Don’t Forget About Dad

about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. I'm gonna do storytime today for a change, though I feel like you're the more dominant storyteller. However, considering the topic, we're talking about things that Dad needs

or you know, making the list for Dad. From my perspective, this is when I knew that there was just like some things that Dad just needs and devout took it upon himself to one day get something, and I was just like, this is where we are. Okay, So y'all, y'all know me. Um, I'm a chronic online shopper. Um in part because I just don't like to go into stores.

Is still COVID outside, and um, it's just easier. So in my downtown while I'm here, you know, in between, especially in the very beginning of this pregnancy, between throwing up and sleeping, I just do a little online shopping, you know, shop for clothes that know it's not gonna fit me now, but I'm gonna get it because I'm getting back so Amazon, you know, in other places, we're delivering things regularly to our door. So I got to bring it the doorbell and it's Amazon dropping off something.

And then there's like Dick Sporting Goods and I'm like, where are all these things coming from? Now? I know my husband I was like, I was like good pause, so um so yeah, I was like, all right, Dick Sporner goes. I'm like, all right, what's all this stuff? And I know Devot and Devout doesn't like to shop, and know how that whether it be online in person,

under that doesn't have a shop. So I'm seeing all this stuff showing up at the door and this one thing, this one box is like at least devots height, maybe a couple of feet taller. So I was like, all right, well, you know, I signed for the packages and whatnot, and you know, instantly hit him up on my devot did you order some stuff online? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I got I got a couple of things, something's on Amazon.

I got some steps from the sports store and I was like, okay, So I know that we have the gym downstairs and he wanted to just get some weights, you know, medicine balls, things of that nature. But this one particular box was just really big. So it was like, what is this? So the boy lugs the box downstairs, lucks the box downstairs. It is a whole as kick boxing punching bag situation. So I was like, I'm stressed

much stress. But I said, am I really putting that much stress on this man that he had to get a whole punching bag situation? Like they got up in the boxing gyms and then all I hear sometimes down in the basements to the point, but I was like, what are you going through, Bro, are you going through something that I need to know about that you have to exert all of this anger on a punching bag that we like, this is where we are to mention,

not to mention. Now he has Jackson and Cairo downstairs doing the same thing on the punching bag with him, to the point where poor Cairo came up one day with bloody knuckles rights on, I don't use gloves, and I really had to just check myself. I was like, am I sending the men in my life into insanity where they feel the need to turn this entire house

into a boxing gym? And at that point I was like, ah, sis, let me go do a check in and see how these guys are really doing, because they'd be smiling in my face all day, Cayro giving me head rubs, about giving me belly rubs. But I think low key they have this light, little secret society situation going on where they're just like, we need to release some stress. How are we going to do that? You don't get us a whole last kickboxing Jim situation downstairs? Here we are

from you. Just say yes, Mom, okay, Mom, going downstairs, do five rounds? Come back upstairs. You'll be fine. Yep. So here we are, y'all. I just want to get your attention. Hey what I really want to be all up in you, he say. Daddy's hung for me, And I know you've been waiting on this loving all day. Daddy's hung time to play. Oh hey, hey, hey diddy, Hey hey daddy, Hey hey hey daddy. Oh what's that here?

I know you've been waiting on this love and all day, but you're gonna have to wait a couple of more months. You get that good, good loving? How about that? How about that? You know? So, I felt like it was only right since you provided such a beautifully thought out lists that mom needs. I mean, we're practical things, you

know what I mean, items and whatnot. You know, I was thinking of items that Dad's may need for the first time too, and I'm like, yeah, you know, there's some things that you know could probably make the list or not. But then I was like, you know what, underwear, that's that's what they always get dead, all those things.

Um However, I was like, you know what, let me go ahead and make a list of things that I think women should be saying to themselves, you know, what let me take a little bit of extra time to think about although all the attention is on me right now for the most part, because typically when a woman is pregnant, that's where everyone's checking on her, checking on her, the baby, how's everything going, and then dad kind of

falls by the wayside. So I can understand that even though it is kind of short lived, because it's normally ten months to a year a little bit after, if you think about postpartum um, dad still exists. Can I can? I just say, every time you talk about what a father goes through for pregnancy, you always say it's shortlived, it's only ten months. But you would never let me say prignancy is short lived it's ten months. That's not true.

