Dulling The Silver Spoon

episodes before the news about COVID nineteen broke. We wanted to let you know that we're here for you and that we hope these episodes can bring you a little bit of joy and escape in these uncertain times. Dead ass, I spent a large part of my adult life saying to myself, I don't want my kids to grow up how I grew up. Now we live in a different place, and I wish my kids were growing up where I grew up. Dead you mean you want to take our kids back to the hood. Facts. Hey, I'm Cadine and

I and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. But I'll make you need most days. And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a

term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's off to a whole new level. Dead ask starts now. All right, guys, I'm gonna take you back all the way back to the nineties, back in time. Yes, yes, yes, So I grew up in a middle class I would say urban home. You know, my father worked multiple job to make sure we had everything. My mom worked for

the city. So um, I didn't grow up poor. So I don't want anyone to think that I'm claiming to grow up poor. I did not grow up poor. But growing up in Brooklyn and traveling a lot on your own, you tend to travel places where you're not supposed to go. Okay, And I still had friends who lived in different parts of Brooklyn. So I remember my freshman year of high school. I just it was it was Christmas break and my parents got me the things that I asked for. On Christmas.

I got an aver Rick jacket. Um, I had some brand new Tim's and me and my boys were taking a bus through Flatbush, as we always did go into different movie theaters. At this point, Kimbo Movie Theater was still open. We went to Kimbo Movie there, and after the movie theater, we were going to see some girls that we wanted to check out, and we ended up in Flatbush and a part of flat Bush that's typically crypt territory. And my Avorick jacket was red, and I had a red band around my head, and my boys

all just randomly had on red. At first, we thought it was cool that we all had on red, because you know, we're going to check these girls. We look cool with the fly guys. This this is when Mason and Diddy and everybody there was all super Fly to Eastern Match, so we thought it was cool. So we get to this part of the Flatbush and we see a bunch of dudes in this Chinese restaurant and they all got on blue. Everybody got on blue. And that's when your spidy senses started kicking in and I started

to feel a little uh tingling sensations. And I was like, yo, some made right, bro. The dudes over there keep looking at us. We gotta we gotta move. So my other homeboy was like, yo, I think Devel is right. So we we walked down the block and we're here cool cool, and dudes started coming out of the park and um, We're trying to walk through the dudes and then you know, they put their hand and stop us. I can do, like, yo, what up blood? And I was like, yeah, I ain't blood.

You know what I'm saying, Like I'm I'm not blood. And dudes walked in front of us, put his hand in my chest. I knocked his hand down. Then he pulled his shirt up and I seen and he had the heat on him. I was fourteen, My friends at the time was seventeen and eighteen. It was three of us. These dudes proceeded to take my jacket off, pull my chain off, and when I looked around, it was about fifteen twenty dudes, and they were older. They were older guys,

nineteen twenty. They took our stuff, ran into the park, and I had never felt so violated in my life because it was so many of them and it was just me and my two friends minding our business and they had a gun. My first instinct was I wish I had a gun at that time. If I had a gun, I probably would have pulled my gun. And that's the dangerous art of living in that type of environment, because there were parts of me that wanted to then say, you know what, from that one, I'm walking around with

a gun. I remember being in the house that night and I remember looking watching my dad's face and him looking helpless because he wanted to help me, but he couldn't. And I said to myself, when I have kids, my kids are never gonna have to exist in a place where they have to deal with what I just dealt with. So this karaoke song is gonna lighten things up a little bit after this story, Uh maybe a little familiar.

I'm gonna start with the beat, so if Kaken can jump in here, do m and in West Philadelphia, born and raised on the playground, I said, I spaid most of my days chilling out maximum and lights and all cool and all shooting something be ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys they were having no good started making trouble in my neighborhood, I got a one little fighting. My mom got scared and said, yeah, I'm

not gonna go through the whole song. Already told me my story was mad long, So I'm gonna cut karaoke a little bit. Appreciated, bro, But I understand. I understand now why you were so adamant about doing karaoke because you picked the perfect songs. I picked a perfect woman, then I picked a perfect song. There you go. And it makes absolute sense, especially after us leaving these coasts headed out west, very similar. We don't live in bel Air though, don't get it twisted West Philadelphia if we

don't know rich uncle out here, So sorry about that. However, Um, it makes total sense when we're talking about today's topic, UM, trying to create adversity for our children growing up now. It's a very different time than when we grew up, of course, and um, we're talking about dulling the silver spoon. So typically the silver spoon means what to you. The silver spoon means privilege. You know, people who are born with the opportunity city to have access to things that

majority of the world doesn't have. UM. I won't say the one percent, because the one percent is very, very high, but I say, at least the top have a silver spoon in them out, you know. And UM we talk about telling it, and I'm talking about our kids, three boys, Jackson, kyro one Cash, you know. And and as parents, it's it's kind of natural for you to want to make sure that your kids have better than you. They are

better than you have more than you had, UM. And not even just in terms of material things that it does surface itself in material things, but you want them to be able to also have, you know, um, more confidence that you had, you know, more ability than you had and UM, but you want to make sure that you're doing it to the point where they're not spoiled brats at the same time, you know what I mean.

So we're talking today about how you go about providing for your kids but also creating healthy adversity for them, UM, to keep them grounded, which is very important to us. UM. So yeah, your story, UM rings true to me because I need I mean, I wasn't in fights in Brooklyn.

I don't know how many fights you said you were in, but I know, things are very different for boys and girls, and you know, I was very sheltered, you know, even though my you know, I would say to my parents were you know, middle class, hard working UM citizens, and you know, did everything that they could to provide a lifestyle for me where I was a well rounded child. You know, I did the piano lessons, which I hated,

and I never understood why. Like I mean, I know my mom was trying to expose me to things, but UM hated piano lessons. UM. But I was involved in dance, I did pageants. I UM. She just she was very adamant about giving me every opportunity to do more. And I think coming from the West Indies, you know, my father and my mom, um, my mom Jamaica from Jamaica, my dad from St. Vincent, they didn't have the opportunities to do the things that I would be able to

do in America. So it was very important for her to make sure that I was able to just be exposed to it and see what stuck, see what I was interested in. Um, which was great because now in retrospect, her you know, supporting my decision to even do pageants led me into my career field, which was broadcasting and not being afraid to be in front of people and speak my mind and you know, interview tactics like those are so many things that I was able to soak up in that sense. Um, So what was what was

