the first, the very first thing that happened right because I told Jackson, yo, you got to text me every night and every morning. Then I don't hear of him for three days, and I said, oh, shoot, they probably took their phones. The minute he got his phone, you know, he did, hey Dad, they took my phone or sorry. But then it let me know that he
was still thinking yes about us. And even though I didn't want him to go, he went and behaved himself the way he was supposed to, nothing but glowing reviews of how he behaved himself.
So I said, you see, if I was.
Being an overbearing dad at thirteen, it was like, no, you're not going, he wouldn't have learned that lesson.
That lesson exactly. Good luck, mom. I know it's hard. I know it's hard your mom, like you said, your drained teen mom of three. I get it.
I get it, but yeah, you're gonna have to work on trusting her when she gets to college and just relying on everything that you taught her so far. So good luck to you, and I'll probably be leaning back on y'all child when we reached that face like play back, the episode could even play it back, clear back.
Because even when she was reading, when he was reading, I was like, Oh, I've been here.
Been here before on both sides of it, you know what I'm saying, understanding the parent perspective and then the child perspective. And my mama warned me about it, he said, wait till you have your own kids, you're going to really understand that.
And here we are, all right, y'all.
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All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about Jackson and Deval's first little.
Skuffle here, full scuffle here at home and what we're taking away from that whole thing.
Do you have a moment of truth, babe?
I do have a moment of truth. That's a couple of them. The first thing is that I'm proud of my son. Proud of my son for standing up to his dad. Proud of him for, even though being afraid, being able to compose himself to defend himself, but then also speak intelligently when I ask questions after when it comes to you and your mom, I understand. You know you're getting in defense mode of your children. I just need y'all to know that if you chose me, then
trust me. You know one thing you said to me, One thing you said to me during that time where I was like that makes no sense. You said to me you said, I've never seen you like that. I didn't know how to trust you. And I said, you've never been in a bank robbery. But if we're in a bank and they started to get robbed and I say, Kadeen, run, you can't defy me and say, well, I've never been in a bank robbery. I'm not running because you said, like you know what I'm saying, I need you to trust that.
I got it. And with me me it was.
Telling her like, listen, you are doing everything you're supposed to do as a grandma, but just don't overstep because this is still like a dean in my house. And we don't do everything the way y'all did you know,
we're doing things a bit differently. And although we appreciate everything you're doing to help us raise these kids, because we're not raising them by ourselves, still also give me some grace and understanding that this is still my house and trust that you know you gave your daughter to me when you said I trust you with my daughter, you trusted her with me, So now trust your daughter and your grandkids. So that that's my moments of truth.
Absolutely, And it's funny because my moment in truth is going to be trust and fully illheartedly believe in the person who you chose to have children with. You know that they're never going to bring harm to them. And it's also me relying on you as my son's father, Like all the time, I'm.
Like, four boys, Lord, what are you trying to teach me or show me?
But I think that the world is going to be that much better with our four voice because of you being their dad and you teaching them the lessons. And I know that so for so long, you spend so much time thinking about just your childhood and your upbringing and the things that you've had to endure and the things that you want to prepare your sons for, but also too or our sons for, but also making sure
that you kind of remove them from that environment. But in the end that they are in that kind of environment, how they can handle themselves, and wanted them to be equipped with the confidence and the tools to handle themselves if they God for better ever in situations like this. So you know, I love that for them, and I love that you are the person that they come to and that is guiding them through life and manhood.
My boys in manhood. You know, it's a beautiful thing to watch.
Gotcha.
I love you all right, y'all. Before we're getting any more mushy over here. Find us on Patreon if you have not been subscribed yet, we have lots of really really dope content there. The after show is always a riot. Yes, you have full dead Ass podcast video content as well as family content, and you can find us on social media at dead Ass the podcast.
I'm Kadina, I am and I am Devo.
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