I'm just talking about for the time being. If we're being realistic about time frame in terms of when the women gets all of the attention, why are you still blinking at you know what? Let me not cut off your list. Go ahead. I'm just saying, though you keep saying it's short lived, but pregnancy is not short lived. I would never say pregnancy is short lived. That's a long term one. But I've said in the past, even

though it is a long term one. But I'm saying, in the grand scheme of time for everyone involved, that's the pregnant women, the child, pregnancy, and at right it's not. That's in part when I was I was like, you know, I'll do this. She said that. I never said pregnancy short. Y'all. See who said pregnancy was short fields long? But like for me, I will admit this time around, specifically, it felt like the longest. Maybe first what five months because I was super sick, get out my camera develop I

was super sick. But then I'm like, it's starting to kind of fly by, you know what I mean. You can say whatever you want to say. You try to cut you, try to make it seem like it was negative stuff going on here off the back. I didn't. I was just trying to say I don't try to say nothing. Don't try to say nothing. Whatever you want to do, babe. But that brings me to my first point. You don't even know what I was gonna say, and you feel stupid. My first thing on my list of ten,

I'll start from the rear up. I guess since you did the same thing expecting Dad's need acknowledgement, you need to Dad's need to also be involved in the process. And I feel like it's fair to say that your feelings and your wants and needs need to be taken into consideration as well. I like the way this list is starting on That's only fair if I'm being honest.

I like the way this list is starting already, particularly when you have a significant other or spouse or whoever, baby daddy who is also attentive to your needs as well and understands that, you know what, we're in this together. You know, this is not something that I just embarked on by myself. This is not a situation where I'm just going to drop someday, go off and run, you

know what I mean. Um So, if you have somebody that is really working with you as a partner, I think it's important to acknowledge the fact that he's also probably going through some changes too, particularly first time dads. The way you see he was coming from my neck off the bat, y'all. I'll the time you're talking about the time in the length of time, time, time time, And meanwhile, I'm open here just trying that's how you sounded,

And meanwhile, I'm just trying to be honest. I feel like it is necessary for people to also take into consideration that dad's may even have a little bit of postpartum in a sense, or they may be having a little prenatal anxiety because there's a lot of things that happened that they're experiencing, sometimes for the first time or

sometimes for multiple times. Every pregnancy is different, or depending on what phase you are in your life, when your significant other is pregnant, there may be other stresses involved. So I think it's important to acknowledge that, you know what, dads have feelings too. They're gonna have moments, they're gonna have days. They don't have cravings like the valves been out here picking out on sweets lately. I don't know

what that's about. I don't know what that's about. Um, you know it's about you're maintaining an ad game pretty well. So I'm happy for that. UM. I think it's necessary to definitely talk about that and make that something that's normal and normalized. That's a check you can normalize acknowledging fathers. There we go. That's a new thing, acknowledging. Acknowledging fathers and also to you know, speaking with them about how

they feel. Typically men you expect to just kind of suck it up and deal and not speak about their emotions or how they're feeling. Um, But I like to do check ins as well, you know, with you two, Like I said to you the other day when you felt like you were just kind of like undated with a bunch of just things at one time, and you're like, you know, you have no idea everything that I'm trying to lift off of your shoulders so that way you

can just enjoy this pregnancy and be stress free. Everything is now on my shoulders, And I'm like, baby, I had no idea you were thinking about this, that that you were handling this just to alleviate some stress on my end. But then now it's stressing you out and you're not vocalizing that to me. So in me sensing something is off, but also not being a mind reader, I can never really necessarily know if something's wrong. So keeping the lines of communication open, I think is necessary

for sure. And I stop bring in silence. You know that brings me to my next point number nine, quality time with the homies. Quality time with the homies. And I say that because sometimes you just need that circle of guys who you can just vent too. You can chat with dev I was feeling some kind of way lately because he said, you know what, we're living now in a different state. I don't have my brother who I used to see daily. I don't have my dad.