growing up in Brooklyn like for you? Because even though we did go to the same elementary school for a couple of years, you ended up leaving for a little bit. I continued through eighth grade. Um, But realistically we grew up within, you know, a couple of a couple of a couple of blocks radius. So, um, what was life like for you growing up in Brooklyn? Um? First, First of all, I shout out to my parents, who were

extremely hard workers. Shout out to my grandparents. Like, when I think about my life now, I am just a elevated version of my father, who was an elevated version of his father, who was an elevated version of his father. All of the men in our family worked to make sure the next generation was better than the last. So shout out to my dad for busting his ass his whole life to make sure that I'm, my brother and

my sister were are better versions of him. Shout out to my mom, Um, who worked for the city for years, who just gave me so many different tools to grow up to be the man that I am today. But I say all of that to say this, Sometimes it doesn't matter the house you grow up in, because your environment shapes you. Both of my parents work nine to five, and I remember when I was eight years old, we just moved to Canarsi. We moved out of a flatbush because we lived in uh downstairs apartment in a two

story home. And my mom got pregnant and was having my sister, and my parents were just bought a house and we moved to Canarsi. At the time, we were the third black family in Canarsi. There are Jewish people, Italian people, and then we were the third black family to move to Canarsi and I was eight years old. We just moved to Canarsi. Um I went to PS two seventy nine and for the first time in my life,

I was responsible for walking from for walking home. But I had to get my brother Brian first, and then we had to walk home from to seventy nine to our house. And eight years old, I'll never forget I walk out the first day of school and I go in the wrong direction. I grabbed my brother's hand and I end up walking towards flat Lands as opposed to walking into the more residential area. And when I walked towards flat Land, I see this big street and it's

like it seems like the whole world opened up. I've never seen it before. Is it just that you got turned around that time? Like you came out the wrong and you know, exit at the school and you were like in a different place or where you just kind of trying to take the long route home. No, I wasn't. I came out of school and we I went into school the front entrance, and then when I came out the back entrance, for what, I got turned around. So

I went the wrong direction. But this is the first time in my life I had to figure something out on my own. My parents aren't there. I was eight, so I was Jackson that I was just about to say, that's Jackson. Now my heart is racially just thinking about it, because I'm like, there's no way I would have Jackson pick up car and take him anywhere, so and I even have them take him to the bathroom. And I have my six year old brother with me, and he's just looking up at me, like, do you know where

we're going? And I end up navigating him. I finding my way back home. I ran into one of my class smith's parents, and and he looked like he was concerned that I didn't know where I was going. I recognized her from class, and I told him my address, and he ended up taking us the rest of the way. But that was that. That right there was a microcosm of what my life was like growing up in Brooklyn because both of my parents worked a lot of it was the responsibility of me, as the oldest, to figure

things out because my parents weren't there. So it was me and my brother through life figuring things out, whether it was fights with neighbors. When we first moved to Canarsie, we were the third black family. There were other kids that we didn't know. My brother was fighting. We're getting the fights. You know, if somebody hit my brother, I'm the oldest, I'm hitting them back. So me and my brother fighting in the street. We go to visit my my family and queens Um. They lived in rough part

of Queens and we from Brooklyn. They got something to say, we got something to say. We're fighting, like that's just how we grew up. And it didn't have anything to do with my parents and how they raised us in what they gave us. But I was in environments where fights happened. And the story that I told was when I was fourteen, and once I got into sports, those things didn't happen as much because I spent more time

at practice and things like that. But I remember saying to myself, and when I get married, I'm gonna make enough money so that my wife don't got to work, so that she can be at home to make sure that she gets my kids or takes my kids to school, and there's someone always there, because I remember having to get my my brother from school and walking home and then make lunch or make dinner, not dinner, but make lunch, make a snack, wait for my parents to get home.

But there's that three hour spaning, but everything happened. I even think about that in terms of like being a teenager, like at those ages where you start to get curious about stuff and you're like, damn, my parents are at home between three and six. You know, pull up, you know what I mean. So a lot of that happens. But it's funny how you said, thinking, well that that story of your life created this idea in your mind that you wanted to be able to have a wife

that can stay home. Meanwhile, you mess somebody that was say how I'm to do what? Because that would be funny nowadays hearing someone say that, that's probably not the popular opinion with most women. Mostem would be like, well, bro, you're not gonna have me at home just to be at home, you know what I mean? But now, but I too, now see the value of being able to have the flexibility we have with our jobs, because that's one thing that I actually had in my household, so

unlike in your household. Growing up in Brooklyn with my parents, my mother worked a job that was super flexible. She was a home care nurse, so she was able to kind of create her own schedule, and she purposely did that because she wanted to make sure that she had the flexibility to be able to truck us to dance school and my brother to taekwondo practice, and you know, she was able to kind of create her own schedule.

Whereas my dad worked evening, so he was gone three four o'clock to yeah to midnight, so there was literally always someone in the house, and of course you lean on your village much like we do now. I had

my mom's mom near by, my grandparents. My grandfather used to pitch it and pick up, pick me up and take me to dance school, and those of great times because it also strengthened and build the relationship that my brother and my sister and I had with our grandparents, So we were able to have that, whereas I know that your grandparents were still down south, you know, and Nanny and Papa John were still working, so it was

a little bit different for us. Um and I know that my mom was very very like we lived a very sheltered life, you know, strict West Indian upbringing, so it's like my parents knew where I was at all times. With me. My biggest thing was I wanted to take the city bus so bad to school. My father used to drive me to school pick me up every single day until I beg so much that they let me do it. I was calling my dad to pick me up, like, bro, it's cold outside, I don't want to take this bus

no more. But what we can't do was just glance over what taking the city bus like is like in Brooklyn. The city bus is at the city bus. The subway is a beast. So I completely get now why my mom didn't want me to have to deal with that, because she had to do that when she first came up here and she was trucking back and forth to school. She's like, I don't want my kids to have to

deal with that. And again it's like, you know, But for me, I'm like, Mom, give me the adversity a k A. I want to just take the bus because when it's the lead, I can hang with my friends at the junction and we can just like you know. And it sounds like until you see videos on social media now of kids getting into brawls on the city bus and to so many other people in different parts of the world, They're like, I can't believe this happens

in my life. That was a regular occurrence once a week, like I remember being at Madison and and this is just to give you gut some context of where I my thought process came from. Having a wife be able to stay at home Brandon Grenieri's mom. When I went to middle school, Brandon Grenieri's mom stayed at home. She dropped the government. Brandon are you're still friends. I haven't spoken to Brandon in a while, but his mom used to pick us up from school at Hudey and Huddy