I don't have the camaraderie I used to have in the gym when I used to go every every day. You know, the kids that you used to mentor there were a lot of people around on a regular basis. And men need male energy. Men need male energy for a bunch of different reasons. Number one, I need to be able to release and just vent about things that are happening and not feel like I have to walk

on eg shows or not feel judged. But I mean realistically, when you're in the house with your wife, sometimes you especially when she's pregnant, you don't want to say the wrong thing her the feeling. So things that you used to joke about, we talked about these things we used to joke about and make fun of. Sometimes now you're emotional, you don't think it's funny. So I jokes falling flat sometimes, y'all. And he's a funny dude, But you know what's funny.

Extra sensitive right now about everything. I can't make no fat jokes right now. She's a wrap, it's a rap. So she I just feel like sometimes I want to go into a place where I can just let loose, like just say whatever and there's no judgment and not worried about it. And I need to compete, like I just need to lift weights and and throw ship around and just kind of let that frustration on. So I do need I do need that commodity, that locker room comer. Absolutely.

So hopefully you know whoever it is, your spouse, baby, daddy, whatever, has has a safe space where he feels like he can just go to to just unleash be himself, you know, kind of like cheers. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name exactly, you know, and they're always glad you came. Remember you talking about jokes. That was one of them, but it wasn't from me. I keep saying it too, but you know, hey, it's another story

for another day. Um. Then that brings me to and it's kind of piggybacking off of the acknowledgment, but the reassurance that everything will be okay, that's my number eight reassuring me, well, reassurance for me, reassurance from I think others that will tell you that after pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum and then you get into a routine that things are going to get better, things are going to get

kind of fall back in place. You mean, reassurance from you, reassuring me like hey, yes, because I was kind of like a little confused because most of the time I'm reassuring you like, babe, like how are you going to talk me off the ledge that you're swinging from? But no, I see. I feel like I do that often on my baby. Just it's a countdown now, like it's almost were almost at the end. The baby zone is out.

I can get my body back to being myself. I will no longer have a person inside of me, you know, And of course naturally that comes with other stresses when you finally do have the baby and it's like, all right, we still have a person to care for. However, I think men need to know like there's end in sight. And that's why I say, when it's ten months to a year, it sounds like a long time, and experiencing it as a woman, it feels like forever I've been

pregnant forever. I'm not co san and anything seeming shut when it comes to pregnancy as a man, I am not gonna man myself. I'm not gonna man explain pregnancy and say short or not that long. I would get crucified. I understand. I understand. So you y is not responsible for the views and concerns of Codine list at this point.

That is. But in speaking of the grand scheme of things in time, in that sense, things will eventually get back into a rhythm, get back into a flo You need to hear that, like, Babe, this is this is just shortly, this is temporary. Remember that we did this, We made this decision. And sometimes I know, in that moment and in that hour, it may feel like it's a lot, but it will get better. It does get better,

you know, all right, number six on the list. Every now and then, it does not hurt to give a little flacio, you know how we get into the list. I really want to put that as number one, but I was like, let me not make him come across as like some sort of addict, because you're not. But you do every now and again, you know, little sexy time. You know that's per yes, it's a little stress relief, um, a little stress release and a little bit of sexy time.

And sometimes the belly just gets in the way. So what I tend to do sometimes just like you know, I got my face beeak, got my lashes done. He likes my lashes done. Um, typically like my nails done. Right now, they're a little short, just because you know,

we had other stuff going on. But it's necessary to take that into consideration that sometimes I need to rock the mic and just do it because that's what he needs, you know, And it's a little difficult, like I said before, in the first trimester, you know, gag reflects is a little bit not as where it should be, but you know, taking into consperation that you still need that sexy time. You haven't see the just on his camera, he's just gazing at me. You got your makeup then, you know,

just give me flash. But hey, it's the last episode of the day, so the kids. No. But I do I do think that you are telling the truth, especially when it comes to just needs, because people often think that men's needs just stop, like the minute your wife gets putting, your needs stop, and I think that's kind of unfair. For people to think that that just goes away. And as partners, if, like we talked about it, I'm always gonna be concerned about you. Who was going to