was in Flatbush. I had a lot of friends in Flatbush because I went to Sailor Missionary Baptist Church, but I knew a lot of people who are part of gangs over their v g K was right over there on Avenue h and so I was able to avoid a lot of that trouble in middle school because I used to get picked up from school by Brandon Nari's mom who took us back to Canarsi. But then when I went to high school, I had to take the eighty two bus past South Shore. Sheep said Bay with

a bunch of linking kids. These are all other high schools, all the high schools, So these are a bunch of kids that you don't know who Sometimes your kids who were just there looking for trouble, and you're on the bus. It's crowded. People are aggravated in the morning. So when I say it was a beast, I'm not talking about

old Traffic was bad and it was crowded. No, you got kids who you've got different gang sets, You've got different beefs and you're on the bus, people don't know who everybody is, and when people start swinging, sometimes you just get caught. And I remember sitting on the bus every day thinking like today but not be the day

with somebody messing me because I'm not playing. Or the best is when the bus is so crowded and you're just kind of sitting there and you have no choice but to look at the person across from you, and then the person across views like what you're looking. We're I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How about you get your Your little brother comes home because he has to take the bus in middle school to roy

h Man. He has to take the bus, the b A T two in the morning and he has to get off right in front of south Shore to transfer to go to roy Age Man. And then you get a phone call that your brother got jumped on the bus. Now I get all my friends from Honey and we get on the bus and we go to roy Age Man to press to do Like these are the things that I had to handle all my own at at thirteen and twelve with my leving year old brother. That I said to myself, I never want my kids to

have to to deal with these things. So the funny part is now the conflict arises at least within our household because we've relocated, as many of you know, from Brooklyn to um to l A. True we're not even even in the city. We're like, you know, a little bit more residential area. And it's something that we've always said we wanted because me too, even as an adult, having lived in Brooklyn my entire life, your perspective changes

a lot when we live in Michigan. Yeah, we did for a little bit, so I had I had a chance to experience. Yeah, I experienced you know, the suburb life where I had, you know, space, and we had a yard. And you want your children to be able to experience that. You want to be able to just say, hey, open the door to the backyard and just go outside and run. Um. So the conflict arises now in the household where we you know, what came from Brooklyn, we're

now in California. Um, And moments where he's just like, I don't know that he isn't gotta they gotta be tough and they gotta have their moments where they gotta like I might develop what you want to create fights for them. I don't know, based on your lifestyle that you had growing up. I think it's a great thing that they're a little bit more sheltered. Made me. I get it. I get it, It made me I understand,

and mine was a little bit different. And that's why we sometimes get into a conflict because the way sheltered, the way your parent is very different than mine. But I to sometimes step back and say, okay, did that as a man raising three black men? There are certain things that I don't know, and I'll relinquished to you having had the experience. For example, even just last night, I'm checking Jackson's homework and I was starting to mom him a little bit. But that's not the adversity I'm

talking about. Though I wanted to understand its homework. I do, but that's not the adversity I'm talking about. I'm talking about him developing some sort of toughness to where he doesn't feel like everything is given, you know, because everything wasn't given in my home, even though even though my parents did well, you know, if I didn't have a certain g p A, I couldn't get things. I had chores when I went to stay with my grandparents in the summertime. We had to be up eight o'clock in

the morning. We had to mow the lawn and we had to trim like we were we were young kids, preteens. I had learned how to drive, mowing the lawn and trimming the grass, like doing yardwork, physical labor, which we thought was like slavery. But now when I think about it, it it teaches you a work ethic and it builds adversity because you and your your brother and my cousin Devonne, who we lived with when we stayed with my Nana

and Papa. It just it created something in us where we were able to bond together and get things done. But even more than that, just just having awareness. I feel like people who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth sometimes are aloof to things that go on in the world because they're protected by their parents. Right, I'll give you an example. Um, you and I when we first moved back to Brooklyn, right after living in Michigan. Um, you you grew up a house kid. You know, you

didn't live in the apartment. You know you grew up a house kids. It's funny because you have to explain what a house kid is, because back in the day that was the thing too, at least in Brooklyn. I don't know if that happened everywhere else, but they were like kids that lived in apartment in the apartments, and then they were house kids. So yes, I was a house kid growing up, because actually, when I was first born and up until I was four, I did live

in an apartment building with my mom and dad. At once my mom became pregnant with my brother. We then moved to Cannarcy as well. And yes, I became a house kids. Funny that I heard, because I haven't heard house could him so long. And I used to get teased sometimes for being a house kid by the kids who lived in apartments, right, and and that's just a cultural thing. And I just wanted to move back to an apartment so bad. Yeah, so I didn't have to be teased for being a house kid. And I mean

that's you know, that's part of our culture too. It's it's almost like when when you're black and your your parents are doing well, they're doing okay, it's almost the scene it's like you lost something because your parents are working for you to become better, and you become like the Hillary Banks for the Carlton and I mean it was the same thing for my cousins who my cousin Cord, they used to call him Carlton because he went to

poly Prep and he spoke well. And um, you know when you go to college and um, when you go to college and you come back and you your dialect has changed because you're trying to speak differently, and the people make fun of you for going to college. And they'll give you more love for coming back from going to jail than they will from coming back from going to college. That's just the culture we live in, especially

in Brooklyn. But um, we came back from Michigan and this is the first time we've lived in the apartment, lived in an apartment. And Codeine used to just leave her stuff in the car and she leave it on the front seat and her car would get broken into, and for me it was just like, why would you leave it on the front seat, And she was just about, I'm not used to having to hide my stuff, like these laws and these rules that you live by that

that I just I'm not used to it. Here's my story time, and folks, since if I wanted to have a long story time. Right, I'm not gonna take up too much time, but I will explain about what did I was referring to with this story. So we had moved back to Brooklyn, like you said, and I was working as a makeup artist. I was a freelancer, so I was out there just hustling, trying to get my coins together, and we had Jackson. At this point we

were in the apartment. I was still kind of upset about being there because you know, our lifestyle drastically changed and the apartment. But I did chose to come back, and I said, you know what, we're going to rebuild. We were in the rebuilding phase. So yeah, I'll never forget. It was about to be Columbus Day on that Monday. On the Sunday, I did make up for a client for her son's christening. We ended up staying in Devo's parents house all Funday, had Sunday dinner. We were hanging