be concerned about me so ably? I mean for me, it's like the little things, just a little things, you know exactly. I mean that's how we got here, so might as well. Alright. Number five on the list A means to exert energy or tension. So it could be what we just or it could be something like exercise or going for a run. I don't know what your guys into, but Devin needs his workout every day. Just

don't pull me along with you every day. I'm gonna workout in my due time, but you, sir, if that's what you need, give him his space to do that. So I'm going to say right now, I need my comaraderie with my guys, whether we're drinking, watching the fight, doing something, that's one thing. But working out it's a necessity when you're dealing with stress, intention and trying to deal with the ten months to a year everything is

going on with pregnancy. Those are two different things that like, like, the working out is more you letting out everything, you know what I'm saying like you're getting a chance to hit the punching bag or throw the weights, or run a mile or do something, get a chance to that that energy that comes that Um, I forgot what the world is called. UM. When you exert that energy, what's the what's the thing the endorphins. When the endorphins come,

it just makes you feel so much better. And there's no endorphins like competing and getting that physical activity in the time with your friends completely different. You can watch a game, you can sit down and talk, you can smoke a cigar, that's one thing. But you have to get the workout in. So I agree with that that was top five number five. Going into the top five, I definitely and in spiraling into that after you get your workout in or whatever it is you're using to

exert that stress or energy, that relief. UM. A quiet place to decompress. You know, just as much as I need my nap time and I need my quiet time, you need your time as well too. And that can just be for decompressing, that can be for you focusing on your career on work. I know a lot of times the shift and the focus for you is okay, Cadeen is good. The boys are good. Now I have time to kind of just refocus on myself and not

being distracted it. So we've spoken in a previous episode about some guys feeling like they need advice, like instead of going to that advice of maybe like drinking or smoking or other women or something like that, you pour back into yourself. So self care is always discussed when it comes to women, but self care is very real for men as well. And mental health yea, and mental

health for sure. So if that's something that you need, is just like some alone time for Devout is going downstairs into his man cave, you know, totill disappear down there, and I'll let him rock. I'll let him have his space until he starts to be a baby and it's just like, well where are you? And I'll be honest, and this is is gonna be important. We have three kids and Condeine is pregnant. When I need my space, my pregnant wife will grab my kids and be like, yo,

let your father be. And the reason why I say that's important is because so many oftentimes they feel like men don't deserve quiet time when a woman is pregnant and that women aren't aren't considerate enough to realize what a man needs while pregnant. But that is not true. Even while pregnant, you are very considerate sometimes when it comes to YO, I see that the vow kniz this time, so you'll be like able, absolutely, And I think it's

important to be said. That's like acknowledged the fact that YO, he does need that, he needs that to for example, even too just in the mornings, like now, we're on a different routine. Jackson is up for school at six am, and I'm getting up with Jackson. My mom is up as well. She's helping with his breakfast. She's helping me get the two ones together. Drop Jackson to school because he goes in like an hour and a half earlier

than the two little ones. Hiron Kaz. They go to school usually with my mom or some mornings just because Daddy likes to take the boys to school and their first experiences. You know, Devel will get up some mornings, but the other mornings, I'm like, yo, let the man sleep like he literally while we're asleep at night, steer up just thinking about things that need to be done, bills that need to be paid, the logistics of this

how we run on a day to day basis. So I'm aware of that, and I'm cognizant of the fact that you have a lot on your brain and in addition to that, you're trying to make strides, and you are making strides in your career. That is, it's necessary for you to have a pace of peace. So if I can provide that for you at some point during the day, daily, every other day, as you need it, Yeah, you tagged me in and I'll figure it out. But

all those kids, that's that's definitely true. All right. Next, um, that was number four right, Number three meals hot meals. So this is the challenge for us at the beginning because when I was sick and could not cook and just feeling down and out, couldn't stand the smell of food. You know, I know devout too. In addition to releasing all attentions in different parts of his body, he needs a full stomach. Like everything else could be empty, but

he needs a full stomach. So trying to forward think meals. It came to a point where I even had someone helped me meal prep during that phase because I knew, like girls, you're not gonna be able to cook. So I hit up somebody out here and was like, hey, can you just provide some meal prep for like the next week because it was going to become a thing where I know he was gonna be angry. You didn't it helped me help You wasn't a person at that moment.

Because stress and anxiety makes me hungry. And most of the people that I know, especially dudes, it makes them hungry. Like anxiety and stresses just like there's something on where I got to eat something and makes it. I don't know what it is about it. So whenever you get pregnant for whatever reason, well I know what the reason is, because I'm always on edge trying to make sure everything is good. I just be hungry. I snack a lot, had sympathy craving. No, it ain't sympathy. It would be

anxiety because I just want everything to be good. But if if I can't feed my my body, if things aren't prepared for me, I can't even help you because you know, you get anxiety, then you get stressed, and then you know headache and you know, let me go take a nap. I got a headache. No, if I'm fed I can go all day. So as long as I've eaten in the morning, and you do this, well, I'll eat in the morning. A couple hours later, you come back and you something something and then I'm good.

Then you just make a sandwich and the sandwich just beat it, and then I'll eat. And then before I know what, I'm like, think I eat nothing today. Then I'm like, wait a minute, I did eat. Because I don't tend to think about He'll go all day and just not eating. They'll be food in the house, but then he'll just be glad I didn't eat. So sometimes I forward think that or even if I know I'm going to take a nap or if I'm going to

pick up the boys or something. My mom checks in on him frequently and it's like the devout eat did he eat? You know? So that I think is something that we can food? Food? Does I have it? As number two here? I think I might have skipped something to go through because you know, baby brain be having little lapses and whatnot. Um, so yeah, some meals are very important I think for you. And then of course

I had hanky panky on there. I know I spoke about the other version of it, but sometimes just that intimacy and I feel like at the time, at the times too, it's not even just the act of sex for us, it's just like still feeling desired the same way. Yeah, this is number one. Still feeling desired, Yeah for sure. What a couple of months ago. Yeah, and I was like, I miss making out, but now you've got the belly so you can't sit on me. And that's one thing

I know I miss. I do miss like that like closeness that we have, like that chest to chest feeling, um because if there's a little person in the way right now, but that I think it's just necessary so that you can know that you're still alive and I still think you're handsome, and I think that you're sexy, and yes, absolutely and all the things that I want to do I can't. However, like I said back there, reassure us that everything will be okay, that there's a

something in sight, you know. So you see how the list kind of like funnels back through and funnels back through, so um, So yeah, I think it's important for you to still feel that because you know, it's easy for me to be in my funks and you're just kind of feeling like you're existing in the space of just existing, you know, and not for nothing. I know when you go out in these streets, these did them girls be looking at you, They'll be checking you out. Yeah, them

girls girls, I will say. I like the fact that you separated head from hanky panky. I'm gonna tell you why. You said head right, and I was number six. You said because you just know I need a sexual release, right, which is good because as a man, I do need that. But then you also said hanky panky because I also want to feel desired. Those are two different things, and there's a distinct difference between those, and I don't think people understand the difference between those. And it's not just

the physical, it's not just the penetration. It's not that it's just I want my wife to want me even when she's pregnant. I want to know that my wife still wants me. That's different than my wife is giving me a sexual release. And I don't think a lot of people understand when a man says that what he means. You know what I'm saying, And the fact that you broke those up on the list mean a lot to me.

You put put headed number six. I think it was number five, number five, So we have acknowledgment, acknowledgement right as that quality time with the homies reassurance that everything will be back to normal, then I had um so after the reassurance, number six was flatio, then we had I mean swings, tension, so exercise or things, a quiet place to decompress meals. And then I said, hanky panky, right,

so that means that I'm short one. Maybe I messed up, yeah, exactly. Well, then now that I have something missing, is just something you dad that you feel like I've missed on the list, because you would ask me if I felt like anything was missing, but I would move acknowledgement. I would just

move acknowledgement up. I don't think you missed anything because we really don't require much, and I feel like we didn't really read these two well, I just kind of I don't think that it didn't something you put them in order. But acknowledgement is important because with acknowledgement is like you know, so oftentimes like we just always constantly worried about our wives and our kids and doing stuff, and no one says thank you, No one says Hey, you know, how are you doing as a father house