out late. We got home at like maybe one am, so we had to circle for parking. We finally parked the car. I had my makeup kit in the car with me, another bag with some brushes and stuff, and I said, you know what, let me just leave this stuff in the car because I had to be back downstairs at five am to then drive to Long Island for a wedding. I had thirteen faces to do for this wedding, right, twelve people plus the bride. So I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna lug everything up to lug

it back downstairs. Devo's gonna be sleep at five thirty. Jackson's gonna be in the house with him. Like, I'm not gonna bother him. So I put my makeup case on the floor, which, because it's a toll case, on the floor behind the passenger seat. And then I had another bag that had a couple of other little like knickknacks and stuff, so I left it on the seat

in the back. Very important that you say this. You did all of this after parking the car, opening the doors with the dome light on in the car, and rearranging all this stuff wild park. Yes, I did. So I went upstairs with my other bag, which luckily had my brushes in it. Because the brushes are super expensive, I had to go and clean a couple upstairs, so I took my bag upstairs. I had the remaining products

in it came back downstairs. Thirty am. My car window is broken and my makeup kid is gone, gone, disappears. So I instantly panicked because I have thirteen faces to do. I have to be in Long Island by seven am. Hot mess broke into the car. I'm damn and I was just so distraught. Luckily, I was able to call a colleague of mine, who I know was very organized. I would have probably had her kid ready to go, so I was able to grab her quick kid on

the way to Queen's. But I say all that to say me being a quote unquote house kid, which is totally unaware of I guess the street smarts are like the code, you know, living around apartment buildings that you're not supposed to like open all your car doors at once. Said I'm thinking to myself, Oh it's one am, nobody's out here. It's gonna be four hours. Who's come down? Everybody's out in one am? Old the wrong people out at one am, and were able to thrive through adversity.

We're able to make things happen because we went through stuff. Right. Imagine raising three black boys in America, shielding them for from anything that could possibly happen. And then when they turned eighteen, sending them to college, I get I don't want to do that either, And that's that's the struggle

going through now. No you won't trust me, No you won't that, And that's the struggle we're going through now because we're trying to find ways to find that adversity and put them in situations where we can see them fight through it or let them fall and get back up. And it's tough because as a parent, you look at your kids and you don't want to ever watch them struggle. I feel like if my parents knew my struggles, they

would have found ways to let me around it. But I never let my parents know what I was going through, so I found ways to do it on my own. Do you think you did that? Is it that you kind of felt bad that your parents because my parents were busting theirs, and I felt like it was my responsibility to just man up like my my father. My father were the same shoes I kid you not. He were the same shoes for about fifteen years. He used to put uh newspaper in the bottom his shoes so

that they would be more comfortable. He never had a new car his whole adult life until I went to the NFL and my brother was graduating from college. Because he always bought my mom a car, he bought me a car, he bought my brother a car. He always put us first. My father always did that. So of course, if I was going through these little things at the time, I thought was little things that normal. I'm not gonna say nothing because my father is busting his ass and

my mom works for the city. She's she's going to work every single day. What am I complaining about? You know what I'm saying? And that made me who I am, and the same thing with you, Like, I'm pretty sure because my my sister is sheltered just like you. So I think it's a son daughter thing. Yeah, that things are very different, I think. And I was the oldest

and I'm the girl. So the dynamic of boy versus girl, or even just placement in in where you fall if like the oldest or the youngest, that also to affects

the I think, the amount of responsibility that's put on you. Um, and it also too kind of parents parent differently in that sense, you know what I mean, Because we talk all the time about how you know you feel like your sister was parented differently than yours, your brother, And then with in my circumstance, my sister is ten years younger than me, I felt I feel like my parents lost some wind at that point. They were just like, wait a second. I wasn't thinking I was gonna have

this baby again. You know. Naturally my brother's between us. But still I look at them sometimes and I'm like, is she gonna get away with that? Think about us? Think about what Jackson has been through and what Cas is going to go through. Cats is never never really lived in the apartment, never been on the train, will never be on the bus. Jackson has done all of that. Jackson is taking the train with me places, you know, the auditions and stuff, and dealt with rush hour and

he's ready to go back on again. And I was like, bro, this is not an event, it's not a sport. This is like real life. And he's but he's aware though, Like he's aware, Yeah, for sure, jack Remember the first time I let Jacon crossed the street by himself a heart attack. He was five. I almost had a heart it was five. I let Jackson go to the corner store by myself, Cadine was so pissed, and I was like, trust me, kay, just let him go. Let him go.

He said he wanted a lollipop. I gave him a fifty cent and I said, go to the store, lollipop cause the quarter. But it just see, that's the thing too that I had to learn from Devout making sure people around the way or around your hood knows you facts, you know, because that's also something that helps in Brooklyn. When people around your way know you, it's almost like a code you look out for each other, you know,

It's like an extended family if you you know. So that's something that I was just like, don't have him talk for strangers and devots, Like, no, he needs to talk to the people around the areas they are, you know. So I get it. Is there anything that you can't believe the kids have that maybe you didn't have growing up? I pad, yeah, I mean that wasn't the thing then,

but I did have a game Boy. Yeah. But but I think it's just having then instant access to information, not even just so much the technology, but my my kids know and see so much. And I'm guilty of doing this. I'm guilty of just saying yes, because I want so bad to be able to say yes to my kids. Every time they ask for something, I just say yes without making them earn it. And I feel like that's that iPad is just every time Jackson called me,

can I get this game? Can I get this game? Yeah? Sure? Sure? Can I get these Jordan's, I get these sneakers, these Kyrie's? Yeah? And I I have the shaming myself, yeah, I mean we both we both were guilty of doing that, and recently we just felt like, you know what, we're going to have to dial back on that, like just saying no, just to say no, and I know sometimes my parents used to do that all the time. I mean, it would be an easy situation, like, hey, mom, you know

my best friend. The sign was Carla. Can I go to Carlo's house after school? You know? Her dad said that we can come by. Hey, I'm going to do my homework there. And then just because you're going to be around your friend, you know what I mean. And her dad said that he'll drop us back home and she'll just be like no mother, with no reason. And of course I'm thinking it's just unfair. My life is over and like, why can't you give me a reason. And she's like, hey, I can't say yes to everything.