a new father. So knowing that especially from your your wife, knowing that she acknowledges what I'm doing, that means the most to me. Like when I know that you you see what I'm doing, that means the most. I would I would move that up there. I would move it up there as far as just for my mental health. But the things you have up there for physical health, like meals, a space decompressed that eliminates anxiety, and I

think those are important. And if women pregnant women realize that their significant others need that, they would be more inclined to, you know, like help me, help you. You know what I'm saying, the same way, we always focused on you. If you're focused on this. For me, I'm energized. I'm ready to go. Absolutely. It's like our our saying goes like, you know, you take care of me and I take care of us. Yeah, exactly. And those I may fall short sometimes, especially just now, because there's so

many things going on internally with me. I'm still aware of it. And I think that's what has progressed with me from pregnancy number one to pregnancy number four. Um and I understand too that it may be different for first time moms first time dad's because these are kinks that you have to figure out as season vets in the game. That's the reason we have episodes like this

this season. Um, so you can go. You guys can kind of follow us in a real time and know the things that we're dealing with in real time because it's fresh in our brains. Um. But also too, it's a little bit of like tidbits that you can take or leave. You know, some people be like, you know, we'll shoot that. That's not something I'm willing to do or want to do, and that's fine. Um, but this is a list that I think it worked for both of us. So so yeah, so I didn't miss anything

that was pretty good, all right, right. I think that's why we work well now. Eleven years in the game. You know me so well, I know you so well. We know how to serve each other. So absolutely, all right, sounds good teamwork, baby. So let's take a quick break, um, and then would you listen to letters after we get into these ads? All right, y'all, so let's stay too. Listen the letter time. Oh this person gave them our

their whole name the government. All right, all right, Marvin Rice, if that's that's your real name, or did you send an alias? All right? So marvit. Marvin says that I've been following and loving your content for a while now. On the last episode I watched, talked about service and serving your wife and even how the world should be different if we choose to be servants. I've been married for a year and for at least seven years I've served at a mission organization where we house men coming

off the streets and feeding the homeless. That's awesome. I don't get paid with this organization, so to provide for myself and now my wife, I have always worked a full time job. In addition, the director wants to retire and I've been training to take her place, but I

can't do that while working another full time job. The original goal was to raise missionary support to provide for my wife and I while I serve at the mission, but things changed about three months ago when we found out my wife is pregnant and my baby girl will be here in November. Oh yeah, we're like concurrent. Um, So I'm writing to get advice on what you would do. I thought about starting my own business to provide while I work with the mission. Also to this is very

very simple. You cannot provide a service to anyone else at the expense of your wife and family. Like, there's just not that's there's no way. And I think even the people at the mission would say the same thing, like, bro, if you can't take care of home and make sure that your wife, how could you be of service to others and not be of service to your wife and your family. This is very simple because he said, starting another job, starting a business, all of these things are

gonna take time away from your family. So that you could already give more time to other people. He's not even gonna have that as much time when that baby comes. I think at this moment he needs to focus on whatever his wife and his soon to be daughter need. Then once he's able to get that settled, then because the mission is not going anywhere, there will always be homeless people. There will always be people and that that need help. So he can start his mission or go

back to the mission when he has the time. But why your wife is pregnant and you're having a baby, that is not a good time to try to pick up another project. He's going to be spread two things and it's going to be at a detriment. I'm thinking about the adjustment period to like that, especially just you know wife and then yeah, there's a lot of adjustment. How you can't anticipate how much to help your wife will need. You know, God wily she has a nice

natural birth. Everything goes smoothly. But say she has you know, let's say c section or something that requires more um recovery time. Even when you have help and support from your village, it's a lot. And you know your wife wants you, so I would say tread lightly with that for now. I agree with you, devel um, but I think your heart's in the right place. That's awesome that you're helping people as well as you always have time.

As long as you alive, you have time to Absolutely you got to make sure you and it will come back tenful for sure. Number two, y'all, I noticed email will make a lot of people give me to give the side out, but hear me out. I fell in love with someone who's married Dan. He's mad already. It just happened with no malice intentions. I feel so guilty for the hurt that I participated in. But I do love this man so very much. Okay, Andy, Um we formed the great friendship and a bond. It's a connection

I never really felt before. Recently, he told me his spouse got pregnant, and I made a decision to leave because I just couldn't participate in this wrong thing anymore. Um, he's a great guy. Besides his poor choice, I do know he loves me a lot. I do feel like this is someone I would love to be with, but obviously it feels like I have no opportunity. I did not encourage him to leave his pregnant wife, but to think about what it is he wants in life and

his happiness. I tried to shoot my shot, and I told him how I felt about him. He told me. He told me he couldn't throw it away years of a long relationship and there is a lot of family involved in responsibility. But I think that's an easy cop out. But I do get it. His first instinct when telling me about his wife being pregnant was figuring out how him and I could sustain our relationship, which to me shows he's not at all invested in his marriage, but

is way too scared to leave. I've said all I could say to him. He said he's not ready to tell us life, especially now that she's pregnant, which I agree and disagree with. But I know it's not a secret. I can tell her myself. It's not a secret I can tell myself. I listened to your podcasts all the time. I resonate with a lot of things that you say, and I try to understand how every party in this field, which is why I stepped back. All I'm hoping now is that he thinks about what he wants in life.

I'd love for him to give me a chance. I support him in any decision he'd make, but I encourage for us to stop communicating so he can truly figure himself out. I really like this person, and seeing all this happened hurts, which I know one day would happen, but I had hoped any advice go ahead, Ky already know? UM yeah this I mean to be honest, this is a familiar story, right. I feel like we've heard stories like this before. There's a lot of stories, a lot

of stories like this before. But it's kind of like you put yourself in that situation, you know, Um, maybe not thinking it would have spiraled out of control, but it has. I think the latter half of what you said makes the most sense, giving him his space to figure out what it is that he wants to do um, because the judgment is already clouded at this point, and I don't see getting any clearer, especially if y'all two are still involved. I'm not judging anybody, you know what

I've learned listening to listen to letters. There are a lot of people in unhappy marriages, right, So when someone says, oh, I fell in love with a married man, the first thing they do is get mad at the mistress and say, how can she do that? There are a lot of people, women and men in unhappy marriages, and how they choose to find their peace is up to them. So if you're in an unhappy marriage and you seek someone outside of your marriage to make you happy, there's a possibility

you could have fallen in love. So we really got to stop acting as if that does not happen. Okay, that's number one. That's that's that's a familiar story, right. Number two, he's made it very clear at this point that he's not gonna leave his wife, so that you keep constantly saying, I keep giving him opportunities. He already said it's not gonna happen. What you're hoping is that one day he comes around and says, I think I

can do this now. If I'm being real and I'm just stepping back, I'm not judging he's still fucking his wife. They're not really because she's pregnant. They're not really that estranged. Because I do know some people who have not slept with their significant other lives in the same house for years,

you know what I'm saying. So for her to still be present, which means they're still making love, which means he may not be being as honest with her about how messed up his marriages, that may be a way for him to keep her on the hook and keep his wife. That's a possibility. I don't know right so, because I you know, I've got a ton of friends, I have a ton of people I speak to, both men and women who both say, you know, I love my husband or I love my wife, but there's certain

things that my husband and my wife don't do. And I'm tired of asking for it, and I'm going to go find it somewhere. Else, you know. So what I would say to her is, you may you may think you love this man, but you can't open up your heart to find real love or love anywhere else if you continue to focus on him. He's clearly balancing between his wife and you. Maybe you should think about some other people so you don't feel like you put all

your eggs in this. That's just what I think. And once again, I'm not judging saying that any I's not doing that. But but I will say though the writing is on the wall based on what you and I said towards the end of this, and she said, I feel like I should just not communicate with him anymore so he can figure things out. Maybe there maybe that the best thing break, not the double dutch jumping in inside, you know, trying to get in the rope situation. Because

here's another thing too that I've learned over time. You may feel comfortable and in love with this person while that person is married to someone else, because you get the that person that doesn't deal with stress. But then that person leaves their significant other and it comes with you and now you hate that motherfucker. You know what I'm saying that your full time now because you know, because now you don't only get to see this person. You know, you don't get to see them at just

their leisure or when they want to. Now you got to wake up in this personct keep putting the toilet, set up this person to leaves the cap off of the toothpaste. When you when you're mistress or aside joint, everything is perfect all the time. And now you know what I'm saying. You love this man when he's someone else's husband, but then when he becomes your husband, it's like, I hate this na. This is a warning potential, This

is a warning. You know what I'm saying. And then some people also get involved in these extra matteral affears, saying like you knew what this was when we started. We didn't expect for this to become an entire, full blown love relationship. Some people will say, man and woman, this is not what I signed up for in the beginning. You were just supposed to be the escape and now you're trying to be the main and that's not what