Sometimes I just have to say no. Well, you're gonna have to say no to our daughter because I can't say no to her. Again, we're talking about this daughter that's non existent, but as it comes to my boys, you're gonna anyway that That was last season's episode, So yeah,

that's in the past. Bro. So Like recently, I found myself holding back as a mother from just doing things that I know I can easily do, but I want Jackson to be able to do for himself because also to I'm raising three boys that I want to be able to be self sufficient, especially when they're older. So simple things like making the bed, sorting the laundry before it goes in the washing machine. You know. He came home from school the other day and he's just like, hey, Mom,

can I have a snack? And I'm like, sure, no problem. So then he like sits down, you know. So I was like, well, what you are you gonna get a snack? And he's like, aren't you gonna make my snack for me? And I was like no, I could get up and looking the fridge to see what you want but I don't know what's in there. And then yeah, so I was like, okay, so let's think about what we can make quickly. We can make a sandwich. There's peanut butter

and jelly. There's this that in the third and he's like, okay, I'll take peanut butter and jelly. And I'm like awesome. So I take out the bread, the peanut butter and jelly and the knife, and I just put it on the countertop. And there's something so simple that I would have naturally just made it in two minutes. But I'm just like, no, I'm at the point now where I was like, there's just things that they're going to have to start to do for themselves. Let me spain something

to you. My shout out to my grandmother, Della Ellis. When we used to go to Tennessee in the summertime, we had to cook our own food. From six years old, I remember she told us how to make breakfast. We had things that we could put in the microway for lunch, and she told us how to make dinner. Me and my cousin de Van and my brother Brian, we had to eat and she used to take us to save a lot. She gave us a budget and we will

go shopping and we would get our own food. We will come back and we will responding for feeding ourselves. Were so that I'm thinking you have a little PTSD from because now you don't want to cook the Now that's exactly why I don't want to cook, because you've been cooking here. I'm not even going a lie. Man. I loved you till I found that out. Because now your grandson won't even make dinner for me because he had been doing it since he was six years old.

Isn't every summer eight weeks you? Oh my god, you gotta cook. But but the thing is, I love to grill, so I'll grill. Yes, that's the happy media. Don't say I don't cook for you, because what you do is you put out these false narratives and have women here mad at me because I don't be doing nothing at home. Whenever something whenever we got to eat the valve on the grill, Yes, everybody, not just for everybody. Yeah, you're very good with that, chef for a compliment. Been three

seasons I finally get a compliment. Guys, Jesus, you're very good for that, very good. But yeah, they're just simple things now that I feel like I need to just kind of step back from. And then sometimes Jackson will hit me with the trying to make me feel guilty, but you makee cayrolink. It's the same with why won't you leave me one? And like, bro, like you had me to yourself for five years, I've been making you little last handwhich just for years now. I said, can

you imagine what will happen? And I turn it into a joke. I'm like, Jackson, imagine if I gave Cayro and Cass peanut butter and jelly to make their own sandwiches. And he's like, oh, it's gonna be all over the wall. And I'm like, exactly the same thing he does with, you know, pencils in the house. Cats is into pencils

now drawing on walls. But you know, um, I also want to create a space that's fair where my boys feel like, Okay, you know mom and dad are doing what they can and it's fair and it makes sense. And usually there's a discussion or a lesson in something and it comes with that explanation, so well, you know what's funny, Jackson says, that. He always makes fun of me. Anytime he asked me something, he's I don't know what you're gonna say? What figure it out? That is my

way of creating adversity for him. We He said to me, Dad, you know I want to practice ride on my bike. I said, all right, we'll go put the bike in the trusk and he's like, what I said, go put the bike in the truck. So then I'm watching him stumble and trying to get the bike in the truck, which I know it's difficult, but these are things I had to do when I was living in Tennessee. My grandmother was not gonna come out and take three bikes

for us out of the garage. Every time we wanted to ride the bike, we had to figure it out. So I watched him struggle to get the bike in the truck and finally gets the bike in the truck. We drive to the park. I sit in the car and he's in the cars that we're waiting for us. Said, I'm waiting for you to get the bike out of the truck. He's like, I gotta take it out too. I'm like yeah, he's like, but it's heavy. I said, well, figure it out and he The funny thing is I

see the confidence once he figures something out. I see like the lightbulb go off in his head and he's like, oh my gosh, I really can do this on my own. Same thing with basketball. He's shooting, it goes past the rim, down the hill and he's looking at me. I'm like, Yo, you better go get that. Like I'm like, I've made a point in my life that I'm gonna make things harder for him just because I have to just like just like things that I would normally just do. Now

you'll get that yourself. Bro. That's that's my because I was looking at our rundown today and it was talking about resilience and resilience pretty much being like the ability to roll with the punches, and there was a tip um or different tips from the Guardian and how you teach your kids resilience. So having one on one time with the child, which is great, It's just something that I think we always try to do. Yes, I think that we both take time to take our own individual

time with each child for that. So so that's like a perfect example of, um, you know, one on one time with Jackson and you're trying to teach him like okay, bro, but also to teaching delayed gratifications. So resilience mean understanding that you can't always have what you want as soon as you want it, like that instant gratification lifestyle that we live in this this time, we really have to be cognizant of that and teaching our kids. As much as you say it's like because you asked for it

right now, don't mean right now absolutely. And I blame that on Amazon Prime in two days. You know, it's just that access. How did he learn about because he says that to you, mom, you can just order it. You can just order it right now, click click one click buy or whatever it is. I'm just like, bros. Down, have a seat. So I've also learned with the two younger boys that they watch and their their model of what being a decent young man is right now is

their brother. So they're constantly watching Jackson, and I tend to teach them through Jackson. So for example, if I'm disciplining Jackson rom doing something with Jackson, I like that they're sitting there watching and I'm speaking to them while I'm speaking to Jackson. So the lesson is never just for Jackson. The lesson is also for them. But what I also am starting to do is I'm not letting

them get away with the baby syndrome. You know, because you're three, because you're too you just get away with things. So for example, with Kas, remember Cas, you should just climb up on the counter all the time. And you know your mom, your mom isses his caregiver now because he's home and most with him and she wants to make sure that he's okay and stuff like that. But I know when I come home, he has a caregiver, he has the person who's gonna cakyle him and stuff

like that. But then Dad comes home, so you know, he hears a lot from me, no and stop. And I want to start that now because I realized at Jackson's age we had to do both as far as being the caregiver and being a disciplinarian. With your mom, your mom is just the caregiver. She doesn't do the disciplinarian, so I have to be the disciplinarian. So even with Kaz, the same thing about instant gratification. He'll run over to me with the iPad and he'll ask me to open it,

like daddy, Daddy, open it, Daddy, open it. So in the past I would just hit the bar and woo. But now if I'm doing something, I said, you gotta wait, you gotta wait, and you have to say excuse me. So then he'll frown a little bit. And he wasn't getting it. And it took him about literally took him about six months that he started to come over now and he's like, daddy opened, please. You see him come

with that open please. You know why it took him six months because he's you, and he's he's stubborn as all hell, so he was gonna wait six months just to kind of ride it all out. But that's absolutely so right. You can guarantee that if your wife gives you a compliment, she's gonna find a way to just give you a backhanded compliment and later on in the conversation she's gonna blame every bad quality about the kids.

It's gonna be it's headstrong. And that's great because your head strong and you're an amazing man because of that. She don't get it twisted. Don't get it twisted, but but no, and also to being able to like empower the two little ones because Kiro obsesses over Jackson, like

he looks up to him so much. So in doing that, sometimes when I have moments when I'm with Kiro alone, you know, he'll be like, Mommy, I want to put the shirt on, or I want to put this clothes on, Like he'll he'll now at this point, if I did say no, I'm not gonna do it for you, He'll go in his room, go through his drawers, take off his pajama, seen him take off his pull up, put on his underwear, his jeans, and his shirt. Maybe his shirt will be on backwards, but he's now into a

rhythm of dressing himself. When I remember back with Jackson, we had to actually sit and teach him, like look for the tag, put it over your head. But Cairo comes out fully dressed and ready to go for the day because he wants to keep up with Jackson. And I think it's also important, you know, speak, I speak about how I tend to discipline or teach cast but also with Cairo, I found that it's okay for me

to tell Kyro, no, you can't go. This is Jackson's time, because what that allows him is to learn the process that everything isn't always about him, and I've learned I've watched himself soothed, where in the past when I used to I used to say, oh, me and Jackson are going to do something. He will cry and scream and cry. Then I used to lie and say, hey, Jackson's in trouble. I'm going to take him to do this. You don't want to go to this. But that's why I am

aligned him. He's three, he's very intelligent. He's old enough to comprehend Cairo. You cannot go because this is Jackson's time. He needs to practice. When I come back, you and I will do something. And I think that the the fact that I was honest about what I was gonna do, he was able to sell, soothe and realize, you know, I can't go with Jackson is not my time. But when Daddy comes back and when I get back, he's waiting by the door. But what that's teaching him is patients.

And he's also learning that everything is not about him, because in life, everything is not going to be about me, about you, absolutely, especially when you called into that world. Nobody gives a ship and when you have the silver spoon, sometimes you just think that since I have the silver spoon, everything is about me and I can leverage it whenever I want. And that's not the way life works. No, it doesn't. It's it's so difficult to just like straddle

that straddle that face. But it is as a parent very um exciting to see when the kids are getting it, and I think it requires some explanation. Like one thing we do as parents, Um Deval and I we try to explain to our children as much as we can. Right, that is the black mom term in the year why not because I said that's right? And to me as a child, I always remember thinking, but that's just not good enough, like I needed I need to understand why.

And me thinking that as like a five six seven year old child, I feel like naturally maybe my kids feel the same way because you said you experienced the same thing. So whereas some people may say like man, I ain't gonna take the time they explain myself to no, six seven eight year old, we've found a lot of value to sit down and explain ourselves. I do. Is it in frustration or just the kids bothering you in

a moment where you don't want to be disturbed? No, some sometimes sometimes they're not old enough to understand what I'm trying to explain. So sometimes just like listen bro I said no. Because I said no, naturally, do not ask me again. But if it's something that I think they can understand, it's a yeah, I teachable moment. But but I think kids do need to understand like their place.

You know, I feel like we've given everyone is so liberal nowadays, everything is so liberal, like kids should be have their own freedoms and do this and do that, and in the in the child does something outside of society's norms, the first people they blame all the parents, you know what I'm saying. So for me, I'm not even gonna give my chance, my children the chance to

make those mistakes and then come looking for us. So, you know what, you may not agree with the way our parents, or you maybe say I'm a little bit extreme, but I'm going to teach my kids patients resilience and how to fight off adversity so that they can be fully functioning adults in the society where we have to work together for humanity to continue to exist. And ultimately that's what we try to do with parents. That's the

best advice I can give. I don't know. You know, some people believe in spanking, some people don't believe in spankings. You know your children. You know what I'm saying. You know your children. What I will say is, if you can teach them principles that allow them to coexist with other adults and other children, they'll be They'll be pretty good humans. And that's hard while we're trying to give

them everything in life that we didn't have. Yeah, it's a lot of style stepping that has to take place, so you know, I know, within our house household, and it's stole stepping according to the child's particular needs. Still, because if you have multiple children, you have to also superstand that you can't parent one kind of way that one child may learn through adversity in one way, whereas it may be a detriment to another child. And that

is that I'm glad you. I'm glad you told about you have an example because I that is a great point because I know that's been a lot of time with the boys, because I'm a dad and I kind of feel like I know they're very much a boy dad, very much a boy dad. But I know for a fact, all three of my boys are inherently different. They're so different, inherently different. Different. And for example, Jackson with riding the bike right, And I said to Jackson, because I see

he struggles, he gets nervous, he gets worried. So he gets on a bike. Last year we perfected getting on the bike and riding it. He gets on the bike and his feet stumble in and I'm like, Jackson, I'm not gonna scream at you. Okay, I'm not gonna holler. I'm going to be very patient. You're a champ. You can do this. Ten minutes, he's still trying to get his feet on the pedal, lose it, get yours on the bike, bike riding, pedal going. Now he's moving, he's

looking at me. He's all excited. Now, my gos, what I'm talking about. Let's go screaming, let's go. Can you imagine if I would have screamed that Chiro like that, what would Cairo have done? Would have stayed the bike down, walked away like bike. If I would have screamed it Kylro like that, there would have been no bike riding. He would have stand the bike down and walked home. Kaz would have fought, would have start swinging. Who are you screaming that? What is exactly? Yeah? And it's so

strange and it's exhausting. Sometimes it's a parent because it's just like, bro, like, how do I keep up a baby? So I have a question. We moved our kids out of the quote unquote hood because Brooklyn is no longer hood, no more. It's very gentrified. It's Brooklyn Heights now. But we moved our kids, the kids out of Brooklyn Heights and now we're in the suburbs of California. What are you hoping to gain from making these changes? Because I know the first thing, okay, we I know why we