I wanted. And in all honestly that's fair. If you and I have an understanding, you can't come to me afterwards like what I love you gotta leave your wife. That's not what that's not what we do. That's not what we do, you know what. And it's it's funny to say if we're being fair, because the person being

cheated on is not being treated fairly. But if you knew that we're breaking out the situation, you knew you was a side joint, you can't get mad at him for not making you the main joint island like play a positions. That's it. But this goes back to one of our other podcasts. If people didn't frown upon polygamy, and we're open to people living alternative lifestyles where they can date who they want and sleep with who they want, as long as everyone is being honest, we wouldn't have

these problems. Well, some people will subscribe to that, and that might work. We as a society look down on people who live like that, but well, the open open something. But we'll but will applaud people who assume to be married and the cheat. You see what I'm saying, Actual and factual people got to start being real. They gotta beat dead ass with each because here's the thing, all of this could work out, and all these people could finally be honest and live to be happy afterwards, like, oh,

this is all it took. That's all it took. Yeah, if you communicate, you never know if she what if she called this man wife and she was just like I knew he was cheating. I was waiting for his negative tell me you can have him wife, the baby coming. She got her own thing on the side. Probably if he got time to do this, I'm pretty sure she got time to do whatever she doing. She go off with her man. He decided he fine. When my wife says she's cool, I'm good. We're gonna call parents now.

Y'all get married, live happily. Of after, people need to start communicating. If they communicate, they might be all right, all right, now you have it since Just don't tell her that I told you to do that, because said that's a fact. A y'all these listen letters get they're pretty good. That was a good one. Good good to listen of letters. So if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure to email us at datas Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, that's d E A D A S S A D

V I C E at gmail dot com. All right now, moment of truth time. Do you got one or I got I got the truth. My moment of truth is that it's important for men to be acknowledged while going through the process of pregnancy with their women. Like we we want to be acknowledged as the father. You know, we took part in this process making it. But I'm also women, help us, help you you. You know you want your husband to be there or your significant other to be there for you in every step of the way.

Help him with that. Give him some mails, give him some attention and let him know that you are grateful, show some gratitude. That will give him the energy and the stammin that he needs to support you through this whole process. And it's just that simple. You continue to serve him. He continued to serve you. Y'all both serve this baby when the baby come dope. I like that,

um an eyeline with that. Hence my list, But also too, I think we need to normalize men potentially having a little bit of prenatal anxiety, postpartum stress, voicing voicing it, Yes, so normalizing them being vocal about it and us having discussions and talking more about the effects that pregnancy, childbirth,

labor delivery may have on men. That's fair because a lot of men did reach out to me and said that they were nervous at the thought of having a baby and not knowing what to do or what to expect, what to expect, And then you have those panicky phone calls that we've gotten, you know, like what do I do? I don't know what's going on? Or you know, bro, I'm here working all these hours providing and I come home and she's still not doing X y Z, and

you're saying, how many how many sisters in love? If I had to uh pretty much adopt you know, during the process. And it's because we don't have the open conversation we expect for things to just naturally occur, like she's naturally going to have this baby, She's naturally gonna just be pregnant and glowing, and he's just gonna be here to just sit back and wait for this baby

to come and things whill just magically happen. No, um, So let's normalize having those discussions, men being vocal about it and us women supporting them through that as well, because it's a team sport for sure, all Right, y'all sounds good. Well, be sure to find us on social media if you have not already Dead as the Podcasts for post little video clips and stuff like that. You

can engage with us there. Also, you know my personal page Candean I am and I Am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to wait, review, and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a thing I had you listening