moved here. Codeine looked at the schools system. We talked about budgets, and she said, if we can do public the number one public school in California. So we're trying to find somewhere that at least I know they can go to public school, will have some space. It was just trying to find the happy medium for us. So and I just cut you off because I don't want you to go to public school route because we talked

about education. I want to hear. No, it wasn't even that like I what I got from your question at least is what's what do I hope my children are going to learn from their childhood with this whole move that we made, right okay, so um. For me, As much as it's about the children, it was also about, if it sounds selfish, my peace of mind, knowing that me as a mom, there's certain things that I don't want to have to necessarily worry about because actually I'm

a warrior. So you know, them moving us moving out here. For me, it's going to give them the opportunity, I think, to just at least have a little bit more space. I want when they remember their childhood, they think about the times that they were able to just like go outside, they can play together, they can have they can have space like that was one of the biggest things moving

from from from New York. But also to when they think of their childhood in general, I want them to know how how love they were and how invested their parents were in like their their their every move and not to say that we want to stifle them, because I know at some points in my childhood I felt like I was I was stifled a bit just from being so super sheltered. Um, but I want to also create a balance for them where they feel like my

parents really empowered me to be my own person. But at the same time too, I know I could fall back on my parents if I did need them, you know what I mean. So the biggest thing for me is that balance. So the balance for us now too. Even though we have moved over to l A, it's also too we decided we're gonna take them back to Brooklyn in the summer times or like any time we have any time we have breaks and stuff like that, the first place we go to is in New York.

So even since we've moved here, we've been back to New York like four or five times. That why I'd like to say to people we really move were technically like try coastal because between New York, l A and

Atlanta were like always moving. Um. But with this being like kind of home based for us now, UM, I feel like at least they can appreciate the fact that, you know what, my parents are putting me a space where I can just thrive, where I can um have room to grow, you know, physically, and also just kind of um, I guess is it metaphorically not the right. Yeah,

you know what I mean, room to grow. Um, and I need them to know that we are invested in them them, you know, as as children, you know, and um, yeah, I don't want them to have fun like I have so many fun moments I could think of as a child that I want my kids to make sure that they But you had for moments in Brooklyn, I did for me. It's just moving for me was a way for us to not eliminate them from those things, but to control how they get those things, you know what

I'm saying. So for me, moving was almost like parent control. You know how you give a care the laptop. But now Jackson can't get access to certain things unless he physically asked per permission that comes to my phone, so he doesn't get to see or watch whatever he wants to watch. I have to vet it first and then accept it. I feel like us moving out here allows me to vet his experiences through his life because I get to experience them first, and he's not force fed

certain experiences. So for me, living in Brooklyn was I was force fed a lot of things because both of my parents worked and I was thrown into the commute of dealing with life very very early. So was my brother, you know, my sister wasn't. And I want to be able to to share those things with my boys in my time, not their time. And that was ultimately the whole reason moving out here to the burbs, making sure that, Okay, you want to go into Brooklyn. We're gonna go into

Brooklyn together. I'm going to introduce you to the people that I know in Brooklyn, the good people who I know in Brooklyn. And the funny thing is, not all the good people, even the nice parts of Brooklyn, you know what I'm saying, Jay saying with all the good people don't live in the nice parts of the suburbs. I still have people who live in Brooklyn, and I love dearly who are of the greatest character and the greatest moral spirits that I want my sons to have

relationships with. And I feel like moving out here allows me to give them the balance of both worlds, right, sure, I love that, and we're doing it together, always the best way to do it. Well, now we're gonna head into your favorite time after we deal with some of these ads and pay some of these bills. For sure, We're gonna take a quick break and moving to listener letters after we get into these ads. So we're back

guys listen their letter times. The emails have been bubbling over flooding in, so let's see we have some good ones for for today. M sure, I'll go ahead and read the first one. I love my boyfriend of one year, but his parenting is a turn off for me. I have no children. I feel like as a black dad, he should be more authoritative and disciplinary when it comes

to his nine year old son. For example, he doesn't make or show him how to take the trash out, clean the kitchen, or cut the grass, but he wants to show him how to scratch records. How do I lovingly communicate to him that I'm being turned off by what he sees as priority, as priority to teach his son that's not really a places the people without kids tell me how when you don't have kids? Like, the biggest thing for me that that wrong out in this whole thing is I have no children, So say that

you have no children. It's really hard, um sometimes to take advice. However, I do feel like just as a person with children or not, you may be able to see some val you in you know, him being able to teach his son different things maybe based on the way you grew up or based on the way, um you think things should be, or if you had children you would do it that way. Um. But I think

at the same time too, where's his mom? Like you know what I mean, the mother and the father should really have an idea of what they're doing parenting wise, and you know, it's it's may be difficult because he may be learning one thing with his mom, and then he may be doing one thing with his dad. Maybe at mom's house he's making his bed. Maybe at mom's house he's taking out the trash, sat in the kitchen. And when he's with dad, Dad probably sees it as like, yo,

this is my son. He's nine, especially at that age. That's that's a lot of that known for us. Yeah, Jackson like a doors deval and wants to do everything devout Dad does, like devots his favorite person right now, So his dad may be in the same thing. You know, what's one more time? Can you say that one more time? Devout is Jackson's favorite person right now? Right now? He is you know, when it comes to waves, it ships anyway, don't feel a kind of way. I got two other ones,

like it'll shift if you'll be a favorite. So like I was saying this, um so like I was saying, um, see, you maybe lose my whole train of thought. See anytime you bring up a whole another daughter, I don't even remember what I'm talking talking and talking about you. First of all, your point was great, and you were taking all my points, which was great. Mom may certain things, yes, okay, so Mom may have him doing certain things. Dad may see this. It's like, Yo, my son adores me. This

is our time together. He's nine, Like he's interested in scratching records, maybe because that's just something fun that they like to do with each other, you know what I mean. If it's a thing where you and your boyfriend then continue to grow within your relationship and then you become like a step mom, and then you have to now raise this sun with your boyfriend, Um, then I think it may be worth having the conversation at that point.

If you guys are going to be living together, like, hey, whenever your son is here, maybe we should like map out some things that he should be doing around the house because we all live together now. But you know, just being one year in and then having you know, an opinion about it. I don't know how how he would feel about that real talk. This is this is very easy. It's only one year. Okay, there's not much that you you do know if you've been dating from

one year all right. Secondly, you're not around all the time. So since you're not around all the time, how do you know that he's not teaching him how to do those things when you're not around? For example? And I know this from my my brother's standpoint. I tease my brother, but I'm not around and I'm a parent. I still don't try to teach my brother how to parent because when I'm not around, he could be doing things that if I feel judgmental that if I don't see him

do it, it's completely wrong. On top of that, when you're around, it could just be playtime. You're his girlfriend. So maybe he wants to spend time with his girlfriend and have his son share positive moments with his new girlfriend. Because what you don't want is you don't want your son to feel like every time she comes around, I got to clean up. Maybe it's the thing where I'm trying to ease him into this situation. My feeling like,

whenever she's around, we have fun. So sometimes as a as a parent, and you only noticed as a parent is you have your methods of doing things. When you're not a parent, it's easy to look at someone else's parenting choices and judge because you don't know the full story or don't have the full gamut of the experience. I mean, it's even easy sometimes as a parent to look at another parent and say, well, what in the

hell are you? Look at some of the people who are in a classroom with your your child, and you're just like who raised you? You know, it's very possible sometimes to have those scenarios as well, with a child or without having children. Bottom line is, don't don't take the snapshot of who you think the child is and

trying to make a whole narrative about it. You don't know what he does when he's with his mom, because, like a dean said, what if his mom is a drill sergeant and the only reprieve he gets from life is with his dad. You don't have to double down if someone is doing so much and that can be overkilled and that can turn his son off, especially he's going back and forth between his mom and his dad. So you know what I would say is, um, ask questions.

Do not be judgmental. Don't tell him you're turned off, but you can ask questions and say, hey, you know how about this? But do not offer no opinions on someone else's child when you're just a girlfriend right now? Exactly, you you overstepping your boundaries. Focus on being a girlfriend because he girlfriend to the daddy. That could be real thing. Quick, you'd be ex girlfriend. You ain't gotta worry about that. You ain't gotta be turned off no more because you

turned out to the door. You're so annoying. All right, hey, y'all, i'll read this one too. Does something in reading moved today? Go ahead, just cut um. I need your feedback desperately with an exclamation point. So this is all right, Let me make haste and read. My partner over a year and a half wants me to move in with him. During my last visit, he told me that my three grown sons would not be allowed to visit our home.

Party done since his reasoning is that family can be toxic and he's had negative experience with his nephew's visiting and living with him. I passionately disagree, as do I. I stood my ground, but he argued that I should trust him in his leadership. He flexes the alpha male thing a lot, although I'll never consent to living with someone who who's divisive with my sons. Would you advise me to negotiate or try to reach a compromise or

could that be the final red flag? Please help? Thanks? Yikes, yo, this is on everything. We got three sons, they're gonna be grown. Say we get divorced and you remarry somebody, and the boys tell me what, we can't go by mom's house because her new boyfriend don't want us around. It would be four big black dudes at your crib, rightfully, So right, there's no way. There's no way. There's no way. I don't even have I don't have, no there's no way. Yeah,

there's no there's and she compromise that red flag? Oh no. The thing is she didn't even say he's had negative experiences with my son. She said he's had negative experiences with his nephews. What they got to do with my son's Absolutely, they can't visit three completely different people, you know what It sounds like it sounds like he's controlling. You know what he wants to do is he wants to separate her from her family so that he can

control her. That's because he knows that three grown men will probably sniff out his bullshit and not and they're not having it. There's no compromising there, no, absolutely no. I won't even get between Kay and my sons. My sons have fiduciary responsibility to protect their mom at all courts. If even if I'm doing something that they see could be an issue, I would appreciate in love if my sons, if they were grown respectfully said something to me trying

to trying to separate someone from their offspring. It's like, that's so wrong, so especially if they're not toxic. I was about to say, she didn't say anywhere in here that her sons have had any issues with him or with her. I mean if they were abusive, or they were toxic, or they had some vices that but no, no, I don't even got no more say that. That kind of got me mad just now because I wish you would tell you. I wish you would tell me your new husband, your new husband man, not even a husband

partner for over a year and a half. That's not even people fall in love quick. They're not a husband Like yeah, but I'm saying, if you're partner for year and have told I told my boys they wasn't welcomed by his house to see their mom, we're kicking the door down, kicking the door within the full full or you heard what the voul? Don't hit me no more playing disrespect my boys. There goes that these listen letters

are easy today they were pretty easy. Awesome And if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. Yes, time, moment of truth, Well go first, let me go first. I think they're always like lean on you because I come out reading listen of that is it's like a flow.

This is my moment of truth. No matter how much money I'm able to make, I'm always going to have to um add some sort of adversity in my children's life so that they can learn to be resilient, be respectful, and be confident. For sure, I feel like if I just give them everything, they'll they'll lack confidence. So I have to dull the silver spoon by manufacturing that adversity throughout their life until I know that they can handle the adversity on the right, even if the adversity is

not readily available to them. See as though we're not in an environment where there may be that much. Right now, I can. I can manufacture adversity. I can put them in I can put them in different leagues, put them in different sports things, and make their life a little bit harder, just so that they can learn how to deal with adversity. For sure, And no matter how much I could be worth eight billion dollars, that can I get a new car, You're gonna go work for it.

You know what I'm saying. Go get a job. I don't need to work. You can buy a car I don't care for. Go get a job. I'll buy you to call you up with gas in it, though you're gonna pay your own insurance. I'm gonna find a way to building some adversity so that they can learn to appreciate things. No, absolutely, I feel you. I think that

leads me to my moment of truth. Where As a parent, I understand now that there is value in saying no to your children sometimes because they just need that Sometimes as much as I want to be mother hen and shelter them from everything and protect them from everything, I know that I can't. It's just not realistic. And in that, I know that I have to be able to say no sometimes and just be confident in that and know that my children, being armed with everything we teach them,

we'll be able to make the right decisions. I hope and I pray. Cone was just stuttering a little bit now because I'm rubbing her thigh. I can't see it, but I am. I was looking good. I just rubbed it. I was trying to distract, right though. YO. Be sure to follow us on social media. That's I am, Devo and Cadine I am. And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico

and Dinor Opinion are executive producer T Square. Our associate producers are Triple and Kristin Torres. Our Chief content Officer is Chris Bannon, our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and Last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen's We'll Fact I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitcher Net. We're called Substraction that's available everywhere. Getting a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple,

Go listen right now to the Distraction right now. It's out. Do it, please,